#and no I'm not bashing men who write their dream girls (as long as it's respectful) as i definitely have written about guys i would date lo

[iamagodjkimcatholicicantsaythat]

My mom and I are watching Ghost Whisper season one and while we like the show and we like Melinda, there's something about how she's written?

Suddenly I said, "I bet she was written by a man" and guess what?

She was

[a-libra-writes]

Could you do ⛅ 💎 💥 💤 and 🌸 with Aberama Gold? You can delete this if you want to cause idk if I sent this beyond a deadline. And if you do it you can choose one of the emoji, I liked them all lol so I'm fine with whichever one you want. Thank you so much, I love how you write for Aberama so it would mean a lot if you do write the headcanon. Not that I'm trying to guilt trip you into doing it, not my intention at all. I just really live your writing and wouldn't be hurt if you didnt write it.

aaghh sorry i took so long with this!! stupid work grumble grumble save me. I hope u didnt think I deleted it haha, I like Aberama a heckin lot. Glad you like how I write him! OK LETS GO LONG BOI

⛅ Sunset HC

He loves watching the sunset. Once you got to know him, this didn’t seem so strange. As the afternoon began to end, you’d notice him glance toward the sky no matter where you two were, and he’d be a little more distracted if it was an especially clear, beautiful day.

Getting such pretty sunsets wasn’t too common in London,  or any city, which is why he preferred being out in the country. 

Aberama used to think by himself during these times, but he began to like it when you joined him. He’d have you sit on his lap and chat with him - and if that was too embarrassing - at least sit beside him. During the colder months he’d wrap his jacket around you (and probably put the hat on you too, because you’re too cute).

When he’s feeling particularly sentimental, he’ll tell you all about how beautiful you look with the golden and red colors shining on your eyes and skin. He’ll sweet talk you until the moon comes up.

His favorite sunsets are the fiery orange and red ones that are scattered with clouds. To him, they look like a glimpse of heaven... he often thinks these are the only looks he’ll get of that place.

💎 Marriage HC

It was obvious when he was smitten with you, and more obvious that he wanted something more long-term. He’s actually quite a romantic man, in spite of his occupation, and he wanted to make a life with you. He thought you were just perfect.

And yes, he was a bit into the age gap.

Your wedding was modest, but surrounded with family and the reception is lively. Plenty of dancing, drinking, music and laughter, and his family put together a new wagon that was decorated in flowers and vines, just for you. Aberama couldn’t keep you out of his lap or his arms the whole time. 

Depending on your preferences, you either had a small cottage in a village or you stayed with his family in the wagons. Due to his jobs, Aberama would disappear for days at a time, sometimes a week or more. He’d come home, tired and a mess - sometimes injured - but he always gave you a kiss and hug before washing up. He preferred to be clean and in a change of clothes before holding you again.

He doesn’t discuss his jobs with you, period. He doesn’t want you getting tangled up in them, and he’s expressly forbid his men and Bonnie from discussing it with you. Even if it frustrates and worries you, he doesn’t budge on this decision.

If you didn’t know Romani, he’d gradually teach you. Since he wasn’t around all the time, Bonnie and his daughters would help.

He’s very delighted that you get along with his children, especially the younger girls, who don’t remember much of their mother. As much as he’d love children with you, he’d understand if his were more than enough. 

Bonnie sees you as more of an older sister figure than a mother - since he still remembers his mom - but you two still get along great. You’re usually patching him up after a boxing match or cooking him filling food. He’s glad you made his dad happy, but could you two please stop being so sappy in front of him and his friends? Thanks.

Once Tommy meets you and realizes how much Aberama dotes on you, he makes a point to invite you to gatherings together. He hopes you’ll calm the man down or act as a pacifying presence. It ... sort of works. While he is in a better mood with you on his arm, he’s also far more likely to bash the teeth out of any man who disrespects you.

He’ll bash the teeth out of his own men if they dare the same thing, and that’s if they’re lucky. Bonnie doesn’t tell you, but he’s seen his father send more than one man to a ditch for insulting you and your family (especially if you were non-Romani).

No matter what, he’d be protective of you, but it would happen behind the scenes. He wouldn’t want you to feel like he was being possessive or suffocating, so he’ll have a guard or two quietly watch your home when he’ s away, and he’ll deal with the before mentioned troublesome men on his own.

This has led to situations where you go to him in a panic, saying a strange man has been following you and standing around the house. He grabs his gun and investigates and ... it’s one of his idiots. “Be more careful, would you? Just go the fuck home, I’m here anyway.” 

When he comes back he acts like he chased off some scary robber and you play along and give him plenty of kisses.

Basically, you two have a very loving, sappy marriage that makes people forget he’s one of the deadliest guns-for-hire in England. 

💤 Napping HC

Aberama hardly ever naps, but he can fall asleep anywhere. You have no idea how he does it. He can do sitting in a horse, leaning against a wall or standing up. 

His “technical” naps are when he gets back from a job in the middle of the afternoon. He’d been up for days at that point, and he collapses on the couch and tells you he’s just going to rest his eyes for a few moments. You eventually gently wake him.

Still, he much prefers to fall asleep next to you. After staying up for an ungodly amount of time, he’ll let you drag him to bed, only if you promise to lie down by his side. 

When he sleeps, he reminds you of a cat with how he tucks his head down and curls into himself. Often his face twitches with expressions, but only for a moment.

💥First Fight / Making up HC

Your first fight is also what your subsequent fights and squabbles have been about: The danger of his jobs, and what little you know about them. Aberama wouldn’t give in, curtly telling you there was zero reason for you to be involved.

You knew about these “jobs” while he courted you, and you didn’t delude yourself into thinking he’d stop after you married. But this time he came home with two bullet wounds, and he was gone for two weeks. Couldn’t he at least have sent a man to tell you he was alright? Or where he was? That he was hurt? At least that?

Aberama just dismissed you, which he so rarely did, as he was just as tired and frustrated... Not to mention the wounds. He hoped in the morning, you’d understand, and both your moods would be better.

It wasn’t. You were still pissed, so he left, insisting he’d be back.

You fumed, but began to worry. What if you were too harsh, especially since he was in such bad shape? Maybe he didn’t want to worry you, or maybe someone was on his trail and he didn’t want anything coming back to you. He always kept you and his daughters out of his messes. Maybe ...

Your mind began to race, and you were feeling frustrated and emotional all over again. You decided to go look for him, it wouldn’t be hard. Right as you opened the door, Aberama was walking up to the doorstep. He had bought your favorite flowers and he quickly pulled you into an embrace. 

While he still thought he was doing what was best for your safety, he understood your worry and recognized he was dismissing your concerns. He said all this, giving you plenty of kisses and apologies.

He wanted to make love to you to show you how truly sorry he was but those bullet wounds were kind of, you know, painful as all hell. Aberama was still gonna go for it but you insisted “cuddles until that’s healed”.

🌸Kissing HC

There’s no such thing as chaste kisses or pecks unless he’s truly in a hurry. He feels so much for you that those just seem inadequate displays of affection.

Whenever he kisses you, he wants to properly show his love, although it never does seem like enough. He’ll hold the small of your back and bring you closer, because you always have to be close when he does this. If there’s not many people around, or better - none - he’ll start at your neck and work his way to your lips.

The kisses on your lips are always deep, and you feel yourself pressing back against him. If he has to say goodbye, he’ll make sure it’s longer, and he’ll promptly kiss your cheek and promise to be back soon.

Even when you’re just parting for a few hours while he goes to the boxing ring or you leave to town, he’ll pull you into his embrace and give you a firm kiss. “Behave yourself, dear.”  “Aberama, I always tell you that.”

It’s kind of nauseating to anyone who watches, Bonnie has long learned to just walk away 

To be sure, it’s very jarring for some of his men to see their terrifying boss turn to his wife, give her a sweet kiss, then turn to them with a sharp gleam in his eye, like he’s daring them to say something.

At home, he often gives you stray kisses on your neck, your cheek, your hand, whatever suits his whims at the time. In bed, even if you aren’t making love, he wants to give you several kisses goodnight. When he walks into the house and you’re already asleep, he’ll give gentle kisses that won’t make you stir. He hopes you can feel them in your dreams.

[ferrerochocobo]

When you get pretty much told you make a person feel physically uncomfortable and full of anxiety- it's understandable that you'll feel bad.

But when that person WON'T give valid reasons, hasn't told you why and refuses to engage in convo so you can solve it- are you really the weirdo- or are they?

Now, I gotta say- I'm 5'7, a bit buxom and a bit awkward af.

You know that kid doing yoga/foam sword fights on your lawn at 6 am? That's me.

I have no qualms about my weirdness. At 28, I learned to stop questioning it.

Because when you have Aspergers, you can either become a miserable fuck who makes everyone else's lives miserable out of your own lack of understanding how conversation works OR you can try to fit. And while you do, make people laugh.

My dark humor was what actually saved me. And I went from a girl who was usually in a hovel and obsessed with dark things like Silent Hill and death to helping people conquer their fears. And teaching them what was behind all that gory stuff that scared them in a horror movie.

Despite that, I occassionally am still considered a bit scary to those who don't know me. Especially if they haven't met me in person. Because trust me- meeting me in person- you'll find I'm talkative but bashful when complimented. (I especially blush when I'm in cosplay and someone who knows me compliments my outfit.)

I hide constantly behind a belief that I'm tough. That nothing scares me and that I've waded my way through the goriest films that would make you lose your lunch to. Don't ever call me on that. I'll fumble up nervously- citing A Serbian Film as my darkest film.

But for God's sake, I wish people looked deeper. I wish they saw that I have repulsions, fears, hopes and dreams. Just like them.

You know someone tapped my shoulder a few days ago to get my attention and it put me in a foul mood? I don't like being touched. By anyone. It's an Aspie thing.

You remember that? Well that's me internally anytime someone touches me.

Regardless- past that is someone who covers her eyes during horror movies, loves Cardcaptor Sakura and has celestial bedsheets. I write so much smut and sketch so many outfit designs, I have the gray pencil stain down the side of my palm.

And as I hide myself in Silent Hill, that is my attempt to indicate to you I feel detached and unwanted. I realize it's subtle. I realize my depression buries itself even in things I love- but it's those very monsters that have taught me to be strong.

Those things that go bump in the night? I know them. I was them. And I only really become them over again when someone puts me under harsh lighting. In essence- I turn into the scary thing you project me as to get you to leave me alone if you're going to hurt me. As long as you try to understand- I won't. But the minute you become intolerant- I turn on you the same way you have to me.

I've heard in the Amazon- if you cross a snakes' path once- you never go back that same way. For a long time, I was that kind. You could cross me once, and I would make you regret it when returning.

I was quick to bite, wound and emotionally wreck people in a show of empty pride or vindictiveness.

I hurt people.

And cried everytime my proverbial knife went in them. Wishing they would leave me alone. Wishing the world in one hand would leave me alone while in the other, wishing they would try to see past my surface. All the while- self-sabatoging each time things fell apart.

I became a hermit in any way I could. My bed was my refuge. Curled up in the fetal position often as my clean clothes laid on the floor.

I stopped caring. And stopped allowing love to fill my life. All the king's horses and all the king's men indeed could never put me together again.

It was only after medication and therapy that I began to rise from that. I was who had to fix myself.

I was shown love by people who healed themselves and wanted only to help me understand the thing I feared.

Love scared me. And as my best friend has made my wallpaper- it rings true.

"How can anyone be afraid of love?" "How can they not?"

It was love and acceptance that pushed out fear and hatred. The hug you never got but could feel your friend 100 or so miles away give you when your world broke.

Do you know how hard it is to hug someone so tight, all their pieces come flying home? How much that takes and to have them finally understand they're loved?

The person who does it saves you. They don't save you from life or depression- they save you feom yourself.

As my world brightened, my fandoms brightened. And there, FFXV came into view. Bright colors and fun and a dark antagonist. I have the best of both worlds in that fandom. Between Prompto or Ardyn.

And lemme tell you.

....

It's hard choices, man xD

But symbolic. One is light while the other is dark.

So now we come to the conclusion.

Earlier, and for a week now- I have been treated as weird. Unwanted. And not told why.

I have wracked my brain trying to figure out why someone who doesn't even know me- I make nervous. They have made me cry, be in a bad mood and in general- not want to go on the Discord server we share.

But tonight- something turned in me. My give-a-shit light flicked off.

And then I realized it-

I don't give a fuck if they're afraid of me. They don't know me. And eventually- they're going to wear themselves out scared of someone simply wanting their own acceptance.

When someone says what they said to me- it stings. Oh, it stings. But try this on for size-

(Continued in next post.)