#and now they can simply deal the way the introverts and disabled people have had to the entire time

[askshivanulegacy]

People have the stupid idea that all things are done better in-person. It's obviously stupid. There's no basis for it.

It exists because extroverts have cemented this weird idea into the very fabric of how everything operates. The entire world for centuries has worked "by extroverts, for extroverts." It's ignored the way introverts work and the way disabled people need to work.

People "want" to go back to the "status quo." Why? "It's better." Why?

No answer. It's just "better."

And because it's "better," people "look good" for forcing people back to it.

They could easily decide that it's better to maintain and improve remote work capabilities, find new and better ways to virtually connect with people, etc etc.

It's easy for US, the people who created online spaces. It's easy and OBVIOUS to the introverts and disabled people that this is simply a better way of life - for EVERYONE.

Yes, it IS better for me to not have to waste personal time to commute into work. It IS better for me to boot up my computer in my pajamas and "lazily" go make myself a coffee and maybe even a real homemade breakfast now that I have the time and space to do it. It's better for me to be around my family and my life.

It's also better for management because they spend less on energy, square footage, etc etc. It's better for the environment and everyone around you because you commute less.

It's a real quality of life improvement.

But for some reason, this "new" way of life, which should be the epiphany we all deserved to live better, is ... what? Somehow "worse" than burning extra time to burn fuel to commute everyday to an office building so that management can burn the dollars to keep lights and heat and floor space they don't actually need. They could choose to outsource that internet and energy need to YOU the WORKER in your HOME and you would gratefully accept it! But it's "better" to make you come in to waste your resources so management can waste theirs.

Make no mistake, your work leadership is twisting it into a "positive" thing ... and that's a choice. It's a weird choice that is NOT supported by practicality, logistics, or money. They could have chosen to make staying at home look positive instead, and THAT would have saved them $$$$.

But the extroverts and the fake social trend they've established are too weak to conceive of other ways of living and working ... even though it was delivered to them on a silver platter. They choose not to acknowledge that different kinds of people can live better and work better in different ways, and that those ways do not need to be the same for everyone, and that everyone deserves to choose ... and that those choices can EASILY be accommodated. You don't have to work the same as your neighbor.

All that is to say: when you eventually find yourself in those low/mid/higher level management positions, change it. Send in that feedback. Paint it with whatever terminology that the idiot extroverts and the spineless morons who listen to them need to hear.

It's just a game of people trying to look good to other people. And you have the power to redefine what's good.

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

Any tips for an aspiring social worker

+Be aware of any of your own trauma. Dont be one of the people who think they can do therapy AND get a degree at the same time. You will burn out, there are hundreds every year. Please dont be the person in lectures who takes yup 45 minutes crying over past trauma every session; you need to seek counselling for that from a professional who can help, not from your newbie classmates.

You may think its an exaggeration, but No. Unfortunately, no.

This ties in to your own biases, what you are likely to take to heart if the person fails, etc. You need to work with your supervisor around clients that may trigger something for you; or reconsider the role you are aiming for, etc.

+Have personal skills, you will be making and repairing relationships often. You can’t be someone who is super introverted and unable to start relationships with the clients; because often you are going to be the one doing the Hard Talks about difficult subjects. It doesnt mean you have to be a drill sargeant, but it means you need to have the confidence to talk with anyone.

If you’re a bit shy, work on talking to people and even looking into little courses. You’re not needing qualifications in public speaking, but you do need to have yourself in a position wherein you can talk to someone, even a whole family, or even lawyers, and police. Via phone, video, face-to-face, etc.

+Have work clothes and home clothes. Also court clothes, if you work in areas that need it.

Wear smart casual, you need to look presentable but not be like, dripping with diamonds and playing ‘rich person ministers to the Poors’. It happens, they get told off.

DO NOT WEAR SKIN TIGHT CLOTHES. Or ripped skinny jeans, or have your cleavage/buttcrack hanging out. Please. Strapless backs and short shorts also no.

Students sometimes turn up in this and it is dangerous. Especially the ladies. Sometimes you work with people who are very dangerous, who will interpret clothing for consent, and/or have incredibly low respect for women. When something happens, they will point to the workplace dresscode and absolve themselves of the situation.

Do not wear dangly earrings, scarves or thick necklaces/anything you do not want taken. And if in a hospital role, there are additional rules about what can and cannot be worn (bare below the elbow rule).

Also, enclosed shoes. IF you are in a service that assists families with dysregulated lives, or in the hospitals, etc, you will have strict policies about footwear for your safety.

+Get the flu shot. Trust me. Do it. You talk to so many people, by the time one catches a cold and you start showing symptoms, you’ve seen like twenty people and they all have families.

+Be used to working to tight deadlines. They are always there, esp in hospital social work where you legit have to account for every minute of the day and patient seen on this awful little system.

We are understaffed in most areas, and you will need to work hard.

BUT, self-care is imperative. Even if it is only making sure you leave before 9pm each night lmao.

+Be able to let insults go. You are going to be dealing with people often in the worst part of their life, be it mental health, in the justice system, having their kids removed, being disabled and persistently denied assistance, having significant alcohol/drug concerns, people who have experience extreme sexual harms or domestic violence, people who are being stalked, people in crisis etc.

At some point someone will call you some horrific things, or threaten you, or make nasty comments about you, etc. They may try to make constant complaints, etc. And as frustrating as that is, you have to understand their frustration and anger and fear.

You do not have to sit there and listen to them swear at you, that’s not what this means. It means that when someone is heightened and calling you a cunt, or something more inventive, you don’t give them the reaction they want; you can acknolwedge that they are upset/etc, or give them space by ending the call/leaving the room.

Think about when something happened for you and it was the Worst and you swore or threatened, etc. When you are calm, it seemed ridiculous, didn’t it?  But that was you processing big, complicated feelings in the only way that felt right at the time. Same for them.

+You need to be aware that some clients have done or experienced terrible things, but you need to be open to the individual within the trauma. For example, someone may not be showing their emotional distress or pain or grief etc in the way you think they should, so you might discount it. When, someone who has gotten to know the client is aware that they tend to do ____ behaviour when they are having flashbacks, which is not a behaviour normally associated with the trauma.

Also, biases again.  Just because someone is on drugs and denying to you that they have a problem, does not mean some part of them isn’t aware they do have one. Relapses are common. Soemtimes it is about discussing what was happening for them this week that made them use again, what they could try next time, if they are using their support networks. And never putting them in the Hopeless box.

If you are really struggling with a client, lean on your team, talk to your supervisor and see what else can be done or if there is another social worker with more experience who can be involved even for a short-term intervention.

+Don’t throw jargon and insider terms around when talking to clients, it’s rude.  Explain things, use pauses so they can think.

+Look into the primary populations of your area/the area you intend to work in. Are there a high level of Indigenous persons? Refugees? People whose first language isn’t english and may need extra help with engagment?

What are your immediate thoughts (learned stigmata/stereotypes) about these peoples? How can you learn more?

In Aus, we work closely with Indigenous communities and agencies around social work matters. Making sure everyone is supported, heard, and can understand the concerns being raised/what is needed to help the client move forwards. There are many people out there who see this as ‘coddling’ or ‘unfair to non-Indigenous people’; but it is simply making certain that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are on the same footing as any non-Indigenous client.

And that cultural options are put on the table, such as having a family member step up to take in a child whilst the parent is not well; or trying a community-focused approach to helping with a drug concern, and using the right agencies so that they have appropriate supports.

Would it be fair to have a non-english speaking client in a courtroom without an interpreter? Why?  Would you claim that they should know english and the entire legal system bc they were in your country? Of course not, that’s absurd.  But some people think that way.

Would it be fair to ask someone in a wheelchair to file a form on the top floor of a building with no elevators, by 5pm, or lose their home? Why? Would you think they are complaining or ‘lying’ if they were able to mobilise a few steps without the chair, on a good day? That they were being ‘lazy’ and ‘deserved’ to lose their housing? Of course not, that’s absurd.  But some people think that way.

When the military put men into service in the wars, they made anyone who could pass an english test an officer and the rest priovates who would die first in battle. Was this fair? Why not? Because it ensured the rich white dudes with private tutors got the best spots (totally unqualified) while the poor, poc and refugees were used as cannon fodder. Many could have been good officers if the test was about competence, but it wasn’t. Some people feel this was fair.

There are still people who think they ‘did the right thing’ whilst participating in the Stolen Generations; but then, they also thought taking babies from single mothers was appropriate too. That women couldn’t vote or be trusted with money, that is was ‘kinder’ to take a stillborn away and dispose of it without the mother ever seeing... rather than let her hold them, and say goodbye the way she needed to. Not to mention the english children shipped over to Aus to be used as little slaves and cruelly abused by Priests and Nuns and ‘upright christian citizens’. Not to mention lobotomies for when people were too emotional/refusing to play the game. Forcing hormone treatments on men and women to stop their homosexuality or sexually abusing them to ‘fix them’. Not to mention all the Twilight births nonsense where they tried to remove the pregnant person from the equation entirely, and it kept causing post partum depression.  Not to mention... Not to Mention... NOT TO MENTION...

We have a lot of broken little old men and women and nonbinary (who do or don’t realise it) now, because of these “helpful interventions”.

You need to be aware of the harm that has been done, and aware of your own practice, so this damage can’t happen again and again.

Understand that your perspective and the worries/concerns you hold are often different to those of the client, because you are individuals who grew up in very different ways.

And remember, being a rich white person in a high paying job with good social standing doesn’t mean you can’t be charged for drug possession or have child safety knock on your door about the bruises you leave. Never think people are Above being awful, and never Assume people are because they are poor, a different colour, have not had your advantages, or have a disability/poor mh or addiction.

Clients are people, like you. Never think that you are above needing help too, one day. We all do, humans are built to rely on the group, on the social bonds we make from the minute we are born.

+Do you overreact to things? Sometimes a client will tell you about something that happened years ago, but they may phrase it like it happened yesterday (because of how it has returned to their mind, etc), and if you were to overreact to that immediately it can break the relationship/cause harm. You could say, “I can hear that this is very distressing for you, thank you for telling me about this difficult event in your life. Would it be alright if I asked you a follow-up question about when this occurred?” Sometimes a client will disclose things to you, and the goal is to remain in the conversation. They do a lot of this preparation at university, but you also need to have a personal ability to not panic off the bat.

+Ask yourself, is there anyone I would refuse to work with... and then examine Why. How would you react if a person like that came onto your caseload?

+Do not become overly emotionally invested in a client. It will be said in training over and over again, but you need to have clear boundaries; and being too invested in their success can hinder your ability to provide appropriate assessments for the client. Meaning they are not getting the care they need; which can sometimes be a harsh conversation about how you can see they are trying, but have backslid recently, so what is happening?

+Look at any internal biases and prejudices you may have. Did you have extreme mental health concerns that may make you feel more sympathetic to a parent or client, and this could blind you to the other concerns present? Didyou grow up rich and now have unrealistic expectations of what is necessary to be a good person? Do you think that all ‘those people’ should ______ ? Why?  Question yourself. If you find yourself stereotyping or pigeonholing someone as ‘just another ____ trying to _____’ stop. Think about it. Where did you get that idea?

+Be aware of professional boundaries, do not be friends with the clients, but don’t be cold. Always let your bosses know about potential conflicts of interest to protect you.

Like, don’t loan the client $5, don’t hang out at the cinema because they’re ‘a great person’, etc.

And be aware that you have more power in this dynamic, so you have to be careful not to abuse it.

+You need to be good at record keeping, and honest.  Everything you do is documents, referrals, reports, affidavits, forms, and a million little notes for this and that. It is imperative you are accurate, use the format required, and be honest. If you saying “Have you tried not taking drugs?” to a client sends them into a rage, you don’t write “Client was heightened and threatened me without reason at today’s session” in the notes. That’s putting a knife in their back.

”Client was triggered when I, the practitioner, made an inappropriate remark (”Have you tried not taking drugs?”) today. They told me I am a “fucking whore who should kill myself” and threw their chair across the room before leaving the building. I have discussed this matter with my supervisor, and we are going to call Client at 3pm today, to provide a formal apology for this statment and attempt to repair the professional working relationship, as they have been making significant progress with this agency until today’s event.” Whole scenario, tells the real story. You will make mistakes, but it is about being able to accept this and move forwards.

Accurate documentation is a must, may be needed for court.

+You will need to have a good memory. A good way of keeping little notes to unlock the full encounter when you write casenotes and reports.

+Make connections. Every client will need a support system around them, and if you have an inroads with different agencies, it will help them out. For example, if your client has drug concerns, then being aware of the agencies and counsellors in the region broadens their safety net.

Knowing the practitioners gives you someone to ask for professional advice around, say “Good Morning Kim, I know your agency handles Centrelink application often for non-english speaking clients. I have a client who is new to the country and is struggling to complete the financial aid forms, they speak Language. Would I be able to refer them to your agency, or will they need a more specific agency who handle Language -speaking persons?”

You have, in a deidentified way, sought help for a client through a known agency and can now refer them pending the answer. Etc.

+If you are not sure about something, ask your supervisor. They have several years on you, and almost all areas of social work prescribes to one or another Acts (legal requirements) which they are required to have a strong grasp on.

Get to know any legislation in the area you are aiming for. This will help immensely.

+Doing a degree gets you two fieldwork practicals, in different areas.  These really help you identify which area you want to go for; your main goal going into a degree may not be the one you settle on. Many people have an idea where they want to work and change their minds after their placements, or really feel connected to a different area, etc.

+Mostly, be certain this is what you want.

Have your own support network.

Be aware that you must uphold confidentiality, at all times. No posting to social media people, please...

Be aware that in small communities you are likely shopping at the same place as clients. Ask them how they want you to react when you see each other in public (eg. please don’t acknowledge me, or happy to give a wave) so they feel comfortable.

Don’t disclose personal information to a client.  There’s a difference between “Yes, I can see that you are having trouble with baby; I recall they get quite fussy at teething time, have you tried a cold biting ring?” and “My son, Chadley, is eight but when he was two he used to just keep biting the furniture and his poor teacher, Mrs Allyways! At least he’s grown out of it now, but I just know Bailey’s going into that phase soon, the dangers of having kids a few years apart!”

I know who your child had as a teacher, and now the school as well, esp if its a small town. I know you have two children, their names, and your last name so I could go get them from school if I wanted to. I know you work until 5pm, and someone could pick them up.

Etc.

Mostly, be a decent human being who does their best and doesn’t walk in thinking they’re better than everyone, and you can do okay. Have a good support network, use them, and seek help if you struggle.

Uni is drawn out and a bit boring, but you will get a lot from it (even if you only see it in hindsight).

[tycoons-official]

T𝐲𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐬: P𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 (ᵗʷ: ˢˡⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵐᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᵃᵇᵘˢᵉ)

꧁࿇Ｐｒｅｆａｃｅ࿇꧂

MBTI: INFJ - "The Advocate"

Alignment: Neutral Good

Demeanour: Introvert

Mental Health: 65% - Tyke suffers from Depression, brought on by months of internal torment and guilt, he has to try very hard to maintain an upbeat attitude and has bad days where he barely finds the strength to leave the bedroom.

Physical Health: 85% - Although he may brush his scars and scrapes as mere 'slip-ups during his childhood', dig a little deeper and you can see that they were inflicted on him, whether as harsh form of discipline or just feeling pain for fun, and this is not to say that he and his sister hasn't experienced verbal abuse, 80% of the damage done was verbal alone

꧁࿇Ｐｅｒｓｏｎａｌｉｔｙ࿇꧂

EMPATHETIC | SUAVE | COMPASSIONATE | CONSERVATIVE | ARTISTIC | INQUISITIVE | HONEST | GUARDED | CAPABLE | UNPREDICTABLE | TENSE | SENSITIVE | DEPRESSIVE

Charismatic and genuinely likeable, Tyke has a way with others, making him warm and approachable, therefore most tend to feel quite comfortable when in his presence. He finds a great deal of joy in quiet company, preferring to live among many people and have a few close friends. With an uncanny ability to understand emotion, he is very empathetic, able to speak into other's hearts and approach them from a personal standpoint. In his youth, Tyke underwent vigorous training exercises at JYPE as well as the home to prepare him for leadership. As a result, he is undoubtedly reliable and honest, although he has a tendency to hold his tongue during confrontations, for the sake of peace. Although most within his family and environment were raised to believe females were the lesser sex, Tyke had a respect and appreciation for all who were in the family. He felt disgusted by the way his uncles and several other male relatives treated their female counterparts and refused to partake in any derogatory conversation. He has a strong belief in equality, regardless of their sex, bloodclass or circumstance. 

Despite his strong morals and mentality, Tyke has a hard time voicing these opinions. Having been shamed by his family numerous times, the young male has grown accustomed with keeping his jaws shut, preferring to say little rather than risk open confrontation. Although branded as a 'disabled male', Tyke was raised by two professors being his parents, and therefore received high level education. He is articulate and bright, rarely intimidated by challenges, both of an intellectual and physical nature. His strange yet subtle lisp may come off as unintelligent or foreign to some, but once a person takes the time to speak with him, he presents as quite the opposite. Witty and bearing a prominent sense of humour, Tyke is known for his occasional quips and jests. Despite his initial sombreness, he is naturally a light-hearted fellow, preferring laughter over silence. He is a barrel of entertainment to those he dares call friends. 

Creative and unique in his way of thinking, he likes to utilise his insight and often comes up with bold and unusual ideas. Although withdrawn from personal experience, Tyke has a great deal to offer if he was approached with the right attitude. Curious about the world around him, Tyke genuinely loves to learn and finds particular enjoyment in tactile tasks. Having been born with a love for adventure, he adopted the nickname 'Seeker' from his family that tells about his constant seeking of adventure. Although travel was never on Tyke's agendas during his childhood, the journey to travel to Seoul and to pursue music under JYPE has broadened his horizons, and he feels a constant calling to keep his head running. Due to the fact that he does majority of his thinking internally, Tyke can come off as very spontaneous or unpredictable to those around him. He fails to discuss his plans or thoughts aloud, expecting other's to simply "know" and often proving a confusing and frustrating individual, even to his own sister.

Tyke tends to live life in the present and is a very emotional being. When involved in overwhelming or intense situations, he is easily stressed and has a tendency to loose his outward charisma. He was born into a highly oppressive environment, feeling a great deal of weight on his shoulders and it tends to show in his lowest moments. Chronically exhausted, he has failed to find true peace within himself and often feels as though he has to prove his worth. Tyke has many regrets in life and is a very tormented individual, blaming himself constantly for the mistakes he has made and finding it near impossible to accept the past and move on. Tyke's guilt often prevents him from achieving new goals and it takes a sharp reminder now and then to snap his attentions back to the present (and that, is what is sister is best at). His depression hits hard, dragging him down so viciously that sometimes he can barely leave the house. It takes a great deal of perseverance for him to get up everyday, and his poor sleeping patterns often leave him feeling weary and worn out before the day has even begun.

꧁࿇Ｐｒｅｆａｃｅ࿇꧂

MBTI : ISFJ - The Defender 

Alignment : Lawful Good

Demeanour : Extrovert (Only with the ones she trusts though)

Mental Health : 90% - Although still suffering from occasional panic attacks and sleep paralysis, Carmen has learned to manage her mental health and is recovering steadily alongside her brother.

Physical Health: 85% - Just mentioned earlier, the twins do not like talking about their past or their scars, and are used to degoratory remarks by now.

꧁࿇Ｐｅｒｓｏｎａｌｉｔｙ࿇꧂

ADAPTABLE | COMPASSIONATE | LOYAL | PRACTICAL | SUSPICIOUS | HUMBLE | SERIOUS | VENGEFUL | REPRESSED | JUDGEMENTAL

Strong but callused by life, Carmen faces life with her eyes sharp and self defense mode ready. Despite many challenges, the one thing this Alpha didn't loose during her 'dark ages' was her compassion. Especially to the young and vulnerable. She feels a sense of responsibility for the youth of today, and always ensures one eye is kept on them as she goes about her business. She despairs when other's are grieving and wishes to do what she can to prevent them from facing the horrors of her own past. She takes great interest in the education and training of the new trainees and rookies whenever she is able, and her friend group is her family and her family is her life. Carmen would die a thousand times over to protect her loved ones, and she feels a constant burning dedication to creating music as a whole. Having been with her brother in the worst of times, this young lady has developed a bond with him unlike no other, and now with the siblings being a group, her commitment has never been stronger. 

As she has aged, Carmen's once spontaneous nature has dampened into a more calm and logical approach. She thinks through things carefully and is certainly one to make plans before diving in head-first. She is intellectual and cunning, having experienced a lot in a short amount of time, and although she makes for a deadly foe, if conclusions can be made without blood-shed, literal or figurative, Carmen will abide. The world is tainted, and Carmen has a very jaded view on it. Having been through much trauma as a child, she finds it difficult to let her guard down completely. In fact, she is always on edge. Rarely getting a thorough sleep, this young lady spends a majority of her time looking out the window of her dorm as if looking for any sign of danger, almost fanatical about her brother's well being and determined to ensure he is safe. She has partially separated herself from the outside world, and rarely interacts with other people, other than those she's already met before, and if she does by chance run into a stranger, it will take much for her to come to trust them.

Carmen feels as though she has failed many in her life, and therefore, has a wavering self-esteem level. Undermining her importance in the family, Carmen rarely takes the time to think of herself. Her outward appearance displays much of this, having a 'rugged' or 'edgy' sense of style and hollow eyes from lack of sleep. Although maintaining a rather respectful aura, one must not mistake her as a pushover. She will not stand for disrespect or rudeness, especially from the lesser or subordinate. Although once she bore a light playfulness that softened much of her behaviour, Carmen has hardened significantly in her age. She has seen the horrors of abuse and felt the bite of torture and betrayal. A sense of humor is certainly not completely absent, but rather weakened. Carmen finds it very difficult to relax at times, and has a stern resting face. She is honest and sincere, believing one should be transparent with their family and friends, for she believes that secrets tend to fester and only make things worse. Perhaps one day she will re-connect with her fun-loving side, but alas, the scars of internal wars still remain.

Having to withhold grudges, Carmen is not one to forgive and forget. In fact, sometimes she debates whether or not to hunt those people down and make them suffer like she did. So whilst she may appear calm and collected outwardly, on the inside, she holds a burning hatred and desire to wipe those who wronged her from existence. Socially, Carmen finds it hard to interact with those around her. Although not necessarily disconnected, the woman finds little to speak about and tends to spend her days alone, or with her brother. There are only a selected few that she spends time with and considers close friends, but after months of isolation and despair, she struggles in large groups and crowds. She is more of a quiet observer, watching her loved ones from the sidelines and only jumping in when they have need of her. But in general, she is quite oppressed, recalling the pain from her past and dwelling in her failures. If only things could have been different.. Months of cruel treatment and relentless betrayals has soured this soldiers mind. When meeting new company, she automatically adopts a neutral-to-negative opinion. Tending to read a book by it's cover, Carmen finds it difficult to trust anyone outside of her own family and friend group. She is quite bias, only holding her family in high regard and tending to shun others, sometimes unintentionally or without even knowing. Unknown or unfamiliar people will need to work hard to gain this idol's trust. She has many doubts and reservations about newcomers, and takes a long time to warm up, and even then, very few people experience her at her true self.

[strigital]

I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR V if thats ok

you… you really do?

‘cause if that’s true then hell yes! (tbh i’d yell about my ocs from a top of a mountain if only anyone would listen)

heck, where do i even start? anyways, long ass post ahead!

BACKSTORY!

To makelong ass story somewhat short: Jax was raised by her big bro - Alek - and, for aslong as she could remember, she believed her brother’s explanation of theirlonely existence, which was that their parents were, simply put, a couple ofjerks not suited for a family life. By his words their dad was a borderline psychoborgtoo busy ripping implants out of people, while the mom was a dirtgirl tooaddicted to braindance to care for her kids. And when the young lad justcouldn’t take it anymore, he snatched his little sister out of bed and ran withher into the night so they could both start a new life. Jaxine never doubtedthe story, even if the way they lived always seemed kinda fishy - like they werein hiding - not to mention it was somewhat suspicious that her bro wouldconstantly “go to work” armed to the teeth.

Welp, turnsout that all of this was a lie (what a twist!). In truth, Jaxie’s dad was onehelluva Netrunner who got his bread by getting people into parts of the Netthat they had no legal access to and occasionally stealing a few files fromcorpos here and there to sell them to fixers for some extra eddies. And iftheir dad was all about that software, their mom was the hardware maestro whocould build a computer out of scrap metal like it was Legos. They were quite apower couple and managed to attract more than  a few followers and basically started theirown tiny little gang whose main job was to ruin all the fun for the corps inthe virtual world. And, of course, something had to go wrong eventually. So itdid. They stole info about a shipment of expensive Arasaka tech and sold it toa fixer. But before they could get their hands on that juicy high tech, somerat snitched on them. One of their guys turned up to be a corpo whistleblower whose sole purpose was to sniff out the infamous Netrunner who was stealing theirdata. A whole ass witch hunt began and the dad knew he fucked up big time. Sobig, in fact, he knew for damn sure Arasaka was coming for him and his family.So he put his little daughter into his son’s arms along with some valuable datashards regarding his work, made him promise he’ll keep his sis safe and senthim on his merry way, whilst running with the wife in the opposite direction.

And itworked! Surprisingly. Alek did such an amazing job at concealing theirfootsteps they managed to live pretty happily and untouched by the corpos formany years. The brother became a solo and an edgerunner pretty early and tookon an alias of the ‘Vulture’ - ‘V’ for short. He was so damn good at his job theynever knew poverty. Buuut as they say ‘the faster you run away from yourpast…’ Jax was almost 18 when Arasaka found them. He gunned them all downlike dogs, even though he knew there was no way he’d survive. In the aftermathof the bloodbath, leaning against the wall of their wrecked living room,bleeding and dying, he promised her he was going to be fine, gave her thosemysterious shards, told her to grab his gun and bike and go to Night City, makea simple delivery to his old friend. Jax felt it was a goodbye and that those mercswere no damn drug dealers who came to collect an old debt. But she listened tohim anyway and rode to Night City.

There, this‘friend’ person who turned out to be the last surviving associate of her parents,told her the truth. The entire story and not a single lie. That day she made ither life goal to harass Arasaka at every turn, make their lives miserable, DDoSthe fuck out of their Net, mess up their systems real good! She adopted herbrother’s alias (though this time it most likely stood for ‘Vendetta’ howeversaucy that might sound) and began to follow in her parents’ footsteps, learningall she could about hacking and tech. Eventually, V got good enough at it soshe could jam tracking devices and disable surveillance programming in order toremain ‘inivisible’ to those who’d find her pranks unfunny. Though, apparently,someone’s been looking for her recently… Wonder what’s that all about, huh?

TL;DR!

JaxineBryce is a trash goblin and a bi disaster, who’s a not-so-bad Netrunner and asomewhat-acceptable Techie. She came to NC after her brother’s death to be apain in the Arasaka Corp.’s ass for personal reasons as well as for shits andgiggles.

She’s ofmixed race, though she mostly takes after her Asian mom. Her hazel eyesare long gone and replaced by some cute orange-glowing optics, and herbluish-black hair is always a hot mess that she just can’t be bothered to take careof it (if she could she’d wear a ‘Bad Hair Day’ beanie hat all day every day).Doesn’t really have that much skin wiring and such, prefers to conceal most of her cyberwareand look as natural as possible due to her fear of slipping into cyberpsychosis.

She alwaysloved to blast Johnny Silverhand on full volume in her room, but ever sinceArasaka kinda sorta ruined her life, she really started to like this guy, evengot herself a glowing tattoo of Samurais (not to mention the Samurai jacket,which was a birthday gift from the brother!).

She can’tdo shit in combat (besides firing a gun and only because her bro took her outshooting once), but boy can she fuck up your cyberware if you get too close.For these reasons she desperately relies on Jackie to be the ‘wall’ between herand the enemy, but at the same time she always makes T-Bug’s work a tad biteasier.

Other thanthat, she absolutely loves NiCola, dreams of owning at least a couple of cats, believes coffee and ramen to be the crowning achievments of humanity, is an AI rights supporter and a speed junkie to the bone despite not being the best driver in the book. Can’treally drive cars that well, but boy does she love bikes! And adding her ownlittle touches to her vehicles. Like, that one time she spray-painted Jackie’snew car neon pink and now he won’t leave her alone with his car unsupervised…

Jaxine issomewhat introverted and really clings onto people that she knows. T-Bug alwaysappeared to her like a caring big sister, while doctor Victor became a newfather figure in her life after her brother’s demise. V’s also got the biggestof crushes on Jackie, though she’d rather die in a fire than tell him, mostlybecause she really doesn’t want to ruin their amazing friendship (besides, shewon’t survive a day in NC without Jackie’s help). And even though she jokesaround a lot, she has a tendency to fall in and out of depression. Jackie’s happy attitudealways helped her deal with those kind of anxious feelings and going out forthe night on the town with her best amigo will always be her preferred way todo therapy. Despite all that, Jaxine’s genuinely a ‘good guy’, but definitely nota ‘knight in shining armor’. Sure, she’ll help you out if she happens upon youwhile on a job, but don’t expect her to go on a righteous quest to save theworld. Her only goal in life is avenging her family, letting go of the past andfinding a place to truly call home and nothing else. As soon as there’s nothingof importance holding her in Night City, she’ll hop on her bike and be gonebefore sunrise.

[ssironstrange]

sometimes... i really wish i could claim disability. like, i know i’m not disabled and those who are need it way more, but still. like 80% of the time i seriously struggle to work like a normal person.

both of my feet are seriously fucked up. one from a past major trauma that i’ve shown the scar of on here, the other from overcompensating for that which has caused a permanently torn ligament along the bottom of the foot so if i happen to take a step wrong it’ll flare up and i won’t be able to walk.

because of that, i have a very unfortunate weight distribution on my feet and being on them longer than 6 hours literally has me in tears by the time i get home. and i can’t just get super soft shoes or anything because of that torn ligament. i have to wear very minimal shoes, meaning there is very little between the ground and my foot and the shoe itself has to move with my foot almost as if i’m not wearing them at all. otherwise the way the shoe makes me walk will tear that ligament.

that, in turn, greatly impacts my knees and hips. i’ve got genetically bad knees already. both my grandmother and mother had knee surgeries in their teens and 20s (my mom has had 4 surgeries on the left including a replacement, and 3 on the right.) and the only reason i haven’t is because i didn’t live quite as hard as they did growing up. but still, they’re bad. i’ve had mild arthritis in them since i was a young teenager and now the cartilage is starting to go. like, they’re so bad (and my personal trainer didn’t believe me) that after 2 lunges something in there goes haywire with sharp pains and i’m down for at least a week or more while it heals. being in shoes that have next to no shock absorption is brutal on my knees. hips too, but not nearly as bad.

i have PCOS which comes with its plethora of issues, probably the worst for me is the hypoglycemia. i honestly don’t know what the fuck i’m going to do when my IUD is removed next year. it’s kept my periods at bay. thankfully i’m not as bad as some with PCOS but it does take just about every last bit of my energy out of me when i do have them. 

my doctor and i still aren’t sure what it’s connected to, but i also have raynaud’s syndrome. typically it’s not a big deal unless i’m exposed to cold, but these last two jobs thats been the case. plus i have very poor circulation to my hands and feet - always have and we don’t know why - so that helps matters none.

i have asthma, which means i have compromised ability to draw air into my lungs. i get very winded very easily because i simply can’t take deep breaths. and this is everyday for me and has been since i was a little kid. when it gets really bad i have to use my rescue inhaler. and i hate using it because that shit is like pure speed and will make your heart race like you just ran a marathon and physically jittery and shaky and weak.

though my insomnia is hugely improved compared to what it used to be, i still have it pretty bad. good nights i get 5-8 hours of sleep which i can function fine on. many times i’m only getting 2-4 hours, and those are the days i’m chugging energy drinks and coffee on top of taking my adderall just to be able to function like a semi-normal human being.

then theres the mental issues.

depression, while handled with medication, is always dragging me down and draining my energy. it’s a fucking struggle to get out of bed many days, and not just because i’m tired.

anxiety is the real culprit though. it is fucking exhausting to my very core to be around people all day every day. i’m constantly stressed even if nothing bad is happening. mine is both general and social anxiety. plus the perk of being an introvert in an extrovert's world.

my ADD is astoundingly bad. thank god for adderall but still. that comes with its own issues. and while i can at least stay focused while on meds, it doesn’t particularly do anything to help with my ever degrading memory. most of the time i’m just forgetful, which is something all of us ADD/ADHD people have in common. but sometimes it’ll cause a straight up blank space where memory should be. it’s not that i forgot it, its that there was never any memory there at all to begin with, which is distressing.

and then theres just a metric shit-ton of other issues i have that lead me to believe i’m on the austism spectrum somewhere but who knows since i’ll never be able to afford getting evaluated with a specialist.

so... yeah. i may not be disabled but fuck i’d almost rather be than have to constantly deal with all of this shit on any given day. and the worst thing is most people can’t even see these issues, so it gets dismissed or they don’t believe me or just straight up don’t care since it isn’t noticeable.

it’s just... exhausting being exhausted all the time.

[bourbonandbadluck]

Character Sheet: Declan Hane

Character Chart

Character’s Full Name: Declan Hane

Reason or Meaning of Name: Random last name, and I just really liked the name Declan for a Gilnean.

Character’s Nickname/Alias: Bastard, Dec, Scoundrel, The Beast of Bourbon.

Reason for Nickname/Alias: Dec sort of stands to reason as most people shorten names for nicknames. Bastard and Scoundrel because he tends to get labeled a lot and those were the more polite names he’s known by. The Beast of Bourbon was the nickname he got in the Cavalry. Nothing gains you a nickname better than drinking two cases of bourbon as a worgen.

Birth Date: January 18

Physical appearance

Age:  37

How old does he/she appear: Late twenties, early thirties. He’s fairly well preserved.

Weight: 190 pounds.

Height: 5'10″

Body build: For his size he’s fairly lean, well muscled and keeps himself in good shape due to work. Can’t climb or run if you’re gut gets in the way or you have shit for stamina.

Shape of face: Square-ish? Bit of an oval tossed in.

Eye color: Ocean Blue

Glasses or contacts: None

Skin tone: Pale (Let’s face it, he’s Gilnean) But tanned to a nice copper.

Distinguishing marks: Scar causing a gap in his right eyebrow, 18th Gilnean Cavalry Tattoo on his left Bicep. Light scars along his arms and legs from combat and general fuck ups. Tattoo from his sailing days on his chest and a compass on his forearm.

Predominant features: Everyone says it’s his hair.

Hair color: Sandy blond.

Type of hair: Thick and soft

Hairstyle: Short but not cropped, kept a little longer on top.

Voice:  Mid range leaning towards the deeper spectrum, sort of gravelly.

Overall Attractiveness: General consensus is he’s very attractive.

Physical Disabilities: None

Usual Fashion of Dress: Casual and comfortable. Usually cotton shirts that breath, leather boots and comfortable pants of a cotton blend.

Favorite Outfit: His every day clothes?

Jewelry or Accessories: Besides four revolvers, he wears a braided leather necklace with a silver wire pendant housing soapstone carved into a compass, with a wedding band hanging beside it. He always has a black scarf as well and an old battered tin flask on his belt,  engraved with a horse head and faded lettering beneath.

Personality

Good Personality Traits: Sense of humor (Perhaps too much of one), Good natured, easy going and fun loving. Opportunistic.

Bad Personality Traits: Trust issues and is emotionally constipated.

Mood Character is Most Often In: Always a good mood.

Sense of Humor: Sarcastic, witty and a little dark with a whole lot of goofy.

Character’s Greatest Joy In Life: Challenges and adventure. And because it goes without saying, @shaeli-dawson

Character’s Greatest Fear: Losing the one he loves, being betrayed. Terrified of deep water.

What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?  If something were to happen to Shaeli ( @shaeli-dawson )

Character Is Most at Ease When: He’s generally always at ease, but he’s most at ease when he’s enjoying time with Shaeli.

Most Ill at Ease When: Dealing with his own emotions, when he’s had a nightmare or forced to think about his son and his past.

Enraged When: Someone steals from him, or someone harms Shaeli (Running theme here.)

Depressed or Sad When: Thinking about his son, the what if’s and what could have beens. Thinking about home.

Life Philosophy: “Life be an adventure, so live.”

If Granted One Wish, It Would Be: He has everything he could wish for.

Character’s Soft Spot: Kids, those who have been abused.

Is This Soft Spot Obvious to Others? With kids, yes.

Greatest Strength: Professionalism, sense of humor and his ability to conceal his thoughts and emotions.

Greatest Vulnerability or Weakness: Emotions. And now Shaeli ( @shaeli-dawson)

Biggest Regret: Not fighting harder to see his son.

Minor Regret: None.

Biggest Accomplishment: To him, every day is his biggest accomplishment, and he tends to celebrate it.

Minor Accomplishment: Learning cartography.

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: He claims to have never been caught. But what people fail to realize is that he’s never been caught in Stormwind. He spent time in the brig on the ship he worked on after being caught cheating at cards, and spent time in prison in Gilneas City after inciting a bar brawl that caused significant property damage to the bar and surrounding buildings.

Character’s Darkest Secret: After his first shift, he not only killed the two men he had been locked up with, he ate them.

Does Anyone Else Know? The only ones who knew were killed in the flooding.

Goals

Drives and Motivations: He’s driven by challenge, to see if he can do it, and the lust for adventure, to see and map the world. Thieving offers a perfect challenge.

Immediate Goals: Working up the nerve to tell Shaeli he loves her again.

Long Term Goals: Continue mapping the continents, spending his life with Shaeli.

How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Already on the road to it. it helps that he has someone in his life that enjoys it all as much as he does.

How Other Characters Will Be Affected: Only one person would be affected, and he hopes that she joins him on the adventure.

Past

Hometown: Gilnean Coast

Type of Childhood: Son of a fisherman. Typical childhood.

Pets: None

First Memory: Catching a bee with his bare hands and getting stung and not understanding why it happened.

Most Important Childhood Memory:

Childhood Hero: He never had one.

Dream Job: he wanted to captain his own ship.

Education: Elementary and apprenticed to completion as a cartographer.

Religion: Believes in the nature Gods when it suits his purpose.

Finances: Off and on thanks to a nasty gambling habit.

Present

Current Location: Stormwind City

Currently Living With: Shaeli Dawson. Yes he’s pretty much moved in.

Pets: None

Religion: See above

Occupation: Cartographer, Professional Thief, Tomb Raider/ Adventurer.

Finances: Fairly wealthy thanks to sticky fingers and a love of challenges and shiny things. It’s spread out through several banks.

Family

Siblings: Two brothers and a sister. Unknown if they are alive or not.

Relationship With Them: Non-existant

Spouse: He’s panicking in between considering Shaeli a spouse and asking her to be his.

Relationship With Them: Shaeli somehow managed to break through Declan’s self proclaimed ‘eternal bachelorhood’ and fear of relationships. It started as purely work, then a fun fling and grew into something more until they both awkwardly fumbled through their feelings for each other and gave it a try. He recently got the nerve to tell her that he loves her. Where it goes from here? Only time will tell!

Children: He has one son.

Relationship With Them: He’s never met him.

Other Important Family Members:  None, he’s alone.

Favorites

Color: Gold (He’s a thief, what can I say?)

Least Favorite Color: Olive.

Music: Gilnean step music, tavern songs and Sea Shanties.

Food: Pretty much if it’s edible, he eats it. (See his cooking talents for more info)

Literature: Histories, Fairy tales (They often hold truths) and Maps.

Form of Entertainment: Dancing, stealing, drinking, and people watching, sex.

Expressions: Large grins and wry smirks.

Mode of Transportation: Mostly foot, and horseback.

Most Prized Possession: The battered tin flask he keeps on his belt.

Habits

Hobbies: Dancing, stealing, drinking, Sex, Cartography, Singing.

Plays a musical instrument? He’s a fair hand with a fiddle.

Plays a sport? Long distance running (Away from the law)

How she would spend a rainy day? Drinking, lounging with Shaeli, or teaching her how to puddle jump and mud wrestle.

Spending Habits: He’s a notorious gambler, beyond that he simply takes what he needs.

Smokes: On occasion.

Drinks: To excess

Other Drugs: Nope

What does he/she do too much of? Gambles and drinks far too much. Risk taker.

What does he/she do too little of? He really should eat more.

Extremely Skilled At: Geometry, theft, negotiating, cartography.

Extremely Unskilled At: Cooking.

Nervous Tics: None.

Usual Body Posture: At ease and relaxed. He tends to drape when he sits or lean against walls.

Mannerisms: Friendly, wouldn’t know formal if it bit him in the ass, A bit crass.

Peculiarities: It’s Declan, he’s a walking peculiarity.

Traits

Optimist or Pessimist? Optimist

Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert.

Daredevil or Cautious? Both, depending on the situation.

Logical or Emotional? Extremely Logical.

Disorderly and Messy or Methodical and Neat? Declan is meticulously neat. Everything has it’s place and is completely spotless. It’s not so much an OCD as it is a form of professional security for himself.

Prefers Working or Relaxing? To him, his work is relaxing.

Confident or Unsure of Themselves? Some would say he’s over confident. He is, however, incredibly unsure of his feelings.

Animal lover? He’s part animal! Of course he loves them!

Self-perception

How She Feels About Herself: “I’m bloody fantastic if you’s askin’ m’self!”

One Word Character Would Use To Describe Themselves: “Interestin’”

Paragraph Description on How They’d Describe Themselves: “Were told once f’hat life nae be easy, s’posed t’be hard n’you’s nae get nae’where unless you’s work hard at it. But all I’s ever saw were folk workin’ f’hemselves t’deaf’h. Life meant t’be lived! You’s got t’love it, n’live it, ‘cause you’s nae ever gonna know when it end on you’s. Love t’challenge o’it, n’new f’hings t’world got t’offer. Wann see it, know it. N’I’s gonna love every minute o’it!”

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Easy going and fun.

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? “Can’nae f’hink o’any.”

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? His eyes, and he uses them to his advantage frequently.

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? He’s pretty happy with himself.

How does the character think others perceive him/her? It’s about fifty fifty between being perceived as annoying, or fun/exciting to be around. He knows some enjoy his quirks and others find them grating.

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself? He’s pretty happy with himself.

Relationships with others

Opinion of Other People in General: He doesn’t trust anyone, but he see’s everyone as useful to him in some way.

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? Bet your booty!

Person Character Most Hates: No one.

Best friend(s): Shaeli Dawson ( @shaeli-dawson), Kat Hawke ( @kat-hawke ), Safrona Shadowsun ( @safrona-shadowsun - though she probably doesn’t know that)

Love interest(s): Shaeli Dawson ( @shaeli-dawson

Person Character (Would) Go to For Advice: Safrona most likely just to see if she would say anything in regards to hersel.

Person Character Feels Responsible For: Shaeli Dawson (Who else is going to remind her to sleep, and eat, and relax!)

Person Character Feels Awkward Around: No one.

Person Character Openly Admires: No one.

Person Character Secretly Admires: Kat Hawk ( @kat-hawke But he would never let on about it.)

Tagged by: No one.

Tagging: Hell, anyone who wants to do it! Let’s see what you people got!

[pastorofnone]

Becoming more radical in 2018

***Long post but includes things I just haven't had the time or energy to write out on social media

New Years is coming up and I just wanted to touch on some thoughts and notes that I gathered from this week's VWPA podcast. These ladies have been so incredibly influential for me this year, and I wanted to make a master post of some points that were made in this year's podcasts that were kind of summed in an episode talking about what we can do in 2018. A lot of these tie in to each other in several ways but here we go, Here's the princess' list of tips for becoming more radicalized in 2018: 1. Reject all diet talk. Just. Say. No! It's all bullshit. Body talk, fat shaming/body shaming... this time of year it is so prevalent. Media and advertisers have been pushing consumers to eat like crap for 3 months, and now they're gonna make you feel shitty, and ~make new resolutions~ and ~lose the weight~ and it's New Years, everyone wants a fresh start, etc. There's this constant "waiting" period for people, putting your life on hold until you are the person you want to be, the new you, tying your body to a certain quality of life and it's all bullshit. And as for disabled people of all types, don't worry about not looking or behaving in a certain way that society expects you to. All of it is a scam and decide that you're already the person you want to be, and go up from there. For some disabled people (mental illness included) you may never get better, and don't hold yourself from what you CAN do. Dating and relationships are hard when you don't like your body. Not liking having adventures or being vulnerable because you don't like your body is sad and you should never deprive yourself of experiences because of feelings surrounding how you look. Be mindful of where your goals are coming from. Try to make your goals come from a place of self love in regards to everything, including lifestyle changes that affect your body. 2. Resist. This revolution is becoming watered down and commercialized, but... in big ways, in small ways, taking days off, chasing a passion, anything you do can be a form of resisting. Resist. You have to be in a good place to continue to keep going. All the systems we operate under that oppress human and non-human animals totally break us down, and resting in and of itself is resisting. This is the second year of the Trump presidency. We're exhausted and burnt out and everyone needs a reminder, I think, that it's a marathon-- not a sprint. Challenge all the pressures that make you feel uncomfortable. Push back. Shut down your TV, read books, self soothe. Anything that makes you feel like you're reclaiming yourself and escaping this... capitalist trap we're in. Any time you can intentionally do something, without external expectation, is resistance. A day where you don't experience micro-aggressions is a huge form of activism. Lets stop giving our thoughts and energy to the oppressor. 3. Be kind to yourself. It sucks that we all have to remind each other of this. Self forgiveness is important. Not to say don't learn from your mistakes... but we aren't gonna get through this if we don't take care of ourselves. We need to stop the self deprecation. In revolutionary spaces, I feel like everyone is like "we're not activists if we're not sad and down all the time". There is an unhealthy amount of negativity and self hatred. You can be part of the group and make mistakes. The kinder you can be to yourself, the kinder you can be to other people. This heavily ties into resisting. Use that seemingly silly trick to apply how you'd treat a loved one to yourself. Allow yourself the same compassion. You deserve the same things everyone else does. Not to mention, when you don't apply these standards to yourself, it seriously strains your relationships in your life. Self hatred drives sooooo many of your actions that you're not even aware of. It's definitely a lifelong process to filter these actions, but it's well worth it. 4. Be mindful in and of your relationships. Let's be mindful OF the relationships we have and IN the relationships we have. Are your relationships adding to your life? Enriching your life? You have ups and downs in every relationship, but I think it's important we really evaluate our relationships because they heavily affect our energy and ability to cultivate a good life. Lets look at how we're showing up in our relationship. Are you acting out of insecurity? Are you expecting others to take risk first? Do you expect reassurance because of insecurities you're feeling? Can we be more honest with each other? Lets be real! Lets stop dancing around eachother, (ex: "Do you want the last slice?" "No, I'm good!" "You sure?" "Yeah!.... I mean, yeah, no I'm fine!" or... "Do you need a ride?" "Ummm, no I'll walk! It's okay!") You should be honest with what you want and say. And other people should be, too. And if they're not being honest about what they want, they will learn. Everyones trying to meet social expectations and be polite, we're not saying what we mean, and it's teaching us that honesty is not okay and it creates this whole culture that it's not polite to communicate fully and that you have to lie or cut corners to maintain relationships and that's simply not true and also super backwards and weird. It makes it so we can never tell and we have to try and mind read and it's exhausting! Especially for us introverts out there. Practice in small ways if this seems hard, say "yes I want that". Girls! We're taught to not like... take the thing. Take the thing! Fuckin' take it! Operate in a way where you're not pretending to not be hungry or not want a thing. Trust your friends' word. It will enrich your relationships so much. It's so incredible to be in relationships where you can say what you want and trust that they are saying what they want. It clears up mental space where you're not like "Uh I think they really want this but are saying _____" or "What do they want me to say", etc. It's okay to have this conversation, too! If there's a person you always do these mental dances with: sit down and just be like "Aren't you tired? I wanna be more honest. Wanna join me?" It will alleviate so much anxiety around translating things and trying to please people and build so much trust and communication, and hopefully it will spread to larger circles! It's not impolite to not question every social exchange. Let people be advocates for themselves. If you can be an advocate for yourself about small things, it will be easier to be an advocate for yourself with the big things. Get what you want and need, in a safe space, and hopefully someday we can do that out in the world, which is not a very safe space right now. These are are closest relationships and we're just lying to each other. I don't have the energy to do it anymore, and I have a feeling most people don't, either. A.k.a: Don't say it's fine if it's not, say what you mean, mean what you say. Expect that from the people in your life, too. If you have resentments, it's your responsibility to express them. There are so many misunderstandings that should be non-issues. How do you feel? Does anybody know that you feel that way? 5. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Boundaries in relationships are so! Incredibly! Important! Welcome to Boundaryville. Lets not give more than we're able or let others take more than we are willing to give. A lot of us don't have them or even know what they are but they're kind of... the most important thing to have in a relationship. Do the people in your life respect your boundaries? How do you reinforce the boundaries you've tried to set? It's truly just assessing what you are and are not okay with and feeling confident enough in your needs to communicate these needs. Also, allowing others to set boundaries with us. I'd love to see everyone allowing our relationships to be THAT open. Regardless of being a people pleaser, let's try to not expect certain dialogue to occur or expect anything from one another based on our needs when we haven't communicated them. Boundaries are really scary! People feel impolite and cold when they set them, but in reality, if you're being manipulative to get the responses you need, it's just cutting corners to get what we want. Manipulative isn't always this evil adjective, either, we all become manipulative in some sense when we don't feel comfortable communicating and asking for what we want and need. Manipulation can be a survival tool, a shitty coping mechanism coming from awful childhoods that weren't safe or secure or supportive. The much easier, healthier, kinder thing to do is communicate your boundaries. It can be hard to deal with others' boundaries or a "no", but dealing with the reality of our feelings is so much better than building a collection of unresolved issues and feelings towards one another. Go forth and be brave. Have good relationships in your life and model that by having boundaries. 6. Call shit out. Not every situation is going to be safe and of course take that into account, know the potential consequences are of calling shit out, but I think especially white people: we need to do more than we're doing. We need to keep a constant awareness that there's a lot we ignore, we try to be too polite, we hear inappropriate jokes, we have problematic people in our lives that we give a free pass to. The stakes are real. We have to stamp out bigotry in all it's forms. It flourishes in these small spaces. People aren't simply monsters, they're probably normal, maybe well respected, loved people. There's someone, maybe you, that's choosing to not make the situation a little uncomfy by not saying "Hey, that's not okay. It's not okay to say it and it's not okay to think it and I do not agree with you." Not saying anything makes it come across that we don't disagree with what they're saying. Racism, ableism, transphobia, body shaming, cis sexist comments... they are still so invisible. Jokes around rape culture and anti-consent culture. I'm sick of people acting like it's not a problem. These small comments add up to bigger social constructs. Let's stop being all, "They're normies... they can't help it, I won't say anything... I'll just make a blog post about it." People don't understand why it's bad, especially when it comes to fat-shaming and transphobic comments, I think. Also, stigma around mental illness is still a thing. It's okay to say that you feel that they are being inconsiderate, and problematic, or that maybe they are not educated on things that affect a LOT of people. We really need to step up and attack all forms of oppression. There are humans being left out of a lot of conversations within intersectional oppression. When you can, be a little brave. Spread awareness. You may not see the transition of their thought patterns after a conversation, but often times these confrontations are the beginning of a domino effect and that is the least we can ask for. Racist Uncle Bob may always be racist, he may never change... but maybe Aunt Sally will. Maybe someone else at the dinner table will be like "someone gets it". We get closer to the end goal by doing this, and we find allies this way. I mean conservatives are like, not at ALL shy about their beliefs, so why as leftists are so many of us so nervous as if we're in the wrong when we're the ones trying to ensure the protection of lives of MORE people? Republicans aren't concerned with being polite or quiet. Like we're here, too. Silence is a sign of siding with the oppressors, not the victims. 7. Fight call-out culture. Our anger is justified, but we don't need to lead with it. Call-out culture via the internet has become like... so bullyish? So toxic? Shuts so many conversations down? And I am NOT talking about arguing with nazis, I'm talking about rejecting people and assuming ill intent with everyone and treating everyone like an adversary. I'm tired of seeing so many people looking for one missed word and looking for one misstep and discounting the entire discussion when people are LEARNING. I feel like in everyone's SJW journey everyone goes through periods of anger, but I think staying in this place is doing us nothing and is making us lose our compassion which is the point in the first place. It takes away our ability to educate. It's frustrating to see so many people demonizing allies or victims themselves instead of oppressors and bigots. 8. Embrace nuance. Getting beyond our initial reactions behind things and getting to the core of feelings and issues: having conversations, going deeper than the surface level, fighting defensive reactions. Not every issue is meme-able or summed up in 30 seconds, you can't summarize huge issues that could be centuries old or something that has so so many layers to it. Allies, if you're going to step into an Ally Role, it's your job to have nuance conversation. Yes it's your job to call stuff out, but in a way that facilitates conversation, in a way that is understanding and builds connection. That then frees up the victims to have that healing anger they need to have. Ally anger is not really a healing solution to oppression, and using anger as a weapon is a really easy way to just turn the discussion into ~Ally Theatre~. I understand that when you're first informed of injustice, you're angry, but when you're an Ally on ten about something and shaming everyone, it's prohibitive to anything constructive happening. You're not really doing your job. You should be taking on emotional labor that someone else shouldn't need to. If you're a victim experiencing this, you're pretty much like "I can't hear this anymore!!!" and they shouldn't need to. If you're an Ally, to the point that you can, please try to explain to someone something instead of just shutting it all down. Unless they're being violent or racist, ____phobic, etc in a way that is obvious, yeah shut that shit down and it's pretty much totally acceptable to be like "you're being fucking racist" but there are things that aren't always so apparent. Example: hearing "All Lives Matter", for a lot of us we're like "Shut the fuck up you're being ignorant" but a lot of the time they don't understand why it's wrong and problematic and harmful, it's possible they aren't totally hateful individuals and they do not understand the situation. Ignorant, yes. But probs not actively hating POC. So as an Ally, it's our job to explain why they're being incredibly ignorant and POC can have whatever reaction they need to have. It's almost like in this ~Ally Theatre~ people are like giving themselves cookies for being harsh and reactionary when it's just unnecessary. Victims need support and advocates. Not everything is this elevator pitch explained in 30 seconds and activism is about building community, building understanding. SJWs have just started cannibalizing each other. We can see these big things controlling these issues and we're all frustrated (understandably) and taking it out on each other and policing each other and telling each other to shut up and it's concerning. This isn't where the real work needs to happen! Of course my heart is heavy and the anger is real, but I just want us to like, be more loving. Be. More. Loving. We make mistakes, we respond in ways we regret, we're learning and growing. That being said, not all days you have the energy but when we are doing this work, we're trying to humanize a group or groups of people, and we're not going to get that by dehumanizing others. We're treating people in our SJW space as we would some highly offensive & awful thing on like a Reddit thread. You can be firm and direct about things that are problematic but not be rude and shameful. Educate, don't shame. Give people space to be better. You don't need to coddle them and be syrupy sweet, but speak with respect, allow them to step forward. The best way to learn is usually by making mistakes. It's chaos out there, just be kind. That's all we can do. You don't have to always be nice, just be kind. A lot of us are on the wrong path because of the way we grew up, and we're all just trying to reach each other. OKAY PHEW. I hope everyone has an awesome New Years celebration if you're celebrating it, and I hope this upcoming year brings you happiness and excitement. I hope this post was helpful and that it inspired forward movement. I love you all and I can't wait to see you next year! <3

[bcnjaminollivandcr]

Benjamin Garrick Ollivander + Questionnaire

trigger warning ; miscarriage & teen pregnancy

ORIGINS & FAMILY

Name:

Benjamin Garrick Ollivander III

Nickname(s):

Benny, Ben, Benji

Reason for name:

There have actually been two other Benjamin Garrick Ollivanders among his ancestors but Benjamin was his great uncle’s name and Garrick his grandfather’s name.

Birthday: Fifth of June 2003

Gender: Male

Place of birth: Diagon Alley, London, England, UK

Places lived since:

Diagon Alley from birth

Hogwarts during the school year from age eleven to nineteen

A house in St Albans that he bought for himself and Skye MacDougal

Parents’ names, backgrounds, occupations:

Gervaise Ollivander - father - son of Garrick and Morgaine. He is a halfblood and Gryffindor alumni. He worked at Ollivanders Wand Shop since he was nineteen  until his son was old enough to take over. He never done or wanted to do anything else - wanted, even needed, his oldest son to follow in his footsteps. He married Sophia in 2001 and has two children, Ben and Laurel

Sophia Ollivander (née Fawcett) - mother - daughter of Alaric and Ingrid. She is a pureblood and Ravenclaw alumni. She is a housewife but sometimes helps out at Ollivander’s Wand Shop with her son. She is married to Gervaise with two children, Ben and Laurel

Number of siblings: One 

Laurel Ollivander 

Relationship with family (close? estranged?):

Although Ben does not want to work for the family business, he and Gervaise have an okay relationship. It is only strained for Ben because he never told his father that he would rather do something else with his life. Otherwise, they have always had a decent bond and can have conversations about other aspects of their lives with no problems.

Ben has not told his mother, Sophia about what he actually wanted to do with his future but part of him believes that she knows. Sophia is always the one to change the topic when a conversation about the wand shop is brought up which he is eternally grateful for. Ben is a huge mama’s boy and would never let anything happen to her. He hopes to find a woman one day that loves him as much as his mother loves his father and vice versa (and he has).

Laurel is more than a younger sister to Ben. She’s his best friend, his shoulder to cry on. He’s her protector, her guide whenever she needs it. He believes that even if they weren’t brother and sister their souls would be entwined and they’d be destined to love each other in the way brothers and sisters do. He isn’t sure what he would do without her and would do anything for her. Even give up the future he wants for hers. His one goal in life is to see her happy, always.

Happiest memory: The day that Skye McDougal agreed to marry him and then when they eloped.

Childhood trauma:

Ben has lived a very happy life, with little trauma. If he were asked about the most traumatic event in his life, he would say when he fell down the stairs at age seven from his home above the shop into it. He broke two bones and was left with a nasty scar on his head, often hidden by his hair. He was in a coma for two weeks and suffered temporary short term memory loss.

Children of his/her own?:

Karina Ollivander-MacDougal (unborn) - Ben got Skye pregnant in his sixth year and she had decided to name her Karina. She had a miscarriage so she was never born but Ben still considers her his child.

Apolline Davies (pretend) - Ben is not actually her father but when Natalie Davies told him that she had gotten pregnant by a teacher, he volunteered to pretend to be the real father to protect them. Apolline is actually Ben’s goddaughter and he is very close with her. It is becoming more and more obvious that Ben is not the real father but he still keeps up the act.

PHYSICAL

Height: 6″

Weight: 190lbs

Build: Athletic, Incredibly Buff

Nationality: English - African & Filipino descent

Disabilities (physical or mental, including mental illnesses): 

Ben potentially has addictive tendencies. After his breakup with Gigi Perri and finding out Skye was betrothed to Jace Greengrass, he started drinking all the time. He cleaned up his act before it got really bad but given his partying past, it is likely he would have become a full blown alcoholic.

Though never diagnosed, Ben often experiences dissociation when going through traumatic experiences. This became prominent after his fall down the stairs when he got out of the coma. One prominent time that this happened was after Ben found out that Skye had had a miscarriage. It is usually only Laurel who can bring him out of these states.

Complexion (freckles, acne, skin tone, birth marks): Clear

Hair color: Black

Usual hair style: Shaved

Eye color: Dark Brown

Glasses? Contacts?: 20/20 Vision

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): 

While at work, Ben tends to wear fairly smart clothes; a nice shirt and black trousers, occasionally with a nice jacket as well.

When out of work, Ben simply wears jeans and a t-shirt. When he was younger, said t-shirts would have had funny slogans across them but now they re plainer.

If Ben wears anything in bed, it would simply be boxers but frequently he sleeps naked.

Health:

Ben is incredibly healthy. He eats well and exercises to keep fit. He rarely gets sick although he is prone to the occasional scars or broken bones from Quidditch and accidents.

Grooming:

Ben does not wear makeup. He goes for a run some mornings or evenings and usually showers after that. If he doesn’t run, he showers in the morning. He keeps his clothes clean and rarely wears any that smell or have stains. He does not pluck his eyebrows. He cuts his hair frequently to keep the shave close to his head.  

Tattoos? Piercings?:

Ben has several tattoos but there are four very important ones: a blue, watercolor feathered wing on his left shoulder as seen in his Instagram profile represents Gigi (though he did not tell anyone that), a laurel wreath on the middle of his upper back to represent Laurel, a cloud to represent Skye on his left ankle and the Karina constellation on his upper left arm for his unborn daughter. He has no piercings.

Accent?:  

Predominantly English. 

Ben speaks broken Tagalog with a Filipino accent which sometimes breaks through when speaking English too.

Unique mannerisms/physical habits:

Ben runs a hand over his head, especially when stressed or upset.

He cracks his knuckles in anticipation before a Quidditch match or important event.

INTELLECT

Level of education (high school drop out, undergrad BA/BS, PhD, MD, etc.): Hogwarts Graduate

Gifts/talents/skills:

Ben was a beater for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team at Hogwarts and was considered an excellent player with the exception of one or two matches where he had been drinking beforehand.

Wandmaking is part of the Ollivander genes. Ben was taught how to from a young age by his father and despite not wanting to do it, he is good at it.

Ben was always a fan of music. So much so that he asked for piano lessons when he was younger which his mother arranged. He only sometimes plays now.

Ben is good at picking up languages. He speaks fluent English and Spanish and is learning Latin, French and Tagalog.

Shortcomings:

Extremely overprotective is one way that Ben has always been described. This may not sound like a bad thing but he would literally rather be unhappy than let those he cares about be unhappy themselves or get hurt.

Ben used to have serious trouble with commitment. He would give up on something when it got difficult. For example, in his first relationship with Skye, they were fighting so much that he just broke if off without trying to figure out the truth.

Ben is prone to drinking and partying. Less so now that he is working, married and trying to have children with Skye but when at Hogwarts it got to the point where it was nearly a problem.

Benjamin is allergic to nuts.

Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.):  Ben speaks articulately especially in a formal setting and he usually uses a strong and confident tone which reflects his personality. He speak less confidently when using other languages.

Religious stance: Agnostic

Cautious or daring?: Daring

Most sensitive about/vulnerable to:

Karina is one of the things that hurts Ben most to talk about. Not only because he’d lost a child but also because he didn’t know about it and gave up on his and Skye’s relationship the first time around without knowing the truth. Not many people know about it though.

Ben’s past relationships are also a topic of sensitivity for him. Despite his difficulty with commitment back then, he was very much in love with both of them and deeply regrets the mistakes he made.

Optimist or pessimist?: Optimist

Extrovert or introvert?: Extrovert

RELATIONSHIPS

Current marital/relationship status: Married to Skye MacDougal

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Past relationships:

Skye MacDougal - Ben initially dated Skye when they were in Hogwarts. It was a near perfect relationship but when she fell pregnant and shortly afterward had a miscarriage, they started fighting and eventually broke things off. A few years later, they rekindled the relationship and quickly got engaged and then eloped.

Level of sexual experience:

Ben has slept with many, many people, male and female. During his years at Hogwarts, he was known to be a player when he wasn’t in a relationship due to his naturally flirty and charming personality.  Known people he has had sexual relations with is Skye MacDougal, Gigi Perri, Aleksander Gaunt and Apolline Davies.

Most comfortable around (person): Laurel Ollivander, Skye MacDougal, Natalie Davies & Aleksander Gaunt

Oldest friend: Aleksander Gaunt

Pets?: Tabby cat named Laurie, after his sister

VOCATION

Profession: Manager at Ollivander’s Wand Shop

Past occupations: N/A

Passions:

Quidditch

Piano

Partying (formerly for the most part)

Attitude towards current job:

Ben does not like his job but he does not let that be known to anybody and just deals with it day by day.

Attitude towards current coworkers, bosses, employees:

Ben runs the Diagon Alley branch on his own as his dad stepped down from the job after his son graduated.

SECRETS

Phobias: 

Arachnophobia / Fear of Spiders

Fear of Unhappiness / Being Unfulfilled

Life goals:

Ben‘s life goal is actually his sister’s. He wants her to be a successful professional Quidditch player and not get dragged into the family business like he did. 

He wants to start a family. They have been trying to have children with not a whole lot of luck but are not giving up yet.

Greatest fears:

Ben’s greatest fear is 100% losing the people he cares about including his sister, wife, his daughter/goddaughter and closest friends. 

Most ashamed of:

Finding out about Skye’s pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage after the fact and not trying to figure out why the fighting had started back then.

Compulsions:

Up until recently, Ben had a serious problem keeping his sexual desires in check. During his relationships, it was easier to control but before, after and in between, he could be reckless with the people he slept with. That might be why it was so easy for people to believe that he had knocked up Natalie Davies.

Crimes committed:

Ben has taken part in underage drinking & drug use but was never caught or convicted.

What he/she most wants to change about his/her self/life?:

He wishes he could choose a different career path but he knows that will never happen.

DETAILS/QUIRKS

Daily routine:

On weekdays, Ben wakes up at around seven and goes for a run on most mornings. He then showers and gets ready for work. He apparates to Diagon Alley opens the shop about nine and spends the morning serving customers, sorting wands and making them. He closes the shop for lunch between twelve and one and then does the same thing in the afternoon as the morning. He closes the shop at half past six. Usually he apparates home after that but occasionally he might stop for  drink at the Leaky Cauldron or, if Skye is working a night shift, he might go and visit Natalie and Apolline in Hogsmeade before going home and going to bed.

On weekends, Ben’s plans can vary from babysitting his goddaughter, spending time with his wife, friends and/or Laurel, or possibly doing a weekend shift at the shop depending on the time of year.

Night owl or early bird?: Night Owl

Light or heavy sleeper?: Heavy Sleeper

Favorite food: Waffles

Favorite book: Quidditch Through The Ages

Favorite movie: Citizen Kane

Favorite song: Likes most music

Favorite color: Purple

Coffee or tea?: Tea

Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: Crunchy

Type of car he/she drives: Does not drive and does not plan to learn.

Lefty or righty?: Righty

Cusser?: Definitely

Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: Occasionally. Definitely. Rarely.

[thisguyfred-blog1]

PHYSICAL !!

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy? He’s about 6 feet. Fit or athletic, I guess. 2. How old is he? Nineteen. 3. Describe his posture. Does he carry himself well or does he slouch? He carries himself decently. 4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities? You tell me.* 5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid? He’s actually pretty graceful/fluid, believe it or not. 6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror? How attractive is he to me or to himself? Because he’s a looker. But he doesn’t put much thought or effort into his appearance. It doesn’t matter to him. 7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred? Light and clear. 8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style. Dirty blond, long, wavy and soft.*** 9. What color are his eyes? Blue. 10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features? His hair. But we’ve covered that. 11. What are his chief tension centers? Shoulders. 12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he have six of the same suit? Beanies and t-shirts. The occasional fanboy collector’s item. It’s pretty casual. 13. Do his clothes fit well? Does he seem comfortable in them? Yes and yes. 14. Does he dress the same on the job as he does in his free time? If not, what are the differences? Fred is going to dress how Fred wants to dress, any place, any time. 15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando? Briefs and occasionally commando.

SPEECH !!

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse? Basically Fred from the movie. So he sounds like TJ Miller. Very recognizable. (Though I do imagine him saying some words like Alex Saxon. I can’t help it.) 2. How does he normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he talk easily, or does he hesitate? He has a habit of talking both too fast and too loud. His excitement gets the better of him. 3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics? None that I can think of off the top of my head. 4. What languages does he speak, and with how much fluency? He likes to think he can speak some French, Spanish and Japanese if he tries but… he can’t. 5. Does he switch languages or dialects in certain situations? He shouldn’t. 6. Is he a good impromptu speaker, or does he have to think about his words? I don’t know if he’s a good impromptu speaker, but that’s what he is.   7. Is he eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change? Eloquent unless he’s caught off guard or emotional or something.

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL !!

1. How intelligent is this character? Is he book-smart or street-smart? He is surprisingly intelligent. I’d say a good mixture of both. Most people don’t know it though. 2. Does he think on his feet, or does he need time to deliberate? He’s usually thinking on his feet. 3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical? A bit of all I think. His imagination clouds his judgement but he doesn’t have bad ideas. 4. What kind of education has the character had? After high school, which he barely got through, he became a student of San Fransokyo Institute of Technology and was then transferred to Walt Academy. 5. What are his areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he interested in learning more about? Writing and mascotting. 6. Is he an introvert or an extrovert? He is as extroverted as they come. 7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he even-tempered or does he have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven? Even-tempered, cheerful and laid-back. 8. How does he respond to new people or situations? Is he suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic? Enthusiastic. He just wants to be friends. 10. Which is his default: fight or flight? This is hard to answer because it totally depends on the situation. He’s the kind of guy to turn the other cheek – but if something really serious is going on, he isn’t afraid to fight. 11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks? He’ll laugh at anything. 12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he deal with them? No. 13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him as a person? Losing his friend was hard. He’s lowkey still struggling with that. Otherwise, he’s had it pretty good. Nothing has impacted him hard one way or another. 14. What does he fear? Losing anyone else. 15. What are his hopes or aspirations? To be happy and make others happy. That’s it. 16. What is something he doesn’t want anyone to find out about him? It isn’t that he doesn’t want people to find out, but he doesn’t like people knowing or acknowledging his sadness. He would rather keep it to himself, ignore it, put on a smile and worry about someone else’s feelings.

RELATIONSHIPS !!

1. Describe this character’s relationship with his parents. It’s alright. He’s fairly close to his dad, as close as he can be to someone he hardly ever sees. He loves his parents. It would be nice to see them more often, but he doesn’t hold their constant traveling and neglect of their own son against them. You’ve gotta love people for who they are. 2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like? No. 3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he is close? Are there ones he can’t stand?He’s not super close to anyone in his family but he doesn’t hate anyone in it either. 4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he considers part of his family? What are his relationships with them? Baymax, Honey Lemon, GoGo, Hiro and Wasabi. He would do anything for them. He would have for Tadashi too. Fred loves people unconditionally and they became the family he never had. 5. Who is the character’s best friend? How did they meet? Wasabi. They met at school. Though really, all of his friends are his best friends if you ask him. 6. Does he have other close friends? Baymax, Honey Lemon, GoGo and Hiro. 7. Does he make friends easily, or does he have trouble getting along with people? He makes friends easily. 8. Which does he consider more important: family or friends? Family, because he figures if your friends are close enough, they are family. 9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he been married more than once? He’s single. 10. Is he currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse? He would never even think of juggling two relationships. He would never cheat. 11. Who was his first crush? Who is his latest? I’m not sure that Fred has ever had a real crush. Mostly just infatuation on people that were nice and cute. They never lasted more than a week. 12. What does he look for in a romantic partner? Common interests. Mutual love and respect. The basics of a good relationship. 13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he relate to them? If no, does he want any? He doesn’t, but he would love to be a dad one day. 14. Does he have any rivals or enemies? If he does, he doesn’t know it. 15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he fall on the Kinsey scale? It is hard to put a label on Fred because he simply doesn’t do labels. Love is love and gender means absolutely nothing when it comes to that. I guess you could say he’s panromantic/pansexual, a three on the scale, but again -- it’s hard to put a label on him. 16. How does he feel about sex? How important is it to him? He appreciates it but he could be in a relationship without sex. Love is what’s important to him. 17. What are his turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits? He isn’t very kinky. He might be into costumes or something. Who knows?

BELIEFS !!

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he fit type? Born on August 15th (yes, I gave him my birthday so I won’t forget it) he’s a Leo. Parts of it fit, parts of it don’t. 2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his life? He believes that everything happens for a reason. He believes in good things. He believes there is an afterlife and a God of some sort. He just doesn’t have all the answers. And he doesn’t need to. 3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it? Be loyal and be kind. That’s just who he is as a person. I don’t think anything could compromise it. 4. How does he regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent? He is curious but completely tolerant. 5. What prejudices does he hold? Are they irrational or does he have a good reason for them? Fred doesn’t hold prejudices.

DAILY LIFE !!

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he rich, poor, comfortable, in debt? Rich. 2. What is his social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him? Uh, it’s hard to say, honestly. He thinks everyone is his friend. 3. Where does he live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his home his castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he share it with others? He lived in a very big house before coming to Walt and he loved it. Now he’s in a dorm which he shares with Penelope, bless her soul, and he loves it too. He isn’t hard to please if you haven’t noticed. He keeps his side fairly neat and tidy, but there is an overwhelming amount of comic books, plush Japanese monsters and other questionable objects stored everywhere. 4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he spend his money on? Collector items, comic books, foreign knick knacks. A bunch of nerdy stuff. 5. What does he do for a living? Is he good at it? Does he enjoy it, or would he rather be doing something else? He’s a student and he’s doing his best. He’s happy with it. 6. What are his interests or hobbies? How does he spend his free time? Reading comics, writing, watching cartoons. He’s never bored. There’s always something to do. 7. What are his eating habits? Does he skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods? He eats like an average person. He isn’t a health nut or a foodie. He just eats what he wants when he wants it. So far it’s worked out okay.

ASSOCIATIONS !!

1. Color? His favorite color can change daily. He has issues with picking one favorite of anything because he just loves so much all the time. I would say blue or orange would be his go-to though. 2. Smell? Freshly cut grass. 3. Time of day? Noon. 4. Season? Spring. It’s so cheerful. 5. Book? He’s more of a comic book kind of guy than a novel kind of guy. 6. Music? Pop punk. 7. Place? Japan or wherever his friends are. 8. Substance? None. 9. Plant? Cherry blossoms. 10. Animal? Kaiju Dragon. Dogs, cats, ferrets, lizards -- he genuinely loves them all.

EVERY * LEADS TO A PICTURE !!

[mbtizone]

Nathan Scott (One Tree Hill): ESTP

Dominant Extroverted Sensing [Se]: Nathan is a natural athlete and the star of the Tree Hill High basketball team. One of the first things we see Nathan doing is stealing a school bus for a joyride with his teammates. He’s impulsive and lives in the now. Nathan often makes choices that he later regrets because he lacks the foresight to think about how his actions will impact him later. When he’s depressed about Haley leaving, he visits some relatives and drives race cars for fun. When the race is over, Nathan continues driving, going faster than he’s supposed to and crashes the car. During the school shooting, Nathan realizes that Haley is still in the building and goes in after her. When Lucas asks him if he has a plan, he simply says, “Yeah, I’m going to the tutor center and I’m gonna get Haley.” Lucas criticizes him for going up against a gun with a baseball bat, but Nathan doesn’t care. On the day of his wedding, Nathan and Haley are nearly in a collision with Cooper and Rachel. The limo they’re in goes off the bridge and into the water and, without hesitation, Nathan jumps in after them, saving both of their lives. While Nathan and Haley are having money problems, Nathan turns to a loan shark named Daunte, who is willing to give him money if Nathan agrees to shave points, which Nathan initially does. When he’s asked to throw the State Championship, he agrees, but in the moment, changes his mind and the Ravens win the game. Nathan fails to consider how Daunte might retaliate afterward. Daunte tries to hit Nathan with his car, but Haley sees and pushes him out of the way, and she gets hit instead. Nathan runs to the car, pulls Daunte out, and brutally beats him. While at a bar celebrating Nathan’s new shoe deal, fans of a rival team begin taunting him. He almost walks away, but when they bring Haley into it, he defends her honor and gets into a fight, which leads to Nathan getting thrown through a glass window, temporarily disabling him and effectively ruining his basketball career. When Jamie is missing, Nathan jumps in front of a police car to get them to stop and help, nearly getting himself killed. He sees opportunities and acts. If someone he loves is threatened, he reacts, usually without giving himself time to think.

Auxiliary Introverted Thinking [Ti]: If something makes sense to Nathan, he does it. Nathan perceives Lucas to be a threat and comes up with what he judges to be the best way to keep him from taking his life. Nathan gets to the point and expresses himself clearly and concisely. He does whatever he believes to be the best course of action. Nathan often thinks that he knows the best way to handle something, and can become stubborn once he reaches his own logical judgment about a situation, shutting out the thoughts and opinions of the people close to him.

Tertiary Extroverted Feeling [Fe]: When he was younger, Nathan used his Fe to get under people’s skin. He knows how to play on feelings to get a rise out of people (particularly Lucas). Nathan is charming and can get people to like him if he wants them to. When he first pursues Haley, he does it to upset Lucas, and he gets her to play right into his hands. He can be sweet, complimentary, and thoughtful when he wants to be. As he grows, Nathan begins to use this function in healthier ways. He becomes selfless, putting others and their welfare before himself. He also gets better at expressing his feelings, especially as his relationship with Haley progresses and he falls in love for the first time. His Fe develops even further when he becomes a father. He wants to help the people he cares about and becomes a shoulder for the people in his life to lean on. He is supportive, generous, and takes care of his loved ones. Nathan is fiercely protective and will spring into action if someone hurts his friends or family (Se-Fe).

Enneagram: 8w7

Inferior Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Nathan knows that he wants to someday join the NBA and he works towards this goal throughout high school and college until he makes it a reality. However, due to his often reckless behavior, he has major setbacks because he fails to consider his long-term objective when he acts on his impulses. He sees a future for himself and Haley and he looks forward to spending the rest of his life with her. At times, Nathan can lose sight of his vision for his future and get sidetracked, but once he regains his motivation, he works tirelessly to make his dreams come true.

Quotes:

Nathan: You have one chance, one life, and what you do with it is up to you.

Cop 1: What the hell are you doing? Nathan: My son is missing. Cop 1: Right, calm down. You could’ve got yourself killed! Nathan: We just left the wedding okay, all the guests are gone and my son missing. He’s four and a half years old. Cop 2: Have you been drinking sir? Maybe been to the reception? Nathan: What kind of question is that? ‘Have I been drinking?’ Cop 2: You need to listen to me… Nathan: No you listen to me! My name is Nathan Scott okay? My father is Dan Scott, he was arrested for murder, okay? He’s a bad guy and he was here today. Now either one of you two idiots gets on your radio right now and finds my son or I’ll knock you both out and I’ll do it myself!

Chris: Ah! Stop hitting me! Nathan: Stop kissing my wife!

Nathan: You know what? Tragedies happen. What are you gonna do? Give up? Quit? No. I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That’s life. The confusion and fear, that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better. And that something is worth fighting for.

Brooke: Hi, Nate. Come in. It’s a tough day, huh? Nathan: Yeah. Brooke: I wish there was something I could do for you or Haley or Jamie. Nathan: Well, actually we were wondering if there’s anything we could do for you. Brooke: How do you mean? Why me? Nathan: We know that your mom has been pulling some stuff with the company, and I don’t know, I guess having dealt with parent insanity I wanted to check your head. See how you’re doing. Brooke: I’m fine. Really. Nathan: That sounds like something I would say. Look, this thing with losing Quentin, it-it’s hard. And I have a feeling its gonna be a pretty prominent thing in our lives for a while, but that doesn’t mean that your problems are any less important, that all of us aren’t here for you. Brooke: Look, like I said… Nathan: You’re fine. You can handle it. Its all good. Look, I hope that’s true and maybe it is but the thing is, the two of us have been down very similar roads. We were in the same cliques first, we both felt the same pressures, the same expectations. Our parents were like children and we both grew into kind of bad versions of ourselves way too fast. So I think you know I get it. Brooke: They never really gave us a chance did they? Our parents? Nathan: They didn’t know how. Look, the thing is, you made your dream happen, alright? And even though I didn’t quite get there, when it was taken away from me I dealt with it alone. That was stupid, selfish, and wrong. So if your mom tries to take your dream away from you and you feel the same pain I did, I’ve sorta been there, okay? And I’m gonna be kind of pissed off if you don’t come talk to me about it. Anyway, thank you for coming today. It means a lot. I know you didn’t know Quentin, but it doesn’t surprise me that you’re thinking of other people when all this stuff is going on with you. That’s not bad for a girl who never had a chance. Come here. [Nathan and Brooke hug]

Haley: I need to know that you’re going to let me in, Nathan. I mean, all the way. Nathan: I will, okay. I’ll – I’ll let you in if that’s what it takes, I’ll let you in. It’s just… sometimes I’m afraid that if I do, you’ll see the real me. The guy I was before you. And I’m not proud of that person, okay; the one that I used to be. But if I have to be that guy to keep you safe, then that’s who I’m going to be. Look, if you want me to apologize for defending you, or for fighting back when somebody hurts you, then I can’t do that – I won’t do that, okay because the truth is: that’s a guy I’ll never be; a guy that just stands by and watches while the world hurts you. Can you understand that?

Nathan: It’s the oldest story inn the world. One day you’re planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing someday is today and then someday is yesterday and this is your life.

Nathan: Every choice you make shapes your future.

Nathan: People just go through things, challenges that make them stronger.

Nathan: I am the kid, Hales and I’m sick of dealing with my parents’ problems. If it’s not my dad with a restraining order, it’s my mom with a glock. They’re unbelievable. My one saving grace. My one way out is if I play halfway decent in these playoffs, I can get a scholarship and I can get the hell away from both of these lunatics. Should my mom have a gun? No! But am I going to let her stupidity or anything else stand in the way of my dreams? Not a chance.

Nathan Scott (One Tree Hill): ESTP was originally published on MBTI Zone

[not3worthy]

So, What Precisely Is It Supposed To Mean?

Time for some context to that relatively vague title for this entry tonight:  one of my friends on Facebook posted about their New Year’s goals.  And I have to admit, I like that.  They aren’t half-hearted resolutions that can easily fall to the side and be forgotten about in the matter of a few months, as resolutions are apt to do.  And their goals are pretty good: they’re specific, ambitious and completely accomplishable.  What really caught my eye was the second part of this individual’s message.

Now... I’ll get this out right now; I am, despite my desire to be a straight arrow when it comes to taking the opinions and perspectives of another, sometimes a person of two minds.  When it’s something I want to hear or something that you confirm by talking about it, I’m enthusiastic about what you have to say and take steps to make the process actually come to fruition.  The other times, when it’s an area of weakness, I don’t take it well.  I get defensive, act like there’s not a problem, and politely agree with you until you stop talking--upon which I do the best I can to forget anything you said about the topic and soothe my bruised ego.

So, when I read this person’s statement, my initial response was to roll my eyes and say “Yeah, but you haven’t lived my life, so...” and then a myriad of excuses--usually incredibly flimsy ones--to dismiss their argument and go back to what I was doing.

But then I examined my life.  And I really haven’t been that happy with it as of late.  My life largely reflects around my work routine, at which I feel the most alive--even when gritting my teeth as I drive through intersections with the realization that I need to turn around and go 15 miles in the other direction to the next stop when I’m running up against the clock.  I’ve been given the chance to help load and unload the cargo containers we load shipments in.  It’s physically and mentally demanding work that gets me sweating and pumped up about doing what I do.  If things work out (I really hope they do), that might become part of my job’s routine. #MoMoney XD

Anyway, the last of this person’s goals was “put myself out there more.”  And... I have to admit, as an extroverted introvert, that statement is challenging for me to deal with.  Let me explain why, and it’s something I recalled recently from when I was in grade school.

For those of you reading this who don’t know me, I was diagnosed with Asperberger’s Spectrum ADHD when I was 6.  And back then, the drug of choice was Ritalin, of which I was on for most of my early life.  I was placed in special education classes since kindergarten and really didn’t have the first idea as to how to make friends because I was one of the “special” kids. And, I guess I tried to fit in, but... it was a long time ago, and remembering what happened to you when you were in 1st grade when you’re my age is no easy task.  

Years went by until this incident occurred.  What happened was that I was out on my bicycle--a good old one-speed bike that was black with this weird orange colored paint on it--the name escapes me--and got around some other kids my age group and wanted to go bike riding with them and go to the one person’s house.

I was thrilled: someone wanted for me to be their friend!  I was going to be accepted and really start growing as a person.  So, we start riding.  And they start going faster.  It’s not very long before I lose sight of them.  Nobody stopped and waited for me, and nobody came back to see if I was still on my way.  I ended up on the fringe of Minnetonka--which when you’re 9 is a long way from home, exhausted and stopped at a stranger’s house for a glass of water before I headed back to my house.

I was crushed.  I felt like I wasn’t important and that I was always going to be left behind, always the special kid who everybody gets a good laugh out of and excludes from events and parties and stuff.  And... I think right then and there I gave up on trying to make friends.  I was always gonna be weird, the round hole for the square peg.  The friends I did have were ones that had learning, emotional or physical disabilities.  Me?  I just learned a little differently.

Fast forward to today.  I’m skipping a lot of details, but I want to inform you, not bore you to death with every detail of my life for the last 15 odd years or so.  I’ve had my fair share of friendships, and I still do... but, as of late, they’ve... been starting to wither a bit.  Part my fault, part theirs.  I’ve flat out cut two people out of my life; one, it was after I got tired of them having selective responding skills which seemed to me an excuse after so long; the other, simply because their inability to accept reality had reached a point--and I also realized that I wasn’t really a friend to this person--the friendship wasn’t reciprocal.

I’ve said on occasions prior to this post that I’m... relatively approachable.  Granted, my schedule wreaks havoc on my social life during the week and that’s a small price to pay for my continued employment, and I do Tweet when I can.

Speaking of Twitter, I just looked at my follower count--and, granted it’s just a number and isn’t reflective of activity/interaction from my followers--and it’s a pretty healthy number.  True, nothing to write home about and certainly nothing on which to rest my laurels or make a comparison to anybody else--let’s not even start that game, but it is something.

I have noted before I am... sort of socially awkward.  I--unintentionally--come across as a potential know-it-all/know-too-much individual at times, don’t always know how to read people, or am burdened by a vocabulary that isn’t the most conversationally compatible of all. It’s why I made the comparison between myself and Moondancer last week in a post.

Okay, don’t run out of steam near the close :)

I can’t really say it’s true.  I may share some of Moondancer’s traits, but I’m certainly not a mirror image of her by far.  Not am I truly Starlight Glimmer or any stereotype of pony that I’ve been exposed to.  The one thing that Moondancer and I have in common though is that we both suffered a substantial emotional wound when we were younger by those who probably intended no malice.

Unfortunately for me, I can’t find those kids that did that from over 30 years ago... hell, I don’t even remember their names... and the catharsis that we see Moondancer go through in Amending Fences is something I’ve never quite felt in full.  At a time or two in the last year or so, maybe.  I recall myself bawling like a baby when I was listening to BlackGryph0n’s song Tell Me on repeat once I heard a certain line in the chorus

Getting back to what my friend said, yes... I believe it’s important to not live in the shadows because you can’t really live life there.  However, I guess what I’m trying to explain to people is my fear.  It’s truly the one thing I am afraid of.  What’s that?

That I’ll be rejected and individuals I meet won’t want me.  Is the fear irrational?  Not really.  Do I let it grow out of proportion far more often than it should?  Yeah.

Right now, I’m going to try and be... different.  I still have emotional hurts--from my childhood, from my marriage, from time spent living in my in-laws (I really don’t recommend it unless you have a good relationship and there are boundary lines) that I have kept to myself out of respect for others as to not burden them.  They’re supposed to be my friends, not an emotional dumping ground where I pour out all the ick and filth and bile and walk away clean and then leave them with a mess to deal with.  That’s neither fair nor incredibly appropriate.

Still, I’ve got to try something.  If it’s being honest with someone I trust and not being afraid and socially awkward, so be it!  The only person I’m hurting in the process by doing that is myself.

It’s time I stopped doing that.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 120, September 2018

The challenge of writing about my feelings towards Father’s Day is to not make it sound like a depressing sob story but it most likely will come across that way. I’ve had a very distant relationship with my biological father for many years now. Even after briefly reconnecting with him about five years ago, it really hasn’t done much to strengthen or salvage the relationship. Making an effort with him just feels like a waste of time and energy.

He’s made several attempts at asking me for money and only really texts me whenever he wants something. It’s an emotional time, not just for me but also for my parents who both no longer have their Dads in their lives. It’s felt like a massive void in my life for many years that I’ve had to find masculine energy and strength from other sources. This includes my step-dad, former personal trainer and a current yoga teacher. But sadly these will never completely fill the void or my needs.

So what’s the best way of taking your mind off the fact that it’s Father’s Day today? Switching off all forms of social media. Going to the local community market at Cranbourne Public Hall and having a coffee with Mum at Michel's Patisserie (Cranbourne East, Victoria). Then going out to Village Cinemas Fountain Gate Gold Class to see the latest Mission: Impossible movie. I think that’s more than enough distractions really. I know a lot of people love and embrace Father’s Day but sadly I’m not one of them for obvious reasons.

On Monday night, I went to the Men of Doveton Program held at Doveton College Theatre and Gym. It’s about halfway through the program now and to be honest, I feel like I’ve only just broken through the iceberg. Whenever it comes to social support groups, I always seem to be the underdog, the one lagging behind the others, the one struggling to catch up. It’s probably due to my autistic traits and under-developed social skills plus the fact that I’ve always been shy, introverted and reserved. But I am determined to complete this program and not simply give up due to my low motivation, self confidence and self worth.

Motivation is still something of a barrier for me, especially on Mondays where I typically don’t do much with my day at all. I usually do some housework, reading, check emails, listen to music and lay in bed. And so the Men of Doveton program has in fact given me a reason to get myself out of the house for a couple of hours and that in itself is an achievement for me. It shows that I need all the help and support I can get from this group of guys. https://www.caseystadium.ymca.org.au/whats-on/upcoming-events/event/men-of-doveton-free-health-program-2/2018/07/30

Tonight we started our first week of playing soccer. My initial reaction to this...well at least it’s better than cricket. But that certainly doesn’t make it easier. Learning to dribble, headbutt and maintain control of the ball wasn’t a walk in the park but I gave it a crack. Similarly, my aim was pretty terrible when it came to kicking the ball into the goals but at least I tried.

Hesitation and uncertainty continue to cloud my judgement when it comes to playing team sports games like soccer but it felt good to least least try to get involved. I made a couple of good attempts at passing the ball to a fellow teammate and also did my best to defend. Again this is not something I’m naturally good at but it’s good to see the other guys being supportive and respectful to the ones giving it a go.

After the physical health session, we gathered ourselves into the kitchen area for our cooking class. We divided ourselves up into seven groups and each worked on a different recipe together. These included: berry smoothies, beans and mushroom on toast, spinach, sweet potato and lentil Dhal, Mediterranean bean salad, roasted chickpeas, protein balls and wholemeal banana pancakes.

It honestly got me out of my comfort zone big time being in that kitchen. I don't do a great deal of cooking at home myself, just occasionally do simple dishes like scrambled eggs, omelettes, salads, smoothies, stir fris etc. And it felt good to be able to contribute and get involved in the cooking process. With there being about 25-30 people in the kitchen, it got hectic very quickly.

Of course my autism and anxiety was going off like an alarm, getting myself easily distracted and being unsure of myself. To throw myself into situations where there is little structure and plenty of chaos, that requires a lot of strength. The solution is to perform tasks I know I’m actually good at like chopping up vegetables, heating up some rice and helping to clean up.

The other is to ask others what needs doing but it’s tough when there’s a lot going on stimulation wise. Still even with how busy the environment got, I still enjoyed myself and felt good about using some hands on kitchen skills again. It’s actually pretty therapeutic as it keeps your mind focused and active on that single activity. Plus I was cutting up and crushing chilies, ginger and garlic which are ingredients I don’t eat or use very often.

In terms of social connections, I feel like I’m slowly blending in with the others. Being one of the quietest men in the group, it’s very easy for me to get overlooked and not stand out. Whenever I meet new people, a wall goes up for my own self-protection due to my trust issues from the past and so it takes time for me to begin opening up to other people and gradually bring that wall down. But I could tell that people were there to support me and to make sure that I didn’t feel alone.

Just attending these weekly Men of Doveton sessions is half the battle for me as social awkwardness and fears of being rejected can rear their ugly heads. But everyone is pretty accepting and inclusive in this group hence why I keep coming each week.

On Tuesday morning, I attended the Adults Learners Week pop-up event at Hampton Park Library. Entering the library foyer, I could already feel my cheeks getting flushed with redness, mainly due to the big question: What the hell am I doing with my life? Thankfully there were plenty of free resources here from Hampton Park Community House, Hampton Park Uniting Church, Hallam Community Learning Centre Inc., Chisholm Institute and Casey Cardinia Libraries.

Mum and I both renewed our library membership cards, grabbed lots of programs and brochures and filled out a work/learning goals form. For 16 years, I’ve referred to myself as a Career Counsellor’s nightmare and nothing much has changed today. It would be easier to say what I’m not interested in. I wrote down: creative writing, painting, drawing, reviewing, barista training, hospitality, waiting and bar service, health and fitness, mental health, nutrition just to name a few things. https://www.cclc.vic.gov.au/

But I’m glad I went today as I’ve opened myself up to more potential social outlets and ways to connect with the local community through classes, workshops, activities, functions, events and training courses. Plus finding mental health support groups, social groups and building friendships. All of those things are very important to me. I’m actually highly considering attending a local church group to pick myself up and feel more connected with others. And I’m not even a Christian. https://www.adultlearnersweek.org/learning-in-casey/ 

On Tuesday night, I attended my RPM class at YMCA Casey RACE in Cranbourne East. I wasn’t exactly feeling energised or alert even after having a regular latte before my class started but I didn’t care. I was determined to jump on that bike and workout hard. It’s been a while since I last did a class with fitness instructor Caroline Dowswell Symmons aka Cas (who also teaches Body Balance and Body Pump) so it was good to see her again. https://www.caseyrace.ymca.org.au/gym/group-fitness 

We did a mixture of tracks tonight including Ke$ha - We R Who We R (Release 51), Cascada - San Fransisco (Release 54), Sash! featuring Stunt - Raindrops (Release 50) and Fatboy Slim versus Moguai - Ya Mama “Push The Tempo” (Release 56). Cas has a really entertaining way of accentuating the lyrics and trying to encourage us to increase the resistance a little more especially during the climbing uphill tracks. It certainly makes RPM classes a lot more enjoyable and fun. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/fitness-classes/rpm/ 

On Wednesday, my mental health took a turn for the worse. I realised that I’d been carrying a lot of unresolved baggage from Father’s Day last weekend plus lack of sleep, confidence and self-esteem issues, work-related stress, frustration, moodiness, irritability, social isolation. All of it was coming to a head today. I really needed to be pro-active and do something about it.     

So I decided to see my GP Dr. Mah Mah Thet for her recommendation. After suggesting that I think I should change my antidepressant medication (I’ve been taking Zoloft/Sertraline for over 18 months now), she agreed and recommended finding a psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and sleep problems. The difficult task now is doing my homework, researching and finding a psych who suits my needs, narrowing the options down to one. 

On Thursday afternoon, I had my NDIS planning meeting/conversation held at Level 2, Suite 1, 64 Victor Crescent in Narre Warren. I spent this week deliberately distracting myself from thinking about this meeting as I was feeling pretty nervous and uncertain about it. I couldn’t have been more organised with a yellow display folder packed with notes, information brochures, letters, reports and evidence about my mental health condition and disability. With how daunting and overwhelming the NDIS system is, I just couldn’t wait to get this planning meeting over with. 

An NDIS representative named Sean ran the meeting today in one of the office spaces. After wasting 5-10 minutes trying to plug the mouse into his computer, we finally got going. Most of it was answering a range of online questionnaires about my family life, social and work environments, living arrangements, what I need help and support with, how my disability impacts on my life, my emotional health, how I want my plan to be managed, my goals and participant statement.     I found that the wording of some of the questions was very convoluted and unnecessarily complex that I had to go to Mum or Sean for a second opinion. It was like they were trying to trip me up if I answered the question incorrectly but Sean assured me that this wasn’t the case.

I did notice that Sean would often go off on a tangent and not be mindful enough about the time (we only had 1.5 hours allocated for this appointment). I also found that he’d sometimes try to answer questions for me and I wasn’t exactly comfortable about that.  But otherwise he was very easy to get along with. https://www.casey.vic.gov.au/community-services/ndis

Thankfully the rest of it was pretty easy as I already did my homework and pre-filled a lot of information ahead of time. Sean offered the suggestion of doing an aged care or disability services course but I’m not really sure about that right now and I’d rather see an actual careers counsellor about that. I’m sure he meant well by it. Now I just have to wait for the plan to get put together. https://www.ndis.gov.au/participants/firstplan

On Friday night, I went to a boxing small group training session at CinFull Fitness. Considering how low, depressed, overwhelmed, highly strung and stressed out I’ve been feeling this week, I figured that trying out some boxing would be a good way to release those negative emotions and make me feel more energized. It was just the four of us tonight, being joined by Grace, Chloe and Ashlee.

Considering I don’t do boxing classes regularly enough or had much experience, I was pretty rusty at it but the girls were very patient and encouraging with me. We took it in turns in wearing the gloves and the focus mitts, doing a few drills and basic combos. The hardest part for me was learning the co-ordination, mitt/glove positioning and timing of the jabs, hooks, crosses and uppercuts but I was slowly getting the hang of it. https://www.expertboxing.com/boxing-basics/how-to-box/the-beginners-guide-to-boxing

There was a lot of cardio exercise mixed in including walking lunges, plank holds, squats, star jumps, step jumps, jumping jacks, squat jumps and push-ups. The physical fatigue and profuse amounts of sweat was obviously present tonight but I felt like I was managing okay. If I don’t need to have the ambos called from Casey Hospital, you know that I’m not overdoing it and that’s important. I’m aware enough of my limits and if I need to stop and take a breather. I’m sure that Cinamon Guerin doesn’t want to see me keeling over.

“I was like a lead balloon when I couldn't even get up to turn the lights on, the dark was swallowing me. Lord knows you can't trust your head, when you're standing on the edge. I'm breaking down. Lord knows you can't trust your head, when you're hanging by a thread. I was breaking down.” SIA - Footprints (2016)

[blowxxtomishaped]

Izzy's Character Sheet

Just in case you’re interested.

Basic Statistics:

name: Israel “Izzy” Felix Hartmann

birthdate: December 12th

age @ beginning: 17

nationality: German / French

hometown: Munich

currently lives: Chicago

occupation: school

income: not a clue (IE: Daddy’s Money)

talents: is very artistic. A skilled artist and writer. A fantastic dancer.

relationship skills: Izzy can have a conversation with anyone about something or another with just about anyone. That isn’t to say that his conversations don’t get heated, they often do. Izzy has no problem talking. Getting close to people though? It happened far and few between and sadly all too rarely in his life.

Immeadant Family:

mother: Adalyn Macy Martin Hartmann

father: Dominick Felix Hartmann

brother(s): Dominick Alexander Hartmann - 38 - half brother

sister(s): n/a

spouse: n/a

children: “Oh gods, never!”

Physical Characteristics:

height: 5’5

weight: >100lbs

race: caucasian

eyes: right blue, left green

hair: natural soft light blond curls

how does Izzy dress?: Izzy wears clothes that are typically meant for girls. Dresses, skirts… heals and makeup- he loves the whole shebang! He’s a crossdresser, not Transgender like so many people think upon finding out he’s actually a boy.

mannerisms: Pulls hair and/or bites lip when nervous. When he’s around people he always tries to seem upbeat and happy. Showing any other emotion made people ask questions. What’s wrong? Nothing. Are you okay? Perfectly fine. Tell me what’s made you so sad. Who the hell talks like that?  I’m here for you. No, you’re hearing trying to sleep with me. The higher he is and the higher his emotions are running the more animatedly he talks.

bad habits: smokes cigarettes and pot. Heavy coke user. Rarely drinks, prefers being high over drunk.

health: physically- too thin mentally- bipolar

hobbies: writing and drawing his comic books. Working on a hard novel based off the comics and paintings/sketches/etc. Still takes dance four times a week to keep up and stay in as good of shape as the high on can be in.

quote from Izzy: “Jesus christ I’m not a girl! I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong body, and I in no way want to actually be a girl. I just like the clothes so much more. And shoes. And makeup. Girls have better shit, boys need to step their game up or do something that should be so much easier and simply start accepting people like me.”

favourite quote: “Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn’t understood.” - Zhou Weihui

disability: n/a

style: whatever he feels like that day. Elegant. Flashy. Fun. Cute. Simple. Stylish. Outgoing. Shy. Sexy.

glasses: no

biggest flaw: is addicted to cocaine.

best qualities: if one really would just let Izzy be Izzy and accept the kid as is they would see them. Izzy is really a sweetheart, rather smart, and when he lets himself be and isn’t putting up a guard to keep people from hurting him Izzy is fun.

Intellectual / Mental / Personality Atributes:

educational background: graduated in the top of his class a year early, he just had to get out of school and studied his ass off for weeks to be able to do it. Opted out of college.

IQ: 139

short term goals: to be himself, to really be happy.

how does Izzy see himself?: As a drug addicted cross dressing teenager.

how does Izzy believe he is perceived by others?: by the people he hangs out with: As a drug addicted cross dressing teenager. The rest of the world: As a cross dressing teenager. That’s exactly what showed, no one’s perceptions of him should be any different than how he sees himself.

how self confident is Izzy?: confidence completely oozes from Izzy when he’s out in the open. Said confidence has gotten him in trouble plenty of times though, like when stupid ex football players find out they just hit on city freak in a dress.

does Izzy seem ruled by his emotions?: very much so. Izzy has a hard time thinking logically before opening his stupid mouth. So much of what Izzy says and does is done in the heat of the moment.

what would most embarrass Izzy?: if people found out some of the things he believed to be true about himself, finding out the all confident Izzy isn’t so perfect. Example: He thinks he is unlovable.

Emotional Characteristics:

strengths: loves the unlovable. Not afraid to be who he is inside. That doesn’t mean everyone deserves to see all of him.

weaknesses: coke, and shoes. He has a closet just for his shoes. He’s nearly as addicted to them as he is to the drug.

introvert / extrovert: although he keeps his guard up, Izzy is very much extroverted. He is open with the world about who he wants to be, for the most part at least. Due to a deal with his father he had to stay out of the media so he does have to keep it reigned in.

how does Izzy deal with…

         anger?: not well, the teenager is quick to anger. And isn’t very good and holding back his tongue when he’s pissed. When someone makes him snap, the little spitfire will actually throw punches. Thanks to years and years of dance he did have some strength.

         sadness?: he doesn’t deal with it. At all. Ever. He just does more drugs, puts himself in a world far away from whatever upset him.

         conflict?: avoids it if at all possible, he has enough conflict in his life without actively seeking out more. Conflict eats at him, he doesn’t really know how he’s supposed to deal with it.

         change?: really well. Izzy is usually pretty good at just going with the flow. He’s good at accepting what life throws at him and trying to do something with it, even if that something isn’t necessarily a good thing or even a good idea in the first place.

         loss?: not well. His family spends most of the time trying to forget that he’s a part of it and that left Izzy starved for attention growing up. It also left him alone, not even school offered much solace- kids are fucking mean. When he finally makes real friends, real people he actually gives a shit about and who gave a shit about him even just the thought of losing them makes his chest ache.

what does Izzy want out of life?: so simple it’s almost sad. He just wants to be truly happy and loved. He would also love for everyone to know who he is because of his comics / paintings / book. But happy and loved more.

what would Izzy like to change about life?: change how people see him, would make the world just accept him and treat him like everyone else.

what makes Izzy happy?: positive reinforcements, compliments. And coke. You can’t help but to just smile when you’re mind is racing a mile a minute and bad ideas suddenly sound like a lot of fun now.

is Izzy judgemental of others?: not in the least bit.

is Izzy generous or stingy?: He has never had to work for anything that could be bought, but it didn’t turn him into a stingy spoiled brat. If you’re someone he cares about, or at least not somebody he hates, than Izzy has little to no problem sharing anything- except his shoes. He’ll share his coke ten times over before he’ll give up his shoes. “Don’t give me that look. These are vintage prada heels, only a hundred pairs were made!”

is Izzy generally polite or rude? He tries to be polite. He can’t expect people to be civil with him if he’s not with them, right? But once one starts throwing smack in any form his way all bets are off, much of what he says than would probably be considered rude.