#and not having joong with them as closely as it was during thk filming era really messed with yall's perceptions

[khaoala]

I've been trying to interrogate my own feelings re. all the sulky/jealous First shenanigans, because I haven't been able to enjoy them as much as I wanted/expected to, and (bear with me on this, I'm still trying to sort it out in my own head!) I think it comes down to the fact that First hasn't quite received the same recognition as an actor that Khao has, and I don't just mean in terms of awards/nominations, but things like JoJo's dream cast including Khaotung, Gun, Fourth (and possibly someone else?) but not First, or Khaotung more frequently getting name-dropped by other GMMTV actors. I'm not saying First never gets praised, or that he's not considered an excellent actor, but I do think that if asked to name great actors, most ppl would think of Khaotung just that millisecond before they'd think of First. And I'm sure a lot of that is down to the nature of roles they've played and how a character like Ray or a subplot like Gaipa's mum in MLC are scene stealers that - understandably and rightfully - stick in ppl's minds. So this isn't me trying to say one is better/worse than the other or that there's a gross injustice in play (though I do think First as Akk should have received much more recognition!). But with that in mind, when there's talk about future collaborations and jokes about Khaotung moving on, even though I'm sure it's 99.9% unserious on First's part, I do wonder if that 0.1%, on some level, worries about being left behind or holding Khao back, not because I think that's in any way grounded in truth or that Khao himself would ever countenance that, but just because of that wider context I mentioned in terms of their relative status in their field. And also because we know that First, however confident he is in his abilities, is also an incredibly sensitive person. I'm trying to imagine a role reversal, where the same scenario played out but with someone wanting to collaborate with First, and maybe it's just me but I can't quite picture it playing out in the same way, and not because Khaotung isn't possessive/protective of their relationship, but just because...I don't know! It feels almost like there's an unspoken agreement that of COURSE everyone wants to work with Khaotung and of COURSE he's going to go on to great things, that I just don't quite feel would be applied to First in the same scenario, which means the joke wouldn't work in the same way. Or maybe it's just that First gets teased more full-stop and I'm the one being oversensitive! I promise I'm not one of those fans who catastrophises or sees disaster/estrangement in every tiny thing, and it's not that I'm worried myself about the future of their partnership. Like I said, I was just curious about why, despite the chuckling, I was feeling slightly uneasy, and that's what I came up with! We know First is ambitious as an actor, that he takes it incredibly seriously, that he WANTS to win awards, and no matter how selfless his love for Khao is and how proud he is of him, I think it's a little naive to pretend he's never once felt anything bout the fact he's yet to receive that same recognition, especially when they're working alongside each other - that doesn't mean he's jealous of Khao, or that he's a bad person or bad friend/partner, or make his happiness for Khao's success any less genuine. So yeah, I couldn't help but wonder if, beneath all the hilarity and silliness and OTT sulking, there wasn't just a kernel of genuine insecurity. I mean, it'd be very on-brand of First to turn his actual fears and doubts into a skit starring himself as the butt of the joke - that's just classic people-pleaser with self-esteem issues behaviour, and the reason I recognise it is cos I'm one too! Sorry for rambling. Don't really know why I felt the need to word vomit all over your blog - think I was trying the whole 'name the thing then the thing no longer has any power over you' trick!

ngl, this rise in talk about fk and vibes and interactions have been bothering me since it started a couple of weeks ago and i'll adress that now for the only time bc i feel the need to, like yourself anon, let this out just so i can feel a little better. pls know that despite referring to you, i don't mean to sound mean to you in specific, anon. it's more of a general impression of what i've seen on somsomtw recently and especially. i do realize that i'll sound a bit aggressive in this, but it's nothing personal to you.

people have been complaining about fk joking about this "moving on" thing, and working with other artists for the past three days (just bc they happened to have three days in a row of events, in first's case) but they only started joking about this bc fans have been senselessly talking about them having a fight that never existed and they leaned on that. quite genuinely, in the last couple of years that i've been in this fandom, this is the first time these things took so much force. it's imperative that we, as fans recognize when they are joking for funsies and given their nature and public image, they would never ever make it obvious if they were actually having a fight or a disagreement (the fact that people have been dead set on the idea that first has a girlfriend just bc of those pictures he posted on valentine's day and taro cards just adds to the histeria me thinks).

as actors, we all must agree that both first and khaotung have been severely underutilized by gmm (by choice or bc projects weren't presented to them, both are viable options). and i completely agree with you in the sense that first especially has not received as much direct praise as khaotung has. you mentioned the possibility of first somehow feeling like he's holding khaotung back which reminded me of someone (i can't remember who, i'm sorry) saying that when they got paired up, first solo fans were pissed bc first was definitely the most known of the two and that khaotung would be the one holding first back. i think it's really naive of us to think that, with the relationship they have, we assume that instead of talking about their insecurities with each other (like we know they've done in the past when they chose to let us know) and have a mature conversation between them, they'd talk about it in front of cameras. they know they have an image and a reputation, do we really think they'd bring that up if it wasn't just for jest?

(and this is what first himself talked about in his press talk after today's event, too)

you know what bothers me a little about this "khaotung can move on to do other things talk"? so far we're only aware that he might or might not have a collaboration with other artists for lol, but besides that he has no other projects (and he didn't have any solo events this year, too, besides the qingdao fm), but first is confirmed and will start filming for my magic prophecy really soon, so honestly, in theory, shouldn't people be saying the opposite? like first is moving on to act with other people for real, it's actually happening, but there are some people who are pressed by the possibility of it happening for khaotung. and might i add too, idk if this happens with every couple, but idk where this idea of working with other people became "this is the end of their career as a cp, they are getting other partners" (not you anon, but i've seen this quite a bit around), and i don't know what kind of mental gymnastics some of you are doing to justify that. WORKING WITH OTHER PEOPLE IS GOOD. THEY ARE ACTORS. THEY NEED THE EXPOSURE AND IT'S A GOOD THING THAT THEY HAVE MORE CONTACT WITH OTHER PEOPLE! dr. karn won't have a romantic interest i don't think, but god's forbid if either first or khaotung ever get paired up with a woman (like most bl men already were like earth, tay, new, gun, off, sea, jimmy, joong, dunk, and basically everyone else), because i've never seen a fandom that likes to fragilize a relationship that has proved to be anything but fragile like some soms do.

from what they've allowed us to see, first seems like one of the most genuine and caring people ever. we can't never put our hands on fire for celebrities bc they only let us see what they want us to see, but when you have two people who are highly praised not only professionally but also personally by pretty much every one of their colleagues and bosses, you can at least get an idea of to base yourself on. i'm not saying that first might not have felt insecure about it, but i think it's disrespectful to think that we know better than them of how to navigate this situation. what benefit would it bring to them, if they were actually beefing to bring this up with media and fans?

i'm not disregarding first's feelings, i must also add. we know he wants recognition and wants to be known, that's why he's in the industry, and i hope he gets nominations as kant this year bc he deserves it so much (still baffled that he didn't get anything with akk. it is one of his most impressive performances in my opinion), but i'll say it again, they only started joking about this matter bc fans made a fuss about this first. they are just leaning on the joke and the media keeps asking about it and he keeps reassuring it is a joke but he still jokes, because people love talking about it. he wouldn't be doing that if fans didn't bring it up and p'leo commented about it on the lol press tour and they were forced to address that. joong and dunk, being gremlins and chaos bringers as they are encouraged them to lean on that pretended-jealousy thing bc that's what they do themselves. they play with the circunstancies fans create (joongdunk have the advantage here bc differently from fk who usually don't address when fans are being ridiculous, joong calls them out tho).

i find it funny that, if you're a fk fan, you must know one of the things that brought them fans in the first place besides their acting ability and chemistry is the fact that they have a extremely close and meaningful relationship (besides the intensive ghost shipping project they were on before becoming an actual pair with the ig lives and brand collaborations and despite khaotung being paired up with podd at the time, first always lurking in the corner). but people are so easy to flip and turn their actions and words into something else. for a couple you're always praising for having a close bond (we call them soulmates, don't we?), some people really think their relationship is extremely fragile to not be able to endure.