#and my therapist isn't helping because he always deflects to get me to talk about how it makes me feel or whatever

[a-flaming-triple-a]

Doing this as a poll so I can actually make a decision. Keep in mind that I am not out to my parents as trans and they are very transphobic (there is a high chance they will be so disrespectful that I will be forced to cut them off if they find out). I am an adult and I have my own place, but they pay for all my insurance since I can't get it from my job, and they pay for me to go to grad school.

Also keep in mind that I have enough money saved up that it shouldn't be an issue no matter what I choose, but it might be an issue if I had to pay for grad school and insurance on top of it if my parents found out. They would definitely find out if I went on hrt.

It's getting really uncomfortable living in this body knowing that everyone sees me as a girl even if they use my pronouns. However, my dysphoria is not so bad that I can't wait another year or so until grad school is over. But I think it would be nice to start my career as myself.

[bigskydreaming]

Friendly reminder that Dick is not, in fact, "one of those 'talk about your feelings' types". He's just not as bad about keeping things bottled up until they explode as Bruce or Damian or Jason or Kate. Like, he will see a therapist, eventually.

I one hundred percent agree, and I'm not sure where I've said something that suggests that I wouldn't. One of my biggest beefs with most fandoms' interpretations of characters is the aversion to nuance. The idea that characters are either at one extreme or another.

One of the things I like about Dick is that he is a lot more self-aware than a lot of characters and he DOES go to therapy and challenge himself to deal with unpleasant stuff he'd rather avoid. But at the same time, he is ALSO a character who will likely brush off people's attempts to inquire about his well-being by saying oh I'm fine and deflecting with a joke rather than taking the opportunity to unpack what's bothering him.

For me, these two aspects of his character don't contradict each other at all or ring as hypocritical, because how we act isn't always how we'd ideally want to act, and how we feel doesn't always lead us to act exactly on those feelings rather than prioritize something else for some reason.

In the past, I've often gone into how I do hate the tendency to write other characters judging Dick for keeping things to himself or not opening up about his own hurts or traumas even when they offer to listen....because the disconnect for me comes from how rarely those characters show an awareness of all the times Dick HAS tried to open up to people or share that he was hurt by something someone said or did....only to have people extremely close to him brush off or dismiss his feelings on these matters. Essentially telling him he was reading too much into something, taking things too personally, pointing how other people who have things worse, or in a lot of super ugly cases even weaponizing Dick's voluntarily shared fears/insecurities to attack him with them and deflect from their own insecurities or guilt.

These kinds of things don't happen in a vacuum, and I think its disingenuous how often people point to Dick acting in ways that contradict stuff he talks up about the importance of leaning on friends, sharing what's bothering you, not dwelling, etc, bringing these up as things he says but often doesn't do himself.....but then there's no acknowledgment made that canon has given Dick very good reason, many times over, to KNOW the importance of these things but FEEL on some level that for some reason, its different with him and he doesn't get to avail himself of these things the way he encourages others to do.....since so often when he has opened up to people, they shut him down rather than actually helping him or making him feel safe or supported in doing so.

So yup, I'd one hundred percent agree that Dick is someone very aware of the importance of looking after your own emotional and mental well-being, and to that end, he does at multiple points seek out therapy, though still not as often as he probably should. But similarly, I also one hundred percent agree this doesn't equal him wearing his heart on his sleeve, and in direct contrast to the advice he often gives others about being emotionally vulnerable, he's actually very closed-off and guarded about his own hurts and insecurities. The thing reconciling these conflicting takes however, is that at no point does Dick suggest he thinks he's fine as is or too good to take his own advice....he retreats into himself as often as he does because of a specific pattern of being burned too many of the times he HAS attempted to reach out for help or just vented about things bothering him only to see the things he shares in confidence later used against him in fights.