#and richie grows up and becomes a spitting image of went

[wolftozier]

CONNOR, PLEASE TALK FOR HOURS ABOUT YOUR STUPID GENIUS LITTLE HEADCANONS ❤️💖💘💕

charlie you've definitely heard this one before but I do believe that richie greyed early. (he also definitely got a nose job. probably with one of his first big comedy paychecks).

went and richie, I think, look very similar. tozier men are lookalikes (richie took after maggies eyes). went has been greying around the corners of his hairline since Eddie met him, which was probably when the two of them were like. what. five? so it was obvious Richie was going to grey neither of them thought it would happen so soon.

and it happens the first time in high school. Eddie's doing the thing where he lays on richie pretending he doesn't desperately want Richie's attention away from his comic and onto HIM when he notices it. right at Richie's temple. a little grey hair.

obviously he plucks it and makes fun of Richie for the next week. lovingly, of course.

but as he gets older, it gets worse. Richie starts dying his hair at like, 17, because he's genuinely beginning to get salt-and-pepper edges. and that's the last Eddie sees of him before he moves away from Derry, hair all perfectly one colour (and the back of Richie's ears a little stained)

if gangly teen Richie had to dye his greys big 40yr old richie def dyes his hair. Eddie's actually forgotten all about the grey thing until he moves in with Richie like a year after they kill the stupid clown.

Richie forgets to book an appointment, or maybe his stylist is busy, but whatever happens he goes a little too long without doing it himself and yeah. silver fox alert. he's grown his hair out bc long hair richie rights and Eddie can see the streaks of greys in his ponytail and it makes him go so insane. he's staring at Richie who's feeling very self conscious.

Richie's like "Sorry dude I'm getting it dyed soon" and Eddie's like. "NO"

and then they probably fuck about it. and continue to fuck about it, because Eddie has found a way to distract Richie from going and getting them dyed.

[talesfromthesnogbox]

Big (Trash) Mouth

Summary: Richie Tozier is an already overall awkward human being, the absolute last thing he needed was an untimely visit from Maury, his hormone monster.The Big Mouth x It (2017) crossover I apparently needed but couldn't find.

Word Count: 4164

Notes: Soooooo yeah, I posted something on tumblr a little while ago about how I needed this crossover and nobody took the bait so I took it myself. I've never written for It or for Big Mouth, so I'm sure this is all wildly out of character, but whatever, it sparked joy. It was... interesting attempting to write this and not say a lot of the things I knew Richie would say, but I didn't want to go there being in my mid 20's and writing 15 year olds. So yeah. Enjoy? 

P.S. I totally headcanon Maggie and Went Tozier to be EXACTLY like Mr and Mrs Birch if you’ve seen Big Mouth, so I wrote them that way.

ao3 link

~~~*~~~

Big Trash Mouth

“Late bloomer”. It’s something Richie had heard his whole life.

Late to start talking, walking, late to potty train, and now…

“Bill, when the hell did you decide to grow a mustache?”

Richie rolled his eyes as his friends fawned over how masculine it made him look. Their voices all deeper, bodies filling out the way they should be. He was fourteen and still gangly as ever, the only thing that had changed with Richie was his height. He now towered over his friends, but still had the awkward squeaky voice. His cheeks were still filled with baby fat, and he walked like a newborn giraffe.

All he wished for was to grow up, like his friends were. He talked the big talk, but in reality, Richie was a scared little boy. His heart thudded in his chest when he thought about what his first kiss would be like. Sure, Bill and Bev were really the only two losers who swapped spit on the regular, but Stan had kissed a girl from camp, and Mike had been actively pursuing one of the girls in their year at school after they’d kissed at a birthday party in a round of truth or dare. Eddie always blushed and told them to fuck off whenever he was asked, which left Richie and Ben as the last two losers.

Ben was a romantic, he wanted it to be special, which Richie always fake gagged at before running his mouth about the love of his life, Mrs. K. It was easier to make a joke about it than face up to what he was really thinking about…

It wasn’t that Richie couldn’t see himself settling down one day, or having a crazy whirlwind romance. He was just young, he wasn’t thinking about it. All he wanted was to be with Eddie.

He’d deny it to anyone who asked if he had a crush on Eddie (even to himself). It wasn’t a crush, Eddie was his best friend of all the losers. He knew what they had was special, and he wanted to grow old with him… and be like, best friends forever, ya know?

Nevertheless, Richie would shake off the feeling. He’d shaken it off at twelve, and he was still shaking it off at fifteen… for a little while at least.

It was hot that night, he’d been reading one of his dad’s old Batman comics, and he realized Batman and Robin were a little close for just friends.

“Ha, totally gay.” He’d muttered, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart beating wildly at the thought. Unlike most of his friends, he didn’t see the appeal to characters like Catwoman. She was sexy, sure, but he didn’t feel the attraction to her. But Batman…

A shiver ran through Richie, and suddenly, a rumble came from his closet. He jumped, terrified that the fucking clown might be back again.

“H-hello?” Richie whispered, praying there wouldn’t be an answer. After a moment of silence, he turned back to Batman. The story became lost on Richie, he stopped focusing on what was happening, and continued to zone in on Batman’s well-sculpted body; and then the rattling started again. “Fuck, hello? Eds, did you follow me home again?”

The closet door opened and a dark figure walked out; a big ugly monster, covered in hair revealed himself in the light. “Who the fuck is Eds?”

Richie shouted as the thing came closer. He slapped himself across the face, attempting to wake himself from whatever nightmare he was in, but he wasn’t waking up.

“What’re you doing kid? With the whole… slapping thing?”

“What the fuck are you?” Richie shouted again, adjusting his glasses and scrambling further up his bed.

“Oh, me? I’m Maury! I’m your hormone monster!”

“My what?”

“Your hormone monster! Congrats kid, you’re a man now.” Richie looked at him, confused and a little horrified of the physical monster that had manifested in front of him. “Look Rich, you’re reading a dirty magazine or some shit, your mind wandered for a bit, badda bing badda boom, here I am. So why don’t you… how did you put it… tickle your pickle and call it an evening?”

“What the fuck.”

“What, are you not looking at your dad’s Playboys?” Richie stared at the thing… Maury… in horror for a moment. “No, I’m reading a Batman comic.”

“Odd flex, but okay, I can work with that. Chicks dig a man in a spandex suit, I bet he gets so much pussy.”

 ~~~*~~~

Richie had barely slept that night. Maury kept him awake, flooding his mind with confusing thoughts and images.

“Wow Rich, you look horrible.”

“Thanks asshole, not looking too shabby yourself.” He snapped back at Stan as they reached the quarry together. He was not in the mood today.

Hanging out at the quarry today instead of the clubhouse turned out to be a blessing and a curse. The cold water woke him up instantly, and soon enough, Richie was back to being the trashmouth they all knew and loved. But shortly after jumping in, Eddie arrived.

Richie’s heart thudded, and a weak smile broke across his face as Eddie dropped his bike, waving to his friends. Then… his clothes started coming off.

“Ohhhh, shit man, I see how it is, that’s Eds.”

He jumped. “Fuck’s sake, you scared the shit outta me.” Maury had appeared out of nowhere, and it put Richie right back into his bad mood.

“Yeah man, who knew short, angry and hypochondriac would be the one to get your motor running. I thought for sure it’d be the tall, leggy redhead.”

“Shut up, Eds does not get my motor running. He’s my best friend.”

“Oh yeah? Tell that to your dick.”

“What? FUCK.” Sure enough, Richie felt the same unfamiliar stirring he’d started feeling the night before low in his belly. He sunk lower in the water, covering his shoulders, moving as far away from his friends as he could.

“Hey Richie!” Eddie yelled. “Get over here, I need a partner for chicken.”

“Oh yeah, chicken is a fave. Think about it Richie, Eddie sitting on your shoulders, it would be so easy to just turn him around and bury your face—”

“FUCK OFF MAURY. I GET IT.”

“Well you obviously don’t. That problem in your pants wasn’t a problem until he showed up.”

“Oh my god, OKAY. I’m attracted to dudes.” Richie hung his head low, his face burning.

“And…”

“And what? I said what I said.”

“Come on man, it goes deeper than that. You’ve had four other dudes in their tighty-whities feet away from you literally all afternoon and you waited till Spaghetti man showed up to pop a boner.”

Richie frowned. “Um, you’re the hormone monster, none of that was my decision apparently.”

“No, but the gay thoughts you’ve been having about Eddie were all yours.”

Before that day, Richie would have denied it until his face turned blue, but finally, he had to come clean with himself.

“Fine, fine. I’m attracted to Eddie; I have gay thoughts about my best friend. I… I l—I like Eddie.”

“Atta boy! Now go tackle him and pretend your hand slipped when you touch his butt.”

 ~~~*~~~

“Hey Richie, why were you being so weird earlier today?”

Richie spluttered. Bev had always been forward, calling him out on his bullshit, but he didn’t expect that she’d call him out on it today. The two of them had become close. Richie’s mom adored Bev, she was always welcome at the Tozier house for dinner, a sleepover, whatever she needed. He never questioned why his mom let him have a girl sleep over all the time, but now he supposed she had an inkling that he might not think about girls that way.

He leaned back against his headboard and looked straight ahead.

“I… um…”

“I thought it might be the boner you popped when you saw Eddie strip down, but you were quiet all afternoon.”

Richie felt his face pale. “You… what?”

She laughed. “Stan pointed it out, Mike begged us not to say anything after the sleepover incident.”

“Fuck, well that’s embarrassing. I feel like I’ve lost control, my hormones are like a fucking monster, always there, just waiting to attack.” Richie sounds crazy in his own ears.

“Is it weird that I understand?” Richie looks at her curiously. “Sometimes I just… I just feel so angry, I want to scream and cry, but then…” she shakes her head, “Bill comes in and just… he makes it all better. But then it’s hard to control myself there too.”

“Oooh, Bevvie, you gonna spill all the dirty deets about Big Bill?”

She giggles. “Shut up, asshole. You gonna spill the beans on why you popped a boner at the quarry?”

“I think I have a crush on Eddie.” Richie’s surprised to hear it come out of his own mouth, let alone with another person in the room.

“Yeah dipshit, tell me something I don’t know.”

“Wait, what?” Maury popped up in the corner of Richie’s eye as they spoke it together. “Dude, what the fuck, how’d she find out before you did?”

“You two aren’t exactly subtle you know. We’ve been placing bets on when it would finally come out forever.”

“But… but Bev, neither of us… I didn’t even tell you I was gay. I didn’t even really admit it until very recently.” He paused. “Oh yeah, I’m gay by the way, you’re… you’re the first of the losers to know.”

She looks down at her feet, embarrassed by her own outburst. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… thank you for telling me Rich, I’m proud of you for coming out.”

“Thanks Bevvie.” He opened up as she leaned into him.

“It’s just… you and Eddie have something different, something special between you two.”

“Yeah, but… just because he likes guys too, doesn’t mean he’s into me.” Richie pouted.

Bev turns to look at him. “Richard.” She deadpans.

“What?”

“Eddie’s been flirting with you since we were fucking thirteen.”

“Um, he’s been bitching at me since we were fucking thirteen is I think what you meant to say.”

“No, flirting. He’s been pulling your metaphorical pigtails. And the shorts, he literally only wears them when you’re around because you always comment on them.”

“What? Richard, you never told me there were shorts involved.” Maury popped up. “I demand to see the shorts, take me to the shorts!”

Richie rolled his eyes, his heart thudding in his chest. Could Eddie like him back? “That still doesn’t mean anything, Bev.”

“That means everything, Rich.”

“Yeah Rich, that means everything! I think Eddie likes you man. Maybe try sticking your tongue down his throat, it’ll be like a fun little experiment to see for sure.”

He ignored Maury, still turning red at the thought.

Beverly smirked. “You’re imagining sticking your tongue down his throat, aren’t you?”

Maury raised his eyebrows. “Wow, she’s good.”

He shoved her, a smile cracking on his face. “Shut up.”

“Never.” Bev composed herself and leaned back into Richie. “I think you should tell him.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

Richie shook his head. “I-I can’t. He’d never—”

“I literally just told you he’s been flirting with you for years. Spit it out Richie, it’ll feel good once you do. Plus, boyfriend.”

“No, but he’s my best friend. What if I fuck it all up and he never wants to see me again? Or worse, what if we do end up dating, and I hurt him? I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt him. I just want him to be happy.”

“He’d be a lot happier if he were with you Richie.” Beverly reached up and stroked the hair away from his forehead.

“Okay, maybe so. But maybe I’m just not ready to come all the way out yet.”

She smiled. “That’s okay too.”

~~~*~~~

Months went by, and Maury continued to torture Richie to no end. He somehow sprouted up even taller, his voice got even lower, and suddenly he was just… hairy.

Richie had grown up a lot, but not just physically.

He was still Richie Trashmouth Tozier, but in much smaller doses than he had been before. He almost stopped relying on dirty jokes and made genuinely funny remarks, he stopped trying to take the spotlight, and opened up to, and listened to his friends in return. Richie had become almost civilized.

He’d come out to his parents; they were every bit as loving and supportive as they’d always been, sometimes overly supportive.

“You know sweetheart, my friend from work has a nephew in the next town over who’s gay, maybe we should set you two up.” His mom would say.

“Richie, you should really think about cleaning up the hair on your face, at least until you can grow a proper beard. Your mother has told me scratchy kisses are unpleasant, and you don’t want some nice boy to think you give scratchy kisses.” His dad would lament.

Richie’s parents were a lot, but he was grateful that they cared.

“For god’s sake man, why did your dad cry teaching you how to shave your face?” Maury said, rolling his eyes.

“Because he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that I’m growing up and I won’t be his baby anymore.”

“Geez, that’s bleak.”

Richie and Maury’s attention was drawn to the window as he heard a gentle clink. They approached carefully, only to find Eddie at the base of his house looking up.

“Well well well, would you look at that. Just saw him this afternoon, but little Eds came back for some of that sweet Trashmouth lovin I see.” Maury waggled his eyebrows. “OH! And he wore the shorts. The SHORTS Richie!”

“Shut the fuck up.” Richie opened his window. “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” He called down to Eddie.

“Really not in the fucking mood right now, Trashmouth.” He sounded broken, small. There was anger and hurt layered under his displeasure to Richie’s usual antics. “I—I don’t think I’ll be able to climb up. But…”

“Say no more Spaghetti. Come around to the front, my parents are in the kitchen, I’ll sneak you in.”

Richie raced to the front door as quickly and quietly as he could. When he saw Eddie’s broken expression, he immediately brought him in for a hug.

“I’m okay.” Eddie repeated, but he didn’t look okay.

“Come upstairs, we just have to get past Maggie and Went.”

They tiptoed into the house, but Maggie Tozier was like a bloodhound. “Richie, is that Bev with you? Oh, hi Eddie, what a nice surprise.” She smiled as she turned the corner and spotted the two boys.

Eddie smiled. “Hi Mrs. Tozier. Sorry to interrupt your evening, I won’t stay long.”

“Nonsense, stay as long as you’d like. Can I get you boys anything, a snack? Something to drink?” Maggie smiled, sensing something was wrong. “Eddie, is everything okay?”

Eddie smiled but shook his head. “It’s complicated.” He shrugged, but Maggie’s eyes were kind, encouraging him to share. “I… it’s my mom… she’s been even more overbearing since I came out to her and we got in a fight. I just needed some air. I think I should have just kept it to myself and not told her I’m gay.”

Maggie rushed over, and Went popped his head into view. “Oh honey thank you for telling me. Never feel ashamed to be who you are.” She pulled him into a hug, Went rushing over to join them. “Well if you ever need some extended time away, there’s more than enough room for you here.”

“Thanks Mrs. T.”

“Wow man, this is all pretty gay.” Maury snuck in. “Ha, get it, gay? Cause we’re like totally gay and sharing feelings ‘n shit? Yeah, that’s some good shit.”

Richie rolled his eyes at the hormone monster, and touched Eddie’s shoulder lightly. “Love the whole Full House heart to heart thing that’s going on, but I think Eddie came over to take his mind off it all. Wanna go upstairs and play on the Super Nintendo?”

Eddie smiled and nodded, following the other boy into his room.

“Went, did you know Eddie was gay?” Maggie asked her husband quietly.

“I had an inkling. I think something very beautiful is happening with our son and his best friend right under our noses.”

Maggie frowned. “Just because they’re both gay—”

He shook his head. “No, no. They’ve had something special from the beginning, my sweet. I think it’s just the natural progression of their relationship.” Went kissed his wife’s cheek, and went back to their cleaning.

~~~*~~~

In the hours that had passed, Richie successfully took Eddie’s mind off his mother. The two teens laughed as they played Street Fighter, shoveling popcorn that Maggie had brought up into their smiling mouths.

It was Friday, so Eddie didn’t feel bad about drifting off in Richie’s bed shortly after they’d both collapsed in it, comic books sprawled at their feet.

Richie looked on as Eddie peacefully slept beside him. His features were soft, boyish still, but a hint of developing masculinity lay beneath the baby fat that remained. He removed his glasses and flipped off his lamp, settling into his normal sleeping position when Eddie snuggled in against his side.

Fuck.

“Oh shit, Richie, I don’t think Eddie’s asleep.” Maury once again made an appearance.

“What the fuck are you talking about, he’s totally asleep. Maury, what do I do?”

“Um… um… do you think he’d mind if you—”

“YES. Yes he would absolutely mind if I just whipped my dick out in the middle of our sleepover Maury.”

“Richie…” His head turned to the boy in his arms who was obviously very much not asleep. “I can hear you thinking. Shut the fuck up and hold me.”

“You heard the man Richard, he wants to be held, hold him!”

Richie moved hesitantly, gaining confidence as Eddie snuggled in closer to him. He could feel his friend’s breath lightly hitting his neck, getting closer and closer as he searched for that perfectly comfortable sweet spot in Richie’s arms. Eddie’s lips lightly grazed his neck, and suddenly Richie bolted upright, feeling the familiar tension stir in his gut.

“Richie?” Eddie sat up sleepily, eyes boring into the side of Richie’s face.

“Why the fuck would you move! If you would have waited a few more minutes, sweet, sweet magic could have happened!” Maury whined, dragging a hairy hand down his face.

“I—I’m sorry Eddie, I just… gotta save some lovin for your mom, am I right?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I-is it weird, being like this together now, because I’m gay?” They had indeed had sleepovers before where Richie had woken up with Eddie curled around him, but it had never bothered him until Maury showed up.

“N-no, no, that’s not it. I’m gay too, asshole.”

Eddie got up, walking towards Richie hesitantly. “Then why…” and then in the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of why. “Oh my god, classic Trashmouth. It’s like the quarry all over again. You really can’t control that thing can you?” He joked.

Richie had no witty response for him. He was silent for a moment, letting his own embarrassment wash over him. “I’m sorry Eddie.”

Eddie frowned. “For what? We’re teenage boys, that shit happens like all the time in our sleep.”

“Eddie, I… I wasn’t sleeping.”

Maury’s eyes shot open. “Richie why the fuck would you do that, he’s gonna think you’re some sort of pervert! Not that I wouldn’t love you any less if you were some sort of pervert, believe me, I could tell you stories about some of the other kids I’ve been assigned to.”

“Maury, just… just shut up, please.”

“What do you mean you weren’t sleeping? Richie, we’ve been asleep for—”

Richie shook his head. “You’ve been asleep for hours, I… I couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts of Mrs. K running through—”

“Richie please, you literally just said you were gay.” The two were silent for a moment. Eddie looked at him hesitantly and nodded. “Okay. Does this happen with—”

“No.” Richie closed his eyes and collapsed back on his bed, willing the horribly timed problem to go away. “No, Eddie, just you.” He let out a groan of frustration.

Maury stood behind Eddie, unable to read his expression. “Shit man, I think you have to tell him how you feel now.”

“I’m sorry Eds, I never meant for you to find out like this… I never meant for you to find out at all.”

“What the fuck are you going on about Richie?”

Richie sat up and looked Eddie in the eye. “Eds… Eds you don’t get it?”

Eddie spluttered. “N-not really! I have no fucking clue what you’re trying to say right now. All I can tell from this conversation is that you’re gay and still apparently fucking my mother, and you popped a boner from lying beside me. I’m not a fucking mind-reader man, I’ve got no idea what—”

Richie’s lips gently touching Eddie’s cut off his rant. The kiss only lasted a second, but it left the two teens breathless.

“O-oh.” Eddie’s eyebrows were in his hairline, and Richie couldn’t believe what he’d just done.

“Holy fucking shit kid, you fucking did it.”

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Neither boy wanted to speak first, neither wanted to look into the other’s eyes. Richie was beyond embarrassed, and he couldn’t help but feel like he’d maybe lost a friend.

“Fucking hell Eddie, even your mother is more talkative in bed.” He laughed nervously, adjusting his glasses.

“Shit man, he’s not saying anything. Whip it out, whip your dick out! Stun the motherfucker into saying something!” Maury yelled and jumped about.

“Richie… we were having a moment, why the fuck would you bring my mother into this again?”

Richie’s eyes went wide. “We… we were? I kinda thought you were going to jump out my window to be honest.”

“No, no! That… that was… good! I mean, I liked it.”

“You did?”

Eddie shoved Richie lightly. “Yes, dumbass, I did. I just don’t really know how to do this whole…” He pointed between the two of them.

“This whole what?”

“You know… um… crush… thing.”

“Crush!” Maury looked between the two boys and collapsed.

“Wait, you have a crush on me?” Richie pushed his hand through his hair.

“Yes asshole, why do you think I always try to partner with you in chicken? And sit beside you whenever we’re with the rest of the losers? I’ve had a crush on you for like… I dunno… like a really long time. And I kind of thought you did too. But now I’m wondering if maybe you just wanted another gay boy to I dunno, experiment with. Fuck, I’m an idiot.”

“No! No, Eds, me too, I feel that way too. The crush I mean.” Richie smiled and took the smaller boy’s hand in his. “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole, and I’m sorry about…” he waved his free hand over his crotch. “I just… it’s like… uncontrollable. And like… your butt just looks really good in those shorts.”

“Beep beep trashmouth.” Eddie giggled. “I get it. I mean, I don’t, my dick isn’t trying to sabotage me, but it did at one point, and that sucked.”

Richie looked over to Maury accusingly. “Yeah, it does suck.” He shook his head and looked at Eddie. “So what do we do now?”

“Well I like you, and you like me, we could always… um I mean… you could be my boyfriend?”

Richie fake gasped. “Mamma dear!” He said in a southern belle accent. “This here boy wants to be my boyfriend!”

Maury shook his head. “Yeah man, maybe don’t do that.” But Eddie was giggling like a schoolgirl, eating Richie’s performance up. “Okay, wait, maybe you’re onto something. He likes it, keep doing it.”

Eddie shoved Richie again, knocking him down onto the bed, but tumbling after him. “Shut up asshole.”

“That’s asshole boyfriend to you, boyfriend.”

He blushed adorably. “Okay, asshole boyfriend.” Richie noticed Eddie’s gaze travelling between his eyes and his lips. Before he could stop himself, he leaned forwards, and kissed him again, this time longer, with more pressure.

Eddie’s breath hitched; it was perfect. Perfect until…

“Boys? Shouldn’t you be—oh!”

Richie pulled away from Eddie, and jolted back up again. “Mom!” He shouted. “This is why you need to knock!”

“Sorry sweetie, I’ll just… I’m gonna leave the door open a bit for you. We’re talking about this tomorrow. Goodnight boys, sleep tight! Make good choices!”

Maggie wandered back into her room, giggling as she crawled back into bed beside her husband.

“You may have been onto something with those two Wentworth.”

“See Mags, I told you. Something beautiful is happening.”