#and probs a touch of ptsd agoraphobia in there too

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

maybe Lucanis wants to sleep in the pantry because then he can use his super hearing (à la The Wigmaker Job intro scene) and whatnot to listen to everyone going about their business and feel like A Part Of Things. and hear people living normal non-prison lives etc without having to actually leave the cupboard/interact since he is both SO full of ptsd and also he doesn't know how to be close to anyone besides Illario yet

[marshmallowprotection]

hellohello!!! i would like a matchup, if possible :) i'm aromantic demisexual, so i'd like a queerplatonic or soft romo one if possible!! i get skittish and anxious about overtly romantic gestures and expectations, but stuff like dates and affection/intimacy is fine to mention as a sidenote :3 (just pls dont match me with yoosung! i dont like him)

i'm 22yo, exactly 5'3", have short wavy brown hair and blue eyes. i'm pretty pale because i don't get out much - i have social anxiety and agoraphobia. i ALSO have bpd and ptsd, which i've been recently unpacking. i didn't realize my trauma was as bad as it is until the past few months, unfortunately.

PERSONALITY STUFF! First off, i have terrible issues with knowing what I'm like! Self image issues and all that. I don't think I'm terrible, but I do have somewhat low self esteem and struggle to figure out what to call myself unless someone else calls me a certain trait or whatever. I tend to mirror back whatever energy people throw at me, unless you're my fp, in which case I'm a ride or die who is very stubborn about it. I'm an Aquarius, ESFP (which surprised me because I act a lot more like an introvert! but cognitive functions don't really lie), 2w3 sx/sp. some traits that have been used to describe me by either myself or others: kind, selfless, moody, sensitive, emotional, holds grudges, passionate, curious, casually flirty (with friends), loyal, honest (i'm a terrible liar), infinitely patient, mom friend. my love languages are physical touch and receiving gifts. i like joking that i have the strongest fawn response to man, and am just now really allowing myself to be angry and hurt over my trauma. there's times where i have to lay down and listen to angry music just to vent it all out.

which leads into hobbies! listening to music is one of my primary coping mechanisms and also a hobby, though i tend to stick mostly to bands i know. my fav genres are indie, pop, rock, and sometimes for spice i like breakcore, industrial, emo, punk, country. i also got into lace tatting recently, though i use it more to stim than make anything concrete. i've gotten back into reading and writing recently, though. i actually finished a four book series recently, and i'm very proud of myself :) i haven't actually finished a book in years

regarding partners, i look for someone who is honest and communicative. i want someone that can understand me, or at least who seeks to try to! i took a uquiz a while back that tells you what form your love takes, and i got 'love as being known', and that REALLY is just... absolutely true. i want someone to look at me, REALLY look at me, see all of my darkest sides, and then look me in the eyes afterwards and still love me. (can you tell that i really relate to saeran yet skdhfksjf) OH! i think a note i want to mention is like. the love song i relate closest to my having feelings fr anyone in general is despair by leo :) bodybag by chloe moriondo also fits really well, for a different mood. those two songs blended together prob exemplify my reaction to having feelings for anyone period. i tend to be really cheerful, and just feel A LOT about any partner i have, so i tend to act in a cheerful, passionate, affectionate way in my relationships. i'm still learning proper boundaries, but i try to reign myself in as best i can when it's inappropriate or overstepping, and communicate when needed (even if it takes me a long while to figure out how to word it sometimes bc i'm a massive overthinker)! i know how to cope with my bpd, but that doesn't stop me from feeling the symptoms and such.

a note about relating to saeran actually, my fav of all of the forms he's taken is actually suit saeran! idk, i relate to him way too much ^^; i'm also a very angry person who holds strong grudges and can be vindictive, i just hide it really well since i don't want to get into any trouble (i'm kind even when i really don't want to be! it can get annoying sometimes because i don't LIKE being a people-pleaser, but man do i hate people being angry at me even more). i can also relate to ray, but i like ignoring that even though i also adore him to bits! it feels a bit too vulnerable sometimes, to do that. which somehow makes me sound even more like suit skdjfhskjdh

ANYWAYS I'M DONE TRAUMADUMPING IN HERE /J all of this came out way more moody(???? idk what word to use here) than i meant but well. shrug emoji. it's been the mood as of late. thank you for reading all of this and for whatever answer you give btw!!!

I match you with...

Jumin!

Would you believe that people who found comfort in communication and understanding often skew the more toward Jumin and Saeran in their character rankings? Well, my friend, you value honesty in a way that one those who seek to talk deep into the night with others can see.

You're a do-er, a giver, someone who wants to make sure that a lot of people are taken care of, but sometimes you go overboard and forget to tell yourself that what matters the most is taking care of your needs first, and everyone else comes after that. You need to be comfortable to take care of others! That's how it goes, and you need someone who not only balances you with their personality but their wish to bloom.

It goes without saying that you bring out the best in him and he brings out the best in you. He stops trying to hold himself back and he starts thinking about how to have fun without thinking about how it may appear to other people. He can laugh, and finally be himself, and isn't that the most beautiful thing in the world?

You make people feel so comfortable that they finally have the opportunity to shine. Jumin's eyes sparkle when you humor him every step of the way when he talks for hours about magic! It's the same for him when he gets to see you laugh for the first time, gushing about something that makes you feel good in a way that nobody's ever seen before. It might seem strange to have a bond with him such as this when he seems like a man who is dominated by desire, but more than anything, he wants someone in his life who understands him deeply, and you fit that bill.