#and now I hate everything and I get my five millionth ‘am I trans man’ crisis
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I hate my gender I hate it I hate my gender this is fucking stupid I hate it I hate it I hate it could I be literally anything fucking else I’m so goddamn sick of this
#I’m like 99.9999999% sure I am genderfluid#which is all great and fine when I go like literal months#being perfectly happy and content being feminine and being called a girl and enjoying she/her pronouns#until all of a sudden I’m just vibing on the couch last night and the dysphoria just fucking SLAMMED into me#and it was so Fucking Stupid too I just saw a buff shirtless male video game character and my brain was like#‘kinda bullshit you don’t look like that huh’#and now I hate everything and I get my five millionth ‘am I trans man’ crisis#except at this point I KNOW I’m not cuz this is the pattern#I’ll be uncomfortable for several months like two ppl I know will use he/him pronouns for me and I’ll enjoy it#and then eventually I’ll decide THAT now makes me uncomfortable and I’ll go back to either hyperfem or androgyny#whichever is scratching the itch at the time#and I’m so…. so fucking sick of this pattern#cuz say I DID do anything to transition then whenever I inevitably wanted to look like a woman it’d be the same thing just reveresed#AAAAHGGGHHHHHHHH#I want it to stop I want stable feelings about gender one way or the other this is so fucking stupid and unfair#I hate it I hate it I hate it#this is the worst way to experience gender ever I literally can do NOTHING about it#and these intense switches are just gonna keep happening#like idk at least I’m self aware enough I’ve figured out the pattern but honestly I think that kinda makes it worse in a way#androgyny is my go to and has definitely never made me feel Bad#but life certainly is fucking easier when I’m happy with and leaning into being more fem aligned than masc aligned#bye I’m gonna go die in a hole now#kaz rambles
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