#and probably not shave my head this weekend lol i should probably wait a week. and also not kill myself but thats a given.

[frogwen]

.

[devilbat]

Quarantine Online

A/N: sorry I have been MIA for months now. A lot has going on in my life and Depression sucks, making it hard to write, so forgive me.

Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Warnings: Just fluff

Summery: dating is hard it's even harder when a Pandemic happens.. 

     The picture you stared at only showed a well-toned lean body in a well-tailored suit. Most of the photographs showed the same, never his face. His name was Tom 39 years old, living in London. Though he dose travels a lot for work. Shakespeare fanatic, runner, enjoys cooking, long walks with his dog when he's not running and lots and lots of dancing. Six foot one, six foot two on a good day. Who was testing the waters out there, but will be the perfect gentleman and very respectful.

        His profile stated as you looked through it. He had messaged you right as you thought about giving up once again. Everyone on these dating apps only wanted one of two things. Nudes or sex nothing more. No connection, no relationship, not even a friendship. Sure, you were offered friends with benefits.

That was something you were not looking for. Did it not state in your profile that you weren't going to do any of that. Do men even read?

       The few dates you have gone on all ended up a bust. Then the quarantine happened right as you were getting yourself out there. So it was conversations via text. But soon you were ghosted far too many times because you wouldn't send nude.

        You were all about to shut down your account when this man named Thomas H. sent you a message. You weren't even sure why you click on the email from this man without a face. Here you were reading what he had to say.

       Y/n,

           My name is Thomas, but naturally, I go by Tom. I'm sure you might not even respond to this as there is no face to this profile. With my job and for my privacy would be one of many reasons why. But I thought I might give it a shot. And I have to say I'm quite mesmerized by your beauty. You are quite lovely, and I'm sure you get that a lot. But I genuinely mean it. I was a bit fascinated by your profile as I read it, might have had chucked at a few bits of it. I would like to know more about you.

       Like what type of nerd are you? Marvel or DC?

Star Wars or Star Trek? And of course, I'll answer any questions you might have for me. As well I would not ask for any pictures of you clothed or nude as I would like to get to know you as I'm hoping you wouldn't mind getting to know me without the nudes as you put it. Ehehe.

     I genuinely hope to hear from you. But understand if I don't.

Sincerely, Tom.

    Ps, I do hope this quarantine hasn't made you gone completely bonkers.

       Usually, you wouldn't have responded, but something about him told you not to pass this up. What was the worst that could happen that already hasn't happened on an online dating app? Well, there was always the fact he could be a serial killer.

     �� Hello Tom,

    You may have messaged me in time I was about to give up on this site and return to my habit.  Marvel all the way. I would hope you would agree or we can't continue talking. Though, I can't deny that DC needs to just stop with Batman movies. The should have stopped before George Clooney. Though I will give Christian Bale props, he did a better job than Clooney.

         As for Star Wars and Star Trek? That is a tough one, so I'm just going to say both are good. But let's face it. Captain Kirk is the better star fleet Captain. Sure Picard is excellent as well. But anyone after them just doesn't do it for me. Ha ha..

     And it's all about Baby Yoda. If you are not a baby Yoda fan, you're just wrong. Yes, I'm one of "those" girls.

Coffee or Energy drinks? I would say I dabbled in both. Pancakes or waffles? Yes, there is a difference. I'm a waffle girl myself. Well, that is all I can think of right now.

Y/n.

You hit send before setting your phone down on the table next to you as you yawned. Maybe it was an early bedtime, not like you had anything better to do. You puddled around your usual routine before bed. A loud ding brought you back to your phone.

"That was quick." Recognizing the chim of the app all too well. Grebing your phone, forgetting your face cream as you were curious about what he had to say—settling into bed, getting comfortable before you opened your phone.

Y/n,

I'm delighted to hear from you. If I'm quite bold, and for starters, its tea for me. With two sugars and a splash of cream. As for waffles or pancakes, I'm French toast kind of man, duh. Lol. Though you can't beat a good old fashion English Breakfast and a side of Earl gray. Eheh.

I'm quite a fan of marvel though it is a rather vast universe. What movies/comics praytell do you prefer?

Sorry love to disappoint, but I'm going to say Doctor Who I am British. The tenth and the eleventh doctor. I do hope you've seen the show. I used to watch the reruns of the original with my father when I was a young wide eye lad. I am a fan of both Star Wars and Star Trek. And there is nothing wrong with liking a baby Yoda. He is exceedingly loveable.

          It says your new to England, where are you from originally? How long have you've been here? Seen any of the sights England has to offer?

       That's all for now.

Sincerely, Tom.

          Emails went on for weeks talking back and forth first on the dating app than via text. You were the one to leap by giving him your number. After hitting send your phone vibrated with a text.

         Unknown number: Hello love, this is Tom. I'm delighted to receive your text.

        More weeks had passed. Still, you had yet to see his face though he did send you photos of random things during the day. You did the same as your toes sticking out from the bubble bath. Then you got a text of his toes sticking out from under the blankets. The two of you would watch a movie together. The quarantine was still in effect. Each of you would pick a film out every other weekend and sit back and watch it—text throughout the movie.

          Y/n: Omg did she just run up the stairs like a dumb big boobed bimbo!!! She makes the rest of us look bad.

Tom: Eheh, you said it darling, not me. Though I think she might survive this.

Y/n: Wanna make a beat? I think she will die within the next few minutes.

Tom: Oh, it's on. Now, what do I get if I win?

Y/n: Whatever it is you want cause mister you are going to lose.

You both patiently wanted to see what happens next. The movie ended, and you waited in annoyance for Tom to respond to gloat about being right. And to see what he desired for his spoils of war.

Tom: Well, Love, it looks like I have won this round.

Y/n: It seems you have butthead. What is it that the winner wishes for?

Tom: Did you just call me a butthead? Eheh. Hmm, let's see. How about a Skype date? I figured it was about time to reveal myself.

Y/n: Tom, I just meet you. I'm not sure I'm ready to see your eggplant. Haha.

Tom: I probably should have rephrased that better. My face love, my face. Eheh. Tomorrow at 7 pm?

Nervous was an understatement. You had cleaned your whole flat even if you were going to stay on the couch, laptop resting on a large pillow setting on your coffee table. You sat playing with your hair, unsure if you wanted it up or down. A chim from your computer startled you from straightening out your dress you finally had settled on. Soon a well-tailored suited chest came on screen.

       "Hold on, darling, trying to adjust this blood screen." The deep British, very attractive yet somehow familiar voice rang through the computer speakers. You only assumed it belongs to Tom.

           You watched the man attempting to fiddle with the view, cursing ever so quietly. Making you giggle relaxing a little bit more. Your laughing came to an abrupt halt when Tom's face came into Focus. Your jaw dropped. And now the unmistakable "ehehe" came in to play as you stared at none other the most eligible bachelor in England none other than loki himself Tom Hiddleston.

           "Darling, I think your drooling." Tom teased point to the side of his clean, shaved face. Tom fidgeted with his now raven-colored hair.

          "Oh, I-I," You stammered out, trying to compose yourself.

           "Didn't see this coming did you?" Tom smiled, wetting his lips with that blasted tongue of his.

           "Well, no. I wasn't expecting Tom

Hiddleston."

           "Is that a bad thing?" Tom spoke up.

           "Oh, no, no. I would be an idiot to say it was. Hey, wait a minute. I've told you that, that, that. Shit." You muttered.

          "That I was your hall pass if given a chance. Eheh. Well, it looks like you'll have had wasted your hall pass privileges. You only get one and can't use it on someone if you are already seeing them."

        "You know, sir, you are still a butthead." You stuck out your tongue at the man.

        "You do like calling me that. Why are you calling me a butthead this time?" Tom grinned.

              Your time with Tom was extraordinary, the two of you talked throughout most of the night. He told you things you never knew about the actor every woman pined over. Here you were, the one woman out of a billion he seems to fancy.

           "Well, love." Tom cooed as he watched you try not to nod off to sleep. "I should let you sleep."

         "I'm sorry." You muttered sleepily.

          "Do not apologize, my dear. I should be the one to apologize I've kept you up most of the night.” Tom smiled softly. He watched as you rub your eyes, a shy smile softly graced your lips. Making Tom’s heart flutter.

”Perhaps, my dear, would you like to meet for coffee at the cafe that opened back up?” Tom hummed in high hopes.

”Hmm, I don't know.” You smiled, trying hard to look like you were contemplating though you were going to say yes. To hell with this virus, it was Tom Hiddleston asking you to coffee.

”I mean, I'll wear a mask and stay six feet if needed.” Tom added quickly.

”No, no, there is no need for that. I don't mind unless you feel like it's needed.” You pipped up—Tom grind like a fool shaking his head no.

[nadiineross]

so this is spiderbyte wip which i cannot be bothered to finish but i thought it would be cute n funny if sombra makes them go on a legal vacay together like they go on tripadvisor and dress up like tourists and theyre using their sick days or smth not that i think talon would give either of them sick days since its a terrorist organization.. lol ANYWAY hv fun :)

Widow has no idea how Sombra pulled it off, but she’s hardly surprised since doing unthinkable, and unthinkably stupid, things is sort of Sombra’s schtick. So, here she is, standing in a commercial airport with a neck pillow wedged around her peach-painted elbow and two 4-wheel suitcases at her hip, waiting for her girlfriend to finish taking a piss.

She is, on some level, excited for this actually legal, Talon-cleared weekend-long vacation. It’s not that she thinks she’ll get bored or hate it—after all, Sombra had organized everything and Sombra is one among maybe three people who give a fuck about what Widow thinks about things—but she wonders, sometimes, about the genuineness of her own emotions. She experiences them shallowly. Like they’re dialed down. On occasion, experiences them like a choice; a matter of whether or not she wants to expend energy on reacting to something.

Because of this, she wonders if she fakes them and does it so well, she’s fooled herself. But then what difference would that make?

Yes, she’s happy to spend time with Sombra. Always. It just doesn’t matter to her at all the how and when of it. Doesn’t feel like there’s anything significant about going to a different country with Sombra, partake in new activities with her.

To Sombra, it’s different. She’s been giddy about this for a week, constantly nudging Widow so she’ll lean over and look at whatever part of the travel plan Sombra’s putting together. Sombra feels the urge to see new places and do new things with people she likes to spend time with.

Widow’s okay with sitting in Sombra’s room, with the hip LED strip lights she sees in the “tick tocks” Sombra shows her, doing nothing in between messing around on the bed. Widow’s okay with flying to ass nowhere, Europe, to watch Sombra’s back and shoot people. That’s going somewhere new; that’s doing something new. It’s all the same to her.

But then again, Sombra wants this, so it’s automatically different.

And that’s the extent of Widow’s feelings about this.

Sombra comes bounding out the airport bathroom just as Widow considers going in to check. As soon as she spots Widow, she scowls and moves the pillow from Widow’s arm to her neck. Again.

“You promised,” she reminds Widow.

Widow looks at her impassively. Considers it.

She promised she would “get in the holiday spirit,” but that was before she had known about Sombra’s ridiculous definition of holiday spirit. Still, a promise is a promise. Besides, this was Widow’s gift to Sombra. Specifically, Widow had told Sombra that she gets one do-stupid-things free pass, happy anniversary, chérie, come back to bed.

One occasion where Sombra can drag Widow into something and Widow will comply without complaint, all within reason, of course. And Sombra picks a vacation.

Sombra, who has become a master at staring contests with Widow, having dated her for a year and a handful of weeks now, waits her out. Finally, Widow sighs and reaches up to button the donut pillow at her throat.

“Looks great, babe,” Sombra says brightly, and begins to wheel her suitcase towards the departure hall proper.

Widow sighs again and follows after her.

“Does this even count as a legal vacation if we are using fake documents?”

“Say it louder,” Sombra grumbles, “I don’t think airport security got that.”

Widow tries not to smile. She takes in a deep breath and, indeed, louder, says: “Does this even c—”

“I hate that you think you’re funny now,” Sombra huffs. “Dating me is such an ego boost for people.”

“People?” Widow muses. Sombra ignores that. Whatever. She changes tracks to something she’s actually curious about. “What’s the name on your passport?”

“Sombra,” says Sombra.

Widow squints at her. “Sombra what? You don’t have a last name.”

“Spider,” Sombra deadpans, “Obviously, it doesn’t say Sombra. Why the hell would I put that on my passport? That’s dumb. I’m very good at being a criminal, you know?”

“Yes, baby,” says Widow, “the best.”

Sombra rolls her eyes but the edges of her mouth twitch up before she can control it. Widow can’t help but smile herself. “It’s Jane Smith.”

“That… is so boring.” She wrinkles her nose. “And so American.”

“What? You don’t think I look exactly like a Jane Smith?” Sombra asks.

Widow stares at her.

“Whatever.” Sombra sniffs, snootily, and rubs a hand over the buzzed side of her head. It’s grown out a bit—Widow will shave it for her soon.

“You are terrible with aliases.”

Sombra had given her a fake passport earlier today, back at base. Widow’s now May Parker, a Canadian national since Sombra didn’t have faith in Widow’s fake accent skills and told her, quite condescendingly, to stick to French. The name was a reference to something, Widow’s not sure what, just thankful that Sombra hadn’t ended up printing the name of the first French historical figure that came to mind. Napoleon Bonaparte probably wouldn’t have gone over too well with airport authorities.

At check-in, the woman barely bats an eye at their too-nondescript names. It’s likely not that rare for people to come through airports with fake names in this day and age anyway. Probably, it’s quite rare to have terrorists doing it for vacation, but Widow has to admit their outfits don’t quite match up with that image.

Sombra picks their seats as Widow hauls their suitcases onto the belt. When all’s said and done, Sombra loops their arms together and pulls them towards security.

Sombra keeps glancing up at Widow’s face while they wait in line. It’s her only tell that she’s nervous and Widow can guess why. The sunscreen-like balm they’d smeared all over her, to make her look normal, should hold up for the duration of their flight. Though, she didn’t trust Talon scientists, she could trust their science, so she’s not worried about it.

Anyway, it wasn’t the 20th century. Most body mods were socially acceptable now. Sombra, in all her cyborg glory, shuffles past security with no problem.

It’s another half hour wait at their gate before they finally board. Sombra takes the middle seat, leaving Widow with the window. The aisle seat is, thankfully, empty. She’s not sure if Sombra did that on purpose, but she doesn’t particularly care either way, so she doesn’t ask.

Sombra reaches over and taps both of their mini-TV screens at the same time. A moment later, The Room (2003) begins playing on their screens simultaneously. Sombra makes a triumphant little sound and cuddles into Widow’s side.

Widow drapes her arm around Sombra and sighs.

//

A brief shitty movie marathon later, they’re touching down in Hokkaido, Japan, and Sombra’s tugging her gangly girlfriend out her seat. Widow’s vaguely tired and has already made Sombra promise they’re calling in a favour from Akande for a Talon plane back home after this. It takes a lot of brain power for her to keep up with Sombra sometimes, especially when it comes to silly things like enjoying bad movies.

(Sombra tells her it isn’t brain power that she is expending; rather, it’s called the emotional labour of loving someone.)

By the time they get to their lodging, Widow’s just about ready to pass out.

She pushes the first door she sees and falls into bed. Outside, she hears the rapid padding of Sombra’s footsteps as she explores every nook and cranny in the cabin.

She’s not sure how long she’s been lying down, but next she opens her eyes, the sky is dark blue and Sombra’s face is alarmingly close to hers.

Sombra grins and touches her cheeks. “Hey, you should get up.”

Widow blinks lazily at her. Then: “No.” She rolls around and closes her eyes again. “We’re on vacation.”

“We have to wipe that shit off you,” Sombra says, a note of affection colouring her tone.

She allows herself a few more seconds before she sits up with a huff and follows Sombra into the en suite. It’s a nice bathroom: a big tub, classy tiling, and there’s a big window facing a snowy mountainside, framed by gnarly trees.

note: and like i had this idea that sombra had her own agenda picking japan like mayb to hack into some mountain base but mostly i wanted to write widows skiing skin:) and they do stupid shit in the snow and eat good food and roll around in the sheets in their cozy lil cabin during a snowstorm and at the end these two who hv j been like. a pair of random tourists roll outta there in a bigass talon plane, guns equipped on the outside and everything, everyone else is alarmed, shitting themselves, but sombras j chilling in widows lap as they head back to base, blissfully unaware

[purplesurveys]

1059

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? Lie in bed, even on work days. I work from home, so there’s nothing to prepare or look nice for, anyway. I can stay in bed and just roll out of it and head to my desk at 9 AM to start the day.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? Video calls make me anxious, so I’ve always turned them down even when it was someone I’m close with who was trying to call, like Angela. The only person I’ve felt comfortable having video calls with was Gab but that obviously hasn’t happened in a while. I think the last people I saw on video was my dad’s family, though I was still shy and asked my mom not to put me in the shot for too long.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? Back then I’d do it 2-3 times a week. Then Covid happened and I had to stop; but now that I’m starting to try to put in more effort to take care of myself, I try to bring myself to a coffee shop for me time at least once during weekends.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? Dine-in. For me ambience is a big part of eating food, and even if I had the once-in-a-lifetime chance of getting to eat the absolute best meal in the whole world, if I’m eating it alone at home I would still feel like shit.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? Starbucks. We have five joints in the highway I live on alone, so it’s both a personal preference and a I-don’t-really-have-a-choice type of situation haha.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? It’s on vibrate during work days; then I’ve formed a habit of putting it on Do Not Disturb during weekends or holidays.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Cooper thought my hand was a toy earlier so he was biting on it, and not in a very playful way.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? Around a week ago when I was buying presents; I needed to get my cousin the mechanical pencils and eraser she wanted for Christmas. I also came across the bookshop that Gab and I would make a habit to visit, but I didn’t go inside as I didn’t know if I was prepared for the memories that would inevitably flood back. I looked through the stuff they had on their windows, though.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? I don’t know if Amazon operates here. But the last thing I got from a local e-commerce app - don’t judge me HAHA - is a phone socket featuring the face of my newest K-drama crush. I placed my order literally 10 minutes ago.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Yesterday. Both were my family’s dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? Not wearing any, haven’t worn any in a while.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Just shampoo and conditioner. I never put anything else on it; I don’t really deem hair products other than those two a necessity.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? Hahaha no. I’ve wanted to try it out, but I’ve always been paranoid that the NBI would come knocking at my door the moment I install one of those.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? She’s a Korean singer named Cheeze, though she’s honestly unfamiliar to me. The song she contributed for the OST of Start-Up is my absolute favorite in the entire tracklist, and that’s how I knew of her.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? I’m at a cafe joint right now and they didn’t have my usual order of caramel macchiato, so I opted for a Spanish latté because it sounded new to me.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I made a Monte Cristo sandwich, if that counts as ~cooking; this was about a little more than a monthh ago. It worked out significantly better than I was expecting, given how rubbish I am in the kitchen. I lacked a couple of ingredients, like mustard for the sauce and the right kind of cheese, but I still ended up liking it.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? Not me personally, but I know this is still widely believed in my country. It’s sad, so I approach black cats whenever I can and play with them for a bit.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? It is definitely not my favorite; I’d say 5 times out of 10 I would consume it, and the other 5 I would set it aside. I enjoy it the most in pizzas and as a sauce for chicken wings.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? Is that the standard schedule? Lmao. I only go when I have to.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? I was first exposed to the internet at around the ages of 3 and 4, when my mom would use the dial-up internet to email my dad (he had just started to work abroad). For many years I thought Yahoo Mail was the only website that existed, since that’s all I saw my mom use. Eventually my dad got broadband for the family by the time I was 10, and the first website I ever looked up was YouTube.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? I remember those; I just never had to use them myself.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? Andi gave me a Petals For Armor CD for Christmas, if it counts. Because they’re the most awesome fucking friend. The last DVD I bought myself was probably a Beyoncé's Life Is But A Dream, which was...holy crap, 7 whole years ago.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? I do. I shave my underarms every few days, and my legs monthly.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? We don’t have the usual four seasons we hear about in other countries; we only have wet and dry. Between those two, I definitely like wet more because I love the rain, and I like how cold it can get.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I took a big bite of a lumpiang togue yesterday when it was still piping hot, so it felt like I almost burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth. But since I was a guest at my dad’s family’s house, I couldn’t spit it out.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Someone stole my wallet in high school, and I never got it back. It was a small petty thing that the police didn’t need to be involved in, lol. I know my mom’s family got robbed when she was a teenager, though; the worst thing that got stolen was their grand piano :(

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? START UP. I first heard of it from my co-workers who would mention the show here and there; and because I was new to the team and wanted to have something in common with them so that I can break the ice, I figured I should start on the show myself. Ended up getting obsessed with the show and gaining a new Korean crush altogether.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? No, those have never looked even remotely appealing to me. I never saw the point of recycling movies that already exist and already feel magical by themselves.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? It doesn’t sound exciting on its own, but I’m very much looking forward to be a homebody tomorrow haha. We’ve been with extended family for five days straight and I’m at a café right now for some me time, so tomorrow I can’t wait to just be at home and lounge around.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? If the dog is already trained or certified to be a certain kind of working dog, I don’t see the point in keeping them for myself when they could be beneficial for other purposes. The only time I see myself adopting a working dog is if they’re already at the point of retirement and would need a loving home to live out their remaining years.

--

1 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Do you eat it on its own or as part of a bigger meal? Love garlic bread; I regularly have it with my pasta and occasionally, pizza.

2 - When was the last time your area was under some kind of weather warning? Did it end up being as bad as predicted? Last month, during Typhoon Rolly. Other cities had worse experiences, but it also wasn’t sunshine and rainbows on our end. We had a blackout for around two days and I had to file for an emergency leave four days into my new job, which was super embarrassing. It didn’t flood in our street but the water was high in other areas in our village, so we couldn’t go out for a while.

3 - Do you ever buy things from charity/thrift shops? What was the last thing you bought from there? I don’t recall ever buying anything from either.

4 - The last time you got fast food, did you eat in, takeaway or go through the drive-thru? My last fast food wasssssss Jollibee, and my parents got it for takeout so that we could eat as a family at home.

5 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Hahaha no they don’t. It’s been six months since we got Cooper but the two still don’t get along, unless it’s Kimi trying to hump him. It’s understandable; Cooper is a vibrant pup that’s super excited and play bites all the time, and on the other side is a nearly 13 year old, nearly blind, can’t-smell-as-well-as-he-used-to senior dog; and I get that Kimi’s more sensitive to sudden movements now.

6 - Do you ever buy things off eBay? If you do, do you participate in auctions or do you just use the “buy it now” option? I never go on eBay. And since I’ve never checked it out, I never understood the gimmick of the website.

7 - When you go out, do you worry that you’ve forgotten to lock the door or turn something off? Yeah, this is especially the case with locking the front door.

8 - What fruits and vegetables have you eaten so far today? Do you tend to get your “five a day”? I didn’t know five a day is a thing of some sort; but it’s only 8:47 AM and I haven’t eaten anything at all yet today.

9 - When was the last time you were in pain? What caused it and did you manage to get it sorted in the end? Last night when my back was giving me hell. As for the cause...idk, years of bad posture maybe? I was able to deal with it for a bit with the new massage pillow that my dad got for Christmas.

10 - Do you live in an area that gets lots of snow? Do you like it? If not, would you like to live somewhere that gets that cold? I would love to move somewhere that’s generally more cold. Humidity gets exhausting to deal with.

11 - What was the reason for your last doctor/hospital visit? My fever had already been lasting for a week and wasn’t showing signs of going away. No Covid symptoms, just pure hellish fever.

12 - If someone had told you that 2020 would see a global pandemic, countries going into lockdown, compulsory face masks and millions of deaths, would you have ever believed that you’d live through something like that? My personal biggest surprise for 2020 wasn’t even the pandemic. I would have had a more violent reaction if I was told I would no longer be in a relationship and be barely talking to my then-girlfriend of six years by the end of 2020.

13 - Do you prefer having the blinds/curtains open or closed when you’re at home? Does it depend on the weather or the time of day? Always closed. I don’t ever voluntarily open the curtains or windows to let the sunshine in.

14 - Do you use an ad-blocker on your computer or phone? Why/why not? I use one on my laptop because the ones on YouTube can be extremely annoying. I didn’t know it was possible to put on ad blockers on phones (is it?).

15 - Do you still use a paper diary/planner to organise your appointments and schedules? No, but I’m thinking of getting a planner again for 2021. I used to get a Starbucks planner every year just because I wanted to get into their Christmas promo hype, but I never completed any of them. Now that I’m working and am busier all around, I see the bigger need for a planner. These days, I use a Google extension called Momentum to list down my to-do tasks. My parents also got me a corkboard for Christmas on which I stick notepads with things I have to do for the day.

16 - When was the last time you charged one of your electronic items? Do you have to charge that specific item often? I’m charging my laptop now. At this point it’s always plugged in because I want to keep the cycle count low, though I’m not sure if it’s the healthiest thing to do.

17 - Have you ever thrown or broken something in a temper? Yes, definitely. I’m not normally aggressive when angry, but sometimes it happens.

18 - What does your outfit look like today? Did you pick it out for a special reason? I have on a black sundress that I didn’t change out of. I wore it yesterday when I went to a coffee shop to spend some time on my own.

19 - Do you follow any vlogs or podcasts? What is it about them that interests you? I do follow certain channels who do vlogs, but I never tune into them since most of them have gotten a little uninteresting. I’m also subscribed to several podcasts like Andi’s and Renee Young’s, but I’m not always in a podcast mood; I subscribe because I want to support them.

20 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? Do you go through phases of visiting certain websites? I visit Twitter and YouTube the most often. I will binge Reddit every now and then, and I will get into a Wikipedia black hole at least once a week.

21 - Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? If you don’t have siblings, what about your cousins or extended family? I do not maintain a relationship with my brother after he physically assaulted me last year. My sister and I are on good terms, but we’re not close in that I can cry to her or that we know each other’s secrets. We have a very good casual relationship, and we never argue.

22 - When was the last time you were up early enough to see the sunrise? I hate the sun so I don’t really do that lol.

23 - What movie series did you last watch from start to finish? Was it one you’d seen before? I only ever do this with Twilight. I have my annual Twilight Saga marathon where I watch all five films in one afternoon hahaha.

24 - Do you still enjoy watching children’s TV programmes? What was the last one you watched? Yeah, but only the ones I watched as a kid. My cousins and I watched the Wet Painters episode of Spongebob last Christmas Eve right after we finished Midsommar.

25 - Who was the last person to tag you in something on social media? How do you know that person? I have no idea. I’ve been going in and out of deactivation, so at this point I’m sure people no longer have any clue if I’m on a certain social media website or not.

26 - What was the last thing you took a photograph of? It was a screenshot of something I wanted to show Angela.

27 - Are you a fan of giving animals human names? Sure. I certainly find it funny when pets are given incredibly ordinary human names, like Bob or Mark.

28 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with what the scale said? Christmas Eve eve, when I saw a weighing scale in my cousin’s room. I mean it’s what I’ve weighed for the last 5 years or so, so I have no complaints.

29 - How often do you buy yourself new clothes? What was the last clothing item you bought for yourself? Used to be a few times every month, but I have not bought anything new since before the pandemic. The last items I got were still the tops with puffed sleeves that I bought in March.

30 - What is the reason behind your mood today? Is this something you could have done something about? I’m mostly at ease; a little anxious because work continues for a certain headache of a client even though we told them our office would be on shutdown; and a little melancholic for no reason. I’m trying to combat the latter by doing my embroidery and it’s kind of helping, but the sads are still lingering.

[benhardyaf]

WHEN IN LONDON | PART ONE | H.O

Summary: Elliott moved to London with her boyfriend and a plan. When she loses one she didn’t realise it would mean losing the other. Maybe Harrison can make her realise that no plan is perfectly fine. 

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Harassment? (put your hands up if this happens to you every damn weekend!!! no means no gd)

A/N: Hi! So this is the second fic I had planned for Haz but it seems to be a quicker write so it’s coming out sooner than I thought. Please let me know what you think of it, any feedback is welcome. Also if you wanna be tagged in this series just ask??? lol I’ve never done this tag thing and probably no one wants to continue it but oh well. Enjoy!

It had been a week since I’d broken up with Dylan, but almost two months since I realised I didn’t want to be with him. It wasn’t an easy thing to do; we’d been dating since we were 17 years old and we moved to a different country together. He wasn’t a bad boyfriend, he loved me, doted on me at times, treated me right. But I couldn’t stop imagining what my life would be like without him in it. I didn’t wait eagerly on the tube home to our flat just to see his face, I didn’t get butterflies in my stomach when he told me he loved me, I didn’t feel the need to accompany him to his work dinner events. We were friends - that was all there was to it. Sure, I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with him. 

Last Thursday night was difficult. He was surprised, not sure he thought we would ever break up. We were comfortable. I don’t think Dylan had spent a day in his life uncomfortable. He had a wealthy family, lots of connections, a good body and a smile that lit up a room. Most things came very easily to him. He told me I could keep the flat, which was so nice. I was the one who’d broken up with him, shouldn’t I move out?

Of course, keeping the flat was causing me a little bit of stress. When it was the two of us, it was easy to pay the rent of a two bedroom with two full time salaries. Now, I had to fork out that cash on my own, which was going to be difficult. 

That was how I found myself, a week after turning single, walking into a Luau themed bar on a Friday night to meet people I worked with for a few drinks. I’d walked from the Tube station and I already regretted the shoes I was wearing - nothing too flashy, just some leopard print sandals - but the strap was digging into my heels. I flattened my denim skirt as I looked for their table, I was feeling a little nervous to see everyone. Despite knowing Dylan and I weren’t meant to be together, it was a lot easier having him by my side as a comfort. 

After pushing through dozens of people and dodging tables with tiki torches lighting up drunk faces, I spotted a group of people by the far wall. I recognised Chloe and Jesse first. They were my closest friends at work, I shared an office space with them. They waved at me and I walked over to them quickly.

“Elliott, you look cute.” Chloe pinched my arm, smiling up at me. “Sit down and grab a drink.” I smiled my thanks, falling easily into conversation with the group and settling my stomach slightly for the night. 

I giggled along helplessly to something one of the boys had said, throwing my head back in exaggeration. I was a few drinks in and at this level I thought everything was funny. Our group had dwindled in the hour that had passed, leaving me alone with Jesse, Chloe and a few of the other guys. In my overstated snickering, I slightly lost balance and bumped into someone walking behind me. I turned around to apologize but they weren’t looking at me, they were looking at Ryan, who worked on our third floor, and had a very strange look on his face.

“I’m so sorry.” I said, still smiling. “I emote outwardly.” The person I had knocked looked at me now. He had very short hair that looked recently shaved and dark brown eyes. 

“Not a problem, love.” He smiled back. Luckily I hadn’t knocked any of the beers out of his hands. He walked a few more steps and sat down at his own table, which was placed next to ours. He handed out beers to his friends, who began chatting with him. 

I turned back to my group, thinking about the encounter I’d just had. The guy was attractive, that much was obvious. And I had always loved British boys, not that I’d ever had the opportunity to be with one, seeing as I’d been with Dylan the whole time I’d lived in England. The thought hadn’t crossed my mind until that moment, but I was now free to sleep with whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I was single. It was a freedom I could get used to. 

Another hour passed and more people began to leave until it was just Jesse, Ryan, Chloe and I. We were chatting about nothing in particular. I would zone out of the conversation every now and then, fiddling with the paper straw in my Pimms that had started to get soggy. 

“Elliott.” I was munching on the cucumber soaked in alcohol, not listening to the boys trying to get my attention. “Elliott!” Jesse waved his hand in front of my face. 

“Sorry, zoned out.” 

“Ryan was asking when you broke up with Dylan.” Jesse took a sip of his drink. I told him and Chloe about the break up the day after it happened and they got to hear all the gory details, but I hadn’t really talked about it much to anyone else from work. 

“Oh.” I frowned, looking down again. This sort of conversation could really put a damper on my good mood. “Last week.”

“Why?” Ryan moved closer to me, the sun was setting behind him and I moved to put my sunglasses on to cover my eyes. 

I shrugged my shoulders, wanting the questioning to end. “Sometimes things just end.”

Ryan nodded his head, his hair falling into his eyes. I suppose he was objectively good looking, but I’d never really cared for him. His arrogance was something I could never look past. Chloe talked about him constantly, and how his blue eyes and black hair combo could do things that no other man ever could. I often told her that she should have higher standards if her only prerequisite was black hair and blue eyes. She thought I was crazy.

I stopped listening to the conversation again after that, paying more attention to my drink and feeling a little uncomfortable. Jesse didn’t mean any harm but I couldn’t stop thinking that he could have quelled the subject completely before it even came to me. Chloe seemed to eat up the words that were coming out of Ryans mouth, her eyes never leaving him. 

I came to when I felt a palm slip onto my thigh. I looked at Jesse, who had both his hands on the table, ripping up the label of his beer bottle, then to Ryan, who smirked as he continued telling whatever story he was in. I felt like throwing up.

I excused myself and went to the bathroom. The spot on my thigh where Ryans hand had sat was burning. I knew that technically I could do whatever I wanted, I had no attachments anymore. But everything about Ryan screamed dirty to me. I didn’t like the way he stared at girls, I didn’t like the way he talked about himself and I didn’t like the way he took credit for other people's work. I threw some water on my face and tried to cool down. The warm summer air seemed to triple in heat and I was feeling very flushed. I spent a few minutes using the water to calm the redness in my cheeks and went back to the table, deliberately choosing to sit on the other side of the table next to Chloe. 

“You look a little stressed. Are you okay?” Chloe asked me quietly, taking the last gulp of her drink and placing the empty glass on the table. I nodded at her, not confident my voice would come out properly. Chloe shrugged and went back to the conversation the boys were having.

Eventually she decided she needed another drink and got up to get the group a round. 

As soon as she left, I felt worried again. I felt the stares of the boys on me as they expected me to join in, but I couldn’t make myself focus on the discussion. The night was ruined. I told the boys that I was tired and was going to go home and was met with protestations. 

“Just stay a bit longer.” Jesse whined, pouting his bottom lip. 

I laughed half-heartedly, shaking my head at him. “It’s been a really long week. I need a good sleep.” 

Jesse nodded. Ryan looked at me, I couldn’t really read his expression. 

“I thought we were having fun.” It wasn’t a question, he was telling me.

“Oh, yeah.” I gulped. “It’s been great.” I nodded, trying to convince myself. 

“Then don’t go.” He said, rather firmly. I had made it to the other side of the table, heading towards the door. I started to shake my head when he grabbed my hand. “You should stay.” I didn’t know what to say to him. I was trying to pull my hand out of his grasp but he had quite a tight grip on it. “Stay here.” When I looked at his face, his eyebrows were pulled into each other. He seemed angry. I tried to object but he stood up, his frame towering over me. 

I hadn’t considered him an intimidating man before. Sure, he was conceited and arrogant and rude but he had never seemed harmful. Then, though, I wasn’t sure what sort of man he really was. 

Words died on my tongue as he took a step towards me. My heart was beating a little faster. I looked at Jesse, who was confused. He didn’t do anything though. 

“I really need to get home.” I found my voice, faking a smile and hoping I sounded sincere. “I’ve got an early start tomorrow.” I took a step backwards, hoping he’d let go of my hand. Ryan was about to say something when a voice cut in.

“Hey, mate.” I looked to the owner. It came from the table next to us, with the guy that I’d bumped earlier. The person speaking was sitting across from him, frown plastered on his face and eyes so blue they seemed to glow. The dying sun was on his right, leaving his skin glowing golden. “Leave her alone.”

I looked at the rest of the table, each face was turned towards me. There was a litter of different expressions, one of disgust, one of anger, another of judgement. I didn’t know what my face looked like, but I hoped it wasn’t betraying my panic. 

The nice brunette guy from earlier spoke up. “Not sure you can take the hint so we’ll spell it out for you: she’s not interested.” Hums of agreement followed his statement. Ryan didn’t release his grip on my hand though. 

“What the hell does this have to do with you?” Ryans teeth were gritted. 

There were a few chuckles from the table. “God.” The boy with blue eyes ran a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly. He looked annoyed. “Nothing really.” He rolled his eyes.

“But it can involve us if you want it to.” One of the boys next to him chimed in. It wasn’t really a threat. The brunette who had said it was even smiling. His tone wasn’t menacing and he didn’t look like he wanted to even get up from his seat. But the implication was there - we will not tolerate this. 

Ryan looked across the table, noticing that he was completely outnumbered. Finally, he released my hand. I looked down and could see a red ring around my wrist where his fingers were. I then looked to Jesse, who had a look of shock on his face. 

I couldn’t find any words so I just looked at all the boys around me, unsure of what to do next. Ryan had had enough and stormed off to leave, throwing his shoulder into mine on the way. I winced slightly but didn’t react otherwise. 

Chloe arrived at that moment with three drinks in her hand. “What did I miss?” She looked around at all the tense faces. “Where’d Ryan go?” She placed the drinks down and walked up to me. Still no one had spoken. “What’s happening?” She half whispered, seeing that Jesse wasn’t going to say a thing she hoped I would. I shook my head at her, unsure of what to say.

“You know what, I’ve never liked Ryans.” The brown-eyed boy from the table next to us announced. The others laughed. I looked at them all, smiling slightly myself. 

Chloe just looked even more confused. I shook my head, trying to get a hold of myself. “Ryan, um.” How do I put this lightly? “He left.” Explaining nothing seemed easiest.

“Oh, okay.” She still looked confused, but didn’t push the subject. 

I didn’t know what to do so I just sat down again, hoping Chloe would sit as well and we could forget about everything. Thankfully, she did. But as soon as we were about to continue our night, Jesse stood up. “I need to go.” 

I hurt me a little that he didn’t want to sit with me. I didn’t know what to say to him. Had I offended him? Was he angry at me for making a scene? I felt so guilty, but also embarrassed that so many people had witnessed everything. 

I briefly looked to my left, the group of boys was talking again as if nothing had happened. They chatted and laughed and sipped on their drinks, having a great time. As I was about to look away, my eyes met one of theirs. His lips curled up in a smile and he nodded his head at me, his blonde hair shining in the sun. He raised his drink in a cheers fashion. I reached forward and grabbed my own, slightly lifting it and smiling back at him.

[memesiders]

Part 10

Death x OC Office AU

(I feel like I haven't updated in weeks, lol. Enjoy!! 💖)

“I’m just gonna go out for a walk,” I sighed, shoving my feet into a pair of old studded combat boots. “That’s all.”

“You don’t get all dressed up like that to just go for a walk,” Safiya said behind me. I rolled my eyes and tied up the laces, flipping my hair out of my face. “Plus, you straightened your hair and shaved, and you put on your sexy underwear.” I scoffed and stood, turning to her.

“Maybe I just wanna feel hot while I go on a walk, you ever think of that?”

“You’re the worst liar in this house. Where are you really going?” I groaned loudly and slipped my leather jacket over my shoulders, moving my hair.

“Nowhere, except for a walk.”

“So, who is it?” Neema asked from the couch, looking at me inquisitively. I threw my hands up.

“No one!”

“It’s your boss, isn’t it?”

“It better not,” Safiya scoffed. I glared at her. “Are you going to see him?” I felt my face grow warm.

“No!” I cried, running my hands through my hair.

“Aziza, if you’re going to see him-”

“I’m not, I’m just gonna get drinks with someone from work! You happy now?” She crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw clenched. She was thoroughly unconvinced by my answer. I rolled my eyes. “I’ve gotta go or else I’m gonna be late.”

“Aziza-”

“Don’t wait up!” I grabbed my keys and shoved them into my purse, walking out. I slammed the door behind me and hurried down the stairs. I slammed against the front door and pushed it open, walking out into the cold. I gulped down fresh air and moved to lean against the side of the building. I slowly slid down, crouching, and held my head in my hands. The weekend had snuck up on me.

I hadn’t even realized it was Saturday when I woke up this morning. All day I could only think about my date with Death. I was nervous and excited and irritated, but the irritation wasn’t at him. Safiya had sensed something off with me and had been hounding me all day about what was going on with me. I knew she’d blow a gasket if she knew I was going to see my boss, so I just didn’t tell her. I hadn’t told either of my sisters, which was uncharacteristic of me, to be honest. Usually, I told them everything; from what I had for lunch to how many times I had to use the restroom.

I shared my life with them completely, but I couldn’t share this. From how Safiya had just acted, I didn’t even want to imagine her reaction if I’d told her the truth. Knowing that I was going to meet someone from work was enough for them to know. Still, I felt guilty about keeping this from them. I knew Neema wouldn’t care, and she’d probably only tease me about it, but I didn’t want her to have to keep a secret from Safiya for me. It wasn’t fair to her.

I sniffled, the cold freezing my nose, and stood. I’d asked to meet Death at the office instead of having him pick me up at home. There was no way my sisters wouldn’t know who I was seeing if he pulled up in his Rolls Royce. I sighed and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket, pushing the drama with my sisters to the back of my mind. I had been waiting for this night for days, and nothing was going to take away my excitement. I’d been restless the rest of the week, thinking only about tonight.

What did he have planned for us? Was he as nervous as I was? What if I messed things up or we found out we were completely incompatible? Or if I did something horrible would he fire me? I didn’t want to have to tell Safiya she was right; that would be the icing on the cake.

I shuttered at the thought of having to admit to her that I was wrong and she was right.

I reached the building fairly easy. The crowd on the sidewalk was beginning to get denser just as I arrived. Death was waiting outside, leaning against the front door. He was dressed nicely, with dark jeans, a neatly tucked iris shirt, and a pair of black boots that looked like they could easily pay rent for three months. His hands were shoved into the pockets of a nice black trench coat, his head resting against the glass. His eyes were closed but he seemed to know I was here, because before I could finish crossing the street his eyes were open and trained on me. I smiled and waved, running up to him.

“Sorry if I’m late,” I said. He smiled softly at me.

“It’s worth the wait,” he replied. I blushed and he looked me up and down, pushing away from the door. “Should we get going?” I nodded and he walked to his car that was parked in front of us, opening my door for me. I thanked him and got in, setting my purse next to me. He closed my door and was in his seat in a flash, the engine of the car roaring to life. I smiled and relaxed into my seat, clipping my seatbelt on.

“So, what do you have planned for us for the evening?” I asked as we pulled away from the curb. He looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

“Nothing, really… I was hoping you had an idea.” I snickered and shook my head.

“I’m indecisive when it comes to decisions like this! I thought you’d have something fancy planned.” He hummed quietly and I bit the inside of my cheek. “I don’t need anything fancy, Death. We could sit in the car and eat fast food and I’d be fine.” He snorted softly and turned to look at me as we came to a stoplight, traffic starting to pick up.

“I suppose we should have dinner?” I shrugged. “Have you eaten?”

“I ate some mashed potatoes and corn.” He cocked his head slightly. “It was either that or ramen again.”

“Dinner it is,” he said. I smiled and nodded.

“Dinner it is,” I repeated. I turned my body as much as I could and rested my head against the seat. “Tell me about yourself.” He chuckled darkly and looked away from me.

“You don’t want to know.” His tone was morose. I reached over and put my hand on his knee, giving him an encouraging look.

“I’m pretty sure I do. You don’t have to tell me your whole life story. Let’s start simple, like… What’s your favorite movie?” He stared at me quizzically. “Come on, you have to have a favorite film. Mine’s The Sixth Sense.” He shook his head slowly.

“I’ve never watched a movie.” My jaw dropped and I furrowed my brows, looking at him skeptically.

“You’re lying; you have to be. You’re telling me you haven’t watched one single movie in your entire life?” He nodded.

“I read.”

“Well so do I but it’s nice to take a seat and kick back with some snacks to watch Bruce Willis see ghosts.”

“What?” I waved his comment away and laughed.

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen a movie… That’s just criminally unjust. We’re gonna have to change that.” He rolled his eyes. “Okay, how about a different question? What… What’s your favorite book?” He tilted his head thoughtfully, silence hanging over us as we drove. Is it really that hard to pick a favorite book? How many has he read?

“You couldn’t possibly have read my favorite book. It’s not in your language.”

“Hey, I took an Enochian class in college!” He smirked.

“It remains in Heaven’s vast libraries.”

“Oh… Then I probably haven’t read it.” He laughed quietly and looked at me.

“What about you,” he asked. “What’s your favorite novel?”

“Promise you won’t laugh?” He nodded. I took a deep breath. “Pride and Prejudice.” His smirk grew and I pointed a finger at him. “Hey, you promised!”

“I’m not laughing.” He sounded like he was fighting to not laugh, the bastard. “It’s a nice novel for humans.”

“It’s a classic! How can you not like it? The romance between Elizabeth and Darcy and the way it builds up is just-” I kissed my fingers. “Perfecto.” He gave me a side eye and I arched a brow. “You just don’t get it.”

“I’ll admit, I don’t appreciate it like you do.” I smiled. “What question next?” I tapped my finger against my chin, thinking it over. You can ask anything you want, anything at all.

“Do you… Do you sleep with the window closed or open?”

“It doesn’t matter to me, but I prefer fresh air so I usually leave it open.”

I jumped up. “Me too,” I exclaimed. “Neema absolutely despises it but I can’t sleep without the window at least cracked open.” I clapped, shimmying happily in my seat. “Alright, that’s one thing in common!” He chuckled amusedly. We arrived at our destination a few minutes later. In that time, I’d learned his favorite color, favorite album, and favorite football team; unsurprisingly, he didn’t watch football.

We entered the restaurant I felt a chill go down my spine. Not because of anything scary, but because this place was boujee as hell. The floor was made of some type of red crystal that glowed blue wherever you stepped. The walls were black with a gold trim and chandeliers hung from the high ceiling, orbs of blue and golden light swirling around it. The tables and chairs were made from the same crystals as the floor, lit up yellow wherever a person sat. The booths were the same, but had a cushy looking leather backing to them. Orbs floated through the place, soaring past tables and weaving between legs. It was a beautiful, and most definitely expensive, place to be. The line had extended all the way outside but Death had walked in like he owned the place. He walked up to the maître de and held up two fingers.

“The usual, this time for two,” he said. The demon next to him opened her mouth to say something when the angel next to her put his hand on her arm, shaking his head at her. She clenched her jaw, looking like she wanted to tear his eyes out, but remained silent. The maître de smiled at him and grabbed two menus, motioning for him to follow her. He took my hand and led me through the room, completely ignoring the fact that we’d just cut in line. I felt guilty; after all, they were here first. The woman led us up a platform, heels clicking loudly against the crystal floor, and set the menus down at one of the booths.

She said goodbye and hurried back to her post, never once sparing me a glance. We sat down and I shifted awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable. I wasn’t dressed to be in a place this nice. “Are you okay?” I looked at the Nephilim, who regarded me with an enquiring look. I smiled a little and nodded.

“Yeah,” I said, picking up my menu. “I’m just a little uncomfortable. I’m not dressed to be in a place like this…”

“You look fine. Most everyone here is dressed up for two reasons; to get laid or to get paid, sometimes both.” I giggled softly and shook my head, studying the menu.

“We also kind of cut in line, you know. That’s kinda rude.”

“I thought you’d want to eat. Besides, this is my regular booth.” I flicked my eyes up to him.

“You come here often?”

“I try to come at least once a week. Fury says it’s good for me to go out and socialize.” I hid my giant smile behind the menu.

“Sitting alone in a booth in a room full of people isn’t socializing, you know.” He gave me an amused smirk, his eyes meeting mine.

“Well, I’m not alone now, am I?” I rolled my eyes playfully and turned my attention back to the menu, nearly choking on air when I saw the prices.

“Death,” I said quietly. He hummed, not looking up from the menu. “This is really expensive.” His eyes moved back to mine.

“I have a Rolls and you’re worried about pricing?” he asked, a sarcastic tone to his voice. I pursed my lips slightly.

“Well, I have fifty bucks to pay for myself tonight and the lowest prince is the forty-five-dollar sweet potato fries flaked with gold.” He snorted softly and set the menu down.

“I’m paying for tonight, so order anything you want.” I frowned.

“I want to pay for my meal; I’d feel bad if you paid for everything.” He gave a small smile, watching me thoughtfully.

“Think of it as a bonus for being around me past your work hours.” I rolled my eyes.

“This is a date, not work.” I sighed and shook my head, looking back at the menu. “Fine, I’ll let you pay for tonight; but only because I’m hungry and this prime rib looks delicious.” He chuckled, the sound of it making it impossible for me to not smile as much as I could. We ordered a few minutes later and then continued our talk. I rested my elbows on the table and cupped my face, staring at him. He arched a brow and tilted his head up slightly, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“You do know that elbows on the table is considered rude, yes?” he asked amusedly. I smiled.

“Is that a date dealbreaker?” I teased, my feet dancing under the table. I was suddenly very nervous, but I tried to play it off.

“Hmm…” He tapped a finger against his chin. “No, I don’t think it is.” My smile widened and I scrunched my shoulders, attempting to look cute. He let out a breath that almost sounded like laughter and shook his head, relaxing into his seat. I folded my arms and flipped some loose strands of hair out of my face.

“So, any questions you have for me,” I asked. He pursed his lips slightly and stared at me, thinking over his next words.

“Yes,” he answered slowly. “I would like to know why you decided to apply for my office when your personality suggests you’d get along with Strife better.” I scoffed and shook my head, sitting up.

“The pay, number one! Number two, it’s close to home and to Neema’s school, and number three, I wanted to see if you were as big and bad as I’d heard.” He cocked his head.

“Where did you hear that?”

I shrugged. “My sister has a friend whose brother worked for you and he said you were a strict hard ass with no compassion and that every time you walked into a room the temperature would drop.” Death laughed, his eyes glinting with delight. “Also, my sister dated an employee of yours who said you were colder than ice cold.”

“Sounds about right,” he snickered. I smiled a little and shook my head.

“No, I don’t think so,” I said. He peered at me inquisitively. “You are an asshole, but the temperature has never dropped when you walk in a room.” He scoffed amusedly. “You’re also not without compassion. You let Nora cut back her hours to spend more time with her baby and gave me a chance to work for you even after I flipped out in your office. Plus, you bought me lunch once.”

“That was just-”

“You didn’t have to buy me so much. You could’ve gotten me a salad or even gotten me nothing at all. I think that takes some compassion, don’t you?” He stared at me thoughtfully, a small smile on his lips.

“You’re kinder than I deserve,” he said, his voice surprisingly soft. My cheeks started to warm up and I looked down, trying to fight back the smile that wanted to stretch across my face.

“I don’t think so,” I said, looking back up at him. “I think you deserve more kindness.” His eyes grew dark and he clasped his hands together, his gaze leaving mine.

“If you knew of all the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t think that.” My smile fell and I reached across the table, taking one of his hands in mine. His eyes met mine once again and I gave his hand a gently squeeze.

“Whatever your sins are, just know I don’t care. I care about who you are right now.” He sighed and laced his fingers through mine, staring at our joined hands.

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is with me. I don’t know what you’ve done to think you don’t deserve basic kindness.” His hand squeezed mine, and for a moment I could’ve sworn I saw torture in his eyes.

“A lot, Aziza. I’ve done a lot.”

[eatmymakeup-blog]

My Depression and Anxiety Story

I’ve been drafting this for so long and I don’t know if this will ever be finished. (Spoiler alert: It wont be finished) A post from my friend who’s struggling with her own depression is what pushed me to finally publish this. 

I’m going to start with my own story.

I was (oh wait I still am) a fat kid. No one bullied me at school but I was always quiet and reserved. I wasn’t the studious type. When I get home from school I just open the TV or call my friends on our landline phone. I’d copy homework from my classmates in the morning. I also changed best friends every year until I met my forever best friends when I was in Grade 7. High School was the same, I still didn’t study. Thinking about it now, maybe even if I wasn’t bullied, I was quiet, shy and didn’t have the motivation to study because I was (oh shoot I still am) fat. I was my own bully. 

After High School, I didn’t want to go to school anymore. I told my Mom that I wanted to rest for a year before I go to College. She was okay with it. I spent my 18th birthday in the States. When we got back to the Philippines, I learned that my Mom and Dad were fighting. I didn’t go to my best friend’s 18th birthday because of that. One of the reasons too was because I wasn’t in school. I was ashamed, I self-pitied, because everyone I know are talking about school and I don’t have anything to share. I was depressed but I didn’t know what to call what I was feeling yet.

When I got to College, I made a lot of friends. I pushed myself to talk to people and not be scared. I was a Dean’s lister. I fell in love and got my heart broken. My Mom and Dad got separated. I started smoking. 2008 was my first documented depression. 

While writing, it looks like I didn’t have a good time. I didn’t, I had a great time! I met new people, learned from them because they’re very different from the people I knew from High School. They’re still my friends until now. 

I graduated. I was supposed to be a Cum Laude, but my grades were a 0.01 short. I didn’t want to blame my parents separation, but sometimes I do. I always feel that they were the reason why I didn’t push harder, but in reality it was still myself. It’s still my own fault. 

After graduation, I told my Mom that I wanted to rest for a year again. She didn’t agree to me this time. She said that I should start working at our family business. So I did. At first I didn’t care about anything in the office. My mom gives me work, I do it. But then I only go to work 1-2 times a week. Maybe after a year or two (I’m not really sure) my Mom decided to put me in the Accounting Department. That’s the time where I really struggled, I didn’t want that job. I still worked there and went to work every day just because I felt guilty about not doing anything on my first few years. I was still struggling because I didn’t like what I was doing. I would always be stressed out because of that.

A few more months, I was asked to help my sister-in-law with her job. So I was doing my job, and a quarter of hers. This made me more exhausted.

2017. I had no idea what happened. We went on a cruise for 7 days. I was supposed to be happy. It’s a free vacation! In the moment, I can tell that I was. But the times when we were back on the ship at night, all these thoughts of jumping off the ship intruding my mind. What would happen if I jump? I asked myself. I was irritated the whole time. I felt that my boyfriend and my Mom weren’t listening to whatever I say. 

And then we came back home. I was so different than before. I was feeling down without any reason. Before that, I was a people pleaser, I loved helping other people and making them happy. I chat with my two friends every day, one I met online and one is my High School best friend. I told them on different days that I can’t chat with them anymore. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was feeling overwhelmed with my own sadness, and I can’t deal with theirs anymore. They understood.

I kept myself isolated. I don’t go out anymore. I don’t talk to my High School best friends even online. I reply to other people, only when I need to. 

One time, my sister-in-law went to Europe for a month and that month I had to do all her work. So then I’m working two jobs for a month (probably more). The reason why I didn’t go full crazy was because my boyfriend was there to help me out. I’d joke about wanting to die. But in reality, I didn’t want to live anymore, I was just all work, then go home, then work then go home. We’d stay at the office until 1-2am. I didn’t even have the time to shave my legs or cut my nails. I was so exhausted. At that time, I thought that that’s going to be my life forever.

All through out the years I’ve documented my depression phase (on my other blogs). I’m can’t call myself clinically depressed, because I haven’t had the guts to go to therapy, and I’m also stubborn minded. I have this belief that the only one who can fix myself, is myself (more on this later). My depression was on and off. I’d get up then go back down again. I even developed social anxiety. I was anxious to meet new people. One time my Mom hired an intern and she let him inside my office. My boyfriend wasn’t there, and my Mom closed the door. I literally couldn’t breathe. I gathered all my courage to stand up and go outside so I can smoke. 

There’s a social media site that starts with the letter P. I’d always rant there about my life and my depression and one person asked me if I have privacy at home. And that’s when I thought about it. I’m an introvert. I’m with my family and boyfriend every day from Mondays to Fridays and on the weekends I’m with my friends. My job bugs me. My room was a mess. I didn’t have time to myself. I’ve been trying to please other people but when did I ever please myself? I continued my isolation for over a year, I tried to focus on me. Only me. 

It sounds so boring, but through that, I met myself. 

On the first few months. I felt numb. I didn’t feel anything. Why can’t I feel? I didn’t give a fuck about anyone, I didn’t even give a fuck about myself. I didn’t clean, I was too lazy to get up, I was stress-eating.

But then I felt like I was at the end, I was so down that there was no where to go but up. 

I love this quote from my favorite movie, Fight Club. “Marla’s Philosophy of life, she told me, is that she can die at any moment. The tragedy of her life is that she doesn’t.” It may sound a bit negative for some people. I’d always refer to that quote when I feel like I want to die. But this time, I reacted to it differently. I told myself, that I’m not scared to die anymore so I shouldn’t be afraid to live my life. To explore new things... or old things that I loved. 

Music. I started listening to music. My love for music came back. I listened to Hip-hop again. I love all genres but listening to Hip-hop makes me have this attitude that makes me feel strong. When I listen to Hip-hop, in my brain I’m like “whatever, fuck you all”. Also, I’m exploring OPM. There’s a ton of good bands right now.

TV Series and movies. Netflix is life. By watching tv shows and movies, I learned a lot. I’ll make a blog series about what I learn in every show or movie I watch. 

Buddhism. I’ve also gone through this path. I want to know how to have peace of mind. I’ve been studying Buddhism but it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God anymore. I just love their main goal. Basically, their main teaching is to be kind. And wow, just wow. That’s all you need, right? 

Astrology. The day of my birthday last year, my niece was here and she read my birth chart, it was scary accurate so I researched more about it and I’m slowly studying it at the moment. I also love it because I discovered more things about myself, that I know already but was just in the back of my head.

Hobbies. I asked myself a question, “What do I love doing?” I love arts and crafts and creating things, so I started buying materials for cross-stitching. I actually finished a piece last year. I haven’t framed it yet. 

Do what you love, everything is an investment, you may not earn money but you’ll earn skills, discipline, etc.

Organizing. Tidying Up With Marie Kondo and Minimalism. This was just recent. I might make a separate post for this but this really helped me. Organizing made my life better but the lesson I learned from them will be with me forever. Tidying Up with Marie Kondo focuses on what sparks joy. You do it with things, but you can also apply it in your life. On the otherhand, Minimalism teaches us gratitude and contentment.

Self-discovery. I discovered (and still discovering) who I really am, who I want to be and what makes me happy. All of us are different, what makes me happy might not make you happy. Learn from yourself. Love yourself. Ask yourself what makes you happy. Ask yourself what makes you sad. Ask yourself what can you do to survive this. The only person who knows how to make you happy, is yourself. I still believe that we’re not meant to be 100% happy all the time, because if we’re happy all the time, what is the point of living? See, that’s what we think about when we’re sad too, because we think that we’re going to be sad forever. Because you can’t feel joy if you don’t experience sadness (lol Inside Out reference, watch it!) Just believe that there will always be better days. This post isn’t to give advice, I didn’t post this because I want you to do this or that. It will always be a personal journey. No one knows if this will be my last depressive phase, so this post is also for myself. A reminder, that I was once okay. 

“Happiness in a meaningful life is really about the full array of emotions, and finding them in the right place” Embrace the sadness, embrace the happiness. Keep learning. Keep loving yourself.

Don’t be scared to share your story or reactions on my ask box. Let’s learn from each other. Let’s inspire each other. 

PS. If you know who I am, please respect my privacy, I don’t want people to know who wrote this. :) I’d love to express my real self more, in the future.

[surveysonfleek]

861.

What’s the latest you’ve woken up? How about the earliest? lol i’ve woken up and slept at all hours of the day literally.

In general, what has the weather been like? Is this good or bad for you? lately it’s been cooler so i’m happy with that. this weekend is going to be boiling though ugh.

Have you been out for a meal? Where did you go and what did you eat? not for the last couple of days. i’ve just been eating at home and work.

Have you been under the influence of alcohol/drugs? yes.

Have you spent more of your time indoors or outdoors? indoors.

What’s the most interesting day you’ve had? How about the most boring? most interesting is any time i’ve been overseas. boring is any time i’m at work or doing absolutely nothing at home.

What’s the earliest you’ve gone to bed? How about the latest? what? hasn’t this been asked?

Have you gone shopping for anything aside from groceries? am i missing something? is this for within the past month or week? like of course i’ve shopped for something aside from groceries...

Have you discovered any new bands or TV shows that you like? not lately.

Have you finished a book, or are you currently reading one? no.

What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you? many many things.

Who have you spoken to most on the phone/online/by text? my boyfriend.

Do you actually think it’s gross to talk about body functions? if you’re my friend then not at all. 

Would you rather sleep alone or next to your SO? alone unless he doesn’t snore lol.

Are you trying to forget about something? no.

Have you ever sent a love letter? yes.

When you look up at the sky do you ever NOT see a plane or vapor trail? yes.

Have you dated someone of another race? yes.

Do you wear any shoes with holes because you can’t give them up? i’ve done this before lol.

When you go out to breakfast, what do you order? anything with smoked salmon.

Have you ever had a job that required a uniform? yes.

What are you most envious of? people with easy lives.

Would you rather have coffee, cocoa, tea, or soda? tea.

When you walk into your best friend’s room, what do you smell? him lol. he has a scent.

Have you ever purposely broken something that belonged to a sibling? no.

Do you have any hipster friends? no.

Have you ever worked at the same place as your best friend? yes.

Do you take days off from shaving when you can get away with it? of course.

Has anyone ever baked you cookies? yes.

Do you ever wear socks with holes in them? nope.

Is there anything hanging on your bathroom walls? yes.

If your SO agreed, would you want an open relationship? hell no.

Have you ever slept with three people in the same bed? When? Why? nope.

Does your family regularly eat sit down meals together? no.

Have you ever used the change counting machine at a store or mall? no.

How do you dress when you’re not at work depends on the occasion.

Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing? it has the game of thrones logo on it. it was $2 from kmart hahaha.

What was the first thing you thought this morning? what time is it?

Are you wearing shorts? nope.

Ever had a boy best friend? yes.

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? if it’s from a significant other, then yeah.

Do your parents actually knock on your door before entering your room? yes.

Do you ‘dress to impress’? sometimes.

Have you ever thought a man over 40 was attractive? yes.

Would you rather get cash or a gift card? cash.

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you?  same height or taller.

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?  yes.

What time did you get up today?  about 10am.

Where does most of your family live?  usa.

What can’t you wait for?  bruno mars concert.

Are you ticklish?  depends where.

What brand of digital camera do you own? canon.

Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York?  nope.

How long is your hair?  i got a haircut a couple weeks ago. it’s just past my shoulders now.

Do you like facial hair on a guy?  i don’t mind, as long as it’s neat

Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge?  no. i don’t intend to.

How long would it take to walk to the nearest McDonald’s?  maybe a 20 minute walk.

Do you get drunk every weekend?  no.

What did you do today?  worked.

Are you listening to music right now?  nope.

Your last ex died today, how would you feel?  i don’t have an ex.

Do you like maxi dresses? sometimes. some suit me, some don’t.

Have any organic makeup? i don’t think i do.

Do you worry about guys thinking you’re hot? no lol.

Are you healthy? not as healthy as i should be.

Do you know anyone that used to be or is homeless? nope.

Does it always seem like you’re always buying stuff for friends? no.

Did you wear sunglasses today? yes.

What’s the next movie you’ll watch in theaters? not sure yet.. probably ocean’s eight.

If you straighten your hair, how long does it take? about 10 minutes.

Does it annoy you when people can’t think of their own answers to questions on surveys and use yours? no lol who cares.

How many people are you talking to online right now? none.

Are you currently wearing anything containing polyester? probably.

Have you ever been to Comic-Con? nope.

Do you have a commercial jingle stuck in your head? no.

Would you date someone 8 years older than you? i’d have to really be in love for that to happen but i doubt it.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? yes.

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to? yes.

Did you go out or stay in last night? i worked.

What does your last received text message say? see you on saturday.

How old is the last person you texted? 26.

What do you want to get accomplished today/tonight? sleep.

You’re single, right? nope.

Are you easy to make mad? if you know how to push my buttons.

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? nope.

What are you doing right now? this and watching survivor.

Do you smoke weed everyday? nope.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajamas? just undies.

Do you like the dentist? no lol.

Do you like the snow? idk, i’ve only ever seen it twice.

Where is your phone beside me.

Would you rather date someone older than you or younger? same age or older.

When was the last time you were told you were cute? a couple days ago.

Would you ever smile at a stranger? sure.

Do you button your shirt from the top or the bottom? top.

Do you make collages often? nope.

How much have you changed in the last year or so? not that much tbh.

Have you ever wished to erase something from your memory? What? nah.

Do you keep things that most people would throw away? not really.

What is your favourite thing to wear when you feel like crap? pjs.

Do you look forward to going to sleep at night? yasss.

What was the last song you listened to? i forgot.

Do you own an Etch-A-Sketch? nope.

What does your bedspread look like? it’s maroon with white etchings on it.

What colour is your suitcase? white.

Are you any good at tongue twisters? i guess.

Do you wrap up warm in the cold weather? of course.

Do you care overly about other people? if i like them.

Do you still live with your parents? When are you planning to move out? yes. whenever my boyfriend and i are ready to take the next step.

If you’ve moved out already, what age were you? -

Have you ever been told your aspirations are unrealistic? nope.

[ma-hao-huh]

I am now a professional surfer

what a weekend!

friday the rest of my class and I went to a birthday dinner for one of the guys in the class, which was also the birthday dinner for his brother. so there were about 20 people and we had a great time. the food was pretty typical but it was all free along with beer so by the end I was having a blast. now. that night my new American roommate was going out with his friend already in Taiwan and two girls that were coming in from Hong Kong for the weekend. I was gonna meet them out if it wasn’t too late when they made it to the bar/club, but Brody still hadn’t texted by midnight so I knew I wouldn’t have gone anyway. of course later found I out that my roommate texted him about going and he got to hang out with them, so I guess I should have followed up???? anyway... no loss as I got happily tipsy with my fave roommate but spent v little money. 

anyway Saturday I went on a DATE. yeet. I had exchanged some nice messages with this guy on tinder but nothing substantial. his profile made him seem v smart, cute, pretty easygoing. his name is Ping. we met up for dinner at this very popular place where you have to wait in line for 1n hour just to get a table for 50 minutes before they kick you out lol. the noodles were good but definitely not worth the trouble, it seemed more like a young generation hype place than a good experience. so anyway we had to introduce ourselves and get to know each other standing in line in the heat for an hour rather than across a table. thinking about it later, that whole period of the date is what I imagine most dates are like - two people trying to see if they have a connection, and having some enjoyable moments, but mostly just an average level of interest, nothing magnetic. it definitely didn’t give me the same electricity as the date I went on in December. 

anyway, he’s late 20s, about 28 I think, and recently finished his masters in linguistics at Georgetown. I believe he’s Taiwanese but I honestly didn’t push to hear about his background in that moment. he speaks fluent Chinese and English, but we communicated in English. when we chatted on tinder, I threw some Chinese in there and he was impressed by it, but when he dropped some into the conversation it was always a struggle. he spoke a little too quickly and softly and I didn’t give him much to work with. I feel like that disappointed him a bit, but maybe that’s my anxiety talking. overall my impression was we might be a little too similar in terms of introversion...I just feel like I belong with someone a little more outgoing than me. it was a little hard to get on the same wavelength as him but the moments we did connect were nice. after dinner we went Taipei’s biggest night market and got a beer at a pub. the only (but huge) turnoff for me was at that moment when he looked at the fried crackers the barman gave us and the beer said “what am I DOING?” with actual pain on his face. I thought something was actually wrong and then “I'm going to gain so much weight from this!” ugh, dude. calm down. I feel like I was honest but still considerate in my response which was along the lines of trying not to worry about stuff like that and just enjoying the moment whenever I can. I love my tummy and the rest of me and enjoy knowing I'm not a part of the terrifying gay six-pack clique that rules instagram. after that I felt confident this was a friendly thing. and he had a friend come meet him to leave because he had to get up at 6am. I hugged him goodbye and then when they walked away the friend was very touchy with him, had his arm around him.... I have noticed in Taiwan men are definitely more physically comfortable with each other than in the US. but I still read into it that Ping was on the same page as me.... he had also mentioned getting together to play some games with other friends some other time, so I assumed we were shelving this as a friendship tbh. 

well, he messaged me again about my week and I was honest about feeling a little low. he was very tender and wanted to see if he could help and the messages he’s sent today are more flirty than not. anyway, I'm a bit lonely so I'm just going to go on another date I think to see what the energy is like. is that dishonest? I think it’s right on the line and If I still don’t feel much then doing another date would definitely be disingenuous. we’re probably gonna go watch a scary movie together this weekend....my first movie date ever. yeet. 

ANYWAY that was Saturday, and on SUNDAY.....

three housemates (my Taiwanese roommate, a Japanese girl and a Taiwanese girl) and I drove out of Taipei to Yilan, a coastal city about an hour way, in order to go surfing! I was pretty sure this wouldn’t be in my wheelhouse but I wanted to give it a go anyway. -----surfing is hard, and made harder still when all you really get is a 5 minute demonstration on the sand about how to jump up on the board. I’m definitely open to doing it again later on if there’s someone in the water giving me a good lesson. I was able to sort of master swinging onto the board and sitting on it, and a couple of times I rode a wave while seated. but standing was impossible. honestly, the times that I did ride the wave I wasn’t even paying attention and just happened to be in the right position at the right time. maybe that’s the secret of surfing? and of life? 

so, I had fun, but of course surfing is just about the most exhausting thing I think anyone could do with their time. and I only put sunscreen on my face right at the beginning, so by that afternoon you could already see my skin starting to redden. cue a tired and slightly uncomfortable grant. lunch was pretty good although it was more amazingly satisfying to fill my stomach with anything so I didn’t care if it was good or not. then one of the girls took the bus home and the three of us decided to go on a scenic hike. the hike (Sacred Mother Trail) literally starts out at a gorgeous waterfall and then you hike up and around some mountains for about 6 km, which doesn’t feel too bad on the way up at all. we had a really good time and it was so, so stunning...but when we got to the second rest point, 2/3 the way up, we were so tired, hot and knew there wouldn’t be time to finish the last portion, which was the steepest, hardest, and actually in woods as opposed to a paved trail, so we had to turn around. I honestly wanted to finish but since we started hiking around 1 there wasn’t time and would have been crazy to try and descend the mountain in the dark without lights, so back we went. it took half the time but was twice as exhausting getting back down, so by the time we got back to the car I was sweaty and my face burning. amazing hike, sticky ending. 

we drove back into the city and found salvation. 雪花 (xuehua) which I guess literally means snow flower but is actually a bowl of shaved ice....literally saved me. I think mango is the most common and it comes with cubes of mango jelly and chopped walnuts on top, AND, since it’s summer, fresh mango with condensed milk on the side. I've never eaten anything that literally sucked the heat out of my body like that did. 

okay, at this point it’s 5:30 and me and the girl I'm with are both thinking it’s about time to head back. but my roommate is the driver and he says, alright, time for dinner! and takes us to yilan’s biggest night market. oh boy... I understand the importance of doing everything you can and making every day count. but it took everything I had not to say please, please take us back home now...oof. ((((((((((on top of being exhausted and burnt....I forgot that the swim trunks I wore are defunct and always cause my inner thighs to chafe like crazy. so I'm tired, burnt, AND having to walk like I'm constipated in order to keep my thighs apart. Lordy))))))) the night market was one of the biggest I’ve been to, and one of the most crowded. the food was all hot as hell, no room to breathe, oh baby. I actually felt like my skin was peeling off I was so overheated. thank GOD for the bubble tea and juices we got or otherwise I would have actually passed out. (we ate green onion balls that are wrapped in dough and fried, different chicken parts, a pork stick covered in what was basically buffalo sauce...all of it was decent but honestly none worth my discomfort). around 9 or so Chandler (roomie) finally realized we were ready to go and we headed back.....of course traffic was insane so we got back at 11. oof. what a day. 

I know I got a bit whiny at the end. I suppose I'm a comfort creature so while it’s been exciting to put myself in different situations and challenge that here, that night was just more Than I could handle. I actually felt whoozy from how overheated I was. but that doesn’t discolor the fun I had earlier in the day at all. I'm so glad to have experienced a little piece of that part of Taiwan. 

I'm very lucky to have someone like chandler as a roommate who wants to go out and do things when he has time off and is so willing to drive me around the country and pay for most of the stuff we do. he’s definitely saved me a ton of money already. 

okay, test tomorrow and then another fun weekend hopefully...... 

[remembermemorablememories]

Thursday, January 10, 2019

post #367

main points:

- dermatologist appointment

- fly drone to check roof

- make lunch and watch an episode of scrubs 

- yesterday’s blog post/review NY apps

- smash online 4pm-6pm with inkling

- dinner with the fam

- cleaning up some of the cabinets to prepare for renovations

- help sheena with calculus review

- shower and watch some smash ultimate. i’m gonna go to the tournament tomorrow

writing this on friday january 11

today i:

- woke up at 9:15am to my alarm. snoozed it for a bit then got out of bed. went downstairs to grab a banana and then head out to the dermatologist

- i drove about 20 minutes and then checked in. my appointment was for 10:45am and i got there around 10:30am. almost immediately after checking in, the nurse brought me into a room and asked me some questions about family history, any medication i’m taking, etc

the room was pretty big with the seat sitting in the middle. it almost felt like i was in a black mirror episode LOL. but anyway the nurse left and said i should take off my clothes except underwear so the doctor can take a look at the moles. i took off everything except a paper blanket thing the nurse gave me and then waited for a few minutes

the doctor came in and asked if it was okay if he brought in a med student. he shook my hand to say hi and immediately began inspecting my left hand, then arm, then around back. then my right hand, right arm and then neck and head. he said there was a birthmark on my back (which i didn’t even know about). he also looked at my chest, then legs, and feet. and then that was it

it was like probably 5 minutes tops. he said the mole on my right chest seems a bit discolored (maybe from being worn out) and offered to shave it right off. but he said it’s honestly nothing to worry too much about. he also went over the ABCDEs of melanoma to keep an eye out for the future. he said everything looked fine and then they left. it was super fast

- i got dressed and then realized i forgot to ask about the mild eczema on my hands and fortunately his office was right next to where he checked in on me so i popped in real quick to ask about that. he said it’s likely cause i’m typing at a computer all the time so the keyboard is taking out all the moisture/oils from my fingertips. so he gave me some moisturizer samples and then that was it

i left to go fill up some gas for like 5 gallons and then drove 20 minutes back home, getting back at like 11:30am. it went so smoothly and so fast i was surprised. but glad that was finally definitive. last week when my dad told me that it’s also probably fine i felt better afterwards. i feel like my dad’s usually in the know about some medical stuff because my mom said dad grew up with his mom working in the hospital so he would spend time there. and i feel like he’s usually right about these kinds of things. but yeah glad a dermatologist could also confirm everything

- i went out and flew a drone to check out the leak in my closet ceiling. it was super windy so it was also a good test to see how the drone handles high winds. it was doing okay. it got blown around quite a bit, but i was able to even it out and then inspect the outside roof. there were some black scarring things which looked concerning but i don’t think that’s where the leak would’ve been over. there was a pipe over where the closet would’ve been so maybe the pipe was leaking. i got the footage and brought my drone back in asap cause i didn’t want it to be blown around too much

- made some lunch which was whole wheat toasted, sunny side up eggs, spinach, cheese and a slice of ham. i watched scrubs S2E3 while i was eating

- i caught up with yesterday’s blog post, wednesday january 9. then i did some NY app reviews, taking a look at about 6 of them. i got 14 more to go before next weekend

- since i wanted to go to the smash tournament tomorrow, i decided to do some more practice with characters. i still don’t know what i want my main to be. so i tried out inkling online. i won a few in elite smash but mostly lost many games. inkling’s an interesting character... but i think i prefer falcon or snake. but my problem with falcon is i still don’t fully have 100% control of what i want to do when i play with him. and then snake i’m still learning all the setups and i feel like right now i’m just kind of throwing out stuff without any real strategy of what i’m doing. i guess we’ll see tomorrow. i played online from 4-6pm

- ate dinner with the fam. we had some yams and sausage with green onion type things and another vegetable. it was pretty delicious. i love home cooked meals, thanks dad

- helped dad clean out some parts of the cabinets in the kitchen to prepare for renovations next monday. we cleaned out the whole side with the fridge. there was a bunch of medicine, a bunch of bottles and stuff, and other miscellaneous things. we just kind of stuffed all of them into bags and then the bags into cardboard boxes and dad said we can clean it up later when we put them back after renovations

- i played some more smash online with captain falcon to see if he’s the most viable (at least for tomorrow). i came across two falcon dittos. the first one was really laggy and i stopped after that game. the second one was okay, but then eventually i 3 stocked the guy :D other matchups i still did meh at. so i kept going out of elite smash back in, then out, etc. but now GSP for elite smash is almost at 3mil. my characters in elite smash are past 3 mil now yay (just by default cause it moves as more people join the game)

- sheena needed some help with calculus review cause she’s still not sure when her teacher’s gonna make her make up the test. so we went over inverse trig derivatives, some conceptual stuff (which i kind of forgot) and then implicit differentiation. we worked from 10:30pm-12am and then sheena went to sleep

- i took a shower and chilled in bed for a bit watching ally’s snake and MVD’s snake, still unsure of what character to use at the tournament tomorrow. i made an account on smash gg (but still scared to register lmao i will tomorrow)

i went to sleep around 1:30am

the end

[survey1000]

76. Your life isn’t yours if you constantly care about what others think.

What’s the latest you’ve woken up? How about the earliest? The latest I think was almost noon, and the earliest was a bit after midnight I think.

In general, what has the weather been like? Is this good or bad for you? It’s been pretty muggy lately, which sucks because I work in a coffee shop that doesn’t have a working AC ...

Have you been out for a meal? Where did you go and what did you eat? Not for a bit, but I think the last time was Subway.

Have you been under the influence of alcohol/drugs? Yup.

Have you spent more of your time indoors or outdoors? Indoors.

What’s the most interesting day you’ve had? How about the most boring? Good question, I think the most interesting was my high school graduation, and the most boring would have to be any slow day at work.

What’s the earliest you’ve gone to bed? How about the latest? The earliest I would say was around 7pm and the latest was a bit after 2am.

Have you gone shopping for anything aside from groceries in the past week? Yeah, Thursday I went to the mall and got a few different makeup things, and then I went to Staples to buy more instax film.

Have you discovered any new bands or TV shows that you like? No not lately.

Have you finished a book, or are you currently reading one? I just finished one a few days ago, and I have quite a few on the go still lol.

What’s the most interesting thing that’s happened to you? Not many things really.

Who have you spoken to most on the phone/online/by text? My mom I would think lol.

Do you actually think it’s gross to talk about body functions? If you’re not my friend lol.

Would you rather sleep alone or next to your SO? Well I can really only say alone lol.

Are you trying to forget about something? Always.

Have you ever sent a love letter? Nope.

When you look up at the sky do you ever NOT see a plane or vapor trail? Rarely lol.

Have you dated someone of another race? No, but to be fair I’ve only been in one relationship before.

Do you wear any shoes with holes because you can’t give them up? Not at the moment, but I have done this plenty of times before lol.

When you go out to breakfast, what do you order? Depends on where I go, but something with eggs.

Have you ever had a job that required a uniform? Yeah, that’s where I work now lol.

What are you most envious of? People who can find happiness wherever they go.

Would you rather have coffee, cocoa, tea, or soda? Pop, and I’m not much of a pop drinker either lol.

When you walk into your best friend’s room, what do you smell? Idk, them I guess? Lol.

Have you ever purposely broken something that belonged to a sibling? I don’t think so, but I wouldn’t put it past me though lol.

Do you have any hipster friends? Nope.

Have you ever worked at the same place as your best friend? No.

Do you take days off from shaving when you can get away with it? Always lol.

Has anyone ever baked you cookies? Yeah.

Do you ever wear socks with holes in them? I have, but I throw them out as soon as I realize the hole.

Is there anything hanging on your bathroom walls? I don’t think so.

If your SO agreed, would you want an open relationship? Oh fuck no.

Have you ever slept with three people in the same bed? When? Why? Yes, it was at a sleepover when I was younger, when we could all fit on the same bed haha.

Does your family regularly eat sit down meals together? No, the only time is when we plan a supper for an event, like Christmas, Easter, a birthday, etc.

Have you ever used the change counting machine at a store or mall? I have no idea what that is lol.

How do you dress when you’re not at work Usually in a t-shirt or a tank top, with leggings.

Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing? Its black with the Superman logo on it, and its from the men’s section from Warehouse One lol.

What was the first thing you thought this morning? Fuck... I don’t wanna go to work lol.

Are you wearing shorts? Nope.

Ever had a boy best friend? Yeah when I was little.

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? If I’m in a relationship with him, then yes.

Do your parents actually knock on your door before entering your room? No lol.

Do you ‘dress to impress’? Sometimes, depending on where I’m going.

Have you ever thought a man over 40 was attractive? Yeah.

Would you rather get cash or a gift card? Depending on what store the gift card is from, if its from the bookstore, then I’d rather have the gift card lol.

Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? Same height or taller.

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? No.

What time did you get up today? A little bit before 5:30am.

Where does most of your family live? Nova Scotia, Canada.

What can’t you wait for? Tomorrow at 2pm, so I can go to the gym, and not have to worry about work the next day.

Are you ticklish? Some places.

What brand of digital camera do you own? I don’t have one. The only actual camera I have is the Instax mini 9.

Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York? Nope.

How long is your hair? Maybe an inch and a half past my shoulders.

Do you like facial hair on a guy? If it’s not long, I like scruff better than an actual beard lol.

Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? Nope, and never plan to lol.

How long would it take to walk to the nearest McDonald’s? Less than 20 minutes.

Do you get drunk every weekend? No, I wouldn’t be able to afford that lol.

What did you do today? I worked for eight hours, and planned to go to the gym after until I realized I had left my gym sneakers and pants at home ...

Are you listening to music right now? No surprisingly, I have the TV on in the background.

Your last ex died today, how would you feel? I mean I’m not heartless, I would feel upset, but we were only going out for less than a week, and it was five years ago so I’m definitely not close to him.

Do you like maxi dresses? Yeah, I have one but that’s the only one I’ve seen that I like on me.

Have any organic makeup? I don’t think I do.

Do you worry about guys thinking you’re hot? No, I know that they don’t think that way lol.

Are you healthy? Not as healthy as I should be lol.

Do you know anyone that used to be or is homeless? Not that I know of.

Does it always seem like you’re always buying stuff for friends? Not really.

Did you wear sunglasses today? No, its been cloudy all day.

What’s the next movie you’ll watch in theaters? Not sure.

If you straighten your hair, how long does it take? Anywhere between 15 to 25 minutes.

Does it annoy you when people can’t think of their own answers to questions on surveys and use yours? No lol, I don’t pay attention really.

How many people are you talking to online right now? None lol.

Are you currently wearing anything containing polyester? Probably.

Have you ever been to Comic-Con? No, but I would like to.

Do you have a commercial jingle stuck in your head? Nope.

Would you date someone 8 years older than you? He would have to treat me right, and we would both have to care about each other a lot. The oldest that I plan to go for is five years, but you never know.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Not really. I have guys that I consider friends, but not that close to talk about personal things.

Do you have a friend of the same sex you can talk to? Yeah.

Did you go out or stay in last night? Stayed in.

What does your last received text message say? ‘I’m here at Tim’s now’.

How old is the last person you texted? 37, she’s my Momma lol.

What do you want to get accomplished today/tonight? To get some good sleep.

You’re single, right? Yup lol.

Are you easy to make mad? If I’m in a cranky mood already, yes lol.

Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? Yeah like roughly seven years ago lol.

What are you doing right now? This and watching Forensic Files.

Do you smoke weed everyday? I had only smoked it twice and that was almost six years ago I think.

Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajamas? Leggings.

Do you like the dentist? Not really lol.

Do you like the snow? Yeah, as long as its not too much lol.

Where is your phone Beside me.

Would you rather date someone older than you or younger? Same age or older.

When was the last time you were told you were cute? I don’t really remember, maybe a few weeks ago?

Would you ever smile at a stranger? I do it all the time at work. The privileges of working in a coffee shop lol.

Do you button your shirt from the top or the bottom? Top.

Do you make collages often? No, its been a few years since I’ve made one.

How much have you changed in the last year or so? Not that much I don’t think.

Have you ever wished to erase something from your memory? What? A lot of things that I rather not speak of.

Do you keep things that most people would throw away? I don’t think so.

What is your favourite thing to wear when you feel like crap? Comfy clothes.

Do you look forward to going to sleep at night? Usually.

What was the last song you listened to? Nowhere Fast - Eminem.

Do you own an Etch-A-Sketch? I did when I was a kid!

What does your bedspread look like? Leopard print.

What colour is your suitcase? I don’t own one.

Are you any good at tongue twisters? Not really lo.

Do you wrap up warm in the cold weather? Always.

Do you care overly about other people? If I like them lol.

Do you still live with your parents? When are you planning to move out? Yeah, and I’m 20 and single so I can’t really afford to live on my own, and I at least want to be able to drive legally and have a car before I move out.

If you’ve moved out already, what age were you? -

Have you ever been told your aspirations are unrealistic? I don’t think so.

[canaryatlaw]

SO. today was pretty damn awesome. I woke up at like, 8:52, 8 minutes before my alarm was going to go off, and got up to start getting ready for our fun con day. We soon discovered that Jess had not in fact brought a black wig for my Nora Darhk cosplay like she said she was going to (she’s not gonna read this so I’m just gonna shade her a bit here) so we decided to make a quick trip to party city before going to the con. We finished getting ready and ate some of the breakfast the airbnb people made for us (so cute) and Jess wouldn’t crack the stupid hard boiled egg open so I had to crack it for her (I just dropped it like 4 inches onto the table) and then crack my own lol and I was amused. So we ubered to the party city and quickly picked up a shitty black wig that was appropriately named “witch wig” (because Nora’s basically a witch) and it was the closest look to the crappy wig they had in the episode. I like, wasn’t even mad because the episode wig was so crappy anyway it was probably more authentic than anything else, lol. so we got the wig and then took another uber (so many fucking ubers) to the con site. Brandon and Courtney hadn’t arrived yet so we waited in Brandon’s line and said hi to him, took selfies and got autographs, then jumped over to Courtney’s. This was her first like, actual con experience and omg, you guys, she’s so adorable and nice and just amazing. She wanted pictures of Jess and I in cosplay on her phone so she could have them which is just like WHAT so that was pretty damn awesome. After that we went outside to meet up with two friends who were driving up from Miami to meet up with us. So we waited for them to find their way over to where we were (it’s kind of a big complex with a lot of parking and shit) and we gave them our wristbands from yesterday since we have the VIP ones from the movie last night, so they didn’t have to pay for entry, lol. Their VIP system for like, lines and shit, instead of having a separate line like HVFF does, they like, stagger the VIP people in between the regular people which is like, SUPER AWKWARD lol but I guess it works. There were people there from the local CW affiliate with a bunch of swag they were giving away, posters and t shirts and all this cool stuff, so we definitely got some of that. We looked around a bit and saw Brandon and Courtney were otherwise occupied, so the friends bought a photo op for later on, and we went outside to get some lunch. I ended up getting a cheese panini of some sort that was like one of the only things on the menu that wasn’t fried, and a watermelon shaved ice. We went back inside around 1:30 to wait for the Courtney and Brandon panel at 2 for legends. I live tweeted pretty much the entire thing in one big thread if you’re interested in reading that (@RachelEiley on twitter) but yeah it was super cute and they are like the MOST adorable together, like honestly they were so fucking precious and sweet and it was just brilliant. When asked how they sort of got to their roles on the CW Courtney said she had actually auditioned for Laurel back in the day, then they had her read for the part of Vandal Savage’s daughter in season 1, then called her in for Nora because they had liked her as one bad guy’s daughter so they thought they’d try another and it worked lol. She also told a very cute story about how Supernatural shoots right next door to Legends and when she was on Supernatural they’d like, crawl under this hole in the fence and like, get double lunch with each other and cute stuff like that haha it was really just a super fucking cute panel. So when it was over we pretty much headed over to their tables to wait for them. I went to go get some cash out of the ATM to buy a photo op only for it to only let me take out $20, despite confirming I had much more than that in my account, so I called my dad and asked him to call the credit card people to tell them I was in Florida and to let me get money, which he did lol and I was graciously lended money by my friends to buy the photo op, just a single one with Courtney. So we ended up waiting for that and I actually got two shots because the camera guy didn’t like how the first one turned out so now I have two pictures which is awesome with me?? Lol. We had to wait a while for the photos to get printed and everything, so we went back over to the tables and talked to Courtney for a bit which was super cool. We got the photos and then spent a while actually looking through the vendors and the artists alley which had some cool stuff. After that we headed out and had some debate over where to go for dinner, but winded up deciding on the cheesecake factory. it looked super crowded, as it always is, but we only ended up having to wait like 20 minutes so it wasn’t bad. we got to sit outside which was nice because it was a good temperate out. Dinner was nice, I got the pasta there I really like, then I got a shot glass full of ice cream with a candle in it to celebrate my birthday and they had everyone sing haha it was all very good. We were all stuffed so we got cheesecake to go. Once we left it became apparent that two of our passengers desperately needed to go to the bathroom and had failed to do so before we left, so we ended up stopping at a hobby lobby of all places to use the bathroom lol and I’m pretty sure I’ve never actually been inside one of them before, so that was cool, and of course I made them do a quick version of the “hobby lobby photo challenge” that’s been floating around and is all too hilarious. From there we drove back to our airbnb and said goodbye to our friends. Then we basically just sat and chilled out for the rest of the night because we were tired, Jess wrote some fic and I edited some fic for her, and it was all good, then we started getting ready for bed and it’s late again so I should be getting to sleep by now. I have to wake up at 5:15 am to check into our flight for Monday morning which takes off at 5:15 am (which is gonna SUCK) but then go back to sleep thankfully. We’re doing Sara and Ava tomorrow as sort of a dry run before C2E2 in two weeks, so that will be exciting. And yeah, that’s all I got for now. Today was pretty sweet. Hopefully tomorrow will be as well. Goodnight lovelies. Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.