#and please don't think im in any way trying to belittle the importance of men expressing their feelings towards their friends

[sneakertin]

paul, john and george on their way to write the single most beautiful romantic gay poetic song about their male best friend:

(ringos on his way to write a song about an octopuses garden and a yellow submarine)

[swordbeliever]

I don't really have anywhere safer to ask this and you seem wise. So I just wanted to know if you or any others who have transitioned from ftm or started to present more masculine have had this experience. I have had people treat me almost impure or dirty after they find out I am trans masc. I get this mostly from cis people but also from fellow gay and trans people sometimes and don't understand where this is coming from. I feel pretty lonely in the community and wonder if others have also had this happen? Also how to build confidence and friendships even with this happening?

(Apologizes if this is an inappropriate question please don't feel like you need to respond)

hi sorry for the super late reply anon i hope u do see this...

first thanks for saying i seem wise LOL i dont really think i am but i've been out for a long time and have talked to many other transmascs in my time...

i definitely get the feeling youre talking about. being / becoming a man is an incredibly isolating experience, imo. and it can be even moreso difficult being a minority & a man. i recently talked to a cis guy friend about our experiences of the intersections of masculinity and our minority identities (my queerness and his blackness) and he shared a lot of the same feelings - its difficult to talk about our issues out of fear that we could be seen as belittling women's experiences, its disappointing to see our fellow men lash out at women because of this feeling, and just... its hard.

through it all i have found solace in the people who treat me as a whole person rather than a specific identity. my transness is incredibly important to me, of course, but it sucks when i feel like i have to justify my presence in a space by clarifying it, or when its all people want to see about me. i have found a lot of people through the years who see me for myself and love me regardless of whatever identity i or they hold. i do prefer to try to make friends in queer spaces, but honestly, ive been most successful at it in some places that are less expected, especially at work.

some of the best and kindest men i've met have been in these ways. the 45 year old ex-punk rocker handyman, the ex-football player son of a mechanic from rural ohio, the guy i worked with at subway who outright told me i was the first trans man he'd ever talked to. i personally always find workplace friendships the easiest to make since we're next to each other 8 hours a day several days a week.

i have absolutely no idea if any of this makes sense, im halfway through a shift at work rn and its past midnight and im out of coffee. i hope this helps in some way, if anyone wants to add anything for anon or smth feel free :>