#and my talking about it to my mom has led to her pushing my 75 year old dad to be assessed too

[dollfairy]

It's really hard to get over the childhood wound of "no one believes me or listens to me so I can't trust anyone or go to anyone for support and therefore have to handle everything myself" when that shit is still happening to me as an adult in my 30s lol

[nikkzwrites]

Yesterday Once More | Dark Fix-It Fic Series | Chapter 7

A/N: This fic is one that I started with my OC because honestly, I personally didn’t like how season 3 ended. So I am rewriting all of Dark with my OC Annalise Dahlheim. I hope you all like it. Some things will be expanded more on just for more depth to Dark that season 3 kinda skipped over so…. yeah.

CW: Canon Typical Triggers: Smoking, Sex, Language, Drugs, Drinking, Death, Violence, Suicide Mentions, Cutting, Violence.

Word Count:  3.7k

[First Chapter] [Previous Chapter] [Next Chapter]

Helge woke up in a child’s themed room. It was blue with foxes and hedgehogs. A very weird chair sat in the middle. The young boy studied it as his ear bled. This was the memory old Helge woke up to that morning. It helped him remember everything.

Jonas woke up in an enclosed log deer stand. He checked to see if the letter was still with him before he climbed down and started on his journey to go find Mikkel. He first needed to start at the school. He saw a frizzy-haired brunette in the hall sitting by herself in the hall. He decided she was probably the best to ask, “What day is it today?”

“Pardon?” Regina pulled off her headphones.

Jonas repeated, “What day is it today?”

“November 9th,” She answered.

Jonas sighed and admitted, “I know this sounds crazy, but what year?”

“1986,” She shook her head in confusion. Jonas thanked her and started to walk away, but got called back by the girl, “Wait! Are you looking for someone?”

Jonas stared at the girl confused on how she would know this, “Yeah. A friend. Michael Kahnwald.”

Regina shook her head, “Never heard of him.”

“Ines Kahnwald’s son,” He tried to clarify.

“The nurse,” Regina asked. She shook her head, “She doesn’t have any children.”

Defeated, Jonas then asked, “Do you know where I can find Ines?”

Regina reached for her bag after hearing the bell, “The hospital probably.” She smiled at him, “Well, see you.” As she tried to leave, she got pushed and bullied.

Jonas stared. His heart went out to his friend’s mother. She, in some way, reminded him of his Annalise. She was kind, sweet, and would help out a random stranger. He wondered silently if that’s why his best friend was always giving Annalise a hard time. He shook his head, he couldn’t focus on that right now. He had to make it to find Mikkel then get home.

Egon sat in his office when he got the file from his superior about the power plant. He sat and silently wondered if Ulrich was involved at all in this.

In the present, Ulrich looked around in the files about Mads scattered in Mikkel’s room as if like a summoning circle that he could get all the information from some specter.

Woller, at the same time, walked into Charlotte’s office with the power plant search warrant. Charlotte quickly hung up the phone and grabbed it to head to the power plant.

At the same time 33 years ago, Egon drove to the power plant. He was greeted with the face of Helge. Just the man he wanted to see.

“Anything I can help you with,” Helge asked with a smile.

Egon shook his head, “It’s about the missing Nielsen boy. The night he disappeared, you were on your shift, right?”

Helge looked as if he needed to think back, but honestly, he was just confused and concerned that the man had found out about him, “Yes.”

“Martin wants to document and corroborate the routines and times of everyone who was near here that night,” Egon explained to the man.

Helge nodded in understanding. He checked his watch then told the police officer, “I have to do my rounds and check the blocks now.”

Egon nodded, “Okay, let’s arrange a time you can stop by the station then.”

Helge stared out into space for a moment then asked, “The day after tomorrow?”

“Tuesday?”

“Is 10:30, okay?” Helge asked the man.

Egon nodded, “That works. Sorry for the trouble.”

Helge shook his head and chuckled, “It’s no trouble. I just didn’t see anything. What I mean is… Everything was totally normal.”

Egon nodded and asked, “Your shift ended at six?”

Helge nodded, “Yes, that’s when the night shift starts.”

“Did you take your car,” Egon asked.

Helge nodded, “I took the state road.”

Egon looked up confused, “Were you heading somewhere else? Because you took the state road instead. Isn’t the forest road shorter?”

“Yeah,” Helge conceded, “I just picked something up for my father.” Helge nodded towards the officer and said, “I’ll see you Tuesday.”

Egon interrupted the other man’s leaving and said, “One more question. Did you see his brother anywhere that day? The older Nielsen boy, Ulrich.”

Helge shook his head, “Nope. Til Tuesday.” He closed the gate. 

In 2019, Ulrich spotted this note in Egon’s day planner.

Aleksander walked out followed by a bunch of armed guards. Charlotte stared at him annoyed. She really did not enjoy this show of force. She held up the warrant for him to see. Aleksander, without a word, motioned for the guards to open the gates for her and her crew.

Hannah slowly pulled herself away from Annalise and out of bed. The rain and thunder had woken her up from her deep slumber.  She walked into the kitchen and started to make breakfast. She was happy that she hadn’t woken the girl up yet. And as much as she loved her son, she was glad to be able to talk to Annalise alone. The woman slowly brought breakfast to her bedside. Hannah sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed Annalise’s shoulder, “Hey. Annalise.”

Annalise shook herself awake. She looked at the woman smiling down at her. Annalise smiled, “Oh is Jonas home?” Annalise sat up and yawned.

“No,” she explained, “But I think he will be back very soon.” She cupped her cheek gently then pulled away to motion to the food, “I actually made you breakfast. To thank you for being in Jonas and I’s life.”

Annalise smiled gently. She gave the woman a hug. The girl asked, “Can I stay with you until he gets back...I…”

Hannah smiled, “If that’s what you want, but I don’t think Ulrich will come back to hurt me.” She pet the girl’s head and said, “You have a large heart. You remind me very much of my husband, because of this, I can tell you love my Jonas very much. Thank you so much. We both need someone like that in our lives again.”

Back in 1986, Jonas walked through the rain trying to get to the hospital. He was just following the road huddled beneath his yellow raincoat. He started to panic when the police car had noticed him.

Egon, seeing a boy walking through the rain, couldn’t just leave the boy there. He lowered his window and asked, “Can I help you?” He watched the boy shake his head. Then Egon asked, “Shouldn’t you be in school?”

Jonas tried to quickly come up with an excuse, “I’m sick.”

Egon nodded and said, “You look fine to me.”

“I hurt my arm,” Jonas tried to come up with a cover, “I’m headed to the hospital.”

Egon nodded and motioned to the boy, “Get in. I’ll drive you there.”

As Ulrich tried to investigate more in the 33-year-old files of Mads, he noticed that Helge had no statement about what had happened that night. He then called Charlotte and explained. “Did you know that in 1986 your father-in-law was to be interviewed in my brother’s case?”

“No,” Charlotte said tailing the canvassing team. 

Ulrich then told her, “I searched through all the files. Helge was supposed to be questioned on Tuesday, November 11, 1986. Exactly 33 years ago, from the day after tomorrow. But there is no statement. He didn’t show. There’s just a note. ‘Why not forest road?’”

“So you think Helge abducted Mads in 1986,” She asked the man, “And now Mikkel and the other boys 33 years later?”

“Where is he now,” Ulrich asked.

“In a nursing home Ulrich!” She sighed, “He’s 75 years old. He has dementia and the evening Mikkel disappeared, Helge was with me.”

Ulrich argued, “But the evening before Yasin vanished, Woller found Helge in the forest.”

“And took him back to the nursing home,” Charlotte cried, getting annoyed. He was sounding more and more paranoid with every passing day.

“Somehow this all has to do with Mads,” Ulrich claimed.

Charlotte shook her head, “You are barking up the wrong tree.”

“Maybe,” Ulrich admitted, “but maybe not.” He ended up hanging up on his boss.

Charlotte turned, noticing a route through the field that went into another part in the woods. She started to follow it to try and figure out more.

Jonas rode in the car with Egon. He was honestly just wondering how his mother and Annalise were holding up with him suddenly gone without much of a word. Did Lise think he was out with Martha right after having everything happened? Was she wondering when he was going to be home? Was she cry-

“What’s your name,” Egon asked, pulling the boy from his thoughts.

“Jonas,” he said without much thought as he turned to the man.

Egon then asked, “And why didn’t you have your parents drive you?”

Jonas shrugged, “My mom is at work. My dad’s dead.”

Egon then asked, “Where does your mother work?”

“At the power plant,” Jonas explained knowing that was an easy out for him.

Egon nodded, “The power plant has changed Winden. This place used to look different.” He looked towards the boy for a second, “What’s that there?”

Jonas pulled out his earbuds from out his pocket and showed it to him, “Earphones.”

Egon laughed, “Those aren’t earphones.”

“You just put them in your ears,” Jonas explained.

Egon shook his head, “Now I’ve seen it all.”

In 2019, Charlotte ended up following the path. She found the gated cavern that Claudia herself was once led to. She knew she had to talk to Aleksander about this.

Egon, soon, pulled up at the hospital just 33 years prior. He let Jonas out of the car, but not before asking, “Among you teenagers, Is Satanism a thing right now?”

Jonas laughed. “No idea,” He was so grateful for the laugh before he realized the officer was serious. He shook his head and replied, “No, I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

Egon then advised, “Call your mom to pick you up, it isn’t the best time to be walking through the woods alone right now.”

Jonas nodded. He exited the car thanking the officer. He slid his bag back on his back before walking into the hospital. He walked to one of the nurses and explained, “I am looking for Ines Kahnwald.”

“She was just outside with the boy,” She explained.

Jonas shook his head, “What boy?”

Her brows furrowed. She studied the boy, “What do you want Ines for?”

“I am visiting and I locked myself out,” He lied.

She shook her head, “Ines didn’t mention a visitor. Are you related?”

“Yes,” Jonas said, “You could say that.”

She motioned towards the back doors, “Maybe she’s still out back. Otherwise, I’ll tell her when I see her.”

Jonas shook his head, “No, I don’t want to be in any trouble.”

33 years after that encounter, Ulrich snuck into Helge’s room. He walked over to the man to whisper to try and wake up the older gentleman. When Helge woke up, Ulrich introduced himself, “My name is Ulrich Nielsen. I am a police officer. Don’t be scared. I just want to ask you a few questions.”

Helge started to panic seeing the man he had nightmares every night since he was a child. He started to shake his head terrified.

“In 1986, a boy from Winden Vanished,” Ulrich stated ignoring Helge’s reactions, “Mads Nielsen. Do you remember? You were summoned to the station for questioning but there’s no transcript. What does ‘Why not forest road’ mean?”

The heart monitor screamed out of control for a nurse to check in on the older man. A nurse finally burst in to see Ulrich leaning over the man repeating the question over and over while Helge just tried to communicate. She walked over to the man and asked, “What are you doing here?”

“It’s him,” cried Helge.

Ulrich tried to explain, “I am a cop. I want to ask a few questions.”

Helge struggled out the words, “I know you!”

“What did you say,” Ulrich asked as the nurse tried to pull him away from Helge.

“I can change it,” Helge mumbled, “I can change the past and the future.”

The nurse called out to try and get someone else to help her remove Ulrich from Helge’s room so that Helge could continue living in peace. 

“What did you say,” Ulrich asked as the nurses soon surrounded him and started to carry him out, “Where’s Mikkel? Where’s my son?! Where’s Mikkel?”

Meanwhile, in 1986, Jonas walked out the back trying to find Ines so that she could help clear everything up. That is when he spotted them, the younger version of his grandmother and there next to her sat Mikkel. Behind him, the older Jonas, scarred and rugged by his many adventures through time, stated, “How little we understand of the world.”

Jonas turned to him and asked, “Is this real? Or am I crazy, just like my father? Do you even exist? Or are you the hallucination of a lunatic?”

“You are not crazy,” the wiser Jonas stated, “Neither was your father. Sometimes it’s hard for us to grasp things that go against all that we are conditioned to believe. How do you think people felt the first time they were told that the Earth was round?”

Jonas swallowed, “Yes it is. It’s totally insane.”

“And if it’s not?” the older him refuted back.

“How can that be,” Jonas asked with an insane smile on his face, “Is there a breach in time in the cave? So Mikkel hangs out here until he becomes my father?” He must have hit his head in the caves.

The older Jonas, annoyed, replied, “Even if you don’t want to believe it, that is your father.”

Distraught, Jonas looked back at the younger boy and said, “That means...That Ulrich is my grandfather and…”

“Martha is your aunt,” the man who went through this before replied.

Jonas growled, “That’s bullshit.” He was growing more and more annoyed. None of this was right. He just wanted to go home and have everything go back to normal. Martha and he doing this weird dance along the edges. “I’m taking him back and putting this right,” Jonas spitefully spat at his older self.

Knowing exactly what his younger self was thinking, Stranger Jonas pushed Jonas against the back of the car, “Don’t you get it?! If you take Mikkel back, you’ll be meddling in the course of events. Your father will never meet your mother, they won’t fall in love or get married. And you won’t be born! If you take him back now, you’ll be erasing your own existence. The role you play in all of this is much bigger than you think.” He pulled away thinking of a moment that will come to pass for his younger self not too far into his future. His heart ached as he explained tearfully, “But every decision for something is a decision against something else.” He panted as the memory unfolded for him. He could tell his younger self wouldn’t understand but was still terrified at the implications. He further explained, “A life for a life.” He started to calm himself as he asked, “What will you decide?” He wished that the outcome would change, but he knew it wouldn’t. If it had, then he wouldn’t be here as he was with a memory that would haunt him forever and a necklace in his pocket to keep her close to him.

Jonas tearfully watched as the older version of himself walked away. He then turned to watch Mikkel continue eating the green jello Ines had gotten for him. 

Charlotte sat on her desk in 2019 as she scolded Ulrich. Ulrich only used this to explain his, correct, theory that the dead boy, Mikkel, and the other disappearances had something to do with Helge. Charlotte tried to sympathize with him, but there was no feasible way this had anything to do with her father-in-law. 

Back in 1986, Helge opened up his glove compartment and grabbed the raider bar out so he could eat it.

Mikkel, himself, got hungry around the same time, so he hobbled his way down the hall to the vending machine. 

Jonas quickly followed in toe to watch Mikkel. He wasn’t completely convinced not to do anything. He was just about to approach when he saw the younger version of his mother walking up to the boy. Jonas quickly stood back just out of sight to watch. He could see them talking. He wondered if anyone had come back to do the same for him. He pulled out the letter and stared at it. Jonas then decided that he knew what he had to do.

Helge walked to the bunker. He looked around to make sure no one followed him before going inside.

Jonas crawled his way through the caves back home. He, then, made his way into his home. He snuck in quietly without anyone noticing. He wanted to first visit his mother. He walked over to her bedroom to notice something strange. There was a smaller body on the side closer towards the door. There, fast asleep, lay Annalise. He blinked for a second before shaking his head and going to his mother’s side.

Hannah, feeling a dip in the bed, quickly jolted awake. She groaned a bit expecting it to be the girl, but instead saw her son sitting there. He was dirty and sweaty, but he was finally home. “Boy, you startled me,” Hannah complained in a hushed tone to make sure she didn’t wake Annalise, “Where were you?”

Jonas just stared at his mother. He didn’t know what to say, or do for that matter. 

“What’s wrong,” Hannah asked, sitting up more in her bed.

Jonas stared at her and asked, “Do you believe in fate?”

Hannah looked down thinking about how to best answer this question. She had never lied to Jonas before, so she really wasn’t going to start now, “I… I don’t know. Maybe it’s my fate that men leave me.”

Jonas stared at his mother in sorrow. He hated seeing his mother like this. He silently wondered if something had happened while he was gone. “I think Dad loved you very much,” Jonas told her.

Both of them stared at each other, tears filled their eyes as they thought back to Michael. Jonas slowly pulled his mother into a hug and held her as she started to sob. This woke up Annalise.

The girl was so excited to see Jonas back home that she nearly pounced to give him a hug, but then she heard it. Their soft weeping. She slowly sat onto her heels and waited for them to be done. When they pulled away, Jonas looked towards the girl. She gave him a warm, tender smile before motioning up to say she was going to head upstairs.

Jonas nodded and mouthed that he would see her there in a moment. First, he had something he needed to do. The boy shut himself in his father’s studio with a bucket in front of him. He pulled out the letter and a lighter. Jonas deliberately set it aflame and dropped it into the metal bucket. He started to cry knowing that he was just destroying one of the last offerings of his father. He felt his presence in his life start to fade as the letter burned.

Ulrich walked into Helge’s room to find him missing. He looked around hoping to find a clue to where he had gone. There on the table rested that clue. ‘The Journey Through Time’ by H.G. Tannhaus with a necklace made of a coin from 1986 tied with a red sting. He knew he was on the right path. Hearing someone close a car door far too easily, Ulrich checked the window. That was when he noticed the sliding door was open. He walked out to see Helge pacing his way to the caves. Ulrich quickly called Charlotte and updated her letting her know that Helge was a time traveller. He watched as Helge went to the crossing and followed him.

While 1986 Helge climbed out of the bunker with the poor boy’s body. He dragged the body to the caves while Noah cleaned the floor. His back tattooed with Sic Mundus’s mark. 

After he burned the letter, Jonas changed into his sleeping outfit. He looked to his bed. When he saw that Annalise wasn’t there, he crept down the hall to find her in her bedroom. The boy gently knocked on the door to let her know that he was there.

Annalise sat up more in the small bed. She watched him. Jonas didn’t have to say anything. She knew what he wanted, what he needed. She moved closer to the wall so that he could crawl in with her. When he didn’t quite move, Annalise tilted her head but moved more to the other side so he could have the wall side.

Jonas slowly made his way into the bed after she crawled to the side he wanted her on. Tears ran down his face. He adored that he didn’t have to talk with her. Somehow she just knew. He rest his head on her pillow and turned to his side so that he could hold her close to him. He pulled her to him leaving little space between them. As he clung onto her, he grieved and bawled into her pillow. 

Annalise stiffened up as she felt him pull her so close to him. Not that she didn’t want to spoon with him, she just didn’t expect him to do so. She reached behind her and stroked his head. She lowly started to shush him, her voice staying hushed and compassionate to help calm him. Annalise didn’t know how long it was, but she kept caressing him and calming him until he had fallen asleep. His whimpering slowly turned to tempoed breathing. His hold never let up though. It was as if he was clinging onto the last possible string of hope he had in the world.

[imaginingsoftly]

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time Pt. 2 - Morgan Rielly

Type: roommates to lovers, Y/N insert shorts

Requested: No

Warnings: just swearing

(Y/N = Your name, cuts mean a change in POV. It’ll be from Morgan’s perspective to Y/N’s)

Morgan got off of his flight more than a little tired of the tiny plane and the guy sitting next to him, who seemed far too awake for the late hour. While Carolina certainly wasn’t a large hockey market, it was a huge college basketball one, and he was going to scream if he had to hear the guy go on about how much Duke sucked much longer. It didn’t matter that he knew nothing about college basketball; if anything it seemed to excite the guy, Martin-something, and now he was walking with him through the terminal at RDU to luggage claim still talking. Apparently the Duke coach had been fired for some reason, and a bunch of his players followed him to the new school he was at, some mid-major program on the coast, whatever mid-major meant. 

“But see, here’s the thing; the last big-time coach UNCW had, he went to State. If coach ends up at State, I’m just gonna stop following basketball. The Basketball Gods’ll have officially abandoned Duke.” Morgan nodded unenthusiastically along with the man’s spiel, leaning to avoid the arm he was waving to further his point. Down the escalator they went until finally they were at the luggage collection, and Morgan was finally able to shake the man off with a handshake and a promise to check out a Duke game while he was in town. 

I’m picking up my suitcase, he texted Hamilton. The luggage belt seemed to move slower than usual, or maybe it was the fact that it was 11pm and he just wanted to go to sleep. His black suitcase, battered and covered in luggage tags from years of cross-Canada flights, appeared on the belt underneath a yellow hard-case covered in stickers from places all over the world. An older woman with white hair and a worldly look struggled to lift the case off the belt, huffing when she couldn’t immediately claim her bag. 

Morgan jumped forward, picking up the case and putting it next to the woman with a small smile. Old and kind eyes met his with a grateful smile as she put one hand on the bag and the other on his arm. “Thank you, honey.” Her accent, subtle but still noticeably southern, felt as warm and welcoming as the woman and the suitcase in front of him. He nodded, reaching over and grabbing his suitcase before it got too far away. Morgan turned to wait for Hamilton to pick him up, but was stopped by the woman’s hand resting on his arm again. “Welcome to Raleigh. I hope your visit treats you well.” Morgan squeezed the woman’s hand, smiling gratefully. He nodded, thanking her with a wish goodnight. 

He stepped outside, and the heat and humidity smacked him in the face immediately. Eleven pm and it was still 80 degrees outside. What the hell. A black BMW SUV pulled up beside him, and the red-haired Hamilton waved an arm at Morgan as a blonde-haired girl winked at him from the passenger seat. The backdoor opened, and a disheveled Svechnikov stepped outside. “Hey man,” he mumbled, the Russian clearly having been asleep until a couple of minutes ago. He grabbed Morgan’s bag, putting it in the trunk before slapping Morgan on the back and climbing back into the car. Morgan raised an eyebrow, looking at the blonde questioningly. She rolled her eyes, gesturing into the car. 

Morgan stepped up into the SUV, sinking into the blac leather seats with a sigh. Svechnikov had done the same on the other side of the car, already half asleep again as he extended a hand. “Andrei,” he said through a thick accent, “welcome to Raleigh”. Morgan shook the kid’s hand with a laugh. “Did they drag you out of bed for this?” Andrei sank further into the seat, adjusting the black baseball hat he was wearing with a sigh. “That’s my girlfriend, Kat. She wanted to come, but she wouldn’t come without me. Y/N is her friend. She’s cool.” 

Morgan turned to look at the blonde, who was turned around in the front seat to look over him with what was really an alarming amount of concentration. “Y/N is a relaxed person, Mo,” Hamilton said as he looked at his fellow defenseman in the rearview mirror, “you’ll get along fine.” Kat smiled at him, and nodded enthusiastically. “She’s a big sports fan, especially baseball and hockey. There’s pretty much always some kind of game on the TV in her apartment, actually. On weekend mornings, she watches Premier League. Like soccer.” Kat said the last bit incredulously, and Morgan got the impression she was not the sports fan that her friend was. 

The ride from the airport to the apartment complex was quick and relatively quiet, as it appeared the lateness was getting to everyone in the car. Hamilton and Kat spoke up occasionally to point out landmarks or places to eat along the way, while it appeared Svechnikov had fallen deeply asleep. Hamilton pulled off a street in the middle of the city and into a parking garage, and they were there. Svechnikov jerked awake when Kat and Hamilton opened their car doors, and Morgan chuckled at the kid as he stepped out of the SUV and into the still stifling heat outside. 

“Is it always this humid here?” Morgan asked. Kat chuckled, nodding knowingly. “You get used to it. Supposedly anyway. I don’t think Y/N ever did, and she’s lived in Carolina since she was seven.” That didn’t bode well for him, then. Kat led the way into the building, up seven levels of an elevator and down a long hallway. 

She turned to look at Morgan, smirking at him and raising an eyebrow. “One thing before we go inside. Don’t be a jerk, or I’ll kick your ass. She’s an introvert, so opening up her apartment to a complete stranger is a big step for her. You’re lucky that her mom-friend personality takes over the introversion when people need help.” Morgan nodded solemnly, more than a little scared of the short blonde staring up at him. She put her hand on the doorknob, pausing again. “Actually, one more thing. Good luck.” 

With that, she opened the door and walked inside, not bothering to wait for the three hockey players behind her. “Good luck with what?”, Morgan asked. Hamilton shrugged, pushing past him to go inside. “Good luck not falling in love with her. Kat has it in her head that you’re gonna end up together.” Svechnikov rolled his eyes as he spoke, also walking inside. Morgan took a deep breath, following his teammates. 

The apartment was welcoming, warm feeling and smelling like a bakery and lavender. It was small, and pictures were hung on the walls with obvious love. There were landscapes mostly, clearly taken by Y/N, photos of beaches and athletic fields with some of the most fantastic sunsets he’d ever seen. The kitchen was also clean, minus a small mountain of cookies and what looked like homemade pasta strewn on cooling racks along almost every bit of available counter space. 

“That wasn’t a fucking strike, you goddamn moron! It was six inches off the plate! How the fuck do they still let you call games? Jesus christ!” Y/N was standing in front of the television in the living room, yelling at the baseball game she was watching like she thought they could actually hear her. She was short, and curly hair tumbled halfway down her back from underneath a backwards-facing Red Sox hat as she emphatically waved a hand holding a beer bottle. Oh great, a Boston fan. A cat looked up from it’s spot on the back of the couch, all gray and fluffy and looking very tired of the screaming.

“Hey, Y/N,” Kat said as she stepped into the living room, “got your new roomie here.”

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Y/N almost screamed when she heard the voice behind her, only relaxing when she registered it was Kat. “What the fuck, Kat, a little warning would’ve been nice.” She turned and glared at the blonde smirking at her. “I almost threw my beer at you.” Kat laughed, swishing her hair over her shoulder as she turned to the boys. Y/N followed her eyes, smiling at Andrei and Dougie before meeting the eyes of Morgan. He looked exhausted, and the purple under his eyes was more obvious in person than when she saw his trade interview on Twitter a few days before. 

She stepped forward and switched her beer bottle from her right hand to her left, holding the former out for a handshake. “Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.” Morgan gave her a small smile, grabbing her right hand with his own firmly. “Morgan. Thanks for offering me a room.” He stepped back a little, and put his hands in his pockets. 

“Arighty. So…” Dougie cleared his throat uncomfortably, “We’re gonna go, since it’s so late. You guys get everything figured out, and Morgan, I’ll come pick you up in the morning to get you to the rink.” He turned to Y/N and smiled warmly. “Thanks, Y/N.” She nodded, and gestured at the cookies. “Take some. They’re made with almond flour and coconut sugar and oil, so they’re professional athlete-friendly.” Dougie and Andrei leaped forward to take several, mumbling their thanks around faces quickly stuffed with cookie. She turned to Morgan. “You’re welcome to them as well. I stress-bake, but I don’t like to eat sweets as much as I like to make them. I usually make Andrei take them to the rink with him, because I know they’ll get eaten there.” 

Andrei looked up at his name, cookie falling out of his mouth with perfect comedic timing. Y/N smothered a laugh with her hand. Kat rolled her eyes, grabbing her boyfriend with one hand and Dougie with the other. “We’re gonna go now, you guys get to know each other.” She turned as she pulled over the door, trying and failing to wink secretly at Y/N. “Lock the damn door, Y/N!” Dougie yelled as he was pushed out of the apartment far too easily for someone with 4 inches and 75 pounds on Kat. Oops. So that’s how they got in without knocking. Again.

Morgan raised his eyebrows and shook his head bemusedly at the closed door. Y/N bit her lip and sighed. “Sorry about her. Boundaries and knowing when to shut up aren’t really her strong suit.” Morgan laughed. “I’ve known her for maybe an hour and I’ve gotten that, yeah.” He gestured at his bag. “Where should I put this?” Y/N stepped around him and towards a door to his right. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. Yeah, through here.” 

She opened the door to show a small room with a full bed covered with what appeared to be a linen duvet, a dresser, and bookshelves stocked with succulents and picture frames of more beach photos. Morgan wheeled his suitcase in, stopping to pick up one of the photos. “Do you visit the beach a lot?” Y/N smiled and stepped closer to see what he was looking at. It was a photo she’d taken in college, when she’d decided to see the sunrise from the beach. “I go when I can. I went to school at the beach, about 2 hours away from here. There’s nothing like sunsets over the ocean, except maybe sunsets over ballparks.” She pointed at the photo next to the one he was holding. “That’s Brooks Field. It’s where my university’s baseball team plays, and I saw some of my favorite sunsets there.” Morgan put the ocean photo down, leaning in to look at the baseball one. “These sunsets are incredible.” 

Y/N backed away, suddenly aware of how close they were. “Yeah, they are. Listen, I’ll leave you to get comfortable. If my game is too loud, let me know and I’ll turn it down.” She turned to leave, tripping over the gray area rug on the floor. She started to throw her hands out, ready for the fall, when she felt strong arms grab her around the waist. Morgan pulled her back into him, a quiet “woah” falling out of his mouth as he did. 

He let go just as quickly as he’d grabbed her, and Y/N turned around laughing, trying to ignore how hard her heart was beating. “Sorry. I’m a major klutz. I tripped over that damn rug about 5 times when I was in here trying to get the room ready for you earlier. You’d think I’d remember it’s there by now.” Morgan laughed, and Y/N’s heart tugged just a little at the sound and how his eyes crinkled. “Well I’m glad I was there to catch you this time.” Y/N nodded, and put her hand out for a fist bump. “Thanks, bud. Let’s try this again; have a good night.” Morgan bumped his fist on hers and repeated the sentiment. He turned to his suitcase as she exited the room. The last glimpse of him Y/N had as she closed his door was of his back, and the muscles rippling under his shirt as he lifted the case onto his bed.

Y/N put her hands on the back of the couch a took a deep breath, trying to calm her heartbeat. Bogey, her cat, jumped onto the couch and meowed at her questioningly. “Yeah, Boegs. This is gonna be harder than I thought.”

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

An Unspoken Rule Part Ten

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Notes: No notes? But I really wanna thank everyone that’s reblogged and left comments. They mean the world to me!! 

Warnings: None?

Summary: Layla was starting to get on my nerves. Between wedding planning (she seemed determined to get married as quickly as possible while handling as few of the logistics as possible) and with this recent campaign for me to be as dolled up as possible in case I meet someone I’m interested in, my patience was starting to wear thin.

“There’s someone we want you to meet!”

Layla looked way too excited to see me, had practically ripped William’s birthday gift out of my hands and shoved it into his as she led me further into their apartment. I’d figured she was planning on leading me into the living room, but she steered me farther down the hall, into the bathroom.

“And the person you want me to meet is... in here?” I asked, looking around the small space. Layla giggled, shaking her head.

“Don’t be ridiculous! I just thought you’d want to put on some eyeliner or lipstick or something.” My eyes narrowed at her as she began to rummage around in her makeup bag. I didn’t say anything, turning wordlessly on my heel in favor of going into the kitchen. She called after me, but I ignored it.

Layla was starting to get on my nerves. Between wedding planning (she seemed determined to get married as quickly as possible while handling as few of the logistics as possible) and with this recent campaign for me to be as dolled up as possible in case I meet someone I’m interested in, my patience was starting to wear thin.

Their small kitchen was cramped with both of the Miller brothers in it, as well their ex-captain, Tom Davis. I smiled, giving him a quick hug. I’d met him twice before; it was clear how much he cared for my boys, so he was good in my book.

“Beer?” Benny offered.

“Please,” I said. He passed on to me, accompanied with a kiss on the forehead. I smiled, reaching up and patting his cheek before I took a sip.

Benny stepped aside to reveal William leaning back against the counter. He must’ve been keeping an eye on Benny, and now that his brother had stepped aside, his eyes had landed on me. I gave him a small, tight smile.

“Did I get to say happy birthday? I don’t think I got to say it,” I said. He smiled, shaking his head.

“I think something came and swept you away.” I snorted, and he straightened. We met in the middle of the kitchen. I was careful as I hugged him not to let my beer tip one way another.

“Happy birthday,” I mumbled into his shoulder.

“Thanks,” he said quietly.

“William!” I leaned away at the sound of Layla’s half-yell from the hall.

“Duty calls,” I teased. He didn’t smile, just nodded and turned away from me to answer her. I frowned as I watched him go, unable to shake the uneasy feeling that Layla’s yell has left me with.

“This the letter-writer?” I heard. I turned my head to see an attractive man coming into the kitchen with Benny. Benny didn’t answer him, just nodded before he stole my beer and mouthed, ‘Sorry’ at me.

——-

“You know, you’re even more gorgeous than the guys said.”

I might’ve been more flattered if it wasn’t the third compliment Santiago had lobbed in my direction in the last half hour, and if he hadn’t been slinging them all night. I knew if I asked Will he’d tell me that his friend was averaging one every ten minutes.

Tom had managed to steer the conversation away from Santiago’s compliments every time, but the poor man seemed to be at a loss. And while I had appreciated his help, maybe I was feeling a little mean.

“You think I’m gorgeous?” I repeated, folding my arms on the picnic table and leaning in a little bit.

“I do,” Santiago said with such sincerity, and my lips twitched with a smile as he leaned in in turn.

“Do you think...” we were both still leaning in, and I felt the guy’s’ eyes on us, “that I’m gorgeous enough to be one of your informants?”

Santiago’s smile disappeared, and he leaned back, scowling as the guys howled with laughter. I got up, picking up my empty beer bottle and giving William’s shoulder a squeeze before heading inside.

I hadn’t been flirted with quite this heavily before; Santiago was relentless to the point where I found myself wondering if maybe Layla had paid him to lay it on so thick. I felt like she’d been watching me like a hawk all night, especially if I was anywhere near Will.

“So that’s what the guys told you about me, huh? Good to know.” I looked up to find that Santiago had followed me inside.

“Where does this go?” He asked, holding his own empty bottle up.

“You can give that to me.”

“Nah, you can just tell me, I’ve got it. I think you’ll find me very capable,” he said simply. I rolled my eyes before nodding to the recycle bin.

“You don’t like me very much, do you,” He said as he set the bottle down.

“I don’t know you well enough to pass that judgement.” Santiago nodded, crossing the kitchen. I expected him to walk out, but he passed me instead, heading to the sink and turning on the faucet.

“You don’t have to do that. I can grab those later,” I said, but he waved me off.

“You’ve been taking care of everyone all night. I don’t mind. ‘Sides, I hate a dirty kitchen.”

“That something you picked up from the service?” I asked. He shook his head.

“Something I got from my mom.” I watched him for a few moments before walking over to the fridge.

“You want another one?” I offered.

“Sure,” he smiled at me over his shoulder. I grabbed one for each of us and opened them before I walked back over to the sink, setting one down near him.

“Thanks,” he said. I nodded before pushing myself up onto the counter beside the sink. I heard a burst of laughter from the group outside and leaned into Santiago’s space a little, peering through the window. I couldn’t help myself smiling at the sight of Will grinning so wide.

We still talked on the phone every day; our schedules rarely matched up, and we’d leave one another voicemails. I’d never admit it, but I loved it; it was like we were still writing one another letters. He’d call me when he was on his way to work or the VA or to his parents’; I’d call him on lunch break at work, or while I was grading papers. Sometimes we’d manage to catch one another, and we’d talk for hours. I’d fallen asleep listening to him twice.

We never spoke about it when we saw one another in person; neither of us had mentioned it to Benny. I would’ve known if Will had, because I’d never hear the end of it. Benny still made fun of me for having a crush on Will back in the day. But part of me wondered if he’d mentioned it to Layla, and that was why she’d been so insistent about my dating again. 

“So, you and Benny, that ever happen?” Santiago asked. My brows rose and I leaned back against the cabinet.

“No.”

“What about you and Ironhead?” I shook my head.

“Nah. The guys didn’t tell you that we hadn’t?”

“They did, but they’re also very protective of you. Wouldn’t be surprised if they kept it quiet to defend your honor.” I rolled my eyes, mumbling,

“There isn’t much left to defend.”  

Santiago laughed loudly, and I smiled, unable to help it. It was a pleasant sound.

“So what about you and me, that ever gonna happen?” He asked as he shut the faucet off and dried his hands. I watched him for a moment. For the first time since I’d met him, his flirting seemed genuine instead of showy.

“... It’s being considered.”

Santiago picked his beer up, lightly clinking the neck of his against the neck of mine.

“I will take that.”

——

“Look, I know that little crush of yours has reared its ugly head again. This could be so good for you,” Becca said, staring down at me. I didn’t answer, more focused on my breathing and maintaining a firm grip on the 75 pound straight bar I was using for chest presses. Becca had come to the gym with me and Benny that morning. I’d started going regularly with him as he began to train to fight again, and Becca had started to come with us as well, though I was starting to get the impression she was more interested in Benny than in fitness.

“And Santiago is... so cute. Hot, even.”

“Doing real well with this whole convincing thing, Beck,” I hissed out before replacing the bar in its cradle. I wilted, regaining control of my breathing. Becca leaned on the bar, folding her arms.

“Fine. How about this: Will is not interested. He’s never been into you, he treats you like a little sister. He still calls you ‘kid’, he’s engaged,” she listed, ticking the reasons off of her fingers.

“You two are never gonna happen. Ever. And you’re not fourteen anymore. He moved on with his life, it’s time for you to move on with yours.” I sat up, back to Becca. It hurt to hear, but deep down, I knew she was right. The idea of William had always been a long shot, because that was all it was: an idea. A childish, stupid idea.

“You good?” Benny asked, coming over to where me and Becca were. I nodded, getting up. I made to follow Benny to the next circuit, but Becca grasped my arm.

“If that was too harsh—“ She started. I stopped her, shaking my head.

“It was... perfect. And you’re right.” I smiled.

“Thanks, Becca.”

———

“I kinda figured you’d text me,” I said, putting the phone on speaker before setting it back atop a pile of papers I had left to grade.

“A little birdy told me that you prefer to talk on the phone,” Santiago said. I froze, eyeing the screen where Will’s name had popped up, trying to call me. I felt something heavy in my gut, and it took everything in me to decline the call.  Santiago’s, “Still there?” Reminded me that this wasn’t about William Miller.

“Yes! Yeah— Sorry, you caught me in the middle of grading.” We chatted for a little bit, about the weather, what had happened at school that day, the fact that Santiago had booked his flight to Colombia. 

“So how much longer are you gonna be in town?” I asked.

“Long enough to take you on a date,” was Santiago’s easy answer.

“You gonna come over and clean my kitchen?” I teased, and was surprised by the earnestness of his,

“If that’s what you want.”

----------

Tag list: @playbucky @calirindo

[ruthdu]

This is a post about Sports

I am my Mother’s daughter and my Father’s son. I grew up doing ballet, religiously practicing the piano, and appreciating a detailed skincare regiment while playing rec soccer, going to basketball camp and watching sports. Sure, you can argue that my Chinese immigrant parents were very ambitious and “forced” me to participate in these activities when I was younger, but because of their stern suggestions, I became a dancer, I fell in love with music, I will always look like I’m 25 and I have a mild obsession with Sports.

If you’ve worked with me during basketball season, you know that I will be streaming the game on my computer in the production office or suggest going to a nearby bar to catch tip-off. If you’ve had the privilege of being a friend of mine during the Olympics, we will have never ending text message chains about the crazy triple toe-loop or how blurry Usain Bolt on television. If I’ve dated you during football season, you probably know that my very first poster that I put up in my room was of Troy Aikman. I was 5, barely understood English but I thought he was such a hearthrob.

I’m not very outspoken about my social, political and world views. My first presidential election was Obama and I didn’t quite understand the 2008 Recession until much later in life (I was 20 years old). Race was always an issue and I supported the occasional Tiger Mom articles on HuffPo, or essays about a HAPA and every once in awhile engaged in some Twitter conversations about “Yellow Fever” but it wasn’t until recently that there was truly a platform to be Chinese Born - American. That didn’t mean that I didn’t support racial justices in general, but it meant that I hid behind those big trendy topics. Of course, it wasn’t until we were in a disaster of a political situation where I even considered watching a Senate hearing nor cared about our local Congressmen / woman. With that in mind, these kind of public posts are far-in-between and very delicate for me. But after what I watched + experienced this weekend, I was compelled to share because it all coincided with Sports.

This past weekend I watched 20-year-old Naomi Osaka conquer and overtake tennis Queen Serena Williams, who I believed acted poorly against the (yes unfair) Umpire at the US Open Finals. I was severely disappointed in Serena, especially after learning so much about her journey to motherhood. I had a new found respect for Serena not only as a phenomenal athlete but also a Superwoman that overcame the most difficult time of her life. I sat there, jaws on the floor when Serena consistently bashed Carlos Ramos. I was disappointed, watching her take the argument even further with officials when all I wanted for her is to take that energy and refocus on the game. True athleticism is mental and sure, we cannot help the way we feel, ESPECIALLY when we are losing. But those athletes who can outplay and outlast, the “GOAT”s, the champions, should be able to take a few breaths and make a comeback.

I’m not saying that what Serena was fighting for wasn’t valid. YES, the umpire was probably intimidated that a strong black woman was yelling at him YES, he should have given her a warning and YES, I’m sure he’s been told many terrible things on the court without giving a penalty point but felt that he needed to keep his masculine power by ruling an unprecedented action. Even with all of that potential wrongsay, there’s a time and place to object to rules and there’s a time to suck-it-up and play the game.

I sat there and cried during the awards ceremony because Naomi Osaka apologized for winning. My tears were for her family who was so proud of her but knew there would be this heavy cloud of doubt over her for the years to come. I cried because I saw a part of my little sister in her, awkwardly holding the trophy and not sure if she was representing her country as well as she would have wanted. All I wanted is for her to feel joy, pride and strength. I cried even more when Serena told the crowd to stop booing because I knew that at that point, perhaps she felt that THIS was the repercussions of her actions. I love sports because I also love sportsmanship. Much like Serena thought that Carlos owed her an apology, I think Serena should apologize to Naomi for the bittersweet outcome of the tournament.

Naomi Osaka IS a champion. She played the best game of her life. She trained hard and she has that tunnel vision that transforms a player from great to the Best. I ask that you all take some time to learn more about Naomi Osaka. She’ll be on the tennis radar for years to come and I cannot wait to watch her play next.

This past weekend, I also witnessed the epic return of the greatest QB of all time. I claim this with extreme bias but am not alone in this statement, especially after his tremendous game on Sunday night. When Aaron Rodgers was carted off in the second quarter of the opening game vs. the (new and much improved) Chicago Bears, a little part of me died. I’ve been a Rodgers fan for years. He was the QB Hearthrob: insanely attractive, hilariously respectful and probably the best ice-cream eating companion. My adoration escalated when I started a diehard, bleeding-green Packers fan who claims he looks like a slightly petite version of Aaron. Last year’s collar-bone injury led to a sour fall season but made our relationship much stronger. There was a lot on the line this football season with Aaron’s return. When Aaron was lying on that field, grasping his left leg, it became deeply personal.

The Packers came back with a limping Aaron Rodgers and won the game 24-23. We yelled and screamed with joy. We drank tequila and celebrated. The cats (Starks and Jordy, named after former Packer players) were annoyed but we didn’t care. THIS was sports. THIS was athleticism at its best and even with the controversial hoopla of the NFL, THIS was football.

I understand why there was a boycott against the NFL. I know that Roger Goodell is a Trump supporter and I know that behind many of these massive teams are corporate millionaires who voted Red. The League made a decision this year that if players kneel during the national anthem that they would subject to fines which arguably means they are charging players fees against their freedom of speech. Yes, I do believe that this is a harsh rule, but I do believe it was a rule to take politics out of the game.

Last year was the only time I remembered watching the National Anthem in any regular season football game. It truly didn’t matter to me but it became such an issue that of course I “fell’ into the trap of curiosity. This year, I am not boycotting because I am watching football for the players. I am watching to see the unexpected comebacks, to see that crazy 75-yard run to the end zone, to see that near interception that nearly gave me a heart attack. I am watching not because I am supporting our idiot-president Trump, but because I respect the bellies of the defense linemen and the sprint of the wide receiver. I am watching because I believe in will power and strength of mind, which is how Aaron Rodgers came back ferociously, playing football with one good leg.

Remember when Kerri Strug won an Olympic Gold ‘96 even though she was severely injured? Did we protest the Olympics because there was probably some weird underage and illegal shit going on? Do we still support team USA even after the corporate probably knew the actions of their disgusting coach? The answer is YES, because we support the players. We support what they want to accomplish and what they’ve tried out their entire lives to accomplish. Yes they are millionaires and this is their “job” but I guarantee that if they had the choose between a massive paycut to play, most everyone would 100% choose the paycut. An athlete doesn’t just train their bodies 365 days a year for a big paycheck (that’s just the bonus) but talk to those former players who didn’t make the cut their third year, or the former player turned coaches of their local highschool - if they had a shot to play on the green, they would do it no question.

I will watch the NFL until the players decide not to play anymore. The game is changing and I’m happy to hear of new strict hit rules to the QB and new technology for player protection. I will yell and scream and jump in disappointed and joy and I will eventually earn that Rodgers jersey that I desperately want from my new Packer partner.

For those who actually read this post, thank you for time out of your busy day to do this. Why am I so passionate about Sports? “Ruth, you make movies! You sit in front of a computer all day long and you do budgets! And you write! Why do you care about sports?” I consider myself an athlete. I’ve been in competitive sports the majority of my life and I know what it feels like to lose. I used to rehearse 6-8 hours on weekends out in the hot sun, practically running close to 15-20 miles a day.

As a dancer, I trained like an athlete: slow push-ups, squats, abdominal conditioning, the whole damn thing. And in my now adult life, I go to challenging HIIT/ Boot Camp / Strength classes to make sure that I have the ability to survive a zombie apocalypse, or be fast enough to run to shelter during the Big One. I attribute my film career to my athletic training: play smart, play hard, follow the rules and always thank your teammates. These are skill sets that now engrained in me. So this is why I am passionate about sports: because its about survival, mind over matter and it’s about those you play the game with.

[newtreefarm]

Page 2

We moved to California the summer before my fifth grade year. That transition was rough. First, we went from a bigger two story house on a half-acre lot to a small rental with a smaller concrete back yard. Culture shock was brutal.

We moved to the Bay Area. The rental in Livermore for a year and then we bought a better house in Dublin. My parents started us out right away in a Christian school. They knew California public schools were not an option. Mom got a job teaching at our school the second year & that helped the finances of it all.

My brother and my lives changed. We grew up in small-town Michigan. My main worries were what Strawberry Shortcake dolls I would play with on the playground each day. There were some bumps in the road, but it was mainly good. After the move, school life was foreign. I went from playing with toys at recess to kids worrying about Guess jeans and British Knights shoes. I don't remember worrying a lot about clothes before. We always shopped at a consignment shop in Michigan & I was happy with the things we found there. In California, you were nobody if you weren't dressed just so. Since we were middle class, I became a nobody pretty quick. My parents couldn't (and wouldn't even if they could) pay $60-$75 for a pair of jeans. Plus, I was in the awkward chubby phase & couldn't find the right size anyway. When we first moved, I was still normal sized, just taller and in my pre-everything chub. That didn't help in California.

In fact, that led to my first experience of abuse outside of the home. My P.E. teacher. She believed in conformity and also in public shame. If I was unable to do the former, she resorted to the latter. I was a very shy and compliant child & never thought of defending myself. I would just let the tears stream down my face as I took my punishment for not finishing my laps fast enough. I told mom about it (dad was rarely home & wouldn't intervene even if he could) and she agreed it was wrong, but she had so much going on with my dad, and the fact that this person was her coworker muddied things a bit, that she just felt like she couldn't do anything. So, I delt with that teacher until I went to high school. It got worse, but it became normal to me.

Things changed at home too. In Michigan, my dad was grumpy and gone a lot. We, apparently, had been shielded. In California & in close quarters, the shields weren't possible so they didn't exist. I became aware of abuse there too. My dad was verbally abusive to my mom. It shocked me and I spent a lot of time crying in my room. The only bright spot was that by then my dad was a workaholic and wasn't home as much as he could have been.

My great-grandpa was a drunk. People used to bring him home from the bar and drop him on his front porch. He wasn't a nice drunk. He was a rager. He taught my grandma everything he knew. She never drank though. She was what they call a dry drunk. She was a rager---severe anger management issues. She, in turn, taught my dad everything she knew. Once he started working seven days a week and decided that if he was going to get anywhere in life he'd have to do it himself, thereby excluding God, what was passed down to him took hold. The grumpiness I saw in Michigan had been him trying to control himself in front of his kids, and him beginning to push God out of his life. In California, he stopped controlling himself (except in front of my brother) and continued pushing God away. Talk about culture shock.

Somehow amidst all this, the Lord walked all of us through. We developed friendships. We drew closer to each other and closer to the Lord. He was our comfort through it all.

The summer after my freshman year we moved to LA county. My brother moved to college about 30 min away that fall and things changed again. By then I looked like an adult, so when my brother moved to the dorms, my dad turned to verbally abusing me too. Looking like an adult stirred up his mother issues and he went back and forth between treating me like a daughter and abusing me. I used to pray that he'd hit me. The church back then didn't see verbal abuse as real abuse. They used to say, "at least he doesn't hit you." So I would pray that he would just so we could get some help. He never did hit us physically.

I'm leaving out many details on purpose. The next five years were some of the best and some if the worst of my life. The best came at school. I found good friends there and excelled. Although, dad threatened to put me in public school for my senior year, the superintendant of my school found a scholarship for me so I could stay there for free. I am so grateful for that wonderful man. I went to a community college for the first two years and then was able to move out when I transferred to a university two hours away. Far enough to have to live on campus, yet close enough to come home for the weekend if I wanted to.

By the time I transferred, I was heavily depressed and had put on a lot of weight. My weight fluctuated with depression and my dad. The year before we moved south, my dad took the new job and commuted home only on the weekends. He wanted my brother to finish his senior year at our school. That year, I lost a lot of weight. I actually got skinny. I am 5'8" and have a german build. Not brauny but also not petite. That year I looked really good, although I still felt fat inside. I was able to keep most of the weight off until community college. The first year, I met a guy in choir (a redhead) & we liked each other. He was about my height & in the thick of the best musical performance groups there. Apparently someone commented to him that I wasn't small & he forwarded the information to me. After that, he just stopped talking to me. I was crushed. I wasn't big at all. In fact, in hindsight I was beautiful. However, I still felt like the fat girl who wasn't good enough. So when that happened, I spiraled. Also, around that time, my uncle (dad's brother) who lived with us decided that he too needed to lay into me verbally. Depression hit & the weight started creeping back. By the time I moved away I was pretty big.

At college, I started getting counseling and started walking on a hiking trail along the beach with my roommates. I didn't have a car, so I also joined the bicycle culture there. During summer project, I walked up a huge hill to the lighthouse a lot. Almost every day. By the end of the summer I lost a lot of the weight. I looked really good when I went back the next year. And, through counseling, I felt good in my own skin.

The next two years (yes, I was on the five-year plan because of all the emotional issues and healing and counseling) were the best of my life at that point. I came into my own. I "found myself." Better yet, through Crusade I had discovered what I had been searching for in my walk with the Lord. The personal relationship. I had known my whole life that something was missing but I didn't know what it was. Crusade taught me what it was. However, it would be years yet before I would figure out how to have one. But, I grew in my knowledge and experience with Him and my faith was as strong as it had ever been.

After graduation I moved home and got a job at a department store. My degree is in psychology, so I need a master's degree in order to do something formally with it. The Lord has never led me to go beyond my bachelor's degree. I've toyed with the idea & even tried once, but it never fit me. I'm capable, just not called to it.

Well, by the end of the summer the store changed how they did things and wanted all their sales force to sell credit cards to cuatomers. It got to the point where even if our sales were good, if our new credit card accounts were low, we were still frowned upon. I didn't like that. I liked helping the women in my department find clothes that made them feel good about themselves. The Lord gave me favor, so even my introverted self did well in sales. That was enough for me. But, it wouldn't last long, so I began looking for something else.

I found a job at my former high school as a full-time floating substitute. A week before classes, I was also given the job of teaching two sections of pre-chemistry/pre-physics. I was acceptable yet did my best, and the next year was hired as a teacher. I taught the two pre-chem/pre-physics classes as well as psychology, sociology, and seventh grade math. I was so excited.

At home things had sped into high gear. Things were decent when I graduated, but something happened soon afterward and my dad really deteriorated. The more internally tormented he became, the more torturous he was to us. I had had enough & determined that whether I could afford it or not I needed to move out. I hated to leave mom with him by herself, but I couldn't handle it and wouldn't put myself through abuse like that anymore.

About a week or so later, dad died. Well, he committed suicide one night while mom and I were asleep. He left behind papers filled with his last, best dose of verbal venom. That day became the first real point of delineation in my life. From then on my life consisted of the before and the after. My life shattered. I was in pieces. I became afraid of the dark. I had to sleep touching my Bible. I went into emotional shock and it was a long time before I found an anti-depressant that actually helped. I was barely functional by the time school started that fall. I only lasted half of the year. I had a panic attack between semesters & just couldn't go back. I ended up taking about a month off of everything before I tried to find another job.

Needless to say, I did not move out. I stayed with mom to help her. She had just gotten her PhD and had gotten a job at a university three or four days before he died. She needed more help than me, understandably. But, she's really good at compartmentalizing (I am not), so she was more functional in her job than I was there at first. In the rest of life we were trying to pick up the pieces & at least put them in the same place so He could put us back together someday.

One thing that experience did was it taught me my first level of blind faith in the Lord. I had to trust that He would heal me or I wouldn't have made it through. The Bible and hymns were a comfort. I would read through the hymnal. Those lyrics are wonderful. Strong, gentle, uplifting, strengthening, comforting. God was truly my salvation after dad died. He was faithful and true and still is today.

If you are or know someone going through the aftermath of suicide please know there is hope. It does get better. You need to know that it is NOT your fault and you could not have prevented it. It is horrible and painful, but it will not always be like this. You may never really get over it, but you will get THROUGH it. The Lord will get you through. He won't let it ruin your life. Take heart and take it day by day, or minute by minute sometimes. Lean on the Lord. He can handle it. He loves you and He wants to help. You can be mad but please don't push Him away. Run to Him & hide in Him until you're ready to come out again. He'll take care of you.

[ajokeformur-ray]

Tag Game

I was tagged by @deanssweetheart23, thank you lovely! ^^ Totally not working on your self-ship with Dean at the moment... No. Cough. Of course not ;) I have to tag twenty people so (harder than it should have been, tbh): @bingewatchingmylifegoby @ll-kirra-ll @theoriginalgodsgirlrachel @foroursweetblasphemy @hczardousparadox @artsy-jandi @crazy-redridinghood @80s-addict @thranduilsperkybutt @miyakokurono @maelikimichaelis @kiss-suki @sky-the-llama @amoureux-de-la-litterature @barbara-maureen @fandom-imagination-ss @nakila-rimmer-bear @letsasoiaftogether @morivrtx @impala-imagines

1. Drink? *Bounces in seat* Coffeecoffeecoffee... 

2. Phone call? Mum... No one else calls me xD

3. Texting? Mum... No one else texts me xD

4. Song you listened to? Avril Lavigne - Give You What You Like

5. Time you cried? Yesterday.

6. Dated someone twice? Yes but I learnt my lesson - exes are just that for a reason.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it? No.

8. Been cheated on? Yes.

9. Lost someone special? Indeed I have. Multiple times.

10. Been depressed? Of course. I’m only human.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up? Turning twenty this week and I’ve never been drunk. Been tipsy, though.

Favorite colors 12. Black. But that’s more of a shade... 13. Green 14. Silver (Any H.P fans noticing a pattern?)

in the last year, have you… 15. Made new friends? Yes.

16. Fallen out of love? I thought I was in love and then realised it was more of an ideal, so does that count?

17. Laughed until you cried? Yes. Best kind of laughter I know.

18. Found out someone was talking about you? Yes. Wished I hadn’t, too. Some things are best left unknown.

19. Met someone who changed you? Yes. 

20. Found out who your friends are? Yes. I had to learn, quickly.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list? Yes. But I met them at a house party the night we kissed.

general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life? Most.

23. Do you have any pets? Two kitties. I did have four, but uhm... Well. They died. Still miss them. Always will.

24. Do you want to change your name? Already have. Last year, in fact, I changed my entire name.

25. What did you do for your last birthday? Had a normal day. I’m not one for birthdays so I ate cake, opened presents, spent money, and then just chilled out by myself in my room.

26. What time did you wake up? Noon.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Calming myself from a nightmare before I slept again.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: The day I step off a plane and smell Japanese air for the first time. That image, though unknown, is pushing me through what has to be done in order to achieve what it is that I want most of all.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom? Sitting with her now.

31. What are you listening to right now? Various gaming noises from this Beta my parents are playing together.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? No.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves? Nothing. I’ve tuned out what my parents are playing... Usually that irritates me. Hell, just the name irritates me.

34. Most visited website? Tumblr. Obviously.

35. Hair color? Dark brown.

36. Long or short hair? Long.

37. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes. But he’s fictional.

38. What do you like about yourself? My imagination.

39. Piercings: Ears.

40. Blood type: No idea.

41. Nickname: Eri, Eri-Eri, Eri-chan (my thirteen year old sister), and other variations of the name, ‘Erika’.

42. relationship status: Single. Mentally married to Sebastian Michaelis.

43. Zodiac: Cancer. Not that I pay any attention to star signs. It seems very wishy-washy to me.

44. Pronouns: Tbh I don’t care - I’m human and that’s as far as I bother to go. If you really want an answer though, she/her.

45. Favorite tv show: Game Of Thrones or Hannibal. All the dark ones.

46. Tattoos: One. Got it a year and a half ago. Still in love with it.

47. Right or left handed: Used to be left when I was little but I got bored one day and started writing in my other hand, so... Right.

48. Surgery: Yeah. Endoscopy last year that led to me being diagnosed with Coeliacs Disease. Yay.

49. piercing: Ears.

50. Sport: Marathoning a TV show.

51. Vacation: Been to Scotland twice, Wales once, explored England a few times. I’ve got all my ‘somedays’ stored up.

52. Pair of trainers: Prefer boots.

53. Eating: Yoghurt covered cranberries.

54. drinking: Coffee. It’s 8 PM but time is an illusion so I’ll enjoy my coffee.

55. I’m about to: Write.

56. Waiting for? Sebastian Michaelis to cross into this plane of existence and stay with me.

57. Want? Too many things.

58. Get married?  No. Why would I waste thousands of pounds just for a few hours of extravagancy in exchange for a piece of paper legally binding me to another human? I’d rather buy books and coffee. Maybe some wine, too.

59. Career? Teacher.

60. Hugs or kisses? Hugs.

61. Lips or eyes? Eyes. 

62. Shorter or taller? Don’t care.

63. Older or younger? Older.

64. Nice arms or nice stomach? Arms.

65. Hook up or relationship? Neither. I’d rather be left alone with a book and a cup of coffee or tea.

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. 

67. Kissed a stranger: No. We met each other about an hour before at a house party (same guy I mentioned earlier).

68. Drank hard liquor: I tried my dad’s whiskey... Didn’t like it.

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Nope. Got near perfect vision.

70. Turned someone down: Yes.

71. Sex on the first date? Sex never, thanks.

72. Broken someone’s heart: Yes. Had mine shattered in return, so.

73. Had your heart broken: Yup.

74. Been arrested: No.

75. Cried when someone died: Well, yeah.

76. fallen for a friend: Thought I did. Turned out it was an ideal. Never fallen for anyone who’s not fictional.

do you believe in… 77. Yourself? Usually.

78. Miracles? No.

79. Love at first sight? Yes. Happened with me and my previous kitty, who I’ve posted about many times. I still miss him... Oh, you meant romantically? No.

80. Santa Claus? No.

81. Kiss on the first date? No.

82. Angels? No.

other 83. Current best friend’s name: Wouldn’t you like to know?

84. Eye color: Hazel.

85. Favorite movie: Mary Reilly or the 2014 live action Black Butler.

Can’t you tell I’m in a salty mood tonight?

[peanott]

92 Questions

@useless--mind thanks for tagging me bud!! i love doing these even if no one gives a shit

Last:

1. Drink: milk

2. Phone call: with my grandpa

3. Text message: “👀👀👀“

4. Song you listened to: ultra bra - kaunis ja ylpee 

5. Time I cried: cant remember the last time i properly cried (its not even a rare occurrence just doesnt pop into my mind wtf) but my eyes got wet like two hours ago bc my sister sent me silly pics with her baby and was just extraordinarily sweet love her :(

Have You:

 6. Dated someone twice: no

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: nah

9. Lost someone special: yeah

10. Been depressed: yes

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: unfortunately................

List Three Favorite Colors:

12. violet

13. baby blue

14. orange mayb

In The Last Year Have You:

15. Made new friends: ive got closer with a few people so kinda? 

16. Fallen out of love: wtf is this love ya keep talkin bout

17. Laughed until you cried: yes

18. Found out someone was talking about you: hahaha yeah 

19. Met someone who changed you: nah

20. Found out who your friends are: in a way? ive not been thinking about this profoundly at all but the way ive perceived some people has strengthened for better and worse which led into new relationship dynamics

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: not on the lips 

General:

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: vast majority

23. Do you want to change your name: noo im used to it but at the same time it sometimes hits me that its ACTUALLY my name (its not even anything special i just have confusing thoughts) so it does keep me on my toes and wont get bored of it 

24. What did you do for your last birthday: I CANT REMEMBER lmao ok i dont think we celebrated it on my actual birthday at all bc it wasnt practical that way but i had my sisters over the day before

25. What time did you wake up: 7am cause i hate myseldf

26. What were you doing last night at midnight: drinking water at my friends so id sober up bc im a fucking idiot pls slap me thrice dont hate me 

27. Name something you can’t wait for: get used to the new school i go to in two days (yea i havent even started yet but i can feel the bricks im shitting for the next month or so)

28. When was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago?

29. What is the one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wanna be able to enjoy living my life properly and take more risks without worrying all the time  

30. What are you listening to right now: partners in crime part three by the internet

31. Have you talked to a person named Tom: no?

32. Most visited website(s): twitter tumblr youtube how generic

Lost Questions:

33. Mole(s): i have three moles (on my temple, under eye, above eyebrow) that form a triangle i was so ecstatic when i discovered this like two years ago

34. Marks: what kind of?? i mean i have stretch marks one from vaccination but thats it i think

35. Childhood dream: either a fashion designer or a housewife lmao

36. Hair color: mYsTiC vIoLeT according to the hair dye idk its hard to describe a dark mix of brown n purple (and red?)

37. Do you have a crush on someone: no

38. What do you like about yourself: that im quite tolerant and considerate of others, how self-aware i am cause thats the only thing that will keep me sane, i can be funny and not take things that seriously but still have extensive opinions and  thoughts on everything

39. Piercings: both ears x2

40. Blood type: a(+ i think) 

41. Nicknames: vertsi or however you wanna twist it its fine i love it

42. Relationship Status: singley

43. Zodiac Sign: taurus

44. Pronouns: she/her

45. Favorite TV shows: oitnb, lie to me, htgawm, skins, drag race, the get down, black mirror

46. Tattoos: none

47. Right or Left hand: right

48. Surgery: none

49. Hair Dyed A Different Color: ye different variations of brown and purple

50. Vacation: last one was to budapest about three years ago

51. Pair Of Trainers: i stole a pair from my mum idk theyre black and pink or some shit

More Generals:

52. Eating: last time? a croissant 

53. Drinking: nothing rn 

54. I’m about to: finish this and then go to sleep

55. Waiting for: a pleasant surprise 

56. Want: a proper social life

57. Get married: idk i loved my sisters wedding but i wouldnt consider marriage a necessity from a romantic point of view. if i ever get married its probably for the legal stuff and the ceremony will be low-budget and simple 

58. Career: probably gonna do something with psychology or languages

Which Is Better:

59. Hugs or Kisses: hugs ?whats a kiss?

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Short or tall: idc!!! ok im kind of intimidated by tall people i feel like they could crush me in a heartbeat but maybe that adds into my excitement  

62. Older or younger: older for now at least

63. Nice arms or nice stomach: great the two body parts that barely hold any meaning to me good choice 

64. Sensitive or loud: im personally both (ok we gotta debate on the loud part with some people) but i think i value someone that is more likely to understand my own sensitivity so i guess sensitive it is

65. Hook up or relationship: relationship

66. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker sounds disgusting but i guess that since they would push my hesitant ass to do some stretching out of my comfort zone

Have You Ever:

67. Kissed a stranger: no

68. Had hard liquor: yes

69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no

70. Turned someone down: kind of 

71. Sex on first date: no

72. Broken someone’s heart: naah

73. Had my heart broken: nope

74. Been arrested: no

75. Cried when someone died: yes

76. Fallen For a Friend: fgjhjh kinda... got over it fast tho cause it was impossible

Do You Believe In:

77. Yourself: No I Do Not Exist We Are Collectively Hallucinating Me 

78. Miracles: not really

79. Love at first sight: i believe you can sense if a person is compatible with you BUT ITS NOT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT YOU ARE JUST A PERCEPTIVE PERSON 

80. Santa Clause: obvs my Dad

81. Kiss on the first date: i dont think it has anything to do with belief if it feels right at that moment then do it 

82. Angels: um? havent you seen the axe commercial :/ 

83. Aliens: yes!!

Other Random Things:

84. Current Best Friend’s name: mira

85. Eye color: blue and grey or some shit

86. Favorite Movie: black swan

87. Hold an object dear to you: my phone love being a #relatable millennial 

88. Favorite Ice Cream Flavour: vanilla or lemon

89. Least favorite thing: when my clothes fall under my bed and then im too scared to dig them out 

90. Name one thing you could change about the world: no social injustice

91. Current Song stuck in your head: i know by fiona apple

92. Favorite Childhood show: powerpuff girls? idk i liked most of the shows from my childhood

jesus christ sorry this is a hot mess made by  someone who tries to function at 2am using their second language @nuddy-pants do this xx

[edsmysterygirl]

92 TRUTHS - tagging @justaboywithaonemanshow @givemeedplzfanks @edandanniina

THE LAST…

1) Drink: Forest fruit squash. 2) Phone call: My mom. 3) Text message: A friend from uni. She asked me to proof-read her thesis. 4) Song you listened to: I’m A Mess. I’m rewatching Glastonbury. 5) Time you cried: Friday, when I had my mental breakdown. Good news though, I get until the end of August to finish my thesis!

HAVE YOU EVER…

6) Dated someone twice: Nope. My current boyfriend is my first boyfriend ever. 7) Been cheated on: No. 8) Kissed someone and regretted it: No. 9) Lost someone special: I mean, a lot of family members and family friends. But is it bad if I say the worst ‘someone’ that I lost was my previous dog…? I never knew two of my grandparents and I lost one when I was 3 and the last one when I was 7. I feel like I never got to form a bond with them. And I wasn’t very close with the other people that I lost. 10) Been depressed: Never had the official diagnosis, but came close to it. People have been wanting to put me on antidepressants probably since I was 16 – but I have always refused. Let’s just say I have a lot of problems and have been in therapy on and off for 13 years now. It’s a long story. 11) Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope, I don’t drink. 😊

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS…

12) Blue. 13) Yellow. 14) Red.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15) Made new friends: In RL, not really. On Tumblr? Hell yes! 16) Fallen out of love: No. 17) Laughed until you cried: Yes. My boyfriend will sometimes make me laugh till a point where I basically can’t stop laughing and start crying. Fun times. 18) Found out someone was talking about you: Like, behind my back? Probably. 19) Met someone who changed you: Does discovering Ed count? 20) Found out who your true friends are: Yes. I’ve basically isolated myself socially in the past few years. The people that still check on my even though I don’t check on them (I know, I should…), those are my true friends. 21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Well, I’m friends with my boyfriend, so yes.

OTHER…

22) How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life?: I don’t see everyone regularly, but I met all of them at least once in RL before I added them. 23) Do you have any pets?: A dog and a cat. 😊 24) Do you want to change your name?: My last name, sometimes. No one ever gets it right. I guess marriage may fix that one day though, lol. 25) What did you do for your last birthday?: Make a Tumblr, LOL. 26) What time do you wake up?: Sometimes I wake up at 7:15 AM, sometimes I wake up at 4:00 PM… My sleep schedule has been all over the place lately. It’s messed up. If I had nothing to do I would probably sleep from 2 AM until 12 PM. 27) What were you doing at midnight last night?: Watching a Supernatural episode with my boyfriend (over Skype, because LDR). 28) Name something you cannot wait for: The day that this freaking thesis is finished!! 29) When was the last time you saw your mother?: Monday morning when I left for uni. I’ll see her again tomorrow when I go back home for the weekend. 30) What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: My mental health? 31) What are you listening to right now?: Nancy Mulligan (still watching Glastonbury). 32) Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: No actually? I know a Tim. And a billion Thomases. But no Tom. 33) Something that is getting on your nerves: My thesis. 34) Most visited website?: Facebook? Though maybe now Tumblr… 35) Elementary: Not that great. I got bullied a lot. Didn’t have many friends. Other than that alright, I guess? 36) High School: Okay. Bullying turned into ignoring me. Still didn’t have many friends. But these were the years that I discovered my love for languages and strangely enough I really enjoyed high school. 37) University: Still enrolled at the moment. Hoping to finish my Master’s degree in translation this year. 38) Hair color: Brunette. 39) Long or short hair?: Very long. 40) Do you have a crush on someone?: My boyfriend. And Ed, of course. 41) What do you like about yourself?: That’s a difficult question that I can’t really answer at the moment… 42) Piercings?: None, not even earrings. 43) Blood type?: No clue… Probably should find that out at some point. 44) Nickname?: MG on here. 😂 I don’t really have a nickname in RL. My mom calls me Josephine sometimes, which has nothing to do with my name. 45) Relationship status?: I have a boyfriend. 46) Zodiac sign?: Gemini. 47) Pronouns: She/her. 48) Favorite TV show: I used to watch SO MANY TV shows. Back when I was in high school I would watch 12 at the same time (like, as the episodes came out). For the past 2, 3 (?) years I have sort of stopped myself from watching TV shows. Because I get obsessed with things. Like with Ed right now lol. I will still occasionally watch an episode (like last night), but I’m really behind on everything. My enthusiasm for TV shows is probably what led to me studying English in the end. And Supernatural was the common interest that matched my boyfriend and I. 😊  49) Tattoos: None. 50) Right or left hand?: Right hand, though I can write with my left hand if I have to. But I don’t consider myself ambidextrous.

FIRST…

51) Surgery: Does a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) count? Probably not. Felt like one though. I have a medical phobia and about a year ago they suspected meningitis, so I had to have one. One of the most traumatic experiences I have had. They had to sedate me because I was so panicked. The whole hospital must’ve heard me scream and I pushed a doctor away (not on purpose, but if I’m yelling “STAY AWAY FROM ME” in your face and you approach me with a weird object that looked like something they were going to do the puncture with, well…) So they ended up sedating me and luckily I don’t remember a thing from the procedure itself. But they must have hit something, because my legs were numb and I couldn’t feel whether my bladder was full or not for like a week after. I’d just go to the toilet at times where I would usually go because I just didn’t feel anything. Plus I couldn’t stand up for longer than 10 minutes or my legs would collapse. Luckily all that went back to normal, though I still get this weird back pain from time to time that I associate with that. I don’t know how I will ever survive a proper surgery… 😭 I just can’t handle pain. 52) Piercing: Still don’t have one. 53) Sport: I don’t know which one came first, horse-riding or table tennis. Started both when I was 11. I stopped playing table tennis when I was 20, I stopped riding horses when I was 16. I don’t miss any of my hobbies that I’ve given up, except for horse-riding. 54) Vacation: We used to have a caravan/travel trailer when I was little. We’d go to the same camp site every year where we had our own spot with a shed and stuff. We’d go there in the weekends and during the summer. Later we bought a mobile home at a different camp site, but that camp site closed down when I was 20. Now going to see my boyfriend (and him coming over to see me) just counts as vacation for me. But that will change once I finish uni, I guess. 55) Pair of trainers: No clue? WHY IS 56 MISSING 57) Eating: Of the day? Ice lolly… 58) Drinking: Water. 59) I’m about to: Make dinner, mac & cheese. 60) Listening to: YNMIDNY. 61) Waiting for: My motivation to kick in. 62) Want: To sleep. All day, every day. 63) Get married: I’m not married yet. 64) Career: Don’t really have a career yet… I have a student job at a holiday resort with villas. And before that I worked as a cashier in a supermarket. I’d like to become a subtitler eventually.

YOUR TYPE…

65) Hugs or kisses?: I could live without kisses, but not without hugs. Not that I want to live without kisses... But if I had to choose, I mean. 66) Lips or eyes?: Eyes. 67) Shorter or taller?: If you would have asked me this a couple of years ago, I’d say taller. But my boyfriend is shorter than me. That’s what you get when you date an Englishman as a Dutchie. 😊 68) Older or younger?: Older. 69) Nice arms or nice stomach?: Arms. 70) Sensitive or loud?: Sensitive. 71) Hook up or relationship?: Relationship. I don’t think I could ever just hook-up with someone. Maybe Ed, lol. 72) Troublemaker or hesitant?: Out of those two, hesitant I guess?

HAVE YOU EVER…

74) Kissed a stranger?: No. 75) Drank hard liquor?: No. 76) Lost glasses, contact/lenses?: No. I’ve never lost my glasses, but I’ve sat on them before, lol. 77) Turned someone down?: Relationship-wise? No. In general? Probably. 78) Sex on first date?: No. 79) Broken someone’s heart?: No. 80) Had your heart broken?: No. 81) Been arrested?: No. 82) Cried when someone died?: Yes, obviously. 83) Fallen for a friend?: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84) Yourself?: No…t really. 85) Miracles?: No. 86) Love at first sight?: No. 87) Santa Claus?: No. Funnily enough most Dutch kids don’t believe in Santa Claus. They believe in Sinterklaas instead. He’s a saint (Saint Nicholas) who gives presents to kids (in the weeks leading up to and) on the 5th of December. Some parents decide to have their kids believe in both, but I think most Dutch kids grow up with the idea that Santa Claus (or the Christmas Man, as we call him) is simply fake. Not sure why little me never questioned the existence of Sinterklaas, though… 88) Kiss on the first date?: Since I met my boyfriend online and the first time I met him in RL was after months of Skyping and already sort of being in a relationship, yes? 89) Angels?: No. I don’t believe in a higher power, though sometimes I wish I did.

EVEN MORE…

90) Current best friend’s name: Merel. 91) Eye color: Hazel? 92) Favorite movie: All of the LotR movies?

[lostinafictionaluniverse]

Riverdale 1x10 thoughts

Under the cut, bcos as usual it’s long and boring - lol 

Jughead’s narrative talked about order and chaos and also control and we saw elements of all these in the episode. It was kind of jarring that there was hardly any advancement as far as the murder plot was concerned, and it derailed things for me a bit, but then the episode had a lot of Jughead and Bughead, so I’m not complaining.

Archie telling Betty about Jughead’s birthday was sweet, but was that him taking the initiative and being supportive or was it clouded in something else Archie-like? I was having a discussion with @blueandgoldd and going by what was mentioned in the synopsis about Archie trying to make amends with Val and Betty hijacking his plans, I wonder if Archie’s insistence on Betty going to the movies didn’t have something to do with the fact that he was going to use that time to reconcile with Val? Was that his plan since Fred wasn’t going to be around and Juggie would be away with Betty? If that was the case, I’m sure he could’ve told Jug and he would’ve understood and supported him. Or maybe it’s the classic Archie conflict between being selfish and doing the right thing.  

Betty called FP ---eeep. OMG! She’s adorable!

Jordan said that Chuck was truly apologizing to Ethel. Does that mean Betty coming at him triggered him to turn nasty? He flips so much – he was like Relax Betty, till she doubted him and then he went – oh are you going to go dark Betty on me? It’s like she provoked him and he provoked her. Even at the party he started out saying that what Betty and Ronnie did totally ruined his chances and then when Betty was unapologetic, he turned lechery and nasty. But no one can convince me he went to party with no bad intentions, he was smirking when Cheryl asked him to join her in destroying their arch-nemesi! Yeah sorry, Jordan, Chuck is evil!

The gang discuss the party, and Archie takes a look at Val at the next table and changes his mind about it. What in her look made him do that when he was against it moments before? He had judged correctly that Juggie wouldn’t enjoy it. Is this classic Archie side-stepping– deflect aka ignore what’s going on by pretending everything’s ok & having a good time. He forgot all about Juggie in that moment and decided he wanted to have fun.

Then Betty deflects – this is classic Betty, she wants an outlet to pour all her energy into. And now Juggie’s party has become her latest project and she will leave no stone unturned to make sure it’s a success, right from the shape of the cake to the list of party supplies to the invitees and the crown T- shirt that she wears. “There’s a lot I can’t do, a lot I can’t control but I can make sure my boyfriend has the best birthday party ever.” Oh Betty! That “control” word!

She’s back at it again convincing FP to come over and she’s so earnest and persuasive that he cannot say no. She rarely, if ever, gives up. But how cute and how naïve Betty is for thinking that FP being there would be special for Juggie? Maybe she’s right in a way, Juggie’s always yearned for “normal” things, like a happy, united family because it’s something he could never have. His pushing FP to get a job and clean up his act is mainly because he wants to see his family together (even if said family wasn’t the happiest from his talk with Archie). Which means all of his family’s troubles were because of FP’s alcoholism. If Juggie believes that one act of FP quitting his drink can bring his family back, then it certainly must be the single-most driving force behind his mom leaving and also all those fights that he said happened all the time.

This episode showed the actual side-stepping behaviour of the core four. Betty does it by engaging in something else and making it her project, and Archie turns to something that distracts him or makes him happy – some frivolous pursuit. And Juggie does it by short circuiting, by lashing out, and by his sardonic humor. He was pretty non-confrontational till the last episode but this episode clearly triggered him – the party and everything else associated with it and brought to the fore his real fears.

Ronnie, by far, I think has the healthiest side-stepping behaviour, she actually talked to Archie about her fears, but I feel maybe that make-out was partly a diversionary tactic? I mean, she does like Archie romantically, we’ve seen that, but she’s never been compelled to do anything. Plus she’s never been jealous of him and Val or him and Cheryl which makes me wonder if she really thought about being with him or it was just the spur of the moment thing to start with but later snowballed into actual feelings?

Alice is great about Betty falling for this “Jones boy” but her advice to Betty not to share everything with him kinda sucked. Which led me to wonder what she told Hal that he used against her? Things about herself that she struggled with? Like her identity as a serpent? Did Hal believe that Alice killed Jason? Is that why he stole the evidence from Keller? Because he was worried Alice’s background and her hatred for the Blossoms could make her the prime suspect? If he did that, I think that works in nicely with Lochlyn saying Hal has good reason to be over-protective.

It’s quite interesting that they made Ethel to be a polar opposite of what she is in the comics physically. Which means that her character might be a polar opposite of Big Ethel too – like clearly she’s not interested in Jughead. She may not be interested in boys at all.  But we’ll see. Didn’t they say we’ll see Ethel with someone quite different?

Which brings me to who told Cheryl about the shindig at that chowderhead Archie’s house??? I made a post about this earlier. Cheryl’s lackeys weren’t around in the lunch room when the four of them were talking (anyway she’d dismissed them but didn’t they show up at the party? At least I definitely saw Tina) and only Ethel was invited outside of their inner circle. Also, Joaquin but does Joaquin even know Cheryl? Only Val was close, she could’ve heard. Is she close to Cheryl as an extension of Josie being her friend? Why would she agree to gatecrash the party anyway? She wasn’t friends with Jughead and she’d just broken up with Archie. And from what we saw of Val in the last episode, she seems like a girl of integrity. So her being at the party was just plot driven?

Juggie actually sees Archie telling Betty about his birthday as primal betrayal! Which makes that PTSD all the more believable. Poor kid must’ve had it so bad. Juggie must’ve had a really high EQ even when he was younger, if he could feel this way. He was always so attuned to his emotions and what he felt, he couldn’t ignore them. So he deflected in other ways. By not making a big deal, by hiding stuff and keeping secrets, by pretending everything was normal – which we’ve seen him do too when he lost his home. So him saying that his birthday was the family pretending to be normal and him feeling lonely is actually quite ironic since he does it too now. But at least he acknowledges that it sucked and made him feel lonely which is admitting to feelings instead of brushing them the under the carpet.

Ronnie found out that the Blossoms made large payments to the Lodges starting 75 years ago and it only stopped when Hiram was sent to jail. This must have something to do with the Maple syrup feud with the Coopers and great- Grandpa Blossom murdering G-Grandpa Coop. Maybe Grandpa Lodge uncovered some truths, that proved the Blossoms weren’t the rightful claimants to the land, and he was paid to keep his mouth shut. He may have negotiated a perpetuity for his family that continued for 3 generations.

Hermione (and the lawyer) thinking it’s a good idea to keep the info from the lawyers bcos her husband might become a murder suspect when he’s already languishing in jail for a crime he did actually commit – ummm? Really??

The dance-off? I think Ronnie’s open belligerence to Cheryl after having shown her willingness to be friendly after Cheryl was repeatedly mean to her because she saw in her a mirror of her own self, had to do with her finding out that info about the Blossoms. They’ve becomes shady suspects again, implicating her dad and Cheryl is part of that scam too.

Archie taking to drink the minute something unpleasant happens – classic Archie side-stepping move. And I think this is what prompted him to invite the gang over with the kegs so he would have the opportunity to drown his sorrows some more. Poor, misguided sap! He drunk dialled his dad too when Val threw her drink at him. He’s just so needy, he doesn’t know how to deal with stuff on his own and that shows his emotional immaturity. I hope he doesn’t end up just using Ronnie as an emotional crutch.

Where is Fred BTW? Did he drive to Chicago? Is that a rented car?  

Hiram Lodge’s letter to Ronnie – omg. He has no scruples – I’m loving it. I want him on the show now!

Bughead at the movies! Juggie being the caring and concerned BF wondering why his GF was so upset at the cafeteria and wanting to know more! Betty deflecting (Alice’s advice is working now)

“I didn’t think you were an American Werewolf kinda girl”

“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m all about the beast within”

That smile! I’m dead!

They left early because Betty pretended to be scared. How adorable!

Juggie is clearly uncomfortable from the get-go. And drunk!Archie hugging him must’ve been such a trigger! “Oh its Kevin”, Yes we know Juggie – we also know you feel like disappearing in a hole under the ground. And you immediately started to look for your wife. He seeks her out the minute he feels discomfort because she’s the only sanity in all the madness! I cry!

The cake! Her singing! That cheek kiss! “I wish it were only the two of us right now” I know that line wasn’t romantic, but it felt like it.

Poor Ronnie, she realized her dad had threatened her and her mom could be complicit too! Jughead came in realizing he was interrupting a moment.

A glimmer of the fight that will happen later can be seen in this argument. I have never seen Juggie this uncomfortable. He went to the baby shower and that wasn’t his scene either, but he was okay and here he isn’t? Clearly because here HE is the centre of attention, there he could just blend into the background. That’s why this party is so not him. His -I’m not wired to be normal- made my heart shatter! 

The gang arrives and everything goes to hell. Archie’s drink-addled brain affected his decision making abilities which weren’t great to start with. How in the hell do you agree to let Chuck and Cheryl into your house Archie?

Ronnie and Betty were never dancing at the party – only Archie was. Is it because Juggie is the narrator and he was hiding out in the garage, which makes him an unreliable narrator? Or were the scenes in the beginning exaggerated to depict the chaos Jughead was talking about? And there was no recreational drug that Cheryl brought in like they said in the synopsis. Wtf?

“Valerie just got here, you think she wants me back” – See, Archie was still entertaining hopes of reconciling with Val and yet he makes out with Ronnie a few hours later. This is why I find it hard to take Archie-Ronnie seriously. And why was Val even there in the first place?  

“As my blood brother” – was that line necessary? He could’ve just said brother? Are more secrets going to come tumbling out?

Archie trying to pin it all on Betty and trying to make it sound like Jughead will have to go along with whatever Betty dictates because he was her boyfriend? Sure you’re not salty Archie? But idk, I didn’t really get jealous Archie vibes in the sense of him wanting Betty, but maybe salty Archie bcos his two BFFs are together and he’s alone?  Maybe subconsciously he was trying to wreck them by creating trouble. Like he knew Jughead would be upset at the party and he was being unfair making it all Betty’s idea, but maybe he wanted them to be in trouble? Idk

“Whether you want one or not”

“She knows what she wants that one”

Yeah I can understand Juggie’s head getting twisted with all that Betty wanting things and getting them, when he doesn’t want them, that makes him even more upset.

Ronnie finds out about FP being Jughead’s dad. “The plot thickens”. They inserted a Joavin kiss - yayy! Kevin who have you been down to Sweetwater River with besides Moose?? I’m dying to know!

Betty confronting Chuck and reminding him of the consequences was great, I did think she went a tad overboard when she tried to drown him but that’s the point isn’t it? Dark Betty would do something twisted and intense, what’s what makes her dark. Betty doesn’t understand it even, it’s something overwhelming that takes over her and makes her do crazy things.

Hiram and FP had business, yes Hiram hired FP to trash the drive-in land so he could buy it and he did. That’s over. Do they still have something going? Hiram being suspected in Jason’s murder affects FP how?

Now the Big fight!

“You and Archie are my friends, everyone else, including Kevin and Ronnie I would’ve actually shunned”. Okay, Ronnie- I understand. I don’t see why Juggie has to even consider her a friend, they’ve literally had no interaction with each other one-on-one. They don’t talk except in a group and this is the first time they had a one-on-one interaction. Yet Juggie would’ve been okay with the four of them at Pop’s. He’s accepted Betty’s friend, Veronica as part of their gang. He’s okay with it.  But Kevin? He’s known Kevin for probably as long as Archie and Betty have known him, but he has obviously not connected with him. It broke my heart that he had no friends outside of Archie and Betty and when Betty was away and he’s had a fight with Archie he had no one! My poor baby!

Everything about this fight was so honest and real. Like, it hurt my heart, but it was so needed. They had to have this talk about their insecurities. Clearly Jughead feels insecure about why Betty is with him, he’s weird and he doesn’t fit in, he’s a loner, an outsider from the wrong side of the tracks, they’re different on a cellular, DNA level (or so he thinks), she’s a cheerleader, a straight A student, the perfect girl next door (I loved Betty’s “I hate that word” here). She’s seen as perfect because that’s what she strives to be and that’s what she shows to the world. Her best friend thought she was perfect. And now her boyfriend thinks she’s perfect too. But she’s just battling her own darkness within while projecting this image of her to the world possibly because of pressure from her mom. Her mom has to have drilled it into her to look a certain way and act a certain way and Betty does follow that, at time she rebels too – the incident with Chuck is one where she did, but Juggie doesn’t know any of it.  This reminded me what Lili said about Betty being attracted to Juggie because his darkness is on the outside and Betty’s isn’t.

He thinks they’re on borrowed time and he doesn’t want to be one of her projects. Betty is immediately contrite, and she wants to reassure him, she reaches for him to cup his face and he pushes her hands away angrily. God Juggie! And then came the lowest blow – oh god Juggie – can’t you see how much this girl adores you, she’s wearing a fucking crown sweater! She’s wearing a part of you! And you think she still has feelings for Archie? But I know Juggie isn’t thinking rationally at that point. He immediately realizes he’s gone too far, but he cannot undo it. And her walking away, means she’s ending it. That’s what he thinks till FP forces him to go back to her. He thinks they have irreconcilable differences and he’s crossed a line and that they can never go back from here. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back for her too, she just walked away because it hurt too much that he would say that. Yet he did. Because it’s something that has always been on the back of his mind. They may have evolved to being a couple after he took initiative and kissed her, but he still has doubts as to why she’s with him. Low self-esteem? Never been in a relationship before? And the fact that he feels inadequate compared to Archie – the popular football and music god who has no trouble finding girls to like him? And the fact that Betty was crushing on Archie was well known to Juggie. Of course he was insecure. Which takes me back to when he first kissed her. At that point I don’t think Jughead thought beyond that moment, he didn’t even plan on it when he first got there. It was just pure instinct. He knew Betty was moving on from Archie, she’d dated Trevor. He was possibly feeling these feelings for a while and he just acted upon them without thinking about the consequences. He didn’t think that far ahead on what Betty would think or feel or do. If she had chastised him, he would’ve accepted that, but she didn’t. She went along and in the next episode she kissed him. Even then he wasn’t sure what he was to her. He didn’t say anything to Archie and only upon him asking did he reveal they’d shared a moment and he didn’t say anything at all to his dad. He wasn’t ready to label it yet because he was unsure. Only when Ronnie officially calls him her boyfriend and she beams approvingly at him does he allow himself to think of him as her boyfriend. Still unsure of how she’d feel at the reveal that his father is a Serpent. I think only when she shows that she’s fully invested in the relationship and wants to be with him and know him does he let her in.  But there must have been a semblance of some doubt still lingering. Else he wouldn’t have exploded the way he did.

Do they really play games like secrets and sins at high school parties?

Anyway, Archie getting exposed for the Grundy thing was cringe-worthy and I felt sorry for him. I was actually applauding Ronnie for calling Cheryl out on her twincest but seeing the real tears Cheryl shed, I’m thinking maybe it was a bit much. Anyway it was all speculation whereas everyone else’s secrets were actual facts.

Juggie now knows that Ronnie’s dad is the one responsible for the drive-in, but he holds no grudge against Ronnie for it. That moment when Jughead’s face was changing from shock to disbelief to realization to anger was so well-played by Cole. That simmering rage in his eyes and then when Chuck turned to address him , he couldn’t take it anymore. That punch he got was well-deserved but Juggie barely managed to make a dent, in fact, he ended up getting it worse than he gave. But it was great to see the anger boiling inside Juggie and all that pent-up rage finally finding an outlet. He still had that rage when he got out after the party broke out and FP accosted him. “What? You want to give me some advice on my right hook?” FP finally showed his worth by being the dad Juggie really needed by giving him some sound advice.

“You have something really good here” and “Man up, she needs you”. Juggie’s face here was yet another revelation, because earlier when he said “It’s not gonna work out, irreconcilable differences”, he really believed he and Betty had broken up. His voice cracked, almost as if he was gonna cry when he said that. What wouldn’t I give to hear that conversation he has with her before they make their way to Pop’s, when he goes inside and finds her!

I do wish we had seen more before the scene at Pop’s, they went from angry and hurt to benign and teasing and that was quite a jarring transition for me. That said, loved the heart to heart they had at Pop’s. Betty’s gentle teasing, and Juggie’s response about him having layers and then sobering up to open out about why he pushed her away for doing something nice for him because he was afraid of being rejected for being himself. I love that although Juggie thinks he’s weird and doesn’t fit in, he doesn’t want to (he’s truly a rebel without a cause) and he’s comfortable in his own skin and who he is, he’s so self-aware this boy and I’m so proud of him. He’s the right person to guide Betty through her shit bcos she does not understand what’s happening to her. She’s overwhelmed and scared by it. And he not only understands, he empathizes. It doesn’t freak him out or scare him, he just accepts it calmly as part of her. Him kissing her hands was a show of that acceptance. And it was just so beautiful! I wanted Alice to witness that moment and realize what a gem of a boyfriend her daughter has! (I think she already knows!) I wish they’d talked about his accusation that she was just slumming it with him till Archie changed his mind. I know her shocked (I’m totally done) reaction should have offered him (and us) assurance that it was ridiculous for him to feel that way, but sometimes talking it out in the open is so much more satisfying. Especially when they talked about literally everything else. I’m hoping that comes soon, I don’t want another scene where Juggie accuses Betty of having feelings for Archie. I hope this is done and will not be addressed again.

Coming to Alice and FP and I know a lot of people ship this couple already, but I kinda want the Coopers to be a strong family unit at least. All others have troubled families that are breaking apart, it would be nice if one family stayed together. Also, I admit it would be weird for me if Betty and Juggie are dating and their parents are too. Which is why I couldn’t get behind Varchie till Fred and Hermione were a thing.  I can’t deny the chemistry bw Madchen and Skeet though. So Alice was a Serpent and I get the sneaky feeling we’re going to see a not so stick-in-the-mud Alice pretty soon! Besides, FP, you didn’t see that brick she hurled at her husband’s office or you wouldn’t be calling her that!

Archie and Ronnie- well, Idk how I feel about them hooking up honestly? They’re sweet and I think Ronnie’d be very good for Archie but is this truly the right time for them to be getting together? Clearly they like each other and are attracted to each other but not a few hours ago Archie was harbouring hope that he’d be getting back together with Val. Also I really need them to talk to Betty about what she feels for Archie because clearly it’s a point of concern for both Juggie and Ronnie. Why else would Ronnie be tiptoeing around Betty after spending the night at Archie’s (and lying to her mom about it!) Usually, if you lie to a parent about where you are, you also ensure that the friend who you’re supposed to be with is also in on the lie to back you up, which Ronnie obviously did not do and took a chance there!

Jughead’s approving of Ronnie with Archie struck me as odd because he’s this clear-thinking rational individual who’s not afraid to call people out on their shit especially Archie. Idk if it registered with him that Archie was looking to get back together with Val, but still thought it was ok for him to be with Ronnie so soon after breaking up with Val. One, it could mean he really likes Ronnie and thinks she’d be good for Archie and 2) It’s his insecurity raising its ugly head again and Archie being with Ronnie means he cannot pursue Betty. But I really wonder how it was so easy for him to agree to keep this a secret from Betty bcos that sucks. After she just told him her darkest secret, he’s once again accepting hiding things from her? I know it’s not his secret to tell, but Betty is their friend and she would be happy for them. Or maybe he thinks Ronnie would tell her? Idk. I hope this is resolved soon in the next episode cos I would hate to have them drag it out.

I just hate the trope where misunderstandings happen because of someone keeping something from the other person and unfortunately it’s the most visited trope in writing. Riverdale has been pleasantly surprising me there and I hope they continue to do that.

Next episode promo:

- FP gets arrested (probably) and the core four think he’s innocent, so work to free him

- Is Betty pissed with Varchie because they’re working with her mom without her, or is it something else? (Varchie being together, singing a duet) I hope to God it’s the former

- What did they lie to Juggie about? (I do not want more Bughead drama, donotwantdonotwantdonotwantdonotwant (sending out cookies and candy and sacrifices to the Riverdale Gods)

-  Luke said all the secrets with the parents will come out in this episode and I’m really excited to know all about their past

-  I think Cheryl threatened Polly because she thinks Polly killed Jason. I think we might see them getting on the same side and Cheryl actually becoming an ally when that revelation (whatever it maybe) comes to light.

- The wig room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Is Hal going to be reconciled with Alice?

- I’m so scared for my poor son Jughead, what makes him break down like that? I’m not ready!

- I think Hiram is going to make an appearance (they did tease that he &/or Gladys will be appearing, on much earlier than we’d expect, although it could happen that Gladys is the one to come, because of FP getting arrested)

[warlord-official]

1-104?

Ey fuck you Anon, you want me to answer all of ‘em? Fine, but I’ll do it in CHARACTER YOU STANK BIIIITCH

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

I know not what texting is but I did once wake up next to @berserker-official after we drank late into the night and spent the evening carving runes into our leader’s ship. He wasn’t too happy with us.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

Well last time I was at a feast I tried to hit up Mama @valkyrie-official but she wasn’t having much of my shit at the time. 

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

BY THOR’S HAMMER WHAT SORCERY HAVE THE WEEBS CREATED NOW?! REMEMBER YOUNG VIKINGS GOOD MEAD IS ALL YOU NEED

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

*Counts on his hands* W-a-r-l-o-r-d …yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Almost always drunk. But then again, I’M ALMOST ALWAYS DRUNK AHAHAHA

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

@official-peacekeeper and I almost had something beautiful but then I fell out of the boat I was trying to serenade her in. …she still laughs when she looks at me

7. What does your last received text say?

The last text I received was from my scout who told me THE FUCKING WEEBS ARE PUSHING BACK AGAIN TIME FOR A RALLY

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

I honestly don’t remember. There was too much mead flowing through my veins.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

Probably an after-battle feast?

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

@raider-official ARE YOU STILL SLEEPING OFF YOUR HANGOVER?! LEGENDARY!

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Mead. 

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My boat.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

No! Raising noble strong warriors is a noble goal!

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Less falling on my face after my drunken victory song

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

I still can’t recall the last person I kissed, but if I was drunkenly rude to any of them, maybe. They all are rather good at…well, stabbing.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

A rainy day means I don’t have to wash my battle leathers!

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

I don’t have a middle name! But all the warlords are some sort of distant cousin, I’m pretty sure

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

ONLY BATTLE LEATHERS, FOOL

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

If I don’t join my brothers in Valhalla, sure! I’d love to raise a strong warrior!

20. Does anyone like you?

Plenty of people like me! What’s that s’posed to mean?!

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

I once tried to mack on Siv and got an axe handle to the face, so no.

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

No clue. Still can’t remember that night. How many times do I have to answer this question?

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

Filthy damn weebs…

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Think about that one closely, and look at my arms lad

25. In the past week have you cried?

Only tears of JOY when my comrades went to VALHALLA

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

Gunmundr’s wolves. Nasty snapping things.

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

You can’t dry off inside a rain shower, you fool!

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

What is this foot-ball? 

29. Do you think you’re old?

Step carefully lad, lest I introduce you to the back of my hand.

30. Do you like text messaging?

Learning runes is hard

31. What type of day are you having?

One that is meant for battle, as are most days

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I’d rather not have my nose pierced by an arrow, thank you very much

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Cold. It builds character

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

All my female fighting compatriots mean a lot to me! 

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

I do like flinging weebs off ledges… wait, I don’t understand the question.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Keep it simple!

37. What song are you listening to?

Drumbeats of battle!

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Sorry!Sorry!Sorry!

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

I’m not sure if @valkyrie-official​ is actually listening when I drunkenly tell her all about myself…40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

Ferocity in battle!41. When did you last receive a text message?

When my messenger brought it to me! Why do you ask the same questions?42. What is wrong with you right now?

My sword needs sharpening43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Very well! I sent @nobushi-official​ a message telling her if she was going to be a traitor, she should join us! I don’t know what the reply in her chicken scratch language means though…

44. Does anyone disgust you?

Mostly @orochi-official​ for running away all the time. 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Battle first, then we can enjoy one another’s company!46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Yes! Daybreak means I can nurse this hangover with MORE MEAD!!!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

@berserker-official​ when I told the boy to bring me my flagon. Where did he run off to?48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Brown. It’s made of leather. It’s armor. What kind of question is that?49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

I woke up to a message that the weebs have rallied, so yeah. It was terrible.50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

@orochi-official​ is a lost cause

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

Not at all! I respect her prowess in battle when she knocked me off that bridge!

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

@nobushi-official​, it’s not too late to switch to the right side!53. Do you like rain?

YES YOU FOOL WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Only if they care that I do!55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

Once in my youth, yes. They are in Valhalla now.56. Do you like to cuddle?

Papa Warlord has a lot of warmth to spread around!57. Are you shy?

Bahahahaha no!58. Do you get along with girls?

Yes! They respect me and I respect them! Then I get drunk and they tell me to stuff it! It works fine.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

No, my scout must prove himself in battle before he is allowed any personal time.60. What do you carry with you at all times?

My sword and shield!61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

The spirits of the dead do not frighten me! I welcome the company of those I will join in Valhalla!62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

Yes. That’s how long I can be at war before coming home!63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

I seem to remember some sort of feast with women in masks…but then again most of the women I encounter are masked somehow!64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Cute does not become a Viking!

…but yes. Harumph.65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

CUTE DOES NOT BECOME A VIKING

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

I know not. They are grown men and women!

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

A blade does a decent job trimming them, but they are great long for gouging out eyes!    68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

I have no clue what you are talking about. I only wear bear furs    69. Do you have any stickers on your car?

What is a car? I have mighty carvings on my boat!    70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?

Who are these men?    71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?

What are these things?    72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?

STOP MAKING UP WORDS    73. Do you like diet soda?

I SAID STOP    74. What color are the walls in your room?

My hut is the dark brown of the wood I fashioned it from    75. Are you 16 or older?

Yes, I am much older    76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?

Liars are rarely pretty, lad     77. Do you have a job?

My profession is leading the war parties to victory!      78. What are your initials?

W.O.    79. Did you ever have braces?

I have had to brace myself against walls during sieges!    80. Are you from the south?

Nay, lad. The North!    

81. What does your last status on facebook say?

What sorcery is a book of faces?!    82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

No, they have gone to Valhalla    83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?

Mom used to whup me, but so did Dad. Both of them raised me to be a fine warrior, and I shall see them again in Valhalla    84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?

I have led a cheer of victory!    85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?

What do those words mean?    86. Do you smoke?

Tobacco is not for me. Mead, on the other hand…    87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?

Your boots need a good heel, lest you fall in battle!88. Is your phone touch screen?

I told you to stop making up words!89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?

Long traditional braids90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? 

Yes, when I was a lad I wanted to join the battle early. My Father was not impressed, and my ears and rear were red after he was done teaching me a lesson91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

A river is best for swimming.92. Have you ever made out in a car?

I know not what you are speaking of.93. …Had sex in a car?    

I attempted to woo the lady @official-peacekeeper​ in a boat but…well, I already answered that94. Are you single or in a relationship?

Single for now. The battlefield is my lady95. What were you doing last night at midnight?  

Sleeping off all the mead I drank96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? 

During a raid on the weebs! They summoned reinforcements but we pushed through!97. Do you like the camera on your phone?

Ask me about this foolery again and I shall have to stomp down those foolish dreams of made-up things98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

Yes, there was a young lass who helped me become the man I am today99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

…AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? 

Mention this book again, and I shall tie you to my mast!101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?   

Now you’re trying to insult me!102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

WHO IS THAT?!103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

No, the sun has not broken through the clouds in months104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

What ARE THESE THINGS

[brunchbitch]

Hi! So I totally understand if this makes you uncomfortable, but could you elaborate on why exactly B is so against you getting ED tx? It just seems like he's making a lot of assumptions about you. I have bpd too; it was diagnosed during ED tx. I've been receiving ED tx for over a year and I work on bpd stuff too. But I don't feel I'm dependent on tx? I want to go to school full time and be in a low level of care, my team is usually pushing me to do higher levels when I need it. Just wondering.

Hey, sure thing! So even though we have the same diagnoses, our situations are a little different. My BPD leads me to feeling very comfortable in treatment, both bc of the 24/7 attention and support and bc I was first sent away to treatment at 15 yrs old and have been in and out since then. So in a way, I sort of “grew up” in treatment. I was/am also insecurely attached to my parents, especially my mom, bc she has had depression and anxiety all of her life so she can be distant, and also bc my sister died in a horrible accident before I was born and I was conceived for the purpose of helping my family heal from the tragedy. This led me to feel like the “replacement” child and that I had to do everything absolutely perfectly and could never upset my parents. This is why I still have immense difficulty expressing any negative emotions towards my parents (like anger). Because of this, I have attached to different therapists as parental figures so I thrive in residential treatments where I’m around my therapist a lot more.

SO a lot of my treatment with the GR has been about developing an identity outside of being a patient. That’s where the Aslan concept came in - that being in resi/IP is always going to feel safe and that outpatient/real life will never feel fully “safe” but that it will be “good” and that’s what makes it worth it. Because of that comfort in treatment, the GR team discourages any level of care above outpatient for me. That’s why they didn’t want me receiving treatment for my ED in the fall even though things were very bad.

Brandon also feels that I get more validation and attention for my ED from ED treaters (imagine that…) and was why he was so resistant to me seeing Kellie for a while. He worried that if she was focusing on my ED, it would get worse (which it did, but I don’t think it was necessarily or only bc of that attention - there were a lot of other factors). So even though I had a terrible relapse, he wants me to have the least amount of treatment possible. I think he also feels that if I have too many roles on my team, I will want to “split” and use my ED team to complain about the GR team or will exaggerate certain things to them so that they recommend a HLOC. I think that something for us to look at is that, while my BPD loves being in treatment, when my ED is in charge, I don’t really want to go to treatment bc I don’t want to stop losing weight or have to gain weight. So there is a distinction there that I don’t think he sees (but I’m gonna talk to him about it).

He had some good points in the fall, but some of his non-interventions or discouragement turned out to be really dangerous - i.e. that he wouldn’t let Kellie see me more often, wouldn’t let me see my ED doctor, and, after my first hospitalization, he told me that if I went back to the hospital, he wouldn’t work with me. So even though I was having a lot of symptoms, I put off going to the hospital for a few days until my physical therapist consult told me that something was very wrong and I needed to go to the walk-in clinic. I remember at that point trying to decide whether to go or not, and I almost didn’t. But I’m so glad I did go. Of patients who have Wernicke’s, 20% end up in a permanent coma or dead and 75% have permanent brain damage. I’m so relieved they caught it early enough, but the next symptom would’ve been cognitive impairment. So I know he was trying to encourage me to use skills and eat and not rely on the hospital, but that could’ve turned out fatal bc I didn’t want to disappoint him or lose him. And that really scares me. That’s why Liz was like “if you’re medically compromised, I will tell you to seek medical treatment; I don’t care what your BPD is saying.”

Whew sorry for the novel! Hope that answered your question and I hope you’re doing okay ❤

[reneeacaseyfl]

Gender Equality Backslides in China: The Broadsheet

Good morning, Broadsheet readers! CES tries to make up for its sex toy controversy, Theresa May says farewell, and gender equality takes a step back in China. Have a terrific Thursday. 

EVERYONE’S TALKING

– What China wants from women. When covering gender equality (and the lack thereof) you often find yourself chafing at just how slowly the world seems to be progressing. Yet the key word there is progress—the idea that things are indeed getting better, if at a glacial pace.

That’s what makes this New York Times story on the status of women in China so chilling. It reveals a dramatic regression in women’s opportunity in the nation, a shift that’s all the more painful for happening at a time when China is becoming more powerful and prosperous than ever before.

Consider these stats: According to the NYT, 30 years ago, Chinese women earned just under 80% of what men made. Now, the wage gap has ballooned to 67% in cities and 56% in the countryside. In 1990, nearly 75% of women worked. Now, that number is down to 61%.

The anecdotes are no better. The Times’ article is packed with stories of women forced to sign agreements that they would be fired without compensation if they got pregnant and jobs that are advertised “for men only.”

The driving force behind the reversal seems to be the revocation of the “one-child” rule and a Communist Party-led push to return to traditional gender roles in order to spur a baby boom and transform the country’s greying population.

“When the state policymakers needed women’s hands, they sent them to do labor,” Wang Zheng, professor of women’s studies and history at the University of Michigan tells the NYT. “Now they want to push women into marriage and have a bunch of babies.”

Chinese women have been pushing back with protests and feminist social media campaigns, as well as in more subtle ways—the country’s divorce rate is climbing and its birth rate recently hit a new low.

Let’s hope they succeed in calling attention to their plight and forcing change. The women of China deserve to share in their country’s success—and the world needs the ever-more influential nation to return to its history of being a leader on gender equality. 

Kristen Bellstrom kristen.bellstrom@fortune.com @kayelbee

ALSO IN THE HEADLINES

– So long, farewell. In her farewell speech before stepping down as U.K. prime minister, Theresa May offered some subtle criticism of her potential replacement, Boris Johnson. An inability to compromise has led Britain to absolutism, that “if you simply assert your view loud enough and long enough you will get your way in the end,” she said. May’s last day is expected to be next week. Guardian

– Away from Amazon. At Fortune‘s Brainstorm Tech, Away co-founder Jen Rubio says the key to the luggage brand’s success is not selling on Amazon. “That’s a differentiator,” the chief brand officer says. Fortune 

– Mom says. Also at Brainstorm Tech, pro-cryptocurrency SEC commissioner Hester Peirce weighed in on her nickname: “crypto mom.” “You always get kids that you don’t expect, so here we are,” she joked. Fortune 

– Parsing privilege. We strongly recommend this nuanced essay by poet, playwright, and professor Claudia Rankine, who writes about her attempts—some successful, many less so—to talk to white men about their white privilege. New York Times

MOVERS AND SHAKERS: France’s transport minister Elisabeth Borne was named environment and energy minister after François de Rugy resigned from the post amid a scandal over extravagant spending with taxpayer money. Caryl Stern will step down as president and CEO of UNICEF USA. KKR named Northwestern Mutual’s Emilia Sherifova member and chief information and innovation officer. Former Workday CIO Diana McKenzie joins the board of Change Healthcare. Weber Shandwick president Gail Heimann takes over as CEO.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

– CES showcase. After a year of criticism over an award being taken away from a sex toy startup at the Consumer Electronics Show, CES will give sex toys their very own showcase at the event this January. Fortune

– Carrying on. Do men not carry bags just so they can avoid the “women’s work” of cleaning up spills with supplies from their purse? Writer Lisa Miller examines what it means that women’s fashion offers the ability to lug around what we need to tidy up after others. The Cut

– A toxic Bachelor? There are some disturbing allegations against the creator of the Bachelor franchise, Mike Fleiss. He wanted his wife, Laura Fleiss, to get an abortion; when she refused, he allegedly verbally and physically attacked her and threatened divorce and to cut off Laura financially. A judge granted a domestic violence temporary restraining order. A Warner Bros. representative said the studio is looking into the allegations. Vanity Fair

– Pharma analogy. Bloomberg Businessweek digs into Emma Walmsley’s tenure at GlaxoSmithKline, where she’s replaced more than 100 managers and focused the pharmaceutical giant on cancer treatment. She’s not a fan of the huge deals sought by many of her competitors. “Companies can die of indigestion just as easily as they can die of starvation,” she says. Bloomberg

Today’s Broadsheet was produced by Emma Hinchliffe. Share it with a friend. Looking for previous Broadsheets? Click here.

ON MY RADAR

Could Lulu Wang’s The Farewell be this summer’s biggest indie success story? Fortune

To make it to the moon, women have to escape Earth’s gender bias New York Times

How Nailed It! host Nicole Byer became the funniest person in reality TV The Daily Beast

QUOTE

“We are the at edge of another kind of technology frontier, and this time around, it is not happening in San Francisco.” 

-Omoju Miller, Github head of machine learning, at Fortune‘s Brainstorm Tech

Credit: Source link

The post Gender Equality Backslides in China: The Broadsheet appeared first on WeeklyReviewer.

from WeeklyReviewer https://weeklyreviewer.com/gender-equality-backslides-in-china-the-broadsheet/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=gender-equality-backslides-in-china-the-broadsheet from WeeklyReviewer https://weeklyreviewer.tumblr.com/post/186373726072

[velmaemyers88]

Gender Equality Backslides in China: The Broadsheet

Good morning, Broadsheet readers! CES tries to make up for its sex toy controversy, Theresa May says farewell, and gender equality takes a step back in China. Have a terrific Thursday. 

EVERYONE’S TALKING

– What China wants from women. When covering gender equality (and the lack thereof) you often find yourself chafing at just how slowly the world seems to be progressing. Yet the key word there is progress—the idea that things are indeed getting better, if at a glacial pace.

That’s what makes this New York Times story on the status of women in China so chilling. It reveals a dramatic regression in women’s opportunity in the nation, a shift that’s all the more painful for happening at a time when China is becoming more powerful and prosperous than ever before.

Consider these stats: According to the NYT, 30 years ago, Chinese women earned just under 80% of what men made. Now, the wage gap has ballooned to 67% in cities and 56% in the countryside. In 1990, nearly 75% of women worked. Now, that number is down to 61%.

The anecdotes are no better. The Times’ article is packed with stories of women forced to sign agreements that they would be fired without compensation if they got pregnant and jobs that are advertised “for men only.”

The driving force behind the reversal seems to be the revocation of the “one-child” rule and a Communist Party-led push to return to traditional gender roles in order to spur a baby boom and transform the country’s greying population.

“When the state policymakers needed women’s hands, they sent them to do labor,” Wang Zheng, professor of women’s studies and history at the University of Michigan tells the NYT. “Now they want to push women into marriage and have a bunch of babies.”

Chinese women have been pushing back with protests and feminist social media campaigns, as well as in more subtle ways—the country’s divorce rate is climbing and its birth rate recently hit a new low.

Let’s hope they succeed in calling attention to their plight and forcing change. The women of China deserve to share in their country’s success—and the world needs the ever-more influential nation to return to its history of being a leader on gender equality. 

Kristen Bellstrom kristen.bellstrom@fortune.com @kayelbee

ALSO IN THE HEADLINES

– So long, farewell. In her farewell speech before stepping down as U.K. prime minister, Theresa May offered some subtle criticism of her potential replacement, Boris Johnson. An inability to compromise has led Britain to absolutism, that “if you simply assert your view loud enough and long enough you will get your way in the end,” she said. May’s last day is expected to be next week. Guardian

– Away from Amazon. At Fortune‘s Brainstorm Tech, Away co-founder Jen Rubio says the key to the luggage brand’s success is not selling on Amazon. “That’s a differentiator,” the chief brand officer says. Fortune 

– Mom says. Also at Brainstorm Tech, pro-cryptocurrency SEC commissioner Hester Peirce weighed in on her nickname: “crypto mom.” “You always get kids that you don’t expect, so here we are,” she joked. Fortune 

– Parsing privilege. We strongly recommend this nuanced essay by poet, playwright, and professor Claudia Rankine, who writes about her attempts—some successful, many less so—to talk to white men about their white privilege. New York Times

MOVERS AND SHAKERS: France’s transport minister Elisabeth Borne was named environment and energy minister after François de Rugy resigned from the post amid a scandal over extravagant spending with taxpayer money. Caryl Stern will step down as president and CEO of UNICEF USA. KKR named Northwestern Mutual’s Emilia Sherifova member and chief information and innovation officer. Former Workday CIO Diana McKenzie joins the board of Change Healthcare. Weber Shandwick president Gail Heimann takes over as CEO.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

– CES showcase. After a year of criticism over an award being taken away from a sex toy startup at the Consumer Electronics Show, CES will give sex toys their very own showcase at the event this January. Fortune

– Carrying on. Do men not carry bags just so they can avoid the “women’s work” of cleaning up spills with supplies from their purse? Writer Lisa Miller examines what it means that women’s fashion offers the ability to lug around what we need to tidy up after others. The Cut

– A toxic Bachelor? There are some disturbing allegations against the creator of the Bachelor franchise, Mike Fleiss. He wanted his wife, Laura Fleiss, to get an abortion; when she refused, he allegedly verbally and physically attacked her and threatened divorce and to cut off Laura financially. A judge granted a domestic violence temporary restraining order. A Warner Bros. representative said the studio is looking into the allegations. Vanity Fair

– Pharma analogy. Bloomberg Businessweek digs into Emma Walmsley’s tenure at GlaxoSmithKline, where she’s replaced more than 100 managers and focused the pharmaceutical giant on cancer treatment. She’s not a fan of the huge deals sought by many of her competitors. “Companies can die of indigestion just as easily as they can die of starvation,” she says. Bloomberg

Today’s Broadsheet was produced by Emma Hinchliffe. Share it with a friend. Looking for previous Broadsheets? Click here.

ON MY RADAR

Could Lulu Wang’s The Farewell be this summer’s biggest indie success story? Fortune

To make it to the moon, women have to escape Earth’s gender bias New York Times

How Nailed It! host Nicole Byer became the funniest person in reality TV The Daily Beast

QUOTE

“We are the at edge of another kind of technology frontier, and this time around, it is not happening in San Francisco.” 

-Omoju Miller, Github head of machine learning, at Fortune‘s Brainstorm Tech

Credit: Source link

The post Gender Equality Backslides in China: The Broadsheet appeared first on WeeklyReviewer.

from WeeklyReviewer https://weeklyreviewer.com/gender-equality-backslides-in-china-the-broadsheet/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=gender-equality-backslides-in-china-the-broadsheet from WeeklyReviewer https://weeklyreviewer.tumblr.com/post/186373726072

[weeklyreviewer]

Gender Equality Backslides in China: The Broadsheet

Good morning, Broadsheet readers! CES tries to make up for its sex toy controversy, Theresa May says farewell, and gender equality takes a step back in China. Have a terrific Thursday. 

EVERYONE’S TALKING

– What China wants from women. When covering gender equality (and the lack thereof) you often find yourself chafing at just how slowly the world seems to be progressing. Yet the key word there is progress—the idea that things are indeed getting better, if at a glacial pace.

That’s what makes this New York Times story on the status of women in China so chilling. It reveals a dramatic regression in women’s opportunity in the nation, a shift that’s all the more painful for happening at a time when China is becoming more powerful and prosperous than ever before.

Consider these stats: According to the NYT, 30 years ago, Chinese women earned just under 80% of what men made. Now, the wage gap has ballooned to 67% in cities and 56% in the countryside. In 1990, nearly 75% of women worked. Now, that number is down to 61%.

The anecdotes are no better. The Times’ article is packed with stories of women forced to sign agreements that they would be fired without compensation if they got pregnant and jobs that are advertised “for men only.”

The driving force behind the reversal seems to be the revocation of the “one-child” rule and a Communist Party-led push to return to traditional gender roles in order to spur a baby boom and transform the country’s greying population.

“When the state policymakers needed women’s hands, they sent them to do labor,” Wang Zheng, professor of women’s studies and history at the University of Michigan tells the NYT. “Now they want to push women into marriage and have a bunch of babies.”

Chinese women have been pushing back with protests and feminist social media campaigns, as well as in more subtle ways—the country’s divorce rate is climbing and its birth rate recently hit a new low.

Let’s hope they succeed in calling attention to their plight and forcing change. The women of China deserve to share in their country’s success—and the world needs the ever-more influential nation to return to its history of being a leader on gender equality. 

Kristen Bellstrom kristen.bellstrom@fortune.com @kayelbee

ALSO IN THE HEADLINES

– So long, farewell. In her farewell speech before stepping down as U.K. prime minister, Theresa May offered some subtle criticism of her potential replacement, Boris Johnson. An inability to compromise has led Britain to absolutism, that “if you simply assert your view loud enough and long enough you will get your way in the end,” she said. May’s last day is expected to be next week. Guardian

– Away from Amazon. At Fortune‘s Brainstorm Tech, Away co-founder Jen Rubio says the key to the luggage brand’s success is not selling on Amazon. “That’s a differentiator,” the chief brand officer says. Fortune 

– Mom says. Also at Brainstorm Tech, pro-cryptocurrency SEC commissioner Hester Peirce weighed in on her nickname: “crypto mom.” “You always get kids that you don’t expect, so here we are,” she joked. Fortune 

– Parsing privilege. We strongly recommend this nuanced essay by poet, playwright, and professor Claudia Rankine, who writes about her attempts—some successful, many less so—to talk to white men about their white privilege. New York Times

MOVERS AND SHAKERS: France’s transport minister Elisabeth Borne was named environment and energy minister after François de Rugy resigned from the post amid a scandal over extravagant spending with taxpayer money. Caryl Stern will step down as president and CEO of UNICEF USA. KKR named Northwestern Mutual’s Emilia Sherifova member and chief information and innovation officer. Former Workday CIO Diana McKenzie joins the board of Change Healthcare. Weber Shandwick president Gail Heimann takes over as CEO.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

– CES showcase. After a year of criticism over an award being taken away from a sex toy startup at the Consumer Electronics Show, CES will give sex toys their very own showcase at the event this January. Fortune

– Carrying on. Do men not carry bags just so they can avoid the “women’s work” of cleaning up spills with supplies from their purse? Writer Lisa Miller examines what it means that women’s fashion offers the ability to lug around what we need to tidy up after others. The Cut

– A toxic Bachelor? There are some disturbing allegations against the creator of the Bachelor franchise, Mike Fleiss. He wanted his wife, Laura Fleiss, to get an abortion; when she refused, he allegedly verbally and physically attacked her and threatened divorce and to cut off Laura financially. A judge granted a domestic violence temporary restraining order. A Warner Bros. representative said the studio is looking into the allegations. Vanity Fair

– Pharma analogy. Bloomberg Businessweek digs into Emma Walmsley’s tenure at GlaxoSmithKline, where she’s replaced more than 100 managers and focused the pharmaceutical giant on cancer treatment. She’s not a fan of the huge deals sought by many of her competitors. “Companies can die of indigestion just as easily as they can die of starvation,” she says. Bloomberg

Today’s Broadsheet was produced by Emma Hinchliffe. Share it with a friend. Looking for previous Broadsheets? Click here.

ON MY RADAR

Could Lulu Wang’s The Farewell be this summer’s biggest indie success story? Fortune

To make it to the moon, women have to escape Earth’s gender bias New York Times

How Nailed It! host Nicole Byer became the funniest person in reality TV The Daily Beast

QUOTE

“We are the at edge of another kind of technology frontier, and this time around, it is not happening in San Francisco.” 

-Omoju Miller, Github head of machine learning, at Fortune‘s Brainstorm Tech

Credit: Source link

The post Gender Equality Backslides in China: The Broadsheet appeared first on WeeklyReviewer.

from WeeklyReviewer https://weeklyreviewer.com/gender-equality-backslides-in-china-the-broadsheet/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=gender-equality-backslides-in-china-the-broadsheet

[newstfionline]

What It’s Like To Go To School While Your Country Is In The Middle Of A Civil War

Rose Troup Buchanan, BuzzFeed News, August 28, 2018

A 14-year-old Yemeni schoolgirl has written a letter describing her life inside Yemen’s four-year-old civil war.

Hanin al-Asaadi’s family, her sisters, 17-year-old Khulood and 16-year-old Asma, as well as her 5-year-old brother, Yousef, live with their parents in Yemen’s capital, Sanaa. Her mom, Shams, looks after the family while her dad, Mohammad, used to be a journalist but now works for UNICEF.

In the letter, given to BuzzFeed News by UNICEF, Hanin describes how she and her sister were nearly killed when a series of airstrikes targeted the park where they played. “Third strong bombing exploded, it was [too] near to us, bombing’s fragments, stones and dust fall on us like heavy rain drops, we went back home scared,” she wrote.

Yemen’s civil war intensified in 2015 when a coalition of Arab nations (led by Saudi Arabia) attempted to push back the Houthi rebel forces who had taken the capital, Sanaa, in 2014.

The Houthi rebels are fighting the internationally recognized government, which is supported by the Saudi-led coalition. As of March this year, at least 10,000 people have died in the fighting and around 40,000 people have been injured.

International aid agencies estimate that 75% of the population is in need of humanitarian assistance: Just over 8 million people are at risk of starvation. Medicines are in such short supply, and the country’s infrastructure so damaged, that thousands died in a huge cholera outbreak last year.

Hanin’s life is “really different” to what it was like before the war. “We used to travel to all cities of Yemen, take the boats, climb mountains, swim in the sea,” she told BuzzFeed News via email. “We used to enjoy our time even if we are at home.”

“Suddenly without any introductions the crazy war began,” she said in her letter. “Families were dispersed, friends got separated. Most of my close friends have traveled and I haven’t seen them since this damn war began.”

“War is such a scary story, everyone feels afraid of, nobody ever likes it, it’s really awful.”

Although there used to be as many as 30 children in her class, most of her friends and their families have left the capital and the country, if they could. More than 2 million Yemenis have fled due to the fighting, according to the United Nations Refugee Agency.

But ordinary life continues: Every day Hanin gets on a bus and goes to her school. “We were moving to school safely, but now bombings might surprise you while you are on the way to school or to a place you like, for example, the parks.”

The danger is heightened by recent attacks: Only a few weeks ago, 40 children were killed in a airstrike on a bus during a school trip. Most of the children were aged between 10 and 13 years old.

The attack caused international outrage, especially after it was revealed to have been carried out by the Saudi-led coalition. In total, 51 people died in the strike, which Saudi Arabia (after initially calling the attack “legitimate”) later said it would investigate.

“It broke my heart,” Hanin’s father, Mohammed al-Asaadi, told BuzzFeed News. “I felt for the fathers and mothers who sent their kids out to school in the morning but never came back home. I felt for the innocent dreams of these little ones--how in a flash of a second they were all crashed.”

Al-Asaadi explained how he tried to shield Hanin and his four other children from Yemen’s war--but that it was getting harder and harder. “I didn’t tell my kids about the incident. I always try to keep them away from such dreadful news. They have been through a lot.”

“It is all war and bombing,” the 43-year-old said via email from Sanaa. “[The] future is very unpredictable here in Yemen. It is uncertain where this war is taking us to. Nobody knows when guns will shut up. Extremely difficult to plan as situations change by the day if not by the hour--and of course--to the worse.”

Al-Asaadi said his youngest son, 5-year-old Yousef, had known only war. “I won’t be exaggerating if I say that ‘boom, boom’ were of the very first few sounds/words he started to utter as a toddler.”

When he saw what his daughter wrote he was deeply conflicted about how the war had affected his children’s lives. “I felt sad and somehow helpless at how deep this war has been engraved in everything they think about.

“In a way, I felt proud of my daughters’ resilience and self-motivation to keep going to school in spite of the increasing safety risks and threats.”

And despite everything, Hanin wants to keep studying, because school is one of the few places she doesn’t feel alone. Her favorite classes are math and cosmology--”I love NASA and I want to be part of it.”

In their breaks, Hanin said she and her friends talk about what is happening in their country. “Then we talk about our dreams.”

You can read Hanin’s whole letter here:

Dear friends, I wish you a happy new school year.

I am Hanin Al-Asaadi, 8th grader, from Yemen, let me tell you something about our school and life.

First of all, war is such a scary story, everyone feels afraid of, nobody ever likes it, it’s really awful.

Five years ago, we we’re having kind of normal life, we we’re safe with our families and friends, playing, running, laughing, and learning without any scariness.

Suddenly without any introductions, the crazy war began. Families were dispersed, friends got separated. Most of my close friends have traveled and I haven’t seen them since this damn war began.

We were about thirty students in our class but now, we are less than the half of what we used to be!

We were moving to school safely, but now bombings might surprise you while you are on the way to school or maybe to a place you like for example, parks.

Few months back we decided to change home routine and go to the park (Fun City), we went there to enjoy our time but while having fun with my sisters and brother two bombings changed everything, everybody who were inside went to the exit, that place was very crowded, we moved on, we wanted to ride on a bus to get back home but third strong bombing exploded, it was to near to us, bombing’s fragments, stones and dust fall on us like heavy rain drops, we went back home scared.

No more parks, no more games, no more family trips to climb mountains, in short no more fun!

I hope that Yemen will be a safe and wealthy place to live in like your countries, so I can invite you to come visit and enjoy Yemen’s beauty.

Even it’s so hard I will go to school again.

Enjoy your school days.

Your friend from Yemen again.