#and replacing self harm with alcoholism among other things

[deadnightmeat]

Happy new year

...Meanwhile here I am alone in my room making shit art. It truly has been a terrible year for me

[idontunderstandchemistry]

Uncomfortable - Tim Drake (1/3)

Summary: [...] "Are you saying you are afraid of me?" "I wouldn't say afraid" Dick said, trying to sound casual "It's just the way you've been talking about everything these days. It makes everyone feel..." "Uncomfortable?" Tim asked, with a bitter grin, finally turning towards Dick "The probable consequences of what you all say and do to me make you uncomfortable, Dick?" [...] Extremely hurt Tim Drake living out of coffee and spite.

Wordcount: 1.5K

Content Warnings: Angst; suicide idealization, mentions of self harm, etc.

Notes: Finally dropping this here, posted the first chapter on Ao3 a couple days ago. Hope you guys enjoy it! Reblogs and likes are very much appreciated ❣️

Part 2 - Part 3

CHAPTER 1 - COFFEE.

Red Robin stared at the screen with sleepy eyes. He'd already found the solution to this case half an hour ago, but pretending he didn't was the only way to avoid being requested at the post patrol circus going on upstairs.

It was always like this, at least it has been since he came back to live in the mansion. There was the patrol, and after, Alfred would prepare a table with many treats for the family to eat while he patched them up. 

What a perfect, happy family, bonding after some quality time kicking criminal ass.

A herd of hypocrites.

Two of them tried to kill him and most of them didn't seem to give a single fuck about the matter.

But what was he expecting, anyway? He was the unwanted child. He crawled his way into this family when Bruce was too vulnerable to deny it, grieving, he was Jason's replacement, after all. The only reason why he was still allowed among the bats of Gotham was his hypercompetence. Or perhaps it was because of how dangerous it would be for them all if he decided to play for the  other team.

If you didn't fear the man who at the age of nine deduced the identity of the world's best detective, you were a fool. Yeah Bruce was a bad, emotionally distant parental figure, but he was no fool, and Tim had to give him the credit for that.

— Drake — Robin said.

Tim felt the ferrous taste of blood filling his mouth. The demon. He pretended not to hear. He wanted nothing with this damn child. This Demoniac being that had tried to kill him multiple times in the last few years. The kid who had never done anything to deserve being Robin, the title for whom Tim has worked so hard for years.

— Alfred asked if you plan on joining the rest of the family anytime soon — The little boy said with his entitled filled tone. Fucking psychopath.

— I am working — Red Robin simply said.

— You're not fooling anyone, Drake — He said, stepping closer to his brother — Staring at a screen isn't working.

— You say like you know anything about working — Tim answered, after a deep sigh — Please, leave me alone. Tell them whatever you want, say that I threatened you with a knife, that I pushed you towards a wall, whatever you want. Just leave me alone.

— You say like they would believe it.

Damian said nothing else, simply left without any other response from Tim, that sighed deeply and continued staring at the screen.

His eyes felt heavier.

“Funny” thing about feeling down: usually, the brain cannot understand the emotional distress and the body intentionally does things to justificate that distress to its brain. 

Some people cut themselves – Tim couldn't do that, Alfred would ask too many questions –; others refused to eat – Tim tried it, but it didn't really fit his lifestyle –; some people drank 'til they tripped and fall — He could do this, but the posterior headaches weren't worth it, even though this is Gotham City and he could easily find a place that sells alcohol to minors – ; some people over exercised until they couldn't stand anymore, hoping the soreness of their muscles would be enough to feel like their pain is valid; some people took dangerous car drives or tried to equilibrate themselves on the edges of rooftops – These were Dick's things –; some people numb themselves with smoke on his lungs – Tim could do this, but refused. This was Jason's thing, and he didn't want to have anything in common with Jason.

So, to try to justify his pain to himself, Tim never slept. Well, of course he slept, he had to, but he always avoided it. This was his way of self punishment. He could almost hear his brain.

“What do you mean your emotions are shit? No, this is not a good reason for all this distress. Here, have a unusual way of self harm and then I'll consider if it is enough or not”

Tim hasn't really slept in the last four days, not more than an hour or two. There were occasional long blinks, but whenever Alfred decided to try to drug his coffee – His best ally in his attempts of making the pain make sense – and sent him to his bedroom, he would only stare at the ceiling. Tim already had it memorised. Then he would close his eyes when he could hear footsteps approaching his door and pretend to be asleep until whoever Alfred sent to spy on him finally left.

A solitary life, it was, but he didn't mind. Since his childhood, loneliness was mostly everything Timothy Jackson Drake knew. His most loyal companion.

— Hey, buddy — Nightwing's voice echoed in Tim's ears.

Fucking traitor. 

The man with the kind smile that was responsible for half of the mud in which Tim found himself stuck. The man who took away from Tim the only thing that kept him standing, the only thing that mattered for him in a long time. This was the Dick Grayson, the “good fella”, Bruce's golden child, “The clearer version of what Batman was meant to be”. Dick Fucking Grayson.

Again, Tim pretended not to hear.

— Dames said you were still working. Don't you think it is time for a break?

— I'm not tired — Tim said, though Dick wasn't dumb enough to believe it. Anyone that looked into Tim's face would see how fucking tired he was. Deep and dark eyebags, hollowed expressions in his eyes, cheeks slightly inwards like the corpse of a very thin woman. Dick sighed.

— I know, but B misses you. We all miss you. And we are worried.

— There's nothing to worry about — Tim said, simply.

Dick sighed again and pulled his chair closer to Tim.

Fuck . He had to lecture Tim right now, of course. He simply couldn't deny the urge of being the reasonable older brother, the inspirational hero, the right one, the mediator of the family.

— Let's be honest, Little Wing...

— Don't call me little wing.

— Tim, we are worried about you — Dick said, Tim never looked at his face, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from rolling his eyes if he did. He couldn't stand Dick Grayson's hypocrite smile and kind eyes anymore. He could barely stand his voice — What you said today during patrol... That joke....

— Joke? — Tim asked, furrowing his brows. He didn't remember telling a joke.

— You know, buddy. That one about the metro-narrows bridge.

Oh . That.

It wasn't a joke. More likely a loud thought.

Tim remembered that. He said that if Damian called him “unworthy” again, he would simply throw himself from the top of metro-narrows bridge, towards the cars. 

Tim has been "telling these jokes" for weeks now.

— Even Dames stepped back. Everyone did, actually. The family...

— Are you saying you are afraid of me?

— I wouldn't say afraid — Dick said, trying to sound casual — It's just the way you've been talking about everything these days. It makes everyone feel...

— Uncomfortable? — Tim asked, with a bitter grin, finally turning towards Dick. He could see the surprise in his brother's eyes. Or was it something else? Tim's guts were absolutely soaked in rage now — The probable consequences of what you all say and do to me make you uncomfortable, Dick? You can't bear the guilt? Or you're just worried your Robin will have to deal with the responsibility of the death of his predecessor?

Dick said nothing. Just sighed. Dick Grayson knew the battles he couldn't win. Dick put a mug in front of Tim. His favourite mug, filled with the dark liquid in which Tim loved to drown himself.

— We can talk later — The elder said — Jason made you coffee. He said you wouldn't want to have a break. Guess he knows you better than the rest of us.

— The perks of trying to slit someone's throat — Tim said completely out of spite, just to see Dick flinch in discomfort.

— Just drink before it gets cold, okay?

Dick left and Tim decided to not make another comment.

Red Robin stared at the mug in front of him, wondering if Jason poured poison into the liquid or Alfred poured the sleep drugs. Either way, there was no chance Tim would let it get into his system. He turned off the screen and grabbed the mug, walking towards his bedroom. In his room already, Tim locked the door and poured the coffee into his bathroom sink.

After taking a shower – He wasn't that bad that he would deny himself a simple shower, although he doubted it would take long to reach this point – He verified all the hidden spots in his room. Behind the curtains, his closet, under his bed. After making sure Jason wasn't there hidden with a knife, he slid between his sheets, soft and smooth.

Red Robin stared at the ceiling of the room where some years ago, lived Timothy Jackson Drake.

[relapseprevention]

Why Do Addicts Relapse? Know the Triggers

Between 40 and 60 percent of addicts relapse while in recovery from drug addiction, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse. This means that, for every two people who seek drug addiction treatment or abstain from substance abuse for a period of time, one will relapse. The thought that an addict will still relapse even after treatment makes some people continue with their substance abuse. They feel that there is no need trying to get sober as they might still end up failing. In most cases, though, the brain of an addict convinces them that they are doing the right thing. When one takes drugs, the brain produces dopamine, which controls pleasure. After a long period of use, the brain re-prioritize essential activities such as eating, going to work, and taking a shower, among others. So during recovery, individuals take on a whole new experience of re-training their brain to see healthy living as the new standard for survival. Instead of getting high or using drugs, now it’s time to stay sober and take on a new lifestyle. Doing this can bring up quite an inner conflict for a lot of us. So it’s extremely wise to equip ourselves with understanding: why do addicts relapse, what is it, and how does it happen?

How Does Relapse Happen?

During recovery, an addict might relapse more than once. Sometimes, an addict might remain sober (or think they have recovered fully) but then relapse after many years. A good example is when actor Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead in his New York apartment in 2014 after mixing heroin, cocaine, benzodiazepines, and amphetamine. Before his death, Seymour claimed he had been sober for 23 years.

Like other chronic diseases that recur after treatment, addiction (as well as mental health disorders) take a lifelong health “management” role. Put simply, addiction is considered a brain disorder where an individual convinces themselves to engage in compulsive drug use despite knowing the harmful effects. It’s not always so realistic to say to an addict, “just stop using”. Several factors can cause a relapse. Most of these factors might be extrinsic, but in most cases, the motivation to go back to substance abuse stems from within.

What Causes an Addict’s Relapse?

After going through treatment programs, people expect to go back to their normal lives free of drugs. But that is not always the case seeing as sobriety is not guaranteed. The end of rehab sometimes means going back to an environment where an addict once used drugs. The reality of this environment, along with certain people, or things can evoke emotions and memories that bring the urge to abuse drugs. The duration of addiction influences an addict’s likelihood of relapse. For instance, an addict recovering from a lifetime of alcohol use is likely to relapse than one recovering from a year or two of frequent binge drinking. The factors that contribute to relapse rates, triggers, and recovery vary. When an addict yields to triggers, relapse is more prone to happen. To manage these triggers, an addict needs to seek aftercare services.

What Are Triggers?

Triggers are feelings, thoughts, emotions, situations, things, places, or relationships that literally “trigger” an urge to go back to drug use. Triggers can happen randomly, without expectation, even after so many years of abstinence.

For instance, running into someone from your drug days who is still using the drugs can bring up unwanted memories that inspire intense drug craving. Or driving past your favorite bar while visiting your hometown can result in the curios temptation to check it out “one more time”.

To avoid the most common relapse triggers, many people use the acronym: HALT:

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

People in recovery need to avoid extreme hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness.

Other relapse triggers include:

stress

insomnia

anxiety or depression

physical illness

certain social events

friends who negatively impact your recovery

peers, coworkers, or unfavorable individuals

life crisis

emotional events

anger issues

major life changes, such as moving

Being aware of your biggest triggers is crucial in recovery. Addicts relapse generally when they feel an aspect of life is out of their control and they close off to the support in their lives. Therefore, it’s incredibly helpful to understand where to turn to if any of these things feel extra heavy on your process.

Maintaining Treatment Plans After Rehab

Treatment does not stop after rehab. A patient needs to continue with withdrawal relief medication if necessary, and attend therapy once in a while. Many years after treatment, the patient still needs to avoid triggers, like staying away from friends who do drugs and building their social lives around other sources of fun. When an addict takes the right conscious steps towards recovery, they increase their chances of maintaining sobriety for a lifetime. A treatment plan after rehab provides the care a patient needs to prevent a relapse. The plans include cognitive behavioral therapy and 12-step education, both of which ensure the addict avoid triggers that will result in relapse. Many addiction treatment centers have an aftercare service and follow up with their patients to ensure they do not relapse.

Sober Living and Supportive Community

Sober homes are effective in helping addicts deal with life after rehab. According to research published on the US National Library of Medicine Journal, Oxford House in Illinois has found great success in handling patients after rehab. Oxford House operates as a non-profit organization that runs sober homes in different parts of the US, among other countries. Those recovering from substance use disorders run the homes – they help each other like in AA meetings. After six months, new officers get elected to run the homes. According to the study, patients who completed their treatment at Oxford House were less likely to relapse compared to those who used conventional aftercare services. The patients in the study were tracked for 24 months, after which they showed significantly lower rates of substance abuse. After treatment, a patient needs a strong support system while staying sober. Immediate assistance needs to come from family members, friends, peer mentors, work colleagues, support groups, and recovering coaches. This group of people helps the addict in challenging times, and they are there to prevent triggers.  

Other Warning Signs and Triggers

Several internal and external triggers can lead to an addict’s relapse. Any circumstance that recreates a situation that leads to addiction is likely to cause a relapse. Other factors that can cause a relapse to include: Fatigue: When one is stressed mentally or physically, they feel fatigued, and this can affect their everyday tasks. When the stress is too much, one feels the urge to numb the fatigue with alcohol or drugs. Depression: Depression will likely occur with or after addiction. During a period of depression, a person tends to oversleep, they lose interest in activities they once thought were fun, and they have difficulties focusing. If an addict recovering from substance abuse experiences depression, they will likely try drugs to find relief. Physical Pain: Alcohol numbs the pain. According to studies, reduction in physical pain reduces the chances of relapse after alcohol treatment. Dishonesty: Failure to express feelings such as anger and resentment can lead to relapse. People recovering fail to express their feelings and instead make excuses for tasks not accomplished and when they are frustrated by other people. As a result, these feelings trigger a relapse. Self-Pity: When one is recovering from substance abuse, they might pity themselves since they cannot attend some social events or go to the bar with friends. When an addict feels sorry for themselves, or they dwell on the negative impacts of fighting addiction, they might re-seek comfort in drugs. Idleness: If one is unemployed, lack hobbies, or feels bored, they have no money and spend most of their days idle at home, they might relapse to drugs. Research found that risky drinking is more prevalent among the unemployed.

Conscious Commitment and Mindful Activities Help Prevent a Relapse

In most cases, recovery takes years. While an addict can go to rehab and come out after six months, the recovery process does not stop there. To achieve lifetime sobriety, an addict needs to stay committed to the process consciously. During recovery, the patient needs to attend counseling and meetings such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. According to a 2014 study published in JAMA Psychiatry, mindfulness-based programs such as meditation help reduce the chances of a relapse. When combined with traditional mindfulness prevention programs, such as recognizing triggers, these methods are more effective in keeping an addict sober.

Addiction Relapse and Social Stigma

To an addict, addiction is a private affair, especially among celebrities. Generally, addiction is stigmatized, and this stems from the fact that most people misunderstand addition. When someone is addicted, the brain prioritizes drug use to survival. When the need to use drugs supersedes a person’s survival instincts, a person risks their life just to use drugs. While people will see using drugs as a way to express problems in the family and at work, addiction is a disease that most people want to get out of but can’t.

Preventing Relapse

Addiction is irrational. An addict might lose their physical health, mental health, their job, family, friends, and everyone they care about, but the drug will still pull them back. The drug does not care about the consequences. As such, besides the addict doing everything to prevent a relapse, those around them need to offer a strong support system to help them avoid triggers and find them a replacement for the drugs. An addict may not handle a relapse on their own, seeing that their addiction works against their efforts. If you need help with addiction, get help today. Or if you feel a desire to relapse, reach out to a professional in your community.

Call Opus Health today at 949-264-0191.

[soyinternet]

Soy Internet Today

Soy Internet and spring are the most effective seasons for making change. Not solely as a result of they symbolize it. We tend to all grasp that the former makes the transition from the glorious sun-ridden summer to the reclusiveness of winter. And also the latter guarantees us the fun of summer while we are obtaining up from our winter sleep. As times modification, thus do our bodies. The organism’s metabolic rates do depend on the temperatures outside. Our organism conserves energy when it is cold and does not would like to eat as much when it is warm. This is why doing a Soy Internet each couple of months is highly recommended to stay everything not off course.

Full-body Soy Internet are usually arduous on the human body. Opting for a milder version is counseled, especially, if you’ve never tried a diet or a more restricted food set up before. Choosing the proper food products is also important. Most of the Mediterranean produce is tailor-made for body-cleansing. They have a wealthy alternative of different fruits, veggies, and fish that will keep you satiated and full. All while ridding you of the burden off of harmful bacteria and toxins, gift in the organism. Remember that obesity is also dangerous, leading to multiple heart problems and the development of varicose veins.

The modern-day market is full of body Soy Internet product. Most of them are fully natural and boost the conventional operation of each of the organism’s systems. Among the purchasers’ prime decisions in 2021 is Germixil body-cleansing capsules. Its formula consists of an all-organic advanced of herbs and essential oils that raise immunity levels.

A way to Soy Internet successfully at home? Which are the most effective Soy Internet diets? Are there any risks?

Learn by reading the complete Soy Internet article below!

Why Will the Body Would like Regular Soy Internet?

Our busy lifestyle, personal issues, unhealthy diet, and lack of physical activity can lead to constant nervous anxiety. And nothing leads to the event of chronic disease, like stress. The result is a vicious circle. We do not even realize that we are in it most of the time. All of this results in a major build-up of toxins, parasites, and harmful bacteria in our organism. It’s finally time for doing a full-body Soy Internet! There are a number of books on the topic. But Linda Page’s guidebook ‘Soy Internet: All You need to Know to Recharge, Renew and Rejuvenate Your Body, Mind, & Soul’ is considered a classic.

Soy Internet detoxification, or ‘Soy Internet’ for brief, relates to the processes of cleansing your body. You can do it if you want to shed some excess weight off your shoulders and waistline. Or to clear those nasty parasites out of the system to stay healthy. There are many Soy Internet diets. A number of them are fast one-day cleanses, while others last for months. Most of them advise us to up the nice fats, veggies, and fruits whereas cutting on the wheat and dairy merchandise. There is usually some form of fasting concerned. Whereas not necessarily excluding all types of alcohol and caffeine, it is usually advised to limit their intake.

So why does your body need annual Soy Internet? Here are a number of the main reasons to do it:

Soy Internet detoxification prepares the body for seasonal change.

It's a sensible way to cleanse toxins & bacteria out of the system.

Most Soy Internet raise and strengthen immunity.

They also facilitate us keep in shape & shield us from obesity.

Regular body-cleansing boosts average metabolic rates & enhances the quality of sleep.

Home Soy Internet – Truth vs. Myths!

Just like with any diet or fasting regiment, one should be well-tuned in to the hazards and risks behind home Soy Internet. Body-cleansing is mostly thought-about by trendy medicine and nutritional science to be healthy. But solely when done properly and safely. Don't starve yourself to death. Nobody needs or expects this of you. This is not the manner to induce in form.

Soy Internet should not be dispensed by pregnant or lactating girls. They are also not suggested for folks, tormented by anemia, kidney and autoimmune diseases, thyroid issues, diabetes, and genetic disorders. Anyone that has them and desires to cleanse themselves from toxins should visit a doctor 1st.

Don’t forget that Soy Internet Today detoxification is not only a bodily method. You ought to specialize in cleansing your mind and psyche, too. Take the time to relax additional. Spend more time with your loved ones. Or in the company of music, nature, and books. Sleep is additionally crucial to being at peace with yourself and the skin world. Build positive you get enough and high-quality!

seven Quick Tips for Cleansing Your Body at Home in 2021

We mentioned above that there are many different home Soy Internet strategies. It's up to you to settle on the one that most accurately fits your body’s wants and necessities. If you begin to feel exhausted, stop the body-cleansing. You may not be doing it right. But, on most occasions, Soy Internet detoxification does not last for extended than every week or ten consecutive days. And they do wonders for the organism, the mind, and also the self-image!

Below are seven quick recommendations on the way to cleanse your body at home safely in 2021:

Ensure sufficient hydration of the body – it's extremely necessary for the removal of toxins.

Prohibit the consumption of carbohydrates and fats. Dispose of fizzy drinks and swap them for green smoothies and freshly-squeezed fruit juices.

Replace the aromatic cup of morning occasional with heat water – the strongest Soy Internet is during the morning.

You can simply cleanse the lymphatic system by walking quick 4 times a week for twenty minutes.

Use of varied SPA procedures to get rid of toxins – magnesium baths, water treatments, sauna, and massages.

The immune system loves the proper regimen, including a minimum of 8 hours of sleep and the fresh air.

Get physically active to improve metabolism and exhaust the body’s fat deposits.

One of the most necessary things about Soy Internet is that they ought to conjointly embrace the mind and soul. Having a positive angle towards life can additionally help you recover from the food restrictions that each body-cleansing method involves. Learn to possess additional fun in your existence. And smile typically. If the eyes are the window to the soul then the smile is the jewel of the face’s expression. If you would like any help, you can invariably turn to 1 of the numerous natural full-body Soy Internet product. One of the top choices for 2021 is Germitox for EU and Soy Internet for US and Philippines.  Click here for buy: https://soyinternet.today/

[degenerate-perturbation]

Chapters: 12/? Fandom: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Female Amell/Female Surana Characters: Female Amell, Female Surana, Anders, Velanna, Nathaniel Howe, Oghren (Dragon Age), Justice (Dragon Age), Sigrun (Dragon Age) Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Harm, Blood Magic Series: Part 2 of void and light, blood and spirit Summary: Amell and Surana are out of the Circle, and are now free to build a life together. But when the prison doors fly open, what do you have in common with the one shackled next to you, save for the chains that bound you both?

Yvanne fled.

Her loose robe tangled among her legs, and her slippers did nothing to protect her clumsy feet from the hewn stone of the castle’s passageways, but her only thought was to escape. More than once she slammed her shoulder into a wall, hard enough that it would bruise. She made it to the stables and was wrestling her favored rowan mare into a saddle when it occurred to her just what it was, that she was sacrificing. She was leaving everyone behind. Didn’t she owe it to them to explain?

No—she didn’t owe anyone shit, she decided, and anyway, she couldn’t stand the shame, couldn’t stand to be cared about, couldn’t stand to be loved. Her first and only need was to be far away from here, immediately.

The mare was recalcitrant, feeling its rider’s disturbed mood in that careful way horses had. Yvanne calmed it with a spell, all but took the mare’s mind with her so-called healing magic, and as soon as she mounted, it was off. Yvanne could barely stay upright as it bolted. Belatedly she realized that the main gate was down, and barely in time cast a spell of pure force. The gate exploded open, and only magic kept the mare from panicking and throwing her.

She clung to the horse’s neck, galloping down the road in the dead of night. What road, she couldn’t say, only that it lead away from Vigil’s Keep. The air rushed past her, stealing her warmth, deafening her senses.

All she could think of was Loriel’s face. Are you telling me to go? And the long, meaningful silence that had followed.

Every time she remembered it—and this was every handful of seconds, now—it hurt all over again.

She had tried so hard! She had done everything right! She had supported her at every turn, even when it had been hard, even when it hurt. Because they had been through so much together, because their lives were each other’s, because this thing between them mattered.

And this thing between them, wrested from the jaws of Chantry and Circle both, this beautiful shining thing so precious and so rare so hard won and mysterious—Loriel had thrown it away like it was nothing. And Yvanne had let her.

How could she just throw it away?

How could it mean nothing?

How? How? How? The question rattled around in her head like a deafening echo, so total and central to her attention, that she failed to notice the lowered quality of the road ahead—how could she, in the dark?—and the mare’s leg disappeared into a sinkhole. She barely heard the snap of broken bone as she was thrown from the panicking mare.

Pain exploded in her shoulder and head. She’d landed not exactly well, but not badly, either—she was still alive. She sat catching her breath, feeling the pain radiate from her shoulder across her whole body, barely noticed the layers of skin scraped away in the fall. The mare was worse off; its eyes rolled wildly in pain and bewilderment, laying on its side.

She healed herself first, then went to the horse. Normally an injury like this was death to the animal; the bone would never heal right. Even magical healing was essentially normal healing but faster. She was a decent healer, but not amazing; the shoulder she’d just healed was still stiff and smarting, and probably would be that way for a while. It would have been kindest to let the poor animal die.

“Sorry, old girl,” she said, gathering a cohort of wisps to help her.

After several minutes of struggle, the mare was up again. The leg hadn’t healed quite properly, and the horse’s eyes were filmed with pain. But there were spells for that.

She remounted, and rode hard. The mare didn’t stop or slow or stumble, enveloped as she was with layers and layers of creation magic. Yvanne didn’t know how long the magic or the mare would last, and she didn’t care.

By the time the sun broke over the horizon, she had driven the animal at full gallop for nearly the whole night, and no amount of magic could keep it from expiring of exhaustion out from under her.

This time the fall was less abrupt, the poor creature slowing gradually and collapsing. Yvanne narrowly avoided being crushed beneath it, scrambling to heal it again—but there was no hope this time. The mare was dead, and Yvanne couldn’t bring back the dead.

She sat by the side of the road, leaning against the corpse of the mare, and cried. The mare had been a good horse, sweet-tempered and faithful, and for almost no reason at all Yvanne had killed it. Suddenly the mare’s death was the greatest tragedy in the history of all Thedas, made all the worse by the beauty of the sunrise and song of the morning lark. Yvanne sobbed until she couldn’t stand it anymore.

After a while she looked up. The sun had fully risen by now, but the air was still cold. Gradually it dawned on her just what a bad way she was in—half-dressed, not a thing to her name, filthy and tired and hungry, stranded on the highway in the middle of nowhere in particular. The whole ride her head had been filled with the grand emotional tragedies of love and loss and disappointment, but all that faded rapidly, to be replaced by a prosaic, deeply banal fear.

Whatever was going to become of her?

She looked back the way she’d come. Her whole life was there, her friends, her things, her vocation. Everything she’d built, everything she’d striven for, was back at Vigil’s Keep.

That way was barred to her now.

She could stay here with the dead horse, or she could go on.

Struggling up, she faced the road before her, and began to walk.

—

She walked for most of the morning. By now her thirst had outstripped her hunger. Her throat was parched, and she struggled not to sway as she walked. Even magic was no help; weakened as she was by her own rash foolishness, her mana restored too slowly to be of any use.

When the sun was nearly at its zenith, she heard the creak of wagon wheels and clop of horse’s hooves behind her.

There was nowhere to go; this section of the road crossed through wide open plains and gently rolling hills. Even if she’d wanted to hide she couldn’t have. She had no sword, no weapon at all, and all her half-forgotten training as an arcane warrior was worthless without one.

Whatever was coming, she would have to deal with it.

She got out of the road, stepping over the gutter to stand in the grass. A cart leashed to a pair of mules approached. The driver was a round-bellied man dressed not richly, but neither like a peasant. His cart was well-laden, judging by the patient speed his mules walked with.

He slowed as he approached, tugging on the reins. “Ho there, stranger. What circumstance has brought an unaccompanied young lady of such beauty to travel alone and unladen?”

She struggled not to glare at him, looking at the ground. “My business is my own.”

He laughed. “Very well, then! Am I to assume that dead horse I saw some miles behind me was once yours?”

No point in lying. “Yes.”

The merchant sadly shook his head. “Poor creature. What happened to it?”

“It died.”

“Alright, then. I see you have the situation well in hand. I’ll be on my way.”

Electricity surged through her. “W-wait!” she stuttered, swallowing a great deal of pride as she did.

The merchant stopped halfway through flicking the reins.

Yvanne hung her head, humiliated. “Ser, where are you headed, if I may ask?”

“To Highever, my dear.”

“How far is it?”

“Not far, not far. Less than a day at an easy pace, by cart.”

Less than a day. She was closer to Highever than to Vigil’s Keep. Highever would do.

“Could you take me there?”

“I could,” the merchant said. “But how will you make it worth my while?”

She took off one of her amulets. She had bought it in Amaranthine, and Loriel had said it was one of the gaudiest things she’d ever seen, and Yvanne had retorted that surely she had, she’d seen the rest of Yvanne’s jewelry. “Will this do? It’s enchanted.” She went on, half-manic. “It protects the wearer from harm. Ask any enchanter when you get to Highever, they’ll tell you it’s real, I swear.”

The merchant’s eyes glinted as he saw the gem glitter on its chain. “Yes, that will do nicely.” He snatched it up,  as though she was going to take it back, and tucked it into his coat. Then he moved over in the driver’s seat to make room for her. “Come and sit by me, young lady. You can enchant me with conversation, as part of your payment for passage.”

She really just wanted to sleep in the back of the cart, but she could tell she had no choice. She took her seat.

“Will you do me the honor of telling me your name?” the merchant said.

“It’s...Leliana,” Yvanne said.

“Leliana. That’s a beautiful name. Is it Orlesian?”

“I dunno. I’ve never been to Orlais.”

That was the right thing to say; the merchant had been to Orlais, and was content to spend the next several minutes telling her all about the glory of the markets of Val Royeux, the colored silks, the fine clothing, the masks and intrigues of it all. While he prattled, Yvanne let herself relax.

“Forgive me—I’ve been rude,” the merchant said, startling her out of her stupor. “You must be weary.”

He offered her a waterskin, dried jerky, and bread that was only somewhat stale. All this she devoured so quickly it hurt going down. The merchant chuckled to see it, and she didn’t have nearly enough energy to be irritated at him for it. She was too busy being grateful.

The food and water granted her enough energy to restore her magical resources; at least enough that she could layer enough creation spells over herself to feel alert and capable again. Subtly, subtly, so as not to alert the merchant. She didn’t need him knowing what she was, Warden or not. She so badly wanted to sleep; the back of the cart was so tempting, there among the sacks of goods. But she didn’t dare sleep, in this stranger’s cart.

The whole road to Highever he prattled cheerfully about his journeys, requiring only the most token of responses from Yvanne. This was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, that she didn’t have to do much talking; a curse, that it left her mind free to wander.

That’s just it, isn’t it? You don’t understand, and you never will. You never will. You never will. You never—

“But I’m boring you, aren’t I?” the merchant said jovially.

“No!” she said. “No, I...I’m just tired. How much further to Highever?”

“We’ve just passed the village of Hornbill, so I wager not much longer than an hour,” said the merchant. “Plenty of time, in fact, for you to explain how you managed to escape your Circle.”

Yvanne froze.

“Oh, come now,” said the merchant. “Surely you don’t think me quite so dull as all that. You are a mage, are you not? Don’t try to deny it.”

“What makes you think I’m a mage?”

“I’ve been here and again, I can tell a woman on the run when I see one.”

“That doesn’t mean mage. You don’t know what I’m running from.”

He chuckled. “True, true. Only you stink of lyrium. I wasn’t sure until you came closer, but at this range? No question of what you are, my dear. Come now, tell me where you’ve escaped from? Wycome? Kinloch? Surely not Kirkwall.”

“I didn’t escape,” she said. “I’m a free mage. A Grey Warden.”

The merchant snorted. “I’m sure. I suppose you were there atop Fort Drakon when the Hero of Ferelden slew the Archdemon, too?”

“I have papers—”

The merchant chuckled. “Papers, hah! Good one. As though I’ve never forged a document in my day. You must think me very stupid—but I assure you, I’m merely old. Now how about telling me the truth?”

Yvanne said nothing. What could she say? She wasn’t in uniform. Right now she wasn’t Warden-Commander Yvanne Amell, local hero to thousands, an imposing Grey Warden who deserved respect. She was underdressed and unkempt and covered in mud. Even she wouldn’t have believed herself.

“Very well,” the merchant harrumphed. “Keep your secrets. Don’t worry, I don’t intend to turn you over to the Templars.”

“You aren’t?”

He smiled at her. “Of course, my silence isn’t free. You can start by turning over the rest of your pretty baubles.”

At first she didn’t know how to respond. “You’re extorting me for jewelry?” she managed, then scoffed. “This stuff’s worthless, you realize.”

The merchant shrugged. “I’d wager they’re all as valuable or more than the one you gave me, as you were so willing to part from it. Come on, now, I gave you a valuable tip about the lyrium smell. You’ll want to find new clothes in Highever, maybe cut your hair. That’ll help hide it.”

Yvanne’s mind raced.  The jewelry she’d been wearing when she’d fled, most of it enchanted with runes to make her spirit magic stronger—a lucky thing that she’d fallen asleep still wearing it—was far from worthless. In fact it was probably her only source of income for the foreseeable future. And she had no guarantee that this wretched man with his piggy eyes and curdled smile wouldn’t simply rob her and call the Templars anyway.

She had the legal grounds to challenge them, but since when did Templars mind the law?

“Thinking of killing me with magic, my dear?” the merchant said as her silence stretched on. “I wouldn’t recommend that. My route is well known to many, and I would be missed. Any fool would be able to tell I’d been killed by unnatural means, and that means Templars investigating, and I’m sure you’d prefer to avoid that.”

At that point the cart hit something in the road; something big enough to break the wheel and send the whole thing pitching to the side. The mules brayed and the merchant, swearing, brought them to a halt. He sighed and muttered something about always some damn thing and nobody maintaining the roads properly these days.

He got out of the driver’s seat and went around to look at the damage. If he had looked carefully, he might have noticed the ridge of earth that had splintered the wheel, with its sharp ninety-degree edges, was clearly unnatural. If he had not been so self-satisfied with his extortion scheme, he might have noticed Yvanne casting the spell that had put it there. And he might have noticed the glyph of paralysis she had placed by the wheel while he had wasted precious moments walking around the side of the cart.

As it was, he did none of those things, and found himself frozen in a half-bent position for the next minute at least.

Yvanne let out a breath.

“That’s not true, you know, about it being obvious you’d been killed by unnatural means,” she said. “I could slit your throat right now, and everybody would assume it was bandits.”

The merchant said nothing. Predictably.

“That was a very stupid thing to do for some jewelry,” she said.

She could have just slit his throat. No one would ever be the wiser, and she’d never have to worry about him again. She could even take his cart, and trade his goods, sell his mules; live on the income for months. If she let him go, she’d always be looking over her shoulder. Maybe get into altercations, with Templars, with others. Maybe have to kill even more people. More probably, get killed herself.

She remembered what it had felt like, to threaten Rolan, to really consider killing a helpless man, and—no, she would not do that.

The paralysis glyph was wearing off. She replaced it with a force cage just in time. The merchant regained the use of his limbs and fell to his knees, beating at the inside of the force cage with both fists. Whatever vile things he was shouting, Yvanne couldn’t hear them.

“Thanks for the tip about the lyrium smell,” she said. “And the food. I wouldn't have been able to cast anything without that. So thank you for that, and the ride, as well.” He couldn’t hear any of it, but she felt the need to say it.

Yvanne reached into the Fade and drew from it a spirit of Forgetting. It was a small thing, not much more than a wisp, just barely beginning to form an identity as Forgetting rather than an amorphous blob of Fade-stuff. It fluttered around her, curious, eager to take what memories it could. She gently directed it away from herself, towards the merchant.

She saw the panic in his eyes as he realized what was happening; she supposed he thought she was putting a demon in him, or something heinous like that. The spirit entered him, and he collapsed.

She hoped that the spirit would only take the past couple days from him, recent fresh memories—Yvanne’s face and existence at the least—and not much more. A few weeks at the most. Some larger spirits of this nature could erase a person’s whole life without meaning to. Victims would forget their lives, their names, every skill they’d learned since leaving diapers, ended up as drooling infants blank as the day they were born. It was horrifically sad to behold.

But this wouldn’t happen to the merchant, Yvanne assured herself. The spirit was small. A few weeks at the most.

The force cage faded, but the merchant didn’t move. He’d be unconscious for some time. Best that Yvanne be far away from here by then.

While he lay in the dirt she retrieved her amulet, then rifled through the contents of the cart. He carried mostly fine fabrics. She took the finest she could easily carry, and unharnessed one of the mules. It gazed at her with what she imagined was reproach. The merchant would only need one mule, with his lightened cart-load. He’d be fine. Confused, sure, but fine. It was more than what he deserved, for what he tried to do to her.

She ought to have killed him, she thought, leading the mule away. Vigil’s Keep had softened her, weakened her. It had made her forget what people were like.

She wouldn’t be forgetting again.

—

In Highever she sold the bolts of fabric and the mule first, just to be rid of them. It all came to far less than she’d hoped, and she came away thinking she ought to have bargained more, but it was enough for a change of clothes and a room at the first inn she saw. Not a nice room, but she got a hot meal and a bath in the bargain. There she scrubbed herself until she was sure the lyrium smell was gone. She’d grown so used to it that she’d forgotten how acrid-sharp it smelled to others, though she could only hope that the innkeeper and the merchants she’d traded with hadn’t recognized it. She thought about cutting her hair to be sure, but couldn’t bear it. Surely this one thing she could keep.

There she finally slept, in her shift and all her jewelry. Whatever dreams haunted her, she could not recall in the morning.

When she woke, evening had fallen again. The dark, the unfamiliar room, and the hard mattress disoriented her—this wasn’t her home. This wasn’t her bed. Why did her shoulder hurt? What had happened to her feet?Then she remembered.

You don’t understand, and you never will.

Maker, what had she done? Had the others noticed her absence yet? It had been nearly a full day, but she sometimes went many days without seeing those she counted friends. It might be a week or more until they all knew she’d fled. What would Loriel tell them? Would she tell them anything at all? Was she even thinking about her at all anymore?

She half-snarled and stumbled off the sagging mattress—and immediately slammed her foot into a bedside table so hard it splintered her big toenail.

She swore, bending to heal it—and hesitated. What if somebody saw? What if calling on magic at all made it easier for someone to spot her for what she was?

But she had Loriel’s parchment...didn’t she?

She rifled through her few possessions; the irrevocably ruined slippers, the torn and muddy house robe, the one bolt of cloth she wasn’t able to sell, a leather belt hung with pouches (mostly missing, now) of herbs, the plain linen dress she’d bought, though who knew if it would even fit her...

No parchment.

It was hardly surprising. She’d haphazardly jammed the document into her belt, and since then had fallen off a horse, twice. Who knew how long ago she’d lost it?

A heaviness settled in her chest, a weight like being deep underground. Now she didn’t have even the flimsiest of legal protections. And worse, she didn’t have Loriel’s handwriting, the only physical trace she had of her.

She hadn’t even read the full text before fleeing.

Loriel had done this to her. Had turned her out with nothing but a sheaf of parchment to her name. Had somehow foolishly believed that Loriel’s written word would protect her. The sheer arrogance of it all! To the void with her, to the void with her stupid bloody parchment. If Yvanne had still had it she would have burned it to a crisp. Her fists trembled, her eyes burned with fury, but she pushed herself up. To the void with her!

Yes, she was alone, she had almost nothing, and if the Templars found her, they would surely drag her back to Kinloch, and who knew what they’d do with her there. But she was damn well still alive, and she was going to live. And if Loriel didn’t want to do it with her, that was her fucking problem.

And, before the cloying darkness could settle in her chest again, Yvanne went downstairs to get a drink.

[thehardwoodtonicreviews-blog]

The Hard Wood Tonic Review

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[brianmight]

In Another World

In another world under another sky I see another story waiting to be told

Summary: 70s Brian wakes up from what he believes is an innocent sleep at Ridge Farm--- except he now suddenly finds himself in a trailer that belongs to one Gwilym Lee. Aka, both Bri and Gwil become the human embodiments of the “I am confusion” vine.

I was asked to tag @wirkmood @brianmayplease @hysterical-qween

A distinct lack of animal noises greeted the guitarist’s ears the moment he became conscient. The somewhat ominous silence was hardly noticed though, as his senses still dwelled under the narcotics called sleep. Lazily, he brought a pair of fingers towards his eyes, yawning as he did a fruitless attempt to wipe the weariness away. Ironically enough, the gesture only seemed to blur Brian’s vision more. He shifted and allowed his legs to dangle over the sides of what his numb brain assumed to be his bed, but anyone present would have correctly identified the piece of furniture as a leather sofa. Not Brian, though, who found himself on the thin border between reality and a subconscious dreamland. The rest had been well-deserved after sleepless nights of recording, which was all they could do to limit the exceedance of the album’s deadline. Stress was evident all day long at Ridge Farm and nested into the backs of their minds, only to emerge to the surface in the shape of yells and frustrated sighs. Quarrels became more common by the minute. Recording drained all his energy, turning the atmosphere even less agreeable. Surely, there were pleasant moments too among the quartet; instances of laughter, amity, and relief. But they had become rare and were usually overshadowed by the abundance of arguments.

Another yawn fled his lips, only just evading the man’s nearing palm that was supposed to suppress the flow of air. He slowly raised himself from the surface he’d been sitting on. For the first time since he’d woken up, Brian fully opened his eyes instead of gazing through tired splits. They instantly widened. His reflection in the glass of a horizontal window gazed back at him, omitting an equally surprised feeling. Carob curls were a tangled and utterly untamed mess upon his head, particularly as one side was slightly flattened due to the pressure it suffered during the brief sleep. It wasn’t his appearance that perplexed the guitarist, though--- it was the window itself that caused his brows to knit together in bewilderment. It shouldn’t be there. Nor did he recall the soft cream walls it was connected to. Nor the potted fiddle leaf fig before it. It took far too long to dawn upon him that he found himself in an entirely different room than where he’d drifted off. Where were the old-fashioned embroidered curtains? The slightly cracked wallpaper? The bed with its squeaky mattress? Now, there was a simple yet comfortable couch in its stead. The dimly-lit bedroom was completely replaced by the bright interior of what Brian guessed was some sort of caravan, and he was absolutely certain he’d never been there before. The gears inside his head slowly awoke and attempted to make sense of the situation. Had intoxication played a part? Did alcohol prevent him from remembering how on earth he ended up where-ever he was? No, that couldn’t be it--- Brian seldom imbibed enough to affect his memory in such a severe manner. He preferred to keep a clear head. Sleepwalking, then? Unlikely.

A door opened behind him, briefly allowing noises from outside inside the trailer before dimming them again. Brian peeked over his shoulder before completely turning around. At first glance, the sight that greeted him seemed nothing more than an ordinary mirror; just another perfect reflection like the window had given him. Indeed, both figures shared the very same touch of confusion on their identical faces. Upon further inspection, however, Brian came to the unexpected and somewhat unnerving realization that there was no glass. Nothing to reflect his image, which could mean only one thing: an exact duplicate of him stood in the trailer. Copy nor antecedent moved for what felt like minutes, frozen at the sight of the other soul. Baffled to the very core, Brian broke the silence with one whispered syllable: “What-”

As if his voice had been the trigger, a Heineken can, which the other man must’ve taken from the minifridge next to the door, slipped free from the guy’s fingers and fell straight on the oaken floorboards. Time instantly melted from its frozen state and continued with rapidity. The familiar stranger sighed and managed to pull himself out of the bewildered trance - unlike Brian - by bending one knee to clean up the mess on the ground. “Christ, you scared me there for a second!” he mumbled with relief spreading across his features in the form of a lopsided grin. There was still a tinge of uncertainty visible in his eyes, though, as if there was something he couldn’t quite fathom. “I didn’t know I needed a stunt double. What is it you have to do? Crowdsurf?”

While the other continued as if nothing odd had occurred, Brian stood nailed to the floor. Unblinking eyes studied the fellow, gazing at the long curls, the mouth and jaw--- a combination he before had only seen in photographs of himself. Not to mention the other man’s outfit: a navy varsity jacket. Jeans. White wooden shoes. Apart from the slight lack of velvet, it would not surprise Brian if he had those exact garments in his own closet. Merely one factual error did he spot: the eyes. Those irises were far too blue. It reassured him slightly and soothed his perplexity to the extent where he could breathe normally again. Muscles relaxed when Brian arrived at the only conclusion that seemed somewhat logical: it was nothing but a prank. It must be. Typical Roger. The clogs were a finely added detail with a mocking undertone.

“.... stunt double? I’m no stunt double, mate,” he dismissed with one raised eyebrow, handing the kneeling guy the kitchen towel that hung on the armrest of a chair. “Did Rog set you up to this? How much did he pay you to dress up as me?” However much Brian tried to come up with a rational basis for whatever was happening, none of it would make sense. Was this all part of the jest? Creating a copy of him, emphasizing how replaceable his role in the band was? An odd tinge of irritation arose beneath Brian’s skin as he rose to his feet at the same time as the other guy, who appeared to be equally puzzled. “I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re talking about.” Denial. Of course. This was exactly how his bandmates would play it. Brian clenched his jaw, reminding himself that it wasn’t the stranger’s fault and it wouldn’t be fair to blame him for his colleagues’ awful sense of humour.

“Or was it Freddie?”

“Freddie, as in Freddie Mercury?”

“The one and only. Well? Was it him?”

Silence. If confusion were to be personified, the living and breathing prototype was standing right in front of Brian. Something in his demeanour hinted that his bewilderment was absolutely sincere, but the guitarist tried to look past that. If he was genuinely surprised, that would mean Brian’s hypothesis about the prank was incorrect, and he couldn’t give any other explanations for what was happening without being labelled a madman.

“If you’re not a stunt double, who are you? And how did you get in here?” the replica asked, evading Brian’s inquiry as he tossed the towel on the chair again without breaking eye contact. The question seemed innocent enough. To Brian, however, it was just another sneer against his individual self; a joke gone too far. A joke. That was all this was. Even if it wasn’t, it would be if he just kept repeating that idea in his head. A stupid prank. Nothing that harmed his sanity.  

“Who are you?” the man repeated, the frown on his forehead indicating that he was already aware of the answer but refused to accept it without the ultimate confirmation; almost as if the truth was far too surreal to be true. “You’re not actually….     - you look identical to him. I have watched God knows how much footage of him and you look exactly…. ” His stammering voice was gradually reduced to silence. Disbelief was firmly established in the stranger’s eyes. The situation was much like how Brian imagined a fan to react after running into their famed idol, but it seemed improbable that was the current case. Queen was not that famous. Perhaps it was the hair that made him more distinctive. It didn’t matter: Brian was still no closer to clarification and at this point, he felt like he was hovering on the thin edge between confusion and insanity. He bit on the inside of his cheek, soon tasting the faint rust of blood, which was received with no alarm as his mind was far too occupied with other problems.

“I’m Brian, if that’s what you’re asking,” he confirmed and immediately wanted to fire another question at him, only stopped by the audible gasp that escaped the other’s mouth. Where the guy’s lips had formerly been shaped in a perplexed oval, they now transformed into a careful yet no less bemused smile. Brian sensed another surge of bafflement and felt simultaneously startled.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re… actually young Brian May?”

“Relatively young, I suppose, but---”

“Is this a dream? Pinch me.” The stranger, still sporting the paradoxical amusement, slowly extended an arm in Brian’s direction. That was it. The guitarist took a firm step back as the anxious feeling in his stomach arrived at its boiling point. Breaths grew heavier, and he only just suppressed a raised voice as a pleading question filled the air. “Can you please tell me what the hell is going on here? I feel like I’m going utterly mad.”

The other man’s smile vanished somewhat. His eyes were wide once again.

“--- I share that feeling, believe me. Though not as much as you do,” he added quickly, again lifting his arm but this time for an amiable shake. “The name’s Gwilym. I ---- -     play you.” Clearly, the sentence hadn’t been thought through before being uttered, for the hesitation in Gwilym’s voice nor the puzzled expression on his features could hide the awkwardness that the verb brought along. Brian frowned and slightly shifted his head to study the other from tip to toe once more. “... in which sense of the word?” He shook Gwilym’s hand with caution.

“As in portray. In a film.”

“A film about me?”

“About the band. Freddie, mostly.”

“Do you mean a promotional video for the new album?” His own suggestion only confused Brian more. It made zero sense to use actors for such a video. Besides, half the songs weren’t even recorded yet. He rested his hands on his hips in a slightly pensive manner while waiting for the ultimate answer that would make everything comprehensible.

Gwilym paused, visibly unsure what to reply. He cast a quick look at the window as if signalling for help, or at least some sort of guidance in the peculiar conversation. After several seconds of stroking his own chin, he rolled his eyes and let out the following words in defeat: “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

Without saying another word, he stepped towards the door, tugged it open and stepped outside, leaving a baffled Brian behind in the trailer. The guitarist hesitated. See for yourself. There’d been something mischievous in Gwilym’s tone, as if he knew he was messing with something he shouldn’t be meddling with. Altogether, that only made Brian more tempted to follow him. He looked around one last time, desperate for something familiar to cling onto and turn everything back to normal again. A failed attempt. The inviting door stood ajar, begging to be opened, and it took only a few seconds before he gave in; his hand rested on the latch, and for some reason he could not fathom he closed his eyes as he pulled the entrance open.

Brian did not know what to expect. Outside air, perhaps. Voices. People rushing around. When his eyelids parted, there was nothing of the sort. Only the old wallpaper, the murky curtains, the knitted blanket underneath which his numb limbs lay. The shrill of a rooster pierced through his bedroom window, announcing his return to the present. He let out a laugh of relief as his head fell back on the pillow. It had been nothing but a foolish dream! The captivating details of his vision had caused him to consider it reality, and still was his chest beating in anxiety.

Both Roger and Deaky were sat at the dining table, devouring their breakfast while engaged in such a deep conversation they didn’t notice Brian entering. He rubbed his temples as he made his way to the fridge, in his passing catching two fragments of their chat:

“------    and that was when the chap with the perm introduced himself as Joe.”

“That’s one messed up dream, but I bet it was nothing compared to mine.”

[oaesiir-beloved-of-heaven]

How Mowing Your Lawn will Save American Civilization

A little neglect may breed mischief ...

for want of a nail, the shoe was lost;

for want of a shoe the horse was lost;

and for want of a horse the rider was lost.

—Benjamin Franklin

Poor Richard's Almanac, preface (1758)

American habits our forefathers practiced are often the subject of ridicule today. The image of the American father has changed in modern perception; he is now fat, bumbling, politically backward, balding, an alcoholic who's chief indulgence is piss beer. The image of such a man in shorts drinking a Monster Zero riding his lawnmower at the crack of dawn is now a literal meme across the internet.

Make no mistake; such critical viewpoints are another symptom of the self-flagellating masochism which has gripped the American people for nearly a century. Optimism and zeal gave way in the modern discourse to malcontent and apathy after the first nuclear bombs were dropped on Japan. From our newfound place of unquestionable superiority Americans began to ask new questions from the safety of supremacy so far removed from the struggle that put them there: have we gone too far? Have we traveled across the last frontier and made it from sea to shining sea in the name of an Empire of Liberty only to have lost ourselves along the way? Can a nation such as ours even exist - does it deserve to exist?

Self-criticism is indeed a virtue and it has been practiced in the American people since household names like Paul Revere and Patrick Henry questioned the merit of the Constitution we now know as our founding document. Later it manifested when people like Henry David Thoreau refused to pay taxes which he knew would go to support the Mexican-American War which he - wrongly - felt was an unjustified act of imperialist aggression.

It’s important to be able to have something to measure yourself against whether it be a moral standard or a friend who is the whetstone that keeps your mind sharp. But what we see now is quite different. We are not seeing critics of American policy and culture coming from a place of love and admiration but rather malice. These critics do not want to see America do better because we can be better but rather they want the Republic to fail and be replaced with something more to their liking, damn the rest of the American people.

Let’s ask ourselves not just what today’s criticisms of American habits are but where they come from. Isn’t there a difference between a friend at the bar telling you that you’ve had a bit too much to drink and an adversary among your peers who considers the mere presence of a bottle of whiskey in your home as a sign of crippling dependency?

Who really is benefiting from the collapse of American self-confidence? It’s not you or me, it’s not our allies, it’s not the free world, nor our communities, municipalities, states, and greater democracy. What Americans need now is to reclaim themselves and their virtues and not abandon them wholesale.

The unique and truly powerful aspect of America’s democracy is that its maintenance falls to all citizens and not a political class. The already quoted Benjamin Franklin was an advocate of the necessity of an educated class of voters who were politically and civically active. The goals of such virtue can be found all over the many institutions of America he helped establish like fire departments and public libraries. It does not fall to the government alone or the elite to maintain society but the active efforts of us all. Civic virtue is the heart and soul of a voluntary society.

Now that I’ve impressed all this upon you the inevitable question must be arising: what does this have to do with lawn care?

Have you ever remarked on the true difference between a cultured and uncultured lawn? Many people consider the mere act of attempting to tame the wilderness on their property a Sisyphean one to be delegated to others if it is to be done at all. But allow me to describe to you the consequences of not tending one’s lawn particularly if you are like me and live in the wilderness where nature is not far away.

In tall grass parasites and other harmful insects come to reside. Ants inevitably make their homes in the soil with the other smaller creatures nearby being a natural source of food with the tall grass providing excellent protection for their mounds. Mice, opossums, armadillos, squirrels, badgers and other small mammals will also find solitude and resources within the fields. Then come snakes looking for meals and like the ants shelter in the soil beneath the tall grass. Soon coyotes and wolves will come looking for food as well with the overgrown ground being perfect hunting ground. Trees and other thick foliage can grow making traversing the ground and assessing it difficult. Nevermind the hazard and untended tree can pose to people or their property. Not all the plants will be benign either; thorns, poison ivy, thistles and other harmful nuisances will emerge. The more wild the acre the more wildlife will come to call it home. Soon enough you’re living in the middle of a small forest that is anything but suited to your comfortable living or the pleasure of your guests and neighbors. A hole or two could appear in the ground as well and you’d never be the wiser or perhaps a bog.

It is clear now to the astute reader what merit my quote has at the beginning of this essay. A simple weekly ritual taking only a few hours of your day might prevent all of these calamities. Though many of us would rather others do it or simply not do it at all I believe it is an edifying exercise of body and mind. A well-groomed property has many possibilities. New spaces for recreation and projects, habitation for animals that might prove beneficial for food, work, or as companions. Trees, plants and crops which while not enough to take to market might prove a healthy snack while out and about or simply a conversation piece and another reason your friends and neighbors love to visit because it means succulent pears or juicy persimmons.

This is not a simple statement of my love for landscaping or a suggestion you take up the hobby; it is an allegory for how our own virtue in daily life can and will improve our democracy. Too often we shove off our duties as citizens on government functionaries and when we do this we exchange a piece of our freedom for security and hope it doesn’t backfire or such powers do not come into the hands of villains and despots.

It is easy to mock older people and past generations for their seemingly provincial passions and lifestyles. But when we do so we lose something valuable as when we discard a culture or people because we view them as savage and uncouth. I’m not suggesting we should wholesale revive the past with all its ill trappings but consider that perhaps there is something to the more grounded practices of our parents and grandparents and beyond. Think about all the things they know/knew how to do but you’re clueless on. How does that negatively impact you? How does it negatively impact your community? Let’s not get bogged down in archaic reaction and get locked into the idea of turning back the lock; that’s not what this is about. It’s about sifting through the living examples of our ancestors and harvesting gold from mud. It goes beyond simple lawncare. America is not a nation of blood and soil but almost a religion maintained by our beliefs and the practice of those beliefs. That the best person to govern a community is its constituents. How can we maintain such a free society without a morally astute, self-reliant people? We cannot. Our goal should be to mold ourselves into such people. A man who can take care of himself is a free man. Together with the product of our own labor in hand we can contribute to the common weal overall. This is the frontier mindset. The free man’s mindset. We do not sit idly by and let our world pass us by; we ride the tiger, we tame the bucking bronco.

Now the full breadth and scope of this practical analogy is revealed to you. We must reclaim the American spirit of independence and self-reliance to maintain a voluntary and democratic society. Put down the comic book and grab a newspaper. Seek out real edifying literature that informs you about the doctrines and theories of our government and practical books that can make you more handy. Go less to the auto shop and pick up a Hayne’s manual and some tools. Learn some simple homespun recipes and stop eating out whenever hunger calls. Pay more attention to your local government and find ways you can make your voice heard and exert your will in the ballot box. This is the truest way to a free society: one where we are less dependent and more independent. One where we have the power and tools to more readily help and advise our neighbors and we have the skills and resources to collaborate. It makes our modern society with all its hard-won excess and bounty a boon and not a dependence to survive.

It’s warming up outside; the sun is out more and a cold breeze is always at your back. So why not roll up your sleeves and do your part to make your community that much greener and yourself that much more free?

[rashedul787]

Gambling Addiction: What You Need to Know About the Vice

Gambling addiction is a real thing, and it’s happening to more and more people. Millions of dollars are lost each year due to this problem. It can have serious consequences for both you and your loved ones. Here’s what you need to know about gambling before it gets too late.

Gambling Addiction is a Problem.

Gambling is a problem because it can lead to problems such as addiction and other addicting behaviors. It can be defined as the act of playing any type of game or pastime for money or other rewards.

How Does Gambling Cause Problems

The most common problems that can occur from gambling are addiction and poor decision-making skills. Addictive behaviors can arise from simply spending too much time gambling, but also from using drugs or alcohol while gambling, which can further exacerbate the problem.

What are the Different Types of Gambling

There are three main types of gambling like slot online, blackjack, and roulette. Slot machines are typically found in casinos and can played for real money or for in-game credits that can be used to play other games on the casino floor. Blackjack is a card game that often features many different kinds of bets (such as straight up wins or losses), whereas roulette is a wheel game that usually has one number at a time (12, 17, 21, etc.) chosen at random.

What Are the Different Types of Gambling Addictions

There are several different types of addictions that can occur from gambling: compulsive gambler syndrome (CGS), pathological gaming disorder (PED), and problem drinking among others. Each addiction has its own set of symptoms and causes unique problems for those affected by it. For more information about each addiction, please consult a physician or therapist who specializes in treating addictive behaviors.

How to Deal With Gambling Addiction.

Gambling addiction can be caused by a number of reasons, but the most common is overspending. When you stop gambling, you may find that your cravings for the game are gone for good.

Subsection 2.2 Deal with Gambling by Using Strategies.

One strategy to deal with gambling is to use strategies. For example, if you’re struggling to quit smoking cigarettes, try using electronic cigarette products as a form of nicotine replacement therapy. This way, you’ll still be able to gamble and drink without having any harmful consequences.

Deal with Gambling Addiction by Preventing Gambling

Another strategy to prevent gambling is to prevent yourself from engaging in it in the first place. This means setting boundaries about how much money you allow yourself to Gamble each week and sticking to sensible spending plans overall. If you find yourself getting heavy into gaming or alcohol again, make sure your partner knows that they need not support your addictions – this will help them stay healthy and away from Problem gambler behavior.

Deal with Gambling Addiction by Reducing

If you’re finding it hard to stop gambling, or if your partner is also struggling with gambling addiction, you may want to consider using a treatment program. A treatment center can help you overcome your addiction and start living a healthy life again.

How to Get Help for Gambling Addiction.

There are many services and institutions available to help people with it addiction. The most common way to get help for gambling effect is through a service or institution such as a therapist, counselor, or doctor.

get Help for Gambling Addiction through self-help

Self-help can be a great solution if you’re struggling to quit gambling and want to start living a healthier life without drugs or alcohol. Self-help books, articles, and online courses can teach you how to quit gambling and live a better life without involving drugs or alcohol.

get Help for Gambling Addiction through group therapy

Group therapy can be an effective way to manage gambling addiction by helping people work together towards solutions that work for them. Group therapy can also help individuals learn about their own problems and how they contribute to the problem of gambling addiction.

get Help for Gambling Addiction through therapy outside of a service or institution

Therapy outside of traditional institutions may be more effective in managing gambling addiction. Than services provided by traditional institutions. Therapies that focus on educating people about their problems and offering solutions may be more successful in stopping gambling than treatments that rely on drug intervention or direct treatment from individual therapists.

Conclusion

Gambling addiction is a problem. There are many different types of addiction, and it can be difficult to get help for it. If you're struggling with gambling, there are several ways to get help. You can find Help for Gambling through a service or institution, self-help, group therapy, or therapy outside of a service or institution.

[jayne-hecate-writer]

Controversial thoughts

Some of you are going to find what I say here to be down right offensive, some of you are likely to be so angry as to scrap this post before you have even got to the end, but here goes... I really like The Last Jedi and so should you.

Before I explain my thinking, let me just point out that this article is likely to contain spoilers to the whole franchise, including the most recent release, Solo, so be warned before you proceed into this.

I have been watching the films again on DVD and I have noticed a few things that had not previously occurred to me and I am tying these in, along with things I have seen discussed on Youtube and in articles on other forms of social media. 

Child Abuse and religious zealotry is everywhere:- My first thoughts are that the Star Wars universe does not like children very much. There are so many slaves and orphans among children in the Star Wars Universe, that it borders on being utterly despicable. Of all of the characters we encounter, the only ones shown on film to have loving and supportive family are the few various Royals. Even the gentle and loving Luke Skywalker has a tempestuous relationship with his Uncle Owen that borders on some seriously controlling behaviour. Later in the film, what family he has left are brutally murdered, leaving him with significant levels of survivor guilt and played nicely into the hands of an elderly religious fanatic, who drags him off to fight in a war. How old is Luke at this point? He is a teenager, a child in everything but name.

We then find out that Luke’s estranged father is a genocidal maniac, who also happens to be a religious fanatic and deeply opposed to the religion of the old man who it turns out, not only abandoned him to burn to death in lava in his own youth, but has stolen his children from him. When Luke wont change his allegiance, his father attempts to murder him. We get a final act of redemption but Luke still finds himself alone once again, having been indoctrinated into a religious cult that demands celibacy of its converts, the likes of which the Catholic church would be proud of and we all know how that ended for so many innocent children. May the force protect all of those children who were ripped away from their families so as to be indoctrinated into the Jedi faith. We will never know how many of them were abused by the Jedi faithful once they got there. We know that significant numbers of them are murdered by one of their own or even killed in battle as they learn to become child soldiers.

In Rogue One, we see more child soldiers, more abuse victims and more adults filled with trauma and damage. It is also a truly remarkable film in that every character we love is killed off, including the religious zealot who though completely blind, walks across an open battlefield chanting his faith. 

Moving into episodes seven, eight and even nine (which at the time of writing is still to come out), we see similar patterns. In Rey, Finn and Kylo Ren we once again we see children that have been abused and failed by the adults around them. Rey is forced to work in slavery for starvation rations, after her alcoholic parents sold her for booze money. I dread to think how and why as a pretty young girl with no one to protect her, she learned to fight as well as she has. 

Finn was abducted as an infant and forced to become a child soldier, a life that psychological studies here in our own universe has shown to have terrible consequences for the survivors that make it to adulthood. You can see written through out his arc, just how damaged he is by this experience.

Ben Solo was abandoned by his father Han, who was too damaged by his own childhood, to be able to communicate with his son. The boy was then sent away by his mother Leia, to be trained in the ways of a religious cult. Once there, the only family that this lonely and frightened young boy has, tried to murder him! Is it any wonder that he turned to the Dark Side and the abusive relationship and religious mania of Snoke? As Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren, he is more and more eaten up inside by the religious cult that is Snoke’s dark faith and he is manipulated into becoming a murderer and despot. 

When Rey joins the resistance, she is barely out of her childhood and she too becomes yet another child warrior and she is told that by an accident of birth she is destined to join the religious cult of the Jedi. Does she have a choice in this? It appears not to be the case.

When you look at her relationship with Finn, he finds in her the first person in his life to offer him any form of kindness away from the military and more out of his own traumatic experience, he begins to love his newly found friend, to the point that he tries to drag her away from danger. Of course the religious mania rises up once again and Kylo attempts to murder both, before Rey vanishes off around the galaxy to find a religious zealot to save them all from another bunch of religious maniacs.

The whole Star Wars universe is built on child slavery, child suffering and a huge amount of loneliness, which is heavily buried in religious zealotry. Tp me this is utterly heart breaking. With the release of Solo, we once again see more children kept in slavery for the labour they can provide to a crime syndicate. Han can only escape this terrible life by joining the army, which he later deserts when he realises that he is basically cannon fodder in a cause he does not believe in. He is captured and imprisoned for desertion, where he meets his soon to be lifelong friend, Chewbacca. Chewiewas is held in terrible, if not horrific conditions where he is forced to feed upon the bodies of other prisoners just to survive. His humanity or rather his sentience is ignored and we discover that his family are being used as slave labour. The whole Star Wars Universe is just awful and it is a wonder that any of them actually managed to survive childhood to become the damaged and traumatised adults that they later become.

So why is the Last Jedi so much better than people think? 

Simple... Because in this story, a group of child abuse survivors try to make the universe better for those who come after them. 

Despite Kylo Ren’s trained murderous impulses and traumatic child soldier life (that included having to murder his own father to win the approval of his mentor and reinforce his distance from his family), even he cannot bring himself to murder his own mother. 

Poe Dameron learns that the myth of heroic death truly does not in reality exist. He grows as a person and learns that the lives of his friends and colleagues do actually matter, losing the bleak and destructive nihilism that endangers all around him.

Finn finds that he has inner resilience that he did not know was there and as he finds this, he helps yet another lonely adult, child abuse survivor. If you look at the sad life of Rose, you will see that she is the only survivor of her entire family and it was her older sister who basically raised her for the last few years of her childhood, as they clung together hoping not to be murdered. Finn and Rose find each other and in doing so begin to support each other, to overcome the psychological damage that they have suffered at the hands of others. 

Rey finds inside her self the strength of will to let go the anger she feels for having been abandoned by her parents as a young child, although she replaces them in her life with religious zealotry which on reflection, may not be all that healthy. 

The character of DJ points out that the continuous state of war is destroying both sides and the only winners are those businesses that sell weapons to both sides. He is also one of the very few people in the whole galaxy who is prepared to admit that he can be wrong about things. His enlightenment almost goes unregarded and yet at no time does he actively murder anyone. He is a peaceful man who is just trying to survive in a hateful galaxy.

As for Luke, he is the only truly remarkable character. Luke seeks and finally finds redemption as he forgives himself the terrible things that he has done in the name of his religion and in doing so, sacrifices himself so that his last remaining family and friends can escape being murdered. His last act was so noble and so brave, it truly showed him to be filled with love and compassion for all forms of life. He also tried to bring an end to the religious order that has caused so much strife through out the galaxy. Of them all, he is the only to understand the true legacy of the Jedi. 

With this much pain and suffering going on, is it any wonder that Luke, Leia, Kylo, Rey, Finn, Rose and Poe all suffer with some degree of trauma induced sadness or mental health condition? The fact that any one of them can act with any degree of kindness towards another being, when the Galaxy is run by a series of evil despots and each of them has a significant history of loss and abuse, is frankly amazing. 

Finn running away from the war to save his only true friend from an evil dictatorship that has sworn to murder them all is not only brave, but an act of love. Rey can see the harm done to Kylo and she thinks that her kindness and compassion can save him. 

There is however one character that remains unrepentant, selfish and even racist. C3PO... He who cannot abide Jawas, he who sees Wookies as less than people. Yes, C3PO harbours, if you go through all of the movies, views that even fascist groups would find distasteful. At no point in the saga does C3PO seek to atone for his hateful words and deeds. If anything, he continues though out to be condescending towards all forms of organic life, blatantly derisive of his friends and rather quick to commit acts of cowardice and betrayal, the likes of which are only equalled by Captain Phasma. At the end of the movie, when Luke leaves the base to face down Kylo Ren, he turns to C3PO and does not actually speak to him. Why is this? I wonder if this is because Luke knows that C3PO is really a colossal golden bigot! 

The back story of Phasma by the way is once again of childhood suffering and military service. She is yet another child victim in the Star Wars universe, it is all so painfully sad. 

What makes The Last Jedi special is that at last, many of those responsible for terrible acts against children are finally given some degree of payback for the harm they have caused. At the very end, it leaves us with some hope that the children will rise up and bring about a new order of peace and an end to childhood suffering. To be honest, after all of the abuse, all of the suffering and all of the enforced child labour, it was nice to see some kids working out that they have the strength to rebel against those who would harm them.

The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson is among the first to acknowledge the suffering of children in the Star Wars universe. Even in the kids TV shows such as Rebels, the orphan Ezra is turned into a child soldier and religious zealot. The Clone Wars series saw many more child soldiers indoctrinated into the Jedi order and sent to die in battle. So well done Rian Johnson, I really enjoyed your movie. 

By looking at social media though, it appears that I am alone among a sea of miserable voices. 

Finally, my fellow Star Wars fans, when the stars of the movies we love so dearly are forced to to retreat from social media because of the bullying actions of a significant number of  fans, maybe it is time that we took a long hard look at ourselves? After all, it is only a fucking movie and a fucking kids movie at that. Disney may not have the best record, but they are giving us something that would otherwise have died back in the eighties

[shareeanne-deactivated]

Everyone’s Doing The Best That They Can

“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” ~Brené Brown

My favorite principle is this simple truth: Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have. Adopting this belief has radically changed my relationship to myself and to others.

This idea has been explored by a constellation of religious, spiritual, and wellness practitioners. As Deepak Chopra said, “People are doing the best that they can from their own level of consciousness.”

At first, it's a hard concept for us to swallow. In a culture that constantly urges us to do more, to be better, and to excel,  “I'm doing the best that I can” sounds like complacency—like an excuse. But what if we took a step back from our culture's infinite growth paradigm and considered, “What if, right now, there is a limit to what I can achieve? Can I be okay with that?”

I first stumbled across this principle a few weeks after I quit drinking in 2016. It was a challenging time for me. In the absence of alcohol, I watched my anxiety soar.

I stayed away from bars and clubs to avoid temptation, but then felt guilty and “boring” for spending Saturday nights at home. When I met up with friends who'd previously been drinking buddies, our interactions felt stilted. I knew sobriety was the healthiest choice for me, but I couldn't accept the way it impacted my ability to be social. I felt like I wasn't trying hard enough.

I spent weeks in a frustrated mind space until I stumbled across that precious idea: “I'm doing the best I can with the resources at my disposal.”

At first, I recoiled. The high achiever in me—the climber, the pusher—scoffed at the suggestion that I was doing my best. “But other people have healthy relationships with alcohol. Other people maintain active, thriving social lives.”

But in that moment, I realized that my negative self-talk was an exercise in futility. It never boosted my inspiration or activated me toward progress. It just sparked a shame spiral that sunk me deeper into inaction and guilt.

So over time, I began to internalize this idea as my own. And as I did, I felt like a blanket of comfort had been draped over me. For the first time in weeks, I could sit back on my couch and watch Vampire Diaries without hating myself. It enabled me to find peace in the present moment and accept—not even accept, but celebrate—that I was doing the absolute best that I could.

I've found that this principle has been easiest for me to internalize when I've been going through deep stuff.

After a painful breakup last August, it took all of my energy to drag myself from bed in the morning. My intense emotions were riding shotgun, which sometimes meant canceling plans last minute, postponing work calls, or calling a friend to cry it out.

Because I was so obviously using all of my inner resources to get through each day, it was easy for me to accept that I was doing the best that I could. Throughout those months, I gave myself total permission not to do more, not to be “better.” For that very reason, those painful months were also some of the most peaceful months of my life.

Here's the thing, though: We don’t have to hit rock bottom in order to show ourselves compassion.

We don’t need to be heartbroken, shattered, or at wit’s end. Maybe we're just having a rough day. Maybe we're feeling anxious. See, our abilities in any given moment depend entirely on our inner resources, and our inner resources are constantly in a state of flux depending on our emotions (pain, stress, anxiety, fear), our physicality (sickness, ailments, how much sleep we got), our histories (the habits we’ve adopted, the trauma we've experienced, the socialization we’ve internalized), and so much more.

When we consider everything that affects our capacity to show up as we'd like to be, we realize how narrow-minded our negative self-talk is. We also begin to understand that everyone comes from a wildly complex, diverse array of experiences, and that comparisons among us are useless.

Consider how this idea can be applied in some more challenging situations:

The Friend Who Is Stuck In A Cycle of Stagnancy

This goes for anyone who complains about a monotonous cycle in their life but can't seem to break it: the friend who hates their job but doesn't leave it, or the friend who complains about their partner but won't end their relationship.

Those of us on the receiving end of our friend's complaints may get tired of hearing the same story every day. But our advice to “just leave your job” or “just break up” will fall on deaf ears because it's not that simple. They are doing the best that they can in that moment because their current need for familiarity and security outweighs their desire for exploration.

They are experiencing a tension within their desires, but don't yet have the ability to act on that tension. The limitations of their emotional (or sometimes, financial) resources make it difficult for them to move on.

By accepting that we're doing the best we can, we give ourselves the gift of self-acceptance and self-love. Only from this place can positive, sustainable changes to actions or behaviors be made

The Parents Who Hurt Us When We Were Kids

It can be especially challenging to apply this principle to those who have wounded us most deeply. But oftentimes, those are the folks most deserving of our compassion.

Parents have a responsibility to their children, and parents who hurt, neglect, shame, or otherwise harm their children are not doing their job as parents. But sometimes, our parents can't do their jobs well because they don't have the resources at their disposal. And even then, they are doing the best that they can.

More than likely, our parents didn't learn the necessary parenting skills from their own parents. Maybe they never got therapy to heal old wounds or never developed the coping skills necessary to handle intense emotions. This principle can be very challenging, yet very healing, when applied to parents and other family members.

The Binge Eater (Or Other Addict)

This used to be me, and it took me years to accept that even when I was in the thick of my eating disorders, I was doing the best that I could.

From the outside, the solution seems simple: “Put down the cake.” “Don't have a third serving.” But for folks with addiction issues—food, alcohol, sex, drugs, you name it—the anxiety or emptiness of not engaging with the addiction can be insurmountable.

Resisting the impulse to fill an inner void requires extensive resources, including self-love, self-empowerment, and oftentimes, a web of support from friends and family. Folks in the throes of addiction are caught in a painful cycle of indulgence, shame, and self-judgment, which makes it all the more difficult to develop the emotional resources necessary to resist the tug of the addiction.

But by accepting that they're doing the best they can, they give themselves the gift of self-acceptance and self-love. Only from this place can we make positive, sustainable changes to our actions or behaviors.

It's worth noting: Our actions have consequences, and when we harm others, we should be held accountable. But simultaneously, we can acknowledge that we are doing the best that we can, even when we “fall short” in others' eyes. Forgiving ourselves (and others) is an emotional experience that transcends logic or justice. We can make the conscious choice not to hold ourselves to a constant standard of absolute perfection.

Believing that we are all doing the best that we can opens our hearts to kindness and compassion. It allows us to see one another as humans, flaws and all. Next time you feel frustrated with yourself, stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing the best that you can.

Sit down with a piece of paper and divide it in half. On one side, write down the voices of your inner gremlins. What exactly are they saying? Are they calling you lazy, selfish, mean? On the second side, consider what inner and external factors affected your actions or decisions. Consider the emotional, physical, historical, and financial obstacles you face.

As you review your list of obstacles in contrast with your negative self-talk, summon compassion and kindness for your inner self. If she is struggling, you can ease her burden by quieting the self-judgment and replacing those negative messages with an honest truth: That you're doing the best you can with the resources at your disposal.

About Hailey Magee

Hailey Magee is a Trailblazer Coach, writer, and digital nomad. She envisions a world where trailblazers are empowered to explore uncharted territory and unfurl a world of possibility - professionally, emotionally, spiritually, and more - to people everywhere. She has worked with over 100 clients of all ages across the United States and Canada. Learn more at haileymagee.com.

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[knewhealth]

Caring For Your Vision: 10 Ways To Prevent Eye Conditions

Caring For Your Vision: 10 Ways To Prevent Eye Conditions

📷

Clear vision is something that many people take for granted – until they develop an eye condition of some kind.

And eye problems are not uncommon. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), vision disability is one of the top 10 disabilities among adults 18 years and older in the United States. Around 12 million people 40 years and over have vision impairment. It’s also one of the more prevalent disabilities among children.

Some eye conditions can’t be avoided, particularly those caused by accidents or genetics. However, there are certain things you can do to avoid the degeneration of your eyesight. Taking these actions can prevent certain eye conditions – and if you already have an eye condition, they might prevent it from getting worse.

Not many of us are taught to take care of our vision. Here are some essential tips on maintaining healthy vision and avoiding eye damage.

1) Eat a healthy, balanced diet

When you feed your body the right stuff, you’ll reap the rewards. This applies to all aspects of your health, including your eyesight.

You might have heard the old wives’ tale about eating carrots to improve your vision. Well, there’s actually a lot of truth to that – carrots contain vitamins A and C, which help maintain healthy vision.

However, carrots aren’t the only vegetables that can help maintain vision. The following vegetables contain vitamins A, C, and E, all of which are essential for eye health:

citrus

broccoli

red peppers

spinach and other leafy greens

strawberries

sweet potato

Omega 3 fatty acids are also important for eye health – and they help with a range of other health concerns, too. Fish, particularly salmon, and flaxseeds contain high doses of omega 3.

2) Use dietary supplements

Dietary supplements aren’t always necessary if you’re eating a full, balanced, healthy diet. For most people, a diet filled with a variety of vegetables, proteins, grains, and healthy fats will ensure that they get the vitamins and minerals that their bodies need.

However, it can be wise to take supplements in certain circumstances. If you have a deficiency, or if your diet is limited, supplements can help. Deficiencies in certain minerals can lead to poor eyesight. It can also cause inflammation, which can worsen eye health.

So, which supplements can help maintain your vision health? Try the following:

Vitamin A

All B vitamins, including folic acid

Vitamin C

Vitamin E, although vitamin E deficiencies aren’t common

Omega 3

Carotenoid supplements, which help maintain the carotenoids in your retina

As always, it’s a good idea to discuss supplements with your doctor. A doctor is best equipped to advise you on using any health product, including over-the-counter medications and health supplements.

Here at Knew Health, we offer our Members discounts on dietary supplements and vitamins, among other perks and services.

3) Wear sunglasses

When you hear of sun protection, you probably think about sunscreen. And while sunscreen is important, protecting your eyes should also be a priority.

High-quality sunglasses can protect your eyes from sun damage, which can lead to cataracts, macular degeneration, and astigmatism. Opt for sunglasses that block out 99 to 100 percent of UVA and UVB radiation from sunlight.

You can also use a wide-brimmed sun hat or peak cap while you’re out on a sunny day. It’s also a good idea to take a break from the sun once in a while and spend some time in the shade.

And if you’re doing a specialized activity, such as welding, it’s essential to wear appropriate protection (not regular sunglasses). When skiing or doing similar snow sports, you should use sun goggles.

4) Give your eyes a break from the screen

Staring at a TV all day won’t give you square eyes – but it can damage your vision. Unfortunately, most of us have to use computers and phones for hours every day in order to work and communicate with loved ones.

To help with this, give your eyes a break from the screen. One trick is to follow the 20-20-20 rule. Every 20 minutes, you should stop staring at your computer and look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds.

There are a few other ways to reduce the impact a screen has on your eyes. For example:

Ensure your room/office is well-lit. If the entire room is dark except for your screen, it’ll harm your eyes. Try to curb late-night phone use, too.

Reduce the glare on your screen by opting for a screen with a matt, anti-glare coating.

Reduce the blue light on your phone and computer. Phones often have a “night mode” to reduce eye strain.

Keep a distance from the screen. Holding your phone too close to your face, or sitting too close to your computer, can cause eye damage. A screen should be at least between 16 and 18 inches away.

Lower the brightness where necessary. This prevents eye strain.

Although screens are an inevitable part of our lives, it’s important to take breaks when you can. For recreation, a little TV and phone time is fine – but try to give your eyes some rest after work and on weekends.

5) Clean your contact lenses

If you use contact lenses, cleaning them often is essential. Disinfect them regularly with a quality lens solution. Only ever handle them when your hands are clean. Debris and bacteria can harm the tissue on your eyes, which can worsen eye conditions and cause infections.

And of course, replace them when needed. Depending on the kind of contact lens you have, you’ll probably have to replace them once a month – check with your optometrist if you’re not sure. If you swim often, particularly in the ocean, you might need to change your contact lenses more regularly.

To make this easier, set a reminder on your phone to change your contact lenses on the same date every month. Clean and replace your contact lens case often, too, to prevent infections.

6) Quit smoking

If you need another reason to quit smoking, here it is!

Smoking doesn’t just harm your lungs, heart, teeth, and skin – it also harms your eyes. Smoking increases your risk of developing cataracts and age-related macular degeneration.

The good news is that your body starts to recover within the first few hours of smoke cessation. If you’d like to quit cigarettes but you’re not sure how to start, speak to your primary care provider.

7) Stay fit

We all know that fitness is essential for health, but believe it or not, your eyesight will benefit too.

High blood pressure and diabetes type 2 can cause a range of eyesight issues. Regularly exercising can help prevent both blood pressure problems and diabetes.

We also recommend having regular check-ups to monitor your blood pressure and blood sugar levels. We offer a free annual fasting insulin test to our Members, which is one of the quickest and most accurate ways to determine whether you’re heading towards insulin resistance and diabetes.

8) Manage chronic diseases

Some chronic diseases can affect your vision. For example, diabetes can cause full or partial blindness. High cholesterol, asthma, cancer, and high blood pressure can also affect your eye health.

But if you manage those conditions well, they’re less likely to lead to eye conditions.

Managing your conditions can include:

Regular appointments with your health care practitioners

Maintaining a healthy diet, as per your doctor’s instructions

Exercising, as per your doctor’s instructions

Taking medication correctly

Avoiding alcohol, cigarettes, and other drugs

9) Reduce stress levels

You already know that chronic stress is terrible for your mind and body. This includes your eyes.

In fact, research has shown that stress can cause a range of eye health problems. When you’re stressed, your cortisol levels rise. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – it helps your body when you’re in “flight or fight” mode.

However, when you’re always stressed, your cortisol levels will be high constantly. Your body struggles to deal with that amount of cortisol. This can lead to chronic inflammation.

And inflammation can cause a range of issues in the body, from digestive problems to insulin resistance. It can also cause eye problems, as the sensitive eye tissue might become inflamed. As you can imagine, having eye problems can be stressful in itself – so this can be a self-perpetuating cycle.

Additionally, as mentioned before, managing chronic diseases can help prevent eye damage – and lowering your stress levels will help keep those chronic diseases under control.

Try to reduce your stress levels where possible. This can include:

Cutting back on responsibility in work and at home where possible

Participating in a hobby that you enjoy

Meditating or doing mindfulness exercises

Trying deep breathing exercises

Journaling to express and process your feelings

Exercising – we’ve mentioned this before, but it’s worth repeating!

Trying talk therapy or counseling, especially during tough times

Spending time with loved ones who support you

Getting enough sleep every night

Reducing stress is easier said than done, but if you introduce a few positive changes in your life, you might find that it feels a bit more manageable.

10) Have regular check-ups

If you have any eyesight problem, you need to visit an optician regularly. This enables them to diagnose issues quickly. Plus, wearing glasses or contacts that are too weak or too strong can damage your vision further.

The same goes for anyone who suspects they might have a vision issue. Rather go to an optician and rule it out than strain your eyes for months or years. As you age, you’re more likely to develop a vision problem, so it’s a particularly good idea to get regular check-ups.

According to the CDC, an estimated 93 million adults in the United States are at high risk for vision loss – yet only half of them have visited an eye doctor in the past 12 months. The CDC also notes that most people who don’t seek eye care do so because of lack of awareness or because of the high costs associated with vision care. Knew Health offers a range of perks and services for Members, such as discounted supplements, discounted lab work, health coaching, and more to assist in promoting wellness and avoiding chronic medical conditions and costly bills.

Visit for more https://knewhealth.com/caring-for-your-vision-10-ways-to-prevent-eye-conditions/

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Cottage Cheese Discharge After Bacterial Vaginosis Gel Startling Ideas

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