#and my ideal vacation is 'play videogames alone'

[black-rose-writings]

Trying to motivate myself to study like... okay if you finish these two short texts for your german class (Like 300 words left), you get to write 3000 words of fanfiction.

[phantom-of-nrc]

Hello, I would like a Twst matchup (I am open to both student and/or staff) please. I’ll go by as 🌺 and my pronouns are she/them. Also I would like to remain anonymous.

I am an INFJ, Gryffindor with the DND moral alignment of True Neutral. My chinese zodiac is the Snake while my astrological zodiac is Gemini. My favourite colours are subdued pastels and neutral tones. My love language is quality time.

Appearance wise, I am 5'4 light-skinned filipino with a softened hourglass figure. I have a button nose and soft brown almond-shaped eyes. I have straight black hair that goes half-way down my back, but usually is tied up in a messy bun. I wear thin gold framed glasses. I tend to wear lose sweaters, black leggings and runners. Outfit wise, I go for the cozy academic look.

Personality wise, I am pretty reserved with strangers but with people who I am close to (which is pretty hard since I am quite closed off), I am more outgoing. I am quite witty with my responses and playfully tease those who I really trust. Even then, I am overall softer and gentler in mannerisms. Due to closed off nature I tend to listen more in a conversation, but I sometimes am quite chatty. Funnily enough, I have been described as ‘baby’ and 'grandma’ at the same time. At times I can be child-like because of how easily excited and happy I can get over the little things, but at the same time quite old because of the advice I give. I am quite tactile with people who I am close to. I am described as being super imaginative and creative. I am known to be very honest and willing to communicate with others. I also live by the saying “do no harm but take no shit”. I have also been known for grey morals because how I don’t judge or assume things about others. My energy level from day to day can switch from super productive to lethargic.

By nature, I am quite calculating and observant of people and my surroundings. I have a knack for reading people and acting accordingly. Sometimes I become manipulative if I am genuinely mad, which is rare. People usually approach me for advice, comfort or just as someone to talk to. Also, I have been known to be quite philosophical and super chaotic. On the other hand, I can easily get anxious, and become skittish as a result. Quite surprisingly I have a quite a realistic and borderline pessimistic world view. To note, I do struggle with my mental health because of my past, and as a result I deal with moderate depression and have scars.

My hobbies usually consist of reading, writing, sleeping, playing videogames (either story-based or strategy-based games) or just trying out new recipes. When its winter I love to go skating. Overall, I tend to want to learn about things in general, so I also tend to watch art vlogs or educational videos (Science-centric). Currently I am working on learning German in my free time. When I am alone, I tend to sing to myself. (my voice is suited for lullabies and soft jazz) (funfact: people have been trying to get me to join choir because of my voice)

I like softer things such as pastels, flowers, and nature. But I always have a love for the macabre. In the future, I am looking to invest in getting a large dog as a companion/emotional support animal. Currently I am working towards learning Environmental Studies. My favourite drink is Bubble Tea.

Thank you in advance !

ℌ𝔬𝔴 ℭ𝔬𝔪𝔢?

🗝 Is this an unlikely result? Who knows? The Snake zodiac and INFJ MBTI combination, you’re the woman that Dire Crowley needs. While you may have days where you tend to be lethargic, the productivity that comes to you on the other days is something that our ever-so gracious and hard-working headmaster needs. Of course he pays no mind to the days where you tend to be lethargic, the two of you could have some fun while the poor Ramshackle residents would have to deal with overblots— 

🗝 With your relationship, I do believe that it would be a slow burn, but once the two of you have finally gotten together, expect to be one of the quirkiest couples in NRC. Dire Crowley is someone who tends to be excited over certain things like vacations and events that would polish his and his school’s reputation. With you who’s also someone who’s easily excited, the two of you are basically the sunshine couple of NRC. How unusual considering Dire Crowley’s dark style, right? But alas, love works in mysterious ways, and not even Dire Crowley is immune to the spell that you have put him under.

🗝 In all honesty, I kind of see you and Dire Crowley as the couple who runs the campus together. He does need some help, after all. The fact that you’re observant and calculating is also a benefit if you don’t mind with helping Dire Crowley run the campus. If Dire Crowley ever dumps his work on you, do tell me and I’ll bonk him for you! Don’t worry though. There’s always Yuu and Grim for him to dump some duties to💖

🗝 Please tease him, his reactions would certainly be adorable! He’d be very flustered whenever you tease him, the students are basically standing there, watching like children having to watch their parents share a lovey-dovey moment. It’s inevitable for one of the students to say “Get a room.”

🗝 I envy this man’s ego confidence. Are you feeling anxious? Nervous? Don’t worry, your beloved Dire Crowley is here to save the day and give words of encouragement as the gracious lover he is! Isn’t he just the ideal boyfriend?

🗝 One word: Simp. He’s a simp for you. He’s simps for your voice, he might’ve cried over how peaceful you looked while you’re asleep, he cries while he simps for you.

🗝 Do you have any ideas on events that you’d like to take place in NRC? Just ideas in general? If you do, don’t hesitate sharing them with him! Oh? Are you writing? Curiosity comes and hits Dire Crowley! Would you like to come and spend some quality time with him? Would you like to go to a vacation with him?? Every experience is twice as fun with you! 

🗝 On the other hand, he treasures you dearly. Learning of your depression and scars, he’s going to make sure to find ways to help you, to bring a smile to your face and chase the memories of your past away with a relationship full of fluff and years of enjoyable NRC.

🗝 Even if Dire Crowley wears dark colors and you like pastels, it doesn’t get in the way of your relationship. In fact, it makes the two of you an even cuter couple!

𝔐𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤:

  Dire Crowley is a man who may have a knack for travelling. Currently, he was taking a vacation from handling his school as its headmaster. 

  Ice skating has always been something that the headmaster was curious to try. Considering that he, being the gracious headmaster he is, has been busy with his prestigious school. With the chance provided for him by the vacation, he could finally try ice skating. 

If only he wasn’t too excited to skate for the first time. 

  As soon as he attempted to glide across the icy rink, the oh-so graceful headmaster body flopped. It seems like this was the last thing that you have expected. Hastily trying to stop yourself from tripping over the headmaster’s body flopped body, gravity seemed to be feeling a little mischievous as you stumbled and landed on the headmaster. 

It seems that Dire Crowley’s eagerness to try ice skating have led to the discovery of a new chapter of your lives.

[four-in-a-bed-blog]

✈️⏰👀!!

✈️ What is the mun’s dream vacation?

Oh my gosh.. somewhere really warm and where I could just chill OR somewhere totally new for me, but somewhere I wouldn’t be hindered by language barriers!

⏰ What is the mun’s ideal evening spent alone?

I will TELL you my friend oh my GOD. Ideally, I’d get a drawing done or/and a couple asks, order a takeaway of my choice and read conspiracy theories whilst I wait for it. When it comes, eat it whilst watching youtube videos, warm myself up for videogames by playing stardew valley or ACNL and then PLAYING DRAGON AGE FOR HOURS before getting tired and putting youtube back on and laying chilled out in bed watching videos until I fall asleep, knowing I don’t have work in the morning.

👀 Would you classify the mun as an extrovert, introvert or ambivert?

I think I’m definitely an Ambivert! I’m far more comfortable around people than an introvert. I’m definitely not energised by being around people, but they don’t drain me - I usually get home from seeing people sad I had to go but happy to get some time to myself. I get exhausted if I have no days to myself just to stay in the house on my own but I get exhausted If I just stay in the house with no face to face socialisation days on end! I never felt like I was a introvert or extrovert.. I’m glad we finally have a phrase to us that are more in the middle!��

[sophzcorner]

The Popular “What to do in Life” Dilemma

Life’s been a little too much lately. Work’s been going downhill and my mood unfortunately has too. I know I’m not living my best life nor am I doing anything to move forward. Everyday, after I come home from work, I lay in my bed. I should be spending my time doing something fun, enjoying free time but, instead, all I feel like doing is sleeping. I don’t have the will power to do anything else - hence why I’m here.

Today I read a very interesting article. It made me rethink my life a little bit. The whole theme of it was finding your passion. The “not knowing what to do with your life”. The thing about me is, I never finished highschool. I felt very empty during my whole highscool experience. It went as far as just having to wake up in the morning made me cry. I felt miserable. And I know what you’re thinking - “oh bitch it’s highschool”, “life’s a lot worse than just highschool”, “man up” - and I’d agree, except I know how I felt. I know it wasn’t a simple tantrum. I just felt honestly depressed.

Basically, I skipped classes a lot because of this whole situation. And every time I did go back, I didn’t really have any friends and my classmates would just look at me like I’m a weirdo who has 0 priorities in her life. Which, to be honest, I guess I was, but it made me feel really uncomfortable and out of place, so I didn’t want to come back the next day. It was a vicious circle and that’s when my life kind of fell off the wagon.

During that time, I had a lot of other issues going on. I had just broken with my boyfriend (with whom I was with for three years), I had a feud with my other old friends (with whom I, then, stopped talking with) and, somehow, all of that lead to me spending two whole years isolated from the world in my bedroom. I didn’t go back to school, I didn’t get a job, I didn’t have any friends. I just spent my time watching YouTube on my bed, writing, playing video games (alone), focusing on my diet, focusing on my music, starting my YouTube channel and, I know this may not seem ideal, but I was really happy then. I didn’t have any drama with anyone, I didn’t feel miserable, I focused all my attention in myself, in self-improving, in my hobbies - in what I LOVED doing in life and, although I was alone, I was completely fine with it.

That whole experience taught me not to depend on anyone and that I can be alright by myself. Being alone, however, is not a healthy way of living.

So! I did reconnect with my friends later on and we’ve been inseperable ever since. I feel like I’ve improved myself a lot during that time. I feel more comfortable at socializing, I learnt that being alone isn’t necessarily bad and that if I was to get ditched by my friends tomorrow, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

So. These are the positive aspects of what went on with me.

The negative part, although I don’t want to focus too much on it, is I never finished high school, I never chose a career path. College was never an option because, like I said, I didn’t have a “passion”, I wasn’t really interested in any majors or anything. And that’s what it all comes to.

In the article I read, the writer said something very interesting. If you have to search for something that you’re passionate about, then you’re not passionate about it at all. This is the article, by the way. If you ever struggled with such topics, you should give it a read.

Anyway, as I was saying. I went searching about this subject because this morning, while I was heading to work, I googled something like: “I don’t feel slightly content with my job”. I don’t know why I searched for it. I guess I wanted to read people’s experiences so that I’d feel better about myself. That’s how I found that article.

One thing is for sure. I hate selling life insurances (that’s my job, by the way). It stresses me. I have to fake a lot of happiness. I have to listen to people shouting at me all the time (both the clients and my boss), asking me where my sale’s at. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to answer: “It’s right up your ass you incredible piece of shit.” Of course I never did it and never will, but if I could I would, let’s just say that.

But! Even though I hate it, it’s how I’ve been earning my money. I want to buy a new computer, I want to go on vacation with my friends and, this job just gets it done. So, like Mark Manson said, I don’t have to work doing what I love. I can have an okay job and just do the things I love doing afterwards. But not if I sleep all afternoon after I come home from work.

Here’s a list of things I love but don’t consider viable career choices: Singing, YouTube, writing songs and books, videogames. The funny thing about all of these is that, they COULD be career choices and I just overlook them. I don’t dedicate myself to any of it.

Singing: I could be a singer. Not necessarily like Ariana Grande or Taylor Swift, but I could probably sing at a bar and the only reason I don’t do it, is because I’m too afraid. I think people wouldn’t take me seriously. (I may have some self-esteem issues).

YouTube: I could be a YouTuber. Not like PewDiepie, with 50,000,000 subscribers, but with some luck at the mix and if I actually dedicated myself to it, I could it. But once again, I underestimate myself and am too afraid of posting personal videos, besides my insatiable laziness.

Writing songs and/or books: I have a lot of ideas. I’ve written a lot of songs that I love. I’ve been writing the same book for, what, three years now? I think I have a good thing going on, but I don’t dedicate myself to it either.

Video games. Well I suck at them, it could never be a career choice, who am I kidding. I do love League of Legends, however.

So, all things considered, my point is: I should stop worrying about career paths. I know what I truly love doing, I just need the courage to pursue it. And, yeah, I need something to get me through in the meantime, hence the insurance selling, the call centers, etc, but I shouldn’t be as bothered as I am by what happens in it. It’s temporary. If they fire me, I’ll just get another one. If I can’t do it well, I’ll find something else. If I’m not happy, I’ll leave. I’m very fortunate to have parents that support me and I know that if something’s not okay, I can always change it. There are very few things you can’t change in your life, and a job isn’t one of them.

This blog will be a place where I share my thoughts. The things that happen to me. Game-related things (when I actually get my computer) and just an escape from everything - I’ve been needing it lately.

If someone reads this and if that someone is in the same situation as I am, I hope this post shed some light on this subject for you. I hope this helped you in any way because writing it surely did help me.

Until next time :)

[sophzescape]

The Popular “What to do in Life” Dilemma

Life’s been a little too much lately. Work’s been going downhill and my mood unfortunately has too. I know I’m not living my best life nor am I doing anything to move forward. Everyday, after I come home from work, I lay in my bed. I should be spending my time doing something fun, enjoying free time but, instead, all I feel like doing is sleeping. I don’t have the will power to do anything else - hence why I’m here. 

Today I read a very interesting article. It made me rethink my life a little bit. The whole theme of it was finding your passion. The “not knowing what to do with your life”. The thing about me is, I never finished highschool. I felt very empty during my whole highscool experience. It went as far as just having to wake up in the morning made me cry. I felt miserable. And I know what you’re thinking - “oh bitch it’s highschool”, “life’s a lot worse than just highschool”, “man up” - and I’d agree, except I know how I felt. I know it wasn’t a simple tantrum. I just felt honestly depressed.

Basically, I skipped classes a lot because of this whole situation. And every time I did go back, I didn’t really have any friends and my classmates would just look at me like I’m a weirdo who has 0 priorities in her life. Which, to be honest, I guess I was, but it made me feel really uncomfortable and out of place, so I didn’t want to come back the next day. It was a vicious circle and that’s when my life kind of fell off the wagon. 

During that time, I had a lot of other issues going on. I had just broken with my boyfriend (with whom I was with for three years), I had a feud with my other old friends (with whom I, then, stopped talking with) and, somehow, all of that lead to me spending two whole years isolated from the world in my bedroom. I didn’t go back to school, I didn’t get a job, I didn’t have any friends. I just spent my time watching YouTube on my bed, writing, playing video games (alone), focusing on my diet, focusing on my music, starting my YouTube channel and, I know this may not seem ideal, but I was really happy then. I didn’t have any drama with anyone, I didn’t feel miserable, I focused all my attention in myself, in self-improving, in my hobbies - in what I LOVED doing in life and, although I was alone, I was completely fine with it. 

That whole experience taught me not to depend on anyone and that I can be alright by myself. Being alone, however, is not a healthy way of living.

So! I did reconnect with my friends later on and we’ve been inseperable ever since. I feel like I’ve improved myself a lot during that time. I feel more comfortable at socializing, I learnt that being alone isn’t necessarily bad and that if I was to get ditched by my friends tomorrow, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. 

So. These are the positive aspects of what went on with me. 

The negative part, although I don’t want to focus too much on it, is I never finished high school, I never chose a career path. College was never an option because, like I said, I didn’t have a “passion”, I wasn’t really interested in any majors or anything. And that’s what it all comes to. 

In the article I read, the writer said something very interesting. If you have to search for something that you’re passionate about, then you’re not passionate about it at all. This is the article, by the way. If you ever struggled with such topics, you should give it a read. 

Anyway, as I was saying. I went searching about this subject because this morning, while I was heading to work, I googled something like: “I don’t feel slightly content with my job”. I don’t know why I searched for it. I guess I wanted to read people’s experiences so that I’d feel better about myself. That’s how I found that article. 

One thing is for sure. I hate selling life insurances (that’s my job, by the way). It stresses me. I have to fake a lot of happiness. I have to listen to people shouting at me all the time (both the clients and my boss), asking me where my sale’s at. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to answer: “It’s right up your ass you incredible piece of shit.” Of course I never did it and never will, but if I could I would, let’s just say that. 

But! Even though I hate it, it’s how I’ve been earning my money. I want to buy a new computer, I want to go on vacation with my friends and, this job just gets it done. So, like Mark Manson said, I don’t have to work doing what I love. I can have an okay job and just do the things I love doing afterwards. But not if I sleep all afternoon after I come home from work. 

Here’s a list of things I love but don’t consider viable career choices: Singing, YouTube, writing songs and books, videogames. The funny thing about all of these is that, they COULD be career choices and I just overlook them. I don’t dedicate myself to any of it. 

Singing: I could be a singer. Not necessarily like Ariana Grande or Taylor Swift, but I could probably sing at a bar and the only reason I don’t do it, is because I’m too afraid. I think people wouldn’t take me seriously. (I may have some self-esteem issues).

YouTube: I could be a YouTuber. Not like PewDiepie, with 50,000,000 subscribers, but with some luck at the mix and if I actually dedicated myself to it, I could it. But once again, I underestimate myself and am too afraid of posting personal videos, besides my insatiable laziness.

Writing songs and/or books: I have a lot of ideas. I’ve written a lot of songs that I love. I’ve been writing the same book for, what, three years now? I think I have a good thing going on, but I don’t dedicate myself to it either.

Video games. Well I suck at them, it could never be a career choice, who am I kidding. I do love League of Legends, however. 

So, all things considered, my point is: I should stop worrying about career paths. I know what I truly love doing, I just need the courage to pursue it. And, yeah, I need something to get me through in the meantime, hence the insurance selling, the call centers, etc, but I shouldn’t be as bothered as I am by what happens in it. It’s temporary. If they fire me, I’ll just get another one. If I can’t do it well, I’ll find something else. If I’m not happy, I’ll leave. I’m very fortunate to have parents that support me and I know that if something’s not okay, I can always change it. There are very few things you can’t change in your life, and a job isn’t one of them. 

This blog will be a place where I share my thoughts. The things that happen to me. Game-related things (when I actually get my computer) and just an escape from everything - I’ve been needing it lately. 

If someone reads this and if that someone is in the same situation as I am, I hope this post shed some light on this subject for you. I hope this helped you in any way because writing it surely did help me. 

Until next time :)