#and my ideal vacation is 'play videogames alone'

[black-rose-writings]

Trying to motivate myself to study like... okay if you finish these two short texts for your german class (Like 300 words left), you get to write 3000 words of fanfiction.

[phantom-of-nrc]

Hello, I would like a Twst matchup (I am open to both student and/or staff) please. I’ll go by as 🌺 and my pronouns are she/them. Also I would like to remain anonymous.

I am an INFJ, Gryffindor with the DND moral alignment of True Neutral. My chinese zodiac is the Snake while my astrological zodiac is Gemini. My favourite colours are subdued pastels and neutral tones. My love language is quality time.

Appearance wise, I am 5'4 light-skinned filipino with a softened hourglass figure. I have a button nose and soft brown almond-shaped eyes. I have straight black hair that goes half-way down my back, but usually is tied up in a messy bun. I wear thin gold framed glasses. I tend to wear lose sweaters, black leggings and runners. Outfit wise, I go for the cozy academic look.

Personality wise, I am pretty reserved with strangers but with people who I am close to (which is pretty hard since I am quite closed off), I am more outgoing. I am quite witty with my responses and playfully tease those who I really trust. Even then, I am overall softer and gentler in mannerisms. Due to closed off nature I tend to listen more in a conversation, but I sometimes am quite chatty. Funnily enough, I have been described as ‘baby’ and 'grandma’ at the same time. At times I can be child-like because of how easily excited and happy I can get over the little things, but at the same time quite old because of the advice I give. I am quite tactile with people who I am close to. I am described as being super imaginative and creative. I am known to be very honest and willing to communicate with others. I also live by the saying “do no harm but take no shit”. I have also been known for grey morals because how I don’t judge or assume things about others. My energy level from day to day can switch from super productive to lethargic.

By nature, I am quite calculating and observant of people and my surroundings. I have a knack for reading people and acting accordingly. Sometimes I become manipulative if I am genuinely mad, which is rare. People usually approach me for advice, comfort or just as someone to talk to. Also, I have been known to be quite philosophical and super chaotic. On the other hand, I can easily get anxious, and become skittish as a result. Quite surprisingly I have a quite a realistic and borderline pessimistic world view. To note, I do struggle with my mental health because of my past, and as a result I deal with moderate depression and have scars.

My hobbies usually consist of reading, writing, sleeping, playing videogames (either story-based or strategy-based games) or just trying out new recipes. When its winter I love to go skating. Overall, I tend to want to learn about things in general, so I also tend to watch art vlogs or educational videos (Science-centric). Currently I am working on learning German in my free time. When I am alone, I tend to sing to myself. (my voice is suited for lullabies and soft jazz) (funfact: people have been trying to get me to join choir because of my voice)

I like softer things such as pastels, flowers, and nature. But I always have a love for the macabre. In the future, I am looking to invest in getting a large dog as a companion/emotional support animal. Currently I am working towards learning Environmental Studies. My favourite drink is Bubble Tea.

Thank you in advance !

ℌ𝔬𝔴 ℭ𝔬𝔪𝔢?

🗝 Is this an unlikely result? Who knows? The Snake zodiac and INFJ MBTI combination, you’re the woman that Dire Crowley needs. While you may have days where you tend to be lethargic, the productivity that comes to you on the other days is something that our ever-so gracious and hard-working headmaster needs. Of course he pays no mind to the days where you tend to be lethargic, the two of you could have some fun while the poor Ramshackle residents would have to deal with overblots— 

🗝 With your relationship, I do believe that it would be a slow burn, but once the two of you have finally gotten together, expect to be one of the quirkiest couples in NRC. Dire Crowley is someone who tends to be excited over certain things like vacations and events that would polish his and his school’s reputation. With you who’s also someone who’s easily excited, the two of you are basically the sunshine couple of NRC. How unusual considering Dire Crowley’s dark style, right? But alas, love works in mysterious ways, and not even Dire Crowley is immune to the spell that you have put him under.

🗝 In all honesty, I kind of see you and Dire Crowley as the couple who runs the campus together. He does need some help, after all. The fact that you’re observant and calculating is also a benefit if you don’t mind with helping Dire Crowley run the campus. If Dire Crowley ever dumps his work on you, do tell me and I’ll bonk him for you! Don’t worry though. There’s always Yuu and Grim for him to dump some duties to💖

🗝 Please tease him, his reactions would certainly be adorable! He’d be very flustered whenever you tease him, the students are basically standing there, watching like children having to watch their parents share a lovey-dovey moment. It’s inevitable for one of the students to say “Get a room.”

🗝 I envy this man’s ego confidence. Are you feeling anxious? Nervous? Don’t worry, your beloved Dire Crowley is here to save the day and give words of encouragement as the gracious lover he is! Isn’t he just the ideal boyfriend?

🗝 One word: Simp. He’s a simp for you. He’s simps for your voice, he might’ve cried over how peaceful you looked while you’re asleep, he cries while he simps for you.

🗝 Do you have any ideas on events that you’d like to take place in NRC? Just ideas in general? If you do, don’t hesitate sharing them with him! Oh? Are you writing? Curiosity comes and hits Dire Crowley! Would you like to come and spend some quality time with him? Would you like to go to a vacation with him?? Every experience is twice as fun with you! 

🗝 On the other hand, he treasures you dearly. Learning of your depression and scars, he’s going to make sure to find ways to help you, to bring a smile to your face and chase the memories of your past away with a relationship full of fluff and years of enjoyable NRC.

🗝 Even if Dire Crowley wears dark colors and you like pastels, it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship. In fact, it makes the two of you an even cuter couple!

𝔐𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤:

  Dire Crowley is a man who may have a knack for travelling. Currently, he was taking a vacation from handling his school as its headmaster. 

  Ice skating has always been something that the headmaster was curious to try. Considering that he, being the gracious headmaster he is, has been busy with his prestigious school. With the chance provided for him by the vacation, he could finally try ice skating. 

If only he wasn’t too excited to skate for the first time. 

  As soon as he attempted to glide across the icy rink, the oh-so graceful headmaster body flopped. It seems like this was the last thing that you have expected. Hastily trying to stop yourself from tripping over the headmaster’s body flopped body, gravity seemed to be feeling a little mischievous as you stumbled and landed on the headmaster. 

It seems that Dire Crowley’s eagerness to try ice skating have led to the discovery of a new chapter of your lives.

[littlemisssquiggles]

RWBY Musings #15: After seeing the title for Chapter 8 of RWBY Volume 5, I’m seriously hoping that part of the episode focuses on Ruby and Oscar.

I told myself I wasn’t going to share another musing for this week til the next episode premieres. After my last musing, I said I was done for the week but damn, the title of that Chapter 8 brought me back. I gotta talk about it.

Speaking of which, before I get into my usual spur of words, I’d just like to humbly thank all the awesometastic people who liked, commented on and shared my ♦last RWBY Musing. Thank you guys so much! It truly means a lot that you take the time to read my jibberjab for real so thank you bunches.

I especially want to give a shoutout to @miraculouscorazone who shared my post with AfterBuzzTV via Twitter. It was quite a pleasant surprise (and by that I mean holy-shizznuggets was that a shocker) to learn that my musing was briefly mentioned and even discussed a little bit in this week’s episode of their RWBY AfterBuzz show. If you tuned into the podcast and remember the part with the hosts mentioning a shared tumblr post with a theory about Oscar’s outburst from Chapter 5 being intentional. Surprise, that was my post they were talking about!

So that’s one of the highlights of my week. Thank you precious star kids and fellow RWBY lovers so much!

 Okay, on with the musing now.

Guys, the title of Chapter 8 is ‘Alone Together’. Where do we even begin with this?

Whenever I see a title like this one, it can only mean one thing: A story with two characters who don’t normally spend that much time together suddenly thrust into a dire situation where they only person they have to depend on is each other.

It’s the perfect set-up scenario to force two characters who don’t normally socialize to socialize. It can also be the ideal way for a story’s protagonist to learn more about a centric secondary character whose story is still a mystery to them and the audience after the two suddenly end up...well alone together.

And if RWBY is doing this kind of story, I’m really hoping it’s an Oscar and Ruby focused episode or at least, an episode where we finally learn more about Oscar as instigated by Ruby. I can’t see what other two characters this title can allude to.

Unless it’s involves Blake ending up alone with Sun or maybe Illia as she is separated from her family, then this episode has to be Ruby and Oscar. It just gotta be this time.  

I’m worried I may be gearing myself up from some bitter disappointment in that department. I know not everything in RWBY is about shipping but this is one of those moments where I’d like the CRWBY writers to make an exception.

Purely for the fact that they began the season strongly hinting at something between Ruby and Oscar.

You can't give us four episodes of them socializing and then stop. The well has to start flowing water again at some point and I’m eager that this episode will provide an opportunity that they will take. Plus there really needs to be an episode where one of the focus in on Oscar and getting to know more about him.

It would be interesting if we get the reverse of Chapter 5 and have Ruby ask Oscar some deep questions that enlighten us more into his character. If Ruby and Oscar are alone together where it's just them I can definitely see the potential of this happening. We only got 7 more episodes left.

I’m starved for the precious farm boy to get some well-deserved development. I’m starved for my ship to get some development. Don’t start something you don’t intend to continue, CRWBY, especially within the same volume.

I’m hoping this episode presents a case where Weiss and Yang probe Ruby for details on Oscar, probably out of curiosity for the young farm boy but mostly as a means of teasing her about possibly having a crush on him.

They do this only to discover that despite being together for several weeks, Ruby still honestly doesn’t know that much about Oscar.

According to Ruby, other than training together under Ozpin’s watch and what happened in Chapter 5, she and Oscar haven’t exactly gotten any alone time to truly get to know each other.

This will then give a mischievous Yang an idea and long story short, she hatches a plan which results in Ruby and Oscar ending up alone together.

Whether it’s somehow managing to get everybody out of the house for the day so that it’s only Ruby and Oscar alone in the house by themselves or gives them the ole parent-trap and tricks them into meeting each other in the same spot in Mistral and Ruby and Oscar enjoy a day of exploring the town together.

Do you know what would be funny and cute at the same time? What if...Ruby and Oscar bonded over videogames, of all things? Books would be a worthy second choice but videogames is the definite first.

I remember way back in Volume 3 after Qrow was first introduced, we got a scene where he was playing a fighting game against Yang using their scrolls as controllers. It’s been a while since we’ve seen something like that in the show.

Since Oscar was given a grand-spanking new backpack (as evidenced in Chapter 5. Don’t think I didn’t notice the new duds for our little stud muffin in the baking), I wouldn’t be too surprised if he was also given his own personal Scroll. After all, how else was he supposed to communicate with everyone? So if Oscar has a Scroll, Ruby can introduce him to the mystical world of videogames and the two can converse over a few rounds.

Like imagine, Ruby asking Oscar what to do while the two were alone. Oscar, being the diligent bean he is, suggests they should possibly continue their training regiment and spar together in a rematch however Ruby denounces that option by slyly encouraging the farm boy to join her in a spirited round of *Insert RWBY-verse videogame*.

Oscar is, of course, skeptical as he’s never been one to be good at videogames nor has he ever played a videogame before (he strikes me more of outdoorsy, all work and no play book-worm type). This only excites Ruby more as she eagerly exposes Oscar to the fun of videogames.

Not only do the two have their rematch on the gaming platform but the hype and distraction of the game disperses any initial awkwardness between them and the two are actually able to hold a decent conversation between them, discussing everything from their favourite hobbies to foods to family; no talk of any impending wars at all.

Just a nice tête-à-tête between two teens with zero interruption from Ozpin.

We have yet to see Oscar just relax, have fun and truly be a kid. As a matter of fact, the first time fans saw Oscar debut to the story was with him waking up early in the morning to work.

If Oscar’s life was a song, it’d probably be Work by Rihanna. All he does is work, work, work, work, work, work.

He went from working on a farm to working to become a huntsman. Not a day’s rest.

Hard to believe he’s only fourteen.

Can I just have one episode or at least a moment in an episode where Oscar can just be a kid? I want so many things for this precious young avocado bean.

One of them is for him to just be a kid for a day or at least an afternoon and just have FUN. Enjoy the good ole fun times before everything goes to shit in the coming episodes.

And if Oscar can have fun while spending it with Ruby; opening up to her about himself and his life before Mistral, that would be beyond amazing. Let’s face it, Ruby is closest thing to a best friend Oscar has at this point, minus Ozpin (that ancient fart) but he literally lives inside his head so I don’t think that counts. At least if Oscar learnt to genuinely like Ruby and forms a true bond with her, it’ll be of his own choice (the first one he’s made since he became Ozpin’s successor).

I’ve had this cute little idea in my head of Oscar describing his past home life on his aunt’s farm to Ruby, who’s never been on a real farm and the young huntress is surprisingly fascinated by it all, practically bombarding Oscar with questions about what it’s like growing up on a farm. Because Ruby loves the idea of his aunt’s farm so much, in a spurt of confidence, Oscar sort of blushingly invites her to spend the summer with him on his aunt’s farm after making mention of how much more beautiful the farm is in the summer (y’know with flower fields and shit).

Of course, he only meant it as a shy joke at first, not expecting Ruby to take him seriously. However when she does, happy accepting his offer with a flushed face of her own, the two then make a promise to each other; a cute little pinkie-swear pact to spend the summer together on Oscar’s farm after defeating Salem.

I know this will NEVER happen in the show (cause my poor shipping Oscar Pine development pining ass is not the one writing for RWBY) but damn, oh how I wish Miles and Kerry could see this and at least consider tossing it in for us RoseGarden fans.

Do you know what would be interesting?

What if...Volume 5 concludes with the Mistral gang being forced to vacate the citadel and go into hiding somewhere out of Lionheart’s view after that they’ve learnt of his full alliance with Salem?

They can’t go to Atlas because they still need to stay close to Mistral in order to safeguard the Relic of Knowledge and prevent the Fall of Haven Academy.

So what’s a good place for them to lay low and come up with a better plan of action? A place that’s not too far from the city but still pretty far enough and more likely to be in the middle of nowhere where the chances of Lionheart finding them are quite slim?

I’m not making any big speculations here. I’m just saying. Oscar’s aunt sure did look like she had a lot of land on that farm of hers...with a lot of big trees...and two barns...probably more than one which would be the perfect cover to house a couple of people hiding from the law.

I’m just saying. The Walking Dead did an entire season and story arc where the main characters were refugees on a farm. Not saying the CRWBY writers are Walking Dead fans either but...we never did get to learn more about Oscar and his family background now, did we?

Volume 4 gave us some good insight into Ren and Nora’s past, though. Blake and Weiss too. We finally got to meet their respective families in the last volume as well. I’m just saying. Oscar does house Ozpin’s soul. He’s practically a main character now, right? Right.

Sure would be swell if he got some development that explored his family ties just like Ren and Nora...and Weiss...and Blake...and Ruby...andYang...and Qrow! We also got to see Qrow’s family ties last season too. So, when’s Oscar due for his, huh? Jusssst saying.

If Chapter 8 is to be all about Oscar and Ruby bonding but still end on more grim terms, then let Salem send Tyrian to exact his revenge and collect the girl.

May I remind everyone that Tyrian Callows has been surprisingly absent this volume? The last mention of him was in Episode 2 when Salem ordered Watts to create a new tail for him.

As revealed at the end of the last episode, Watts is currently with Cinder and her squad on a mission to attack the Branwen Tribe for Spring Maiden which means that Watts must’ve finished his work on Tyrian’s new tail.

They wouldn’t send Hazel after Ruby since he’s busy babysitting High Leader Adam Taurus. While he may be in Mistral and could offer some assistance if Salem saw him to do so, still, the point is that he’s on his own assignment at the moment that has nothing to do with crossing paths with the Mistral gang.

This only leaves Tyrian and seeing as he has his own personal beef with the silver-eyed girl, I wouldn’t be surprised if Salem has been saving him for now to strike Ruby at her most vulnerable.

Things have been pretty comfortable for the crew during their stay in Mistral so far. And I find it oddly peculiar that we haven’t heard or seen anything new from Professor Lionheart in some time. Since the second episode actually. That’s an awful lot of time to be quiet and quietly waiting lions can be quite deadly. Lionheart must know where these guys are staying in Mistral and wouldn’t be surprised if he would be involved in a sudden staged attack on them.  

Oooh you know what? Remember back in the first episode, how Oscar showed up on the gang’s doorstep asking for Ruby cause of Qrow? Imagine a parallel of that same scene where Lionheart surprisingly shows up, all nervous-looking on the gang’s doorstep asking for Ruby Rose and it’s Oscar who answers the door. Of course, he and Ruby are all alone and Oscar becomes especially suspicious of the Headmaster’s sudden presence at the group’s home, even more so when Ozpin warns him to be on his guard like he did with Hazel.

Turns out Lionheart was just the decoy/distraction as Tyrian suddenly comes out of nowhere and goes after Ruby off screen while Lionheart takes care of Oscar. It’d be funny to see Lionheart attempting to subdue Oscar, thinking he’ll get the upper-hand over the boy given his experience even with his rustiness. Much to Lionheart’s surprise, Oscar holds his own pretty well, putting his training to good use.

I want Oscar to fight Lionheart but only in a brief moment for two reasons.

One, I want to get a glimpse of Lionheart’s weapon of choice or at least his fighting style/semblance if possible and two, if a scene like this is done then we can get a sneak peak of Oscar fighting in addition to the look of complete shock on Lionheart’s when he realizes that Oscar is Ozpin.

Admittedly I like Lionheart. His character design is a favourite of mine from this season.  However while I’m wondering if there’ll be a chance for him to be redeemed somehow, I can’t help the part of me that believes the CRWBY might be shaping him up to become the Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail of Ozpin’s so-called ‘most-trusted lieutenants’.

Imagine if...Tyrian attacks Ruby during his and Lionheart’s assault on their threshold and though she fights back valiantly,  Ruby ends up getting captured this time around as a result of Tyrian’s newly improved tail which come with an added upgrade---A venom that renders its victim unconscious, perhaps?

What if...part of the build up to this volume’s epic conclusion revolves around Ruby being abducted by Tyrian who escapes with Lionheart to be taken to Salem.

I can actually see the build up to the finale of Volume 5 going three ways:

In Menagerie, we could have the ultimate showdown between Blake and Illia as she and Sun fight to protect the Massacre of the Belladonna Household. I figured this moment is too important to Blake’s side of the story and the side of the Battle of Haven with the Faunus for it to be glossed over in just one or even two episodes.

In the Branwen Tribe, it’s Cinder vs. Raven as she attempts to protect Vernal. At first I pegged Vernal and Raven’s relationship as a secretly romantic one.

Not really my ship but the thought did cross my mind. But then I thought that maybe Vernal and Raven have a mother-daughter type of bond and Vernal is Raven’s substitute for Yang, to make up for the fact that she missed out on her own daughter’s life for whatever unexplained reason in the series.

Someone theorized that Raven is bonded to Vernal so that’s how she’s able to teleport back immediately to the tribe campsite with her semblance. So if Vernal and Raven are close, it’d make sense if Raven might sacrifice herself to protect Vernal. Like perhaps Raven is captured by Cinder but before she is taken away, she uses her semblance to send Vernal to Qrow in Mistral.

In Mistral, it’s Vernal who informs Qrow of his sister’s abduction by the enemy around the same time the team learn from Oscar that Ruby has also been captured by Lionheart and Tyrion. This forces the gang no choice but to divide and conquer.

While she would much rather do it herself, Yang entrusts Oscar along with Team JNR to go after Lionheart and Tyrian to save Ruby (my guess is that she’d be held captive at Haven Academy) while she, accompanied by Weiss, Qrow and Vernal would go after Cinder and her forces to save Raven.

The intro did tease Yang fighting Mercury. If Raven was captured by Cinder to lure out the Spring Maiden, it would make sense if we got a rematch between Mercury and Yang after she comes to rescue her mother.

It would be cool to see all these things happen in the series. But, I’m no psychic so who knows how the next few episodes will play out.

One thing’s for certain, I’m really hoping that Chapter 8 is about Ruby and Oscar this time or at least have them be a vocal point at some instance in the episode. Seriously. Then again, while I want to remain hopeful, the CRWBY have stood me up at this dance before.

*shruggity shrug* I guess we’ll see tomorrow then.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2017)

[four-in-a-bed-blog]

✈️⏰👀!!

✈️ What is the mun’s dream vacation?

Oh my gosh.. somewhere really warm and where I could just chill OR somewhere totally new for me, but somewhere I wouldn’t be hindered by language barriers!

⏰ What is the mun’s ideal evening spent alone?

I will TELL you my friend oh my GOD. Ideally, I’d get a drawing done or/and a couple asks, order a takeaway of my choice and read conspiracy theories whilst I wait for it. When it comes, eat it whilst watching youtube videos, warm myself up for videogames by playing stardew valley or ACNL and then PLAYING DRAGON AGE FOR HOURS before getting tired and putting youtube back on and laying chilled out in bed watching videos until I fall asleep, knowing I don’t have work in the morning.

👀 Would you classify the mun as an extrovert, introvert or ambivert?

I think I’m definitely an Ambivert! I’m far more comfortable around people than an introvert. I’m definitely not energised by being around people, but they don’t drain me - I usually get home from seeing people sad I had to go but happy to get some time to myself. I get exhausted if I have no days to myself just to stay in the house on my own but I get exhausted If I just stay in the house with no face to face socialisation days on end! I never felt like I was a introvert or extrovert.. I’m glad we finally have a phrase to us that are more in the middle! 

[sophzcorner]

The Popular “What to do in Life” Dilemma

Life’s been a little too much lately. Work’s been going downhill and my mood unfortunately has too. I know I’m not living my best life nor am I doing anything to move forward. Everyday, after I come home from work, I lay in my bed. I should be spending my time doing something fun, enjoying free time but, instead, all I feel like doing is sleeping. I don’t have the will power to do anything else - hence why I’m here.

Today I read a very interesting article. It made me rethink my life a little bit. The whole theme of it was finding your passion. The “not knowing what to do with your life”. The thing about me is, I never finished highschool. I felt very empty during my whole highscool experience. It went as far as just having to wake up in the morning made me cry. I felt miserable. And I know what you’re thinking - “oh bitch it’s highschool”, “life’s a lot worse than just highschool”, “man up” - and I’d agree, except I know how I felt. I know it wasn’t a simple tantrum. I just felt honestly depressed.

Basically, I skipped classes a lot because of this whole situation. And every time I did go back, I didn’t really have any friends and my classmates would just look at me like I’m a weirdo who has 0 priorities in her life. Which, to be honest, I guess I was, but it made me feel really uncomfortable and out of place, so I didn’t want to come back the next day. It was a vicious circle and that’s when my life kind of fell off the wagon.

During that time, I had a lot of other issues going on. I had just broken with my boyfriend (with whom I was with for three years), I had a feud with my other old friends (with whom I, then, stopped talking with) and, somehow, all of that lead to me spending two whole years isolated from the world in my bedroom. I didn’t go back to school, I didn’t get a job, I didn’t have any friends. I just spent my time watching YouTube on my bed, writing, playing video games (alone), focusing on my diet, focusing on my music, starting my YouTube channel and, I know this may not seem ideal, but I was really happy then. I didn’t have any drama with anyone, I didn’t feel miserable, I focused all my attention in myself, in self-improving, in my hobbies - in what I LOVED doing in life and, although I was alone, I was completely fine with it.

That whole experience taught me not to depend on anyone and that I can be alright by myself. Being alone, however, is not a healthy way of living.

So! I did reconnect with my friends later on and we’ve been inseperable ever since. I feel like I’ve improved myself a lot during that time. I feel more comfortable at socializing, I learnt that being alone isn’t necessarily bad and that if I was to get ditched by my friends tomorrow, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

So. These are the positive aspects of what went on with me.

The negative part, although I don’t want to focus too much on it, is I never finished high school, I never chose a career path. College was never an option because, like I said, I didn’t have a “passion”, I wasn’t really interested in any majors or anything. And that’s what it all comes to.

In the article I read, the writer said something very interesting. If you have to search for something that you’re passionate about, then you’re not passionate about it at all. This is the article, by the way. If you ever struggled with such topics, you should give it a read.

Anyway, as I was saying. I went searching about this subject because this morning, while I was heading to work, I googled something like: “I don’t feel slightly content with my job”. I don’t know why I searched for it. I guess I wanted to read people’s experiences so that I’d feel better about myself. That’s how I found that article.

One thing is for sure. I hate selling life insurances (that’s my job, by the way). It stresses me. I have to fake a lot of happiness. I have to listen to people shouting at me all the time (both the clients and my boss), asking me where my sale’s at. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to answer: “It’s right up your ass you incredible piece of shit.” Of course I never did it and never will, but if I could I would, let’s just say that.

But! Even though I hate it, it’s how I’ve been earning my money. I want to buy a new computer, I want to go on vacation with my friends and, this job just gets it done. So, like Mark Manson said, I don’t have to work doing what I love. I can have an okay job and just do the things I love doing afterwards. But not if I sleep all afternoon after I come home from work.

Here’s a list of things I love but don’t consider viable career choices: Singing, YouTube, writing songs and books, videogames. The funny thing about all of these is that, they COULD be career choices and I just overlook them. I don’t dedicate myself to any of it.

Singing: I could be a singer. Not necessarily like Ariana Grande or Taylor Swift, but I could probably sing at a bar and the only reason I don’t do it, is because I’m too afraid. I think people wouldn’t take me seriously. (I may have some self-esteem issues).

YouTube: I could be a YouTuber. Not like PewDiepie, with 50,000,000 subscribers, but with some luck at the mix and if I actually dedicated myself to it, I could it. But once again, I underestimate myself and am too afraid of posting personal videos, besides my insatiable laziness.

Writing songs and/or books: I have a lot of ideas. I’ve written a lot of songs that I love. I’ve been writing the same book for, what, three years now? I think I have a good thing going on, but I don’t dedicate myself to it either.

Video games. Well I suck at them, it could never be a career choice, who am I kidding. I do love League of Legends, however.

So, all things considered, my point is: I should stop worrying about career paths. I know what I truly love doing, I just need the courage to pursue it. And, yeah, I need something to get me through in the meantime, hence the insurance selling, the call centers, etc, but I shouldn’t be as bothered as I am by what happens in it. It’s temporary. If they fire me, I’ll just get another one. If I can’t do it well, I’ll find something else. If I’m not happy, I’ll leave. I’m very fortunate to have parents that support me and I know that if something’s not okay, I can always change it. There are very few things you can’t change in your life, and a job isn’t one of them.

This blog will be a place where I share my thoughts. The things that happen to me. Game-related things (when I actually get my computer) and just an escape from everything - I’ve been needing it lately.

If someone reads this and if that someone is in the same situation as I am, I hope this post shed some light on this subject for you. I hope this helped you in any way because writing it surely did help me.

Until next time :)

[sophzescape]

The Popular “What to do in Life” Dilemma

Life’s been a little too much lately. Work’s been going downhill and my mood unfortunately has too. I know I’m not living my best life nor am I doing anything to move forward. Everyday, after I come home from work, I lay in my bed. I should be spending my time doing something fun, enjoying free time but, instead, all I feel like doing is sleeping. I don’t have the will power to do anything else - hence why I’m here. 

Today I read a very interesting article. It made me rethink my life a little bit. The whole theme of it was finding your passion. The “not knowing what to do with your life”. The thing about me is, I never finished highschool. I felt very empty during my whole highscool experience. It went as far as just having to wake up in the morning made me cry. I felt miserable. And I know what you’re thinking - “oh bitch it’s highschool”, “life’s a lot worse than just highschool”, “man up” - and I’d agree, except I know how I felt. I know it wasn’t a simple tantrum. I just felt honestly depressed.

Basically, I skipped classes a lot because of this whole situation. And every time I did go back, I didn’t really have any friends and my classmates would just look at me like I’m a weirdo who has 0 priorities in her life. Which, to be honest, I guess I was, but it made me feel really uncomfortable and out of place, so I didn’t want to come back the next day. It was a vicious circle and that’s when my life kind of fell off the wagon. 

During that time, I had a lot of other issues going on. I had just broken with my boyfriend (with whom I was with for three years), I had a feud with my other old friends (with whom I, then, stopped talking with) and, somehow, all of that lead to me spending two whole years isolated from the world in my bedroom. I didn’t go back to school, I didn’t get a job, I didn’t have any friends. I just spent my time watching YouTube on my bed, writing, playing video games (alone), focusing on my diet, focusing on my music, starting my YouTube channel and, I know this may not seem ideal, but I was really happy then. I didn’t have any drama with anyone, I didn’t feel miserable, I focused all my attention in myself, in self-improving, in my hobbies - in what I LOVED doing in life and, although I was alone, I was completely fine with it. 

That whole experience taught me not to depend on anyone and that I can be alright by myself. Being alone, however, is not a healthy way of living.

So! I did reconnect with my friends later on and we’ve been inseperable ever since. I feel like I’ve improved myself a lot during that time. I feel more comfortable at socializing, I learnt that being alone isn’t necessarily bad and that if I was to get ditched by my friends tomorrow, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. 

So. These are the positive aspects of what went on with me. 

The negative part, although I don’t want to focus too much on it, is I never finished high school, I never chose a career path. College was never an option because, like I said, I didn’t have a “passion”, I wasn’t really interested in any majors or anything. And that’s what it all comes to. 

In the article I read, the writer said something very interesting. If you have to search for something that you’re passionate about, then you’re not passionate about it at all. This is the article, by the way. If you ever struggled with such topics, you should give it a read. 

Anyway, as I was saying. I went searching about this subject because this morning, while I was heading to work, I googled something like: “I don’t feel slightly content with my job”. I don’t know why I searched for it. I guess I wanted to read people’s experiences so that I’d feel better about myself. That’s how I found that article. 

One thing is for sure. I hate selling life insurances (that’s my job, by the way). It stresses me. I have to fake a lot of happiness. I have to listen to people shouting at me all the time (both the clients and my boss), asking me where my sale’s at. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to answer: “It’s right up your ass you incredible piece of shit.” Of course I never did it and never will, but if I could I would, let’s just say that. 

But! Even though I hate it, it’s how I’ve been earning my money. I want to buy a new computer, I want to go on vacation with my friends and, this job just gets it done. So, like Mark Manson said, I don’t have to work doing what I love. I can have an okay job and just do the things I love doing afterwards. But not if I sleep all afternoon after I come home from work. 

Here’s a list of things I love but don’t consider viable career choices: Singing, YouTube, writing songs and books, videogames. The funny thing about all of these is that, they COULD be career choices and I just overlook them. I don’t dedicate myself to any of it. 

Singing: I could be a singer. Not necessarily like Ariana Grande or Taylor Swift, but I could probably sing at a bar and the only reason I don’t do it, is because I’m too afraid. I think people wouldn’t take me seriously. (I may have some self-esteem issues).

YouTube: I could be a YouTuber. Not like PewDiepie, with 50,000,000 subscribers, but with some luck at the mix and if I actually dedicated myself to it, I could it. But once again, I underestimate myself and am too afraid of posting personal videos, besides my insatiable laziness.

Writing songs and/or books: I have a lot of ideas. I’ve written a lot of songs that I love. I’ve been writing the same book for, what, three years now? I think I have a good thing going on, but I don’t dedicate myself to it either.

Video games. Well I suck at them, it could never be a career choice, who am I kidding. I do love League of Legends, however. 

So, all things considered, my point is: I should stop worrying about career paths. I know what I truly love doing, I just need the courage to pursue it. And, yeah, I need something to get me through in the meantime, hence the insurance selling, the call centers, etc, but I shouldn’t be as bothered as I am by what happens in it. It’s temporary. If they fire me, I’ll just get another one. If I can’t do it well, I’ll find something else. If I’m not happy, I’ll leave. I’m very fortunate to have parents that support me and I know that if something’s not okay, I can always change it. There are very few things you can’t change in your life, and a job isn’t one of them. 

This blog will be a place where I share my thoughts. The things that happen to me. Game-related things (when I actually get my computer) and just an escape from everything - I’ve been needing it lately. 

If someone reads this and if that someone is in the same situation as I am, I hope this post shed some light on this subject for you. I hope this helped you in any way because writing it surely did help me. 

Until next time :)