#and now again sort of ironically it's actually very lopsided in terms of who is still doing image management of that rivalry

[batsplat]

A sentence in Casey’s book impressed me, even though he didn't name anyone explicitly

“Maybe someone who could put on the charm when they need it regardless of sincerity could have turned the situation around but I don’t have that skill.”

He totally gets that Valentino has endless charm, lol. I’m sure he felt it too when they hung out

yes!! this was about casey and his relationship to the fans wasn't it, and in a section of the book where he was talking about his rivalry with valentino, so hardly a stretch to say it was deliberately alluding to him. and of course casey talking about valentino's charm is not unrelated to how casey did seem to like valentino perfectly fine back in the day... how he said back in 2007 that he liked talking to valentino, that they generally talked about stuff other than racing, how valentino gets on with most guys in the paddock... though it's interesting (if not particularly surprising) how by the time the autobiography is written, casey portrays the early dynamic between the pair of them pretty dispassionately. just from the book you'd get the sense of someone who was coolly respectful of valentino until valentino started pissing him off, rather than someone who was... y'know, also a bit of a fan. somebody who got the valentino rossi appeal, shall we say. we all have our crosses to bear

which, I don't even think it was just about the racing. I doubt he ever wanted to emulate valentino in the same way jorge or marc might have wanted to do off the track, but stuff like calling him a "great competitor and a great sportsman"... that for years he'd been "dreaming to be like him"... that valentino and doohan were "the sort of people I wanted to become like"... I reckon that's a little more than simply respect for him as a rider, and I don't think casey back then would have said that stuff just because he knew it'll play well with the public. he found valentino exciting, like so many before and since have done - and still did so for the entirety of 2006 (he said more recently that he was even more impressed by valentino after that season, which is kinda noteworthy given that's the year valentino did, you know, lose the title). but then they became direct rivals, and. well

of course the "regardless of sincerity" in the quote is pretty pointed lol, like he does clearly see valentino as very two-faced and willing to spin a line regardless of whether it's true or not and also as someone happy to deceive others for his own gains. and his rhetoric has also changed just a wee bit since he published the autobiography on that count, where he more recently does stress how... well, he did learn from how valentino played the media! he learned how to get friendly with journalists! he learned how to play that game, of trying to win the public discourse! he might never have liked it, and he still probably would say like in the autobiography that this "charm" "regardless of sincerity" isn't something that he'll ever be as good at as valentino was. but he did dabble in the dark arts just a touch... I think one of the most interesting tensions of that rivalry is to what extent valentino forced casey out of his comfort zone both on- and off-track and ended up making casey adopt behaviours and attitudes he continued to find reprehensible. casey considers valentino 'selfish' both on- and off-track but to fight him both on- and off-track he became more selfish in turn... very dramatically compelling

anyway, here's casey chatting to fellow aussie jb when he's come to watch the podium celebrations after one of valentino's 2005 wins:

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Drinking Buddies (standalone)

Summary:  Stretch and Edge get along great from the very start.

Tags:  Pre-spicyhoney, Enemies to Lovers, Arguments, Underswap isn’t as kind as Edge likes to think. 

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

Edge resisted the urge to slam the door behind him as he stepped out into the icy cool of Underswap’s Snowdin. He took a deep breath, held it, counting slowly as he let it back out. A breathing technique he’d learned from a soggy magazine found at the dump that he’d studied diligently despite his brother’s mocking.

It worked, a little. His temper, once on the verge of boiling over, settled down to a low simmer. Not at all how he’d wanted to spend his evening. Visits to the other universes were supposed to be a way for him to leave behind the stresses of his own world and instead, tonight it only doubled it, trebled.

Stretch had been in a bad mood from the moment he and Red arrived. The very first words out of his mouth, “nice of you to show up, edgelord, how long did it take you to shake the dust out of that pretty scarf of yours?”

They only got worse as the night went on. Those little insults of his dug in deeper than they should, his petty cruelties usually disguised as idle observations twisting into Edge’s restless soul until the iron control he usually had over his frustrations rusted over and snapped. He’d grabbed Stretch by the front of his sweatshirt, hauling him up from the sofa despite the startled cries of others.

Stretch only smirked, hanging in his grip as he said, softly, “you wanna hit me? go ahead. just remember, you can only do it once.”

That lazy reminder cooled his temper like breaking through ice into the river. One HP, the same as his own brother and Edge allowed Blue to pry his brother free, scolding them both and it was the faint note beneath those words, like a barely stifled sob, that sent Edge outside into the snow.

The artificial light of day was gone, the town cast mostly in darkness except for the Gyftmas lights scattered about. There was a ‘Librarby’ the same as in Underfell and Muffet’s nearby, the brightly lit sign blinking. It was difficult to distinguish how the 'swap' part of Underswap actually worked.

Not that the Monsters who lived here called it that. The term was coined by Papyrus, and at first glance, it seemed accurate enough. Stretch seemed very much like his brother and Red, and Blue similar to Papyrus and himself. Their enthusiasm for being in the guard and cooking, their cheery personalities and distaste for bad puns, while Stretch matching up with his counterparts in laziness and sarcasm.

But the resemblance only seemed surface deep. For one, even his brother usually knew when to shut his mouth, a lesson Stretch certainly never seemed to have learned.

Muffet's was the analog for Grillby's in this world and much as Edge hated coming into any contact with greasy food and equally so company, he needed a drink. If nothing else, it was certain to be safer than his own Grillby's.

Or so he thought and there lay an important lesson his brother taught him from the moment he could summon the smallest bone attack. Assume nothing.

At a glance, the bar was similar. Cleaner, perhaps, less of the furniture broken in LV-fueled disputes. The jukebox was darkened and silent, the patrons less so, snatches of conversation in the air to mingle with the clink of glasses against tabletops.

Behind the counter was Swap's version of Muffet. Intriguing differences, really. His Muffet dressed in frills and lace, paying no mind to the splatters of blood and dust at the hem of her skirts, dappling her ankle socks and slippers. When she dropped the charming illusion of her smile, her true, ravenous nature showed, her maw opened wide to greedily suck the essence of any Monster caught in her webs. He’d seen it once, in a grainy video that his brother ‘liberated’ from Alphys’s storage. At the very end she’d paused, swinging around to look directly at the camera and through the snow of static, the visible madness in her many dark eyes was enough to convince Edge to stay well out of Hotland.

This Muffet only nodded at him politely, her many eyes reflecting the overhead lights. She was nattily dressed in shirtsleeves and a tie, her wiry hair done up in a pair of simple pigtails, and her smile held no horrors, only the raspy offering, "Drink?"

"Do you have tabasco?" Edge asked without much hope.

She only nodded, pouring out a tall glass and topping it with what he hoped was vodka. A celery stalk completed the drink and she pushed it over to him. A wary sip sent a burst of faintly bitter heat deliciously across his tongue, better than any swill he’d had in Underfell.

Absently, he pushed a G coin back across at her and the rumble of conversation around him dwindled to silence. She stared at it as though it might grow fangs and snap at her many fingers.

"My apologies," Edge offered guardedly, "Is that not enough?"

Two stools away, a Monster leaned towards him, their scaly skin and yellowed eyes reminiscent of Undyne and their words were a slurred, whether from drink or a natural inclination, Edge could not say. "Nah, Muffet says its good. Everyone's jus' surprised to see you paying. Usually everything from youse guys goes on Papyrus's tab."

"Of course," Edge muttered. His own brother would delight in racking up drinks on someone else’s tab for a change. "I'd prefer to pay my own way."

Muffet nodded and picked up the coin, dropping it into her vest pocket.

He was most of the way through his drink, the winding tension in his soul slowly loosening, when from behind him came the invasive prickling touch of a Check, followed by, “Huh, look what we have here."

Edge tipped his skull back, draining the last of the tabasco and vodka from his glass before turning around. Three Monsters, their long ears and furry scowling faced placing them firmly in the Bun clan. In his world the Buns were plentiful but meek, often depending on the Snowdin guard to protect them and their homes from those who would hunt them down.

Here in this swapped world, they were flipped around, turned on their end. Tall enough to loom over Edge, their noses the pale white of a fishbelly instead of wriggling pink, their eyes bloodshot and sunken. The tallest leaned in, a sneer fracturing his wide face.

"Nice outfit,” they said. Alcohol was strong on their breath, sharp and foul, “You come in here to raise some dust, LV collector?"

Edge only looked at them coolly. "You act as if any of you would be worth it."

Raucous laughter came from them all, unpleasant and humorless. The tall one spoke again, scornfully, "Trash knows trash, is that it?"

"You don’t know anything about me." It wasn’t likely that Muffet was going to allow fighting in her establishment; in his own world, Grillby would have interceded almost immediately before he could lose any more furniture. True as that may be, Edge wasn’t about to rely on an unknown Monster to have his back and discreetly, he began summoning an attack meant to incapacitate. LV he might have, but he wasn’t—

"I know enough, killer!" The Bun raised a hand, their curled fingers forming a fist nearly the size of Edge’s skull and swinging directly at it.

Before that hand could connect or Edge could deflect it, it stopped entirely, the Bun standing frozen, his soul pulsing an eerie blue.

"hey, guys,” Nearer to the door, a familiar, lazy drawl, “think it’s time to back off.”

The other Buns moved in near unison, turning towards the door and parting enough for Edge to see Stretch standing just inside it. He was lighting a cigarette, a bony hand cupped around the flame.

“Really?” From the second Bun, shorter and thinner, and no less drunk for it. “You gonna stand up for the murderer, Papyrus? Gonna let him kill us all?”

Stretch only chuckled out a smoke-filled breath and tucked his lighter into his pocket. “nah, you know better than that, bunno. we go way back, don’t we?”

“Yeah,” the bun agreed, “yeah, we do.”

“yeaaaaaah,” Stretch drew out the word, slyly, rocking back on his slippered feet. “maybe you don't know me as good as you think. see, problem is, the thing you don’t seem to get—"

Stretch tapped a cylinder of ash on the floor and stuck the cigarette between his teeth, then raised his hand, slim fingers haloed in light. Four blasters rose over his shoulders, their eye lights feral-bright, maws open with the burning threat glowing in their throats. Stretch’s smirk widened, fingers twitching, "he’s not the one you need to worry about, now is he?"

The two Buns were scrambling for the door before Stretch even finished speaking, each struggling to be the first through it. The last taller Bun stood stiffly as Stretch waved his hand carelessly, the blasters dissolving away at the same moment the counter on the blue magic faded.

“now go home,” Stretch said, lightly, “i don’t really wanna make puns about dust bunnies.” One corner of Stretch’s mouth rose, a lopsided smirk. “dust punnies. heh. okay, just that one.”

The tall Bun opened his mouth, hesitated and visibly re-thought whatever he meant to say, then turned on his heel to follow his companions out.

“guess that was a little too hare-raising for ‘em.” Stretch plopped down on the stool next to Edge’s. The moment he did, Muffet plunked a glass ashtray pointedly in front of him and he grimaced, tapping his cigarette in it. “sorry, muff.”

The apology seemed to mollify her, weak as it was, and she set a shot glass in front of him, the contents a rich golden-brown.

Edge waited until Stretch knocked it back, sockets closed as he savored it. “You didn’t need to do that.”

“yeah, i know,” Stretch said. One socket slit open, the pale eye light focused on Edge, glittering with dark amusement. “but i got dibs on being a dick to you.”

Edge couldn’t stop his mouth from twitching in a slight smile. It wasn’t quite an apology, not unless one squinted and turned it on its side. But then, that sort of thing suited Underswap. “So you do.”

“Another drink?” Muffet rasped out.

“yeah, sure,” Stretch pushed the empty shot glass towards her. “keep ‘em coming.”

“Yes,” Edge agreed, softly. He held out his own glass and added, “Put it on his tab.”

-finis-

[xtruss]

Opinion Q. and A.: Imran Khan Urges a New U.S.-Pakistan Bond

— June 25, 2021 | The New York Times | By Yara Bayoumy and Jyoti Thottam

Prime Minister Imran Khan of Pakistan.Credit...Chris Jackson/Getty Images

The U.S.-Pakistan relationship is at a watershed moment. The two countries have been locked in an uneasy embrace for the last 20 years, with the United States providing much-needed support to Pakistan in exchange for Islamabad’s assistance in the war on terror. While it hasn’t been smooth (see Pakistan’s harboring of militant groups and U.S. drone strikes that killed Pakistani civilians), the relationship has more or less endured.

With U.S. forces leaving Afghanistan by Sept. 11, Pakistan faces urgent questions. What strategic clout does it have now? Where does it fit in the great power confrontation between the United States and China? Pakistan’s prime minister, Imran Khan, who took office in 2018, is trying to navigate those waters now, but it’s very unclear how his country will fare: The pandemic has taken a toll on the economy, the military still has an iron grip on the country and the relationship with India is as bad as it’s ever been.

President Biden has yet to have a conversation with Mr. Khan. Mr. Biden is meeting with the Afghan president, Ashraf Ghani, on Friday to discuss the U.S. withdrawal. It’s likely that Pakistan will come up in the conversation. Mr. Khan has made it clear to Axios recently that he would not accept C.I.A. bases in the country for missions in Afghanistan. (Saying otherwise in public would be political suicide). So what is the future of Pakistan’s relationship with America?

We spoke with Mr. Khan on Wednesday via video call about the way forward for Pakistan. Our conversation has been condensed and edited for clarity.

Yara Bayoumy: This is obviously an important time in Pakistan and in the region. The U.S. military involvement in Afghanistan gave Pakistan a lot of strategic clout with the United States. Now that the Americans are pulling out, what do you see as the future of that relationship?

Prime Minister Imran Khan: Pakistan has always had a closer relationship with the United States than, say, India, which [is] our neighbor. And then after 9/11, Pakistan again opted to join the U.S. war on terror. Now, after the U.S. leaves Afghanistan, basically Pakistan would want a civilized relationship, which you have between nations, and we would like to improve our trading relationship with the U.S.

Bayoumy: Could you elaborate more about what you mean by a civilized relationship?

Khan: You know, say between the U.S. and Britain, or actually between U.S. and India right now. So a relationship which is evenhanded. You know, unfortunately, the relationship was a bit lopsided during this war on terror.

It was a lopsided relationship because [the] U.S. felt that they were giving aid to Pakistan, they felt that Pakistan then had to do U.S.’s bidding.

And what Pakistan did in terms of trying to do the U.S. bidding actually cost Pakistan a lot in human lives. Seventy thousand Pakistanis died, and over $150 billion were lost to the economy because there were suicide bombings and bombs going on all over the country. That’s where the problem began. The U.S. kept expecting more from Pakistan. And unfortunately, Pakistani governments tried to deliver what they were not capable of.

So there was this mistrust between the two countries. And people in Pakistan felt they paid a heavy, heavy price for this relationship. And the U.S. thought Pakistan had not done enough. So in that sense, it was a lopsided relationship. What we want in the future is a relationship based on trust and common objectives. That’s actually what we have right now with the U.S. — I mean, our objectives in Afghanistan are exactly the same today.

Jyoti Thottam: But do you think that Pakistan will continue to have any strategic relevance to the U.S. once the U.S. pulls out of Afghanistan?

Khan: I don’t know, really. I haven’t thought about it in that way, that Pakistan should have some strategic relevance to the U.S. I mean, states really have relationships based on common interests. And Pakistan is a country of 220 million people, a young population, in a sense strategically placed for the future if our relationship with India improves at some point, which I am an optimist. I hope it will.

So we have one of the biggest markets on one side of Pakistan, and then China on [another] other side. So two of the biggest world markets. And then the energy corridor, Central Asia, Iran, if that relationship improves between the U.S. So Pakistan, in that sense, is strategically placed for the future in terms of economics.

Bayoumy: How do you specifically see the military and security relationship going forward?

Khan: I don’t know. Post the U.S. withdrawal, I don’t know what sort of military relationship it will be. But right now, the relationship should be based on this common objective that there is a political solution in Afghanistan before the United States leaves, because Pakistan doesn’t want a civil war, a bloody civil war in Afghanistan. And I’m sure neither does the U.S., after it leaves, it wants the country going up in flames after spending, God knows, $1 or $2 trillion. So that’s a common objective.

Bayoumy: Speaking of Afghanistan, Pakistan has played a big role in the intra-Afghan peace talks. You’ve used your leverage with the Taliban, as well. In the last few weeks, we have been seeing violence increase across the country. How worried are you about a civil war in Afghanistan, and are you using your leverage with the Taliban to try and get these peace talks toward a deal?

Khan: Well, firstly, Pakistan has used the maximum leverage it could on the Taliban. What was the maximum leverage? Basically, Pakistan was the country that had recognized Taliban, one of three countries after 1996.

Given that the United States gave a date of withdrawal, from then onward, our leverage diminished on the Taliban. And the reason is that the moment the United States gave a date of exit, Taliban basically claimed victory. They’re thinking that they won the war. And so therefore, our ability to influence them diminishes the stronger they feel.

So the leverage we used was to bring them on — they were refusing to have talks, so it was Pakistan who got them to talk to the United States. And secondly, it was us pressurizing them, and really, it was [us] very toughly pushing them, pressurizing them to talk to the Afghan government. So that’s how far Pakistan has got.

Thottam: So given that long history with Afghanistan and recognizing the Taliban, are you saying that Pakistan has no more leverage left? What can you do now?

Khan: Well, Pakistan has been emphasizing to the Taliban that they should not go for a military victory because it’s not going to happen, because if they go for an all-out military victory, it would mean a protracted civil war. And the country that would be affected by a civil war, after Afghanistan, would be Pakistan. We would be affected because there are more Pashtuns in Pakistan than in Afghanistan.

And since the Taliban is primarily a Pashtun movement, this will have two effects. One, we are scared that this will be another influx of refugees into Pakistan. Already, the country has found it very difficult to cope with three million Afghan refugees. And so there will be another influx into Pakistan.

Secondly, our vision for the future is lifting our economy and trading through Afghanistan into Central Asia. We have signed very good trade deals with the Central Asian republics, but we can only go there through Afghanistan. If there is a civil war, all that goes down the drain.

Bayoumy: Are you also talking to the Kabul government about the situation right now? What happens if the Taliban take over Afghanistan by force?

Khan: I paid a visit to President Ghani earlier this year and sort of gave our full support to the Afghan government, telling them we will do everything for this peace settlement. There’s frequent exchanges between our intelligence agencies and the Afghan intelligence agencies, and between our army chief and the Afghan president and their army chief. So there has been constant communication between us.

Unfortunately, there is still a feeling in the Afghan government that Pakistan could do more, which I have to say is very disappointing to us when they blame us for being unable to, after so many years, to come to some sort of a settlement.

Let me assure you, we will do everything except use military action against the Taliban. I mean, we will do everything up to that. All sections of our society have decided that Pakistan will take no military action. We unfortunately — and I have to say, I opposed this military action — the United States pressured Pakistan to send its troops into the tribal areas, to flush out maybe a few hundred Al Qaeda [militants] who had come into Pakistan from Afghanistan after [the Battle of] Tora Bora.

Remember, the whole border [was] completely open. There was never any border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, which is called the Durand Line. Now, we are fencing it, and almost 90 percent of the border, we’ve fenced now.

What if [the] Taliban try to take over Afghanistan through [the] military? Then we will seal the border, because now we can, because we have fenced our border, which was previously [open], because Pakistan does not want to get into, number one, conflict. Secondly, we do not want another influx of refugees.

Bayoumy: Will you recognize the Taliban if they do carry out a full military takeover in Afghanistan?

Khan: Pakistan will only recognize a government which is chosen by the people of Afghanistan, whichever government they choose.

Bayoumy: On India: Do you think a different government in India than the one that exists right now, would make a difference to your relationship?

Khan: You know, probably out of all the Pakistanis, I know India better than all of them. I have had love and respect from India [more] than any one because cricket is a big sport. It’s almost religion in both the countries.

So when I assumed office, the first thing I did was I made this approach to Prime Minister Modi and said that, “Look, my main objective for coming to power is to alleviate poverty in Pakistan.” And the best way would be if India and Pakistan had a normal, civilized trading relationship. It would benefit both the countries.

So we tried. Didn’t get anywhere. I think that it is a peculiar ideology of the (Hindu nationalist group) R.S.S., which Narendra Modi belongs to, which just came up against a brick wall. And therefore the answer to your question is yes. Had there been another Indian leadership, I think we would have had a good relationship with them. And yes, we would have resolved all our differences through dialogue.

Bayoumy: So if the status quo remains on Kashmir, would you consider that a win for India?

Khan: I think it’s a disaster for India because it will just mean that this conflict festers on and on. And so as long as it festers, it’s going to stop there being any relationship — normal relationship — between Pakistan and India.

Bayoumy: What we’re seeing is a generally very close relationship between the U.S. and India, one that is also increasing mainly because the U.S. sees India as a check in the region against China’s rising influence. You have gone to a lot of lengths to deepen your relationship with the Chinese. So doesn’t that put Pakistan at irreconcilable odds with both the U.S. and India?

Khan: Well, firstly I must say I find it very, very odd that — why would the U.S. and China, become these great rivals? It makes no sense because the world would really benefit if the two giants, economic giants, really got along and traded with each other. So it would be a benefit for all of us.

Secondly, why do we have to choose sides — either it’s the U.S. or China? I think we should have a relationship with everyone. China has been very good to us, in the sense that after the war on terror, or during the war on terror, we took a real battering in this country.

Our debt went up, which happens when a country is in a war situation. Business activity freezes. The provinces and the tribal areas were devastated by this war.

So China is the country that came to Pakistan’s help. And obviously we’ve had a long relationship with China.

So number one, I do not see why the U.S. should think that India is going to be this bulwark against China. If India takes on this role, I think it would be detrimental for India because India’s trade with China is going to be beneficial for both India and China.

So I’m just watching the scenario unfold and with a bit of anxiety.

— Yara Bayoumy is the world and national security editor and Jyoti Thottam is the deputy editor in Opinion.

[missapplebottom-blog]

Can I Really Do This?

25TH NOVEMBER 2015 And there we have another pang. It's what I call those moments that catch me off guard. They usually occur when I'm feeling physically tired. Or when I have a moment to myself. Ironic. The busier I keep myself, the more I get tired which leads me to the one thing I was trying to avoid in the first place. Let's see- I've taken a break from using snapchat. I'm too scared about what I'll find. And because I'm so anal.. I can't just be selective and look at a couple peoples's snaps because I want to get rid of the notification. I also feel mean if I just delete the other guys on snapchat.. But yeah. I don't want to see the studio. I don't want to see your face. I don't want to see her. I've also unfollowed XX on FB and instagram. I've disciplined myself not to go on your Facebook page because she's spamming you with so many clips. I can't even follow up with H about the contract because any mention of you unnerves me. I was going to message XX but even that scares me. Actually... I don't think 'scare' is the right word. It's more of a precaution. I'm trying to bubble wrap myself and wedge as much between myself and you. I don't even know if I'll go to your production night. Sigh. Ok AKB - let's focus on the positives. You have basically survived ten weeks. I stopped counting a while back. But the term has flown past so now I've been made aware. That's double digits! You've discovered how much you love Nikki Gil. My gosh... She is such an inspiration. She also got cheated on after a five year relationship, and she had to suffer her pain in front of the Filipino public. Actually.. I might not be a celebrity but I bet my money that all the Titos and Titas know. It's the scandal of the year of course. It's an interesting feeling that I am currently experiencing. It's not an aggressive form or an extreme of an emotion. Rather the other way .. A great lack of something. Just empty. I've archived all your messages. I'm not ready to read through those yet. I intend to. I don't know why. But at this point in time.. I just see them as a whole lot of lies. And you probably didn't write them with that in mind. But you are so inconsistent with what you are doing- that every word that comes out of your mouth bears no weight. That's it! Consistency. That's what I need. I do have a sort of routine each week. I'm screwed for the holidays when that's broken. I really don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know if I'm getting any better or just going round in circles in my own head. I just have a whole lot of questions. Do I still love you? Do I miss you? Do you miss me? The question that kept coming out of my mouth THAT night (let's just say... Officially the worst and most traumatising night of my life) was: "How am I ever going to recover?" It's not about losing hope. Or maybe I slowly am. I'm not bitter. I'm just lost in my own despair. It's overwhelming me. It's debilitating to the point where I can't see past the bullshit. How long am I stuck here for? I tried so hard to not be desperate. That I can do this on my own. That's what I have kept telling myself. But I feel like I'm lying to myself. You got the easy way out.. Again. You found someone who could help you forget about me. So you didn't have to deal with what I'm going through. Don't I get my 'save' too? I don't know if I'm any stronger than you. I'd like to think so... But I'm starting to think I need my own 'A-slut.' But that's too cruel. I could never go and use someone. Plus... How can I? I'm still so fucking in love with you. And there we go... The answer to my first question. And yes I miss you. And no you don't miss me. Got there in the end didn't you AKB. What a stupid post. You're just going round and round. I've had enough for today. (20 mins later) I googled "heartbreak elite daily" and was skimming across the first articles that came up. THIS <3 = http://elitedaily.com/dating/heartbreak-perfect-reset-button/1223150/ Why the hell am I waiting for someone to come and save me and change my life? I have been given this moment to be free of the cage our relationship held me in. If I had stayed with him, these are the following things I'd have to put it with: - Living in the Western suburbs. Far far from home.  - Your smoking and littering. CMON. The worst habits. I hateeee - Your inability to be punctual and wake up on time. It's like living with another child - Your inability to PLAN anything. If you ever plan a surprise for me, it's a joint effort with my friends because you're so incompetent - The draining experience of trying to do activities with you. It always had to be on YOUR time and YOUR schedule and whether YOU felt like it. This attribute exponentially got worse once you had the studio - Your inability to be able to express your love to me. Look I wasn't looking for an eloquent speech. But every time I asked you why you loved me... You couldn't answer me! Or you'd just be immature  So overall.. Your immaturity which I initially found endearing and humorous was becoming incredibly irritating and annoying. I was NEVER going to be a priority in your life. And you exploited that. Everyone loved me because I brought out the best in you. But you never did that for me. You took everything I had. Which is how I became this mess in the first place. You know what - fuck you and good riddance. I FINALLY get to do what I want, whenever I want. Your company was only appreciated on a good day. But it had to be a good day for YOU. The minute you had a shitty day or moment - you let it manifest itself into our already limited quality time we had with each other. Too many draining experiences to count. SO - while we had many beautiful and positive memories together, they were built on the fact that I was furiously working myself behind the scenes to get us that way. It's like a swan swimming across a lake- a thing of beauty for those to see outside... But under the water it was ME and only ME who was paddling for dear life and kept us afloat. Is that the kind of life I signed up for? One where I'm the only one who cared about the relationship and you were just coming along for the ride. And you liked my company. I'M SO SICK OF GUYS WHO STAY WITH ME BECAUSE OF MY COMPANY. If I was a crazy bitch- would you still stick around? When I was at my worst.. Would you guys still love me? Because trusttttttt me... You never saw me at my worst. Because I tried to remain a perfect girlfriend ... For you. All of you. Fuckkkk that. Seriously. So yes. I am still picking up the million pieces of my shattered heart. One by one. But I'm the one mending the pieces. Not some fucker who has no clue what they're doing. If I was able to keep a very lopsided and draining relationship alive for more than five years (by myself mind you)- surely I can get through this. I bloody hope so.