#and one of you is guided by unchangeable internal moral standards that you cannot go against whether they can be logically explained or not | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

askbensolo · 5 months ago

Text

Journal Entry #44: roller coaster.

I returned to my senses when I heard the door open and a bag get set down. “Ben! I got those cookies that you like from the—oh.” Then I heard a chuckle and felt her sit down on the floor next to me.

"Ben...what are you doing with your face on the ground?"

I didn't say anything. It was like I couldn't. Too many thoughts were spinning wildly around my brain, except they weren't even developed enough to be thoughts. I shook my head.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't tell you," I muttered, because I thought too hard about what it would be like to marry you and panicked for two hours was too difficult to tell her.

"Well...okay. But at least sit up, silly." She put her hand on my shoulder and shook me a little.

I obeyed and sat up, not wanting to make eye contact. In that moment, I found her terrifying: all five-foot-one of her.

She sat quietly with me for a moment.

"...Is this about...you and me?" she asked finally. I shrugged, which she correctly interpreted as an affirmative.

"Ben, I...I think we should talk."

I covered my face and shook my head, feeling like I was about to implode. "Please. No."

"Ben...I hate to see you get all upset over nothing," she pleaded. "I want you to know I don't expect a single thing from you. You were right, that we'll always be friends, and I know you can’t force feelings you don’t have. I've accepted that you don't like me—"

I tore down my hands, revealing an anguished expression. "Well, I've accepted that I maybe kind of do, which sucks, because now I have to think about what our future would look like together and I don’t think I’ve ever thought about anything so serious in my entire life."

She blanched. She had been standing on her knees, but she slowly sank down onto her heels in shock.

I couldn't tell what she was feeling. Shouldn’t my confession have made her happy? But she looked about as confused as I was. Maybe even a little scared, too.

"...You're joking," she said finally.

"Well, I don't know if I'm right or not, but I'm not trying to be funny," I told her.

She looked like she didn't know what to say. We stared at each other.

And then...tears started welling up in her eyes. She shook her head. Two fat droplets spilled down her cheeks, and she started doing that imaginary knitting thing with her hands.

"Hey...don't get all excited, Fan," I said, embarrassed, catching her hands up in one of mine. Her hands were so little.

"How am I supposed to not get excited?" she asked quietly, her big eyes dripping diamonds that glittered like stars. "I've always loved you."

I didn't expect those words to make me dizzy, but they did. She looked at me, for a moment...then collapsed into my arms and absolutely lost it, sobbing like a baby.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight.

“Listen…I’m scared,” I admitted, fully aware she might not have the mental bandwidth to register what I was saying. “I’ve…I’ve never thought about being with someone that way. I’ve never thought about what that would mean, or what it would invite into my life, or the challenges it would involve. I mean…everything could go horribly wrong. We work pretty well as friends, and I guess as housemates, but as anything else—who knows? We could end up being way in over our heads and totally unhappy.”

“Well…I’m scared too,” she snuffled. “I mean…goodness, Ben, I just told you. I was okay with you not liking me. I didn’t have anything to lose. But now...I have everything to lose. I didn’t even love Deirak the way I love you, and it was still so hard when I said goodbye. What am I going to do if I lose you?”

“You’re afraid of something ending that hasn’t even started?” I teased her weakly, rubbing circles on her back.

“Well…you’re afraid of starting it, when there’s every hope in the galaxy it’ll end,” she said miserably, in a dumb, mopey little way that made me chuckle in spite of how anxious I felt. I rocked her back and forth for a moment, then gently lifted her head off my shoulder and held her at arms length so I could look at her.

A loose dark hair had gotten plastered to her wet face. I picked it off.

“Look…I still don’t know if I’m in love with you,” I told her.

“Well…I still don’t know if I want you to be in love with me,” she said, laughing softly and wiping the heel of her palm against her eyes. “You should have just stayed the way you always were: handsome and charming and thoroughly unattainable, so that I could have gone on admiring you in silence forever, and never had to risk anything.”

“Well…you shouldn’t have made me dinner, and you shouldn’t have had coffee with me every morning for a month despite hating caf, and you shouldn’t have let me walk in on you dancing like a moron,” I replied softly, pushing my fist against her shoulder playfully. “I mean, please. You’re too cute for your own good.”

“Cute like a loth-cat? Or cute like a girl?”

I flicked her cheek with my thumb and index finger. “Oh my Force, not this stupid thing again.”

She giggled, her wet eyes sparkling.

My hand stayed hovering over the side of her face as I looked at her, and I let it rest on her cheek. She smiled and leaned into my hand—maybe she was part loth-cat after all.

My thumb poked at the corner of her mouth, and I looked at it for a second. Thought about it.

Nah. No way.

“Don’t kiss me, Ben Solo,” she said seriously.

“I wasn’t going to,” I said, annoyed that she had noticed. “Ew.”

“You looked like you were thinking about it.”

“Yeah, thinking about how it would be gross,” I said, which was true. “Hey—we’d be perfect for each other, you know. I have a pathological fear of physical intimacy, and you’re a prude.”

She squinched up her nose to keep from smiling and smacked her hand lightly against my face. “I am not.”

“You’re twenty-two and you’ve only had one boyfriend, who you never kissed once in the two years you were together,” I teased.

“You already know I want my first kiss to be with the one I marry,” she said, rolling her eyes at me and smiling. Her hand went on top of the one I had holding her face—it felt weirdly electric. “That was one of the first conversations we ever had, wasn’t it? When you took refuge in my hut while the others played spin-the-saber. Ironic of you to make fun of me for never having been kissed, since you’re twenty-three and you’ve never been with anyone at all.”

“Yeah...until now,” I said. “Possibly.”

“Possibly,” she echoed softly.

We looked at each other, our smiles fading. The uncertainty of the whole situation came creeping in again.

“…We should probably just…stay friends until I go back to Ryloth,” she said finally. “And then...figure it out after that. I don’t know if we should…date as housemates.”

I frowned. Until she went all the way back to Ryloth?

She picked up on my troubled look. "...What?" she asked.

“Well, it's just...you’d be so far away," I said. "We would barely see each other. I mean...I’m not crazy about starting things right away either, but if we were to…y’know, date…wouldn’t it be easier to start while you’re right here?”

She blushed. “I don’t think it would be appropriate for me to be living with my boyfriend.”

I took my hand off her face. “But…you’re living with me right now, aren't you?"

“Yes, but you’re not my boyfriend right now.”

“Yeah, but...what would change if I was? Why would it be inappropriate then, if it's okay right now? I don’t understand.”

"Ben, don't you remember? Even before all of this happened, I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate for us to live together—"

"Yeah, I know you weren’t sure about living here before, but you changed your mind, right? ‘Cause you’re here. And you’ve never brought it up again till now…”

She looked like she was about to say something, then stopped.

“I…I just don’t want to be living with a man until I’m married,” she repeated, embarrassed.

“But that’s what I’m saying, you’re literally living with one right now,” I repeated, frustrated.

“Yes, but you’re not my boyfriend right now,” she repeated, flustered.

“No, but I’m still a guy, and you’re currently living with me, and that’s not what you said,” I repeated, annoyed. “You said, ‘I don’t want to live with a man’—”

“But you’re not my boyfriend,” she said again.

“Fannie. You’re just saying the same thing over and over!”

“Well…so are you!”

We both giggled tensely at the same time: a weird kind of laugh that was 0% mirthful and 100% awkward and uncomfortable.

“Look, I was under the impression you already decided you were okay with living here, because here you are,” I said. “I’m not suggesting we like…start sharing a bed or anything. I’m still expecting that you’re gonna move out in the fall so you can go back to doing your thing. All I’m saying is, for the summer, we could just keep things exactly the same—”

“But they wouldn’t be the same, because we’d be dating,” she said.

“What would be so different about us dating from the way things were two weeks ago?” I asked impatiently. “You were already living here. Sleeping on the couch. We were hanging out all the time. Making dinner together, watching movies, going out on the weekends—”

“Yes, but everything was different, because when I agreed to move in, I saw you as a brother,” she said, looking stressed.

“But you didn't just see me as a brother,” I argued. “You said you always liked me.”

“Yes, but you didn’t like me, so nothing was ever going to happen,” she said, anxiously doing the knitting thing with her hands again.

Happen? I let go of her. What did she mean, nothing was ever going to...happen? Like...something that would make it inappropriate for us to live together?

“Wait,” I said, looking at her. “What are you afraid would ‘happen’?”

I looked at her expectantly. She couldn’t answer. Or wouldn't. Was she trying to say something bad would happen? Like...I would try to do something bad to her? Like…I would try to violate her? Or something?

“What?” I stared at her. “What, are you afraid we would, like…have sex or something? Do you think I'd try to have sex with you?”

“Ben. Do not talk about us having sex,” she said, shocked, her face red. But she didn’t deny it or try to correct me, and that really, really bothered me. I didn’t think that was what she was thinking…but what was I supposed to think, when she wasn’t giving me any reason to think otherwise?

“Well, you’re the one who’s thinking about that, apparently,” I said, starting to get worked up. “Really? Me? With everything you know about me, that’s something you’re worried about? Why, just ‘cause I’m a guy? Who do you think I am? You really think that I of all people would try to take advantage of you like that?”

She shook her head, her eyes all big.

“Then what are you trying to say?” I snapped. “Because if it’s not that and you’re thinking about something else, I would love to hear it! What is this, a guessing game? I mean, come on! Give me something to work with here!”

She wouldn’t talk. She would only stare, her eyes wide like twin moons. Usually, her big eyes were cute, but right now they were both pissing me off and scaring the hell out of me.

A minute went by in total silence. Then two. I know, because I counted the seconds. I waved my hand in front of her face. “Uh, hello?” She didn’t blink. Her eyes began to cloud up with tears, but she still wouldn’t speak.

Why the hell wasn’t she talking?? My heart started pounding and all my thoughts started speeding up inside my head and my hands started shaking. I started panicking again. Things had been okay and then for a second they’d been better than okay and now they were worse than they’d ever been. This was hell; we were in hell right now.

Suddenly, everything just felt so terrible and I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and yelled and kicked the leg of the coffee table.

That seemed to wake her up.

She jumped to her feet. “Why are you so mad that I said I wanted to wait till I moved out before we started dating?” she asked, glaring at me. “You’re the one who said you weren’t sure about dating at all. Why are you suddenly all in a rush?”

“I’m not!” I shouted. “You’re the one who apparently thinks I’d try to sleep with you if we started dating right now. Do you know how physically sick that makes me feel?“

“Ben, I never said that.”

“Well that’s how I interpreted it, since you wouldn’t tell me what you actually meant, and I asked you—like, twice, and you didn’t kriffing correct me!”

“Don’t swear at me!” she yelled back.

“I’m not swearing at you, I am swearing in general!" I seethed. "There’s a difference!”

She glared at me, but didn’t say anything. I waited for her to open her mouth and use actual words like a grown-up, since apparently she’d finally gotten in the mood to talk, but no words ever came. I threw my hands out to my sides.

"Well? Are you gonna say something, or what?"

She didn’t. Just stared at me with those big brown eyes like daggers.

“Oh, so we’re back to this now,” I said sarcastically. “Cool.”

Her eyes were boring holes into me and it was like being on fire.

I turned and shouted and slammed my fist against the wall. “Cool! Just ignore me, I guess! I don’t get what’s happening right now! You’re not being you! You’ve always been so great at communicating and now you won’t kriffing talk!” I body-checked the wall and yelled again. RIP my neighbors.

Fannie’s eyes flashed violently. The same way they had when she told me she hated her father.

“No, I’ll tell you something, dumbass,” she blurted angrily. “We shouldn’t kriffing date.” Then she grabbed her keys and stormed out the door.

I had never heard those words come out of her mouth before. And right after she’d told me to watch my language. I was so shocked, there was a split-second where I laughed out loud. And then a ton of other emotions barreled into me like a space freighter crash-and-burn, and I slid down the wall on my back and ended up crumpled in a heap on the floor with my head in my hands.

What the hell was that? Nothing like that ever happened when we were just friends. Are we still friends? Because if that’s what it’s like to be more-than-friends…I’d pretty much rather just die.

#askbensolo #written #fannie #story event: an awkward situation 2 #ben’s diary #ben tells a story #ohohoho 🍿#this is called: one of you grew up in a family where 'passionate discussions' were the accepted method of working through problems #and one of you grew up in a family where your mother was your father's personal property and talking back was punished #one of you believes anger is a natural emotion warranted by intense situations #and one of you believes anger is almost exclusively linked to the dark side #one of you is guided by pragmatism and forms and reforms his beliefs based on what makes sense at the time #and one of you is guided by unchangeable internal moral standards that you cannot go against whether they can be logically explained or not #concept: ben is likeable cuz he’s your friend and you kinda get him. but he’s also kind of slappable sometimes. do you see the vision

4 notes · View notes

oneagainstthelegion · 4 years ago

Text

Jordan Peterson: Twelve Rules for Life

• How can we navigate our lives to true-north in the sea of chaos and suffering? What steps do we take to anchor our lives through stormy weather? In Dr. Jordan Peterson's book "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos," he explains them. Article by Mr. Alex Mau.

Mr. Alex Mau

October 8, 2020 • Last updated: October 8, 2020

in Mind and Soul • 60 Minutes Read

"How could the world be freed from the terrible dilemma of conflict, on the one hand, and psychological and social dissolution, on the other? The answer was this: through the elevation and development of the individual and everyone's willingness to shoulder the burden of Being and take the heroic path. We must each adopt as much responsibility as possible for individual life, society, and the world. We must tell the truth and repair what is in disrepair and break down and recreate the old and outdated. It is in this manner that we can and must reduce the suffering that poisons the world. It's asking a lot." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

In this episode of "The Art of Manliness" podcast, host Mr. Brett McKay interviews Dr. Jordan Peterson. He is a clinical psychologist and a lecturer. His latest book, "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos," he shares his view on the meaning of living and describes how we could take full control of our lives and make it worth living.

Dr. Jordan Peterson explains that a successful life is an ordered life and talks about the importance of being the world's light because of the disastrous consequence if we choose to live life in the dark.

Interview with Dr. Jordan Peterson in Three Sentences

"Every game has rules. The first of these rules is that the game is important. If it were not important, you wouldn't be playing it." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

Life is hell, suffering, pain, and misery, and we must live a life with missions and goals worthy enough to justify the pain we endure in hell.

We make plans, take stock, evaluate our life, and become the light of the world because the alternative is darkness and hell.

The twelve rules are a true-north internal compass that guides us to navigate life as we adrift on the sea of life in pain and suffering.

Ideas to Takeaway from This Interview

"You're trying to create space between stimulus and response in the body so that as that tension comes up in you, you will it to relax, and that's what The Wedge is in that moment." - Mr. Scott Carney

Why the twelve rules of life? What are the twelve Rules?

“The order that is most real is the order that is most unchanging—and that is not necessarily the order that is most easily seen. The leaf, when perceived, might blind the observer to the tree. The tree can blind him to the forest. And some things that are most real (such as the ever-present dominance hierarchy) cannot be “seen” at all.”

The path of life and the purpose of life.

People are directional being. We are path taking creatures. We travel daily to destinations, either to work, to stores, to school, or to meet friends. We go places with purposes. The direction is the path.

We ask ourselves honest questions. What path are we taking in life? What is our purpose in life? And which direction we are traveling? On the light or dark path, to the good neighborhood or bad neighborhood. Life without purpose, without guidance, is a lost life. The mission is the purpose of life.

Once we realized and be honest that we are lost and wandering on the dark path, these twelve rules will help us to find our way back to the light. These twelve rules provide life guidance, road maps for life, and lists of things to do to be successful, and if followed precisely, these twelve rules provide a blueprint for a solid foundation and a positive environment to live lives a little easy to endure.

When we are walking away from the dark, we are walking on the path of light. The best gradually starts to happen to us, but it might not be easy. Easy life and the best life are not the same. We don't want a life with the absence of efforts and works. We want challenges, obstacles, struggles, worthwhile adventures that stimulate our minds and bodies. We want a hero's journey life filled with calls to adventure and accomplished great things.

When everything we do has meaning, it becomes easy because it relates to our purposes. Be the light. Become light in the world. Our world is better when it is brightly lited.

Rule one. Stand up straight with your shoulder back.

Rule two. Treat yourself like you would someone you are responsible for helping.

Rule three. Make friends with people who want the best for you.

Rule four. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today.

Rule five. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

Rule six. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.

Rule seven. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).

Rule eight. Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie.

Rule nine. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't.

Rule ten. Be precise in your speech.

Rule eleven. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.

Rule twelve. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.

Rule one. Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

"To stand up straight with your shoulders back is to accept the terrible responsibility of life, with eyes wide open. It means deciding to voluntarily transform the chaos of potential into the realities of habitable order." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation on confronting the world courageously with good posture. Our posture affects our emotions. Stand up straight with the shoulder back exerts dominance and confidence, and it shows we accept responsibility.

Slouching or stooping posture with our heads hanging low leave us susceptible to appearing we are not ready to take accountability for our actions. Stand up straight with the shoulders back and the feet shoulder-width apart, we exude confidence and willingness to take meaningful action.

Psychology confirms standing up straight projects self-confidence, authority, and poise while slouching or slumping makes us look unprofessional and disinterested. External posture leads to internal emotions. Our emotions often proliferate by other people. It is hard and disturbing for people's emotions to be put-down by others. It does not just upset them at the moment. It changes the way their entire emotion responds to the world. It shows they are not worthy and valuable in society. There is a tight relationship between emotion and physical posture in the hierarchy of human society. How we think of ourselves in society determines how we feel.

Rule one is a meditation on how to present ourselves in the hierarchy of human society. We want to present ourselves to the world in a manner that does not disgrace us because the consequence of disgrace is emotional dysregulation—more negative and less positive emotion. The best solution is to present ourselves by standing up straight and opening our bodies. We occupy space around us, make ourselves vulnerable by stretching out, and open ourselves to the world. Good posture is an excellent way to regulate your emotional mood and serotonin. It is a sign of self-confidence to confront the world courageously. Thereby, people most likely give us the benefit of the doubt and take us seriously. We get more chances and more opportunities in life.

The rule of thumb for rule one is success comes to our ways when we courageously confront things that frighten us forthrightly by standing straight with our shoulders back.

Source: Standing Up for Confidence

Rule two. Treat yourself like you would someone you are responsible for helping.

"You are important to other people, as much as to yourself. You have some vital role to play in the unfolding destiny of the world. You are, therefore, morally obliged to take care of yourself. You should take care of, help, and be good to yourself the same way you would take care of, help, and be good to someone you loved and valued." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation on treating ourselves well for the benefits of others. It means people get to demand the best from you. It means we take care of ourselves first for the benefits of others. It means improving our health, exercising our mind, motivating ourselves, and seizing the greatness within us, so we can take care of those we love most.

We regularly and often treat other people better than we treat ourselves. We look at ourselves according to our standards, and we believe we don't deserve the best. We understand themselves better than anyone. We know all our flaws and faults. It is often easy to care for other people than care for themselves because we believe other people are better than us.

We are fragile, imperfect, and damaged goods.

We are self-conscious beings who acknowledge and aware of our fragility, foolishness, errors.

We know ourselves better than anyone else knows us.

We are capable of pretty vicious acts of malevolence.

We are useless, incompetent, and clumsy.

We are mortal, vulnerable, and self-conscious.

The solution and the truth are that everyone is flawed, useless, and clumsy. We are not all we could be, and everyone could do much better. It is a human subconscious issue, and it always has and it always will.

Even though we are not all that we could be, our moral obligation is to treat ourselves better. We make the world a better place if we take care of ourselves in the name of other people. As an individual, we are in the best position to treat ourselves better. We have something valuable to bring to the world. We are lights, and we light the world with our humanity, kindness, and sympathy. When we treat ourselves better, our lights grow brighter. If we don't bring our lights to the world, the world will be a dimmer place. When the world is a dim place, it gets very dark.

Rule two's rule of thumb is to be the light for the world by treating ourselves better and it is important to remember that everyone falls short of the glory of God.

Rule three. Make friends with people who want the best for you.

"What you aim at determines what you see." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation on reminding ourselves that we are important. Rule two and three work together. Rule three is intended to make life more difficult and remind us that we are important and matter in the world.

"Birds of a feather flock together." People who spend the most time together tend to emulate each other or share similar interests or beliefs. Everyone's life is a constant struggle. We have friends who aim high, and others aim low.

We pay close attention when we aim in different directions; some friends may not be happy.

Some friends may pull our aim down to their level.

Some friends may cover our accomplishments with their hypothetical successes.

Some friends may offer something to deter us from pursuing.

Some friends may explain to us reasons it would not work.

Eventually, if we honestly love ourselves (Rule two), we have two choices; either staying with friends and aiming low or finding other friends who aim high. We have an ethical responsibility to surround ourselves with people who have the courage, wisdom, and faith to wish us well when we do well and to stop us when we do wrong. We find friends who want the best for us.

If our friends are not like that, they are not our friends, and maintaining friendships with them might not be in our best interest. When people drag us down with them, their intentions are cynical.

Some people try to see if we will put up with them because they believe life is not worth living, and things are not good in their lives.

Some people drag us down to prove there is no good in the world and don't need to be responsible and strive forward.

Some people use us as an example to confirm their beliefs.

Rule three's rule of thumb is to surround ourselves with only people who will lift us higher.

Rule four. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today.

"When you decide to learn about your faults so that they can be rectified, you open a line of communication with the source of all revelatory thought. Maybe that's the same thing as consulting your conscience. Maybe that's the same thing, in some manner, as a discussion with God." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation to be the role model for ourselves.

Envy, like greed and lust, is characterized by an insatiable desire. When we "covet thy neighbor's wife," we are resentful that our neighbor has her, and we don't. I envy you because you have what I want.

It is sad or resentful covetousness towards the traits or possessions of someone else. Malicious envy is similar to jealousy in that they both feel discontent towards someone's traits, status, abilities, or rewards. Don't envy of someone. Everyone has problems.

We need goals that are a bit above our reach (Rule three) and are worthwhile to our lives, but we may not envy people we don't know. People we believe have attained more deserved or not. This envy leads to bitterness and resentment.

It is mentally healthy for us to compare ourselves to ourselves. We use ourselves as the target for improvement and comparison. As we feel better about ourselves (Rule two) and become more successful (Rule three), people would offer us more opportunities, and more opportunities produce more achievements. The truth is, there are always people who achieved more than us.

We attach values for comparison purposes to become the best we can be is essential and healthy. (Rule three). It is harmful to us when we compare or measure our performances against other people's achievements. As this unhealthy comparison develops, we gradually build anger, resentment, self-loathing within ourselves and diminishes our sense of self-worth.

How do we have the benefit of comparison without the crushing feeling of defeat?

We set high aim goals but not too farfetched to crush us.

We break down the goals into small parts to challenge us.

We provide an incrementable high probability of success.

We review our progress and ask quesitons.

What did we do well yesterday?

Where do we need to improve today?

Where can we be one percent better today?

When we apply this rule, the daily result starts to compound, and we become unstoppable.

Rule four's rule of thumb is confidently to measure ourselves of today with who we were yesterday.

Rule five. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

"If a child has not been taught to behave properly by the age of four, it will forever be difficult for him or her to make friends." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation on confronting the shadow within us is an inevitable barrier to enlightenment. If we dislike our children, so will other people. It is a bad idea to allow our children to act in a way that makes other children or adults dislike them.

A parents job is to help the children learn how to behave so that the social world opens up its arms to them and welcomes them at every level. If we don't like what our children do, neither will society. If the parents tolerate their children's behavior, and society does not, the opposite of tolerating at home and the intolerant in society will present the children the feeling of isolation among people and the long-term development of psychological problems.

We solve this issue by knowing the kind of monster that lives inside us. The violent beast appears when rage, anger, and frustration combined for moments when things go wrong. Everyone has a dark side, the monster. When we confront and be honest with ourselves in the mirror, accepting and reflecting on the destructive behavior present in the state of cruelness moment, we can have a good relationship with people and family.

Once we know what we capable of doing the most violent acts, it is best not to let the children make us outraged at the wrong moment. It is never a good idea for parents to allow the children to engage in dislike, irritable, and resentful activities that make the parents angry at them. Nothing good could come out from that.

Instead, if we want to have a good relationship with people and family, when people do something we would like them to do it again, tell them and show our appreciation. Say thank you to them for taking the time and effort to do what they did and how much it means to us.

There are a few things we keep in mind.

We take deep breaths when we feel frustrated.

We remind people to avoid us when we have bad days.

We stop children immediately when they misbehave.

Rule five's rule of thumb is to Stop doing the things we dislike and show appreciation and remind people of their efforts.

Rule six. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.

"It is my firm belief that the best way to fix the world—a handyman's dream if ever there was one—is to fix yourself." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation on resentment and bitterness. Resentment is the key human emotion. It is best to take the time to listen to our resentment and admit it exists. We are either shut up and get on with it or say something and do something about our resentment.

Blame others or blame ourselves and take action. Resentment may show us the pathway to put a stop to our resentment. It's necessary to live an upstanding and noble and moral and truthful and responsible life, and why there's hell to pay if we don't do that.

It does not mean to stop taking any action for others until we have our acts together. It means to bind our ambition with humility and work on what is right in front of us that we will suffer more for it if we get wrong before engaging in the large-scale transformation of other people. We must be willing to deeply introspect and examine our lives and choices to prevent future mistakes. We stop doing things that are bad for us.

When Things are not going well for us. We feel resentful about the nature of being and the suffering for our own life. How do we treat our resentment? What should we do when we feel resentful?

We quit lying to ourselves and start going through our lives with a fine-tooth comb.

We ask ourselves honest questions.

"Have we done everything we possibly could to set our lives straight?"

"How did our lives get here?"

"Where did our lives go wrong on our judgment?"

Now, we have the list of tasks to fix.

We start to fix the little things in front of us that we can improve. We don't stop and see what happens.

Stop doing things that we should not do and stop saying things that make us weak and angry.

We finish the list of tasks and develop a long-term vision for our lives.

We straighten our lives first, the things in front, take it seriously for a year.

We make honest evaluations and write down our progress.

There are no little things in life. We fix the little things is a way to increase self-competence; competency equals power. We start to clean our room and then to other little small things at home, increasingly we begin to feel better about life. People think these things are minor, like sorting out their household. It is not a little thing. It is tough. Everything matters.

We will face unbelievable opposition around us from the chaotic home, resentful or alcoholic family members, and people that aim low. We will have to fight through that, and it is hard to put our lives and our home in order.

Rule six's rule of thumb is to pay attention to ourselves first and fix the little things in front of us.

Rule seven. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).

"Don't underestimate the power of vision and direction. These are irresistible forces, able to transform what might appear to be unconquerable obstacles into traversable pathways and expanding opportunities." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation on sacrifice today for a better tomorrow. Life is never supposed to be happy and fair. It is supposed to be meaningful and important. There is much hard work in life, and it is never fun.

We will suffer in life, but our suffering should be worth the life we lived and the life we leave behind. We do the meaningful, not fun and easy at the moment. We essentially sacrifice all our weaknesses, our temptations, our damages, and everything wrong about ourselves for good in our future.

Sacrifice is painful; control our temptation is difficult, and withstand the urge to seek comfort and pleasure is hard to resist. Hopefully, the end consequence is justified for the sacrifice we made on the reborn journey, the new us. We become the phoenix.

The phoenix bursts into flame and burns of everything that's old and dead and is then reborn. That a symbol of the savior, the phoenix. Similarly, we do to ourselves. We let go and burn off everything old and damaged about us. We let it burn off. It's painful because it's alive, but it's just deadwood. We don't need it. That's part of the sacrifice of ourselves.

Sacrifice is a skill, just like goal-setting. It takes time to learn and practice. Most people are generally not very well-constituted, not very mature, and not very articulate in their lives. Once they realized they have to give up many wonderful things, they often refused to sacrifice.

We should not pursue happiness. It is a foolish idea. Instead, we should seek life worth living, not happiness. Happiness comes from a life worth living. A life worth living takes many sacrifices. We live our lives in a manner that justifies their suffering and sacrifice. In the end, it is a long-term worthwhile game that will turn us away from bitterness and resentment.

How do we know the pursuit of meaningful life of tomorrow worth the pain and sacrifice of today? Commonly, if we are moving forward, in some manner that's worthwhile, and things often don't work out precisely how we expected, at least, we will have generally gained something as a consequence of the experience, a new knowledge, or a unique insight.

We become wiser and make necessary adjustments and continue our journey to the pursuit of a meaningful life. We meditate on our improvement, evaluate our progress, seek advice from people we trust, reconfigure our goal, and try again.

Rule seven's rule of thumb is to start life on an easier path, leading to a rougher end.

Rule eight. Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie.

"If your life is not what it could be, try telling the truth. If you cling desperately to an ideology or wallow in nihilism, try telling the truth. If you feel weak and rejected, and desperate, and confused, try telling the truth. In Paradise, everyone speaks the truth. That is what makes it Paradise. Tell the truth. Or, at least, don't lie." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is the meditation on telling the truth to ourselves, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

How we know what we are saying is the truth. I don't think we know when we tell the truth to ourselves because no one knows the truth. The truth is, in some sense, is an unreachable goal. The truth to us may not be true to others. But one thing we can do to ourselves right away, it is to stop saying things we know to be false. It's challenging to have our vision clear enough to see the truth, but virtually everyone knows when lying to ourselves. When we stop saying things that we know to be lies, we will start clarifying our vision, and we will get better and better at perceiving the truth.

How we test the stories that we tell ourselves. The purpose of memory is to help us stop doing the stupid things we did in the past that hurt us. And so if we have an accurate representation of the past and its failures, then we won't repeat the failures again into the future. If we keep applying the test and the same pathological things keep failing, then perhaps there's something wrong with how we formulated our story. We are the fault. If the same bad shit happens to us, again and again, it is probably us.

Our lives are not what we would like it to be; then, there's some possibility that the story we are telling ourselves is wrong. The theory is wrong. We are not fulfilling our full potential; it is the story we are telling ourselves. If we are not where we want to be in life, it is us and finds out why.

We cannot pursue what is meaningful to us without telling the truth. We corrupt our perceptions when we lie to ourselves. As a result, we cannot rely on our judgment. If we cannot rely on our judgment, then it is good luck to us because what will we rely on in the absence of our judgment? We got nothing. We lose. The truth comes from the personal truth of experiences, the keeping of promises and contracts, and the accurate description and understanding of reality. We tell our truth, that is important.

Rule eight's rule of thumb is to be honest, and truthful with ourselves will set us free from living life with resentment and bitterness.

Rule nine. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't.

"So, listen, to yourself and to those with whom you are speaking. Your wisdom then consists not of the knowledge you already have, but the continual search for knowledge, which is the highest form of wisdom." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is the meditation on recognition of our unbearable ignorance. We have to decide what we know and what we don't know and what is more important to us in life.

First, there is a lot of we don't know. If we make friends with what we don't know and decide that it is more important, then we will be surrounded by what we don't know our entire life. If we are appreciative of the new knowledge, then that will make things go better for us.

Second, if we appreciate what we don't know, and believe that things could still be better, then obviously what we don't know is more important than what we know. We should be paying attention to find out what we don't know at every possible opportunity.

Third, suppose we are fortunate when you have a conversation with someone, and we are interested in what they say. In that case, even if someone not very good at communicating, that is always the possibility that they might tell us something we don't know.

In which case, we walk away from the conversation, less ignorant and less corrupt then we were when we started the conversation.

If our lives are not everything we would like it to be, then being slightly less ignorant and less corrupt is a good thing. The truth should withstand honest scrutiny, and emerge stronger, be modified, or cast aside as a lie and not truth. Social progress and personal development will only happen when we are willing to take an in-depth look at ourselves and realize that we might know many things and compare to the great sea of knowledge. In the end, we know nothing.

Rule nine's rule of thumb is to listen and to learn from other people is humility and modesty.

Rule ten. Be precise in your speech.

"When you have something to say, silence is a lie, and tyranny feeds on lies." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is the meditation on precisely tell people what we want from them, and directly ask what others want from us. If we can precisely describe what we want, what we do not understand, what we do not like in our lives, and why we are so unproductive, it is the first step in improving any situation. If we can't explain the issue clearly, we clearly don't understand the issue. If there is a problem, the first step is to clarify and define it. The best solution to avoid lengthen argument is finding out directly what the other wants.

We can directly ask if we can do something to give people what they want.

We are clueless. We say we don't know.

We both don't know, then let's figure it out together.

People want something from us; let's find out what they want. If they don't like what we are doing, they have to tell us exactly what we have to do correctly. On the other hand, when we are complaining and unsatisfied with them, we announce our satisfaction rule.

Rule ten's rule of thumb is to be clear of what we want and be open to what they ask.

Rule eleven. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.

"Question for parents: do you want to make your children safe or strong?" - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is the meditation on trust. It is an act of encouragement toward your children. It is fundamental importance is not to guide our children so that they act in a socially desirable manner and let the world opens itself to them.

Parents should not interfere with their children when they are skateboarding or when they are doing dangerous things in which children love to do. Parents are interfering with their children's willingness to expose themselves to the necessary risks and dangers voluntarily.

Helicopter parents live a life of perpetual fear that their children are always at risk when they are not around. They are unprepared for the harsh and challenging environment of school, community, and society. It is not loved or compassion, but the cowardice on parents' part to shelter their children from harm. It exposes the parents' lack of trust and the demand for total control of their children's well-being. As a result, the prolonged psychological damage to their children's self-esteem and self-confidence last for years. Their children could not navigate unusual social situations intelligently and ultimately unable to take appropriate and calculated risks.

Children need to expose themselves to risks to develop the sort of competence that allows them to thrive in the society that their parents cannot shelter them. Skateboarding teaches children's self-esteem. It shows the limits of their ability, how to handle fear, and when to push against the fear. They use the pain of failure as learning tools for setting their risk boundaries. The risk in skateboarding is modulable; the risk increases as the trick get difficult.

Rule eleven's rule of thumb is to let go of the children, and they will fly further than we had expected.

Rule twelve. Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street.

"Attend to the day, but aim at the highest good. Now, your trajectory is heavenward. That makes you hopeful. Even a man on a sinking ship can be happy when he clambers aboard a lifeboat! And who knows where he might go in the future. To journey happily may well be better than to arrive successfully…." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

It is a meditation on fragility. It is what we do when things go seriously wrong, and we don't know what to do and how to handle it.

How do we manage lives when we face terrible tragedies in our personal life, a death in the family, an unfortunate illness, the collapse of a dream, or any unexpected thing that flip our world upside down. When things are going out of control, we often look at our lives in days, weeks, or months.

What are we going to do for next week?

What is going to happen to us next month?

Where will we be at next year?

Instead, we should look at our lives in the smallest component. It is mentally beneficial to narrow our frame of time to the smallest in minutes.

During those minutes, we focus on doing as well as we can with what is right in front of us for the extended unit of time that we can tolerate conceptualizing. While we are suffering, we must take the time to acknowledge the little thing that allows itself to be appreciated. We become present in the moment and appreciate all the beautiful things surrounding us, and we take time to enjoy the small, detailed things.

Rule twelve is a practical way to know what to do in terrible situations. Once we realized that we could handle terrible things than we thought, we can handle any challenging situations without becoming corrupted. We have to be alert on the good things in life when we are suffering. We take time and look around to the unexpected beauty in life. We look for little brighten moments, the little bit of sparkling crystal in the darkness when things are bad. We have to look and see where things are still beautiful and sustaining. Life is beautiful.

Rule twelve's rule of thumb is to pay attention to the littlest things in life, and it will help us mentally and emotionally when our world is falling apart.

Final thoughts.

"You must determine where you are going in your life because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward. It will instead disappoint and frustrate you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with (and then resentful, and then vengeful, and then worse)." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

There are many validated reasons for the twelve rules.

We should try to improve ourselves first instead of trying to set the world straight.

We should worry less about what other people are doing wrong and pay more attention to what we have done wrong.

We should stand up straight and treat ourselves like we are someone worthwhile and important.

We should make friends with people who want the best for us.

We should tell the truth, or at least not lie to ourselves. Whom can we trust if we cannot trust ourselves?

These twelve rules are ideal, but we could never attain the perfect ideal life. These rules are meditations on how to conduct ourselves in our society's hierarchy so that our life is what it could be. These rules are self-improvement only applies to me, but it is for me as much as for anyone. After we have straightened ourselves with the twelve rules, we realized there is plenty of imperfection to go. There is more to develop and more to improve.

Living a good life is a constant adjustment; something noble, remarkable, and extraordinary about keeping going and improving, which is positive, is maturity. The reason we keep constant self-improvement. A good person will try to get better; no matter how good we are, there is plenty of room for improvement. The real goodness is in the attempt. The real honor is in the process.

If we use Christ as a psychological example, Christ is the dying and resurrecting symbol. It means when we learn things painfully, a part of us has to die, that is the pain. Life is a constant process of death and rebirth and to participate fully is to allow ourselves to be redeemed by it.

The symbol of the phoenix represents the transformation of death and rebirth in its fire. It represents eternity and foreverness. It continuously goes through the cycle of change, death, resurrection by rising from the ashes through the fire.

The goodness is the process of death and rebirth voluntarily undertaken. We are not as good as we could be, so we let the bad part die and resurrected the good. It is the secret to be a man, a responsible person. We let our old self die and let our new self reborn, and that is what we should do in our lives. In the end, we all fall short of God's standards.

Source: We All Fall Short of God’s Standards

Interview Summary with Dr. Jordan Peterson

"And you must be cautious because making your life better means adopting much responsibility, and that takes more effort and care than living stupidly in pain and remaining arrogant, deceitful and resentful." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

Lesson Meditation Rule of thumb Rule one. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. Confronting the world courageously with good posture. Success comes to our ways when we courageously confront things that frighten us forthrightly by standing straight with our shoulders back. Rule two. Treat yourself like you would someone you are responsible for helping. Treating ourselves well for the benefits of others. Be the light for the world by treating ourselves better and it is important to remember that everyone falls short of the glory of God. Rule three. Make friends with people who want the best for you. Reminding ourselves that we are important. Surround ourselves with only people who will lift us higher. Rule four. Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today. Be the role model for ourselves. Confidently to measure ourselves of today with who we were yesterday. Rule five. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them. Confronting the shadow within us is an inevitable barrier to enlightenment. Stop doing the things we dislike and show appreciation and remind people of their efforts. Rule six. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world. Resentment and bitterness. Pay attention to ourselves first and fix the little things in front of us. Rule seven. Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient). Sacrifice today for a better tomorrow Start life on an easier path, leading to a rougher end. Rule eight. Tell the truth – or, at least, don't lie. Telling the truth to ourselves, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Be honest and truthful with ourselves will set us free from living life with resentment and bitterness. Rule nine. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don't. Recognition of our own unbearable ignorance. Listen and learn from other people is humility and modesty. Rule ten. Be precise in your speech. Precisely tell people what we want from them, and directly ask what others want from us. Be clear of what we want and be open to what they ask. Rule eleven. Do not bother children when they are skate-boarding. Meditation on trust. Let go of the children, and they will fly further than we had expected. Rule twelve. Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street. Meditation on fragility. Pay attention to the littlest things in life, and it will help us mentally and emotionally when our world is falling apart.

Young people are sick and tired of being fed a constant diet of "We're good enough. We should feel happy with who we are." They are tired of endless diets of rights and freedoms that will give them a meaningful life, or a pat on the back even though they don't deserve it.

Life is suffering and pain; the proper antidote to that is living in truth and responsibility.

The 12 rules are guidelines, and when we feel lost in life, then the 12 rules are a roadmap to salvation and a better life. Follow it precisely.

Most people who live in the modern period of instant gratification are starving for their call to adventure and embarking on their hero's journey.

The world will be a better place when young people grow up and get their act together, adopt some responsibilities, and bear some burden.

The story of a meaningful life is religious, and many inspiring and motivational stories based on religious tales.

People have oriented themselves with stories forever, and the most extraordinary stories are about the proper way to orientate yourself in life. The deeper they are, the more accurate they are, the more they move into the territory that is religious in nature.

"You must determine where you have been in your life so that you can know where you are now. If you don't know where you are, precisely, then you could be anywhere. Anywhere is too many places to be, and some of those places are very bad. It would be best if you determined where you have been in your life because otherwise, you can't get to where you're going. You can't get from point A to point B unless you are already at point A, and if you're "anywhere," the chances you are at point A are very small indeed. You must determine where you are going in your life because you cannot get there unless you move in that direction. Random wandering will not move you forward. It will instead disappoint and frustrate you and make you anxious and unhappy and hard to get along with." - Dr. Jordan Peterson

[You can listen to this full interview at the "Art of Manliness." Link]

Further Read and Resources on the Twelve of Life

You find out more about Dr. Peterson's work on his website at JordanPeterson.com.

Dr. Jordon Peterson's Self Authoring Program at Selfauthoring.com. It is a series of online writing programs that collectively help you explore your past, present and future.

Other books are available on Amazon.

"12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos" by Jordan B. Peterson

"The Enlightenment Trap: Obsession, Madness and Death on Diamond Mountain" by Jordan B. Peterson

"Maps of Meaning: The Architecture of Belief" by Jordan B. Peterson

If you enjoy this interview, please visit the website the Art of Manliness for more in-depth interviews with authors and thinkers. The Art of Manliness podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Google Android, Stitcher, Spotify, Overcast, Tunein, and most major podcast platforms.

Don't forget to visit the "Art of Manliness" store for a well-thought-out gift to a special person in life. Your purchase supports his business and mission.

Our Mission.

#writing #jordan peterson #12 rules for life #mind #soul

0 notes