#and one of these bless-your-heart conservatives tries to say some shit like ''why are you grabbing that? men don't wear skirts!''

[hyperdragon97]

I went to the local food pantry today and they have a free shop attached, so I took a few minutes to browse before heading home. I legit considered picking up a skirt just to see how this Christian-run, most likely conservative organization would react. In the end, I just picked up a couple of shirts.

Maybe next time.

[kai5621]

Deja vu [Heisenberg x OC]

Warning: age gap, slow burn, platonic to romantic relationship. Grammer issues (english is my first language criiii) . Child abuse, family abuse, death (not major character ). Eventual smut (maybe?）

Note: OK !!!! SO after drawing a bunch of RE8 OCs I finally could resist my self writing my own story about it. Cuz damm Heisenberg stole all my heart and I have no complains about it.

This is my first time writing a fanfic, so I will try my best !! And lastly-----

HEISENBERG DESERVES SOOO MUCH MROE LOVE.  

And here’s a little potrait thet I drew for the oc (as for why I didn’t draw heisenberg as well, is bcuz im shit at drawing males ┭┮﹏┭┮)

1.

The first time Heisenberg met Erin, she was only eight, can barely reach his waist and always be smiling everyday, like an every single child would at her age. She came to this shitty village with her dad, which claims to be her only family member. They are obviously foreigners to the villagers, as no one remembered there’s anyone in this place would have a such strong British accent, therefore they must be new.

Their family history has remained a mystery to most of them, oddly enough, only a few people who are about eighty or ninety years old do recall their family name, and were quite surprised to see that Erin’s father is back here again. Although every single one of them would shoot him with fierce glances that are not so friendly, even towards Erin. Except for Luiza, but even though her kindness was mainly for the poor little girl.

“I don’t understand, Charles. If you decided to leave this place before with such determination, why bother came back?” She asked her father sternly, while watching Erin just quietly standing behind him. She was thin, with a long, dark raven hair tied into a loose pony tail. But she does look endearing, those big, innocent watery eyes could gain everyone’s sympathy.

“That’s none of your business, and why does it even matter to you?” He seemed annoyed when answering this question, he roughly grabbed Erin’s wrist, without looking any of the people here, he just simply left, leaving others remain in silent confusion. Some younger villagers did ask Luiza about Erin’s origin, but all the time she just shooked her head, signed heavily.

 “May mother Miranda bless that little girl. She does not deserve such man as her father.....”  

Of course, Heisenberg would never missed such local news from the village. He did pay a visit to the new “guests” before informing Miranda and his siblings. The appearance of new faces surely hooked his curiosity quite high, but to be honest, he doesn’t even understand why he was that excited, as surely they would probably just end like the locals here, worshiping Miranda like she’s an actual god, and then would went missing mysteriously but eventually end up on her cold, metal operating table, with chest being cut open, blood splatters all around the body, while the Cadou parasite just devouring the remains.

Didn’t someone mentioned the family also has a daughter? Ah, then perhaps that lucky little thing would go to his sister’s castle and can becomes one of the “maid”. Just another victim, Heisenberg thought to himself, he could not hide his grin back. Holding his hammer at the back of his shoulder, he walked quickly to that infamous cottage where the new family is settled, a few quite whispers can be heard during his journey, the villagers were all surprised to see the presence of the metal lord, and naturally inquiring behind his journey.

Just like before, Heisenberg ignored all of them,

When he finally reached the shabby wooden door, of the cottage, he didn’t even bother knocking, just pushed the door wide open violently, using his ridiculous strength meanwhile announcing his arrival.      

“Well, well, there’s been news all around the village about the new family, and I thought I could a pay a little visit, to get to know the new members! You are welcome, by the way......”

 But when all he saw was a little girl standing by the dinning table, looking confused and stunned at him, his smug smile disappeared quickly, and even the eyes behind his dark specs were filled with momentary surprise.

“Uh, sir?” She asked quietly, putting the tray of cookies down on the table in a panic.

“Are you.... my father’s guest? I’m really sorry, he will be a away for a quite long time, and I’m not sure if.....”

 He stood there for a moment, and then realized that she must be the daughter, although she’s much much younger than he anticipated. He cut her off before she finished the sentence : “Huh, so you don’t know who I am ?”

 She looked so lost, after blinked her eyes a few times, she nervously said : “Sorry sir, I’m afraid I don’t.”

 Heisenberg was never good with children, never, he didn’t really know what to do, after all he wasn’t expecting to meet a child who probably doesn’t even know what a dick is. So, they just stood where they were before, and staring at each other awkwardly in silence, to a point that even the little girl started to feel uncomfortable. She looked around quickly, trying to find something that could resolve this situation, then her eyes fixed on the tray of cookies on the table.

“Um, maybe...do you want to have a cookie, sir?”

The man with the hammer went speechless, he coughed a few times, put his hammer down next to the door frame, and blankly replied back with a tiny bit of fluster.

“Alright then. ”

   2.

It was fucking ridiculous.

Heisenberg would never imagined himself sitting in a old cottage, eating chocolate cookies and drinking teas like a normal human, while chatting with an eight years old girl.

Yes, he’s never good with kids, why would he? Being brought by a psycho bitch means he shouldn’t have any sympathy towards anything, everyone in this village had a good taste about his temper before, even his “Lord” title makes it too intimidate for anyone to have any contact with him. Thus, he never had a decent conversation with anyone else besides his cursed family. Frankly speaking, they were not really conversations, more like endless quarrels.    

He had a quick look around in the room, when Erin went to the kitchen to make tea. This place is shabby, there’s no doubt about it. No painting, no decorations, only an old wool blanket laying down on the floor of the living room. He could see a few photo frames on the bookshelf, cover by dusts. He tried to have to closer look, but all he could see was three people standing together, presumably a family photo that was taken a long time ago.

“Here’s your tea, sir. And there’s milk and sugar.” She was holding a big tray, walking carefully towards table and almost got tripped by the chair. Heisenberg almost chuckled at her clumsy yet cute actions, but he remained silent, and finished his ninth cookie.

“Well, thanks, little one.” He said simply, then started to sip his tea. He saw Erin was standing next to the table like a lost little lamb, he can’t help but chuckled a bit, gesturing her towards the seat across him.

“ Oh come on, no need to be so frightened! I won’t eat ya.”

She was a bit hesitate at first, but eventually took his offer, sit across the table facing him. Although the teapot blocked half of her face.

“So....” Heisenberg started again, with his smug smile back on his face: “You are new here aren’t you, with your family.”

“Yes. Me and my father came a week ago, from England. But he used to live here, at least that’s what I know. ”

That made his curiosity even higher. An outsider, that originally lived here, how interesting, and how did they even escaped this twisted place.

“Where’s your father now?”

This question let her seemed a bit troubled, she shooked her head, looking disappointed : “I don’t know, sir. He said he’s busy, and that’s it.”

His grin became wider:  “And didn’t your daddy tell you, that do not let strangers come into your house while you are alone?”

To his surprise, she did not seem scared, but instead she tilted her head as she was a bit confused, and answered him back politely.

“But I didn’t let you in, sir. You just opened the door and, broke in........”    

 Heisenberg burst into laughter right after he heard this answer, it was really loud, even the teapot and the cups on the table started to shake a bit, but thankfully Erin didn’t notice, she was completely stunned by his reaction and didn’t know what to do. She thought she probably offend him by saying that. But the truth is, Heisenberg is not mad at all, this child’s unintentional boldness is exactly what he likes.  

“ Oh yes! I did break into your house, and aren’t you scared?”

“Should I be scared?” She calmly asked him back, filling his cup again with more tea. “I was tho, but you seem like a nice guy. At least I don’t think a bad person would eat my cookies and having tea with me. If you want harm me you would've done this way earlier.”

He could have so much fun with this kid, Heisenberg though to himself. An outsider was rare enough on its own, no praying, no worshiping, and he won’t hear all those “Miranda bless us” shit. Although, it’s quite ironic that his first decent conservation in 20 was held with a freaking child.

But he’s not complaining. He finished his tea, looking around the room for the last time then shoot his glance back on her. He stood up, ignoring the girl’s skeptical look, Heisenberg chuckled a bit.

 With that, he simply waved his hand, and left the house.

“Well, thank you for your service little one, I’m afraid I must got now. But I’m sure we will meet again soon.”

 He grabbed his hammer by the door frame, opened the door in a swift motion.

“And send my greetings to your father, will you, little one?”

[red-talisman]

An unbetaed piece of a coffee shop AU based on conversation that happened on the 18+ 2Ha Discord. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

_____________________

There are only three reasons that Mo Ran continues to risk ulcers by frequenting the Red Lotus, and it’s not because the coffee is actually good.

For one thing, the coffee shop is within reasonable walking distance of Sisheng University. It’s not the only coffee shop nearby, taking clear market advantage of the sleep-deprived university population, but it is the one that best understands what students are looking for. This leads into the second reason: the coffee is strong enough to strip paint. No sugar, no fuss, just a suckerpunch straight to the central nervous system on the third day of final exams.

(The Pre-Med kids have a running bet about whether or not they could reanimate one of the lab’s anatomy corpses with it; none of the Humanities majors have been willing to dismiss the rumor entirely as a joke, but the other science departments are a little too intrigued by the discourse to be trusted as allies on the ethics boards.)

The third reason that Mo Ran continues to risk meeting his ancestors earlier than the deities have planned is sitting at a corner table when Mo Ran pushes through the door, hunched over scattered papers and pushing ink-stained fingers through long hair with visible frustration.

“Good evening,” Mo Ran calls out. He automatically heads towards the counter with a glass-fronted display of deceptively edible-looking pastries and an antique register. There are no other people in the shop and the overhead music is some kind of quiet guqin album, and yet his third reason for self-inflicted punishment doesn’t appear to notice Mo Ran’s existence at all. Mo Ran crosses his arms, leans a hip against the counter, and watches Chu Wanning irritably shove at the hair escaping its high ponytail again, failing to notice the ink he leaves behind on a high cheekbone.

“Help, I need service,” Mo Ran murmurs to no one. He knows his fixed stare is bordering on grounds for a lawsuit, and he tries, and fails, to tone it down.  “Will no one provide legal vices in my time of need. Alas. Woe.”

Chu Wanning mutters something to himself, grabs one of the many pens perpetually stashed around his person, and furiously scribbles something out.

Eventually, however, not even Mo Ran can ignore the need for coffee in favor of staring at the most beautiful man that’s ever blessed his vision, and he knows from past experience that nothing short of actually grabbing the papers will get Chu Wanning’s attention when he’s like this. Doing so, however, will result in casualties (again).

“Chu-laoshi?” he tries anyway. “Chu-laoshi!”

For all that Chu Wanning reacts, Mo Ran may as well just be another creepy wooden doll sitting on the high shelf against the far wall. Mo Ran looks at the various coffee-related machines stacked on the other side of the counter, looks at Chu Wanning, and looks back at the machines. (The machines are shining, obviously well cared for, unlike the rest of the café’s weird, antique shop chic.)

“Last chance, Chu-laoshi,” he says loudly.

Twenty minutes later, Mo Ran is sitting across the same table as Chu Wanning, enjoying a thick espresso and the delicate spread of Chu Wanning’s eyelashes, when Chu Wanning finally surfaces from mental depths. Mo Ran watches him blink in confusion first at Mo Ran himself, then at the cup of tea steeping off to the side of his papers. “Mo Ran?” he says, with the kind of croak in his voice that indicates he probably hasn’t communicated with another living person for a while now.

“Hello, Chu-laoshi,” Mo Ran replies amiably. “I hope you don’t mind that I helped myself. I left the money behind the counter.”

Chu Wanning turns to look at the register. No answers magically appear from that direction. Mo Ran, however, is pretending to take a deep sip to hide what he knows is an utterly besotted smile over the adorable (sexy, hot, please fuck me no wait respect him damn it!) daze that seems to be hanging persistently over Chu Wanning’s expression.

“You don’t work here,” says Chu Wanning. His brows are pulled together in confusion, eyes a little narrowed and a lot focused, and Mo Ran has to bite the inside of his own cheek to remind himself to fucking behave, you’re not a goddamn dog.

“Might as well, at this point,” he quips. Before Chu Wanning can take strips off of him (don’t think about stripping!) he adds, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen coffee machines so clean. You obviously care for them.”

“Well, yes,” Chu Wanning says bluntly. “Machines stop working if you don’t.”

Ouch. Mo Ran should’ve known better than to try using an oblique angle to lever open some personal discussion. He nods at the papers on the table between them. “You were pretty engrossed in those when I came in. What’re you working on?”

Chu Wanning glances down at the papers, snaps his gaze back up like he’s trying to find the trick in the question, and finally looks back down, avoiding Mo Ran’s gaze. “Nothing. It’s just for Sisheng’s Astronomy department.”

“Astronomy? You do astronomy?” Mo Ran blurts out before he can stop himself, and Chu Wanning visibly bristles.

“Yes. Why is that so shocking?”

“It’s not! I mean, not for bad reasons! Shit, I just mean, you…I knew you were affiliated with the university, obviously, Uncle’s talked about you often enough, but I kind of assumed you were in Literature or something.”

“Dear gods, why?” Chu Wanning asks, looking horrified.

Because you look like a gay man’s ideal of the noble scholar, he doesn’t say. Because I have some very specific fantasies about you sitting on my cock and me trying to make you come before you finish writing a formal letter to your very boring, very conservative colleagues.

“Because of the, y’know. Books,” he manages to say instead, waving an arm vaguely at the variety of books crammed beside random objects on the café’s many shelves.

Chu Wanning just lets out a soft, “Hmm,” and seems to relax a little. The silence stretches, but before Mo Ran can break it in another attempt to force conversation, Chu Wanning says, “With the increase in…the traffic of objects orbiting Earth, there’s more interference in the data collected by our ground-based telescopes. I’m trying to help improve the software for better filtering.”

That sounds – well, really fucking boring, in Mo Ran’s honest opinion, but who is he to judge? He’s the one too stupid to have figured out anything he’s actually good at, and he’s a postgrad because he doesn’t know what else to do. “Why astronomy?”

He keeps his tone light but not irreverent, and when Chu Wanning doesn’t immediately scoff or go mulishly silent, Mo Ran feels his heart pick up a little.

“The stars are the source of…everything.” He pauses. “Everything except for the few lightest elements. Everything that makes life possible came from the intensity of the cores of stars and the violence of their deaths. Our universe is such an unimaginably vast entity, with galaxies and clusters shaped by the literal echoes of creation – and with hypotheses on the likelihood of other universes alongside our own – wouldn’t it be a sad thing if our own hubris blinded us to that?”

Chu Wanning is looking at him with a face that’s forgotten to keep itself guarded in this moment, and Mo Ran stares, long enough for the walls to go back up. Chu Wanning turns his face away with a humiliated flush and a sharp, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

You’re beautiful. “That was beautiful.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just fanciful nonsense – “

Chu Wanning cuts himself off when Mo Ran very gently puts his hand over Chu Wanning’s, stopping him in the middle of pushing his papers together into a messy stack. “I mean it.”

Chu Wanning keeps his face tilted down, a flush working over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose.

[theimpossiblescheme]

Things about the Martin Crimp Cyrano de Bergerac I have various emotions about in no particular order:

Christian being Leila Ragueneau’s pupil—bless the boy’s heart, he’s trying so hard to slot as effortlessly into Paris and its intellectual scene as possible, even if he’s still confused about most of it.  (Also the implication that he comes from a rather conservative family since he didn’t understand what “genderfluid” meant at first, but cottoned on and even looked kind of impressed pretty quickly… you’re doing amazing, sweetie.)

Ragueneau noting that Cyrano hasn’t gotten any sleep last night like this is something he does regularly. How often do you think he’s come into the shop and just crashed?

Cyrano actually looking he might start crying after his meeting with Roxanne, but stifling it so quickly when the cadets arrive it’s like that emotion was never there.  I just… I believe him when he says (in other translations) that he believes he’s too disgusting and ridiculous for something so noble as tears, but there’s a bigger part of him than he wants to admit that doesn’t want to cry simply because it’s Not Something Men Do. Especially not military men. There’s such a focus on gender dynamics in this production and how self-worth issues affect everyone that I one hundred percent believe that was deliberate.

Ragueneau going up to Cyrano and so gently asking him if something happened with Roxanne—not even trying to guess what really happened, just wanting to know if something went wrong… and Cyrano taking her hand without a word and giving her a little “thank you for actually understanding” look.

This Christian is such a spitfire and so genuinely witty, I love him so much.  In the middle of his nose insults toward Cyrano, he does a little “come at me, see what happens” gesture, and I lost my mind.  This guy has possibly even less chill than Cyrano, and that is saying a lot.

I love this Roxanne, too—she’s so warm and funny and genuinely feels like she could be your best friend in the world.  So many Roxanne actresses come off as too… distant and almost intimidating, but this one is so much closer to earth.

Cyrano holding on for a little too long the first time he and Christian hug, even after they’ve pulled apart and he’s still clutching his arm… fellas…

”Imaginary men and women”… just gonna let that line sit there…

Cyrano and Christian sharing a mic within minutes of meeting each other

Cyrano introducing Christian to the cadets again as his best friend and trying to put an end to any future hazing… only for the cadets to turn on him and immediately start insulting him one after the other.  And instead of slapping the one who started it and establishing that he’s still not going to take their shit—the way he usually does in other translations—Cyrano just clams up and disappears.  They were all praising him and gathering around him in support about ten minutes ago, and now they’ve lined up to publicly shit on him… some friends.

Wow, they made absolutely no bones about de Guiche just wanting Roxanne for sex and nothing else. You can feel the disgust roiling off of her that entire scene.

Christian accidentally mimicking Cyrano’s accent the first time he feeds him a line in the “balcony” scene

The juxtaposition of Roxanne as a vocal feminist and “wouldn’t love be very dreary if it fell victim to the gaze of theory”—she loves the idea of love and how ideologically pure and new she wants it to be while Christian and Cyrano know things aren’t as cut and dry as they are in her textbooks.  God, this translation is clever.

Christian is the one to pull Cyrano out to talk to Roxanne directly this time, and you can see the abject fear on his face when he realizes where he is…

The way Cyrano starts out imitating Christian’s accent, but then slowly phases into his own voice

The freaking Steve Martin reference, holy shit

I don’t know what to make of the more… intimate references in Cyrano’s balcony speech in this production since I can’t imagine he would feel comfortable with that, even if he’s not saying it to her face.  Especially since he can’t seem to imagine intimacy without violence—“You bite my lip, you draw blood.”  It’s like he’s trying to insert himself into what he thinks a “normal” romantic/sexual fantasy, and it immediately goes south once he imagines himself there instead of some other man.  Even in a letter she’ll never see, that he’s tearing up so no one else will ever know what it says, those “normal” fantasies don’t come naturally to him, as hard as he tries.

The self-awareness that Cyrano knows he’s putting Roxanne on a pedestal, idealizing her—“making her an object”—and that’s why he tears up all the letters.  Because he knows how they would sound to her, even if he doesn’t intend to hurt her.  He knows her, and that’s why he could never tell her—he’d be just another man to her who only wants one thing, and he can’t bear for her to see him that way.

Cyrano idealizing the moon as this perfect place without sickness or hatred or societal convention holding anyone back, where he’s not looked down upon for his appearance… it’s a lot that I was not expecting from this scene.

Christian was about ready to murder de Guiche on the spot for calling Roxanne a bitch and a whore, and I refuse to believe Cyrano wasn’t sitting there absolutely seething right along with him.  Get his ass, lads.

The only other promise Cyrano makes Roxanne is that Christian will be back all right… yeah, thanks for that, I needed the extra pain.

Cyrano specifically bringing up Achilles and Patroclus when he’s talking about the Iliad… they knew what they were doing.  Especially right before he insists that Le Bret give his water ration to Christian.

The cadets trying to pick Cyrano up with their old battle cry, but Cyrano pointedly turning away from them, remembering what happened the last time.  Except this time they’re sincere, not planning to turn on him, and he lets himself smile a little bit.

De Guiche nearly passing out from dehydration in front of the cadets.  As scummy as he’s been throughout the play so far, this is the part where he usually starts to turn over a new leaf, and I’m starting to believe it at this point.

We really just flat-out had Cyrano confess to Christian that he loves him, too.  This production really did say OT3 rights, and I’m here for it.

This is one of the only productions I’ve seen that really plays up the gravity of the situation when Roxanne and Ragueneau appear at Arras.  For them it was just an adventure to see their loved ones, but they’re in the middle of highly dangerous territory, and the cadets thought they were enemy combatants.  It’s not a game they’re playing.

Roxanne was really gonna tear de Guiche limb from limb before Cyrano caught her, damn…

”Because I could not stop for death”… I love this poem, holy shit, and hearing a re-working of it here, too…

De Guiche’s turnaround is genuinely affecting in this production, especially since he starts out by apologizing to Roxanne.

That first little tiny kiss before Christian goes in for a second one, and the way Cyrano just… bluescreens afterward… and the way he shakes his head like, “Please, this is too much at once, I can’t process this, I can’t believe that you actually feel this way…”

The heavy implication by the way all the cadets, including Christian, take their lavalier mics off that they didn’t survive the battle.  Not even Le Bret survived—only Cyrano and de Guiche made it out alive among them. Cyrano’s not only lost one of the loves of his life, but also his best friend.

Roxanne sitting in front of Cyrano’s mirror in the last scene… I could probably write a whole essay about that setpiece.

Cyrano spending the first few years after Arras homeless

Cyrano’s dying this time because he got a knife in the back during a fight to defend Roxanne’s honor… holy shit…

Christian sitting on the stage during Cyrano and Roxanne’s last conversation—his specter looming over their relationship, knowing that Cyrano is still hiding things from her (that little whisper of “yes” when Cyrano asks if he would ever lie to her)

They actually referenced the real-life book that the historical Cyrano wrote!

I don’t know if I believe Roxanne when she says she’d had “plenty of other men since” Christian. Especially coming off the heels of Cyrano bold-faced lying about having been with another woman to “explain” his appearance.  And I don’t know which makes it more heartbreaking.

Roxanne’s whole emotional journey after Cyrano tells her about the letters—“Have I loved two men or no man at all?”

“The hero always has… the final…”

[the-minyard-twins]

Andreil Fic Rec

I’ve always wanted to do a fic rec so here we are! I’ve read a lot of Andreil recently and these are my top 28 favorite Andreil and AFTG fics

1. Trust Fall (And Welcoming Arms) by SpangleBangle

85k | Explicit

Life goes on after the Foxes win the championship, and for Andrew and Neil it’s uncharted territory with only each other for guides. Maybe it’s time to put away some of those hard edges, and learn how to touch more softly, and speak more honestly. And if they falter, they have their family to help them get back on their feet.

2. Learning To Feel (When You’ve Forgotten How) by thegirlwiththeprettybrowneyes

43k | Teen | No Proust AU

On the night before his first day of therapy at Easthaven, Andrew blows out his legs and decides he isn’t going to bury his feelings anymore, consequences be damned. In return, he gets a schedule change, and a very strange new therapist. /////// “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you,” Andrew finished, looking anywhere but at Neil’s face. Neil looked like he had just realized the sky was blue. “You like me,” Andrew sighed. “Yeah,” he said, resigned “Yeah, Neil, I like you,” /////// No Proust AU

3. Broken by Jeni182

34k | Explicit

Andrew attempts suicide and he and Neil try to navigate his recovery and healing together.

4. Waves by Jeni182 (sequel to Broken)

94k | Explicit

Broken Part II - Neil and Andrew try to navigate life post Andrew’s suicide attempt now that he’s in Denver and Neil’s in his last year at PSU.

5. Funky Happenings with the Fox Family by dobbypussypopper

29k | Teen | text!fic

naughtygayweedcrime: did I rlly just see neil say woke

naughtygayweedcrime: what a surreal timeline we live in

dumbfool: allison is trying to teach me how to meme so I can get hip

naughtygayweedcrime: bless your poor soul

davidwymack: sometimes I regret living

davidwymack has muted exyllent, damnwilds, + 7 others for 30 minutes

6. Something in Return by reaching _my_summit

31k | Mature

“Andrew Minyard, how will you celebrate winning your final college Exy championship?”

“I’m going to Disney World,” Andrew deadpans.

- - -

Andrew’s final year at Palmetto State comes to a close. His future is upon him and there are plans to be made. Years ago, Neil asked Andrew to stop smoking in exchange for something. Andrew finally knows what he wants in return.

7. The Unloved Kids by AlrightDarlin

35k | Not Rated

“I intend to treat them the same. I need strong athletes, not toddlers,” Wymack starts, but sits back with a sigh, running a hand over his face. “But hypothetically, if I had to look after a bunch of toddlers on the weekends…”

Betsy’s eyes crinkle with her smile. “Are you asking advice?”

“They’re screwed up enough,” Wymack says, “I’m not trying to make it worse.”

(David Wymack takes his little nightmares and does his best to corral them and love them within an inch of their lives. He can’t change what happened to them, but he can be there for them now.)

8. Turn it Off by elawless

10k | Mature

“It hurts…so much…too…much” He choked out between breaths. “I want to let go so…bad. I am so close”. He lifted his head to look at Andrew and saw no blue in his eyes and believed Andrew was real, but the rest of the pain was. It was just enough for him to trust Andrew with what he would say next.

“Stay. Give me Neil back. Don’t leave.” Andrew could no longer cover all of his desperation, his voice seemed to crack on the last word.

“Just let me turn it off. Just for today. Neil will come back. Bring him back, for the both of you.”

9. VW Actually Means “Very Weird” by exyjunkies

15k | Gen

If it was just going to be the two of us, then why bring the Volkswagen?

So that if I end up murdering you on this road trip, I’ll have enough space for clean-up.

Neil and Andrew take on the Pacific Coast Highway over the span of two and a half weeks, with a surprise for one of them at the very end.

10. Puzzle Pieces by Nikotheamazingspoonklepto

59k | Explicit | Series

Neil’s life is a puzzle, the people in it are the pieces that give everything meaning. Together they make a picture of happiness.

11. diet mountain dew by reaching_my_summit

2k | Teen

neil thinks andrew is very pretty. he tells andrew exactly that.

12. For Science by ClockworkDragon, DeyaAmaya

8k | Explicit

“Here’s what I propose: we’ll play a game, and I’ll even let you pick which one, but we’re going to set some stakes. I’m not going to let you talk big and walk away free of punishment if you lose.” Without hesitating, Kevin asked, “Fine, I choose Trivial Pursuit. What are the stakes?” Allison put a finger to her lips and tilted her head, as if she was actually thinking of a response and didn’t plan this whole thing days ago. “Hmm, did you know the spirit store recently added fox themed thigh-high socks to their stock? They’ve become quite popular amongst cheerleaders.” This statement seemed to throw Kevin off because he just stared blankly at Allison until she continued. Andrew was not, however, an idiot. He could see where this was going. “How about whoever loses has to wear the socks for an entire school day; including morning and evening practices?” “Holy shit,” Nicky whispered. “You are one devious bitch.” Allison winked.

13. ain’t no rest for the wicked by dearhappy

8k | Teen | Lucifer!AU

“You really expect me to believe that?“ Neil asks, "Especially when his girlfriend said that he’d always been worried about what you’d ask for in return, and that he called you the Devil.”

“I don’t lie,” Andrew says simply. “You can think whatever you want.”

“Why was he so worried if that was all it was?”

“He made a deal with the Devil,” Andrew says, “Tell me you wouldn’t be worried about that.”

14. Not Damsels, not Knights by my_unlikely_hero

93k | Mature

Neil is not a damsel, Andrew is not a knight, Riko is not a dragon. Nobody gets saved. Not really.

Or: Riko goes too far, and Neil is left in pieces.

15. The Continuing Adventures of the Nine-Nine by gluupor

48k | Gen | Series | Brooklyn 99!AU

A series of short, ridiculous, mostly plotless stories featuring the Foxes as the cops of the Ninety-Ninth Precinct.

16.  Not Only You and Me by orphan_account (part of a series)

18k | Explicit | Porn!AU

Andrew, Neil and Kevin film Foxy’s first gay threesome porn scene.

Cue the feelings.

17. High School Science by fuzzballsheltipants

30k | Teen/Explicit (parts 1-3 are Teen and part 4 is Explicit) | Series 

High School!AU

18. False Equivalence by sunrise_and_death

22k | Teen

Some part of her had known it would come back to Neil. He was the one who had cracked the twins the first time. Of anyone, he was the most likely to have a solution for this as well.

Although the events of the previous year resolved a lot of issues, Katelyn quickly discovers that not every problem has been addressed. As she attempts to map a future in which Aaron has both her and his family, she finds herself once again working with Neil Josten—to unexpected results.

19. trans andrew by aceaaronminyard, autisitcandrewminyard

30k | Explicit | trans!Andrew

a fanfic series for a tfc au where andrew minyard wasn’t registered into the system as andrew doe but as erin doe.

mostly set post-tkm. mostly porn.

20. Advice and Amusement by Autumnalhogwarts

11k | Teen

After a series of failed attempts to woo Renee, Allison turns to Andrew for help. As Renee’s best guy friend he’s in a unique position to offer advice. However, that doesn’t mean he’ll be willing to.

21. Kidnapped by Shell_Writes

21k | Explicit

Neil and Aaron get kidnapped by four deranged men while the team is on a camping trip. shit happens and they have to escape this horror house. together.

22. Return of Dad!Mack by SensationalSunburst

14k | Gen | Series

Dad!Wymack & Mom!Abby

23. For He’s A Jolly Good Felon by gluupor

4k | Teen | Felon!Neil

What’s a guy to do when he’s forced to go to his conservative, homophobic aunt and uncle’s for Thanksgiving dinner?

Why, invite along his ex-con, tattooed, argumentative roommate as his fake boyfriend, of course.

24. make my heart shake (bend and break) by WaifsandStrays

4k | Explicit

Aaron develops a fascination with Kevin’s dick, has a sexuality crisis and feelings and fails to process any of it.

25. Across the Water by transandrewminyard

13k | Teen | trans!Andreil

Perhaps several years too late, or maybe right on time, Neil Josten runs away from home and tries to dream a new life for himself. How poetic that his first night out on his own would deliver him to a stranger who seems to understand everything he’s been through, and then some?

26. Prompt: Andrew and Neil get to babysit Sophie by orphan_account

14k | Mature | part of a series

What it says on the tin, basically.

Aaron and Matt leave for a few days and ask Andrew and Neil to babysit Sophie. Baby-sized exy is involved. Also lots and lots of angst. But there is a happy ending!

27. Salt Bros and Roller Derby Vixens by moonix

14k | Teen | Series

Roller Derby!AU

28. Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by priorwalter

12k | Teen | Felon!Neil, Author!Andrew

“So,” Neil asks as he washes his paint-covered hands in the kitchen sink, “Christmas.”

Andrew glares and says nothing. This year, Neil and Andrew are spending Christmas with Andrew’s brother, Aaron Minyard. Aaron Minyard, Andrew’s twin whose existence was unknown to him until two months previous. Aaron Minyard, an orthopedic surgeon with a wife (an oncologist, naturally) and two daughters. Aaron Minyard, who grew up with a mother that chose him.

**

Andrew Doe has survived until age twenty-nine without any biological family, and his life turned out pretty good, considering all of the reasons it shouldn’t have. At age twenty-nine, Andrew’s book becomes a bestseller and leads his long-lost twin brother to him. Familial drama ensues.

[shoukohime]

The 5 times Kuroo and Kenma didn't confess on Valentine's Day and the 1 time they did

for @carrochan

1.

It's the first time in middle school that Kenma receives Valentine's Day chocolate by a girl. No big deal, he should think. Kuroo gets those every year. It's a meaningless tradition and as long as he gives her some chocolate too on White Day, there's nothing dramatic about it. Why is he so bothered by a package of self-made chocolate though? He likes chocolate. He quite likes Akari-chan as well, she is kind and quiet and not too bothersome to be around.

Later that day Kuroo and him make hot chocolate and watch a movie. Somehow this makes him feel better.

2.

It's Kuroo's second year in High School and he might be not as straight as he initially thought. Don't get him wrong, girs are great but guys? Also great. They're hot. Everyone is hot. If he could, Kuroo would buy everyone chocolates on Valentine's Day and make out with like half of them.

He doesn't though.

Sure, he receives chocolate by some girls in his class because it's an obligation to gift your classmates and friends chocolate on Valentine's Day, he buys some candy for his volleyball team for fun, gets confessed to 3 times that day and that's it. Nothing special. He viciously ignores his inner voice that tells him to press a kiss on Kenma's hair and give him all the apple pie in the world and subsequently, his heart.

3.

Life sucks. Everything sucks when you're head over heels in love with your best friend. Especially when said best friend has never shown any signs of interest in dating. Kuroo is this close to imploding. Why can't he be in love with Karasuno's hot captain Sawamura? This guy is unreachable at least. Seeing Kenma each day is blessing and curse at once.

Valentine's Day sucks, too. Who even came up with this shit? Kuroo is 90% sure Valentine's Day exists only to rub into his face how he is unhappily in love and annoyingly single.

Being single sucks as well. Maybe he should just accept Yui-chan's confession.

He does.

Kenma doesn't talk to him this evening.

4.

It feels weird being on the volleyball team without Kuroo. Without any of the former Third Years. Taketora surprisingly makes a great captain but Nekoma lacks without Kuroo's strategies, Yaku's receives and Kai's ability to hold everyone together.

Kenma and Lev are senpais now. The first and second years look up to them. This is so weird.

"Kenma. Kenma Kenma Kenmaaa! Look what I've got!" Loud foot steps come up behind Kenma as he walks down Nekoma's hallway. Lev looks excited holding a pink package of Valentine's chocolate right into his face as if Kenma was not fully aware that today was February 14th. He just nods. It's too early in the morning to be motivated to say anything coherent.

"Do you want a piece of chocolate?", Lev asks. Kenma nods again and thankfully takes one. One might not have expected it but him and Lev became close friends over the last year. The silver haired bean pole learned how to keep his distance from Kenma to not make him uncomfortable and in turn, Kenma learned to tolerate and grew to quite enjoy Lev's hours long ramblings over the most unnecessary things.

Lev happily munches on his own piece of chocolate. "Do you plan on accepting a confession this year?"

Rude. Kenma grimaces. Having a crush on your childhood best friend who goes to college on the other side of Tokyo really doesn't help his case. He doubts anyone would confess to him anyway today.

"No.", he answers truthfully. "Did you accept the confession you got with this chocolate?"

Lev's eyes widen comically. Of course he forgot. "Erika-chan, wait for me!", he yells and spins around to run back from where he came from.

Kenma just shrugs and continues munching on the chocolate Lev left with him. At least he can drown his sad heart in candy.

5.

🎵 I'm staying up, I don't wanna come down from your love. We'll get lost together let me flow. Don't ever let me come down from your love. - Ten, Dream in a Dream 🎵

"Hey Kenma."

"Hm?" Kenma rolls around and sleepily looks up at Kuroo. They haven't properly hung out over the last few weeks with them both being buried in exam season and now after making ramen and playing dozens of rounds of mario kart he is absolutely ready to fall asleep for at least 13 hours straight.

"Do you sometimes think you're static and unchangable while life just... passes?" Kuroo looks mildly distressed. Kenma is too tired to deal with anoter midnight mid-youth crisis.

"Elaborate."

"Like." Kuroo settles down again and buries his face sideways into his pillow. It's been a while since they shared a bed but it never feels weird. They've been best friends for years. "I'm 21. I'm at university. Shouldn't I go out and enjoy life while I can? Instead it feels like I'm watching as life passes around me and everyone grows into the person they want to be. Look at Bokuto. He threw college and travels the world now. He has guts." Frustration colours his voice as he runs his hands through his hair and consequently messes them up even more.

"You're not going to throw your biochemistry major.", Kenma deadpans. They've had this conversation before.

Kuroo groans. "Of course not. Sometimes I just wish I could. I don't even think I want this life. Graduating, having a steady job with a high income, marrying and having kids. Why does everyone want this kind of life anyway? Where's the individuality? In a way, our generation is more conservative than our parents. What is up with that?"

Kenma doesn't say anything, he knows Kuroo hasn't finished yet. Instead he moves closer and tries to straighten Kuroo's hair. He knows his best friend likes this. Patting his hair calms him down. Dumb cat boy.

"Life isn't supposed to pass without me taking actively part in it. This can't be it, you know? I constantly feel like I'm missing chances." Now he fixes Kenma with his eyes. His voice gets quieter as he lays his hand softly on Kenma's cheek. "Even right now. I could just. You know? But I can't- I just don't know how to. It's been years since... and yet." He sighs deeply. Kenma feels as if his heart has stopped beating. This is a situation he doesn't know how to deal with, a Kuroo he has never witnessed before. He radiates a vulnerability Kenma has never seen before.

With a new rawness in his voice, Kuroo continues. "This is what I meant about missing chances and being static while watching your life pass. With one action I could change everything." His fingers sofly caress Kenma's face as if it was the most valuable material in the world. "You've always been right here and I've always wanted to..."

With a groan he sits up and once again runs a hand through his hair. "You know what, forget it. This is what I meant. I'm not brave enough. What am I even doing? Let's just go to sleep, I know you're tired. I'm just rambling. Ignore me." Sighing he settles down into his pillow and gazes at the wall.

+1

Kenma feels a spike of disappointment. But on the other hand, he has always known what Kuroo had wanted to say.

In a quick movement, Kenma turns Kuroo's head in his direction and swiftly presses their lips together. It's nothing spectacular, there are no sparks or rainbows, just ultimateness and the sweet sense of familiarity that always accompanied both of them.

"I love you too, you know?", Kenma says quietly as he pulls away. He gently outlines Kuroo's face with his fingertips, who in turn begins to smile softly.

"How come you're always braver than me?"

On his desk, the clock displays midnight February 14th.

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E2

In Which Harvey Continues to be the Best Goddamn Thing in This Show

I was a lucky son of a duck and managed to get this reaction while the episode was airing live on FOX last night.  For episodes 3-12, I will be waiting for Hulu to receive them because of an upcoming spring semester at college.  So for episodes 3-12, I will be in the dark until Friday or Saturday (so no spoilers from y’all).

Also, on TV, there are so many GOD.  DAMN.  COMMERCIALS.

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

*Recaps shows the chopper*  OK, so who freakin’ shot down the chopper?

Oh, Tabitha...

*We see a whole bunch of injuries on Will’s back*  What the...

“They call themselves the Soothsayers.”  The Sooth- what?

“They’re digging some sort of tunnel.”  *gasps and reels back*  It’s Jeremiah!  ‘Cause he has a tunnel!  Oh my God!

What’s the tunnel for?

OK, never mind then, I don’t think Jeremiah’s in charge of the Soothsayers

“The second you [Jim] step outside that door, someone’s gonna take a shot at you, and if it’s not you that’s getting hit, it’s the schmoe standing next to you.”  *laughs*

*Jim hangs up on the radio*  Who’s on the other end?

“Four shells each.  Half a mag each.”  Wow.

“Will says the Soothsayers are here, which means we have to pass through Sirens territory.”  Ooh.

“She’s [Barbara] gonna be thrilled to see you [Jim] after what happened with Tabitha.”  Ooooff...

Wait, so is the Dark Zone like around Gotham?  At the docks or...

What?

So this is Robinson Park, OK... so this is where Ivy is.

Oh, these sets look nice.  Getting some serious Arkham Knight flashbacks.

Swore I just saw someone move in the background...

*Bruce catches a guy trying to sneak up on him*  Yeah.

“They came for help too!”  What district are they from?  Why are they British?

*jams along with opening theme*

*silently headbangs to heavy metal cover of "Ring of Fire” by Social Distortion playing in Barbara’s club*

*Everyone stops dancing when Jim arrives*  Oooohhhh... ooohh hoo hoo hoooo...

“It’s a police matter.”  “You know, they should really write that on your tombstone.”  *laughs*

“Drive right into this nightmare you’ve created.”  Actually it’s Jeremiah... kay...

“HAVE AT HIM!  RIP HIM TO SHREDS!”  Ooof.

*Panning shot of an absolute dark Gotham*  Oh my God.

*laughs*  There’s just this one random burst fire hydrant!

So is this whole episode gonna be them [Jim and Harvey] fighting their way out of the Dark Zone?

*jaw drops when someone shoots an arrow at Harvey*

“It’s a freaking arrow, Jim!  IT’S A FREAKING ARROW!”  *scoffs in shock*

Whooooo I remember her [the Day of the Dead lady] from the trailers!

Yeah, that’s the same... freaking tunnel

“The smoke... you [Gabriel] should take it.”  No.

“It’ll give you energy-”  Oh my God, is that Viper?  Is that Viper from S1?

“-see the future.”  What?

Or does Jeremiah shanghai this whole tunnel later this season?

“Once this tunnel is complete, we will have exclusive access to the mainlands.”  Oh my God, they are going to the mainland!

God, that guy [Sykes] just spit everywhere!

Sykes?  Isn’t that the bad guy from Oliver and Company?

“In Penguin’s grace, we will remain.”  Ohh, that’s a good line.

“What are the cattle prods for?”  “Fun.”  *scoffs in hilarity*

“If he [Sykes] moves, kill him.”  Oh ho!  Jim’s not messin’ around!

Yeah, that’s that same tunnel that Jeremiah [and Ecco] are in in some of those pictures.

AN:  Take a shot every time I mention the damn tunnel.

So is Gabriel Will’s older brother?

“Why would anyone be a cop in a world like this?”  “Well, the Halloween shop was all out of gas masks so it was either this or Sexy Nurse.” *reels back in chair from laughter*

“Let take ‘im, boys.”  CHEESE IT, BOYS!

*Sykes and his men try to take the kids*  Oh no.

*Jim comes to the rescue*  Yay.

*One of the car tires get shot*  Ooohhh...

*Commercials start*  OK... OK... so... what?

Wait, so is Jeremiah gonna leave for the mainland?  Like “Syke, I’m gonna get out of here!”

Noo... because his mission is Bruce so I don’t think he even wants to leave Gotham.  It’s the whole “I don’t wanna kill you!  What would I do without you?” mantra going on.

Whaaaaaatt...

What is she [Ivy] wearing?

“You have to believe me.”  “Forgive me if I find it hard to do so.”  COLD.

“It wasn’t me.  It was the park.”  *in unison with Bruce*  The park?

“The plants are my protection.”  ...OK.

“Maybe we can help each other.”  Bruce...

TELL HER IT’S SELINA!

“There’s a seed.  It’s growing under the oaks.  It’s said to have magical qualities.  When digested, it goes to the damaged tissue and bone.”  A seed?

Wwwhhhhaaaattt?

Ed?  Hello?  How are you?  Where are you?  Are you in the library again?  Why are sleeping with your glasses on?

What is going on?

That [library] looks like Oswald’s old house [the van Dahl mansion]

Oh my God, are we gonna see Ed peeing?

EEUUGGHHH we don’t need to be seeing this...

Oh my God, there’s someone in the frickin’ [bathtub]...

“There’s nothing there.”  *laughs*

Waaaaiit... what’s going on?

[Ed] You’re gonna attack him [the Street Demon] with a toilet plunger!  *cackles*

“Did I uh...” *chuckles*

“We’re gonna have to do all this again?  Guess so...”  *scoffs*

What is that place?

“It’s not safe out there.”  No dip, Jim.

“Maybe there’s still good people left in Gotham.”  Mmmmmm....

Yeah, you’re [Jim and Harvey] gonna leave three kids there [in the lobby].  All alone.  In a strange building.  Great.

Harvey, you’re a blessing.

Yeah, you’re gonna leave the three kids there.  Right.  Great idea.  Great idea.

These sets are fabulous.

“Hello?”  Blaaggghh!  Jump scare!

“GCPD.”  Take a shot!

Was that a crow [in the background]?

There’s just a bunch of random folded clothes everywhere.

*Harvey finds the dinner table full of body parts*  Oh my God...

Are those teeth?

*Harvey finds a plate of bloody fingers*  :0

Oh my God, freaking- they’re freaking cannibals?!?

*gasps when Mother attacks Harvey*

*has to leap out of seat to cool off when commercials start*

Oh wow, I love Sweeney Todd.

*ends up coughing up a lung*

So far, again, this feels like a foundational episode.  It’s just like “OK, we gotta work on this, we gotta make sure this is safe,” and yeah.

I wonder if the Jaime Murray character is gonna show up at the end of the episode or something.

AN:  You may think that... but no.

I also wanna know what kind of crack these writers were on for this final season.  Tze Chun had the good shit; I dunno about the others.

*gasps in disgust when Ed hits the Street Demon in the mouth with a wrench.”

“[Ed] You wanted to know where the Street Demons base was.”  Why?

“Aaand you wanted to make sure the boss would be there.”  Why?

“OK, how did I [Ed] seem?  Was I... confident?  Flamboyant?  Charisma for days?”  *giggles*

“Or was I conserved, kinda repressed, a little nerdy?”  *laughs*

Soo... did Hugo combine the two personalities?  ‘Cause the pushing up the glasses is a new thing.

*gasps when Ivy kills the men who were holding her.”

“[Bruce] You are so utterly naive.”  Oh my God.

“[Selina] She is paralyzed and has lost the will to live.”  “Good.”  What?!?

“That bitch destroyed the last of the Lazarus Water.”  ExCUSe me?!?

“Let her suffer.”  Noooo...

You can tell that Peyton List [Ivy] is just wearing a whole bunch of face powder on.

“I am feeding the earth these wretched creatures.  It consumes them.”  She has lost her freakin’ mind.

*Ivy starts caressing Bruce’s neck*  Do not prick his neck.

“Those men you killed were right.  You are a witch.  A murderous, callous witch.”  WHOOOOOOO- oh my God...

Hoo!

“What’s your name?”  “I- I can’t remember.”  What?

“She found me?”  “Who?”  “The ghost!”  The ghost?

“She makes me call her.. Mother.”  *reels back and puts hands in the air*  It is Mother and Orphan!

Wait, is that the kid?

*The kid stays behind*  It is the kid!  That’s Orphan!

Oh my God...

“The lights will make you dizzy.  And then you’ll go to sleep.”  Oh this is cool..

“Jim, I don’t feel so good.”  Wow, I love Infinity War.

Actually no, I hated it.  I was sick the first time I saw it.

*gasps when Mother sneaks up behind Jim*

They really do need to put a flashing lights warning on this.

*gasps when Mother fights off Jim and Harvey*

*Harvey tries to leave*  There’s an open window!  You broke a window!  Go through the window!

*looking through the Gotham tag on Tumblr during commercials*  Wow, someone wrote some fanfiction quick.

Oh wow, I love Ghost Adventures!

*gasps when Ed and the Street Demon find the Street Demon leader wiped out.”

[Penguin Was HERE] Really?!?

*imitates the guitar riff going off*

*Ivy leads Bruce to the seed*  Oh my gosh, that’s so pretty

*Ivy gives Bruce the seed*  I ain’t eatin’ that...

“One thing’s for certain... the seed will alter her [Selina] forever.”  Great.

“Some say, the darker angels of our mind-”  Great.

Also, yay for natural lighting finally in this show.  I love it when they use natural lighting in the show.  It looks so nice.

“What’s the matter, Bruce?  Don’t know if you can trust me?”  I don’t trust you.

“I don’t.”  “Good.  then you’re finally becoming a man.”  Ivy, you’re like his age.  shut up.

*Ivy sits in one of the low sitting trees*  OK, so if the tree branches just grab her and just sink down into the ground, this will be the greatest thing.

“Detective Gordon, your hand’s bleeding.”  Uhhh...

*Sykes and his men arrive*  Oh my God... monster truck!

“Wait just a minute!  Please...”  Whoaaa... who are you?

I don’t know who that is.  She [the Day of the Dead looking lady] looks cool though.

*commercials start*  Who is this?  Who are you?

Five bucks:  Barbara comes in and saves the day even though she still hates Jim.  She hates everybody.  She comes in like “I’m just here for the kids, not you.”

Oh noo...

“Did you [Bruce] find the witch?”  “It was Ivy.”  Great!  Alfred’s like “Oh bloody brilliant!”

“What choice do I have?”  Bruuuce...

“I want to help Selina as much as you do but Ivy’s a maniacal, cold-hearted killer.”  You met her like twice, Alfred!

But true, she is.

“So if Ivy wants to kill me, she can have at it.”  Oh my God...

Who wrote this episode?  I’m gonna have words.

*Bruce gives Selina the seed*  Yeah, you’re gonna shove that down your throat.  Great.

Is she gonna chew it?

*Selina starts chewing the seed like a gummie vitamin*  OK then...

It’s the Spiderman bite except in fruit form.

*freezes when Selina starts seizing*

“God, what have I [Bruce] done?”  *extremely sad face*

“I’ll tell you what!  I’ll [Sykes] take his head!  And you can have the rest of him!”  *scoffs in shock*

*gasps when Jim shoots the Day of the Dead lady*

Is that a monster truck?!?

My sister:  Is that a tank?!?

That’s a monster truck!

*both immediately at loss of words when Barbara hops down*

Wow, I love Hot Wheels!

*jaw drops when Jim uses his last bullet to kill Sykes and defend Barbara*

Wow... that just... came out of nowhere!

“Wow.  Wasted your last bullet for me.  Must be love.”  No it is not.  Barbara, how dare you say that?

*Barbara tells Jim she wants to kill Penguin.”  Great.  Great plan.

Wait, you’re gonna invite Barbara to the Green Zone?  Yeah, great plan, Jim.  Great plan!

*Jim and Co. arrive at the Green Zone*  Whoa!

He [Lucius] looks fab!

Wait a minute, is this [the Green Zone] that apartment complex that got blown up in the trailer?!?  Are you freaking kidding me?

They’re gonna freaking blow this place up later in the season.  God dang it.  Who did it and why?  Who does it and why?

We stan one future police commissioner.

“See you around, killer.  We have some unfinished business, you and I.”  Nooo you don’t.  Cool off!

Oh crap, is she [Selina] gonna be gone in the morning?!?

Oh my God, Bruce hasn’t slept in like 48 hours?!?  Great.

*gasps*  She’s [Selina] not there!  Did she go out the window?

Did she pull a “Dark Knight Rises” and back flip out the window?

“Bruce...”  Oh no.

She [Selina] looks like Michelle Pfeiffer.

“[Selina] How do you feel?”  “Different.”  Why are her eyes closed?  Open yo eyes!

“I’m better.  Even better than before in fact.”  Mmmmm no!

*Bruce hugs Selina*  Yay hug!  We like hugs!  We like some hugs!  Yay!

Oh my God, she’s gonna go on a murdering spree and kill some people, isn’t she?

*Selina’s eyes*  WHAAATT the frick?!?  Wha-

WhaAAAAttt?!?

*gasps when Ecco pops up in the promo for next episode*

*ejects out of chair to cool off*

AN:  Ecco, your man better treat you right or I’m gonna fight him AND the writers.

We’re getting WhaAAAtt??? WHaaaAAT?? 

Oh my God...

[hobslobster]

desi tag

no one tagged me to do this but it seemed so fun! and honestly i’ve spent so long unconsciously trying to be Not Desi that i think it would be good for me if i tried openly embracing my culture.

1.What’s your name and what does it mean? im just gonna say my real name means light, it also refers to a traditional candle of sorts in my culture. funny bc my fake name on here is the opposite.

2.Where from the motherland is you/your family from? ahmadabad, india

3.Would you move back to where your family is from, why or why not? no because it’s literally sO hot and although i love my family there, my entire life is here.

4.What language(s) can you speak? english, hindi, gujarati, and about as little french as possible

5.Favorite Bollywood movie? veer zara and if u say it’s not in your top fav movies then you’re lying to yourselves

6. Favorite desi meal? oof that’s tough uhh i love ras madhuri it’s kind of a dessert and also there’s this one shak with potatoes and cabbage and i lob it

7.Where in the motherland do you want to visit? delhi, but like ALL of delhi. i’ve been to agra but i want to see more (although when i went it was like 45 degrees there so i have a bad memory of it klsjdf)

8.Favorite desi singer? for like classics i would say adnan sami and she’s fairly new but shreya goshal. recently arijit singh has been around and he has an absolutely beautiful voice.

9.Describe your favorite desi outfit? i actually don’t really like dressing up but like the anarkali style dresses oof 10/10 would reccomend

10.Can you make a round roti? yeah my mom taught me lmao

11.Favorite Bollywood actor? i like akshay kumar ig but idrk i’ve stopped watching movies entirely so im really out of the loop these days

12.Favorite Bollywood actress? i’ve alwayS loved priyanka chopra she was my idol. like her in krish was when i first saw her and ever since it’s been heart eyes for days 

13.Favorite desi in the western media? lmao idk? i’ve only seen like 3 people so i cant say

14.Strange superstitions you’ve heard from relatives. to get rid of ghosts you have to fill a plate with food (offerings) and put it in the middle of the street, you cant ask someone where they’re going or something bad will happen to them (so “kya jao chho?” turns into “si jao chho?” im pretty sure si isnt even a word sdkj), drinking water before going into labour is bad, if you have the hiccups it means someone’s remembering you, the amount of white spots you have on your nails are the number of friends you have

15.Describe your spice tolerance. i dont think it’s too high but compared to my white friends. high.

16.Best street food. the pani puri in india is like 90% pani but still good so yeah. oH also there are these really good tiny sandwiches in india!!

17.The weirdest question you got from a non desi person. "is that bits of plastic?” (referring to the chevdo i brought in for snack time). they tried it and for some reason still believed it was plastic.

18.How do you like your chai? i dont lmao i don’t drink cha because idk i just never acquired the taste. 

19.When was the last time you have visited the motherland (if you dont live there)? 4-ish year :(

20.Your favorite and least favorite part of your culture?

favorite: desi culture really just takes in the idea of love and makes it their own like friendly love, maternal love, sibling love, romantic love - everything is celebrated in grandiose in it’s own special way and it’s really beautiful. there’s friendship day in india and they make a whole thing about giving each other bracelets, my dad has friends he’s known since kindergarten and they say shit like “we love each other sm you’d think we were all gay”. mothers are worshipped, and indian weddings make you believe in true love even if you never had before. also there’s so much respect given to all living things and there’s just something nice about taking off your shoes in your house or touching the feet of an elder to get their blessings idk it’s a really nice culture to be a part of. 

least favorite: women are still treated badly and it’s hard to even think about it. like they’re the ones being blamed when divorce happens (something that is literally forbidden) even if they were in an abusive relationship, they’re the ones being told to stay at home to do the cooking and cleaning, they’re the ones blamed if a baby girl is born instead of a baby boy. it’s difficult to think that such rigid ways of living still exist in some parts of the world but they do. societal progress in general in india is slow and takes a lot of time to shift and change into something more fitting with today’s generation, they’ve come far but it’s still not far enough. also the conservative way of life sucks. there’s a lot more but i don’t want to rain on my own desi loving parade lmao.

[laugh-of-the-medusa]

i found this draft for a helsa fic I’ll never write

I don’t think anyone remembers this but before my blog became really gay, I used to write Helsa fanfics/headcanons. I was going through my notes and found this draft:

“Are you ever getting married?”

Hans hates the fucking question. Just because I have twelve older brothers who are all married and have kids doesn’t mean I have to get married too.

Everyone in his family likes nagging him about (and it’s a big ass family, mind you). But, no. No way he’s giving up his wonderful life of no-strings-attached sex, the sleep-with-anyone-I-want-who-wants-to-sleep-with-me-too (consent is important, kids) arrangement. He’s the “King of One Night Stands” (no, really, that’s what the media calls him).

Of course, his parents (bless their conservative hearts) are scandalized. It’s a perfect family, with their perfect sons, and their pristine images, and their youngest kid, for whatever, godawful reason is the media’s favorite little shit to gossip about—Who’s in the king’s bed tonight?!! (Yes, that’s an actual headline.)

Something (that was obviously) drastically wrong must have occurred because, really— right now, there's only one woman in his bed, and that’s Elsa.

His parents, his brothers and their wives—even their fucking kids—absolutely love Elsa. His parents love her because she’s a renowned corporate lawyer, big name and highly demanded. She’s a hard worker, very respectable, has a great reputation, very serious. “The Ice Queen,” some like to call her. She waves a hand and hell freezes over. But she’s also really nice? Works on-site with charities and do all the sort of nice things Hans only does when he’s forced to or he has to kiss ass so people will think he’s not a complete dick.

His brothers love Elsa because the very idea of someone finally able to tame his (occasionally drunken) debaucheries is nothing short of a miracle (also remember that part where they just want him to get married?)

His brothers' wives love Elsa because— let's be honest, Elsa's probably most likable person Hans has ever met. Disliking her is like hating all that is good in life. Also, Hans would like to point out, she likes doting on his nieces and nephews. That definitely doesn’t hurt her relationship with his brothers and their families.

Everybody loves Elsa. (Including Hans, mind you. He’s a bastard and an ass and he’s lucky as fuck. And he knows it.) To reiterate: Elsa is commanding and she can be terrifying, but she’s also incredibly compassionate and sweet. She doesn’t take his shit at all and Hans likes the challenge. And, contrary to what most people believe about her being prim and proper, Elsa has a wild side— really, well, kinky streak. Like, holy actual fuck.

And let me tell you, again, that Hans knows he's lucky— he doesn't even know where to begin. He’s probably in love? That’s a thing that’s happening. Of course, at this point, Elsa is probably more likely to murder him than to say yes to a marriage proposal. Or maybe that’s his insecurities talking, but you never know, right?

Elsa hates his guts. They’re always fighting? Lots of arguments that end up in really angry sex. He likes teasing her, she likes sassing him. He’s a dickhead who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of taking things seriously and she’s... whatever the opposite of that is. Honestly, probably not the most healthy relationship out there? But they work. Oddly enough, they work. If he hadn’t already sold his soul he’d sell it again just to make her happy. But she wouldn’t ask him to because she’s Elsa, and that’s how she is. And that’s pretty much their relationship. That’s love, Hans thinks. Love is not letting your boyfriend sell his soul even though you’re on your last nerve and could rip his soul out to give it to Satan for free.

But Elsa probably won’t marry him? He hasn’t asked, but... like... Maybe their current situation works for her just fine? Yes, they’re dating. Yes, they’re in an exclusive relationship (until further notice. Note: that this is, lo and behold, Elsa’s addendum, and not his). Maybe Hans isn’t supposed to ask for more. Maybe this is his punishment? After years of spurning commitments, he’s stuck wanting to marry the one girl who probably won’t say yes. Does it even matter? Marriage is a social construct anyway.

Hans likes to blame his uncertainties on the circumstances of how they met. (Not that he isn’t grateful for those circumstances.)

Hans met Elsa through Anna.

(Oh shit, he met her through another girl? Well, you already know this isn’t going to be all puppies and flowers and rainbows or whatever the fuck is just nice and innocent and pure.)

Anna was a colleague of his and her current boyfriend, Kristoff, was his college buddy. Hans was happy for them when they started dating (they’re disgustingly cute but he can live with that).

But, okay. Here’s the thing (of course there’s a thing, what did you expect?): Before the whole “Kristanna” thing, there was a “Hanna” thing. Okay, so that wasn’t an actual thing. But it was a sort of, kind of thing. There was a party. There were some drinks involved (not too much though but, like, enough. Remember kids: Consent is important). As we’ve already established, Hans likes to sleep around. So, what happened? Answer: He and Anna fucked. Congratulations you don’t get prize for stating the obvious.

Hans made it clear that he wasn't up for relationships, and Anna said she was okay with that. Okay, cool. So, they fucked. It was great. Everyone was more than sufficiently satisfied. And even though it was no secret that she liked him, nothing changed after they parted ways. No awkwardness, nada. Thank the gods.

What Hans never counted on, of course, was Anna's hellfire of a sister. Anna was a one-night stand, and Hans didn't expect one-night stands to have sisters threatening to nail his balls to the wall because "why the fuck did you have sex with my sister when you knew she liked you!?” Well, Hans wanted to say, because it seemed like a great idea (it sort of was? the sex definitely wasn’t bad) and she said yes and he doesn’t like to disappoint and— no. Hans actually didn’t say anything because she was very, very angry and he was really, really, really scared for his balls.

His life was never quiet after that.

Elsa went from practically non-existent to being everywhere in his life. It was like she made it her personal mission to get in his way and irritate the fuck outta him (okay, so maybe she was also really hot and all the fuck in him wanted her). Look, he didn't even know Anna had a sister, or that said sister worked in the firm a floor above their office! Small fucking world, can you believe it? Shit happened. Well, technically, a lot of shit happened. But whatever. The next thing he knows they’re in an empty meeting room like two horny high school kids. He's kissing her and undressing her, and then she’s stopping him, and then she’s pushing him against the wall and blahblahblah and then she’s telling him—

"Hans, this isn't going to be some one-night stand shit, let's make one thing clear— you're mine."

“Mine” echoes in his head to the tune of his heartbeat. Really fucking fast and really fucking loud. The possessiveness was fucking thrilling. And he’s swooning— what the actual— no, you don’t understand— he’s really weak in the knees and he wants to slide down but Elsa has a firm grip on him so he’s standing and

Hans is panting and distracted, and her tongue— and that, was that smirk? and fuck— people shouldn’t be allowed to look that commanding when they’re kneeling in front of you. But Elsa looks like she can command an entire kingdom from that position anyway.

When he responds, he tries to sound cocky. Maybe regain whatever dignity he had left but, really, what the fuck does dignity even mean when you’re seeing literal stars because someone’s finger is doing wonders up your ass?

"Are you” then he chokes on his words “asking me” her tongue does something wonderful to the head of his dick “to be your boyfriend, Isengard?" At this point he’s just panting.

"I am," Elsa says it with a certainty that made Hans bite his tongue mid-moan. “And you’re going to say yes.”

(Well, how the fuck was he going to say no that?)

The thing about Hans is that he likes being in control. He fucks girls on his own terms, he has his fun, she has one of the most mind-blowing sexperience in her lifetime, then they both move on like. He’s the king of one-night stands. He’s supposed to always stay in control and be emotionally distant.

Except, it turns out, the kings bow to queens. And Elsa was pretty damned good at making him do so. (And holy fuck did that feel good.)

The rest is history.

So, now: Yes, they’re dating. Yes, they’re in an until-further-notice exclusive relationship. Yes, he’s reduced to a horny teenager in her hands and he’s really fucking in love. Yes, marriage is a social construct but he wants to marry her anyway because he likes her that much. And, yes if she says no, Hans might actually swear off sex for good because after Elsa, well, who can top that? (The answer to that, by the way, is no one. No one can top that. He sure can’t, at least.)

An epilogue, of sorts: It turns out, Hans didn’t have a lot to worry about because he and Elsa ended up proposing to each other at the same time. Finally, Hans is married and the entire Westergaard clan is so happy they’re all practically puking rainbows and sparkles. Of course, his parents would probably have an aneurysm if they learned the whole marriage thing isn’t actually as monogamous (or even heterosexual for that matter) as most traditional marriages tend to be. But, hey. What they don’t know won’t send them to their early graves, right? Hans is perfectly content and happy with the arrangement. Who knew marriages could be so fun, right?

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam Austin episode 2 reaction

I’m already sad that we probably won’t get a scene of them dancing horribly

Clip 1 - Smoothie talk

I just want to point out that while Meg is checking out Grace online, there’s a drawing on her wall behind her that says MAKE OUT. This is clearly foreshadowing. I proclaim it from the mountaintop.

This is a nice discussion of random crap when you have more important things to talk about. But also an illustration of how they’re not on the same page at all. Now he's mocking something else she likes (meglovessmoothies), kicking her when she's down.

Lol, I’m being hard on this kid. Him dissing smoothies is hardly the least of his crimes. But you exclude her so much, dude! She has no one to do the stuff she likes with her and he left her to do talent night alone. 

What I took away from this scene is a craving for a smoothie.

Clip 2 - Call me

It’s a pretty big cultural jump from Noora naming herself after a Twin Peaks character to Grace naming herself after a Dumb and Dumber character.

I think this was a good way to incorporate social media into the clip itself. It’s one of those interactions with a weirdly specific social connotation. The comment being deleted is more suspicious than if it had remained up.

I've seen people speculate why Abby would bother posting on his IG publicly. Maybe because she wanted Meg to see it? Or she really couldn’t get in touch with him any other way.

Clip 3 - Sad girl

It definitely sounds like Tyler said “Abby.” He says “Oh shit” afterwards as if her realized his mistake. Plus he decided to go to the vending machine and Marlon went along, maybe so they could talk about what just happened.

Usually Skam doesn't all-out twist what's happening, what we hear and see if what’s really occurring. Like with Isak hearing Even’s voice while buying his depressing cheese toastie, he's legit hearing a guy who sounds like Even, he didn’t imagine it.

Shay is a bad but adorable liar. 

And she seems flirty as hell and I hope I’m not just projecting.

I like how direct and kind Grace is. No Megan messing up with H and inappropriate slut jokes. Some of the characters are on the rude side (us Americans, am I right) and Grace was just sweet, and Megan got her message right when she needed a pick-me-up. Also, no sweating for days over whether Grace will follow her back!

Clip 4 - Chemistry

He's reading The Great Gatsby while Meg reads The Scarlet Letter. Any significance, since they’re going hard with The Scarlet Letter?

“We have chemistry together, you know that.” Yes, we do know that, Marlon. That’s why Meg is worried.

Marlon is such a liar, he can't keep his story straight. 

“If you were in my chemistry class I would be texting you non-stop” lol I know he didn’t mean it this way but that has some connotations in light of your current situation, bro.

Clip 5 - Girl Squad together

This is a low standard but I do love how realistic and down go earth all their clothes are. 

Kelsey’s red upper lip legit made me laugh. At first I thought she'd been drinking fruit punch.

Jo and Kelsey are ride or die BFFs, I love it.

Kelsey looking scandalized when Grace doesn't know what a Kitten is then her “bless your heart, no wonder you’re so lost!” when she learns Grace is new, tells you all you need to know about her priorities. Also I’ve never heard one of those Southern “bless your heart”s in the wild before, I feel like I’ve spotted a rhino.

Meg: “Who am I?” THEME.

Regarding the formation of a dance team, I have some questions/concerns as to how they would handle that. If it were just a recreational team that’s one thing, but if they can get out of P.E., as Jo says, then it’ll have to be school-recognized, and I’m sure that comes with a lot of rules that you wouldn’t have if you just want to dance for fun. My school required only one year of P.E. for students (thank Goddddd) but you didn’t get out of it even if you were on one of the school sports teams, so I don’t know quite how it works. I had some friends from other schools who joined their schools’ athletic teams as a replacement for P.E., but these were all well-established teams. If Kelsey’s team gets recognized by the school, do they have to agree to a particular schedule? Dance competitions? Performances at school functions and games? So many questions. 

Grace, a dance team is a hell of a lot to commit to just to show up an Islamophobe. I mean props to the sentiment but you’re probably going to have to like ... dance, and work out, and get up early and stay after school and stuff.

I also don’t think a dance team is something she can sit out as much as Noora could be whatever about the bus, especially if there’s a 5-person minimum for the team. Grace has to be all in or she’s out.

Is Zoya going to turn out to be an amazing dancer? Did she audition for the Kittens, or did she not bother because she figured she wouldn’t make it? I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a dress code that prevented her from wearing her hijab in performance. 

Clip 6 - Losers club

All right, so I kinda loved this clip and kinda hated it.

But boy did I feel bad for Kelsey in this one, in a way that I’ve never felt for any of the Vildes! Because Kelsey was doing more or less what I, a nerd, would be doing if I attempted to form a dance team. Jumping the gun a LOT with reserving yearbook space, but meeting with the principal, planning to raise money, and researching dance routines, all of that is what you should be thinking about. You know … putting together a team.

Kelsey: “I already have the agenda already...:” IDK if it’s scripted or improvised but I’m oddly into them capturing that kind of redundant language that I hear from a lot of teenagers. And well, adults.

Kelsey not even answering Grace’s question about the need for an alternative dance team. She just has an endgame and she’s going to stick to it, gosh darn it.

“Share some of that Kitten secret sauce with us” I’m not going to make a NSFW joke. I’m not.

Actually, what a blast would Jo/Shay be.

I guess what I wonder is why Zoya wants in on a nobody dance team unless she really loves to dance. Like are they ever going to show them dancing? Practicing?

Yeah, going off the earlier point, I feel really bad for Kelsey because she seems like she seriously wants to be on the dance team - maybe just for popularity/social reasons, because she seems to have a very high opinion of the Kittens. But if she’s tried out five times, she’s been practicing for weeks beforehand, and she’s throwing herself into creating a dance group of her own, that also sounds like someone who wants to dance because she enjoys it and not just to boost her social standing. 

And with that in mind, although I enjoyed a lot of Zoya’s dialogue, the fact that she stepped in with her suggestion to hook up with guys made me sad for Kelsey in a way that I haven’t felt for Vilde in any other version of this scene. Because russ/parties do have a social element involved that’s at least relevant to getting guys to like you. Druck has an established school party that the girls get assigned to and they just start going out as a crew. Skam Italia did away with the organized squad altogether and just had the girls start hanging out, somewhat formed around getting Silvia a date. But if I really wanted to form a dance team, I didn’t plan on having to hook up with dudes. That’s not a purely social organization, that’s an athletic/artistic/competitive one. 

“My plan is to work really hard on our routines” Kelsey :(

Lol somehow I think working hard on their routines will go over better with the principal compared to hooking up with football players.

Zoya says that “you guys” will have to get with the dudes because she won’t, but she includes Kelsey in this, soooo I guess Kelsey is not supposed to be that conservative of a Christian? Or will that not come up?

Jo immediately planning blackmail as a way to get the Kittens to join them - lol, this is the kind of character I enjoy, I love her.

Zoya: “If you didn’t want to be seen as a sexual object, you’d shave your head, stop wearing makeup and start wearing looser clothes.” Grace: “I wear these things for me, not for guys.” Zoya: “Well then I find it very convenient that the things you wear for you are the exact same things that a heterosexual man in America finds attractive.”

OK, that was a completely new bit of dialogue and that was something that got my attention. Because that’s good. Zoya and Grace, as the two most likely feminists of the group, having opposing takes on beauty culture. I saw people objecting to Zoya’s perspective but she’s neither 100% right or 100% wrong. Women have personal choice and preferences to style themselves how they want, including dressing with themselves in mind rather than men, but you can’t divorce that from the larger societal ideals of how women are supposed to look. I make the choice to shave my legs and no one is forcing me to do it, but I also didn’t wake up one day and form this completely independent idea that no one had done before; I had a societal norm to give me the idea. And a lot of beauty standards on women are enforced by patriarchy. It’s a really difficult conversation to have because you’re dealing with the individual (Grace saying she wears these things for herself) versus the collective (Zoya saying it’s not an accident what she chooses for herself also happens to be societally acceptable). Everyone at that table is making their own choices, but within a larger system that sets precedents and ideals. But there are also a lot of assumptions that Zoya is making, such as whether Grace is interested in heterosexual men; Grace could be a lesbian for all she knows. Not to mention that Grace is wearing an average sweater and not much makeup, so it is a leap to think she wants to be seen as a sexual object. All of the girls seem very casually dressed, in fact, and Zoya is wearing as much eyeshadow as any of them, so what’s the difference? Can Zoya say she’s wearing eyeshadow for herself, but the others can’t? To me it’s less whether Zoya is completely right and more about the fact that the ideas were introduced at all.

That’s my rambling way of saying I liked that exchange. 

Julie repeating the same camera angle with Sana/Zoya’s back surrounded by her court … sighhhhhhh come on.

General comments:

I guess what’s really frustrating is that there is so much rich material here in the setup that they could spin into new scenes and stories, but I’m not sure if they’re going to do it. Like … we should get them actually trying to dance! I want to see shitty dance montages! I want to see Grace being over it and Jo goofing around and Kelsey trying her best and Zoya defying everyone’s expectations and Meg becoming a crucial part of the team with her experience, finding some purpose and joy again! Let’s talk about clashes between Kelsey and Zoya over the uniforms, let’s talk about the first time they try to perform publicly and it’s a mess (actually let’s not, I would expire from secondhand embarrassment.) Give me all of that dance team drama, played realistically.

But also stuff like Kelsey’s religion and how that plays into the plot (like how DOES she feel about being asked to hook up with guys), how her being a Christian and Zoya being a Muslim should yield both some common ground and some huge differences. 

I’m sort of getting the same feeling I had in S4 of Skam where there was so much incredibly rich material to develop, but instead they went with stuff that was much less interesting.

The profanity filter on the FB videos is SO DUMB. There is a mature content warning at the start of every clip. Why do they have to bleep out the swear words? 

I get the sense that a lot of the new viewers on Facebook don’t know what to do about the texts and IGs. 

Marlon’s text about going to see Avengers makes it sound like the movie just came out, which is probably because the movie was supposed to be released that day (May 4) and was pushed up to April 27. Which I get but part of me’s kinda like, you could have revised that to sound a little more fitting to the date. I feel like Marlon would probably not going to wait a week to see Infinity War. 

Also Marlon has overtaken Giovanni from Skam Italia as my least favorite Jonas. He’s not the devil or anything but I definitely don’t want him and Meg together.

Jo and Shay continue to be my faves. They really should have scenes together at some point. Share one of those long candies, Lady and the Tramp-style.

[theliterateape]

Keeping The Faith

by Wayne Lerner

PART 1 

6:10 am 

The organ announced the opening of the morning mass with a soaring C Major chord followed by the rumbling B flat bass note played on the pedals by Sr. Agnes. Younger than the other Sisters by almost two decades and the last of the new recruits, Agnes had a bit of playfulness in her heart. Every so often, she would veer from traditional religious demeanor much to the dismay of the older Sisters. 

She was always the first on the dance floor at the hospital banquets, hopping around to the beat of the DJ’s music. And, when no one was around, Agnes would sneak into the chapel and play her favorite music on the organ, Gershwin and Scott Joplin. The other Sisters would hear the music as it reverberated throughout the Motherhouse and just roll their eyes. 

“It’s that Agnes, again,” they would say with a disparaging look on their faces, speaking in their mother tongue which they knew Agnes did not understand. 

As if Agnes knew they were talking about her, she would end her personal concert with Malotte’s The Lord’s Prayer which made the Sisters go silent and ask for forgiveness for thinking bad thoughts. Agnes finished the emotional song, sat still for a moment in the majestic chapel, and thanked the Lord for the blessings she had received throughout her life. 

After all, the Superior, Sr. Theresa had recruited Agnes to the congregation and knew her tendencies well. She always encouraged Agnes to bring the Lord’s prayers to all concerned in the ways she knew best even though some of the more conservative Sisters were sure to disapprove. 

“Blind adherence to tradition does not help us find and make new friends,” Sr. Theresa liked to say. 

Sr. Theresa was deep in thought as she entered the chapel. 

“Today’s the day. If our prayers are ever going to be answered by the Lord, it has to be today. Without the support of the Cardinal and his Bishops, we’re done. Our legacy will be finished and our hospital will be no more. Almost a hundred years of toil, and for what?”

Theresa sighed, Her shoulders slumped down. Thoughts flooded her mind and, with them, consequences. 

“People from miles around will have no place to get care. How can they let this happen? Why are they so shortsighted? Sure, we’re asking for something out of the ordinary but we’re still going to be true to our faith, to our religious directives, to our ethics. We’re doing what’s necessary in order to keep our institution alive.” 

Theresa sat straight up as she looked around at her beloved chapel with new-found strength. 

“I’m going to say extra prayers today.I know the Sisters are doing the same. It is their hard work which will be for naught if the Cardinal succumbs to those who don’t want us to change.” 

6:30 am 

The door to his personal chapel squeaked as it opened and then slammed shut as the Cardinal and his assistant, Father Paul, entered for morning prayers. 

“Oh my God,” said the Cardinal. “With all the money we spend around here, can’t they get this fixed? Between the door, the lack of reliable heat in the winter and the squeaky floors, all I want is peace and quiet as I prepare for my daily prayers. I would be better off in the Brothers’ residence next door rather than in this Gothic monstrosity. Who needs a place this big and old? All I need is a bed, a meal and a place to pray.” 

Father Paul nodded in agreement. 

“If simplicity is good enough for the Pope, why not the Cardinal of Chicago?” said the Cardinal. Status, prestige, power don’t contribute to a man’s moral standing, values and actions do. There are many who don’t see the world as I do. And some of them will be here for the Bishops’ lunch today.” 

Father Paul broke the Cardinal’s train of thought. 

“Your Eminence, the meeting later today is going to be especially difficult. The agenda is replete with arduous issues, which churches to close and which parishes to merge. None of them have the resources to remain open by themselves anymore. What’s worse is that they are all in the underserved neighborhoods.” 

“How can we retain or even increase the number of people of color to our faith if we can’t help them keep their churches open?” replied the Cardinal. “That’s problem enough but the final issue today, that one, will be the most contentious.” 

“That’s for sure, sir,” said Father Paul. “The new partnership the hospital wants to enter into with 

that Federal clinic system has never been addressed before. Are you ready for this, sir?. They are asking for a lot even though they have the best of intentions.” 

The Cardinal looked down as his right hand began to shake. 

“The tremors are coming more frequently,” he said to Father Paul. “Everyone can see them. Some will recognize it as a sign of weakness. They will want to take advantage of my condition.” 

“It pains me to say this but some your most formidable adversaries are not outside of the faith but inside,” replied Father Paul. “Several will be sitting around your table today. One, in particular, wants your job and will do all he can to get it.” 

The Cardinal nodded in agreement. “Yes, I know. I’m conservative but he’s at an extreme. There’s no gray for him. You are of the faith and abide by the rules to the letter or you don’t. And, what’s worse, I suspect he has racist and prejudicial biases based on his offhanded comments. That’s not a formula for a populist Cardinal.” 

“The problem is he carries a lot of weight with the other Bishops,” said Father Paul. “Many listen to him because they agree with his stance on Church proceedings. Others are just afraid of him.” 

The Cardinal sighed. “I just hope I have the wherewithal to make the right decision and stand tall for those who need our support more than ever before.” 

“Anything else I can do for you this morning, Eminence?” asked Father Paul. “No, thank you. Please leave me. I have much to consider.” 

Father Paul left the chapel as the Cardinal’s mind drifted to the prayers of the day. As he did every morning, he asked for forgiveness for recently committed sins. 

“Many would be surprised that I ask for the Lord to forgive me my frailties during my prayers. Cardinals commit sins. We are but human. So are those around me. They sin too but they rationalize their grab for power as being good for the Church.’ 

The Cardinal paused to look through the stained glass skylight to the stars which still shined bright in the early morning sky. 

“Lord, I could use your help today. Please send me a message on which road to follow. Perhaps the clue will come from an unlikely source. Or maybe, just maybe, this is a burden I have to carry myself and discern the right path to take, regardless of the consequences. There is much at stake.” 

The Cardinal crossed himself and slowly rose from his knees, his hands shaking but still strong. He straightened his clothes, said another prayer and proceeded out of the chapel to begin his day. 

6:42 am 

The static from the alarm clock erupted from the speakers as it tuned in WBBM-NewsRadio. In his slumber, David heard a loud voice sing out, “Good morning, Chicago. It's a glorious December day. Sunny, windy but cold… “ 

His hand smashed down on the top of the alarm clock as he tried to reach the snooze button to grab an extra 10 minutes of sleep. Looking at the time, he realized more sleep was not an option today. He stretched out his muscles trying to force circulation throughout his body. As he looked down towards his toes, he saw a rise in the cover sheet. 

“Oh, good morning, buddy. Are you feeling a bit lonely these days? I can understand that. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, you’re gonna have to wait a bit longer. Got a tough day ahead of me today.” 

David looked around his barren bedroom which gave him pause. 48 years old and living in a hovel as more than half his pay went to his ex-wife. 

“Jesus! What a shit hole. I sure would like to live downtown like many of my friends. But where am I working? For a hospital which takes care of the poor. I love their Mission and I make a decent living but to what end? C’mon David, stop being sorry for yourself. Focus!” 

Today was critical to the future of the hospital. They had to get the Cardinal’s permission for the radical partnership they had put forward. It was the last option they had to right the ship and bring new patients to the hospital. 

“The Cardinal is not leaning in our direction. We are proposing a precedent which changes the way which we enforce the Ethical and Religious Directives. There are several Bishops who don’t agree with this change. They like things the way they are even if it means schools close...or parishes or hospitals.” 

David paused to reflect on the situation, its complexities and the strategy they had developed. Then reality hit him. 

“And I know It really rubs them that a non-Catholic CEO is proposing this change. I should have gotten a job in the suburbs. I’d be making a ton more money and wouldn’t be living like this. Stop dreaming. These are the cards you chose to play. Maybe I’ll go to heaven because of the good we are doing. Then you’ll get out of this hovel.” 

David smiled at that thought, dragged himself out of bed and went into the tiny bathroom. The water in the shower’s pipes squealed as the water began to trickle out of the sediment-filled shower head. 

“Shit!” he said out loud. “Now, I’ve got to wait 15 minutes for the water to warm up. I don’t know how much more I can take! The fucking landlord refuses to do anything about this shithole!” 

He leaned over and put his head in his hands as he began to feel even more sorry for himself than he usually did. Just then, the water stopped squealing. He knew there would be just enough hot water for a quick shower and shave so he had better get his ass in gear. 20 minutes later, David was dressed in his best blue suit with a matching, conservative striped tie and polished shoes as he knew first impressions were important. Then, another reality hit him. 

“Bishop Piwonski knows who I am and doesn’t like anything about me. The other Bishops only know what they have heard from him. We are fortunate Father Garrity has been working with us on this change and has the Cardinal’s ear as his Vicar for Healthcare. Garrity likes me even though I am not of his faith. He knows the Sisters and I have bonded over our concerns for our community. We have been resolute in our efforts to save the hospital.” 

David put on his overcoat and went outside to see his car covered in snow. Muttering to himself, he swept the snow off his car, got in and began his 60 minute drive, first, to the hospital and then, down the block, to the Motherhouse. 

11:45 am 

The day was gloomy with the remnants of the last snowfall strewn across the steps of the Motherhouse, the lawns and streets. 

“Typical crappy, December weather in Chicago,” David said to himself. “I hope this isn”t an omen.” 

David saw her approach the door to the Motherhouse and began to get out of the car when she waved him off. She always waved him off. She was one of the most independent people he had ever met. 

Sr. Theresa was dressed in her usual uniform. Gray dress and top with her face framed in a white wimple. Her diminutive stature and gentle demeanor hid seven and a half decades of inner strength, experience and knowledge of health care. But it didn’t hide her service to her congregation and commitment to her Lord. If there was a biased bone in her body, no one could find it. Different from some of the other Sisters whose prejudices were clear just below the surface, Sr. Theresa lived her life believing in the goodness of every person. And she showed it 

by her behavior. Protesting against voting restrictions, striving for fair housing laws, investing in Catholic healthcare and education for all and time for prayer. 

If she had a failing, David couldn’t find it. Plus she rooted for the right team. Sr. Theresa was an avid White Sox fan. She never said a bad word about the Cubs but he knew she silently rejoiced when the Sox won and the Cubs lost. 

Sr. Theresa took her time walking down the stairs to make sure she didn’t lose her footing. David got up from his seat to open the door for her but she waved him off once again. She slid into the front passenger seat and closed the door without making a sound. 

Putting on her seatbelt, she turned to David, smiled and said “Good morning, Mr. CEO, are we ready for our adventure today?” 

“Yes, Sister,” David said with a smile. “I’m ready. There aren’t too many tomorrows for our hospital without implementing our plan. I think I’ve got a strategy to handle the meeting with the Cardinal and his Bishops but I’m going to ask you to follow my lead when the meeting starts.” 

“OK,“ she said, “but let’s go over that approach one more time. The Cardinal’s decision is critical to the future of the hospital and our legacy.” 

“That’s the story we have to tell, Sister,” said David. 

“Yes. Our congregation, the Sisters, have worked for almost a century to bring education and healthcare to the poor and underserved. We can’t afford to let that die now,” said Sister Theresa. 

“After introductions, Father Garrity will take the lead,” said David. “His influence with the Cardinal along with the approach we will take should make for a forceful but tactful presentation. The Bishops have received our proposal in advance. They know what path we want to take. When we are done, they will see we have no other viable alternative to keep the hospital alive.” 

Sr. Theresa bowed her head and was silent for a few moments. 

David had seen this before. 

“She’s saying a prayer. I hope it is a powerful one.” 

David and Sister Theresa knew the hospital was down to two days of cash and didn't have any realistic options. They had looked at many alternatives, for profit and not-for-profit. No organization wanted a “mission” hospital or responsibility for a hospital which treated the poor and underserved. There were no suitors, no partners, who were willing to work with them or take on the hospital. The State needed them to stay open but couldn’t allocate funds to just them without making enemies with the other hospitals. The Sisters, dwindling in numbers and aging in place, had spent the last 10 years trying to discern a solution. 

Sister Theresa looked up from her prayers. 

“Before you arrived, David, we loaned the hospital money when it looked like it couldn’t make payroll. We are out of ideas. That’s why this meeting is so important. You have to lead this rescue plan. There’s no one else who can do the job!” 

David was quiet as he took in the overwhelming responsibility facing him. He knew that the Sisters had depended on his executive skills for the past 6 years just to keep the hospital afloat. With the Board’s help, they had done just that, kept it alive but on life support. Now, the end was in sight and it wasn’t pretty, for the Sisters or the community. He finally understood why he had come to this hospital and not stayed in the suburbs. Some things are just more important than money or where he lived. 

“I think our plan has legs, Sister,” he said. “It’s a bit of a stretch and may require the Cardinal and his henchmen to think beyond their normal boundaries and prejudices, but it’s doable. And it will preserve the Catholicity of the hospital.” 

“Legs? What do you mean? Do you think the plan can stand on its own? How will we convince them that, if we merge with another system, not of our faith, but of our mission, that we will continue to bring the Church to the faithful, as a Catholic institution?” 

David explained the thinking behind his approach. “The plan dictates that we draft a special agreement with any new partner which allows them to fulfill their responsibilities set down in the law and their bylaws, but still abides by the Ethical and Religious Directives. If a woman needs counseling for reproductive services, with the help of Father Garrity, we have drafted language the partner must agree to use to refer the patient outside of our hospital. That way, all parties have satisfied their obligations and we have stayed true to our Catholicity requirements.” 

“Do you think we can convince the Bishops, especially you know who, that we are not decimating our obligations by using this technique?” Sr. Theresa asked. “If the three of us can assure them that everything we are proposing is in line with the Directives, then maybe, just maybe, the Cardinal will decide in our favor.” 

“That’s what we are banking on, Sister,” David replied. “We are out of options. If we don’t succeed today, you and I both know that we’ll close our doors on March 15th. The community and 1200 employees depend on our survival. The proposal says it clearly. Father Garrity and I will emphasize these facts in our presentation.” 

David and Theresa knew they had to depend on the goodwill of the Cardinal and his ability to see their reality without succumbing to Church politics. He had to recommend to Rome that this agreement was ok to sign. In order to get to this outcome, the Cardinal may have to overrule some or all of his Bishops. 

“We’ve interacted with the Cardinal enough to know he has a big heart for his faithful and the underserved,” said David. “He has to convince himself this plan accomplishes a greater purpose without diminishing the Catholic protocols all of us live by.” 

“You’re right, David,” Sister sighed. “I just wish we had more support around the table. Even our Bishop will be silent in Bishop Piwonski’s presence.” 

“Don’t underestimate Father Garrity, Sister,” David said. “I talk with him almost every day, including this morning on the drive in. He knows how we feel but he remains upbeat about the possibility of this getting approved. Maybe he has a pipeline to the Big Guy,” David joked to release some of the tension in the car. 

Sr. Theresa didn’t respond but bowed her head in silent prayer. 

David looked over at her with admiration and respect. Then he said a prayer, his favorite from long ago. 

“May the Lord bless us and keep us. May the Lord...”

PART 2

[zimmerdouche]

This is something I’ve had saved on my computer since like June but I still have a lot of thoughts about the Poindexter family.

I forget where it was I read this, and whether it was actually canon or not, but effectively it said that the entire Samwell Hockey Team came from a place of privilege because hockey is an expensive sport.

Consider: Dex is a multiple. More specifically, a triplet. Three kids going to college at once? And that money related stress, piled on since birth? Save your money, Poindexter, because even though you aren’t that bad off you aren’t the only one that needs tuition and equipment.

I know Ngozi tweeted about Dex only having an older brother but let me have this.

Let’s talk more about the Poindexter triplets.

Wyatt Joseph Poindexter

The youngest triplet. Laid back, big thinker, just wants everyone to get along.

He grew a beard after high school because he was so. Fucking. Tired. Of being mistaken for his older brother. He’s only an inch shorter and everyone called them the Weasley twins, there needed to be a change.

Poster Boy for the rustic hipster aesthetic. Plaid shirts with the sleeves rolled up, ripped jeans, knit beanie, Timbs, occasionally suspenders? Plus a beard? Actual Lumberjack Wyatt Poindexter.

At the University of Maine majoring in Communication Sciences and Disorders with a minor in music. He’d like to focus on music education for the hard of hearing.

Fluent in American Sign Language. (He is the Number One Fan of Holly Maniatty, interpreter at hip hop concerts.) Can also stumble his way through casual conversation in French.

L o v e s music and will listen to any genre. Literally any, but he especially loves stuff that he can play on his guitar, and artists like John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Brett Dennen, Counting Crows, so on and so forth. He loves listening to lyrics and dissecting meaning and context, and will write his own lyrics on occasion.

He was a sprinter in high school and was pretty good but chose not to continue in college even though a few schools showed interest.

Gay and demisexual. He came out after his freshman year, after a lot of soul searching, meditation, and GSA meetings, to his siblings, whose collective response was “oh shit me too, thank God.”

Drives a truck older than he is with a bench seat and a paint job that’s mostly rust. He hot boxes it regularly and honestly? A big Triplet Bonding Event, especially after the Poindexters start college, is driving out to the middle of nowhere at midnight with snacks and drinks and weed and smoking in the bed of the truck, looking at the stars, and talking about life.

Group chat: has it on Do Not Disturb because his siblings never shut up. Will occasionally interject with one liners. Sends Snapchat screenshots of himself looking Bored as Fuck in any lecture that isn’t directly related to his career path and also plaid related memes.

Winona Jane “Ryder” Poindexter

The second oldest/middle triplet and the only girl. Fiercely protective and stubborn. Will kick your ass. Will kick everyone’s ass. Will kick her own ass.

Everyone calls her Ryder (like, Winona Ryder, the actress) because she absolutely despises the name Winona. The number one way to piss her off is to call her Winona, or God forbid, Winnie (Will does it when he wants her attention. She threatens murder).

Also at UMaine, studying bioengineering. Her ultimate goal is to lead a research team focused on artificial organs, but she has also considered becoming a professor. She’d be a great lecturer because she tends to ramble.

A thrift store fiend with a need to look like she came straight from the nineties. She likes mom jeans, denim in general, crop tops, Chuck Taylors, and UMaine athletic wear. She also steals her brothers’ flannel shirts.

She was on the color guard in high school and continues to be on the color guard in college. She’s damn good at it too. Can do some basic gymnastics/tumbling, but the back handspring is about as fancy as she can go. Damn good at dancing in general. She also loves to swing dance, and while she couldn’t get Wyatt into it she managed to get Will to dance with her and he enjoys it much more than he’ll ever let on.

Her freshman spring semester she took a video editing class and part of the class was start a YouTube channel so that she could upload assignments to it. She chose to do a vlog channel and she titled it “Ryder Die,” and she just kinda stuck with it after the class ended. Will and Wyatt make regular guest appearances.

Lives for Spongebob related memes. It’s a problem. Wyatt had to ban her from showing Spongebob memes in the car because she would try to show him like one every three minutes while he was driving.

Bisexual as fuck and... uncomfortably open about her sex life. Ryder, your brothers do not want to know about that. Stahp.

Group chat: Ryder’s contact names from both of her brothers are just various Winona Ryder characters. She’ll purposely call Wyatt Will and Will Wyatt. “Guys how does this outfit look?” (30 seconds later) “Why am I asking you two I look fantastic”

William Jacob “Will” “Dex” Poindexter

The oldest triplet. High strung, reserved, very loyal and very protective, even more so than his sister.

His siblings call him Will, Samwell Men’s Hockey calls him Dex. His siblings will probably never call him Dex, it’s just weird. Do you call your brother by his last name? Why would you? You have the same last name!

Studying computer science/engineering at Samwell University.

Does the guy own anything that ISN’T plaid? Yes, he does, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at him. God, does he look like his brother.

Can stumble his way through a few songs on the guitar and can carry a tune better than his brother, (“Fuck you, Will! You’re not even going into music!”) but refuses to sing in public. He may hum, if you’re lucky.

Defensemen on the Samwell Men’s Hockey team.

Left handed so, basically, if Wyatt didn’t have a beard, they’d be completely mirrored. They are identical, after all.

Bisexual with a pretty strong male preference.

Group chat: Bickers with Ryder a lot, usually if he instigates conversation it’s to complain about his defense partner Derek Nurse. He does this often enough that Ryder suspects they’re dating. Once, when they were actually getting along, he sent a selfie and Ryder’s response was, of course, a Spongebob meme – “OH NO HE’S HOT!”

These three together? Oh boy

This bit is more about their parents but is required for context: Papa Marcus Poindexter is a Baptist worship pastor. Mama Cara Poindexter was Irish Catholic but converted after she started dating Marcus. They are… extremely conservative, more so than the rest of their extended family, and it’s not exactly a healthy environment for the triplets. They’ve all set off firecrackers in the baptismal pool though.

All three of them have like, three different personalities, depending on who is around them. There’s the “I’m with my parents” personality, which will always prevail in any situation and is very submissive and agreeable, the “I’m with my siblings but not my parents” personality, which will prevail provided their parents are not around and is very loud and laughter filled, and then “I’m with anyone else but not my siblings” personality, which is at any other time and shifts based on who they’re talking to.

Their group chat is. A mess. The name changes constantly and most of the time it’s just them bitching about everyone they know.

Favorite GC Names include:

Those Damn Poindexter Kids

Poindexter Meme Team

Will/Ryder/Wyatt is the Hot One

Which one are you again?

Fluent in American Sex Language

God Nerfed Us

Our Hair is Red because the Devil is Our Father

Mad 4 Plaid

Summer after their freshman year of college, some guy named Jake Nichols made a bet with his buddy that he could hook up with all three of them at least once. He did it, the madman, and they don’t figure it out until MONTHS later and it’s the best story to tell at parties, but only when all three of them are there together.

Wyatt and Will run in the mornings when they’re together, Will and Ryder will do dexterity training together, and Ryder and Wyatt will do your Everyday Gym Trip together (where Ryder does strength training and Wyatt general Fitness Upkeep).

Ryder and Wyatt visit The Haus when the Frogs are juniors:

So damn polite, oh my god, Bitty LOVES them because they all want to help in the kitchen like Dex does, and they brought even MORE food, bless their hearts. 

Wyatt gets along with Nursey like a house on fire. Ryder won’t stop doing eyebrow waggles at Dex every time he and Nursey say anything to each other.

Graduates are visiting bc plot and Ryder is well on her way to hook up with Ransom when he realizes that he doesn’t live there anymore and there’s no room to go to, whoops. He tried to ask Dex if he could flirt with his sister and Dex r e f u s e d to broach the topic with him. “If she wants to it’s fine.” “But-” “IF SHE WANTS TO IT IS F I N E.”

Wyatt brings his guitar and there’s a jam session in the front yard, somehow he convinces Will to sing. It’s an exciting time, Nursey brings out a ukulele and everyone’s humming along and somehow there’s a firepit is this even legal? The music is great though, even though it’s 3 AM and the Lax bros are pissed.

IDK how but they’d get Nursey and Dex together. They conspire with Chowder and maybe Bitty and just. Make it happen. Witchcraft.

Fin.

[julianlapostat]

Mortality and Mercy in King’s Landing: ASOIAF/Shakespeare Meta

I have talked myself into talking about ASOIAF and Measure for Measure. So here it is. Measure for Measure is a fairly obscure play of Shakespeare’s, at least among the general public. Yet many Shakespeare critics and scholars especially in the late-20th Century, consider this a masterpiece...Bertolt Brecht even called it “Shakespeare’s most progressive play”. One reason why Measure for Measure isn’t culturally famous is that it lacks the distinct qualities you usually look for in Shakespeare. It’s a play without any single main character. More than that, it’s also a play that’s hard to summarize, because more than any Shakespeare play, it is a dynamic work, one which feels less structured and more freely-moving than his other works. How Measure for Measure starts gives no hint for the direction it would go in the next scene, or the scene after that, and each new scene drives and flows from the actions of the previous. If ASOIAF is Shakespearean, then it is the Shakespeare of Measure for Measure.  For the purposes of this meta-essay, I am going to only compare parts of this complex play to ASOIAF, and limit my focus on select comparisons: Tywin and Acting Hand Tyrion/Duke and Angelo. 

The plot of Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure begins when the Duke of Vienna, Vincentio transfers power to Angelo, over the latter’s reluctance:

ANGELO: Always obedient to your grace's will, I come to know your pleasure. DUKE VINCENTIO:Angelo, There is a kind of character in thy life, That to the observer doth thy history Fully unfold. Thyself and thy belongings Are not thine own so proper as to waste Thyself upon thy virtues, they on thee. ... Hold therefore, Angelo:-- In our remove be thou at full ourself; Mortality and mercy in Vienna Live in thy tongue and heart:... Take thy commission. ANGELO:Now, good my lord, Let there be some more test made of my metal, Before so noble and so great a figure Be stamp'd upon it. DUKE VINCENTIO No more evasion: We have with a leaven'd and prepared choice Proceeded to you; therefore take your honours (ACT 1, SCENE 1)

The first scene of the play establishes that Angelo is reluctant to take his roll, but Duke Vincentio insists. Angelo will become the Acting Duke of Vienna where he expects that the authority and position will reflect his character and views. Angelo is reluctant to do so, his responsibility is great, “Mortality and Mercy” etcetera, but Vincentio insists and Duke Angelo complies.  In ASOIAF, the Hand of the King is a position that transfers hands and offices multiple times across all five books. But there is a difference in kind and degree. The Duke is making Angelo his substitute and replacement. He is going to be Acting-Duke, whereas in no-real-way does the Hand of the King entirely substitute the King. The only true analogue for this in ASOIAF is when Tywin at the end of AGOT makes Tyrion the Acting-Hand. 

“Joff’s only a boy,” Tyrion pointed out. “At his age, I committed a few follies of my own.” His father gave him a sharp look. “I suppose we ought to be grateful that he has not yet married a whore.” ... ... “The city?” Tyrion was lost. “What city would that be?” “King’s Landing. I am sending you to court.”It was the last thing Tyrion Lannister would ever have anticipated. He reached for his wine, and considered for a moment as he sipped. “And what am I to do there?” “Rule,” his father said curtly. Tyrion hooted with laughter. “My sweet sister might have a word or two to say about that!” “Let her say what she likes. Her son needs to be taken in hand before he ruins us all. I blame those jackanapes on the council—our friend Petyr, the venerable Grand Maester, and that cockless wonder Lord Varys. What sort of counsel are they giving Joffrey when he lurches from one folly to the next?...” 

----    He pointed a finger at Tyrion’s face. “If Cersei cannot curb the boy, you must. And if these councillors are playing us false …” Tyrion knew. “Spikes,” he sighed. “Heads. Walls.” “I see you have taken a few lessons from me.” “More than you know, Father,” Tyrion answered quietly. He finished his wine and set the cup aside, thoughtful. A part of him was more pleased than he cared to admit. Another part was remembering the battle upriver, and wondering if he was being sent to hold the left again. “Why me?” he asked, cocking his head to one side. “Why not my uncle? Why not Ser Addam or Ser Flement or Lord Serrett? Why not a … bigger man?” Lord Tywin rose abruptly. “You are my son.” ... --- “One last thing,” he said at the door. “You will not take the whore to court.” Tyrion sat alone in the common room for a long while after his father was gone. Finally he climbed the steps to his cozy garret beneath the bell tower. The ceiling was low, but that was scarcely a drawback for a dwarf. From the window, he could see the gibbet his father had erected in the yard. The innkeep’s body turned slowly on its rope whenever the night wind gusted. Her flesh had grown as thin and ragged as Lannister hopes.Shae murmured sleepily and rolled toward him when he sat on the edge of the featherbed. He slid his hand under the blanket and cupped a soft breast, and her eyes opened. “M’lord,” she said with a drowsy smile.When he felt her nipple stiffen, Tyrion kissed her. “I have a mind to take you to King’s Landing, sweetling,” he whispered. A GAME OF THRONES, TYRION IX

When Vincentio is transferring power to Angelo in the opening of Measure for Measure, there’s no specifications on how to use power. There is an acknowledgement of solemn responsibility, there is an acknowledgement of duty, and there’s an acknowledgement of tasks, but Duke Vincentio insists that Angelo take it all and use his power as he sees fit. Tywin makes Tyrion his Acting-Hand, and likewise directs him to hold mortality and mercy (i.e. Heads, Spikes and Walls and the lack of that) but he is specific in regulating on whom that power must be used, and more importantly he insists that said authority limit and operate on him too. He insists that Tyrion abandon his well known profligacy but Tyrion chooses to defy his father despite having visible proof of how Tywin treats the smallfolk in front of him, as the body of Masha Heddle the Innkeeper sways in sight of Tyrion’s love-nest.  When Angelo becomes Duke in Measure for Measure, we see the effects of his position immediately. As soon as he comes to power, he mounts a crackdown and makes prostitution illegal in Vienna:

POMPEY:You have not heard of the proclamation, have you? MISTRESS OVERDONE:What proclamation, man? POMPEY:All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be plucked down. MISTRESS OVERDONE:And what shall become of those in the city? POMPEY:They shall stand for seed: they had gone down too, but that a wise burgher put in for them. MISTRESS OVERDONE:But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs be pulled down? POMPEY:To the ground, mistress. MISTRESS OVERDONE:Why, here's a change indeed in the commonwealth! What shall become of me? (ACT 1, SCENE 2)

And presented in juxtaposition, when we consider the excerpt from AGOT we can see Tyrion’s actions to take Shae to King’s Landing to be an incredibly callous gesture, because the end result of discovery will not damage and hurt Tyrion, but Shae instead, and all out of a selfish rebellion against Daddy’s conservatism. In Measure for Measure, the liberal Duke enables the reign of the far more conservative, and insecure Angelo, who doubtful about his own virtue asserts his probity by taking it out on the people. Tyrion as Acting-Hand alternatively proceeds to both obey his father, and serve his family dutifully, but also privately subvert his father’s norms out of rebellion and pique. To return to MEASURE FOR MEASURE and its proclamation...One of the things about ASOIAF that is perplexing, or one of its problems, is that on one hand GRRM intends the work to draw from the “real history” of the Middle Ages but on the other hand, many parts of his books don’t really have anything to do with the actual middle ages (let’s say 1066CE-1500CE at a rough number). A good example is the series particular interest in puritanism and sexual propriety and how characters and society is defined by attitudes that is either open or closed about sex. Baelor the Blessed for instance is a pious monk king who cloistered his sister-wives, and actually tried to end prostitution in King’s Landing by closing the brothels and sending prostitutes out of the city. 

Their path took them past the statue of Baelor the Blessed, standing tall and serene upon his plinth, his face a study in benevolence. To look at him, you would never guess what a fool he'd been. The Targaryen dynasty had produced kings both bad and good, but none as beloved as Baelor, that pious gentle septon-king who loved the smallfolk and the gods in equal parts, yet imprisoned his own sisters. It was a wonder that his statue did not crumble at the sight of her bare breasts. Tyrion used to say that King Baelor was terrified of his own cock. Once, she recalled, he had expelled all the whores from King's Landing. He prayed for them as they were driven from the city gates, the histories said, but would not look at them.

A Dance with Dragons - Cersei II

Before we meet Stannis Baratheon, we are related to the fact that in his time on the Small Council, an attempt to get rid of prostitution in the city. 

Lord Renly laughed. "We're fortunate my brother Stannis is not with us. Remember the time he proposed to outlaw brothels? The king asked him if perhaps he'd like to outlaw eating, shitting, and breathing while he was at it..." .........

"The boy says that they visited a brothel."

"A brothel?" Ned said. "The Lord of the Eyrie and Hand of the King visited a brothel with Stannis Baratheon?" He shook his head, incredulous, wondering what Lord Renly would make of this tidbit. Robert's lusts were the subject of ribald drinking songs throughout the realm, but Stannis was a different sort of man; a bare year younger than the king, yet utterly unlike him, stern, humorless, unforgiving, grim in his sense of duty. A Game of Thrones - Eddard VI

@racefortheironthrone informs me in response to a question I asked that this didn’t really happen in the middle ages, because he says, and I quote: “If anything, it was usually the reverse - brothels were seen as a necessary evil to prevent adultery (the church was worried about horny men sleeping with married women, not married men sleeping with sex workers), sodomy, and masturbation, so in some places there were state-sponsored brothels, in other places particular streets or districts were designated for the purpose, etc.” 

There have been many scholars and historians interested in the social discourse of sex work, and how to tackle it. I cannot claim to be an expert in the sociology of it or any such thing, but I think you can sort of get at a general attitude and thesis. In general, prostitution and social attitudes to it revolves around concerns and fears of a public externalization of the private life. Brothels exist publicly, and are known, even in ASOIAF, but there is a distinction between those who openly visit it, and those who practise it privately. This divide between the private and the public is part of how brothels are seen and appreciated throughout the books.  And in Measure for Measure, the division between public and private is a major part of the plot. Especially when we consider Claudio, the nobleman who is arrested, shamed, and sentenced to death for the crime of impregnating a woman out of marriage:

CLAUDIO Fellow, why dost thou show me thus to the world?

Bear me to prison, where I am committed.

Provost

I do it not in evil disposition, But from Lord Angelo by special charge.

ACT 1, SCENE 2

Claudio is not ashamed so much for being caught, but for being paraded by his crime, which is part of the punishment decreed by Acting Duke Angelo. As Hand of the King, Tyrion deprecates the Public in favor of the Private.  In his time as Hand of the King, Tyrion imprisons Grand Maester Pycelle for his lack of celibacy but he does it privately rather than publicly. Angelo is his Opposite. Tyrion resents the Public of King’s Landing for seeing him as a twisted little monkey demon and does nothing to win them over. The Public Shaming is very much Tywin’s thing, who in A STORM OF SWORDS, takes over as real-Hand, while Tyrion is made into Master of Coin. Tywin, Westeros’ fiercest misogynist, erects his actions on public order by ordering the whipping of Alayaya, the prostitute Cersei arrested, mistaking her for Shae. He takes this further:

Whilst Tyrion lay drugged and dreaming, his own blood had pulled his claws out, one by one. "I want you to go to my sister. Her precious son made it through the battle unscathed, so Cersei has no more need of a hostage. She swore to free Alayaya once—""She did. Eight, nine days ago, after the whipping."Tyrion shoved himself up higher, ignoring the sudden stab of pain through his shoulder. "Whipping?"

Tyrion shoved himself up higher, ignoring the sudden stab of pain through his shoulder. "Whipping?"

"They tied her to a post in the yard and scourged her, then shoved her out the gate naked and bloody."

She was learning to read, Tyrion thought, absurdly...Alayaya was a whore, true enough, but a sweeter, braver, more innocent girl he had seldom met. Tyrion had never touched her; she had been no more than a veil, to hide Shae. In his carelessness, he had never thought what the role might cost her.

A STORM OF SWORDS, TYRION I

It’s not enough however for Tywin to punish Tyrion by proxy, by bringing force on those beneath him, violating his sense of power and ability. Tywin takes this further by humiliating him with his most bizarre joke:

"It is a tax on whoring," said Tyrion, irritated all over again. And it was my bloody father's notion. "Only a penny for each, ah . . . act. The King's Hand felt it might help improve the morals of the city." And pay for Joffrey's wedding besides. Needless to say, as master of coin, Tyrion had gotten all the blame for it. Bronn said they were calling it the dwarf's penny in the streets. "Spread your legs for the Halfman, now," they were shouting in the brothels and wine sinks, if the sellsword could be believed. A Storm of Swords - Tyrion V

Tywin and Tyrion is a more intricate look at the same concept we see in Measure for Measure. The substitution of the authority, the assertion of force from authority to people below, the attempts to regulate society by regulating public morality, the focus and attention on sexual matters where the looming threat is to make private all that is public. Tywin is shrewd and cruel in the way that he arranges actions so that Tyrion is seen as the authoritarian monkey-demon while Tywin is seen as the man of probity. Privately of course, Tywin is a creep whereas in the course of ASOS, Tyrion is revealed as the monkey demon. The result of this complex gaslighting eventually leads to tragedy in ASOS, whereas Shakespeare in Measure for Measure can merely make it comedy, satire, not able to extend beyond the norms and problems he faced. 

Of course one can’t blame the bard, he lived in the era before the Civil War, before the Puritan regime banned the playhouses, the brothels, the sporting houses and other places. George RR Martin writing in the late 20th Century, remembers the McCarthy era, the puritanism of the 50s, the counter-revolution of the ‘80s in America. To Shakespeare and his audiences, the situtation he was describing did not seem likely yet, seemed to exist on the level of satire rather than the real. 

[thejjchandler]

Okay, now that I've gotten to laugh my ass off about Huckabee and crew's hypocrisy for the weekend... Some (mostly) more seriously constructed thoughts.

  Sarah Huckabee Sanders got requested to leave a restaurant called Red Hen this weekend because the owner felt that she wasn't simply an average person with opposing points of view, but rather a public figure and representative of an administration that has been hostile to various minority groups that included her staff and that Sarah Huckabee Sanders worked in the service of an “inhumane and unethical” administration.

  "And it was important to her that Sanders was a public official, not just a customer with whom she disagreed, many of whom were included in her regular clientele."

  She apparently made sure she was actually served, and then refused to let her pay. Then she- politely I guess -sent her on her way.

  https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/the-owner-of-the-red-hen-explains-why-she-asked-sarah-huckabee-sanders-to-leave/ar-AAz44OB?li=BBnb7Kz

  Sanders tweeted about the encounter, an act which both set off a social media firestorm and may have been an ethics violation.

  https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/expert-sarah-sanders-broke-ethics-rules-with-tweet-about-restaurant/ar-AAz5vtH?li=BBnb7Kz

  The reactions from the Professional Right- especially Mike Huckabee -were absolutely hilarious. It was definitely laughable watching the very same people who have fought to make discrimination by business owners based on "deeply held beliefs" whine and cry foul because a business owner discriminated against one of THEM based on "deeply held beliefs" of her own. And, hilariously, you could see that the little lightbulb in their heads still never went off.

  When the conservative right began to lead the charge to allow bigots to hide behind "deeply held beliefs" in order to engage in legal discrimination against groups they were bigoted against, they were told that, duh, when you open that door you will let in unintended consequences. One of those unintended consequences was having other people suddenly able to do the exact same thing to them.

  The poor little dears, bless their hearts, especially the Huckabee clan, just weren't smart enough to work that bit out even with people completely spelling it out for them. Apparently, they were under the mistaken assumption that legalized bigotry would be something only they would get to use as a tool in the day to day world, and just couldn't imagine that it could happen to them. Turned out that, oops, they were wrong.

  https://nypost.com/2018/04/25/judge-bars-are-allowed-to-throw-out-trump-supporters/

  And when it did, the professional punditry and political figures went into overdrive acting as if this was the greatest crime ever perpetrated on mankind. One of THEIR OWN was asked to leave a dining establishment after receiving their meal and told they wouldn't have to pay! The outrage!!! Which was funny given that so many of the talking heads "outraged" over this have defended (if not demanded) that this kind of thing be not only allowed, but codified into state or federal law. These same conservative talking heads have spent years now insisting that various bakers and others be able to discriminate as they see fit based on their deeply held (conservative) beliefs.

  It was particularly comical watching Mike Huckabee spit and sputter about "bigotry" on the menu and throwing around cutesy names like "the hate plate" or "small plates for small minds." Seriously, Mike Huckabee... A man who has championed the right to be a bigot (but only a conservative bigot) by not only private business owners, but tried to tie his brand to civil servant Kim Davis during his Presidential bid while hyping her up as some sort of folk hero for refusing to issue or allow the issuing of gay marriage licenses because of her (hate and bigotry) deeply held beliefs.

  The humor continued as the average Joe and Jane conservative leapt into action to condemn the exact same thing they themselves have insisted must be allowed when they want to do it, and, additionally, jumped into various discussion threads to explain why the acts of bigotry and discrimination they like and support are TOTALLY different not that you'd understand that 'fact' thank you very much.

  Well, actually, it was different. They supported it when they liked it. They didn't like it this time. And the various little dears, bless their hearts, are even now still stomping their feet and insisting that this is totally wrong and totally different and how dare you even suggest that it's anything like the bigotry and discrimination they like and want to see allowed in polite society.

  I mean, look, if they want to live like that, there are plenty of countries that would make them feel right at home. Of course, they might have to join groups like ISIL or the Taliban to live there...

  And adding to the overall humor are the people who have never been to a restaurant running to their computers in order to write negative reviews about the food, service, etc. or leaving profanity laced comments and making threats. You know, the type of thing they decry if it's done to, say, a cake baker's shop.

  It would be really amusingly funny if it weren't really so pathetically sad type of funny.

  Of course, I'm not too thrilled with the other side of the coin here either.

  When various businesses have tried to refuse service to others based on the bigotry of the owner or owners, I've said one thing over and over again- If you open a business in the public square, you serve the public.

  Full stop.

  End of sentence.

  Can you make exceptions? Of course you can. The X-rated book seller can and should keep out minors just as the ABC store can and should (and must) decline sales to people under 21. If there's a history of gang or outlaw motorcycle gang problems, you can enforce rules banning gang colors in an establishment and banning known troublemaking members or groups. Hell, that one asshole who gets himself banned from a place, gang member or not, is almost a local tradition in some places. And, well, past shoplifters who have been caught are usually not welcome as clientele anymore.

  You know, things like that.

  But we don't refuse service based on the concept of "I don't like your kind." And that's been very much the same basic argument from many who have decried the bigoted actions of those that the clan Huckabee and their kind have defended for years now. So, I have to say that I find the large number of people who took that stand who now think this is a good thing to have happening somewhat annoying.

  I won’t fault you for finding humor in the crocodile tears shed by hypocritical Mike Huckabee over the treatment of his often seemingly soulless and always seemingly dishonest not so little girl. I'm still laughing my ass off at them and every other hypocrite who is only now discovering that discrimination based on "deeply held beliefs" is so much bullshit and completely wrong.

  But some on the left are taking joy in specifically the fact that this happened to her at all. Some on the left are practically celebrating the fact that she was told to leave.

  That's a bit of a different beast.

  As much as I've appreciated the humor the whining conservatives have put on display by going into phony outrage hypocrite mode or by trying to lecture others about how their preferred form of bigotry and discrimination is totally okay and totally different from this form of bigotry and discrimination- It really is a bit like watching a toddler complaining about getting hit on the head with a plastic Wiffle ball bat being held by another toddler when that toddler took the bat from the complaining toddler after he hit him ten or twenty times.

  Well, yeah, dumbass, when you treat other kids like shit they might just return the favor. Life lesson learned and STFU with the whining about it now.

  Except, as much as they might like to act like toddlers, we're not toddlers and shouldn't act like toddlers in kind.

  I've seen people like Sarah Huckabee Sanders removed from various dining establishments in the past. The thing is, they weren't just sitting there quietly eating their food as she and her party were that evening. They would have to actively be engaging inside of the establishment in the kind of rhetoric they were known for outside of the establishment.  In other words, they would have to be actively harassing the other clientele and being a disturbance.

  They would have to be doing a lot more than just sitting there quietly eating their food.

  I've also been in places in my lifetime where people have been harassed out of a business and the owner has done nothing or even seen owners ask people to leave because they didn't want "their kind" in the place because "their kind" meant being gay, black, Asian, etc. I've had the displeasure as a teen of walking out of a place with a friend because the person behind the counter knew the person I was with and kept loudly demanding to know who let the "zebra" into the convenience store. For those of you who don't know, that was once a popular slang insult by racists in many areas thrown at children who had one parent who was white and one who was black.

  I never much cared for the people who did those things.

  I can't say I care much for the people taking the position of "It's our turn now!" either.

  That's always a bad path to walk down as it typically involves being the monster you hate.

  It doesn't matter what you think of Sarah Huckabee Sanders. It doesn't matter what rationale you can think up to excuse telling her to leave when all she was doing was quietly dining. It doesn't matter because every reason you can come up with can and has likely been used by some bigot somewhere to do the same thing in an incident you have or would have had you known of it spoken out against.

  I have no issue with laughing at them, but a condition to that is remembering to be better than them.

  If you have ever been discriminated against or told to leave someplace because of who or what you were, you know what it feels like. You know it doesn't feel good. I know it doesn't feel good, because it's happened to me. A decent human being takes that knowledge- knowing what that feels like and how much it made the other people seem like the lowest of human scum -and tries to never reverse those roles.

  "It's our turn now!"

  No.

  That's really not a good way to live your life. Be better.

[amethystte4rs]

I am absolutely ashamed of my roots, I am embarrassed of my racist & homophobic family, I am horrified of the nasty shit they truly believe & say. I know that they say "hate & violence are taught", & it is 100% true. If you are raised in this kind of hostile environment, with no outside resources or prior lack of knowledge & understanding/empathy of human nature, you will grow up with the values & beliefs you were learned. My brother is a perfect example of this, a victim to a hateful lineage of hate speech & conservatism. Unfortunately, he isn't the brightest of bulbs, so he will continue to live for what my parents taught him was "right". As for me, I always knew I was different. A lover of all people, animals, & a shy & sweet little sensitive girl, as much as they tried they could not jam their opinions down my throat & into my heart. I was born with it maybe, but even as a 6 year old little girl; when my father would tell race-oriented offensive jokes at the table, my whole family would laugh & comply, even my 8 year old brother. I never found this amusing for some reason, I actually was upset at THIS young of an age. I would actually become embarrassed. It's written in my conscience, my blood.. I was meant to be the odd-one out, the ostracized "social justice warrior" of the family. As a little girl, there was no denying in the fact that I was a natural-born humanitarian liberal (lol)! for instance, my two favorite Disney princesses were Mulan and Jasmine.. Without any prior understanding of their ethnic background differences from all the other princesses (who were all white), I was obsessed with them! Do you really think a 4 year old has any idea of social/racial profiling?!!! Another example.. My first day of kindergarten, I had class with a beautiful African-American girl, who stood out from everyone else because I was born & raised & currently still live in a predominantly white town. I went home that day and drew a picture of her, gave it to my mom & explained how beautiful I thought the "blue girl" was, & how I wanted to look like her! So even as a child, I unknowingly had fascination & love for all people. It's crazy to think that I still have these values today considering the conservative bullshit that my family tries to throw at me & has, to no success, my whole life. I've always been firm in my beliefs, & this is why I truly believe people are born with their hearts & conscience. I guess I was blessed to have such a pure heart of gold, considering the type of family I was born into! I just find it so wrong. Also, so help me GOD if I ever end up with a man like my father or brother. But, besides the fact, I'm hurt today because I just realized I'm not allowed to love in front of my parents. I can't love who I want to because my family won't accept it, & its nauseating and fucked up to think about. As long as they're around, they'll be there to disapprove & make me feel like garbage. I can't help that I'm attracted to darker men, & I won't even apologize for it. I'm not sorry that I prefer probably a man of probably any race before a white man. I have always been drawn to darker.. Always have been, always will be. Nothing wrong with that, & there's not one god damn thing that separates the fucking human species from one another besides melanin. Just because someone has more melanin than you doesn't mean that they're any different!!? I just wish my family could open up their eyes & live in the 21st century. No love is wrong love & I don't give a fuck what any of you psychotic Neo-Nazi White Supremacist fucks try to convince me of, go shove your fucking swastikas up your ass.