#and now i gotta watch a bunch of interviews to feed the beast

[ficmeouttahere]

my brain has decided once again that a random actor i know nothing about is the love of our life and i fear there's no way to go but through

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “Covention”

I didn’t think I’d have a harder time doing these reviews on my days off than on a workday, but errands and all that. I had no expectations going into this episode at the time since “covention” is a fake made up word. But I heard Amity was going to be in it, so I got excited. The spice of life returns. It’s been a hot minute. Let’s see how the episode holds up.

The episode starts with one of my favorite cold openings. Super funny and gives a good shot at those books that have that pretentious flowery language. Seriously who says “thou” and “hast” anymore. Lame. Luz tossing King into the portal right when it closes was my favorite bit. Was Eda really going to go to the human world just for that? 

Also I didn’t notice until someone pointed it out but I guess they’re using Azura and Hecate as some kinda parallel to Luz and Amity. Hope Amity doesn’t find out that she’s not the Azura character. Does that mean that Eda is that old ass lady and King is that little fox dog thing? That’s not cool, man. Be nice.

So much can be read into it, but that’s for another blog post for another time.

And of course, dumb-dumb me had to wait until the word was said out loud to realize that it was a play on the words “coven” and “convention.” So basically it’s a con episode. Cov episode? Whatever. Big brain hurt.

Relationships are a give and take and sometimes you gotta give in. Sorry, Eda.

I don’t know about you guys, but I never really had a lot of fun going to cons. The only part I really liked was meeting my favorite voice actors and watching indie wrestling. All the food, merch, and art was always overpriced and from shows I don’t watch. I don’t join video game tournaments because those people take the games way too seriously. Plus the area that I live in isn’t known for being big on nerd culture so the cons are never that impressive. I met Steve Blum last time and went to one and you can only go down from there so I don’t think I’ll be going to another one any time soon.

I caught this first time I saw it on TV. Luz and Willow arm in arm. Maybe in another life I would be shipping Luz & Willow. Maybe maybe. Also, Skara in the background. I think her design is really cute. Maybe she’ll get an episode in season two. Maybe maybe.

More lore and more worldbuilding which people really seemed to want and we got it. Eda explains that while covens seem like cool groups to belong to, they also strip you of all the other kind of magic you can do. Why? My theory was (and is) that about fifty years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together and tried to figure out a way to control people. Really keep them in line. They knew that people were basically stupid and would believe anything you told them, so they announced that this one guy could talk to the titan that the Isles were based of off. This one guys says that only he could talk to the titan and hear what the titan was saying and that only he could do all kinds of magic. Everyone else is doing it wrong and only he’s doing it right. With no proof or evidence, but trust him he’s on the level. The Boiling Isles was just doing fine before him, but now all of a sudden, we’re all doing it wrong. Let that be a lesson to you, kids. If anyone tells you anything like that, it’s bullshit.

Also the nine covens. Why nine? Why not group the bard and illusionary covens together into the music video coven? Why does potions get its own coven? How much school do you really have to take to learn to mix shit together and stir? Wouldn’t the plant magic coven know something about using plants to make potions? Why does the construction coven get it’s own coven? Couldn’t you use any kind of magic to build things? Is the construction coven the blue collar coven? Beast keeping gets it’s own coven? Like the bitch at the plant coven needs to switch covens to be told to feed her dog? My theory, the nine covens was really a marketing decision. Ten sounds too official. They knew that if it was too neat and tidy, they’d know something was up. Would they though? I don’t think so. 

Any group that has their own stormtroopers is automatically evil. Even more proof that the coven system is bullshit.

“Distraction spell!”

This moment made me laugh so damn hard. The crap that Eda pulls is one of the highlights of the show for me.

Luz and Eda go check out The Emperor’s Coven panel in the main hall, and we’re introduced to another major character. Enter Lilith, Eda’s older sister. And I swear to you guys, I was so confused this entire time on who was the older and who was the younger sister until the season finale. Seriously, I kept getting mixed messages. I mean, I know now but give me a break here.

I think Lilith is a good character and a great foil to Eda. The fun part is that since they are sisters, Eda knows exactly how to push her buttons and drag Lilith down to her level. It’s always fun to see a stoic character break. 

My finger points.

Amity shows up which automatically makes this episode better. Luz properly introduces herself and we get more back-and-forth. Amity being a real bitch here is more to mislead us for the last act of the episode, but when I first saw it I thought it was more confirmation that Amity was going to be the Draco Malfoy-clone of the series. Glad I was wrong.

We get more of Luz trying to make life play out like her favorite stories and challenges Amity to a witch’s duel. A thing she read in Azura that she has no clue whether or not is a thing in The Boiling Isles. There’s an equal chance that Amity could have just shaken her head and be like, “The fuck is a witch’s duel? That sounds like something you just made up.”

Also Amity should have caught that Azura reference from the start, but then that kinda would have spoiled Lost in Language, huh?

Again, Luz needs to learn that life does not play out like it does in her favorite stories. Challenging your rival to a duel is cool on paper but a big “Yeah no” IRL. Especially since she knows no real offensive spells, no defensive spells, is a weak nerd who has probably never been in a real fight in her life and has no fighting spirit. Trust me guys I learned the hard way. Life is not a shonen anime. You can’t settle anything by fighting. 

I love mentor/mentee stories especially when they have a rival mentor/mentee pair. Too bad Dana has already said that Amity and Lilith were not close at all. It was more a relationship of convenience. But then again that would help witch whole foil angle. Lilith and Amity just use each other to get ahead while Eda and Luz do actually build a familial bond. 

The duel goes...exactly the way I thought it would. Honestly. The cheating, the whole fight just breaking down, even Lilith and Eda doing an actual witch’s fight. Totally saw it coming. What I didn’t see coming was the bad ass animation they used for the Lilith/Eda fight and...

The Amity scene. The big reveal that Amity is not a Draco Malfoy clone (I only saw the first four movies). She’s just a girl who thinks people should follow the rules, hates cheaters and is under a lot of pressure to succeed. Only someone as empathic as Luz and try to keep building that bridge and try to make things right with Amity, but that’s a whole other episode.

.

And the episode ends with another great lesson I really like. “Will I ever be a true witch?” “I don’t know. What’s a true witch?” There are always expectations and pressure put upon you to be a true something. Others will want you to conform into a label for one reason or another. But all those expectations and labels are just illusions. It reminds me of a Bruce Lee quote. When an interviewer asked Bruce if he considers himself Chinese or American, he answers that he considers himself, “a human being.”

Labels can be fun because it makes it easier for the brain to organize things, but when people put too much stock into these labels problems arise. Think of labels as a boat to get you across the river. Once you cross the river you leave the boat behind. You don’t carry the boat with you. That’s just dumb.

“Witch please”

FINAL SCORE: 5 - Loved it.

Hot take, Amity makes every episode better. More funny jokes, more worldbuilding, more Amity and hints at the main villain of the show. Lilith was a great addition and the episode hints at the main plot. Probably the most fun I’ve ever had at a con. And speaking of more Amity...

[gwynnew]

'Girls Trip' Breakout Tiffany Haddish Shares Grapefruit Tricks and Creative Ex Revenge Ideas (An R-Rated Q&A)

Tiffany Haddish in ‘Girls Trip’ (Photo: Universal)

In a rough year for studio comedies, Girls Trip brings some welcome relief, delivering major laughs, a $30 million opening weekend, and a breakout star. Stand-up comedian Tiffany Haddish plays Dina, the loose cannon in a group of now-older college friends (the others being Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, and Jada Pinkett Smith) who reunite for a trip to New Orleans. It’s a terrific ensemble but Haddish effortlessly steals every scene, including one moment — a sex-act demonstration involving a grapefruit and a banana — that seems destined to rank with the hair-gel gag in There’s Something About Mary and the diarrhea scene in Bridesmaids as an R-rated comedy milestone.

The outrageous comedy of Girls Trip is grounded in the characters’ believable and complicated friendship, and Haddish brings layers of childlike sweetness and hard-won loyalty to Dina’s raunchy persona. Though she’s appeared in other films (notably 2016’s Key and Peele vehicle Keanu), Haddish is best known for her TV work, including The Carmichael Show, Real Husbands of Hollywood, and VH1’s Hip-Hop Squares. Now, Girls Trip is taking Haddish to a new level of visibility, and when Yahoo Movies caught up with her, she was excitedly preparing for her first appearance on a late-night talk show (Jimmy Kimmel Live, where she slayed with a story about taking Jada and Will Smith on a New Orleans swamp tour). In a freewheeling conversation, Haddish talked to Yahoo Movies about her favorite improvised Girls Trip scene, trading comedy tips with Queen Latifah, and of course, the challenge of “grapefruiting.” [Note: Interview contains explicit language.] 

So, have you been reading the Girls Trip reviews? Some of them that people have been sending to me, I’ve been seeing them. I don’t go out and look because, you know, I don’t want to look for any trouble. [Laughs] There might be something bad, and then I’ll be like, ��Now I gotta write this writer. Now I gotta write them and tell them my story and why I behave the way that I do.’ [In a ‘writer’ voice:] Tiffany Haddish, not only is she filthy, she likes to write letters!

Basically everyone agrees that you’re the breakout star of this film. Has your life changed? Did you wake up this morning all sparkly? Girl, no. My credit score’s still the same. I don’t know, I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking the whole time, like I’m living this dream, I’m doing all this press, going here, going there, and it’s my dream come true. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I don’t think my life has changed too much because I’ve been living my dream for quite some time now.

Your character Dina is so sweet and such a loose cannon at the same time. What made you feel a connection to her? Well, I feel like Dina is bipolar. And I think we all have that friend that’s like, one minute she’s extra cool, fun to be around, the next minute you’re like, “Why did I bring her with me?” And I have friends like that. I don’t know, I might be that friend! I just love the character, and she reminds me of myself a lot. She’s like me times ten. Some things that Dina does I probably wouldn’t do, like I’m not into golden showers, personally. But Dina is! [Laughs] But I have grapefruited before, I’m not gonna lie on that. So that right there, we got a lot in common.

Regina Hall, Tiffany Haddish Jada Pinkett Smith, and Queen Latifah in ‘Girls Trip’ (Photo: Universal)

Everybody is obsessed with the grapefruit scene. I was obsessed with it when I read it in the script! When I read it in the script, I was like, Aw yeah, I can’t wait to do this, I gotta get this job! I’m a pro at this! Nobody else will do it just it the way I would do it! 

How do you prep for a moment like that? You know, you just reflect on the past, and just think, what would a guy like? What would be entertaining to a man? And then do that, and then do a little bit of the opposite of that. [Laughs] Have fun with it. I don’t know. Anyone I’ve ever grapefruited has been deeply in love with me because I like to play with my food. [Laughs] I really do that! I go [makes loud slurping noises].

See, this is a print interview and I can’t transcribe that! “Haddish makes sexy but kind of disturbing noises.” [Laughs] This is a great interview.

You’ve said that the grapefruit bit took a few takes. How long were you actually doing that scene? I would say three hours total with them having to wipe my face off every time, get all the pulp off my face. “Reset!”

‘Girls Trip’: Watch a clip (NSFW; explicit language):

https://www.yahoo.com/%20girls-trip-girls-critique-%20lisa-211720181.html?format=%20embed®ion=US&lang=en-US&%20site=movies&player_autoplay=%20true

What was your favorite scene to shoot? The dancing scenes were my favorite. And the scene where it’s the four of us and I’m telling Ryan what I would do to her husband [after finding out he cheated on her]. Like, “Yeah girl, I got your back, I’ll get a Q-tip and I’ll stick it in his pee-pee hole” — all that stuff.

Did you improvise some of that? A lot of it, yeah. Because I think I was just supposed to say “Timberland boots” and “hot grits.” But I added a bunch of extra stuff to it. Even the part where you don’t even see me on camera, where I’m like, “But I will s–t in his shoes, though.” [Laughs] A lot of that I pulled from my own life. There’s some stuff they cut out, I was so mad. I saw it in the original cut, but I guess they cut it out because maybe they were thinking like, man, women might really try this. But it was a thing that I said where like, “Yeah girl, first I’m gonna give him an Ambien, and then I’m gonna burn your name in his penis, and put salt in it and mud, and then we tell these bitches to keep your name out they mouth. [Laughs] “That’s keloid, yeah! It’ll be ribbed for your pleasure — but you tell these bitches to keep your name out they mouth.” To me that’s the funniest thing in the world. And I’ve said that to men before, like “Yeah, let me find out you’re cheating on me, I’ma burn my name in your penis.”

I love that you had that list ready to go! Yes, girl. I have a full revenge list. Like, put crickets in a dude’s car. Buy some crickets, put them in his car, and then he just hear crickets all the time. And you put lettuce under the seat so you feed the crickets, and they make cricket babies, and you can’t get them out.

That’s so creative! Oh yeah, I got a lot of them, girl. Put ants in his bed, right? Just buy a box of ants and just let ‘em loose in the bed. Put sugar cubes all in the bed. If he try to cheat on you, bring another woman in the house, right, and they’re rolling around in the bed, and she’s like “Something’s so crawly!” and then they turn on the lights, and ants, all over them! Yeah. Mmmhmm. Now if you really want to get revenge, you get you some centipedes, put centipedes in the bed. Then he’ll never sleep in the bed again! [Laughs]

Now I’m just imagining the looks you get when you walk into your local pet store. You can order them off of Amazon! You can order centipedes. And worms. But I think pooping in his shoes is the best way, because you know, men put you through a lot of crap, and you can make them walk in that crap they put you through. See I got a lot of revenge things, cuz I’ve been hurt, so I think of a lot of things, and then I’m like, no, I’ll let God handle it. And God usually does way better than me. So they’re just thoughts.

Tiffany Haddish attends the premiere of ‘Girls Trip’ at Regal LA Live Stadium 14 on July 13, 2017, in Los Angeles. (Photo: Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic)

Sometimes with female-driven comedies, studios get nervous about being too explicit. Did the director ever tell you that you needed to dial it back? I mean, occasionally, not too often. More so, if we were coming in at 5 in the morning — and I was so happy to be at work — sometimes I’d be super cheery and chipper and talking a lot and it’s early in the morning, and maybe people ain’t feeling like that right at that moment, and then somebody might be like, “Uh, Tiff, turn it down.” I’m like, “Oh, OK, I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet!” But as far as dialing it back, every time we would do the scenes, first I would play it like it says in the script and then I would add a little something and either they’d keep it or not.

You all really go for it. I love Queen Latifah making out with a lamp — everyone gets those great moments. I told her to put her feet up! When she has her feet up in the air? I told her, “You should put your feet up in the air when you got the lamp on you!” She’s like, “I’ma try it.” We were always suggesting stuff to each other. I love [director] Malcolm [D. Lee] because he let us play. And it’s so funny because Jada, she’s so much like her character, sometimes she said things like, “I don’t know if I feel comfortable saying ‘bitch’ right here. I don’t know if I feel comfortable….” Like Jada — stop it, you’re from Baltimore! Come on now. [Laughs]

I have to ask about the scene where you unleash your bladder while you’re on a zipline. How did they do it, and was it as fun as it looked? We had to do some training beforehand, like how to be on a zipline, and they had these tubes down our backs. And I was telling them, “Hey, you guys, I can drink enough water, I don’t need these tubes, I can do this myself.” And they were like “No, we don’t want any hazardous issues.” [Laughs] But I was like, “I’m pretty sure I’m clean, you guys!” But we did that overnight, we started shooting at probably midnight, and we were peeing on real people. I mean we didn’t pee pee, it was just Gatorade. But it was fun. It was really, really fun.

‘Girls Trip’: Watch a trailer:

Read more from Yahoo Movies:

‘The Neverending Story’ Empress Tami Stronach Shares Behind-the-Scenes Stories From the ’80s Fantasy Film

‘Beauty and the Beast’ Star Luke Evans Reveals His Gaston Workout Regime and Sings His Favorite Line

‘Moana’ Costar Jemaine Clement on His Crab-tastic David Bowie Impression

  Save