#and nadia and notia are wonderful

[thronesofshadows]

Thank You for Being a Friend || Nadia & Evelyn

TIMING: The evening Nadia truly wasn’t home anymore. (aka after the exorcism gone wrong) LOCATION: Evelyn’s House, Harris Island PARTIES: @humanmoodring and @thronesofshadows SUMMARY: Pure wholesome friendship times. :-)

Standing on the porch of one Evelyn Hoffman, Nadia ran a hand through her greasy hair flinching a bit as she caught her reflection in the glass. She looked like she’d been rode hard and put away wet, bruises around her wrist and dried blood on her face and rust and dirt everywhere. She felt like a young god, though, all powerful, like there was electricity coursing hot through her veins. She felt like she was in the clouds, and the height was exhilarating and dizzying. She’d managed to start Nadia’s truck by barely touching it, the electricity practically begging her to manipulate it. Her body was exhausted, but her spirit was going haywire. Stille, Nadia knew she needed to rest, at least for a little bit, before those fucking children and their legion of friends came looking for her. As far as she knew, Evelyn was separated from all of that, which is why she was able to put on as big of a smile as she could as she knocked on the door. Her body was trembling with energy. Maybe she could say it was because of the cold.

She hadn’t heard from Nadia in a while - though that hardly changed the fact that she cared for the other woman - despite her being human. Despite the fact that Evelyn from years past would have scoffed at the level of care that she held for humans (but only certain ones, she had to remind herself), she could not help it. Some of the ones here were so much better than any that she had ever met at home. So when Nadia had asked for help, Evelyn hadn’t questioned it for a second. She pulled as many blankets out as she could, acknowledging the fact that for the first time in her memory she was going to have two people she cared for at her home - though right now Nadia was the priority. She moved quickly to the door once she heard the knock, pulling it open and offering Nadia a soft smile. “Come in, please.” You look terrible, she wanted to say. Would have said, if she had not been raised to be polite whenever possible. Particularly in circumstances that appeared as possibly dire as this one. “Can I do anything for you? Tea? A - hug?” Her nose wrinkled as she offered it, but perhaps that was what she needed. “I am also quite alright with just sitting together. Whatever you need.” She pressed her thumbs against her hips, letting the room grow quiet for just a moment.

“Thanks,” Nadia murmured, her eyes growing large as she took in the inside of Evelyn’s house. This was what she’d always wanted: living an extravagant life in an extravagant house surrounded by extravagant things. She wanted all of it, a bandit’s hideaway worth of stuff and then some. She wanted a palace and a throne and all the money in the world and-- She blinked at Evelyn, realizing she’d spaced out in the middle of what the other woman had been saying. She could feel the other woman’s concern. “Just a shower, right now, would be lovely.” She knew she looked like shit. Between living wherever she could for weeks and then getting her brain fucked by the exorcism, she had definitely seen better times. “No hugs,” she said, laughing a bit breathlessly. Even though Evelyn was pretty, Nadia didn’t want to be touched at all right now, her skin prickling from just the thought of it. “But thanks for this. All of this. I realize I look like hell. It’s been a long few weeks.”

“Of course.” Evelyn replied, her voice quiet. She watched Nadia carefully, not wanting to startle her (which was something she was certain Marley would curse her for, being too soft around humans, caring too much for their feelings and well-being). Not wanting to pressure her into anything. She pressed her palms against her hips, centering her thoughts before she re-focused on her friend. “Well, I have more than one of those and plenty of shampoo and conditioner to help you get as clean as you need.” She bit her lip, eyes taking in Nadia’s form, the way she held herself - she looked completely beaten down, but there was something in the way she laughed that caused Evelyn’s following giggle to hold a certain level of hesitation. “Of course. No hugs. I - well, you know I do not often do that either, so it works for me.” She bit her lip. “It is quite alright - I just, it means a lot that you trusted me enough to reach out. That you trusted me to be someone to go to.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Nadia said, an easy smile on her lips, though she was careful, so careful with Evelyn. This whole situation was a landmine, and her only saving grace was that she seemed to trust Nadia explicitly. There was no way that this could be a trap. At least… It couldn’t be, could it? No, Nadia would know. She would know. But Evelyn was so hesitant that she couldn’t really be sure. The lights flickered a bit, and Nadia jumped, startled by her own abilities. She did that. She did. She could do anything. “Works out well for both of us, huh?” She said, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart, beating as fast as if she’d taken electricity from the very building and pumped it into her chest. She gave Evelyn a meaningful, Nadia Diaz look. “Of course I trust you,” she said, sincerely lying through her teeth. This wasn’t about trusting Evelyn. Not at all. There wasn’t a damn person that she did trust. This was just a lack of distrust. “I can’t think of anyone I’d have rather gone to.”

“Anything for you.” Evelyn replied easily. She had tried to get her friend to come by before, to stay over, even - back when she had mentioned difficulties. She’d always refused, and though Evelyn entirely understood it - she was rarely one to ask for help - she had wanted to help Nadia, though, for whatever reason. The lights flickered and Evelyn glanced up at them. Her circuits, though she did not know much about electricity, were good. Stable or steady or whatever the accurate term would be. She pushed any sort of thought of worry aside, instead replying, “It does,” focusing back on Nadia. “Well, I should expect nothing less,” she replied, doing her best to keep her voice light. “Well, lucky for you, my home had quite good security and it is more than big enough in case you need your own space - which you are more than welcome to take.” She made her way further into her home, over to the sitting room - which seemed to be where she was spending a great deal of time with her guests - though it was what made the most sense. “Can I get you anything?” She sat down, and motioned for Nadia to do the same.

Cocking her head only slightly, Nadia looked at Evelyn, really looked at her, and, not for the first time since she’d started possessing this body, she wondered what it was about Nadia Diaz that was so goddamn special and interesting and worth “doing anything” for. She’d never seen it, personally, not when the girl was younger, not when she’d watched her stumble through some sort of semblance of a life here in White Crest. She was nothing. Nadia Diaz was nothing, but she’d made her something, made this body something. And now it was completely hers. She wanted to celebrate. She wanted to sleep for a decade. She wanted to scream. Instead, she just gave Evelyn a tired smile. “Thank you.” She looked around the house. Good security, huh? Maybe she’d test it out. “I feel safer already,” she said, and it was the truth. No one was going to look for her with Evelyn. Hell, she doubted there were many people that would even associate her with Evelyn, and that made this perfect. She bet she could hide out here with the woman indefinitely, but she didn’t want to stay, just to be completely safe. She’d need to distance herself from Nadia’s life completely, which meant wrapping up loose ends, making sure her host couldn’t come back, and then getting the hell out of town. Maybe somewhere sunny, and warm, and with lots of nice houses like this one to rob. “You’ve already done too much, seriously,” she told Evelyn as she followed her through the house and took a seat across from her. “This is more than enough.”

“I am glad you feel safer.” Evelyn wanted to say something more, because she wanted to do something more for Nadia. A certain part of her still blamed herself for whatever suffering Marley giving her nightmares had done, even though it wasn’t her fault. Even if regret for humans likely made her something of a terrible mara, perhaps even by her mother’s standards. At that thought, Evelyn’s mind shifted back to that brief time when she could dream, the way her mother had turned from soft to cruel so quickly. A trick of the imagination she was certain, and she told herself that had to be true. After all, she was more than a bit of an expert on the world of dreams. It didn’t stop it from stinging, from wondering if somehow the life she’d come to live would be one that both of her parents would disapprove of. She cared little for what her father thought, so long as he was back in England, but she’d always wanted to live her life in the best way that she could. Make herself into someone who her mother would have been proud of. “Good.” She tucked a strand of hair over her ear. “Well, it certainly is not more than enough by my standards, but if you say so, I shall acquiesce.” She held up her hands as if in false protest. “I can - do you want tea?” Her face turned immediately apologetic. “The socialite in me gets out a bit too much sometimes. We can just sit. Sit until you are ready for more.”

“Can’t imagine not feeling safe with you,” Nadia said, trying to make sure that her voice sounded open and honest. The truth was, though, that she didn’t feel any safer with this woman than she had while she was camping in the woods, all sorts of White Crest supernatural unknowns roaming around her, waiting to attack. She felt on guard because she knew the second that she relaxed or felt comfortable, Nadia could possibly-- But Nadia couldn’t. She wasn’t here anymore. This body was well and truly hers, and it was glorious (and overwhelming). So, that wasn’t why she was on guard, but she was still suspicious. She could feel this woman, sure, but who knew what Evelyn could be hiding? With her muted emotions that could probably change faster than Nadia could comprehend, there was no telling how dangerous she could be if she found out that sweet, kind Nadia Diaz had left the building. Coming here was probably a mistake, but it was one she was going to have to deal with. It wasn’t permanent, regardless. “We do have different standards,” she teased, an eyebrow raised and just a bit of laughter in her voice. Evelyn was on the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to standards, Nadia was sure. “Tea would be nice, though, if it would soothe your social niceties. It might be good for my throat, too.” It still felt a bit raw. “But don’t feel, like, obligated. How are you doing, Evelyn?” Let’s not make this all about me, remained unspoken, but it was there.

“Well, some may not, but I have always thought it most reasonable to make those who I care for feel safe.” Evelyn fiddled with her collar. She wanted to share more with Nadia, wanted to be as open as she could, but there was something a bit odd - or maybe she was reading too much into things, too afraid to break anyone else’s trust in who she was. Even if Alain had purportedly come around to understanding her, or so he claimed - he’d turned out to be not what she expected and she wasn’t quite sure what she’d do if Nadia didn’t accept her. “We do. However, I am not so very bothered by that. I find that there is little you could do to bother me.” She matched Nadia’s tone of voice. “Absolutely, and it is not just to soothe anything. I simply offer because I know that it makes me feel better, I know, whenever I feel under the weather.” She bit her lip, shifted her position to face Nadia. “I will get you some, soon. I am - well, I have not been sleeping as well as I ought to have. I have another friend staying, as I mentioned to you, but she will be out of your hair. She is just staying with me to make sure I stay safe as I can. I would not have had her come by, except I do trust her and I had offered before you asked for my help. You will be safe here.” She brushed her fingertips against her nose. “Otherwise I have been as well as one might expect, given how complex this town seems to be.”

“How in the world could anyone not feel safe with you, Ms. Hoffman? Nadia teased, though she kept it gentle, deciding to relax just a bit more. This woman was no threat, not to Nadia, and therefore not to her. The care she felt was genuine, and that was enough for her. If she was found out, she had no doubt that she’d be able to get out of any sort of difficult situation. After all, couldn’t hurt precious Nadia Diaz’s body. “I’m sure there’s something I could do that would bother you. What if I was a slob?” A murderer? “That’d be pretty bothersome.” Now it was time to put on the concerned friend hat. She could do that. She could be calm and concerned and totally a good friend, a good Nadia. “Do you know why you’re not sleeping well? Is it just, like, normal sleeping problems or abnormal sleeping problems?” She remember Evelyn mentioning another person, but she didn’t plan on sticking around long enough to meet her. Who knew? Maybe she’d have a bit of fun with Evelyn once she left, let her know that it wasn’t her friend that she’d been bothering. “Don’t sweat it. Any friend of yours is cool in my book. I’m sure she’s a-okay.” Maybe it was another wanted criminal. Nadia didn’t know, and she didn’t care. Evelyn Hoffman could hang out with whoever she pleased. “Yeah, this town is a shit show, isn’t it? Got a really nice horror movie ambiance.” What would this woman think, if she knew Nadia was literally coming to her straight outta The Exorcist? “This side of town’s swanky as hell, though.”

“Just Evelyn, please.” She scrunched her nose up for a moment. Nadia was not usually so formal around her, but then again, everything seemed a bit overwhelming right now, and she still wasn’t sure just what Nadia had gone through. So Evelyn shrugged. It was meant as a joke, she told herself. “If you were a slob it would be a bit of trouble, but I believe whole-heartedly that we would manage to make do all the same.” She raised an eyebrow as she settled against the back of the couch. “Perhaps I would have to clean, how very dreadful.” She let a small bit of laughter escape her lips then, followed by a small shrug. “I think it is more on the abnormal end of things.” She drummed her fingertips on her thigh. “I have always been quite routine with my sleep schedule, and this is a new and entirely odd development. I am glad you are good with my other friend. She is a delight, I think the two of you would get along well, but I think she also wishes to stay out of your hair, so all is well.” She looked over to Nadia again. “I mean, I cannot say I am wholly opposed to horror, but you are correct that this town is frequently filled with things both terrifying and unexpected.” She couldn’t help but let a proper grin cross her lips at the next comment. “Well, I do like the very best, both in company and items, so I should hope so. I am ever so pleased you have found the time to come by, even though I wish it were under better circumstances.”

“Of course, just Evelyn,” Nadia said almost immediately. “Is that so? Well, I would hate to make you have clean, of all things.” Though, did someone like Evelyn clean, or was she rich enough to have people for that? She looked around once more. Yeah, she was definitely rich enough. Nadia wanted something like this. She wanted it desperately, and now she could achieve it. She was the only Nadia Diaz here, the one that won their body, her body. She won. “Of course it’s on the abnormal end of things. When is anything on the normal end of things? It’d be bad for business around here.” It’d be bad for her business, now that she could easily slip back into crime uninterrupted. No more sour feelings at doing what had to be done. She could be just as rich as Evelyn Hoffman in a matter of months, richer, even. Things were going her way. Who knew all she had to do was give up a peaceful afterlife to get it? Seemed like a fair bargain. If there was no risk, then there was no reward. “I hope everything gets sorted quickly with your sleep problems. Soon. Sorry if I’m not the greatest guest, but tell your friend I’m sure she’s great. I’ll probably head out in a day or two. I’ve got a bunch of shit to sort through.” She ran a hand through her tangled hair. First order of business? Find somewhere more permanent to crash. Then it would be time to get to work properly. “Horror’s best when it’s on a screen. It’s wicked cool when you’ve got some separation to it.” But she grinned, matching Evelyn. “You do have great taste in both things. While I am sorry it took me so long to come by, I really can’t tell you just how grateful I am.” Because that would be giving away too much, too soon.

“I mean, we are friends.” They were, right? Evelyn had to pause for a moment. She couldn’t sense anything, that wasn’t within her abilities, but there was something in Nadia’s tone that felt less soft than she was used to. Though perhaps her judgement was just off. Alain had proved that well enough, though she refused to focus on that right now. “You know, sometimes I like it. When I was avoiding sleep… however many months ago it was, I reorganized parts of my home. It is rather cathartic.” She shrugged, running a hand through her hair. “A fair point; it would be rather horrid for business, after all, what would we do without giant lobsters or red skies or - well, any number of things that I cannot even remember even though they have all occurred this year.” She bit her lip at her friend’s next comments. “Mm, it is more just that I am used to. I have had relatively stable sleep my entire life, so this is just odd, that is all. You are a wonderful guest regardless.” She took the time to look over Nadia, taking in everything about her that she could. “That is why you are here. For you to have plenty of time to sort through everything that you need. You can head out whenever suits you, but I have no shortage of space, and it is free lodging - not that - not that you seem to need that, but it does not hurt.” She nodded. “Yes, separation from it is well and good. Well, your gratitude is appreciated though not necessary. I am happy to do whatever I can for you.”

“Absolutely, we’re friends.” There was no longer any sort of guilt accompanying the lie, no annoying presence in the back of Nadia’s head that wanted to break free at the worlds. She grinned, full and certain and overly happy. “Of course we’re friends.” She cocked her head to the side, just a bit, knowing that she was supposed to remember something about Evelyn not sleeping but not knowing enough about the situation to comment on it. “Fair enough. But, yeah, no, we would be nowhere without the giant lobsters and the weird fish in the fog.” That had been her least favorite part of camping, all the fucking weird shit that had been in the woods with her. “I hope your sleep schedule gets back to normal soon. I, for one, know I’m going to sleep incredibly after all the excitement I’ve had recently.” Nadia leaned forward and took Evelyn’s hands in hers, giving them a squeeze. She hoped her smile was sincere enough. She didn’t have the energy to read the room. “I’m still grateful, and I know you’re gonna say I don’t have to, but I will repay, okay?” She didn’t do debts. Nadia pulled away, covering her mouth as she yawned. “Wanna talk later? I’m kind of beat.” Physically and mentally. She needed some rest, and she needed to figure out what to do to repay Evelyn before she left. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to worry about talking to her again.

“Naturally.” Evelyn shrugged. “I should rather prefer to never once deal with any of that again, as I find them rather a bother.” Which was an understatement, but she was well-aware that her behaviors were just that, sometimes, when she didn’t crave attention, and right now she was far more curious about her houseguest. “I bet it will. My friend does wonders to help me, and knowing I have kept you safe will aid in that too, certainly.” She squeezed Nadia’s hand back, letting her hands linger against the other woman’s for a few moments before Nadia broke away and Evelyn’s gaze settled on hers, taking in how she held herself. So different now from that night in the Artesian, all those many months ago. “You will also sleep well because I have only the highest quality sheets on all of my beds. Okay. If you wish, you can repay, but you are correct that you do not have to.” She nodded. “Yes, of course. I hope you sleep well. I will be here in the morning.”

[rocket-remmy]

A Tale of Two Nadias || Nadia, Notia, and Remmy

TIMING: Current PARTIES: @humanmoodring​ and @whatsin-yourhead​ SUMMARY: Remmy talks to Nadia. And Nadia. They come to a somber revelation.

People had to sleep. People with heartbeats, even faint ones, had to sleep, and Nadia was no such person, even if she was able to, occasionally, hang out with them. Regan had to sleep, Blanche had to sleep, and Sammy was kind, and sweet, but sometimes, sometimes, Nadia needed to be alone. Even like this, she was an introvert. But she liked being in places where there was life and light and noise. Even when she was younger and at home, she liked to take walks by herself, exploring the neighborhood where she lived. There was always light, always evidence of life. White Crest wasn’t Phoenix, though. Sometimes, the streets were just dead. But she wandered them anyway, trying to keep herself tethered in the moment. One foot, then another. She made sure her feet didn’t slip into the sidewalk, made sure that she avoided fire hydrants and light poles and cracks. If she didn’t pay attention, if she wasn’t careful, she’d end up blinking and it would be morning or mid afternoon. Losing time was the scariest. She didn’t know where she went, and she was so worried that one day she wouldn’t make it back. She moved her boot out of a weed that grew up through a crack in the concrete, concentrating more on her steps than where she was actually going.

 Remmy needed to find Nadia, and they needed to find her fast. She was going to do something stupid, or hurt someone, or someone was going to hurt her, and Remmy needed to help. They had to help. They’d failed Lydia, they couldn’t help Deirdre, and Constance was seeming more and more like a lost cause. There had to be at least someone they could help, right? There just had to be. Their feet pounded the pavement as they ran around town. They didn’t know where they were going, or what they were looking for, but they just needed to keep going. To find her. She had to be somewhere, but she was probably good at hiding. She was a criminal, after all. She’d hurt people, just like Lydia, just like Deirdre. So why did Remmy care so much? Was she really lying the entire time? They couldn’t decide. They just needed to see her, find her. They need to-- “Nadia?” They skidded to a stop. There she was, across the road, except-- she was see through. “Wait-- real Nadia?” They crossed the street quickly, dodging a car on their way. “I thought you were with Blanche? And-- oh, shit, sorry. Uh, I’m Remmy. Blanche’s friend. Are you-- what are you doing out here?”

 Looking up at the sound of her name, Nadia locked eyes with the stranger as they walked towards her, a bit surprised that someone could see her. Was this a stranger? They clearly knew her far better than she knew them and-- and they looked familiar. Like someone from a dream. “Real Nadi-- I mean, yeah, sort of?” She was, she was, she was. She was real. “Yes, I’m real.” She looked around, made sure that they wouldn’t be overheard. The street was pretty dead, aside from the two of them aside from the car that almost hit this person, causing Nadia to flinch and reach out like it’d do something. Though, maybe that meant that it was still quite dead. At least on her end. She was a bit confused. “I, uh, I’m staying with Blanche, I, like, bounce between her apartment and a friend’s cabin. But they sleep, you know, and I don’t, so sometimes I just… walk.” Remmy. It took her a second to process. Remmy. Nadia’s eyes widened, and she imagined she’d feel sick if she actually had a stomach. “Oh, god, fuck, you’re-- I’m so sorry, and we’ve-- I almost fucking killed you.” She put a hand over her mouth, and then she just stared at them. The way they’d started talking to her didn’t make sense. Why did they differentiate her as the real Nadia? “You… You weren’t looking for me, were you?” she asked quietly.

 “Shit, s-sorry, I didn’t mean like--” Remmy started, but immediately stopped, because they didn’t know what they did mean. “I meant you’re actually Nadia. Not...Cordelia Nadia.” It still felt strange saying the name and attributing it to someone who had asked to be called a different name. But Remmy supposed it wasn’t fair to Naida, either, to have her name stolen like that.  “What? Oh, n-no, you don’t have to apologize for that! It wasn’t you. It was, you know, other you,” a beat, “Cordelia.” They looked around the street, wondering if she was somehow nearby, “I-- no,” they admitted quietly, bouncing on the balls of their toes. “Sorry. I just-- I think she’s going to do something stupid again. And I--” how did they explain to Nadia that they might actually care about the person possessing her body? That they didn’t want her to suffer anymore than she needed to? Would Nadia hate them? They swallowed. “Is everything okay? I-- I mean of course it’s not okay okay, you lost your body, but I just mean…you look kinda lost.”

 “Hey, no, don’t apologize, seriously,” Nadia said, feeling bad for the way Remmy stumbled over their words. “But, yeah, I’m just Nadia.” It was a struggle, to imagine that someone thought of her and Cordelia as a… the same. Maybe the same was too strong of a word, but having the same face, the same voice. It reminded her, just a bit, about the fact that for awhile after everything with Kaden and Regan in the cabin, she hadn’t been able to tell where she ended and Cordelia began. “I was there, though. I remember… flashes. It might as well have-- I was there.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “You know, I didn’t know her name until pretty recently. You can-- I mean, she’s Nadia, to you. You can call her that.” She frowned, torn between anger and absolute fear at the thought that Cordelia could be doing something awful. “Of course, of course she’s doing something stupid. I mean, she doesn’t have anyone to stop her, and she’s spiralling.” Nadia looked away. “Not, like, that I was good at stopping her.” Did she really look lost? She looked around the street. She was lost. “I mean, it’s going? I’m, uh, it’s totally going. You? I mean, it’s been-- How long has it been? Since-- since. Are you okay?”

 “Well, I mean…” Remmy started, rubbing the back of their head, “even if you were there, I-I don’t blame you. Or her, really, but that’s...complicated…” they muttered, glancing down. They knew everyone else thought Cordelia was bad and nothing but, but Remmy had seen a side of her they supposed she hadn’t shown anyone else here. There was a lost, scared girl inside of all the rage and anger and loneliness, and Remmy just wanted to reach her. Just once. Remmy wanted to try and save her. “No, no,” Remmy said, shaking their head, “she’s Cordelia. She’s just...confused, I think. She died really young, and that’s-- well, I think anyone would be desperate for a second chance if they got it, like that. And I-- I wanna stop her. I wanna help her. I know she’s done some real bad shit and you don’t have to agree with me or even like me, but I--” they swallowed, “I think she deserves a chance to go peacefully.” Nadia’s next words struck Remmy a little painfully in the chest. They looked away. “I’m fine, really. I-- got over it, obviously. It, um-- there was a way to stop the poison, I guess. My friend helped me. So, really, I’m okay.”

 “Uh, thanks. Thanks,” Nadia said quietly. She didn’t know how they couldn’t blame her, or Cordelia. Cordelia had poisoned them. Cordelia had robbed people. Cordelia had killed people. There were a lot of things for her to be blamed for, a lot of things that Nadia would be blamed for. “Confused is… a word for her, yeah.” But she personally didn’t think that Cordelia was confused at all. “I was a lot younger than her when she possessed me for the first time,”  she muttered. Twenty-one, actually, in comparison to Cordelia’s mid-thirties or whatever. Not even out of college, not having lived her life. At least Cordelia had gotten to have a dazzling career. She frowned, though, but she wasn’t mad. If anything, she understood what Remmy was saying. “I’m not, like, upset that you want to help her. I mean, you know more about her than I do, you probably got to see a side of her that I’m probably not even capable of seeing in her. I don’t-- I don’t want her to suffer. She should get to move on.” She paused and looked at her feet. “I just don’t think that’s possible.” She sighed in relief. “I’m glad your friend was there. Morgan, right? She figured everything out pretty quick, you know. I, like, vaguely remember her. She cares a lot about you.”

 “And I was a lot younger than her when I died,” Remmy pointed out, “that doesn’t mean it wasn’t…” But they didn’t finish. Justifying Cordelia to Nadia didn’t seem quite like the right move. They shook their head. “All I mean is...it’s not meant to be comparable. And I-- I’m so sorry,” they deflated, “that that happened to you. I can’t even...imagine what it’s like, to have your life stolen.” Well, they could a little. Not in the same way as Nadia, sure, but their life had been stolen from them the second they signed those recruitment papers. And now, almost fifteen years later, they were finally getting it back. “Maybe it’s not possible anymore, but I-- I can’t just give up without trying. And if-- if she’s doing something stupid or bad, I might be the only person who can stop her. So I have to try.” It was that simple, really. They just had to try. “Morgan? Oh, um--” they looked around, then back at Nadia, “Y-yeah, she’s...yeah. I know.” Even if she hated their guts right now. Even if she looked at them like they were just as bad as Constance right now. They looked back at Nadia. “I-- I don’t want to like, leave you if you need help or anything, but I-- I really should go find Cordelia. You can um, come with if you want? She can’t see you, right?”

 “Wait, dead? You’re… That’s why you can see me, isn’t it? I’m--” Nadia laughed a bit anxiously “I think you probably know me better than I know you.” She didn’t think she was going to get used to someone knowing about her because of Cordelia, recognizing her even when she’d never met them before in her life. “I get what you mean,” she said. “I do. I really do. It’s not comparable, and she was-- is a person.” And people sometimes ruin lives. It was a thing. Cordelia was a piece of shit, but… Nadia would have felt bad, saying that in front of Remmy. “Hey, no, don’t apologize. You don’t have to-- It really could be a lot worse. At least I can actually try to return to my body.” That was more than Nadia could say for Cordelia. She did feel bad for the ghost. She did, she really did. But that didn’t change that Nadia knew she was going to have to be destroyed. “You’re a good person for trying, you know? You really are.” She watched Remmy for a bit, wishing she hadn’t said something that made them stutter like that. But when they asked if she wanted to join them, she just shook her head. “No, I can’t come with you. I don’t… She’ll know I’m there. I’ve been able to sense ghosts since the first exorcism, and she-- I think she’d recognize me.” The thought of that would have made her sick if she’d been able. She smiled softly instead. “I think I’m just gonna walk around for a bit more. It’s a nice night. But… I hope you find her, and I hope that you still recognize in her the person that you care so much about. You deserve that, Remmy.” She didn’t have to be an empath to see how kind they were. They deserved kindness in return.

 “Oh, um-- yeah,” Remmy stuttered, forgetting that being undead wasn’t really common knowledge, “I thought maybe you knew since...she knew.” Cordelia knew what Remmy was and she hadn’t told another soul, but she still wanted Remmy to believe she didn’t-- or couldn’t-- care about them. It was contradictory, really. “It’s-- yeah.” Complicated was the only word that came to mind, but it was more than that. “I-- I’m sorry she did all that to you. No one deserves that…” they shuffled a little on the sidewalk, looking at her as she explained why she wouldn’t come with. It made sense, of course she didn’t want to come with. Remmy suddenly felt bad for ever asking. “S-sorry, no, I-- sorry…” They back peddled a little, rubbing the nape of their neck. “It’s, um-- yeah. Thanks, I-- I hope she is, too. Just-- take care of yourself until you can get your body back, okay, Nadia? You-- a lot of people care about you.” 

 “We didn’t really communicate that much, surprisingly. Most of the things I know about her are from her feelings, or other people.” Or the things she’d done. Nadia almost didn’t know what to do with this situation, seeing the way someone actually viewed Cordelia in something other than a negative light. “Thanks,” she said, and she meant it. Remmy seemed so kind. She worried, for a moment, that Cordelia would do something to take that from them, but she had to hope that Remmy’s kindness was stronger than any bullshit that Cordelia could throw their way. “You don’t have to apologize, I swear. I even appreciate that you asked. I just… can’t face her. Not right now.” She would, soon, and she wasn’t quite ready to deal with that, yet. “I’ll do my best. And, uh, thanks. Take care of yourself, too, Remmy.” She paused, wanted to say more, to warn them, but she didn’t think they’d appreciate it. Instead she waved and walked off, and she hoped they found what-- who-- they were looking for.

 Remmy watched Nadia go for a moment, wondering if what they were doing was really right, or good. But they weren’t sure, either, that they had time to linger on that thought. After every other failure they’d been through, they felt as if they had to put everything they had left into this. Into helping at least one person. Into proving that they could be better than Lydia. That they could stand their ground on their convictions. Once Nadia was out of sight, they turned, and started back on their search. They had to find Cordelia, they just had to. They spent almost the whole night looking, they were worried dawn was going to break before they could find her. It was a good thing zombies couldn’t get tired. They spotted her, finally, coming out of a bar, and once Remmy stopped, they realized that a zombie could get tired, just not physically. Their heart felt heavy. “Nadia?” they called out, keeping a distance from her. She wouldn’t have known they were coming, she couldn’t feel their emotions. “I-It’s Remmy.”

 Honestly, Nadia couldn’t tell if her head was fuzzy because she’d drank too much or from the overpowering scent of someone else’s perfume. Or maybe it was from the heady feeling of being surrounded by so many people, so many emotions. But it was very fuzzy by the time she walked out of the bar. She didn’t even realize someone was calling her name until she looked up. She saw Remmy and smiled, momentarily excited to see a face that she knew liked her. Before she remembered that it wasn’t so certain that they liked her at all. The smile quickly faded, though she took a step forward, legs steady despite being pretty fucking drunk and in heels. “Heya, Remmy,” she said, putting a smile back in place. She was briefly reminded of the first time she’d met them; they’d found her in the middle of the night, then, too. She wondered if this was something they just did, wandering around in search of damsels in distress. “How’s it going?”

 Cordelia was drunk, Remmy could tell that much. They almost felt a hiccup of hope when she smiled at them, but it was washed away when the smile faded and her eyes turned sharp. They paused, unsure if they should approach. She wasn’t trying to shoot them or stab them, yet, so that was nice. Did she know how to kill a zombie? Would she try and kill them? They took a tentative step forward. “I was looking for you,” they said in lieu of answering her question. They were sure that wasn’t really what she meant when she asked it. “I just want to talk,” they said, taking another step, trying to not scare her off. If she ran, they supposed they could run faster and probably catch her, but chasing her down wasn’t really something they felt like doing at the moment. Or ever. “Can we go somewhere?”

 “Looking for me?” Nadia asked, and a smirk worked its way onto her features, cool and not at all kind. “Well, cutie, you found me.” Maybe the night was salvageable. She wasn’t going to kill Remmy-- after the first failed attempt, she didn’t even think she could. But she could still have fun with them, if they behaved. If they didn’t try to turn her in to that fucking medium. “Talking’s no fun.” She pouted, just a bit, as she walked towards them. Hopefully, she wouldn’t startle them away. She wished she could tell what they were feeling, even if they did wear their heart on their sleeve. Seeing wasn’t the same as knowing. She was close to them, almost close enough to touch. “Where do you wanna go?” she asked, voice practically a purr. “What do you wanna do?” She hoped this wasn’t some redemption bullshit, though she figured it probably was, unfortunately. As long as they didn’t try anything foolish, though, she wouldn’t have to fuck ‘em up. 

 Remmy could feel their throat beginning to close as Cordelia came closer. But they stood their ground, didn’t move. Swallowed the lump in their throat and looked at her with steady eyes. “I just said,” they pointed out, “I just wanna talk. And, I dunno-- make sure you’re not doing something stupid. You...kinda seemed like you were going to do something stupid.” Whatever that meant, Remmy wasn’t sure. They knew that Cordelia wasn’t a good person-- in life or death-- and that she was no a poltergeist, but something in them just wouldn’t let go of her. Something in them so desperately held on to the idea that they could do something to save her from herself. From the pain that she would surely endure if she tried to hang on to Nadia’s body. And maybe that was just it, maybe Remmy already ached so much for her knowing the pain they’d both gone through, and not wanting her to have to feel that again. “We can go to the park,” they offered quietly, “there’s some secluded benches.”

 “Well, damn.” Nadia said, but she wasn’t particularly surprised. “Like I said, talking’s no fun.” She narrowed her eyes, feeling indignant rage bubbling under the surface. “Something stupid? Like what? Be specific, Remmy. What kind of stupid things would I be doing?” She hadn’t killed anyone tonight, that wasn’t stupid. It wouldn’t have even been stupid if she’d killed someone; it’d have been thrilling. She almost regretted not going home with someone, especially with the way this conversation was going. She gritted her teeth, though, counted to ten, and then let out a sigh. “I wasn’t gonna fuckin’ do anything stupid. But, yeah, alright. Yeah. Park sound’s nice.” Fuck. She bent down, taking off her heels and losing a couple of inches. She looked Remmy in the eyes, motioning them forward with the hand that had her shoes dangling from her fingers. “After you, then.”

 “I dunno, getting yourself hurt,” Remmy said immediately, wondering where the bite in their voice came from. Wondering why they were still so concerned with someone who clearly didn’t want to be saved. “Falling out of more windows, maybe?” They waited a moment for her, wondering if she would even go with them, or if she’d turn and walk the other way the second they walked by. But they sighed and trudged forward, and motioned for her to follow, leading them down the street from the bar to the Common. It was always so eerily quiet here at night, like a bubble existed around the area that tried its hardest to keep out all the shit from the town. Remmy led them to a bench and sat down, hoping Cordelia would join them. “Are you...how are you?” they asked, suddenly realizing even after all their searching and all their worry, they had no idea what they actually wanted to say to her. 

 A look of mock hurt worked its way onto Nadia’s features. “That was one time. You ever gonna let that one go?” Truth be told, the sharpness in their tone wasn’t something that she expected or really liked. She knew Remmy was pissed at her. Like, it was a fucking given after the hurt their medium pal. But she’d hoped that they still saw enough of a person in her to not to express their anger. She stewed on that as they walked, Remmy’s back to her, briefly. She could’ve just walked away. She probably should have. But she’d liked them, once upon a time, before they’d hurt her. She wanted them to still like her, too. She sat beside them, angling her knees to brush against theirs. “Me? Oh, I’m doing fucking fantastic. New place to sleep, new jobs. I go out every night, have a ton of fun. I’m really living my best life, I think.” She’d killed four people, watched the life fade from their eyes. It was like she was adding more life to herself, everytime she did it. “What about you, cutie? You making it?”

 “No,” Remmy said with a shrug, “probably not.” They knew Cordelia wasn’t a good person-- she hurt people. She hurt Blanche on purpose. She was a poltergeist. She had probably killed people at this point. But Remmy couldn’t let go of the want, the need, to try and get through to her somehow. They were done watching people suffer. They just wanted one person to hold onto. Their eyes fell to their touching knees and Remmy swallowed. Once upon a time, they’d have liked this. Sitting here, talking to her. Being near her. Once upon a time, Remmy thought they might have actually liked her in a way more than friends. “So you’re happy?” they asked, looking back up at her. “I’m-- kind of struggling. Surprised you care to ask, though. I thought you hated me.”

 Rolling her eyes, Nadia snorted. “Of course you won’t.” Had she even thought, for a moment, that they would? No, Remmy didn’t seem like the kind of person to let anything go, even when it’d end up better for them. Hell, they’d seemed so sure that they could still help her move on, even when they both knew she was passed that point. Moving on wasn’t an option anymore. “Happy?” she asked, rolling the word over on her tongue. Was she? Depended on what qualified as happy. Killing, stealing, and just fucking destroying things gave her a major sense of satisfaction, but she didn’t know if that qualified as happy. Still, she gave them a large grin. “Babe, I’m ecstatic with the way my life’s going right now.” She let it shift off of her features just as quickly as it came, though, sighing sharply through her nose. “Should I not have asked? I don’t hate you, Remmy. You upset me, and I wanted you to fuck off, but I don’t hate you. I hate a lot of people and things and even places, but you’re not one of ‘em.” She actually didn’t know what she thought of them. She really didn’t hate them, but she was more lukewarm to them than she had been. She could still act like she cared, though. What she was hadn’t ripped her off all abilities to be a damn good actress. “I’m sorry you’re struggling. Seriously, you don’t deserve to.”

 The hesitation was all it took for Remmy to know Cordelia was lying. But they weren’t going to point that out. Blanche had said she was a poltergeist, she was beyond saving-- but here she was, sitting here, talking to them. Normally. She wasn’t hurting anyone right now, was she? Would she hurt someone else if Remmy let her go? Had she already hurt people tonight? They looked away. Lydia was unsaveable now, dead and gone and irredeemable. But Cordelia was still here. She still had a chance to change and do the right thing, poltergeist or not. Right? “That’s just life though, isn’t it? A struggle.” They looked back over at her, into her eyes. As if pleading with her to hear them out. “You really don’t hate me? I mean, I’m glad you don’t,” they sighed, “I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it, if you did. So many things have changed, so many people have hurt me. I don’t why I’m trying so hard for you, Cor-- er, Nadia…” They rubbed their head again. “Sorry.” Sometimes it felt like they didn’t know anything, anymore. They were losing so much, letting go of someone else, however cruel they might be, felt too painful.

 “I mean, sure, life’s a struggle, but it’s not supposed to be all the time.” Nadia would stand by that, especially now. “Sometimes it’s gotta be fun, you know?” Things had been mostly fun for her, lately. Or, least, boring, with brief flashes of fun that she chased like a hungry hound after a rabbit. She couldn’t handle boredom like she could before. She chalked it up to… not quite missing Nadia Diaz, but not being used to her not being there. Even when Nadia had been asleep, she’d still been a presence in the back of Nadia’s mind, and it was odd not to have her there. She had to fill the emptiness somehow. Dancing, fucking, killing. She had to fill it somehow. “No, I really don’t hate you. You haven’t really done anything hate worthy.” And they hadn’t, seriously. Hating them would be so easy; it was pretty fucking easy to hate everything, but she didn’t want to. Hating them would take time outta hating other things. She felt a muscle in her jaw twitch at their words, though, and she looked away. “I’m-- that’s shitty. I don’t know why you’re trying so hard for me, either, though. I mean, I’m hot, totally.” She sighed. “Cordelia Gregory is dead. Her body? Worm food. But Nadia Diaz’s heart’s still beating, and I’m the one that’s making it beat. Until I stop it, I’m Nadia. Okay?”

 Remmy was quiet for a long time. They didn’t quite understand why Cordelia wanted so badly to be Nadia. Not just in name, but in body, too, it seems. If she had loved her life so much, then why was she trying so hard to leave it behind. Remmy let out a long breath. They knew what they had to say was only going to anger or upset Cordelia, but they knew, at this point, it needed to be said. “But she isn’t dead,” they finally stated, turning a tentative eye to look over at her sat beside them on the bench, “she’s you.” They reached up, slowly, and put a hand on her chest, over her heart. “You might have Nadia’s body, but you’re still Cordelia, you know. It’s the spirit, the mind, that makes someone a person. Not the body. Not the fingerprints or the hair or the eyes. Cordelia Gregory’s body might be worm food, but she doesn’t have to be.” They looked into her eyes squarely, “You don’t have to suffer.”

 “Yeah, well, outside of this body, I’m pretty fucking dead.” Nadia looked down at where Remmy’s hand pressed against her chest, Nadia Diaz’s frantic heart beating in her chest. Because it was her heart, she’d won it fair and square but… it also wasn’t, and there was little she could do to change that. She leaned away, though she gave them a savage grin. “Cordelia’s dead, Remmy. You wouldn’t have liked her, anyway. Or maybe you would’ve, if your taste in people’s as shitty as it seems.” She couldn’t do this. Nadia looked away from Remmy, standing. “I’ve got nothing waiting for me but suffering, babe. I wracked up enough of it when I was Cordelia. Forgive me for trying to outrun it while I can.” Actually, all she had waiting for her was nothing. That’s all she had left for herself. “But, hey, I like being like this. I wanted this. Can’t complain for getting what I wanted.” Nadia gave them a wink. “It’s been fun, cutie, but I’ve got thing to do. I’ll walk you home if you don’t try and save my soul.” 

 Remmy looked at Nadia-- at Cordelia-- and felt the words digging deep into their chest. She was right-- she was dead. As dead as Remmy. Technically more. If they could trade places with her, they would. But she didn’t think she wanted that. There was something about Nadia’s body that Cordelia had become obsessed with. Her words were a painful reminder of all the friends they’d lost along the way, and how they’re heart craved to hold on to something to someone. But this-- this was wrong. This wasn’t it, was it? Remmy watched Cordelia stand and looked up at her. They stood up, stiffly, and gave a sigh. “I’m sorry, Cordelia,” they muttered, but motioned for her to lead. “I won’t try to save you anymore.” Because, sometimes, people just couldn’t be saved.