#and reclaim their status as kickasses

[ungodly-amounts-of-godly-trauma]

[metamorphicrocky]

prompt: why proms take gary to a dark place

oh you really had to give me a good one, didn’t you?

Gary can't remember how they met. Was it at the park? The mall? Oh, wait, he passed her by while riding his new hovercycle. He had just stolen it, and she said he looked cool. So, obviously Gary had to give the first girl to talk to him in years a ride. It made perfect sense, and now he has a girlfriend. It all worked out nicely. He still has the bike, too. Cops never caught him, which was an amazing stroke of luck.

Now, Gary is sitting on the edge of Sam's bed, kicking his feet idly as he waits for her to come back with popcorn. They've been together for a couple of weeks, and it has been amazing. It's been so long since Gary last spent time with someone his own age and enjoyed it.

"I got the goods!" Sam screams as she kicks the door open, her curly hair flying everywhere. Her arms are stuffed to the brim with snacks, and without warning, she tosses it all at Gary.

The force of the snacks pushes Gary down onto the mattress with a small, "Oof!"

Sam snorts. "For a self-proclaimed badass, you don't really act like one."

Gary shoves the snacks off of him and sits up, an offended look on his face. "Oh, I am such a badass. Look at this jacket. My bike? Badass. Therefore, I am badass."

"I don't think badasses use the word therefore," she says, sitting down next to him. She gives him a kiss on the cheek, and Gary feels his face heat up intensely. Sam laughs, a light sound that makes his heart flutter. "Or blush when they get a kiss."

"Well–I, uh," Gary stammers, "I was, um, caught off guard by, uh, that.

Sam rolls her eyes and hums. "You're losing your status as my kickass boyfriend with that. Wanna try to reclaim the kickass part?"

"Your deep, burning desire for me was felt physically, was all." Gary places one of his hands on her cheek, bringing her in for a quick yet passionate kiss. When they pull away, Sam is blushing.

Nailed it! Gary smirks. "Who isn't a badass? Hmm? Because sweet heavenly fire, I think I just kissed the hell out of you."

"Okay, you win this one. Now, let's watch the hell out of this movie!"

Sam rips open the bag of popcorn and digs in while Gary takes the remote and plays the new action movie they wanted to watch. Throughout the movie, they lean into each other and make ridiculous comments about whatever is going on. By all standards, it's the most cliche movie they've ever seen, but Gary hasn't had fun like this in years.

It's nice, to have someone who only wants him because she likes him, not because he's better at fitting into smaller spaces. He hopes this warm feeling in his chest never goes away.

During the last fight scene, Sam slips her hand into his. "Hey, you wanna come to my prom?"

"Prom?" Gary's eyes flit to Sam, her eyes still glued to the screen. "Heck yeah I would. When is it?"

"Next Saturday at eight."

Gary feels a pit form in the bottom of his stomach. Everything was going so well, but now it could all fall apart.

"I have a family thing then," Gary says, his voice clearly displaying his disappointment.

"Boo!" Sam moans. "Your family is always keeping you busy, can't you get out of it?"

"I don't know...," he trails off.

But then he notices Sam's pleading eyes. He can't break her heart like this. She makes him happy, and he wants to be happy more than anything. Scratch that, he needs to be happy.

"You know what? It doesn't matter what my parents say. I'll be there."

Sam's smile as he squeezes her hand makes whatever consequence of this worth it already.

----

Gary walks into the dimly lit garage, tossing his helmet onto an empty bench. A car is propped up in the center of the room, old and rusted, but still useful as a source of parts.

"Kid, grab me another beer and a torque wrench. The big one," a gruff voice demands from underneath the car.

Gary rolls his eyes and does as asked, swiping a beer and a soda from the fridge before grabbing the wrench. He tosses the wrench carelessly towards the waiting hand and plops down on the dirty cement floor next to the car.

He hears a mumbled noise of thanks among the odd noises of car parts shifting around. Gary takes a sip of his soda and tries to ignore how the ground is freezing despite it being the middle of May.

"There it is."

Tom pulls something out from underneath the car and slides out, sitting up and sipping his beer. Gary has no clue what it is, but Tom looks even grosser than usual. His salt and pepper hair is greasy, sweat slicking it back in a messy way. The scratchy beard he has is coated in oil. His white shirt is covered in stains of all sorts, and Gary has to restrain himself from cringing.

"If you're sitting there, it means you want something. Spit it out," Tom orders.

"You know that job we're doing? Next week? On Saturday? The one with the–." A growl cuts off Gary's rambling. The blond clears his throat nervously. "Right, well, you don't absolutely need me for that, yeah? I mean, anyone could sneak into the vents and be a lookout, right?"

Tom stands, so Gary does the same. The man towers over him, a brute of a man, but Gary tries really hard not to let that intimidate him...even though he can snap Gary in half if he really wants to.

"If you don't come, you won't get paid."

Gary swallows a lump in his throat. "Fine."

"And you're out."

Gary's eyes blow wide, his heart stuttering in his chest. He has to be joking, he has to be.

"What?" Gary splutters, his arms gesturing frantically. "We had a deal! You can't do that!"

Tom laughs, loud and booming in the empty garage. There's an icy glint in his black eyes that sends chills down Gary's spine. He advances towards Gary, causing the teen to back up until he hits the wall. Tom painfully shoves a hairy finger into Gary's chest, leaning in close to his face. Gary can strongly smell the acrid stench of motor oil and alcohol that clings to Tom all the time.

"I'm the boss. I make the rules, boy. Don't you forget that," the man sneers, growling in anger. "Get the job done and you can do whatever the fuck pleases you, but I won't be this kind if you ever try to cross me again."

Before Tom walks away, he slaps Gary, leaving a stinging red mark across the left side of his face.

He waits, shaking against the wall, until he hears the slam of Tom's bedroom door to go to his dingy room. The blond collapses onto his bed, not even bothering to change his clothes. Gary hugs his pillow to his chest and wishes for life to go back to the way it was before...everything.

----

The day of the job rolls around. Gary has let Sam know that he's going to her prom, but he'll most likely be late. He has a stolen tux that matches her dress prepped and ready for the moment the job finishes. He'll make it, no matter what.

Gary is currently sitting in the back of a van, surrounded by men who are significantly bigger than him. It isn't crowded at all, nope. And Gary definitely doesn't feel more and more nervous as the drive continues, that would be ridiculous.

His knee is bouncing, and he knows that it's pissing off the guy next to him. To avoid thinking about it, Gary looks through his jacket's pockets for the fiftieth time to check and make sure that he has all of his tools. Of course they're all there. The gun resting awkwardly on his hip doesn't ease his anxiousness in the slightest. Gary is used to simple thieving, not high stakes robberies.

Damn it, he just wants to go to prom with his girlfriend. Does everything have to be so complicated in his life?

All of a sudden, Gary is roughly shoved by the guy he was annoying. Oh, so the car stopped. Great. It's showtime.

Gary hops out and walks to the dumpster next to the bank, jumping on top of it to reach the grate that leads to the ventilation system.

"Don't fuck this up, boy," Tom snarls.

"What a nice vote of confidence," Gary mumbles under his breath. "Okay, no buffer or warm up. You've got this, Gary."

He quickly makes work of the vent, unscrewing it and sliding in. Gary begins crawling through the vents, following the set of instructions he memorized to get him to the room he wants.

Within a couple of minutes, Gary kicks open a grate and drops down into the security room. He only has a few minutes until the guard comes back from his break, so the teen quickly disables the security systems in the safe room and sneaks back into the vents, putting the grate back in its place.

"All set to go in," Gary says into his earpiece as he makes his way to their target.

He's thankfully small enough to move fast in these things, so he reaches the safe room with time to spare. He glances at his watch to see the time, and everything is going according to schedule. If this goes well, he can be at Sam's prom at nine.

Gary lays in the vents and watches the moment the guys burst into the safe room, attacking all of the guards and knocking them out quickly. Once everyone is down, Gary hops out of the vent. Tom gives him a hard pat on the back, and that's as close to a "good job" as the teen will ever get.

Gary takes out his never-before-used-by-him gun and holds it awkwardly as the men work on breaking into the safe and stealing everything they want.

He's the lookout. Easy job. Just standing there. And looking. Easy peasy.

Until it isn't.

The men are finishing up and stealing the last of the money and valuable items rich people keep in here when Gary sees him; one guard is waking up.

"Um, hey, one of them is waking up. Do something!" Gary whisper-yells at the group.

Tom turns around to see and just shrugs his shoulders. "Shoot him."

"What?"

"If you want to live, just kill him. Now, shoot, you fuckin' dumbass!" Tom yells.

That really wakes the guy up, and the guard snaps to attention and sees Gary, shaking with a gun in his grip directly next to him. The guard snatches Gary's ankle, dragging him down to the ground. He moves to get on top of Gary and subdue him, probably attempting to rip the gun away from him and shoot the group, but the moment he starts wrestling with Gary, the trigger is pulled.

Gary cries out as the body falls on top of him, blood splattering all over the teen's body. He scrambles to get out from underneath the corpse, smearing his hands in the blood in the process.

The guys are finished, and Gary stares at them blankly as their mouths move, clearly giving him orders to get moving. But he can't hear them. He keeps moving anyways, running after them and trying to keep his breathing steady.

He doesn't know what's going on beyond that he's moving and there's blood on his hands and oh god he killed someone holy shit someone is dead because of him—

All of a sudden Gary realizes that they're back in the garage already as Tom slaps him on the back.

"Haha! Your first kill! Wasn't it fantastic?" Tom is cheering along with the other men, beers in their hands and bags of riches surrounding them. They all look happy, celebrating a successful job. Gary stands there in shock, his bloody hands shaking violently.

He runs to the bathroom and rips off his blood stained clothing, tossing them as far away from him as possible. He turns on the sink and scrubs viciously at his hands because there's so much blood and god he did this, it's his fault that a man is dead and no one except him is upset about it—

Gary can barely see anything through the tears except red, red, red, yet he distantly wonders how his dad would feel if he could know that his son just killed a man.

----

"Gary? Where's your tux?" Sam questions as she raises an eyebrow at Gary's navy Infinity Guard hoodie and jeans. She seems mad, and Gary can barely even process it at the moment.

He knows that everyone from her school—the school he would have gone to if his life hadn't gone to shit—is staring, but he doesn't care. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters to him anymore, except her, but he can't even keep that one thing.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. I wish I could stay, Sam."

Sam cups his face and wipes away tears he didn't know were there. "Gary, what's wrong? You can tell me."

She looks so beautiful in her black dress, pink flowers adorning the bottom of it. Her hair is in a neat bun, some curls framing her face and the freckles dotting her dark skin. He wishes he could have enjoyed tonight, but the universe just won't let him be happy.

He doesn't dare touch her, fearing his previously stained hands would ruin her beauty.

Gary kisses her, forcing himself to remember this moment and what love feels like before he has to leave her and never come back. He must have always been destined to live a life of loneliness.

Sam pulls away first, tears ruining her perfect make up. "Bye, Sam," he whispers.

And then he runs, slipping between the crowd and launching himself at his bike. He puts his helmet on and slips his backpack on, and then leaves it all behind.

Gary is sixteen when he kills his first man and leaves his hometown. And he doesn't look back once.

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 9: CAPTAIN WHISKER

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a series of mine in which I go into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, we’ll be starting a new venture as we discuss the scourge of a faraway dimension's seven seas, and the envy of frozen food mascots everywhere: Captain Whisker.

The Gist: Aboard the Tornado, dynamic duo Sonic and Tails were en route to a mysterious energy signal, in the hopes of uncovering what it could possibly be. They were instead greeted with an actual tornado.

They died.

Credits.

"Ahh! We’re getting sucked in!” “Yeah! Alright! Cool!”

Nah, not really. They washed ashore on Southern Island (presumably not too far from Western Island and Angelern Island), where they met a young girl named Marine, whose ambition quickly proved to eclipse her capabilities a bit too much. Initially, the heroes simply want to return home and have a Winston break, but upon being attacked by a mecha T-Rex, they soon realise someone must be causing trouble around these parts. And Sonic doesn't let evil relax for long.

They soon come face to face with the leader of the nautical-themed robot army they're facing: Captain Whisker. Something about the captain looks... familiar.

“...What’s going on to my right? I can’t see anything on that side.”

As it turns out, Whisker wants the Jeweled Scepter, a vastly powerful tool that is said to harness the Power of the Stars, which in Sonic lingo basically means "Get fucked, Goku." He steals it, but not before he gets ambushed by the dramatic arrival of Blaze the Cat... who fails to stop the theft, and doesn't even land a hit on the guy.

E Rank.

It doesn't take long for Blaze to explain to the confused Sonic and Tails that they're the ones in her world, not the other way around. It's assumed that the power of the Jeweled Scepter was responsible for bringing them here in the first place. Blaze also acknowledges that Marine in fact exists. Together, they continue to take on the robot pirates, all the while Whisker continues to commit some dastardly, whisker-twirling crimes. Like freezing the local vikings.

“It’s one of my most famous abilities, right up there with spinning around the globe to turn back time. I’m also quite good at superweaving.”

With everywhere else in the sea covered on the map, the do-gooders eventually arrive at Whisker's front door, where they trick the captain into giving them the info on how to get in. After a bit of backtracking (and telling Marine to fuck off and stop wasting their time), they make it in and kick some ass in the pirates' Soleanna-looking hideout. They corner the pirate leader, but his second-in-command, Johnny, arrives just in time to even the odds.

“No, Sonic. The emblem on my chest is a coincidence.”

They proceed to have an all-out brawl with frankly amazing music, but Johnny chickens out and runs with his pipe between his hydraulics. Crestfallen, but not willing to yield, Whisker insists that he will deliver the Jeweled Scepter to an unnamed client by hook or by crook, and Sonic and Blaze ain't gonna stop him.

But they do. With a little help from the surprise return of Marine, they take back the Jeweled Scepter, defeat the captain's Ghost Titan mech, and blow his ship to kingdom come. With the pirates taken care of, the royal guards assure Blaze that they'll take better care of the magical device. The princess expresses relief, confident that her loyal subjects can defend their kingdom's treasure and honor.

They can't.

In less time than it takes to complete the Water Temple in Ocarina of Time, the Jeweled Scepter gets itself stolen again, this time by the fallen captain's creator and superior: Dr. Eggman... and Eggman Nega, but whatever. Retreating underground, Eggman proceeds to show off with his newfound power (the ladies love the magma dragon trick), but he is eventually defeated by the combined efforts of Super Sonic and Burning Blaze... with a little help from Marine. Again.

The Jeweled Scepter is reclaimed. Sonic and Tails head home. Eggman gets sued by Michel Ancel.

The Design: Captain Whisker is an Eggman robot. He's Eggman's robot. He was built by Eggman. But you wouldn't know that by looking at him.

The logo doesn't grin. Totally different.

Sarcasm aside, I'm actually a fan of Whisker's design, because it strikes a good balance between comical and badass, which reflects well on his bumbling exterior masking a capable fighter. The skull gauntlets are stylish, and I especially like how one of his eyes lacks an iris, as if to stand-in for his hypothetical eyepatch. For a design that can literally be summed up as "Eggman but if he were a robot pirate", there's a surprising amount of thought put into it.

If only the same could be said for Nega...

(By the way, Johnny has a kickass design as well. The torpedo-for-a-head is a winner.)

The Personality: Whisker doesn't just one-up Nega with his design. He one-ups him in personality too. Sure, he shares some traits with vanilla Eggman. He's loud. He's hammy. He takes his moustache grooming seriously (even though his is made of metal). He doesn't like it when people aren't paying attention to him.

But here's the thing. He's got his own distinctive flavor. Rather than copying Eggman's mannerisms beat for beat like Nega does, Whisker offers a different spin. He trades the megalomaniacal theatrics for a buccaneer swagger. He trades the spotlights and the statues in favor of singing shanties and using words that were probably out-of-date even when they were in-date. He's more of an airhead compared to the brilliant Eggman. And he actually expresses fear, in particular at the thought of his master's ire.

“You wouldn’t know him. Big guy, ‘stache like mine, hates hedgehogs, sounds an awful lot like Mike Pollock...”

Compared to Nega, Whisker simply makes much more of an effort to be his own character. In spite of his physical resemblance, he's not just Eggman #2. And in a world where Eggman #2 is an officially approved thing, I can appreciate that.

The Execution: Captain Whisker isn't your Eggman, or your Chaos, or your Black Doom. He's not the final obstacle. He's here to provide a few hijinks before the real mastermind turns up. In the role that he plays, he plays that role marvellously.

While the Captain sadly lacks much screentime outside of evading the heroes' wrath, he makes up for it with a memorable presence and a barrel of laughs. They could have completely phoned it in here. Why wouldn't they? He looks like a ripoff, and he's ultimately the equivalent of a filler villain anyway. And yet somehow, this decoy antagonist has more life and character put into him than a sizable margin of the "serious" villains in the Sonic universe, including Eggman Nega, Mephiles, and every single Archie recolour you can shake a lawsuit at.

Look, if Blaze absolutely MUST have an arch-enemy, and if said arch-enemy absolutely MUST look like Eggman... why not pick Whisker over Nega? He provides a better contrast with Eggman and with Blaze, and you can even handwave his presence as Eggman's way of keeping tabs on Blaze's world whenever he's too occupied with his own. Surely that would be a little better than having an identical looking guy running around in a different dimension (or the future) for no reason.

Well, until then, I'll keep supporting the good captain. I have to. He might kill me.

"Omae wa mou ye scurvy shindeiru. *hic*"

Crusher Gives Captain Whisker a: Thumbs Up!

[paragonrobits]

Can I ask for some Eridan/Vriska teaming up in a pirate FLARP against some foes if possible?~

“'We invite anyone who has the courage, the nerve, and thesteel, to plumb our dungeon of doom!'” went the note sent to everynaval FLARPer in the region, signed with only two signs, in lightblue and violet; respectively, the signs of the scorpion and thewaterbearer. “'If you have the might to win, dare... the MAUSOLEUMOF NIGHTMARES!'”

And Vriska smirked as dozens of unsuspecting rivals, each of themcontesting for a highly ranked spot in the regional FLARPingcontests, went straight into the vast labyrinth floating upon thesea, assembled from dozens of ships sunk by Eridan and Vriska, andthen raised up and mashed together. Trolls went in and then...

Well, they wouldn't come out. Their bodies did, most of the time.Sometimes. The point was to get bodies to feed to Spidermom andisolate lusii to feed to Feferi's lusus, but in any case the dungeonworked amazingly. Lured by the promise of treasure, people delvedinto the dungeon and ran afoul of the many, many horrendouslyunfair traps.

Years later, those who survivedthe Mausoleum would speak in hushed whispers of the horrible trapsthere. A sphere of annihilating energy housed in the mouth of astatue in a room set up to make you think you were supposed to openup the statue to solve a puzzle. A host of puzzles, dozens of them,each of which Eridan had flawlessly calibrated to kill whoever didanything in them, leaving behind their loot. No one ever got morethan a few rooms in, ever.

It would go down in troll history(which, to be fair, was on borrowed time at this point) as the mosthideous unfair, horrifically unbalanced and just plain meanpuzzle dungeons ever conceived.Even worse than the creations of 'What A Jackass' Jolstoni, themeanest puzzlemaker in all Alternia, who had taken the creed of 'allpuzzles should be super murdery' to a logical extreme, at least untilsome unknown fuchsia got bit by a cube puzzle he made.

Vriska yawned, slouching down thesteps of the dungeon's secret inner workings, going through secretpassageways to the treasury where they kept all the sweetloot they'd accrued from theirmany fallen foes. “What's up, fishface,” she said, clapping himon the back with her kickass robot arm. “I was thinking that maybetonight we could-”

Eridan held an arm out.Dramatically. His cape fanned out, covering her view of the treasury.(He had to stand on a table to block her view, so he clearly had goneto some effort ahead of time.)

“Uhh,” she said.

He lowered his arm. Vriska gaspedin horror.

There are many unspeakablyhorrible sights on Alternia. The pits where the culled are sent todie in their trials. The courts where the doomed are sentenced. Anyplace remotely near a fuchsia, at least until Feferi was born. Emptyfood preparation blocks. But there is nothing worse than the sight ofan empty treasure chamber atleast to a pirate-themed FLARPer.

“Our treasure trove,” Eridanbegan. “Has been stolen!”

“...Uh, yeah, I worked thatout,” Vriska said, giving him a look.

“Look, I've been up here fortwo and a half hours waiting for your dumb ass to get up and see thistravesty! Least you could do is let me get out my cool dramaticspeech.”

“You were up here for two and ahalf hours and that's the most you came up with ahead of time?”

“OKAY SHUT THE HELL UP andlet's get going, we have a treasure to reclaim.”

“HELL YEAH,” Vriska said,running off into a completely different room, popping off her arm andthrowing it at Eridan. It incidentally managed to smack him in theback of the head. She came back a few minutes later, dressed in asuper cool pirate-themed outfit that so happened to look exactly likeher ancestor's favorite outfit. Eridan was already dressed in hisoutfit. Also, she'd swapped out her robot arm for a giant pirate hookwith a built in cannon.

They high fived. They immediatelyregretted this, because you really don't want to high five someonewhen your hand is now a giant hook/cannon.

A short while later, becauseEridan had also prepared a ship ahead of time, their ship set out.They tended to go through a few dozen every perigee, and simply stolenew ships from defeated foes; this one had been looted from an armadaof trolls all arising in response to inflammatory comments Eridan andVriska had made regarding the latest editions of FLARP's needlesschanges to rules they didn't care for. (This sort of thing was prettycommonplace on Alternia; an entire planet of children from a speciesprone to wild mood extremes, without any adult supervision and withmysterious interferences to make them more bloodthirsty? It wasunavoidable.) This ship was the only one to survive; Vriska blamedEridan for being too trigger-happy with his weird ancestral lightningthingy. Eridan blamed Vriska for mind controlling people intoblasting each other without even waiting for a sick cameraopportunity.

This one had been renamed theRevengence Rising, forreasons that Vriska was unclear on. Eridan would only say that he sawit in a dream, borne to him by the terrible things he saw in hisdreams, and swept off dramatically.

The Revengence didn'tso much float as it insinuated itself through the water, slicingthrough the tides and the occasional smaller ship that ran afoul ofthe giant underwater ramming blades beneath it, raising a pink-huedflag. The pink of tyranny had only one meaning; there would be noprisoners, just as a true heiress left no survivors. Both Eridan andVriska were considering changing the flag's color, because since theyknew Feferi so well, they couldn't quite reconcile that with... well,her. (They chose to decide that Feferi was just super weird.)

They soon came across theirquarry, a ship low in the water from the weight of its treasures, anda very big ship at that, too. It had to be, to hold all thattreasure. Vriska seethed at the sight of it, her one good eyenarrowed and her fangs scraping against her lower lip. “I am gonnakick their ass! I am gonna kick the boat's ass!”

“Boats don't have those,”Eridan pointed out.

“I am gonna build it an ass soI can kick it!”

“Use shitty wood, otherwiseyou're gonna make it look better than it really is.”

“Shit, I wouldn't have thoughtof that. Good save.”

“It's what I do,” Eridan saidsmugly.

“Hey!” Vriska yelled into amegaphone, directing it at the ship. “HEY, YOU! TREASURE STEALINGASSHOLES THAT STOLE THE TREASURE WE STOLE FIRST!”

There was a pause. The enemy shipwiggled with activity. “What?” A faint, reedy voice called back.

“I said HEY YOU!” Vriskayelled.

“WHAT?'

“I SAID... goddamit, are weeven close enough for them to hear us?” Vriska turned to thelowblooded troll closest to them on their crew. “I said, are weclose enough for that?”

Karkat Vantas, roped into thisarrangement as a result of a complicated bet involved a largepineapple and the world's second-nicest hat he was trying to barterwith Equius for reasons unknown, rolled his eyes. “I don't goddamnknow. If they're constantly yelling about what you said, GEE, I DON'TKNOW, that's probably a pretty solid indication, huh?!”

“You're the worst cabin boyever. I don't know why Terezi recommended you.”

“I thought Terezi swore to killyou and eat all your shoes,” Karkat said.

“Eh, inbetween vows to make mesuffer for my misdeeds or whatever, she yells at me about how greatyou are. It's weird and sickening.”

“Oh. Wait she did... she didwhat? She talks about... me?” Karkat fell to the ground, staring atthe moons. “Inbetween acts of vowing horrible revenge? Oh... that'sthe most romantic thing I ever heard... I need to write poetry aboutthis.”

“God, this is sickening,”Eridan said, wrinkling his snout.

“Hell yeah,” Vriska said,shaking her head and unconsciously putting her arm around Eridan'sshoulder.  “Just plain weird.”

Eridan put his arm around herwait, with no conscious thought on his part. “This flush pining isjust embarrassing.”

“Yeah.” A small pause. “Didwe forget something?”

They looked up, and saw the shipsignificantly closer. A purple blood waved to them; Vriska judged himthe leader of the crew, if only because he had the biggest andfanciest hat. In pirate terms, he was so obviously the Leader. “So,uh, you were trying to say something to us?”

“Yeah!” Vriska drew hersword, and with her other hand, extended her harpoon. She got backinto character, as Eridan did the same. “I, the dread MarquiseSpinneret Mindfang, demand that you return my stolen treasure hoard!”

“And I, the fearsome pirateDualscar, demand your land-cursed BLOOD!”Eridan shouted, drawing Ahab's Crosshairs and pointing it in a waythat indicated he had every intention of just driving it intopeople's chests like a spear.

The captain considered it. “No.”

“Give us the treasure,”Vriska threatened. “And then we'll kill you!”

The enemy crew stared across thedeck. From the floor, Karkat said, “Don't you mean, 'or'?”

“We know what we said!”Eridan snarled. “And get below decks, you could get hurt if there'sa fight!” He paused, and trying to save face, quickly added, “And!And, uh. If you get hurt or somethin', Terezi will wear my skin as afancy cape! I don't want to become a cosplay!”

Karkat groaned and rolled belowdecks. “I'm going, I'm going!”

The enemy captain shrugged. “So,it's a fight you want, huh? Then, it's a fight you'll-”

“DIE DIE DIE!” Vriskascreamed, catapulting herself across the two ships, heedless of apotential fall into the sea. She landed with a sword right in thecaptain's neck, her hook through the first mate, and she twistedaway. Purple and blue bloodrained down around her, and with a swish of her long coat, she raisedher robot arm as her arm cannon unfurled, blasting out a flurry ofshots that tore open the side of the ship.

“You shits stay here and trynot to be failures,” Eridan said to his crew, and dove into thesea. A moment later, he erupted out from the other side of the ship.In his native element he was far faster and stronger, and leaped highinto the air, landing with each, Crosshairs down and through thechest of the first unwary crewtroll. He twisted aside, putting thebody in the path of a sword blow coming his way, and a blast from theCrosshairs toppled the mast over, onto another grouping of enemycrewtrolls.

Vriska was laughing now, swordand cannon akimbo, and Eridan laughed too, the both of them moving ina fierce frenzy through the crew. Swords and shields clashedtogether, bows strung out and fired only to hit crewtrolls used asliving shields, and as soon as Eridan was able to aim (though hepreferred the thrill and martial honor of a melee), they were wipedfrom the world, along with several portions of the ship.

Cannon blasts, piercing lightfrom the Crosshairs and the sheer ferocity of the pair, fighting backto back, ended the first in short order. Most ship boardings are overfast, and this was done in a matter of minutes. When it was done, theship was listing, too many holes in its side to keep on from... well,taking on water. Vriska and Eridan stood, back to back, cape and coatflapping in the breeze as they posed with their weapons crossing. Oneof the enemy crewtrolls, in exchange for his life, took a photo ofthem.

“So, uh, are you gonna dosomething about the ship?” That crewtroll said.

Eridan blinked. “What aboutit?”

“It's sort of sinking. From allthe damage you did,” the crewtroll said, with just a hint ofreproach.

“...Oh shit~!”Eridan and Vriska said. Vriska ran to the side and called out to hership, “Towing cables! Ready the hooks, you know what to do!”

Several modified cannons, on thebroad side of the ship, opened up and fired; massive hooks slammedinto the side of the ship and chains reeled it in, towing the largership closer to them and supporting it. It wobbled ominously, butdidn't sink.

Vriska sighed in relief. “Ourtreasure, and more importantly, my reputation, are saved!”

Eridan checked a small watch.“And it's not even second breakfast. God, butthis is gonna be a slow day, isn't it?”

Vriska twirled him close to her.“Day's still young, fishface. Bet ya we can get into more trouble~”

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A privileged New Yorker ends up in a women's prison when a past crime catches up with her in this Emmy-winning series from the creator of 'Weeds.'

Starring:Taylor Schilling, Kate Mulgrew, Laura Prepon

It’s Official: Another Season Is Coming

Uzo Aduba made history by winning Emmys in both drama (2015) and comedy (2014) categories for her role as Crazy Eyes.

Additional Videos

Orange Is the New Black

Episodes

Orange Is the New Black

Sentenced to 15 months for a crime committed in her youth, Piper Chapman leaves her supportive fiancé Larry for her new home: a women's prison.

After insulting the food in front of the prison chef, Piper is starved out by the kitchen staff and struggles to offer up an acceptable apology.

Targeted for romance by a fellow prisoner, Piper finds that subtlety is an ineffective approach to letting her suitor down.

Piper gets to know her stern new roommate; the prisoners prepare a farewell party for one of their own; a misplaced screwdriver has dire consequences.

When her sighting of a legendary feral chicken polarizes the inmates, Larry wonders if Piper is getting too absorbed in the 'fishbowl' of prison life.

The inmates campaign along racial lines for positions on a prisoners council, but Piper tries to stay above the increasingly raucous competition.

Piper wants the prison's outdoor running track reopened, but in order to get it, she'll have to give her corrections officer something he wants.

Red gets pressured to smuggle drugs through her kitchen; Larry publishes an article about Piper in the New York Times; two babies come into the world.

Thanksgiving arrives with the promise of a visit by Larry, but Piper's raunchy dance moves land her in solitary with a holiday feast of moldy bologna.

Pennsatucky discovers a new skill; the inmates try to scare delinquent teenagers straight; Pornstache's side business suffers a tragic setback.

The prisoners mourn one of their own and even a drunken Pornstache reveals surprising emotions; Larry gives a revealing radio interview.

Painful truths reorient several relationships and careers; Pennsatucky feels disrespected by Piper, which is not good; Larry delivers an ultimatum.

Red's scheme to reclaim her kitchen backfires; the inmates stage a Christmas pageant; Piper's plans unravel even as she realizes her life is in jeopardy.

Piper's world is turned upside down when she’s forced to confront the consequences of her actions and face new challenges.

A mock Job Fair provides Taystee with a chance to show off her business smarts; Red feels isolated from her prison family.

Piper finds new arrival Soso a challenge; Morello gets her heart broken; a figure from Taystee’s past arrives to disturb the status quo.

Sophia gives the women a much-needed lesson in the female anatomy; Morello takes a detour; Larry makes some life changes. The king of fighters 99 android apk download.

A bathroom turf war sees deeper lines drawn in the sand as Gloria and Vee go head to head. Piper receives devastating news.

Love is in the air as the inmates prepare for a Valentine's Day party; Red makes an intriguing new discovery. Larry asks Piper to be his prison mole.

Piper starts a prison newsletter with the help of Healy and a few other inmates; Vee launches an entrepreneurial enterprise.

Piper faces a new backlash over special privileges; Caputo feels pressure to toughen up, resulting in administrative changes.

Piper's relationship with Larry faces a real-world test; Red's effort to redeem herself is finally rewarded. A familiar figure returns to Litchfield.

The guards get tougher in a bid to turn up prison contraband; a big, lingering secret is finally revealed.

Piper is shocked at an unexpected change in her status; Soso’s hunger strike attracts new support that takes on a religious fervor.

Tensions run high as a prison power outage forces several issues to come to light; Piper finds herself compromised and is forced to think on her feet.

Several futures hang in the balance as the inmates face and confront their worst nightmares: Life will never be the same again.

Caputo's kinder, gentler new regime includes organizing a Mother's Day fair for the inmates that brings up a LOT of mixed feelings about family.

Tempers flare when bed bugs invade, as Alex cracks, Red lashes out at Piper, Aleida interferes with Daya and Bennett, and Caputo gets bad news.

Nicky's stash situation gets complicated. Alex and Crazy Eyes try a new drama class. Red assists Healy with a personal matter.

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Big Boo comes up with a scheme to make money. Daya, Taystee and Crazy Eyes confront reality. Caputo tries to make a good impression on some visitors.

Rumors fly among the inmates about a new, higher-paying job assignment, especially when they have to take a test for it.

Regime change isn't going over well with the staff, but Red makes it work for her. Lorna finds a way to meet men. Chang shows her private side.

Norma’s healing powers draw more believers. Piper creates a new business venture. Caputo breaks in the new hires.

Piper gets creative in order to grow her business. Crazy Eyes’s sci-fi sex story for drama class is a hit. Alex doesn’t trust new inmate Lolly.

Too many inmates seem to be getting religion, so a rabbi comes to visit and Leanne tries to organize Norma's followers.

Pennsatucky, Piper, Crazy Eyes and Lorna get closer with their new admirers. Tensions between Sophia and Gloria, and Alex and Lolly escalate.

Caputo and Piper confront labor issues. A miracle occurs in Norma's group. Crazy Eyes's erotica winds up in the hands of the staff.

Daya goes into labor. Sophia suffers a hate crime. Stella helps Piper with a business snag. Taystee takes on a new role.

Miracles and conversions occur, but Piper and Caputo know that some situations can't be dealt with through spiritual means.

With a major security breach and a lot of new inmates, Caputo has to call in the big guns. Things get a little too real for Crazy Eyes and Lolly.

The newcomers stir up ethnic and domestic conflicts, but Maria sees an opportunity. Judy's special treatment raises eyebrows.

A new job puts Taystee close to Caputo. Lorna has to get creative in her marriage. Soso and Poussey deal with some awkward truths.

Nothing stays hidden for long when emotions run high, but Red, Healy and Caputo try to keep the peace. Piper has a business competitor.

Company policies lead to a shortage of critical supplies and an eventful trip to a prison convention. Piscatella starts a new anti-gang initiative.

Piper's plan to edge out the competition could backfire badly. Cindy finds a way to make Taystee's job pay off. Luschek gets some interesting mail.

Paranoia strikes deep for Lolly and Judy, aggravating an already tense situation. Red sticks to a Russian tradition for an important occasion.

A new work detail doesn't go over well with the inmates. Judy seeks help from Poussey. Maria finds a place she can conduct business.

Ramos and Flores figure out ways to rebel against authority. A news item has an unexpected effect. Red and Lorna face personal disappointment.

The movie night selection becomes controversial. Aleida makes an adjustment. Piper worries the prison punishments are getting too medieval.

Caputo's leadership is challenged and the inmates are in for a long night of lockdown after workers make an unsettling discovery.

Alliances shift among the prison 'families' as Piscatella and his guards crack down. Poussey, Judy and Alex prefer to look ahead to the future.

Corporate bureaucracy and simmering anger work against Caputo's efforts to keep a sensitive situation under control.

As the standoff at the prison spirals into a full-blown riot, enterprising inmates take advantage of the confusion. Taystee confronts Caputo.

Maria convenes a special assembly in the chapel as the inmates plot their next move. Frieda makes use of the survival skills she learned as a kid.

Linda begins to see the prison in a new light, while Judy grows desperate to escape. With darkness falling, the inmates compile a list of demands.

Red and Blanca dig for dirt on Piscatella. Suzanne conducts a séance. The guards show off their talents for 'Litchfield Idol' judges Leanne and Angie.

When the inmates' antics make the morning news, Flaca and Maritza soak up the spotlight. Brandy and her crew auction off Judy to the highest bidder.

Boo defends Doggett, Janae consoles Soso, and Lorna comes on to Nicky. While Alex lays low in the yard, Piper decides to take a stand.

Black Cindy concocts a scheme to distract Suzanne when she spirals out of control. Taystee and Piper search for ways to honor Poussey's memory.

While Taystee sits down with a negotiator, Red and Blanca put their own plan into action. Gloria counsels Daya and asks Caputo for a favor.

Red senses trouble, but the others are convinced she's just paranoid. Taystee and Black Cindy enlist an unlikely ally, and two old friends clash.

Taystee tries to keep the negotiations on track. Angie comes up with an idea for fixing Leanne's finger. Piscatella's past is revealed.

Red and the others weigh their options. Gloria wrestles with her conscience as she moves forward with a plan. Lorna takes over the pharmacy.

Boo dabbles in blackmail, Nicky promises to help Lorna, Doggett makes a discovery, and Piper comes to a realization about Alex.

As chaos descends on Litchfield three days into the riot, the inmates wonder what the future holds and seek solace in loved ones.

The COs at Litchfield's maximum security unit size up the new arrivals. Off her medication, Suzanne hallucinates.

Ordered to hand out harsh sentences, the feds search for scapegoats. Languishing on paid suspension, Caputo tries to break out of a rut.

Linda makes a power play, Piper digs for information about Alex, and the women get their first taste of a decades-old feud between cellblocks.

Aleida struggles to find work on the outside. Backed into a corner, Nicky pleads her case to Red. Taystee reaches out to Caputo for help.

Pranksters wreak havoc on Halloween. Luschek earns points with the other guards. As Linda faces a crisis, Donuts and Pennsatucky have a change of plans.

While Daddy deals with backlash, Badison plots revenge. Flaca finds a co-host for her radio show. Lorna discovers that pregnancy has its perks.

Badison hustles to get back in Carol's good graces. Blanca longs to get pregnant -- and Nicky has a plan. Caputo and Figueroa's relationship evolves.

Taystee gets fan mail -- and an assist from an old friend. Piper lobbies Luschek to bring back kickball. Aleida tries out a new sales tactic.

While Daddy buys time with Barb, Daya looks for new ways to bring in oxy. Black Cindy's guilt takes a toll on her body. Red acquires a powerful ally.

Aleida seizes a business opportunity. An anonymous tip sends Caputo on a stakeout. Luschek tries to help Gloria, who worries she's in danger.

While Red and Carol scheme against Frieda, Suzanne watches Frieda's back. Lorna swears her allegiance to Barb as Nicky works to thwart another plot.

Carol and Barb prepare for war. Linda auditions inmates for a prison PR video. Alex makes a deal with Badison to keep Piper out of trouble.

Piper gets surprising news and a boost from her friends. The jury returns with a verdict, and the big kickball game is on.

TV Shows based on Books, TV Comedies, US TV Shows

Taylor SchillingKate MulgrewLaura PreponJason BiggsNatasha LyonneMichael HarneyUzo AdubaDanielle BrooksSamira WileyDascha PolancoSelenis LeyvaNick SandowYael StoneTaryn ManningLea DeLariaMatt McGorryEmma MylesVicky JeudyLaverne CoxPablo SchreiberLori PettyRuby RoseAdrienne C. MooreJackie CruzElizabeth RodriguezJessica PimentelLaura GómezDale SoulesAmanda FullerHenny RussellMackenzie PhillipsVicci Martinez

When a novelist realizes her terrifying stories are coming true, she returns to her hometown to face the demons from her past that inspire her writing.

A minister who researches religious cults turns to his Buddhist monk friend for help investigating a new group with mysterious origins.

Kenya Barris and Rashida Jones star in this family comedy series inspired by Barris's real life.

Payton has known since childhood that he's going to be president. First he'll have to navigate the most treacherous political landscape: high school.

Martin Scorsese directs this Netflix original comedy special exploring the enduring legacy of Emmy-winning sketch comedy show 'SCTV.'

Displaced by Hurricane Maria, three Puerto Rican women navigate their families' uncertain futures as their federal housing aid in New York expires.

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The witcher Geralt, a mutated monster hunter, struggles to find his place in a world where people often prove more wicked than beasts.