#and now i get annoyed when customers call me becca instead

[mrslilyrogers]

Betrayal Part 7

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: (AU) Set in New York. You and Bucky have been married for 5 years. He’s the love of your life and you are his. At least, you thought you were until he started slipping away from you, coming home late and smelling of another woman’s perfume? You are in denial. Are you just losing your mind or are you really losing him?

Author’s notes: I’m so so sorry this took so long! I redid the whole thing. We’re going to back up a bit in this chapter and visit the past. Please check the warnings before reading. Also, my requests are open. Send ideas if you’re feeling particularly angsty! Or even fluff, I’d like to try my hand at it. As always, let me know what you think of this chapter! For tags, please send in ask! 

Warnings: Cheating, Angst, Abuse, Swearing

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4  Part 5 Part 6

2 years ago.

Bucky tapped his fingers on the table as he checked his watch again. 8:15. Forty-five minutes late. Again. He let out a huge sigh, barely able to hold himself from scratching his eyes out. The curly-haired waitress went back to him with an apologetic look on her face, “I’m sorry, sir. My manager told me I really need to take your order now. There’s already a line waiting outside…” she let her sentence trail sheepishly. Bucky tried to ignore the heat creeping up his cheeks and gave her an unconvincing smile instead, reciting his order. When she left with visible relief on her face, he picked up his phone and called his wife again. He had tried to call and text her earlier but she hadn’t picked up.

“Hello?” Y/N answered, sounding frazzled and irritated as she cleaned up after her rude customer. He just had the audacity to leave a mess after complaining and whining about the wifi three times. She could barely keep her eyes from rolling. 

“Hey, babe. Where are you? I’ve been waiting for you at the restaurant,” Bucky’s defeated voice on the other line replied. 

“Oh shit!” She shrieked, attracting the heads of the other customers as she glanced at the clock on the wall. She had lost track of time. Bucky had been waiting for her for almost an hour. On their anniversary. Oh crap, crap, crap. 

“Oh my god, baby. I’m so sorry! I’m understaffed and I lost track of time! Could you please wait for me? I’m so sorry!” She quickly took off her apron and changed into the dress she had brought with her that morning for their date. Bucky had been planning this. He arranged for Lizzie’s babysitter and everything, practically bouncing off with excitement for this night. He wanted to try out this new restaurant and between raising Lizzie and making sure Winter Bakery was still making a profit, they haven’t seen much of each other lately. She just couldn’t find the time whereas Bucky’s stable position in Shield gave him more authority to delegate. And he literally had been trained for this for years. All those late-nighters at the university and all the grunt work he and Steve went through have finally paid up. They were at the top of their game, one of the youngest to acquire their positions. They were heroes in the investment banking world. Life was easy for him now, cherry on top of the cake. He only wished Y/N could be there with him. But she was still on shaky ground with her business and he fully understood that. 

“Of course! I already picked our appetizers though. They were trying their best to kick me out gently if I didn’t order anything,” 

“Oh, my poor Bucky. You should’ve flashed them your smile, charmed your way. They would’ve made you stay,” she replied, fixing her ponytail, not having the time to retouch her makeup anymore. This’ll just have to do. 

“Really, now. It was a waitress, you know.” He teased back. 

A beat before Y/N replied in mock seriousness. “In that case, don’t you dare. I’ll be there in 15!” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it. See you, babe. I love you--,” 

But before he could even finish his sentence, the line had dropped on the other end.  

_______________________________________________________________________

1 year ago.

“Daddy, look, apples!” Lizzie pointed from her seat in the grocery cart. Her legs swinging as she giggled at the heap of apples on their side. “Yeah, baby, you’re right.” Bucky replied absentmindedly, not even bothering to look as he stared confusedly at the bunch of green vegetables in front of him. The list Y/N gave him said scallions, but how the hell was he supposed to know which was which? Scallions, spring onions, green onions, they were all the same right? He suddenly regretted volunteering to do their grocery shopping alone, having no clue what half of the list Y/N prepared even meant. It was the weekend, they were all supposed to go together and then have a quick visit to the toy store after, for one more of Lizzie’s birthday gifts. She had just turned 3 a week ago and he couldn’t help but promise to let her pick out another doll. When Y/N had given him a pointed look while Lizzie clung on and gushed to him, he couldn’t help but to just give her a tiny shrug. He grew up with nothing, he was gonna give his little girl everything. But that morning when he thought the three of them finally had time to spend together, Y/N couldn’t make it again. She was having problems with her manager and had to go into work unexpectedly. Now, she wasn’t even answering his calls when he had to ask her about the most complicated grocery list he’s ever seen in his whole life. 

“Daddy, when are we getting my doll?” Lizzie asked again, looking up at him as she clutched her favorite white wolf stuffed toy. 

“After this, sweetheart.” He answered, preoccupied and calling Y/N again. This time when she didn’t answer, he gave up, grabbed the one nearest to him and hoped for the best. 

When he’s gotten halfway through the list and let Lizzie point at the snacks she wanted for school, he let his mind wander, when the hell had they become like this? He barely saw his wife anymore. Her problems with her bakery cafe, always dragging her away from them. He wished she could find competent people who would stay but if it weren’t her manager, it was her baker and so on. And if she was finally free, he’d be the one who was busy. It was hard and annoying but coupled that with taking care of an over-enthusiastic three-year-old, it was also exhausting.

He missed Y/N and he wished he could spend time with her. He completely understood that she was always needed at work. He had been through that in their early 20s, but they didn’t have a kid then to compete for their time and understanding it was different from actually living it. Their marriage had become stagnant. The banality of their everyday life, a stark contrast to how they used to be when they were just a couple of kids off college who rented a too-small apartment with his little sister, Becca. Time has flown and he’s finally achieved the life he’s always wanted; a big duplex apartment, a steady high-income job and a family he had always yearned for but never really knew he needed. All of the things he promised himself when he was younger and had nothing, he had now and more, yet there was still something missing. He missed the thrill of his life, chasing his dreams had always kept him motivated, distracted. Now that he had it all, he was at his wits’ end. Maybe it was because they were also growing apart, he could feel it. Y/N had always been able to make him happy and whole; he had always been able to rely on her emotionally. She was the better part of him and now that she was becoming distant, he hung onto her like a lifeline but his insistence on going on vacations as a family wherever his wife and daughter wanted went unheard, all his attempts at romancing cancelled. 

Even as he lined up now for the cashier, he whipped out his phone to text her. His hands had been busy typing when a brooding, dark-haired man stood behind him dressed in all black. His arms were muscled despite his age and the sagging skin on his right arm holding a tattoo of an odd skull with tentacles extending out of it was barely covered by his shirtsleeve. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t little Bucky,” a familiar husky voice mocked from behind him. 

Bucky immediately felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, the voice sending a deep chill down his spine, making him go rigid as he slowly turned around, the blood draining from him when he went face to face with the man who had made his life a living hell, the man who not only broken him physically but in spirit as well. Repeatedly. 

“You some errand boy now? I didn’t raise you to be like that, you know,” He continued to mock, tipping his chin to the cart with Lizzie still on it. 

“Do you know him, daddy?” She asked, holding her little wolf tighter as she watched the stranger warily. 

“Hey there, sweetie. Your daddy didn’t tell you about me? That’s weird. I raised him and your aunt Rebecca a long time ago. My name is Rumlow,” he flashed her a chilling smile, stepping closer to offer his hand. That’s when the fog in Bucky’s brain cleared. He moved with a lightning fast reflex, stepping in between them as he got in Rumlow’s face, fisting his collar harshly in one hand, 

“Don’t you dare go near her,” his dark and low voice had threatened, dripping venom. His eyes had dilated, almost turning black as he shoved him hard. Rumlow’s grating laugh echoed around them, bringing back all those awful memories he had buried deep inside his head. 

“I’ve taught you well, boy. Can’t say I’m not proud,” He clapped and actually smiled at him smugly. At this point, Lizzie had started crying making Bucky even more furious. 

“I don’t ever want to see your face again. And if you go near my daughter again, I’ll make you fucking regret it. Do you understand?” His threats went on deaf ears as Rumlow broke out into a full-fledged grin. 

“I’d love to see you try, James. You’ve grown soft,” He accused, eyeing Lizzie and the grocery he had still lined up, several heads already looking at them. 

“Lucky for you. I have a new son here,” He continued, tilting his head to the boy standing by his mostly empty cart-- save for the beer and the liquor. Bucky flicked his attention to the boy and he felt his world spin as he saw himself in him with his eyes haunted, wary and afraid. He couldn’t have been older than eight. Rumlow smirked at the look on Bucky’s face, already detecting the turmoil brewing inside him. He had succeeded. He always knew Bucky was weak, his emotions his downfall. The fear and guilt clearly written in Bucky’s eyes made Rumlow gloat as he talked to the boy, 

“What did I say, Bert, huh? You’ll only have food if you go get it yourself. Why are you still standing there?” 

The boy looked around the big grocery store, mentally taking note of the stalls and where they were currently at, memorizing it in case he got lost but still, he didn’t move. Bucky looked at Rumlow and he saw the same look he’d always had directed at him before, his taunting eyes daring the boy to go or face the consequences. 

“But I’m scared,” the boy replied, his voice small and frightened. Rumlow moved to him, bending his knees to get to his eye level. “Well then, you just won’t have to eat,” he told him in a hushed voice, pouting and mocking. 

Bucky didn’t have to hear it to know the exact words, buried memories rushing back to the surface. He heard it countless times directed at him. The boy ran to the nearest stall, his heart pounding and hoping Rumlow would still be at that same spot when he came running back. Bucky knew the feeling, it was like he was living it all over again. As much as he wanted to help, he was rooted to the spot, even Lizzie’s crying couldn’t move him. Rumlow stood back up and faced him. “You were always my favorite,” he told him proudly as he pushed his own cart away from them, no doubt to give Bert an even harder chance of finding him. 

Just before he got too far, he swiftly turned around, feigning innocence as he said, “Oh and by the way, say hi to Rebecca for me,”  His lips twisted up into a sneering smirk as he left, whistling without a care in the world. And just like that Bucky was moving, grabbing Lizzie and getting out of that store as fast as he could, hoping Rumlow would stay out of his life forever. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m never letting you do the groceries again!” Y/N screeched, a horrified look on her face as she stared at their fridge. After the incident with Rumlow, Bucky had brought Lizzie to the toy store, allowing her to buy all the stuffed toys and dolls she wanted instead of just the previously promised one doll. They had gone to lunch after, he kept Lizzie distracted as much as possible to forget the man she had just met. When she brought him up again, he told her it was just a friend he didn’t like very much and that she shouldn’t bring it up to her mom because it was nothing, he promised he never had to see that man again. Lizzie seemed satisfied with his answer and went back to her usual chirpy self. On their way home, they passed by another grocery store. He had mindlessly strolled the aisles and grabbed whatever he thought they needed, his head at a different place, much as it still is now.

“Bucky, we don’t need four cartons of milk, why would you even get this?” Y/N asked incredulously, shaking her head as she chuckled. 

Bucky had been staring off into space, not hearing what his wife had been saying. “Uhm, hello Bucky, you still with me?” she teased, waving a hand in front of his face. 

“Oh sorry, what was that?” He asked, glancing up at her from his perch by the kitchen counter. The coffee he had brewed, now cold in his hands. 

“Hey, you okay?” she asked, looking at him with concern in her eyes. 

“Yeah, just didn’t sleep well,” he waved dismissively. Y/N felt a pang of guilt. He’d been bugging her to spend more time together, planning outings and dates that she never seemed to find time for. 

“Well, I finally have the day free. Why don’t we go out, watch a movie or have a picnic? It’ll be fun,” she suggested, draping a hand over his shoulder while her chin rested on the other, her elbow propped up on the countertop to keep an eye level with him. 

“I can’t, I’m sorry, babe. I promised to meet up with Thor,” he moved away from her touch, standing up. Y/N looked at him confusedly, “Okay, how about after?”

“Gotta go over some accounts with Sam, sorry love. I’ll be back before dinner,” He gave her a quick kiss to the cheek before heading out. Y/N stared after him, brows knitted, before shrugging. She’ll just get her errands around the house done then. 

After pounding the punching bag in Thor’s gym incessantly, Bucky found himself aimlessly walking around the streets, he just needed to clear his head. The little boy’s face was still etched in his mind as he opened the door to a bar. A little too early, he knew but he couldn’t shake off the nagging thought plaguing his mind. 

How could he have let that monster roam free while he had lived his life without even a glance back? 

_______________________________________________________________________

Years ago.

Bucky held Becca’s hand as they ascended the rickety steps of their new home. They had just lost their parents and were now moving into an unfamiliar house. The case worker had told them they were lucky not to be separated and that they shouldn’t worry; they were getting a good foster father who would take care of them from now on. 

“I had interviewed him myself, you see,” She told the children, beaming with pride. 

“I couldn’t have found a better one for you guys, why, this area is still very close to where you grew up in. You could still visit your old haunts,” She ruffled Becca’s hair, trying to lighten the mood while the little girl just moved farther away, hiding behind her big brother. The worn-out door which at once might have been painted pristine white but now had chippings hanging off of it suddenly opened with a creak, a man with a charming and easy nature stepped out with a warm smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“You guys are here! Welcome, welcome, please come in!” He gestured humbly to his house. Becca squeezed Bucky’s hand tighter which he squeezed back in return, reassuring her. There was something about this man that wasn’t quite right. He seemed relaxed and easy-going, a smile continuously plastered on his face but there was a lethality to him that the children couldn’t seem to shake off, almost as if it was buried deep inside waiting to be unleashed. The case worker hung on his every word, giggling as they talked. She slapped his arm with the horrible looking tattoo that gave Becca a fright. The children barely moved from the sofa they were seated at after the introductions. 

“It’s usually like this. Don’t worry. They start to open up after a while,” the case worker sympathized with Brock, the man who introduced himself as their new foster father; he would treat them as his own, he had promised. 

“It’s alright. I understand. After my wife, I’ve been all alone and this, this is a blessing to me,” He told her as he turned to the children. Her hand strayed to his arm again and lingered there. 

“Oh, Brock, you are a good man. They’re great children, they won’t give you trouble.” She replied, patting his arm for reassurance. It didn’t miss Bucky how she hung off his every word. 

“But I should get going, I will check up on you in a week. Children, be good. You have my number if you need anything,” She stood up, smoothing the wrinkles on her blazer.

“Wait, you’re leaving us already?” Bucky couldn’t help the whine that escaped his voice. He didn’t miss the darkness that spilled over Brock’s face for a split second before he carefully put his smile back on again. 

“I’ll be back in a week, Bucky. Don’t you worry,” the case worker smiled before she walked out the door leaving him and Becca to a stranger. 

When she was out of sight, Brock had suddenly changed his demeanor. The smile on his face had turned into a scowl when he faced them. “Alright, listen up both of you,”  he boomed, his voice cruel. “Grab your things and get on to your rooms. I don’t want to hear any noise. No running around, and if I see you making a mess. You bet your little asses, you’ll pay for it,” He stood up and left them to their bags. 

“But Mr. Brock, I’m thirsty,” Becca piped up, looking up at him timidly. The man’s grating laugh rumbled as he threw his head back, shaking it.  

“That’s Rumlow to both of you, you hear me?  Don’t make that mistake again. Now, come here,” He said, beckoning both the children to come over. Once they reached the kitchen, he pointed to the high cupboard. “You see that?” He asked Becca, dropping low to get to her eye level. When she just nodded her head, he continued, “That’s where the glasses and the plates are. If you want something in this house, you go get it yourself. I’m not your nanny,” He held Becca’s face in his hand roughly. His fingers wrapped around her cheeks tight as he held her by the chin. Bucky felt his fists clench at his sides, pushing Rumlow as far as he could with his eleven year old might.  

“Stop that!” He screamed. Their parents never hurt them. How dare this man think he could do this to his little sister? 

“Oh you wanna be the man of the house?” Rumlow jeered, shoving Bucky back making him fall to the floor. Becca’s sniffles grew louder as she tried to stop her crying, her shoulders shaking from her effort. As Bucky lay sprawled, Rumlow scooted down menacingly to him, 

“You dare push me when you were just whining like a little bitch a while ago, you wanna man up? Alright, I’ll allow it,” he taunted, pondering it for a moment before his sinister smile came back on. “Let’s see how long you’ll last protecting your little sister.” He gripped his face by the chin, fingers squeezing exceedingly tight on his cheeks before he pushed him off and he hit the floor. 

“I won’t be some parent to you that you could twist around your little fingers, no. I’ll make you into the best man you could be. I will teach you about order. And order only comes through pain,” He drilled into him like a soldier as he stretched his legs back up, his measured steps going to the fridge to fish out a beer. He took a long gulp before he continued, 

“And the sooner you learned that, the better,” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky sat alone at one of the benches by the field at his school, choosing solitude over the roar of the cafeteria after a particularly bad morning at home. Their foster father had woken up drunk and had haphazardly thrown things at them when Bucky accidentally burnt the eggs he had been cooking for his and Becca’s packed lunch for school. He picked on the peanut butter sandwich he prepared, not having the appetite to eat when he heard jeering voices from a group of boys and sounds of flesh being hit again and again with accompanying grunts of pain. He felt his feet move on instinct when he found them by the bleachers, a scrawny boy at the center of a group huddling over him, they were laughing as he tried to fight them off, not once being able to land a punch. The blood pumped in Bucky’s veins, a constant beating in his ears, as he grabbed the biggest of the bullies by the collar and harshly yanked him off the tiny, blonde boy now sprawled on the floor with his skinny arms covering his face. When one of the other kids tried to punch him, he deftly moved out of the way and delivered a swift blow to his stomach, making sure to spare his face so as not to get in trouble. That was how Rumlow did it, might as well use the same trick right? 

“What? Who wants to go next?” He threatened, loving the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the power he had with defending someone so helpless. The lanky blonde boy stood up beside him, blood dripping from his mouth as he held both his fists up, “I can do this all day,” he said, catching his breath but his stance clearly indicated he could barely stand up straight. Bucky just looked at him weirdly, not knowing whether to find him stupid or brave. The bullies stood against them, unsure. Bucky was the same age as them, only slightly bigger. Him and the blonde boy were still clearly outnumbered but Bucky’s eyes held a lethal strength in them, his body coiled with unleashed brutality, ready to fight. The bullies scrambled out of there as fast as they could, their feet tripping over them. 

“Yeah next time, pick on someone your own size!” he hollered before looking back at the blonde boy who looked younger than them but held himself with such maturity that it didn’t seem possible. He decided right then and there he was going to make him his new friend. Rumlow had always taught him about his belief of the natural order of the world, that strength and might always won the day and that order could only be achieved through pain. If you could inflict it on others, you were stronger, better. Weaker men were useless, had to be beaten up and put in their place. “That’s just the way of the world,” he had said. But Bucky was old and smart enough to see right through his facade. He was a bully, feeding off of people who couldn’t fight back. Bucky was going to be different, he wouldn’t bow down to his will. He just needed to protect his sister, spare her from the taint of Rumlow’s anger and prove that he wouldn't become the man Rumlow has been conditioning him to be. 

“You alright?” Bucky asked the boy standing beside him who was touching the bruise forming on his forehead.

“Yeah, thanks for helping me,” he replied sheepishly, ashamed he couldn’t fight for himself.

“Next time, just don’t provoke them, they aren’t worth it.” 

“But they were wrong. Bullies, I’d always stand up to them,” the blonde brushed his hair back from his forehead, determination steeling his voice. Bucky smiled, maybe he could learn a thing or two from this boy too. 

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Steve, what’s yours?”

“Bucky. Steve, you’re a little punk. You know that?” he said teasingly, laughing. 

Steve grinned back, “Jerk,” 

_______________________________________________________________________

Present

The light filtered into the room as the curtains were drawn back harshly causing Bucky to groan on his bed, flitting a pillow to cover his eyes. 

“Buck, come on. Get up,” Steve’s firm voice spoke through the fog in his mind. 

“Get out, Steve, I’m sleeping.” he replied, turning his back to the hand shaking his shoulder.

“How long are you going to do this? It’s been two weeks. Have you even talked to your family yet?” Steve’s judgmental voice rang out, hard and unforgiving. 

“She doesn’t even wanna see me,” he huffed, anger at himself boiling in his veins. He hasn’t seen his daughter in two weeks. Y/N’s short, cold replies to his messages were just updates on how Lizzie was doing, anything regarding Y/N, he had no idea about. He didn’t even know what sort of excuses she made up for Lizzie, how his “work trip” kept getting extended. When the hell could they keep that charade up? He was lucky enough she was letting him talk to his daughter on the phone for a few minutes every once in a while. He sat up on the bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he reached for the bottle of whiskey at the bedside table. These days he could only fall asleep when he’s had one too many to drink and even then, he’d still wake up with a headache that could only be dulled by alcohol. He barely even made it to work everyday. Sam had been good enough to cover for him, staying on neutral ground with everything that’s happening to his marriage although his eyes said otherwise, disappointment etched in them. All the while Steve had ignored him the entire time since the hospital. No amount of apologies moved him from his stance except today, when he suddenly barged into the hotel room Bucky has been renting like he owned the place. 

“Jesus, Bucky, stop that!” He swiped the bottle Bucky held between his lips, splashing amber liquid on his shirt and bed. 

“Damn it, Steve! Look what you did!  Give that back,” Bucky held his arm out, his reflexes slow as he tried to grab it from his friend. 

“Jesus Christ. You smell terrible. How much have you had to drink last night?” Steve fanned the air around him trying to rid the stench of alcohol and sweat.

“How the hell did you even get in here?” Bucky’s pissed off voice grumbled but one look at Steve’s intense stare with his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched, standing straight as a drill sergeant, arms crossed at his chest with his muscles bulging out of his fitted gray Under Armour shirt; he knew. The punk had intimidated his way in. No doubt leaving a poor breathless, flustered receptionist in his wake. 

“You could get that receptionist fired, you know?” He tried appealing to his best friend’s better nature.

“You wouldn’t tell. Plus, it isn’t as if she didn’t get a hefty tip. Go take a shower, Buck, you stink.” Steve didn’t budge, staring him down with a disgusted look on his face. Bucky just scoffed, 

“And then what? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Y/N kicked me out, man. Just go home, you’re wasting your time.” 

Steve’s hardened face softened as he looked at his friend. His eyes were puffy, his skin pale as he scratched his wildly unkempt beard, his greasy hair sticking out on one side. What the hell had happened to Bucky? How had it gone so bad for his friend in a matter of days? He suddenly moved out of instinct, collecting clothes strewn everywhere and packed them into the suitcase at the corner of the room. 

“Steve, what the hell are you doing?” Bucky exhaled loudly. It was too early for this. Where the hell was his drink? 

“Get your ass moving, Bucky. You’re staying at my place,”

[travllingbunny]

The 100: 7x10 A Little Sacrifice

After The Flock - the show’s weakest episode in a long time - and an unfortunate hiatus after that episode, A Little Sacrifice helped get season 7 back on track. It’s one of the best episodes of the season: it was exciting, things finally happened - a lot, we got a big revelation about what the endgame is likely to be all about, there were fights, an attempted mass murder/genocide (what would a season of The 100 be without those?), some really good character work, and the first major death of the season. 

Yes, Charmaine Diyoza was not a main character. but after being introduced as a villain in season 5, she has grown into one of the most memorable and interesting characters on the show - in large part due to Ivana Miličević’s charismatic performance - with a complex and morally ambiguous characterization and backstory (which I really hope to maybe learn more about one day in the prequel flashbacks? Please?). She has been one of my favorite characters since season 5, and I loved her development and her relationship with Octavia, her mother/daughter relationship between her and Hope, her past fights to protect “expendable” prisoners and her S7 attempts to find peace and renounce violence, and hope (!) that at least her daughter will get to have a different and better life where she wouldn’t need to resort to it.  She became a (not so little) sacrifice for the better future we saw her dreaming of in season 5 in that conversation with Kane - maybe that dream is something we will see the new generations live in the series finale?

The one thing I wasn’t too happy about (I was OK with the lack of Bellamy cliffhanger since we got him in the promo for 7x11 right afterwards) was that Clarke did not have any more screentime than in the other recent episodes. But, especially on rewatch, she had some great subtle little moments.

You know what is not subtle? Sheidheda. He’s finding new ways to be completely OTT. This time he can finally stop pretending to be Russell, so he gets a makeover, more in tune with the...interesting Grounder fashion styles, chews the scenery even more, and then - thanks to Madi - he loses an eye (just as he did during his original lifetime), getting closer to his season 6 Emperor-like look, though he’s missing a cloak this time. He also doesn’t have enough facial hair to twirl his moustache, but he actually hisses at one point. This part of the episode was, this time, really fun and intense, including a really good fight scene and some really emotional and important moments for Indra, Madi and Murphy, but doesn’t need much analysis and doesn’t require attention on rewatch.

I’m still not sure how/if these two storylines will connect. But I can see a thematic connection of sorts: Sheidheda is the embodiment of the worst parts of the Grounder culture, with the worship of violence and power and killing all those who oppose you; and not just that - he’s all egotism taken to the extreme, the kind of “wild beast” as Anders would despise, but in this case, he would actually have good reasons to. On the other hand, we have the Disciples with their sterile white rooms, order and the propaganda of the abnegation of self in the favor of the collective, and dreaming of “transcendence” instead of trying to get back to the “old ways”. But they really come off as two sides of the same coin: both ideologies are about worship of and subjugation to a leader, both believe violence is the solution, and both are against love and see it as a danger.

Brand new opening titles - these opens start with a shot of Sanctum and end with the Bardo Stone Room with the Anomaly Stone - and guess what makes a cameo near the end of the credits? That’s right, Earth. I was starting to think that any return to Earth won’t happen, but now I’m not so sure.

Sanctum

The episode opens with the immediate aftermath of Shady’s massacre of the Faithful. We see Madi’s friend Rex (that’s his name according to the credits) - the Sanctum boy who offered Madi’s other friend, the null boy, to play soccer - mourning someone, probably his mother. This scene had to be there so we’d feel some sympathy and sadness over the deaths of the Faithful rather than just be relieved they’re (mostly) gone. One of the wounded ones is Jeremiah, the same guy who developed deep gratitude for Murphy for saving his son. Although the Faithful have been very annoying, I do feel a tinge of sympathy for this guy, who’s so clueless that he never understood he had any agency in what happened to his son and seemed really convinced it was all about the will of the “gods”. He now asks Murphy to take care of his son when he dies, but Murphy insists he will not let Jeremiah die. (Trey, the annoying a-hole who was brainwashing Jordan, and used to act as the leader of the Faithful, is credited in the episode but I didn’t see him anywhere - so I have no idea if he’s among the dead, or he survived and was in a deleted scene.)  

Madi has a really nice mini arc in this episode. She already had PTSD from her experience and possession by Sheidheda in season 6, so she is absolutely terrified when she learns he is back, and when he threatens her in a really creepy way. Excellent acting by Lola. Later, after being comforted by Murphy and joining the survivors,she shows strength in comforting Rex for his loss; and in the end, overcomes her fears and risks her life to save Indra.

Not that it matters, but Sheidheda’s real name is Malachi. (I’m still gonna keep calling him Shady.) We learn that when he recites the lineage - the names and clans of all the previous Commanders, which we know from S3 is a Grounder custom for a new Commander to do. Of course, we only get to hear some of the names in the middle (a couple of random Commanders called Maffei kom Boudalankru - the Rock Line and Kemji kom Trishanakru) and the end, when he mentions Lexa and Madi. The show wasn’t going to spoil the prequel by revealing the names of early Commanders,

The fight itself was really intense and maybe the best Grounder-style duel in the show (yes, I prefer it to the 3x04 one, which involved too much showmanship to look as a real death match). Shady is obviously going to be there for a while and things aren’t going to get so easily resolved, so he wins and is about to kill Indra - who refuses to kneel to save her own life - but just as he’s about to kill her, Madi finds the courage to come as the Big Damn Hero at the crucial moment, pluck out Shady’s eye and save Indra’s life. But then as he is about to kill Madi, Indra decides to (metaphorically, since she’s lying and about to pass out) kneel in order to save Madi’s life. Indra’s arc with Shady has come full circle: this may finally make her understand her mother’s choice and realize she was unfair to her. She grew up blaming her mother for agreeing to kneel to Sheidheda and considering her “weak”. The battle had been lost, her father was already dead, and her mother made the best possible decision and wasn’t just saving herself but her daughter, too. Otherwise, as we see in this episode, Shady would have ordered the daughter to be killed, too, after the mother - as he thinks children of the people he killed should also be eliminated so they couldn’t pose a threat and seek revenge.

That last order even shocked Knight, who may be having some second thoughts about the awesomeness of “Sangedakru’s greatest champion” (but this doesn’t mean he won’t keep obeying him). Penn and the other Trikru guy we know, who are loyal to Indra, reluctantly knelt when Indra asked them to.  

Madi, Rex and the other Faithful (including Jeremiah, who has indeed survived) have gone into hiding with Murphy and Emori - and hiding at the abandoned reactor. We didn’t see Jackson, but i’m sure he’s there. (Sachin is a guest star and must skip some episodes he’s not really needed in.) So now we’re finally reached the part of this storyline where Shady is in power and our heroes are the resistance. And Murphy is now, with Emori, a part of a power couple protecting these people and taking care of them (who would’ve expected that back in season 1?) - much like we’ve seen Clarke and Bellamy do over the seasons - even though most of the same people resented them for being fake Primes just a few hours earlier. Maybe they’re finally starting to get a clue and feel respect and gratitude to people who are trying to save them just because it’s a decent humane thing to do, rather than for being self-proclaimed “gods” who participated in their murder, oppression and exploitation.

Bardo

After 4 episodes, Clarke, Raven and Miller finally left the Stone Room! Yay! Jordan and Niylah stayed in it, and as it turns out, Jordan has a much more important and interesting role to play by reading the Anomaly Stone, while Niylah’s role in S7 has been to be exposition machine for Grounder history and have bad one-liners while Miller has the good ones. I’m glad there was no prolonged “OMG are they really brainwashed and on their side?” misunderstanding, as Clarke and the rest of the group, after learning about MCap from Gabriel, quickly realized that Octavia, Echo and Diyoza are only pretending, since they haven’t blown the secret that Clarke doesn’t have the Flame.

Speaking of one-liners, Miller’s “Get the flock out of here” really made me laugh out loud.

Callie is known as the Pramfleimkepa - the First Flamekeeper - which should mean she was never a Commander (I imagine that would supersede the position of the Flamekeeper or at least be as worthy of mention). I was afraid for a moment that Niylah had given the game away when she told Cadogan that - but fortunately, he didn’t understand what it meant, as he never knew that Becca called ALIE 2.0 “the Flame”.

Gabriel and Cadogan have a long conversation over dinner (or breakfast or lunch of whatever) about Earth before the bombs and Cadogan’s beliefs. The two of them are one of the few remaining humans who knew life before the apocalypse. (After Diyoza’s death in this episode, the only other people left from that time are the Eligius prisoners in Sanctum.) But while Cadogan is chronologically ‘older’ than Gabriel, as he was a Millennial, while Gabriel was born a couple of decades later, and because Cadogan has technically been alive for thousands of years on Bardo - Cadogan spent most of that time in cryo (same as Diyoza and the other prisoners). Gabriel is the real Old Man - at least 260 years old, having lived and experienced all those years. We learn a bit more about Gabriel’s background - that his family were from Colombia and his grandmother was poor, making him a “self-made man” - another contrast between him and the love of his life Josephine (which makes their season 6 parallel to Clarke/Bellamy even more perfect). Gabriel is the go-to-guy this season for having conversations about the worship of false gods and trying to challenge the Disciples’ beliefs. Cadogan, again, denies that he’s a cult leader (sure), reveals he doesn’t believe in God, and claims he doesn’t consider himself one (he sure doesn’t mind being treated like one, though). Instead, he claims his purpose is for everyone to “transcend” and become like gods - though he doesn’t really explain what that would consist of, and he also doesn’t offer any explanations as to why there is supposed to be a “Last War” and who the enemy in that was is supposed to be. Seven episodes have gone by with the characters talking to the Disciples, and no one has ever asked that question: who is the enemy? I guess they don’t even know that, they just think that, when they type in the code, they will learn who the enemy is and the war will begin, for... reasons? He also adds some BS about “this life” being unimportant compared to afterlife. (Now, to be clear - I actually do believe in the afterlife in general (though I don’t know in which form), but I really, really hate it when religions make the afterlife the focus and treat the life we actually know and are sure we have as less important, use it as an excuse to teach people to accept any sort of crap in their lives and not ask for more instead of living their lives to the fullest and trying to build something worthwhile in this life.) Gabriel is less than impressed with Cadogan, and challenges him by pointing out that “You can’t fight a war for the soul of the human race with an inhuman army” and that a life without love, individuality or freedom is pretty worthless, but Cadogan has the afterlife as a ready excuse, even though that doesn’t really answer the question.

The most important revelation that we finally get in this episode is that Cadogan has most likely mistranslated and completely misunderstood the ancient Bardoan text that he’s based his entire belief system on. And his mistake was in large part due to confirmation bias - he saw what he wanted to see, even though the idea of ending wars and violence by starting and fighting a war is absurd. (Niylah, for once, has a good line, when she points out that every major war is supposed to be the “last” but it never is.) Jordan’s interpretation - that it is really about a test that the species needs to pass - makes a lot more sense. Not a literal test - I really can’t imagine the show introducing some kind of godlike “higher beings” - but, I think, something that will require the characters to use all their strength and moral sense and all the experience they’ve had and wisdom they may have gained, to find the best solution to save the human race and rebuild the civilization, hopefully into something better (and it’s really not too hard being better than the mess of tribalism and constant wars and conflicts we’ve seen on the show). I don’t know what this will be, but the words “the orb becomes like a star” make me thing of a natural phenomenon. 

It’s also cool that it was knowledge of the Korean language that helped Jordan decipher the text - proving how helpful it is to be familiar with multiple languages and cultures and how much it expands one’s way of thinking. Do Disciples speak any languages other than English? They seem to foster cultural uniformity, so probably not. (it’s also confirmed now that Monty was half-Korean on his father’s side - Chris Larkin is Korean, but the actress who played his mother, Donna Yamamoto, is Japanese, so I assume Monty is half-Japanese.)

If you doubted that 7x09 flashbacks were a waste of screentime, we get a confirmation early on that Echo has just been pretending to be loyal to the Disciples, while plotting revenge all the time, when she kills a Disciple and saves Hope from being sent to Skyring. This plot could have continued straight from 7x07, when Echo’s Azgeda ritual was strongly hinting that she’s out for revenge. (And yes, the writing in 7x09 was just  that clunky as I feared - of course that Chekhov’s WMD that Levitt mentioned for no reason would be used in the very next episode for someone to try to kill all the Disciples in another Mount Weather parallel.)

A tiny bit of info about the Disciples - a Disciple addressed Hope as “Seeker Diyoza”. I don’t know if that’s a title for those trying to reach Level 1 or something else.

Hope, with her usual anger and impulsiveness, reminiscent of how Octavia used to be once, and her naive black and white views, is all for revenge-genocide, too, in spite of Octavia’s and Diyoza’s disagreement. Her mother tries to, again, teach her the lesson she tried to in 7x07, that she should turn to love instead of violence and killing (which carries a lot more weight when it comes from someone like Charmaine Diyoza rather than a hippy): “I know what it's like to kill innocent people for a cause, and I promise you, it's not gonna fill that hole in your heart. Only we can do that.” But Hope retorts that “There are no innocent people here”, echoing Nikki’s words to Nelson that “There are no innocent people at the end of the world”. It’s not that Hope doesn’t have a point that everyone in Bardo is a part of the society that’s been kidnapping and torturing her family and that stole her childhood, but collective responsibility is a concept that only works in terms of moral responsibility, not as an excuse to commit genocide because you’ve decided that everyone in the other group is evil and the “enemy” and deserves death. Some people have compared it to Maya saying “None of us is innocent”, but I don’t think this comparison works, because that line changes the meaning entirely depending on whether you are holding yourself and your society morally accountable for its failings and complicity in crimes against humanity, or if you’re using it against others, in order to justify hate and commit crimes against humanity.

Even though neither Clarke nor Octavia had huge screentime in this episode and may not have done anything big (like Diyoza sacrificing herself and saving everyone, or Jordan figuring everything out), they had some wonderful, subtle little moments that spoke volumes:

I loved the hug between Clarke and Octavia - where Clarke said her condolences to Octavia and then Octavia said them back, letting Clarke know she knew what Bellamy meant to her and that she is grieving just as much. (”I’m sorry, Octavia” - “So am I”)

Raven and Miller exchanged a wordless look - probably because of how awkward it was for Miller to see Octavia again. Although these 4 people all go back to season 1 (and it was the first time in a while they were in the same room), for Miller it’s been just a few weeks since she was Blodreina and he was her follower, and the last time they saw each other (in season 6), he yelled at her that he’s not following her orders anymore - which was about him struggling with his guilt and seeing her as an embodiment of it. But for Octavia, it’s been over 10 years and a huge character development, which Miller doesn’t know about. But they had no time to go over it - instead, she just hugged him and asked him to hug her back, and he did.

When the group went to find Levitt - still tied up and bloody after Echo had tortured him and killed two Disciples in front of him to force him to tell her about Gem9, the WMD that can destroy everyone on Bardo (he must be really traumatized one - Clarke obviously immediately realized what was going on when she saw Octavia come to check on Levitt, going by the look on her face, and her look when she turned to go and the others went after her, while Octavia was still there -as if saying "I realize you need a moment with this guy, but don't wait too long". Although Levitt looked disappointed and shocked that Octavia didn’t untie him, she was really doing what was the most reasonable way to try to protect everyone - the priority was to stop Echo from killing all the Disciples, which would include Levitt, but also to stop Levitt from alerting Anders, which he would’ve done, because Octavia also wanted to save Echo and her people. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t  care for Levitt, but she’s not the 17 year old girl who’d go: “I just met you but you’re immediately the most important person to me and I’m going to prioritize you over everyone I know”.

 And then we get to the final and most dramatic scene of the episode...  Echo’s attempt to commit genocide out of revenge, while Octavia, Clarke and Raven tried to talk her down.

Octavia tried to reach Echo by, again, talking about their shared grief over Bellamy, as she did in 7x07, but again, it did not work - because Octavia and Echo, and Clarke and Echo, are different people, who grieve in different ways and think and act in different ways. It doesn’t mean that any of them are grieving more or less than another one - but their responses are very different. Octavia - this mature Octavia who is more able to empathize with others and doesn’t react with impulsive violence as she used to -  responded by trying to reach out to others who were also grieving for Bellamy, Echo and Clarke, and validating their grief, too. Clarke reacted - after the initial shock and grief - by sucking it up, as she does, in order to take care of the others, and focusing on saving the people Bellamy loved, telling Raven “We do this for him” and focusing on saving Octavia and Echo. Echo, on the other hand, reacted destructively and violently and by killing people for revenge and then plotting genocide as revenge for 3 months. This is the only way she knows how to process grief - she’s never known a different way, as I’m sure Azgeda weren’t known for compassion and sharing feelings. When Bellamy was grieving Clarke in season 6, she asked him “When do we attack?”, because that’s what she expected him to do, too. She’s also lost because she hasn’t lost just a boyfriend, but a leader and anchor in her new post-Praimfaya life, and because she had made saving Bellamy her mission she was waiting to fulfill during the 5 years on Skyring. If she had carried out her plan, I’m not sure she’d know what to do with herself. (I don’t know what it says about the mindset of us, humans of 2020, that so many fans have decided that Echo’s way of grieving is the superior one and the one that shows that she loves Bellamy the best. It certainly doesn’t show anything good.)

Octavia’s next argument - that there are many good people on Bardo she’d be killing - was even less successful, as Echo threw her relationship with Levitt back in her face, pointing out that he stole her memories, talking of him as one of their enemies, and then even saying: "Way to honor your brother's memory!" Echo came off as very judgmental here, and more than bit hypocritical - after all , she personally almost killed Octavia twice, and Bellamy started trusting her and dating her on the Ring, after she had given them both far less reason to trust her than Levitt did. Levitt actually took a risk and was helping her against Anders just out of his feelings for Octavia, while Echo only helped Bellamy and others after she was exiled and had to in order to survive. She seems to value forgiveness only when it’s others forgiving her (”Who knows more about forgiveness than us?”), even though she never expected them to and was a bit shocked that they did.

Clarke then tried to use her standard “This is not who you are” plea, but it didn’t work with Echo, since Clarke doesn’t really know Echo, and the words felt empty. There really is very little reason for Clarke to think this is not who Echo is, except for her tendency to assume Echo must have changed for the better because she’s Bellamy’s girlfriend and Bellamy loves her (see their conversation in 5x12). Clarke also tried to use her own experience - as she did with Raven earlier in the season - telling Echo that “a choice like this” would haunt her forever (of course Clarke would bring up MW, it always goes back to MW for her), but Echo rejected that comparison and, for a moment, channeled me by pointing out that Clarke’s motivations were to save her people, while Echo’s are purely revenge. Which was, however, a strange argument in context - pointing out that Clarke’s reasons were much better and she had no choice but to kill all of the Mountain Men or let them kill all of her friends and family, while Echo wasn’t achieving anything good and could just save all her people and not take revenge on the Disciples. But Echo seemed to be telling Clarke that they different, and she cannot assume that Echo will feel the same way about mass murder Clarke does.

Then Clarke finally brought up Bellamy, pointing out that he would not want a genocide to be committed in his memory. I don’t know how anyone who’s watched the show for 6 seasons could disagree with Clarke. But Echo did. What’s more, she yelled  "You have no idea what Bellamy wanted!" in a really angry, resentful way. It felt personal. I don’t know if Echo has felt romantic jealousy of Clarke over Bellamy - she has sure kept it close to her chest - but it certainly felt like some kind of possessiveness, like resenting the idea that Clarke was as close or closer to Bellamy and knew him better. In any case, this was a moment of extreme dramatic irony - because we know (and really, Echo should know as well)  that Echo is the one who doesn’t seem to know, or is simply ignoring, what Bellamy would have wanted and who he was. And she should know. She was there when he talked down Riley from killing Roan, telling him “War made me a murderer, don’t let it do it to you too”, she was there when Bellamy refused to kill 283 prisoners in cryo sleep and said “Clarke didn’t die for us to go back and make the same mistakes”. And she was there when Bellamy was grieving Clarke but decided not to take revenge for her death - not even by killing the man who murdered her, Russell - but to try to honor her memory by doing what she would want and surviving and keeping their people alive. Which directly contradicts Echo’s statement that Bellamy would be doing the same she is if one of them (Clarke, Octavia or her) were killed. Does she really not know him? Most of the time they spent together were in a time of peace and boredom with just 7 people on the Ring. She seems to be projecting her own ideas and views and character into him. 

Then Raven went on to agree with Clarke (but Echo did not resent her for saying it), pointing out how Bellamy has grown and changed and that the post-season 3 Bellamy certainly would never do that. I was slightly annoyed when she said that Bellamy of season 3 may do that - but to be fair, she did say, “maybe”. Now, season 1 or season 3 Bellamy was certainly angrier and more prone to black and white thinking when it came to enemies, and he may very well have agreed to kill all of the adult Disciples if he thought they were likely to be a threat to his people (which is what he did when he agreed to help Pike kill Lexa’s army), but he sure wouldn’t agree to kill any of them just for revenge, or to kill children and non-combatants (the one time he did it was MW, when he and Clarke knew there was no other way to protect their people from being horrifically killed, and he hated it and was haunted by it then). Nevertheless, that’s a minor thing as the point of Raven’s speech was the way Bellamy has grown and developed. Echo hasn’t really changed, certainly not as much as Bellamy wanted to think in S5. Is there still time for her to change?

In the end, love did save the day - but it wasn’t Echo’s love for Bellamy, it was her non-romantic love for Raven and Raven’s for her. Raven calling her a sister only helped pave the way - but she had to actually threaten to stay there and force Echo to choose between killing Raven and giving up her revenge, for Echo to finally stand down. The fact she did shows that maybe there’s still hope for her to change and give up revenge and violence for things like friendship.

 But then Anders had to appear and ruin everything, He could have just tried to arrest the group, rather than threatening them and giving them speeches about how he despises them for being “beasts raised in the wild”. (I’ve wondered many times since 7x05 is Anders is supposed to be smart or a complete dumbass. He was definitely a dumbass.)

Diyoza took charge, as the most experienced and tactical one, and almost.  And then Hope was again being her impulsive, angry, out of control self - Anders is always the person most likely to set her off - killing Anders (which I wouldn’t mind) but then also making her own attempt to commit genocide. (It’s funny that the four Disciples just froze and did nothing while all of that was happening.)

What happened then was both a heroic sacrifice and one of the best and most heroic death scenes on the show, a fitting ending for Charmaine Diyoza (even a visually beautiful death in a creepy way, as Diyoza turned into a crystal statue), with her final message to her daughter to be “better” than her in the future - and a heartbreaking loss for Hope, who has just been punished by the narrative/fate for her devotion to violence and hate and attempt at genocide, by causing her own mother’s death. She was obsessed with revenge for her lost childhood and the fact her mother was taken from her - instead of focusing on the future and what she still had. I’m sure that Hope will survive to the end of the series, and will have to question herself and change. She still has Aunty O to help her and be her family.

As we’re approaching the endgame, the show here made an obvious point about violence, hatred and revenge and having to give up those things - not for Anders’ unemotional duty to the collective, but for love and compassion/

Rating: 8.5/10

[the-canary]

Pastel Colors - B.B (4/15)

Summary: If only the cute teacher would stop pestering you for a pen.(Library/Teacher AU! Reader/Bucky Barnes)

Prompt: you’re always asking me for a pencil because for some damn reason you don’t know that there is a whole store for stationary—happy birthday here’s a gift card to that store. wait, you work there? what the hell?

Word Count: 2414

Masterlist

A/N: This is for @bithors writing challenge. i finally get to introduce the fav stationery place and where this story is going, i really love this chapter so enjoy!

Feedback is always appreciated.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Saturday.

“Becca, do you have any more erasable ink pens?” you question coming up the aisle as the young women behind the counter-top thinks for a moment. The skin around her blue eyes crinkling for a moment in though, as her pixie blue hair sways back and forth for a moment.

“In pairs no, but singles should be a little ways back,” she answers pointing to the other side of the story, as you turn and give her a grateful smile. B’s Stationery had been your go-to place for for pens and other such things since you had moved to New York City 5 years ago, and while it was a trip away from your current studio apartment, you always made the trip to Brooklyn on the weekends. The owner, Rebecca Protractor, picked up the shop after her parents retired down to Florida and she continued it as a little extra side income for her and her husband, William, who worked as  sous-chef. She considered you one of her prized customers and even a friend who had unusual attachment to pens and others writing utensils.

“Didn’t you buy pair just last week?” She questions, as you stand next to the counter, eyeing the letter sets and flash drives on display. Neither you nor Wanda had sent a care package to Pietro in awhile, as he roamed throughout Australia as part of his job’s current project.

“The man I told you about last week,” you pause and place a blue and white tropical floral set next to the rest of the items you were going to buy, “He took the black pen and it just feels…”

“...Incomplete,” Rebecca finishes since she already knows what you are going to say. You give her a timid smile, knowing that she doesn’t mean any harm, though you are still a little weary of people knowing too much about you, it usually didn’t end well and all this collecting of stationery was your own coping mechanism but only Rebecca, Wanda, and Pietro knew that.

“No harm, my older brother is kinda like that too,” you quirked an eyebrow at the sudden mention of Rebecca’s older brother. You didn’t know if they were close or not and she didn’t mention him very often as her younger sisters, though when she did it was usually in either pride (he was an accomplished physicist that was once in the NASA program) or anger (he had dropped out of said program and moved back home after his fiancee broke up the engagement).  

“He collects pens too?” you ask, as you pick up your bag as she laughs, before suddenly lighting up with a bright smile on her face like she just had the world’s greatest idea. You try to take few steps back, but she’s already grabbing your wrist stopping your escape.

“I know it’s been awhile, but maybe I can set you guys up,” she smiles at the idea as you frown, “He’s a bit of a nerd, but I’m sure you’d hit it off great!”

“I don’t know…” you murmur, “That teacher wants to meet during weekends since we are both free at that time rather than school hours when he’s busy.”

“Just think about it, ‘kay?” she gives you that smile that you just can’t say no to, and nod your head slightly.

“I’ll think about it, promise.” is all you say as you wave goodbye until next weekend, though you are bit more unsure of coming back now that Rebecca had a certain idea in mind because she was stubborn as a mule when she did.

Sunday.

“So, it’s not a date?” Wanda questions you with Matcha at her side, as you look at the outfit in her full-length mirror. The weather was calling for more fall clothing, so you had decides to wear a long blue knitted sweater with a long-sleeve and jeans. Your friend had given you her approval and so had the true owner of your apartment with a long meow. Though, all your nerves seems to give your old friend the wrong idea.

“No, Wan. It’s not a date, it’s a meeting about the project,” you explain as you grab your bag and double check that you have all your papers, planner, and pencil case once more. She shakes her head as she give the black and white cat a few tummy rubs, Matcha had clearly always liked Wanda more than you.

“I mean..you never know,”she raises her eyebrows in that not-so subtle way, as you let out a groan and hit her with the nearest pillow, clearly not thinking of Mr. Barnes that way.

“I think the guy has to like you first,” you explain, clearly remembering your latest meeting with him, “I think Mr. Barnes thinks I’m pretty incompetent.”

“What the hell do you mean?” Wanda exclaims, causing Matcha to jump out of the bed with an annoyed sound coming out of her mouth. You shake your head, and go about explaining what had happened after the last meeting.

You’re getting ready to leave after all the teachers are done talking with each other when you see Mr. Barnes take the sit right next to you. There’s a frown on his face, as he start drumming one of your pens on desk like a drum. You look at him for a moment, unsure of what he was to say or if he’s here to steal another one of your precious items. He shakes his head slightly before speaking.

“Look, since we’re working as a team now. Maybe we should meet up, so we’re on the same page about all this. So no mistakes are made,” he sighs out the last part like he’s speaking to a child, and you can’t help but feel a little angry. From the corner of your eyes, you can see Natasha watching one as well.

“Sure, what do you have in mind?” you give him your most professional smile, as he goes on about meeting during the weekend since the rest of his week is filled with after school tutoring and Astronomy Club activities, so that you can hash out the finer details of what you both have in mind moving forward.

You are agree, but you not going to be thought of so lowly of if this is a partnership.

“Well, clearly that ass doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Wanda shakes her head as she gives you a small smile,”Just you wait, you’ll be driving him crazy in no time.”

“Wan, stop. You’re embarrassing me.”

It’s close to 3 in the afternoon when you get off the train and set off to a small cafe not that far from the school to meet him. He’s sitting outside with a cup and sandwich on his right and a stake of books on his left, he’s too engrossed in whatever he’s reading to notice you coming up to him. He runs a hand through his brown locks in what seems like agitation, though you can help but notice that he looks nice brown leather jacket and green shirt. You place your bag down on the table, which causes him to jolt from his seat just a little.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes,” blue eyes look at you  for a moment, as if trying to process that you are standing right in front of him, as you give him a tight-lipped smile. When he finally gets it, he starts moving some of his books away, and giving you a bit more space to finally seat down.  

“James is fine,” he replies while putting a set of books down onto the floor, most people don’t seemed bothered by it and you wonder if he does it often in this particular cafe. You’re get caught up looking at the decor of the outside, a semi-shaded area with mostly wooden tables and chairs that gave it that cottage in the city feel, while through the large window you could see at least three bookshelves, which definitely caught your attention. You feel like going inside, but maybe for another time

“I’m sorry. W-What?” you ask for clarification on the statement you certainly missed.

“You can call me James. Mr. Barnes seems a little strange outside of school,” he explains, as you nod before saying the same about your own name. He gets something from his bag and hands it you, saying that’s it’s his proposal, if you wanted to look over it before talking about and future goals. You nod and smile, taking out a plastic bag full of highlighters before taking about a folder and handing it to him.

“What's this?” he looks at the folder before opening and you wiggle in your seat with a smile on your face hoping that the last three days of researching with Natasha and skyping with Pietro over his own field of study were worth it for the confused look on Mr. Barnes, -- no James’ face.

“It’s my own original proposal to Mrs. Potts-Stark and my notes on your own,” you declare, but instead of confusion like you expected, there is an excited smile on his face as he puts on his glasses and takes out one of those multi-colored pens. You glare a bit at the unknowing object, briefly wondering where your own missing pens could be.

It takes the both of you a good hour to go through both documents and throughout you found yourself glancing at the physics teacher’s face wondering what he was thinking as he changed from black to red and then blue ink. However, once or twice you caught an excited smile on his face and you felt your chest flutter with pride, you didn’t know why you wanted to impress him so badly, but you hoped that it was working. By the time, you were both done you had ordered a sandwich with a latte and Mr. Barnes was going through his 3rd couple of coffee.

“You really did your research,” James lets out in breathless excitement over everything he had read, while taking off his glasses, “Some of these are great ideas! It’s just really exciting, ya know?”

“I know,” you smile back behind your floral pattern cup, as he starts explaining what he wants to do with his classes and clubs, integrating the library after winter break at least once a week once the VR tech has been setup. You nod and suggest background research to be integrated into some of the latter courses after testing, so that they can get used to working with the tech and know of its history for a deeper appreciation of the whole experience. Once you’re done taking notes on the discussion, you finds yourself talking his Astronomy Club and how he got into physics, and you quickly learn that James has been a nerd -quite the handsome one- his whole life.  

“So, why did you choose Library Studies as your field?” he questions with curious blue eyes that seems to sparkle gray for a moment under the fairylights surrounding the cafe.

“Mmm...as long as I can remember I’ve always been stuck in the library,” you reply and play with your pen, “The library was like free daycare for my mom, I just couldn’t separate myself from it, still can’t I guess.”

James hums at your answer but say nothing about the loneliness he seems to pick up behind your explanation, instead steering it into another direction, “Then, why don’t you make it more fun? It’s your place, make a Library or Literature Club.”

“I’ve never really thought of it that way,” you remark, remembering that there was really a club beforehand because Mr. Philips’ enjoyed the solitude of the library more than the children towards the end of his career, without a proper say in you didn’t really have a choice but to follow what he said. You sort of continued that after he left, it was only now that it seemed like a good idea.

“I’m sure Mrs. P would approve, she sort of loves you,” he explains with a light grin on his face at the mention of the new principal, and even though you want to correct him on that train of thought, because you saw Mrs. Potts-Stark as nothing but a fair and honest person, you knew that her excitement over the library sort went above everything else if need be.

“Hmm...I’ll think about it,” you admit softly and all James does is nod eagerly like he’s already won.

He seems to be ready to say something else when the familiar sound of David Bowie’s Space Oddity rings between the both of you. You look around for a moment because that isn’t your cell phone melody, but it’s his and you can’t help but laugh as he gives you an embarrassed smile and shakes his head. God, he really was a space nerd! James goes to answering the message he had received, though there is a serious look on his face before he goes back to paying attention to looking at you.    

“I have to go,” he sighs, though Barnes seems unwilling to get up. It causes you to look at him for a moment as he rubs the back of his neck, “I have a double date with Steve and his girlfriend, Peggy.”

“Oh,” is all you can say, as he gives you a disappointed smile, “I guessing you don’t want to go.”

“No, it’s been awhile,” he explains and he looks at you with expectant blue eyes, as if you’re going to ask something else, but you just nod your head since you understand a little of where he’s coming from. He grips and releases his right hand in anxiety, as you slightly tap his palm with your pen. He’s looking at you, but you’re too engrossed with tapping his palm.

“You shouldn’t worried. You seem all right,” you explain without noticing how your words are affecting him, “I am sure you can show anyone a nice time... I mean this was fun .”

“Yeah?” his breathe hitches for a bit, though you don’t seem to catch it.

“Of course, James. I wouldn’t lie.”

It’s another ten minutes of silence before James decides to leave, so that he doesn’t run late and you say goodbye with a small wave before going your own way, completely unsure of the warm feeling building in your heart at the sight of his nervous smile is, but with a familiar black pen in your hand you hope his date goes well.  

Part 5

[anotherlipstick]

GOODBYE & HELLO Part II

Three years earlier... I pulled into the Parking lot of Femsational. Becca had started the company after graduating from college and it was really starting to take off. Not to mention Becca insisted I feature it in my novel, Runaway Lover, Last year. The Main character, Ashley, runs away from an abusive husband and meets the woman she marries at the end here. Everytime I showed up it seemed there was more customers than last time. Becca lived for cosmetics and high fashion so they always got great advice, often from Becca herself even though she had employees to do that. It seemed to be working, plus the more customers she talked to, the less she would nag me for my own fashion choices. she insists I have no excuse since we're living together and I have her clothes I can wear. I'm more of a shirt and jeans girl and less on the fancy dresses, though, I do admit I love some of the makeup products she brings me. Definitely a step up from Covergirl. The coolness of the air conditioned building hit me as soon as I walked in and sure enough, Becca was talking to a couple of ladies excitingly as she kept pointing to a new face cream she recently started carrying. Becca still had Runaway Lover in full display. "Signed copies available" posted next to the picture of the book's fictional couple. I acted busy looking at a copy of the book while I waited for her. I had been trying to decide if I should do a sequel or not for the past couple weeks and needed to decide soon. After a few minutes both ladies grabbed a jar of the cream and headed to stand in line at the regester as Becca made her way towards me. "I swear I'm going to kill Madison the next time I see her!" Becca said in a very low and annoyed voice. Her mega smile she was just wearing disappearing without a warning. "After everything I have done for that woman, this is how she repays me?!" I looked over at the line the ladies stood in. Only one register was open instead of two. "She didn't show up again?" I said with a frown as I turned back towards her and put my hand on her shoulder. "She quit!" Becca said pulling away. "She didn't even have the guts to say it to me. She called Katherine this morning and told her. No explenation or anything! She had just promised me Tuesday she was going to set up the ads and they are not done. We're behind in everthing right now becouse of her!" My mouth dropped open in shock. This was not like Madison at all. She had lost her boyfriend and her kids father about two years earlier in a trucking accident so they had cut her some slack about missing days at work. However, that didnt justify, up and quitting like this. It really was a mean thing to do. "Have you tried calling her? I mean I'm sure there..." "Of course I have!" Becca snapped angrily and a bit loud. She let out a long sigh. "You know what? I need a drink." She turned sharply and walked quickly towards her office and dissapeared inside. A moment later she returned with her purse. "Lets get out of here!" she said while not stopping. "What about Katherine? Can she handle everything herself? " "I called Susan and Megan. They should be here any minute. Becca answered matter of factly. I replaced the book and chased after her. As soon as we got outside Megan was coming towards us. Wearing a lovely light blue dress. "Katherine is in there now and Susan's on her way. I'm leaving for the day." Becca said as she walked by her but suddenly stopped. "Megan is there a reason you are wearing flats today? I wasn't aware I had a casual dress code." Megan looked around uncomfortable "I'm sorry. I was really busy when you called and forgot to change before coming in." Becca tossed her hands up "Don't let it happen again. This isn't a K-Mart!" I gave megan an apologetic glance as we headed towards the car. ------------------------------------------ I slid into the booth opposite of Becca at Applebee's. It was a favorite place of ours and we came here at least a couple times a week. Becca sat in silence and I could tell she was more than a little annoyed with me over this. She wanted to fire Madison a few weeks ago but I wouldn't let her. I waited for the waiter and ordered two Bloody Mary's and large nachos for us to share. I took a deep breath exhaling slowly when the waiter left. "I'm sorry I said anything..." I paused looking around as if something in the room could offer insight."I'm positive there is a good explanation. I just didn't want you making a mistake you would regret. I shouldn't of gotten involved." Becca glanced up at me shaking her head "It doesn't matter now anyways. I should of never trusted her again after stealing..." Midnight Maiden by Kaitlyn Liao started playing as my phone lit up. I grabbed and glanced at it, before putting it back in my purse. I didn't reconize the number. "Who's calling you?" I shook my head. "I don't know. It's a unknown and I don't recognize the number". I shrugged "Probably telemarketers." Becca hated the song or claimed to. Really, I know she's jealous of my past with her even though I never see kaitlyn anymore. Her and Annisa seem to be doing well together judging by the photo's she posted on Facebook and they were always on tour. Becca leaned back and looked over as the waiter brought our order after a few minutes. "About damn time! Is employees quitting here also without notice? You could of just said that and I would of made it myself instead of..." "BECCA!" I snapped. She gave me a dirty glance as she grabbed her drink and took a large drink. "Whatever!" "I'm really sorry. She's had a bad day." I said to him like that was an excuse for her. "Think nothing of it. Please enjoy." he said as he quickly made his leave. I returned my focus on Becca "Do you have to embarrass me like that? He didn't deserve that kind of treatment." Becca tossed a couple chips in her mouth. "Well?" It drove me crazy when she acted like this. We wasn't in college anymore. "I want a answer!" She took another drink. "It doesn't take twenty minutes to make a Bloody Mary. It's hot out and they should know better than..." "That's no excuse!" I interrupted her. "There are other people here besides just us." We shared the Nachos between us while Becca gave me the silent treatment. After about 20 minutes my phone was going off again. I glanced again at it and it was the same caller. "Will you just answer it?!" Becca said angrily. " I certainly don't feel like hearing your ex's voice singing every few minutes while I'm trying to eat." Becca scowled as she crossed her arms and stared at me. Oh for crying out loud! "Hello!" I snapped as I answered my phone. "MC? It's me, Madison." I was taken back as I didn't reconize her voice. The soft broken voice on the other end didn't sound at all like our friend's. "Hi. What's going on? I've been worried about you." I said softly. Had she been crying? I glanced at Becca who was still starring at me with her arms crossed. "Who is it?" I shook my head refusing to answer. If she knew it was Madison in her mood there would be a bigger scene here. "I'm at General Hospital. Could you please come by? I need to talk to you and it's important." I looked at Becca who was giving me the third degree. "Umm I have Becca with me, but yeah, I can stop by. Is everything all right?" "There was a long pause on her end. "She should be here. I just knew she would be mad and I...I just...couldn't..." she started crying. That answers that question. "Hey, hey, she's not mad, okay?" I lied. "She's just been really worried about you. We both have been. Just relax and we'll be right over." "Th-thank you." I could just make out before she hung up. I put my phone away and sat there for a minute thinking about the conversation. Becca just stared at me knowing it was Madison on the phone. "Madison is in the hospital and wants to talk to us about something important. She didnt sound at all like herself plus she was crying. I'm worried its something serious. Would you please stay calm till we find out what's going on?" Becca face relaxed a little. "Did she get into an accident? Is she alright?" "I don't know. She just said it was important. I pulled out my credit card and slid it through the machine. "I hope so." I replaced my card, grabbed my purse, then we headed for the door. .......To Be Continued?

[emphasisonem]

It’s My Birthday Too

Summary

“Look, I, um, I wanted to apologize again,” Bucky exhales. “I didn’t mean to offend you or anything when I asked if you needed help earlier. I was just trying to be polite, and I hope you won’t hold it against me.”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “I think I might be able to forgive you, yeah.”

Bucky’s positively beaming at that, and Steve kind of can’t believe that something so simple has made this handsome man so happy.

“Glad to hear it,” Bucky replies, batting his eyelashes in a way that Steve would love to read as flirtatious, but there’s no way-

“Be a shame to make a bad impression on somebody as pretty as you.”

Ok, so maybe there is a way, Steve thinks as he gapes up at Bucky.

In which Steve has to work on his birthday, but it turns out pretty damn well.

You can read it on AO3 here.

Edit: Forgot to add that this was inspired by an A+ prompt from the lovely @talsywalsy who is a genuine gift. 

“But Tuesday’s your birthday!”

Steve levels an icy glare at Natasha as the two of them sit at the kitchen table chopping vegetables. Sam snickers from where he stands at the counter as he places chicken into a dish to marinate for their Sunday dinner.

“You think I don’t know that?” Steve grumbles, practically slamming his knife through the zucchini before him. “Of course I’d rather not work on my birthday, but we’ve only got so much of a grace period before July’s rent is due and I’m short on my share. I already picked up all the hours I can down at the art supply store, and it’s not like there’s a ton of work to be had on a holiday.”

Sam turns to face Steve and Nat and leans back against the counter, folding his arms across his chest as he smirks.

“You’re gonna kill me for suggesting this,” Sam begins, and Steve’s eyes narrow.

“Then don’t fucking suggest it,” Steve bites out as he begins to place the vegetables he and Nat have chopped into a roasting pan.

“I could spot you the extra cash for rent this month,” Sam continues, unperturbed even as Steve’s jaw clenches.

“Absolutely not, Sam,” Steve replies. “It’s not like I’m the only college student strapped for cash living in this apartment. Besides, you’ve been saving for ages to make that trip out to the Grand Canyon with Riley next month somethin’ special.”

Sam shrugs, smile still on his face as he says, “I really can spare the money if you need me to. Wouldn’t be the first time one of our trips has had a tighter budget and it won’t be the last.”

“I can chip in some extra too,” Nat chimes in with a slow smile. “We know you’re good for it, and we wanted to celebrate with you, Steve.”

Steve’s anger leaves him in a heavy exhale and his shoulders slump as he stares down at the worn wood of their kitchen table.

“Look, guys, that’s really, really nice of you, but it’s not that big a deal,” Steve says, brushing his light hair away from his forehead. “Besides, we all have work pretty early on Wednesday. Sam, you really wanna handle customer service calls hungover?”

“Well, no,” Sam admits sheepishly.

“And, Nat, you wanna be sittin’ out in the sun and tryin’ to keep a bunch of screaming children in line at the pool with a killer headache?”

Natasha sighs, slumping back in her chair.

“I guess not,” she replies. “Although, you’re turning 22, Steve, not 21. I think we have just a little more self control now than we did last year. But you’ve clearly made up your mind, so we’ll go out next weekend instead.”

“Thank you,” Steve grins, picking up the tray and walking toward the oven. “Now, can we get dinner going already? I’m starving.”

“I cannot believe-” Bucky hisses into his sister’s ear as the two of them stand in the Robinson’s backyard watching a bunch of five-year-olds sprinting around armed with water balloons and Super Soakers- “That I let you talk me into this.”

Becca grins up at Bucky, her dark brown eyes wide with feigned innocence. She’ll be starting her senior year of high school in the fall, but Becca never misses an opportunity to play the little sister card. And Bucky always falls for it.

Which is why he’s helping Becca chaperone Angela Robinson’s birthday party instead of enjoying a barbecue or a pool party or any of the number of options with which his old high school buddies had presented him.

“You love kids,” Becca replies, that shit-eating grin still gracing her suntanned features. Hours of playing outside with Angela, Bucky figures, wondering how Becca manages to keep up with a kid in the summer heat day after day.

Bucky’d asked her about why she’d gone the babysitting route instead of just getting a job at the local grocery store or the movie theater or the public pool or something. Becca had simply shrugged and said it was good money and that she was a more affordable option than summer camp for Angela’s parents.

“Kids are fine,” Bucky sighs as he dodges to avoid a little boy sprinting between him and Becca, somehow getting sprayed with cold water in the process. He’d be annoyed, but it’s at least 95 degrees outside. “I just- I prefer them in smaller, calmer groups.”

Becca just rolls her eyes, and turns her attention back to the kids. “You’re gonna make a heck of an educator, big brother.”

Bucky’s about to snark right back but then Aileen Robinson, Angela’s mother, slides open the back door and walks into the yard with a fresh bowl of fruit in hand. Following her is a short, slim blond boy wearing a backpack and carrying a sizable canister of what Bucky guesses is helium. It is a birthday party, after all.

Aileen sets the bowl down on one of the folding tables on the patio, and then motions for the blond to follow her to where Bucky and Becca are standing.

Bucky can’t quite pinpoint how old the the stranger; he could be all of sixteen, but he could also be closer to Bucky’s age. Bucky really hopes the guy’s not in high school because he’s about a hundred percent Bucky’s type.

The guy’s hair gleams golden in the afternoon sun, a little bit tousled and very soft-looking. His eyes are large and bright, the kind of color Becca and her goofy friends would refer to as fanfiction blue. His cheekbones are sharp, giving him sort of a elfin look that the LOTR nerd that lives inside Bucky finds absolutely adorable. His nose is just a touch too big for his finely drawn features, and it looks like maybe it’s been broken a time or two, but Bucky finds it oddly charming. The guy’s lips are plush and look incredibly kissable.

When Bucky manages to drag his gaze away from the stranger’s mouth, he finds those pretty blue eyes trained squarely on him, and the guy’s brow is furrowed. Bucky’s not sure if it’s annoyance or confusion or a mix of both.

Fuck.

Bucky does his best to smile, but it feels tight and unnatural, and he knows there’s a blush blooming on his cheeks. Becca snickers softly beside him - of course she’d noticed - and Bucky elbows her in the side, hard enough to make her yelp.

Aileen seems completely unaware of the strange tension between the young men as she shouts for the kids to settle down for a moment.

“I have a surprise for all of you!” the woman beams down at the children as they fidget, eager to get back to their games. “This is Steve Rogers, and he’s a balloon artist, so if any of you would like a balloon animal or anything like that, he’ll be here all afternoon!”

Steve smiles and waves at the kids, none of whom seem particularly interested in balloon art at the moment. Bucky figures that might change when they’ve worn themselves out a little bit; the heat’s too thick and humid for them to be this active all afternoon. But now, all they do is stare at Steve for a moment, and then go back to sprinting after each other through the yard.

Steve just shakes his head with a rueful smile.

“Steve, let me introduce you to our party chaperones,” Aileen says, and Bucky shakes himself so that Steve doesn’t catch Bucky staring at his mouth again.

“This is Becca Barnes, Angela’s babysitter,” Aileen smiles as she gestures to Becca. “She’s been an absolute lifesaver so far this summer for Jeff and I. And this is her brother Bucky. Now, Jeff and I are going to be busy getting the food together for the kids, but these two can help you out if you run into any little problems.”

Aileen then turns her attention to Becca as she continues, “Of course, any emergencies, you know you come and interrupt us right away.”

“Of course, Aileen,” Becca nods, taking the older woman’s arm and gently steering her back toward the house. “Bucky and I will handle the kids, and we’ll help Steve out with anything he needs. You just worry about getting lunch together, OK?”

Becca follows Aileen back toward the house, leaving Bucky and Steve standing awkwardly in the middle of the yard.

“Um,” Bucky starts, trying to break the ice as he points at the canister in Steve’s hand. “Can I, uh, help you with that?”

Bucky knows he’s said the wrong thing as soon as Steve’s eyes narrow and his lips thin into a tight line.

“I’ve got it, thanks,” Steve replies cooly. “I know I’m small, but I’m not incapable of carrying the stuff I need to do my job.”

“I- I didn’t,” Bucky stammers out, hands spread out in what he hopes is a placating manner. “That’s- that’s not what I meant. I was just tryin’ to be helpful; I’m sorry.”

Steve’s expression has softened slightly, but it’s still wary as he says, “It’s fine. But really, I’m good. Thanks anyway.”

And then Steve’s walking toward the picnic table on the other side of the yard and Bucky is cursing himself. He’s supposed to be the charming, confident Barnes sibling and he’s already completely fucked up his chances of chatting up Steve.

Bucky sighs, resolving to just do what he came here for - keep an eye on some kids and hang out with his little sister.

And, ok, yeah, maybe he’s gonna sneak a few glances at the pretty blond that Aileen Robinson hired as party entertainment.

He’s only human.

Steve’s actually having a pretty solid birthday in spite of the fact that he has to work. The gig’s gonna pay well, the kids asking for balloon animals have so far been very polite and grateful, and he’s found the only patch of the yard that appears to be permanently in the shade.

The tall, dark and handsome brunet chaperoning the party with his sister certainly isn’t hurting matters either, Steve thinks with a smile as he glances over at Bucky. The young man is nodding and grinning as the birthday girls talks animatedly about lord knows what.

Steve takes a moment to study Bucky while Bucky’s attention is on the child. He’s got dark hair that’s long enough to pull back into a sloppy bun, which Steve finds absolutely adorable. His eyes are the color of a stormy sea (Steve cringes internally at the cliché, but it fits). And that smile, god, but it makes Steve a little weak in the knees.

It’s sort of pathetic, really, that a stranger can have such an immediate affect on Steve, but the guy had blushed a pretty shade of pink when Steve had caught him sharing, so sue him for enjoying the attention.

Angela’s gaze strays to Steve after a few minutes of chatter, a shy little grin on her face before she stares down at her feet and shakes her head. Bucky follows her gaze, then tugs on the kid’s arm, pulling her in Steve’s direction. She follows a little reluctantly, refusing to look up as she and Bucky reach Steve.

“Angela, it’s your birthday,” Bucky reassures the child as he aims a grin Steve’s way, and the hot summer day must be affecting Steve’s weak lungs because he’s having a little trouble breathing.

Definitely just the heat, Steve thinks as Bucky continues, “I’m sure Steve here would be more than happy to make you a balloon flower.”

Steve’s lips twitch slightly before he squats so that he’s at eye level with Angela.

“A flower balloon, huh?” Steve asks, chuckling as Angela finally meets his gaze and nods. “Of course; anything for the birthday girl. What colors would you like me to use?”

Angela tugs on the leg of Bucky’s shorts, a pleading look on her face. Bucky smiles and leans down so that she can whisper something to him, winking at Steve when he catches the blond’s eye.

Shit, Steve thinks as his heart rate  begins to speed up. He’s really hot.

Of course, Steve couldn’t meet a guy this cute in a normal setting like out at a bar or a concert or something, oh no. Had to be at a kid’s party where he’s hired to making fucking balloon animals and shit.

“Angela would like you to use purple and blue for her flower, please,” Bucky says, drawing Steve from his thoughts. Steve smiles and nods before he gets to work, filling each balloon with helium and twisting until he’s holding out a flower to the little girl standing before him.

“Wow,” Angela breathes, a wide grin breaking across her features as she looks up. “Thank you, Mister Steve!”

And then the kid’s tearing off back toward Becca, shouting to her about how pretty her birthday flower is.

“Yeah, thanks, Mister Steve,” Bucky chuckles, suddenly looking a little shy as the two of them stand alone once again. The brunet tucks a strand of his dark hair behind his ear as he smiles at Steve, gray-blue eyes unsure.

“Look, I, um, I wanted to apologize again,” Bucky exhales. “I didn’t mean to offend you or anything when I asked if you needed help earlier. I was just trying to be polite, and I hope you won’t hold it against me.”

Steve huffs out a laugh. “I think I might be able to forgive you, yeah.”

Bucky’s positively beaming at that, and Steve kind of can’t believe that something so simple has made this handsome man so happy.

“Glad to hear it,” Bucky replies, batting his eyelashes in a way that Steve would love to read as flirtatious, but there’s no way-

“Be a shame to make a bad impression on somebody as pretty as you.”

Ok, so maybe there is a way, Steve thinks as he gapes up at Bucky.

“You should, um, you should sit and eat with Becca and me when the food’s ready,” Bucky says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “If you want to, I mean.”

“Sure,” Steve somehow manages to get his vocal cords working again, and he’s impressed by his even tone. “That’d be nice.”

A pretty solid birthday, indeed, Steve thinks as he watches Bucky make his way back over to Becca, a disbelieving smile on his face.

“So, Steve,” Becca asks in between bites of her hot dog. “How old are you?”

Bucky casts a sidelong glance at his sister, and Becca just shrugs and smiles innocently like she’s not about to embarrass the hell out of him.

Granted, they got through the first twenty minutes or so of their meal just chatting and laughing like normal people, so Bucky guesses he should be grateful for that much at least.

“Twenty-two,” Steve answers as he pops a French fry into his mouth. “How old are you?”

“Seventeen,” Becca says with a grin as she looks over at Bucky. “You know my big brother is also twenty-two. Just graduated from college this past May, and he’s planning on staying in town for the foreseeable future. Got a job at the local middle school and everything.”

Jesus Christ, Beck, Bucky thinks as he gives his sister a look that he hopes conveys, For the love of God, shut up.

Becca does not shut up.

“I bet you guys would get along great,” Becca continues with a sly smirk in Bucky’s direction.

“What makes you say that?” Steve asks, clearly trying not to laugh at the two of them, and Bucky’s embarrassed but also glad that Steve is amused and not absolutely horrified by his little sister’s teasing.

“Just a hunch,” Becca winks, before standing and grabbing her plate. “I’m gonna go grab seconds and check in with Angela. You two have fun chatting.”

Bucky has no doubt that there’s a light flush coloring his cheeks as he looks up from his plate and meets Steve’s eyes.

“You all right?” Steve asks with a wry grin.

Bucky sighs, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he says, “Yeah, I’d just like to apologize to you again. My little sister can be a little, uh, obvious when she thinks somebody’s my type.”

Steve chuckles, tilting his head to one side as he says, “Hate to break it to you, Bucky, but callin’ me pretty was fairly obvious, so that must run in your family or somethin’.”

Bucky just stares at Steve for a moment, completely unsure of what to say because, yeah, that hadn’t exactly been subtle, had it?

Steve startles Bucky from his thoughts by placing his hand gently over Bucky’s.

“Relax, Buck,” Steve says. “I didn’t mind.”

“Oh,” Bucky replies, trying to ignore the way his voice cracks. “Ok, good. Wouldn’t wanna make things awkward for you at your job, you know?”

Steve just laughs and tells Bucky to shut up and finish his burger.

Steve knows somebody’s in trouble as soon as he sees one little boy sprinting after another. The second child has stolen the first’s piece of cake, if Steve’s deciphering the nearly incoherent shouts of rage correctly.

He just doesn't expect for the kid holding the cake to trip on a root of the tree beneath which Steve’s standing. Or for the cake to go flying into the air. Or for it to land on his head.

But that’s exactly what happens.

For a moment, everything is still, as though the party is holding its collective breath as frosting drips down Steve’s face. And then it’s chaos.

“Oh my god,” Aileen cries as she hustles over toward Steve, ignoring the kids’ shouts and shrieks of laughter. “Aiden, Kyle go sit down right now. Steve, I’m so sorry. Here, let me help you get cleaned up.”

Steve’s about to reassure the woman that he can handle it, but then Bucky’s standing up and clearing his throat to get her attention.

“Let me take care of it, Aileen, really,” Bucky says. “Better if a real authority figure stays out here and talks to those boys.”

Aileen nods, thanking Bucky and telling him to take Steve to the upstairs bathroom so he won’t be disturbed - “second door on the left” - and then Bucky’s herding Steve inside.

“You know, I think I can find the bathroom myself,” Steve protests, but Bucky just takes his hand and drags him up the steps. Steve’d be lying if he said he’s not kind of enjoying the warmth of Bucky’s palm along with his firm grip.

“Yeah, you probably can, but I kind of need a break from the munchkins, and this feels like a pretty good excuse,” Bucky replies, and sure, Steve can understand that.

They reach the bathroom, and Bucky lets go of Steve’s hand. Steve misses the heat immediately.

“I’ll just wait out here while you get the icing outta your hair, all right?” Bucky says.

Steve nods, walking into the immaculate, white-tiled bathroom and pushing the door until it snaps closed. The Robinsons have one of those removable shower heads, thank god, so Steve simply kneels down on the blue bath mat at the edge of the tub and washes his hair.

He likes their shampoo; it smells like apples.

Once Steve has rinsed his hair and scrubbed his face, he towels himself dry. Then, he opens the door and motions for Bucky to walk through the frame.

“Do me a favor and let me know if I missed a spot or anything?” Steve asks.

Bucky’s smile is soft as he nods, motioning for Steve to do a little twirl so he can check the back of Steve’s head. Steve spins slowly, acutely aware of Bucky’s eyes on him.

Once Steve’s done a complete rotation, Bucky reaches out and grabs Steve’s arm, tugging him forward.

“Missed a spot,” Bucky murmurs, and holy shit, they’re standing very close, and Bucky’s hands are on him, and Steve can’t seem to breathe.

“Want me to get it?” Bucky asks, voice raspy and low, and there’s no trace of his earlier shyness, just a predatory sort of gleam in his stormy eyes.

Steve’s voice refuses to cooperate, so he just nods, breath hitching as Bucky leans closer.

Bucky’s finger brushes along the skin at the corner of Steve's lips, and Steve sees a trace of icing at the tip as Bucky pulls it back.

And Bucky's tongue is curling around the digit and sucking, his intense gaze never leaving Steve. It's a small miracle that he's standing so close to the sink because this little display has Steve’s knees buckling, and he has to grab the edge to stay on his feet.

Bucky seems to notice Steve’s predicament and wraps an arm securely around his waist, pulling him even closer.

“Shit,” Steve whispers as Bucky’s warm breath ghosts across his lips, unable to help the small shudder that wracks his body.

“I think you should kiss me,” Steve blurts, more than a little amazed that one, he’s actually just voiced that thought aloud, and two, that his voice is remarkably composed.

Bucky apparently doesn’t need to be told twice.

Bucky really likes the feel of Steve’s mouth moving soft and slow against his own. Likes the way Steve kind of sags into him, his small, yet long-fingered hands gripping Bucky’s shoulders tightly. Like the soft sounds slipping from Steve’s lips as they kiss.

Bucky breaks for air a moment later because the two of them have already been gone a while and if they keep going, Bucky’s not sure he’s going to be able to stop kissing Steve. He rests his forehead gently against Steve’s and listens to the blond try to catch his breath.

“How was that?” Bucky asks, liking the laugh Steve exhales.

“That was great,” Steve says. “This is turning out to be maybe the best birthday ever.”

Bucky jerks back, eyes narrowed as he surveys Steve.

“Party,” Steve amends quickly, eyes downcast as a blush suffuses his cheeks. “Best birthday party.”

Bucky can feel the slow smirk spreading across his lips as he presses Steve back against the sink, loving the gasp that leaves the blond’s kiss-swollen lips.

“Rogers,” Bucky begins, unable to hide the glee in his voice. “Is today your birthday, too?”

“Wh-what?” Steve stammers, whining as Bucky’s hands find his hips and squeeze. “No, of course not. Why would I be working on my birthday?”

“Don’t lie to me, Steve,” Bucky teases, leaning in and pressing open-mouthed kisses along Steve’s neck, relishing the way Steve arches up into him.

“Buck,” Steve groans as Bucky’s teeth graze the smooth skin of his throat. “Shit, ok, yes. Yes, it’s my birthday too. You happy?”

“Steve, I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d be happier than the one I’m in right now,” Bucky replies, as he pulls back and smiles down at Steve. “You should let me take you out after the party. As a birthday present.”

Bucky watches as Steve’s eyes widen in surprise, his lips parting slightly as Bucky takes a step back, giving Steve some breathing room.

“You-” Steve enunciates each word slowly- “want to take me out?”

“Yeah, Steve,” Bucky replies, shoving his hands into his pockets with a shy smile as he prays Steve will agree to this. Bucky’d been pretty sure Steve would be the only thing occupying his thoughts tonight and that was before they’d kissed. All he wants is to be around the blond for as long as possible.

So he says so.

“I really would,” Bucky continues. “If, uh, if you’d be interested.”

For a moment, Steve’s brows furrow and Bucky’s stomach drops because that look suggests that the blond’s about to turn him down. Which would really, really suck.

Instead Steve says, “You don’t even know me, Buck.”

“You’re right,” Bucky replies, reaching out to brush Steve’s damp hair back from his forehead. “But I’d like to, Steve. If you’ll let me, that is.”

And suddenly Steve’s smiling so bright that Bucky’s chest actually aches.

“Yeah,” Steve breathes, leaning up and catching Bucky’s lips in a quick kiss. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

Somehow managed to get a date with a guy helping out at this birthday party, Steve texts his roommates as the party begins to wind down and parents come to collect their children. Don’t wait up.

When Steve looks up from his phone, Bucky’s grinning and waving him over, and yeah, Steve’s reaction after that first kiss was dead on.

This is definitely the best birthday ever.

[ohnoitsjic]

Where The Heck Are The Mallows?

January 23, 2019 (Wednesday)

Hey there, Tumblr!

I had a lot of fun last night because my classmate and I walked around the city area after class. We’ve been planning before that we should have a night photoshoot downtown, and finally, we’ve done it last night. I’m totally posting it on my instagram soon.

Since today is Wednesday, that means, no class for me (cause in my university, Wednesdays are activity days, but it’s more of a lazy day, really). Cassidy, Maddison, Nadia and I had another brilliant plan today: we’re planning to spend our Wednesday at Cassidy’s and watch tons and tons of movies (how’d that sound? Lazy, right?) Just so you know, bitches, Cassidy had the most monstrous television in the world and by “monstrous” I mean HUGE AF (okay, maybe I’m super exaggerating that, but it’s true). They don’t own it actually, but they’re keeping it for the meantime. You’re probably wondering and have a lot of questions right now, but bitches, this post is not about the fucking TV, okay? So moving on now. Maddison and Nadia said that they’ll just be meeting us at Cassidy’s, so it’ll be just me and Cassidy who are going to buy foods for the moviemar (short for movie marathon, obvi). But, one bitch decided to join the fun. At first, I was hesitant to let her join us because I’m not really that close to her yet, but it turned out that she’s way more fun to be with, so hell yeah! Cassidy and I decided to meet at the convenience store where we’ll be buying our yummies. And when I got there, another bitch decided to show up, Jenessa, which made me so so happy because as you all (don’t) know, this bitch is one of the favorite friends of mine, and we missed her so so much (she’s a working student FYI, that’s why we don’t see her that much. But her house is next to my grannies), of all my favorite friends, Jenessa is the most voluble. She’s also the tallest and the loudest (literally), if she talks, you can still hear her even if you’re 3000 miles away (no joke). Okay, that was a joke, but she’s still too loud.

The minute we saw each other at the convenience store, she immediately ran into me, screaming and shouting like a total retarded bitch. But instead of stopping her, I just smiled and gave her a big big hug and kisses, because I missed her so much. If Maddy and Nadia were here too, they’ll definitely do the same. Everyone in the store was looking at us, some were smiling seeing us happy, but some were probably pissed off because even a professional artist couldn’t draw their frowning faces. It was around 11am and there were not a lot of costumers in the store, so every time Jenessa laughs and shout, we can clearly hear her voice echoing the halls. Their classmate (the one who shouldn’t be named yet, because I’m still thinking of a perfect nickname for her), kept stopping Jenessa from being so loud, but knowing Jenessa, no one can stop her, not even your mother (*Your Mother* is a funny statement in my country, but you probably won’t get it since it should be spoken in my native language). Back to the store, we’re still having a good time, even though everyone’s eyes were at us already. Who cares? We’re popular you know, so keep those burning eyes at us. Aside from being annoying and the noisiest customers in the store, we also had a lot of funny moments, especially Cassidy. Hahaa. Cassidy, Cassidy, Cassidy, you never fail to own the circus spotlight. That’s why I love my friends so much, because they always bring out the happy giggly side of me. We keep on walking around like we own the place, laughing, giggling and shouting. We leave the store with too much tears of joy. Not to mention, some of the boys who were asking to be our toys (I love it when the words rhymes).

Since Cassidy really wanted to play “Chubby Bunny” challenge for her vlog (which I honestly have no idea what game it was), we decided to go to a pastry shop to buy some mallows (short for marshmallows). We went inside and as usual, we started spreading bitchiness there as well. This is Cassidy and her classmate’s first time here in the shop, so Jenessa was acting little-miss-know-it-all and led us where the mallows were, but ended giving us an idiot laugh because she led us to the wrong place. Can you imagine taking the stairs up and down because she thought that the mallows were upstairs? And how pathetic it is that this poor shop doesn’t own an elevator or even escalators. I had a doubt when Jenessa said that the mallows were upstairs because my mom used to buy stuffs here for her cakes. And every time I tagged along, I don’t remember mom going up the stairs to look for the mallows. But Jenessa looked so sure when she said “it’s upstairs”. And Becca (the other bitch who decided to join us, and yes, the one who shouldn’t be named? Guess what, I found the perfect nickname for her), asked me about my mom and does my mom used to bake cakes? And I said yes, maybe she was also thinking that I knew where the mallows were.

After Jenessa led us to the balloons and party hat’s station, we then went downstairs and searched for the mallows, laughing. Finally, we found it together with the other sweet stuffs. Becca even joked about it and said “It was in the basement pala, that’s why we couldn’t find it”. And she was right; the mallows were placed in some kind of underground floor (I don’t know how to explain it, basta it is lower than the first floor). Jenessa’s stupidity didn’t end there, when she paid for the mallows, she couldn’t help herself from laughing because of what had happen. She even forgot to take the receipt and went back to get it. Crazy J!

This’ll probably be a very long post but I don’t care, I’m having so much fun telling you this story. So, let’s get back to it, shall we?

After all the shopping disaster we had, we decided to go home because we still have to cook for our lunch (brunch for me because I haven’t eaten my breakfast yet, *after a moment of thinking* oh, I actually did, what a forgetful little bitch am I). On our way home, we couldn’t help ourselves from taking videos and selfies from Cassidy’s phone (because she was the only one who had a nice phone, that’s why). So, as you all know, guys, I actually don’t know why did I just say that, ya’ll obviously don’t know, right? Stupid me. But anyway, we live in a mountainous area, so we had to ride another ride (does that make sense?). When we’re almost at the top of the mountain (hahaa sorry, I’m running out of English here), the driver had to unload some passengers because it was too heavy for a bumpy ride. There were five of us all, including Mr. Driver, and since Becca and Jenessa were seated at the far end, the two of them had to sacrifice. The funny thing was, when Becca thought that the driver will just return to fetch them, but actually, he’s not. He just asked them to walk all the way to Cassidy’s (we’re almost at Cassidy’s anyway, so it’s not really that big of a sacrifice).

Jenessa decided to visit her mom first so she went straight to their house and Becca went with her because she haven’t been to Jenessa’s house before (we only have a quiet little neighborhood so our houses here are just a walking distance). Meanwhile, me and Cassidy went straight to their house and started cooking lunch. When Jenessa and Becca arrived, Jenessa volunteered that she wanted to cook the lunch. We all agreed immediately since we all know that Jenessa can cook way more delish than the three of us (even though I’m studying HRM, Jenessa is still the “Cook Diva”, as what we always called her when we’re still kids). We’re genuinely having a lot of fun the whole time, especially after we ate our lunch, we’ve watched movies and talked about a lot of girl’s stuffs hahaa. Until Jenessa decided to go ahead because she still need to go back to school for her exam. Becca stayed a little longer and even had her nails polished by Cassidy. As always, we waited for Maddison and Nadia to arrive but, again, they didn’t. So, we decided to postpone our “Chubby Bunny” challenge because it was getting dark already and Becca also need to go. While she was passionately waiting for her ex-boyfriend to fetch her up *clears throat*, the oh-so-fashionably late, Maddison, decided to show up with a big great smile. Just great. More chit-chats and gossips and we also updated our disco plan this saturday. By 8pm, Maddison and I walked home together since her house is just next to mine.

So, that’s all for today, ladies and gents. A lot more had happen during this day but I don’t think I can still be able to type the rest. My fingers are totally numb and tired already, and my brain is totally empty. So, goodbye and have a good Wednesday night.

Toodles, bitches!

xoxo,

JLa

[kristablogs]

How to get the perfect fit when buying clothes online

Skip the trying on and go straight to rocking that outfit. (Godisable Jacob / Pexels/)

As a lazy homebody, I shop for almost everything online—except clothes. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to go to the mall, try on multiple sizes, and visit a few stores to find the perfect fit.

But things are not so simple in the midst of a pandemic. Some states, like California and Florida, are suffering from strong infection surges and authorities are asking people to stay home. And even in places where stores are reopening due to low infection rates, there are a lot of people who still feel uncomfortable going out for anything non-essential, like clothes shopping.

If either is your case, and you simply need to wear something other than those gray sweatpants, you’ll have to venture online.

Measure yourself and look for size charts

You might know that you usually wear a large, but a large at one store is not the same as a large at another. Knowing your exact measurements is the first step to finding the right fit online, so grab a flexible tape measure—or a piece of string—and write them down.

I could detail how to take each measurement here, but it’s best to see it in video form—so check out this video for female-bodied folks and this video for male-bodied to start. It doesn’t hurt to watch a few video guides, as they’ll all have little tips and tricks to get things just right (like measuring yourself with and without a bra for a more accurate fit).

Then, when you’re shopping on a site, look for the brand’s size chart to see where you lie. You may find a link to the sizing chart on the page for a given item, or you might find it at the footer of the store’s website. In theory, it’ll let you know whether you’re a large or an extra large for that particular brand, and control the kind of fit you want for a particular piece of clothing.

I wouldn’t stop there, though.

Find your best-fitting clothes and compare them

Got a lot of shirts? Find your favorite one (or the one that fits you best) and make it your size parameter. (Becca McHaffie / Unsplash/)

Many folks will tell you that taking your measurements is the most important tip when shopping online. I disagree—it’s an important first step, but it only takes you so far. Some brands may not have entirely accurate sizing charts, thanks to vanity sizing, sub-par quality control, and the wide variation between each of our bodies (not to mention personal fit preferences). Even if the size chart is accurate, it only shows you the closest match to your measurements—not whether an item will fit the way you want. Instead, you’d be better off using some of your favorite clothes as a benchmark.

You know what I’m talking about: that one t-shirt that fits you perfectly, or that one pair of jeans you’ve never been quite able to find again. Grab your favorite items from your closet, note the brand, style, and size, and see how it compares to other brands.

There are a few online tools that can help you in this endeavor, but they’re often startups, which means they come and go like feathers in the wind. Fitbay, for example, was a tool that compared clothes from various brands, and used your measurements to match you up with “body doubles” to find clothes that fit similarly. The service is now defunct, but two infographics—still viewable at Bustle and Lifehacker—can help you determine which brands will fit your body type based on Fitbay’s research. Secondhand retailer ThredUP has some of its own findings in graph form as well.

True Fit is a moderately useful tool as well—it isn’t a standalone app, but it’s built into many retailer websites. You’d be forgiven for glossing over the “Find Your True Fit” link on the item pages, as it doesn’t exactly stand out—but this service allows you to punch in the size of a few of your favorite items alongside your height, weight, and body type to find out whether a given item will fit. For example, after creating my profile, it told me a small would be my size in this shirt—but that it’d be just a tad on the looser side rather than a perfect fit. I wish it were a bit more detailed—it doesn’t let you pick what style your favorite items are, only the brand and size—but it’s a step in the right direction. Look for it on the item page for any retailer that supports True Fit.

Other stores may support similar services, like Fit Analytics and Virtusize. If you can find a fitting tool on the site you’re shopping, give it a try.

If you aren’t sure where to even start, SizeCharter is a standalone tool that does something similar. Plug in your favorite brand or give it your measurements, and it’ll return a list of the best brands for your body type (sorted from top to bottom), with specific sizes for each one. That way, you’ll know you’re more likely to be an eight at Gap, but a 10 at Forever 21. (It doesn’t take into account everything, though, so you’ll still have to do some try-ons at home.)

None of these tools and tricks are perfect—far from it. But they’re better than guessing based on what size “most” of your clothes are.

Try a little augmented reality

Augmented reality—the act of imposing digital assets on real-world imagery—is the next big thing in clothes shopping. While it hasn’t gained widespread reach yet, there are a few apps that let you “try on” clothes using your phone’s camera. You won’t necessarily get an idea of what size you should get, but it will still help you understand the intended fit in the design and get a feel for how the color and style will look, decreasing the need for annoying returns.

Zeekit lets you browse curated collections of clothes from Adidas, H&M, and other brands and overlay them on a photo of yourself to see whether that yellow hoodie will actually look good. (The better lighting you can get for your photo, the more true-to-life it’ll appear.) And hey, even if they don’t have the exact item you want, they may have something similar, which is still better than flying blind. Forma is a similar app, though it’s more of a Pinterest-esque style “look book,”—it doesn’t contain the popular brands and links to buy that Zeekit does.

Augmented reality is a bit more common in other categories—Sephora and L’Oreal let you try makeup shades using a photo, for example, Warby Parker has its own virtual try-on for glasses, and Amazon lets you put virtual furniture in your living room—but clothing brands like Gap have been talking about the tech for years, and Asos has tested it in their virtual stores on a few occasions. It’s only a matter of time before we see it become more common, so if you see a “virtual try-on” option appear in your favorite apps, give it a go. In the meantime, if you’re really mulling over a purchase, you can always cut-and-paste an outfit onto a photo with a free image editor. (Yes, I’ve actually done this before.)

Check the return policy

None of these things guarantee a perfect fit every time—they just increase the likelihood. But no matter how hard you try, you may still need to return something that doesn’t suit you—or that you don’t actually like—which is why you should check that return policy before you complete your order. In particular, see if the retailer requires you to pay return shipping or a restocking fee. Many retailers, like Amazon, won’t, but others may. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it’s a small price to pay for being able to size up or down when necessary, especially with notoriously generous return policies like Patagonia’s.

In a similar vein, I wouldn’t buy any “final sale” clearance items unless you already know that brand, style, and size fit you well. Make sure the company is still available for customer service if need be (some call centers and online chats are closed right now) and check the company’s COVID-19 updates to see any temporary changes to their return policy—many are broader than usual right now.

[scootoaster]

How to get the perfect fit when buying clothes online

Skip the trying on and go straight to rocking that outfit. (Godisable Jacob / Pexels/)

As a lazy homebody, I shop for almost everything online—except clothes. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to go to the mall, try on multiple sizes, and visit a few stores to find the perfect fit.

But things are not so simple in the midst of a pandemic. Some states, like California and Florida, are suffering from strong infection surges and authorities are asking people to stay home. And even in places where stores are reopening due to low infection rates, there are a lot of people who still feel uncomfortable going out for anything non-essential, like clothes shopping.

If either is your case, and you simply need to wear something other than those gray sweatpants, you’ll have to venture online.

Measure yourself and look for size charts

You might know that you usually wear a large, but a large at one store is not the same as a large at another. Knowing your exact measurements is the first step to finding the right fit online, so grab a flexible tape measure—or a piece of string—and write them down.

I could detail how to take each measurement here, but it’s best to see it in video form—so check out this video for female-bodied folks and this video for male-bodied to start. It doesn’t hurt to watch a few video guides, as they’ll all have little tips and tricks to get things just right (like measuring yourself with and without a bra for a more accurate fit).

Then, when you’re shopping on a site, look for the brand’s size chart to see where you lie. You may find a link to the sizing chart on the page for a given item, or you might find it at the footer of the store’s website. In theory, it’ll let you know whether you’re a large or an extra large for that particular brand, and control the kind of fit you want for a particular piece of clothing.

I wouldn’t stop there, though.

Find your best-fitting clothes and compare them

Got a lot of shirts? Find your favorite one (or the one that fits you best) and make it your size parameter. (Becca McHaffie / Unsplash/)

Many folks will tell you that taking your measurements is the most important tip when shopping online. I disagree—it’s an important first step, but it only takes you so far. Some brands may not have entirely accurate sizing charts, thanks to vanity sizing, sub-par quality control, and the wide variation between each of our bodies (not to mention personal fit preferences). Even if the size chart is accurate, it only shows you the closest match to your measurements—not whether an item will fit the way you want. Instead, you’d be better off using some of your favorite clothes as a benchmark.

You know what I’m talking about: that one t-shirt that fits you perfectly, or that one pair of jeans you’ve never been quite able to find again. Grab your favorite items from your closet, note the brand, style, and size, and see how it compares to other brands.

There are a few online tools that can help you in this endeavor, but they’re often startups, which means they come and go like feathers in the wind. Fitbay, for example, was a tool that compared clothes from various brands, and used your measurements to match you up with “body doubles” to find clothes that fit similarly. The service is now defunct, but two infographics—still viewable at Bustle and Lifehacker—can help you determine which brands will fit your body type based on Fitbay’s research. Secondhand retailer ThredUP has some of its own findings in graph form as well.

True Fit is a moderately useful tool as well—it isn’t a standalone app, but it’s built into many retailer websites. You’d be forgiven for glossing over the “Find Your True Fit” link on the item pages, as it doesn’t exactly stand out—but this service allows you to punch in the size of a few of your favorite items alongside your height, weight, and body type to find out whether a given item will fit. For example, after creating my profile, it told me a small would be my size in this shirt—but that it’d be just a tad on the looser side rather than a perfect fit. I wish it were a bit more detailed—it doesn’t let you pick what style your favorite items are, only the brand and size—but it’s a step in the right direction. Look for it on the item page for any retailer that supports True Fit.

Other stores may support similar services, like Fit Analytics and Virtusize. If you can find a fitting tool on the site you’re shopping, give it a try.

If you aren’t sure where to even start, SizeCharter is a standalone tool that does something similar. Plug in your favorite brand or give it your measurements, and it’ll return a list of the best brands for your body type (sorted from top to bottom), with specific sizes for each one. That way, you’ll know you’re more likely to be an eight at Gap, but a 10 at Forever 21. (It doesn’t take into account everything, though, so you’ll still have to do some try-ons at home.)

None of these tools and tricks are perfect—far from it. But they’re better than guessing based on what size “most” of your clothes are.

Try a little augmented reality

Augmented reality—the act of imposing digital assets on real-world imagery—is the next big thing in clothes shopping. While it hasn’t gained widespread reach yet, there are a few apps that let you “try on” clothes using your phone’s camera. You won’t necessarily get an idea of what size you should get, but it will still help you understand the intended fit in the design and get a feel for how the color and style will look, decreasing the need for annoying returns.

Zeekit lets you browse curated collections of clothes from Adidas, H&M, and other brands and overlay them on a photo of yourself to see whether that yellow hoodie will actually look good. (The better lighting you can get for your photo, the more true-to-life it’ll appear.) And hey, even if they don’t have the exact item you want, they may have something similar, which is still better than flying blind. Forma is a similar app, though it’s more of a Pinterest-esque style “look book,”—it doesn’t contain the popular brands and links to buy that Zeekit does.

Augmented reality is a bit more common in other categories—Sephora and L’Oreal let you try makeup shades using a photo, for example, Warby Parker has its own virtual try-on for glasses, and Amazon lets you put virtual furniture in your living room—but clothing brands like Gap have been talking about the tech for years, and Asos has tested it in their virtual stores on a few occasions. It’s only a matter of time before we see it become more common, so if you see a “virtual try-on” option appear in your favorite apps, give it a go. In the meantime, if you’re really mulling over a purchase, you can always cut-and-paste an outfit onto a photo with a free image editor. (Yes, I’ve actually done this before.)

Check the return policy

None of these things guarantee a perfect fit every time—they just increase the likelihood. But no matter how hard you try, you may still need to return something that doesn’t suit you—or that you don’t actually like—which is why you should check that return policy before you complete your order. In particular, see if the retailer requires you to pay return shipping or a restocking fee. Many retailers, like Amazon, won’t, but others may. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it’s a small price to pay for being able to size up or down when necessary, especially with notoriously generous return policies like Patagonia’s.

In a similar vein, I wouldn’t buy any “final sale” clearance items unless you already know that brand, style, and size fit you well. Make sure the company is still available for customer service if need be (some call centers and online chats are closed right now) and check the company’s COVID-19 updates to see any temporary changes to their return policy—many are broader than usual right now.

[emphasisonem]

I would absolutely love to see your take on this: “hOOOoooOo shit, so you’re the older sibling my best friend always talks about hahah wow tHEY NEVER BOTHERED TELLING ME YOU WERE THIS HOT” au

Title: Catch Me a Catch

Summary

“James, you-” Steve stammers, face flushing as his brow furrows. “You’re- you’re Bucky?!”

“I am,” Bucky replies, taking a sip of his drink, curious to see if checking Steve out ahead of time is going to backfire because the blond looks equal parts surprised and annoyed.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Steve cross his arms over his chest, and yeah, maybe Bucky should have thought this plan through just a little bit more.

“Wait,” Becca’s eyes dart between the two of them. “Did you just call him James? Do you two know each other?”

In which Becca desperately wants to introduce her friend Steve to her brother Bucky, but it turns out that the two of them have already met.

So, this isn’t quite the prompt, but I like the way it turned out and I hope that you do too! Thank you for the request!

“You’re coming to my birthday party tonight, Rogers, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

Becca glares down at him, bright red lips pursed tightly together. Steve knows that look well, knows there’s not a chance in hell that he’s getting out of attending this party no matter how much he’d rather spend Friday night curled up on his couch in sweats and watching Netflix.

Steve sighs, shoving the last of the newly released books into the bottom shelf of the display case he’s been working on, and pushes himself up. Becca’s nearly a foot shorter than Steve is, but with her hands on her hips, and that glare that follows him up, Steve knows better than to underestimate her.

“Becca,” Steve sighs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans and kicking at the ground. “You know parties aren’t my scene, especially parties at clubs. Plus, I’m broke. All the money I make here goes toward tuition and art supplies; you know that.”

“Rogers,” Becca huffs, an amused smirk curling across her lips. “It’s an open bar for most of the night. Besides, I want you to meet my girlfriend and my brother. I know you’d probably rather wander through the city streets sketching or whatever it is you do in your free time, but you are coming. You might even have fun. And I really think you and Bucky would get along.”

“Oh my god,” Steve groans, running a hand through his hair as he grabs the empty cardboard box at his feet and heads toward the back room of the bookshop Becca’s parents own. “Beck, you need to chill out. Your brother sounds like a cool guy, but just because I’m bi and he’s gay doesn’t mean we’re gonna have some instant connection or whatever.”

“Yeah, well, you should have thought about that before telling me you haven’t been on a date in over a year, Steve,” Becca chuckles, following her friend. “You’re my friend now, and I just want my friends to be happy. And if I can also make my currently-single brother happy? Well, two birds, one stone. Come on, you’re totally his type, and he’s a good guy. Not quite as handsome as you, but most people I know find him pretty darn attractive.”

“Look,” Steve sighs, setting the cardboard box down by the rest of the recycling. “I will come to your party. I will have a few drinks. I will meet your girlfriend and your brother and be friendly. But only on the condition that you stop meddling.”

Becca squeals, throwing her arms around Steve’s midsection and hugging him so tightly that he grunts. For such a tiny little thing, Rebecca Barnes is awfully damn strong.

“All right, all right,” Steve chuckles, pushing the young woman back gently. “You’re going to break my spine and I’m not done shelving for the day.”

“Thank you, Steve!” Becca exclaims, releasing him from her hug, gripping his hands and squeezing gently. “You won’t regret it!”

And then Becca’s bouncing back to the register, leaving Steve alone to wonder about how vaguely ominous the brunette’s parting words had been.

Becca’s gone for the day to get ready for her party, and Steve’s nearly finished with his closing rituals when he hears the bell above the door tinkling gently. He just manages not to groan aloud at the idea of a customer coming in five minutes before closing, and he’s glad he does because it turns out to be his favorite semi-regular.

“I’m so, so sorry,” the dark-haired man grins, breathing heavily as he brushes a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “I know it’s almost closing time, but I got held up at work and I gotta get a present for a party. I know exactly what I’m lookin’ for; I swear I’ll only be a second.”

Steve just stares for a moment, trying to remember how to speak. Usually the man’s longish hair is hanging loose to his shoulders or swept up into a messy bun, but he’s clearly cleaned up for the party he’s attending. He’s not in his usual ratty jeans and layers of hoodies and jackets. Instead, snug, dark wash jeans hug his long legs and muscular thighs, and a polished black peacoat is what’s keeping him warm. His face, usually graced with a five o’clock shadow, is clean-shaven, and his hair is braided back away from his face. Steve’s breath actually catches a little at the sight before him.

“That’s-” Steve finally manages to reply, smiling at the man. “That’s fine, James. I’ll, uh, I’ll just be here when you’re ready, okay?”

“Thank you so much, Steve,” James grins, stormy eyes sparkling as he strides into the shelves, disappearing from view. Steve slumps forward, hands against the counter as he breathes in deeply. He wishes he’d just told Becca about the cute regular - it might have saved him the awkward attempted set-up with her brother- but then he’d have to deal with her interfering with his love life while he’s on the job.

“You doin’ all right, pal?” Steve starts at the sound of James’s deep voice laced with amusement. “You look like a man on death row.”

Steve huffs out a laugh, grabbing the book from the other man’s hand and scanning the barcode. “I’m all right. I have to go to a party tonight too, and I’m just bracing myself for my friend’s attempt at playing matchmaker.”

James grins, handing Steve some cash, and Steve nearly shivers at the feeling of the brunet’s fingers brushing against his own. “Well, you never know. Might not be so bad. And I can’t really imagine anybody’d turn down a guy as handsome as you are.”

“Hah,” Steve rubs a hand against the back of his neck as he hands James his change and fumbles the book into one of the plastic bags they keep at the register. “Thanks, I, uh, we’ll see I guess. Enjoy your evening, James.”

“You as well, Steve,” James winks, then disappears out the front door, the bell ringing hollow in Steve’s ears as he watches him go.

Steve sighs, moving to the door to flip the sign from ‘Open’ to ‘Closed’ before locking the door and heading to the break room to grab his coat.

Bucky’s standing at the bar with Becca and Wanda, sipping on a vodka tonic when Bookstore Steve walks in, looking absolutely stunning as always. He’s changed into darker jeans and a navy sweater that hugs his gorgeous frame perfectly, and Bucky can’t keep from admiring him.

As soon as Becca’d told him about her new coworker, Steve, Bucky had decided he needed to check the guy out for himself, since his baby sister has a tendency to exaggerate a guy’s greatness if she thinks Bucky might be interested. Of course, knowing his sister’s schedule made it very easy to pop in now and again when she wasn’t around, and when he’d first seen Steve, Becca’s description of him as a “blond demigod with eyes as blue as a clear May sky” suddenly seemed like an understatement instead of the most dramatic thing he’d ever heard.

And, yeah, Bucky now has roughly twenty unread novels stacked around his apartment, but each of those books has given him a chance to chat with Steve, to get to know him a little better, and he has a really good feeling about the shy, polite, surprisingly sassy blond.

Bucky turns back to the bartender, signaling for another drink so that Steve won’t see his face right away. He knows the moment Steve arrives because Becca excitedly introduces him to Wanda (whom Bucky adores because he’s never seen Becca so happy) and then there’s a tug on the sleeve of his red button-up.

“Steve,” Becca shouts over the music. “This is my brother Bucky. Bucky this is my friend from the bookstore, Steve.”

Bucky turns, a wide smile on his face as he extends his hand. He’s not sure how he manages not to laugh at the stunned look on the other man’s handsome face, shaking his hand and telling him what an absolute pleasure it is to finally meet him officially.

“James, you-” Steve stammers, face flushing as his brow furrows. “You’re- you’re Bucky?!”

“I am,” Bucky replies, taking a sip of his drink, curious to see if checking Steve out ahead of time is going to backfire because the blond looks equal parts surprised and annoyed.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Steve cross his arms over his chest, and yeah, maybe Bucky should have thought this plan through just a little bit more.

“Wait,” Becca’s eyes dart between the two of them. “Did you just call him James? Do you two know each other?”

“He’s a regular at the bookstore,” Steve replies, eyes narrowing as he glares at Bucky. It shouldn’t be getting Bucky hot under the collar, but the intensity in that gaze has Bucky’s head swimming a bit. “And you only ever came in when Becca wasn’t around. Were you trying to check me out without your sister knowing?”

“And, I believe that is our cue to dance, darling,” Wanda purrs, grabbing Becca’s wrist and dragging her away from the two men. She smiles at Bucky over her shoulder and winks, and Bucky grins gratefully in return.

Steve’s still glaring at him, but Bucky just smiles and says, “Can I get you a drink, Steve?”

Steve blinks, then studies Bucky carefully before replying, “Yeah, okay. Any lager they have on tap is fine.”

Bucky orders the drink, handing it to Steve and the motioning for the man to follow him to a quiet corner of the club.

“All right, so,” Bucky smiles apologetically. “I know it’s maybe weird that I never told you I was Becca’s brother. But I was curious about you; the way she described you, you seemed too good to be true. And she mentioned that you were very skeptical of set-ups, so I didn’t want to blow my chances right out the gate. Especially once I started talking to you and figured out that you were not only unbelievably handsome, but that you were also a really nice guy.”

Steve’s biting on his lower lip, clearly trying not to smile as Bucky pauses.

“Go on, James” Steve urges, blue eyes warming up considerably as he bumps his shoulder against Bucky’s. Bucky likes that gaze and the way Steve’s fighting a losing battle against his impulse to grin.

“Do you know how many books I have to read now?” Bucky asks, liking the way Steve laughs. “Not that I mind; I love books. But, really, you’re the only reason I’ve been coming into my parents’ shop so often. My mom’s been makin’ fun of me about it for weeks now.”

“Is that right?” Steve questions, a gentle finger trailing up and down Bucky’s arm as he smiles, eyes darkening when Bucky shivers.

“That’s right,” Bucky answers, voice firmer and surer than he’d anticipated. “And I think maybe you should let me take you out sometime. Because I’m pretty sure you think I’m cute too. And you can call me Bucky, you know. Most people do”

“Oh, you’re pretty sure, huh?” Steve chuckles, leaning down to whisper in Bucky’s ear. “Because, I’ll be honest, cute’s not really the word I think of when you walk through the door of the bookstore, Bucky. Rugged? Sure. Sinful? Absolutely. Sexy? Definitely. But not cute.”

“So, is that a yes?” Bucky’s a little breathless as Steve’s nose grazes his cheek when he pulls back. “Let me take you to dinner?”

“That’s a yes,” Steve smiles, threading his fingers through Bucky’s and tugging him forward. “Now, what’s say we join your sister and her girl on the dance floor? I’m sure she’ll think it’s an even better present than the book you got her, given how adamant she’s been about me meeting you.”

Bucky knows he’s grinning like a fool, like a lovesick middle-schooler, but he can’t bring himself to care as he nods and lets Steve drag him onto the dance floor and pull him close.

“I told you,” Becca grins at Wanda as the two of them sway to the music. “I’m the best matchmaker of all time.”

Wanda rolls her eyes with a smile. “Truly, dear, your skills are positively occult.”

“Hey now,” Becca tugs Wanda close, lips brushing against Wanda’s mouth as she laughs. “Be nice to me. It is my birthday, after all.”

“And you got exactly what you wanted,” Wanda replies, kissing Becca sweetly as she wraps her arms around her girlfriend’s neck.

“I did at that,” Becca sighs happily, smiling when she catches Bucky’s eye, and giggling as her brother winks before he goes back to chatting animatedly with Steve.

Yup. Matchmaker extraordinaire. Becca should add it to her business card.