#and oops they never healed from this…maturing but not learning the lessons they should have

[blazingstar24]

Thinking about that opening flashback but also how it relates to the Titans. The Titans who let the Gods stay and have a home on Exandria. Titans who even helped them seal Predathos.

Thinking about “who did we betray?”. That these Gods so desperate to recreate their home, that space of Eternity, of endless peace and creation, end up inflicting the same pain onto the Titans. The Titans who were living in their own way, elements of nature. Fire cannot help but burn. The earth cannot stop its rumbling. In the same way Predathos or that Nothingness chased the Gods from paradise, so did the the Primes when they decided they had to conquer and banish the Titans.

Yes it was for the protection of the mortals. Yes, the Primes can claim it’s for noble intentions. But it is interesting that Erathis can call the Betrayers on breaking the inherent contracts made when making the mortals but Asmodeus’s point of the contracts made with the Titans can be so easily dismissed.

This idea that the Betrayers are the ones that did not ever fully buy into the idea of Exandria as the new home. That the Primes are so desperate to make it one, that they could not handle that this was someone else’s sandbox before them, that they have to share this world with another higher being. But in the same vein the Betrayers can’t handle that this is no longer Eternity and like Erathis points out, they can’t just make and unmake things like they did before. “A bad first draft” really comes into perspective now because before they were Real, they could just fuck around with creation and scrap it when they didn’t like it. But they are no longer in that plane, they are in the Real.

All the Gods’ actions wrapping back to this fact that none of them ever really came to terms with losing their original home and states of being. None of them have healed from becoming Real.

[holanads]

Ex-plan-ation

Recently, My life turned to be a questionable and arguable thing for other people around me, But still I shut my mouth during conversations and not telling them what I feel.

Few days ago, A friend of mine, a badass person I've known buried me deep down his words. He criticized me for what I did, for what I’m trying to do with my life. My new things.

Him: “always being unstable, you adore everyone who impresses you. my advice is when you adore someone, you should dig more the takeaways from them, before you leave ‘em to adore another.”

I didn’t get what he tried to say, all I thought at that time when he replied my tweet “always being unstable” is “WHAT? Unstable? His connection is being unstable? I thought the wifi at his home is strongest as he said to me and friend”

I thought he would try to throw his silly joke around, but then he came as a truck which ready to hit me, cracked me deep inside. He is being rude, but this is not him anymore. And I was wondering about which part of me who is being unstable and “angin-anginan”?

Let me explain!

Lately, I’ve started reading many books, randomly, I read some articles, autobiography, and even some inspirational writing, it made me so fine, yet woke me up. Then slowly learning a lot and those people I adore so much are inspiring me lots, they gave me 'butterfly' on my head and It gives me great insight in reaching achievement. Tesla, Elon Musk, Muhammad Fatih Timur, and many more, I become one of those mainstream people who admiring them all. It opens up my new perspectives. And knowing them as great influence people make me realize that I need to study more, I know nothing, This IT stuff isn't my so-thing, I wan to make some achievements, big thing. Never thought that I'd be a Hunger of knowledge person I've becoming now, And yes I love Psychology so much since a long time.

And about multimedia, I start love designing my own thing. Moreover, I need to design picture/cover for my writings on Instagram. It encouraged me to start loving multimedia.

Ya, not being good at one thing doesn’t mean we can’t get to the finish. I’m still trying to get to know what I really wanna do, what exactly I love. You’ll eventually understand why every choice you made in life was the right choice because every path you took lead you to this moment. And you are now and always forever broken, forever becoming, and forever changed. 

These my new hobbies, reading more etc. giving big impact. Me, myself know how to motivate other people, but I realized sometime I need to stick it up around my head. I need motivations, and it comes from the book I read. I'm reaching my new own life, I'm just afraid of losing myself again. And I wanna be like him, I wanna be like my other friends who succeed to reach their dreams and make money from their hobbies. Its so cool seeing people who work to SURVIVE and People who work to LIVE. Does he know my reason? Do they know it? NO! All they know is only judging me, my decisions and without giving any solution. “Hey, its bad. Oi its not right, you are wrong” But they do not give any “You maybe have to make it like this, you better pick this as your blablabla”. Well, my “angin-anginan” sides irritated them but their miserable reacts irritated me more.

I thank Allah so much!

I thank Allah, alhamdulillah for everything that happens to me —even events that I may consider to be personal afflictions or natural disasters— are from Him. Therefore, in times of calamity and distress, there will be some good for me, provided we respond appropriately. Reflect upon my own life, my kindha hard life and I will find innumerable occasions when Allah's 'hand' has been holding me and helping me so I can do lots of thing. my work and ability to take care of vulnerable stuffs. But, He always saves me. Indeed, Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near

If Allah should aid you, no one can overcome you; but if He should forsake you, who is there that can aid you after Him? And upon Allah let the believers rely.

They are right!

I get it now. He just tried to tell me that I should love specific ones, the thing I probably will be expert at. The things that might bring me to the new me and so I able to teach anybody else, and stop being “angin-anginan” person.

Honestly, my heart was hurt so bad, I even couldn’t sleep well. Tearing apart, it maybe too much but it hurts! It sucked like hands stuck in that stone hole of budha statue, Borobudur Temple. I'm still blaming myself for rapidly changing my mind, my passion, faster than beat of my heart whenever Mr. Opim walks on by. I’ve been asking myself, “What is wrong with you, my rooh? What has stolen your smile? Have you, again, forgotten about your Allah? Who makes mankind laugh, and weep?”

But, I know Allah has His best plan for me, He turns my heart to these things. I have my regrets quickly for replacing my sense to new things. But I am trying to find another side of me, my passion.

It healed!

This beautiful-sendu morning, my heart was caught by my wet pillow, residual of self-muhasabah last nite. It fixed me, Allah did. It healed me over and over again, I became them, I tried to think deeply as their own level of perception.

What a delightful sounding word. Revelations. Really just rolls of the tongue. Well, don’t worry thats not the revelation, at least not the one I will be talking about in this entry. No, the revelation I discovered yesterday is quite personal and a little sentimental/sombre.

Him!

I’m truly disappointed on him, very much:( I thought he was different, I thought he knew me like I knew him so well. Once he even told to my friends:

“She (me) knows my heart so well”

I don’t know if it is true or joke (I don’t even know which reality and jokes that come out from his mouth anymore). And I do not know if I know him that well or not, but since we shared stories together, since the day we fought lots, since we started dream random things for the future and shared our thoughts, I thought I know him, I decided to learn him. But, eventually he never understand me. I always step back to give him space, I tried so hard to make him comfort, but then again, he is still the same person, treats me as a stranger while I treat him like a buddy. It is alright tho. He even has lots of friend now, no worries then.

“I treat people like that, Its okay to do that as long as they don’t insulting parent”

Yes, I know he didn’t mean it, but freedom of speech does not mean you’re free to abuse others, my friend. Can he just please even once at life try to be nice and advice me wisely so I can take them all as beautiful words to be considered? Can you? I thought our friendship would turn become a bliss for both of us, but I was wrong. You always end up crazy and treat me bad, It made me think “Does he hate me? Did i do him wrong? Why he hates me so? Is he still mad about our problem last year?” I’m trying to husnudzon and keep positive thinking.

Please, make the people around you smile and happy for whatever comes out from your mouth, whether you know them or not. To you it is just a smile but to them it’s something more than that because you don’t know what kind of trials they’ve battled. Maybe their battles are ongoing, or maybe the pain of the past still goes on for them. Please, you know gentleness is one of the most disarmingly and captivatingly attractive qualities. Be one!

Failed!

Sometime, I feel like I fail myself. I failed to change his rough part that has been complained many other people to me, TO ME! But, I never want to tell him all of those damns, instead of trying to change him to be a mature person. To stop that childish side on him, to make him become a neighbor of God, who resides very close to Him, to wake him up that his knowledge is treasure. I am really afraid that he would take wrong path at his age, after all he got after all he has been trough. He is in a really dangerous, he is at a crossroads, it is the time for him to take which path he will take, and of course it will determine his destiny in the future. As a friend, I really wanna help him to cross and pick the right road, so when he takes it, I can say goodbye with smile on my face. I am afraid that I’d be person who not able to help him while he faces hardship. I failed! But, somehow I still believe he will change to be a person he never thought he will be, to be a man who he should be. 

Ya, maybe it is not me who will be a ‘bridge’ to change him to be that beautiful person, maybe someone else will, all i can do right now is making lots of doa for this buddy, but for now on I think I am surrender, I am giving up, buddy. I do not know if I've got all my power, but lots of methods had been checklist. Ah, Kau sudah terlampau jauh dari jangkauan :(

Friendship is a funny thing. I think as a rule most of us take for granted our friendships. Actually, now I’m generalizing. I for one, take my friendships for granted.

He is different now. I tried to give him the world and him couldn’t even give me something half as real. But, I really appreciate all his advice, I thank him so much, he taught me many lessons. Good luck body for your future, your plans, your dreams, your new business. I wish Allah ease your way to study in Australia and I pray that you someday have your own big room in Silicon Valley, I pray you’ll be a sheikh and BTW- that woman is close to you now, she is back, again haha (oops!)

And hi myself! 

Sometimes pain teaches what pleasure never could.

People only care about those luminous smile I spread everyday, my big tooth that never shrink off by other sad face. I'm the strongest person in my own version hehe.

Just because I don't say much doesn't mean I haven't got a lot to say. I am so tired for explaining myself to others since I realized they only hear what they want to hear, they are just gonna stand for their level of perception. Indeed, the world is full of people who either speak or listen. But, moi, I speak only when it is essential for me to express myself.

An account of the life of odd and withdrawn individual, as I struggle through awkward encounters and social anxiety. Entries shall be made erratically.

Life ituu... never flat

Life, sometimes is like jumping on trampolines. You need to jump to another trampoline before it gets broken. But as you realize that you want to jump to another one, you also realize that another one has its lowest high as the highest point you could ever jump by current trampoline. You can never jump to another one unless you jump as the highest point as you possibly can. If you fail to do so, you’ll never get to move on. It means, you had to do your best before you can live with your next trampoline. It might be difficult, it would take all of your guts, need all of your attention, and also need a perfect timing, so in that way, you can take your biggest leap and make a whole new jumps.

Et oui, it is so important to find people who don’t lose patience with you or get angry if you’re being irrational or insecure or downright ridiculous, it is so so necessary to be treated with gentleness from loved ones and not to be made to feel like you’re irritating or a burden.

Allah knows best. Keep your faith in Him and Allah will always deliver what’s best for you, Naad!

Bismillah.