#and once they got bacj from work they were to tired to take care of me
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#i can remember for all of my life any sor of affection was foreign to me#and never felt right#i have never been hugged by my parents they were always working to keep the house#my sister and cousin raised me the best they could but even they werent affectionate#i still remember when i got hugged by my tia on the last day we had our old house#that was the only the 2nd time i was probably hugged in so long#i really can't remember ever being embraced by my mom or even comforted by them#at least when i was sick my grandma would help me get better but even then#i was just left in a room all day until they got home in the afternoon and only saw them in the morning before they went to worm#and once they got bacj from work they were to tired to take care of me#i STILL remember being 8 years old with a cold having to make my own soup cause no one was home and erika had grown up to be so mean to me#so she nevr took care of me n stayed in her room... man i still remember feeling so lonely and wondering what it felt like to be cared for#its probably why when my mom would get sick i would automatically look to take care of her just to hear a thank you son#only to never hear a thank you son or you're such a wonderful son or anything positive just a grunt and a nod...#man thinking of my childhood makes me wonder why i dont remember it at all#did i disassociated do most of my childhood cause i only remember the bad parts which was a majority of my childhood#the only things i remember that were good was when my dad would take me to the movies every Saturday to try and get to know me#but then that stopped when it became an inconvenience to him and instead he wanted to go drink at his moms house with his family#i swear thinking back now i realized why i was so attached to any sign of kindness
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