#and not a single person was seeing jow wrong that situation was

[featheredcritter]

you know i try to give the benefit of the doubt with people and animals, but at some point i just have to assume you are dumb or you just don’t care. I know it can be hard to recognize bad husbandry and stress if you don’t know much about animals or about that specific species, but my dear friend, some situations are stupidly, obiviously bad and i think people should kinda start using their brain over what they see online.

[al-y-aska]

Alaska Jameson: A Playlist

This playlist is inspired by her self para and song by the same name, ‘1 of those Weaks’. It’s a play on words that refers to when it’s just been ‘one of those weeks’, aka a hella rough time, and the spelling and diction emphasizes personal weaknesses.... these two things may play into each other. For Alaska, this playlist is a bit on the sadder/darker side, since she just got kicked out of the motel and is now homeless, and living behind the Ashford Community Centre isn’t all that lit.

Listen to the playlist on Spotify here

Or read below for Youtube links, significant lyrics, and a small breakdown for meanings of each song for Alaska. 

1 of those Weaks -The Neighbourhood

I don't mean to get deep, it's just 1 of those weaks Couldn't tell you the day, couldn't tell you the time Trouble falling asleep, for the past couple nights Trouble being alone, I've been losing my mind 

This song is the headline of her self para and pretty much summing up how life is going for her right now. It’s a bit less about the lyrics than some of the other songs, and more about the tone. These specific lyrics are pretty straightforward; she’s not really one to be deep or harbour self pity, she’s been high off and on, is having trouble sleeping, and feels like she’s going insane-- losing her mind. 

Take Care -Eden

And I love the rain But I can't live in a storm I've got more to come Still learning to grow

This song means and speaks a lot to her. The meaning of her name (her dad’s doing), and a lot of her personality both growing up and currently, has referrenced stormy seas, oceans, a storm, etc. This song is more of an inner battle and struggle she has with herself... she loves the rain, but realizes she can’t really live in a storm... let alone thrive or grow. The storm is her life, literally and metaphorically, but how can you leave something when it’s all you know?

ilomilo- Billie Eilish

The world's a little blurry Or maybe it's my eyes The friends I've had to bury They keep me up at night

It’s hard for Aly to tell why her life, her world, is the way it is. Is that the truth and how it is in reality, or is just her perception, emphasized by drug use? She’s had to leave and cut off ties so many times, or step on others just to survive... she can be ruthless, but you don’t have to dig very deep to find that she does genuinely feel bad about it.

Girl with No Name- Jules Larson + AG

Follow the beat of my heart And my mysterious way I draw the blurriest lines I never promise to stay I am a girl with no name

A name rooted in irony, quite literally. She is a girl with many names, thanks for taking on the alias ‘Aly James’ as opposed to her actual name, Alaska Jameson, which has been plastered on the sides of milk cartons and ‘missing’ signs. Because of that, though, she struggles with a loss of identity a little bit. She can change direction, leave, change her name, start over, at the drop of a hat... she’s vague, doesn’t give clear guidelines, and makes few promises that she can keep. While she has many, she really is a girl with now name. 

Chasing Stars -Extreme Music, Rupert Pope & Giles Palmer

I just wanna drive and drive Dancing in the dark is fine Cause I got bright lights in my mind And the colours won't fade till morning

A girl desperate to escape, both physically and mentally. Hence, her drug use. People often say ‘reach for the stars’ to their kids; Aly never quite got that chance, but in her mind she can escape and pretend to chase those stars, her dreams, and at least play pretend until the drugs wear off.

Him & I -G-Eazy & Halsey

Cross my heart, hope to die To my lover, I'd never lie He said "Be true," I swear I'll try In the end, it's him and I

Her ex boyfriend & pimp, Seth, and Alaska really had a Bonnie and Clyde type relationship... he was also quite a few years older than she, who was just a minor and teenager at the time. She knew that no matter what, she was going to go back to him and they were going to end up together-- as toxic as that might be for her. G-Eazy’s parts in this really exemplifies Seth’s view on Aly, too.

O.D.D- Hey Violet

I'm a little O.D.D Most people really don't get me I'm the girl in the back of the class Blank stare, don't care, don't ask I'm a little O.D.D And I see the way they look at me I can hear it when they talk that trash Saying "Any minute she gon' crack"

O.D.D. stands for more than just ‘odd’ here: it also stands for Oppositional Defiance Disorder, which I feel like Alaska is privy to to some extent. When she was in school while her mom was spiraling and she was bouncing from home to home, she wasn’t exactly the best student. At that point in time, she was pretty much useless, soulless. She wasn’t deaf, though, and she could hear the things that people would say about her.... and ‘any minute she gon’ crack’ was definitely used. 

Smokestacks -Layla

I got a night-time shudder and a lion within I got a brain-tricked hunger and you're pulling me in High above the smokestacks Throwin' my soul, throwin' my soul

Night becomes a bit of a hard time for Alaska, and she shudders at the many memories that haunt her, though she has strength and a strong soul inside. This all has tricked her into finding something that she feels like she’s missing, and her willingness to be persuaded and pulled in by both people, and bad situations. It’s like she’s just throwing her soul away sometimes.

Fingers Crossed -Billie Eilish

In the end, when they're all gone When the world is silent and the days are long Just you and I, we'll be alive We made it on our own

Fingers crossed: a dream, a hope, something you can only really leave up to fate. This is and was Alaska’s hope for a long time. Maybe, someday, some way, she’d end up being okay. This song is mostly centered around Seth, her ex and pimp, who she thought would be her ticket out, but only ended up dragging her down. Still, she had hopes and dreams that they could be happy, and leave a lifestyle of drugs, pimping, and trafficking.

Born To Die -Lana Del Rey 

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough I don't know why Keep making me laugh, let's go get high The road is long, we carry on Try to have fun in the meantime

Similar to Fingers Crossed, Alaska has hope that things could be good... but in the meantime, she feels like she’s just kind of floating through life. Love was never enough in her family for her. She just wants to try to happy and high more than sad and crying.... until things get figured out, might as well have fun in the meantime. 

DNA -Lia Marie Johnson

Dark as midnight Six pack Coors Light You don't look the same Hate to see you like a monster so I run and hide Hate to ask but what's it like to leave me behind

Oof. This song hits hard for her. It pretty straight-forwardly explains her relationship with her mom after her dad passed away. Her mom became an alcoholic, and completely changed from what Alaska had previously seen her as, and eventually ended in child services coming and taking her away. Moreover, she fears that she’d just ending up like her mom.... you can’t stop DNA.

So Cold -Ben Cocks

It's so quiet here And I feel so cold This house no longer Feels like home

Similarly to her situation above with her mom, it didn’t take longer after things got bad for young Alaska to feel so out of place at home... and, again, when she was bounced around from foster home to foster home and abused. It just felt cold. Dead.

6 Feet Under -Billie Eilish

I can't help but wonder If our grave was watered by the rain Would roses bloom? Could roses bloom Again?

Alaska feels like this for just about every single one of her relationships thus far-- romantic, platonic, familial, doesn’t matter. She kind of feels like she’s killed them all (see ‘ilomilo- Billie Eilish’ above), and it makes her wonder if there’s anything recoverable, if with some rain could cause roses to bloom. She’s just in so deep already, and kind of feels like she’s drowning. There’s no real way out here.

Figure it Out -Eliott

Maybe someday I could get to somewhere somehow Leave me out in the cold You know I wanna get there somehow

Once again, maybe, just maybe, Aly will be able to figure it all out and be okay... wherever that is. 

Start//End -Eden

You try to kill it but it won't stop bleeding Try to forget it but it won't stop killing you You're running out of time Yeah, you know you can't go back, it's too late To say it's too late You can't take back that you said nothing How could you do nothing 

‘Cause I been looking at the sky to show me where where I went wrong Been looking at the sky like someone was looking down But it keeps raining on me

This song is really important in emphasizing her relationship(s) with her siblings, both at the time, and as of late. She felt entirely abandoned by them after their dad died and their mom started drinking. How could Dakota and Montana see what was happening to them, to her, and do nothing? No matter how much Alaska could want to move past it or forget it, it was traumatic for her, and it changed her life forever. In many ways, that’s when life for Alaska as she knew it, ended, and her current life began. It’s too late to change anything now... to late to try and fix it. The second part is directly to/about her dad: she thought that if heaven was real, he’d always be looking down at her, protecting her... but every time Alaska would look up and pray and ask for help, nothing would happen-- things just got worse. It was like no one was even there. 

In This Shirt -The Irreplaceables

I am lost in a rainbow Now our rainbow is gone I did send you a note On the wind for to read Our names there together Must've fallen like the sea

She had always been especially close to her dad, so losing him hit Aly really, really hard. The person that had brought her such jow and light, was gone. She felt like if she thought about him enough, prayed, wrote to him, young Alaska could bring him back somehow, at least in some sense.... but there was nothing. Again with the sea reference, ironically coined and named by her dad, but nothing happened except chaos. She is lost.

When the Party’s Over -Billie Eilish

Quiet when I'm coming home, I'm on my own I could lie and say I like it like that, like it like that Let's just let it go Let me let you go

Tiptoeing around her drunk mom, not having her siblings, sneaking out of foster homes at night, running away, being with Seth, sleeping with johns... there were so many things that she either had to be quiet around, or that were quiet around her, and that Alaska had to lie about. She’d put it behind her and let it go, but it’s tied to a person... multiple people, really... herself included. Sometimes it would just be easier to give in, not fight, let that person go entirely. 

I Lost a Friend- FINNEAS

I'll be lying awake counting all the mistakes I've made Replaying fights I know I'll be alright, but I'm not tonight I lost a friend, I lost a friend I lost my mind, and nobody believes me

This song ties in a lot of themes that are reoccurring in Alaska’s life: making mistakes, regrets, fights, wanting to be alright, struggling at the moment, losing friends, siblings, parents, losing her mind, and having no one to hear her out or advocate for her. They’re life long themes that still affect her to this day. 

Ride- Lana Del Rey

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast I am alone in midnight Been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I I've got a war in my mind

Chasing Stars by Extreme Music, Rupert Pope & Giles Palmer holds a similar meaning and sentiment; wanting to chase something intangible but doing anything to get even a synthetic taste of that freedom or completeness. Her thoughts are a battlefield, a constant struggle, and that holds Alaska back a lot, or worse. 

Happy Days- Brooke Candy

It’s getting darker every day Pills to stay up Pills to sleep Pill prescription, therapy Doctor aren't we just a smile away From happy days

And so it comes full circle. All of this has contributed to Alaska’s use and abuse of both party and prescription drugs, to accomplish all of the things that she feels she cannot do on her own, including small things like sleeping, or getting actual help. If she can just pretend to smile and ‘fake it ‘til you make it’, then maybe she can blend in enough and be believable. It’s also fitting for how she concluded her actions in her self para, and wraps up this playlist and situation pretty nicely.