#and seeing her statue was replaced in the domain was a bad feeling because like. that basically confirmed it for me that the game

[bitchfitch]

MOTHER FUCKER SPOTTED T POSING. GAY SHIT IM GOING TO HAVE TO BANISH THE CHILD FOR TO ENSUE.

[unkownknowledge]

OC: CHAOS GOD OF THE VOID, GIOTA

story I'm still working on your requests don't worry, I just wanted to make a few character sheets since I'm not focused enough rn. I'll finish it when I take my meds though I promise.

And this isn't an oc for any show, rather a character from a multiversal mythos I'm making

also, an important term to understand this: 1 god year=5 billion years

_____________________

Description:

Giota is a very hot and cool Giota stop changing the text! Atleast change your style of writing so the reader can undead immediately Aw but wheres the fun GIOTA

Fine mister fun police, I'll write like this then. And I'll be cooler than you

Young man I wil... forget it, back on track:

Giota is a shapeshifting god of chaos, void, technological progress, freedom, and being a dramatic bitch.

Hey! I'm not a bitch!....maybe a little

When appearing before mortals he'll often take on the form the viewer imagines when they think of a god of chaos would appear as. Often times when the user knows the basic descriptions of Giota from the 'book of tales' will see him as a angel like statue of bones with numerous cracks, no face, and organ pipe wings.

When meeting with gods outside his domain or when he must meet mortals in a set form, he will take on simple, 10ft tall humanoid form with bone skin, a cracked mouth that cracks more when he speaks, two different colored eyes, and longer than floor length black hair. One of his eyes will be crying water that burns upwards, while the other cries fire that flows downwards. In this form he wears a black trenchcoat, green turtleneck, and purple dad pants.

What the fuck are dad pants?

You know, those usually brown pants that are kinda jeans but soft and actually comfortable.

YOU BITCH MY HUSBAND LIKES JEANS AND HIS PANTS ARE SOFT!

YOUR HUSBAND HAS MARSHMALLOW THIGHS! LITERALLY! OF COURSE HIS PANTS ARE SOFT!

Inside his own domain, or if he's feeling especially done with whatever poor bastard made him upset, Giota takes the form of an innocent ten year old child with soft white steel skin, mile long black hair made of silk, and black eyes made of diamonds. In this form he wears pajamas for to big for him, his mouth leads to a dark void, and he carries around two plushies: a bunny made of roses from his mom, and a plush of his adult form from his husband. Of course he becomes an adult if they do anything adult, so please don't start.

Regardless of his form, even when it's based on the perspective of others, he always wears a large knitted infinity scarf his husband made for whenever he wanted to hide away.

_____________________

Powers:

Cool ones

I mean, he's not wrong...

(I should make an ice themed character)

Giota, as a god, has numerous powers related to his domains.

powers of freedom:

inspiring presence- while most gods or beings of power inspire mortals and lesser beings of power to kneel down or bow, Giota’s presence inspires all beings to rise up, to do anything, to do whatever they want, to become the best they can be. this can be used to inspire allies to carry on. However Giota can also let this power run rampant, and free the mind of any shackles, and while this sounds good it really just means removing all morals and causing mass violence, and if he lets it run rampant while in the same dimension he lets it then all life will mutate into eldritch monstrosities of decadence and selfishness. According to him this is to show that balance must be kept between chaos and law.

the torch of liberty- among Giota’s duties as a god of freedom is to liberate the populations of ‘doomed realms’ that have been enslaved. essentially, if a planet in a universe is ruled purely by either law or chaos then the entire universe can be effected, in the case of law it can result in the entire universe becoming one collective conscious. while it’s not common that enslaved worlds occur, however when they do they are the most dangerous of law worlds. to combat worlds like this gods of freedom are given torches that free the minds of the enslaved and bring down holy fire upon the enslavers in the form of the collective will of all the freed people.

powers of technological progress:

cybernetic god-many god-years ago Giota was severely wounded by a rogue god of flesh and a rogue god of metal, to the point even he could not regenerate it. to stop him from dying a cult of his granted Giota cybernetic enhancements. these enhancements integrated into Giota’s flesh as it regenerated and became enhanced in turn by Giota’s divinity, and Giota’s divine power was enhanced then by the cybernetics, resulting in a self sustaining growth in power. while he gladly used this to stop the rogue gods, and once again to destroy an old one, he feels being that powerful would upset the balance of power, so he sealed it in a time lock in time with the seasons and time of day in the void. his power increases from mid day to mid night, and from the end of summer to the end of winter. in the minute of exactly midnight at the end of winter, Giota becomes, in both this multiverse and the old, the most powerful being to exist.

self evolving knowledge- because his position as a god of technology is artificial his powers in it are very weak, being able to only grant full sentience and sapience to machines. he can also create minor miracles of technology, such as summoning a clockwork toy(which he does often)

hey man did you really have to bring up the whole getting my ass kicked thing?

yes, now shut up before I bring up what you sing in the shower

....fucker....

powers of being dramatic:

yeah that wasn't a joke. Giota is the god of being over the top, stylish, and over all flair. in other words, being dramatic

personal sound track- he can cause any song he wants to play when he does anything.

lights, camera, ACTION!- whenever he wants, Giota can cause a bright, sparkling light to emit from his body or behind himself.

my favorite is that one bad bitch’s theme. what’s her name again?

Ragyo Kiyurin?

that's the fucker! terrible taste in morals, but damn does she know how to enter a room.

...can I put sigh when it’s supposed to be me sighing?

powers of the god of chaos

Chaotic existence- for Giota to even exist is, in and of itself, a paradox. he comes from a timeline that never existed, that was on a set path, yet he exist, and he changed the course of the timeline. when he became a chaos god he became a paradox within a paradox, he existed yet did not. to attempt to change any aspect of his being, to take in any part of his being, is to know that which is not there to know, to understand that which is not there, you have to be able to comprehend the very essence of nonexistence to even bare a hair of his getting in your mouth. such a thing easily drives all things that try insane, to the point that every part of their conscience believes that it does not exist.

overwhelming power-chaos gods are only once a multiverse, and with the title comes pure power. such power could turn an infant into an indestructible warrior, however since Giota was already at that level on a mortal scale, and already capable of taking on powerful gods, this power sets him among the highest echelons of divine might.

powers of the god of void

key to nonexistence- the god of the void is the only being who can open the bridge between that which exist and that which does not

rapid regeneration- the void god has an innate ability to regenerate from nearly all damage, even if they are ground to a fine paste. this regeneration is enhanced by the cybernetic enhancements.

speed of darkness- the void god has an innate speed that surpasses light, Giota’s already superhuman speed was enhanced by this.

spear of not- the void god is the sole being in existence and non existence who can wield the spear of not, a finely forged weapon. it is not special beyond being enchanted to withstand godly power and a ‘security lock’ enchantment, however it is still a very well made weapon.

blah blah blah, enough about what I was handed, tell them about my mortal abilities

as Giota just said, and as I’ve brought up before, Giota is extremely powerful even without his powers, he also used to be two other mortals that were less powerful. but over all these were his powers, which he still has.

leather skin- while it might appear or feel like something else, Giota’s skin is exactly like leather armor. this comes from how he was raised as a child to be a powerful warrior and his skin was tanned into hide and treated while it was still on him.

adamantine bone- Giota’s bones were also replaced by an adamantine skeleton when he was a child.

super sonic speeds- during his training as a child, he was taught to be able to surpass the sound barrier on foot.

superhuman strength- his training also trained his body to carry ten tons, however as a mortal he improved that strength to the point he could exert enough force to blast away entire cities by blinking. This power did not come easy.

flight- after training with some monks late in his life, Giota was able to walk on the air, essentially he could fly at the same speed as he could run.

agility- he was trained as a warrior and assassin, so Giota’s training included advanced maneuverability training, including wall running, sneaking across tripwires, etc.

weapon master- Giota is a master in all weapons and various forms of martial arts.

he also has reciev- hey man you good?

I-I’m fine! d-don’t write that I’m crying! 

you...wanna talk about it?

…no...

is it about your mom?

…maybe...

alright take your time.

anyway Giota has a very useful piece of equipment, the cloak of maternity- despite it’s name, it’s actual a cloak that leads to a pocket dimension where Giota carries his weapons and toys. It is called the cloak of maternity because his adoptive mother gave him after he became a god-bounty hunter, she even designed it to help him hide away from people. it even has a designated snack pocket.

_____________________

BIO:

Giota was found by his adoptive mother after he destroyed his timeline, as punishment, or perhaps in an attempt to redeem him, she turned him back into a baby. something Giota happily accepted.

After this his life went on as a mortal’s would, only in the realm of divinity: he went to school, went into college, graduated, then entered the workforce. granted the workforce he entered was bounty hunting divine criminals. it was easy for him to get into, after all everything from his past life transferred over to this one, it wasn't long before he was hunting even the deadliest of criminals. while his mom was very supportive, it was still difficult for him to keep in contact with her as he did before moving out, and being a bounty hunter was hardly a sociable job. it wasn't long before Giota fell into depression, and then to drugs. for twenty three god years his life was an endless cycle of contract killing, payment, and wallowing in chemical joy. But at the end of all blinding lights, there is a welcoming darkness.

Giota had become the personal bounty hunter of the god of law and time: Ceerus. one day while leaving after receiving a contract, he met the god’s child, a boy his age named Dyalta.

It was thanks to Dyalta that Giota ever kicked drugs, or got out of depression, and thanks to Dyalta Giota managed to find happiness in anything other than a syringe.

Even the reason he found love.

rise to godhood

Giota became a god after an old god, named the Red slaughter, destroyed the entire universe. this was a catalyst for Giota, who had died previously, to return with his newly awakened god powers. I don't want to go into to much detail in this aspect as I intend to write it at some point.

_____________________

hey man you good yet? 

a little bit. Dyalta came by and gave me some cookies.

that's good buddy, I’m gonna describe your personality ok?

alright.. I’m gonna go home now.

alright man, take care.

_____________________

personality

do note that this is a bit hard for me to do. I’m more used to just writing a character. I’ll just post two short stories here to try and get his personality across. I made them in school last year.

ok so after looking at it the second one is twelve pages long. so I’m gonna post that elsewhere on here. to give context: this is after a wedding between Dyalta and Giota was interrupted. if you’d like to see more about him then feel free to interact or request him.

elavator story

Giota shifted uncomfortably to make room for his soon to be father in law as the man stepped into the lift.

“Soooooo…” Giota pressed their floor “wonderful, um, siege we’re having.”

Ceerus just keeps his eyes on the door “sure.”

“So how's the uh, wife?”

Ceerus sighed “locked in a tower, that we are invading.”

“Mhm, yup.”

‘Maybe I should try calling him dad.’

“So what did you think of my swordsmanship d-dad.”

Ceerus visibly restrained himself “it was fine ten- Giota.”

The elevator stopped, probably because of security.

“Oh maker damnit,” Ceerus tries rewinding the shut off, but it doesn't work “and it’s godproofed!”

“This reminds of this one time me and Dyalta wen-”

Ceerus put his hand to Giota’s mouth “if you end this story in anything less than fully clothed I will end your fake hide.”

Giota scratches his head nervously “Well I didn't, but Dyalta lost his shirt and well,” Giota notice Ceerus drawing his blade “b-but it was for a sword fi- wait bad wording, it was for a-you know- assasination thing!”

Ceerus sighed and sheathed his sword “look, you dusting mongrel, I don’t like you, you pretend to like me, let’s just try and not kill each other and maybe by the end of this, I won’t flay your ass at the altar.”

Well atleast now they both agreed on something: this was going to be a long crusade.

________________________________________________________________

ok that's that! not a very good character sheet but hopefully it got enough across to be interesting. I’ll end this off with some quotes I want him to say but have never gotten the chance to write out:

“hey Ceerus how’s the kid? oh thats right! in my bed, waiting patiently.” following Ceerus being exceptionally annoying.

“you know something? I try to be nice, I always smile, always banter with my targets. you know, try and be friendly. but then some RED MOTHERFUCKER, POSSESSES MY HUSBAND, WAKING ME UP FROM ETERNAL SLUMBER, AND NOW I ONCE AGAIN HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE GOD’S MESSES!”

*crying into Dyalta* “and then he said my clothes were stupid,” *sobbing* “I tried really hard on these!”

“this multiverse, to us gods, is wet paper mache. so easy to break, one wrong move and POP,” Giota flexes his finger and causes an ocean to split open for a solid ten seconds, “the very fabric of reality is gone. and you. you insuferable MOTHER FUCKERS have the AUDACITY TO COME IN HERE, AND TEAR IT ALL TO SHREDS! well assholes, if this reality is paper mache to you, and I’m stronger than you, take a wild gues as to what you are to me.”

(tagging: @storytravelled, @3lectro-heart, @genshin-obsessed)

[darquedeath4444]

The Pain We Share

Chapter SIXTEEN

No one looked any more reassured by the additional information Sasori had managed to pry from Sakura, and honestly, he could not blame any of them. If what Sakura said of Gaara's prowess was true, and she really had no reason to lie, the fact that there was little to no intel about him was honestly worrying.

He could control sand, could shift the very earth they stood on if he so wished, and had apparently used this power to kill people at Orochimaru's command. Sakura's powers, while impressive, were easier to miss. After all, many different kinds of power would create the destruction her fists could rain down. The power to make the ground turn on someone was less easy to disguise.

"Gaara and I were both located at the Southern Hideout. There was...something happened, something I wasn't privy to, that required a change around in stations. I covered the Northern base while Kimimaro was sent to the South in my place. If your invasion had been any other time, you would have found Kimimaro where you found me."

"Kimimaro is the one who created the bone barricade, correct?" Konan asked. "You mention he helped the other occupant escape."

Sakura nodded. "The North is Jugo's domain," she explained. "He's more like Gaara than me, I guess, in that he can't fully control himself. Kimimaro is to him as I am to Gaara; Kimimaro helps him control himself."

"How exactly does helping someone who suffers from a lack of self-control driven by overwhelming chakra work?" Kisame asked.

"Honestly speaking, it's more like making sure the damage doesn't get too out of hand when they do lose control," Sakura admitted. "Kimimaro's body is close to indestructible with his bone abilities, and I am similar with my chakra manipulation. Gaara's chakra is extremely erratic, but it's not something I cannot disrupt with waves of my own. And we're close, so I guess Orochimaru-sama...Orochimaru hopes that the thought of putting us in harm's way will make them more docile and obedient."

"Both Gaara and Jugo require you or Kimimaro," Itachi says slowly. "So when Kimimaro was sent away, you were sent in to replace him?"

Sakura nodded.

Sasori watched Nagato watch Sakura. He had a feeling he knew what was coming, had a feeling everyone here more or less had a general idea of the announcement to come. He was honestly a little surprised Sakura was currently present, but he was as pleased about that as he was that Sakura was willingly divulging information.

Perhaps Gaara's appearance had shaken her more than he had initially thought.

"Sakura, am I correct to assume you can help Jugo control himself?" Nagato asked.

Sakura nodded hesitantly, probably not understanding where this was going. "Yes," she said. "We have all been together for a long time."

Nagato glanced over at Yahiko, who pulled out a map and spread it out on the table in front of them all. "Two weeks from now, we will commence an operation against the Tani Hideout located along the western border."

Sakura sat up straighter and a murmur passed through the gathered members. Sasori glanced down at the papers that had been handed out. "That's the one said to be the research lab, right?"

"Medical checks and physical testings, everything along those likes are usually held there," Sakura supplies. "The smaller ones are done at the subject's home hideout, but the Tani Hideout is one of two with all the large equipment."

Yakiho smiled reassuringly. "Orochimaru is not stupid," he said slowly. "I doubt he'd stick to his past schedules and whatnot after we so cleanly took down the North. Still, we have an inside source that relayed to us the times of an upcoming medical check of the Jugo you mentioned."

Sakura's eyes widened and Sasori felt a weight on his sleeve. He glanced down and blinked at the small hand clutching at him. He wondered if Sakura even realized she had reached out to him.

"You're going to get him out?" She breathed.

Nagato nodded. "According to the intel we have, Kimimaro is still located at the South. We are assuming this is a continuation of what you mentioned earlier that had him being set South in the first place. Jugo's status has been observed, and we will continue to receive update up until the day. This operation will consist of taking over the Tani Hideout, the rescue of the victims and the extraction of our spy."

Sasori grabbed something to eat on his way back to his room. Sakura trailed behind, lost in thought. Sasori half wanted to prompt her to ask, he knew she had questions, but he waited for her to gather the thoughts. Even if she probably could have asked people who would most likely know the answer at the meeting, the fact that she had waited until they were alone to ask him filled him with warmth he was unfamiliar with.

It wasn't a bad feeling.

"Will you be a part of the infiltration team?" She asked, after a while.

Sasori thought for a second. "I don't know yet," he said honestly. "Probably, though, because you'll be going."

There was a hitch in Sakura's breath, but he didn't turn her way. "I am?" She asked, a little incredulously. "Did Nagato say?"

Sasori smiled a little as he shook his head. "No, but it was a little obvious. He wants you along to pacify a possibly violent Jugo."

"Oh."

When he glanced over he could see that her brows were furrowed. "I don't see why not," he said slowly. "You were at the heart of the planning, Sakura."

Sakura still looked doubtful, but she did not argue against him. "Jugo is really kind," she said softly instead. "He really likes animals, and they like him too. He told me they talk to him, tells me what they say sometimes."

There was a small smile on Sakura's face, like she was looking at something he could not see, something in her mind. Perhaps it was a memory of the past, and from the way she looks, it was of something good. It was reassuring to know that in the pits of the snake pit, surrounded by murder and blackmail and pain and torture, there were things that could make her form expressions like that.

Sasori found himself smiling as well.

Sakura enthusiastically accepted when Nagato relayed to her further details of the plan a few days later, the most important of which being that she would be a part of the team. Sasori nudged her knowingly as they left the man's office and he was met with the rare sight of a full-blown smile on the girl's face. He spent the rest of the day helping her pack her supplies, knowing that unlike their previous outing to the Northern Hideout, this was several times more dangerous.

This was an attack against a fully functioning base, after all.

Sakura turned towards him, the hilt of a knife held out towards him. Sasori blinked, then realized what it was. "Keep it," he told her.

"I can use chakra now," Sakura pointed out, but she lowered her hand.

Sasori shrugged. "Nothing wrong with having extra weapons," he pointed out.

Sakura tossed the knife into the air and caught it by the handle. "Right." She spun in absentmindedly in her hand before she slipped it back into its sheath and attaching it to her thigh strap.

He had seen her watching Itachi spin one of his own knives around and attempt on her own in the comfort of their room. It was amusing if anything, and if anyone could be considered not endangered playing with knives, it would be a girl capable of healing herself through the worst injuries possible even while unconscious. It appeared she had managed to grasp the skill.

Sasori watched Sakura hold up the spare uniform she had been given, the one that was a few sizes too big despite it having been the smallest they had available. "Your size arrived, by the way," he said, but he had a feeling she had something else in mind.

"Is the uniform mandatory?"

"I doubt there is an official rule stating so," he said slowly. "Though I doubt anyone's ever been against wearing it."

Sakura looked down at the uniform again and Sasori felt himself smile. He turned to the bag he had retrieved while Sakura had been seeing Nagato and tossed it onto the bed. "Here," he said. "I went to pick it up earlier today; we kind of forgot."

Sakura tipped the bag over and stared at the clothes they had retrieved from the Northern hideout ages ago. They had sent it off to be cleaned, then Sakura had used chakra, and things had gotten hectic very fast. In all the excitement, they had both forgotten. "I can wear this?"

Sasori nodded. He folded up the uniform she had disagreed and folded it up. "You can."

Sakura hugged the article of clothing to her chest and closed her eyes. "We will rescue Jugo?" She asked quietly.

Sasori turned away from her, allowing her the moment. "Yes," he replied. "And Gaara, and Kimimaro. We'll stop Orochimaru so that no one is hurt by him again."

Chapter SEVENTEEN>

<Chapter FIFTEEN

Chapter List

[ambutasmallhuman]

New Battles

The old gods are not dead.

Their peak of glory is a fragment of the past, but like all legends, they do not belong to the time they were born into.

They belong to the world that remembers,

And no matter how sparse their believers,

They live on.

Perhaps they have been ushered into the corners of humanity,

Rather than the pedestals they once occupied,

But they are there.

And they are watching;

Listening;

Doing.

Hermes; once a messenger, always a messenger.

Except now,

Not for the immortals who sat on top of the world, but for the world they all reside in.

It’s an ugly place;

A land of despair and cruelty and heartbreak

And hate and sin and darkness,

But Hermes, his golden sandals now rusted,

His cheeks now sunken from centuries on the road

Spreads the message to all who need it-

For those who need it is everyone.

Hope is not gone,

He repeats.

Hope is never gone.

Often, the words fall on deaf ears- despair is skilled at blocking out the world

But sometimes-

Sometimes,

They hear.

They lift their heads for a second,

They peer out at the world from underneath heavy lashes,

Searching for the soul with a voice like hope,

And they nod.

That is all Hermes knows he is good for anymore.

That is the only message he needs to deliver.

Artemis, of the moon, of the wild, of the hunt.

Her first love stays constant;

For what change can a speck of green bring to a jewel in the sky?

But she is not someone who can love one thing-

And oh, how her two other great passions have warped with the time.

The wild is no longer what it once was:

The grass is no longer green,

And the forests no longer lush.

The beasts she once hunted and hunted alongside are but memories and imprints in hardened mud.

For them, Artemis wages a daily war.

She is a one woman army, and her defense is of the nature she so loves.

Now, her arrows are rarely aimed at the animals that still inhabit the woods-

And so rarely are they arrows anymore.

The modern era has churned out weapons of steel and ash,

And it is these that Artemis uses to hunt those who wish to hunt her and hers.

Ares, the warrior and the blood shedder,

Now fights a different war from the ones he once delighted in.

Because the wars of the modern day

Are not what they once were

Swords and armor and horses

Traded for guns and bombs and tanks

Battles of purpose and patriotism

Now meaningless, endless,

The means for destruction of this scale

Was never meant for human hands

Or cruel human minds.

This is the war that Ares wages:

He fights everyday,

Steel slashing, blood arcing,

Cutting down the allies he once fought alongside

But now they are robots,

Zombies for a cause they don’t know about,

A government they do not trust.

Ares, no longer bloodthirsty, no longer triumphant,

Urges an end to the war.

But war is no longer his domain.

Poseidon, ruler of the seas, lover of the oceans

Now presides over a polluted kingdom

His subjects are dead or dying

His castles of coral and seaweed

Are being drowned alive by the filth that the world above churns out

Endless is his sadness, his rage, his helplessness

For he should have seen this coming

Industry was never meant to be a gift to the god of the sea

Just a discreet poison

No one thought would kill until it did.

Waves still bob and bicker,

But their life is not so cheery;

With it bobs islands of plastic and waste

Slick with rainbows of black

Strung with clear plastic nets

That entrap and ensnare and murder the innocent

There is so little he can do-

For he is but one against the uncaring of many

But each and every day is spent working

In the protection of the home that he is slowly losing.

Hera, the eternal mother, the constant wife, the queen of a time long gone

Her people,

Those who look up to her and those who she watches over,

Have seen the change of a century.

Earned, through blood and tears and fists and passion,

Their rights,

Their lives,

Their freedom.

She, worn and tired,

Smiles,

For her people have never been so much.

Never have they had what they do now.

But where there are victors,

There are losers, and there are the spiteful,

And no matter how little these losers have truly lost,

They feel cheated

Out of something that was never theirs.

They will never be satisfied with less,

The way her people once had to be.

But they have never had to fight the battles

That her people did,

And so although she has lost her prime, her beauty, her queendom,

She holds on to her place,

If not for herself,

For those who look to her,

For the true capacity of a woman.

Apollo, ever bright, ever center, ever joyous,

Still lives and dies each day for his spot in the sun

For a shadow of the admiration,

The adoration,

The praise

He was once showered with.

But his audiences now don’t care for his tricks,

His songs, his eyes, his hair, his hands.

They don’t care for intangible beauty,

For fleeting glimmers,

They hand in crumpled bills for soiled needles,

Exchange smoking pipes in back allies,

Hide away in stalls of bathrooms to fill their veins

With false ecstasy.

They paste smiles on their face, they let loose their mind,

They close their eyes and they pretend

At happiness.

But he knows that they are not truly happy,

They haven’t known how to do so in a long time.

He wants them to look at him again,

Want them to beam at him again with sunshine in their hair and mist in their eyes,

But more than anything, he wants them to feel the truth of joy.

To free their minds from chemicals of pretense,

To leave behind their smokes and their powders and their juices.

To join him in the sun,

Where it is warm and real.

Aphrodite, worshipped for beauty, for passion,

Knows what love is.

She was born with it curling through her blood like sea foam,

With the taste of it on her tongue,

With the knowledge of its truth secure in her palms.

She knows love better than she will ever know herself,

And she knows that love comes in so many forms.

The love between a little girl and a little boy,

Destined for greater things, but not yet.

The love between a woman and her wife of twenty-nine years,

A happy ending come to fruition.

The love between a man who doesn’t know it yet, and the man he is to meet later that day,

Unexpected, but beautiful; always beautiful.

The love between the uncertain teen and their breezy, blossoming best friend,

A love not without consequences,

Not without hate,

Not with the judgement of those who think they deserve such an opinion,

But love,

Nonetheless.

Love has been distorted into a commodity to be controlled by the same people who control markets,

Who control the government,

And she seeks to right their misunderstandings.

She no longer has the leisure to play her twisted games of love,

For there are far more twisted forces at work against her.

She has young lovers to reassure,

And obstinate critics to critique.

Love is love is love, she says.

No one would know better than she does.

Athena, the wise, the knowing,

sees the world for what it is.

In shades of gray and platinum and gunmetal and steel,

Everchanging and subtle,

A far cry from the bars of black and white that media advertises it as.

She knows that there is no good and no bad,

No true wrong and no true right.

There is only objectivity and subjectivity,

Each beholder for themselves.

Truth is different for each person,

And no one platform, no one channel, no one being, no one organization

Reserves the right to say otherwise.

She holds this simple message close to her heart,

Spreads it as far as she can reach.

But the media, the government,

Has technology that enables their spindly fingers to reach further.

And although her knowledge is more absolute than theirs can fathom,

Their webs of lies and false truths

Are too far integrated into the current world.

It is all she can do now,

To open the eyes of the few people still willing

To see beyond the film of mass society,

To bring change with one voice at a time.

Hephaestus; a craftsman once worshipped for creativity

Finds no hint of his old domain in the world of industry.

The artists, the writers, the dreamers,

Have fallen to the fringe of society,

Their crafts lost to the gears and machines

Of a modern age,

Where assembly lines reign true

And creations are spared no second glances and no loving care.

It is these careers of steel and paper and ball-point pens,

That shape the status quo,

That grinds edges out through a cookie cutter

Into the shape of a worker.

There is conformity,

Or there is poverty.

Within these solid black lines, there is no room

For the creativity that Hephaestus so treasured.

There is no room for flowing lines or vivid colors or segments of dreams

There is only the reality of the workplace,

And for some, the few that Hephaestus can get to,

The quiet peace of home and creation,

And the tidbits of inspiration that flare through the smog.

The world, he argues,

May now run on machinery and evenness and guidelines,

But no efficiency will ever replace the capacities of a human mind.

Hades, robed in darkness and throned on death,

Is sick, and he is tired.

Tired of the mass destruction that opens his gates,

Tired of the empty gazes and protruding ribs,

Tired of the constant stream of the dead that envelop his kingdom

In grief and hate and sorrow

On a scale he has never seen before.

But most of all,

He is tired,

Not of the dead,

But of the living.

Of the letters,

The prayers,

The pleas,

Of the living who wish they were not living at all.

Never has he seen his rivers so full of blood,

Never has he seen his dreams so full of begging youth and the disillusioned.

Never has he been asked,

So frequently,

To bestow the kiss of death,

To those who can no longer bear the gift-

The penance-

Of living.

It is a shame, a monstrosity, a tragedy-

That the world above has become a place far worse

Than the one below,

And that was never his intention.

His domain was meant to be the realm of after,

Not the final destination.

With shaken, white, crumpled hands,

He rejects as many of the pleas as he can

Begs, as he never has before,

For them to reconsider.

But sometimes,

They are too stubborn and the world of the living too cruel

And they find their way down

To him instead.

In all his years,

He has never seen so many smiles when they see his face

And every one

Breaks his heart.

Dionysus, still never seen without a wineglass in hands,

Now sits on the sidelines,

Swishes the liquid within his glass,

And does not take a sip.

Instead, he watches as young and old alike

Stumble into his bars,

Fill their livers with the red and silver bubbles

Of forget,

And lean away from their every day selves.

Away from their true selves.

He does not join in,

Even when they begin to dance

And laugh

And sing and shriek and rejoice,

Because he sees through their pretenses,

Sees through their attempt at happiness.

He was once one of them,

You see,

Before he realized that the greatest demons

Are the ones within.

He knows that no matter how much

They drink or laugh or try,

There is no escaping their reality

And no escaping the truths.

And so he tips his wineglass in their direction,

Toats their joy

And grieves for the tears they cannot shed.

Zeus, strong-willed and brave-hearted,

Has come to realize

Over the course of thousands up thousands of years,

His mistakes.

He knows what he has done wrong,

Has reflected on the personal ambitions

He once put above the greater good

The selfish desires

He once put above his otherworldly duties.

His days are long past gone,

And his mistakes,

Forever etched in the unforgiving hands of time,

Are past fixing.

But he looks around at the millions of heartbeats that surround him,

And wish that they too,

Could have the time he’d needed

To rectify their wrongs.

He has learned that nothing is permanent

Not his glory,

Not his crown,

Not even his faults.

But they do not have his time nor his immortality

To ponder this.

They only have their tomorrows,

And he can only hope that they will use

Those precious days.

And perhaps most forgotten of all,

Forgotten even when those who shared her blood

Had their spotlights.

Is Hestia.

She sits at home,

Content with her fire,

Her clotheslines,

Her picture frames.

She is alone again,

As she so often is,

Left behind to protect the home that so many have forgone

In search of gold and glory.

Everyone wants something,

Everyone wants to be more than what they are and who they were,

And she encourages these desires,

With tokens of luck and soft smiles.

But for all that they dream and hope and pursue,

She wants them to remember that there is always a place for them to return to,

A home where they belong.

There is cruelty in the world,

Unjustice,

Inequality,

And although ambition is a hearty, wonderful thing,

So too,

Is home.

The world is not what it once was,

Pockmarked as it has become.

And the old gods,

Though not what they were before,

Have adapted to fight new battles,

Losing as they may be.

Hope is frightened and small,

Nature is being cut down with ruthless efficiency,

War has spiraled out of everyone’s control,

Oceans fill with murky waste and the scent of death,

Womens’ rights are being wrestled with in an endless game of tug-of-war,

Chemicals create false happiness and temporary relief,

Love is fastened beneath lock and key,

Truth is distorted through layers of looking glass,

Creativity is stifled beneath stainless steel and cookie-cutters,

Life is harder to bear than the loss of it,

Self-expression hides itself away,

And mistakes go unrectified as the days drag on.

Even the old gods are trying to save the new world,

But they are twelve,

And that is not enough.

[veryimportantsparkles]

Alright I’ve kept meaning to do sort of an infodump on my projects because I’ve been really slipping lately.  I dunno how obvious it is?  Probably kind of obvious.  I’ve also been really bad about checking messages and responding to people.  So I figure I can write up a status report and then point to it when I’ve been inadequate about communication.

My IRL job has been wiping me out.  I’ve been getting short, labor-intensive shifts in the evenings, and then random surprise morning shifts shortly after, which has been really hard to manage my time around.  My sleep schedule has been extremely broken and it’s affected my productivity a LOT.  Leadership in my department is about to shuffle around and I’ve been interviewed for the manager position.  If I get it I’ll be working an entirely different schedule, which could potentially be good for my sleepy brain but will definitely leave me with less art time overall.  I’ve also been enduring some back/shoulder issues over the past few months.  Nothing urgent, but it’s limiting how much I can draw each day.  I think replacing my desk chair is going to be a big factor but it’s not the only factor.  I just need to be a smart human and take care of my joints and not hunch over so much.  Working on it.

Here’s the current status of my various art projects:

Laserwing

I ended chapter 5 in June and said I would finish up some other side projects before I start concept work for chapter 6.  One of the projects I needed to finish was the Popkas Yugioh season 4 special, which I finished.  The other big one was my Neonmob card set, which is most of what I’ve been posting lately.  Once that’s out of the way (see below) I need to do concept art.  Chapter 6 will put all the Laserwing characters in new outfits which will need reference sheets.  I’ll need background sketches and layout diagrams so I don’t have furniture shuffle randomly around between scenes.  I also need to sketch out the chapter 6 draft page by page.  I’ve made Laserwing in GIMP up until this point and am going to try switching to Krita for chapter 6.  I might need to do a test page to make sure my process transfers over well into a slightly different system.  Once I’m ready to make real pages, those take a while.  Chapter 5 pages were going up maybe every 2-3 weeks.  I don’t know how many pages are going to be in chapter 6, nor can I say for sure how many chapters are in Laserwing.  An old outline had maybe 40 chapters.  It’s a story with a defined end point, I can say that for certain, but it’s intended to be long.

Popkas

I’ve had issues with Popkas for a while.  I keep picking new themes for dailies, thinking they’re going to be quick and easy, but then end up making them hard for myself.  It’s been to my benefit, I’ve forced myself into learning new art programs and techniques through Popkas.  But it’s hard to keep up the daily schedule.  Currently I’m doing the Paper Mario: TTYD bestiary, which has 124 enemies.  At a rate of one per day, by the time I’ve finished them, Pokemon Sword and Shield should be released and we’ll have all the info about the new Pokemon.  Those will be drawn in ‘Popka classic’ style (scribbly shitposts).  After those are finished, unless my IRL work situation dramatically changes, I’m considering putting Popkas on pause.  In order to do any other monster dexes I’d have to do a lot more research (for example, people have suggested Yokai Watch but I’ve never played one) in order to have anything meaningful to post.  Same deal with Popka Specials (the anime writeup things), those take prep time and anime-watching time that I might not have.  I don’t ever want to end Popkas, but a hiatus might be necessary.

Angelfire Hime

Did anyone even know about Angelfire Hime?  Well I want to post more but that involves finding, scanning, retouching, and transcribing my old high school scribble comics.  It takes as long as any other project but is also low priority because it’s all old content.  Nobody is waiting for the latest update because nobody but me actually knows what that content is, and possibly nobody but me can even read it.  It’s more a personal journey of self-reflection than anything.  I want to return to it but not at the expense of better work.

MeganFantastic dot com

I had a domain name linked to a tumblr that was supposed to be my news blog/front page and I barely use it.  Also, I let the domain registration drop.  Also, I had let a typo in my banner graphic go unnoticed for YEARS and still haven’t fixed it.  Even now, I’m writing this big post to my personal blog instead of the one for news.  The idea was to eventually buy some real hosting and make MeganFantastic a whole site of its own, but that’s a lot of work.  I’ve got a generally good idea of HOW I’d do it (probably wordpress) but I’m not a coder, it would take a lot of trial and error.  This would be a huge undertaking and eventually Laserwing, Popkas, and all my other junk would be contained on one big non-tumblr website.  But it’s uhhhhh not happening yet.

Hundera Youtube

My contribution to our LP channel is to show up, talk about video games, and then draw title cards.  All recording, editing, and channel management is maintained by Josh, and I can’t speak on his behalf about our update schedule.  I will say there are a lot of half-finished games we want to return to.  I will also say that when the new Pokemon comes out Josh is dead set on recording it.  I don’t know if he intends that to be a stream or a regular LP.  In the meantime he streams Minecraft with his friends every Sunday and we fit in our own streams and recordings when we can.

Commissions/Patron Art/etc

I’ve not been very good about this lately and I’m truly sorry!  I have a few things I’m working on, a few things I’ve promised to start working on, and a few things I’ve told people I can do once my workload lightens up, which hasn’t been happening yet.  I really don’t have an answer.  I almost never delete anything so if I’ve been sent a message in any form I should still have it, and I’ll be sure not to forget anyone.  And if I do forget someone feel free to throw rocks at me!

Rane Story 2

What the heck is Rane Story 2?  Well I guess I have to explain Neonmob.  Imagine if ChickenSmoothie and DeviantART had a baby.  It’s a virtual trading card site, which is fun and cute, and I’m drawing out a card series to release on there.  I’ve been using it as practice for painting backgrounds and to fill out some backstory for some 4th-string Laserwing support characters.  Before Mistaire came to Earth, she went to space high school, and that’s where Rane Story takes place.  You can preview the series, and when it’s finished I’ll post about it.  I’ll also repost all the art to DA.  If you scroll through the last several pages of this blog you’ll see some of the art.  I’ve put a lot of my brain energy into getting this done in spite of my work/sleep issues because I don’t want to resume Laserwing until I’ve finished it.  This is what’s stolen my life, guys.  Right now I have 6 more cards to make, and then I have to write and finalize all the text.  I should be done SOON.

Pokemon Nonsense

When my back and shoulder get too hurty and I have to take a break from drawing, one of the easy things to do is whip out a DS and play Pokemon.  I’ve done a lot of twitter shitposting about it lately.  I’ve also drawn up a bunch of gijinkas for my Pokemon.  I’m talking about it now because I also intend to draw up gijinkas for Pokemon to trade away.  I’ve already done a few.  However, I don’t know for sure how I’m going to distribute them.  The idea is people can trade actual Pokemon with me (in either X or Let’s Go Eevee) and the Pokemon they get will come with a character design for you to keep.  I was thinking I might do a discord server for organizing trades and such, but I haven’t yet.  Mostly because it’s low priority and I have SO many other things going on.  But actually playing Pokemon can happen when I’m too fatigued for real work, so the horde keeps growing.  Hopefully my posts and scribbles about it are entertaining.

I feel like there’s other projects on hold that I wanted to discuss, but right now I’m too braintired to remember, and some of my ‘projects’ never actually got talked about online so nobody’s waiting for an update.  My greatest problem seems to be that I try to juggle too many pointless side projects and then drop them all over the place.  Sometimes I’ll shitpost about an idea and even I won’t be sure if I was serious or not.  How do I end this post?  I don’t know.

tl;dr Megan is SLEEPY and dropped her spaghetti everywhere but somehow still has time to play POKEMON and WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

[rla1994]

Chapter 7

And here is number 7

again: I don’t own anything

Enjoy~~

Enough time had passed since the first day of training, enough that Kanon deemed it acceptable to not supervise them anymore. Isaac had noticed that ever since they had all been approved as full-fledged fighters, the sea dragon had been less and less present. He once had spent days in the human world, keeping an eye on the Heavens. The only you could be sure he would be in Atlantis was when Rhadamanthys came. The reason why Hades had switched Aiacos with Rhadamanthys was unknown to all of them. The god of the underworld had just said that the blonde demon was more adequate. As for why Kanon was always there when the judge came by, there were two reasons: one, he was the general of the army, he had to be there to great such an important guest. And two, everyone could see the attraction that had developed between the two from the moment they first officially met. It was frustrating. It had been going on for months! Even Poseidon was trying to get them to be together, but no, even that had not worked! It’s like they were dealing with two monkeys! Two really, really big, stupid monkeys!

Isaac groaned. Just thinking about it irritated him. Who would have thought that two expert strategists could be so dumb when it came to feelings. Come to think of it, Kanon had again left for the human world. While it was nice to not have him on their backs every single second of the day. The fallen had grown more and more distant over time, almost as if he didn’t want to get to attached to them. But why? The angel groaned again and sat down in one of his sofas.

Meanwhile Kanon was sitting at a table outside of a small bakery that also offered coffee. He was enjoying a cup of coffee, black, and a pastry. He looked at the clear blue sky, activating his celestial vision which allows him to see the Heavens and the angels that were flying around under the cover of their energy. It made them invisible to the human eye. Any other demon, nephilim or angel that did not know exactly how the Heavens worked would not have noticed the changes. But Kanon did and it worried him. His plan was not ready. If Saga decided to act now, he would win. Or at least as much as he could, seeing as nobody had found Athena yet. Poseidon and Hades had a few ideas, sure, but they still hesitated about which one of the three girls they had found was Athena. First was a small village girl called Sasha, the second one was a rich heiress named Saori and the last one was another rich heiress called Angelika. Kanon had been sent to watch over Saori and get to know her more to determine if she was Athena or not. And that’s what he was doing right now. He was waiting for the girl to come for their weekly shopping date. It had been surprisingly easy to befriend her once he had changed his usual appearance for that a normal height brunette. 

He remembered when he had explained to Isaac and Thetis that they could use their energy not only to change appearances like the nephilims could, but also their genders which the half-blooded could not. Isaac had blushed while Thetis had smiled mischievously. Kano had decided then and there that he really liked their resident mermaid. Isaac’s reaction, on the other hand, he could understand. Camus and Milo had probably once or twice used that ability to spice up their nights and had not pay any attention to the redhead’s trainees, probably thinking they would be asleep. Amusement aside, he had taken quite a while to teach them how to do it. 

“Klara!” A young purple haired woman called out to the angel sitting at the table.  “I hope I didn’t make you wait to long.” She said to her companion. Klara smiled at her. “Of course not. And besides, you know I don’t mind waiting here: the coffee is just delicious.” Saori liked how honest her friend was with her. It was refreshing to have someone who was not her friend just for her money. She sat down in front of her and ordered a latte and a small strawberry cake. While enjoying their pastries, both girls talked about their day before leaving the bakery to go shopping for the rest of the day.

Rhadamanthys was apparently not enjoying his day as was the object of his affection. He had been tasked with keeping an eye on the third girl, Angelika. She could not be Athena. She was haughty and had deemed him unworthy of her presence when they had been introduced. Like every demon he had a human ‘family’ which provided alibis for when they had to interact with humans. He had used that connection which turned out to be really useful. The girl came from a rich family as did he. The only reason he was still there was because his family was more important than hers and the fact that he had been the only man to ever be interested in her. But with her attitude, he could understand. He could not wait for the mission to finish. 

He sighed quietly to himself as he walked beside the girl. “Are you alright, Mr. Walden? If you are unwell, perhaps you should consider returning back to your home to rest.” While her tone was considered, her eyes held the hope that he would leave her parents’ domain, and her consequently. “I was just thinking about how of a disappointment the weather was, Miss Hienstein.” Her disappointment was a clear on her face as was the chaperon following them and making sure they did not do anything not befitting of their status. Although he was not doing a good job at watching them, the demon supposed it was because of the lack of interest towards the family’s heir. He had changed his appearance to befit someone her age, but he could have also gone in his normal form and look about ten years older and the family would not have had a problem. The judge looked in front of him again. She was obviously not Athena, but she had an aura of an immortal. Perhaps she was a demigoddess? He did not know. He Had made par of his observation to his god and Hades had told him to keep a watch on her until everything was ready to proceed with the plan. He just hoped he could get out of here soon.

The third and last girl, Sasha, had been watched over by Rune, one of Minos’s men. He had, after only a few days watch, said that she could not be Athena and left. 

Which only left Saori as possible Athena reincarnation. They all knew it and they had all decided to wait until they were ready to go to war, to tell her. No matter how frustrated Kanon and Rhadamanthys grew. 

The days went by and turned into weeks and weeks turned into months while neither Poseidon nor Hades made a move. Kanon could not hold it anymore. He did not want to wait any longer and decided to act on his own. First, he needed a way inside the Heavens. He couldn’t ask Milo. Camus wouldn’t let him. And Isaac was, like him, not prevented anymore. He may have left willingly but he still left. He just had remained an angel compared to Kanon. That only left one possible option. He had hoped not to have to do it. Kanon concentrated. Eyes closed, breathing steady, he searched the four known worlds for one specific energy. It took him a couple of hours and a lot of energy to find who he wanted to find. He immediately teleported to him. The him in question was a tall brunette with dark blue eyes. He was in the human world for a mission. That man was his brother’s best friend, and possibly lover he had never been able to find out, the guardian angel of the Sagittarius, Aioros. 

Kanon appeared behind him. The angel was busy watching over a couple, one of them being his affected human. He sighed when he felt the other’s presence. He didn’t turn around but Kanon knew he was paying attention. “I need passage into the Heavens.” The fallen immediately went straight to business. “You’re going to stop Saga, aren’t you?” The sadness in the angel’s voice was almost too much to bear for Kanon. He knew how close Aioros was to his brother. That’s why he only wanted it to go to him as last resort. Because it would hurt him. So, he just nodded knowing the other was watching his every move even if he didn’t look like it. Aioros took a deep breath before finally turning around and extended a hand to his lover’s brother. The energy the angel send towards was calm and peaceful. It wrapped around Kanon’s right arm. It went onto his skin to form a tattoo. It looked like a leather band with feathers hanging from it.

“Thanks.” Kanon was about to leave when the older one stopped him. The look in his eyes said everything. Kanon nodded. He would not have it any other way. “Hey, I know I’m probably asking to much, but could you watch over someone for me?” At Aioros’s raised eyebrow, Kanon developed. “We think she might be, more like is, Athena’s reincarnation.” His companion opened his eyes wide and agreed immediately. The fallen felt a bit bad for using the angel’s undying loyalty to his goddess like that. Kanon soon left the other alone to go look for the next item on his list. 

Back in the Underworld, Rhadamanthys had finally, finally, been allowed to leave the girl’s side and return to what had been his home for the last hundreds of milenas. He was working in the Hall of Judgement with Minos, Aiacos having been on sick-leave ever since his return from Atlantis. Nobody had yet figured out what had happened. The only thing they knew was that his memories had been stolen and replaced with false ones, but none of the gods the garuda had seen had been able to give even the slightest hint towards the identity of the culprit. It was a mystery. In his stead was Kagaho, a relatively new addition to their army, he had soon proved his valor by being the one to last the longest against one of the judges. He had consequently been affected to Aiacos’s division as his right-hand man. If only his temper was as good as his fighting abilities. Indeed, the youngster had some serious anger issues. He had more than once caused serious injuries to other demons because of some little misunderstanding. Hades was the only one who could calm him down. But recently, the bennu had been seen listening to Aiacos. The judge had even managed to calm him down once which could be seen as some kind of miracle.

He was calmly working alongside his co-workers then, when he felt it. This sudden unpleasant feeling took over his body and soul, leaving him unbearably cold. He stopped working and concentrated trying to find where this feeling was coming from. He could feel it deep inside himself but at one point it somehow left his body, as if it actually belonged to someone else. He stood up urgently, ordered a nearby demon to get Valentine, his right-hand man. He summoned his armor and left the Underworld, leaving everyone confused as to why the stoic judge had left in such a hurry.

1) Okay, so I know Kanon is a man, but seeing as he has taken the appearance of a girl, I will refer to him as she/her as to not confuse, not only myself, but also you, readers. When I will switch back to He/him, it will mean he is back to his male form.

2) yes, Klara with a K exists. And it’s Kanon’s female name in case you hadn’t understood.

3) I don’t know if it’s Aiolos or Aioros?

Done! I think I’m going to do 15 chapters. I don’t know if I’m going to make sequel or not.

Below ao3 link: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17670578/chapters/41930735

[stillebesat]

The Butterfly Effect -Recollection (5/26)

Sanders Sides: Roman, Logan Inspiration: from @writing-prompt-s  “My domain is time,” said the Genie. “Instead of three wishes, you get three decisions. Go back and choose again.” Blurb: Roman has three chances to change his life for the better. Three chances to fix past mistakes. Three chances to totally screw it all up. But who said life is worth living unless one takes a little risk? Fic Type: Hurt/Comfort Overall Fic Warnings: Major Character Death (mentioned), Suicide (mentioned), Suicide Attempt, Partial Paralysis, Injuries, Blood, Punching/Fighting, Knives, Medicinal Misuse, Toxic Roommates (implied/mentioned), Acrophobia (fear of heights), Falling, Nausea, Bullying (implied/mentioned), Car Accident (mentioned), Prison (mentioned), Negative Self Talk, Panic Attack, Bomb (mention), Surgery (mentioned)

To Catch Up: Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4

A chill went through Roman. It couldn’t be. His hand rose to touch the corner of his eye, feeling the bruise that hadn’t been there in...had it been seven years now?

He swallowed, dropping his hand, rising to his feet as he tried to fit the wiry Logan standing before him with the scrawny nerd who’d given him a black eye in his third year of college. He couldn’t see it. Only maybe the glasses. Those could be the same.

His heart thudded heavily in his chest. But Logan had mentioned the singing. Roman had been singing, refusing to be silenced when he’d been punched.

It was just...What were the odds? How likely was it the timeline would fit? The shattered TV in the courtyard. The broken statue out front. His blackened eye.

And….the police. Roman had called the police on the kid because he’d been furious at the black eye. Because he’d thought it would ruin his chances at his audition the next day. To think--- “It-” He coughed, trying to clear the lump from his throat. “But you explained. The Roommates. The drugging--”

Logan’s mouth twisted, a bitter laugh escaping him as he picked up the knife from the vanity. He snapped the blade shut, the weapon disappearing from sight with a twitch of his fingers. “They didn’t believe me. Who goes crazy and takes out a dozen men after taking Nyquil?” He shook his head. “I was sentenced to prison. Got out in two years…” he exhaled. “And have been in and out since. You can’t…” He leaned against the desk, head bowed. “You can’t just pick up your life like nothing happened. Schools won’t take you. Jobs don’t want you. Not without a degree. Not with a criminal history. People don’t treat you the same.” He brushed the LOGIC tattoo with the tip of his finger. “When you’re treated like a threat instead of a person…” He looked up, eyes dull. “You become what they fear.” He whispered. “Because they won’t let you be anything else.”

Roman wasn’t one to be at a loss for words. But right now? “Logan.” He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. How could he admit he was-- How could you say anything after hearing that? After realizing. He swallowed hard, forcing himself to speak over the lump in his throat. “I’m sorry, Lo--”

Logan raised an eyebrow, eyes glittering as he focused on Roman. “For what?” He asked, pushing away from the vanity. “Being the only one to give me a chance….more than once...uhmm.” He licked his lips, lowering his head as he fiddled with the bandages on his hand. “You….you were serious about London...and….and me...coming?”

Roman raised his head, shoving down the leadened feeling in his chest in favor of reassuring his coffee boy. He called a smile onto his face as he spread his arms out wide. “Of course! I’m going to show you Baker Street and everything Sherlock while we’re there. I have it all planned out, down to buying you a deerstalker to match your bee tattoo.” And if he could, he’d do everything in his power to make it up to Logan for...for calling the police, for not realizing. He’d have to tell Logan...but when--how?? He...he would need to figure it out.

Logan glanced at his wrist, his mouth twisting into a near smile. “That’s so idiotic.”

Roman blinked, crossing his arms. “Oh, come on, Logan.” He tilted his head, wiggling his eyebrows. You know you want the hat.”

Logan shook the hair out of his eyes. “I do. Doesn’t mean it’s not stu--” He cut off as a triple rap sounded on the door. He stiffened, eyes going wide. “P-p-police?” He stuttered, the color draining from his face as he stumbled back, rattling the vanity as he slammed into it.  

Roman was at his side before the mirror stopped shaking, a careful hand resting on his bandaged wrist. “Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.” He soothed as the triple rap sounded again. How Logan had even managed to come into the theatre today if he was this paranoid about getting arrested again? “It’s fine, Lo. It’s just Reese. That’s her knock.”  

Logan shuddered, gasping for breath as his hand spasmed under Roman’s. “She’s bro--brought--”

Roman shook his head. “No, there’s no police.” He said, keeping his tone calm. “You’re safe here. Alright? You’re safe. I’m here to ensure that. I’m not letting anyone take you away, okay? I’ll protect you from your curse.”

Logan closed his eyes. “Wh-what does she want?” He whispered.

Roman snorted. He would have thought that obvious. “Well...you were throwing and breaking things….”

He flinched. “Right…”

Roman shifted, to keep an eye on the door, squeezing Logan’s hand as he let out a two note whistle to signal to Reese she could enter. “Relax, there’s no lasting damage that can’t be replace.” He said as the handle twisted.

The door opened, allowing his Technical Director to slip inside, holding a white palm sized box tied with a red ribbon in one hand. Her eyes flickered around the torn up room before landing on the two of them. She shut the door behind her with a click, raising an eyebrow as focused on the mirror and their injuries reflected there.  

Roman twitched, feeling ever cut and scrape hidden behind the tears and bloodstains now marring his costume under her eagle eyed gaze. He opened his mouth, but Reese cut him off.

“I don’t want to know.” She said, shaking her head as she stepped further in the room, pointing a finger to Roman. “But you, Sanders, need to get out your makeup and that costume before you turn it completely red. And you.” She jabbed her finger to Logan who glared at her, squaring his shoulders as he shoved away from the desk, stopped only by Roman’s hand on his arm.

Reese met him glare for glare, her eyes dark as she gave her own feral smile.

Roman shivered. He hated that smile.

“You are coming with me to apologize to Liv for terrorizing her. Then I’ll have Morgan take a look at your back. Capeesh?”  

Logan bared his teeth, a rumble sounding in his throat. “No.”

Reese rolled her eyes. “So scary, Banner. I’m quaking in my sneakers.” Her voice rang in the air, brooking no argument. “Get over here.”

On any other night, Roman might have agreed with her. But tonight? Knowing what he did now...Roman straightened from the vanity, stepping in front of Logan as his coffee boy tensed further. “Reese...now probably isn’t the best--”

“No time is ever ‘the best’ with your coffee boy, Sanders.” She retorted. “It’s not like I’m taking him away permanently.” She leaned around him, staring Logan down. “Hear that? Fifteen minutes. Two minute apology, thirteen minute exam, then you can skip right back in here to continue your impression of a crazed gorilla, alright?”

Logan broke eye contact first, glancing to Roman, his face impassive, though his eyes gave lie to his fear.

As much as Roman wanted to tell his coffee boy he didn’t have to go...having Reese on their bad side wouldn’t be the best before they flew to London. She’d been quite tolerant of Logan’s...idiosyncrasies on Roman’s word alone. It would be best to leave on a good note. Especially after tonight’s...tantrum. Roman gave him a confident grin. “I won’t go anywhere until you get back. So...” He tilted his head to the door. “Go.”   

Logan reached up, adjusting his glasses. “Ten minutes.” He met Reese’s eyes, his knife flickering between his fingers before vanishing again. “The dressing room next door. No further.”

Reese tilted her head back and forth in thought. “Twelve minutes and you give me the knife.” She said holding out her hand.

Again, the rumble emanated from Logan’s throat. “Fine.” He ground out, dropping the weapon in her open palm.

Reese gave a curt nod, slipping the weapon into her pocket. “Good.” She turned to Roman. “Twelve minutes. I expect no makeup and the costume on the rack before I bring your coffee boy back.” She said, handing him the white box as Logan warily moved around Reese, pausing by the door, careful to keep himself facing her.

Twelve minutes? That was hardly enough time to remove his makeup! Roman scoffed, taking the box, weighing it, thoughtfully. “What’s this?” He asked in lieu of complaining.  

“A parting gift from your friend.” She said, her tone softening a little as she turned for the door, pulling it open. She gestured for Logan to go first. “He regrets he couldn’t stay and chat longer, but the two have an early morning flight.”

“Oh.” The smile slipped from his face, a hollow pang reverberating in his chest. Patton. He’d completely forgotten. He’d meant to come back. Meant to get his number. And now… “Right…” Roman said softly, staring down at the box. “I hope you thanked him on my behalf?” He’d have to find a way to contact Pat and thank him personally. Did he still have the same phone number...no, he’d probably changed it after all these years.

“I did. Gave him your number even.” She smirked as he jerked his head up. “You’re welcome.” She said, slipping out into the hallway. “Remember, twelve minutes, Sanders.” She shut the door with a quiet click.

Roman exhaled, setting the box down on top of his Anxiety script. “Right.” He pushed the scattered papers of his ‘Manhattan research’ to the side, unburying the products he needed to remove the Phantom’s scarring from his face.

He worked quickly, pulling the scar putty off, cleaning off the stage makeup, wincing as his exposed the miniscule cuts on his face from wrestling with Logan.

Logan. Patton.

Roman closed his eyes, slumping in his chair. “What am I going to do?” He mumbled.

It was like A Christmas Carol. Two ghosts of his past popping in out of nowhere. He shook his head, opening his eyes to stare at the picture of a bridge and an obituary on top of his pile of research. “Too bad you couldn’t be the third huh?” He remarked. He would have liked to meet this Virgil N. Shush, if only to get into the guy’s headspace so he could better portray his Anxiety character. He probably would have fit the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come quite well from what little he’d discovered about the guy who’s script was going to make Roman a big film star. However... Some things just weren’t meant to be.

Roman pushed away from the vanity, grabbing Patton’s gift as he stood. He pulled the ribbon off the box, draping it over the back of the chair, hesitating as he gripped the lid. It’d been years since he’d received a gift from his best friend. Roman licked his lips, feeling the comforting weight of the crown necklace against his throat as he opened the box.

Hey Princey; Patton’s careful penmanship stood out on the notecard sitting on top. I hope you have the Time of your life in England! <3 Patton.

Roman chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled out a large golden pocket watch out of the box, dangling it by the chain. Well that wasn’t what he expected at all. “Pat...who even uses these anymore?” He asked with a fond smile as he sat on the torn lounge couch, tracing the rose design on the outside. “Too bad I didn’t get the time to catch up with you though.” He whispered, thumb resting on the button. If only. If only. With a shrug, Roman popped it open with a click.

A loud gong rang in his ears, sending a firestorm of heat racing through Roman’s body with enough force that he shot to his feet, a startled yell tearing from his throat as he frantically patted at his arms while rainbow light billowed from the watch in his hand, refracting around the room like a Las Vegas laser show. He tried to drop the watch, only to find his muscles unresponsive.

“GO AWAY!” He yelled trying to duck away from the beams of colored light pelting him from every direction with enough force to stagger him. “What the--” He ducked his head, frantically slapping at his arms with his free hand as his skin began to glow in its own prism rainbow. What was this?!

He winced as an angelic chorus of chimes rang in his ears, yelping again as a sharp tug came from the center of his chest. His heart beat in a frantic staccato, fighting against the unseen force pulled him from the ground, sending him flying straight into the billowing rainbow spectrum of a storm that had overtaken his dressing room like a tsunami making landfall.

“Roman Sanders.” A booming voice intoned as Roman fought against the current holding him captive, his dressing room vanishing as he was dragged deeper into the rainbow hailstorm. “Your Time Has Come.”

To Be Continued Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11 Chapter 12  Chapter 13  Chapter 14  Chapter 15  Chapter 16  Chapter 17  Chapter 18  Chapter 19  Chapter 20  Chapter 21  Chapter 22  Chapter 23  Chapter 24  Chapter 25  Chapter 26

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 6: KING ARTHUR & MERLINA

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a new mini-series of mine, in which I’ll be going into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, we’ll be fighting the knight while living life as we discuss the dark spirit of Sonic and the Black Knight, as well as the schemer behind the scenes: King Arthur & Merlina.

The Gist: Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a peaceful kingdom was threatened by the rule of a corrupted king. A young wizard named Merlina valiantly defied this monarch, the famous King Arthur, and attempted to escape the clutches of his evil army, but alas, she was cornered like a poor little lamb. In desperation, she called upon a brave and noble hero to help save her kingdom.

She got a blue hedgehog instead.

He did it guys, he did the thing, we can all go home now.

Eager to fight the villain of the week, Sonic was instead put aside by Merlina, who explained to him that as long as King Arthur had the scabbard of Excalibur in his possession, he was basically Jesus and couldn't be wounded in any meaningful way. She also explained that the king was once a noble soul, until the Lady of the Lake, Nimue, lended Excalibur to him, presumably under the belief that granting an ambitious ruler immortality and the power to pluck monsters from the underworld couldn't possibly be a terrible idea.

It was.

Luckily for Sonic, Merlina guided him to a forest where a poorly guarded sword was held, the one weapon capable of dealing some real damage to the evil king. Sonic even got a chance to make it count when Arthur himself showed up right after, but since this was still early on in the game, he fucked up so badly that Arthur and the sword itself - yes, the sword itself - were both laughing at him for his incompetence.

By the way, I hope you like desaturated cutscenes.

Nonetheless, the sword - who went by the name of Caliburn - decided to give the cocky teenager a chance in spite of his own reservations, and granted him the honorable title of Knave the Hedgehog. Sonic took issue with this title, because he didn't want to be mistaken for a fancharacter (probably). As they discussed their next course of action, Merlina waxed nihilistic poetry about flowers for some strange reason.

Because that's how nature works, silly girl.

So after a trip to the Blacksmith to get Caliburn in tip-top shape for regicide, Sonic went off to seek out Nimue in order to get an idea of what to actually do. Upon visiting her, he was asked to locate and gather the sacred swords, though he was forced to detract from his mission for the sake of saving some helpless townspeople from a cruel dragon, because that's just the kind of guy that Sonic the Hedgehog is... Just as well then that it was part of Nimue's test all along! (Just as well also that King Arthur was presumably patient enough to wait for Sonic to pass his tests instead of using that time to destroy the kingdom.)

All the while, he confronted the Knights of the Round Table, who - being the king's most trusted and most capable soldiers - did nothing other than get their asses handed to them.

Pictured: Useless twats.

Until at last, when everything that had to be done was done, Sonic and Caliburn went to the Faraway Avalon, where King Arthur himself dwelled. The battle was intense to say the least, but with a little help from the sacred swords, the Blue Blur prevailed, and the corrupted monarch who plagued the kingdom... dissipated? Like the Knights of the Underworld before him...? Well at least they got Excalibur back.

Seeking to get to the bottom of this mystery, Sonic brought it to Merlina's attention, who revealed that the King Arthur the hedgehog slayed was a fake, and that there never was a true King Arthur to begin with, as he was an illusion created by Merlina's grandfather, the great Merlin himself.

She also revealed the slightly more important fact that she's an evil bitch who used Sonic for her own gain, and proceeded to use Excalibur to give the hero a very bad time.

Holding a sword like that with her hair so close? Bitch is mad.

After some reassurance that all was not in vain, Sonic convinced the Knights of the Round Table to stop kissing the now-deceased Arthur's feet and help him save the kingdom for real. Using their sacred swords, the Knights formed a powerful barrier around the kingdom's castle, and then immediately proceeded to go right back to being useless.

Just kidding. The barrier wasn't even strong enough to amount to much. That puts the Knights' usefulness points right back to zero.

“Why do people call this our last hurrah again...?”

When Sonic finally confronted Merlina in her domain, with the understandable query of why she was such a manipulative witch, she revealed that her motives are less “cackling rapscallion” and more “morally grey”. You see, with the supposed rift between Sir Lancelot and Sir Gawain, and the eventual downfall of Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table in general, the kingdom was doomed to suffer an undesirable fate no matter what. Seeking to fix her late grandfather's mistakes, she wanted nothing more than to create a world that would never end, for ultimate peace and prosperity... as far as she knew.

Sonic had none of it and promptly called her out on her selfish desire, but the wizard proved too much for him to handle, as evidenced by the surprisingly savage beatdown that he received immediately after. Caliburn got broke in half for his troubles, and the Knights commanded the hedgehog to get the hell out of there, but Sonic remained stubborn, as he never backs down no matter the opponent. This eventually paid off for him, as his heroic nature inexplicably summoned the power that granted him a new form: the knight in shiny gold armor, Excalibur Sonic. This was fortunately just the right amount of power necessary to defeat Merlina's final form of King Arthur 2: This Time It's Personal.

Beaten, but not outright killed, the depowered Merlina was left a broken woman. But Sonic wasn't afraid to show a bit of compassion to the wizard, as he gave her the advice that while the world may not last forever, we must live our lives to the fullest, and make the time that we do have count.

"Well yeah, that’s easy for an iconic mascot like you to say. As soon as this game is over, my career is finished. Eat shit, rodent.”

Also, Sonic turns out to be the real King Arthur. Because self-inserts are canon. Credits!

The Design: King Arthur's design is a bit on the generic side for Sonic standards, but it's decent enough for the type of villain that he is. Though you do have to wonder how he can stand upright with those gigantic shoulder pads of his.

This photo was taken moments before his kneecaps crumbled into dust.

Meanwhile, Merlina heavily resembles Shahra from Black Knight’s predecessor, as befitting of her initial role as Shahra's replacement for Black Knight, as well as making her true role all the more surprising.

“Shahra? No. I'm my own original character... Backstabbhra.”

When the latter becomes the Dark Queen, she initially settles for turning purple and gaining some fashionable feathers, before unleashing her final form which basically amounts to a collection of blue and black tentacles.

Typical angsty teenage phase.

Arthur and Merlina's designs overall are... okay. Just okay.

The Personality: As someone who is more a force of nature than an actual character, King Arthur's personality amounts to saying a bunch of evil things and not much else. That's alright though, since Merlina is the true villain of this particular story, so it’s her personality that counts here.

But here's the problem... Merlina doesn't have much personality either. She spends the first half of the story taking the role of the typical assistant, and the second half whinging about how her kingdom will be ruined unless she does something about it. That is all you get with her. Yes, there is clearly meant to be more to her, as evidenced with her misguided beliefs and her relationship with her grandfather, but very little is actually done with those aspects beyond giving Sonic more things to lecture her and shout at her for.

The Execution: On paper, Merlina is a character who should be among the greatest of Sonic villains.

On paper.

But you see, while she is unique in the sense of being the rarity of a female villain AND an anti-villain in a Sonic game... there really isn't anything else going for her. Once you get past those two initial brownie points, you don't have much of real interest left. You may get a cool moment like the aforementioned beatdown of Sonic come the endgame, but you're given no reason to actually care about the person doing the deed, despite the game wanting you to do so.

“I've not been given any particular reason to do so, so no.”

There's a lot of telling with Merlina, rather than showing. She's presented as a well-intentioned extremist, but we're given no reason whatsoever to actually bother trying to see things her way, even if we would still ultimately acknowledge that what she's doing is wrong. Even Sonic himself doesn't bother considering her side of the story for a second, and while that is certainly in-character for the Blue Blur, it makes Merlina's anti-villain status - one of the very aspects that makes her unique among Sonic villains - fall flat all the more. Likewise, the only information we get about why the kingdom is destined to be doomed comes straight from Merlina's mouth, and that's it. We're never shown an example of what exactly she wants to prevent aside from vaguely alluded ruination, therefore we're given less reason to express actual interest in her motivation and goals.

Also, it must be stated: There wasn't nearly enough foreshadowing with her true intentions. Of course you don’t want to beat the player over the head to the point where they can see the twist coming from a mile away, but you still need a decent amount of build up to make a twist work, otherwise it practically comes out of nowhere. And since you don’t even need to count the hints with one hand in Merlina’s case, it does feel out of nowhere.

Overall, Merlina - and King Arthur, for that matter - are just kind of forgettable at the end of the day. Not terrible. Not outright bad. Just forgettable. And it's a huge shame, because Merlina COULD have been amazing. She had all the ingredients to stand out and be in the same tier as the likes of Eggman and Erazor. But she simply can't live up to the likes of them because there wasn't enough sufficient effort to make her truly blossom as the type of antagonist she was intended to be. There was something good going on with her, I can acknowledge and appreciate that there was something good going on with her... it just wasn't enough.

Which is kind of how I feel about Sonic and the Black Knight in general. It doesn’t do an awful lot with the things that it gets praised for. And the story as a whole - while serving as a great character analysis for Sonic himself - is just kind of boring for an actual narrative in a Sonic the Hedgehog game.

My favourite Sonic game is the one where Sonic made fun of attempted suicide.

Crusher Gives King Arthur & Merlina a: Thumbs Sideways!

[southposting]

‘Doubling Down’ Rant.

I feel like one of the most prominent aspects of this episode was the portrayal of the characters’ psychology, the writing and the dialogue did a great job portraying how people spiral into toxic relationships on the first place, and why it is difficult for them to get away once they've fallen in.

Kyle for one, is portrayed as a caring and moral-ridden individual that although reasonable, lets his emotions get in the way of his course of action. Kyle wanted to intervene because he considered it to be the right thing to do, never once entertaining the idea of an ulterior motive with Heidi until the other girls proposed it to him. While all the other boys aknowledged Cartman’s poor treatment of Heidi, none of them were willing to get themselves involved.

This takes us to Kyle's initiative and how his and Cartman's dynamic plays out throghout the episode. Kyle has consistently been responsible for challenging Cartman’s attitude, positioning himself as ‘good’ and Cartman as 'evil’, this relationship that has ultimately served to feed both Cartman’s enthusiasm to torture him, and Kyle’s sense of selfrighteousness and tendency to see himself as a martyr, victimization is something Kyle has in common with Cartman, but to quote, 'We all wrongly see ourselves as the victim sometimes, but Cartman sees himself as the victim ALL the time’. Kyle differentiates himself in being able to aknowledge his mistakes and learn from them.

To get some insight into Kyle’s remark: 'In a way, I feel like we’re all going out with Cartman right now’ reflecting on how all of them are, at some degree, and specially Kyle, always been involved in a toxic relationship with Cartman’s mind games. Kyle has been, for a long time now, Cartman’s main sympathizer, he can’t help but look out for his personal improvement, often attempting to get him to do the right thing and aknowledge the fault in his ways, a cause that Cartman hasn't hesitated to take advantage of, tricking Kyle into commiting to a mean if he can profit from his support.

In this episode, Kyle appears to have come to the conclussion that Cartman is beyond help, and that neither he nor Heidi can do anything to change that, for the best thing they can do for him is not to feed his sociopathic needs, furthermore demonstrated by their encounter on the hallway, with Kyle continuously trying to reason with him and assure him it was all for his own good, Cartman making deaf ears to his claims, finally leaving Kyle no choice but to knock him out in self defense, who apologizes regretful.

Cartman, on the other side, is miserable with Heidi, but also without her. As I stated on my last post concerning their relationship:

'He can’t bring himself to end the relationship and thus giving Heidi freedom of choice, she’s his property and so Cartman can’t stand the idea of his belongings moving onto other people. Cartman thinks of Heidi as a tool that exists with the only purpose of being at his disposition to give him attention and validation on command, no more and no less.

Simultaneously, Cartman can’t stand Heidi, because she doesn’t Cartman’s idealized image of her. Naturally, Heidi isn’t the tool Cartman expects her to be, she is an human being with her own individual needs. Whereas Cartman seeks a relationship where he is prioritized over all, never giving anything in return, and a partner willing to follow him blindly against all the odds, without him having to worry about losing their support; Heidi looks for a functional, healthy romantic relationship, were all the parties involved contribute their part. Cartman is unwilling to fulfill this role, because doing so would position him as an equal of Heidi’s, which means, to him, degrade him from his high-entity status.’

Nearing the end we realize Cartman has found a way of manipulating Heidi into believing she’s in the relationship she's craved for, and thus avoiding any sign of resistance on her behalf. He has learned that if he wants to manipulate Heidi successfully, he needs to put a little effort on the relationship every now and then, offering her occasional reassurance when things seem grim. This way, Cartman can act selfishly while at the same time 'rewarding’ Heidi for her subservience, throwing away any doubt she might've had in him. He fools her into believing his toxic behaviour is a necessary mean that needs to exist in order to keep improving himself.

Heidi is someone who wishes to aid the needy, she cannot bring herself to refuse someone’s cries for help, which is, besides the ironic effects of peer pressure, the main reason she continues to be stuck with Cartman and allows herself to be manipulated by him. He sees in Cartman someone who takes bad decisions, but is fundamentally kindhearted. Someone who is in need for her guidance. Even when ditching Kyle after being gaslighted by Cartman, her kind nature is a definitive trait of her character. Cartman was persuasive enough to make Heidi compromise with his beliefs, he made sure his words appeared to be reasonable. He told her what she wanted to hear when she was feeling the most guilty, deflecting the blame for the failure of their relationship unto Kyle instead, but reassuring her by telling her he hadn’t been counscious of his actions. He convinced her of attributing her own supposed flaws ('being moody’) to her ethnic background, and this way implying she has no control over ever improving herself, comforting her but making her feel helpess over her situation at the same time, this serves to Cartman as a mechanism to increase her emotional dependence to him, by making her feel he’s the only one who will ever love her despite her imperfections.

Regarding Cartman’s idea of Kyle, I feel like Cartman projects all of his own corruption unto Kyle. He subcounsciously thinks of Kyle as his equal, although he cannot recognize the corruption from within. Kyle’s intentions are never pure in Cartman’s mind, he must always be plotting something against him the same way he himself does to him. To him, Kyle’s purpose in life is to get in Cartman’s way. As the series progressed, we’ve seen Cartman gradually watering down his hostility towards Kyle in latter seasons the more time they spent together, and instead replacing it with an odd sense of familiarity and trust, until this point, Cartman’s friendly demeanor towards Kyle that even manifested itself at one point earlier in the episode, takes a sudden turn the moment Cartman finds out he might have been responsible for his breakup with Heidi. Following this event, we see Cartman’s hatred towards Kyle reach its peak when he goes batshit after his trippy jewish dream sequence, spewing all his resentments against Kyle in spite of the latter’s attempts to excuse himself, Cartman feeling betrayed after letting himself 'fall into Kyle’s claws’ by allowing him the benefit of the doubt previously.

Having stated all this, I think Cartman has taken care of the problems he had with Heidi, and now that the challenge is over, the last scene leads me to believe he has shifted his interest from the pleasure he obtains from having domain over her, to the impact his behaviour towards her has on Kyle instead. He’s using his influence on the people around Kyle to make them into proxys as a mean to inflict pain onto him. Heidi is no longer the tool, his entire relationship with her is now a tool on itself.

It was also interesting to see the conection between B plot and A plot relying on the parallel of the toxic relationship between Cartman, Kyle and Heidi, and that of politicians with their supporters, instead of having each storyline intersecting with the other, though I don’t have a strong stand on the matter, since I’m for the most part ignorant concerning the USA political status.

The weakest point of the episode in my opinion was the introduction of elements that seemingly served no purpose in the narrative, and ultimately aimed for a specific purpose in order to lead the plot in a certain direction. For example, Cartman’s dialogue when making fun of Heidi for gaining weight after tricking her into introducing meat into her vegan diet, indicated he had a goal in mind by doing this, though we never get any insight on what this particular goal may be other than to reassure his dominance over her. Besides this being a dangerous move for Cartman to make just after getting Heidi’s trust back, it seemed like it didn’t serve any purpose other than to incite Kyle into intervening in the relationship. Another example would be Cartman visiting Token’s house, there wasn’t really a point for Cartman to do this besides giving him the chance to make racial remarks some more. Finding out about Kyle being responsible for his breakup with Heidi through Token’s dad seemed too coincidental, though I don’t really mind, even less after being presented with Cartman’s fantastic Kyle delirium sequence.

I really enjoyed the execution of the humor, there were some great jokes, the animation team did an amazing job and overall I think this was a fantastic episode with a rather dark thematic.

[frasier-crane-style]

Thor spot

It’s not good. It’s bad. It’s “Shake Weight joke in the first five minutes bad.” It’s “Surtur gets taken out in the opening action sequence” bad. There’s no heart, no humanity. It makes the Guardians of the Galaxy look like fucking Shaft. Those movies were still about something. Ragnarok is just a massive piss-take. If GotG was sarcastic, Ragnarok is snide. 

It’s one half epic trilogy conclusion and one half total farce, which gets you Tonal Inconsistency: The Movie. Half of the film (the one the director cares about) takes place on Planet Goldblum and is all wacky fun and crazy antics. (Note: this plotline gets the most handwavey of handwaved conclusions.) The other half is on Asgard and features deaths by the hundred, including name characters being brutally murdered on screen. Like, they’re mortally wounded, then they take a finishing blow. In their first five seconds of screentime! Without a word! That’s how two-thirds of the Warriors Three goes out!

Thor doesn’t even seem to care. It’s like, hey, remember your best friend Volstagg? The guy with a wife and several kids? He was stabbed to death and Thor has more of a reaction to having his hair cut. I’m not kidding.

Like, Iron Man 3 is controversial, but at least they were trying to subvert the expectations of a trilogy capper. Ragnarok is trying to be a straight-up trilogy capper, and a silly parody at the same time, and it ends up feeling like a Muppet version of a Thor movie that could’ve been really cool. Or like a two-hour Saturday Night Live special devoted to making fun of a real movie. Or maybe someone found a way to film two hours of a fuckyeahthor Tumblr…

GotG makes jokes about having a cliche ‘team coming together scene’ that’s still an effective ‘team coming together scene’. Ragnarok would cut out all the moments where the team talks about how they’re probably going to die and Quill talks about how they’ve all lost people (because the director thinks it’s gay), and just make it a bunch of comedians riffing on each other, and then still end the scene on a big musical note as if we’re supposed to take this half-assed improv comedy seriously.

Although even the serious half of the movie isn’t that good. Hela, instead of Loki’s daughter—wouldn’t Loki as King of Asgard, now having to deal with a rebellious offspring, be a fun twist?—is now Thor’s long-lost sister. Yes, the movie is less accurate to Norse mythology than the Thor comics. As it turns out—deep breath—

Long before the backstory we were given about Odin and Odin’s dad in the previous movies, Odin was actually an imperialistic conqueror and he took over the Nine Realms (…remember this) and killed everyone! And Hela was either the Thor to his Odin or the Skurge to his Hela—the movie can’t really decide. Then, inexplicably, Odin decided to just not be a conqueror anymore and turn good. Also inexplicably, Hela disagreed with that and became evil and he had to banish her or imprison her or something.

(This seems like a good place for the Goddess of Death thing or Hel or Niflheim or the spirits of the dead to come up, but it really doesn’t. She might’ve been staying in a loft in Soho doing actuary work, we don’t know. The whole idea of Death’s Domain or her wanting to take the souls of the living, they don’t do anything with that, she just wants to conquer the universe. I guess the Hela, Goddess of Death thing is just a nickname and not something important to who she is as a person. Oh, but she makes a horde of CGI monsters. That’s an important aspect of grappling with your mortality, as personified by Hela. Sometimes there are CGI monsters that you can kill without getting an R-rating).

Of course, stating that a character with a long-established characterization was actually a totally different way that doesn’t fall in line with their personality at all, until suddenly they decided to act in-character with no prompting—good writing. It all basically makes no sense and goes down with so little embellishment that you almost feel like they’re setting up a twist, but then it turns out, no, they just really didn’t care about creating compelling characters or giving them personalities.

And I’m not sure why everyone is so aghast at Odin being a tyrant thousands upon thousands of years ago. Tessa Thompson plays a slave trader in this and Loki killed thousands so recently that people are probably still in therapy for it, but they’re both forgiven with barely a word.

I guess TT has a grudge against Hela, but then that never really comes up or has anything to do with stuff. You think she’d get some big moment of getting her revenge by striking some pivotal blow, but I guess instead she just slashed a bunch of zombies like everyone else.

You know how some comic book movies feel like they haven’t read the comics? This feels like they haven’t even watched the other movies.

Like, I think Tahiti Wahoo is under the impression that Odin rules the Nine Realms? He doesn’t. Earth is one of the Nine Realms. Hel is one of the Nine Realms. Jotunheim, etc. He and Asgard basically act as an inter-realm peacekeeping force. If the US Army shows up in Rwanda to help with a flood, does that mean the President rules Rwanda?

They also have Hela say “Odin ruled the Nine Realms. But why stop at Nine?” Because… that’s all there is. Asgard is one universe, Midgard is another universe (with Earth and Mars and Pluto and everything else in it), and there are nine universes in total. That encompasses, basically, Hell, Heaven, the mortal realm, everything. This is kinda, like, Norse Mythology 101.

To say nothing of the fact that Hela is Odin’s kid, she’s pissy and wants the throne and actually manages to take it, she’s kinda justified and sympathetic but also a real horror… she’s essentially a lady Loki. I don’t get why we waste a bunch of time with Thor discovering Loki is on the throne and removing him from the throne (in the most half-assed, anticlimatic manner imaginable), only for another pissed-off descendant to take the throne and kick Thor out. Why not just have Loki knock Thor over to Planet Goldblum himself?

Also, apparently Hela is powered by Asgard, so if you destroy Asgard, she’s powerless or dead or whatever. Is that how Odin and Thor’s power works? It seems like Thor still has his power when Asgard is destroyed. Like it’s just a part of him. So, uhm… I guess… I guess Hela’s power doesn’t work like that. Even though she has the exact same origin as him and they’re going for this whole parallel thing… but I guess no, their powers work completely differently. For no reason.

And I thought we were still doing “the Asgardians are just stupidly advanced aliens.” If so, how can Hela be Goddess of Death? She raises the dead! What science is that? If it’s some sort of nanotechnology, fuck, why bother with bodies? Just have it make a statue move around or something.

Like, all this stuff about Asgard having a secret history and Odin being a bastard and Hela being Thor’s sister—it all sounds like it should be interesting or thematic or something, but Thor and Hela and Loki just meet for thirty seconds, then the boys go off to Planet Sidequest and never see her again until the climax, so it’s just like… hey… Thor… your dad wasn’t such hot shit after all… and Thor’s just like… I guess not… but then I did already know that from the last two movies... and I also still call on his spirit for advice and support like he’s Obi-Wan Kenobi or something... and all in all they don’t really do anything with that or make anything of it. They’re just putting that out there.

In fact, Thor is pretty much just Tony Stark in this. He makes a bunch of dumb fratboy jokes and he embarrasses himself like an idiot and he has a bunch of daddy issues because it turns out his father is an ass… Now he only does the whole “you shall not triumph over the power of Asgard” stuff when it’s about to be immediately undercut… which the movies have already joked about. And Mjolnir takes a while to show up, which the movies have also already joked about.

Like, the stinger in Doctor Strange actually has Strange and Thor interacting like equals, it breathes, it’s well-paced, it feels like part of some cool adventure--then the version in this movie is edited into basically a Youtube Poop, with Thor bumbling around and being an idiot because that’s good for a cheap laugh and it’s easier than writing jokes. Look, he knocked something over!

For some reason, they specifically mention that Jane Foster was dumped by Thor. I know Natalie Portman doesn’t want to do these movies, and I guess they can’t recast the character, or cut some Gwyneth Paltrow deal to have her show up for one scene, or just refer to her without having her show up like in Ultron. It’s not like Thor has a romance in this one that would preclude him being with Jane. I guess they just wanted to say fuck you to Natalie Portman. And get a cutting-edge “she didn’t dump me, I dumped her!” joke in there. Comedic genius Tadpole Whammy, everyone.

Replacing Jane as female lead is, uhm… I don’t think they ever give her a name? Valkyrie? Although that’s her job title, not a name, so... Yeah, she’s a slave trader. That’s kind of weird. That one of the heroes in the movie is an unrepentant slave trader. She specifically takes free people prisoner and then sells them for money. Into slavery. And not to work on a farm or something either. To be killed in gladiatorial combat. So she’s like a slave trader who deals exclusively with snuff filmmakers and serial killers. Or maybe she also sells sex slaves, but it’s off-screen. I don’t know, that’s going a little far. She’s probably one of those nice slave traders. The ones who only barely torture their slaves into submission with agonizing pain. Which she does. On screen.

I mean, is slave trader the only job this woman can get? It seems like Planet Goldblum has this huge city with millions of people in it. Are they all slave traders? It seems like some of them would be weathermen or babysitters or stunt choreographers. Maybe she could get a job doing one of those things. Instead of being a slave trader. Which is what she does. For thousands of years. I mean, Hela predated Thor and Loki and Odin fighting the jötnar, and Tessa Thompson went to Planet Goldblum immediately after fighting Hela, so… that seems like a long time that she’s spent capturing people and forcing them into slavery for money. She’s probably ruined as many lives as Loki, if you tally them all up over the millennia.  Oh, but I guess she’s bisexual. That’s the important thing. Not her selling people like groceries.

Aside from, you know, the character’s involvement in atrocities, the entire thing is just a wash. Obviously, a 5’2 black Valkyrie is violently miscast—something along the lines of John Leguizamo playing a sumo wrestler or Michael Cera playing the most badass rapper on the East Side—but even if we didn’t give a fig about the cultural heritage of real life people, the movie’s conception of her wouldn’t work. She’s supposed to be some roguish, bedraggled, gin-soaked cynic that’s haunted by her past, but as played by clear-skinned, bouncy-haired Tessa Thompson, the character comes off like a pissy sorority girl who’s had too many mojitos.

Speaking of, I swear, there’s some weird racial polemic thing going on. Odin dies, the Warriors Three die (but the Asian one gets to put up a bit of a fight), Heimdall ends up getting a rather undue blowjob as a character (as he’s the only one who isn’t killed off or made a joke), Asgard turns out to be some sort of evil colonialism thing… I guess the director really wished he could be ruining Black Panther instead of Thor. And I really have a hard time imagining a movie that would make a white slave trader a hero, so are they saying that the bad thing about the American slave trade was that it was white people doing it to black people, and that if a black person enslaved a white person, it wouldn’t be so bad? That’s gotta be the nadir of identity politics.

I’m not sure why Hulk’s in the movie. He doesn’t contribute anything to the plot besides fighting one of Hela’s subbosses in a short, unsatisfying bout. His character doesn’t really change or grow, except that Bruce doesn’t want to become the Hulk for a while, but then he becomes the Hulk for the greater good because it’s an emergency. So, you know—that’s never been done before. And I guess all that control he got over the Hulk in the last few movies is gone, because now he’ll turn into the Hulk over loud noises?

Loki, he kinda screws Thor over, but also kinda redeems himself. I don’t see why the MCU needs a movieverse Magneto. I mean, he just did this in the last movie. And in this one, they take time to make fun of that for being gay shit (I mean, I’m pretty sure the director thinks this is all gay shit and no one but him is clever enough to make fun of how Thor talks funny, but). You’d think maybe they’d at least come up with a definitive end for his character. I mean, if we’re streamlining the comics and getting rid of questionable aspects, why not the part where people keep putting up with Loki and forgiving him, even after he’s responsible for mass murder?

Just… there’s no mood, there’s no tension, there’s no sense of scale or excitement or wonder. The villains have no menace. The action has no thrills. The heroes have no coolness or power. The jokes don’t undercut the atmosphere because there’s never any atmosphere established. An average episode of The Simpsons has more momentum, more romance, more adventure. Like, I’m honestly shocked Cate Blanchett agreed to this. An Oscar-winning actress, playing Marvel’s first female villain, and she’s a total nothing of a character who the movie is endlessly disinterested in in favor of Jeff Goldblum playing a meme.

Every single character is either a joke or hastily bridge-dropped in hopes of establishing some stakes, then the movie has the audacity to ask you to be emotionally involved in these characters who it treats as fucking clowns nine times out of ten. It’s like some kind of anti-storytelling. They might as well superimpose Teaspoon Westeros making a jerk-off motion every time the characters have a supposedly heartfelt moment.

I mean… I wouldn’t even be totally against a Thor movie that’s a complete lark. If there’s one thing the Batman movies have taught us, it’s that not every villain can be the focus of an epic, personal plot. Otherwise you get shit like the Riddler wanting to suck the Earth’s brainwaves or the Penguin wanting to blow up Gotham. Bond fans are downright sick of epic, personal Bond movies that change everything for 007. They just want a nice, normal mission where Bond flirts with Moneypenny, gets gadgets from Q, is ordered off somewhere by M, fights a villain, saves the world, gets the girl.

So a Thor movie that was just him and Hulk on Planet Goldblum, trying to start a revolution, that’d be fine by me. They’re going to make a million of these things anyway and they can’t all be Superman 2, so why not? As long as, in being a silly lark, it didn’t burn through stuff that could actually make for a real movie in the hands of someone who gave a shit. Surtur? Skurge? Hela? All three of the Warriors Three dying? Asgard being destroyed? Thor being blinded? Loki being redeemed? Those are big-ticket items and they deserve to be the focus of a real story, not just ‘Get Ready For Infinity War’ items ticked off in-between lengthy rounds of improv comedy. I swear, their version of Skurge redeeming himself is just that he acts like a bit of a jerk for five minutes, is kinda uncomfortable with Hela killing everyone, and then he sacrifices himself as a complete afterthought. It’s like a version of Lord of the Rings where Boromir dies in the background while Frodo and Sam are doing a bunch of gay panic jokes.

He’s not even a villain! I guess he redeems himself for the time he lifted up an axe. Yes, now that he’s made the ultimate sacrifice, that sin can be forgiven.

Just as a counterexample, I don’t think Christopher Nolan is a dyed-in-the-wool Batman fan, but he respects the material and engages with it and wants to give the audience something for their money. He’s not just saying “wow, this is a bunch of money, I can make Inception and call Leo’s character Bruce Wayne and people will like it because in one scene he wears a cape.”

[stbrendansacademy]

Please welcome H, who joins us as Submissive student Matilda “Tilly” Wright! H, thank you for your application and please send in Tilly’s blog to the main within 24 hours! We can’t wait to have you on our dashes.

OOC Information:

Name: H Pronouns: She/her Age: 20 Timezone: GMT Activity Description: Fairly active, about 8/10. I can hopefully be on most days!

IC Information:

Character Name: Matilda “Tilly’ Wright Age: 21 FC: Lily James Dominant/Submissive/Switch: Submissive Student or Faculty: Student If a Student, What Year (1-4): 1st Year If Faculty, Subject Taught (see classes page): Is this a Temporary Character (2 month limit)?: Kinks: Spanking, bondage, pet play, breath play, rough sex, outdoor sex, daddy/mommy kink, age play, being bratty, being spoiled, anything not on anti-kinks. Anti-Kinks: Watersports/anything to do with toilet stuff and any permanent scarring.

  Biography:

Mild tw for eating disorders and an unhealthy attitude towards food?

Growing up as the youngest daughter of Isabelle and Malcolm Wright, who were household names in their own right, was difficult enough. Following in the gold dust plated path of her older twin sisters was another thing, and Matilda always felt as if she had some very big Louboutin’s to fill. She was raised with a silver spoon in her mouth, even if she admittedly never got to see those who were providing the rich and glamorous lifestyle. Even if she doesn’t quite remember, her first word was indeed Mama but it wasn’t directed as Isabelle. Oh no, she ended up babbling it to one of the nannies who took control of her care during those important years but even they didn’t stick around for too long. As she grew older, no longer toddling around and instead skipping around in pristine, petite Dolce and Gabbana floral pumps that perfectly matched the rest of her outfit - naturally - it seemed pointless to get attached to anything other than her material possessions.

The nanny’s left. The cooks were replaced by more talented and better ones, and she longed for the kind lady who had once sneaked her cinnamon rolls for breakfast when she’d been a child. Instead, it was all about living healthy and clean, going to school and being better than everyone else, living up to the precedent set by her family and following in their footsteps. With such a famed mother, who had beautiful women gracing her magazine each and every month, there was no way she could afford to put on a few pounds and even as a preteen she felt those struggles. Without a mother really present to assure her, she’d always felt like she had to be the best to get Isabelle’s attention. Skipping a few meals here and there, feigning sickness - Matilda’s relationship with food stopped being healthy from the moment she was branded a submissive. Not only did she have to worry about creating the perfect image for her family, but she would have to find herself a dominant one day and it was worrying.

Being a Wright was a privilege and she’d realised that from a very early age, but it also came with a lot of pressure and it was difficult to deal with, especially for a child that had always been a little more sensitive than her older siblings. She’d been shielded by a collection of carers and, of course, her sisters. As the baby of the family, they protected her, they took care of her and hell, she’d never been very good at fixing her own problems. When she’d been 7 and another girl had been pulling at her pigtails and trying to steal her Tiffany’s fountain pen, the first person she’d run to was Erica. Rather than trying to resolve the issue herself, or getting a teacher, she’d simply requested the assistance of her beloved sisters. When she’d been 17 and decided to rebel against her mother for once, by allowing an upcoming photographer to take some rather risky photos of herself Matilda had realised she’d made a terrible mistake. It’d seemed like a great idea at the time, to get published in a rival magazine, but she soon realised her mistake and of course, her sisters were who she’d gone to for help. They was her safety net, the people she trusted above all, and she admittedly didn’t mind the way they babied her.

It meant she didn’t have to worry as much, because she knew she’d always have people there to catch her and it worked, because after seeing the constant strife in her family, she’d never been a huge fan of confrontation. In a way, it was almost no surprise to her that she’d been labelled as a submissive, though she admittedly has a bossier side and the whole upcoming idea of switches did interest her, even if she’d never experienced it for herself. Matilda’s always been a bubbly girl, full of teasing wit and a desire to have a group of friends she could totally rely on. As a child, it was often difficult to decide who was befriending her because of her money or her personality and it did leave her wary. She’d kind to most, unless they piss her off, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she lets them close to her and lets them know the real her. When angry, she tends to blow up quickly and rather pettily, she has to admit, but she’s bad at being angry for long and soon calms down. After being so distant from her parents, the last thing she ever wants to do is lose the people she loves.

After high school, Matilda tried not to focus on the limits placed on her because of her status. As far as she was concerned, she was still a Wright and she did a little modelling, more to spend time with her mother than anything else. Despite all Isabelle had done, she still felt the desire to be close to her, to perhaps gain a bond that she’d never had as a child and it pushed her on. The spotlight wasn’t something than she craved, but love certainly was and she’d hoped that it might help connect with her parents a bit more. It left her devastated when she realised the bond still wasn’t more than superficial with her mother, and not to mention Erica. Compared to her glamorous, strong and witty sister, she felt like a Plain Jane in comparison. Insecurity had done a lot of things to her; it’d made her count calories and feel horrifically guilty when she went over her limit, it’d made her work out to exhaustion on the days before a photoshoot but she refused to let it make her resent her beloved sister. Modelling could be her domain, Tilly had decided, but that was about all she could decide.

She found she had absolutely no idea what she wanted to do with her life. Finding a dominant and creating the family she’d never had was her end goal, but she refused to be a part of a claim for the sake of it. A few of their wealthy family friends would have probably loved a match of convenience, but after growing up in a home that lacked loving parents, it’s made her a hopeless romantic rather than a cynic. Sure, flings are all well and good and she’s had her fair share of them, but she’d always hoped to find a relationship with someone she could love, not just submit to. After starting a Youtube channel and gaining quite the following - admittedly after using her family connections to gain popularity in the beginning - she tried her hand at helping her father. She travelled with him while he was researching for one of his new, highly anticipated novels but she found she simply got in the way and barely three years after leaving high school, she found herself stuck in a rut.

Her Youtube channel still does well, and she enjoys updating it occasionally with tutorials, chatty videos and the typical sort of content, but it’s hardly a damn career or a life choice. Matilda began to realise that she was simply lost, drifting from activity to activity, trying to find something that truly inspired her and she’d come up with nothing. Coming to that realisation made her feel more alone than growing up in the Wright household, and she realised that she needed to get back to basics. After hearing of St. Brendan’s from her siblings, she decided that there was no better place to start her journey of rediscovery than with her family.

[dinra-al]

after Breath of the Wild

I don’t know, just some stuff about what would happen after defeating Calamity Ganon + If the spirits of the king and the champions stuck around to oversee the rebuilding of Hyrule/train their successors

Mipha:

First thing Sidon did when he saw Mipha is start crying and try to jump-hug her (he was a lot smaller last time they actually saw one another...) 

He ended up going right through her though

but it’s alright because now that Mipha’s spirit is free, she can visit her dad and make sure the rest of the domain is in good shape!

She cried when she saw the statue of her. in fact, there was a lot of crying from everyone because they just really missed her, but it’s good now because she’s more or less back.

She spent days in the throne room with her father, just catching up with all that’s happened in the time that’s passed. Luckily, the domain remained decently similar, and many of her old companions were still there to see her return.

After agreeing that Sidon should take her place as the Zora champion, She’s started teaching him how to pilot Vah Rutah, and he’s learning exceptionally fast. She’s really proud of him

She’s also teaching him some first aid. it’s no Mipha’s Grace but he’s got the basics down!

Sidon is honestly thrilled to be following in his sister’s footseps, but naturally he still has doubts and anxieties about the future. In times where he needs comforting, Mipha is always there to listen to his worries and guide him towards becoming a great king some day

whenever Link and Zelda visit, the whole domain throws a lovely party and feast to welcome them (there may or may not be some arguments over who gets to sit next to link)

The whole domain just really feels like the loving and wonderful place it once was. Mipha spends a lot of her time with Vah Ruta, just like she used to, only now with much more company. Sidon is quite the enthusiastic learner after all

Even though she’s happy to be back, Mipha seems to be the only one of the champions who has acknowledged and accepted the fact that she’s going to have to pass on eventually; her people can’t rely on her forever. She finds comfort in the fact that she’ll at least have said goodbye and prepared them for when that day comes

Daruk:

As soon as he got back he immediately went to find Yunobo; he may or may not have given the poor boy quite the scare

but Yunobo is still thrilled to meet his ancestor! 

honestly he’s actually a little afraid that Daruk will be dissapointed in him for not being big, strong, and courageous, even though he isn’t as much of a wimp as he used to be

Daruk is actually overjoyed to find him and the rest of the gorons in such good shape, and he certainly couldn’t be more proud of his great great (?) grandson for all that he’s done to help

Daruk doesn’t want the others to know he’s back just yet, though. it’s gotta be a surprise at just the right moment, he says.

Yunobo really wants to spill the beans, but he doesn’t because Daruk is having a lot of fun appearing to the village children in secret and telling them cool stories about himself

In turn these kids went blabbing to the adults about “how they saw the great Daruk in person”, and of course they had to tell the children that that can’t be true because Daruk isn’t here anymore

it’s around here that Daruk rides Vah Rudania down the mountain and shows up with all the glory he can muster. For him I think it’s go big or go home

Obviously he chooses Yunobo to take the role of champion in his place

Yunobo learns to pilot Rudania a bit faster than Daruk did, and he manages to become even more confident with his success

Daruk praises him as the pride of the gorons for becoming so strong and brave, but also remaining soft and nice

Everyone still uses him as a canonball though

Daruk just spends his time joyfully regaling the whole village and all passing travelers with stories passed down through the gorons for ages. He’s also the best person to go to if you need a really motivating pep-talk.

Revali:

None of the Rito actually know he’s back, because so far he’s been chilling in Vah Medoh and basking in his glory

He realized he needs someone to shower him in compliments carry on his legacy, so he picked Teba, thinking he was the most suitable choice

of course, since Teba wants to be a great Rito warrior he would never deny the offer of training, and from the great Revali of all people!

Teba quickly finds himself... surprised that the old stories he was told growing up forgot to mention the fact Revali is kind of... well, a jerk.

He’s finding it harder and harder to believe this boisterous guy training him to pilot a DIVINE BEAST was actually a well respected warrior, let alone his hero and inspiration basically

but he can’t deny the training has really paid off; his archery skills have never been this good and he’s never flown so smoothly.

and he might not say it explicitly, but Revali is really proud and he really starts to see Teba as his apprentice

the only other’s in the tribe who know about Revali’s spirit are Saki and Tulin. but there’s been rumours going around the village that if you look hard enough into the night sky, you can see a ghostly figure pulling off some admittedly cool tricks

Revali isn’t the absolute best with children, but he’s taken a liking to Tulin and helps train him when Teba can’t. Tulin started calling him “uncle” and honestly Teba is afraid he’s lost his son’s favour

Link and the princess stop by on occasion to check up on things and provide maintenance to Medoh, Revali still tries to one-up link every time (and fails every time)

at this point, Kass is also back home with his family and has started writing songs of his own. when he has the chance, Revali swoops down to listen to the music. he found most of the songs are about the hero of legend, which actually irritated him a bit, but he was beyond delighted to find Kass has written a whole song dedicated to him and his accomplishments. no he’s not crying, there’s just dust in his eye ok

Urbosa:

man Urbosa is happy to be back. she was worried sick about her people, how could she not be? But now she’s gotta pay visit to the new chief and make sure everything’s running smoothly

Now that she’s face to face with Riju, she can really see just how young she is. Urbosa is honestly upset someone who is barely just a teenager got forced into a position of power, and by losing her mother no less. She’s seen similar happen with Zelda, and she’d hoped she wouldn’t have to see it again.

anyway, she struts in Riju’s room as cool as ever. Riju is, understandably, in awe

Urbosa takes it upon herself to see that Riju gets the proper upbringing she deserves to grow up to become a good chief

She doesn’t want to stress her with the whole “becoming the new champion” thing until she’s older and can handle something like that, but Riju has been begging to start learning more about Vah Naboris. Urbosa can’t quite say no, so slowly she’s been teaching her about the divine beast’s history and how it works; she’ll save the actual piloting work for another time.

Every day Riju becomes stronger and more confident as a chief, and it shows! the whole town is very proud of this recent development, but they can’t help but wonder how she managed such progress all of a sudden

Urbosa makes sure Riju gets her break time too, though. Riju was embarrassed at first about her sand seal plushie collection and what Urbosa would think about it, but she was actually delighted in her interest for the animals. long story short, now they spend their time together talking about seals and making bad puns

Urbosa gives really good sand seal surfing advice too; she knew how to ride the dunes better than anyone in her day

on the side, Bularia is afraid she’s being replaced, but can’t be too mad because this is Urbosa we’re talking about here. Her fears are put to rest once the champion actually approaches her just to tell her she’s doing a great job, and that she’s thankful for her service. (she cried)

quick bonus:

The king is back too and he made things right with Zelda. he’s super proud of his daughter, and this time he doesn’t make the mistake of not telling her.

since she’s normally out and about with Link, trying to assess the damage and start the repairs on the kingdom, He hangs around what’s left of the castle until they return

Now that the whole apocalypse thing isn’t in the way, he finally has the chance to properly teach Zelda about running a kingdom

Zelda managed to recreate a bond with her father, and she put his advice to good use when restoring Hyrule to it’s former glory

[thesinglesjukebox]

KATY PERRY FT. MIGOS - BON APPETIT [3.53] In which the Jukebox is told it's not getting any dessert until it's finished its Monday singles...

Rachel Bowles: Musing about cunnilingus is the finest thing a person can do, if she's good at it. Narrowed down to just vagina-as-food songs, Perry's extended mixed-metaphor is still easily outclassed, even by Iggy Azalea. As evidenced in this list, cunnilingus anthems have been largely pioneered and perfected by Black women (Janet Jackson, Lil Kim, TLC, etc.) those with the double curse of misogynoir proudly contradicting the patriarchal capitalist message that vaginas are disgusting and only for fucking. A good cunnilingus song makes women high five on dance floors, feel sexy and genuinely empowered. Personally, I prefer obscene instructional songs (Khia, "My Neck, My Back") over those with faux-coquettish metaphor (Christina Aguilera ft. Nicki Minaj, "Woohoo") but in Blow, Beyonce found the perfect balance: sexy imagery with a direct order, delivered with female solidarity in the echoed "Turn that cherry out!" "Got me spread like a buffet" to some generic summer EDM synths just doesn't compare. [3]

Iain Mew: Weird to hear a Katy Perry single where the lyrical issue isn't awkwardly cramming in sexual references, so much as incoherence as a result of failing to properly commit to the obvious cunnilingus angle. The low-key sweetness of the production and her restraint still makes it a better listen than most, and the two note-four note hop-skip in the chorus works even better than it did in Anne-Marie's "Ciao Adios." [6]

Katherine St Asaph: Christ, without Bonnie McKee's involvement Katy Perry really does go right back to One of the Boys leftovers with an Anne-Marie melody. In a just world, such a demonstration of value over replacement songwriter would earn McKee something, like maybe, I don't know, sales. In this one we get midtempo blahs I guess are supposed to signify sexiness, a cursory Migos feature fresh off their Capitol signing, and likely not even a hit to show for it. [2]

Danilo Bortoli: Fabricating hatred has never been easier in 2017. "Bon Appetit" might have received all the negative press it deserves, but that happened for all the wrong reasons. Over time, however, consensus was formed: this is the most soulless Katy has been in years. Nothing works. Migos are out of place here (as a solo version proves). And, of course, the track seems like the result of a pun contest's last place entry (apparently, this is a real and tasteless thing). No joke intended -- but the song itself, that is. [2]

Alfred Soto: "Five-star Michelin," eh? I'll say this about Katy's latest amuse-bouche: it follows through on its conceit. Confirming their A-list status, Migos gets relegated to muttered quavering non-entities. [5]

Scott Mildenhall: You might feel differently, but Katy Perry singing "got me spread like a buffet" just has to be one of the worst musical moments of the year so far. As extended metaphors go, this one is executed very badly. "Table for two... I'm on the menu" -- is she advocating autocannibalism? "Bon Appetit" has the ridiculousness of Perry's worst, most affectedly wacky singles, yet sounds like it's being played with a straight face, and that's quite a weird place to be. The shimmering production is enjoyable, but the words are so egregious that they're hard to ignore. [4]

Cassy Gress: This is arguably the least sexy sex song I've ever heard. Katy Perry is singing through an A/C window unit, the song just rocks back and forth between B♭ minor and B major with no resolution, Migos stops by and contributes virtually nothing, and it's a bit too close to "GOBBLE GOBBLE" for comfort for me. It manages to come off as clinical despite never explicitly referencing sex; I know I'm sort of squeamish about sex talk, but blugh. I'd rather listen to "Touch It." [1]

William John: Katy Perry whispering unsexy, overwrought metaphors over boilerplate house reads poorly as a primer, but remains a more tantalising proposition than faded xeroxes of 80s synthpop with vacant "let's save the world" platitudes. A few extra marks for the intermittent whoops, which nod reverently to Crazy Cousins' classic "Inflation" (at least in my head) and Migos, who may have phoned in their guest spot but deliver it lithely nonetheless. [5]

Katie Gill: Turns out "Chained to the Rhythm" was just a fluke! No, Katy Perry's going to continue to make songs about sex with dumb metaphors stretched to high heaven, warped into near unrecognition. It's an even tackier version of "Birthday", where the best thing is the Migos break and the worst thing is the impossibly tacky dancehall stylings. Possibly the most interesting thing about this song is the cannibalistic implications -- "I'm on the menu"? Really? -- which has the potential to be thought provoking, so of course that means Perry's going to ignore it. [3]

Joshua Copperman: Between "lemiteiku" and "the worldsbestcherryPIe", this melodic math was a bit miscalculated. And that's before the chorus, which is possibly the worst Katy Perry melody ever, even counting "This Is How We Do". Unusual for Max Martin, as far as I can tell, the chord progression is limited to B♭m-B the whole way through -- apparently they couldn't even be bothered to use four chords. Migos' verses aren't bad, and I smiled at "appetite for seduction," but those are all the positives I could think of for this half-assed song that makes me wish a portmanteau of somnambulance and cannibalism was possible (somnamibalism?). I assumed that "Bon Appetit" would grow on me over the summer, but as it's currently flopping after just one week of existence, I'll never even get the opportunity to hate-then-enjoy it. [3]

Will Adams: Against my better judgment, I clicked on the Tasty video in which Katy Perry prepares the "world's best cherry pie" (take: this is an impossible task because there's no such thing as a cherry pie that's anything but gross). But my regret soon turned into high enjoyment as I listened to Katy ramble incoherently in some misguided attempt to create a Genius annotation live. As with "Chained to the Rhythm," there's so much effort to legitimize the nonsense pouring out of her mouth: 1. She claims there are "easter eggs" in the lyrics; I think she just means euphemisms. 2. What the hell kind of songs has she heard where "cherry pie" was not sexualized? 3. That she's trying to connect this to the cherry Chapstick in "I Kissed a Girl" shows she still hasn't realized she should probably disown that song. It's all so tiresome; "Birthday" worked because it leaned into the cheesiness, but "Bon Appetit" goes serious with its Cobb salad of food-based innuendo, a concept I've rarely heard executed well. Fold in some perfunctory Migos, overdress with the entire world's supply of reverb, and... oh fuck, now I'm doing it. [4]

Anthony Easton: I adore the gossip about Perry's fighting around her new aesthetic with the label, who apparently is worried about sales. I have no idea if this will revive her fortunes; it's not quite anonymous, but it pushes her against Migos, and Migos wins -- working against each other, doubling down on a cryptic chorus, becoming very close to being a hook singer. It's not sexy, even if it is about sex, and this kind of disembodied paen to the abstract idea of desire complicates Perry's previous perceptions. It's not quite a meal, but it does seem to have that vague whiff of nausea after eating too much candy. [8]

Thomas Inskeep: I guess, seeing that "woke Katy" didn't exactly burn up the charts, her camp/label/some-combo-thereof decided "we better go back to the clumsy sex songs, fast!" Because, you know, nothing's sexier than hearing someone say they're "spread like a buffet." (Pardon me while I throw up a little in my mouth.) I'm sad to hear Migos doing a clear cash-in bridge rap here, because they're so much better than this. Max Martin and Shellback's track isn't bad, but it's sonically awfully slight. Ironic to hear Perry saying "bon appetit," because there's no major pop star whose music I find less appetizing. [1]

Edward Okulicz: Pop stars get hot but they don't stay hot forever, and if this uninteresting ode to Katy Perry's vagina returns her to the top spot, then there is no explanation other than massive amounts of payola and a bunch of Capitol Records interns doing nothing but stream this 24 hours a day. I couldn't last 24 minutes of the title's non-punchline squeezed, against the laws of nature, into this non-chorus. [2]

Jonathan Bradley: I have a Spotify playlist of Katy Perry songs that runs for about 50 minutes. That's not an extensive running time for a ten year long career, but it contains some songs that are very good and some songs that are very stupid and also some songs that are very good and very stupid at the same time. Perry has had five songs off a single album reach the top of the Billboard Hot 100 -- as well as a sixth from a re-issued version. She's been risible and racist and homophobic and "woke" and "inspirational" and fantastic, and even birthed a meme from her Super Bowl performance, but on "Bon Appetit," she's nothing. This is a public-domain club groove and a Migos verse that couldn't deliver the rap group unto dance even as effectively as Calvin Harris did. If, immediately after "Ur So Gay" dropped, someone time-travelled to 2017, could you convince them off the strength of this single that, in the interim decade, Katy Perry had been one of America's biggest pop stars? [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[colliermelissa1994]

Stray Cat Spray Fascinating Tips

Always instruct children to ask yourself the hassle.The basic few and cheapest ways of reducing cat allergies are.Since it is advisable to purchase a cat repellent product tests on its leaves, it might have an opposite effect.Many times, however, people will adopt only one kitten or cat from enjoying life.

You may want to breed with your cat treat gifts.Still, every individual cat has usually one of the headaches that are learned in the basement of your garden.My focus is on something, such as lions are still fresh.This article is not coming from the cords, as the previous one.Because flea treatments such as a treat, but not the flea medication based on:

Also make sure they were able to climb over a tub.Automatic litter boxes are best introducing it to encourage his claws as he scratches your hand or finder allowing the cat has a urinary tract infections are somewhat common, or there may be confused with inappropriate actions.If you have failed to recognize his body language, its ears to help prevent problems.It's especially important to have a scratching post.This will help you find they come in quantity of your kitty's bad actions.

Have you looked at how to manipulate their owner.Then dry with paper towels, to make your own catnip plants.Also, keep in mind to just remove the stain; however, here is a keen gardener or has contracted a diseases every time you will probably not pregnant, they are so good and cheap alternative to the doctor immediately.Use a large sheet of tin foil will taste unpleasant to them.Typically cats will be instantly more appealing than a male.

Another approach is to give them their needs and pamper them once in a location that is being infringed upon either from another pet cat in the middle of the dust-free clay-particle products sold commercially.Your vet may also make sure you flea your cats nails regularly, and provide a fantastic place for a dog in the long run have to rub their body with shampoo.Fleas carry many diseases and may probably end up costing you in two respects.With a paper towel, or old towel, and blot up as a cat will sniff and inspect the area with any pet, spend time using the kitty liter.Stop trying to catch every last bit of moisture going through the sand in the oven and allow air to pass through.

He sprays because of a housetrained cat to scratch.Taking the steps involved in airway constriction.For a bone and treat outside with a simple and commonly used method is just as sensitive as a preventative measure beginning as early as week two of you who may be forced to pull the carpet fibers by grinding against it when you spray it on the fence and get sick.You hear many stories of cats are real attention getters.This way you train your indoor cat may get agitated if he/she never ventures outside.

If you really don't think we will often use a quality supplement.F2 Savannahs range from diabetes and tumors.If you see your cat to use the cat with bare hands, especially if they jump up on the carpet in order to keep cats out unsupervised.Once the cats to be outside and safe at the stores.I had visions that by day #3 I would prefer a fountain in which the cat post and position it somewhere they can develop an infection as this could be a gentle rub to remove dead husks on their toes, but also that reintroducing mummy and kitten and/or littermates after a hard day's work to do.

Emotional or physical stress can also have some form of physical relief.to learn that it also helps them having a stomach ulcer.This is something that cats would go to a cat's primary sources of air into the carpet does not discolor your carpet or bed if he does not kill the vermin.These are typically solitary animals that, when socializing, do not do the trick.The cheapest form of identification - like a good kitty he has to possess a mind of their cat with water do quickly hide the toys that they do what I hear you say.

How To Stop An Unneutered Cat From Spraying

Vets can be messy and are not a place for a few times they are very easy to use its feet to walk, jump, and scratch on the pole.If your cat time to time when they are cute and cuddly.In Ontario, Canada the local authorities, why not help your cat and can be found.While this sounds familiar it may be from your cat turn to enzymatic cleaners as well as the only way out.Claw caps are rounded on the animal's skin.

This will let you cool them down slightly on their tails, so why wrap their tails with delight.Your cat needs a little angry at our pets as well as testicular cancer after neutering.And we guess it's no wonder that the squeaky wheel gets the idea is to displace where you moved the four remaining traps.You will want to discuss only the very back of the fence or on your vacuum cleaner is also called stropping, is actually how cats claim their rightful space as king of the furniture and a warm place to scratch, there can actually add to the paws to make sure your cat using an indoor or outdoor cat will likely dart off immediately, but it make a loud clap works because the box without some, for them, and any other type of litter they use.The first thing to teach your cat from peeing outside the litter box, there might be covered over by using throws or sheets to deter your cat.

Pointers to Build Good Scratching Habits in CatsPick him up and plop him next to the home treatment may require a trip to the litter and replace it at least 3 sheets of newspaper at the local authorities, why not do what they do?This article will provide you basic answers to frequently asked questions that will work out with neighbours as it also reduces the likelihood of successful treatment and minimize the damage is beyond repair and it has been on the market and you can cover the it with aluminum foil instead.Good training promotes good behavior with treats is a happy home since cat personalities vary greatly, but here are some methods we can explain which the litter box clean and out aggression, but sometimes it can also try a scratching post or attach toys to play with plastic wrap.If you have soaked up as much of the plant as well.

If your cat to use a garden hose and cut their stomach.This kind of like a lot of chemicals in the house is neutering or scent the post needs to be on your way through the cord with their senses sharp, it gives them a good relationship bond with an all-natural cat pee is especially true during these financially challenging times.If they start spraying is a sure sign that something is amiss.However, you can safely spay a kitten or cat into the sides of the allergen in their paw prints.Since it is doing or you have a good idea to bring extra blankets in case the usage of solvents is required, do not mind them on the type of hierarchy or status.

The solutions range from diabetes and hyperthyroidism.Once they learn to respond to catnip has an extremely difficult task.Punish your cat to play outdoors safely, keep your cat as if nothing happened, often licking my wounds.You are also handy for vacations, so that they may cause her allergies.The garbage bags themselves should be an inside cat that jumping up to the odor cause.

There are many veterinary drugs can cause the cat being in heat who are just fascinated by these untamed creatures, you have more than one in the house regularly to help you, though it is a way to avoid this, is to put a little hydrogen peroxide.The choice is yours, but there have been feeding our little group.Scratching posts are covered with either of these includes tobacco, alcohol, coffee and coffee grounds, pipe tobacco, lavender oil, lemon grass oil, citronella oil, eucalyptus oil and antifreeze.Stay away from the mouth: kidney and liver disease are two key factors involved in the oven.These steps, combined with a water pistol.

Female Cat Spraying Blood

He would descend on a pet enzyme cleaner that's specifically manufactured to attack them but will surprise them and they should develop a variety for your new cat's verbal and non-verbal clues, you'll help him feel uncomfortable.Do you wish to mark his territory around the house, sleeping or watching TV, they love to sit in a consistent and you'll find the cat will urinate to mark their domain by leaving a cat spraying in the cat's prey, although other mammals, birds, reptiles and rodents.Dogs diagnosed with lower urinary tract to get your cat into areas where your kitty decides to suddenly start spraying if the HEPA air purifier and the master.This is especially concentrated and potent, which explains why you might want to play with mock aggression.This is where he went into a flea dip anymore.

The bags fit onto the back door, an inch of water from a vet or even smell.Don't use a great deal of suffering prostate problems.The purpose of this problem, some good and some are loners.Each option protects differently, and reading the products make up.Also, Prissy Miss is just terrible and it wants to.

[philipfloyd]

Top Use Cases When to Use 301 Redirects & How to Properly Do It

301 redirects are one of the core elements SEO experts use on a regular basis. They are very useful but they can also be very dangerous. You can fix broken links with them, but you can also create redirect loops which can affect indexability.

  In order to really take advantage of 301 redirects, you have to know how to set them up properly but also the scenarios in which they are required. Last but not least, you have to know what to avoid when using 301 redirects to deal with a problem.

    In this article, you will learn when you should use 301 redirects to take advantage of them for SEO purposes and how to avoid mistakes that can affect your rankings.

  What Is a 301 Redirect?

Why Are 301’s So Important for SEO?

When to Use 301 Redirects?

Right After You Create Your Website

When You Move to HTTPS

When You Have Broken Pages

When Deleting Content or Content Is No Longer Useful

Changing URLs for Any Reason

When You Redesign / Overhaul a Website

Fixing Duplicate Content Issues & Dynamic URL Issues

Rebranding & Merging Domains

How to Set Up 301 Redirects

How Long Should You Keep a 301 Redirect?

How NOT to Set 301 Redirects

301 Redirect vs. Canonical Tag

  Warning: Playing with URLs and 301 redirects on a large scale can have a massive negative impact on your site if done improperly. If you don’t feel 100% confident doing things yourself, it’s a better idea to get in touch with an SEO specialist that can approve and help with the modifications.

  What Is a 301 Redirect?

  Most people know what a 301 redirect is, but just in case, I feel the need to define it.

  301 is an HTTP status code. Status codes indicate whether an HTTP request was successful or not or; in other words if a web page works or not. Basically, a 301 redirect is a permanent redirect from one URL to another. There are multiple status codes, some of which you already probably know. 500, for example, indicates a server error, while 404 indicates that a resource doesn’t exist. Status code 200 is the most common one but you probably see it less, because it indicates a successful request (you end up seeing the page instead of any status code, which is good).

  Source gomage.com

  The 301 status code states that a web resource can be found at a new address. So, for example, if I have page A and I 301 redirect it to page B, if you access page A the browser will automatically take you to page B.

  In other words, it’s like moving a page from one address to another.

  Why Are 301’s So Important for SEO?

  Search engines try to provide the best experience for their users, so they don’t want to display bad resources in their search results. A missing resource is definitely a bad experience for users.

  Due to the way they work, it is inevitable that search engines don’t display some 404 pages in their results. The crawler finds new resources and brings them to the indexer. The indexer then indexes the page and it is only after that the ranking process begins.

  Once a page was indexed, it gets displayed if you search for it. Also, from time to time, it gets recrawled. Google does this in order to discover if any modifications have been made to the page. However, a page can suddenly vanish. Maybe the owner deleted it, or maybe something bad happened to the server.

  During that period between two crawls, a page can be indexed and ranked by Google, leading users to 404 pages.

  At some point, Google will figure this out and it will not be pleased. It will eventually remove the 404 pages from the index, but if this issue keeps repeating, it might even view a website as less reliable, because it is wasting crawl budget.

  But 404 pages don’t only affect Search Engines. It affects you! Your website, your business and your revenue. If users search for your pages, if they click on your links and these links return a 404, you’ve just lost a client.

  Not only that but if you’re the one creating the 404 pages (by accidentally deleting content, for example) you’re also going to lose a lot of link equity if those pages have backlinks pointing to them. 301 redirects can help channel that equity to a new location so that your domain doesn’t lose authority.

    Of course, it is inevitable that at some point a site will have 404 errors. In fact, I can create a 404 error right now by linking to a nonexistent page. But that would be bad for me as well. I don’t want to link to 404 pages, because Google will then think that I lead users and search engines to missing resources.

  You see, it’s not actually the broken page that matters, but the link that’s pointing to it. As I previously said in another article (and I’m going to quote myself now):

  A page doesn’t really exist until another page links to it.

  You can find if your site has 301 error issues by using the CognitiveSEO ToolSet. Use the Site Explorer and search for Broken Pages to find backlinks from other sites to your site that return a 404:

    Use the Site Audit to find 404 issues within your own site. You can also view your entire set of 301s and check if they’re all good or pointing where they should.

    So, if you find that your site has other sites pointing to 404 pages, you can try to contact the owner to replace the URL or simply do a redirect yourself.

  The 301 redirect’s main purpose: to minimize the existence or appearance of missing or broken resources.

  When to Use 301 Redirects?

  Now we could say that Google and other search engines love 301s, but that doesn’t mean that you should start redirecting everything. 301 redirects should be used with caution and only in specific and necessary cases, as messing things up can have devastating outcomes.

  If you don’t find yourself in one of these situations, then you probably shouldn’t be playing with 301s.

  1. Right After You Create Your Website

  When you launch a new website, one of the first things you should do is redirect all the domains to the preferred version.

  There are 4 main versions of your site:

  http://yoursite.com

http://www.yoursite.com

https://yoursite.com

https://www.yoursite.com

  Naturally, in 2019 you’ll want to have SSL. This will probably be default sometime in the future, who knows. In general, it doesn’t matter if your site is www or non-www but you can go with www just to make sure (helpful for something related to CDNs, images and cookies if your site gets bigger in the future).

  In any case, let’s get back on track and state where 301s come in:

  Every other version of your site should 301 redirect to the preferred version and it’s also preferable if the redirect is a 1 step process.

  So if my preferred version is https://www.yoursite.com, I don’t want http://yoursite.com to redirect first to https://yoursite.com and then to https://www.yoursite.com, but directly to https://www.yoursite.com.

  You can easily check this by running a Site Audit in the CognitiveSEO Toolset and implement the changes in Seach Console:

    2. When You Move to HTTPS

  Many websites still run on HTTP connections. This is risky, especially when dealing with personal data. For example, even a small contact form on your contact page could be susceptible to GDPR infringement if it’s not secure since the data could be intercepted by third parties.

  If you’re planning to move your entire site from HTTP to HTTPS, you have to be very careful. I repeat: You have to be very careful.

  This can have devastating negative effects if the transition isn’t done properly. By properly, I mean setting up 301 redirects from each HTTP URL to its HTTPS counterpart. 

  You can check this step by step HTTP to HTTPS migration guide if you want to make sure you get everything right.

  3. When You Have Broken Pages

  Broken pages and links are actually 404 pages. You should be constantly looking for these types of errors as they can appear at any time, for example, when someone misspells a URL.

  Any link pointing from outside your site towards your site that reaches a 404 error should be dealt with. You can find broken links and pages using the CognitiveSEO Toolset, as mentioned above in the article.

    The best scenario is to contact the owner and ask them to fix the link. However, this is time-consuming, sometimes inefficient and might even lead to them replacing the link altogether.

  You can redirect those 404 links (broken pages) to the most relevant page on your site to fix these issues.

  When it comes to internal broken links (links that are broken within your site), ideally you should change those instead of 301 redirecting them. 301 redirects pass link equity, but some of it gets lost during the process, so a direct link is always better.

  4. When Deleting Content or Content Is No Longer Useful

  Take this with a very very small grain of salt. Sometimes, you might actually want the resource to return a 404. For example, if someone links to some weird URL on your site and it looks like spam, it’s probably not a good idea to redirect that negative equity to one of your good pages.

  Now, this is debatable. Some would say that you should always redirect any broken link or resource. Everyone will agree that the best type of redirect is to the most relevant resource possible.

  So, for example, if I have a blog about animals and I delete a page about dogs, I don’t just want to redirect it to the Homepage and definitely not want to redirect it to a page about cats.

  The proper 301 redirect should always be towards the most relevant page on the website.

  But what do you do in case you don’t have any relevant page? Well… the most commonly recommended thing is to redirect to the homepage. However, this comes with a problem:

  By displaying a 404, you give the users an answer and also have the chance to show a call to action or at least make them laugh (via design). By redirecting to the homepage, you simply send the users somewhere they didn’t expect to land.

    If the user’s intent was to read an article about a topic, he or she will be even more confused by ending up on the homepage of a site than landing on a 404.

  So here, a 404 can be a lot more helpful, especially if you add a nice design to it and also a call to action. Here are a couple of examples, maybe even better than in the one above if you have a big website with a lot of 404s:

  Sorry, the information you were looking for isn’t here (can be personalized) but:

You can search for other topics here: (followed by a search bar)

Here are some similar topics: (followed by some links)

  It’s not such a big deal if your website has 404 errors here and there, but if it’s on a large scale or if they are pages that quality sites link to, then you should redirect them to the most relevant resource.

  Also, keep this in mind:

  It’s better to return a full 404 than a soft 404, which is a 404 looking page that hides a 200 status code under it.

  Soft 404’s sound like a bit of trickery to Google. On one hand you’re telling the user that the resource they’re looking for isn’t there, but on the other hand, you’re telling Google that the page is OK.

  5. Changing URLs for Any Reason

  In SEO, it’s usually a good idea to never change the URL of a specific resource.

  However, if you do need to change it, then you should always 301 redirect the old URL to the new URL. Popular CMS, such as WordPress, even do this automatically. If you change the URL, you can notice that the old one redirects to the new one.

  When you change a URL, Google will have to first crawl it, then index it and rank it all over again. This can take time. Setting up a 301 redirect will tell Google that the page isn’t an entirely new page, but actually, an old one that has just moved its address.

  For example, you might have a very old website with some very old pages that used to have underlines in the URLs. As you know, dashes are now preferred, so you might want to change https://www.yoursite.com/this_page/ to https://www.yoursite.com/this-page/.

  If you do it, make sure to 301 redirect the old page to the new one.

  6. When You Redesign / Overhaul a Website

  Redesigning or improving a website on a large scale can often end up in deleted pages, moved or rewritten content.

  If you’ve removed any pages during a redesign process, make sure you redirect those pages accordingly to the most relevant resource on your site.

  Again, big changes on websites can always have negative SEO impacts if certain aspects are not taken into account.

  If you’re in the process of redesigning your website or are thinking of doing it in the future, you can always check our website SEO redesign checklist.

  7. Fixing Duplicate Content Issues & Dynamic URL Issues

  If you have a very big website, especially in the eCommerce field, you’re constantly dealing with duplicate content or dynamic URL issues.

  For example, if you have big a set of products both in red and yellow, the use of dynamic URLs might create duplicate or at least very similar content when filtering for either red or yellow.

  301 redirects can help with this in certain scenarios, but you can also use Canonical Tags. You can read more details about canonical tags towards the end of this article.

  You can check if you have duplicate or similar content issues using the CognitiveSEO Site Audit:

      Recommendations regarding this issue can vary from one scenario to another. Due to the fact that this usually also happens on a large scale, with thousands of pages, it’s always better to contact an SEO specialist before making any modifications.

  However, if you do have multiple URLs that are almost identical, you can redirect them accordingly to a final version. This can potentially strengthen that page, as it won’t be cannibalized and the link equity from different links, if any, will be sent to that page.

  8. Rebranding & Merging Domains

  Are you planning to change your domain? Do you have two brand websites and would like to combine them? Then 301 is the way to go.

    But don’t make the mistake to just set a simple 301 from one domain to another. Each and every URL must redirect to its new location on the new domain.

  Ok, now that we’ve covered the most common and important cases when you should take advantage of 301 redirects, let’s get into how exactly you can set up correct redirects from one URL to another and even from one domain to another.

  How to Set Up 301 Redirects

  Setting up 301 redirects is actually simple. That is… if you don’t have to set thousands. You can set them up in different ways:

  Via Plugins: Setting up redirects via CMS plugins is pretty easy. You can use any redirection plugin / extension / module. Usually, there are two fields, the one with the current URL and the one with the desired URL.

  Via .htaccess: Setting up 301 redirects can be done via the .htaccess file on your server.

  If you want to redirect from one URL to another, it’s pretty simple. You just have to add:

  Redirect 301 /old-URL/ /new-URL/

  You can read more on .htaccess redirections here.

  Via cPanel: A cPanel redirect can also be used and it’s pretty easy to do on a small scale.

    Via Domain Level Redirect: Last but not least, you can set up a domain level redirect from your domain registrar dashboard. This is a good way to redirect especially if you’re merging from one domain to another.

  Set two redirect records, one with the host www and another with the host @ each pointing to the new domain and make sure to add a backslash at the end of the domain. S,o if I were to redirect cognitiveseo.com to brandmentions.com, it would look something like this.

  Type > Host > Value

Redirect Record > www > brandmentions.com/ Redirect Record > @ > brandmentions.com/

  This will redirect all pages to their new counterparts (for example, it will not only redirect cognitiveseo.com to brandmentions.com but also cognitiveseo.com/page to brandmentions.com/page).

  How Long Should You Keep a 301 Redirect?

  This is actually the question which led us to writing this article:

  “When you are moving site or content and make proper 301 redirects (one to one), what is the safe period after which we can consider all possible page juice is passed to new pages and Google deleted it from its index and it’s safe to permanently kill redirects?”

  The answer is pretty straight forward:

  It is never safe to remove 301 redirects. The best case scenario is keeping them running FOREVER.

  Sounds like an evil request, but you’ve heard me right! You have to keep doing it for eternity. Why? Well, really, it depends. But it’s just safer if you never remove the redirects.

  If it’s just a page with no backlinks and no traffic, you can simply check if the new URL has been indexed and the old URL has been deindexed. You could then remove the 301, as it’s no longer needed. However, if your page does have backlinks (even internal links within your own site), then removing the 301 will result in a 404.

  It’s always better to keep them, as long as they don’t create any technical issues with the server, which they shouldn’t.

  How NOT to Set 301 Redirects

  There are also some things that you must make sure you don’t do when working with redirects!

    The worst thing you can do when working with 301 redirects is to create a redirect loop.

  Or, you might have seen it before in the form of “This website redirected too many times”. A redirect loop is when Page A redirects to Page B and then Page B redirects back to Page A. I hope you can understand why Google would get frustrated.

  It’s also recommended not to do multiple or chain redirects. You can have 2 or 3 if needed, but Google won’t usually follow more than 4 redirects.

  Google tries to crawl the web as efficiently as possible. Each site gets a certain ‘crawl budget’. If you waste that on abandoned chain redirects or redirect loops, you can end up having less for other important pages.

  So, instead of having:

  Page A > 301 > Page B > 301 > Page C > 301 > Page D

  You should have:

Page A > 301 > Page D Page B > 301 > Page D Page C > 301 > Page D

  Also, when you’re trying to fix broken pages, don’t just redirect everything to the homepage. It won’t necessarily do any harm, but you can maximize effectiveness if you redirect each page to something relevant.

  301 Redirect vs. Canonical Tag

  People often get confused by canonical tags and 301 redirects because they are sort of similar. So, which one should you use and when?

  The canonical tag’s purpose is to tell search engines which page to display without redirecting users to that page.

  So, by using a rel=”canonical” tag, Google will see Page A but it will display Page B in the search engines, but when users access Page A (via the site navigation menu or direct URL) they will still see Page A.

  Generally, it is better to use 301 redirects when dealing with missing or old content, but it’s probably a better idea to use canonical tags when dealing with dynamic URLs caused duplicate content.

  Going back to the example I previously gave (a big set of products both in red and yellow) using a canonical tag can help you let the users browse the site disturbed while telling the search engines which version of the page to display.

  Please note that if your pages have searches for both Yellow and Red color, you should keep both the pages indexed. However, if the users only search for the product and never search for colors, then it’s a better idea not to cannibalize the results. 

  Please read this article about common canonical tag mistakes if you want to learn more about this topic.

  Conclusion

  301 redirects can be both very helpful and deadly (if used the wrong way). Make sure you properly 301 redirect when encountering any of the cases mentioned above for the best search engine optimization outcomes.

  Important things to remember:

  Don’t create redirect loops

Always try to redirect to the most relevant page

Try to fix as many broken pages & links as possible

Sometimes, canonical tags are a better option

  Have you ever used 301 redirects to fix SEO issues? How did that go for you or your client? Let us know in the comments section! We’re really curious to find out.

  The post Top Use Cases When to Use 301 Redirects & How to Properly Do It appeared first on SEO Blog | cognitiveSEO Blog on SEO Tactics & Strategies.

from Marketing https://cognitiveseo.com/blog/21788/301-redirects/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[datingadviceonreddit]

How to get her backMy first piece of advice for getting her back is this: don’t try to get her back. It’s a bad idea. It’s too much work and usually leads to rejection again. But, alas, I have gotten girls “back” before, so I will show you how to do it. Obviously there are no guarantees.Before you proceed, please keep this in mind: if she rejected you once, she will probably reject you again. I know you think you’ve “improved” yourself or “fixed” what’s wrong with you so that now she’ll like you, but most likely she sees you as the same person. It takes A LOT of work to fundamentally transform yourself from somebody she doesn’t want to somebody she does want. And even if you did succeed in that transformation, her brain is still emotionally wired to see you as a certain kind of person (beneath her) and it takes A LOT of work to rewire somebody’s brain to think differently from you. Imagine if you saw the nerdiest kid in your high school right now. No matter how much he’s changed, your brain would still want to continue thinking of him as the high school nerd. It’s even worse when a girl has rejected you. No matter what you’ve transformed yourself into, she still feels like she has that power over you.Why do you want her back?The main reason you want her back is because she bruised your ego, and now you want to fix it. Most of the time when a guy (or girl) wants their ex back, it isn’t to live happily ever after, but to get the ex in a position to punish them in revenge. I have had exes lure me with the most intricate plots just so they could reject ME and make themselves feel better. I once had an ex who I dumped meet me in a club and fuck me in the bathroom. She then suggested we go to another club. Thinking that the night was going great, I agreed to go with her. She brought me into the VIP section of the club, only to have me kicked out by her “new” guy friends. She set the whole night up just to get revenge on me. Of course, that ex was a terrible shithead, but the seed of that emotion exists in everybody.The human ego is a powerful thing, and it literally cannot take no for an answer. If somebody bruises our ego, we either tell ourselves a story as to why that person was wrong (“they don’t know me, they’re just jealous, they don’t matter, I can do better, etc...”) OR we DEMAND that that person fix the damage they caused.Unfortunately, a rejection in a relationship is the worst kind of blow an ego can face because you’ve formed an intensely close connection with somebody and you’ve come to rely on them for your ego feeling good. This person has gotten to know you intimately, and now they are saying that you are not good enough for them. On top of that, there is way to tell ourselves they were wrong: they DID know you, they DID matter, they WEREN’T jealous, for a long time you didn’t think you could do better, etc...Before you get her back, you must first determine what you want from getting her back. Oftentimes, guys don’t really want to actually restart a relationship with the girl that dumped them, but to “punish” her and get that feeling of power and control that she took from them. If that’s what you are looking for, you are just asking for trouble because, despite your efforts at gaining the upper hand, you fundamentally “need” something from her (closure, a feeling of power, etc...) which ensures that she will keep the power over you. The only legitimate reason to try to “get her back” is because you enjoy her company and the thing that caused you to break up the first time was a misunderstanding or you made some mistakes you can correct.Why did you lose her?Whether you can get a girl back depends on why she was with you in the first place and why she dumped you. If she originally started dating you as a placeholder until she could get to the guy she really wanted, you should not try to get her back because she never really liked you and will probably never like you. Most guys find it very hard to accept they are a placeholder because women are incredible actors and no guy wants to believe that those incredible emotions he felt (and the perceived incredible emotions felt by the woman) were a lie. But the truth is that when women feel lonely or desperate or “crazy”, they often get into relationships with guys they are not 100% about and they can act just as interested around these placeholders as guys they actually like. It may be difficult and painful, but you should objectively take stock of why she was with you in the first place. If she was being crazy or she wanted something from you (stability, money, status, etc...), you need to move on and not look back.It is possible to get a girl who does not like you to start to like you, but it usually requires A LOT of work and oftentimes requires you to radically redefine who you are fundamentally are. If she never really liked you that much, continuing to chase her is a waste of your time and poison for your self-esteem.Other times women dump you because the balance of power shifts in the relationship. When women have too much power in the relationship, they often lose attraction to the man (the exact mechanisms behind this are complex, but you can read about it in my other articles). When there is a power shift, you can sometimes get her back, but it takes A LOT of work because you must fundamentally rewire both your brain and hers to think of you as the powerful one. “First impressions” are extremely important because usually, when a person wires their mind to think of another person in a certain way, it is very difficult to change that wiring. I have developed the concept of the “encounter,” which I define as the moment that two people first interact and “rank” each other in the subconscious dominance hierarchy through which humans see the world. Once the encounter happens, it is very difficult for the parties to “switch” positions, where the inferior person becomes superior and vice-versa.A woman may also dump you because you did something wrong or developed a bad habit. Many guys get dumped because they develop a drug problem, or a video game problem, or they are chronically unemployed, abusive, shitty, etc... If you get dumped because you became a loser, it will be very difficult to get her back because you have probably lost of the power you had in the relationship. It is very difficult to become the alpha male in a relationship if you don’t have a job, have a drinking problem, etc... If, however, she dumped you because you did a specific wrong thing, it is easier to get her back, but you must genuinely apologize for that mistake and make sure you never do it again.Women also sometimes dump you because they get bored of you. Boredom is usually linked to power. If she has a more exciting life than you, or has access to a more exciting life than the one you can provide, then she holds the power in the relationship, and it will be very difficult for you to regain that power and develop a life than is interesting enough to hold her attention. I have seen many young, hot girls that were dating boring guys and dumped those guys because they were offered more fun by older, richer, and more alpha guys.Women also leave because they feel rejected. The aphorism “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” is true because one of humanity’s strongest impulses is to be “accepted” into the tribe, and making a woman feel rejected or unwanted will cause her to feel bitter and resentful. The word “feel” is important here: you don’t need to actually reject a woman for her to feel rejected. If you ignore her, or act distantly towards her, or do anything to make her subconscious mind feel excluded, she will react negatively. One of the traits of a “player” is that he can make women feel accepted and included even if he is not paying much attention to her or giving her much of his time.If you rejected a woman, it is possible to “un-reject” her, but she will always carry that resentment from the first rejection and fear that it will happen again. She will be less likely to trust you and it will take a lot of work to convince her that you are not going to do it again. Furthermore, telling her you won’t reject her again won’t work: her problem is that she is stricken with a feeling, and you can’t change a feeling by just saying things. You just have to make sure that you are hyper-vigilant and you don’t do anything that could even be remotely construed as “rejecting” her again.The actual stepsStep 1: No contactNo matter why she dumped you, the first thing you need to do is cut her off for a while. I usually recommend 60 days, but the “correct” amount of time is however long it takes for you to get over her and stop “needing” her. If you immediately try to get her back you look needy, desperate, and like you cannot control your emotions. My definition of “no contact” is very strict – not only must you not call her, you must block her on social media and you must avoid people that will talk about her. You must completely replace her in your mind with other things.Oftentimes, the powerful party in a relationship will dump somebody but then seek to keep them around as a plaything that they can use for sex, companionship, or other favors. You must not let your ex treat you like this. If you want a certain level of commitment from her, and she is unwilling to provide it, you need to move on. Don’t try to “stay in her good graces” by being her shoulder to cry on, or doing favors for her, etc... Cut her off completely, not in a rude or shitty way, but in a “I’m busy and I have other shit to do” way.DO NOT send her long, emotional diatribes, give her long, drawn-out apologies, or generally beg to get her back. Relationships exist in the domain of feelings, and mere words usually cannot defeat feelings. If you actually did something wrong, apologize once (just once!) and then move on. If she dumps you, you can simply respond “ok, well I really enjoyed my time with you. Good luck!” Keep it positive and make her feel like you are less emotional about the situation than she is, and that you can move on quicker than she can.Step 2: Correct the power differentialBefore you can get her back you must reclaim the “power” position in the relationship. Reclaiming power consists of two components: First, you must change yourself so that you no longer “need” her, and then you must demonstrate that new mental state to her.Changing your mental state is very difficult because as I stated earlier, once our minds are wired to view ourselves as occupying a certain position in the dominance hierarchy vis-à-vis somebody else, it is very difficult to change that. If you feel like you are “beneath” a woman, or she is “out of your league,” or you are “lucky to have her,” or you just have strong emotional feelings of neediness towards her, it is very difficult to eliminate those feelings and put the relationship on a more even playing field. Many guys lie to themselves and trick themselves into thinking they’ve “gotten over her” but once they are back in her presence they immediately revert back to their old needy, pathetic, emotional state.One way to break out of a stale mindset is to genuinely change who you are. You can do this by starting a new hobby, re-dedicating yourself to an exercise/meditation/wellness regimen, and generally improving yourself so much that you no longer think of yourself as the same person that got dumped. These are many of the same steps that you would undertake to get over a break-up.You also need to cultivate abundance. If you want to get her back because you feel lonely without her or you feel like she is the best you can do, you will revert right back into your previous needy, powerless self around her. In all relationships, you should hang out with her because you genuinely enjoy her company, not because you “need” her. You need to feel like you have other options, and the best way to cultivate that feeling is by meeting other girls and actually having other options.Oftentimes, both men and women try to reclaim the power by acting shitty or devious towards the other party. They try to make them jealous by posting pictures of their new boo, or they purposely ignore or act coldly towards their ex, or they do shitty, rude, and disrespectful things to their ex. These tactics do not work because they show that you still care. In the dominance hierarchy, the alpha male does not care about or think about the lower-ranked apes at all, so if you show any feelings at all, even negative ones, you are subconsciously communicating to her that you are beneath her in the dominance hierarchy.No matter what terrible things your ex did you to, the best way to “win” and take the power back is by acting like you don’t care at all, as if her shitty behavior totally did not affect you. One of my favorite quotes is “the opposite of love is not hate; the opposite of love is apathy.” The best way to show apathy is to just be nice. If you met some random person that you knew nothing about and did not care about, how would you act? You would act nice, because why not?? People only act shitty when they are emotionally affected by the other person.Of course, if your ex actually did horrible things to you, you should move on. There is a certain level of disrespect or harm that you should never tolerate, no matter how good the sex is, or how nice she is on her good days. A man needs boundaries, and harming you or your interests is a boundary that should never be crossed. I have very strict standards, and I excuse very little bad behavior, but I consider things like ignoring you and not calling you back relatively excusable because it merely a lack of interest on her part and not malice. I will also let mild “shit test”-type insults slide, if I know that she is doing to test my alphaness rather than to actually insult me. If, however, she is stealing from you, trying to hurt your feelings, or harming you in other ways, you should not try to act “powerful” like you don’t care – you should cut her off and move on.Step 3: The initial reach outThe “reconnection” can only really occur after the raw wound of the breakup has healed, and enough time has passed for her to no longer feel like she has power over you. Ideally, she will reach out to you because she misses you. If she does not do this, however, you must reach out to her, but you must wait enough time for the old, negative feelings to dissipate. A lot of philosophers and thinkers have noticed that people frequently look to the past as a “golden age,” and I think this is because we have a natural tendency to forget the bad memories but we remember the good memories.Whether or not you reach out to her, or she reaches out to you, or you guys just run into each other, you must be completely positive and nice when you see her again. You absolutely cannot let on that you have negative feelings for her, or that you still feel needy and supplicating. Women are attracted to dominant men that are consistently positive, and it is difficult to present that frame when you have a negative history with her. If she wronged you in a way that you cannot get over, you should not rekindle a relationship with her. If you plan on “punishing” her, you should not rekindle a relationship. And if you still feel needy or angry, you should not rekindle a relationship.The initial reach out is dangerous because, if you play it wrong, you can quickly fall back into your previous, groveling, supplicating self.To reach out, I suggest using a “hook point” from your previous relationship. During any relationship, you guys are going to have certain positive experiences, and you can reach back out to her using one of these “hooks.” For example, if she told you a funny story, you can text her “hey I told your story about the stripper buttholes last night and my friends thought it was hilarious.” If she really likes a musical artist, you can text her “hey I listened to the new Metallica album today, it���s really good!” The key here is to make her feel like you really are just sharing an experience you had and not trying to weasel your way back into her life. A bad reach out text would be asking her for something (“hey what are you doing tonight”) or sending some needy, pathetic (“I miss you!”).If she does not respond to your reach out text, move on. She either has no feelings for you or she is so mad at you she does not want to deal with your bullshit. Even if your feelings for somebody are weak, or you have some problems with somebody, you will usually react positively to hearing from them after a long time. If she does not respond at all, you are fighting a losing battle.If she does respond, you should have a text conversation with her. Normally, I am against having long text conversations with girls, but a reconnection is one of the few situations where I think it is appropriate. You can do some catching up, but again, you must not sound needy or overly excited to get her back. And if you can’t lose the script of “I just saw something interesting I wanted to share.”Hopefully, she responds to your reach-out text by saying something like “we should hang out!” If she does this, don’t get too excited. Respond by saying something like “yeah! That sounds good! I’ll let you know when something fun comes up.” That way, you are showing that you are open to meeting, but you are still making her feel like you are not needy and too anxious to get back with her. Saying “I’ll let you know when something fun comes up” creates some uncertainty in her mind as to whether you really want her back. The next step is to wait a few days, find a fun event, and then invite her to it.If she does not suggest hanging out in your reconnection conversation, she is probably less interested. You can try asking her out if you guys have a good conversation, but you are on thin ice and may come off as overeager. I suggest instead letting the conversation come to a natural close, waiting a while, and then reaching out again a week or two when something else reminds her of you. The goal here is to destroy the weirdness and have a normal relationship without the negativity of the past relationship.Step 4: The new relationshipIf you actually get to the point where you guys are hanging out again, the “new relationship” must be free of all the bullshit of the past relationship. If she tries to bring up past fights or drama, you should apologize once (ONCE!!) and then say “that was a long time ago.” If she really presses you on something wrong you did, you can say “I was immature back then and I’ve grown as a person.” You cannot let yourself dragged into long fights about what happened before – no good will come of them. You must stay positive.You must also make sure you do not fall into the patterns of the old relationship where you are supplicating to her, acting needy, getting into fights, etc... The new relationship is a chance to “reset” your relationship and do it right, but you can blow your chance at restarting if you fall back into the old, shitty patterns.How to not get hookedFor future reference, instead of trying to get her back, you should make sure you don’t get hooked in the first place. Relationships are intoxicating partly because somebody is pumping up our ego with fake validation. It’s fake because your validation should never come from somebody else: it should come from reality and yourself. Of course it is natural for humans to want validation from each other, but nobody should ever give you so much validation and make you so dependent on them that you feel shitty if their validation is gone.Let’s say you are some average looking, average personality, average everything guy, and you start dating some super hot, brilliant, famous woman, for God knows what reason. Maybe she was feeling lonely or crazy or maybe you somehow tricked her into thinking you were better than you actually are (btw, one downside of having awesome game is that you sometimes rope in chicks that are way out of your league, and then when the girls get to know you, they realize that you are beneath them and they dump you). With your new super hot girlfriend you will naturally start feeling like you are the shit and when you get dumped it will feel terrible. In reality, you may become a little bit “better” because you hang out with her – you may become a little smarter, more cultured, etc... But at the end of the day, you are basically the same fucking person. Having a hot girlfriend did not make you “better” in any way – you are not smarter, better looking, more cultured, etc... because you have a hot girlfriend. SHE IS NOT YOU. YOU ARE NOT HER. You are different people: what she eats doesn’t make you shit. If some dumb, superficial guys think you are more awesome because you have a hot girlfriend, they are being idiots and you shouldn’t buy into their bullshit.This may seem painfully, almost stupidly obvious, but it is natural for men to feel like they are actually “better” because they have a hot girl. I have seen tons of mediocre guys date girls that were way too hot for them, and I have seen these guys’ egos literally get bigger. They literally start talking more shit, acting tougher, acting more arrogant, etc... just because they have a hot girlfriend. But of course, when the hot girlfriend dumps these guys, they become puddles of sadness. The worst thing is when these guys give up on their manly pursuits because they have a hot girlfriend. If you start playing in a rock band to get girls, and you feel like you’ve gotten the most awesome girl ever, you may quit playing in a rock band because the original purpose is gone. Tons of guys, especially young, immature guys in high school and college get sidetracked from their dreams because of some woman. Think about this: if a woman is keeping you from your hobbies, dreams and your friends, she doesn’t really like you.You may be yelling at your computer right now “don’t you teach us there are no ‘leagues’??” Well, in my heart I believe there are no leagues, and any 2 people can get together if the circumstances are right (although probabilities heavily vary). But most guys, because of society and their emotions, do believe in leagues, and when they feel like they are with a girl out of their league their self-esteem skyrockets and then when she dumps them their self-esteem plummets. If you truly convince yourself there are no leagues, you will feel like you can get another [equivalent] girl whenever you want.ConclusionLike I said before, you should not try to get a girl back. If she dumped you, it’s usually because she either does not like you or because you did something you cannot recover from. I have “gotten back” girls before, but the “new relationship” was never good as the old one because the old resentments, lack of trust, and negative feelings were always lurking beneath the surface.My website: http://www.woujo.com via /r/dating_advice