#and my sister probably needs the money herself for when the baby comes (o yea btw imma be an uncle. sidenote) and my uncle is a shitty alt

[stickywitchphilosopher]

EVERY BODY STAY BACK I'M GOING TO VENT!

TW: ugh... Just be careful

I'm sure my parents know I smoke weed...

Mom already saw me and I always stink, I'm not worried too much about it, what can they do as punishment? I'm a broke ass 22y/o public college student with no social life, or many ways of entertainment, I live with my parents in a bunk bed with my 25y/o sister, It's quarantine and we just moved to a smaller apartment, Dad brought his 11 cats so it's a nightmare of crap, furr, vomiting, and Mom goes nuts.

I'm sure she told my Dad I smoke and he is too ashamed to talk about it with me, I hope he hits me as hard as when you found out my sister was caught shoplifting at Wal.mart, I'm trying to remain calm between panic atacks and ripping my hair off, super extreme mood swings, the fact that I'm almost out of Venlafaxine...

Oh dear stars! I'm gonna be so fucked when they decide it's time for me to shut up and listen to the shit they say about me, I'm trying to be careless about it, but Damm words hit hard.

I'm a whore because I had a boyfriend I want that word on a t-shirt to piss you off...

Yes I'm worse because at least whores charge money

Yes I was 13 when I first had sex, probably it's not all my fault?

Yes I was just trying to get out of you...

Yes I remember that time I left the GPS on and I was at a bar at 3 am with some girls from my class, I wanted to make you think I was popular (I have never been there again, tho) it was on my first semester IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS

Can't we speak like adults? with no insulting? No?

Oh, yea! it's because you're superior to me! So you and my teachers and boss can disrespect me, and I just have to take it.

You know what? FINE, disrespect me! I don't care

tell me what to do and I'll do it,

I won't use too much space

I'll be gentle and kind

I'll kill myself studying

I won't sleep when you're not sleeping

I won't ask for favors

I won't eat too much food

BUT I NEED WEED

Just because you bottle up your feelings doesn't mean I have to be the toilet you shit on! You keep looking for every single mistake I make...

But you never hug me, not tell me that you love me, because you don't

You can't love me because I'm just like you AND YOU HATE YOURSELF THE MOST and I "loved" you, or the idea I had about you, because you got rid of me since I was 8months old and I was TOO CLINGY... I cried a lot, your solution was punishment

Then we moved when I was 4

I was raised by the TV, like many dad worked all day and got home twice a week at 11pm the other days we wouldn't even come back, mom started going to therapy (I think she also wanted to get away from us I don't blame her

I wouldn't want to be with me either

Was everything going to be better? Will she stop hitting us every

Welp I'm just gonna tell you my anxiety atacks happen at 6 o'clock in the afternoon when we were left alone.

I know my mom tried to kill herself when she was younger and she was sexually abused by her older brother as a child

I know my grandmother was a fucking monster, and broke all her children souls

I know my mom was forced to mary an abusive husband at 16yo...

I know both my grandfathers hitted my grandmothers, I know every one of my sexually abused cousins,

I know my father's dad killed his brother in law, I know he was an alcoholic, I know they rather spend Christmas at my youngest aunt house rather than ours, even though we pay their rent...

But I'm a weak ass cry baby for going to a psychiatrist and taking meds...I know I don't deserve shit, but

And my undiagnosed-asperger sister? She can do whatever she wants? They hate her at job, her boyfriend just uses her, she has a seriously bad Eating disorder,

And if she keeps hitting my cat I'm gonna hit her, because that's how you taught me to solve problems with my older sister,

When she bullied me, hit me, killed my pets, hated me to death and broke my spirit every single day starting at 6o'clock in the afternoon... until I grew big enough to beat the shit out of her.