#and now i can't stop berating myself for being lazy and incompetent and a resource drain etc
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#I'm having a bad anxiety week and while my SAD depression is over i do still have regular depression#and they're locked in this battle of feeding off each other and i guess trying to see which will tip me over the edge first idk#so. bad brain time#and I'm having to be An Adult™️ and get rid of an unnecessary expense that keeps me going during the worst SAD months#so I've basically been shaking and crying and thinking i was having a heart attack all day#like. i looked up heart attack symptoms because the chest pain and tightness and difficulty breathing got so bad earlier lmao 😬#this is so fucking stupid#but even though i know that. all the general life stuff plus things from this last week is making coping... difficult#and now add to that the way I've failed nano (I'm at like 37.5-38k) and I'm not doing great lmao#it's so ridiculous because i knew i probably wouldn't ''win'' this year and i was totally fine with that (just slightly annoyed)#until this weekend happened#and now i can't stop berating myself for being lazy and incompetent and a resource drain etc
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