#and now we're both sad
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The heartbreaking thing about Yamace isn't really Yamato not being able to do anything about Ace's death, helpless and on his knees, and realizing he couldn't be free yet. Or Ace dying realizing he wasn't able to keep his promise. But the fact that it was the first time Yamato had ever felt real love and he will never be able to feel that again, his love for Ace remaining still forever because everything stopped that day for them. Ace gave him the gift of feeling so much love in one single night and Yamato spent years without being able to do anything with it.
#'there's love that doesn't have a place to rest but it would've buried you if it had settled on you shoulders' yeah#there's just something about ace's death and the people around him because he was SO loved#and now they have so much love for somebody who can't hold it anymore for them#actually the three things are heartbreaking#sorry i've been watching yamace edit with my fiancé#and now we're both sad#one piece#portgas d. ace#yamato#yamace
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📸 by Martin Trenkler
#max verstappen#autumn posts#AHHH THE NEWS!! I am so happy for him!!!! 🥹❤️✨#over the moon for them both ahhh#sending them all the best wishes!!!#and omg his comment about already being a bonus dad 😭❤️ MY HEART#he's so wonderful 🥺💞✨#also Martin is a real one for this hashtag 😳 hehe!#that glow ✨🌅✨#ahhh#I usually don't blog about drivers' off track / non sports lives as much since it's not my jam#but with all his talk of wanting to be a dad!! and how hard it seemingly has been? just awww my heart#our boy is speedrunning life 🏎️✨#sad talk potentially ahead but ............#if he does retire sooner than later I get it!! I'll be bummed but excited to follow his career wherever#just like Daniel like bro say the word and I'll get into supercars 🫡❤️#very Fellowship of the Ring 'you have my sword' type beat#anyways!! I gotta run to work!!#sadly office life is keeping me off the insta search 😭#this weekend I'll have a little time!! one family thing and gasp .... a date!!!!!#I met a gal last weekend a local gay bar and now we're getting brunch 😳❤️ we shall see!!#my heart is open and go with the flow#especially since Merc in retrograde has me 😵💫 hehe#anyways!! I gotta run!!#sending everyone the most excellent of energy and happy Friday vibes!! 💖✨✨#hope its a great time of day!! 🌇🏙️🌃❤️
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the thing about birthday depression is that birthdays are. fundamentally. the #1 day to be happy that you're alive. Which is hard to do yourself if you're not actually happy to be alive and also the people around you can't win because if they forget (or don't acknowledge it) that feels like evidence that nobody else is happy you're alive either but if they DO try to celebrate it makes you feel guilty for not matching the vibe
#sad! but oh well there are other days (364.3 of them)#there's also the fact for me personally that my birthday is in may which is one of the busiest times in the academic year#and meant i always got shafted in school because there was some of kind of extracurricular event or exams on or around it#one year my chorus concert and my brother's football awards dinner were both on my birthday#and you'll never guess which one our parents went to!#also i straight up did not have friends until i was in high school so I stopped having parties after kindergarten#but that's not what we're talking about right now#like. i hate it. it makes me want to appropriate jehovah's witness culture.
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i had a dream about Klaus and Five fighting then five brought up Klaus being a junkie and thennnnn
Klaus brought up how Five is the reason every bad thing has happened to him. five LITERALLY did it to himself.
nobody pushed him out the door to go attempt to jump into the future infact everyone tried to stop him because they called after him.
five literally made his life the way it is because he's a stubborn bitch who thought he knew better
i woke up @ 4am after this dream and haven't slept since
also he called Klaus a junkie who has no idea what it's like being alone but Klaus literally was on the streets for like 12 years so he probably understands better than anyone
cause five and Klaus both probably had no food and had to eat out of dumpsters and do things they absolutely didn't want to do in order to survive
dream verse has it out for me honestly
#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy#tua#klaus hargreeves#five hargreeves#why do i actually do this to myself#ive been awake for 18 hours over this#im gonna fail uni at this point#my brain needs to stop cause its getting personal now#like slow down babe wait til we're awake to hurt#we're adults its what we do#five and Klaus love eachother#because they are eachother#both addicted to something that's gonna kill them if they dont stop it#im doing it again#okay bye love you#the scene where five called klaus a junkie hurt me lots incase you couldn't tell#its the word junkie its so harsh makes me sad#umbrella academy klaus#tua klaus#umbrella academy five#tua five
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ok, so with this new app releasing in NB.. i've been thinking abt it and had a sort of scary thought
we know how og is slowly but surely declining?? no otaku camps, no exchange, less rewards in ur cards, cuz most of the goodies are in NB.. i actually think this new app might be a full collection of og om's story + event stories for those who completed them. basically finally giving them an excuse to shut down og completely.
what do you guys think the app might be? id be happy to be proven wrong tbh
#it's sad and kinda angering#when nb was announced and the official account did that stream they were so quick to reassure everyone that og wouldn't shut down#that they were capable of running both games side by side#and i swear i remember the official acc saying at some point that nb would be just a spinoff story#(on reddit)#and look where we're at now!!! companies lying to their customers naaww never heard of that concept ever before wym.#what do u ppl think#obey me#obey me nightbringer
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No for real tho re: my last tags on that being traumatized by your parents post. my parents are my role models when it comes to a hypothetical future where I have a child, in that I'll take everything they did, showed me, and taught me and do the complete opposite. Like I'm not going to pretend that I'll be perfect and I know it'll be stressful and no matter how careful I am i will inevitably make mistakes, but like I'm committed to not screaming at my child every time they knock something over or drop or spill or even break something. I need it ingrained in my mind if it ever happens that my first priority is to make sure the kid didn't get hurt and then after making sure they're okay, teach my child how to clean up the mess. That's infinitely more of a grace that I was ever shown growing up where I was screamed at the very second I clumsily dropped or knocked over something, unable to take a breath to steady myself bc my mother would be screaming at me if I didn't clean it at lighting speed the very moment it happened. Like is a slightly stained carpet worth all that terror?
#the biggest approval i ever sought and did in fact did miraculously get was both my parents recently saying I'd be a better parent than them#we're on good terms now after i went no contact with them for almost a decade each#and covid really freaked them out bc I'm medically vulnerable and they didn't want me to die resenting them#i got sincere apologies from both of them which is rare in this kind of situation#I'm not angry at them anymore but i still get sad when i think about my childhood
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the real star-crossed lovers of btvs are xander and spike, because xander would have been dtf most days if a flimsy enough heterosexual excuse provided itself, except for that one time when he was going after spike for sleeping with anya. unfortunately for him, that is probably also the only time spike would have been down to smash.
#not a s4 spander truther because i think if they had fucked both of them would have left town#(obv without telling the other and then they would run into each other when someone's car breaks down#and then they'd REALLY be stuck together. isolated from the rest of the scoobies. you know for the drama/comedy)#that one ends on a pretty toothless 'we're not FRIENDS now but we do have a begrudging respect for each other'#anyways in general i think spike could only be attracted to a xander that's not insecure and repressed#but xander could only be attracted to spike while insecure and repressed#sad!#buffyposting#btvs
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Physical media is forever (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#Vent#I'm trying to remember the last time I made a fandom vent rather than my sona.... Probably Vargas-something#*continues to project onto Max* He really is just like me fr#Probably pretty obvious what this is in reference to - turned a bit more malicious and intentional here#Something something it's easier to be angry at a source of intention than to be sad about coincidental bad luck#I'm not about to be thankful for a bad thing happening but the fallout thereof Is interesting in its own right#Like how this probably wouldn't have crossed my mind elsewise - nor would I have started and finished it all in one big sprint#Not much else I could do except get some of the feelings Out#Ft. some of the thoughts I had - self arguments to try to minimize(?) the hurt#Especially of just recreating it since so much of it was my thoughts - Max's dreams are just his subconscious right? Haha#But when you build something over the course of years there's these subtle builds that divorce Then from Now#Not to mention whatever stimuli at the time - if Max's life coincided with specific dreams and both are never repeated#One thing that I think about a lot - ironically haha - is that you only get to experience A Thing for the first time Once#You are then forever changed even if just in some small way - an action that can never be unactioned#Even otherwise recreating the perfect set of circumstances just won't produce the same outcome#It all threads into my thoughts on Legacy as well - if what we leave behind ceases to be - if our butterfly wings are blown out#It could happen at any point - posthumously or while we're still here - and how much does that change in the long run?#It's an interestingly depressing thought haha#It's also part of why I double down on art so so so much - a language that cuts to the core of me#Every picture worth 1000 words - hopefully enough to make up for however many lost (I did a rough estimate and it would've been ~380k)#Somewhere in there are the feelings that lost their voice - were big and loud enough to immortalize in graphite on paper#Scanned and uploaded and maybe even downloaded elsewhere in the world - preserved fourfold in a way a single file on a single computer isn't#Even if one is destroyed it's somewhere else; the danger of only having one copy a kind of trust in program or physicality but no guarantee#Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts - also part of why I tag to tag limit so often I want them saved somewhere outside myself#Seems silly to talk about the art too but I have thoughts there as well haha - like of Madame Vyer asking for Dex's lighter#Dex holding Max back - to protect him from the damage while forcing him to confront it cruelty cruelty
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Blorbo Poll
Rules: make a poll with five of your all-time favourite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favourite.
tagged by: @im-not-a-monster
EDT: ah shit we forgot to tag ppl like a dumbass. uh..... you. you reading this right now (if u want to anyway)
#we tried to mostly limit ourself to fav characters ppl might have a chance of knowing lol#but we did include the fandom/series they're from#and the Firekeeper series - which we assume is the one most ppl won't know - is a v good book series#like. if u were ever a Wolf Girl TM (or anything even close to one) u should go read that series right now#we also tried not to double dip into fandoms which is why Luke Leia and Han aren't up there too lol#man this was honestly so hard we have so many favorites xD#good challenge#other favs/honorable mentions include: Kel (also Tortal) Astarion (yes we know shut up he's so well done) Joe Becker from the Acorna series#also like. every main character from both Avatar cartoons bc those slap#also fucking Juhani from the star wars knights of the old republic game stars we lovelovelove that sad lesbian kitty#also most of Liam's characters from critical role. and Beau and Ashton and Laudna and Fearne#lol yeah. see why this was hard? we're so bad at picking just five
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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getting the mitch marner sads is the worst feeling in the world btw
#like sorry but my head is saying Bad things. BAD THINGS !!!!!!!!! THINGS I DONT APPROVE OF NOR WOULD EVER WANT IN A MILLION YRS#he deserves better than real life and the ominous trajectory that refuses to leave my mind#i believe in him. watching any of ur favorites go through a stretch where theyre not#~living up to their potential~ is such nightmare fuel like all of last season w auston was hell on earth#n i was just waiting it out til both he and mitch were healthy again#and now theres htis. and its not even like ----. ANyway anyway.#i refuse to believe or give into that. it just makes me sad that so many ppl fucking want it lol#that so many ppl think it would Fix™ smth like. hes some kind of problem. like youre evil bro#i desperately need him happy#things are so much less fun#also despite hot starts for others. this season does not feel like we're doing our best on the whole or even that good tbhglksdj which#another point toward my we-go-as-mitch-goes analysis#we're sitll winning the stanley cup tho. i believe
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does anyone out here have a dad that isnt an asshole all the fucking time. like is it even possible.
#thinks we're ungrateful and incapable and lazy for lemme check. being disabled#and then when we rightfully call him out on his dick behavior he gets mad and slams things and mutters under his breath#and is like 'oh great so its MY FAULT'#and tries to push the narrative that now we've upset him and he's gonna feel like dogshit for the next two hours like.#congrats. that's how we live our whole fucking lives because of you. im always thinking about what he's gonna get pissed off at next#and how im not enough for him and how he's gonna be mad i couldnt do something#when he says shit like 'we need to teach them to sponge-wash the dishes'#like we're morons. like we dont know#we tried to LOAD the dishwasher and got so nauseous and yucked out we had to switch off every couple items#and both heaved over the trashcan#you think im not doing it specifically to make you upset? you think I CAN and im just choosing not to?#god he makes me so mad. and sad. and full of grief.#and worried for my sister#because she's bipolar and his provocation has a very real not unlikely chance at making her suicidal#it's such a mess#and its unfair for her and its unfair for me
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accidentally* brainstormed a very complete outline for chapters 4-8 for eih, which should theoretically take us through Part 1. which is. you know. a godsend or whatever.
*accidentally meaning i was just eating delicious pancakes and the thoughts happened. usually its me crying screaming and shitting myself in front of an empty word document where ideas manifest. this is notably much more pleasant.
#that alone makes this weekend a good one#i also bought (leased) a new car yesterday!!!#which is exciting for me because i've been driving my first car for 16 years#even though its a base model its still SO much more advanced#hello how did i live without a backup camera of this long#also like. carplay. and auto windshield wipers. and keyless entry/start. and adjustable steering wheel#AND its electric! kinda. (a plug-in hybrid so has both engines but can run on only electric)#i've finally joined the 21st century#although tbh i thought my first car of my adult life may be something bougie. a BMW or some shit#alas i grew up to be too practical. so i bought a prius. because of course.#listen i live in california and wanted to go electric for forever#alas elon shat the bed by being elon so a tesla was an absolute no go#its funny like... you know that most of your customers for these cars were well-off environment-conscious liberals right#i've seen a tesla with a bumper that says 'i bought this before i knew elon was crazy'#which. like. yeah. fair#other fun events from last week. there was a fire super close to our house and we were in the evacuation zone#which is like. wow. i know its been dry and windy but i never thought it would actually happen HERE#everything is okay and we're safe and it was put out really fast#but definitely gave us a pause and made us think about whats important (our cat. everything else is replaceable.)#but another reason this weekend is good: it RAINED. last night and today.#listen i've been... extremely extremely extremely sad the past week#because of everything. because of 'allowance' of ice agents hospitals and thinking about what i would do and risk because FUCK THEM#suffering isn't moral and doesn't help anyone. just trying to find a way to help my community#and three nice things happening AND just hearing the border fire is under control...#its going to be okay. it really is.#anyway this post is about FANFICTIOn#fun fact i started looking into numerology that has to do with ying-yang#which is helping me decide on how many chapters per 'part'#its clever and unnecessary but makes me happy so whatever#chapter 4 of eih is ~2k works now as a mostly-outline
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so sad for absolutely no reason
#👆 girl who stayed up till 3 am talking to her bestfriend about how depressed and trapped we both are for about 4 hrs#it's like that gracie lyric#you have to laugh before you start to cry😭😭#like ab toh funny bhi nahi lag raha jokes bhi nahi banaye ja rahe#oh but i love her so much i absolutely LOVE people with whom i can just be sad#im tired of people who constantly try to make the sadness go away or try to cheer me up#like sometimes you just gotta sit with your feelings na#at one point she was ranting and i said mere paas kuch kehne ke liye bhi nahi hai kyunki it literally feels like im listening#to my own thoughts on my own lying in bed at 2 am like hum itna same kaise sochte hai😭#and she laughed and was like but ye sahi hai na aise sochna like it feels wrong but it's the truth and im like i don't even#know but oh it's so good to not pretend to be okay#we're so similarly hopeless and tired cause like one point mein inevitably we talked about#the future living together our apartment and then i was like mujhe bhi ye chahiye but mujhe itni umeed uth chuki hai life se#ki koi excitement bhi nahi aa rahi like i already know ye sab kuch nahi hone wala and she's like haina same like i want to say#ki we'll do this and that but im like lol not gonna happen ab i can't look forward to things in the future im like if im living it then ok#then i can accept ki oh ok this is really happening im happy now wow but usse pehle nope#and we were talking about ki like yaar future toh ab dikhta hi nahi hai kya hoga it all feels so blurry and like a dark tunnel#atleast bachpan se we knew what was next school college but now it's like now what?#i know all these thoughts and feelings are pretty common and probably everyone's facing this but bhai.#it's fucking hard i didn't know life was gonna be like a constant battle where it kicks you down#again and again and again and you're bloody and no energy can't get up but you still have to because if you don't you'll sink#soooo deep in that state ki bahar nikal hi nahi paoge#OKAY 8 hrs sleep mandatory for me what the fuck why am i writing a ventpost at freaking 11 am girl go have lunch or something 😭
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just saw a reel where this woman was complaining that when jeff bezos and elon musk became billionaires, they were praised for their hard work but when taylor swift and beyonce did it they were accused of selling their souls, and i'm trying not to be mean, but it is really amusing that women in most states of america do not even have basic civil rights (like the right to an abortion) but are spending most of their time defending a billionaire's right to brag about how much money they have, like girl what about YOUR money? what about YOUR civil rights? how is them being lauded for their wealth going to do anything for you?
#like ok. we clap for b*yonce and t*ylor swift and we call that feminism. now what?#who did this liberate? how did this help YOU?#why are you treating their individualistic success and pursuit of wealth as something that benefits ALL women?#i get the argument that they pave ways in music. and i certainly agree#i think both women are talented and deserve praise for their artistry#but at some point you have got to spend more time defending yourself than you do defending people who are so astronomically#out of your tax bracket lol#i dont think this is healthy or even remotely productive#just say the songs are good you don't need to be batting for them. it's real sad esp in the current political climate yall are in#if b*yonce and t*ylor get invited to the boys' club it's literally just an achievement for them. the rest of you are still going to be poor#how sad of a society do we live in where we vicariously celebrate the achievements of the uber rich while we're struggling to make rent?
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