#and of course if anything moves in the bedroom Matilda has to yell about it

[grison-in-space]

anyway all my dogs are broken at this time and I'm very tired about it

(Benton won't stop licking his thigh creases until they get red and sore; Tribble has Yet Another Goddamn Corneal Ulcer; Matilda is not herself broken in body technically but she smeared me with turd last night and had to be bathed immediately so no one in the house is without sin)

[chuffyfan87]

Growing Pains. Part 3a

Cowritten with @disastrousintention. Content warning for illegal drug use. Trigger warnings for discussion of eating disorders.

-x-

5pm

New Year celebrations had started early in the Fairhead household with the two youngest boys having invited their best friends over for a party tea.

Four boys under eight now ruled the household. The girls sat together in the room, discussing their own plans for tonight.

Their discussion currently focused on arguing over what film they wanted to watch on the big TV downstairs.

“Definitely this one.” Tilly threw a scary movie onto her bed. “Mum and dad will crap themselves!”

"Dad will vote for that so he can 'comfort' mum when she gets scared..!" Lottie giggled, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

“What kind of comfort, Lots?” Emily giggled.

"The sort of comforting that happens a lot in this film!" Lottie replied, throwing down an 18 rated film she'd found under Jake's bed.

“Urgh! Lottie where did you find that!!” Tilly picked up the film and read the back, “Oh... My..!” She giggled.

"Its Jake's!" Lottie giggled.

“That’s so rude!”

"Do you think Jake was getting tips for tonight?" Emily giggled.

“Quite possibly.” Tilly laughed loudly.

"So long as Louis doesn't cramp his style." Emily smirked.

“Isn’t Jake going to Krystal’s tonight anyway?” Lottie asked.

"Yeh but mum says he's got to take Louis with him!" Emily laughed.

“Louis might pull a girl himself.” Tilly shrugged.

"They've got to be home by 1am." Lottie shrugged.

“Well if Louis and Jake are anything like mum and dad, they’ll be finished in five.” Tilly answered with a giggle.

"I think that's more dad's fault than mum's." Emily mused with a smirk.

The twins giggled.

6pm

"Mum!" Jake groaned. "Do I really have to take Louis with me? He won't know anyone!"

"Yes!" Duffy replied, rolling her eyes at the mess the youngest boys had left her lounge in before running upstairs to their shared room.

Jake looked pleadingly at Charlie.

“Do you think it’s wise?” Charlie asked as he wrapped his arms around Duffy’s waist.

"You were the one who wanted Louis to socialise more." Duffy remarked.

“You’re right. I did.” Charlie replied, kissing her neck.

"And who better to look out for him than his big brother?"

Jake groaned. “He’s so gonna cramp my style!”

"You're taking him with you and that's the end of it!" Duffy declared firmly.

“Urgh, fine!” Jake sulked off.

"What's his issue?" Duffy sighed, leaning back against Charlie.

“There’s a girl...” Charlie began. “Might have something to do with that.”

"Ooh! Is that this Krystal you two were talking about at Christmas?"

“Yeah. He fancies her like mad.”

"And why am I only hearing about this now?" She pouted.

“I don’t know much. Just there’s a girl called Krystal that has a nose ring and he really likes her. That’s all I know.”

"Who calls their child Krystal? Really?"

“It’s unique.”

"Hmm... Mum thought Matilda was an 'unusual choice' so I can't wait to see what she thinks of Krystal..!" She giggled.

Charlie laughed softly.

7pm

Oliver and Paul's friends had just left and it was time for the boys to have a bath before bed.

Both boys were stood naked, wiggling their bits in the mirror and laughing.

"Come on, in you get!" Duffy told the boys once the bubbly water was ready.

“Look mummy! My willy’s bigger than Paul’s!” Oli shouted from the bedroom.

"No, I'm quite alright thank you, I'd rather you just got in the bath sweetheart."

Oli came into the bathroom with Paul following behind.

Duffy gasped as the boys jumped in the bath splashing her with water.

“Oops.” The boys giggled, “Sorry mama.”

"This is why I didn't get changed til after your bath." She shook her head affectionately.

“Mummy?” Paul said quietly.

"Yes little man?"

“Will you ever have a baby in your tummy again?”

"Probably not sweetheart, why?"

Paul shrugged. “Just wanted to ask.”

"Oh, OK." Duffy replied.

It didn't take long to get the boys clean and up to their room to get dressed for bed.

“Can we have a story?” Oli asked.

"Would you like daddy to read it?"

Both boys nodded excitedly.

"Charlie! Your storytelling skills are needed!" Duffy called down the stairs.

Charlie came up the stairs, “Is mummy no good at telling stories?”

"I need to get things ready for the girls' treat."

“Of course.”

She gave both boys a goodnight kiss before disappearing back downstairs.

Charlie sat on the floor in between both beds and began to tell the boys their favourite night time story.

Even though they knew every word they hung onto their father's voice like it was the first time he'd told them the story.

He loved reading stories to his children.

By the time he'd finished reading and tucked them into bed the older boys were about to head out to the party, the girls were setting up the lounge and Duffy was busy preparing snacks in the kitchen.

He kissed his sons' foreheads and went downstairs.

Jake was busy fiddling with his hair in the hallway mirror whilst Louis already looked bored of waiting.

“Come on! Your hair looks fine.” Louis mumbled, rolling his eyes.

"You have no clue." Jake grumbled.

“I know you’ve got a crush!”

"Shut up!"

“She likes you!”

"Who told you that?" Jake asked, his demeanour instantly changing.

“I heard it.”

"Who from?" Jake pressed.

“A friend.”

"Who do you know that knows Krystal?"

“You’d be surprised.”

Jake still wasn't convinced but really wanted to impress Krystal so decided to go with it.

“Are we going yet or what?”

"Alright!" Jake grumbled before heading out the door along with his younger brother.

“I would’ve said peace at last but we’ve still got you three.” Charlie chuckled softly as he joined the girls in the living room.

"Movie time!" The twins yelled.

8pm

Duffy and Charlie sat on the sofa whilst the girls had brought down their pillows and duvets from their bedrooms and spread them on the lounge floor.

Charlie’s hand rubbed Duffy’s thigh.

The girls dove into the snacks as the opening credits started.

"Do you want some snacks?" Emily asked her parents, having managed to wrestle one of the bowls away from the twins.

“Thanks Em.” Charlie took a handful of crisps and handed some to Duffy.

Looking down at the crisps in her hands Duffy frowned slightly and nibbled slowly at them.

“You ok?” He whispered in Duffy’s ear.

"I'm fine!" She whispered back sharply.

He kissed her earlobe.

Duffy snuggled into her husband's arms, taking the opportunity to subtlely discard the crisps in her hand, hoping he wouldn't notice.

He did notice but didn’t say anything.

9pm

Jake looked nervously around the room, his fingers squeezing the beer can in his hand. He glanced over at Krystal again. So far all he'd managed to do was say hi to her. He felt like such a dork! He'd also managed to lose track of Louis.

Louis was sat out in the garden, smoking. Krystal looked over at Jake again. He was so cute!

Little did Jake know that the cigarettes that Louis was smoking were laced with weed, so distracted was he by Krystal.

Krystal was fast tiring of playing things cool so she casually walked over to Jake, picking up two more drinks as she did. She held one of the drinks out towards him.

“Thanks.” He took the drink. “You having a good night?”

"Yeh, I'm glad you could come." She smiled softly.

“Me too. I had to bring my brother.”

"He's your brother? He don't look nothing like you!"

“Technically half but he’s cool.”

Krystal nodded. "I have three brothers."

“What are they like? Younger or older?”

"One older, two younger." She smiled, relaxing. "Do you have other brothers or sisters?"

“Where do we start?” Jake laughed, “There's eight of us. Oli, Paul, Lottie and Tilly, Emmy, Louis, me and Peter.”

"Wow!" She giggled. "Do you all live in the same house?"

“Yes we do.”

"Mad house like ours then!" Krystal smirked. "I... Um... I can show you round if you like?"

“Yeah I’d like that.”

She tentatively took hold of his hand and led him out into the hallway. There were loads of teenagers milling around the downstairs but no-one seemed to notice as she led him upstairs. Once at the top she turned so they were out of sight of anyone who might be looking up. "Much better." She smiled.

Jake smiled and moved closer to Krystal. “You’re really beautiful.”

"I was hoping you'd say something like that."

Jake blushed and met her gaze.

Krystal moved forward and lightly brushed her lips against Jake's.

[letters-to-the-people-ive-p-blog]

Trying to make sense of the past... my narc mother (I wrote this a few months ago)

From the time I was little I would be told this story. That I was a loud crying baby, annoying, never let my parents sleep unlike my little sister who was born just two years after me . She was an angel so sweet, quiet, barely made a sound when she needed anything. That she was so quiet and good that they thought she might be deft and banged pots and pans in her ears to see if she would react, if course she made a little sound but no cry like I would. You see from the time I can remember I was led to think I was the bad child and my sister was perfect and could do no wrong. They would have me sit in the front seat of the stoller and Alyssa would pull and rip my hair out of my head, and it was cute and funny. Of course i scrame and cried as hair was being torn out of mu head and i was the one told to stop. My parents would always tell this story as well. My mother and father decided to have 5 kid all about 2 years apart so I got my own room in the house that we still currently live in for maybe 3 years max since I was 2 when we moved here so I had to move into my sister's room since this is only a three bedroom 1 1/2 bath house. I had blocked alot of these memories out for years since for a time me and my sister became close but I was watching one of your videos and it all came flooding back to me. Alyssa tortured me once we moved into the same room. She use to whip me with her clothes for most of the time no reason, or if I said anything she didnt like to the point I had red marks on my body. I would run crying to my mother and without fail every time I was asked what I had done to MAKE her whip me with her clothes. I can not recall one time that she was punished for doing this, I think I would have remembered. We got bunk beds and I had to sleep on the top because "Alyssa wasn't old enough" even though I was terrified of hights. Alyssa would constantly kick me in the back from down below and thought it was funny. I would tell her to stop and I was yelled at for keeping Alyssa awake. And after telling my mom what had happen she would either just off handedly say Alyssa just stop and walk out or laugh and tell the story of how mean her sister Linda was to get and would kick her back or off Linda's bed. I'm pretty sure she told this story even before I moved rooms and planted the idea for Alyssa to kick me in the back. I also distinctly remember my mom constantly telling Alyssa that I pick on her and to stand up to me and to just hit me if I was mean to her when we were about 8 and 10. Honestly I don't remember much of my home life after that besides hiding from eveyone. When I was 9 and my little brother blaze was born the fifth kid, I was yelled at and told I wasn't supposed to do that when I just kissed my baby brother in the cheek by my dad I remember vividly running to my room bawling because I didn't understand what I had done wrong I was just trying to show my new little brother that I loved him. Anyways I ran to my room and hid under this small kids table i had in my room, was followed yelled at from under there and once my dad was done yelling and left I got a pen and wrote about what had happened on the bottom of that table. You see as that small child I had learned to do this from watching the little princess with Shirley temple as she would hide under her bed in that movie and write all the horible things that the caretakers and the girls boarding school has done to her. I fucking related to that. One of my other favorite movies as a kid was Matilda. I don't think there's much explain to do with that. But I use to pretend and try to move things with my mind like her, maybe to feel powerful like her. Also i looked alot like her when I was small, bangs, hair length and everything. I think I probably subconsciously wanted a miss honey in my life to save me from my home life. I can't remember a time where my parents didn't fight, I just don't. I'm not sure they have ever been happy together and from the information I've gathered from my grandparents and one of my dad's brothers my mom has been clearly a Manipulator from the start. And since identifying that my mother is most likely a narcissist and explaining it to my grandpa and uncle they both seemed relieved to understand almost as much as I was on what the hell has been going on with my mother, her actions, and the way she's been treating people. Anyways like I said before my mom and dad have always fought. Loud boisterous and everyone to hear. It is always started by my mother she'll say something such as why are you watching that stupid tv show why don't you do the dishes or laundry for once to my father who has just come home from working a 10 to 12 hour work day and finally gotten to sit down. He loves learning so he offten puts on the science or history channel to relax and all of us kids love watching it too. It's like there can't ever be a moment of peace. There always has to be something wrong or her life is soooo hard, ect. He typically is just confused at this statement and asks why she would ask him such a thing for the reason stated before but she always pushed his buttons to the point that it explodes into a huge fight. And usually ends up with my mom storming off to her bedroom and pouting. She does this to most the kids as well but in occasion if she's feeling extra dramatic she will leave her door wide open pack a bag scream and threaten to leave with a small child clinging to her begging her not to go to the point of crying where you dry heave. She would do this with me and I was that small child for a very long time till I learned that it was all for show and that she would never leave. As a kid into my teens and even now since I was labeled the bad kid in steps I figured I would do whatever I wanted because no matter how hard I tried I was never good enough. This was blatantly clear to me and emphasised even more so with my indoctrination/ brainwashing from the moment I was born by the Mormon church. If I didn't think the way they did I would never end up in the highest kingdom of heaven and I could never go and visit my family they would have to come and see me and they would be very sad or I would end up in outer darkness witch is basically hell. This is frightening to a child and if you're already being told no matter what you do you're wrong at home it felt for a long time that there was no hope for me. Good thing I'm stubborn and question everything. I pissed alot of teacher at that church for asking questions about things that didn't make sense. Also Im so glad I found a passion for reading and learning about new things because that what has saved me on so many accounts.