#and obviously i am no longer living in an abusive or toxic enviorment for the first time in maybe my entire life
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finally getting my life together and feeling Things (more context in the tags because I started yapping)
#i sorted through all of the clothes from my mom's house and washed the stuff thats going in the closer#closet*#and found a place for the clothes i want stored/donated#i washed all that laundry#(which took a while because this is every article of clothing i've owned since i was 13#and i get scared to get rid of things & my mom was going to get rid of all my stuff if i didnt pick it all up#immediately after she kicked me out#and most of this has been in the closet + my bedroom floor + in a garbage bag ever since (4 months ago)#ive just been wearing the same handful of outfits#my laundry storage system was two laundry baskets. clean and dirty. or on the floor.#for the last 4 months#which is embarassing but i was in a trauma haze after being kicked out unexpectedly last year#and then i had so much to deal with emotionally and financially and physically and academically#that i kind of just ran on empty and did the bare minimum to stay afloat#which included a disaster of a room & all my laundry on the floor & chaos#but idk. lately i've been feeling like i'm not treading water anymore#i'm no longer working maximum hours to keep me & the beast fed#i have a new routine. this is my second semester at a new school. i have a 4.0 gpa again.#i like + am comfortable at my job#& i'm making new friends at work and school#& i have time for my hobbies again and i can think about things other than the next crisis#and obviously i am no longer living in an abusive or toxic enviorment for the first time in maybe my entire life#my room being such a mess with no organization was really stressing me out but i had no energy (physically or emotionally) to fix it#idk i feel like maybe life isnt just going from crisis to crisis and surviving#maybe i can break the generational curses and just enjoy being alive instead of barely surviving#organizing my room and unpacking is such a small thing#but to me it sort of means i'm taking a deep breath and settling in after feeling so scared and stressed my whole life#IDK!!! maybe i sound crazy or this is really stupid#but im just now realizing that i finally feel safe and not constantly on edge or in waiting mode for the first time ever
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