#and now it's not even funny brotha

[lawko-sama]

Walls and Whispers

Summary: Basically, it's a description of slowly getting together with Daryl.

Warnings: Blood, injuries, Merle is an asshole (XD)

Era: Prison

Word count: 2.7k

Something from me: Hello, hello. I apologize in advance for any mistakes with the appearance, layout of the post (first post on the platform). I will gladly accept any feedback. This beginning is part of the whole story I have in my head, I think there will be further parts. English is not my first language, but I think I write in it quite okay. And what.. I wish you a pleasant reading <3

It was a beautiful summer day. Or at least, it looked like one. But the moment you stepped beyond the cold prison walls, the scorching, suffocating heat hit you like a truck. The sun blazed mercilessly at its highest point in the sky, and the air had thickened, shimmering under the hellish temperature.

You stood by the entrance gate, watching as the approaching vehicle kicked up dust along the road. Since you had some free time, you figured you'd help unload whatever they had brought back. You opened the gate for them, wrestling with the locks and chains. Luckily, it didn't take you too long.

The old van rolled through the wire gate, and you quickly shut it behind them. The first person to jump out was Rick. The second the vehicle came to a stop, he was already hauling supplies out. Right behind him was Merle, a wide, shit-eating grin plastered across his face as he laughed at something—probably his own joke. Daryl was the last to get out, barely paying attention to anyone as he made his way straight to the front of the vehicle. He lifted the hood, immediately getting to work as thick, gray smoke billowed from the engine.

"Where is the Korean starboy? I have his order!" Merle yelled toward Hershel, who was making his way over.

Beth peeked out from behind her father, automatically glancing up at the watchtower. Merle caught on quickly, following her gaze with an amused smirk.

"Starboy!" he hollered, even louder this time. "Ya comin'?!"

Rick shook his head in mild exasperation but said nothing. A moment later, Glenn leaned out from the doorway of the guard tower.

"What?!"

He was still fastening his belt, his bare chest saying more than enough about what he had been up to. In the window behind him, a very flustered Maggie was visible, which only made Merle's grin widen.

"Ya cummin'?!" he shouted again, this time emphasizing a different syllable before bursting into laughter.

Glenn squinted at him, clearly confused, then turned to Maggie with a shrug, saying something to her you couldn't hear.

You exchanged an amused look with Rick and continued hauling boxes of food inside. You couldn't help but notice that Merle was in an unusually high-spirited mood today. He was always loud, always a presence impossible to ignore, but today he was practically bouncing with energy. For a fleeting moment, you thought maybe—just maybe—he'd be more of a funny asshole rather than just an asshole. That would be an improvement, at least.

"What 'bout ya, Darylina?"

Merle had somehow ended up right behind Daryl. But the younger Dixon didn't even flinch, still focused on the busted engine. Every now and then, he flicked his hand back as if he was touching something way too hot to be messing with.

"Do ya even know what I'm talkin' bout, baby brotha?" Merle prodded, leaning against the van with that ever-present smirk.

The van rocked slightly, and Daryl finally looked up at him, irritation clear in his expression.

"I am doin' somethin'. Can't ya see?" he snapped, voice edged with frustration.

"Ya can talk and still do yar thing," Merle shot back smoothly. "So?"

They stared at each other for a second. You found yourself eavesdropping more than you probably should, but curiosity had the best of you. You even slowed your pace, carrying one of the bigger boxes extra carefully just so you could keep listening.

"M' not five anymore. 'Course I know what yar talkin' bout," Daryl muttered, turning back to the engine.

For the briefest second, his eyes flicked to yours. Caught. You quickly looked away, pretending to focus on your task, but you knew he had seen you listening. And you had seen something too. A flicker of something in his gaze—something close to panic.

"But ya know it's different when ya alone n' when ya not, right?" Merle pushed.

Daryl didn't answer. He just went back to work, which only made Merle roll his eyes. The smug look on his face said he already knew the answer, anyway.

Then Daryl bent lower, reaching deep into the engine, his entire arm disappearing under the hood. From where you stood, you couldn't quite see what Merle was doing, but there was a glint of mischief on his face—a look you had come to recognize as trouble.

And then—

A loud bang.

You nearly dropped the food in your arms as you saw the hood of the van slam down, trapping Daryl between the metal and the vehicle. Worse still, something inside the engine must have been knocked loose, because the hissing sound grew louder, and more smoke poured out than before.

Merle's laughter rang through the air.

You ran over without thinking, pulling the hood up as fast as you could. Daryl immediately staggered back, coughing violently, his chest heaving as thick smoke spilled from his lungs. One side of his face was bright red—burned. And a thin trickle of blood ran down from his temple.

"Merle! Are you insane?!" you shouted, still steadying Daryl as he fought to breathe. "That's your brother!"

"Oh, come on," Merle scoffed, still chuckling. "Ya don't understand, so don't interfere, would ya?"

"This is too much, even for you, Merle," Rick cut in, his disapproval plain.

"M' tryin' to teach him a lesson 'ere," Merle said, holding his hands up like he was being accused of something unreasonable. For the first time, he actually looked somewhat serious.

"Look at him," he gestured toward Daryl. "Havin' this pretty angel face n' all that n' not usin' it? That is a true crime, baby brotha. So he gotta learn to use it by losin' it first. Simple as tha'."

Ignoring Merle's bullshit, you turned to Daryl. His hand was covering the burned side of his face, and when he tried to touch it, his fingers flinched away instantly. The skin was too raw, too hot.

"Are you okay?" you asked, immediately regretting how stupid the question sounded.

Daryl stiffened slightly, like he hadn't expected you to be this close. He looked at you—just with one eye, since the other was probably swollen. And then, predictably, he nodded.

Behind you, chaos was unfolding. Rick and Glenn were trying to talk some sense into Merle, but it was quickly turning into an actual fight. You saw something flash in Daryl's expression. His whole posture screamed exhaustion, but you already knew—he was about to jump in.

"Leave it," you said, placing a careful hand on his shoulder. "Please."

"Nah."

That was the only warning you got before he turned on his heel.

"Have ya lost yar mind, you psychopath?!" Daryl roared, effectively shutting everyone up—except Merle, who only grinned wider at the sight of him.

"That's what I'm talkin' bout! That's ma baby brotha—!"

"Shut da hell up! Ya wanna kill me or somethin'? Then fight me like a man would!"

"Stop that," you stepped between them, ignoring their protests. "Daryl, we need to take care of your wound. This isn't helping."

"She's right," Maggie chimed in, gripping Glenn's arm instinctively as both brothers turned to look at her.

"Look at that, Darlina! A little help from yar big brotha n' girls already love ya!"

"Zip it, ya punk!"

"Come on, Daryl," you urged, stepping closer.

Meanwhile, Rick had finally managed to drag Merle a safe distance away.

Daryl still couldn't tear his furious gaze away from his brother. You grabbed his arm and tried to gently pull him along, but he didn't budge an inch. You had nothing to convince him with, so you pulled a little harder. Finally, the younger Dixon gave in. He followed you, but his eyes stayed locked on Merle, who was still arguing heatedly with Rick.

Your eyes were practically devouring the archer. Especially after what just happened, you could finally be honest with yourself. Damn, you like him. From the start, he was way more interesting to you than the others. Visually, even with that brutal burn on his face, he made your knees weak. And once again today, Daryl caught you staring a little too long. And once again, you quickly looked away.

"We unpacked all the med kits in the prison recently," you said suddenly. "I saw some burn gel bandages in there. They should help."

"A'right," he muttered, chewing on his bottom lip.

"What was that about?" you finally asked, unable to accept Merle's behavior—especially his excuses for it.

You instantly realized you shouldn't have asked when Daryl's face twisted into a scowl.

"Quit bein' nosey. You heard what it was about."

So you shut up. You scolded yourself internally for your behavior around him. Silence was probably better for both of you anyway.

In perfect quiet, you reached the small room that now served as a makeshift medical office. Everything related to medicine was in here, including the burn dressings you were looking for. First, you took care of the wound that had been bleeding earlier, but it wasn't anything serious—no stitches needed.

You could feel Daryl's blue eyes on you. He sat on the examination table, leaning back against the wall. The adrenaline was wearing off, and the first signs of pain were starting to show on his face.

You didn't even know why you were so nervous. Your hands were shaking as you rummaged through the bins. Even though you had organized them yourself not that long ago, your mind was completely blank. Finally��miraculously—you wrapped your fingers around the package you needed.

You turned around quickly, trying to shake off the nerves and get rid of the million other things in your hands. You were clumsy, unable to fully control your movements, and Daryl definitely noticed. He just watched, silent and unreadable, but not exactly subtle about it.

"It might sting a little," you warned him.

He just nodded. The first bandage only covered about half the burned area. Daryl didn't even flinch when it touched his skin. If anything, he let out a small breath of relief. You immediately started searching for another one.

"...M'sorry," he muttered suddenly. "Ya know... for earlier."

His deep voice, though quiet, seemed to bounce off the small room's walls. You froze for a second, then gave him a sad little smile.

"Don't be. I shouldn't have asked."

"S'just..." he started, then stopped, like he couldn't get the words out. "It's okay. M'used to it. To him."

"It's not okay," you shot back, maybe a little too fast, too direct. "Being used to something like that—to someone like your brother—is messed up. But yeah, do whatever you think is best. I won't interfere if you don't want me to."

"Why do ya care?" he asked.

And this—this was the moment you knew you were screwed. Because you didn't have any explanation except the truth. And neither of you were ready for that.

"Oh—" you blurted out, seizing the excuse to change the subject. You turned to him with a smile. "I found it."

You waved the bandage in front of his face, and he seemed momentarily thrown off. At least he didn't push the topic.

You unwrapped the dressing and leaned in closer. Carefully, you covered the upper part of the burn, including his eyelid, with the cool, transparent bandage, trying to be as gentle as possible.

Once it was fully in place, you looked him over. It still looked painful, but at least he didn't seem to be in unbearable agony. Thankfully, the injury wasn't as dangerous as it had appeared—but it was still unacceptable.

Then, you caught yourself staring again. This time, you were way too close, still leaning over him like when you had applied the bandage. Your fingers had absentmindedly brushed his jawline. His blue eyes locked onto yours, piercing straight through you, and suddenly, you felt a deep pull in your stomach. Your heart pounded faster than it should've, and heat rose to your face.

"Tell me," he murmured, quieter this time, calmer. "Am I readin' this wrong?"

You looked at him with something between sadness and concern, avoiding his gaze like fire avoids water. You adjusted a piece of the bandage that had slipped when he moved his mouth and stayed quiet. 

"Are you pityin' me?" he asked, his tone strange, suspicious.

And just like that, your entire idea of how this conversation would go went straight to hell. You opened your mouth, but no sound came out—not even a broken one.

"I don't need that. Don't deserve it," he said, leaning back slightly. "So quit it."

"It's not—" you started quickly, then hesitated, realizing what he had just said. "...But why wouldn't you deserve it?"

"I just don't. And it's pathetic."

What scared you the most was that he said it while looking right at you, with an empty, emotionless stare. Like he truly believed it.

"I like you," you finally admitted, barely swallowing the weight of his words. "A lot."

For once, you let yourself shamelessly watch his reaction. His brows furrowed—both of them—so you reached up again to hold the bandage in place. Something flickered in his eye, but you couldn't read what it was. Then, a smile appeared on his cracked lips, but it wasn't a happy one. More crooked, almost mocking.

"Yer funny," he muttered, leaning back against the wall again.

You blinked, once, then again, confused. Daryl didn't seem to notice your frustration—didn't realize he had completely misread the situation.

"I mean it," you insisted, emotions starting to spill across your face. "I do. And I'll understand if you don't feel the same way."

The silence stretched endlessly. You knew Daryl needed time, but you also felt like you were about to explode. The smirk had disappeared from his face, so you let yourself hope—just a little—that maybe, just maybe, he had actually heard you this time.

"I don't deserve that either," he finally said, completely unaware of how much those words hurt. "Why?" he asked then, carefully, like he was walking on the thinnest ice imaginable.

"That's... it's unconditional..." you began, but he didn't look convinced. "I mean, I could list things—traits—but it's just... you. In general."

"M'a mess. Ya deserve better."

You saw it. The movement. He wanted to stand up. He wanted to leave. But you weren't about to let him.

"What's your deal with this 'deserving' thing?" you fired back, stopping him in his tracks.

"S'some people dese—"

"Say something like that again, and I'm leaving," you interrupted, finally getting some kind of reaction out of him. "Do you like me back?"

"It's not about that."

"Oh, but it is."

Daryl clenched his jaw, the muscles in his face tensing so much that he looked like he was fighting with himself. He didn't respond right away. You could see his breath becoming shallower, his fists clenching slightly—not out of anger, but in a desperate attempt to keep his distance.

You took a step closer.

"Daryl" you said, softer now, but firmly. "Tell me."

He hesitated, then dropped his gaze.

"I like ya, alright?" he muttered finally, but almost immediately shook his head, as if trying to reject his own words. "But that don't mean nothin'."

Your heart pounded harder. There was something heartbreaking about him. This man, who could fight so brutally for others, completely refused to believe that he could be enough for someone.

"It does mean something," you didn't back down, even though you could feel his walls rising higher.

Daryl let out a quiet scoff and scratched the back of his neck, visibly tense.

"Listen, ya think ya want this, but ya don't. 'M too fucked up."

You sighed heavily and shook your head.

"You don't get to decide that for me."

He looked at you, surprised, as if no one had ever said that to him before.

"You think I'm blind?" you continued, holding his gaze. "The way you protect people, the way you care even when you act like you don't. You push people away 'cause you think they're better off without you, but that's not your choice to make."

Daryl remained silent, the tension between you thickening. Finally, he let out a deep breath and ran a hand over his face.

"I don't know how to do this."

You gave him a sad smile.

"Then let's figure it out together."

He didn't answer right away, but after a moment, he gave a small nod. It wasn't a grand confession or a sudden dramatic shift. But it was a first step. And that was enough for you.

[formylovetodaryldixon]

"Paper Cuts." Intro—Daryl Dixon.

(Not my gif)

Summary: Before a new world covered in blood rose up, you lived an ordinary life, working an ordinary job, being an ordinary person, until your path crosses with Daryl Dixon. He's hurt, always hiding his emotions because they used to spill over dangerously, but it's funny how two broken people can complement each other, to the point of forgetting why you two suffered in the first place. But between meeting each other and breaking up, there was a life that was worth living even with pain in our scars. Because now you know that the important thing about being alive is to live, even with those paper cuts on our skin that sometimes feel like bullet wounds, but those that, at some point in our lives, will no longer hurt at all.

Prequel to "Like there was no tomorrow": Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

A/N: Hello everyone.

Once again, with great fear, I show you the intro of this little series, set before the apocalypse. This story is to show a little bit of how you and Daryl met before the end of the world, so I hope you like it! Thank you very much for giving it a chance. (I'm taking the liberty of tagging the people who commented on the post I made asking if you would like to read this story, and those who read "Like there was no tomorrow" but if you don't want to, don't hesitate to say so :)

Endless nights wondering why?

The emptiness in his uncomfortable mattress, always in the same position, counting the cracks in the ceiling. Insomnia, always alert, waiting still for the screams from the other side of the door and everything that brought, even if the perpetrators became ghosts a long time ago. Memories of his childhood desecrated, nightmares in his failed attempts to fall asleep, alone, until eventually boredom and tiredness forced him to close his eyes, only to then repeat the cycle in which he lived for many years. But not completely asleep, but always knowing the answer to: why I can’t? although never accepting the truth, living with it like a paper cut in his hand that burned.

All of that and more turned the boy into a young man who grew up unable to heal the wound, but that, at some point in his existence, found a way to live with it and without feeling any more pain, because someone told him that, in the end, we’re all a little broken, and that's okay. At that moment his hand stopped hurting, and although it turned out rough after a lifetime of working with them, now the callousness of his fingers is invisible to you, nonexistent as Daryl continues to slide them over the small of your back, under your black t–shirt, up and down lazily because now, not sleeping is a choice.

Lying on his right side, his outstretched arm is the nest of your head and warm body while sleeping on your stomach, your hand in a loose fist against your face, a habit that makes him chuckle before he gently pushes it away, only to put his finger under your nose, just to check that you’re still breathing. Yeah, there you are, the responsible for the collision of his little world, fracturing the silence that Daryl Dixon had managed to achieve in his solitude. But he wouldn't change this for anything.

However, when the door of his old apartment opens and hits the wall with a thud, his natural protective instinct, the one that was born the first time he took care of his mother after witnessing her first blackout, makes his hand, a second after that resounding sound, leave your back only to press it against your ear to block out the loud giggles coming from the hallway.

As a reflex, your body moves in your sleep.

“Fuckin' asshole.” Daryl grunts in frustration, listening to the way his older brother silences whoever is accompanying him that night.

“Shh, shh, shh.” Merle laughs from the other side of the closed door on his way to his own room, intoxicated by alcohol and other things. “M' sure ma baby brotha’s lil' angel is in there and we don’ wanna wake 'em up, darlin'...”

Although a short time later, the small apartment is filled with moans that travel through the thin walls.

“Goddamn it.” Tired, Daryl closes his eyes, wondering why the hell he hasn't been able to leave that shitty place.

Maybe it was the fear of starting, never something new because Daryl always lived tied to the past, to the pain and his scars, to the usual, to old habits, to his older brother who despite everything, is still his family. Although the ring hidden in his last drawer weighs with the opportunities he missed, that he let pass by for fear of rejection, for fear of his feelings overflowing when he had lived a life feeling little, or nothing at all. But then, there is a giggle on your part that forces him to open his eyes again, taking his hand away from your ear when Daryl sees you rubbing your closed eyelids before opening them, (with the fist you use to block your own breathing as he usually says to mock you) little by little to get used to the semi–darkness of the room and the partial light that enters through the only window.

“I think someone is filming a very dirty porno in your house.”

Daryl chuckles.

“M' sure the idiot paid her a lotta money to do that.”

You shrug, agreeing with him.

“Sounds a bit theatrical to me.”

Surprised, Daryl lets out a laugh as he rubs his face, waking back up just as he was managing to fall asleep.

“Maybe we should jus' keep sleepin' at yer place.”

You nod softly, bringing your loose fist back up to your face.

“I think so. No offense, but your mattress is kinda hard.”

“Shit. Sorry, peach.” His hand finds its way back to your exposed skin, pushing himself close to your body. “M' gonna buy a new one. Now try to sleep 'cause I have to take yer pretty ass to work in the mornin'.”

You chuckle, closing your eyes, knowing well that now, easily, he too will go back to sleep.

You and Daryl had more in common than he ever thought you two would have, because he never met someone like you: a little broken but determined to live life to the fullest, as if you had never left little pieces of yourself behind. Maybe it was the memories of an interrupted childhood, the cigarettes shared on the edge of that lake of the woods where he usually takes you, the jokes you make with your sassy mouth, making fun of him like no one had ever done before, while showing him that laughing more than once a year was allowed, and that trips on his motorcycle were more fun in pairs.

But between meeting each other and breaking up, there was a life that was worth living even with those pain in your scars. Because now you know that the important thing about being alive is to live, even with those paper cuts on your skin that sometimes feel like bullet wounds, but those that, at some point, will no longer hurt at all.

@spookygothmommy @walkingtalkingsomething @m1nda0 @fluffy-dixon @stunkbiggu @kurogxrix @ffsjustletmesleep @kaz11283 @daryldixmedown @enretrogue

[writtenbychris]

Twenty-Seven

warnings: joe jackson, abuse, physical altercation

genre: angst with a happy ending (I think 💀)

a/n: this was originally supposed to be a cute, fun, fluffy story, but it somehow turned into me writing about all the things I wish somebody would've done for Michael.. I have no idea how that happened, your guess is just about as good as mine is. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Michael and his girlfriend couldn’t stop giggling, though they both knew that they had to be quiet. The consequences of getting caught were too severe.

“Stop laughin’, you’re gonna get us caught!” Michael whisper-shouts to her, snickering under the covers. “What do you think my mama’s gonna do if she comes here and finds your cute self in my bed, huh?” Michael nuzzles her neck, knowing how ticklish it is.

“Are you jivin’?? Your laugh is so much louder than mine!” she whisper-shouts back, trying not to laugh because of Michael. “You laugh like ‘HEE HEE’”

Michael bursts out laughing, the girl immediately swats him and shushes him, but Michael had already shit the bed (pun semi-intended).

“What’s so funny in there, boy!”

The young couple shuddered in pure, unfiltered terror as they heard Joe Jackson’s heavy footsteps booming down the hallway and closer to Michael’s bedroom door.Michael looked directly into his girlfriend’s eyes, his own wide with pupils dilated in fear and panic. His hand quickly rose up to caress her cheek.

“Stay under here.” he said quickly, immediately throwing the covers off of his own head just in time for his dad to burst into the room like he was the FBI.

“What you laughin’ at, huh boy?!” Joseph yelled. “You and ya’ damn brothas always complainin’ ‘bout ‘oh I don’t let’chu sleep’ and now you in here laughin’!”

“I just remembered somethin’ funny that happened earlier Joseph, I’m sorry!” Michael pleads in vain.

“Go outside and get a switch offa the tree.”

“Joseph..! I- I thought I was too old for th-!”

“Do you want me to beat you with my bare hands instead?! Huh?!” Joseph screamed, grabbing Michael and starting to slap him.

“Joseph, stop it! You’re gonna kill him one of these days, please!” Kathrine begs from the end of the hallway, also in vain.

“Okay, okay, okay, I’ll get it, I'll get it!” Michael relents, sobbing from the stinging pain that was radiating from his cheeks.

Joseph waits in the room as Michael treads shakily down the stairs on his way outside. It was then that he turned around and noticed the little lump under Michael’s comforter.

Joseph chuckled to himself as Kathrine comes into the room to plead Michael’s case once more.

“This boy thinks I’m brand new, huh…” he smirks, reaching under the comforter and dragging the terrified young girl up and out of the bed, throwing her smack onto the floor, and then picking her back up by the ear, shocking Kathrine so much so that she was absolutely gagged.

Michael finally came back up to his room with the switch, only to freeze in complete, unmodified petrification when he saw his father holding up his girlfriend by the ear and his extremely devout Jehovah’s Witness mother both looking at him with a deep sadness, as if he had just shot a puppy, and also with a soft kind of rage, as if she was going to kill him but didn’t quite have the heart to do so.

“How long you been fuckin’ this pretty lil bitch?” Joseph pointed to her, shit eating smirk still plastered across his disgusting face.

Michael was royally flustered by his father’s bluntness, it was evident. But he managed to regain enough of his composure to speak.

“I- I don’t do that stuff, Joseph! She’s my girlfriend! S-see? We’re both dressed!”

“Don’t lie to me, boy.”

Michael narrowed his gaze and began to stalk closer to Joseph.

“I’m not you, Joseph. You might’a stuck your name onto mine, but I am not you! And let go of my girlfriend for God’s sake, she doesn’t even live here! You have no right to put your hands on her, none!”

Joseph lifts the girl higher, up to his eye level.

“How long you two been togetha’.” Joseph states, rather than asks.

“F-four years-!” she sputtered out.

Joseph finally drops the girl, turning his attention back to his terrified son as she hits the ground with a thud.

“Y’see, I was only about to beat you for the amount of time y’all been messin’ around. But since you decided that y’wanna get smart with me, I’mma beat you for every single one of those miserable twenty-three years of your life on TOP of those four years!

”Kathrine immediately jumped to Michael’s defense, positioning herself between him and Joseph.

“Joseph! You will not be whipping him twenty-seven times! You will not be whipping him at all!”

Joe barely even acknowledged her, pushing her off to the side, grabbing Michael and snatching the stick out of his hand.

“Turn around, pull down them sissy shorts o’ yours, and lie down on the bed.”

Joseph laughed to himself as Michael did everything he was told to a T, even though he could obviously see that his son was terrified and shaking. Joseph was still getting his last few chuckles in as he spoke.

“What’chu cryin’ for, I’m doing you a favor! Look at his shorts!” Joseph cackled. "You should be thankin’ me."

Joseph then raises the switch above his head, bringing it back down in one swift motion, causing Kathrine and the young lady to flinch just as hard as they would have if it was them that was about to get hit.

—SMACK!—

Michael was sobbing like a newborn baby. Michael’s parents had tried to send his girlfriend back to her own house after the beating, but she refused to leave without Michael. She eventually had enough and she took her boyfriend by the hand and dragged him out herself, Joe and Kathrine fighting her every step of the way.

“I can’t believe I’m walking through my neighborhood with nothing covering my private parts except for your skirt.” Michael spoke through his tears, somehow having enough audacity to be embarrassed about that in a situation like this.

“Michael, you are twenty-three fucking years old and you’re roaming the streets of Encino at 1 in the morning sobbing because your father just beat your ass so many times and so hard that the only thing you can wear is your girlfriend's skirt because it’s the only thing that wont touch your ass. There are much more pressing matters at hand here.”

“I know, but.. c’mon, he’s my dad! I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do..!”

“I do. You’re getting the fuck out of ‘Hell’venhurst and coming to stay with me instead.”

“Move out?! What?! I can’t do that!”

“Well, half of the Jackson kids did, so I don’t see why you can’t!”

“Girl, the Jackson kids that moved out did so because they got married! We’re not married!”

“I don’t care about that. You are well into adulthood now, you should not be dealing with this bullshit! Even if you were still a kid you shouldn’t be dealing with this bullshit! And if we really do have to get married in order for them to let you out of that fucking house, then we’ll do that. But I am not letting you stay there any longer!”

“Darlin’, it’s way more complicated than that..” Michael stops, lying face down on somebody’s lawn for a short reprieve from walking.

The young lady lets out a long, frustrated groan, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Michaelllllll! My skirt!”

“There are much more pressing matters at hand here.” he says, imitating her voice.

“Shut your face.”

Michael snickers.

“Come lay with me!”

She does so.

“As I was saying, things are much more complicated than just.. getting up and leaving.. I’m still technically under the family business and being managed by my dad.. it’s just so much contractual junk that would complicate things if I were to leave..!”

“Michael, I’ll take the heat with you. I’ll-!”

“Listen to me girl! My folks won’t just let me pack up my bags and walk out of there!”

“They don’t have to let you. Check this out. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll go back with you to Hayvenhurst to help you pack up your things. I’ll even send for my best friend and her dad, so if Joe decides to start stuff, they’ll lay him out like a welcome mat!”

“You’d do all that for me..?”

“Of course I would!”

“And you're sure this is a good idea?...”

“Yes! I think I already told you I’m not letting your ass stay there.”

Michael teared up once again, but this time it was out of happiness. He's never had someone go out of their way to protect him before. Sure, his mother Kathrine would try to stop Joseph but there was no amount of begging, pleading, or rationalizing that would encourage Joseph to back down once he was already dead-set on kicking someone’s ass. Even if that ‘someone’ was his own child. The realization that he actually had somebody on his side that was more than willing to show up and show out for him was so overwhelming that he just buried his face into the grass and cried.

“Oh Michael…”

They spent the next few minutes like that, Michael sobbing into the dirt, his girlfriend consoling him.

Once Michael was okay enough to speak again, his head came back up, face stained with tears, dirt, and grass. The girl laughed softly at her boyfriend, gently taking his chin in her hands and moving a little bit closer to allow his head to rest on her thigh.

“How can you look so cute and so gross at the same time?” she teased, running her fingers through his soft, curly hair.

Michael giggled softly, wiping off his face with his hand.

“Their grass was dry anyway, they should be thanking me!”

They both started dying of laughter, loud enough for somebody a few houses down to yell at them to shut up because ‘some people have work in the morning’. By the time they had calmed down, both their stomachs were hurting and tears were streaming down their faces.

“How much longer do we have to walk until we get back to your place?”

The girl stands up and stretches, followed by a long, wide yawn.

“About an hour or so if we don't find a ride…”

“To hell with that, I’m sleepin’ here.”

The girl facepalms.

“Now what do you think is going to happen when these people wake up in the morning to find Michael Jackson sleeping in their front yard, wearing a skirt with nothing underneath, huh?!”

“Nothing, the press is never gonna believe them!” Michael bursts out laughing, earning a groan from her.

“Come here.” she drags him up onto his feet. Michael whines, though he can’t help but smile.

“You’re a real meanie, y’know that, girl?”

“I’m not the one who beat y’ass twenty-seven times.”

“I know, because if you did, I’d be into it!”

Michael ran away cackling with laughter, girlfriend chasing him down with her shoe in her hand.

@2222bad you can stop frothing at the mouth now :) <3

Should I make a pt. 2? 👀

[nanamismoonchild]

random but their reaction to dr umar would be hella funny 😭 (if u don’t know dr umar search him up on TikTok he’s hilarious)

Gurl I find myself quoting dr. Umar without realizing it. I giggled with every one of these because that man really do be saying unhinged things.

Rafayel

Rafayel has been on his phone for a while now instead of painting.

And he's had that...look.

"What you watching?"

"Dr. Umar. He's saying black people need reparations for everything they've created and invented."

"Yeah. Your thoughts?"

"I wonder if Lemurians deserve the same."

Sylus

Sylus heard this ONE TIME and has not stopped saying it.

Sees you come in with nothing but a towel

"Brothas, we must stay focused."

"????"

"We MUST stay focused."

Xavier

Xavier finds this livestream

He starts nodding his head as he listens.

He looks at your head and frowns.

"What?"

"If it ain't nappy, I can't have it."

"What the hell? How do you even know that word???"

"Don't worry bout it, my beautiful melanated queen."

Zayne

Zayne is watching this video during one of his rare breaks

"What's a snow bunny?"

"Huh?"

"This doctor called one of his viewers a snowbunny and told them to leave."

"😟"

"I looked it up and snowbunny is a derogatory term for women of the pale variety. Does that include men? Can I tell snowbunnies to leave your vicinity too?"

Caleb

Caleb quotes from this video constantly

"Caleb if don't shut up, I will bite you!"

"At ease, my queen."

He's kicking his feet and giggling at how mad you're getting.

"Stop!"

[femmehaljordan]

did you know, in canon, Dick is the only person Jason will actually work with? Now image Tim trying so hard to work with Jason (brotha...) and Jason is just not having it, he hates the pretender so much and would rather be buried alive then every willing work with the little shit

god they make me so sick. I wish they stuck with that whole only wanting to work with Dick stuff rather than trying to make him a part of the family again.

lmao it would be so funny bc like. Tim wouldn't like it either but he'd be such a bitch about it. all "I can't believe I have to work with Jason, who is reckless and so much less intelligent than me" versus Jason's "yeah no I'm not doing that"

Tim ends up either giving Dick the case straight up or they have him act like a messenger lol. (probably the first one bc I can't see Jason even being okay with indirectly in this situation.)

[whyse7vn]

BRO? -

[ot7 x reader]

JIMIN -

y/n: bro

jimin: wys gang?

y/n: i just threw up in my mouth

jimin: you started it

on GOD 🙏🏻

y/n: stop

jimin: nah bro

what did you want dude

y/n: wanted you to pick me up

jimin: okay gang

on god i can do that for you

y/n: wanted

past tense

jimin: don’t even worry gang ur bros got you

y/n: ykw i’m so good gang 🙏🏽

bye

jimin: wait no come back 🥺

y/n: lol gang you into me or something??

jimin: i might be gang…

y/n: bro…

jimin: bro….

*whimpers*

y/n: bro????

jimin: no my fault bro i was getting into it

y/n: nah you always on that weird shit bro

jimin: i’m sowwy 🥺🥺🥺🥺

y/n: u tripping ong

bye again

jimin: dhmu only real bros would get it 🙏🏻😓

y/n: i’m real

jimin: real FAKE

y/n: ur real ugly

jimin: bro…

y/n: bro.

jimin: you’ve crossed the fucking line

y/n: sue me broski

jimin: how about i fuck you

y/n: this is why i distance myself from you

jimin: sorry nature takes over sometimes

y/n: ???

jimin: ???

y/n: tae core

jimin: we are not the same

y/n: i think you are

jimin: bro ong u tweaking

y/n: no bro ong i’m on to something

let me cook

jimin: cook me a orgasm lol

y/n: i’m blocking you lol

YOONGI -

y/n: dude

yoongi: wrong person?

y/n: no?

yoongi: i’m telling you you’ve got the wrong person

y/n: i’m telling you i haven’t

yoongi: ur not funny

y/n: i’m laughing

yoongi: i’m not

y/n: cheer up bro

yoongi: fuck off

y/n: bro you can talk to me about anything

it’s okay

yoongi: i want to break up with my girlfriend

y/n: OMG????

yoongi: i thought i could talk to you about anything

y/n: i’m ur girlfriend tho :(

yoongi: though we were bros??

y/n: sometimes

yoongi: that’s not how it works

y/n: you clearly know nothing about bro code…

embarrassing

yoongi: sometimes i think violent thoughts

y/n: tf is bro talking about 💀

yoongi: leave me alone

y/n: do you love me

yoongi: do you want and honest answer

y/n: dude is acting like he hasn’t almost proposed to me several times 💀💀

yoongi: what do you actually want leave me alone

y/n: brotha wants to be left alone 💀

yoongi: stop talking like that

and i am not ur brother that’s nasty

y/n: why won’t you love me for me

yoongi: you’re annoying

y/n: sighs i know what dream feels like now

that’s what the mask is

that’s what the point of the mask is…

yoongi: tf is dream??

y/n: sorry did i give you flash backs

i miss no more dream yoongi

bring him back!!!

yoongi: no

y/n: he can be ur alter ego

or like on a full moon you transform into debut yoongi

where you roam the streets spitting in peoples faces

yoongi: debut me did not spit in peoples faces

y/n: ok???

but you looked like you did

sorry for assuming geez

you were more of a biter those days i remember

yoongi: i bit you once

y/n: ONE TIME TOO MANY MIN YOONGI

thinking about that day brings a tear to my eye

the shock the fear the betrayal it’s all coming back to me

yoongi: are you done?

y/n: yeah bro :/

yoongi: bye

NAMJOON -

y/n: i want to chew on ur eyeballs

namjoon: that’s nice babe

y/n: i’ll crawl into ur skin

we will be one

namjoon: ok

y/n: god ur sosososos obsessed with me

namjoon: always

y/n: bro

namjoon: ??

y/n: ??

namjoon: i thought we were being nice to each other

y/n: that was nice

namjoon: you called me bro?

y/n: yeah?

namjoon: ok

y/n: do we have a problem?

namjoon: never

y/n: wow ur so obedient

namjoon: ok stop

y/n: why

namjoon: ur being weird again

y/n: again??

namjoon: you opened this conversation i want to chew on your eyeballs

y/n: and??

namjoon: i can only take so much

y/n: lame as hell bro

namjoon: why are you calling me bro?

y/n: it’s cute

namjoon: bro is cute??

y/n: no

namjoon: why do you chose to lie to me?

y/n: bored

namjoon: interesting

y/n: it’s not

i’m bored

namjoon: that sucks baby

go for a run or something idk?

y/n: are you saying i need to lose weight

namjoon: no wtf?

y/n: i think ur saying i need to lose weight

namjoon: ur putting words in my mouth

y/n: soon ur gonna start putting salad in mine

namjoon: bro

y/n: DID YOU JUST BRO ME????

namjoon: ur seeing things

y/n: OH MY GOD IVE JUSTBEEN SHOT IN THE CHEST

SOMONE CALL THE AMBULANCE

OW OW OW IT HURTS IT BURNS

I DONT THINK IM GONNA MAKE IT

namjoon: i think i’m gonna go for a run

y/n: how about you run away and never come back

namjoon: oh

y/n: go “oh” with ur new bitch

namjoon: my new bitch?

y/n: bet she loves when you call her bro

namjoon: you called me bro first…

y/n: what’s ur point???

namjoon: what are you mad at me?

y/n: i’m so hungry

namjoon: what

y/n: what

namjoon: love..

are you ok?

y/n: what does ok mean in this day and age joon?

namjoon: should i come home?

y/n: dude just go back to working out with all ur little buddies

namjoon: you miss me??

y/n: ur insane

namjoon: i’m omw home

y/n: idc bro!!!

namjoon: so i can work out for 2 more hours then?

y/n: whatever come home bitch

namjoon: love u seen you soon

HOSEOK -

y/n: bro jimin just threw a rock at me

hobi: oh no

do you need mouth to mouth cpr

y/n: i need more than cpr

in so much pain rn

hobi: wait

??????

you just called me bro?????

y/n: why is that ur biggest concern rn

i said jimin just threw a rock at me A ROCK

a really big fucking rock

hobi: no you said bro jimin just threw a rock at me

BRO

like????

what is wrong with you?

y/n: I JUST GOT A ROCK THROWN AT ME

THATS WHATS WRONG

YOUR GIRLFRIEND JUST GOT A ROCK THROWN AT HER

hobi: WELL CLEARLY I HAVE NO GIRLFRIEND CUZ SHE JUST CALLED ME BRO

y/n: are you serious??

hobi: are you??

y/n: fine

hobi: fine

y/n: bro

hobi: it doesn’t even hurt me anymore

y/n: whatever you say buddy

hobi: carry on

y/n: k pal

hobi: 🙄

y/n: dude

hobi: i’m killing myself

y/n: you sound hurt

hobi: ok??

y/n: really that that deep bro…

hobi: OKAY STOP

y/n: pussy

hobi: am i a pretty pussy 🥺?

y/n: hoseok what the actual fuck

hobi: i’m feeling really insecure rn

can you please validate me

this is ur fault if we think about it

tell me i’m your petty pussy

y/n: ??????

ur fucking out of ur mind

why would i say that

why would you say that

wtf is wrong with you

hobi: plz

then i’ll like throw a rock back at jimin or something

avenge you

y/n: i’m not dead

hobi: ok ur just difficult then

say it pleaseeeeee

y/n: ew no go away

hobi: this isn’t love

y/n: it’s not

hobi: what happened to through sickness and health

y/n: so you admit you’ve got some kind of mental illness

hobi: why does it have to be mental

why couldn’t i have a physical illness

like being hot as fuck

hahahaha lol wow i’m so hilarious

y/n: u right u funny as hell cuz you ugly as fuck wow!!!!!!!

hobi: you didn’t mean that

y/n: bro

hobi: i’m gonna start crying

y/n: hobi…

hobi: babe

y/n: are you fr crying…

hobi: no lol

y/n: ur my pretty pussy

hobi: you mean it?

y/n: don’t push it.

TAEHYUNG -

tae: why are you being so loud

y/n: ???

i’m not doing anything

can you hear tan?

tae: oh yeah

thought you were barking

y/n: why would i be fucking barking bro wtf???

tae: u could be trying new things

i wouldn’t judge you if you were

y/n: no

tae: shame

y/n: shame?

tae: bro?

y/n: what

tae: you called me bro by accident

y/n: ???

tae: babe you called me bro

y/n: ok

tae: by accident

why did you call me bro by accident

y/n: it wasn’t an accident

i typed it

on purpose

tae: why would you do that

y/n: ?

to communicate?

bro idk

tae: you did it again lol

why?

why bro?

could of said babe

baby even

no?

y/n: why does bro bother you?

tae: no lol ofc not wtf

you just don’t call me that

y/n: well i do now

tae: k

y/n: k?

tae: something wrong?

y/n: ur mad at me?

tae: no

y/n: upset

tae: never

y/n: ur not a child tell me

tae: bro does things to me

y/n: that sentence is crazy as hell

tae: PAUSE

y/n: paused

tae: don’t ever bro me again you slut

y/n: bro

tae: hey!!!

y/n: you do did not need to call me a slut

tae: was that not sexy

y/n: no

bro

tae: i hate it

y/n: bro

tae: it’s gross

I’m your boyfriend

y/n: barely

tae: meaning??

y/n: i’m sure you can figure out the meaning

tae: i know what barley means!

y/n: i’m glad

tae: why am i barley ur boyfriend??

y/n: ur strange

no offence

actually all offence

u harm my public reputation constantly

tae: i think ur so in love with me

y/n: i’m glad you’ve taken the delusion route instead of the depressed one

tae: sometimes your funniest friends are the most depressed ones…

y/n: ur so right i should give jin a call ❤️🙏🏽

tae: i was talking about me

y/n: we are not friends and ur not funny

tae: ur right we’re dating and i’m fucking hilarious

y/n: bro…

tae: come kiss me on my hot mouth babe 😋

y/n: i’ll pass

JUNGKOOK -

y/n: dude

jk: me?

y/n: yes

jk: are we fighting?

y/n: no why

jk: dude??

y/n: dude

jk: ok

y/n: are you crying rn?

jk: no?

y/n: i can hear you

jk: why would you ask then

y/n: wanted to see if you were a sick little liar

jk: i am

y/n: you are

jk: tell me you love me

y/n: lol

jk: i’ll throw up

y/n: make sure u clean it up

jk: babe

y/n: bro

jk: would you love me if i was a worm?

y/n: no

jk: but you told me you would last week

y/n: that’s cuz you were drunk and would of started crying if i said no

jk: i’m crying now

y/n: exactly

it’s 10x worse when ur drunk

jk: maybe you have a point

y/n: are you still crying?

jk: no

y/n: i can still hear you

jk: no

y/n: dude

OH MY GOD DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST THROW UP??????/)£/£:££

jk: yes

y/n: JUNGKOOK WHAT THE HELL

jk: i told you

y/n: that’s not healthy

like at all

that’s really worrying actually

jk: i love you

y/n: clearly wow

that’s insane

jk: do you want to kiss me?

y/n: no

you just threw up

jk: or did i?

y/n: you did

jk: i did

y/n: it’s okay

jk: is it

y/n: no

jk: :c

i’ll clean it

y/n: it’s okay i’ll do it

jk: why

do you maybe like me a bit

y/n: no

jk: oh

y/n: go get comfy in bed

jk: but i have to clean

y/n: i said i’ll do it

jk: r u sure

y/n: no

jk: oh

y/n: i do not hear you moving upstairs jungkook

jk: i’m going i swear

sorry for throwing up

y/n: sorry for calling you dude

jk: fr?

y/n: no

jk: knew it

it’s okay tho

i’m strong

y/n: you just threw up cuz i called you dude?

jk: i can be strong sometimes

just caught me at a weak moment

y/n: you have a lot of weak moments don’t you?

jk: sometimes it’s hard to tell if you like me

y/n: i got the biggest crush on u fr

jk: 🫢

woah

i’m in bed now

y/n: kk be with you in 5 bro

jk: stop it

y/n: 🫢

SEOKJIN-

y/n: bro can you order pizza pls i’m begging you

jin: normally i would be into you begging but the bro is throwing me off

y/n: wdym???

are you ordering or not

i’m hungry

???

HELLO

DUDE

COME ON

jin: no

stop calling me those names

y/n: bro?

dude????

why?

jin: i am not your bro nor dude

y/n: ur my dude <3

jin: adding a heart does not make it any better

dude is for like friends

idk if you have any but i am NOT one of those

y/n: um wtf i have friends

jin: the members don’t count

y/n: WHY DON’T THEY COUNT?

jin: ur sad

y/n: bro

jin: do you want to break up

y/n: lowkey

jin: wtf

y/n: look me in the eyes bro

jin: no

y/n: yes

jin: no

y/n: this is kinda hot

jin: lmao not surprised i have that charm to me

y/n: sorry wrong chat

jin: what

y/n: anyways ur were too slow yoongi ordered me pizza

and i’m not sharing

jin: i don’t want any of yoongi’s nasty pizza

i hope the pizza place spits on it

y/n: ur mad

jin: ur single

y/n: finally

jin: ?

y/n: ?

jin: i find our love so comforting ❤️

y/n: dude you have lost ur mind

jin: okay wtf

ur acting like you don’t want me

y/n: loooooooooooooooooool

jin: and people think i’m the mean one

y/n: i tolerate you

jin: what is the issue???

if you want to fight we can

i’m ready meet me in the ring at 6

y/n: don’t you have a military service to be serving??

jin: i will serve crack before i severe this country

y/n: yikes

i’ll snitch

jin: ofc you will

you rat

y/n: wow is that how you feel?

jin: yep

y/n: wow

jin: don’t act all nice now you started this

was mean for no reason

finish the battle rat

y/n: ur fucking old

jin: ok wtf

you can no longer send messages to this contact!

[immedealwithit9855]

Clouded State of Mind

He couldn't put his finger on it. He just couldn't believe it. Him of all living beings. A girlfriend? A mate? Sitting in his chair gazing into his unorganized desktop, thinking about the female who invaded his thoughts. His heart. Obviously his pants!

It all started 7 months ago. Him and his brothers were having a bit of leisure while on patrol, decided to watch the festivities from one of the buildings. The usual con artists selling their stale pretzels at stupid prices, street artists wasting their talents for snobby patrons, weirdos walking around with their pet snakes, then he saw her. Dressed comfortably in jean shorts, converse shoes, and a leopard print shirt showcasing your well toned body.

He watched as you started dancing. The way you curved your body fascinated him. He'd been training to become a ninja all his life, he wouldn't call himself a dancer but he thought his skills as a ninja were exceptional enough to be beneficial for the team.

He could tell you were being recorded, when he noticed another female holding a camera, broadcasting your performance. You drew in quite an audience as you executed different tricks and maneuvers, earning round of applause and whistles. When the performance was over, you bid your female friend farewell and was about to depart when a men approached you. Being so far away, he could'nt hear the discussion, he could tell you weren't comfortable. Gave the man a kind wave and went on your way. However, you may have been done but the guy wasn't!

Donatello caught the guy stalking you in the crowd, alerting his brothers. They watched carefully as you continued to walk outta the crowd into a more open area.

"Follow them." He orders, as they all swiftly tailed you and your stalker.

You came upon an alley, the guy speed walks toward you. Before his flesh made any contact with your beautifully braided hair, he was stopped by a massive, scaly hand. His eyes nearly popping out of its sockets when he saw Donatello's pointed face. You turned and caught a glimpse of the turtles surrounding the stalker.

"Stalkin' women on the street? Not a good look, man. Get outta here, before my brotha breaks somethin' by mistake!" Raph growls, wishing he was the one breaking the guys arm. He didn't have to tell him twice. Dude ran faster than a cheetah hunting its prey. The guys turned to you, ready for you to scream in terror or faint. Instead, you gave them a curious look and smiled.

"Thank you. Hes been stalking me for months, he almost got me there. I appreciate you stepping in." You said with a sincere voice.

Its rare for them to receive 'thank yous' from those they've helped. So they just did their usual thing.

"Its our job, ma'am. Are you alright?" Leonardo asked, being the leader that he was.

As they talked, Donnie was getting a good look at you. Your braids were so impressive. You spoke so genuinely when explaining you're just trying to blow off steam from a stressful day at work. Enjoying New York's festivities. Leonardo began to explain the seriousness knowing of their existence, how it's important not many people should know of them. Donnie felt a surge run through his heart. What was that?

"Yo Earth to Donnie, ya there?" Raph asked, puzzled to why his geek brother was acting funny.

"Yeah, Raph. I'm good. Just....."

You turned your attention to Donatello, he jolted. You walked up to him, extended your hand,"My name is Y/N."

Some women would scream, run away, maybe even call them 'freaks.' But this woman, you just casually extended a hand of peace and friendship. You wanted to get to know him. He didn't know how to react, his body just moved, grabbed and shook he hand gently.

"Donatello. Happy to be of assistance." He said with an awkward smile.

Now here he is tapping away at his desk waiting for you to arrive. He caught a whiff of the air, that coconut and Shea Butter body wash you've been using a lot lately. He turns around and there you are, dressed casually in denim jeans, a white tank top, your braided hair in a ponytail. No matter what you wore, he was hooked. He explained that hes finishing some computer work and allowed you access to the dojo for practice, until hes able to spens time with you.

You kissed his cheek and let him focus. He sighed, your kisses always creating a bubbly feeling in his stomach. After finishing up his computer work and doing a little welding work on the truck, he decided to check on you. What he walked in on was not what he expected.

You were dancing as if you had an audition, having to perfect every move. He watched from the doorway, enjoying how focused you were as you moved your body to the beat. He caught himself tapping his toes to the rhythm. The music was at an appropriate level so it wouldn't disturbed the lair. As he watched you dance, Mikey just so happen to be passing by noticing Donnie standing there gawking at you while you. He knew of your relationship and knew Donnie was still in the shy guy stage, so he improvised. He took a few steps back and tackled Donnie to the ground alerting you.

You watched with amusement as the 2 terrapin brothers tussled on the floor. It was a dojo so it was appropriate, but Mikey's little plan worked as you watched Donnie get tough and rowdy for a change, rather than being shut in and isolated. It turned you on. Eventually their rough housing got the attention of Master Splinter, whom was uninterested with the way they were going at it. Using his tail to whip both their shells. Lucky for them, their shenanigans weren't serious enough to be put in the hashi.

After things settled down, you and Donnie decided to relax in the living area and watch some TV. Watching Law & Order: SVU.

Somewhere in between you couldn't help but blurt out,"Gotta say, you were pretty aggressive back there. Wrestling with Mikey." He choked, then chuckled at your comment. It's rare for him to get that worked up, whether during training or having a scuffle with his brothers. "Makes me wonder how you get in 'other' activities." You quivered your brows at him.

His brain did double takes, rain checks, and somersault. 'Did I hear her correctly? Does she...want me? In that way?' Rather than allow his emotions get the better of him. He nuzzled her forehead and you both continued to watch TV.

After watching 2 episodes, you started to get distracted. You casually laid your head on his shoulder, he leans into you. He could feel your pulse as you got closer. Their eyes met. Without a single word, he turned off the TV, took your hand, and slowly lead you to his lab. He held back long enough. Quite frankly, so did you.

As the door to his room closed, Mikey peaked out from his hiding spot. Sporting a Cheshire grin. "Finally. The plan worked. My bros gonna get him some!"

Raph looked down from his workout area as Mikey danced with joy to his victory. "Great. I owe da twerp $50! Crap!" He grunts as he continues his drills.

[ozimagines]

hello again!, i love what you did with my theatrical hot take, now i really am gonna request something (lets push some creative boundries for the giggles and funsies why not)

Id love the idea that the reader (im female and from the south) is the new fileholder/book keeper for the EM city ward, and who also happens to be an actual witch (think stevie nicks, practical magic) and she keeps a low profile until chucky and miguel catch her doing something witchy (levetating, casting fireballs, etc), and after figuring out how much of an upper hand it would be to have, it becomes a rediculous competition between the latinos and the italians to "schmooze the witch" and have her work for their gangs (probably would be set in the first/second seasons)

as i said, its weird, its out there, but its funny and its fanfiction, we can do whatever we want in this rhealm, thanks if you can make this hilarious oddness come to life

Oh I absolutely love this one! I’m pagan irl and am into Stregheria, or Italian-American magick. It’s an interesting history and one I’d love to get into on here. I’m gonna set it in season 2 but most of the season 1 characters are still alive. That way we get the characters we love mixed in. It’s gonna be very much out there and a little zanier than my regular fics but this could be funnnnnn…

Witch!Reader x Oz Guys

Wonderful Witch of Oz (1/?)

You’d just started as the librarian’s assistant at the Oswald State Correctional Facility.

It felt like a lifetime and two minutes all rolled into one.

The Oz guys seemed to like your presence enough, even if they were lewd about showing how.

One that jumps out at you was Poet, making rhymes about how he’d ‘like to see you moan and grunt and let a brotha paint the inside of your…’ you get the picture.

That wangler kid wasn’t any better, seeming to talk a bigger game than he could offer.

You shook your head. Kid was a Virgo Venus if you’d ever met one.

You didn’t mention that in your interview. That you could basically read people’s star charts just by their actions. You had an idea of what Rising Capricorn Tim McManus would think about that.

You also didn’t mention that you had more spices in your cabinet than actual food, and made yourself elixirs depending on what you needed for the day. Didn’t mention the black mallow tea that started your day.

You didn’t mention that you collect rocks and crystals and shells like a magpie hoarding some imagined wealth. Didn’t mention the aegirine pendant on your neck was to clear uncertainty from your path, nor that the abalone shell in your pocket was for tranquility.

You didn’t mention the tarot cards in your jacket that you checked before you entered that was immediately flipped to the Hierophant. Didn’t mention the black and white feather you found on the way in signifying change. Didn’t mention the angel number you’d seen before you entered, 444, the protector.

Okay so there was a lot you didn’t mention in your interview.

What you did say was the truth; you were happy to be there, and to be of any help you could be.

You were hired as the librarian, which you were happy enough to get, the vellichor alone being enough to satiate you.

You had some immediate regulars, like a quiet and pensive Bob Rebadow, or a blunt Augustus Hill.

You’re nice enough to any of them, not acknowledging any of the trinkets in your pockets meant to guide you through these strange halls of Oz.

Wizard of Oz, it made you laugh a little.

The most you had alluded to it came with Adebisi, who had come strutting through the door like he owned the place, smiling and making suggestive gestures at you. Saying something in Yoruba;

“Mo dupe lowo Egungun-Oya fun o loni, bẹẹni?” (I better thank Egungun-Oya for you today, yeah?)

Egungun-Oya is a Yoruba Goddess of Fate

You reply back, without thinking;

“O yoo ṣe daradara lati dupẹ lọwọ rẹ lojoojumọ.” (You would do well to thank her every day.)

His eyes go big and he stares at you like he’s seen some sort of ghost, walking away from you with wary expressions.

It made you go red. You weren’t supposed to understand Yoruba or the Orishas. You kept your head down for the rest of the morning.

You’d seen Peter Schibetta and Chucky Pancamo talking to the side in rapid Sicilian.

“Chi diavulu è stu novu bibbliotecariu?” (Who the hell is this new librarian?)

“Sugnu Y/N. Piaciri di canuscìriti.” (I’m Y/N, pleasure to meet you.)

Again, you weren’t meant to understand, but the Italians reacted a little better.

“Eyyy, you’re a paisan?”

“Not exactly, no.” You give them a couple of book recommendations, handing Peter a copy of Omertà by Mario Puzo, leaving them both confused.

You meet Cyril, a sweet soul with a glowing aura. He compliments your ‘rock necklace’ and you smile and thank him, pulling a piece of citrine out of your pocket and handing it to him.

“Oh… thank you.” He turns the stone over and over in his hand, smiling at it like a little secret you shared.

“It’s to bring light and joy into your life, Cyril. Remember to thank Demeter when you carry it.”

“Ok…” he looks up at the sky. “Thank you Demeter.”

It makes you giggle.

Miguel Alvarez and Chico Guerra also came in, to “Mira qué bombón” (check out the hottie)

You smirk and decide to freak them out as you had everyone else;

“Gracias cariños…” (thanks sweethearts…)

Miguel immediately got suspicious whereas Chico makes some goofy grin and comes up to you, gesturing at his crotch. The CO shuts it down before it can get too interesting.

When the end of the day came, you started to put things back where they belonged. The CO usually standing guard had long left, most of the prisoners being locked in their cells at this point. You relax a little, taking off your jacket and sifting through the pockets, reaching for your hag stone. You don’t expect to see much from the library, maybe a few auras or spooks, but as you look through, you see a man standing before you. A tall black man. You look without the stone and see nothing. You put it back up to your eye and see the man still.

“Hello. Who might you be?” You ask, eye still to the stone.

“You can see me?” The man asked, touching his body like he had not been of this world in some time.

“With my hag stone, sure. It shows me the spirit world. You used to live here, right?”

“My name’s Jefferson Keane. I was executed here last year.”

“Oh goodness, Jefferson Keane, it is you. I saw you on the news. I’m sorry they put you to death.” You comfort, still peering through the hole in your hag stone. “I don’t know if this is too personal, but do you know what kind of a spirit you are?”

“I’m a personification of Azrael.”

“An Angel of Death, huh? Fascinating. You don’t mind my asking some questions, do you? I’ve only ever happened upon Shinigami and Anubis personifications before. You were Muslim, yes?” You try not to come off too excited given the circumstances of his being there but you couldn’t help the wonder in your eyes.

“When I was reborn, yes. In the before life, no.” He spoke like some old poetry book you’d read in school. “Now, I do have some questions for you.”

“Ok, shoot.”

“Can you take a message to Kareem Said for me?”

“I could but I’m afraid they’d come off as insane ramblings. What kind of message did you have in mind?” You ask, being very patient. You’d learned not to rush the Angels of Death. They could get a little moody.

“Allah says to remember Ihsan, and when the ways torrential, use it for cover.”

“Ihsan… that means ‘to do good’ right? ‘Live by excellence’? I remember because its secondary meaning is ‘to create beauty’. I think that’s lovely; that doing good and creating beauty are in the same word.” You put your hand out to take his, and he shakes it, tenderly.

“I’ll be seeing you again?” You ask the air around you, and he smiles.

“I’ll be here.”

“Thank you for all you do. Guiding souls. It can’t be easy, but we appreciate you.”

“Thank you. Truly.”

“Goodbye, Mr. Keane!” You take the stone down, and turn back into your work, knowing the Angel of Death would be watching over you as you did so.

Unbeknownst to you, there was a presence in the doorway, watching you. It was Peter, watching with a quiet gasp at the realization of what you were doing.

His mother in law had been La Strega; the witch of the neighborhood. He knew about those that cavorted with the spirits beyond.

You could just he crazy, he repeated to himself. But then how had you known to talk to Jefferson Keane? It puzzled him, and his father had taught him better than to show all his cards before he knew what to do with the hand. He slunk away on the back wall, trying not to alert you that he was there.

You showed up the next day, ready for the hours to come. You still had to figure out how to give Kareem Said the message without seeming like a crazy person. Fuck, if Glynn knew half of the things you did or believed then you’d be locked up right alongside these men for insanity.

Cyril came bounding up to you the next day. Ryan wasn’t far behind, eying you with a little suspicion.

“Thank you for the pretty rock.”

“Of course, Cyril.

“Yeah, thanks for giving that to my brother. I got a question though.”

“Okay?”

“Why the fuck did you give that to my brother?”

“It’s a talisman-“

“A what?”

You take a deep breath.

“A good luck charm. You’re Irish, you get it.”

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful.” He threw his hands up and shook his head. “But Cyril doesn’t get too many presents in here, y’know so I just gotta be cautious.”

“Understandable. Would you like me to help Cyril find a book?”

He tells you sure and you go off with Cyril, catching two pairs of eyes as you went. One was Peter Schibetta’s, and you honestly couldn’t have known what he knew about you. The second was Miguel Alvarez, talking judiciously to Chico in the corner, both with books open pretending to read.

“Look, something’s up with this librarian.”

“Sure it’s not ‘something’s up with Miguel about the librarian’,” Chico snorted, before clarifying; “like a boner, man.”

Miguel rubbed his temples.

“Look, just keep an eye on ‘em today, would ya?”

Chico nodded, and Miguel went back to eying you suspiciously. He watched as you got something out of the inner pocket of your jacket. Something fell out. It was a card. At first he thought it was a playing card but only upon further inspection did he see that the card had a tower on it with flames coming off. A single, ominous name headlined it; “The Tower”. It fell so it was reversed to you, and you pick it up quickly and put it back with its family.

A sudden thud of a chair leg against the floor alerted you to Miguel’s wandering eyes. You smile innocently enough, but he doesn’t buy it for a second. You go over to him.

“Jesus, Miguel, you’re looking at me like I’m La ciguapa or something.”

(Dominican folk story about a woman with backwards feet who lure men into the woods.)

“That’s another thing, how the fuck do you know la ciguapa?”

You’re taken a little off guard.

“I like reading, that’s all.”

“And that’s how you learned Spanish?”

“Yea-“

“And Italian and whatever the fuck Adebisi speaks.”

“…Yoruba.”

“I don’t give a shit!” Miguel raised his voice a little and lowered it when it looked like a CO was coming over. “It’s fuckin’ weird.”

“Sorry,” you answer a little dejectedly, shifting from foot to foot. “I don’t mean to come off some type of way. I just… I do a lot of cultural reading. Cheaper than a vacation, I guess.”

Miguel suddenly feels like a dick for snapping at you and settles down, his hackles still somewhat raised.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t insult my intelligence. What’re the odds you just happen to know fuckin’ Yoruba of all things? That you carry around crystals and those weird cards in your pocket-“

“You saw that? Which way was it facing towards you?” You ask quickly, realizing your deck may not have been trying to tell you something, but rather, tell him something.

“What do you mean, it was right side up to me-“

You pull Miguel by his arm and guide him more off to the side.

“You’re sure of that? Did anyone else see the card that you know of or just you?”

“I think I was the only one looking, what the fuck-“

“Miguel, please, I’ll explain everything to you later today. Not here but someplace more secluded. In the meantime,” you reached into your other deep pocket and pulled out a small jar, about as big as two thimbles. It had a small black feather, a small piece of obsidian and amethyst, black salt, and cinnamon in it. You hand it to him. “Please keep this on you. It should do the trick.”

“You can’t be-“

“I’ll pay you a hundred dollars if you keep this on you until I can explain.” You look over your shoulder to see if anyone is staring at you. So far, it’s still just Peter Schibetta, eyeing the transaction carefully.

“You serious?”

“As the plague, Miguel. I’ll explain everything to you when we can get a little privacy, but in the meantime just keep this jar on you.”

He assures you that he will and walks away with an uneasy stomach, wondering what on earth you were talking about.

You turn your back to him and go back to your books when you run straight into Peter Schibetta, his cold brown eyes raking you over.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to run into you, Peter-“

Your heart freezes in your chest when you see his hand. With both the pinky and the index finger straightened, he made a fist with the other three, pointing his fingers at the ground. That’s the Italian Mano cornuto, or horned hand, to protect against the malocchio, or the evil eye.

“Peter… what…?”

“Just a little protection.” He’d finally figured out what to do with his cards.

“I don’t know what you’re-“

“Tu sì na strega, veru?” (You’re a witch, aren’t you?)

“…why don’t we talk in private today after hours. You can request to see me and I’ll get Glynn to approve it.”

“Oh, he’ll approve it, I’ve got him by the balls.” He leaned into you, making sure not to raise his voice. “You were talking to Keane last night, right? The guy they executed?”

You don’t say anything, not wanting to give him any more ammunition than he already had. He nodded, having gotten what he needed anyway.

“Make the time to see each other later. I’m not gonna rat on you. I just wanna talk. Maybe reach an understanding between us. Capisce?”

“Capisciu.” (I understand.)

Holly hell were things spiraling out of control quickly.

You excuse yourself to the bathroom and begin to walk towards it, the flip flopping of your shoes matching the speeding race of your heart. You see a familiar face, but only distantly, as you know you’ve seen him on TV.

“Minister Said!” You exclaim, and he nods at you. You give him a small, panicked smile. “Remind me, I have something to tell you later.”

“Why not right now?” He smiles at you and waits for you to speak. Fuck. You hadn’t quite figured out how to say it yet.

“I was going through the Qur’an and saw a word highlighted in our library’s copy. I was meaning to ask you what it meant, in terms of spiritual meaning, of course.”

He gestured broadly to say, go ahead.

“Ihsan?”

His brows furrow and his face pales. You repeat yourself.

“It meant to do good, but a secondary meaning is to create beauty. Funny. I hadn’t thought about that in some time now.”

“I wonder what the implications of doing good and creating beauty being equated could mean?” You were trying to lead him down the path Jefferson Keane had asked of you. He paused, a slight quiver to his lip, and a profound silence filling the space between you.

“Perhaps you give me a day to reflect on that.”

“Yeah, okay, I can do that.”

You bob your head at him and turn to go to the bathroom.

Ah well. 1/3 ain’t bad.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

It's easy to think that Diane annoys Hobie. She's nearly always at his side, talking his ear off about something or the other, laughing at all his jokes as if they were the funniest thing ever.

With Hobie being Mr.'Cool This Whole Time', it was easy to the get the impression.

Usually that's because people don't see what happens when she doesn't pay attention to him.

Hobie's an attention whore.

DiscoPunk: Hobie x OC!Diane

He's DYING for her Attention

Miguel gives her a particularly paperwork heavy task that she needs to focus on, and suddenly it's

'You're ignoring me?' (she isn't, if anything she's looking right at him.)

It's 'What, you don't like me no more?' or 'I'm dying of boredom. If you even care-' or 'torture, this is.'

It's him poking her side, or making kissy noises at her, or singing out of tune songs about the horrors of Boredom and Loneliness

It's like suddenly he has NOTHING BETTER TO DO other than annoying her in anyway possible.

She tries to get any work done -

He'll pester her, asking her to play games like 21 questions, then he'll purposely mess with the game to see if she notices.

He asks her stuff like 'Would you love me if I were a worm?' then acts like he's taking it personal

If she's not looking DIRECTLY at him he starts stealing shit. He's not quiet about it either.

'Put it back.' - 'Put what back where?'

Everyone on campus: 'Ugh, Diane can be so annoying, all she does is bug Hobie-'

HE'S THE ANNOYING ONE

Hobie Brown is a self-employed PROFESSIONAL NUISANCE

It's the LGS (lead guitarist syndrome)

He acts like if he doesn't get the attention he's going to literally explode as in physically combust 'kablooie' into dust right now.

Diane hasn't told him he's adorable in the last twenty minutes. Do you know what that does to a man? The world has forsaken him

The girl can't get any peace.

Margo has heard Diane say "Hobie, for the love of God'-" at least once every shift.

Margo is like 'tell him to go away'

She does, but all he does is leave her line of sight but stand close enough for her to hear his dramatic 'dejected' sighs like a puppy waiting outside the bathroom

If she tells him 'I really need to do this. I'll be off in 45 minutes, can you not die until then?'

All of a sudden Mr.'I don't believe in punctuality' is hanging out in the doorway EXACTLY 45 minutes later like-

'45 minutes, Di. You said 45, right?'

Oh NOW he can tell time. Okay, okay. Yeah.

She's like 'You see me doing this right? You see this work in my hands. The work in doing?'

It's the most frustrating thing in the world.

'You think this is funny?' - 'I really do.'

'I really hate you.' - 'You really don't.'

Unlike SOME people she tries to do her job and suddenly he's like 'I can't believe I lost you to capitalism'

'Look at this, they've got my girl slaving away for The Man. Sad, this is. The exploitation of labor here and now-' (he's being dramatic. she tells him this. he says 'I'll show you dramatic' and flops on her, pretending to die)

And Diane's like 'It's not capitalism. Miguel doesn't even pay me money'

And Hobies like 'DIANE THAT'S INFINITELY WORSE'

She gives him attention because he dies Romeo and Juliet style the second she doesn't 😭😭

She's a second away from being like

'brotha I've about had it with you'

She even goes to Miguel.

She begs him to do something about Hobie. 'Give him ANYTHING to do.' she begs 'Anything at all. There's no way I can do my job with his mind games-'

Miguel's like 'actually that IS your job. If he's bugging you he's not blowing something up. Plus it's the only way to get him to actually comes to campus.'

Hobie annoying her IS her job 😭😭 If he's messing with her he's not messing with Miguel so she has to take one for the team

Diane's like 'but he's SO ANNOYING'

'Glad you finally realized that, Diane.'

'*dejected Hobie sigh from the doorway*'

'GO AWAY.'

[chunibyo-x-sorcerer]

"Oh my god...brotha..." Todo looks like he's about to cry. Was that a sniffle? "YOU'RE SO CUTE!!!" He takes several steps back and then he is crying?! "AHHHHH! I make sure to protect you with my heart and soul!!!" He brings his fists to the air as he exclaims.

Kinie Ger stares at him blankly then looks over to Sukuna, "Is he always like this?" She asks him. Kisho had to look at the other Kyoto students with the same question. "He's always like that," Kamo tells him with Miwa and Rioto nodding in agreement.

Little Taz begins to giggle, finding Todo funny.

"And also...this is his little sister?" Todo asked, seeing Taz now. "She's....adorable too...even in her baby form, she's cute." He is sniffling before pulling the edges of his coat, trying to toughen up. "I make sure I put my life on the line for these two! No matter the cost!" He proclaims this with a serious expression.

Guess that settles the situation.

"Um...we will be visiting the principal..." Kamo clears his throat, wanting to get out of here.

Sukuna kept holding little Taz in his arms but seeing how the situation was isn't helpful. However, in another way that leaves everyone else wondering what will happen now. Though, Megumi sighed shaking his head before seeing Todo going to check on his 'brother'. Little Yuji did seem a bit scared.

"At least me take a closer look at my brotha." Todo asked. Kinie Ger sighs and nods, "Very well...come up but do not touch. He is a bit startled by your appearance."

Todo Aoi nods and takes a closer look at Yuji, "Brother. It's me, Todo. Do you remember me?" He asked him gently. The kinfolk ceased growling but kept their guard up just in case.

He was still holding onto Kinie but he did look to blink, seeing Todo again while sucking on his hand lightly. He seriously was cute as a little baby and Taz was also adorable too.

[mashitandsmashit]

AGT All-Stars: Final Results

Let's start with the performances/videos...

10: Aidan Bryant, Bello Sisters & Adam Lambert. Sia's version is better...As for the acrobats, not much to it that we haven't seen before, but it was kinda cool that they interacted a bit near the end...Lambert might have even been able to reach for Aidan with help from his shoes...

9: Aneeshwar Kunchala. Cute...I'm glad they were able to find something for him to do since I'm sure he melted so many hearts by now (while other people are melting the polar ice caps...) And the bribing Simon bit was classic! ...Though I guess it didn't work...

8: Tom Ball & Voices of Hope Children's Choir. Points for Tom's amazing vocals, but poor Voices of Hope kinda got drowned out...Also, this is one case where even Tom can't reach the level of the original vocalist!

7: Detroit Youth Choir & Weezer. An odd pairing...that somehow kinda worked out! Still, Rivers looked a little lost in DYC's moves...But hey, it's still a great band performing a new song and a semi-classic...

6: Mike E. Winfield. With all the emphasis on hosting, I'm surprised there was no mention of Preacher Lawson, a fellow comedic brotha who's hosting the AGT Vegas show (and who's also done some funny video packages like this one). I guess we can consider Mike to be very similar to Preacher in several ways, because despite both of them fizzling out a bit by the end, they're still arguably the two most promising stand-up comedians we've seen on the show...

5: Avery Dixon & Babyface. Another great old-school artist! But let's be real, Avery was the REAL star of this performance!

4: Power Duo & Lindsey Stirling. Lindsey got to do what she does best, while Power Duo gave us a few new moves, like their little leg-lock! Good call on Lindsey not looking up at them; She might have fallen backward!

3: Kodi Lee & Light Balance Kids. While it might have been but a small sample of the talents they usually display, let's not ignore the fact that we got to see Kodi Lee dance! HECK yeah!

2: Ana-Maria Margean & Terry Fator. I think the high, nasally voice that Ana-Maria gives her puppets is starting to grate on me just a little bit...Nonetheless, she kept up with her hero pretty well, and Terry's little take-that against himself for not making the Finals was pretty epic! I guess the Elvis impersonator puppet and the dog puppet performing “Hound Dog” would have been a bit obvious, but I'm surprised they didn't at least reference it...

1: Aidan McCann & Mat Franco. I think this was basically both magicians doing what they do best! And Aidan's constant roasting of Simon is always a nice cherry on top!

Solid performances...and a mostly solid result! I would have loved it if LBK could have risen above that Third Place spot that their parent act (as well as numerous other cool acts) have traditionally gotten in the past...But if there were any two acts to beat them, I couldn't be more satisfied with who they were!

I guess it was a little shocking that neither Tom nor Kodi made the Top 5, but in the latter's case, I guess the superfans figured that with everything he's already accomplished (like winning a main season), he didn't really need this one...I feel a little bad for the acts that ranked lower than before...But I am very happy for the ones that ranked higher (mainly four out of the Top 5...Though again, Aidan McCann probably made Fifth with help from people who got the Aidans mixed up and/or voted for both of them just to be safe...)

I think LBK's main disadvantage back in Season 14 was that they were overshadowed in the Awesome Category by V.Unbeatable...But they stepped things up a lot with their return by combining their hip, youthful creativity with the original Light Balance's skills and effects, and as a result put on some of the best performances I've EVER seen on the show!

It's great to see Avery make the Top 5 this time, let alone the Top 2! (Though he did look lost, just standing there awkwardly while confetti that wasn't for him was raining down.) He's definitely come a long way since his first audition not even a year ago! I wish him and his band the best, and if I ever get the chance, I will gladly buy a ticket to see them!

Despite my hopes for LBK...I WAS deep-down hoping that the win would go to Aidan! I mean, after putting 110% into his final performance last week, it would have been sad to see him come in Second once again, let alone even lower than that...While I don't think he can carry a show on his own, he's such a talented aerialist that I would gladly pay to see whatever circus he ends up headlining in...I congratulate him on a well-earned (overdue) victory, and wish him the sky, moon and stars in his quest for new heights!

I'd say this was the best Champion/All-Star season yet! The superfans, for all of their detractors, help mix things up a bit from the standard format where America puts the same kinds of acts through all the time...While some deserving acts can get the shaft sometimes, on the positive side, other acts that DIDN'T do so well before get a legitimate chance at a demographic of voters that don't have the same unfair, complacent standards that average American voters set during regular seasons...

I suppose the format could still use some tweaking, but I'm happy with how things turned out in the end...With my good-will toward this show ongoing from Season 17, here's hoping I never have to return to my not-so-good-will from Season 16!

So here's to a good Season 18! See you all then!

[bluewallowner]

@iamfarfromvibingrightnow

ok i was mentioned so I will do this uh

Were you named after anyone?

not anyone but my mam chose my name bc it

means victory😭

Do you have kids?

Brotha bye

Do you use sarcasm a lot ?

not often but occasionally. I love doing a sarcastic funny laugh like HAHAHAHAH and then a straight face 😐

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

First thing I notice about people is their physical appearance as a whole, so fit and hair mostly. AND LIKE THATS NORMAL BC IVE NEVER SEEN THIS PERSON BEFORE. but then I focus on their smile bc teeth

eye colour ?

green like the beautiful casual tree leaf green

Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings all the way. Unless they’re too good to be true. Like the ending of that movie “cant buy me love” with Patrick Dempsey. The mcs were fighting the whole time and then magically made up and got together like wha

only “scary” movie Ive watched is It and I LOVE IT. I want to read the book low-key and I love the relationship of the whole friend group but that movie is so odd bc how are those kids brave enough to do have the stuff they did like 💀

Any special talents ?

uh I’m a grade 7 in piano but like idk if that’s a special talent

What are your hobbies ?

reading and drawing. The problem is I never have motivation. LIKE EVER. reading is so based Istg and also playing songs on the piano. I like playing popular radio songs and then more classical pieces that have big ranges in speed and dynamics bc that stuff is beautiful 🥲

also whenever I go on any trip I like to make vlogs of them and edit them for my family and friends.

Have any pets?

Only my beloved dog. I love her and I want her to live with me forever

What sports do you play/have played?

I use to be kinda athletic when I was younger, MORE THAN I AM NOW. But I played basketball and I even went to like three summer sports camps. Icl one of those sports camps was one of the best weeks of my life when I was in primary school. I did swimming lessons too but brotha I still can’t swim

How tall are you ?

5’9/5’10 ? I haven’t measured myself since like 3rd yr. but honestly I don’t feel tall at all unless I stand beside some of my friends 😭😭😭

Favourite subject in school ?

Art. I LOVE ART CLASS. Hate art history but I love my projects. Very much. I also like maths, not because of the physical class itself but idk I like the work and taking down notes and then doing the questions while using what we learned.

Dream job ?

Ok there’s a few bc idfk but they’re all maths themed:

maths and bio/phys teacher, mathematician, (theoretical maybe) physicist, engineer ( preferably electrical and aerospace engineer), bc I want to work in nasa so bad. I just need my job to have lots of maths, and not the “financial and household budgets” maths, but the “algebra and theorems etc” maths.

ok bye

[vlvtrkii]

ok but wait I've read a lot of tarots by now and most of them are saying that I got someone who is obsessed with me and has a huge secret crush on me

[teaberrii]

Chapter Twenty-Three: The President's Decision

You and Cyno can’t be more different. He’s Akademiya’s perfect student council president. You’re a labelled, cursed delinquent who changes into a cat for eight hours when kissed.

When Cyno gets a complaint about you, he’s forced to take action, only for it to lead to unexpected circumstances.

Cyno/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

“So… does this mean you’re into furries? Not judging.”

Back in the house, after Cyno and your family explain your curse, he’s expecting Nahida to have some profound questions.

Well, guess not.

Cyno almost chokes on his water; most of your family laughs. Jebrael cracks a rare smile but quickly regains his composure. You’re sitting on Cyno’s lap, your tail swishing as you engage in a staring contest with Nahida. Then, she leans over and scratches your head.

“Wait, wait. So, is Cyno supposed to break this curse?” Nahida asks, her eyes sparkling.

You tilt your head up just as Cyno looks down at you. “Her transformation has been taking a little longer than usual,” he says.

Nahida smiles. “Ooh, making progress, at least.” She picks you up and snuggles you. “I want to keep her!”

“She’s still a person, Nahida,” Cyno deadpans.

“That’s the best part! It’s like… pet-on-demand.”

Cyno sighs. “I think we’ve overstayed our welcome. We should get going.”

"Nah, it's always nice to have company over," Rahman says. But, then, he looks at Cyno. "Do you know you're the first person Ojou brought home?"

“Wait… as in like a boyfriend?” Nahida asks. “Or…”

“Just anyone,” Rahman answers.

Nahida nudges her cousin and gives him a small smirk. “I bet someone is pretty happy about that.”

Of course, he is. But instead, he gives Nahida a deadpan look.

“When will you come by again?” Jebrael’s son asks Nahida.

“Aw,” Rahman coos. “Someone made a friend.”

You hop from Nahida's into Cyno's arms. He smiles and gives your head a quick kiss. Nahida pouts. "Well, it seems I'm still no match for Cyno."

Cyno carries you to the front door. Then, you jump onto the counter, your tail swishing upwards as you watch Cyno and Nahida prepare to leave.

“By the way,” Jebrael says. “We’d appreciate it if you kept her secret to yourself.”

“Of course,” Nahida says. “I… don’t think anyone would believe me if I told them anyway.”

Cyno suddenly thinks of Alhaitham and quickly shakes the thought of him away.

“Bye, Nahi-chan!”

"Nahi-chan?" Rahman asks, raising a brow at Jebrael's son, who's in his father's arms. "You come up with nicknames fast, kid."

“Bye, my brotha!”

Cyno looks at Nahida. “What did you just call him?”

Nahida frowns. “You’re too old to understand.”

Cyno scoffs. He waves at you and your family and follows his cousin out the door.

◆◆◆

“Relax, Catnip.”

It's the day you're going to tell Candace and Tighnari about your family and debunk all the weird rumours they might've heard about you. But you've been nervous, so Cyno gives you a light massage to calm you down.

“You’re overthinking it,” Cyno whispers in your ear.

“P-prez!” You gasp when his lips find your neck.

Cyno chuckles. "Sorry, Catnip. I couldn't help myself." Then, when he sees a faint blush on your cheeks, he smirks. "Did I make you even more nervous?"

Suddenly, you spin around and lean closer… and closer until Cyno’s back hits the wall. “Looks like I should be the one asking that question now.”

Cyno puts his hand around your head and brings you closer. “Are you testing me, Catnip?” His eyes land on your lips. “I wouldn’t want you to miss the rest of your classes.”

“Get a room, would ya?”

You quickly move away from Cyno and see Candace and Tighnari a few feet away. Tighnari is snickering, while Candace has a sly smile on her face.

"I always thought you wouldn't like to show affection in public, Cyno," Candace says as she and Tighnari sit before you.

“Well, I guess he’s too in looove.”

“Very funny, Tighnari,” you deadpan.

Tighnari laughs. “Is he showing you too much love, Catnip?”

Candace laughs. “Okay, okay. We’re not here to grill them on their relationship.” She looks at you. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

That's when you tell them about your family, Scaramouche, your memories, and everything that's happened. By the end, both are left speechless, and Tighnari's jaw has dropped.

“I… wow… I… what?”

Candace rolls her eyes. “Very eloquent of you, Tighnari.”

“Well, it’s better than saying nothing!”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Catnip,” Candace says. Then, she mutters, “I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

Tighnari pulls you into a tight hug, but when he hugs you a little too tight and for a little too long, Cyno clears his throat. Then, after letting you go, Tighnari says, "Where is the little he-devil today, anyway?"

“Maybe torturing Nahida’s classmate."

“You shouldn’t joke about that, Candace!” Then, Tighnari turns to you. “So… is Scaramouche here because he wants revenge on what happened to his mother?”

“But it’s not like Catnip did it on purpose,” Candace says. “That wouldn’t make sense.”

You and Cyno look at each other. "He might want to take it out on her," Cyno says.

“Ah… you mean he’s just looking for someone to blame?” Tighnari asks. “Like people having ill feelings toward someone who gives them bad news even though it’s not that person’s fault?”

“Yeah… but it’s been so long,” Candace says.

“I think there’s something else we still don’t know,” you say.

“Oh?” Tighnari asks. “Like what?”

“Another reason,” Cyno answers. You nod. “It’s possible he blames Catnip, but looking at it another way, his mother decided to take her own life that day.”

Candace sighs. “This just got complicated, and I don’t like it.”

“Regardless of what it is… are we forming the protect Catnip squad today?”

“I… doubt you’d be of any help, Tighnari.”

Tighnari puts a hand over his heart. “You hurt me, Candace.”

“I’m more worried about all of you,” you say. “It’s very possible that he’ll come after you.”

“What if he sabotages our trip?” Tighnari asks quietly.

“A legit criminal could be after us, and you’re worried about our trip?” Candace asks incredulously.

“Just be careful,” Cyno says.

His friends nod. Then, Tighnari asks, “What about Nilou? What was the point of approaching her?”

“We think he was using her,” you say. “But… I’m not sure what he wanted out of it.”

“If he wanted to start a rumour, he could’ve done it himself,” Tighnari muses.

"Well, maybe he wanted to use Nilou to turn us against you. I mean… it's not every day you hear something like that." Candace looks at her watch. "Class is starting soon."

As everyone leaves the rooftop, Tighnari says, “Man, just like that, it’s like we’re part of a mystery thriller movie.”

“Here’s to hoping we all make it out alive.”

◆◆◆

Cyno opens the door and lets you inside. Nahida comes running out of the kitchen and hugs you with wet hands. It's the weekend, so you're going to be spending time with her while Alhaitham takes Cyno to visit his friend.

“I hope you like video games,” Nahida says, looking up at you.

“Don’t you have homework, Nahida?” Alhaitham comes out of the kitchen and smiles at you. “Hey, Catnip.”

“Hi, Professor.”

“Yeah… but that doesn’t mean I have to do it,” Nahida grumbles.

“It’s not good to procrastinate,” Cyno says. “It’ll become a habit.”

Nahida sighs, and you pat her head. "Let's finish homework first," you suggest.

“Fine…”

Nahida walks to her room, and Cyno turns to you. "Thanks for babysitting her today."

“Of course.”

Then, Nahida comes out with two textbooks. "I hope you're ready to have fun with good 'ol calculus."

"Great," you say with as much enthusiasm as you can. "My favourite subject."

“Don’t give her a hard time, Nahida,” Cyno says.

“Who says I will?” she huffs.

Then, Alhaitham and Cyno are out the door.

In the car, Alhaitham turns to Cyno and asks, “How did you become interested in law? Is it because of Catnip?”

“Why do you ask?”

Alhaitham switches to the left lane. "No one just becomes interested in something out of nowhere. There has to be a catalyst of some kind."

A small pause. And then, “Do you remember the rumours about her?”

“Ah… you mean the one where she punched that boy?”

"It doesn't feel fair that people can get away without taking responsibility for what they said and then go on as if nothing had ever happened."

Alhaitham sighs. “That happens too frequently.”

“It doesn’t apply to just Catnip,” Cyno says.

His cousin chuckles. “A voice for the victims. Is that it?”

“Why did you go into teaching?” Cyno asks. “I thought you hated it.”

"I do. But I have to teach to continue doing research." Alhaitham glances at his cousin. "I'm sure you know this, Cyno, but no matter what profession you go into, you'll come across things that you don't want to do but have to for your career."

Alhaitham pulls up to a large house and parks the car in the driveway. When the door opens, Cyno is surprised to see a girl shorter than him. It's the first time he's seen a girl with bright pink hair.

“Hi,” she says with a smile. “You must be Alhaitham and Cyno.”

A man comes down from the winding staircase. “Hey, Haitham, Cyno. This is my friend. She’s visiting from Liyue.”

Alhaitham and Cyno do a quick introduction as they step inside. Then, as Alhaitham’s friend is making tea in the kitchen, the girl who Cyno now knows as Yanfei keeps them company in the living room.

“Ooh, so you’re interested in becoming a lawyer?” she asks, looking at Cyno.

“Yanfei was the top in our class,” Alhaitham’s friend says, walking into the living room with a full tray of drinks and cookies. “She’s the only one who opened her own practice.”

“Just curious,” Alhaitham says, “Why didn’t you work for a corporation?”

"I did," Yanfei answers. Then, she takes a sip of her tea. "But, I hated the corporate life. Very rule-abiding and has no flexibility. At least for the place I worked at. And… it was pretty dirty."

“Dirty?”

“It’s all about the money,” Yanfei says. She takes a cookie from the plate. “It’s funny how I later had a client where that same company was playing dirty with employee contracts.”

“As in… there were loopholes?” Cyno asks.

Yanfei nods. “It was completely in their favour.” She bites into a cookie. “So, Cyno, how’d you become interested in law?”

“Long story short,” Cyno says, “It’s because of my girlfriend.”

“Ooh, was she an inspiration?” Yanfei asks. “That’s cute!”

“Have you thought about what kind of law you want to practice?” Alhaitham’s friend asks.

“Criminal.”

“A very bold choice.” Then, she looks at Alhaitham’s friend. “You, out of all people, should be able to give sound advice for this one.”

Alhaitham’s friend looks at Cyno. “There’s ups and downs, but… you’ll need a strong heart and will, that’s for sure. It’s also hard to completely detach yourself from a case. Even for seasoned lawyers, it’s difficult.” He takes a cookie. “It’s also about following your client’s wishes.”

“... Are you talking about the case with Jebrael?” Cyno asks.

"You catch on fast. But, yeah, you're right. I knew he was innocent, but he wanted to get the guilty verdict." Alhaitham's friend sighs. "I still remember what he said…."

“I hired you to help me,” Jebrael said, looking him square in the eyes. “That doesn’t always mean getting an innocent verdict.”

“It was the first time working with a client who wanted a guilty verdict,” he continues. “It was also a very different feeling.” He smiles slightly at Cyno. “Every profession has its ups and downs, but this one really takes a mental toll on you.”

“It sounds like you regret it,” Yanfei says, surprised.

"I've had very rewarding times, and I wouldn't trade those for the world," he says. "But, there were times when I thought I wouldn't be able to make it. It's chaotic."

“But you’ve always been an unpredictable person,” Alhaitham says.

Yanfei nods. “I agree. It suits your personality.”

The man smiles and then turns to Cyno. "It's great that you're interested in pursuing criminal law. But don't forget to look at other options, too. Switching practice areas can be a challenge."

By the time Cyno and Alhaitham leave, it's late afternoon. Alhaitham is driving Cyno back when he glances at his cousin. Cyno is looking out the window, and Alhaitham can easily guess what's on his mind.

"If you decide to pursue law," Yanfei said just as Cyno and Alhaitham were about to leave. "I'd recommend Liyue's law school."

“Agreed,” Alhaitham’s friend said. “Sumeru’s law program isn’t as mature as Liyue’s yet. No matter what law you want to practice, it would look great on your resume if companies or clients saw that you graduated from there.”

“Hey,” Alhaitham says. Cyno turns to him. “Was talking with them helpful?”

"Yeah. But… I still have a lot of homework to do." Then, he sighs. "I know I have to work fast, though."

“Don’t rush into anything, though,” Alhaitham warns. “I know some people take at least a year off before they apply.”

“It’s funny how the tides have changed,” Cyno says. “I used to be the one early to applications. Now, I feel like I’m behind.”

Alhaitham slows the car to a stop at a red stoplight. “Well, you might be going at the pace you’re supposed to be going.”

◆◆◆

When Cyno returns home, he and Alhaitham are surprised to see Nahida diligently doing her homework in the living room. You come out of the kitchen with what Cyno assumes are hot drinks for you and his cousin.

“Hey,” you smile. “Welcome back!”

“Am I… seeing things?” Alhaitham asks, looking at his youngest cousin. “Is Nahida really doing… her homework?”

Nahida looks up. "What is that supposed to mean? Of course, I'm doing homework!"

"How'd you get her to be so well-behaved?" Cyno asks you quietly.

You chuckle and whisper, You mean… without turning into a cat?” You hand Nahida her drink. “I have many secrets, prez.”

“Yeah!" Nahida says, putting her pencil down. "Did you know Catnip is actually a really good teacher?" She slowly sips her drink. "Maybe even better than you, Haitham.”

Alhaitham smiles and looks at you. “Well, you should teach me some of your tricks, Catnip. Like… how to deal with a problematic student like Nahida.”

“Excuse me? I’m problematic?” Then, she looks at you and Cyno. “Tell him I’m not problematic!”

“You’re not problematic,” Cyno says, and Nahida grins. “But you’re not an ideal student.”

“Yeah, well, I bet I still have better grades than you and Haitham when he was in school,” she huffs.

You sit next to Cyno on the couch while Alhaitham sits on the adjacent one. “Have you thought about what you want to do for a career, Catnip?” Alhaitham asks.

“I told her to go into teaching!” Nahida says.

Cyno looks at you as you say, “I’ve never considered teaching, actually,” you say. “I tried teaching Jebrael’s son one time… and I lost my patience pretty fast. But that was a few years ago.”

Alhaitham picks up Nahida’s homework and looks through it. “It’s the first time you got everything right, Nahida.”

Nahida frowns. “Calculus isn’t my strong subject, okay? Geez!”

“She picks things up fast,” you say, and Nahida beams.

“Teacher Catnip, huh?” Cyno asks. You turn to him, and he smiles. “It suits you.”

You nudge him. “You think so?”

After some time, Cyno invites you to dinner with Alhaitham and Nahida. While his cousins are in the living room playing video games, you and Cyno are in the kitchen making dinner.

“You sure you don’t want to join them, Catnip?” Cyno asks. “I can handle things here.”

You lean closer to him. "I finally get you alone, and you want me to leave? You hurt me, prez."

As you turn around, Cyno spins you back and pulls you against him. "I would never want you to leave."

His arms are around your waist, and you nuzzle your nose against his. “How did the visit go with Alhaitham’s friend?” you ask.

“It was good. I met one of his friends. Her name is Yanfei, and she’s a legal advisor in Liyue.”

"Ooh, I bet you got a lot of good info." Then, when Cyno doesn't say anything, you ask, "What's wrong?"

"There's still a lot of research I still have to do, but… I really think I'm going to pursue law."

"Is it just me, or do you sound kind of down?"

“I haven’t decided… but there’s a chance I’ll go to Liyue for law school,” Cyno says.

A small silence.

Then, you put your arms around his neck. “Are you hesitating?”

The last thing Cyno wants is to be away from you. Would it be selfish of him to ask you to come with him if he does decide to go to Liyue?

"Prez," you say, snapping him out of his thoughts. "We can talk about it together. But I want you to make a decision that will benefit your future." Cyno hugs you tightly, and you gently kiss his neck. "So, if you decide to go to Liyue, I fully support it."

Just as you bury your nose into the crook of his neck, he says, “I love you, Catnip.”

He feels you smile against him. "I love you too, prez."

Someone clears their throat loudly, and you and Cyno immediately break apart and see Alhaitham and Nahida at the door.

"I thought you're supposed to be cooking, not flirting," Alhaitham says.

“Well, at least we know they didn’t kiss,” Nahida giggles. “Or else Catnip would be—”

“Nahida—”

“A cat?” Everyone looks at Alhaitham. He looks from Cyno to his cousin. “Why the silence?”

“Uh, well, um, anyway, Cyno and I will finish up here,” you say.

Cyno isn’t sure what to make of Alhaitham’s smile. As his cousins walk away, Alhaitham puts a hand on Nahida’s shoulder. “Have you heard of the Cupid’s Cat Curse, Nahida?”

You turn to Cyno and ask, "Does he…."

Cyno looks back. “I really have no idea. I didn’t tell him anything.”

You sigh. “Professor Alhaitham’s full of mysteries… maybe that’s why he’s so popular.”

You’re back to washing the vegetables when Cyno asks,  “Was he… popular with you?”

"Me? Wait a minute. This feels like deja vu. Didn't we have a very similar conversation… a few months ago or something?"

“I thought you were teasing me that time… saying he’s… cute and all.”

You turn off the tap. “Aw, prez, are you jealous?” 

“That’s—”

“You know I only have eyes for you. Back then… and, of course, still now.”

Cyno turns around and brushes your hair out of your face. “You’re making it incredibly hard not to kiss you.”

You press your forehead against his. “Well, didn’t we say we would experiment?”

“As soon as they leave,” Cyno says quietly. “Because I want you all to myself tonight.”

As if sensing another pair of eyes, Cyno turns around. At the same time, you look past him and see Nahida and Alhaitham peeking out from behind the corner.

“Retreat! Retreat!” Nahida grabs Alhaitham’s hand and drags him toward the living room.

◆◆◆

“You don’t need a ride back?” Alhaitham asks you once he and Nahida are ready to leave.

“I can drive her back,” Cyno says.

Nahida nudges Alhaitham. “Hear that? He said he’ll drive her back.”

Alhaitham looks at his cousin. “Is that… supposed to mean something?”

Nahida sighs loudly. Then, she opens the door and says, “C’mon, let’s leave the lovebirds alone.”

“Don’t keep her too late, Cyno,” Alhaitham says.

Cyno frowns. “I know.”

As soon as Alhaitham closes the door, you hug Cyno from behind. Then, he turns around and puts one arm around your waist. He pulls you close so that your lips almost touch.

“Can I kiss you now?”

Your answer is as sweet as always. “Please.”

Once again, your kiss lights a flame within him that has Cyno losing all sense of time and space. You taste like the honey tea he made you before dinner ended. Sweet. And perfectly right. You sigh against his lips and murmur his name as his hands flutter to your waist. Your body arches against his as his kisses increase in intensity. Cyno feels your hand slide underneath his shirt, and as soon as he feels your cool fingers against his skin, it sends his nerve endings on fire. He wants you. He needs you.

One kiss after another eventually leads you to break apart for air. But, Cyno only gives you a second before his mouth captures yours in a ravaging kiss that opens the skies and has both of you craving, begging for more. Cyno has you against the wall; your shirt has already been tossed aside with his, and your legs are around his waist. Both of you are panting softly in the aftermath, waiting for something… anything… to happen until you're lost in each other again.

One moment passes. And another. And another.

But neither of you can wait anymore.

Your mouth is on his, and Cyno’s hand slowly kneads a breast, drawing a moan from your soft lips. As soon as Cyno feels you slowly grinding against him, he breaks the kiss but smiles against your lips. “Needy, aren’t we?”

“Stop being a tease,” you say breathlessly.

Maybe you expect him to pull off your bottoms and have sex with you. But instead, Cyno asks, "Are you sure about this, Catnip?" His question takes you a little off guard. "Don't get me wrong." He can feel his face burning. "You have no idea how much I want to do this, but are you comfortable?"

“I…”

Poof.

You fall on your back into Cyno's arms. You look a little dumbfounded at what just happened, but then you see him chuckle.

“I guess that’s a sign,” he says.

You meow softly, and he kisses the top of your head.

Cyno has just finished putting on his clothes and putting your clothes neatly onto the counter when he hears his phone go off. When he gets there, you’re already on the table, staring at the name on the screen.

“Who is it?” Cyno asks, sitting on the couch.

Cyno looks at his phone and sees a message from Nilou. 

Nilou: Hi. I’m by the park near your place… do you have time to come out and talk?

You and Cyno glance at each other. Talk…? About what? So, he calls her up and puts it on speaker.

One ring… two rings… three rings…

Finally, it goes through.

“Hi, Cyno,” she says.

“Nilou. What do you want to talk about?” Cyno asks.

“I just want to apologize to you in person. I’m… outside your house.”

You and Cyno glance at each other again. “If you’re outside… why not—”

The doorbell catches you and Cyno off guard.

Cyno hangs up the phone, and you immediately jump into his arms. He carries you snugly against him and goes to open the door.

But as soon as he opens it, it’s not Nilou he sees but… Scaramouche.

Cyno has no time to do anything until everything goes black… and his phone left on the table dings with a message.

Nilou: I’m sorry, Cyno…

Chapter Twenty-Four

Tag list: @seirenspinel @lxry-chxn @suoshiii @lordbugs @sketcheeee @iwishitwas @ch0c0shortiie @bennytheghost @thetwinkims @chaimkko @whorerificstuff @sakiimeo @ashtree-and-the-cats @riylvx

[spongebob-connoisseur]

There is the link for Flying Dutchman/Patchy theory video!

Thanks!! I watched it! Shouldve replied sooner but anyways. This dude was eating raw meat to feed his muse. Right on brotha!

Tbh there's some holes in this theory but I still liked it. He talked about how the dutchman's episodes are chronologically out of order. Tbh I had a theory about that for the entire show since dates and stuff don't line up and the show always contradicts itself (I mean, its spongebob there is no continuity)

I don't think dutchman is a time traveler by any means. He's got a lot of power but he tends to overestimate himself and exaggerate (lie) a LOT. He lies about how long he's been a ghost, he can barely scare children. He isn't as big and bad as he tries to be. hence why the thing about him saying his beard taking thousands of years to grow back but it grew back in months isn't really surprising. He's a trickster and a liar and I'm sure he just said that to make Sponge and Patrick more terrified than necessary.

I do love how they pointed out that he's pathetic and just wants to be around someone. I can imagine being a ghost being isolating and especially knowing you aren't nearly as terrifying as you once were. He lacks a lot of the ghost clout he used to have. He's just a washed up old man now. I doubt he has any genuine friends and spongebob is the most genuine friend you could get. No wonder he seems attached to him. I always assumed it was because sponge is easy to scare so it's always an ego boost to dutchy. Which, it is. But he really craves honest genuine intimacy and when you're like that, you'll likely crave the most eccentric and liveliest person in the room, which we all know who that is.

I'll be honest it's INSANE that dutchy would be patchy. Nahhh dutchy is a dirty old man with weak pussy game. I just can't see that for patchy. Imagine if they were opposites jk jk but this was too much of a stretch for me. I get Patchy's frustration dedicating his life to spongebob and he has no proper friends either. His house party was filled with people who were indifferent to him at best and loathed him at worst. No wonder he fixates on spongebob so hard. Placing all your the expectations on one person or one thing will make you incredibly sensitive to it. Anything that breaks your idealized perception of them will hit you HARD. and it would feel like everything is crashing down on you, because for you that was your everything. So I'm not surprised about Patchy's breakdowns. Mans needs some milk.

But even then I don't think he'd ever have a true vendetta against sponge for revenge. But who knows, considering the extreme lengths he's gone to see spongebob that nearly killed him. I think it eventually did. But he wouldn't become dutchy from it. They just don't seem related enough.

Besides there is an official spongebob comic that goes into the flying dutchman's true origins! Him and his crew are cursed snd only true love can break the spell. Thus turning them back into humans. He ends up marrying spongebob who's disguised as Pearl but the marriage dissolved because spongebob loves Krabby patties more than he could ever love a person. Wild.

Anyways human dutchy does have a black beard and black hair like patchy.. Wait.. Hmm.. You know what? This could work? Patchy deciding to gather some neighborhood losers so they can become REAL pirates™ maybe got cursed by some forbidden treasure and doomed to become ghost pirates for eternity? Who knows.

Buuuut we do get to see child dutchman in kamp koral. He's a blonde pathetic little boy with no resemblance to patchy. So I don't think so.

But I am willing to accept patchy dying in Spongebob's Big Birthday Blowout. It's funny. I LOVE the idea that patchy's decapitated body violently convulsing on the beach❤ now when I rewatch the episode, I'll think of that. And his final wish in death was to meet spongebob! So he finally does meet him.

Anyways it fills in for an in universe explanation on why patchy is animated in Spongebob's road to Christmas.

By the way, you wanna know why Patchy was animated? It's because of covid. Tom Kenny talked about how it was supposed to be live action but they couldn't go into the studio to shoot. So we get animated patchy.

As for the team saying how "patchy isn't allowed to meet SB" as part of one of the shows rules. Tbh I can see them changing it. Especially for something as big as a 20th anniversary special. They'd definitely make some exceptions or change their minds. And I think it was appropriate too. The 10th anniversary special sucked ass and for all the wasted scenes with patchy preparing spongebob a party only for him not to show up really ruined the special. There's some gags that should die after being stretched out for so long. And especially for the 10th anniversary special, it should have been the moment to break the rule. So it feels satisfying to finally have them meet in SBBB even if it doesn't make much sense in series.

And after that in SRTC, where they meet patchy on the surface, they already met so here's some loose continuity. I'm fine with it. I personally headcanon patchy being officially a ghost in SRTC hence why he's animated. Of course even in the after life, he still has to work. But he CAN use his ghostly powers to his advantage. Like him working as a mall Santa.

I noticed in that episode that in costume he has completely different facial features before throwing out the costume. Even his skin tone changed. He definitely used his ghost powers to shape shift.

So uhh yeah! Those are my thoughts. I like this dude who makes these theories. My favorite is the goofy goober death cult theory. I don't keep up with them much because I barely use youtube because it's been downgrading in quality for a long time. But it's nice to get suggested stuff once in a while. I had fun watching and talking about it.

Also I do 100000% agree with dutchy consuming potty's ghost. I endorse ghost cannibalism👍

[heknewwhoyoureallyare]

In this world there is always two type of guys. An Alpha and a Beta. My name is Jimmy and I’m a beta. This is what I look like:

I have this friend, well sort of, we are roommates. His name is Alaric, Our lives are both miserable, but while I have normal people problems like having trouble loosing weight, having low self esteem, can’t get a girlfriend, have a low paying job which led to difficulties paying the bills, and I have no social life (because I spend to much time playing video games). My roommates have Alpha problems, like how to snatched away the company that his big brother has inherit from their father, how to destroy his competitions in his work field, and how to create his own personal brand in his social media account and gain more followers, which in all honesty he already have plenty of. Oooohhhh and he looks like this:

The only reasons that I said that we are sort of friends its because, it’s true that Alaric and I are roommate, and sometime we talked to each other, during dinner while watching televisions, (right before I go back to my video games). It’s because we couldn’t be anymore different from each other. I’m a nerd and he’s a jock. I came from a lower middle class family, and he’s an old money rich. I have confidence issue and he has to much confidence. I am a follower and he is a natural born leader. I am a good person and Alaric is well Evil. He doesn’t bully me or anything but the thing that he told me especially about the stuff that he do to the people that he hates is extremely shocking and twisted. This guy has everything that he needs and yet his heart is full of nothing but hatred and envy! His minds are full of plots and evil schemes. So one time I took it upon myself, (because I’m a good person), to decide to become an Alpha for once and teach Alaric a lesson! A moral lesson! I snooped around his bedroom, when he’s not at home and I open his laptop. In there I found a file that are filled with his evil plans to take down his big brother and snatched away their father’s company from him. Since I’m a good person, and I’m learning to become more of an Alpha for once, I took the initiative to delete this file. I hope that this action will give him a signal to stop what he’s doing. After I delete this file that are full of his evil plots and schemes towards his perfect older big brother, I also found his other files that are filled with his collections of videos, but not just any videos. His porn videos collection, his forced role play porn videos collections. Not a BDSM videos, but a role play of a beautiful women getting forced to have a sexual intercourse by a guy that almost looks like him, big, strong, tall and has the power to dominate any women that he likes. I feel so disgusted by it, that I decided to deleted this file to, straight away. After he came back, I heard a loud manly scream from his room and when I checked it out, it was Alaric trying to find a file about his plan to destroy his big brother. He asked me where his file has gone, but I replied that I don’t know. He then checked the webcam that he has install in his room (which I am not aware off btw) and saw me deleting everything. He confronted me about this behavior and ask me why would I do such a thing. He thought we were friends. I have no choice but to come clean to him and explained that the reason for me to do this, it’s because I want to teach him a lesson. A moral lesson, about not hurting other people and accept our fate no matter what, without hurting anybody else. He then give me the most evilest glare that I ever seen him in.

And he said, “I trusted you and you have betrayed me! I never hurt you before because I thought we were both at the same side, but apparently, you think that you are better than me, well at least morally anyway. In fact you think you’re better than me so much that you decided to jeopardize my plan for my future and the future of my father’s company and for what? To teach me some big moral lesson? You know what, I will consider you my enemy now, and I will show you what I will do to my enemy especially the one that I think is my equal!” He then packs his bags and left the apartment right away. I was relieved, I thought for a moment there that he’s going to beat me to a pulp and put me in a hospital, but thank God that he doesn’t. Perhaps he was just bluffing, but what does it mean when he said that he consider me as his enemy, that are also his equal. I don’t understand. A couple of months later I have to move out from the apartment that I’m in because someone just bought the ownership of this building and now they want to bulldoze it and turn it into a Mall. Sucks to be me. I have no choice than to go back to my mother’s house and move in back with her. My mother is a very beautiful woman and very faithful to my father, after my father has died. She has never married again. Prim and proper and very religious, she’s always been a very caring woman. This time however I noticed that she has changed:

She dressed in a very sexy way, and there is a certain allure that she has now, that is sort of making me feel uncomfortable, especially as a son. I asked her “Mom, what has changed” and she said “What do you mean?” I asked her again “Why do you dress very sexy now?” And she said “Oooohhh I’m just very anxious for you to meet my new lover that’s all...” I was shocked when I heard her say the ‘L’ word. I thought she’s going to be loyal to my Dad until she passed away. I asked her immediately who is her new Lover, and how many lovers has she had in the past, and she said “Oooohhh calm down honey, this is the first lover that I ever had after your Dad has passed away, he’s very sweet, he’s always helping me around the house when I’m alone! In fact he’s here right now. Would you like to meet him?” I said “Yes”, and a couple of minutes later I heard a familiar voice saying “Hello Son!” And guess who showed up.

It was Alaric. I freaked out and I get angry. I wanted to attack him but he’s stronger than me. My Mom started to try and stop me and asked me what has gotten into me, and I told her everything, about the apartment, the files, the threats everything! My Mom asked him if this is true of which he deny everything. He said that he had never met me once in his life. At that moment, I just realized something, I have no proof to back my claimed up. I don’t even have any social media, to stalked him to. I only know that he has a lot of followers because he has showed me his social media account once. My Mom said maybe the reason why I’m so angry it’s because I haven’t gotten to know him very well, so she decided to give us some quality alone time together. When my Mom leave the room, Alaric started to smirk at me, and said “So what do you think? I told you that I will start treating you like the enemy that I consider equal!” I replied “Alaric please this has come to far, you have to leave my Mother alone! She’s innocent! This is between you and me!” He said “I don’t give a shit! I will destroy everything that you love and you hold dear, just like you did to me, and I will teach you about some big moral lesson about life, and you will start thanking me for it! You even have to start calling me Daddy!” I asked him again “Wait what do you mean? What do you mean that I have to start calling you Daddy?” He said “Your mom and I has gotten engaged!” I replied “Wait What? What do you mean? How? When?” He then smirked again and said “a couple of days ago, it took me a while to seduce her, but she finally gives in. It’s seems that after your Father has died and you have moved out from her house, she has become very lonely. I just have to fucked her once and showed her what she has been missing with, and she couldn’t say no to me ever since!” I asked him “Wait What? You did what?” In which he replied “Yeah you heard me. I fucked your mom! It was the Greatest Fuck that she ever had, she even said that I’m a better fuck than her late husband! Your Father! We Fucked, and we fucked, and we fucked. Sometime we fucked without condom, and I cream pied her a couple of times and we recorded it! We also did that role playing thing that you hate so much from my Laptop. Where she pretend to be this weak innocent woman and I came in to her house and have my way with her and there is nothing she can do to stop me! Yeah we did that!” At this point I don’t know what to say anymore. He then continued by saying “If you ever try to do something funny again to me, and jeopardize my plan for my future, I will post your mom videos to the internet and the world will know what a whore your mother really is!!! Peace out Brotha!!!

I was very angry at him, I tried to taught him a lesson, a good moral lesson in the past and this is how he repaid me. The next couple of days things has gotten really worse. Every night, I couldn’t stop hearing my mother’s voices moaning and groaning in her room while screaming Alaric name over and over again “Oh Alaric, That’s it! YOU are so good! Don’t Stop, Don’t Stop!” She even can’t stop stroking his ego “Oooohhh Alaric you are such a Man! A Big Man!!! A Strong Man! You are much stronger than my first husband!”. I can’t believe she said that! These voices can last for hours and hours. I sometime wonder when will they finally get some sleep! Alaric then take his revenge a step further by starting to wear my father’s clothes and smoke his cigars!

My Mothers even allowed it. Everyday she can’t stop talking about how Alaric is going to be my Stepfather someday! A good Stepfather, even though, she knows that he’s about the same age as I am. I always get angry at her and I tried to talked him out of this, but he refused to listened. He just smirked and continue to do his thing. One time I get a text message from my mom’s phone saying that she needed me in the beach near the house and when I get over there well, guess what I found.

Alaric having his dick sucked at the beach by my mom, in public. No one was there but I guess he just wanted me to see how much control that he has over me and my mom! He texted me using my mom’s phone while he’s getting a blowjob from my mom at public places. Just so that I can see this thing. I can’t stand this anymore, I almost went crazy. I begged Alaric to stop punishing me because of what I did in the past, of which he replied to me“I only wanted to teach you a lesson!” And when I asked him what the lesson that he wanted to teach me, he simply replied with “Never try to teach an Alpha anything, especially about Life, cus he might schooled you on what real life really is!” And just like that I realized that I should never overstep my boundaries by teaching an Alpha anything.