#and no megan cover. ITS FINE I'm fine

[hwanhee]

It is as the prophecy foretold

Bayside tour starts tmrw....this setlist better not break my heart

[nescaveckwriter]

Paintbrushes And Romance 🥰🐞 - Part 13

Dean x Fem/Reader

Part 13🥰🐞

A/N: This might be triggering for people suffering from PTSD!💓 Side Note: thank you all so much for the support. Much love, my bugsies 🥰🐞

Warnings: hospital scenes, trigger warnings, sadness, violence, swearing, PTSD triggers, mentions of suicidal tendencies, 🥹

......

The rising and falling of your chest, the sweat on your forehead, there's blood dripping down your face, your heart rate is going 100miles per second, there's a shadow coming closer, the walls are caving in, the floor is shaking, there's a loud noise coming from the shadow, that's when you feel the bullet piercing through your leg, the pain, falling to the ground, you see the shadow coming closer and closer , you can't make out his face, in his hands is a bonesaw, his laughter fills your ears, when he said, I've got you know, its him, I thought you were dead, Luke please don't ... NO!!

You scream, while opening your eyes, searching for the man, your in your bedroom, you look to the right side of the bed, seeing Dean's concern, his green eyes wide, his voice low, when he said, I tried to wake you sweetheart it's just another nightmare, your safe, I promise.

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you! Your voice Breaking.

"Sweetheart, it's okay, how do you feel? What can I do?

Looking into his emerald eyes, silent tears down your cheeks, your voice, shaky, when you say, make it stop, please make it stop. I can't do this anymore, please.

"Sweetheart come here, he pulls you to his chest, you can hear his heart beating, his arms cradling you, his chin resting on your head, his voice filled with sadness, I wish I could baby, I would take this pain you carry, and wear it for you, I'll take the hurt you feel and throw it in the deepest ocean so that all these feelings never come too the surface again.

The two of you, just sat like that, feeling him close always made you feel safe, the sun rising gave the two of you, the permission to get untangled and start your day.

Not speaking of what happened during the night, you get up, to get ready for the day, before walking out of the room, the gigantic teddy bear your brother gave you, catches your eye, bringing your thoughts back to about eight months ago.

After your physical therapy, you got the okay to return to your home, of course the doctors gave you a great psychologist number who specializes in trauma, you've started seeing her quite a few times in the few weeks you spent in the hospital recovering.

The first time when you actually were able to take a shower yourself, you just stood in front of the mirror, trying to figure out if what you saw were real. This beaten and bruised body, was it really yours, you just stood there for what seemed like hours, looking at yourself, replaying everything that happened, for every bruise, or open cut, you could recall, the kicking, the punches, him throwing you around, the strange thing though, there was no tears streaming down your face, no fear, in all freaking honesty you didn't feel a thing. You quickly covered yourself when your mom entered the bathroom, she just wanted to check on you, see if you are doing alright, irritation clear in your voice when you told her your doing just fine and your almost done, damnit that wasn't needed you cursed yourself. But you didn't want to show this broken version of yourself to anyone, least of all your mom.

You didn't really talk to them, about what happened not even Dean, you just wanted to move on like nothing happened, despite the fact that you knew it wasn't the right way of doing things, but that was what you needed to do.

When you got home, your place still looked the same. Like nothing changed, if gave you a feeling of normalcy.

Your parents offered that you should stay with them, but you just nicely declined and said you missed your little home, Joe offered to stay with you, but you said no, not needed, he had a life of his own to return to. Besides you were really doing good.

That night you just sat on the couch, trying to get Luke's face out of your mind, but that didn't seemed to work, you nearly scared yourself to death, when someone knocked at the door, when you went to see who it was, you saw those piercing green eyes and a heartwarming smile greet you, saying I've got your favourite pizza , you hungry sweetheart.

You and Dean just sat on the couch, eating the pizza, talking about nothing really, just finding comfort in each others presence. It became a regular thing, he'd stay the night, helping you feel safe, comforting you whenever you had one of those bad dreams, with the occasional loving forehead kiss, but it wasn't the same as before, the two of you haven't gotten intimate yet, nor have the two of you kissed or said that you love each other, it didn't really seem to bother either of you. But deep down you sure as hell knew it weren't right.

You threw yourself into work, painting made you feel good, but your art has gotten darker, and well as for writing the novel you were working on, it didn't feel right, it didn't feel like its what you wanted to write about, this happy, sappy, romance shit, where everything works out, that's not how life works!

Weekly appointments at the psychologist is the only time you went out of the house, in your own car of course, no damn way your getting into a freaking cab again. You haven't started teaching art at the church again, as a matter of fact you haven't been there since that day. Cas had come to visit you a few times inviting you, to go to church, and every time you'll make some poor excuse of why you can't make it.

And as for your best friend, Eileen she comes to visit you, talking about the college program she started and how that's going, and your truly happy for her, but you just can't bring yourself to be so joyful and excited as you would have been, in the past.

The last time your mom was visiting she, said that you were losing a lot of weight, you just said she was imagining things, but in all damn honesty, it showed in your clothing, your clothes has gotten more and more baggier, and as for your appetite, you ate because you needed to stay alive.

You've changed so much over this time, and nothing seems to be working, you just can't seem to get all this shit out of your mind, and then there's sweet Bobby the one person that really know what you went through, you haven't seen or spoken to him since that first time he came to check on you in the hospital.

At first when the nurse pushed him closer to your bed, you thought the doctors were just being cautious, but it turns out, with Luke kicking him and throwing him around, he got a spinal cord injury which caused paralysis from his lower torso area, down to his legs and feet.

You could see the anger, sadness and pain he hid in his eyes , even though the smile he gave everyone was warm and loving. Not either one of you spoke about what happened, how close to accepting death the two of you came, the two of you, just shared little jokes and sarcastic comments about the hospital food and why they didn't serve damn burgers or steak.

Damnit you just can bring yourself to pick-up the damn phone and call him, you feel just to damn guilty about him getting so hurt, all while knowing its not your fault but you just can't help it.

You feel so damn guilty about everything, not being the daughter you should be, the sister, the friend, or hell the girlfriend Dean deserves, but it seems so much and yet also while it feels so little, you want them all to know how you feel and yet you completely shutdown when anyone asks you about anything.

What the hell is wrong with me, I'm a complete damn mess! Your thoughts get interrupted by a loud banging noise, before you know it, your in a defense position, cradling your legs, crying, screaming, words that doesn't even make sense.

....

He comes running to the kitchen, saying sorry babe, I accidentally knocked over the dustbin when I rushed to get dressed. Babe? Its fine it was just... He couldn't even finish his sentence, because the sight of her cradling her legs, hearing her cry and screaming something that was muffled because of her head she hid so deep into her legs, made him stop in his tracks, the freaking pain of seeing her like this, destroyed him.

He walked closer to her, putting his her hand on her shoulder, pulling her closer to him, she started punching against his chest, with both hands, she just cried, her tears streaming down her beautiful face. Babe it's okay, I'm sorry I scared you. She just kept crying and kept punching him, but the little punches didn't hurt nearly as much as seeing her in so much pain.

The words that came out of her mouth scared him more than any gun fight or crime scene he'd ever experienced in his life. Her voice shaky and broken when she said, "I just want to die, I want all this to be over, why didn't I just die that day, why?"

He couldn't help it, the anger raised in his voice, what the hell are you saying?

I'm saying it would be better if I would be gone. Her voice underlined with anger and bitterness.

"Don't say that he said"

It's the damn truth Dean, I'm not me anymore, I'm broken and bruised, I'm a damn fragile little thing that can't even go through one day, without wishing about... She stops, she bites her bottom lip.

"What! Say it damnit, the anger and hurt visible on his face.

Fine! Wishing about dying, wishing you weren't such a coward that just left me, when things weren't as easy for you Dean!

"Surprisement in his voice, what? Hell I knew it you blamed me for being taken don't you!

"I can't deal with all this shit Dean, I can't even fix myself how the hell am i suppose to fix you? Fix us?

I never asked you to fix me, damnit, I'm trying my best to help you, in every way that I can, his voice a little more shaky. You need help, your PTSD is worse than I thought.

"Fire dancing in her eyes, the only thing I need is for you to get the hell away from me. Its all your fault damnit!

His green eyes is bloodshot with the wetness burning behind them, just looking at her, she's not that same joyful woman he met and fallen in love with. She's overtaken by fear, sadness and hatred for him. She's merely an image of someone he used to know. It looks like her, when he holds her close it still feels like her, but it doesn't sound like her. He tries to calm his own voice, when he said, lets get you too your psychologist and then you can explain them everything okay sweetheart.

"I'm not your damn sweetheart, and I'm not going anywhere,! Her voice just filled with anger now!

I'm worried you might hurt yourself babe. His voice laced with fear.

"Sharp angry tone in her voice when she says, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW! NOW DAMNIT!!!

He just stood there, looking at her, not knowing what to do.

"Now Damnit she screamed while pushing him backwards.

"Fine, his voice Breaking I'll go, but you need help. I'll call your mum. He says while grabbing his car keys and phone. Closing the door behind him he hears her throwing stuff on the floor, while screaming in frustration. Not wanting to push her further over the edge he got in his car and started driving off, grabbing his phone, deciding not to call Caroline, he dials his best friends number. Cas, I need your help, it's it's his voice breaking now, its bad, I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself...

....

I probably shouldn't have said all that, for goodness sakes I don't even know why I did, I don't really blame Dean, damnit, you screamed, shoving off the plates and coffee filled mugs of the counter top, tears streaming down your face.

My mom can't see me like this, you recall the words Dean said. No one can see me like this. You ran upstairs, grabbed a suitcase, threw in whatever you could find, and make your way downstairs, before taking your car keys, you wrote a note, ran out of the door, and just started, driving, not quite sure where your headed, but I need to get away from all of this, saying with a shaky breath, and tears clouding your eyes, speeding onto the main road out of town...

[watashime-ciel]

explaining the reason why some songs were added to some of my RH playlists because i cant just drop that and not elaborate and i have nothing better to do

i believe the title cannot be clearer than that so. yeah

when i quote a lyrics from the song instead of explaining thats because its a piece of lore im not ready to share because its too personal, too explicit, too sad, or i simply dont want to. this can make you think whats going on with the goofy goobers and make your own headcanons or scenarios. maybe. idk. still, huge TW for lyrics touching mental health generally, su1cide, s/h, EDs and s3xual themes

and ocean o'connor rosenberg

STARTING WITH DJ YELLOW because i always follow the same pattern when i talk of rhythm heaven

RAT A TAT WRITER by FAKE TYPE.: one of his favourite electro swing songs, which he forced Red to make a cover of

Valentino by Olly Alexander: "i should've known not to trust Valentino."

Wanna Be Someone by Telehope: a comfort song for his grey days

Toon Bangers by FAKE TYPE.: his first feminine cosplay was DEMONDICE in Toon Bangers, debuting with Connie and Red in a big convention. they performed that song so it has a special place in his heart

Born This Way by Lady Gaga: guess. just guess. because yellow is the straightest person i know /j

Happy Pills by Weathers: "the voices in my right brain are kinda funny. they tell me, take a deep breath. it's always sunny." piece of lore i'm not ready to share, but maybe dj yellow isn't that happy after all

Help! Oh, Well... by I'm Something Else YT: literally the song explains everything. and yes he needs help /hsrs

Poison by Blake Roman: "what's the worst part of this Hell? I can only blame myself", "wish I had something to live for tomorrow"

Empty by Jaiden Animations and BoyInABand: "but it's so overwhelming and i hope no one can tell, cuz the numbers keep decreasing, this ordeal is becoming routine. check; arms, back, neck, thighs. suck it in and pinch my sides. the scales are betraying me, the mirror is a lie! numbers. it all comes down to numbers. i know it's wrong, but just because you know you're colourblind it doesn't means you can't see the colours. fine! i admit i'm addicted! but the hunger feels good, how do i quit this?! i know i could die, i've seen the statistics! but the voices are with me through thick and thin..."

Noel's Lament from Ride The Cyclone: Yellow is like Noel fr and he quotes "GOD DAMMIT WOULD YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR JUST A SECOND YOU HORRIBLE SUCCUBUS!?" everyday

MEGANE by UltraNoob: ...he's a completely different person when he uses his glasses. way different.

Trapped In A Dream by RudyWade: the amount of times he woke up from a dream INSIDE A DREAM is insane, feeling like alive is not something he is during those moments. and he always feels like hes going to be trapped forever, which he hates because "the feeling of not being alive is not like not being alive, that's terrifying..". quote, "the clock is ticking, time's running out. i need to wake up, i need to shout. i need to find my way back to life. [...] wake me up, set me free from this dreaming misery. i need to feel alive again!"

Lagtrain by 稲葉曇: the whole song is one he finds the most melancholic of all. he usually hears Mako sing it, and he just breaks down to tears because its so magestic yet so sad and entertaining and melodic and-

Girls by MARINA: "look like a girl, but i think like a guy. not lady like to behave like a slime.", "is there any possibility you'll quit gossiping about me to hide your insecurities? all you say is blah, blah. girls, they never befriend me cuz i fall asleep when they speak of all the calories they eat! all they say is nanananana."

Magical Doctor by MARETU: literally the heaviest song he uses to vent emotionally. like- he screams along

I/Me/Myself by Will Wood: "i wish i could be a girl! and, really, i'd prefer it if you used 'i/me/myself'. am i pretty enough? am i pretty enough to fucking die!?"

bonus: cardigan by Taylor Swift. "you drew stars around my scars". this is something Blue voluntarely offered Yellow to do as a way of comfort and help with urges, also adding the rainbow breathing technique

the end. probably as i add more i will add more to this explanation list in a separate post

BLUE🗣️🗣️

Descartable by Tronic: a song he animated fully of him and all his friends (and yellow). it was the first time he got out his comfort zone

Space Age Bachelor Man from Ride The Cyclone: his ocs and Ricky are very much the same in terms of... lore. but not Ricky's lore. i mean the space Jesus lore. if you watched the musical you know what i mean

Tiempo by Darkar Alatriz (Vete A La Versh): this song hits me way too personally, as i always dedicate it to my deceased pet dog. i really cant get into much detail without hearing the lyrics in my head and thinking of her, but i dont want to keep this song out and act like its not there. i can only say Blue also lost something important to him at an age he considers young. but it wasnt a pet, but two people that are important for a young person whos still growing up

At Atelier by FAKE TYPE.: he sticks to the idea of "imagination has no limits" really well like Miss Atelier, always working hard to improve and finding inspiration everywhere

Candy by Paolo Nutini: okay. i cant act like this story didnt happen. at some point, Blue proposes to Yellow, and he obviously accepts. Candy was playing during Yellow's entrance. but this story happens in the future. waaaaay into the future... but

Cendrillon 10th Anniversary by DiosP: this is the song that replaced the classic waltz music. this song was also Blue and Yellow's debut in a cosplay contest as Cendrillon Miku and Cendrillon KAITO, winning on best performance btw

Alguien Como Tú by Jósean Log: this song is in Spanish, but its about a man in love with a woman. the woman either doesnt knows or doesnt feels the same for him, so he sings asking if she knows someone else with certain qualities she has, saying that if he cant be with her he wants to be with someone like her. during the years where Blue wanted to confess to Yellow but he was scared, he felt very much like this

Keep This To Myself by Casper Caan: the calm and melancholic tune of the song plus the chorus makes him think of the times he repressed his own feelings to help Yellow, as he is the one thats in danger almost everytime, not Blue. "Cuz I have a plan you don't know; i'll keep this to myself"

No Llora by El Cuarteto De Nos: i invite you to translate the lyrics to understand better. this is another song that hits me way too personally so i cant drop the lore. but have this in mind: Blue represses his own feelings so much that he can be a bit emotionless from the outside. now its because he wants to focus on Yellow's health first, but back in the day, he used to do it to prove himself he is strong enough to not cry for everything. although he would go back home and cry on Ann Gler's shoulder (Ann Gler took take of him during his childhood). thats all i can say. i cant quote anything because it burns

J.J

although many of those songs are what he plays on the guitar or sings, there are a few that go beyond that

Get Out The Way by Mother Mother: "i'm not antisocial, i'm just tired of the people. and i'm fine while rolling solo, so get out."

I Can't Handle Change by ROAR: "nothing i do is ever good. nothing i do is ever good enough. nothing i do is ever good. [...] leave me alone, leave me alone..." "i can't help but redeem myself, i know it's not your fault. still, lately i begin to shake for no reason at all."

all Megamasso songs: part of his lore, where he played in the Rhythm Heaven equivalent of Megamasso (Leo [Watashime Slug]'s band before WataSlug) as the second guitar

Christmas Kids by ROAR: "you'll change your name and change your mind, and leave this fucked up place behind, but i'll know, i'll know..." "if you ever try to leave me, i'll find you, Ronnie."

Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: "you gotta see the artistry in tearing the place apart with me, baby. i am unruly in the stands. i am a rock on top of the sand. i am a fist amidst the hands, and i break it just because i can. let's break it just because we can! deface it just because we can! let's break it just because!... just because.... just because, just because..."

Do You Think About Me?: surprisingly, his mental health improved the instant he befriended Cecil, and got even better when they started dating. although, at some point, he got to a downfall. he becane a clingy person towards Cecil, always anxious if Cecil is being honest or not. in the end, they are the only shoulder he can cry on. "there's a fairytale in our song, it brought us together, gave us a new start. i was lost, falling apart. you gave me a spot somewhere in your heart... and act of God? a shooting star? you came from afar, with open arms... it was so dark, as cold as November almost over, i told ya..."

Cecil💥

What The World Needs from Ride The Cyclone: Ocean reminds them of their mother. she, in reality, was a very close minded, mean, homophobic and egocentric. if you didn't do something as she wanted, then the world doesn't needs you. thankfully she changed, but she was a pain in the ass. like Ocean. nobody likes Ocean.

the majority of songs that sound childish, are from kids shows, etc etc, stick to their desire of never growing up and enjoy a happy childhood they really didn't have. i don't know if it's age regression, at least in Cecil's case (but it is for another goofy goober i'm not specifying), but they find the most comfort in a childish environment, ambiented with music

Body by Mother Mother: us genderqueer people have been in that existential crisis where we even question ourselves if we even exist. well, it got to Cecil really fast the moment they let their hair grow enough to look at themself in the mirror and scream in confussion. and somedays it got really bad that they just- well- read the lyrics-

Towards The Sun by Rihanna: no their favourite movie is not Home. its more of the melancholic tune that they like. it also helps them release more tears when crying becomes a hard task, and even need help with that

we fell in love in october by girl in red: J.J AND CECIL STARTED DATING IN OCTOBER. I REPEAT, J.J AND CECIL STARTED DA-

i wanna be your girlfriend: the day before Cecil confessed felt like that for them

Empty by Jaiden Animations and BoyInABand: they struggle to eat. simple as that. maybe it's the colour, the shape, the smell, the taste... they just struggle and need time to finish a few bites. they're in their way tho, trying new foods everyday with J.J's help. the song is not directly on their playlist, it's just like a character soundtrack, as much of the lyrics can be connected to Cez

Last Effect by last note.: berore playing the guitar, they played the violin, and this song is one they played last before switching completely to the guitar. coincidently, both violin and guitar are essential on that song

with this we conclude the goofy goobers songs that have a reason to be in the playlists i made. yes i know their stories are sad. no i dont regret anything. yes much of those headcanons were made for my own comfort. no i dont give a shit whatchu think🫂

im cold guys its like 7�� outside thats too cold

anyways GOOD NEWS i got a job (yippee) so i will finally get money to buy that one compilation visual kei album with watashime slug's kyo x batsu japanese version omfg im- guys. guys its a dream come true

bye guys drink wotah plz dont get dehidrated

[televinita]

Goodreads Choice Awards but the nominees are just the books I've personally shelved

I have a lot of thoughts about the options as they exist (mostly not that bad, except when it comes to the total elimination of children's literature, about which I am furious), but per usual I can't really articulate them in a coherent way SO I sorted my shelves by publication date, ignored the GCA requirement of a minimum 3.5 average rating, and am doing this instead.

[update: oops this did not turn out coherent either. but it got typed!]

Important Reminder: These are not all books I consider equal contenders for "best." I simply wanted to highlight every possible option I actually knew about and have read or am interested in reading.

YA

After the Sirens - Sharon Farrell

Begin Again - Emma Lord (forgot to add this one before)

The Brothers Hawthorne - Jennifer Lynn Barnes (actual nominee and I'm gonna vote for it even though it seems like it may be more of a filler book. The Davenports is the only other official nom to intrigue me, and its lower average rating + hideous cartoon cover isn't enough to flip me unread so sorry, we're going Basic Popularity Contest Pick)

Cleaning Up - Leanne Lieberman

Five Survive - Holly Jackson (definitely not a winner)

Gather - Kenneth M. Cadow (edit: National Book Award finalist?? like with the adult fiction??)

Good as Gold -- Candace Buford (definite contender for fave so far)

Holly Horror - Michelle Jabès Corpora

The Island - Natasha Preston (lol. lmao even. but ridiculous fun)

The Lake House - Sarah Beth Durst

A Long Stretch of Bad Days - Mindy McGinnis

The Renaissance of Gwen Hathaway - Ashley Schumacher (here on author loyalty only)

Three Rivers - Sarah Stusek (THAT'S RIGHT. HER.)

Summer Rental - Rektok Ross (why am I this aware of brand-new ya horror??) (because I love horror and it's usually better paced and spookier and less shock-gory than the adult brand? fair)

YA FANTASY / SCI FI

Dream to Me - Megan Paasch (I think it would go here, anyway. but maybe it's just regular YA)

The Eternal Ones - Namina Forna (I gotta remember this series exists)

FANTASY

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries -- winner winner pick!! (no like officially)

Starling House - Alix E. Harrow (though this is a close second, and honestly, if they weren't both actual nominees I'd think The Unmaking of June Farrow has some potential intrigue)

ROMANCE

Hazel Fine Sings Along - Katie Wicks (no comment on its Wattpad origin. I didn't notice until just now. have not read it.)

Famous For A Living - Melissa Ferguson (popular enough for Once Upon a Book Club! but not for for an official nom, despite my hopes, in this fiercely competitive category. boooo)

Out On a Limb - Hannah Bonam-Young (damn I actually saw this one making rounds on BookTube, thought it might be here)

Something Wild & Wonderful - Anita Kelly (can't believe there's actually a queer romance I want to see show up and it doesn't)

(Bonus: legit nominees I am considering for validity include Happy Place; Yours Truly - I really need to figure out if Emily Henry and Abby Jimenez are in my wheelhouse or not - and Hello Stranger, though as much as I like Katherine Center this one does not call to me)

FICTION

This Bird Has Flown - Susanna Hoffs (might also have been under romance if picked for the actual GCA? feels more mainstream than that but idk. anyway HATERS 2 THE LEFT.)

^ also my pick for debut

The Lost Manuscript - Mollie Rushmeyer (dunno which category this would officially go in either. probably romance? maybe mystery? but it's got a lot more plot than the average romance)

HISTORICAL FICTION

The Echo of Old Books - Barbara Davis (holy crap this one's actually in the nominations?! Instant vote. Almost disappointing because there are some other candidates I would have felt fine voting for to block the worse ones, but this is the only one on my acute TBR. If I don't give at least 4 stars I will be shocked)

MYSTERY/THRILLER

Forgotten Trail - Claire Kells

The Hike - Lucy Clarke

The Only One Left - Riley Sager

Homecoming - Kate Morton (crisis alert! the latter two are both official nominees and I am equally interested in both/both have equally good track records with me) (probs. gonna vote Kate on the principle of female solidarity. even though this is really stretching the definition of "mystery")

HORROR

A Haunting on the Hill - Elizabeth Hand

(How To Sell a Haunted House is a hard maybe but also the only one I think I'd even consider trying from the official noms)

MEMOIR

Paris: The Memoir - Paris Hilton

The Woman in Me - Britney Spears

Grimoire Girl - Hilarie Burton Morgan

Tell Me Everything - Minka Kelly

If You Would Have Told Me - John Stamos

Goodbye to Clocks Ticking - Joseph Monninger (forgot I just stumbled upon this one recently! it's on my library list but not my GR account)

and one more except GCA put it in a different category hang on

Three of these - not Burton's, alas - are actually nominees. Britney is gonna win but not without a fight from me. Do I go with Paris, whose memoir impressed me even though I still don't care much for her as a person, or Minka, whose memoir I haven't read but whose reviews sound excellent and whom I like more?

HUMOR

Being Henry - Henry Winkler (there is absolutely no reason for this not to be nominated in memoir btw. I hope it wins Humor because nothing else appeals in that category and I have multiple vendettas (SAMANTHA IRBY), but it would be as misplaced a win as the Office Ladies book was last year. fully deserving of an award! actually the best of the given nominees! but also like an adult beating a bunch of children in a footrace.)

MIDDLE GRADE

(no longer a GCA category but it fudgin' should be)

Just Gus - McCall Hoyle

Falling Out of Time - Margaret Peterson Haddix (actually glad I don't have to choose between these two because like. dogs - but also boy MC - or author loyalty ft. sequel to my childhood fave??)

Rosie Frost and the Falcon Queen - Geri Halliwell The Spice Girl (no. 😔) (and yet it is still on my shelf)

I have no strong opinions for any categories I skipped.

[sunnysidestories]

Introductions Pt 1

Pt 2

Pt 3

Summary: Reader is a vigilante on young justice who goes to the same school as Walls. Only Wally doesn't know the readers identity, but she knows his. SLOW BURN

Wally West x Fem!Reader

Transferring classes is always a chore whenever someone decides a class isn't best fit for them, no matter the reason today I decided I would never do this again, even if the teacher sucked. The bundle of nervousness was tearing me from the inside. Thoughts swirling in my head.

Who would be in my class, I have to make friends... well more like people i'll talk to when I need a pencil, then I'll avoid attention so I dont get called on.

Before the transfer on the following Monday, I met my new teacher after school. Explaining what I needed to do for his class. "Listen y/n, you need to catch up on some things we have already learned, but im sure that won't be too hard, and if you ever have any questions, you can always ask. Everything you need I've already given to you." I nod thanking him before I make a haste exit, I have more important things to do as of now. My work can come later when im there, and I'm late.

.

.

.

Pulling out my mask for my costume, I walk through the Zeta tube, covering my face and identity. No more y/n. "Reconised B18 h/n." Mt. justice was as normal as normal could get with meta humans, feeling more as a second home. I could smell something cooking, along followed by laughter and conversation down the hall. I pull my hoodie over my hair, playing with the strings, a bad habit I use to calm down. Slowly walking down the hall before reaching the living room to a passed out Robin. He took up the whole main sofa.

The TV was still on. He must have been watching the news. Who does that? No, I take that back. Robin does that. I grabbed the blanket that sat over the couch draping over his body right as he began to snore. It's crazy that his glasses haven't fallen off his face by now. I feel bad for him he must be overworked. In a werid way, I wish that he could somehow get hurt so he gets some time off. I could substitute for him like im doing now, but knowing batman, he would most likely still be here anyway unless it was very serious. I shut off the TV.

The debrief would be in around 30 minutes after that training, more like a warmup, and then finally a short mission, it feels almost as if purposefully im always doing the easy jobs, totally doesn't help my self esstem. I just fill in anyways, why do I care so much?

Rob can get the sleep he needs it. I begin to walk off. He probably has an alarm. I wonder what they are cooking in the kitchen? Before I can think of possible options, im on the floor with a large *SMACK* eyes, meeting blue ones filled with worry.

The large stature accompanied by a uneasy glance was only one person Conner, I ran into the mini man of steel and now I think about it, it kinda hurt when I slamed into him"You walked right into me" "Are you okay babe?" Standing slightly behind Kid Flash stood with an arm outstretched, I grabbed it, pulling myself up."Im fine, I've been so stressed, I guess, lost in thought. It's been a week. What did you say?" His freckles dance across his face as he smiles, speeding away to the kitchen. Conner just looks at me following in his direction.

We reach the kitchen, and KF sits on the counter beside Megan, eating a bag of chips. Megan was stirring something inside of a bowl, I couldn't see. Her back was towards me only for a moment. "Hey guys."

Chicken salad, I can smell it and see now. Her face changes shades when Conner walks past her towards the fridge. Its sooooo painfully obvious it physically hurts me when they are in the same room. I take off my backpack and begin to study my science work. It's not as hard as I thought more of just things and facts to remember, but no really new complicated subjects.

"Wally! Stop! I need those -" I look up to Megan's shouts, Wally was doe-eyed caught eating the cherry tomatoes as if they were candy. "-YOU KNOW I HAVE A SUPER FAST METABOLISM! I CAN DIE. " He got defensive as his face began to match the fruit. "Your name is Wally?" I change the subject to help his embarrassment. Everyone's eyes go wide they all meet mine. "I've never told you my name? You've been on the team for how long??" Wally throws his arms in the air."Almost a year." I immediately replied. Now was my turn to be embarrassed. Should I know his name?

"How have you not heard it? y'know. It's fine, it doesn't matter. Let's try this again." Wally gets off the counter setting down the container, he walks up to me leaning on the table then shifting his weight a few times, almost as if he's hesitant or thinking of his next words.

The tone of his voice goes serious. "Im Wally West, it's nice to meet you." Then his grin returns as his eyes squint along with it. "Hey, I'm h/n." I let out a small laugh, looking back down at my work. It's crazy how easily Wally gave up his name. Maybe because im rarely here for long, I've never heard his name. It seems like everyone else knows. Its kinda my own fault, but now I feel bad.

I will eventually tell them my name its not like im important and need to hide it, I trust them. I trust them? Who am I kidding? If I don't even know Kid Flashes' name when he wears it on his chest, then how do I know them. Is it even really them, or am I making friends with who they want me to see. I seriously need to stop overthinking this. it's not that serious. It's just a name.

.

.

.

Robin would eventually walk into the kitchen 15 minutes later after we all ate telling us it was time for the debrief, you could still hear the slight tone of drowsiness from just waking up though he tried to play it off.Our mission seemed easy at first Batman explained we were to take down a meet up spot for some very illegal technology drop offs. Most likely, stolen information.

I sat to the left of Kaldur on the bioship close to the window. We were now all in full gear, flying over central city. "We will be there in around 4" Megan called out. "Everyone go into camouflage mode, Connect us to the mind link." Kal orders.

I try not to think about myself as they can all hear my thoughts, as can I theirs, I don't think I'll ever get used to this. It feels invasive. I look down at my hands, realizing im picking at my nails and zoning out.

Hey h/n let's go. Conner speaks to me, sorry... I replied, walking over to Robin and Kid Flash. Three and three, I hate splitting up. -its alright, we do this all the time, plus you can just talk through the link so we are really all here. Rob states that everyone agrees as we begin to walk in different directions.

Stake out time, yes! Wally says as we sit down onto the ledge, the building we chose overlooked two smaller apartment buildings backside. There were two ways to enter, and Team A. sat at the only other. This is really boring. I can't hear anything. KF sighed "Its been two minutes, we're not superboy use your eyes-" "-better yet use your heat vision from your goggles, see how many there are." Robin interrups my whispers. There are 30 people, uhhhhmmmm, 3 women and woah, that guy is huge. Aqualad cuts into the conversion. The criminals have another drop-off zone. We are going to pressure them, stay here, take out these guys, and don't let anything get out.

A large black truck with boxes passes us and goes through the opposite exit, I see Superboy only for a second as he closes the lid. That's one way to hide. Then, mind link breaks. So much for sticking together.

"I'll go ahead and try to sabotage their systems. You two begin to take out the ones outside. Try not to blow your cover." His glare meets Wallys. This must happen a lot.

.

.

.

"How did we fail this bad. I'm so sorry." I say, looking up over my shoulder towards Wally. Now, here we were tied up on a chair, no weapons in a room, no light, just us. "This is my fault if I wouldn't of tripped over the stupid gun then you wouldn't of gotten distracted" there's a momment of silence as we both ponder the failed attempt of taking out the enemy.

I hang my head low. It sucks. There are no lights at all, my other senses are going crazy, and I'm flooded with the sounds around me. Wallys slightly panicked breathing under the cool exterior, strangling tightness of the ropes around my chest. I could even hear our heart beats. weirdly, his was slow but picked up at the sound of my voice as if I scared him. "I'm not very whelmed right now." He let's out a small sigh.

"Are you ever?" "What?"You are always on edge like someone's about to jump you in a dark alley. Is this because you're just a fill-in and not full-time?". He tries to turn to as much as he can bound. He must feel my worry. "It is. H/n I really get how that could upset you, but you have to understand." He begins to shake in the chair. "Even if you're not officially fully on the team, you are to us. Everyone gets excited to see you, including me. Why does it matter if you're not on every mission.. I'm glad I get to work with you when I can. We all feel overshadowed ourselves sometimes. Heck, I mean, we are all sidekicks."

Finally, he breaks free of the rope with a SNAP, standing up carefully, using his hands to find me and set me free. "You've made your place in the team and our friendship. You just need to take the risk and open up."... "Wally... I trust you," he grabs and shows me to the wall where we find the locked door knob "jump on my back"

.

.

.

Monday at school was painful. Every limb hurt, and I couldn't sleep staying up thinking about what Wally said. I was looking forward to lunch, I made some of my favorites since I needed a treat. It was more like a break, but first, I had to go to science my new transfer class.

Without looking at anyone, I walk right up to the teacher. "Where do I sit?" He immediately awnsers."Yes, right. Go sit in the back beside the red-haired boy. It's the only empty seat." I follow his gaze to the seat. My table partner didn't seem to take notice of me when I sat down as he read the textbook. Maybe this won't be too bad he seems to actually care about the subject, at least.

He turns and looks at me, his green eyes are friendly and welcoming, as he smiles his freckles scatter along his cheeks. He leans on the table, placing his face in his hand he seems nervous.

"Hi, im Wally West. It's nice to meet you."

[annabellelupin]

As some of you may know, there has been a good bit of negativity on my account recently. I got into a bit of an argument with a couple of terfs. Pretty much everything is fine now, and I'd really like to thank everyone that reached out to me and supported me through the argument. I'm dedicating this post to all of my wonderful followers. So without further ado..

Positive Marauders era Headcannons:)

Mary is not only genderfluid and omni, but polyamorous as well and has two partners

He/They Trans masc and asexual Regulus (yes you all should've seen this coming, it's my most favorite hc ever lol)

A lot of people hc Lily as demisexual, and honesty I do too, but here me out:

Demiromantic Remus and Demisexual Lily

Also chubby, plus sized Lily and Dorcas is canon at this point right?

I haven't seen many headcanons for James but I feel like he'd be aspec

Alice is almost definitely aspec (probably aegosexual) and gives off queer femme girl vibes. Actually when I think about it she lowkey gives of bi wife energy lol

Frank kinda gives off bi husband energy but is probably pan

Also just,, Alice with vitiligo is *chefs kiss* (Ik for some people it can be an insuceurity, and I really don't think they realize just how beautiful they are *my friend Megan plays that's what makes you beautiful by 1d in background*

If Dorcas isn't an African-European, then my whole life is a lie (I apologize if that isn't correct term for it and feel free to spray me with a water bottle and correct me if it isn't)

And obviously Dorcas has the prettiest hair ever. they usually styles it in an afro or multiple braids and either way she looks amazing

i personally headcanon them as a pan, femme nonbinary, but ik most people hc them as a she/they demigirl lesbian and that's super cool too

Marlene and Remus are both covered in freckles and their partners think it's the cutest thing ever

Also if Marlene isn't a femme lesbian giving off masc energy idek what is

Andromeda is omni and a demigirl

James is a total feminist prove me wrong

He's also definitely a house husband and destroys gender norms with Lily (who is the potions professor at Hogwarts)

Honestly tho all of the Marauders era characters completely destroy gender norms

Adhd James just makes sense to me

As well as neurodivergent (probably autistic) Reggie and idek why

Frank is partially blind and someone made fun of him for it in 4th year and James and Sirius came to his rescue (and that's how they really began talking to each other)

Just jegulily being a thing (personally I don't headcanon this but think its super cool and like the polyam rep:)

Regulus has social anxiety and you can not convince me otherwise

also *transes all of your favorite characters* here yaa go

and umm *declares all of your favorite characters gay*

also we need more ace and aro rep so all of your favorite characters are now aspec and/or arospec

your welcome :)

[kentos-filmcamera]

10 times, 1 occasion - Inumaki Toge

4. Tending

A/N: oop i'm on a roll rn with two chapters in two days in a row. the next one is probably going to take a while but seriously I'm so happy with all the support, it keeps me going. this is teeth rotting fluff, so enjoy! ~g

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

No matter how many times he was reminded that you were okay, Toge would rather die before leaving your bedside. He watched over you, in his navy sweats and Jujutsu Tokyo Tech gray pullover sweatshirt, taking a few showers to change back into the same clothes. He cooked ramen and onigiri balls in the common kitchen down the hall. He only left for more than ten minutes to visit Fushiguro, who met the same fate as you, but left you with Maki or Panda, even Gojo if he was around and no one else was available.

The latter liked drawing things on your expensive drawing paper with the expensive ink you so hoarded from others and placing them on the board by your desk, next to Post-It notes wishing you well from fellow Tokyo Tech students, and Kyoto students alike. Kamo had wished you a speedy recovery and flattering words on your technique, Miwa left a well-wishes message with hearts drew on and Todo wrote that he lamented your injury because your taste in women was far beyond better than the rest of your fellow classmates, except for Itadori, and complimented your ‘Tina Snow’ Megan Thee Stallion poster.

Once again, while placing a damp, cold towel on your forehead, Toge sighed deeply, cleaning away the fever you were sweating. You breathed through your mouth, nose, cheeks, and lips settling in a darker red color by the heat you emanated. Shoko healed you and Megumi just perfect, but as a difference, your body wasn’t reacting well to the invasion. Still, Inumaki diligently took care of your every need while you slept for the past three days, fighting the urge to command for you to wake up, and watch those lively eyes flutter open while a smile blossoms on your cheeks. They were waiting for you to continue the goodwill event officially after the “minor” issue with the special grades.

It was late in the afternoon, the orange sun leaking through the blinds. Toge set his book down for a second and stared at you. You looked so serene, so calm and peaceful for the first time in the past few days, whereas you looked agitated and distressed in your slumber. He leaned down and kissed your forehead. You shuffled happily in your sleep and laid even deeper into your bedsheets.

“Wow! This room is so cool!” Itadori gasped as he passed the doorframe. Toge narrowed his eyes but still stood up to greet the first years. “How come my room doesn't look like this?!”

Your room was cozy. The color scheme was warm; your walls were a very light beige, your bed was composed of a terracotta-colored duvet, light pink bed sheets, and a white throw blanket. The nightstand was a yellow bookshelf with a lamp on top, a framed picture resting there, along with your phone. Your desk was yellow as well with a bulletin board on the wall in front of it. On the desk rested some plants, an assortment of drawing, painting, and coloring supplies, aside from a Bluetooth speaker that resembled an old radio. The wall behind your bed was full of posters of artists and movies, and artwork that either you painted or you commissioned. By the window, there was a light moss green couch with different pillows, and a lavender purple throw Inumaki used to wrap himself in when he napped. He sat next to your bed on a light pink office chair he positioned on the empty space between your closet and your bed. It was a colorful room, to say the least.

“Because you’re a man, Yuuji” Nobara rolled her eyes and walked towards your bed, combing her fingers through your hair to brush it slightly. She fluffed the pillows behind your head and fixed the collar of the silk pajamas you wore specifically made for when injured. Maki spoke so highly of you, Nobara wanted to treat you her best, because she knew you deserved it.

“How is she?” Megumi asked Inumaki. Nobara and Itadori were both snooping around the room. Yuuji browsed the bookshelf with a frown, while Kigusaki looked through your cosmetics bag before heading to the bathroom, which stood to the door on the left when one entered the room, talking about checking out your skincare routine.

“Tuna” He signaled his phone and got to typing. Soon, Megumi’s phone buzzed. Itadori rushed over to read the text over his shoulder, Kugisaki on her tippy toes to read from his other shoulder as well.

[ Inumaki Toge: they’re okay. shoko said they’ll wake up soon enough. probably just drained ]

“So you’ve been here with her all these past few days? All the time?” Kugisaki asked.

Toge nodded, shifting comfortably on the seat “Shake” He confirmed.

“Aww! I wish I had a partner like you!” Nobara sighed dreamily. Toge froze. His jaw clenched and his eyes widened to almost hit every corner of his face. As if it was even possible, he turned paler. He could feel his heartbeat drumming in his ears. Partner? Your partner? Why would anyone think that? You were just a friend… unless you didn’t want to be. A friend he had strong feelings for. A friend he had its own pet name for. A friend he loved. Oh my. His face went from paperwhite to a bright red, as he once again zipped up the collar of his shirt to cover his lower half.

“Look what you did, Nobara! You broke him!” Itadori shook her, while Inumaki stared blankly at the floor. Fushiguro realized Kugisaki had touched a nerve since the attraction between the two of you was so apparent, everyone had seen you two laugh together incessantly, hold hands, hug each other often, and damn, he even had a word in his vocabulary to refer to you specifically. He pointed with his head to the door and the three left silently for a second. Inumaki watched them leave and sighed into his hands. That was frustrating.

You shuffled in your sleep slightly, Toge’s attention turning to you quickly, standing upright from his chair to look as you fluttered your eyes to stare back at him. Just as he expected, a smile arose from your mouth as soon as you noticed him there, before you went into a coughing fit. He panicked and took a few steps towards your yellow mini-fridge, scouting for a bottle of water, which he found soon enough. He held the bottle for your mouth, with which you gladly took in and drank all the water in a matter of seconds. He cleaned your wet cheeks and sat at the foot of the bed carefully, as you tried to sit upright without disturbing your wound.

“Kelp” He greeted you, with his usual fondness towards you and a smile he tried to hide.

“Hello, Inumaki-kun” You rasped with a blush on your cheeks, coughing slightly before smiling at him. “Don’t worry, I’m here; I’m okay”

He sighed deeply and the weight on his shoulders he didn’t even realize he had lifted. He now knew that you were okay. His heart fluttered in his chest as you reached out your hand, urging him to get close to you. Once he did, you combed your hand through the gray strands, making him melt into your touch.

He leaned to lay down by your side. “How’s everyone? What time is it? How long have you been here?” You bombarded him with questions he was more than glad to answer.

Toge just looked at you briefly before grabbing his phone. He typed something and soon your phone vibrated next to you on your nightstand.

[ Inumaki Toge: everyone is ok. ]

[ fushiguro had the same cursed buds as you in his stomach, he’s fine now and i think in the hallway. ]

[ it’s 5:30 PM. i’ve been here the last 3 days you’ve been unconscious ]

You stared at the messages in shock “You’ve been here three days? You seriously didn’t have to, I was asleep”

“Okaka'' Toge shook his head with a frown. He typed something else. [ Inumaki Toge: i was worried about you. besides, you kept sweating, i had to level your temperature often because of the fevers ]

Your eyes watered as Toge’s widened. He panicked. Had he said something wrong? Did you get the wrong undertone from his texts? If that was it, should he start to use tone indicators? “Thank you” You sniffled “You didn’t really have to take care of me”

Right now, he really wished to speak to you clearly, so you really knew what he meant. “Tuna Mayo” He was only able to mutter before reaching to caress your back as quiet tears flowed down your cheeks. Soon enough, your phone vibrated.

[ Inumaki Toge: i got you your favorite tea :)) chai with a touch of nutmeg and lavender ]

“Aw…” You smiled “Thank you” You sighed deeply, the usual warmth spreading across your chest. The one that came whenever he bought you something or gave you a hug, or a brief touch.

[ i’ll go heat it up, okay? stay put ]

He removed his arm from your healthy side, and slipped out of the bed comfortably, removing the collar of his neck to kiss your forehead. I love you.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 13

A/N - OMG finally an update!!! I'm so sorry it has taken me so long but writers block is a bitch! Thank you all for sticking with me and being so patient 💕💕💕 Please like/comment/reblog.

"CHRIS EVANS HAS A SECRET FAMILY!"

Shit, shit. Shit! Oh my fuck this can't be happening!! I thought to myself as i clicked on the link Hannah had sent me, the page loaded showing photo's of Chris and I kissing, photo's of Chris and Mason...... my heart was racing and i could feel the panic setting in.

"Fucking Brian!" I mumbled, this was taken the day i saw his car outfront! I got up and made my way to Chris' office, i needed to let him know about this ASAP incase he was suddenly blind sided with a question while doing his interview.

As soon as i appeared in the doorway Chris looked up and gave me a little smile that soon fell when he saw the tears in my eyes.

"Im so sorry but can you just excuse me for two seconds..... i'll be right back" Chris said leaving Scott talking to Jimmy Fallon.

"Whats wrong?....." he asked quietly pulling the door closed behind him.

"Im so sorry Chris....." i shook my head.

"Why? Whats happened?...."

I passed him my phone showing him the headline and photo's "Everyone knows, I'm so sorry! This is all my fault...." i started to cry, this isn't how i wanted everyone to find out... we weren't ready for everyone to know yet!!

"Hey stop! This isn't your fault sweetheart!" Chris wrapped his arms around me "come on don't cry, i hate it when you cry".

"Im so mad Chris!...they have no right posting photo's of Mason!"

"Let me just go finish up this interview, i'll be two minutes" he kissed me before rushing back to finish up with Jimmy.

After Chris had finished up his interview he was calling his publicist Megan, he already had missed calls from her so she had obviously heard what was going on. An hour later she was sat on the sofa across from us listening to the whole story.

"I want those photo's of my son taken down now! They can't post photo's of my 6 year old for everyone to see!" Chris was yelling as he paced the room.

"I've already put in a call and told them to take it down, but you know its gonna be out there now....you can't hide from this Chris"

"I know but.... fuck! We didn't want Mason in the public eye..... he's just a kid!"

"I get it, they should have at least blurred his face in the shots, most tabloids do nowadays unless the parents give consent but this particular tabloid that published the story, they're not one of the big names so they're more interested in their 5 minutes of fame with this exclusive"

"Brian did this. He did it to hurt me, its not even about the money! He could've sold the story to one of the big tabloids and got a payout..." i shook my head "the guy is crazy! I wasn't even dating him!"

"We're gonna try and do something about him too, leave it with me" Megan gave me a small smile while writing something in her notebook "So, you should probably post something on your socials.... clear up the gossip. Usually id say don't react to this but we need to do some damage control because right now, i guarantee all people are thinking is either you've been an absentee father with no interest in your son for the past six years" she said looking to Chris "or you'll be public enemy number one for keeping Chris's son from him" she looked over to me and i lowered my head in shame, i had done that..... i had my reasons but i did it all the same.

"So what do we say?" I asked quietly as Chris came and sat beside me taking my hand.

"We say that even though the two of you haven't been together romantically up until now, you have been raising your son together but chose to keep him out of the public eye"

"I'll put something together for you to look over, make sure you think its okay" Chris told her.

"I know this isn't great but we can handle this"

"Thank you Megan".

Over the next couple of days things gradually calmed down, Chris had posted a simple statement which i was told to post too even though my accounts were private to friends only, he didn't go into much detail but confirmed that we do have a son together and asked for our privacy to be respected.

His fans had actually been amazing and so supportive, of course there were a few saying some not so nice things about me and Mason but we knew that would happen. The tabloid stories quickly disappeared regarding Mason when other celebrities started posting, calling the tabloids out for not respecting our privacy after we had made it clear we didn't want our son in the spotlight.

But i still had this constant pit in my stomach, a feeling that things would still get worse before they went back to normal.

I was currently laid on the bed next to a basket of laundry that needed folding and putting away, I had retreated upstairs with the excuse of doing laundry while Chris, Scott and Mason were out back playing some game. The truth was i just needed some alone time, i was tired of putting on a brave and happy face, pretending like everything was fine. My hands massaged my temples trying to shift the dull headache that seemed like a constant thing lately.

"Hey, you okay?" The sound of Chris's voice from the door way made me crack open an eye to look at him.

"Yeah, headache is all"

"You've been up here a while, i got worried"

"I was doing laundry i told you....."

"You mean the laundry still sitting next to you?" He teased with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep, i started then i got a headache. I just need a few minutes" i said quietly closing my eyes again.

"Sweetheart you know you can talk to me, you don't have to act like everything is fine....."

"Yes i do, if i don't I'm gonna loose it and i can't do that with Mason around".

I felt the bottom of the bed dip and opened my eyes to see Chris crawling up the bed towards me, he moved my legs so his upper body was resting between them as he pressed kisses to my T-shirt covered stomach.

"What are you doing?" I shook my head and chuckled at the playful look he had on his face.

"Trying to cheer you up, maybe help you forget for a while" he smirked pushing my T-shirt up more so he could kiss my bare skin this time.

"Is now really the time for that? Mason is awake downstairs...."

"Its the perfect time for that, Scott will keep Mason busy"

"You dont know that....."

Chris quickly pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped quickly on the screen before tossing it aside.

"Done, no distractions" he laughed.

"Oh god please don't tell me you told Scott why?"

"Of course not but he's not stupid"

"This is a bad idea..... we said slow...."

"This is slow, i just wanna make you feel better. Plus you know orgasm's are supposed to help with headaches" he shrugged with that cocky grin.

"Oh really? Is that right?"

"100%" he nodded making us both laugh, he reached for my shorts and starting to pull the them down my legs...

"Wait!" I said suddenly sitting up to look at him making him groan as he looked back at me from between my legs.

"What?"

"Lock the door would ya?" I giggled throwing myself back down on the bed shaking my head as he leapt from the bed and flipped the lock.

"Now where were we?" He said before crawling back into position.....this was a bad idea.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes @bellamy-barnes @buchanansebba @rosalynshields @turtoix @dottirose

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina

@mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie @christocrave

@jakiki94 @torntaltos @my-dearest-agent @ms-betsy-fangirl

[orangeyougladitsbondage]

Our first scene...

I had met her through some friends and we hit it off instantly. She was so beautiful and I couldn't help but get lost in her eyes as we talked. This talking led to an exchange of phone numbers and the first text from her later that night. The text was nothing special just a simple "Hi this is Megan, really glad to have met you today". I responded that I was glad to have met her too and then we fell into a rhythm of talking via text every few days.

Then one night that texting turned into a phone call and a sly joke about being tied up with work led to an interesting conversation. Megan told me she had always had an interest in kink but was always scared to bring it up with her previous partners. I told her I had slight experience being a Dom but that I was a switch meaning I play both sides of the dynamic. Megan seemed extremely curious and we decided to do a dinner date that Friday.

That day seemed to take forever, I mean don't they always? You get excited for something and then it seems the thing before that event takes forever? You could just sit there and stare at the clock but that just makes time freeze. So I tried to focus on work but it was harder than it should've been to do so. But finally it was time to leave work and I rushed home to get ready.

A quick shower to freshen up, brushing my teeth and then picking out what to wear. I decided on a nice button up with a vest, not too fancy but also not under dressed. My phone went off it was Megan "Hope you aren't planning to skip out on our date now, not gonna get cold feet with it being only an hour away are you?". I responded "Definitely not a chance of that happening, see you soon".

The ride to the restaurant I just played some music that keeps me calm. Dating with anxiety can be hard because the anxiety triggers my overthinking and only leads to bad things. Well not exactly bad things it just leads to me overthinking how things could play out and being scared to do them. So I played a Playlist I made that keeps those thoughts at bay. And before I knew it I had arrived at the restaurant. Now the one thing I've learned is it's always best to be early even if your date isn't just shows what you are there for is important.

Time again slowed as I waited for Megan to arrive. Car after car pulling in and the thoughts of did she get cold feet begin to sink in. Overthinking sucks so much I wish I could get rid of that part of me but alas I can not. Finally I see her walking towards me and it must've put a doofy smile on my face because she just laughed and said "what?". I just said "I am glad you made it" as I opened the door to the restaurant and followed Megan inside. I told the maitre d the name on the reservation for two and they sat us at our table.

A drink and some food later and the conversation finely made its way to kink. I asked Megan what her interests were. She admitted she really liked the bondage aspect, seeing people helpless but smiling. She also really liked the different gags but she had never tried any. I asked Megan if she had any experience with impact play and she told me she had been spanked before but not much else but that she would love to try more. I asked if she had any experience with being submissive or dominant in her past relationships. Megan stated she always seemed to take the submissive role in her eyes but that both roles interest her.

The conversation went back to normal from there just talking about our days and plans for the coming week. The check came and I paid for the meal while Megan covered the tip. I walked her to her car and wished her a safe drive home and I left smiling the entire walk to my car. But that was where our conversation stopped until later that week anyway. Wednesday I get a text that says "so I really enjoyed dinner and our talk and I'd like to explore things further with you".

Now this had me blushing at work do I asked when Megan had free time and we could set something up. Megan told me her weekend was free and I asked about her Friday night. She was free so we decided we would do another date Friday night and if she still wanted to she could follow me home and we could have a scene. But before we do that we had to discuss limits and how we wanted to scene to play out.

So via text we discussed how Megan would like our scene to play out. She said she would like to be bound and I told her I had some cuffs that can help with that as well as some hooks in the ceiling that they can be attached to. She also stated she would like to try some impact play but nothing too crazy this time. I said never anything too crazy your limits determine what we do and how long we do it. I asked if she wanted to try using a gag and she quickly replied yes and I said ok and listed the options I had.

I have a ball gag, a ring gag, bondage tape and well a clothes pin. Megan decided on the ball gag which is always a lovely choice in my opinion but you'll hear more on why soon enough. And then we discussed safewords and signals for when she was gagged. The safewords chosen were the traditional red, yellow, green and for the signal we went with her opening and closing her fist multiple times. I advised we would do a test run before we got into the scene just to make sure we were both on the same page.

The next two days of work went by like a snail and I don't think that is at all surprising. But as the time began to tick down Friday the excitement in me built. Again I drove home and freshened up this time just wearing a button up and the drove to the restaurant for date number two with Megan. Now I know only two dates and you're thinking me and Megan are about to have sex. And to some that may be the point of bondage or bdsm sure but not to me. And if you think back no where in our scene discussion was sex mentioned so that was not on the table for me at all.

So I arrived at the restaurant and this time me being dressed down a bit but Megan did not. Megan arrived in a lovely purple dress that hugged her curves in all the right ways. My gosh I couldn't help but freeze as she got closer and just take in the beauty in front of me. All I could say was wow as I opened the door and followed her in. We ate and as we did I made sure to tell Megan not to rush herself we have all night ahead of us and rushing to eat won't help. I know this from experience as rushing to eat absolutely ruined a scene in which I was the submissive. Take your time let your food settle and don't worry about time I said and smiled.

I think this helped Megan relax as she slowed down and we just had a wonderful dinner and chat. One of those chats about nothing in particular but both parties enjoyed it. I couldn't believe that I was lucky enough to get a second date with her let alone the honor that would be her submission later that night. On this night no drinks were had by me I just wanted a clear head for the nights events which I think is important when I lead a scene. So finally the check came and I asked Megan if she was sure about how she wanted this night to go.

Megan smiled and said I'm very sure and she grabbed the check and quickly handed it back to the waiter with her card. Now that is a simple move but oh I definitely took it as a power move by her. She just had this smirk afterwards that drove me wild. I left the tip and said alright you can either follow me to my place or we can come pick up your car tomorrow your choice. She then decided to follow me home and I thought to myself as the drive began how lucky I was.

The drive felt like forever but it was only maybe 20mins tops. When we got to my place we went over safewords and the safe signal and made sure we were on the same page. Then I brought up aftercare because this is a extremely important piece of the puzzle. I wish I had learned this in a better way but I think our bad moments teach us to be better. Knowing what the other person needs for aftercare is extremely important. And I can say based off experience I will never do another go with the flow scene again. Because it led to me not knowing what a partner needed and them not telling me what they needed but saying I failed.

Hearing from someone you cared about that you failed because you didn't have all the information. That is the worst feeling and one I was not going to repeat with Megan. So Megan being new, she wasn't sure what her aftercare needs were but we agreed on cuddles to start and we would go from there. So I went into my room bringing out cuffs, my ball gag and a length of rope I attached the rope to one of the ceiling hooks. I then sat next to Megan and had her put her hands front of and I secured to cuffs to each wrist. "Now we can do this with your lovely dress on or we can take it off, whichever makes you more comfortable" she smiled and leaned in next to my ear. And with a whisper she said "Oh I am making you take this dress off so you can see whats underneath" and with a giggle she stood in front of me and turned around.

I stood and slowly lowered the zipper on the dress. Then slowly slid the dress down her arms and then down her body. Underneath the dress she was hiding a lovely matching purple lace set. I couldnt help be admire her ass for a moment as I let my hand slide down it. "Wow, you came dressed to impress today didn't you?" I said with a smile as I spun her around after having he step out of her dress. "Well you only get to do your first bondage experience once may as well amaze you the first time right?" She quipped with a smirk.

I giggled and agreed with her as I clipped the cuffs together. "Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked and she confirmed that she did. I walked her over to the hook and had her turn around so I could put the ball gag in her mouth. Once the gag was in place I had her turn around and connected the rope to the cuff chain. "Well look at you all helpless and oh my already drooling" I said with a smile as I wiped up some of the drool leaking down her chin just to show her. She turned a lovely shade of red on her cheeks and I could see the smile in her eyes.

I stood there for a bit just watching her lightly struggle and test the bonds that held her. Now for me I really like gags because they lead to drool which I really enjoy for many reasons. But the other thing I really enjoy about gags is the muffled talking and moans made by the wearer. So as Megan began to struggle I enjoyed watching her slowly drool more and more and the cute little sounds she was making. Watching the drool slowly cause more and more of a shine down her chest.

I went and grabbed my flogger and then turned on the TV. "Well you seem very content there, so I'll let you go about your struggle and see what's on TV." I said and giggled. Megan tried to say you're mean but all that came out was mumbles. "Awwwww you poor thing you have to speak up if you want me to understand you." I started a random show just to make it seem like I wasn't paying attention all the while I kept watching her hands for any signal that she was done or needed to stop.

A few minutes and plenty of drool down her chin later I stop watching TV and walk over to her. "Are you doing ok?" I asked and she nodded and I asked "would you like to do some impact play with this?" As I slid the flogger over her chest. She thought about it for a moment before nodding and mumbling out a "yes please". I start with a few hits watching her to gage her reaction and making sure it's not too much. "Would you like me to do more?" I ask and she nods. This process continues for the next several minutes, me continously asking if she is ok and would like more.

I stop when her butt has the same shade of red as her cheeks did. I quip with a giggle "Awww seems your underwear isn't the only matching set you have now is it?". I untie the cuffs from the rope and then take the cuffs off of her. I then unbuckle the gag and slowly massage her jaw. "Are you ok?" I ask and she says "more than ok that was amazing". I hug her and tell her how proud I am of how she did there and that she took it all so well. I then grab a cup of water and a paper towel.

I hand Megan the cup of water as I slowly clean up the drooly mess she had on her chest. Then I grab a blanket and wrap it around her shoulders. "Would you like cuddles?" I ask and she nods a yes and I lead her to my bedroom. We lay there in my bed for about the next hour and Megan actually drifted off to sleep for about 45 minutes of it. When she awoke I grabbed her a quick snack and some more water. I told her again that I was so proud of how she handled that and asked if any of it was too much. She told me that she felt it was perfect and asked if she could stay the night as it was now 11pm.

I told her that she absolutely could stay and we sat there just talking about how the scene went. She told me that she enjoyed all of it including the impact play and would love to do more in the future. Now it was the next sentence that excited me a bit. Megan turned and smirked at me and said "maybe next time you'll be the one bound and I'll get to make your cheeks match" I began to blush unable to hide the fact that I would absolutely love that and she smiled at me and then kissed my cheek. "I will take these red cheeks as a yes to that then" she said with a smirk as I cuddled her and we both drifted off to sleep.

[breakingsomething]

Dawn Station - Part Two

Basic summary: Chase Brody is being kept safe, far away from other people. So he thinks.

Content warnings: gore, body horror, stabbing, emeto, death mentions

Chase Brody is not ok.

Of course he's not. How is he expected to be? Ten people have died, and now he's being told he's next. He's been under police protection for days and judging by the strained snippets of conversation that he's caught from officers, even the others that had been with him are gone. Ten people, they had said. As far as Chase is aware, there were only nine other youtubers who'd been roped into this shit. Who else has this monster that wants them dead killed along with them? Does he even want to know?

He's been in this room for… three days? Four? Fuck, he doesn't remember. All he knows now is white walls, too close around him, with a bed, a tv in the top corner that he doesn't have a remote for, a black bin, a rolling table that's covered in books and other assorted things that he managed to bring with him, and two doors, one of which that leads to a small bathroom and one of which that leads outside. The second door only opens when he's being brought food. No one's telling him anything. He's scared out his mind.

An officer, a pale skinned woman with orange braids and a sympathetic smile, comes in a couple hours after he wakes for the day with breakfast. Toast, cold, with butter slabs and little packets of jam and sugar for his tea. Also cold. "Sorry, we don't have any Weetabix," she tells him with furrowed eyebrows and a sad tilt of the mouth as she clicks the door behind him. "We do have Cheerios and porridge, if you want something more to eat."

It's all he can do not to laugh. "No, thank you," says Chase, in a hoarse voice that hasn't been used in hours. "I want my phone back."

The officer winces. Her eyes are dark, crimson lipstick slightly smudged. Her nametag says "Sarah" on it in violet ink. "I'm sorry," she murmurs, in a voice so soft and falsely sympathetic it makes Chase want to scream. "I don't know if we can do that. We -"

"The others are dead, aren't they?" Chase interrupts. He knows this already. But it's worth saying to see the woman flinch. "All of them. So much for your oh-so-safe "police custody" bullshit."

She attempts to gather herself as professionally as she can, which is seemingly rather difficult. "I'm sorry," she repeats, and something about her tone is more genuine than before. "They are. But I swear to you, Mr Brody, we are doing everything we can to -"

"If I am going to die today," Chase says, interrupting again. "I want to talk to my goddamn family one more fucking time. Please get me my phone."

She stiffens, but gives a jerky little nod. He doesn't smile at her as she leaves. Not much to smile about. But she comes back ten minutes later and wordlessly hands him his slim rose phone, no expression on her face. He manages to upturn the corner of his lips in response.

Once she's left again, he turns his phone on and practically sighs at the sight of his two kids on his lockscreen. Little Connor and Louise, tiny kiddos, dressed up in their pristine school uniforms and grinning cheesily. His heart swells, and he swallows hard as the lump in his throat seems to expand. He can't cry. He's been crying enough lately. To think that two weeks ago, he was ecstatic to be receiving an email from Jack Mcloughlin himself, giving him the opportunity to play his new game's demo early. Look at him now.

Stacy is at the top of his contacts list, but only because he has her favourited still. He's not sure why. It just feels right to have her there. Her picture is a small, grainy image of her face next to a three year old Connor's. He has her looks more than Louise. Louise looks like her dad. She's a daddy's girl. Chase misses her so much it aches, and closes his eyes as he clicks Stacy's number.

She answers almost immediately. "Chase?" she yells, causing him to wince and pull the phone away from his ears. He hears her inhale sharply. "Sorry. Christ, Chase - Where the fuck are you?"

He swallows again, digging his nails into the palm of his hand. His legs are already beginning to bounce. "Police didn't tell you anything, huh," he mutters. "I'm in custody. They're apparently "keeping me safe," but I'm well aware of the fact that the others - Persephone, Rodney, Stanley, and Khia - are. Well." He clears his throat. "Dead."

He says it so matter of factly that you wouldn't know how close he was to tears had you not seen his face.

Stacy shifts, and Chase hears a door slam faintly. Two small voices giggle far off. He bites down on his lip as Stacy talks again. "Yeah. That's… yeah. Chase, I'm sorry. Uh… Jack Mcloughlin's dead too."

Chase sits bolt upright, eyes suddenly wide. "What?"

Stacy sounds alarmed. "I - Yes, did they not tell you? He died maybe two days ago. Same way as all the others. I'm sorry, Chase."

He can't breathe for a moment. Then he's numb and his body settles into cold, unfeeling static.

"Ok," he says flatly. "Great."

"Chase -"

"How are the kids?" he asks before she can finish. He's tired. He's been doing nothing but sleeping and he's tired. "I can hear them in the background, ha. Sounds like a fun time."

He can hear her scratching the space behind her ear. She does that when she's anxious. Nervous habit. She had gotten a little tattoo of a bee there when they were seventeen. It was a dare from their friend Daniel, who had also gotten a tattoo of a crocodile on his left thigh. Chase has a black bear on his right shoulder from the same occasion. When he and Stacy had been together, they would sometimes kiss the other's tattoos and descend into giggles remembering that slightly drunken night back in Ireland. His chest feels tight thinking about it. His eyes glaze over, and he tries to focus on something across the room.

"They're… not great," Stacy murmurs after a moment, making him jump. He had almost forgotten she was there. "Some brat at school told them about - this whole situation. Told them their dad was going to die. Apparently, she made up a song about it."

Chase hisses softly, grateful for another emotion besides grief and missing to focus on. "Fuck's sake. Which kid was this?"

"You know that girl who was making fun of Louise's accent last year and put chips in her hair?"

"That kid again? I thought the school dealt with her."

A sigh. "Apparently not. They came home in tears. I've been keeping them home since then."

Chase shakes his head in disbelief. "Shit, Stace. Can I… can I talk to them?"

She sighs again. "I… I suppose. But - how have you been? I take it its not been great, but are you at least ok?"

What counts as ok? He doesn't know. "I'm not dead yet. So there's something. I guess I can't really say much more than that."

"Papa?" cries a voice on the end of the line, and a grin breaks Chase's face as he recognizes his son, Connor, yelling from somewhere quite close to Stacy. "Is that Papa? Mama, let us talk - Louise, Papa's on the phone!"

Chase can't help but laugh as his daughter also chimes in, two little voices clamoring for his attention. "Calm down, kiddos, there's plenty of me to go round," he grins, pushing his hair back from his face so he can concentrate. "How are you both? One at a time, Louise first."

"Favouritism," he hears Connor sulk, but the boy quiets.

"I'm ok," Louise beams. He can hear her smile, and sees it when he closes his eyes. "I can't go to school cause Megan Penicuik was being mean. We made cookies, though, me and Con-Con! All by ourselves, no help from Mama at all!"

"Now, that's simply not true," he hears Stacy laugh in the background. Chase laughs too, his heart suddenly aching. Something weighs heavy in his chest, but he tries to push it away, feeling sick.

A scuffle on the end of the line, and then it's Connor speaking. "I miss you, Papa!" he cries. "I wanna give you a - a chocolate chip cookie, I have one here." His voice becomes muffled, and Chase hears him chewing. "Yum yum yum. Can we push a cookie down the phone? Like, through the speakers, Mama!"

Chase listens to a small squabble break out, then hears Stacy sigh dramatically. "They're doing just fine," she says, sounding so tired, yet vaguely amused. "I… I hate to say it, but I should probably go. Connor's games club is in half an hour and I haven't gotten ready at all. My makeup's a state." Her voice softens. "Will you be… ok?"

Will he? He doesn't know.

"Stace," he murmurs. His chest feels tight. "I could die. Like, tonight. That's what people are saying. I'm the last one left."

A pause, then Stacy lets out a shaky sigh. "Christ, Chase…"

He gathers his strength. "Listen. Listen, Stace. If I die tonight - I just want you to know how much I love you, ok? Even if we… if we weren't meant to be together anymore. You're one of my best friends, you know? So… take care of the kids. Don't lose yourself. And by god, don't start drinking again."

She gives a choked laugh. "Chase. God, I - Don't fucking die tonight."

He doesn't know how to tell her he won't have a choice.

As soon as the call's ended, he opens up his roommate's contact. He can't stand the echoing silence that seems to go on forever in the minute or so before the ringing starts. He supposes that if tonight is his last night alive, he should say goodbye. Even if it hurts. Even if it makes him feel sick to say it.

He nearly sobs with relief when he hears the line click, and a familiar German accent speak loudly in his ear. "Chase?"

Chase sniffles, laughing softly. "Hey, Henny."

Henrik curses, and something slams. "Mother of God, Chase Brody, do you have any idea - Are you - Fuck, are you alright?"

Good question. "I don't know," he admits, bouncing his leg anxiously, and staring at his chipped black nails. "I mean, I'm… scheduled to die tonight. So probably not. Really, I've been weirdly calm about all this."

Henrik huffs, and Chase can almost picture him getting red in the face, yanking back his hair and staring out the window of their flat with narrowed, pale blue eyes. "They have not done anything about it? Surely it is not possible that a murderer who is killing in patterns cannot be apprehended? You would think that would be easy, especially if you are being held in high security. Motherfucking useless British police. Not that German ones were much better, but Christ -"

Chase cuts him off before he can rant for another five minutes. "How are the others? Are Jackie, Marv and Jem holding up ok?"

Henrik sighs, blowing out his cheeks. "Mhm. Marvin has gone a bit mad. Fucking idiot is spending way too much time online, reading up on your situation. He seems convinced that you are going to die as well. According to Jackie, he spent all of yesterday out of the house and came back saying he had been performing. But Jackie says he had not had any parties scheduled for that day, so he was talking shit."

Chase winces. His friend Marvin is a child's birthday party performer, a magician, and spends a lot of time perfecting fun tricks and illusions to add into his routine. Chase knows how much he enjoys his job. But he also knows that Marvin's habit of spending hours on internet forums and sites, learning things from other performers, can be bad for him. "Christ. I… Goddammit it. How's Jackie coping?"

He hears a microwave go off in the background. Henrik mutters something that Chase can't hear, then keeps talking. "Jackie has been at the gym every day since you were taken in. Overworking himself. He did come round yesterday and, uh, spoke about how scared he was for you. Cried a lot, poor man. I am not good with comforting people, but I tried. He does not know what to do with himself anymore."

This isn't surprising. Chase is well aware of Jackie's habit of overexercising and pushing himself too far when he was angry or upset. "And Jameson?"

Something clatters, like Henrik's rummaging in a cupboard. A fridge opens and slams shut, and then Henrik is back. "He has been round at our flat a lot. Did you know Euan ended things with him? I did not, until he told me the day before yesterday. He was dreadfully upset. The timing was… not great, to say the least. I do not think he is doing too well, but he refuses to accept any of the help I wish to give him. He kept asking about me instead. Really, sometimes I wish he was not such a good actor."

So does Chase. Jameson is never one to be open about his feelings, instead trying to help everyone else first. Chase loves him a lot, but he wishes the filmmaker would be less stubborn and insistent that he was always ok. His heart aches at the thought of Jameson suffering alone, especially now - he and his boyfriend Euan had been so close, as well. The thought that he might never be able to figure out what happened between them hurts. "Me too. God, Hen, me too. Give them all my love though, yeah? Tell Marvin to take some time to do self care, and tell Jackie to take breaks, and tell Jameson to talk to his therapist. And you… don't you overwork yourself either. I know what you're like. Only one cup of coffee a day, dude, remember. Don't make me come over there."

Henrik laughs softly, but there's a sadness to it. "You sound as though you are saying goodbye."

Something stabs into Chase's heart. He tries to catch his breath through the lump in his throat. "Henrik. I'm going to die tonight."

There's a long pause. He can hear Henrik adjusting, rubbing his face and knocking his glasses askew. Maybe he knows his roommate too well. Far too well, maybe well enough that he knows what he'll say next. "There has to be another way."

Chase shakes his head despite Henrik being unable to see him. "No. No, Hen, no. This - this is what's happening, and we can't just… fix it. I wish we could, cause I don't even understand why, and it's so scary, and… God, I wish we could. I have so much left I want to do, and…"

He trails off. Henrik doesn't speak. Chase imagines him pulling the phone away from his face, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his mouth so as not to cry. The image hurts. Chase hurts. He holds the phone tight, aching to be somewhere, anywhere else other than here.

"You know," he says, voice choked as he speaks. "It's ironic how much I wanted to die a few months ago, and now I'm here, and I'm suddenly so scared."

"You are not going to die," Henrik suddenly shouts. There is anger in his voice that Chase knows is not directed at him. "You are not. It will not just all end like that, Chase Brody. I will not let it."

Something hot pricks the backs of Chase's eyes. He swallows hard, his chest tightening, his legs bouncing harder. "Henrik. Henrik, I - I have to go. I have to go. I'm sorry. I love you, dude. You know that? I love you."

"Chase," Henrik practically sobs. "Shit, I love you too. But you are not going to die."

Chase ends the call and throws up in the black bin next to his bed.

-

Night comes quickly, Chase thinks.

He thinks, because an officer comes to take his phone soon after his call with Henrik ends. He's starting to regret hanging up, but it had to have been what was best. Of course it was what was best. No need to make this hurt so much more than it already does. This is something he has to keep telling himself. No need to make this hurt so much more than it already does.

The officers ask what he wants for dinner that night instead of giving him choices. He gets it. It's a last meal. He takes full advantage of it and orders pepperoni cheese stuffed crust pizza and garlic sticks, his favourite, with barbeque sauce and churros. It all tastes like cardboard. He eats it anyway, because he's bored and his mouth still tastes like vomit and if he's going to die, it's only fitting that he goes out with a Domino's in him.

Before he's even finished eating, an armed guard comes and takes him across the building. It's the first time he's left his room in days, and he's surprised to see how dark it is outside, how little people are around. The few people he does see stare at him, some open mouthed with awe, some with sad eyes like a parent trying to tell their child that their pet fish died. Chase stares at the floor. Stares at the gun tucked into the waistband of the officer in front of him. He's scared, and his heart is racing faster than it has in years, and he thinks he's dissociating a little because he doesn't feel real and his fingertips are numb. Adrenaline thrums through his body, warming him and erasing the painful cold. Fuck, but he's scared. He's so, so goddamn scared.

He's taken to an entirely different room, a slightly bigger one that looks nearly the same, but with wooden chairs sat all around the border. There's no TV in this room. "Sit here," one of the officers says, guiding him to the blue covered bed and gesturing for him to sit. He does so, feeling silly and light with panic. He thinks he's going to be sick again. His breaths aren't coming right and fuck, he might faint from the sudden, overwhelming wave of dizziness that's washing over him now.

One of the officers that has just come in walks over and sits next to him. He's in full uniform, a radio on his vest, a bat strapped to his belt. "Are you alright, Mr Brody?" he asks gently, looking at him with kind brown eyes, and Chase sobs with relief for some kind of comfort.

"H-h-having a p-panic attack," he stammers, shifting on the bed to try and feel something, clawing at his skin under his grey hoodie and desperately trying not to cry. "N-need my - my - my asth-ma in-inhaler, p-please, I can't br-breathe -"

He's brought his inhaler, and he clutches it gratefully, clinging to it like a child. The cold button grounds him. Maybe, maybe if he squeezes his eyes shut tight enough, he'll wake up in his bed at home and be able to get up and shower in a bathroom that's not small or lit too brightly and then he can go downstairs to the kitchen to find Henrik half asleep at the table, three cups of coffee in front of him, wearily participating in whatever Chase's dumb early morning joke is, and then he can eat toast that's not burnt or done too lightly and play his music while he writes or goes on a walk outside. Maybe. Maybe.

The armed guards keep watch over him for two full hours.

Chase Brody is terrified.

It's when it hits the two and a half hour mark that he begins to notice anything different. A faint ringing in his ears. He thinks it's his tinnitus and waves it off, simply swatting at the air around his head like that will help at all. One of the guards notices immediately. "Sir, are you alright?"

Chase nods. He's not, but he doesn't need them dithering over him. Unfortunately, the guard doesn't let up. "Seriously, it's important that you tell us what's happening. Anything at all. Anything that could help you."

Well, that's reassuring. "Strange noise," he murmurs, shaking his hair out his face. "I think it's just me, though, I'm alright -"

But the guard is standing, muttering something into the radio strapped to his chest, and is it Chase's imagination, or are more people entering the room? "What's happening?" he asks, but he gets no response, and he's starting to feel strangely dizzy and tired, like something heavy is dragging his eyelids down. "I don't… h-hey, I don't feel too… too well…"

Someone is speaking to him but the world is already blurring, his head light, floaty. "Stacy?" he slurs, trying to get a grip on the bedsheets beneath him. "Someone needs t'... m'kids, they…"

-

Chase Brody is no longer in the same room as he was before.

He doesn't know when that changed. He can't pinpoint the exact moment where the walls darkened and raised with pipes and doors and panels, he doesn't know when his bed disappeared beneath him and the floor became sticky and black, he doesn't know when the bright light of his room became a soft blue glow, lighting up the room from behind him. He doesn't know when the room had stretched both ways into a long hallway, lined with slivers of light through the windows. He doesn't know why, when he stands, his legs nearly crumple beneath him. And when he turns - god, when he turns, and he looks out the enormous windows behind him - he doesn't know why a calming sensation of numbness settles over him, burning his skin like pins and needles.

He is staring out at the vast abyss of space.

It's a blackness he's never seen before. It seems to go on forever, and maybe it does, and there is nothing but tiny pinpricks of silver light of gaseous stars piercing the inky nothingness. Nothing but that, and the ball of green and blue that Chase knows, somewhere in his mind. Earth. Earth, where he is and isn't, where his body should be, where he never left, and what kind of nightmare is this? What kind of sick nightmare, he thinks dizzily, his thoughts chugging slowly as though through a thick soup. Everything is spinning. There is no sound, the world is broken, and the space is fucking endless.

Move, says the tiny part of his brain that still has sense. Get out. Get out.

His footsteps echo on the metal panes of the floor, and he resists the tightening urge in his stomach to vomit.

He doesn't know why this place is familiar.

The hallway seems to go on forever. All the doors along the way to the left have small, glowing panels beside them that seem to demand some type of access keycard, which Chase very much does not have. Eventually he reaches one that he can open, and stumbles into a large room with a table in the centre, the walls covered in photos and clippings that he doesn't bother taking closer looks at. There is only one small window in here, over a sleek black couch that seems to have nearly been shredded right through the middle. The table has a bolted down chair and a large pile of papers next to a cracked laptop that splutters weakly as it asks for a password. The room is too dark. Chase slowly walks through it, wincing at the sound his boots make on the floor, wincing at the silence, heart racing with the promise of another panic attack that he pushes down forcefully, gripping his own wrist for support. This isn't right, screams the universe. This is too familiar. This is too real. This is too familiar to be real.

Chase has noticed that everything in this place, despite its immediate appearance of immaculate properness, seems to be slightly out of place. This becomes more apparent in the room adjacent to the one he'd just been in, a room filled with sealed metal crates and boilers that bubble menacingly from their perches on the walls, a room which has clearly been nearly destroyed. Black claw marks have torn out chunks of the walls, wires ripped from the floor, buzzing weakly and sparking from wherever they were thrown after their violent uprooting. Dark red stains splash across the floor like a tragic painting that makes Chase's stomach upturn sickly. A vent on the ceiling hisses, and the man jumps and bolts, all last dregs of courage leaving him in an instant. He knows this is a dream. This is a dream, nothing is real, nothing is real, it must be just a dream.

"I've gone to hell," he sobs aloud, clamping both hands over his mouth as a cry climbs up his throat. "O-oh my god, I've gone to hell."

This is what you get for being a shitty, alcoholic dad and husband, he thinks, and promptly throws up on the floor next to the fresh bloodstains.

The rooms start to blur. Objects to objects, light to light, black walls and coloured glow and sparks, hissing, echoing rumbles, all becoming one in Chase's mind. He's long gone past the stage of a panic attack; he's in a state of utter numb calm, now. In one room he finds a long, black lighter and holds it tightly in his hands for comfort, twisting it round and round in buzzing fingers just to feel something solid against his skin to ground him. Please, he prays softly, wiping sweat from his forehead, struggling to breathe as his chest tightens and the world seems to grow hotter and smaller. Please, let me wake up, let me wake up from this, please.

And then something is standing behind him.

He doesn't know how he knows. It's just a sensation of silent shock in him, of I am not alone, a stabbing feeling as the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Something is there. He feels eyes on him. He can't - fuck, he can't move, and all the emotion in him seems to be rising to a painful crescendo. I am not alone in here. I am not alone in here.

"Who's there," he says in a small, cracked voice, not daring to turn. It's barely a question. "What do you want from me."

Nothing but a low hissing, and, most frightening of all, a rumbling growl that nearly sends Chase to the floor in a faint.

He has to look.

He has to look.

He looks.

It's an… an astronaut.

Neither of them move, and Chase's grip on the lighter in his hands tightens, trying to find some form of comfort, anything. "Why am I here?" he manages, swallowing back hot bile that burns his throat and makes him gag softly. "Why, why, what nightmare is this? Am I dead? Did the killer get me and this is my hell?"

The astronaut is silent.

Fury bubbles in Chase's chest, overriding the fear for a moment. "Talk!" he shouts, perhaps stupidly, but he doesn't care. "Please! What is happening?"

Then things get perhaps even stranger, somehow. A glowing 2D box of light appears in front of the astronaut, hovering in the air, too quiet until black text begins to appear on it, cartoonishly video game like blooping noises playing with each letter. Chase watches in awe. He's unable to speak.

<TheAnti.chr_v09> You are the Player.

Chase reads the words over and over and over.

"My name is Chase Brody," he says, voice wavering with uncertainty, because something here is wrong, wrong, wrong, so ridiculously wrong, and he hates the way things are clicking in his mind. "I shouldn't - be here. I think I'm dreaming and I want to go home."

The text flashes.

<TheAnti.chr_v09> You are <player_variable_BroAverage>. You are the Player.

Chase feels like he's above his body, like nothing he's seeing is real anymore. "Please let me go home."

<TheAnti.chr_v09> I am <TheAnti.chr_v09>. I am the Anti. You are the player. Player objective: escape. Anti objective: kill the Player. Initialization - Upon game startup, play <soundtrack_opening2>, set spawn and character sprites -

Chase can't take this. "Stop it!" he cries, and he shouldn't step forwards so confidently, but he does, slashing his hand through the air in front of him. "Tell me what you -"

The astronaut explodes.

No. No, it doesn't explode; Chase's mind is taking a moment to make sense of it, to rationalize the way the helmet has shattered and there is nothing but sheer white and glowing green eyes, hundreds of them, underneath, the largest one on the being's neck, splitting open with disgustingly inhuman squelching sounds, and the way the suit has torn and a mouth has opened up on the stomach, a gaping maw with knives for teeth and a slimy crimson tongue, and the way rips open along the material and more eyes open, burning red skin like charred meat, black veins rising under its skin. It hisses and cracks and growls and hums and it isn't like anything Chase has ever seen before, or maybe it is, because he knows this monster. He's seen this monster. And fuck, now he knows why this world is familiar, because he's been here, he's played this game. This can't be real. This can't be real.

"Posttraumatic nightmares," he can hear Henrik saying to him, the man's voice comforting. "Nightmares that occur after a traumatic event and can contain, what is the word… recurring themes that make you experience intense negative emotions. Maybe that is why you are having such strange dreams, my friend. You have been through a lot in these past few weeks."

That had been months ago. I thought I got over those dreams. I thought I got over those dreams.

He's running. His legs are already burning, chest already tight, why did he have to have used all his energy on his panic attack? Is the monster still following him? Chase can't turn to check, and the blood in his veins is racing through his body faster than he's used to, his heart in his ears as he flies round a corner, barely able to catch a breath. This isn't real, he thinks. It's another nightmare. Please, this isn't real, this isn't -

And then something wet is snaking round his chest, pulsing in a way that makes Chase gag, and something sharp presses into the skin on his back and a burst of numbness runs over him like cold water, causing his body to go limp against the alien - because it is an alien, isn't it, he knew this already - behind him. Cold heaviness seeps through his veins, combatting the light weightlessness that the adrenaline was giving him. He tries to cough again, to speak as his lungs empty of air, but the alien only grips his arms tight enough to piece his skin with sharp claw-like fingers. A glance down at his chest, and he sees the tip of the bloodstained rod jutting through his skin. It doesn't really register. A light laugh escapes his lips, because it's funny, really, how he's about to die at the hands of a video game antagonist.

No, he's not about to die. This isn't real. It can't be, it's another bad dream, of course it is. But if it's not real, then what happened to Jack Mcloughlin and the others, all of those… all of…

The world spins.

And the world lights up in flames.

Chase had briefly forgotten about the lighter he'd picked up for support, and now he's putting it to good use; one flick of the switch and the alien is alight as though it had been soaked in gasoline, burning orange spreading across its suit, the crackling drowning out the monster's screeches. Its grip loosens on Chase's arms, and he pulls free, and the universe spins as the rod in his chest slips out like it's nothing, leaving a gaping emptiness in him. Please, he screams, in his mind or out loud, he doesn't know. Please. Please.

Please, wake me up.

-

White light. It floods the whole world, for just a moment, and then Chase's eyes are open and he is gasping for air, hands flying to his chest and feeling nothing but the soft material of his shirt, no pain except for the squeeze of his lungs as he coughs desperately into his sleeve. There are people surrounding him now; the police officers and armed guards from before, helping him sit up, holding a sick bucket in front of him as he throws up the little that's left in his stomach weakly, too much noise but nowhere near as bad as the silence of the Dawn Station. Nowhere near as bad as the hissing creaks of the Anti. Nowhere near as bad as his nightmare, because it was a nightmare, of course that wasn't real - nowhere near as bad as the nightmare that he'd thought was going to kill him.

I lived. I survived the night.

He's had this thought before, but this time, it's met with relief.

-

"You dreamed about the setting of a video game."

"Not just any video game. The, uh… the new Jack Mcloughlin game, Dawn Station. All the people who played the demo… died. I didn't die. The night I was supposed to, after all the others, I - I dreamed about the game. And the antagonist of the game. It's this, uh, this alien thing, in an astronaut suit. Tried to kill me. Apparently it's weak to fire, although I don't remember that from the actual game, maybe it was a secret that wasn't in the demo we were all sent, but I burned it, and it stabbed me, and I got away, not - not in that order. Does that… does that make sense, doctor?"

Dr. Ross scrutinizes Chase for a moment before turning his chair back to face his computer. The sound of his mouse clicking fills the room, off beat from the eternal clicking of the plain white clock on the plain white walls, decorated only with bookshelves and trays of medicines. Chase has never been in a more boring doctor's office. Usually his therapy sessions have more to look at, but this is a different therapist than he normally goes to, and all he can do is fidget with his hands on his lap and stare out the window at the

earth, the stars, the black abyss of emptiness that Chase could get lost in and never be found

setting sun through the trees just outside the building. The doctor's pen clicks, clicks, clicks. It sounds like the Anti's teeth, chattering against each other as it yawns, its maw opening wide enough for a head to be torn right off. Click, click, click. Chase closes his eyes, the repeating sounds like a mantra. He focuses on that instead. It grounds him.

"You have a history of nightmares."

Chase nods without looking. "I was prescribed triazolam by my first therapist. I took them for a year or so without changes except the lowering of doses a couple of times, because I was getting weaned off them. They helped. Nightmares didn't continue after that."

The other man nods slowly. "Hm. I can imagine the trauma of this recent event that you've been through was enough to bring these nightmares back to the forefront of your mind, especially given the contents of this dream in particular. We may have to ease you back onto medication over the course of your next few sessions here, which should be easier, given that it'll be a couple weeks before we send you home. Is that alright, Mr Brody?"

Click, click, click. Chase nods. Sunlight warms his face, and he sighs softly. "Sounds good, Dr. Ross. When will I be able to see my family?"

The man frowns, his forehead creasing. "Hopefully soon, although it will be slightly complicated, given the circumstances." A breath leaves him, and he tilts his head to the side slightly. His white collar digs into the fold of his neck. Chase keeps his eyes trained on that. "And these are strange circumstances, are they not?"

"They are," Chase mutters. He clenches his fists in his lap. "They are, yeah."

He should have died. He doesn't know why he didn't die. He doesn't even know what it was that killed the others. Really, the nightmare he'd had makes sense. It was easily written off as a traumatic event that had brought back old nightmares. Of course there was no way any of it had been real. That's ridiculous. Just ridiculous. He doesn't know why he's thinking that.

His hand trails down his shirt. Underneath, on the skin of his stomach, is a thick scar that hadn't been there before the nightmare he'd had. Right where the rod had pierced his stomach.

Coincidence. Coincidence.

"Do you have any other concerns, Mr Brody?"

"I don't believe so."

"Good."

Click. Click. Click.

[theficplug]

Girls Trip {Erik fic}

Warnings: 18+, smut.

{reader goes on a cruise with her girls during winter break post-breakup & meets Erik when she needs him most. The intro to a series. I hope that y'all enjoy this long ass intro x}

“Told you you'd like it! We know what you need.” your friend Lynelle says as you and your other 2 best friends step into the lobby of the ship.

Your original plan was to stay home and catch up on much needed sleep and netflix binge watching during Winter Break but Khadijah, Tasha , and Lynelle (Lennie)  had other plans.

They could never get on the same page to go on a proper vacation but the one time you wanted to be left alone they've decided to get it together. 

2 plane rides and now you're here on a cruise on the way to 'paradise'.

The last few weeks went by in a blur while you were buying bikinis, trying to contain your emotions, and leaving behind your frozen over city for Bali.

You'd be lying if you said that you weren't a little excited to be leaving behind a terrible end to a 4 year relationship.

“Girl I just paid 12 dollars for Netflix this month. I planned on staying home and re-watching The Get Down. I need to at them and ask them when they're gonna add Crooklyn." You say as your phone begins to go off. 

"Uh-uh, just cause your man had community dick don't mean you gotta feel like you did something wrong. You are the sweetest and most caring person I know and gave everything you had for that man. You are a strong beautiful talented black woman. You run your own business and don't need his ass for nothing. And if I were into girls I would've been shot my shot back in the 7th grade. Now, we gon' get tipsy, dance the night away in 23$ dollar heels, and find a fine ass beard to rid-"

You quickly cut off your best friend by answering your mother's call. You held onto Khadi's hand to let her know that her support means everything to you.

"Hey Mama. Yes I made it safe and sound." You say into the phone as you shake your head and laugh at your girls. 

"HEY MA " Khadi says waving as she smiles at the woman on the other side of the phone she's known for over half her life. 

"Hello Khadijah, are you behaving yourself ?" She asks as Khadi shakes her head with her tongue sticking out.

"MY GIRL." Your mother says as they both laugh and point at each other through the screen. 

"I'll talk to you later, enjoy yourself baby. Sometimes a little fun and laughter is the cure for heartache. Love you, be safe." She says before ending the video call.

"Alright , we all meeting up for the foam pool party after the tour right? Cause I need to shower and stuff first." You say as everybody agrees

An hour or two later you were standing in front of the hotel mirror giving yourself a pep talk in your new bikini. You eyed your reflection as you tell yourself that somebody son is gonna love on your fupa, and the 3 years wasted with Derrick isn't going to matter anymore. 

"Knees. Knees. Come on knees." Khadijah yells as Lennie and Tasha  drop it low and make it clap as a chorus of 'ayyeeee' erupts in the elevator. 

You make your way down to the lobby with the girls after throwing back a few shots in Lennie's room. You past by a group of other girls in the elevator and they were blasting Cash Shit from their phone. 

"Link up with us later." Paris says from the other group before moving over to the party already happening. 

The drinks are flowing through your system and Tasha is filming you for the gram as you sing along to the music. You accidentally trip backwards onto a man behind you before immediately apologizing and giggling.

"You good mama." He says as he catches you with one hand and the other still holding his drink. Without missing a beat he twirls you to the beat so that you can play it off. 

"What's the nigga name?" He asks as he takes another sip of his drink and tries to act like he ain't see you watching the suds slide down his scarred and chiseled chest to his happy trail.  

"Excuse me?" You ask confused as he flashes his gold fanged grill and cock his head towards the phone in Tasha's hand as she gives you a quiet  'oooh shit okay'. 

"The one you tryna prove a point to. Only name that matters now though is Erik." He says as he grinds against you and move your braids to your other shoulder. 

"Alright Erik, lemme see if you can keep up then." You tease him as you begin to whine on him and ride the beat as he keeps up behind you. You realize you have an audience now with his boys glancing over at you and your girls watching him. 

His hand holds you in place before he asks if it's alright if he kissed you. You nod before you know it his soft ass lips are on yours. He pulls at your bottom lip slightly while you continue to whine on him. 

"Thank you for the dance." You say before you place one final kiss to his lips as the song ends.

You walk over to Tasha before grabbing her hand and leaving to find Lennie and Khadijah 

You knew he was still standing there watching you walk away you turned to give him a look over your shoulder with a raised brow.

"Stop watching my booty" you mouth at him jokingly 

"YOU CAN'T EVEN BLAME ME. ITS FAT AS FUCK." He yells back to you over the music.

After an hour of dancing and having a good time with friends you only checked your phone once to find 3 messages from Derrick begging you to call him then two talking about how disappointed he was with you.

You stepped out onto the upper deck to tell him to stop calling you and ruining your good time. 

"I can do what I want. I'm fucking grown. All you ever did was sit at home on your ass and criticize me for every damn thing I did. I made sure you were happy when I wasn't even okay… And fucking my cousin was your way of showing me you loved me huh? Don't call me no more and stop calling my mama asking her about me too. " You yell into the phone before hanging up.

You stand there staring out at the ocean for a moment. Trying to breathe deeply and ground yourself so that you don't cry.

"You good?" You hear a voice call from behind you.

"What, you following me now?" You ask Erik as he pulls up one of the lounge chairs to sit next to you and light his blunt. 

"Nah, not at all. I came out here to smoke and chill. All that going on in there really ain't my scene. My boys got me to come here. They got white boys in there doing backflips off the balcony and shit. I probably would've still been at work right now." He say as he exhales and leans back against the lounge chair. 

You laugh softly before shaking your head. 

"That's how I ended up here. I was planning on spending Christmas and The New Year at home with my family. But my friends had this surprise for me to ring in the new year in Bali. And now here I am. I'd still rather be watching Godfather of Harlem. I gotta catch up." You say sitting next to him in the lounge chair. He instinctively wraps his arm around you letting you lay your head on his shoulder.

Granted, it probably seemed weird as hell to be cuddling with somebody you just met and barely knew but to both of you it just felt right in the moment.

"Godfather of Harlem ? That show is my shit. It's slept on forreal… If you ever in Oakland you should stop by sometime. I run a museum based on preserving black art and culture." He scrolls on his phone until he finds some of the pieces and shows it to you. But the main thing that stood out was Stevens Black Art & History: for the culture. 

"Erik Stevens?" You gasp and sit up to get a good look at him

"Yeah , why you looking like that? What's up?" He questions

"Oh my fucking God. We was best friends back in the day. It's me, look, minus the bifocals, braces, and that James Brown bob my mama gave me damn near every day." You say and he stares at you in awe for a second. 

"Damn it's really you." You says quietly as he runs his thumb over your cheek imagining you the way you looked in 5th grade.

You loved Erik growing up and spent almost all of your time together but after his father died you didn't get to say goodbye. He was taken into the system and after that you heard that he was in the military doing who knows what. You tried to find him but after a while it was no use. You couldn't believe how different he looked now. He looked tired down by the woes of life but still as beautiful as the day you met him.

" 'Member this?" You ask as you fish your out of the pocket of your cover-up and start playing Best Friend by 50 Cent. 

You watched as he looked up at you standing up to dance. You pull him up too as he puts out the blunt while laughing and stepping with you. 

"If I was your best friend, I want you 'round all the time. Can I be your best friend, if you promise you'll be mine?" You sing to him as he twirls you around 

"First we get the talkin, then we get the touchin. If we get pass the phone games we'll be fuckin. I kiss like the french therefore my tongue in your ear. Do it like the dogs do it girl and pull on your hair. For me a different scenery just mean a different position. In the tub or on the sink I improvise now listen. In the chopper or on the jet join the mile high club. I'm no fool I know money can't buy me love. But I'm a different type of nigga that make sure that you know. Instead of a rose, there's a hundred dozen of those. See I see somethin special when I look in your eyes. With your legs way back I see this pussy is mine. If you ain't sure when I'm talkin I don't tell you no lies. But there's things that you say that have me wonderin why. When I don't say what I'm thinkin it don't mean that I'm shy. Got on that shit you picked out for me that's why I'm so fly." He raps effortlessly while kissing softly on your neck and all those memories start flashing back to you as you sway with him.

"Damn you still remember all the lyrics to our song." You say to him as you look over to see your girls and some of his friends.

"You out here ?  Bitch! I thought I was gonna have to do an interview on First 48 for yo ass. I was gon' drop a raft over to come find you. You know I can't swim and I don't got my floaties with me." Khadi says as she walks in with Tasha and Lennie . 

"I'm sorry I came out here for fresh air and then ended up literally finding my fuckin childhood best friend. Before the baddest bitches on the planet came to be. There was THEE duo. Everybody meet Erik."

After everyone got to know each other. Y'all brought the party to the secluded little upper deck with the perfect view of the ocean. You had drinks , music, and good company almost enough to forget about the whole situation back home. 

"Girl you know I love you but my feet hurt and Sebastian said he gon' rub em" referring to the man she currently had her arms around. 

"Alright , we'll meet up in the morning for breakfast" you tell them before giving them kisses goodbye and heading out with everybody. 

Tasha and Lynelle were currently singing to each other and sharing cute kisses off to the side. You couldn't help but to smile and think of how true love must feel. To love and be fully loved back like that.

You were standing in front of your opened room door when you realized that his room is across from yours but he had no plans of sleeping in it.

"Uh-uh. Who said you were invited in?" You ask Erik with your index finger on his chest. 

"I thought you said you wanted to watch Netflix? We can order room service and everything. Whatever you want" he says to you licking his lips and closing the gap between the two of you. 

"I want to forget. I want to have fun. I want to feel loved and appreciated for once. That would be nice." You say quietly as he takes his hand in yours. Pressing small kisses to each of your knuckles.

He hesitates for a moment before leaning in to kiss you slowly. He held your face in his hands as he continued to back you into the room kicking it closed with his foot. 

 "I'm glad that we found each other. After all of this time. " You say to him in between kisses

"Believe it or not I kept that picture of us. The one your mama took of us at the zoo next to the monkeys. I took it with me on tour everywhere. Right next to my mama's picture in my wallet. I never lost a battle. I made it home in one piece. Shits wild." He said zoning out for a moment like he was going somewhere else. 

"Heyyy." You call softly. You move his hands from your waist 

" I've got you." You whisper to him before leading him to your bed and laying him back. 

You wrap your arms around him almost cuddling him as you lay your head on his chest while listening to his heartbeat and sitting on his lap. 

You place a soft kiss to his lips before moving away from the bed to change, settling on a large shirt and nothing else. 

Erik followed suit and just stripped to his boxer briefs before you come back to the bed carrying soda , your laptop, and snacks. 

"And before you ask. Yes, I packed my laptop because work never stops, and yes I packed snacks because I can't find Takis out here." You say chuckling softly while he shakes his head laughing softly. 

You both settle into a comfortable position before loading up the movie. You settled on Nappily Ever After but it wasn't long before he was softly kissing on your neck with his hand under your shirt.

"Gonna eat it from the back. That's cool with you" he mumble into your ear.

If that's cool with me? BIH, I'm trying to let you give me twins. Triplets even. Play it cool. Play it cool . You thought to yourself before saying a silent apology to your girl Sanaa Lathan as you quickly moved the laptop to the bedside table.

"Damn she pretty." He says before kissing each cheek and gripping the back of your thighs. You knew what was coming next as your hands found the headboard and arched your back.

You can feel his tongue begin to explore the back of your thighs to your folds as he bends you forward. 

You hiss softly as his hand began to roam. You looked back at him as his fingers enter you. He begins to slowly and deeply work you open for him. You knew that you were dripping at this point and couldn't contain how loud you're being.

You can hear him let out a groan as he gets his first taste. Before you know it he's devouring you like you're his favourite meal and is completely in his element. His hands are massaging over your cheeks while he suckles your clit and then slides his tongue in. You begin to work your hips down onto it as he's on his knees behind you. His fingers massaging skillfully over your clit. 

"That's how you want it? It's all for you." You egg him on shakily as you reach back to grab at his dreads knowing that you're nearing your orgasm. You thought you were seeing stars but the audacity of this man bringing his hand down hard across your left then right cheek and then the pom-pom itself, did it.

Your toes curled and your head was tilted back as you continued to ride his face and the orgasmic wave crashed over you so hard it took your breath with it. 

You called out his name speaking in all types of broken Xhosa as he begin to lap you up and savour your taste. 

When you stopped shaking he sat back on the bed, proud of himself as he licked his lips. 

You turned to face him and he wasted no time continuing to massage you.

But what you hadn't realized during changing you accidentally dialed Derrick. Who's now on the other end, yelling into the phone 

{to be continued! I hope that it was alright!}

[careycuprisin]

Inside of me, there are two wolves... 

Good times at the post-race awards and breakfast

One wolf is only around when I am running a long race. This wolf says that long races don't make me happy and aren't fun and that I should not succumb to the peer pressure that is the only thing that makes me enter these 100km and 100 mile events. This wolf goes on vacation at the end of these races and does not make an appearance until the next long race starts. The other wolf is the only wolf that is around most of the time. This wolf says that a breakthrough is right around the corner. It tells me that the joy that will come when I finally have a good long race will be worth all the drudgery of slogging through races like the 2021 Bear 100 and the 2022 Never Summer 100k to get to the aid station where I drop and then wait in a chair, tediously, for the ride back to wherever I parked my car.

This second wolf has a lot of advantages. It knows that in other areas of life, I have had success from slogging through unpleasant and tedious drudgery. It knows that I can be very patient, and it knows how to use that fact against me.

But the first wolf also has its own advantages. It knows that a lot of the joy I've had in life is because of the decisions I made to get off the treadmill I was on, and to do something different. It knows that I have a lot of scorn for constantly beating your head against a wall or trying to jump through hoops that social convention puts in front of you, and it knows how to use that fact against me.

So here I am after another long race that I have to judge as unsuccessful. I'm listening to the second wolf, and not foreswearing any more long races, but remembering that the first wolf made a lot of good points as I was doing 50-minute miles and laying another egg at the Never Summer 100k.

One of the best ways of describing Never Summer briefly is, it was about twelve hours of nausea and abdominal cramps with an overlying six hours in the last half of very low energy. But apart from that, it was incredibly beautiful and I'm glad I did it.

I started about three rows back from the front so I could wish Niall and Stephen and Meghan and Mario a good race. I felt great. The first few miles was spent drifting back to a reasonable position in the middle of the field, waiting for LeRoy and Chantal and Jesse to move ahead of me as was reasonable and prudent. That happened near the top of the first climb and things were looking good. Then then on the first downhill, my lower GI tract started cramping up and giving me nausea and threatening diarrhea. I stopped halfway down for my first trip into the woods, putting me five or ten minutes behind. Everything was feeling fine on uphills, but every downhill was pure suffering that could only be ameliorated by slowing down. By the time I got to the Diamond aid station at mile 20 I'd been in the woods twice and in a state parks toilet once, for a total of three unscheduled breaks. I was now a lot further back in the pack than I'd wanted. But I know that not everything stays the same during these races, and that if the GI distress passed and I could run the downhills it still might turn out to be a good day. It was nice seeing Megan and Chris and Maggie and Yiran in the aid station, and I left feeling optimistic.

Going up Diamond Peak was amazing. Everyone should do it, preferably more than once. 

The ridge descent off of Diamond Peak (📸 Megan Hetzel)

Descending off Diamond onto the long tundra-covered ridge, the intestines were still saying 'no' to jogging. Walking felt fine, but this was a running event so I was not happy. I did see some hikers and some of them had very good-looking dogs with them, so this part of the race was nice in some important ways. By the time I left the ridge and got to Montgomery aid station, the overall situation had not improved. But now, thanks to the cramping and nausea, I was down a bit on hydration and nutrition and it felt very hot with the sun high overhead. This equates to saying that things were worse. During the long downhill to Ruby Jewel I was passed by the rump of the pack. I still knew things could get better but now there were cutoffs on the horizon so I couldn't really wait forever. I thought about dropping at Ruby Jewel, but the vibes at that aid station were bad. It was hot and it seemed like some volunteers were stressing about getting all the troublesome dropped runners out of there after the cutoffs.

The first one was the Diamond Peak climb

After thinking about it for a while, I left for Clear Lake. My voyage there was frankly spectacular. I couldn't run downhill because of the cramps whose cause is still unclear, and now I couldn't really go uphill either, because of dehydration and lack of adequate nutrition. The climb to Kelly Lake felt kind of comical even at the time: stagger up about ten feet of elevation gain, rest with hands on knees. Another ten feet of climb and sit on rock. Occasionally watch another poor soul stagger past me. Entertain myself by looking at the amazing flowers and spectacular view. Keep doing this until Kelly Lake and then shuffle, slowly, downhill as the light faded. I wondered if I could get to Clear Lake aid station without a headlamp. I did but just barely. Here I knew that finishing the race was not an option. My choice was to continue pulling 50-minute miles out and back to Clear Lake then get timed out, or to drop without walking to the lake in the dark. I don't mind a little suffering but I usually like it to be for a reason, and the first wolf was telling me all the reasons why getting timed out at Clear Lake was infinitely dumber than just dropping, because there was no way I was going to Canadian aid station on foot in either case. So after waiting thirty minutes to be sure nothing would magically change, I pulled the plug. Another tedious wait in a chair and a ride back to the start line. Thank you to volunteer Steve for the ride. 

I managed to drive back to our airbnb only getting lost once, and to sleep for about four hours. When I woke up I felt great. I still do.

The second wolf is now back. It says I should do the Bear 100 in about seven weeks because what are the chances that this unexplained GI problem will happen again? It never happened before, so the odds are very low. And if it was due to elevation (a possibility) that won't be a problem at the mostly 8,000-9000 foot Bear. A very reasonable wolf. The first wolf is on vacation again, so it seems less reasonable. The pattern repeats. 

Let's do this again! (📸 Megan Hetzel)