#and only 3/4 of us + a visiting bf made it lol but our 4th gorlie came later one w her visiting bf & roomate whomst i LOVE

[freesomebodybyluna]

....

[zizliine]

Hello TUMBLR! It’s been a super long time since the last time I type things on a blog. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, sometimes I just jot my removable pen on a random note that always gone, or on a memo app that tend to deleted accidentally. So I decided to share my thoughts on this platform, idk what would it be, but I’m sure it’ll be healthy for my mental lol.

There is a loooot of things I have in my mind. I always have this roller coaster brain, juggling up and down.

DECEMBER 2015 - I GRADUATED! I was one of the best student you can say. Graphic design. After my graduation, there is a lot of things happened. I do regret that up until this early 2018, I still don’t know what to do with my life. Since I was a kid, I always love doing tons of things, you know it if you’ve been followed me through my junior high school blogs. I used to aim to be a multitalented someone, independent woman, and self-sufficient. 

It happened mostly on being someone who is talented on doing a lot of things, "Jack of all trades, master of none”. I keep jumping on wanting to be a graphic designer, interior designer, chef, business owner (clothing store and cafe mainly), Muay Thai fighter, youtuber, makeup artists. Its crazy. 

JANUARY 2016 - So this is what happened, after my graduation. My dad hospitalized, he was diagnosed with Hepatitis B at first (early 2016) and the other hospital said he got Hepatitis C afterward. Me and my mom went back and forth accompany my dad, to Kuching, Malaysia, to Singapore too. I guess it took only 6 months for him to recovered and free of the virus, THANK GOD. Because of that, my grandma was sent to Jakarta to stay and treated with my uncle, because we were busy taking care of my dad (for 3 months).

MAY 2016 - Then my Dad bought a new house, we were so busy designing the house. My dad assigned me to communicate with the interior designer, and I kept looking for design inspiration that match with my family’s taste. I always consider others, always want their taste to be contributed to the house. I want the touch of us, in every part of the house. My sister was capable of choosing the look and feel of the house, the way she wanted. My bro and my parents only told me they want “Hotel” theme, which is sleek and clean, specifically brownish n warm tone just like Marina Bay Sands hotel. The construction started around May 2016.

During that time, my dad kept going back to Singapore for a following check up, I am soo grateful that my boyfriend always had my back, up until now. Idk what to do if I don’t have him, I wasn’t that strong :)

JUNE 2016 - My lovely Auntie taught me how to bake eggtart, and it was a really good experience cos I LOVEEE EGGTART! It was my grandmother’s recipe. The outer crisps was damn good. I modified the recipe by adding some grated cheese and grounded almond. My family was proud of me and really loving the tarts. I baked a lot during that time, I gave it away for my friends and family (including my boyf’s grandma, and she sent me a pumpkin egg tart too)

JULY 2016 - Its the Hari Raya Holiday again, so my family went to Singapore again. I brought the egg tart that I baked 3am in the morning for my boyfriend’s family, I choose the best ones and hand carry them to Singapore lol. We went to the zoo, I remember how I was super influenced by Mathilda, Leon The Professional’s clothing style. On 4th of July, I was invited to Emilie’s 4th Birthday, she is my boyfriend’s cousin.

NOVEMBER 2016 - I was texted by someone, I was shocked at first, but she became my best friend now. She contacted me to become a model for her clothing store, I was with my other friend, who turned out to be my boyfriend’s cousin too. We had fun at the photoshoot, we played with makeup too. After that, I told them how I enjoy making lace choker, then we started our first business together, Dixi Choker, but it only last for a while lol.

DECEMBER 2016 - The three of us are three musketeers, we went everywhere together, it was a great time. There was a lot of great event we had, going to Jessandra’s bday party together, had Christmas dimsum & went to the church on Christmas Eve, it was really great. Then in the end of year, I bleached my hair to blonde! I had awesome time. My family went to Singapore again to spend our New Year. 30th December, me and my boyfriend went to Art Science museum, we happily bought the NASA tshirt as a couple lol. On the 2nd of January, my fam supposed to go back to Indo, but the plane had trouble so we postponed the flight, and went back the day after, just the day before my birthday. 

JANUARY 2017 - On the 5th of January, my best friend Klara and Jessica surprised me at King’s Restaurant, I wasn’t expected that at all. These two girls are really sweet that I guess, I opened myself to them the most. You know, it is not easy to get close to me. I have such a cold heart. Just like cold turkey in the cold storage lol. I had a lot of Star Wars gift too from my friends and my boyfriend!

We held our grandmother’s 85th birthday party on 11 January. I forgot when she went back, but we gather all her relatives, her siblings and had our dinner at Restoran Gajahmada. She carried her peached shaped pao, very happily. She really loves pink, so we dressed her all in pink. “Dadu”, is how she named pink. I miss her so much as how I look at her pictures. During my house construction, we took our grandma with her wheelchair to visit the house too, she was so happy and resists to go back to our old house lol. She’s so funny. On January 27th, we fly back to Singapore again for Chinese New Year & go back again on 31th of January. 

FEBRUARY 2017 - Klara, Jessica and me went to Kuala Lumpur for farewell trip because Jessica was going to pursue her study to New Zealand. It was a very sad moment tho, but so memorable. I’ve never really go anywhere with friends before, I did, but for a study tour to Taiwan when I was in senior high school. It’s because of the school, lol. So we had a really good time you know, we went shopping and had so many photoshoots. Cafe hoping and culinary mostly, play dress up and make up. 

MARCH 2017 - On 15th of March, Jessica fly to NZ. I am not a type of person who melts easily, who cry easily in front of people cos I am trained to hold my tears as I always want to look strong. But I’m dying inside, I miss her a lot. When she was around, she talked to me a lot, maybe she does it to other of her friend too, but I listened to her as she is my only friend. She shared me her secrets, we had a lot of deep talk and quality things. You know, I’m into deep talks and building deep connections. The next day, my friend from Korea, Ji Eun (She is actually my older sister’s classmate, and her bro was my classmate, so we got so close) visited Pontianak. We had empek2, ice cream angi, and she boughts some DVD contained Indonesian Folklore animation, then we had our dinner at KBAB, played monopoly deal together with my sister.

I took my Ielts class with Klara, we had 3 months of course. I was actually disappointed with my results lol, but its okay cos the score is above the requirements.

APRIL 2017 - Me and my fam went to informa a lot to buy furnitures, it was a great experience cos it was the first time we move lol. We decide together for our garden design too. It felt great, after 3 years away from my family, we had a lot to catch up. On Easter (16 April), I went to church with Linda, accidentally met my boyfriend’s auntie and cousins. Then on April 29th, me and my family went to Singkawang. We had great time, such a wonderful road trip. This is what I love the most, when we usually have our holiday in Singapore, my dad is always busy at the casino, stucking his nose up to those machine lol. I was always busy with my boyfriend too. So this little trip helps a lot you know. Its an awesome go-getter.

MAY 2017 - My english teacher since I was in high school, the one who help my IELTS when I was going to Singapore came back to Ponti after she Moved to US with her husband. We had a great lunch at Saung Kedah. Then on 22nd of May, My boyfriend visited Pontianak! With the whole pack, his parents, his twins, lil bro and older sis. I spent a lot of time with his family. I was invited to his parent’s Anniversary, and her grandma’s new house blessing (24 May). It was a great opportunity. On 26th of May, me and bf went for a movie together, it  was our first time watching movie together in Pontianak. We watched Pirates of the Carribean lol. Then I took him and his grandfather to Ice cream Angi, and we went to fix his portable wifi too. I dragged my boyfriend to Kopi Aming too, his first time trying my favourite coffee in Ponti. 

JUNE 2017 - We moved to our new house! I was so happy organizing our house, especially my room. I made drawer separation system by using pretty cardboard and turned out pretty well. It was the time when I was all crazy about plants too, disgustingly obsessed. It was a bad obsession I can say, until I bought a lot of gardening stuff, seeds, and hydroponic system. It was also the time I tried to import stuff from China, started my online business clothing store. I bought my ringlight too, oh GOD I spent a lot of money. On 25th June, My family went to Singapore again. I guess it was only me, mom and dad. I went to Ikea and daiso a lot to buy organizing stuff. We went to Universal Studio for the first time (we went twice for the Halloween Horror Night, but never for the day rides lol). I introduced him the Pork Bun too, the one I had when I was in Hongkong.

JULY 2017 - It was when I went so deep into gardening. Had my pretty marigold flowers blooming from seeds. Then my Auntie came back from Jakarta and taught us to make Pizza from Pan, sweet potato purple doughnuts, and Biji Salak. It was so great. Then my cousin introduced me to Sims 4, and I was impulsively bought the game from tokopedia. Which is a huge regret now. I hate myself when I got into games, I could play it all day long until I neglect my life. That is how fast I get addicted into things. 

My dad always pet a specific fish, its Red Parrot Fish. He really love it, but everytime we move the fish, from house to house, they always get stressed out. The older and big fishes died slowly. One by one, then he got new ones, I guess almost 20 fishes lol. I got myself succulents too, and I got some for my sister. I also bought a lot of IKEA furnitures, sent them through an container expedition sent by ship cos it costs so much if I use the regular one. I had fun in assembling the furnitures too. I went crazy in buying plant seeds too lol.

On July, my boyfriend visited ponti again. We surprised our friend Shella with other friends too. As usual, when my boyfriend come to ponti, we always have Ice Cream Angi with his Akong. His Akong loves Ice Cream so much. Then me and my boy went to Shinjuku, a Japanaese Yakitori Street Food. We had kaloci, tausuan, and pentol as a closing of our dinner lol. At night, we tapao Bakmie Atie for Ama. The morning before he go back to Sg, we initially wanted to have tiammie for breakfast, but the store was closed, so we ate Bakso in front of my complex, and I drived him to eat some Tua Ce Ie too. He love it so badly. (25July)

I sold my first clothing piece on 27th of July. I was so happy lol. During this month, I spent my day promoting my clothing store and taking care of my plants.

AUGUST 2017 - My auntie came back again, we made some handmade noodles and sponge cakes. I took pictures of her recipe books as she told me to. I spent my time with my Senior High School friend too, as he is a photographer, I  asked him to help me to take pics for my clothing store. I asked Anggi and Michelle (my niece) to be the model.

26th August, is when my Grandma passed away. I was torn apart. I hate myself so much that I did not spend more time with her. I spend more time with my boyfriend’s grandparents a lot more than with mine. I was so sad that I lose her. It my first time to lose someone who is so close to me. She was buried on 1st of September 2017.

SEPTEMBER 2017 - We visited Singapore again. I forgot what it was for hahaha. But mainly I just had fun with my mom and boyfriend. We had nice dinners so many times. We went to China town to buy some jerky beef, and as usual my main restaurants to go in Sg are Genki Sushi, Tanuki Raw, Mcd, Menya Musashi, Kanshouku, any Kbbq or Hotpot restaurant. When I went back to ponti, I always limit my food intake lol.

OCTOBER 2017 - We held my sister’s birthday too, I bought her mangoo cheesecake. She was happy, and me and my friend surprised her for the second time at Tyga per Ampat too.

NOVEMBER 2017 - I prepared my bro’s bbq party. I made him sate taichan, bbq chicken, sauteed potato (4NOV). My housemate when I was in Singapore visited to Ponti too, they are originally from Batam & Medan. We surprised Brenda’s bday party too, twice (6NOV). First at Botani, followed a BBQ party at William’s house. I was still in a journey to lose some weights, so I bought a lot of granola during that time. I bought an expensive muay thai punching bag too. CRAZY. I always made a bold move in spending my money. (18Nov) I did see results, my waist are smaller. I visited Jakarta on 19th November, mainly for my acne treatment. Then I had nice dinner at Kintant with Gris, and Shaburi with my mom. The rests are random KBBQ, random Indo food with my cousin.

DECEMBER 2017 - I only focus doing muay thai and losing weight, I did some intense classes, follow kayla itsiness and strict with my diet. I made my weight planner, it was crazy. I bought protein powder from my protein, I was really focus in making myself feel stronger and energetic. I determined to be healthy so I can focus better. THEN MY FAMILY FLY TO SG AGAIN TO SPEND OUR NEW YEAR! hahahhaa.. its always like that.

JANUARY 2018 - So from 28 Dec to 6 January, 9 days spent in Singapore. Me and my whole fam spent times in Singapore, then my Fam went back first on 1st of January. I stayed at Derrick’s home. I accompanied him to school, sitting at the cafe and read Girl Boss book. Then on 3rd of January my dad and mom came to Sg again to pick me up! Hahahha that is how my dad spoil his 23 years old daughter. I’m old alr but he is still super protective. He was actually fly from Ponti-Jkt to had his dental surgery, but he decided to pick me up. I want to extend my day in Sg cos I want to spend it with my boyfriend. I don’t wanna be in Ponti for some reasons. It feels like I’m getting old but I have no where to go. I know its my hometown, but it feels strange somehow. I am weird, its hard for me to get along with people here. I hate those eyes staring at me with the thoughts I predict they wud say. I know it might be only in my mind. But I hate myself enough already, those questions asking me about what’s my career now, what am I working now is depressing. I need time with myself. I just want to be with someone I feel safe with, which is my boyfriend. I feel so calm whenever I am with him, might be the reason why I want to be with him forever. I am anxious every time, talking to him was the greatest feeling ever. He always giving me positive feedback and encourage me. It was great.

So I went back to ponti after that, and my parents went to Sg again. My mom was on cruise trip to Thailand & Sg.

FEBRUARY 2018 - My cousin from my Dad’s side had his wedding, somehow we didn’t go there even though they were waiting for our presence. Its kinda pressurize me when I have those thoughts abt ppl asking me what I am doing. So I decided not to go by that reason. And chosing nice dresses on not-so-confident-me is stressful too. idk why i stress everything over small things. Btw we surprised our mom too, she had her birthday! Then again, my dad and mom fly to Singapore again. Kinda bad decision tho, cos Jipek suddenly passed away. He is my best uncle on earth. I love him so much eventho I never show it when he’s alive. He taught me gardening, asked me to eat rose petals, drenching rose plants with crazy tons waters, he pet an orang utan, taught us how to draw, and a lot of things.

So yeah, idk what else to write. There are a lot of memorable things, even though I feel I did not achieve something during this past 2 years, at least I learnt a lot. I always wonder what if , what if I continue to work or just continue my study in Singapore during 2015-2018. But I wouldn’t be as close as this with my family, I won’t have time to catch up with my grandma, I wouldn’t be there when my Ama left. I feel like God sent me to Ponti to have golden time with my family. I was way too harsh with myself when people asked me why am I still in ponti doing nothing. I cursed myself everytime people asked me things abt my future. Guess what? I am okay. I learnt a lot. 

- I lose 2 of my favourite people, but I was there before they gone.

- I was there to help my mom taking care of my dad and ama. So she was not alone.

- My dad bought a house and need me to help with the design.

-I learnt muay thai and made some connections with them.

-I got new close friends, Klara and Jessica, and Gerry too hahah.

-I got close to my bf’s grandparents.

-I participate in makeup competitions and started few videos on my chanel, its growing but slow hahha

-I learnt a lot abt gardening

-I hang out a lot at a coffee shop, and make some friends. 

-I started my online shops and struggled!

-I did some organizing at my new house which is a great thing I guess?

-I cook a looooooot for my family, thank God they love it.

-I fly to places without my parents (hongkong with sisters) and kuala lumpur with my besties.

-I did chalk drawings at a cafe with Linda and Jeff.

-I work with 5 clients on graphic design (Rutos, Achiang, Shica, Cloud Vape, Cokoer) Some cv design for friends, and some i dont really remember lol.

-I catch up with hair dying experiment again with my mbak and myself! I permed and bleach my hair too lol idk whether its smth special to mention or not.

- I did makeup for people too and earn money for it!

Its crazy how time flies, but it was not for nothing. God has been good to me. 

During 2015-2018 (disgusted with myself how i spend my time but you know, its not bad at all! )

So now its 2018 guys! There is a lot more to come. I realized when I try to do graphic design freelancing, it was really hard to manage my time, to make my income constant, pricing my work, to talk with clients and everything. I was alone to do it all.

It was hard to run an online business alone, order stuff, talk to clients, design, market my stuff, branding, send the stuff.

I know i can grow through makeup, cos I can see it is my passion now. But I need to prioritize what I need now. I need to earn money. Real money. So I decided to take my path and take a turn. I’ll be mentally stable in Singapore, working with a good amount of salary, and constant too. 

All i need to do is just to play safe right now. Cos hell yeah ofc, I need money. I just need to save up. I need to be good in saving money, as what ppl say, to earn is easy but saving is hard. I need a stability, I need to anchor myself on something I am sure about. I need commitment. I need something to hang on. Which is what I have and certified is graphic design. 

So now I am planning to revamp rebuild my portfolio, cv, resume and cover letter. I will target myself to apply some jobs in Singapore before March. Hopefully I’ll get some interviews. PLEASE GOOOODDDD! HELP ME! Hehee.

 If not, (worst case scenario lol) I’ll take some courses, online and in school. I want to specialized in UI & UX. Then on early march, I will go to Jakarta with my sister and mom, she had an art exhibition. I wanna grab new laptop for me to work better. 

But yeah currently I’m working on my works, and trying to sharpen my skills, get into my workflow, and learn some more skills on share skills ! WISH ME LUCKKKKKK <3 <3