#and my work is 10 minutes from the house but his is 30 so we’re like trying to coordinate rides and shit

[dangraccoon]

yo adulting sucks ass

[mummyemmatojames]

40. A Hard Day: Struggling with the Dynamic in Public

Hello, dear community. Emma here, your Mummy-in-training, with a tough update on our MDLB and FLR journey. Yesterday was a real challenge—while our dynamic feels natural and solid at home, James is struggling to accept me as his Mummy out of the house, and it came to a head during a night away at a friend’s wedding. It’s left me feeling off-balance, and I’d really appreciate your wisdom on finding the right approach in public.

The Setup: A Night Away

We were invited to a friend’s wedding a few hours away, so we booked a hotel room for the night. James assumed it’d be a “night off” from our dynamic—maybe because it’s a big event, or because we’d be around others all day. But I had no intention of pausing things entirely; this is who we are, and consistency matters to me. I packed his bottles and formula (no surprises there), along with his train-themed pajamas and a spare dummy, just in case. When he saw me packing, his face fell—“Seriously, Mummy?”—but I brushed it off, saying, “We’re still us, even at a wedding, sweetheart.” I thought he’d adjust once we got there.

The day started fine—he was charming with my friends, sticking close to me, and I kept things subtle: holding his hand, ordering his drink (juice, no alcohol). At one point I made him sit at the kids table “to entertain them”. The problem? It was all toddlers—3- and 4-year-olds—no one even close to his 10-year-old headspace. He wasn’t happy, shifting uncomfortably as they babbled and spilled juice. I let him have an adult meal instead of a kids’ portion because I couldn’t work out how to justify it, but he still grumbled under his breath, clearly feeling out of place.

The Bedtime Battle

The real trouble hit at 8:30 PM. I’d already stretched his bedtime as a treat—normally it’s 7:30 routine, 8:30 lights out, but I let him stay up an extra hour since it was a wedding. The ceremony and dinner were done, the dancing had started, and I figured it was a good time to wind down. I leaned over and said quietly, “James, it’s time to head up and get into bed.” He fumed instantly—his jaw tightened, and he hissed, “Everyone’s still here including the toddlers, Mummy, I’m not going!” I stayed calm, reminding him, “You’ve had an extra hour, the main events are over, and little boys need their sleep.” But he wasn’t having it—he crossed his arms and glared, drawing a few curious looks from nearby guests.

I tried to comfort him the usual way, offering to nurse him for a few minutes to settle him. Normally, my boobs are his reset button, but tonight, he wasn’t interested, “Not here, this is stupid.” He was too worked up, too humiliated by the idea of bedtime while the party went on. I didn’t push it—so I took him up to the room, tucked him in with a bottle of formula instead, and turned off the light. “Mummy’s going back down for a bit,” I said. “I’ll check on you.” He just rolled over, silent but seething.

Back at the Party—and Checking In

I went back to the reception, danced a little, and caught up with friends, but I couldn’t fully relax—I kept picturing James upstairs, upset. I checked on him a few times during the night, slipping up to the room with the baby monitor app on my phone. He was asleep each time, bottle half-finished, looking small and sulky even in his sleep. I got back around 11:00 PM, and he didn’t stir when I climbed into bed. This morning, he’s been quiet—eating his breakfast (on his safari plate I’d packed) but not really talking, still processing last night.

Why It’s So Hard in Public

At home, our dynamic is second nature—bedtime, bottles, my role as Mummy all flow effortlessly, and James thrives in it. But out of the house, he’s struggling to accept me as his Mummy in the same way. The wedding highlighted it—he thought a night away meant a break, and when I held the line, it clashed with his expectations. Sitting with toddlers, going to bed early while adults partied—it made him feel exposed, not cared for. I get it; public settings are trickier, and he’s sensitive about others noticing. But I hate the idea of switching it off entirely—it’s not a costume we put on and take off; it’s us.

I let him have that extra hour and an adult meal, thinking it’d ease the sting, but it wasn’t enough. Not even nursing worked, and the bottle felt like a weak substitute when he was that mad. I’m wondering if I pushed too hard—maybe I should’ve let him stay up until 9:30, or skipped the kids’ table gig. But then I think, if I bend too much, where’s the consistency? It’s so hard to get the balance right in public.

What Do You Think?

I’d really love some guidance from the community—how do you handle your dynamic at events like weddings when the public setting throws it off? Have you had pushback on bedtime or little roles in front of others, and how did you settle it? For those whose partners struggle with Mummy out of the house, did they come around, or did you scale back? And if you’ve got tips for softening these moments—maybe a compromise that still feels like care—I’m all ears. I want James to feel safe, not furious, but I don’t want to lose what we’ve built.

Thank you for being here as I wrestle with this. Today was hard, and I’m still figuring out how to bridge the gap between home and away for my little boy.

With all my love (and some weariness), Emma (aka Mummy) ❤️

[obvithe-bestsoph]

my best friend.

masterlist requests word count: 3.7k (if this flops, i'll cry)

a/n: it's 3am right now, and i have to be up at 7:30, but here, have this. no seriously, if it flops, i will cry. yes, this is in fact me asking you to like it 😭. genre: fluff, childhood best friends to lovers. warnings: they kiss? literally nothing graphic lol. safe for everyone.

Wednesday, 18th of August, 2010. 3 years old.

Your mama has been a stay-at-home mother your whole life, but recently she has decided that she wants to return to work since you’re a little older, meaning that you need somewhere to go during the day, and that place was Infantil 1-3 años, and today is your first day. You had cried quite a lot when your mama had left you this morning, not really ever having been away from her much, but when you eventually realised that she wasn’t coming back any time soon, you plonked yourself down on a small chair in a quiet corner of the colourful classroom. 

For a while, you sat there watching. The kids here are quite noisy and a bit dirty, but the toys look fun, and so does the playground outside, there’s a big patch of grass where some kids are playing with a football, and some others playing tag. Maybe this place isn’t so bad.

Your thoughts are interrupted by a small hand waving across your line of vision, trying to get your attention. Your eyes follow the hand, up their arm, over their shoulder, and to their face. It was a little boy, he had a big smile and short brown hair.

“Hola!” he says cheerfully. “On són els teus amics (where are your friends)?” 

“Sóc nou, no en tinc (i’m new, i don’t have any).” you reply.

He then sticks his hand out to you, waiting for you to hold it.

“I’m Pau Cubarsí Paredes, and we’re best friends now.” he states simply as you link your small hands together. You smile a little, and nod. “Vale (okay). My name is Y/N.”

“Alright, Y/N, let’s go out and play.” he grins, hands still holding each other’s hands as you two run outside smiling. He brings you to where the big patch of grass is, he starts to join in, when someone calls out to him,

“Qui és, Pau (who is that, pau)?”

Pau smiles proudly and calls back to the boy, “This is my best friend, Y/N.”

Thursday, 10th of September, 2011. 4 years old.

After you and Pau whining and whining at your mothers’, tonight, you’re having a sleepover. You’re going to share a bed with Pau, which you weren’t too happy with to start off with, but after Pau tells you that it’ll be alright, because then you can keep each other safe from the monsters, it doesn’t seem so bad anymore.

When you finally arrived at Pau’s house, he was already outside in the back garden, playing with the football he got for his birthday in January. You both really like football, and actually, that’s kind of the whole reason for this sleepover in the first place. Tonight, FC Barcelona is playing Real Sociedad, and you’re gonna watch it together on TV. 

Pau’s mother takes your bag of things that your mother had packed for the night, and while the two women chat in the kitchen, you run outside to see Pau. “Pau!”

“Y/N!” he runs up and gives you a quick hug. “Do you wanna play?” “Of course, I want to play. Don’t be silly.” you giggle, and steal the ball off of him, shooting it into the invisible goal at the end of the garden, and running to give him a high five in celebration. 

It only feels like 10 minutes to you guys, but hours later, Pau’s mama calls you back inside for dinner and the game starts. You run in, wash your hands as required, take your plates and sit on the floor in front of the TV, just in time to see the teams walking out of the tunnel. 

Sadly, you guys aren’t allowed to watch the whole game as it runs too late for little kids like you, despite both of your protests that you’re ‘big kids’ now. However, you get sent up to bed anyway, with the promise of his parents telling you the final score in the morning. 

It feels a bit odd going to bed without your mama’s cuddles and your papa’s special stories, but you don’t say anything and just let Gloria tuck you in next to Pau and kiss your forehead good night.

“Bona nit els meus petits amors, ens veiem al matí (good night my little loves, see you in the morning).” she says, and then quietly leaves the room and shuts the door behind her, leaving you and Pau alone.

You both lay in silence for a while, which only leaves you time to think about how much you miss your parents. “Pau?” “Yeah?” your bottom lip starts to wobble.

“I miss my mama and papa.” he panics, seeing you’re about to cry.

“Hey, don’t cry amiga, it’ll be okay. You have me. Do you want a cuddle with Monkey? He’s like… magic.” Pau tries to help, offering you his special monkey stuffie, his equivalent of those security blankets kids have. 

You shake your head and the first hot, fat tear slides down your cheek. Well now this is really out of Pau’s ballpark. He quickly scoots closer to you and wraps his small arms around your body. “Està bé (it’s okay).” he pulls you a bit closer and you snuggle into him. His cuddles always make you feel better, and vice versa.

“I love you, Y/N. You’re my best friend, and I’ll give you loads and loads of hugs until you stop crying.”

Monday, 21st of September, 2013.

Today is your first day of big school. In Spain, it’s called Primero (year 2/1st grade). Or that’s what your mama said anyway. You were so glad because Pau’s going too. It would be scary by yourself. The new school is very different from Infantil, it’s big and there are lots of older kids there too. As you walk through the gates, carrying backpacks that are practically bigger than the size of your small bodies, you start to walk towards where the lady in front of you is telling you to go, not letting go of each other’s hands a single time.

The new classroom is bigger, just like everything else here, but the teacher lady up the front seems nice enough. But unlike at Infantil, you don’t just put your bag on the hook and then go off and play until you get called in to eat, you put your bag in a cubby hole and then you have to go and sit at a table and wait for the teacher to start talking. It’s weird. You both want to go outside, but she says no. Hmph. 

The first thing you have to do is sit in a circle on the floor for “Talking Time,” where you have to say your name, how old you are, and something about yourself. Both being fairly shy around people that aren’t each other, you and Pau hold hands the whole time, even when one of you is speaking. Pau goes first and nervously starts talking, “Uh, hola, my name is Pau, I’m six, and my fact is that I really like football.” 

Then it’s your turn, you panic, but a squeeze of Pau’s hand brings you back down. “M-my name is Y/N, I’m six too, and my fact is that I always watch and play football with Pau.”

You nod your head proudly, and Pau smiles at you, the little girl starts to talk next to you, but neither of you is paying attention to her. You put Pau’s hand in your lap and draw invisible little pictures on his palm with your finger.

Then you have to sit back at the tables and are given a piece of paper and a pencil. On the piece of paper is your name, which apparently today, you’re learning how to write. 

You get a bit frustrated when Pau does better at it than you, but keep practicing anyway.

“This is too hard.” you huff, trying again. Pau pats your hand and reassures you.

“It’s not ‘too’ hard, you just gotta do it again.” you huff and continue on.

After that, you have to start learning how to count. The class sits on the floor in a circle again, and in a chorus, repeats after the teacher. “Un, dos, tres, quatre, cinc (one, two, three, four, five)…” Pau decides he likes numbers more than letters, but you decide letters are better than numbers. Everyone has their strengths, right? 

After what feels like forever of counting to five, then six, then seven and so on, finally, your lunch break comes and you’re allowed outside again. You want to go and play football, but the kids here are a lot bigger and scarier, so you stay sitting close to each other in a corner of the playground. An older kid, from a few years above, in Tercero (year 4/3rd grade), calls out to you, teasingly. “Oi, is that little girl your girlfriendddddd?!” he grins. 

Pau and you frown, and hold hand a little tighter, “Girlfriend? No. This is my best friend, Y/N.”

Thursday, 24th of March, 2016. 9 years old.

“Come onnnnnn, Y/N. Si us plau (please)?” Pau whines, complaining as he just lost yet another 1v1 against you. 

“Nope. A loser’s a loser. No rematches.”

“What?! But I wasn’t ready!” he cries.

“Then why’d you say ‘Yeah, vale, go.’ when I asked if you were ready?”

“Uhhh…”

“Exactly. Now, I’m gonna go inside because it’s hot and your mama said she bought ice cream. Pau perks up at the mention of ice cream and is racing ahead of you to get there first.

“Hey! Wait for me!” you call, dashing after him. 

When you reach the kitchen, Pau is already sitting at one of the stools in front of the island, his mama scooping balls of ice cream into two bowls. She then goes into the pantry to get sprinkles but realises there’s only enough for one person. Pau is quick to call dibs but is then almost immediately scolded by his mother. “Pau, remember how we talked about being a gentleman? Let Y/N have them.” He mumbles and grumbles, but you shake your head.

“It’s okay Gloria, we can share. Right, Pau?” Pau’s face lights up again and he nods quickly. The woman laughs and puts a tiny amount of sprinkles over both bowls and pushes them across the counter so they’re in front of you. You both dig in quickly and a moments later, Pau speaks up again, mouth full,

“Thank you for sharing.” “That’s okay. I thought you might need something to cheer you up after I bet you so many times.” you tease, and he rolls his eyes at you bringing it up again.

“I told you it was because I wasn’t ready!” 

Now it’s your turn to roll your eyes, still smiling though, “Uh-huh, sure.”

Irene, Pau’s older sister walks in, being used to you two by now, she doesn’t even bat an eye at your bickering and teasing. Irene’s 4 years older than us, 13, she’s cool, but you aren’t particularly close to her as you two are quite different from each other. But she will ‘babysit’ you and Pau on occasion, so she’s chill. 

She scolds Pau for rocking on his chair, fixes his hair, gets a snack, huffs, and walks out again, as would any good older sister. 

After finishing your ice cream, it was down to the living room to mope around and complain about being hot while playing FIFA. Barcelona summers really are just too hot sometimes. Pau beats you in the first few games, but you then flip yourself so you’re not lying upside down on the couch, and you start playing better. You guys spend a few hours doing that before Pau chucks his controller down and sighs.

“I’m bored of this, and it’s too hot to go outside and play actual football. And mama says no football in the house. What do you wanna do?”

“Die? It’s too hot.” he snorts and tugs on your ponytail, “You’re so dramatic.”

“Am not. It’s, like, boiling. But seriously, I have no idea what we should do.” Pau slowly turns his head to look at you, the look in his eyes silently asking, ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’ to which you nod, and you both dash up the stairs, to Irene’s room, as she is now the unfortunate target of your boredom. 

Later that afternoon, Pau came to watch your football game against the female Real Betis youth team, he cheered loudly at every goal you scored, so loudly, that the parents around him started looking at him a bit funny, but one of the fathers there just laughed and told him his sister was very talented, but Pau was quick to correct him. 

“No, senyor. That’s my best friend, Y/N.” Monday, 8th of October, 2018. 11 years old.

It was a shock, but not surprising, when two La Masia contracts were offered to you and Pau after a Barcelona scout had come to watch both of your games. Playing for the club you’ve always dreamed of debuting for? Hell yes. You couldn’t sign it fast enough. Well… you couldn't force your parents to sign it fast enough. And before you knew it, you were waving goodbye to your parents and siblings, and you were boarding the bus to Barcelona. 

The bus ride was about 2 and a half hours from Bescanó, but Pau fell asleep about 45 minutes in, his head lulling around to your shoulder. You don’t mind, and just watch him for a minute… noticing how cute he looked when he slept, how his hair looked nicer than usual… no. Stop. It’s Pau. Your best friend. You quickly look away again and force said thoughts out of your mind, just focusing on the excitement of finally arriving at your new home. 

After what felt like far too long, Pau wakes up again, but when he realises that you don’t know he’s awake, he just pretends, closing his eyes again and snuggling closer, acting like he’s still sound asleep. You glance down at him and smile softly, a little confused, but then go back to watching out the window.

Pau didn’t even know why he did it himself, for some reason, he just wanted to be closer to you than usual. He stays like that for the entirety of what’s left of the bus ride, thinking about how nice you smell and how warm your skin is… no. Stop. It’s Y/N. His best friend.

Thursday, 8th of November, 2018. 11 years old.

Now settled into your shared dorm at La Masia, you and Pau are having the time of your lives. Here, you can live, breathe and talk football pretty much whenever you want, your guy’s dream. Tonight, you’re both tired, having been at away games most of the day, and now you’ve eaten, you’re pretty smashed. 

(for reference, this is an actual la masia dorm, so imagine it here:)

Pau was awake on his phone, and you were reading, making the most of time before lights out, as always, when Pau spoke up from between the cabinet dividing your two beds. 

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” This wasn’t unusual for you two, as you both found comfort in sleeping in the same bed, ever since that first sleepover when you were four. 

“Vale. Just don’t flail around too much and snore.” you conceded, scooting closer to the wall so Pau could get in. He slips in beside you and you cuddle up to him, but continue reading. Eventually, you fall asleep, the book still in your hands. Pau gently slips it out of your grip, putting it on the shelf above you two and pulling you further into his arms, burying his face in your hair and closing his eyes. 

“She’s just my best friend. Stop.” he mentally scolds himself.

Friday, 27th of August, 2021. 14 years old.

“Pau, I swear to God if I find another one of your socks just loose in this room-” you threaten, throwing the sock at him as he lays on his bed, scrolling his phone. He rolls his eyes and laughs, chucking it back at you. 

“Fine, whatever, mama.”

“Hey, don’t hate on me for trying to not live in the filth of a teenage boy.” you chuckle, sitting down at the desk and starting on your homework. 

After about 30 minutes of comfortable silence, your phone pings, you check it passingly, but you do a double take, your eyes going wide as saucers and you jump out of your seat. Pau is immediately alert, also jumping up. “WHAT?!” 

“I GOT INVITED TO TRAIN WITH THE FEMENI FIRST TEAM!” you practically squeal, throwing your arms around him in a hug, still holding your phone in one hand.

“No way, amiga! That’s amazing!” Pau laughs, picking you up and spinning you around. You often forget how strong he actually is now, despite the, possibly unhealthy, amount of times you’ve admired his new biceps… no, not now.

A few days later, you come back in the dorm door from your first first-team training, because of the different schedules, Pau isn’t back yet, still in the recreation hall doing homework. You sigh and put your bag down, going into the small ensuite of the dorm and having a quick shower, as you’re standing at the sink brushing your teeth, you hear the digital door lock PIN code being put in, and then Pau call out,  “Hola!” “Hola!” you call back, voice a little muffled by the mouthful of toothpaste.

You come out a few minutes later, allowing Pau to use the bathroom to shower after his own day of training. He comes out to grab his pyjamas with nothing but a towel around his waist, his hair still wet, that stupid, stupid, boyish smile on his face. You quickly look away.

“So how was training with the big girls, superestrella?” he asks, sincere, but slightly teasing. At the question, you’re immediately distracted from the sight in front of you and brought back to the memories of training earlier in the day. “It was amazing. I met Alexia Putellas. Alexia Putellas! Hell, I played with her, not just met her. They all seem so nice, Pau. I hardly wanted to leave.”

He chuckles at your excitement but gives you a “Good.” and ruffles your hair, heading back towards the ensuite to hang up his towel. 

Pau flops down on his bed and holds out his arms for you. Being freshly showered and no longer smelling like a locker room, you accept and lay down next to him. 

“Who would’ve thought, my best friend, playing with the Barca Femeni first team? I’m so proud of you, Y/N. Really.” he murmurs into your hair. “T'estimo (i love you).”

April 2023. 16 years old.

Today, Pau had had his first training with the first team, and you were waiting nervously in the dorm for him to get back and tell you how it was, and sure enough when he arrived back, he did.

In fact, it’s quite hard to shut him up. But you don’t mind. His voice is actually rather soothing. He got so animated talking about one of the drills he did where he got to work with someone, that he tripped over the leg of the chair of the desk and fell forwards, on top of you, putting you from your sitting position, to pinned underneath him. 

Your breath hitches, his face inches from yours. You stare at each other's lips for a moment before he mutters a quick apology and stands up again. You go bright red and murmur back a “You’re all good.” before rolling over and burying your face in your pillow after he’s walked away again. The dorm is dead quiet, the silence is tense and heated. “She’s my best friend…” Pau thinks, having no idea what was going on on the other side of the separator between the beds. “He’s my best friend…” you think.

“I don’t care.”

“I want him.”

Neither of you said anything aloud, but it’s safe to say that ‘Shameless’ by Camilla Cabello was certainly blasting in your AirPods tonight.

Saturday, 18th of January 2024. About to turn 17.

Tonight, Pau is making his senior team debut. Barca is playing against Unionistas de Salamanca in the Copa del Rey, and Pau has never felt so excited, yet so much like he could throw up at any moment. His parents, you, and Irene were all in the stands, and he couldn’t wait.

In the 46th minute, Pau gets subbed on for Andreas Christensen, jogging out into the pitch, debuting for the first time. You couldn’t help but chuckle when he got a yellow in the 70th minute, not at all surprised. 

Later that night, after the adrenaline had worn off a bit, you and Pau walked back into the dorm quietly, the rest of La Masia being asleep by now. Once the door is shut and locked again, you collapse into your desk chair, still grinning at him. You sit for a minute before standing up and moving to be in front of him, wrapping your arms around his neck in a hug. “Estic molt orgullós de tu (i’m so proud of you).” you murmur, looking into those beautiful eyes of his. He’s over 6 feet tall now, so you definitely have to look up, and he definitely has to look down. 

“Gràcies (thank you).” he murmurs back, also looking into your eyes, it’s silent for a moment before his neck starts craning towards you, and yours up, until finally, your lips meet in the middle. 

The kiss lasts a few seconds, just lips, no tongue or teeth, but the amount that it communicates is wild. Your hand creeps up from his neck to his hair, his hand moving to your waist, pulling you closer against him. When you finally pull away, you’re both a little breathless, but you grin at each other.

Friday, 29th of November, 2024. 17 years old. 

Tonight is Barca’s 125th-anniversary gala at the Gran Teatre del Liceu, you’re here with the Femeni team, and Pau’s here with the men’s team, but after the main, “formal” part of the event, everyone is taken off to an open hall with a bar and a few tables of food, music playing, coloured lights illuminating the room. 

You gravitate to Pau, who’s standing talking to Héctor Fort, Lamine Yamal and Pablo Gavi. He looks down to see you standing there, automatically wrapping an arm around your waist.

“So you’re the famous ‘roommate’ then, huh?” Lamine smiles teasingly at you. You chuckle, Pau laughs, and Héctor smiles expectantly.

Proudly, Pau’s grin only grows as he introduces you. “Guys, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.”

[7975348473]

When the Asshole is sick.

————————————— A Lyrason ff.

Lyra was trying her best to get her mind off of her current circumstances. What were her current circumstances, you ask? Well, she started dating an, admittedly, mighty fine Hawthorne a few months ago.

But the problem about dating a Hawthorne is that they never, and I repeat, never give in.

And Lyra just happened to land herself not only the most stubborn Hawthorne, but also the most self less one.

When Lyra had awoken to find a still sleeping Grayson beside her this morning, she immediately knew something was wrong. Grayson was always the early bird. Lyra reached over to touch his forehead and found it burning up, Grayson stirred under her touch.

“Gray? Are you feeling all right?” Lyra asked gently, not sure if he was awake yet or not.

Grayson didn’t reply but simply put his hand around Lyra’s waist and pulled her closer. And you best believe he was burning up.

“Grayson. You’re burning up.” Said Lyra sternly. She knew well when Grayson Davenport Hawthorne tried to avoid a subject of discussion. Especially when it involved himself.

Grayson gave an uncommitted ‘mm’ in reply before nuzzling himself closer to her. It took everything in Lyra not to just give in and cuddle closer to him because she knew he was not going to acknowledge his sickness anytime soon.

And she was right indeed. When he finally let her go and got out of bed he followed his usual routine. He got up, kissed her cheek, her neck and took off for the washroom to get ready for the day, all the while Lyra kept telling him to stop and listen to her.

Haaa fucking Hawthornes and their stubborn asses.

Grayson exited the shower in a record timing of 25 minutes and 33 seconds, which was a lot longer than it usually took him to get ready.

“Grayson. Listen to me.” Said Lyra sternly, flashing him the glare she had learned from him.

“I have listened Lyra, about 20 times now since I woke up, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry.” Said Grayson, looking at his phone and checking his schedule for the day.

Fine my ass.

“You are not fine Grayson. You woke up late, took far too long to get out of bed, took an extra 10 minutes in the shower even though you prioritise being early to work and you’re burning up. Nothing about that screams fine.” Stated Lyra, matter-of-factly, coming closer in order to get his attention.

Grayson let out a sigh and glanced up at her, “Lyra. I am fine,” he said putting emphasis on each word, “It’s a slight spike in temperature, it happens. I’ll be alright.”

And so the tug of war commenced, neither side giving up until finally, Grayson walked out of the room.

That would lead to Lyra’s current state of dilemma.

What in the world do you do when your boyfriend is sick and you’re mad at him??

Maybe I should apologise?… for what? Caring for him? As if.

But he’s not going to apologise either— stubborn bastard. So what, I watch while he suffers cuz he’s a dumbass and an asshole?

Precisely.

……..I’m such a terrible girlfriend—

NO. Not going down that road right now.

Lyra’s internal battle continued when, finally, she had had just about enough. She got up and ran through the house for a good 30 minutes until she finally found the kitchen.

Okay. Now. To make a stew for a sick asshole.

Lyra whipped out her phone and called Libby.

“Hello?”

“Libby. Hi. I need your help.”

“Oh? One sec— lemme just— yeah, okay, what’s up?”

“So you remember that one time you told me how Nash got really sick so you made him some st—”

“GNRIJGHORUEHEGROUHOUGBTE SHSHSHSHHSHS.” Libby made a few incomprehensible noises and she seemed to be running?

“GIRL— TELL ME BEFORE YOU DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT.” Came Libby’s long awaited reply.

“…oh— Was Nash there?”

“YES, HE WAS.” Said Libby, out of breath from her sudden expenditure across wherever she was.

Lyra started laughing and Libby joined in soon after.

“So? What did you need? You realise we’re in the same house right?” Asked Libby in between giggles.

“This house is too big for everyone’s good, it was hard enough to find the kitchen, finding you in the process would have resulted in me being lost.” Stated Lyra with a huff. Libby signed in agreement.

“Right, so stew?” Asked Libby.

“Yes. So. You know how Nash was very sick that one time so you spoon fed him that one stew that apparently works like a charm?” Asked Lyra.

“Mhm.”

“Well, I’m in need of the recipe.”

“Oh? Is Grayson sick?”

“You bet he is.” Said Lyra and let out a sigh.

“God damn. He’s even more stubborn than Nash. How do you plan on getting the stew into his mouth?” Asked Libby, Lyra could practically hear her eye roll at the end.

“That.. just leave that to me.” Said Lyra, as an evil smirk spread across her face.

“I can hear your evil smirk.” Said Libby.

“Not evil, Libby.”

“It totally is.”

“Is not.”

“Is to.”

“Okay, ouch.”

Libby laughed at the other end of the line.

“Okay, I’ll come to you.”

“Nah, you could just run me through the recipe over the phone.” Suggested Lyra, hyped to start cooking.

“Uh huh. And I’m sure you know where all the ingredients are in the kitchen?” Said Libby.

…. Right.

“On second thought, pls come to the kitchen that’s right next to… the ballroom? I think?” Said Lyra.

“Second floor?”

“uhhhh yeah.”

“On my way.”

And so Libby walked Lyra through how to make the stew, not bothering to hide her amusement while watching Lyra work hard to make stew for the same boyfriend she was complaining about while making it.

“Lyra. You’re whipped.” Said Libby, after having thought it about 28 times in the past ten minutes she spent with Lyra.

“That’s rich coming from you.” Retorted Lyra, though her reddening cheeks have her away.

Libby laughed and gave her a playful wack across her arm.

And after a good 30 minutes the stew was ready. Now, onto the hard part of the plan. If reasoning and talking wasn’t going to work with Grayson, the art of forced-spoon-feeding might.

Lyra walked on over to Grayson’s ‘office at home’, where he did a lot of his work in recent times. She took a deep breath.

Okay, Lyra. Stay cool. No getting angry. Don’t say a word. Just walk in and act according to plan.

And Lyra, being the queen she is, did just that. She knocked on the door and didn’t bother waiting for a reply. She knew Grayson had no meetings today and was simply trying to ignore that he was sick by busying himself in documents.

Lyra walked in and Grayson looked up at her once before his eyes went back to his documents. Anybody else would have seen that as a cold reaction, but Lyra noticed the way his gaze lingered on her figure, the way his anger and guilt were both visible in his extremely tired eyes.

She payed all of those details no mind, as much as she wanted to. She walked on over to his desk ignoring him when he called out to her.

Lyra stopped right beside his desk and they made eye contact. She noticed the way his body was slightly slumped, the way his cheeks were slightly reddened, the way his eyes looked glassy. She paid those details no mind.

They stared at each other for a while before Grayson finally rose a single eye brow in question. The gesture said it all.

What is it, Lyra?

Lyra didn’t reply immediately. She placed the tray with the bowl of stew on his office desk, ignoring all the documents that were scattered on them. Grayson’s gaze followed her hands before locking-in on her eyes again.

“Turn over.” Commanded Lyra, finally.

Grayson did just that and turned his office chair to face her. He looked even worse in this angle. His red cheeks were on wide display and she noticed how his top two buttons were undone, his blazer abandoned somewhere on the sofa. (Yes this office has a bloody sofa. They’re rich.)

Lyra did not break eye contact a single time. Not while she turned back to him, not while she stepped closer, not while she sat right down on his lap to face him and not when his eyes went wide at the sudden action.

It took everything in Lyra not to break character then and there and just kiss him senseless.

“Lyra.” Came Grayson’s voice. A question that came out sounding a bit lustful.

Lyra didn’t deign that with an answer. She reached over to the soup bowl, took a spoon and brought it to his mouth.

Grayson’s gaze remained on her eyes only fleeing once or twice to her lips.

Lyra raised her own eyebrow and signalled with her mouth ‘ah’.

Grayson continued staring at her before finally opening his mouth. His eyes remained on hers as Lyra took the spoon to his mouth, and she did not appreciate how that action wanted to make her squirm. She picked up more soup and brought it to his mouth again.

“You made this?” He asked, before drinking the soup.

She replied with a ‘mm’. She was still mad.

They continued the process in silence for a while.

“It’s good.” He finally said.

WOW HAWTHORNE. THATS THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH AFTER ALL OF THIS?? ‘ITS GOOD.’ ??? Asshole.

She sent him a glare before taking up another spoon and bringing it to his mouth.

“Lyra.” This time he was requesting for something. For her to listen.

Lyra sighed, “ What?” She moved her eyes to the soup bowl.

“I’m sorry.” Oh. Oh. So he was capable of apologising. Lyra looked back to him, taking in all the details she had refused to before. He looked terrible. He looked fucking glorious.

They, once again, stared at each other for a while, before Lyra broke eye contact to nudge him into drinking the soup. He did.

They continued in a comfortable silence while he finished the soup. Lyra was mad, but she wouldn’t trade this silence for the world. This moment. It screamed them in every way possible. Silence, but so much was spoken.

In the way she made the soup for him despite being mad. In the way he didn’t snap when seeing her, despite also being mad. In the way she spoon fed him in that position despite wanting to sock him in the stomach. In the way that he apologised and listened to every one of her commands, despite always being the one in control. It was them.

Finally the bowl was empty. Lyra moved to get off of his lap but his hand came to rest on the small of her back, preventing her from moving.

She gazed back down at him, willing her eyes to look angry even though she hated the state he was in.

“I’m sorry. Lyra.” He said again, his eyes boring into her own.

They continued the stare down, as many words passed between them without truly being spoken until finally, she broke the silence, with a smirk breaking free on her face.

“Prove it, Hawthorne.”

The look in Grayson’s eyes changed. He still looked sick, put off, guilty, but something stronger overcame those eyes. Want.

Her arms wrapped around his neck as his grip one her waist tightened, pulling her impossibly closer. He kissed her like his life depended on it and she savoured in it.

When they finally broke apart after a very….. productive make out session. Lyra smiled.

“You’re an asshole. You know that?” She said in between pants.

“Mm. Yes. But I’m your asshole.” He replied simply, as if the words took him no effort to think about at all. As if they were always meant to be said.

Lyra hated the effect those words had on her. She loved it.

“Are you flirting with me, Hawthorne? What has gotten into you?” She joked her hands stroking his hair as he angled his face in the crack between her neck and collarbone and rested it there.

“This is how I am when I’m sick.” He said.

Lyra laughed, “You admit it now?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

He brought his face up and kissed her again before adding, “ I really am, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

Lyra smiled and kissed him in reply.

Yes, he was a stubborn- selfless Hawthorne. Yes, he could be a complete asshole. Yet, he was still hers, as much as she was his.

My Hawthorne.

——————————————————

Ahahahahaha. I had this idea marinating in my head for a while and I couldn’t help but finally type it down. THIS IS MY FIRST SAD ATTEMPT AT ROMANCE SO CUT ME SOME SLACK PPL.

(Thoughts would be much appreciated.)

PS- @alwaysthefangirl I NEED HELPFUL CRITICISM. WAS THIS GOOD— 😭🙃✨

[jestershome]

Werewolf x reader- new years

[I apologize if there are any mistakes, it is new years so I’m kinda just trying to get something out😭]

“Are you sure you're gonna be ok tonight?” Isaac scoffs “do you really think this is my first time on new years? I’m not some little puppy” reader shakes their head “ok, I’m just letting you know that there are usually teenagers that set off near here” he waves them off “yeah, yeah I get it” “alright whatever you say, I’m going to get the stuff for tonight” Isaac kicks his feet up on the couch and smirks “who do they think I am, a dog that needs-“ a loud bang can be heard out, it startles him so much he falls off the couch “W-WHAT WAS THAT?!” he looks around frenetically, another bang can be heard, his ears go down “reader?! READER?!” He goes to look for them. Reader comes home to a quiet house though all of their couch cushions are gone?… “Isaac?” They walk through the house confused, that is until they get to their room and see what looks like a pillow fort on their bed “am I intruding on something?” They see two ears pop out “reader!” He jumps out of his fort and grabs reader hands “you got to be careful we’re under attack!” “What?-"Another bang can be heard, he jumps and clings to reader. “Isaac…that’s the teenagers I was talking about..” “the what?”.

Isaac and reader sit on the couch “here” reader puts a type a scarf over his head, covering and flattening his ears “it’s called a happy hoodie my friend uses it on dogs when she blows drys them, it should work for you as well” he scowls “I can’t believe I’m wasting this” reader pats his back “hey it’s not a bad thing, no one’s really a fan of loud noise you just get use to them”. The hours passed, though the hoodie did kinda work, he felt stupid warning it “well looks like this is it” there was one minute left, he grumbled “I guess” 50 seconds, he put his arm around reader’s shoulder “you know what happens when it gets to zero right?” ,40, “it’s a new year?” He looks at them confused, reader chuckles ,30, “yeah, but there’s also the new year kiss I brought it up because I thought like one” he blushes ,20, “well I’m not saying no, I’ve just never done one” “oh come on I know you’ve kissed other people before” ,15, “well yeah but, never with someone like…” reader smirks “don’t say “someone like you” what was is the stake last night?” ,10, “ tch, don’t ruin the moment, just let me flirt” “you flirting is just saying lines from hallmark movies” ,5, “and what’s wrong with that?” “Nothing I’m just surprised you actually won people over with it” they both lean into each other as they argue, reader smirks as they put a hand on the back of his head, and just as fast as they did that the timer went down to zero and their lips lock. They both lean into each other in a warm embrace and as they break apart Isaac wags his tail “happy new year wolf boy” they smile at him “y-yeah…”

[anyway happy new year, have a good night and year to come]

[beautifulandvoid]

Party Time

inspired by one of the prompts I posted a little while ago,

"Overly competitive for a children's game", this is part of the Bob and 'Sota series, which I highly recommend you read both parts before this one. This also has unhinged smut, idk where it came from, but i even shocked myself with what I wrote.

AFAB!reader, smut (like a lot), fluff, slight bdsm, DOM BOBBY!!, praise kink, daddy kink.

Word count: 3.6k words

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! If your age is not in your bio or pinned post you will be blocked, NO exceptions. I do not consent to my works being posted into any third party or AI generator.

Bob Floyd Masterlist

You pushed the cart full of supplies for the party, you had at least 20 burgers and 10 pounds of ribs. Among the other ingredients you needed. Bob trailing behind you with a cart full of beer and other drinks, “you know, next time let's make it a byob party. We’ll be bankrupt if we have to buy beer every time for the squad.” You laugh at him as you drop a jumbo pack of solo cups into your cart. You and Bobby were throwing a party to celebrate living together for a year. Your phone pinged, you glanced down to see that Nat has texted you. “Sota, do I need to bring anything? Snacks, drinks, beer since we’re going to bankrupt you. 😂” You turn to see Nat at the end of the aisle laughing at you. You signal to Bobby that she's behind you. He turns, rolling his eyes when he sees her. “Hi lovebirds. So should I pick up beer so we don't bankrupt you Bob?” She pulls you into a hug, sticking her tongue out at him.

He groans, pushing the cart away from her. You laugh at him following suit, “we’ll see you later Nat! 6pm, don’t come early unless you want to risk walking in on us again!” Bob whips around with a ‘what the fuck’ look on his face. You giggle at him grabbing plates off the shelf. “She only walked in on us 1 time, ya know” “no, she only walked in on us on base, one time. She's walked in on us doing it at least 3 times at the house.” He grabs another after you, subtlety smacking your ass as he does “you think 20 is enough? They don't know how to reuse a plate.” You push your cart to the checkout, and $650 later the two of you have everything in the car. Bob starts the ribs when you get home, you starting on the multitude of salads it takes to feed the lot. 

An hour later the salads are done, and the cheesecake is sitting in the fridge. Bob slides his hand up your back, brushing your hair aside. He buries his face in your neck, sliding his hand up your shirt to your boobs. You laugh and push him off, “c’mon we don't have time.”, “yes we do.” “that's what you said the time on base that Mav caught us. We’re lucky he only saw your shoulders and not anything else” He laughs at you, muttering into your shoulder,  “They won't be here for 6 hours. Plenty of time.” He gently pushes you up against the counter, sliding his hand into the band of your shorts, “Bobby. With your appetite, we will not get done and cleaned up on time. Besides, I need a nap.” He laughs into your shoulder, reaching to grab his phone. “Ok, I set an alarm for 4:30. Go take a nap, and I'll wake you up then.” He guides you towards the stairs, gently pushing you up them. 

You trudge up the stairs, shedding your clothes and turning the shower on. After your shower, you put one of his shirts on and put your heatless curlers in. Bob always makes fun of you, saying you look like an alien. You crash the second your head hits his pillow, his smell wrapping you like a comforting hug. What felt like minutes later, he was gently shaking you awake. “Hi miss alien, time to wake up now.” With a groan, you let him pull you out of bed. You get ready for the party, taking longer so you can watch him in the shower. “And I'm the one with an appetite. I can see you staring sota.” You blush as you realize you've been caught. He hops out smacking your ass as he passes. “BOBBY!” He laughs as he walks into the closet to get dressed. As you finish setting everything on the counter, you hear a loud knock at the door. 

“HELLO! LOVEBIRDS! I'M HERE!!! GET YOUR CLOTHES ON!!” You laugh with Bobby, Nat has arrived. “Come in Nat! We’re dressed.” She pushes the door open, kicking her shoes off. “I figured I'd make myself very loud, since the last 3 times you somehow didn’t hear me.” Bob groans next to you, you pushing off the counter and walking towards her.  “What are you carrying?” She sets the board games on the coffee table, you glance at them 'chutes and ladders’, ‘monopoly’, ‘operation’. “Nat, why did you bring childrens games?” you hear Bob call out from behind you. She pulls you into a hug, hooking your arms together before she backs you up towards Bob. “because why not? I figured it would be fun to get drunk and play with them. See Jake crash out over monopoly.” You all laugh as you hear from behind you, “I only did that ONE time, and that was when we were at Top Gun the first time.” You turn to see Jake and Bradley standing in the doorway. “We brought beer.” Bradley says as he holds up the 12 pack. 

They kick off their shoes and join your trio in the kitchen. Bob pulls you into his arms as the rest of the squad trickles in. You clock Monica and Reuben coming in. Monica sees you staring at Nova, who's now almost 2, “do you want to go see Auntie Sota? Go get her” Nova comes toddling over to you, you picking her up and cuddling her close. “Ok, everyone! The food is ready, we have ribs and burgers. Callie, we made chicken for you. There's plenty of salads, so please eat up! Also I have cheesecake, and a snickers salad for dessert.” “what the fuck is a snickers salad?” Jake cuts you off. “A. snickers. Salad. You'll see what it is. Ok everyone, eat up!” they make their way through the buffet line you had set up. You and Bob hung back, letting everyone get food first. You moved to set up Nova's high chair, and Monica set her food in front of her.  Bob inisited you sit down, and made a plate for you. He sat it down in front of you, sitting down by you and Nat. After the squad has consumed all of the food you had made, you pull the cheesecake and salad out of the fridge. 

“What the fuck am i looking at?” Jake says as he stares at the snickers salad. “A snickers salad. It's snickers, apples, caramel sauce, and cool whip. It's a midwest staple. Just wait til you hear what Ambrosia salad is.” He hesitantly takes some, along with a cheesecake slice. You make everyone wait to try the salad until they're all in front of you. “Ok, go!” They all try it at the same time, moaning when they realize how good it is. Jake stands up and grabs another scoop, sitting back down before he devours the whole thing. “We have games, so once we're all done we can play those.” Bobby chimes in as everyone begins to finish up. Everyone helped clean up, something surprising from the normal parties you host. 

You all fall over laughing as Jake crashes out “IF I LAND ON A CHUTE ONE MORE FUCKING TIME!!! I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU ALL IN THE SKY MONDAY!!” Bradley rubs his arm trying to calm him down. He had landed on every single chute and had yet to make it above halfway. “Seeing as Jake is losing it, we’re gonna head out.” Reuben announces. You wave goodbye to them as Jake lands on yet another chute. He stares at the board, eerily silent. “Don't you dare flip the board Jake, if you do when we play monopoly and i won't let you be on the same team as Bradley.” You tell him. Callie and Nat laugh at your threat, knowing Jake would rather do anything than not be on a team with his boyfriend. They are coming up on a year together, you finally telling them when you moved to hurry up and fuck each other. 

“Ok, I say it's monopoly time. Jake’s clearly never getting to the end of this.” Nat declares once it's been an hour and half since you started it. “Hey.” Jake nudges you with his foot, “yes, Jake?”, “Is there more of the Snickers salad, and can I have the recipe?” You laugh at him pointing at the fridge, he hops up pulling the bowl out of the fridge. He opened the cabinet to get a bowl, “Jake, how do you know where the bowls are?” He points at Bob, who shrugs and slinks his arm around you pulling you into his side. Jake plops down on the couch next to you. Nat hands you the dog, you’re never anything but the dog. You spend the next 2 hours playing monopoly, you and Bob having hotels on all of your properties, “you. Fucking. Bitch.” Mickey says to you after he lands on park place, completely bankrupting him and Javy. “ok, we’re leaving. Enjoy my money fuckers.” You all say bye as the duo leaves, leaving Nat and Callie, Jake and Bradley and you and Bob. 

You bankrupt Jake and Bradley, Jake threatening to break in and find the snickers salad recipe the next time you leave. Jelly, who had been sleeping on the ouch behind him, pipped up meowing at him incessantly for pets. He pulled her onto his lap, clearly not interested in heading out until the game was over. That is until it was 11:30 and the game was nowhere near the end. “Ok, we need to leave now. Just tie it already.” The duo left leaving just the 4 of you. “I agree. I'm tired, I say we leave the board as is and we can finish it another time.” Callie says standing and stretching. You hug the two goodbye and help Bobby finish cleaning up.

 As he stands at the counter, you slide up behind him grabbing his ass. He grabs your wrist, stopping you. “C’mon Bobby, we’re all alone now. And you know how those shorts make me crazy.” You press your hand back up against him, him reaching out to stop you. “Behave. I’ll give you what you want soon.’’ You test him again, before he whips you around pushing you onto the counter on your stomach. You hear him whip his belt off, before you feel him pull your wrists together with it. “I told you to behave, but you didn’t listen.” He flips your dress over your back, before pulling your panties down. 

He responds to your groan with a smack to your ass, the sound echoing in the kitchen. He slides his hands between your folds, “i’ll give you what you want,” he flips you over so he can see your face, “c’mon, be a good girl for me.” You whimper at the tone of his voice, your sweet loving Bobby is gone, and his Dom alter ego has arrived. He ruts up against your legs as he pulls you to the edge of the counter. “You want me so badly, I'm going to take my time. Because this is my pussy, no one else's. No one can make you feel like this but me, right baby?” He teases you as he slides his fingers through your folds, stopping right before your clit. “No, no one else.” 

He responds with a quick smack to your folds, “no, what?” “No, daddy, no one el-”, “GOD DAMNIT, NOT AGAIN!”  you both whip your heads to see Nat standing there holding her jacket she forgot. “LOCK THE DAMN DOOR NEXT TIME!!!” She yells as she slams the front door closed. You look at each other before bursting into laughter, “even if we did she’d just use her key to get in.” Bob pulls you back to the edge of the counter, his fingers immediately sliding into you. You throw your head back with an almost pornagraphic moan. It doesn't take long before you're teetering on the edge, “bobby please, let me cum. Please!” He pulls his fingers out of you immediately, “clearly i didn’t make myself clear enough. That’s not my name, darling. Hmm, what to do, what to do?” he mutters as he teasingly walks around the counter, he pulls you off and lays you over the kitchen table. He readjusts his belt holding your wrists together, making sure they aren't burning you. “I think 10 will do, but what I use will be up to you.” he says as he rubs his hand over your ass. “Your hands please, Bobby. Please” 

He clicks his tongue, “well now i get to choose, and it's up to 15. Wait here darling, well it's not like you can move anyway.” you hear him go upstairs, not daring to move. He comes back down what feels like an entirety later, you glance to see that he has the soft paddle. You feel yourself getting wetter as you realize that he grabbed it so he could spank your- his pussy safely. “Count them baby, and thank me after each one. Miss one, and I add on. But my baby can take it, can't she?” He glides the paddle down your back, before pulling it back and swinging it. “Thank you, daddy.” He only hums, before repeating the process. “Count the last 5 babies, you're being such a good girl for daddy. I bet you want to come don't you.” He slides his hand between your legs, spreading them open more, rolling his fingers through your folds. He brings his fingers up to his mouth, savoring your taste. 

You whimper as you count the last 5 hits, all of which he lands right on your pussy. He sets the paddle on the table next to your head, before he flips you onto your back. He moves to the other side of the table and pulls you so your head is hanging off. He motions for you to undo his pants, and you do so as quickly as you can with your hands tied up. He pulls the belt off your hands and slides his hands into your hair. “You wanted daddy so bad right baby? Well, show daddy how bad you wanted him. Hmm, can you be a good girl and do that for me?”, you nod as you slide him into your mouth. His hands grip your hair as he guides you to go faster, he knows exactly how far to push you and your gag reflexes. You pull one of his hands to your throat, he loves feeling himself inside of you. “Fuck, baby. C’mon just like that.” He pushes into you slightly causing you to see stars, he quickly pulls out of your throat before pulling you off the table and to your knees. You pull him back into your mouth, and it isn't long before he’s bucking into your throat chasing his release. 

You bring him over the edge, rubbing your thighs together to get any type of friction down there. He pulls you off the floor and back onto the table, hooking your legs over his shoulders. You don't have a moment before he's diving in like a man starved. You grip his hair, trying to guide him closer. “You keep tugging and I'll go slower, be nice to my hair baby. I’m trying to enjoy my pussy.” he says as he pulls away, causing you to whimper and cry out. “Bo-daddy please, please!” He hums a praise you can't quite make out, before continuing to bring you to the edge. You can feel yourself teetering on the edge, “daddy, please. Please, please can I cum. Please?” He pulls back causing you to cry out, “only because you got my name right baby.” He pulls you over the edge, your hands gripping onto his shoulders as he works you through your orgasm.

You lay on the table as you feel him stand. “Color babygirl?”, “green, like neon fucking green.” He chuckles at your eagerness, as he rubs your thighs. “Do you want to go upstairs, or should I take you here?”, “here, please.” he hums, as he walks away from you, “where are you going? Are you just torturing me?” He walks back into your view carrying the blanket from the couch. He lifts your butt up sliding it under you, “have to make you comfortable, I don't plan on being done with you anytime soon.” He steps between your legs, lining himself up. He makes eye contact with you as he pushes in, causing you to grip his shoulders as you try to adjust. “God, you're so tight. Hm, I should've worked you more.” he says as he begins fucking you harder. He pulls your legs up to his shoulders, giving him an angle to fuck you harder. “Daddy!” hearing you call him that causes him to growl animalistically, before he slides his thumb to your clit. “C’mon baby, cum for me. You're doing so well for me, keep being a good girl for me. C’mon” He pushes you over the edge again, you can feel his hips stalling as he chases his high behind yours. He collapses on top of you, your pussy still clenching around him.

“fuck, baby. Still green?” you nod in response, running your hands through his hair. He gently pulls out of you, groaning as he sees him spilling out of you. He grabbed the polaroid, taking pictures for his next deployment. You can help but giggle as he glances up at you through the tops of his glasses.  “They are hot you know, right? I don't know why they call them ‘birth control glasses’, they should call them ‘baby making glasses’”. He groans at your teasing. “Hmm, maybe we should practice that baby making then huh?” You pull him back down to kiss him, before he pulls you off the table. Guiding you over to the couch, you straddle him sliding him back in. He throws his head back, groaning as he can still feel his cum inside of you. You roll your hips, tempting him as you kiss up his neck. 

He slowly rolls his hips to match yours, causing you to moan into his shoulder. He adjusts on the couch, giving his feet a sturdy stance to buck up into you. “Daddy, please. Give it to me.” He growls as he pulls back out, flipping you over to your stomach and sliding you back in. “fuck, please!” He pushes you down to the couch, using his angle to rail into you as you try to find a grip on the couch. He pulls you off the couch, pushing you onto the coffee table, before sliding back in. He rails you within an inch of your life, your third orgasm quickly coming crashing into you. He fucks you thorugh your orgasm as you grip the edge of the coffee table. “Fuck baby, come for me.” He pulls out and you feel his warmth splatter across your butt and lower back. You can feel him smear it down, the click of the camera going off again. 

“You're such a good girl for me. Aren't you baby, you know that.” You groan in response, not trusting your ability to speak. He leaves, returning just a moment later with a warm washcloth, cleaning you up. He pulled you into his lap on the couch, wrapping you in a blanket. “Nat’s gonna kill us. We fucked up the monopoly board. Whoopsies?” you say after a few quiet moments. Bobby laughs, wrapping his arms around you looking at the destruction of the monopoly board. “We probably should have moved it, huh? Well, we’ll get her a new one, because there's no way she wants this one back.” The two of you laugh, before you look at your phone, realizing that it was 2am. 

“Jesus, it’s 2am? You don't have to work tomorrow, right?” you turn to him, also showing him the text from Nat saying to make sure to use protection, well too late for that. “I do not, which means we have all day to lounge around, fuck, bake the cookies i know you want to.” He says as he stands from the ouch, pulling you into a bridal position. You giggle as he carries you up the stairs. He sets you on the toilet, turning the bath on. You take care of yourself before he gently helps you into the warm water, settling in behind you. “So, baby making practice? Careful there Bobby, you need to get a ring first.” you tease at him as you remember what he said to you earlier.

“Get a ring? Baby, I bought one the day after you agreed to be my girlfriend. You haven't found it because it's with one of the Daggers, and no, they won't tell you which one has it.” you laugh at him, as the two of you finish and get out. He dresses you in one of his shirts, as the two of you get into bed. You snuggle into his shoulder, falling asleep quickly, you swear you hear him mutter something about when he’ll do it. You're too blissed out to care at the moment, but you’ll ask him tomorrow.

Thank you for reading! Please comment and reblog if you liked it! This will be cross posted on my Ao3, ElizaKazansky86, that is the only place and name it will be under!

Taglist: @bobbyfloyd @sebsxphia @rhettmotel @mynameismckenziemae

[hawks-supremacy]

Gingerbread House Contest with Mirio

Day 7 of 25 day of Fluffmas (Masterlist)

Word count: 1.1k

A/N: This one is just short and cute :)

:)

It was a weekend when you were hanging out with Nejire and Tamaki, usually your lovely boyfriend Mirio would be with you guys but he left saying he had something important to do. He didn’t give you time to question him before he took off and you were curious about what he was doing. One moment you were all together and the next he was taking off. It was about three hours later when he burst back through the door holding shopping bags.

“Gingerbread house contest!” He yelled. You looked at him and gestured to elaborate as that was a super vague thing to say, “We should have a gingerbread house contest. We each decorate a house and then see who’s better! I already bought the stuff for it.”

“I don’t want to do that, it seems messy.” Tamaki muttered from your bed where he was lounging.

“I’m down, it seems fun!” Nejire chirped from her spot next to you on the floor. Soon she was up and looking through the bags in Mirio’s hands.

“Sorry Nejire, this is just between me and my lovely partner! You and Tamaki are the judges so that way we won’t be biased towards our own houses.” He pulled the bags away from the curious girl.

“So, let me get this straight, you got up in the middle of hanging out with us to go buy supplies for not one, but two gingerbread houses all before even checking if I wanted to do that?” You asked. He nodded eagerly in response, excited to start this little contest. “You know me so well, come on let's go!” You said taking some of the bags from him and heading down to the kitchen, “We’ll come get you two as soon as we’re done, want it to be anonymous after all!”

“Just so you know, we may be dating but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go easy on you.” He said as he walked by. He took the bags back that you had snatched from his hand trying to be gentlemanly but not letting his partner carry the “heavy” bags. You had to remind him that you were also training to be a pro hero so they weren’t that heavy. “I got pretty much everything we need…I think. I’ve never made gingerbread houses so I think I got everything. I watched a few videos so I got the standard kits you can buy and then extra stuff.” 

As he talked he pulled everything out of the bags, there were two standard gingerbread kits (the same one to the playing field was even), extra frosting, sugar (you didn’t have the heart to tell him the dorms already had sugar), more candy and finally hot chocolate. The last one wasn’t to help with the house but to drink while you did it.

“Okay so are we putting a time limit on anything? Or just until we feel good about it?” You asked, separating some of the stuff and moving it to the main counter for more space.

“Whatever you wanna do sugar.” He said beaming, “Get it? Because you’re holding the sugar?” He snickered to himself as you set the sugar down.

“I got it Miri, it was clever, very cute.”  You said, cupping his face and giving him a quick peck on the lips, “Alright first things first I want hot chocolate since you bought it.” He agreed and you got to work making the hot chocolate while he got everything set up. It was about 10 minutes later when you were ready to start. You agreed to terms beforehand, you wouldn’t look at each other’s until you were done and you wouldn’t deliberately sabotage each other either.

It was about 30 minutes in before Mirio broke the silence, both of you working in concentration. “Man this is harder than I thought it’d be. How’s yours going?”

“You thought this was gonna be easy? Mine’s going fine, you better not be looking at it.” You said reaching for more gumdrops. You thought you were doing okay so far, it didn’t look terrible. You had built a few of these before. You knew Mirio had never done this before, “How’s yours turning out?”

“Not so good I don’t think. My gingerbread tenants didn’t make it. Well they did but they didn’t look good so I ate them.” You chuckled at his response, continuing with yours.

“So what I’m hearing is that I have this in the bag?” You teased.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, I could turn this around, quick questions though, is there a way to scrape all the frosting off and start over?” At that you let out a full blown laugh, imagining how his is looking right now.

About an hour later you had finally texted Nejire that you guys were ready and that they could come down. “Hey! I was getting bored in your room, it's about time you were done!” Nejire said as she walked into the kitchen, you and Mirio were standing off to the side while your houses stood side by side.

“You didn’t have to stay in my room the entire time? You just couldn’t come into the kitchen. Did you go through the stuff in my room?” You asked, you didn’t have anything bad but man if she found some stuff you might’ve been embarrassed. 

“Only some of it.” She said sheepishly.

“She went through a lot.” Tamaki chimed in finally joining you guys in the kitchen, “It’s pretty obvious who the winner is. It’s Y/n.” Nejire nodded in agreement looking at the houses.

You nodded slowly, sucking your lips in. “You might want to point just to clarify.” You grumbled crossing your arms and looking away. You didn’t need to watch as they pointed to Mirios, your pride wounded.

“Hey I won!” Mirio exclaimed.

“What?!” Nejire and Tamaki said at the same time. You think that’s the loudest you’ve heard Tamaki talk.

“I don’t know, don’t look at me. I snuck away halfway through to get a glue gun because my pieces kept breaking. It started off so good too.” You put your head in your hands in shame. “Mirio ended up taking my extra pieces because I wasn’t using them.”

“Don’t put yourself down Y/n. I think yours looks great still!” Mirio patted your back in comfort as he talked.

“You’re only saying that because yours turned out so good. Let’s just eat them and forget this happened.” You started to move towards the counter.

“No offense Y/n but I don’t think yours is edible.” Nejire pointed out.

“Well obviously I meant Mirio’s!” You said defensively. The three of them gathered around and started to break pieces off of Mirio’s to eat, in the meantime you took yours and threw it in the trash, hopefully to never be seen again.

:)

Tag List: @marmoney2000 @phtmmsqrde

[duchess7878]

Part 1/2

I saw this request from tumblr user lelandswife and wanted to deliver for you! I hope it’s to your liking :) If it’s too short let me know and I’ll try and write you a longer version :)

Warnings: murder, kidnapping, Stockholm syndrome

The family could only watch as Johnny tore apart the house-shouting and screaming about you. When Johnny had gone to go fetch you for supper, you were nowhere to be found. Not in the house, the barn, the shed, the car graveyard. Anywhere. Johnny at first tried to think rationally, but it didn’t last long. Within 10 minutes of searching, it didn’t take much to piece together what has happened. You left. No-you left him. The rage Johnny felt was like no other. People had gotten away before and it only ever excites him, especially for the chase, but this time was different. He was panting heavily, his chest rising and falling with every breath.

“Nobody escapes me.” He growled and immediately headed out the door in search of you. To Johnny, you were weak and he figured that you wouldn’t make it far before you’d had enough.

Johnny checked around the property for any sign of your footprints. Out by the front driveway, Johnny spotted a small indent in the dirt; one he knew wasn’t there before. He bent down to the print, swiping two fingers across the tracks before smelling it and standing back up.

“I know you’re close my little bunny.” He grinned, bloodlust and lust filling his body simultaneously.

“Why don’t you just come on out and we’ll forget this ever happened?” He lied, but hoping it would work anyway.

He wasn’t going to let you forget. When he got a hold of you, he would make sure that you knew who you belong to and you don’t get to leave. He would tie you down and fuck you for hours until you were begging for him to stop and then he’d fuck you some more. Once he was done, he planned on where he’d be carving his name onto you. Your chest? Your stomach? Leg? Arm? Neck maybe if he was careful? Either way, you’d never forget. Ever. He would make sure of that.

You were crouched down in the shed about 30 feet from where Johnny was standing. You didn’t even make it off of the property before Johnny realized you were gone. You should’ve known better, but you had fallen for him like a complete idiot. He kidnapped you and originally meant to kill you.

This wasn’t a normal relationship by any means. Johnny is dangerous and deadly, but for some reason-you didn’t care. You fell for Johnny not long into your disappearance and for the longest, you didn’t even think about leaving. You were so badly wrapped up in the fantasy world in your head, you didn’t realize you had been gone for almost a year. But it was hard to ignore that part of Johnny when he had come home the night before carrying a corpse, drenched in blood, and wearing the most sadistic smile you had ever seen. The corpse he was holding was another girl your age and it immediately hit you like a train. That was going to be you at first, but something about you was different. However, it didn’t change the fact of what Johnny was-a killer and that’s it. The year that you had spent with him shouldn’t have happened.

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts you hadn’t even noticed the jean-clad legs that had planted themselves in front of you.

“Aw, you leaving’ so soon?” He asked, leaning down and grabbing your hair, yanking you to your feet.

“Johnny wait, please.” You begged, tears streaming down my face in fear of what he had planned.

“Oh no sweet pea, we’re going back home right now.” He ordered and continued to pull you by your hair back to the house. Once there, he dragged you inside and up to his room. He wasted no time and shoved you towards the bed and you stumbled back falling onto it. He stalked towards you and crawled on top of you looking down and studying your face.

“You’re gonna be taught a lesson, one that you’ll never forget.” He leaned down and kissed me harshly biting my lip and panting heavily. You felt his hands viciously roaming your torso, touching and squeezing anything he could reach. You heard his bedside drawer open before you felt something heavy and cold being put around your wrists. He brought your hands above your head and chained you to the bed post.

“Get comfortable darlin’. It’s going to be a long night.” He warned, sitting up to begin disrobing.

Here’s part two if you’re interested :)

[hamiltonaf]

Day Off | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x Female Reader

Requested: @megannandrewss

Word Count: 1K

Warnings: Major fluff

A/N: I hope you babes enjoy this. I’ll hopefully be free soon to start taking requests - I will post when you can do so. Much love .xo

It was a Monday, post match day, which means Kylian’s off for two days before he has training. As much as I love having Kylian at home, it sucked that reality kicks in and I have no choice but to study for finals that are in a week’s time. I feel awful deep down to pretty much abandon him for the day, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I was up by 7:30, the earlier I start then the earlier I would be finished. I groaned and turned over to my bedside table to switch off my alarm, Kylian’s loose grip around my waist had tightened as he pulled me closer against his chest. “Why are you up so early ?” He mumbled into my hair. “I have to study today Ky” I said as I placed my arm over his and played with his fingers. “Noo” he groaned. “Sorry babes” I pouted as I turned around in his grasp to place a kiss on his nose.

“Don’t go yet” he said with his eyes still shut. “Ky I love you but I really have to go study” I pursed my lips. “Studying can wait, these moments are more precious” he said as he tried to pull me closer and held me tighter. I sighed as I gave up arguing with him. “Only 10 minutes” I said which he hummed in reply.

10 minutes had turned into half an hour. I felt time was racing against me and I was losing. It’s as if all these past few days I didn’t get to study as much as I wanted to and procrastinated instead. Now that I felt like I left things for last minute, my anxiety was getting worse.

After some time trying to fight Kylian’s strong grasp, he eventually let me go which I headed straight to shower first. Once I was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt, I quickly ate some breakfast and went to my study corner to get started.

I was at peace for an hour at least until Kylian called my name. “I’m here !” I yelled from the end of the dining table. “Aww… I thought you were joking about studying” he pouted as he stood beside me. “Ky, why would I joke about something like that” I furrowed my brows. “I thought you didn’t want to cuddle” he said. “You know that I never deny your cuddles ! Plus, you know me well by now that I’m not a morning person, why would I set an alarm on for 7:30”

“Ooh I actually forgot about that…anyway, when will you be done ?” “Not anytime soon unfortunately. Please don’t wait on me, you’re more than welcome to go out and leave me” I suggested. “Are you kicking me out of my own house ?” He raised a brow. “What ? No !” I said defensively. “I’m just joking… I’m not going to leave you alone. I planned for us to spend the whole day together. If it means me spending time alone to myself or even watch you study until I’m free, so be it” he shrugged. “Cute. But babe you really don’t have to-“ “I want to. I feel like we’re never alone so I’ll just wait” he sighed. “You’re really the best” I smiled at him as he then pecked my lips. “I know” he grinned before walking away.

I did the 20-10 study method - 20 minutes of studying and 10 minutes of a break - which was very effective considering how my last 4 hours went by so quickly. I was pretty satisfied to be done since I covered 1 whole module in a day. As I was wrapping up my work, Kylian yelled from the hall, “Okay that’s it now ma chérie. I played with Achraf for more than 3 hours now. Call it a day please” he pleaded as he finally stood beside me. “I can’t Kyky, I need to study until the evening before I’m all yours” I lied. “You’re lying” he grinned. “No I’m not” I cracked a smile. “Hmm okay, well I’d like to see you study now” he said before attacking my ribs by tickling me.

“No Ky stop !” I yelled in between a fit of giggles. “Never !” He yelled as he continued to tickle me then moving to my neck. I managed to get up from my seat and ran towards the couch. It was pretty much like a game of tag as he chased me around the lounge. Of course he’s faster than me. Once he caught a hold of me, he threw me over his shoulder and laid me down on the couch whilst straddling me. “Please stop with the tickles, I can’t breathe” I said as I caught a hold of his wrists. “Only if you are done studying for the day” he said. “I’m all yours.”

“That’s more like it” he smiled as he sat beside me and pulled me to sit upright to cuddle him. “So what did you plan for us to do today ?” I asked as I laid my head on his chest. “Well, anything really. Besides spending time with you, I wanted us to do something to relieve your stress” he said as he played with my hair. “Awww Kyky” I sat up and pulled him in for a sweet kiss. He smiled at the gesture before continuing to say, “I know how you are for finals, at the same time I don’t want you overworking yourself, you deserve a break. More importantly, I deserve to spend time with my girlfriend.” “Very very valid” I nodded along to what he said.

When we finally settled on a movie, I murmured “How did I get so lucky ?” “What did you say ?” He asked. “How am I so lucky to have someone like you ?” I pouted. He smiled, “No no ma chérie, I’m the lucky one.” “No, Kylian. I am” I raised my voice and played along. “Babe just shut up, I’m the lucky one. Case closed” he said as he pulled me closer to his chest and placed kisses on my forehead.

[arminsesposa]

Vampire (Female reader x 1610! Miles Morales)

Bleeding me dry like a damn vampire

Yes this is based off Olivia Rodrigos New song, I’m incorporating some of the lyrics as well, lyrics in between and in red.

Miles flaking on you on your 1 year anniversary. You just want the truth.🦅

DO NOT COPY MY WORK,

Reblogs are greatly appreciated! :)

As you were getting ready for your 1st year anniversary date with Miles, you were remembering, all your special moments. From when he asked you out, to when you guys would watch movies at your house, or eat dinner at the Morales’s house. You truly loved that boy. Seeing him all the time, spending quality time with him, whether it was chatting or just cuddling and the way you would catch him stare at you. He made your heart flutter. Even despite what’s been happening.

I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes

Lately, you realized Miles has been acting different. Its been killing you deep inside. You loved this boy dearly, only to have him show up 30- or an hour late to important events. The constant lies and excuses when all you asked for was the truth. You were tired of it and part of you wanted to snap. Keeping it deep down wasn’t helping as for you it was your final straw. It’s not that he didn’t love you, but he’s been ignoring you more often lately. You felt like like he’s been hiding something from you. Maybe an after school program he joined? Was it another girl? There is that blonde girl but… Miles wouldn’t. Would he? Those thoughts quickly passed through your head as you finished apply your makeup. Miles was the one to ask you out as he told you he planned something special for your anniversary. So maybe things will be better this time. You hoped.

I loved you truly, Gotta laugh at the stupidity

As you waited for Miles to pick you up, you stood there in front of your house waiting for him. You were dressed pretty fancy, as the neighbors who walked by just stared at you, you cringed deep down. You texted miles hoping he would answer but to your surprise he didn’t answer. 10 minutes passed by, as your legs grew tired of standing. Your older brother came to your rescue, as he offered you by dropping you off where you two were supposed to meet. “Maybe he has something planned for you” your brother said giving you a sense of false hope. You looked outside the window as the sun began to set. A beautiful mix of Orange and purple spread out throughout the whole sky. You had a slight smile as you remembered the numerous times Miles would bring you to his apartments rooftop. The conversations you guys would have up there. About college, life, the universe. Your brother snapped you out of fantasy as he parked his car and turned back to look at you. “We’re here”

Cause I’ve made some real big mistakes

As you entered the busy diner, it was full of romantic couples. Teenagers In puppy love, sharing a basket of fries, Sipping on a vanilla milkshake, as you made your way to the booth where you and Miles had your first date. As the server unironically on roller skates, came by and asked for your order which you politely denied. It was about to 7:30, as you rested your face on your shoulders as Miles was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago. You looked like an idiot. All these tragically in love couples having their most romantic date, as you sat alone in the booth. As you were about to give up your spot on the booth, Miles rushed in messy hair with a bouquet of roses and a polo shirt on as he sat across from you. “Hey” he said out of breath as he handed you the bouquet.

But you make the worst one look fine

The only thing you could do was stare at him as you quietly accepted the bouquet. “I’m sorry I just had to-“ Miles began as inside you snapped. You were tired of him constantly being late. Tired of him making up these excuses. Although he did plan this date, he still managed to show up 30 minutes late and had you wait like an idiot surrounded by all the couples. You wanted the cold hard truth. Although you felt like your heart was about to burst out of sadness you managed to cut him off. “Enough Miles” you managed to say in a whisper as he stared at you in confusion. “Baby what are you talking about?” miles asked in confusion. You felt like the whole diner was staring at you as you began to pour your heart out. “I’m tired of you always being late, tired of the white lies you tell me. I just want the truth. Who’s the girl? Is it that blonde girl you’re always with?” You said as your vision began to get blurry due to your tears. Miles reaction widened as he immediately shook his head in denial. “No baby, I promise you I would never-“ he pleaded. “I’m just tired, Miles” You said as you looked down, you felt your warm tears trickle down your face as you sniffled.

I should’ve known it was strange, you only come out at night.

Miles stared at you heartbroken. He didn’t know how much he was truly hurting you. With juggling being a student, son, Spiderman, and boyfriend, it was overwhelming for him. But he knew that didn’t excuse his actions. Miles felt guilty, he couldn’t tell you that he was Spiderman due to his fear, a villain taking you for hostage or even much worse. Miles didn’t know what to stay as he tried to hold you hand. “I’m not seeing anyone. You’re the only girl I want, the blonde girl, Gwen I can promise you Is just and only a friend” Miles said sincerely as he held your hand tighter. You stared at him with puffy eyes. “Why are you always late? I wait for you all the time, and I’m just tired miles. I want the honest truth now.” You state as you wait for Miles response. His heart drops, knowing that deep down he can’t tell you that he’s Spiderman. He doesn’t want to see you hurt. He would never forgave himself if something were to happen. As a quiet moment happened between you two, Miles spoke up.

I used to think I was smart, but you made me look so naive

“I’m sorry.. I truly can’t tell you. It’s for the greater good” Miles said as he looked down. He couldn’t even make eye contact with you. You looked beyond heartbroken. “Miles, you can tell me anything I promise. I’m here for you” you pleased with him. You just wanted the truth. No matter what it could be. You wanted to be by his side no matter what and whatever he needed to tell you. You were ready. Miles hesitated. He wanted to tell you everything. He wanted to tell you how it all happened. The spider bite, the way he Because Spiderman, the countless times he saved people but yet he didn’t say anything. It was a risk he wasn’t willing to take. “I can’t. I’m sorry, you can’t know” miles said in a serious tone as he looked down. You were beyond angry, as you got up and threw the bouquet of roses at him and stormed off out of the diner.

The way you sold me for parts, you sunk your teeth into me

You were done. Your boyfriend, who you felt so loved and comfortable with him, not telling you what was wrong. You wanted to be there for him, but how could you help someone who doesn’t wanna be helped. As you stormed off, all the lovey dovey couples watched you storm off as Miles grabbed the bouquet and raced after you. “(Y/N), Wait! You don’t understand” Miles begged as you slammed the door. Tears were streaming down your cheek as you felt your heart rip in half. You felt the pain of your heart breaking, as you walked through the crowds on the sidewalk. The boy you loved the most, was lying to your face. You loved him too much, but this was something you couldn’t handle. As Miles tried catching you up, he grabbed your arm and pulled you to an empty alleyway as you glared at him. “What do you want!” You said as you cried out. This wasn’t how you thought your one year anniversary was going to be like. You know deep down you deserved better. “(Y/N), i love you, i really do and you don’t understand how hard this is for me” miles said out of breath as his hands hanged on his sides. “ I want to tell you, I really do, I just.” Miles paused. “I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you.” Miles said as he stared at you. He only wanted to protect you. “If you really care, then tell me. Tell me right now. Tell me why you’re always late for anything we plan. Why you’ve been making excuses. Where have you been all this time? Miles Morales, if you truly love me you’ll tell me right now” you declare staring at him making direct eye contact. Miles stays quiet. He can’t ruin your relationship. You’re the only person he can go too, someone he trusts and loves, but it was now or nothing. As miles stared down at the Bouquet, he remembers your first date. After getting the courage to ask you out during AP Spanish, he planned for you two to go to a nearby arcade, until a criminal robbing a nearby bank ruined the plans as the arcade shut down, Miles was disappointed, he couldn’t take you out but you two spent the rest of the evening at the diner, where you split a Oreo milkshake. Miles had to tell you. He didn’t care anymore if it was a risk, as he would be there to protect you. He promised to himself in thought as he knew what must be done.

Bloodsucker, FameFucker

“(Y/N), I’m…. I’m spid-“ Before miles could even finish you cut him off. You saw the guilty look of shame on Miles face as he looked down at the bouquet and it clicked. He was probably seeing someone else. The way his behavior was throughout the whole night and the way he kept avoiding the question, you weren’t ready for your boyfriend to admit he was cheating on you in an alleyway. “I’m sorry miles. I’m done. Talk to me when you get your shit straight” you cussed out in anger and sadness as you walked away, leaving miles alone. It struck him like a truck. He was too much in his head he didn’t realize he left you standing there like an idiot. All he could was watch you fade away as you blended in with the packed crowd. As you stormed off, you were tired. Tired of being lied too, tired of how long you waited for Miles to pick you up, only for him to be late. You were beyond devastated how your 1st year anniversary turned into a disaster. As you walked home with your makeup a mess, your eyes puffy from crying, you couldn’t get Miles out of your head. No matter everything that happened part of you still loved him. As you walked home, maybe it was your puffy eyes from crying, or the overwhelming feeling of being tired since you didn’t notice how colorful everything became all of a sudden sorta in a glitchy way, or how the walls began to look… different. In fact you didn’t realize, until you felt your stomach dropped as you found yourself falling through a portal.

Bleedin’ me dry, like a goddamn vampire

Maybe this’ll get a Part 2 💃🏽

[allthefandomthings55]

Life in the Limelight

Chapter 3

Spencer’s POV

After my text conversation with Y/N, I got back to work. All I had to do was hope that we didn’t get a case in two days. I hopped off the elevator and walked to my desk and greeted everybody as I went. As I sat at my desk I started to do paperwork that had been piling up. 

“Hey Reid, my man,” Derek said slapping his hands on my shoulders. 

“Oh no, what do you want, Derek?”

“Nothing, I just think you should come out with me this weekend. Maybe Saturday?”

“I don’t know, Derek, I think I’m busy Saturday.”

“Ok Pretty Boy! What are you doing, hmm? Are you going to watch some obscure movie? Maybe reading a whole bunch of obscure books?”

“Yeah, actually I was thinking about going out and getting lunch after going for a walk in the park then going to an early movie then going home and reading some books.”

Derek, JJ, and Emily seemed surprised for me to have a detailed plan ready. “Ok Reid,” Emily starts, “Are you going with anyone?”

“No, I’m not. I’m actually kind of excited to go out by myself and enjoy life.”

Everyone was staring at me, trying to read my micro-expressions but I knew they couldn’t. “Everyone in the meeting room in five,” Hotch said as he walked passed us. After everyone left to go to the meeting room, I let out a deep breath. I hope this case doesn’t take us out of state and doesn’t take us long. I don’t want to miss my hangout/date with Y/N. I walk up to the meeting room to see everyone sitting there. 

I take my seat and Garcia starts the meeting, “Ok friends we have trouble in our backyard. First victim, Alyssa Caldwater, was last seen leaving her job at 10:30 last Tuesday night. She was found dead two days ago in an alley, and get this, completely naked. Then just yesterday an Amanda Clarke was found in another alley about two blocks from where Miss Alyssa was found. Also they were both strangled to death then stabbed 30 times postmortem.”

“So,” Emily started, “we’re clearly dealing with someone who has extreme aggression problems.”

“Yeah, they might also be impotent. Maybe that’s why he stabbed them,” JJ commented.

“You know, because of the overkill, we’re definitely dealing with someone who is really fit, or is on some kind of stimulant drug that would give them the strength and energy to do something like this,” I said. 

“Well, it seems like this guy is speeding up. One girl dumped two days ago and another one dumped yesterday.” Rossi added.

Hotch spoke up, “Either way we better get down to the D.C. field office and help them figure this out. Everyone at the cars in 10 minutes.”

I got worried because I don’t know if we’ll be done in time for my brunch with Y/N so I decided to call her. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N, how are you?”

“I’m good, Spencer, I’m just leaving rehearsal. What about you?”

“Uh, I’m ok. Look I hate to do this, but my team and I just got a case and I don’t know if it will be done by Saturday. Luckily it’s here, well in D.C., but close enough, right?”

“Oh,” she sounded disappointed, “well that’s ok. I mean you can’t just let people die, right? How about this, we’ll play it by ear. What I do for work is really flexible so I can meet you really anytime I want. Within reason though.” She chuckled after that sentence and I liked the sound of it. I honestly didn’t even know what to say. “Spencer? Did I say something wrong?”

“No! I mean no you didn’t. I just haven’t always had people in my life that understood my situation.”

“Oh believe me I get your situation. Don’t be nervous but I really need to tell you something when we do get to meet. It’s nothing bad, but I think it’s important that you know.”

“Ok, yeah no worries right? But I have to get going to solve this and hopefully I can make our time and date.”

“Yeah you go catch a killer, Spencer. Good luck.”

“Thank you. Bye,” and I hung up the phone. I made my way downstairs and before I got off the elevator I took a deep breath and made my face neutral so the team couldn’t read me. 

As I walk out of the elevator I see the team waiting for me. “Petty Boy! What took you so long?”

“Uh, I just had to make a phone call.”

“Really? To whom?” I decided to ignore him and just follow everyone else and get into the SUV.

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Christmas Reruns 2024–Day 15: ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and happy holidays if you don’t!  One of the things I love about Christmas is watching reruns of all the old classic Christmas movies–Christmas is a big time for nostalgia.  A few years ago, I decided to incorporate that tradition into my fandom life and post my CS holiday reruns.  So here you go!  Enough holiday (mostly) fluff to get you to New Year’s Day. (With a new story posting on Christmas Day.)

Word Count: 5072

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

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Notes: This story was written for CSSS in 2019. It should hopefully be obvious from the story itself, but this is a canon divergence from 3x20.  It’s been a minute, so a quick reminder of what was going on in our favorites’ lives at this point in the story: Zelena cursed Hook’s lips so that the next time he kissed Emma, she’d lose her magic.  She threatened to kill Emma’s family, starting with Henry, if Hook told Emma about the curse.  Hook then decided to send Henry to New York where he’d (hopefully) be safe, but before that could happen, Zelena’s monkeys attacked.  With the help of Emma and the Charmings, Hook was able to defeat the monkeys, but not before Zelena showed up, told everyone about the curse and promised to kill Henry.  Emma and the Charmings are furious at Hook for keeping the curse secret.  This story takes place in the following episode just after Hook and Emma head to the farmhouse to confront Zelena.  Divergences for this story: 1. Snow hasn’t yet gone into labor. 2. Zelena and Rumple aren’t waiting for CS at the farmhouse.  3. It’s Christmas Eve. 4. Blizzard.

–Without further ado:

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Emma stomped into the farmhouse, ripping off her thoroughly snow-covered beanie and scarf and tossing them to the floor.  Of course she was trapped in the freaking Wicked Witch of the West’s creepy farmhouse–with Hook–on Christmas Eve–because of course she was!  That’s the way her life worked anymore.  Why’d she ever let Hook talk her into taking that memory potion in New York?  Her life was good there.  No monsters.  No over-the-top fairy tale villains.  No magic.  Just her and her son living their lives and being a normal family.

Granted, none of it had been real, she’d almost gotten engaged to a flying monkey and a part of her, even during the best moments in New York, felt like there was something missing, but that was beside the point!  She and Henry had been happy.  Was it really such a terrible thing to want to be happy?

Why the hell did Hook have to show up and destroy it all?

“We’re in luck, love,” the man himself called out cheerfully as he stepped inside and then, with some difficulty, closed the door against the bitter, howling wind.  “Zelena may be wicked, but at least she’s practical.  She left a nice, neat pile of firewood on the far side of the house.  Perhaps being stuck in a blizzard is’t the ideal way to spend Christmas Eve, but at least we’ll be quite comfortable.”

She rounded on him, wanting nothing more to wipe the smile from his face with a swift right hook.  “Not ideal?  Not ideal?!  Hook, my son, my parents, my baby brother or sister and the whole town are in danger from a crazy witch who wants to go back in time and wipe out my entire family line.  I think we’re a long way past not ideal.”

The smile slid from Hook’s face.  “It was not my intention to be flippant, Swan, but we must deal with the situation at hand.  You will be of no use to your lad or the rest of the town if you freeze to death, and at least we have the means to prevent that.”

“But Henry–”

“Will be fine,” Hook reassured, striding across the room until he could place reassuring hand and hook on her shoulders.  “He’s with Regina, and even at the height of her villainy, she loved Henry.  Protecting him will be her number one priority.”

Loathe as she was to admit it, Hook was right.  After the whole debacle yesterday–the storybook bringing back Henry’s memories, Zelena showing up and exposing Hook’s whole kiss curse situation, Zelena promising to kill Henry, Henry and Regina breaking the curse with True Love’s Kiss, the revelation of how the curse was cast in the first place (she still couldn’t believe her mother had actually crushed her father’s heart to cast it!)–Regina’s first act was to place a number of complex protection spells over Henry and every location he frequented.  Henry would likely suffer no lasting damage.

But Emma hadn’t wanted to take any chances. With Regina protecting Henry, and with Emma’s brother or sister still showing no signs of coming out to greet the world, Emma decided she was done playing defense. It was high time she take the fight to the Wicked Witch.  It was time to end this.  So armed with her magic and her faithful pirate, Emma had stormed out in the direction of Zelena’s farmhouse.

Stormed, it seemed, being the key word.  It began snowing just before she and Hook left her parent’s loft, and by the time they reached Zelena’s place, they were dealing with a full on blizzard.

Really, being home was the least Zelena could do given the fact Emma was giving up Christmas Eve with her son to kick her ass, but no.  She couldn’t even give them that.  There was no telling where Zelena and her Dark One puppet had gone, but it was clear they were not at home.

Emma hoped the witch froze solid in the blizzard.

Killian busied himself arranging the logs in the fireplace and then tried–without success–to start a blaze with the lighter he’d found lying upon the mantle.  Emma watched him struggle for a while, before growling, pushing him aside and calling on her reserves of anger and frustration to produce a fireball that soon had the fire blazing merrily.

“Bloody brilliant, love,” Killian murmured in obvious awe.  Despite herself, Emma felt her confidence soar in the wake of Hook’s constant, never-wavering faith in her.  

“You know Swan, it could be worse,” Hook said with a wicked grin.  “At least you’re trapped with a dashing rapscallion like meself.  There are any number of ways we could find to amuse ourselves that I can promise would be very enjoyable for both of us.”

When he waggled his eyebrows in that ridiculously over-the-top way of his, she lost it.

“Are you freaking kidding me right now?” she nearly shouted.  “We’re stuck here, my family’s in danger, a psycho witch and her equally psycho Dark One sidekick are still on the loose and all you can do is flirt!”

Growling, she turned to the fireplace, and tossed another fireball at the kindled wood for good measure, furious beyond belief at Hook, at Zelena, at the situation and, if she was being totally honest, at herself for the secret thrill that went through her every time he made outrageous or suggestive comments to her while giving her that look.  There was nothing between them!  There never would be.  She wouldn’t let it.

The farmhouse was silent for several moments, save for the crackling of the fire, and Emma eventually turned back toward Hook.  The look he gave her was a little too knowing, a little too understanding.  When he’d come for her in New York, he’d told her he knew her better than she knew herself, and though she hated to admit it, it was true.  It was a little unnerving how very well he understood her.

“Swan, what is this really about?” he asked simply.  

Emma growled.  “What do you mean, ‘What’s this really about?’  Did you forget about a certain green bitch with an insane grudge against her sister?”

“Of course not,” Hook said patiently, “but despite being snowed in, we are in no worse straights than we were yesterday.  You heard it yourself from your mother when you used your talking phone to let her know of our whereabouts.  Your family is fine, and Zelena hasn’t been seen since our confrontation in the boat house.  I reiterate.  What’s this really about?”

Emma glared at him for a long moment, before she finally sighed and dropped rather dramatically onto one of the ornate armchairs before the fire.  “It’s just…it’s just Christmas is Henry’s favorite time of year.  That kid loves Christmas.  Every year back in New York–and then in Boston before that–Christmas Eve was special.  We made a tradition out of it.  We’d sit before the tree drinking cocoa, reading ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’, singing our favorite carols.  Sometimes he even managed to talk me into letting him open a present or two.  It was the one night I never, under any circumstances, accepted a case or worked on one I had ongoing.  Christmas was for us.”

Emma felt the tears threatening at the back of her throat and she swallowed roughly, doing everything she knew to keep them from spilling over.  “And now, here I am on Christmas Eve, separated from him.  The kid’s going to be crushed.”

“Love,” Hook said gently, “the lad has a kind heart and a good head on his shoulders.  He understands the circumstances are beyond your control.  He knows how much spending this night together means to you, and he knows you’d never willingly miss spending it with him.”

“You know what the worst part of it is?” Emma asked bitterly. “The worst part of it is, as you’ve pointed out to me multiple times, none of it was real.  It didn’t happen.  It was nothing but the pleasant fake memories Regina gave us.”

Killian took ahold of her hand, and in a move that shocked even her, she let him.  “This past year, the lost year, was real.  Trust me love, Henry understands why you weren’t with him during the first ten years of his life.  He knows you didn’t abandon him.  He knows you did what you had to do to give him a good life.”

“Maybe,” Emma said, a lone tear breaking free and flowing down her cheek despite herself.

“Definitely,” Killian said with conviction

The lights flickered once and then went off completely, pitching the farmhouse into darkness, save for the flickering light from the fire.  Despite it being merely late-afternoon, the storm outside seems to have eclipsed the sun entirely.

“Fabulous,” Emma said with a groan.  “As if being stuck in a witch’s farmhouse on Christmas Eve wasn’t bad enough, now we’ll probably freeze to death without the heat.”

“I rather doubt that, Darling” Hook said with a flirtatious quirk of his eyebrow.  He slid his tongue along his bottom lip in a way that had Emma’s pulse racing, before invading her space and whispering the last bit.  “I’m sure we can come up with a way to keep warm.”

Emma leaned into him, actually leaned into him for a moment, before shaking herself out of it and taking a deliberate step back.

“Stop, Hook, just…stop!” she said through gritted teeth.  “This whole thing is your fault!  All of it!  We were happy  in New York, and you had to barge in and destroy it for us.  Then we get back here, and you manage to get yourself cursed–joke’s on Zelena by the way.  If she was smart, she’d have chosen to enchant the lips of someone I’d actually kiss.  Then you decide to take matters into your own hand instead of telling me about the threat to my son.  Hell, this is probably part of the plan too, isn’t it?  Get me alone, stranded in a blizzard and then try to seduce me.”

She’d hurt him.  She saw that clearly in his face for the space of two heartbeats, and then that hurt coalesced into anger.  “Despite what you may think of me, Swan, I’ve not yet developed an ability to control the weather.

Without another word, he stomped to the door.

“Where are you going?” she yelled after him, fire still flashing in her eyes.

“To gather more firewood,” he answered, voice hard.

And with a fierce slam of the door, he was gone.

For long moments after the door slammed after Hook, Emma continued to seethe.  Why was her life the way it was?  Why couldn’t she just be normal?  Why couldn’t she go back to her pleasant, comfortable life in New York with her son?  When she told people she was going back after this whole Zelena situation was over, why did they all look at her like she had just stated her plan to kick puppies?  This was her life, and she could live it as she pleased!  It was her prerogative to do what she felt was necessary to protect her son.  Where did Hook get off trying to convince her to stay with her family–and with him?

It’s not like she’d never see her loved ones again.  They’d still visit, and her family was welcome to come visit them.  But she was done.  She was done being the “savior”, done going after psychotic fairy tale villains, done being everything to everybody.  And most especially, she was done dealing with a pirate who made her heart race in a way she couldn’t control.

She’d done the whole “falling in love” thing before, and she had no intention of doing it again.

But as the minutes continued ticking past, Emma’s anger began to fade, and concern took its place.  Hook had been gone a long time; way too long to just gather up firewood.  What if….what if she’d finally driven him away?  What if he’d actually left her this time?  

A sick feeling took up residence in the pit of her stomach at the thought.  She wanted to tell herself she didn’t care; that she was glad he had finally stopped pestering her, but she couldn’t lie to herself anymore.  Hook had become much more than an ally to the heroes’ cause.  He’d become a friend, quite possibly the best friend she had.  He was her confidant, her support.  His endless faith in her gave her confidence when she no longer had faith in herself.  And the fact that he was so drop dead gorgeous and romantic that her insides turned to mush whenever he looked at her couldn’t be denied, at least not in the deep recesses of her heart where the truth resided.

Truth was, he’d been everything she needed during this whole stupid Wicked Witch business.  Despite what she might have said to him, she knew he pushed her not to further his own romantic interests but because he genuinely wanted her to find happiness.

And what did she do?  Time and time again, she pushed him away.  Time and time again she reforged the wall around her heart, trying to drive him away with cruel, cutting words.

Had she actually succeeded this time?  Was he ready to give up on her like everyone else had?  Gods, how was she going to handle it if he had?  Through everything, he’d been a constant in her life.  Why did she always do this?  Why did she always push away the people in her life that meant the most?

A small kernel of hope still lived inside her, reassuring her that he’d never abandoned her before, he wasn’t going to start now.

But that thought brought with it an entirely new concern.  What if something happened to him?  What if he was lost, freezing to death in the blizzard?  What if Zelena was lying in wait for him?  What if…?

As the minutes continued to pass, increasingly more fantastical worries about what may have happened to him took up residence in her mind until Emma feared she’d go crazy with the worry.  She was just on the point of going after him, when suddenly the door swung open, the furious blizzard winds blowing in both Killian and a fair amount of snow.

Without a word, Killian deposited an arm full of firewood beside the fire and then stepped outside to grab one more thing, before firmly closing the door again and shaking his head and shoulders like a wet dog.

The relief that suddenly flooded Emma was so strong that she couldn’t help herself.  She threw herself in his arms and buried her nose in his icy cold neck.  He was here; he’d come back to her.  He was okay.

For a moment, Killian stood still, but then his hooked arm came around her, and he hugged her to himself as tightly as she clung to him.  “Swan?” he asked.

Emma stepped back, wiping at her suddenly damp eyes.  “I’m sorry, okay?” she said, voice wavering with the emotion still at the back of his throat.  “I thought you’d left, and I get it.  The stuff I said to you–it was over the line and I’m sorry.”

Killian took a quick step back, unmistakable hurt back in his eyes.  “You thought I’d left?  Emma, haven’t I proven to you by now that I’d never leave you?”

“I know!” she was quick to reassure.  “It was stupid okay?  I just–I don’t know; I got scared, and when I get scared–” she shrugged.  “Wounds from the past tend to linger.”

His face softened.  “Well they needn’t with me,” he said gently. “I’m not so easily driven away.”

She smiled at him, a small, tenuous thing, but then the item in his hand caught her eye.  “Is that a pine tree?”

Killian smiled again.  “It’s not much, I’m afraid, but it was the best I could find in this tempest.”

“You got us a Christmas tree?”

Killian suddenly turned away, scratching at the back of his ear.  “I thought about what you said, Swan, about the traditions you are missing with your lad today.  I know it’s not the same as spending the day with him, but I thought–” he shrugged self-consciously, “I thought perhaps it would make your holiday marginally less bleak if we recreated some of your favorite traditions ourselves.”

For the second time that evening, Emma threw her arms around Killian.  “That’s one of the most thoughtful things anyone’s ever done for me.”

“I aim to please.”

******

Two hours later, Emma and Killian sat with each other before the fire, steaming mugs of instant hot cocoa in hand.  Emma smiled, looking over at the tree that they’d managed to decorate with bits and baubles they’d found scavenging through Zelena’s house (and leaving quite a mess in their wake, which felt rather satisfying).  Phase one of “Operation Christmas Cheer”, as Emma decided to call it in honor of Henry, complete, they’d turned their pillaging to the kitchen, managing to put together a haphazard meal of bread and cheese that Killian had toasted over the fire.  It was Emma who found the box of instant cocoa mix in Zelena’s cupboard, and, resourceful as always, Killian had heated it over the fire in a small saucepan.

Meal prepared, they’d raided every bedroom and closet, bringing all the pillows, blankets, comforters and afghans they could find and arranging a nest for themselves before the fire.

“I’m afraid we’ll need to bed down for the night here before the fire, Swan,” Killian said, once again scratching at his neck.  “With the storm still raging fiercely, we’d freeze in any of the bedrooms.”

Truth be told, Emma thought, as she bit into her grilled cheese sandwich, though she missed being with Henry, this Christmas Eve wasn’t turning out half bad.  

They ate in companionable silence, and when the last crumb had been consumed, Killian turned toward her with a smile.  “Are you ready for your story, Swan?”

“Story?” She asked.

“Of course,” he answered.  “That was an integral part of your Christmas Eve tradition, was it not?  Reading with your lad?”

Emma smiled.  “It was, but don’t worry about it.  It would be too much to ask that the Wicked Witch would keep any Christmas books around.”

“No matter,” Killian said, settling more comfortably onto his side of their blanket nest.  “I’ve no need of a book.”

“Oh really?” she grinned.  “How are you going to manage to read me a story with no book?”

“I’ve all I need up here, love,” he said, pointing to his head.  “Sit back and prepare to be transported into the holiday spirit.  ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…”

Emma’s jaw dropped.  “Wait, you know ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’?”

Killian gave her a mock offended look.  “I do read, Swan.  Quite extensively in fact.”

Emma smiled, laying upon her pillow and pulling a comforter up to cover her.  “Well, by all means, then, continue.”

As Killian’s voice droned on, reciting the story of a man awakened by the arrival of Santa Claus on Christmas Eve night, Emma felt her eyelids become heavy, and before she knew it, she was drifting off to sleep, not visions of sugar plums, but visions of a thoughtful pirate that she just might be starting to fall for, dancing in her head.

************

Christmas morning dawned clear and bright, the blizzard finally at an end.  Emma woke to bright sunshine streaming through the front window.  For a moment, she was disoriented, wondering where she was and how she’d gotten there, but then the previous day rushed back to her.  Going after Zelena, the blizzard, being trapped in the farmhouse, taking out her frustration on Hook, being afraid Hook had left her, being overjoyed when he returned, his thoughtful Christmassy gestures.

Still thinking of Hook, Emma gradually became aware that she was quite warm and comfortable–and that was all thanks to the man who was currently spooning her, his strong arms holding her close.  They’d gone to sleep with a respectable amount of space between them; how did they wind up in each other’s arms?

For a moment, Emma wanted to run.  This was too close, too intimate, too–much.

But the more Emma thought about it, the more she realized she didn’t want to run, not anymore, not from this man.  He’d been proving himself to her over and over again since Neverland.  In the past few weeks alone, he’d been her rock as all this Wicked Witch crap had been going down.  He’d found her in New York–somehow; she was still fuzzy on the details–restored her memories, brought her back to her family, contributed an excellent strategic mind to planning sessions, been one of the best listening ears she’d ever had.

And then the harder to swallow stuff.  In these early morning moments, she could admit to herself that though some of the things he said to her were uncomfortable, they were uncomfortable truths.  Walsh’s presence in her life proved that she couldn’t get away from the fairytale crap, not really.  The fact that Henry had his memories back meant she couldn’t take him back to New York, at least not without a hell of a fight–with him, with Regina, with her parents, with everyone. He’d spoken the truth to her about all of it, even at the risk of her turning on him completely.  It was the mark of someone who truly, genuinely cared.

And all the while, she’d treated him like something nasty she’d stepped in.  She’d pushed, and pushed and pushed, but he’d stayed by her side.  He’d been so patient with her, he really ought to qualify for sainthood.

It was Christmas, the time to be with the ones you loved.  The time to tell them what they truly meant to you.  

She turned over in his arms and ran a hand over his stubbly cheek.  Still caught up in sleep, he mumbled “Swan” on a fond sigh, before opening his eyes–and then jumping to his feet faster than any person she’d ever seen.

“Swan!” he said, face flaming.  “My apologies love.  Not that I didn’t enjoy waking up with you in my arms, but I had no intention of taking advantage.”

Emma smiled, rolling her eyes fondly.  “Sit back down, you Victorian drama queen.  You didn’t take advantage.  Somehow we just–ended up like that over night.  Besides; I kind of liked it.  You’re warm.”

Killian did as she asked, sitting cross legged beside her as she sat up to mirror him.  “Just warm, love?  I’ve it on good authority that I’m hot.”

Emma laughed, playfully swatting his arm.  “Do you ever run out of these cheesy lines?”

“Haven’t yet in my three hundred years of existence.”

They laughed together for a moment, but then Emma turned serious, remnants of her musings of the morning still very much in mind.  “Hook, I think we need to talk.”

The smile slid from his face.  “As stated in Neverland, love, I find when a woman says that, I’m rarely in for a pleasant conversation.”

“You might be surprised this time.”

“Aye?” he asked, brow raising in interest. 

“I just–” she started, not sure how to even go about untangling all of the thoughts twisted up in her head.  “I get it; I get why you didn’t tell me about the lips curse thing.  I get that you were trying to protect Henry the best way you were able in an impossible situation.  I’m sorry I jumped down your throat about it.”

“You were concerned for your lad,” Killian said.  “I quite understand being angry at finding someone was keeping something about his welfare from you.”

“It’s not that,” Emma said, “or at least not just that.  Hook, I trust you; I really do.  I know you wouldn’t deliberately hurt Henry.  It’s just–hearing what Zelena threatened and what she did to you, it just brought it home again that I’m not enough.  Even with the whole savior thing, I can’t do a damn thing to help my family.  Zelena knows if she takes my magic, I’m useless.”

Killian straightened, frowning ferociously down at her.  “I cannot abide that kind of talk about the woman I–well, the woman I care for, particularly when it is blatantly false.  Emma, you are enough.  You’re more than enough, and it’s because she knows it that Zelena is going after you.  She said something similar to me.  She told me that she wants me to take away your magic, the thing that makes you special, but she was wrong as well.  Your magic isn’t what makes you special.  There’s not a bit of you that isn’t extraordinary.  Swan your determination, your goodness in the face of a difficult childhood, your strength and courage.  All of it make you who you are.  All of it convinces me without a doubt that even without your magic, you could defeat Zelena.”

Emma felt like a ball of warmth surrounded her, suffused her at his words.  She loved him.  She’d never admitted it to herself before, but nonetheless it was true.  She loved him, and she was done hiding behind her walls.

And she was certainly done letting villains try to determine her love life.

“Killian, can I ask you a question?” she asked.

“Anything, love.”

“Back in New York, when you first came to my apartment.  That was True Love’s Kiss you tried, wasn’t it?”

There was the scratching at his neck again.  “Aye.  I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try.”

“So you…you love me?”

His eyes widened.  “Swan, if you haven’t realized that by now, I don’t know what to tell  you.”

“No I mean, you truly love me, like curse-breaking true love?”

“For my part, aye,” he said, looking directly in her eyes.  “There’s no doubt in my mind, but for True Love to break a curse, it must be reciprocated.  New York proved that it is not, as is your prerogative, of course.”

Emma was silent for a moment, gathering her courage.  Finally she met his eyes.  “True Love’s Kiss also doesn’t work when one party doesn’t remember the other.”

He stared at her incredulously for a long moment. “Are you saying you think we share True Love?” he began, apparently unable to finish the sentence.

Emma shrugged.  “I mean, I don’t know. How could I?  But–I’m willing to test it out.  Are you?”

He swallowed hard.  “Gods know how badly I wish to kiss you, Swan, but are you sure?  Your magic is part of who you are.  I cannot be the reason you lose it.”

“You won’t,” Emma said, scooting forward and invading his space.  “I think this will work, but even if it doesn’t I know that there’s nothing our family can’t accomplish.  With or without my magic, Greeny doesn’t stand a chance.  So what do you say?  Are you willing to take a leap of faith?”

In answer, Killian leaned forward covering her lips with his own.  Emma sighed into the kiss, everything about it felt right.  Come what may, she was not denying herself this pleasure again.

Emma had just tilted her head to deepen the kiss, when suddenly a shockwave burst forth from their joined lips and suffused the entire farmhouse.  She pulled away.  “Hook–was that–?”

His face a mask of awe, Killian answered.  “I think so.  Give it a try, my love.”

Emma concentrated her emotions, directing them toward the place within her where her magic had always been.  Continuing to focus, she waved her hand, and suddenly a fireball shot forth, reigniting the fire that had burnt down to mere embers.

“True Love,” she said in shock.  “It’s true love.”

“Aye that it is,” Killian said, moving toward her once again.  “The question is, what are we going to do about it?”

“Well, for starters, this,” Emma said, surging forward with enough vigor to knock him to the floor.  Emma took his mouth with the kind of wild abandon she’d never even imagined displaying.  He gave back as good as he got, his hand tangling in her hair and his hooked arm molding her to himself.  

Emma’s hand had just moved to unclasp his vest when suddenly the farmhouse door opened and Leroy burst through, walkie talkie in hand.  “Relax your majesties,” he said.  “I found ‘em.  They’re at the farmhouse sucking face like a couple horny teenagers.”

Emma sighed in frustration before getting to her feet and then offering Killian her hand.

“You know, Swan,” Killian said when he was back on his feet.  “I think someone needs to muzzle that dwarf.”

Emma giggled, as the sound of her father’s shocked “WHAT?!” on the other end of the walkie came through.

She shrugged.  “What can I say?  It wouldn’t be Christmas without a little family drama.”

“True enough, love.  Shall we adjourn to your parents’ loft and face the music together?”

“Absolutely,” Emma answered, taking his hand and lacing his fingers with hers.  “Together is how I see us doing a lot of things in the future.”

NEXT CHAPTER->

[jongho-my-beloved]

The Incident

Heyy I’m Moon! This is the first fic I’ve written in a very long time so bear with me, but I hope if you read it you enjoy it. This fic is called The Incident because it is based off true events from a night out with my friend, just tweaked to make my delusions come to life. This is gonna be maybe one or two more parts, so there’s not too much going on in this chapter besides set up. Pls forgive me for any errors I wrote this in my notes app. Either way I hope you enjoy it and look forward to more writing from me in the future!!

Special thanks to @yeonjuns-beanie who encouraged me to make my delusions into a fic and for being the best friend ever.

Wonwoo X Female Reader

Word Count: 5.9k words

Warnings: Alcohol/Alcohol consumption, Vaping (mentioned literally once), some awkward flirting.

Your keys jangle in the lock as you open the front door, elated to be home after the shit show you just went through at work. Mrrow! The little ball of fluff greets you immediately in her tiny voice, stretching before prancing over to rub up against your legs.

“Hi my baby.” You smile feeling the stress of your last shift slowly seep out as you scratch behind her ears. “Did you get some good naps in today?”

Mow!!

“I wish I was you.” You speak as if you’re having a conversation with one of your roommates, but judging by the stillness of sound they don’t seem to be home. “Come on my love, let’s get you some dinner.”

Mrrph!

Maybe it was a little weird to speak to your animals the way you would a human, but this is your baby, and at least she responds. The kibble clatters into the bowl as she circles you, biting your ankle impatiently when you space out trying to plan for the rest of your evening. “Hey! Be patient it’s right here.” You announce setting the food down as she goes to town.

You should text Lorraine and make sure she’s still down for your plans tonight, which you’re 90% sure she is… but that 10% always gets to your mind. Pulling up your messages you click on the contact reading Wifey 😈💕.

Y/N: Hellooooo loml 🫶🫶🫶🫶 are you still down to get messy and kiss in the club later 🤭

You and your friends are always flirting, this was just your way of asking if you were still going out tonight. It’s just how you express your endearment to each other, but also probably the reason why people seem so intimidated to approach you when you go out together.

Wifey 😈💕: I’ve been waiting all week to get a smooch in, of course I’m still down 🤭💕 Why? Are you still feeling up for it?

Y/N: Of course, you know I just like to check in before I get all sexy for no reason… and because it’s just us tonight, we could wait for the rest of our friends to be free if you want.

Wifey 😈💕: You’re always sexy 😏 also no I am not missing another thirsty thursday! The happy hour prices are too good.

Y/N: Shut the fuck up. I’m gonna kiss you so hard.

Wifey 😈💕: My lips are ready 👄 Anyways what time are we leaving?

Y/N: Up to you my love, it’s Your birthday we’re celebrating.

Wifey 😈💕: I’ll just let you know when I’m on my way over and we can leave from your house.

Y/N: Sounds good, I’m gonna hop in the shower now keep me updated 💕

Wifey 😈💕: Of course, see you soon 🫶

A groan escapes you as you peel yourself up from your bed that you took a quick rest on while texting Lorraine. Knowing the both of you, you’ll probably get there within the last 15-30 minutes of happy hour, but that’s enough time to chug whatever you’ll need after your ritualistic car pregame. You quickly hop in the shower washing away the last of your shitty shift away from your mind as you begin to feel excitement for tonight grow.

It isn’t often that you and Lorraine get to go out and not worry about sobering up and leaving early because either you or someone in your group still has work the next morning. Especially for you, since you’re usually the driver, you stop drinking before everyone and guzzle down some water to make sure that you all get home safe. Tonight both you and Lorraine had no commitments the next day, and that meant you could finally relish in that fuzzy feeling of being drunk for more than just an hour.

Finally stepping out of the shower, you let the steam disperse while you head to your room to find something to wear tonight. Still feeling a bit tired from your shift earlier you decide to go for a combo you know you always feel safe in, big pants little shirt. Finding a pair of ripped jeans that weren’t too baggy in your mess of laundry you said you would fold days ago and some cute corset top, you decided the outfit was good enough. You weren’t really trying to attract too much attention, more focused on spending time with Lorraine, it is her birthday after all and you cherish your friendship with her. You both have grown closer over the last few years and it’s something you’re glad has developed as your friend group grows busier these days. Lorraine would make time to come by just to watch stupid videos and drink on your couch together when you didn’t feel like going out, offer her support when you’re feeling sick or down, make the horrible shifts at work go by faster with your silly joke flirting. You connect on a deep level, a best friend you never want to lose.

Ding Ding!

Your phone brings you back to reality as you were spacing out during your eyeshadow routine. You check the time, later than you planned but still earlier than your usual.

Wifey 😈💕: Just about done. Gonna head over soon, just gotta find me shoes.

Y/N: Okayyy, I’m like halfway done I’ll probably be ready by the time you get here.

Wifey 😈💕: Take your time, this is probably the earliest we’ve gone in a while anyways.

Y/N: True, let me know when you’re here 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Lorraine reacted with a thumbs up and you set your phone down on the counter again to quickly finish the rest of your makeup. Just as you finish coating your lashes in mascara your doorbell rings loud through the empty home. “Hi sexy, come here often?” Lorraine giggles as you let her inside.

“I was here like… less than 48 hours ago,” she picks up Kitty as she runs over to greet her. “Hi you little menace.”

You smile closing the door behind you guys as you head back over to your room. “I’m ready I just need to get dressed. There’s some soju in the fridge for our little pregame if you wanna grab that.”

“Kay! I also brought some!” Lorraine shouts back as you shut your door to change quickly into the outfit you chose earlier. You laugh to yourself knowing you both were definitely in agreement on getting messy tonight. Grabbing some simple accessories and spritzing yourself with perfume you were ready to go.

“Alright let’s go! I’m ready to get fucked up with my wife.” You announce pulling on some boots that compliment your outfit.

“Looking sexy as always.” Lorraine says following your lead as you unlock your car.

“Never as sexy as you.” You wink back as you both burst into a fit of giggles and get into the car.

The car ride to the bar you frequent isn’t long, but long enough for you to shit talk about your annoying coworkers and complain about your daily life. Parking downtown was always a nightmare, but luckily you’d been in this area enough to find a good spot only two blocks away from the bar where you didn’t have to pay. Parking in your usual area you both continue to gossip and show each other new songs you found while passing the bottles of soju back and forth till you both felt you were at a good level. A few more drinks in the bar and you’d both be as inebriated as you were planning for tonight. You decided to leave the bulk of your stuff in the car, taking just your ID, credit card, and keys with you to lighten the load.

The short walk to the bar had you both complaining as it was colder this April than it usually is. “God it’s hard being sexy.” You joke as you make your way inside. Lorraine agrees as you make your way to the bar, opening a tab and ordering four of the fruity cocktails you both enjoyed. “You don’t pay for a thing tonight it’s your birthday!” You laugh trying to close Lorraine’s phone as you catch her trying to send you money for the drinks.

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind.” She hesitates.

“If you send me money I swear to god I’ll break up with you.” You fake threaten trying to hold back your smile.

She gasps and fakes sorrow as she grabs her two drinks, “Please god no!”

You giggle already sucking down your first drink, “Then don’t you dare send me a single penny.”

She nods giving up as she chugs her first drink alongside you. You both toss the empty cup into the trash and decide to head out to the floor with your other drink in hand to get a feel for the night.

It’s crowded and humid in the tiny bar, more people seem to be showing up compared to when you both first started coming here. Despite the crowd and the heat of all the bodies on the dance floor you still liked to come here, avoiding the more exclusive high end clubs deeper in the city. It was familiar and the drinks were cheaper here anyways.

You both surveyed the crowd as you swayed and danced with each other when a song you liked came on. Sharing your thoughts on the attractive people you saw or the regulars you don’t see as often anymore. You could tell by how you both clung to each other that the drinks were already setting in, but this was your chance to drink more. You were dead set on feeling the fuzzy glow of being drunk and dancing with your best friend.

“Do you want to drink more?” Lorraine asked as she tossed the cup of ice was holding the fruity drink long gone now.

“I planned on it.” You answer with a mischievous grin that Lorraine mirrors, happy with your answer. You head back to the bar, ordering another round of drinks the bartender quickly makes for you. “Do you wanna hang out here for a bit until he plays some better music?” You ask motioning to the empty stools.

Lorraine nods, “Yeah I could use a small break from all that must in there.”

As you both settle down and sip at your new drinks, swaying to the music and chatting, you notice Lorraine’s gaze looking behind you for a few moments. “What is it?” You ask curiously noticing a small shift in her smirk.

“So I wasn’t too sure, but there’s this really cute guy here and he’s totally eyeing you babe. Don’t look now though he’s still watching.” She speaks a little more quiet than your previous volume.

“What? Nah, he’s probably looking at you, have you seen yourself?” You compliment seriously, Lorraine was definitely one of your most beautiful friends and you made sure she knew so.

“I’m being so serious right now. I saw him out on the floor and he is definitely looking at you. He’s totally your type too. Tall, kinda big, got these kinda cat like eyes, slut glasses…”

“Slut glasses?” You turn around not so subtly, the drinks definitely taking a toll on your movements. You make quick eye contact with a man far too handsome for your drunk brain to process before he breaks the eye contact nervously acting as if he was just scoping out the bar. His friends laugh, confirming you had just caught him staring. You turn back to Lorraine, your drunken glow heating with the blush forming from your flustered thoughts. He was very much your type, in fact almost to the t. “Raine, there’s no way I could talk to him holy shit.” You babble bashfully as she laughs before you’re cut off by a song you both love. Both your eyes go wide before you’re practically dragging each other out onto the floor again getting lost in the sea of people.

At some point you guys had made it upstairs to the bathroom, taking a break from the crowd as the drinks buzzed through your bodies. You took your ritualistic mirror selfie together, taking a last quick hit of your vapes before deciding to head out and dance for a while longer before heading out. You try to forget the eye contact you made with the handsome stranger, but the intensity of his eyes is burned into your skull. He seemed so mysterious and intimidating, his looks making him seem almost unapproachable. Looking around now it seems like neither he or his friends are still here, not like you would have the courage to talk to him even with the drunks buzzing through your mind.

After some dancing, laughs, and odd people trying to make conversation you and Lorraine were obviously not interested in, you pull out your phone to check the time. It’s almost 1, you should probably start drinking some water and pee so you’re feeling well enough to drive by the time the bar closes at 3. “Let’s go back upstairs, I gotta pee so I can drive soon.” You inform Lorraine tugging lightly on her arm. She nods following you happily, both of you had a great time so far tonight, a successful birthday celebration.

“You should have talked to slut glasses.” Lorraine sighs as she fixes a bit of smudged lipstick in the mirror while you break your seal.

“Okay, yes he was hot, but I’m here with you for Your Birthday. Also I drove, so no way I’m ditching you for a guy I’d probably make a fool out of myself in front of.” You defend yourself as more clarity slowly rushes to you as the alcohol leaves your body.

“I bet he would think anything you do is cute, he could not keep his eyes off of you.” She countered switching spots with you as you washed your hands.

“Well, too bad we’ll probably never see him again.” You state drying your hands and leaning in to fix some of your smudged makeup as well. Lorraine shrugs and you feel around your pockets to find your vape to hit it before leaving the bathroom again, but something is off. Your eyes scan the bathroom trying piece together what’s off.

“What’s wrong? Why are you looking around like that?” Lorraine asks as she notices panic start to shine through your eyes.

“Raine…” You pause slapping your pockets and searching the bathroom frantically, how could you be so stupid? “Raine I lost my fucking keys.”

“What? Your keys?” She asks shocked. You aren’t the type to lose your shit. You’ve always been responsible with your driving duties and making sure everyone was safe, so it was hard to believe you lost your keys. Not to mention how hard it is to loose your keys adorned with many obnoxious keychains.

“Raine for real, I don’t have my keys. I must have dropped them somewhere we gotta go look.” You say trying your best to stay calm, but you’ve never felt yourself sober up so fast.

Lorraine was immediately on the same page finishing washing her hands quickly before you both bust out of the bathroom to start your search mission. You asked the bartender, the bouncer, security, any random person you passed by and no one had seemed to find your keys. Panic was setting in as you even desperately shined your phone’s flashlight into the trash cans thinking maybe you had thrown them away. At this point even a few kind strangers were helping you basically tear this bar apart to find your keys, but as time ticked on it was time to close and you still hadn’t found your keys.

Dejected and definitely sober now that you had run around for two hours searching, you leave your phone number with the bartender incase they find anything and head outside into the brisk air. “Well this fucking sucks. I’m sorry Raine, I’m never this messy, I didn’t mean to kill the mood at the end of the night.” You apologize, coming to terms with the fact that you guys will have to uber home and you’ve wasted the last two hours of your night on a wild goose chase.

“Hey it’s okay, I had fun. Shit happens we’ll figure this out.” She comforts you as you stand at the crosswalk waiting for the light to change before deciding to just jaywalk, the streets were empty anyways.

“I know, but I still feel stupid, I’ve never had something like this happen.” You sigh as you guys walk back to where you were parked. You agreed you might as well go check to see if your car or anything inside of it had been stolen with your missing keys.

“Well luckily your car and our stuff is still here. We just gotta call an uber and figure out how to get your car later.” Lorraine reassures you.

“You’re right. I have a spare somewhere at home, I’ll have to dig around and hope my car doesn’t get stolen before I get back.” You sigh defeated as you approach your car and lean on the hood wallowing in self pity for a moment before you download the uber app back onto your phone. As you lie there for a moment, you notice something tucked under your windshield wipers. “Raine what’s that?” You ask standing up now inspecting it.

“A bag?” Lorraine looks around to spot if anyone else is around. Random objects on cars being common to get women to stop before getting in their car so they can be grabbed and trafficked. You’ve been here for a while now though and the streets are basically empty, the thumping of music in clubs open later down the street the only sound floating through the air. Safe to say you weren’t getting trafficked.

You nervously reached out and took the black plastic bag from under your wipers and give Lorraine an incredulous look. “There’s no fucking way my keys are in this bag.”

“What? For real?” She steps closer as you reach your hand in and pull out your obnoxiously keychain adorned keys. “How?”

Possibilities of what could have happened bounce around your brain, but none of it seems to make sense. “I guess someone in the bar found my keys and walked two blocks this way to find my car and not steal anything? God I’m so fucking lucky right now, how the fuck?” Your brain couldn’t even comprehend why someone would even do that for a stranger. As you walk around to open your door you notice a tiny scrap of paper wedged into the space between the glass of your window and the door. “They left a note too?” You announce as both of you settle into the car now.

“What does it say?” Lorraine leans closer as you both look down at the small note. All it had was an arrow pointing to the front of your car and the word keys next to what looked to be somebody’s phone number. “They left their phone number? What if it was that cute guy from the bar?”

Your heart speeds up at the thought of the number possibly belonging to him. “There were so many people there tonight, it could be anyone.” You brush off the idea as you pocket the scrap of paper and start the car. “I miss my bed and my cat lets go home.”

Lorraine giggles noticing your flustered state but agrees. The clock was reaching closer to 4 am and you didn’t want to fall asleep behind the wheel. The whole ordeal sobered you both up quickly and the energy of the night was fading as Lorraine dozed between songs on the ride home. When you got home you made her promise to text you when she was home safe, exchanging a hug and love you’s before going inside to get ready for bed.

As you washed off your makeup for the night and changed into an old shirt to sleep in you remembered the number stuffed in your jean pocket. You grabbed it observing it for a second while you waited for the text from your friend to know she was home safe and decided to send out a quick thank you. Typing the number into your phone and saving it under “Key Savior 🙏” to make sure you remembered who it was if they ever texted back.

Y/N: Hi, uh thanks for finding my keys and my car tonight… I’m glad it was you and not someone who wanted to steal my car lol

You cringed after sending the text, realizing just how awkward you sounded but were quickly distracted when a new text came in from Lorraine.

Wifey 😈💕: Made it home safe 💕 Sleep well 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 oooh and update me on the mystery key person

Y/N: Yaaay! Glad you made it home. I texted a thank you but I doubt I’ll get a reply since it’s like almost 5 am at this point. I’m about to pass out love you 💕

You responded feeling much more secure in going to bed now knowing your friend was safe. You put your phone on the charger, happy you had absolutely nothing to do tomorrow meaning you could sleep well into the afternoon. With the last of your energy depleting quickly you shut your eyes, your brain recalling your messy night before sending you into deep sleep.

You woke up with a warm furry mass tucked into your arms and your body begging for water, but you couldn’t be bothered as you pulled Kitty closer listening to her purrs as she realized you had finally woken up. After a few minutes of cuddling she wiggled out of your arms stretching and running off to cause havoc somewhere in the house. You groaned reaching for the water on your bedside table, thanking your past self for remembering as you chugged it down like a horse. Reaching for your phone you squinted at the screen, the time reading 2:15 PM. You sighed scrolling through the notifications on your phone, texts in the work group chat, texts from Lorraine shit talking whoever was causing shit in said group chat, missed spam calls, and a text from “Key Savior 🙏” that came in almost 4 hours ago. You clicked on the notification quickly, curious to see what they could have said.

Key Savior 🙏: Hey! Happy to hear you got your keys back, I tried to find you in the bar after you lost them but you and your friend disappeared quick. I hope it wasn’t too hard to find them :)

You smile at the awkward reply, you didn’t really know if you were supposed to respond after that. Maybe they just wanted to know you got your keys and that was all. Something drew you to responding anyways, curious as to what kind of person would go two blocks away to find your car and not steal a single thing.

Y/N: I mean, it was just two hours of panicking and searching the bar before we actually went out to my car, but I got a happier ending than most people who lose their keys in a bar. You know you could have left my keys with the bartender and saved me a heart attack right? :p

You got up to get yourself more water and some breakfast for you and Kitty after replying, shocked to see that it didn’t take too long for them to reply back.

Key Savior🙏: Honestly, I wasn’t the most sober myself and after I couldn’t find you my next best option was to go find your car in my brain. Like you said I could have just driven away with your car, at least have a little gratitude 🤨

You giggled at your phone as you sipped on some tea, starting to see some of this person’s personality come out with this text.

Y/N: My bad oh mighty Key Savior! How might I ever be able to repay you for your glorious good samaritan deeds!

Key Savior🙏: Maybe I should have just taken the car…

Y/N: Too late for that now. I am curious if two things though…

Key Savior🙏: What’s that?

Y/N: One, why didn’t you steal our shit? Two, why did you leave your number?

Key Savior🙏: I didn’t really want to steal your car in the first place?? I was trying to find you, like I said earlier, but you disappeared. I left my number because I wanted to talk to you, simple really.

Your eyebrows raise slightly at that last text, they wanted to talk to me?

Y/N: Wait, why did you want to talk to me?

Key Savior🙏: I had to know what kind of person you were to lose keys that obnoxious and jangly.

Y/N: Hey! I love my keychains :(

Key Savior🙏: I’m kidding! Honestly… I was kind of watching you a for a while last night and I think you’re really beautiful. I couldn’t bring myself to approach you and interrupt you and your friend… or girlfriend?? No judgement idk you seemed pretty close…

You laughed at the end of that last message, but started racking your brain to remember anyone who had been watching you last night. Then it hits you, the cute guy in slut glasses? There’s no way.. right?

Y/N: SLUT GLASSES??

Key Savior🙏: excuse me?

Y/N: I mean, sorry uh. No we’re not dating that’s my best friend Raine, we were celebrating her birthday… Who are you did we ever like interact? I was… pretty fucked up last night sorry..

Key Savior🙏: Lol no need to apologize.. Uh we didn’t really interact, but I think you caught me staring at the bar..

Your heart froze, it had to be him, he’s the only person you remember making distinct brief eye contact with. Lorraine was going to love this development when you told her. Another text came in.

Key Savior🙏: Would you maybe want to like, video call or something? I want to keep talking to you, but I promised I’d play some games with some of my friends in a few…

You rushed to the mirror and winced seeing your makeup you half ass washed off last night smearing on your face. You took a makeup wipe and tried to make yourself look more presentable, but there was no way you were gonna be able to get a full face back on before he wanted to call. Were you actually going to call? This isn’t something you’d normally allow, your social anxiety ruling over you on most occasions. There was just something about this guy that made you want to talk more, so you grabbed your phone to type out your next reply as you freshened up.

Y/N: Like video games?? Will you stream it to me so I can watch?

Key Savior🙏: I could do that! Uh do you.. have a discord account?

Y/N: Discord.. so you’re that kinda guy 🤨

You giggle as you try not to choke on your toothpaste.

Key Savior🙏: Where else am I supposed to stream video games and video chat at the same time?

Y/N: Fair.. as long as you aren’t playing league of legends you’re safe

Key Savior🙏: …maybe I can stream to you another time?

Y/N: NO YOU’RE PLAYING LEAGUE??

Key Savior🙏: I PROMISE I’M NOT TOXIC ITS JUST FOR FUN!!

Y/N: I’ll be the judge of that..

You smile as you send him your discord tag, quickly seeing a new friend request pop up in your notifications that you accept. Not long after you see a private call ringing from him. You take a deep breath and brace yourself, hoping you could fake a little confidence and not make this too awkward before accepting the call. His profile picture of some video game character taking up your screen as the call connects.

“Hello?” A deep voice startles you as it carries from your phones speakers to your ears.

“H-hi. Uh.. I still don’t know your name, sorry.” You could smack yourself with how awkward you already sounded.

The mystery man chuckled and you heard a few clicks as he set up his stream for you. “It’s Wonwoo. What about you?”

“Ah I’m Y/N. Nice to finally put a name to my Key Savior.” You joke cringing at your awkwardness.

The deep laugh shakes you again. “Is that what you’ve been calling me? What else did you call me? Slut glasses?”

“Well, I actually still don’t know if that’s you. I could be placing you with some other dudes face from the bar.” You quickly defend yourself.

“Should we turn on our cameras then Y/N? I’d be happy to see your pretty face again.” He says smoothly.

“Damn, you sure are confident for someone who couldn’t approach me last night.” You tease trying to sound more confident yourself.

“I was trying to be respectful! Turn on your camera, I wanted to talk to you not your Miku profile picture.” He defends himself.

“Fine.” You sigh taking another breath to steel your nerves before pressing the camera button on.

“Wow, you’re prettier than I remember, I don’t know if I’ll be able to focus on the game.” He flirts and you try to hold back the butterflies that swirl in your stomach and formulate a reply.

“Shut up, turn your camera on or I’m turning it back off this is awkward.” You whine failing to hide your desperation to confirm it is who you think it is.

“Fine fine, I’m turning it on.” He replies as his video loads on your screen.

Finally confirming his identity, you gasp. “You are slut glasses!” You spit out smacking your hand over your mouth embarrassed you said that out loud.

He laughs again glancing at you whenever he had the chance to take his eyes off the game to watch as your blush grew reaching up to your ears. “Are these slut glasses? Honestly, I’m just really blind without them. You’re really cute when you blush by the way.” He grins as he watches you squirm from the compliment he tagged onto the end of his reply so nonchalantly.

“Ah focus on your game, you’re getting your ass handed to you right now!” You quickly brush off his comment trying to ignore the way your heart beat just a bit faster.

Wonwoo laughs and focuses more on the screen, not seeming too stressed about his situation. “I’m not that concerned about winning, my friend is just trying to level up.” He barely evaded a hit from the other team and recalls back to the base to heal and grab more items.

“He’d level up faster if you guys win wouldn’t he?” You question, conversation coming easier now that the topic was changed.

“Sure, but where’s the fun if I do all the work for him? What’s in it for me?” He grins looking over to a corner of the screen you’re sure your camera feed is sitting in now.

“You’re cruel!” You smile knowing you’d probably do the same in his position. “You’re not gonna impress me if you don’t win though.” You shoot, surprised at your sudden boost of confidence.

“Oh is that how it is? Thought you didn’t like League gamers?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Well, I’m sitting here watching you, might as well make it interesting and win.” You snap back holding your ground, but you could feel your heart hammering in your chest with anxiety.

“I see… Well I could easily win, but you’ve gotta do something for me if I do.” He states confidently, recalling back to their base and changing his build strategy.

“What would that be?” You ask chewing on your lip to quell the nerves running through you.

“Go on a date with me.” He says simply turning to face the camera more directly watching your face as you process his request. For a moment you were quiet as your brain turned his request over and over in your head, feeling the heat creep up your face. “I mean, if you want to that is..”

“No! I mean!” You smack your face down into your pillows and let out an exasperated sigh. Pull yourself together! “It’s a deal, but it looks like your chances at winning are pretty low now that you’re getting into late game.” You answer after finding your composure.

He chuckles and shifts to pay attention to the game, a newfound look of confidence washing over him made the butterflies become more aggressive in your stomach. “Are you free tomorrow?” He asks calmly as he throws his character into the brute of the fight with the other team, instantly taking out two of them and badly damaging the rest of them.

“Um, yeah I should be.” You answer the anticipation building as he takes out the rest of the team even at lower health before getting healed. “Okay maybe you’re a little too good at this game.”

He smiles, your comment adding fuel to his fire as he rushes the teams base, working in taking out their final turrets. “Only when I want to be. Does afternoon sound okay, like maybe 1 or 2?”

“F-for the date? Is that not too early?” You ask, worried how you’d even survive spending that much time around someone so attractive.

“I have plans and want to spend some time with you. I can always take you home if you want to leave too, I won’t be upset.” He shrugs taking out the last turret as his team immediately attacks the nexus. He turns his attention to you once he’s sure his win is secured, the victory screen flashing across the stream.

“Okay, fine. I mean you won fair and square. Am I allowed to know what these plans are?” You question, already stressing about what to wear.

“Nope, it’s nothing fancy though don’t worry and dress comfortably.” He answers as if he was reading every worried thought that passed through your brain.

You nod gulping down the nerves that continued to creep into your thoughts. “Okay, but I should probably get some stuff done today then. You should ready up for your next game your friends are complaining in chat.” You smile giggling nervously.

He looks a little upset when he hears you’re gonna go but nods and quickly replaces it with a smile. “Sure, I’ll text you though?”

You nod again as your thumb anxiously hovers over the end call button. “For sure, I’ll talk to you soon.”

He grins seemingly pleased with your reaction and leans back in his chair. “Okay, I’ll talk to you soon then Y/N.”

The call ends after your quick goodbyes and you suck in a deep breath before screaming into your pillows. You scramble for your phone quickly dialing Lorraine, she’ll know what to do.

“Good morning sleeping beauty! How’s the hangover?” She answers after a few rings.

“Raine you need to come over right fucking now or I am going to rip my floorboards up.” You rush out already running to your closet to plan an outfit.

“Woah, what happened? Did you not just wake up?” She laughs at your dramatic tone.

“I have a date with slut glasses tomorrow! Come help me before I throw myself off a cliff!” You yell tearing through your closet.

“Oh my god, you’re in a crisis. I’m on my way, but you need to tell me EVERYTHING!” She says shuffling on her end indicating her preparation to leave.

“Of course I will, please just hurry!” You whine squealing as a new text slides down over your ongoing call.

Key Savior🙏: So where should I pick you up tomorrow? :)

[problematicfanfics]

hey i got groped on friday night at the club in a “business casual” fit, sexually assaulted on a date tuesday wearing jorts and a loose t shirt, and then had to evacuate campus for hurricane helene bc we’re in flood zone A. now im staying with my uncle aunt and 12/11 year old cousins. i literally got no complete alone time to process what the fuck happened

the night i got sexually assaulted i basically just called up my friends and was like “hey date went like shit let’s go drink together!” but i genuinely just needed to get violently drunk and high. so i did very successfully. 12 heads in a singles dorm room space after downing copious amounts of wine, liquor, and weed while playing beer pong one floor above us. i took a ten minute nap before we went to mcdonald’s and when i woke up, i asked everyone if we were still going (it was 5 am and we said we were going for the breakfast menu), and they all said “bro none of us can fuckin walk” so i went back to bed.

tell me why i wake up at 7 am sharp, in the same clothes i was SAd in the day before, sleeping in my suitemate’s bed with her? i woke up to her face and i was like “yo why we sleepin together?? wait why am i in her bed???” so i got up to piss then walked into my room to get in my own bed.

i walk in to see my mattress topper halfway off my bed. i tried to push it back on but it wouldn’t budge. i’m like “damn i’m mad hungover if i can’t move a piece of foam.” i reach onto my bed to move my ikea bear (the really big one, i love him) and i fucking find my friend sleeping under it??

i start dying. like actually crying laughing. he gets up and he’s completely coherent he’s like “bro why you laughing?” i’m like “dude i didn’t know you slept in my bed what the fuck happened?” bc he’s literally one floor above us?? why didn’t u walk up one flight of stairs and walk ten steps to ur room? he’s like “well u went to bed in suitemate’s bed so i took yours” WHAT?? so i was like “go back to bed bro” and went back to sleep in my suitemate’s bed.

i wake up again at 9 am and go back into my bedroom to see how my bro’s doing.

tell me how my entire mattress topper was on the floor. the entirety of it. and he was still under seven blankets, my five throw pillows and the stupid bear.

he wakes up and my suitemate’s tells me ANOTHER MF was asleep in my room ON MY RUG. he left at like 6:50 am to walk back to the other side of campus to his room. i felt so bad like he could’ve stayed and i would’ve made him a comfier lil bed :(

at 10 am we all get a notif that we need to be off campus out of our rooms by 1. i’m tweaking, bc my uncle is the one who was picking me up and he didn’t get out of work until 5:30, plus 15-20 min to drive and pick me up, plus the hurricane weather, i wasn’t scooped until 6.

the friend who slept in my bed and i sat in the lobby and waited for his friend w a car to show up so we could at least get out of the school area for now. we went to get sushi, shit was buss. i explained to bro wit da car that i wasn’t getting scooped until at least 5:40 and he was like “nah it’s chill dawg we ain’t in a rush to get to the house we’ll chill w u” so i hung w them until 3pm when his aunt called him and told him he needed to go to the house bc of the storm.

so they dropped me BACK OFF AT THE SCHOOL. WITH MY STUPID SUITCASE. WITH MY SUSHI AND A HAT I STOLE OFF THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. i was tweaking. freaking out, even. i still had 2 hours

they left and bc florida is florida, it was super fucking sunny and warm out. so i sat at one of the many outdoor tables we have.

and of course about 30 min later it starts pouring something fierce. i get soaked. i call up my friend and was like “fuck yall for leaving me in the rain” he’s like “bro i’m sorry i didn’t know it would start raining” YEAH ME NEITHER BUT BRO CMONNNN U COULDVE SAVED ME.

i find a small little indent in my dorm building to hide in w no cameras and i change my shirt. i was still wearing the exact same fit from the entire school day prior. i didn’t even have time to change my clothes by the time i cleaned up all the alcohol left out (which was essential, because they did room checks to make sure everyone was evacuated) and packed my bag properly to go stay w my fam.

same pants, unwashed hair body or face, sunglasses bc of how violently high i got in the morning to forget my week, and sopping wet socks. eating hours old sushi in the outdoor mechanics closet of my dorm.

BUT I STILL LOOKED FLY AS FUCK BC THE SECURITY GUARD COMPLIMENTED MY FIT WHEN HE CAME TO ASK IF I WAS OK 🗣️🗣️🗣️😤😤😤

anyways i’m still tweaking. i’m like actually just not ok rn. and the worst part is i enjoyed my weekend so fucking much. it was amazing and i was so happy how my life was turning around for the better, with a nice normal man (unheard of in my life), a good friend group, and doing decent in my classes. i hung out w a bunch of new people, met some old friends from the beginning of the year, never did too much drugs (even tho it takes a lot for anything to hit me anymore so it’s not hard to avoid, and i don’t enjoy that feeling)

i had so much fun, my friends were pulling cute people, i pulled a decent guy. and im just so mad because i pride myself in how good i am at reading people. and im always so cautious. it just makes me spiral because like i’ve spent my entire life making sure it doesn’t happen again and it DOES. like i do so much to protect myself. i literally don’t even have romantic attractions so every date i go on is like a “ok you’re a good person maybe we can make something work” thing, never like a love at first sight/i actively want to be with you thing, AND I LITERALLY TELL THEM THAT. AND I TELL THEM I DONT FUCK. SO HOW DO I WIN?

i’ll never win 🥲

[olderjodijournals]

Saturday, September 2, 2006

Today went really well with the racing. It hit 7 out of 15 races, but he didn’t bet any money on them because he’s still testing it. He wants to do 50 test races before he starts shelling out money on it. He said, however, that if he’d bet conservatively, like a couple of bucks a race, it would’ve won $30. Had he bet aggressively at around $6 - $12 a race, it would’ve won $200! We still don’t know if it’s going to make 1, 2 or 3 hundred a day. Naturally, we hope for 3, but 1 would still get us out of the mainstream and into a nice place as that’d be 3 G’s a month. We just may not be able to buy a yacht to live on part-time. I think it will be more like 2 or 3 hundred a day. I hope so! And who knows? There may even be some 5 or 10 grand wins mixed in along the way. After a few years of spending money like crazy to set up house, the money should start coming in faster than we can spend it. That’s when we could maybe get a boat of some kind.

As I told Tom, I don’t want to give 30-day notice cuz I don’t want to have to be available to host any games of Show & Tell. We don’t even have to let them know when we’re gone. We can just leave the keys and go. They’ll find out in a week + 72 hrs.

Tom saw that our old duplex was for rent again when he was paying rent. Apparently, the people after us got a year’s lease and then got the hell out as soon as it was up. Gee, I wonder why?

The truck came and went twice a couple of nights ago. I wonder if they’re moving. I couldn’t see if they hauled anything in, but they left with a bunch of boxes in back. I hope they’re not gearing up for a huge Labor Day party, though Tom could always close his door if they get loud, and I’ll be sleeping through most of it. I hope! Well, it’s just past 10:30 now, so now maybe things will settle down for the night and we can quit with the distractions I can’t drown out with background noise.

I got a new exercise ball since Miss Perfect’s got all stretched out and would slowly leak air. This one’s a pretty shade of pink, rather than the dark blue the other one was.

Monday, September 4, 2006

Tom had a bad racing day yesterday due to a programming error he made. At least he found it and fixed it, so hopefully today will be better.

The memories of my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles still haunt me, but true happiness comes in knowing I never ever have to see them or speak to them again. To me, reuniting with them would be like being friends with the freeloaders that made 7 years of my life pure hell. It’d be like – no way! It seems Philip is the only good one I can remember. Even so, I wish we could delete selected memories as easily as we can delete files on our computers. They’d be the first to go!

Later…

You can tell it was a holiday today. It’s after 10:00 yet I still hear stereos blaring by every few minutes, people screaming, etc.

Until and if they come out with a magic pill that’s legal, I’m just about out of the 120s for good. I may have a few spells where I dip down under 130 once my period starts and this water comes off, but I should gradually climb from there on out on the 1500-2000 calories I’ve been having. I just hope I only gain closer to 20 more pounds and not 50 or even 100!

Today wasn’t a stellar racing day, but not a bad one either. Had he bet small he’d have won about $40. Betting big would’ve won about $90. He still feels it’s ready to bet for real now, and now that he’s going to work an hour later due to the animals returning to school, he may make bets before work each morning and take it from there. If our lives have revolved around other people’s kids as much as it has, imagine how it would’ve been had we had our own. I still have zero regrets about not having any. I’m only sorry, as I’ve said before, that Tom and God had to play with my head for all those years and jerk my emotions around so cruelly. God, I’m sure, knew damn well what He was doing, but I don’t think Tom had any idea of just how hurt, frustrated and angry I was. I don’t think any man or fertile woman could possibly know!

Thursday, September 7, 2006

After using the Hoodia for a while now, I guess I can say they do help a little. They do a better job of filling me up faster than they do of delaying the hunger between meals and snacks.

I’ve been on nights lately and I wish I could stay that way till we move. Nighttime is the only time it’s peaceful. The dog can be drowned out, but there’s no drowning out the ungodly hammering of the bass and drums.

Friday, September 8, 2006

I had a strange thing happen to me. Well, I knew my period would be a couple of days early because of how sore my boobs got. Yet when it started, it stopped completely just a few hours later! It’s never done that before. I’m still all bloated and my boobs are still slightly sore. I’m not going to get any more Hoodia pills in case there’s a connection, and because they don’t help much. Damn them for making Claritin a prescription drug! Oh well. It’s just my time to join my fellow middle-agers in being at least 50 pounds overweight, so I guess I’m forever through with the 120s. It used to be I’d take it easy for a week or so and lose a few pounds, but not anymore! The scale won’t budge. I knew there’d eventually come a time when I’d hit 130 and couldn’t come back down.

We’d be ahead $300 on the 20 test races he’s done with his latest adjustment. Well, he plans to ultimately do 20 races a day, so that’ll be $300 a day if things keep working out! He’s going to start betting aggressively on the 16th.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The good news is that the handicapping is going really well. He’s now at the point where he could easily make what he makes at work in a week or more and is hopeful of being able to quit his job around the first of the year. It takes time to get to the point where it’s making enough money that it only needs a couple of hours of work a day, and in order to do that he’d need more time. Because he’s been there for over two years now, he’s eligible for two weeks of vacation. He still won’t actually bet aggressively till the 16th, but he’s able to tell without betting seriously just what he would’ve profited if he had. For now, he has to manually input the information on each horse and each track, but eventually, he can download the info and save himself tons of time. This info costs money, though, and so he doesn’t want to pay for it till he starts generating good money.

The bad news is that we may be going from noisy to very noisy just like we did at the duplex when summer hit, along with the fat bitch and her dog. Yeah, had Tom known better when he was paying the rent, he could’ve asked Pam, “So what are you going to send to run us out of this place?”

To back up a bit, Tom and I rode to Fred’s yesterday and ate at Carl’s Jr. before doing our shopping, as we normally do. This was when I informed him I had a couple of disturbing neighborhood reports to fill him in on. First I told him that the house diagonally across from us got a puppy, though amazingly, they do take it indoors. He’s already seen the thing, he said. I knew that yard would get dogged sooner or later, as I told him. I figure that once it’s a little older they’ll start leaving it out all the time. He says he doubts they’d do that before winter. Well, no dog’s been as annoying as the canal dog as of yet, and I sure hope it stays that way since no one will shoot the fucking thing any more than they’ll ban these fucking stereos!

Then I let Tom know that I saw a Century 21 SUV pick Kim up at around 1:00 on Friday and that I was afraid she was moving for real this time. I thought that maybe that’s why she rented such a cheap little dump; so she could save for a house. Or perhaps she won or inherited some money. But then he told me he’s seen that vehicle there nearly every day lately and that he thinks it’s just a friend.

Coming to visit in the middle of the afternoon on a workday? And every day? Hmmm… that’s some friend. Especially when you consider the fact that most folks with jobs don’t like to hang with those who are jobless, no matter what the reason may be.

But then come 2 PM yesterday, what I always figured would happen (I just didn’t think it’d take so long) came to pass. A pickup came and started hauling shit out. It only made two quick trips, but how much stuff can you have to move from a 200-300-square-foot place as opposed to a 1000-square-foot duplex?

When I got up at midnight I was surprised to see her car here. She left for 15 minutes at 2:30. She’s too fat to be a druggie, yet this thing never sleeps! She’s been coming and going at all kinds of hours during both the day and night that I just can’t figure out when she sleeps. Whenever the hell that is, it obviously isn’t for long at a time, unless like with Tina, she’s got a twin living there with her!

Anyway, I guess she’ll be completely moved out by today unless she’s going to take her sweet time until the 1st like Beverly did. If she’s all paid up till then, then she’s got no hurry. I’m sure management already has someone lined up and ready to move in too, by the 1st or sooner, and of course that’s got me wondering if Kim was just a fluke and if the Tom-and-Jodi-must-have-loud-rude-obnoxious-neighbors curse will once again be in effect until we can buy our way out of civilization for what will hopefully be the last time. One good neighbor isn’t enough to convince me the bad neighbor streak that ran from 1992-2005 is off for good. I’d need 2-3 good ones in a row, but hopefully we won’t have to deal with that many turnovers before we can live alone. Alone. Not in someone else’s yard or driveway, or with their dogs, kids, etc. The folks on the other side of us don’t exactly count due to the distance and layout of the place, but yes, they’d be a nightmare at just a few feet away and especially if they were attached to us because there are so many of them. We saw the older couple with the toddler on the deck coming back from shopping yesterday, but if the dog was there, one of the two cars that were present was blocking it from view.

Another thing that’ll suck once the new renter arrives is that they’ll be coming up to the house for their mail unless they too, have a PO Box somewhere.

We’ve got enough money to be able to split as soon as they get too obnoxious for us and they wake me up regularly, so it’s nice to know we won’t have to suffer with them for 4 months like we did with the bitch and her beast. I mean, when you consider the kinds of people that’d be likely to rent a place like that, most of them just ain’t good! okay, so it’s great that they can’t have dogs, can’t have a lot of people living there, can’t have TVs drive us crazy, but they can have stereos and friends with stereos. Even if they don’t have a stereo, all it takes is one visitor that does, and you know everyone has company 3-4 times a week but us. I also know that the person will be on welfare or disability and home way too much of the time.

I wish we could run them out for a change instead of it being the other way around, as I’d really like to stay put till we can get out of state, but I know better so Tom’s going to start getting The Nickel. I just can’t believe we’ll get two tolerable neighbors in a row. If we do, there’s yet another reason never to live without Lucky Bamboos and horseshoes.

Fred had a really good deal on their fragrances; a buy-one-get-one-free deal. I got a Mary Kate and Ashley duo set, plus Island Gardenia that’s absolutely gorgeous.

I also got a 6” Barbie miniature done up as Rapunzel like the regular-sized one I’ve got. The gown is almost an exact duplicate and the hair’s past her feet. It’s so cute.

Been winning DVDs, T-shirts, a large dry-erase board and a coupon for a pie. I just don’t know if they carry this brand in any of the stores around here.

Monday, September 11, 2006

It’s to be in the 70s for the next few days which is amazing for mid-October in a cold climate. It sure saves us money too, since I haven’t had to run the heat during the daytime.

The guy with the wakeboard called and left a message yesterday wondering why he hadn’t received my affidavit yet. Tom called and let him know that in a small town such as this, we had trouble finding a notary, but that it’s on its way. I just checked and it’s out for delivery down in Irvine.

We got a new carrier that seems nice. The other guy switched routes, he told me. He had been on two weeks of vacation himself, so I guess that’s why the mail would be late at times.

Kim surprised me by not having any company yesterday. She’s been home all day and hopefully, she can go another day without it.

Meanwhile, I’m still thinking about how fat, old and ugly I am, and how young, beautiful and straight that gorgeous cashier is.

Just when I was also thinking it a bummer that I only had one win so far this month, I get an email telling me I won a custom book of photo stamps from Fuji.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I guess Kim isn’t moving, after all, thank God. Damn that bitch for always making me think she is! I guess she was just getting rid of something big. Maybe she got a new bed or couch or something like that.

The cute little cactus plant Tom got me died. I just can’t seem to grow anything! All that’s left are the ponytail palm and the bamboo.

My 4 Barbies came yesterday and are gorgeous.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Kim left with Miss Century 21 in the late afternoon yesterday and didn’t return till 8:00. Century 21 then visited for a half hour or so, then took off. This is one hell of a dedicated friend if that’s what she is, and somehow I doubt it. No friend would ever be that devoted, and neither would any real estate agent trying to sell someone a house. I think she’s either a visitor from elsewhere who’s using her company vehicle or a lover. I haven’t seen the guy who appeared to be her boyfriend for months, and what’s to say she doesn’t swing both ways? She could get women easily looking the way she does. Women love fat frumps. She’s nothing most men would want as easy as most of them are. I hope it isn’t a lover, though, figuring that anyone she knows is going to have a nicer, bigger place. Well, if she’s in tight with this chick, the chick could try to convince her to move in with her, though a real estate agent and a disability seem like an odd match. Anyway, no matter who this person is, I wish she’d stop coming around every day (God knows how her visitors can stand the smell of her place). That’s all the more car doors I have to listen to, and this one parks right outside my bedroom window. Still can’t say for sure whether she’s moving or not, but we have no control over it either way. I just hope we really are out of here no later than June!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

And the rich continue to get richer! Tom found $46 on his way to work, and I got notice that I won the daily $50 cash prize at iSwag. I’m sure it’ll take me forever to receive the check and that I’ll have to play the document game first, though.

It’s only to be 62º today, and there’s a good chance we won’t need the AC anymore this year and that we’ll be firing up the heater real soon.

My mystery package is coming today via UPS, but I don’t know what’s in it. At 1.7 pounds it’s probably just some stupid book or DVD. All I got was a shipping notice and tracking number, nothing else.

When Tom gets out of work in 4 hours, we’re going to treat ourselves with the money he found and get something special at the grocery store and maybe even get me some Chinese to go. He emailed me and told me to decide what I want and that we could get pizza, but the place might be a little crowded. I emailed him back and suggested the store, as we originally planned, and then the Chinese.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

I have been too tired to write due to all the excitement of my latest wonderful and very big win! Best one of all. Something I’ve always wanted to do – go on a cruise! Yes, I won a cruise!!!

Late in the afternoon on the 14th, we fired up the heater now that summer’s checked out. Just when I was getting bummed over the thought of it being cold till mid-June (with the exception of the fact that the bugs are virtually gone now) I got the news. It’s been in the 50s-60s. We’re to have a couple of days in the 70s, but that’s pretty much it for the year. We’re done with the 80s for the year, that’s for sure. So anyway, it was a few hours later in the evening when I was settled in bed reading when Tom came and said I must’ve won something good because this number that’d been trying to call all day finally left a message with a callback number. When he mentioned something about a blues festival, I thought maybe I won a trip to Louisiana or something. I’m no blues or jazz fan as opposed to Tom, but I know that area is big on that stuff. Yet when I called back and spoke to a woman named Nancy, she said I was the grand prize winner for a cruise for two valued at $4,999 aboard Holland America’s MS Westerdam!!! First place got a $1,500 river cruise, and the many runners-up got CDs. The ship sets sail from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida on Jan. 7th and has 3 ports of call before returning to Ft. Lauderdale on the 14th. Its first stop will be Nassau, Bahamas, then Ponce, Puerto Rico, then the Grand Turk Island, the smallest of the islands.

I’ve developed a knack for sensing surprise wins coming in the mail, but I sure as hell never sensed this one! This one gives me hope that yeah, I can win big. They got over 5,000 entries. Well, over 7,000 before they weeded the duplicates out, including one of mine. I’m surprised they don’t have it set up to automatically kick out the dupes, but as I told her, I enter tons of contests and it’s easy to lose track of what you’ve already entered. I’m surprised they didn’t get more entries. It must be because they didn’t include transportation to port because I’ve seen sweeps for sneakers get 12,000 entries.

I had to update my OLS profile which asks what the biggest prize I’ve won so far is. That had been the guitar till now. Hope I keep steadily moving up to the car, then the house, then the millions of dollars!

Nancy told me to call the next day and ask to speak to Regena, who would have more info for me as far as what we need to do. There are a few kinks to iron out first, though, and that’s that we’ll have to come up with the $400 or so for round-trip tickets to and from Florida. We also need to pay around $300 in port taxes, get some 2x2 passport photos taken, then apply for passports at the PO, thanks to the fucking Arabs who’ve caused us to really need to beef up homeland security and then some. They should be made to pay for all this shit if they’re going to terrorize us like they do. We’ll have to fill out and send in a citizen form as well and hope our Arizona IDs/driver’s licenses won’t hinder anything. I think we can work it out and that it’ll be well worth it. I wish we had the truck up and running to do all these errands, but not having it running will help hide the fact that we’ll be gone a week to 10 days.

I don’t trust leaving Tinkerbell in the hands of anyone else, so we’ll be getting her a roommate. I just hope they get along and the one I choose doesn’t turn out to be a biter like the one I bought with her last November turned out to be!

I don’t like the idea of virtual strangers having a key to this place while we’re gone, but hopefully they won’t need to come in here for any reason. If they do, there’ll be a note on the memo board saying: To Bill or AAA, If you have any reason to come in here (and it better be a good one), we’re on vacation and will return on the 14th. Meanwhile, if there’s been some mix-up over the rent, look at the receipt on the kitchen table. We did pay!

Speaking of paying, as Tom pointed out, if I were still in touch with the folks they’d probably pay for the airfare, but they’re not worth associating with for a few hundred bucks. Really, the thought of speaking with them or seeing them makes me sick! Some people really truly are unforgivable. If only they knew, though, that their crazy daughter was to be just 71 miles away, assuming they’re still in Palm City. And if only Mary knew I’d be just 103 miles away, though I’m done with her as far as I know.

All in all, we’ll want to come up with around $1,500 to cover all that’s not included, get new clothes and have money for souvenirs, gambling and fun stuff like that. She said the artists are bringing merchandise if one wants their picture taken with any of them, or to have something autographed. This Delbert McClinton is going to be the lead feature of entertainment with other artists we’ve never heard of. I won’t care for the music as much as I’ll care for the gambling, shopping, swimming, dining, and just plain old relaxation at sea! No stereos! No barking! And hopefully no wild kids! It’ll sure beat starving in dumpy motels!

She gave us our cabin number and we looked at the deck plans online. It’s a deluxe outside cabin. They have standard inside cabins for as low as $1,500. We’re on the upper promenade towards the stern and on the port side. Based on the description and the 360 virtual tour of our cabin, it looks like it’s third-best. The penthouse is obviously the best, but because it’s so high up, you wouldn’t have as good of an ocean view from there as ours will down on the upper promenade. It looks a lot like a hotel room, only you can see the ocean beyond our private verandah through the floor-to-ceiling window! It has the usual dull colors of greens, tans and browns, just a shower, and two lower beds that can be pushed together to form a queen-size bed. There is a little sitting area and a desk. It is one serious luxury cruise liner! This company has a fleet of 16 ships. This ocean liner will have 11 decks, 14 guest elevators, 24 public rooms, 1,848 guests and 800 crew members. The ship’s gross tonnage is 82,000, its length is 950’, its width is 106’ and it was built in 2004. It can go up to 22.5 knots, whatever that means. I emailed her and asked her how that compares to MPH.

I also asked if kids were allowed because contrary to what Nancy told me, the site lists rates for them, which sucks. If they allow animals on that’ll really spoil things big time, because you know we’d be next to someone with wild kids that can’t sit still or shut up for a minute, and well, I don’t want a vacation filled with screaming, running, door-slamming little monsters. We wouldn’t be able to get any peace at the pool or in most places, though the cabins in our area are only designed for two people, so that’s good. Still, I want to eat, shop and swim in peace. At least I could gamble in peace as I don’t see how they’d be allowed in the casino area. I figure, though, that no matter who’s in the neighboring cabins, they’re bound to be noisy enough, coming and going. We’ll be coming and going as well, only we’ll shut the door normally and not slam it. The walls are bound to be paper thin so as to lessen the weight, and so it’ll be noisy enough because that’s just our luck, especially with God knowing we’re not paying for most of it! But neighboring kids would be all the worse than neighboring adults, and we still have to come up with a good $1,500 or so for extras and that’s quite a bit. I just hope it’ll be worth it! Sure seems like it will be. Tom says not all the cruises allow kids just because some of them do, and pointed out that they’re supposed to be in school at that time of year. Well, I just hope that if there are any animals, there are not that many. I don’t see how there could be, as most people with animals couldn’t afford to go cruising. It’s certainly another reason to be glad we don’t have any of our own. First of all, I wouldn’t have the time to do these sweeps in the first place. Secondly, we’d never be able to come up with the money for the extras, and then where would the animals go while we were gone? I’m also glad he doesn’t make $8 an hour. That’d be another sure way to stop us from going, so I guess it’s meant to be. I can’t wait! There are 113 days to go, according to their site. The next 113 days are going to be boring because I’ve ceased all doll shopping, so it’s going to be a big old waiting game.

My only real concern is it severely delaying the handicapping from getting us out of here. Tom’s not going to be able to bet as aggressively as he originally planned to start doing today, so hopefully this won’t be a serious issue. He’s sort of compromising the way he’s going to be betting. Life is never what we plan it and things always take longer than expected anyway, so we’ll have to ask ourselves upon returning from the cruise, do we want to stay here, or try to find a bigger place around here that’s no noisier than this one if we can’t go quieter? So that’s my biggest concern right there. If I knew, for example, that it’d add a year to our Oregon sentence then I’d be really tempted to bail out of the cruise as much as I want to go, then wait till we’re settled somewhere with enough money to go on a cruise of our own choosing, which I guess would be from California to Hawaii. They just don’t have as many Pacific cruises, though, because there are not as many destinations to sail to from there.

Nancy had mentioned something about Dan Aykroyd and a radio interview, which had me confused at first because Dan Aykroyd’s an actor. Regena said she didn’t know anything about it and that he was one of the Blues Brothers. But Nancy’s going to set up a magazine interview which I’m not too eager about since I reckon it’d be a pain in the ass. She’s going to do it before the cruise, which seems weird. I would’ve thought that’d be afterward so we could tell all about the fun we had. As long as it’s no additional cost to us, we’ll just get it over with and go ahead and do it. She said she’s going to send the magazine with last year’s winner featured in it, and the quarterly newsletter, too. She also asked for both our full legal names, DOB & place of birth.

Now here’s the good news. I had been concerned about us being stranded on land without a place to go at each port of call till the ship took off again (I looked up these places on maps and satellite images), but she said not to worry cuz we don’t have to leave the ship when it’s docked. We’ll have an ID card which we’ll scan in each time we come and go. They’ll give us robes and towels to use on the beaches, too. I miss the beach sooo much!!! Sure I’d love to go snorkeling and scuba diving, which is extra, but if we have to wait till we’re rich to do things like that, fine. I’ll be happy enough to just bask on the warm sandy beach with palm trees and stare out at the ocean!

I was so excited that I tried to call Paula to tell her all about it, but the numbers I have for her were changed. Figures.

Tom thought it’d be cheaper to get to and from Florida by train, but it’s actually more expensive. I can’t say I’m sorry about that one because it’d add two weeks to the trip, and flying is way more fun! Since there’s no real airport here, I guess we’ll bus ourselves down to Reno, Nevada, gamble a little there, then fly to Ft. Lauderdale from there. I just wish Oregon wasn’t so damn far from Florida! We may just go to Sacramento instead. There’s no road going straight through from here to Reno because there were never enough people in this damn town to be worth spending the millions of dollars on roads to connect to there, so you have to go down to Sacramento anyway to get over to Reno. We may leave two days in advance, get a hotel in Sacramento, fly to Ft. Lauderdale and get a room there till we embark the next day. We just don’t want to be cutting it too close between each point of travel.

Fortunately for me, I won’t have to worry about keeping a schedule other than getting to and from Florida. We can get free room service 24/7. Coffee, water and ice tea are free, but soda isn’t which is strange. Soda is way cheaper than coffee. They don’t pay for alcohol, of course, but since we don’t drink, it doesn’t apply to us. She said they used to schedule people to set dining times at set tables, but since that didn’t work out, they just schedule set dining times. She asked if I wanted 5:30 or 7:30. I told her I didn’t think it’d matter. She said she personally prefers to eat early, so I said we’d go with that. She said we could gain 10 pounds on the cruise and I told her I love to eat so it’d be worth it. So this is why I don’t have to worry about a schedule. If I miss the dining time I can just get room service! She said if the early dining time doesn’t work out, just tell them and they’ll reschedule it, but I think it’ll be fine. She said there’s also the Lido deck we may want to go to instead which is similar to a food court in a mall. The casinos are like Vegas.

I told her I was almost certain we could make it and asked if there was a cash equivalent if something came up where we couldn’t, and let her know that I read that the Blues Festival guide would pay $500 to those who couldn’t make it. She said she didn’t know and would check into it. All she knew was that the trip could be transferred or bumped up a year.

It’s too bad I don’t love people and hate shopping. If I didn’t like shopping, having rats, blasting music and singing, we could live and work on a cruise ship somewhere! Or even on such tiny and secluded islands like the Grand Turk. Although they do have hurricanes, the weather there is even nicer than in California. Maybe we can still build a place in California, live there for a while, buy all we want, sell out, then build a place on some remote island. They’re not crowded despite how nice the weather is there because most people don’t like living so isolated.

The hard part will be leaving the beautiful sunny weather just to return to a tilted microscopic dump in the Arctic. I’ll just have to keep in mind that I’ll be coming back to the rat(s), my stereo, computer, and all my other stuff. I can then resume my shopping list, too.

Apparently, Kim’s behind on her car payments. The guy who drives this old gray pickup was there a couple of days ago. I put my ear to the wall as he was leaving and heard him say, “Well, maybe you can get them to take it back, ride the bus for a while, get a job, then see if you can pay off…”

This was all I heard, but maybe her being so broke will prompt her to stay put. I don’t know if losing her car will mean having more company, but she wouldn’t be going out at 2 AM, that’s for sure!

Monday, September 18, 2006

They’ve been trying to get the dog across the street used to life outdoors 24/7, but as people just don’t seem to get, it doesn’t work that way. The fucking thing’s barking its ass off. The guy came out and tried to calm it down and I wanted to grab the cock by the throat and say, “Hey, the dog’s not going to stop barking. It doesn’t want to live outdoors all the time on a 5’ leash.” Yet as often as I’ve been hearing it, they obviously won’t allow it indoors anymore. They have it leashed at the front corner just a few feet from the windows of the house next door. I’d feel bad for them if most people were as bothered by noise as I am and if they didn’t have a dog of their own. But theirs is older and doesn’t bark much. This thing’s gonna be like the canal dog or worse, a constant nuisance.

Regena replied back saying yes, there are a few kids, but they’ll be doing children’s activities and there shouldn’t be very many. She said very few attend the concerts. Yeah, they’ll be hanging where I want to be, particularly the pool, and given the time of year, they’ll be mostly preschoolers which are the most disruptive. I just hope none are in the cabins that’ll sandwich ours!

Also, 22.5 knots is about 25 MPH, she said. They try to go at a speed that won’t upset the concerts.

The stupid cock just tried again to calm the dog down to no avail. He saw me standing out front with my hand on my hip in a very annoyed pose, but again, if this was someone who cared about those around them, then it wouldn’t be just a few feet from the corner house. He was on a cell phone and spotted me when he hung up. I then called out, “The dog’s not going to stop barking.”

I couldn’t hear his reply, so who knows what he said? He just better hope it wasn’t a threat I didn’t hear or I’d have been over there in a heartbeat.

He’s back again. Obviously, he’s just as annoyed by it, so why doesn’t he take the fucking thing inside? I guess it’s just the way of the west. Either way, I’m just so sick of listening to people’s shit everywhere we go!

He may’ve got a complaint yesterday. I couldn’t hear anything, but a huge woman was standing outside the fence talking to him, then she headed around the corner. She may live in the corner house for all I know.

Well, I’ll be damned! The cock just took it inside! For more than 5 minutes, I hope. I also hope that when this idiot sees that when every attempt he makes at forcing the dog to live outside in peace fails, he gets fed up enough to get rid of it. No one will let their dogs live indoors. No one!

Another thing that sucks is that due to the cooler temps, I’m back to having to take painkillers nearly every day for my ear. It’ll be interesting to see how flying and then being so far south affects it. I’m still thinking there’s a very good chance it’s connected to the combination of being so elevated and the cold.

Anyway, the ship’s got an area with internet access. Good. I wouldn’t like missing 10 days of sweeps, so at least I can do some every few days or so and check the 1000 messages the email connected to that would get in 10 days.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

All day yesterday I never saw or heard the dog. I hoped that due to not being able to make it an outdoor dog the owner had gotten rid of it. No dog’s going to stay outdoors and not bark. But I did see/hear someone else playing with it for a few minutes today. Guess they’re going to let it be the indoor, part-of-the-family dog it wants to be which would certainly make me a lot happier so I don’t have to deal with it. I knew there’d be a dog over there sooner or later.

Friday, September 22, 2006

There hasn’t been much barking, but it’s been hell with the stereos for the last 7 hours. Although it’s getting late, you still can’t go 15 minutes without one booming by.

Not much in the way of wins other than the mystery package with 6 hand-blown shot glasses. Like I could ever have any use for those? I also won a men’s exercise book that I forfeited. I was shooting for the grand prize, but as is usually the case, you get a lot of piddly unwanted wins instead.

Due to having no running vehicle, I’m not looking forward to the many errands we have to do such as getting checks cashed, getting passport photos shot, going to the PO and applying for a passport, and God knows what else.

We ordered some lotion and shower gel from Kepa. It’s a little pricey, but certainly worth it. His enriched lotion really helps with my dry skin, and it’s fun picking the scents and having them custom-made. I got Ylang Ylang shower gel and lotions in Pink Sugar, Patchouli, Coco-Mango, Aloha, Vermont Maple Syrup, and Zen. I got Maple Syrup in a smaller 8-oz. bottle to take on the cruise with me!

Just when I thought we might be able to go 15 minutes for the first time since 3:00, some desperado just based by at 13 minutes since the last one. God, I wish I could see these mother-fuckers as I do the trains! I hear them, but they don’t bother me. They’re just sounds. Ah, but every sound is different and to say the pounding bass is nerve-grating is the understatement of the century!

Not much in the news other than the same old shit with the Arabs, and the same old childish shit with the silly celebs, including a rapper who bragged about getting fired from his job bagging groceries before getting his undue fame. Said he was better at stealing groceries than bagging them. Yeah, that’s your all-American whacko blacko for ya.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

They’re still keeping the beast across the street indoors, and fortunately for me, I rarely have to hear the thing. I told Tom I thought they took it inside because the barking bothered them and not because they were concerned it’d bother their neighbors. He said he thought they felt bad for it. Well, if that’s the case, then I wish more people would have more compassion for their pets.

We took the AC out, even though we’re to have days in the mid-70s coming up. It won’t last long.

Haven’t seen Miss Century 21, so maybe she was an out-of-towner.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Tom’s decided to go with the semi-aggressive betting method and hit 3 of 10 races today. He made $100 on one and ended up with a $50 profit. Hopefully, he’ll make enough to at least cover the trip’s expenses that are on us. In a week or so, after he’s had enough time to test this method out, we may sell some stuff on eBay. It’ll depend on how well it does.

Since stopping the Claritin and starting eating I climbed up to 131 pounds, but this little “daily stuffer” diet I devised has dropped me down to 128 pounds. I’d really, really like to go on the cruise at around 120, if God will let me have any say over my own damn body. That way I could eat all I want and know I’m not likely to return over 130-135. If I left at 130, then hell, I’ll be setting records coming back at 140 or higher! The most I’ve ever weighed is 137, and I’d still prefer not to break that record till I’m old. It’s so uncomfortable and so much harder to get around when I’m over 125. I gave up a long time ago on getting thin and staying that way, but if I could find an easier way to lose a few pounds here and there when I get carried away, that’d be great. Having 3-4 small meals/snacks per day didn’t do me any good because this didn’t allow me to get full while still keeping the calories down. It was like a smoker trying to get by on just a drag here and a drag there. It doesn’t work. At least not for me. Without looking forward to filling up at least once a day, I go batty. So I decided to wait as long as I could when I got up each day, then stuff myself till I was full. Then I’d let myself have a small end-of-the-day saver like a piece of fruit, a cup of soup, popcorn, or yogurt, to keep me from waking up hungry. My big meal is usually around 800 calories. Hungry Man makes these 1-pound TV dinners that are pretty good. Especially the fish and chips. I sometimes have other things too, for variety. All in all, I end up with roughly 1000 calories a day. I may have to drop it to 800 if I ever get back down to 123. There are 105 days left before we set sail, so we’ll see where I’m at then, although wherever I am is where I am. This diet isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. I’m a little hungrier today, however, now that my weight’s dropping. Tea does a good job of flushing water off and relieving my sore tits. I don’t know if the weight I’ve lost is water or fat, but it all takes up space just the same so it doesn’t matter.

Monday, September 25, 2006

I’m having another half-assed period just two weeks after my last half-assed period. Either that Hoodia really messed me up or something else is going on. I find it hard to believe it’s menopause this young and I don’t have any other symptoms suggesting anything’s wrong, so who knows what’s going on? I just hope I’m not ragging or spotting on the cruise! Who wants to have to deal with that shit while on vacation?

I’m up a pound. I wonder how I managed that on just 1000 calories. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have tea last night. I’m not just fat, I’m watery.

A couple of animals broke one of the planks in the fence. The fucking things were only about 8 years old, so I don’t know how they managed it. By the time I got to the window when I heard the screaming, one of the animals was pointing to it saying that it broke. I stepped out and asked them what happened and they shyly said nothing. Then I told them not to fiddle with it anymore so it didn’t break more. They said ok and left. Hopefully, them seeing that they can’t do things without being seen will deter them from breaking any more shit cuz we sure as hell ain’t paying for it if management mentions it!

I later saw these two animals slip inside next door’s fence with a couple of older animals. I don’t know if they’re associated with next door or not. There’s a car parked just inside the gate, so I noticed when I went to fetch the mail. It hasn’t moved since. I don’t know if it’s a visitor or just a car they’re not planning to use much because there were only two cars in the driveway, so it’s not like it was too loaded with cars to park it there.

It’s never been this warm this late into the year since we’ve been here, but we’ve been having wonderful days in the upper 70s and the next 4 days are to be around 80º. It’s been saving us money since we haven’t had to run the heat much.

I saw a baby puppy across the street today for the first time, but Tom says that’s the only one he’s ever seen there. The one I’ve seen is a medium-sized dog. I saw that today too, but they’re not leaving them outside so that’s all I care about.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

We walked to the store both yesterday and today even though today I didn’t see the cashier I think is hot. She’s a little young, though. I’m guessing she’s in her 20s, very straight, yet very open-minded, so my vibes tell me. I once complimented her on her nice straight hair and she said she sometimes wished it were curly. I can’t remember if she’s the one who said she lived in Hawaii and that it was a nice place to visit, but not to live, or if it was some other cashier that said that. The last time I saw her I had been casually looking out the front window while she was standing with her arms crossed waiting for Tom to finish writing. Then I glanced at her and she smiled brightly as soon as I did. I smiled back and then she sort of gave me a quick once-over. She seemed to notice I cut my bangs back. She sort of reminds me of Melanie, the dental assistant I saw in Phoenix when wasting time and money getting braces. She’s a little shorter and a bit plump, yet still very attractive with dark eyes and hair. Her hair is nearly to her waist. I rarely see someone that good-looking that’s heavy, and she’s certainly heavier than I am. I can’t remember her name, but I’ve seen her several times before and she only recently jumped out at me as being someone I’ve got a crush on. It happens sometimes. You see someone several times, then one day you think, hey, this person is really good-looking, and it hits you rather suddenly. She’s always been really friendly and smiley. Wonder what she’d think if she knew what I thought of her? Well, she’ll never know and we’ll never do anything together even if she did know and the feeling was mutual. You know lust has always been a no-no outside of my imagination. There’s an older one who’s good-looking too, named Estella, who’s also got dark hair (I’m not sure of her eye color), but she’s not as good-looking as the younger one. I think that’s usually how it works – younger is better looking. I figure I’ll always find those in their 20s and 30s most attractive no matter how old I live to be.

My period turned out to be pretty normal. I just hope it doesn’t come back in two weeks! It’s weird because it’s like it’s finishing up where it left off two weeks ago. At least my boobs haven’t been left sore or I left watery like the last time, so I’d say I’m back on track.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

We lost 3 of the 5 races Tom was awake enough to stay up for when the results came in, and again I started wondering if he was simply kidding himself over this horse thing. He said that he still feels strongly that the potential is there, but that it’s important that I have a positive attitude to influence things to have a better outcome. This is when he stressed to me that from what he’s observed over our years together is that my so-called psychic gift isn’t making predictions so much as it’s influencing the outcome of things. My first instinct was to laugh, but the more I think about it, the more I think he may have a point when I think of all those I’ve made sick that have angered me in the past, amongst other things.

But what about me predicting when the well failed and the flat tires and things like that? I asked him, and he said he believes it was more of a case that I made those things happen rather than saw them coming, and didn’t understand why I couldn’t see this. I’ve always had a vibe that the well would fail on December 6th of this year and now I wonder if it isn’t really a prediction, but something I’m going to make happen that day. I should blow out the whole damn state if that’s the case! I miss some aspects of the desert, but not that state. I also wonder if my vibe of the queen giving up her reign when she’s 86, but probably 87, is really what I’m going to make sure she does at that time. If that’s the case, should I see if I can get her to turn in her crown earlier? Nah, I’ll let her live to be a burden to Miss Perfect and Dave a little longer. So both the users (his family) and the abusers (my family) can live longer and have more time to suffer!

He said it took him years to realize I was an influencer because it’s not that obvious. Well, I sure as hell didn’t realize it for a while there myself. Sometimes he knows me better than I know my own self. Anything else about me I should know? I asked him.

Maybe even Miss Perfect also knew I was an influencer before I did. Let’s just say if there was one more thing I could do with her it would be to go to the casino! When she first accused me of making her lose I was like, you blubbering fool! You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Then when Tom mentioned it I was like, oh no, you too? Everybody’s losing it, though I certainly dig the vote of confidence!

And he may have a point about me fucking us up without knowing it with my anger and sense of hopelessness. Remember how he’d get so many colds in Phoenix? Well, I always wrote those off to secondhand smoke and lack of vitamins, and perhaps that was truly a part of it, but maybe my being pissed at him for putting me on about wanting a kid was a factor as well. After all, his colds did seem to lessen the more my desire to have a kid lessened. I hope that fat tub of shit we lived with at the duplex is sicker than her dog!

I won’t change what I’ve written up till now, but I’ll try to work into my stories things I’d like to see happen if they go with the plot. If a trip to Hawaii doesn’t fit, then I’ll have to leave it out, but I don’t see why some folks can’t move to California! I really do seem to have a knack for jinxing things through writing, not just thinking.

I wonder if a person can influence another to desire them sexually or at least for a friend. I don’t know if I’d want to influence Tom to think I was young and skinny, though, cuz that just wouldn’t be real, you know? But the cashier would be a good one to test this on. She’s no Jane and she seems like a real sweetie. The kind you’d feel comfortable letting into your home. It wouldn’t be fun testing it on a woman I wasn’t attracted to and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to make other guys dig me. I’ll remember what he said about not trying to influence things with a specific goal in mind, though. When I threw in the cruise in Doe and Art’s letter, it wasn’t my sole purpose for writing. But it seems I jinxed it to happen, even if I told them the cruise was to Hawaii. So what this means is that I won’t plan to be email pals with the cashier or to get it on. I’ll just try to make her like me. Wouldn’t it be funny if this chick who I think is straight, although open-minded, was suddenly having these feelings of attraction to me that she just doesn’t get? What a hilarious idea! I may not know if it works, though. Remember, I may’ve known right away that Pérez liked me, but it took time with Teddy Bear and Palma. Yeah, I think I’ll try it anyway. I figure that if I can do this, maybe I can influence any future assholes to keep them from fucking us over.

I don’t know about doing outrageous things like making Tinkerbell live as long as we do, but I’ll try to keep the dolls, money and wins coming, and the dogs, spiders, stereos and extra weight away. I just gotta develop my skills at doing this. I’m not sure what to do, though. For the most part, it’s still like handing me a trumpet and saying, “Okay, play it.” Well, I’d have it in my hands, but I wouldn’t know how to play! Yet the more I think about it, the more I think he may have a point and the more curious I get about it. It gives me all kinds of new ideas. Funny, as I always used to consider myself a very non-persuasive person. If he’s right, though, then this is one hell of a gift! What would be the point of seeing things if you couldn’t change any of the bad things you saw, as opposed to being able to guide things in a more favorable direction?

I know I’m gonna try to mentally communicate with Tinkerbell while we’re gone to let her know I haven’t left her forever.

So these are the jobs I can work on:

Job 1: Influence sweeps. Job 2: Influence horses. Job 3: Influence Tinkerbell to live longer than usual. Job 4: Influence noisemakers like dogs and music. Job 5: Influence us to keep in good health, me to lose weight. Job 6: Influence the cashier to like me. Job 7: Continue to have “ill feelings” towards those who’ve fucked us over.

Later…

To prove Tom’s point about thoughts and attitudes influencing things, I was thinking how weird it was that we’ve never had to change the bathroom or bedroom bulbs since moving in here, and the bathroom just blew out.

Today I’ve been kind of bummed out. I’m trying to pick myself back up, but believe me, I don’t feel the least bit influential or hopeful today. I hope the way I feel right now won’t influence things in a bad way, but sometimes I just can’t help how I feel. I’m back to feeling stuck in a rut.

First I awoke to find myself up a pound after 900 calories the day before and just 800 the day before that. I’ve been bouncing back and forth between 128-129. So once again, that reminder that’s been jabbing it me saying that it’s my time to gain weight along with everyone else my age sort of set me in a bad mood. I hate having no control over my own body, and I hate knowing that it’s either starve and maybe stay the same weight, or eat a perfectly reasonable amount and gain indefinitely, but I still believe things happen for a reason and I’m sure it must be important for me to gain the weight now if my body’s fighting for it this bad. I was going to drop to 500 calories a day and see what happened since as Tom and I both agree, it’s impossible for anyone to drop that low and not lose, but then I said Nah, there’s no avoiding the inevitable forever. If I just get it over with I know I’ll be glad I did in the end despite how horrible I’ll look and feel. At least if I let my weight reach its middle-age max, then I won’t have to worry about it happening anymore and having to try to fight it.

Then I got even more bummed out because I didn’t go to the store with him and that cashier was there, according to him. However, he described her as skinny, even kind of anorexic, while I thought she was a bit plump. The rest of his description matches, though – 23-25 years old with straight, thin dark hair. I didn’t go because I had just gotten up when he was ready to go. He would’ve waited, but I was pretty hungry when I got up and have gotten frustrated with trying to lose weight, I wanted him to get me a box of brownies while I had my coffee and tried to wake up. I also figured that she wouldn’t be there because I wanted her to be, and you know how it usually works – it’s when you’re looking for something or someone that you don’t find it/them. If you’re on the road in search of a gas station, there isn’t one around for miles, but then they’re everywhere when you’re not looking for one. And you’ll never find that perfect dress for that special occasion until after the occasion. The same goes for those of us seeking out eye candy or lovers. Either way, I lost my confidence. I felt that if I couldn’t influence my own self, then how could I influence someone else, even if Tom feels that trying to get someone to like me is also being too specific and that I should just have an overall positive attitude in general to put out positive energy to make good things happen. He feels that my being happier upon moving in here is part of what helped influence his promotion and things like that. He’s got a point, but we also can’t influence fate. At least not for the most part. I don’t think my believing, for example, that all I’d get were those I wasn’t attracted to if I joined a dating service is what would make that happen, so much as that would simply be what would be fated to happen no matter what I thought or felt. If I were meant to be with someone I was attracted to to the degree I am with Kate or even this cashier, I really think it would’ve happened, be it for a one-night stand or more. It’s common sense that the cashier’s hopeless as far as me making the attraction mutual, no matter what my attitude is, simply because of the age difference. Being heavy isn’t an issue with women as it is for guys, but a 15-year age difference most certainly is. Besides, I really think she’s straight. She’s awfully feminine.

I asked myself this: despite the inevitable outcome, do I really need to start meeting other women? Is that what I really want? But I still feel that no, I don’t think I’d have much fun seeking out women. It’s easier to imagine what I want than to try to find it, especially if it can’t exist for me. Sure I’d be flattered if the cashier liked me too, and sure I’d be friends with her and even have casuals, but that’s just not going to happen, so all I can do is just look forward to whenever I can see her and enjoy those moments. Like I said, though, now that I want to see her, I expect it’ll be a long time before I do and that there’ll be a long line and she’ll be in a rush. Oh well. She may never have a place in my life, but she’ll have a place in one of my stories.

Of course there’s another question, too – is it really just being sick of Tom sexually despite my love for him that’s the problem, or am I simply burning out with age no matter who the person is or what they look like? I figure that there’s got to be all these diet programs and sexual aids for a reason and that if I don’t want side effects like the way the Hoodia screwed up my cycle, then I should just accept things as they are and roll with the punches, even if this means gaining a ton of weight and never having sex again in my life.

I think to myself, if I’ve got to have problems why can’t they be little ones, but then again, not having any control over my weight and never experiencing lust other than in my head and in my stories is a little problem, as opposed to vindictive freeloaders getting me thrown in jail, living with Doe, Art or Tammy, living in Brattleboro, Valleyhead, the NHA, etc. I guess it’s just that the ones that are the current problems seem the biggest of all.

The biggest thing that’s got me down is the nagging feeling that comes and goes, and right now has come, that Tom’s just kidding himself with the horseracing thing. He said that if he is, just let it run its course. I will, I told him, but the next time he gets some grand money-making idea, I don’t want to hear it! It just infuriates me that yet again God goes and teases us with money. Thanks, God, I needed that. We both did.

So now we’re back to square one. Where in the chaotic, but warm mainstream do we go? He still feels he could get a good job in Sacramento despite his age and that we could live in a rural place and still get the things we want without being at risk of losing the place as long as we don’t overextend ourselves as we did with Maricopa and then the mountain, but I don’t know about that. Again, why would I be stuck in the city for so much of my life if this wasn’t where I was meant to be? This is my place in life and on earth, like it or not, and believe me, I don’t like it, but sometimes it’s easier to bitch about something than to try to change it. I hate it but it’s easier here and it makes no sense to go through the struggles of getting a rural place whether or not we’re at risk of losing it when 6 years from now we’d be eligible for a retirement community. Of course, 6 years can be a long time when you live in a noisy environment, and the noisier it is, the longer those 6 years are. I hate the barking, the stereos, the car doors, the kids screaming, the stress of neighboring houses turning over, the problems most neighbors bring, but it’s all I’ve known for the last 20 years. As long as we don’t live next to a pack of freeloading psychos, we should be okay.

He said Sacramento has rapid transit. Just like New York has subways, they have trains they call light rail. Therefore, we could live far out and he could maybe take his bike to the train station, etc. He also said that because the climate is more temperate there and doesn’t get as hot as Arizona or as cold as here, the electric bills would be more stable, but I don’t know. It’s going to be a tough decision. Do we give up having money for shopping and other fun things to get a rural place? Or do we give up the chance to live in peace for the convenience and extra money city life would bring? He thinks we’ll have a choice, but again, I don’t know about that when most of our decisions seem to be made for us by circumstances, fate, God, whatever. First things first, though, and that’s to do what we need to do to go cruising, enjoy the cruise, then come back and start saving to get out of here in June, the month we agreed upon. If I have to sell things due to lack of money, I will. Then we’ll see if we have a say in where we go from there and try to decide what’s best if we do.

Wow, it’s almost 11:30 at night, almost October, and it’s 78º in here!

Oh, God, why’d you have to get our hopes up? And Tom’s hope is still up there, too. He still feels certain we can make a lot of money, own a quiet place outright, and that he’ll never again have to work for anyone else, and I hope to hell he’s right! It’s just that I’ve never been that wrong in such a big way whether I’m the cause of it or not. It would’ve been so wonderful to build our own place and not have to worry how far it was from his job because his job was at home! There’s no doubt about that one.

The way he explained to me why he felt making tons of money wouldn’t be a problem made perfect sense, and I know he knows his stuff when it comes to programming, handicapping and money, but then why do I feel so stuck in a rut?

And why can’t I get this cashier off my mind? I don’t have to have sex with her to be satisfied being the older person that I am. I could be just as happy to hang out with her from time to time as a friend. I know it seems foolish since beauty’s only skin deep, I’ll be gone soon enough, and she’ll be fat and ugly herself in 10-15 years, but I guess I’m only human.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Oh, my God, the penny! I was just laying in bed thinking – what in the world’s got me so down? There are worse problems than all the weight I’m going to gain. There are even worse things than being in the mainstream for 6 more years, and this is only if the worst of fate and circumstances keep us there. There are worse things than being attracted to a cashier that I no doubt don’t stand out to any more than a hole in the wall. So what is it? Then I remembered picking up a penny that was lying with the tails side up. I asked Tom if he’s ever heard of any side being particularly lucky or unlucky to find, and he said he had. I had a feeling the bad side was the tail side, and well, according to the research I just did, many people believe a penny found lying on its tail side should be ignored. If anyone knows not to laugh at what may seem like the silliest of superstitions, it’s us, and so I wonder, did picking this penny up on the wrong side cause any of this gloominess?

When I think of all the times I was furious with God for not punishing those who’ve wronged me, I think maybe He didn’t because he knew I could punish them instead. Then again, I don’t see how I could punish them to the degree that He could. I can’t set the black sickos up in return and have their lives turned upside down and make them suffer a loss of freedom and thousands of dollars.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Another big grand prize win! Tom was waiting excitedly for me when I got up at 6 PM to show me the overnight letter. I won a platinum graphite wakeboard autographed by Andrew Adkison (we’ve never heard of him, but Tom looked him up), along with other things valued at $2,500!!! For a minute I thought it was a surfboard, but it’s actually a type of fancy waterskiing that they do on this one board. They do all kinds of flips and turns and things like that which regular waterskiing doesn’t usually include.

I asked Tom if he thought everyone wins like this or if he thought it was my psychically influencing it, and he said he definitely feels my being in a good mood over the cruise influenced it. What’s amazing is that I ran and checked the expiration date of this contest and found that it ended the day after I was notified about the cruise! And what perfect timing to learn of this win today with the 1st being right around the corner!

We’re going to get the forms notarized in the morning. Yup, another long day for me just like when I had to get the Bluefly win notarized. It’ll be worth it, though. We’re hoping to get around a grand for it, give or take a hundred or two, and this will more than cover our plane tickets and port taxes!

I’m certainly in a better mood today than yesterday. Even the racing went better with a few small wins.

That cashier is still on my mind, though. Hey hot stuff, wherever you are, whatever your name is. You aren’t in the arms of a guy right now, even though it’s the weekend and you are young. No, you’re somewhere dreaming of me, looking forward to the next time we meet at the check-out.

Yeah, right!

[ariieeesworld]

pull it together - sweetheart!matt & peoplepleaser!anais

୨୧ chapter 1: in my head ୨୧

lowercase intended

word count: 507

warnings: angst, insecurity, fluff, toxic parent, slightttt slut shaming (sorry)

(most of the story will take place at her parent's house)

⊹₊⟡⋆ anais woke up after a long flight from Los Angeles to her hometown, where she would stay with her parents for a few weeks. she tried to open her eyes as the sun almost blinded her through her windows. the bed felt empty and cold, as she’d been used to matt, her boyfriend, cuddling against her. she lies in her childhood bedroom, left as it was before she went to live in California, decorated with one direction posters and pillow pets. she pushed herself up and rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes, she looked at the clock reading 10:30 am, stretching as she walked to the bathroom.

with her being the oldest out of her two sisters, she knew she had to set an ‘example’ as her mom would say. she usually wouldn’t mind being the one to look up to, but the pressure has gotten to her recently. when she was in california, she had never felt so free, she could do what she wanted with no one judging her, and hang who she wanted to hang around. her days were usually work, eating, and hanging out with her boyfriend and his brothers, not having a care in the world. then she lands in michigan, her hometown, her mind going a hundred miles per hour with question after question.

‘what would they think of matt? would they like him? what if they don’t, what would i do?’ she wishes there was a way to tell her mind to shut up, leave her alone for one day. she loves matt, and she wouldn’t let anyone’s opinion change hers. yet her mind loves to find a new way to freak out about little things, she knows she's being quite dramatic, but her and matt’s relationship was fairly new, being only 4 months old. it feels like she’s losing her mind, she just wants to go back to matt and his warm embrace.

she snaps out of it when she realizes that she has been in the bathroom for almost 30 minutes, hearing her siblings find their way to the bathroom too. she finishes her last steps of her morning routine and makes her way to her room to change. “this is going to be a long week,” she says, carefully pulling an outfit out of her suitcase. choosing the most appropriate, even they all are, not wanting to cause a scene. even the slightest thing can cause an argument, it's like walking on eggshells. her parents can be judgemental and on top of that strict, at least when anais was growing up, they’re more lenient with her sisters but not too much.

she walks out of her room down to the kitchen, as she waits for breakfast to be done she sees her dad was watching a movie looking bored out of his mind until he looked over and saw her. “is that shirt supposed to be that tight?” he says looking her up and down.

we’re in for a veryyyy long week….

dividers by @bernardsbendystraws!!

first chapterrr! let me know how we feel about thisss 😌