#and my dad is being such a fucking hypocrite about it bc every year they put these like star wars ornaments on the tree

[charliesinfern0]

dude why do my parents hate the fact that i like things

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[heartfucksmouth]

so my mil def overheard my meltdown yesterday and she's been quiet and meek and I can tell she had been emotional. before she left for work this morning she mentioned it and said if she can do anything to help me be happy living here she'll do it. but like... you wont?? how you act 99% of the time makes me unhappy and uncomfortable and like I'm being judged??

my mom said maybe it's good bc she needs the reminder... but it's exhausting bc my mil needs a reminder every 2 months to stop being a miserable asshole bc she's insecure af (and super trashy conservative White Woman) and it's not my goddamn job to be her mirror or her life coach or whatever the fuck this is

I don't *want* to dislike her, I don't want the stereotypical shitty mil relationship, I don't want to be uncooperative or hard to live with, but I also can't deny the feeling she gives me in my gut. Shea a fucking asshole and she doesn't even know it (or denies it bc she can't confront herself) and like. if she's spent 50 years this way, I'm not holding my breath that she'll change.

she's everything I despise.

she's racist, sexist, ableist, hypocritical, she's inauthentic always, fragile af, she lives her life in fear and speaks incredibly confidently about things she knows nothing about,

shes a hoarder of toilet paper among other things, shes a terrible cook and thinks salting food will give you a heart attack and she cooks meat while it isnt completely thawed so its dry af, she complains about everything and does nothing to change it,

shes self employed and has no financial plan for retirement besides relying on her husband (and son?). she charges us ridiculous rent so we'll never save up and leave, she yells and swears at her dog for doing dog things and uses intimidation to make him behave, she refuses to clean her house "unless someone pays" bc shes a house cleaner for other people,

she moves my shit and we essentially dont have evidence that we exist in the house except in our room (me and myles would have to bring our shower stuff into the bathroom every time until i bought a shower caddy and hung it up without asking), she once threw away myles toothbrush bc she "was sick of looking at it," if anything is wrong or broken or missing its ALWAYS myles fault, she expects myles to bring in the groceries every day even if its one bag,

she'll do all the dishes but leave aidans bottles for me to do, she insists aidan will die if he doesnt wear socks, she sits him in front of the tv and leaves him there, she lets him cry and tells him hes fine while refusing to pick him up to comfort him, she only knows how to make him fall asleep with a bottle and once hes asleep she puts him down, but she's pro-life and tried to use Aidan being born as further proof supporting her belief ..

she's a Trump supporter. STILL. I should have just lead with that. I could go on for a while longer but I'm exhausted.

idk. idk what to do. I'm just going the way I did with my dad and trying to feel nothing for her. I get that she's human and flawed and has her own shit and she's fucked up and insecure but like. I don't care? I don't want to cater to it or live with it or expose my child to it. I feel guilt for it, but I'm not going sacrifice myself to make others comfortable anymore.

I really hate this.

[verstappentime]

Director’s commentary for Pietro and Erik’s relationship in superposition! (I love love love everything we got to see of them onscreen; the “remember what I always tell you” “there’s no ethical consumption under capitalism?” exchange in particular was so delightful, probably my favorite little moment of the fic so far)

ohhhh i love this one.

basically the idea came in the beginning to have pietro be part of the pit crew bc of his powers. then i was debating doing that bc i wanted him to be erik's kid, and we (me and percy who helps me with all my fics) were messing around with the idea of him being a little kid running around the garage or something, then it kind of all came together when i think he suggested we make him old enough to be on the crew *and* erik's son. so that's where erik being a teen dad came from! and once we landed on that idea, even though i knew it was going to be hard to slot into the story, i really super loved it. and we figured out a way around some of the logistical issues with erik not knowing he had a kid till he was 20, when he was probably already in f1, and us making erik a little older so it wasn't super outrageous.

they have an incredible relationship, there's actually a lot of lore that's not in the fic (yet, at least?). he found out about P when he was 20 and magda moved to england and got his number. he went over with his mom & she waited outside when he went in -- P was soo shy & didn't want to come out to meet him at first. he was so tiny and had erik's eyes and it was just surreal for him. he eventually got to say a little hello and go see some of pietro's trains and things and get to see his kid being a real four year old human and when he went back out to the car he just sobbed. he'll always be heartbroken that he never held him as a baby, tbh. he doesn't blame magda but he just wishes he could've gotten every minute with him possible. he takes being a dad more seriously than anything else and just loves his kid so much.

i guess it also hasn't come up that he stopped racing for a few years from when he was 20-22 because he wanted to parent full time, which is what led to him not winning his first championship until he was 25.

also, this bit you mentioned is a favorite of mine too, erik as a socialist who is also knowingly being a hypocrite because he's a multi-millionaire is funny to me lol. but yeah, these two are a great duo, erik does a good job!! there will be some bumps in the road bc he's parenting a 16 year old, but y'know. <3 thank you for loving them!

i'll add a deleted scene under the cut where erik opens up abt P a little more! (not very well written i'm sorry)

“I loved him from the moment I met him,” he says, quiet and honest. “He was small for his age, for a long time. And shy, if you can believe it. Magda had to coax him out just to say hello. I would’ve killed for four more years with him, back then.”

“And now?”

Erik shrugs. “It was hard at first. Toddlers don’t adjust well to change. And I think he… I know he wonders about it, sometimes. If I didn’t try hard enough to be there.” He swallows. He tries to keep that guilt tucked away somewhere safe. It hurts, and it’s hurt for the last twelve years. “But I just try to do everything I can to be a good dad, I guess. I don’t know if I’m getting anywhere with that one.”

He’s read so many fucking parenting books he could recite them. Raising mutant children, raising children with ADHD, explaining sexuality to your children, gentle parenting; everything he could get his hands on. But he still loses his temper sometimes.

He thinks of the first time he had to discipline Pietro, when he was little. He’d taken to Erik immediately, once he’d come out of his shell a bit, but Erik was a visitor, a friend who his mother had gently told him was his dad. They could play dragons together, visit the park, have a snack, and then he went back to his mom, who did heavy lifting.

The first time he’d taken Pietro overnight and needed to put his foot down, be just a bit firm (the first of thousands “no ice cream for dinner” arguments), Pietro had been completely distraught. He sobbed for what felt like hours, like Erik had broken his four-year-old heart.

He’d ended up burrowed into Erik’s neck, whimpering softly, while Erik whispered nonsense to him. It was the first time it dawned on him that if he just really fucking loved the kid, that could be enough.

These days, he isn’t sure.

[inkedmyths]

S1: E22 "Devil's Trap"

Brought to you by hey so each and every one of you who made me watch this. You all suck. This is the worst. I hate it here. What sort of BULLSHIT was that—

This episode featuring: Odd interrogation techniques, family dynamics, bodysnatching, and one deeply upset Ink

Banging opening music

I will not fall doooown... when push comes to shove I will rise above... jammin

Here we fuckin go the boys are off to save or avenge their dad

[ Kayla asks if one of the opening montages has used Carry On My Wayward Son. I said no, because I would definitely remember that. ]

Where are we

What the dog doin

Holy water and whiskey. Mood.

Oh this be Bobby

[ Kayla and Crepe cheer. They love Bobby. ]

SCREAMS. JOHN JUST HAS THAT AFFECT ON PEOPLE (referring to when he threatened to shoot John) oh I like him already

Satanic Roach Hotel

Ohh. Bad year. Most years 4 possessions, but this one had at least 27...... well thats rough

UH OH

MEG

DEAN

Fuck off Meg

"Chuckleheads" GREAT word use Meg

GOTTEM

Okaaaay interrogation time

"Where's our father, Meg"

"You didn’t ask very nice"

"Where's our father, bitch"

Goddammit whys he so funny

Oh shes posessed

I dunno about innocent

Oh good news bc it means they can yeet the demon, yea?

"Hit it Sam" (begins praying)

[ Winchesters latest hit single in Christian Rap sweeps midwestern protestant congregations as a big hit! ]

Dean buddyyyy

Uh getting spookyyyyy

This is wild. Interrogation via exorcism

What the fuck are u gonna do here like what do u do

Shes dead but not but whats up

UHHHH WELL THATS FUCKING. SOMETHING

Hello ma'am

That sucks ass. Being exorcised certainly doesn't seem fun, esp when you got dropped from a building

A year............ bro.......

Poor gal...

As I went down to the river....

Oh she gone.............

:(

:((

STOP ZOOMING IN ON HER DEAD FACE

"You guys think you invented lying to the cops?" lmao thanks bobby

"I won't even try to shoot him this time"

[ Crepe asks Kayla if Meg is the woman Bobby has buried in his garden or if that's someone else. Concerning. ]

SCREAMS hes making the car safe and Dean is like MY CAR

Dean just wants his family to stop being self sacrificing. Hypocrite

Sunrise Apartments!

Building full of human shields... thats a problem

Pull the fire alarm lol

Oh those people are SO posessed

Yep there he is, tied u— hm. I don't. Like that actually

"I've got a Yorkie upstairs, and he pees when he's nervous—" Dean for funniest liar

THEY STOLE THE FIREFIGHTERS FITS

Demon? Demön?

Holy water!!

Hes still breathing hes not dead yet

But he might be posessed

Oh just had to check

Uh oh someone else just got posessed

And another....

Aha... the colt

[ Kayla: Uhhh I'm here for the colt stuff - the Winchesters]

2 bullets left!

Alright. Now what

Fambily

Dean can and will kill for his family huh

Uh oh zappy lights

The demon's here!

Uh oh

Something is wrong

OH

OH SHIT

Sam going AAA

AUGH WHATS HAPPENING

I DONT KNOW

WHAT IS THISSSSS

Bullshit bullshit

Me: DEAN WAS RIGHT

Kayla: and why was he right :)

Me: Bc he would have been pissed :(

Kayla: and never proud :)

Kayla: (therapy voice) and how did that make you feel

Me: I hate it here

Kayla: elaborate on that

Me: I haaaate it here

Kayla: mhm mhm (writing stuff down)

"What are you and God going to do?" dammmn

Justice for WHAT

Oh so a demon cares about its family

Good for him but also you were already trying to kill them before??

Yeah? Why?

What's your angle here

Huhhhhh. What the fuck do you want with Sam

"I really can't stand all your monologuing"

Oooough hitting him where it hurts damn

OOOH DAMN DEAN THROWING SHADE BACK

How are u guys goimg to get out of this

Oh shit oh SHIT

AAAAAAAAA

OH THE LEG!! SMART!!!!!!

Oh fuck man

Bro it fucking leaving

Well this is an Awkward Family Ride

Kayla: awkward family ride abt to

TRUCK

What the fuck what the fuck

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

BRO WHAT

THATS IT FOR SEASON 1??

BULLSHIT

---

My so-called friends then proceeded to point, laugh, and heckle me for the next 10 minutes. This is bullshit I hope you know. Stupid goddamn cliffhangers stupid Winchesters and their STUPID FAMILY NONSENSE—

[excelsiorss]

Hoping on here to say I finished my reread of trk like…months ago? and any meaningful discussion i could write has been lost. so instead here’s some notes i wrote in the margins!

“Blue saying she wouldn’t have been friends with Noah when he was alive?? Bitch I would! This kid is rad”

“I will eat her” — about Gwenllian being mean to Noah

Lots of sad faces anytime Noah does anything

“Go look in a mirror, Ronan”

Lots of “oop” about pretty much anything revolving Blue/Gansey

“Aww, he’s a dad.” — about Ronan (though he’s more malewife tbh)

“Ronan Lynch is a LIAR”

Lots of notes on PTSD and how Gansey obviously has it

“If Whelk wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him”

“Letting Calla touch a ghost that’s been moving through time for 7 years seems like a very bad idea.”

“We get it! Gansey is the cutest boy that ever lived and has a huge heart! Whatever!”

“You can’t tell me that Gansey isn’t a little bi!”

“Here we go!” — about 6:21

“Just be poly”

“Fiat lux?? Amabo te??” Ronan’s latin is terrible

“Get him Adam!” Ronan’s latin is terrible pt. 2

Lots of notes about how Orphan Girl/Opal is a mirror of Adam and how Adam loves her and protects her bc he sees himself in her and how Ronan loves them both so much.

“Oh, Noah.” “My angel!” “bby :(“ “Noooo” (I’m a Noah stan through and through)

“Yo fuck this demon!”

“Sooo interesting that Piper kills Greenmantle with wasps right after Gansey puts himself in front of possessed Noah to protect Blue.”

“I love her. My toxic wife” — about Piper

“She was feeling a special sort of extravert. What? A narcissist?”

“Gansey, love, don’t start with ‘She’ll keep the eye.’”

“Stop flirting” — about Henry and Gansey

“Wooow. A korean criminal and we just learned Henry was kidnapped as a child bc of his mother?? No way that’s related at all!”

“Gasp” — Henry / Seondeok reveal

“Stop flirting” — about Ronan and Adam

“Seeee? Declan can be funny!”

“Adam saying ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ and it’s just Ronan having to talk to Declan.”

“So Niall did the magical equivalent of a parent using their child’s social security to get a credit card.”

“About time” — about Blue realizing she’s a hypocrite

Lots of screaming about the kiss

Notes on racism and how Henry is Korean, not Chinese.

Lots of confusion bc I thought we (and the characters) already knew Ronan had dreamt Cabeswater, but everyone is acting like they didn’t know. But then Gansey mentions that HE also thought he already knew that? So more confusion.

A note about how Gansey tells Adam not to break Ronan and then a note about how off the rails Ronan goes in TDT bc Adam doesn’t text him back immediately.

“His native language is thought. That’s so powerful. Henry, I wish we got more of you.”

“Mr. Gray, put the gun away, he’s just a kid!”

“Laumonier rubs me the wrong way and I don’t know why. Like, yeah they’re criminals, and they’re Piper’s dad/uncles so there’s already something wrong with them, but there’s something super weird about them that goes beyond that. Weird vibes. Super weird vibes.”

A break down of “unguibus et rostro” and everything Adam could have meant by that.

“Yo FUCK this demon”

“Not Henry and Blue being immediately accepted by Gansey’s parents. You’re telling me they’re not poly????”

“Everyone knows and everyone knows that they know and nobody is saying it.” — about Gansey

I’ve studied both Korean and Latin (among other languages) and every time an author plays with linguistics or uses foreign words to describe something the characters or going through, I get so giddy. The section on 정 or jeong, and how easily Henry explains it to Gansey is probably one of my favorite parts. I have a whole break down over it in the margins followed by “just date already!!”

“Noah reliving his death over and over is just like Gansey having PTSD.” (I probably could do a lengthy post on this, but I will refrain)

“No!! (yes!!)” — about the sweater

“Yes! It was!!” — about the story being about Noah. (It’s not really, but it also really really is)

“I could write essays upon essays about you Noah. You are my tragic little boy, and I love you.”

There’s more, but I’m bored and have things to do. I already started on rereading TDT, so maybe I’ll do more posts on that series at some point.

[alasmydearatlas]

i’m angry again and i can’t let it go

i wasn’t meant to be your go between i was ten

i didn’t want to listen to you berate my dad and drag him through the mud, he was one of my favorite people

i didn’t want your mistrust of me and other people and your need to “protect” us

it was smothering

you wouldn’t know accountability if it bit you on the ass

i can’t even describe how angry i am with you for stealing so much of my childhood

it is this leeching stain that cuts through almost every memory i have

no sleepovers no playdates

i couldn’t go there they couldn’t come here

mistrust and weariness

having my world broken wide open and then stomped to smithereens in the days and years after

what happened to my birthday

what happened to me

there to take the blame and the anger and learn to manage your emotions and how to keep it from being worse for me and for my little sister

you dumped it all on me and told her nothing

and yet you still talk over me now in conversation

you talk about my friends to the family dismiss my stories about them bc you know more you know better you know everything and i don’t know why i even bothered coming back

you set little traps for me and i fling myself down onto them because i haven’t figured out any other way to be

i’m working on it tho

slowly i’m pulling away and biding my time

little less than a year

and you lose your financial grip on me and you don’t understand how much that is the only thing keeping me in your line

you’re losing me

and i don’t want it to be like this i never wished for it to be like this

it hurts me and it hurts you

but we are eldest daughter and her mother

we were doomed by the narrative from the start

we didn’t stand a chance

i will never be the daughter you wanted and you were never the mother i needed

it takes 10,000 hours to master something right?

that’s a little over a year to master independence then i guess

and the funny thing is you love how independent i am

why, i practically raised myself

one of these days i will stop running and i won’t just stand and take it

not any time soon but maybe

i didn’t realize how much you lost your community after what happened with dad

some of them turned their backs on you and you pulled away from the rest to lick your wounds alone

and you severed our community connections as well with that

all of our family is far away both physically and emotionally

they’re strangers to me

i don’t even wish they weren’t

they’re no one to me

the church is full of hypocrites and weak air-headed cowards

you can’t stand your other friends

it’s not fucking fair

sure roast me for taking forever to make friends i had to learn that shit from scratch

it’s not fair and it never has been

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #114

(taken february 16th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Who was the last person you hugged? Girt.

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nah.

Where did your first kiss take place? His bed.

Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Ugh this is such a hard question, but I do tend to think foxes are cuter, and more majestic-looking. However, both animals are fucking amazing.

Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? Fruit, by a longshot.

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? Yes.

Are you a hypocrite? Literally every single human being you will ever meet has some hypocritical tendencies, but I definitely try to avoid hypocrisy as much as I can; I try to be mindful of whether or not I'm behaving according to my own values that I expect to see in others, too.

What are your favourite textures? Soft things as far as feel goes. In foods, I want to say I generally enjoy softer things too, especially when they have some sort of gentle give to them, like bread products.

Any beauty tips? ... Are you kidding me? *I* could use those.

What is more attractive: Nice hands or nice feet? Hands. I'm not attracted to feet, at all, ever.

What’s the youngest you would consider dating? Ehhhhh maybe like, 23-ish would be my ABSOLUTE minimum, but I'd still prefer older.

Are thongs sexy? They can look attractive on some people, but absolutely not me.

Did you grow up in a healthy environment? No. My dad was an alcoholic and my parents fought all the time. Our neighborhood was dangerous.

What did your last text read? Mom was reminding me of our zip code bc I needed to add it to the resume I'm making. Our city has multiple, and I can never remember it since moving here a few years ago.

What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? It was a... Seagram's, I think? It was some sort of daiquiri, I know.

Do you think suits are sexy? YESYES YESYSYEYSEYESYES YE S Y E S on literally any and every gender suits are hOT

What are your parents' views on your relationships? Hell if I know for Dad; we see each other so rarely that it's not like he's gotten to see how almost any s/o I've ever had treated me. I know he likes Girt from when my parents were still together, but that's the extent of it. My mom absolutely loves Girt, although I will say historically she tries to keep negative opinions of my partners kinda quiet; ex. she was never very vocal about Sara, even when she finally met her, but came out very openly that she couldn't stand her later on. She also didn't want Juan and I to date. I feel like even if she has negative thoughts, so long as they're not MAJOR issues, she respects my decisions.

Have you ever babysat before? Like, twice. And the second was against my will.

If your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? My best friend is a man and I'd be VERY shocked because he is Extremely Straight like down to his core. I'd also be, you know, devastated because we're dating and intimate and I'm a woman so that'd become a problem, obviously.

Have you ever dreamed about your wedding? Yes.

Do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of Facebook? I did in the cases of Jason and Sara, granted they're the only ones I HAD pictures with, but those needed to be deleted for the sake of my own healing. It wasn't an "oh we broke up so I have to hide these" kind of thing; seeing them was genuinely damaging.

How many celebrity crushes have you had? Three really notable ones, maybe four. Other milder ones.

Is your best friend more likely to be the one suggesting something stupid or refusing to do something stupid? He's the latter, really.

Ever made yourself throw up? I've tried to do so before but it surprisingly didn't work. Or, well... maybe not "surprisingly" with how iron-willed my body is AGAINST allowing myself to vomit.

When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? It's been years upon years upon years upon years.

What’s your younger sibling’s name? Nicole.

What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? Maybe like... three-ish weeks, perhaps a tiny bit less? That was the case with Jason. We clicked so fucking fast.

Do you have any theatrical experience? If so, what have you done? Nah. Well, do you count dance as theatrical? I did that for years.

Do you have any plans for the weekend? Yeah, it's my niece's birthday party.

Is the last person you kissed mad at you? No, we're doing really really well lately. I mean, it's very seldom we're doing bad so this isn't new, but.

If you had twin girls, what would you name them? Most likely Alessandra and Anneliese.

Do you like to eat eggs? I only eat them scrambled or as an omelette, but in those cases, hell yes. Last week I was actually reminded JUST how incredibly better fresh chicken eggs are from store shit though, and I've been wanting more very badly, haha.

Do you know anyone who has a pet bunny? Possibly, idr.

What store or website would you most like a gift card for? Maybeeee... Rebel's Market, or Morph Market. Or the Rammstein store, haha.

Name your top three favorite musical instruments. Electric guitar, violin, piano.

What was the last book(s) you bought at a bookstore? It was some early Wings of Fire book. We changed pretty quickly to just ordering from Amazon.

Do you use Pinterest? I do, mostly just for Rammstein pictures these days tho lmfao

Are you wearing earrings? I have a stud in my right tragus and gauges in the first holes of my earlobes right now.

Do you know any sign language? I don't. I remember in elementary school, there was a song in a play that we learned that we both sang and did in sign language, but I remember absolutely none of it.

Do you have a favorite poem? Not really.

Do you like Indian food? Never tried any, that I know of.

Do you have a dog? She's technically my mom's, but yes. She's a chihuahua we basically rescued named Cookie. Neither of us ever wanted a chihuahua, but she just worked for us and honestly she's a perfect match for us.

Do you enjoy going out for breakfast? Yeah, I do.

Have you ever performed in front of more than 100 people? Yeah.

Do you like muffins? Dude I LOVE muffins.

You have one match. What would you like to burn? The first letter I wrote Jason. I pray the fuck to god he doesn't still have it (I can't imagine he would), but even it being in the trash isn't enough for me. I want it entirely erased from existence.

What underwater creature scares you the most? Giant squid.

Was there ever a bomb threat at the school you go/went to? Yep, more than one.

What do you feel is the ugliest part of the human body? Genitalia, and I mean any, seriously gross me out visually.

Insert a totally random phrase from another language here: Uhhhh instead of "happy birthday," in German the proper way to wish someone a good birthday is "Alles Gute zum Geburtstag," which literally translates to something like "all the best for your birthday."

Have you ever built a Lego masterpiece? No; I was way more of a Lincoln Logs kid.

Did you ever have to wear a retainer? Yes; I have one of the metal ones adhered to the back of my front bottom teeth, and I'm SUPPOSED to wear one of the plastic ones for my top jaw, but I stopped a very, very long time ago, and my teeth moved so much that I could NEVER wear it now and haven't been able to for many, many years.

Do you have any weird phobias? Whale sharks.

Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. The odds of them happening here are very, very low, and we've (to my knowledge) never had an even moderate one, just tiny ones. One did happen a long time ago where I live that residents felt, but I was hours away so felt nothing. It was incredible though, just how visually everyone at the zoo just fucking stopped en masse at like the same time to pick up their phones, I'm sure from families checking if they were okay and all.

What store in the mall would you never get caught in? Hollister is one, and Abercrombie & Fitch. They're owned by horrible people with absolutely terrible values and disgusting rules.

Are you independent or dependent? I am agonizingly dependent, and it's a problem I've been trying to fix for a long time, but it's extremely hard.

Have you had any candy this week? Too much honestly because of Valentine's Day.

Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? I am astronomically more afraid of tornadoes. I've grown up with hurricanes, so those I really just shrug at unless they're like, maybe category four.

Do you like mushrooms? As food, FUCK no. Visually as cool life forms, hell yes.

What was the last movie you cried at? I don't remember.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I really don't remember. I'm sure I just spent it with the family and Jason, probably went to Olive Garden to eat dinner.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? No, it was first a baby bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then a moose.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Dated me very seriously for over three and a half years and then broke up with me in a fucking Facebook message and did his damnedest to pretend I didn't exist afterward.

When was the last time you went fishing? The last time Sara was here and we went catfishing with my dad, so multiple years ago.

Is there something you’re not looking forward to? Yes, I have my first gynecologist appointment this upcoming week and I'm absofuckinglutely dreading it because I am fully aware I'm going to have a panic attack and cry and just be extremely difficult. It's not a "probably" sort of thing, it is GOING to happen.

How many shirts do you have of your favorite band? I have... two Ozzy ones maybe, and surprisingly no Rammstein ones even though I want some.

How many Williams do you know? One off the top of my head, maybe more. I also had a recurring art teacher named Mrs. Williams.

How do you want your wedding to be? Gothic-themed, hopefully with a black and gold color scheme, and take place in autumn. I refuse to have a pastor officiate my wedding, but some other official. I'd love for the venue to be some sort of building with heavy gothic architecture and decor, but I know that is incredibly unlikely.

What’s one word you hate to be called? Don't you fucking DARE call me weak. You will be entirely kicked out of my life so fucking fast, and aggressively, with ZERO fucking shame.

[uncouth-the-fifth]

imagine damian and the reader at the wayne gala. he gets jealous when he sees her flirting with someone else. he ends up pulling her into a bathroom and fucking her in front of a mirror while saying that other person can’t treat her like he does

and that’s how the reader finds out damian has feelings for her. all this time he acted like he hates her because he’s in denial

Title: More Than They Ever Said

Paring: Robin!Damian (18+) / Canary!Reader

Tags/Warnings: semi-public sex, oral (f receiving), vaginal sex, bathroom sex, slight underage drinking (reader is like 20 lol), mentions of golf.

Word Count: 7150

Notes: sooooo.... this def evolved beyond a drabble lol. the way gala sex kills me every time 😭 I was a little mushy w Dami here bc I miss his sweet side. This also sounded a lot like goldenspecs12's request from Wattpad, so I hope you don't mind that I meshed the two together 😚 I leaned toward Damian liking the reader more than being in denial, but that’s the only thing I sacrificed between the two requests. This one is my fluffiest and most romantic yet 💖

"can I request Damian w a Queen reader, like she's Oliver and Dinah's child? say the reader is a hero but not very active, like she comes in when her parents can't. so when she and Damian meet, they hit it off. The main request is that they sneak away at a gala held by Oliver and the reader and Damian have sex."

Ask to be added to my taglist for future posts!

The party was more fun than you thought it would be.

Benefits were usually chalk-full of old, wealthy people that thought they made good conversationalists. The board members of Queen Industries were tired of Oliver trying to escape their claws, so you’d been recruited in his place. While your dad got to play minigolf in the penthouse’s massive party floor, you were confined to the lounge, playing up what an intelligent, capable business partner you’d be when you were CEO. Fellow businessmen gruffed about their plans with you while their wives cooed and drank, pinching your cheeks.

You thought that you’d hate it, but the attention and the praise was nice. It made you feel like you were helping your dad and your family’s company, which was constantly criticized and judged for it’s choice in CEO. Everyone called your father a lazy silver-spooned idiot, but he was one of the only men in Star City who actually cared. By the time you had Q.I’s biggest donors laughing out of their seats, Dinah’s hands slipped over your shoulders and you were kissed on the side of the face. Thank you, she mouthed, and your position as family support-beam was covered.

Since most of the benefit-goers were at least forty years your senior, you gravitated to your dad. From the penthouse’s upper balcony, you could see his friends circling around the tiny green mats they were using as a makeshift golf course. Usually, Ollie made sure his public persona’s aim was as garbage as his taste in drink was. But tonight, he played as Green Arrow, who never missed. Not once. Especially when it came to Bruce Wayne, who’s golf game was abysmal at best.

But like Oliver, Bruce was a new man tonight. It looked like he was ready to break out the batarangs any minute now. The two men were barely civil about the viciousness of their competition, and if the view of the game from the balcony was interesting, then from below it must’ve been the greatest show of fragile masculinity ever displayed. You had to make fun of them.

The only opening in the circle of men, who all had their hands on their chins as Bruce lined up his next shot, was by the floor-to-ceiling windows to one side of the game. Just one man stood there, hands in his pockets. You slid next to him, unbothered, and squinted at the game.

Everyone in the crowd was dead silent. Bruce was lining up his golf ball so it would roll into a mug a couple of feet away, so you helpfully provided, “A little to the left, Mr. Wayne.”

Your words overlapped with someone else’s. Where you had said Mr. Wayne, they had said Father. Then the man next to you was his son, but...

You would have never guessed it would be him.

Reasonably, you knew that Robin was Damian Wayne. Oliver could be a little loose-lipped at times, and by his judgment you’d been a teenager just a year ago - what could a twenty year old do to Batman’s secret identity? Not much.

Until you saw Robin without his mask.

Damian was achingly beautiful. He was your age, but he stood and talked like he was much older. There was an angle to his shoulder that made him seem astute and sexy. His eyes fixed on you when you spoke at the same time, and they were a surprising mossy color that jumped out against his tan skin, like plants flourishing out of rich soil. There was just enough blue in them to make him seem haunting. Any moment, you felt like he was going to corner you and whisper your future throatily in your ear.

Looking into them, those piercing eyes, for longer than a second made you want to blurt, “You’re much prettier without your mask.”

But that would expose his secret to every golf-loving idiot in earshot, so Oliver had been wrong. A twenty-year-old like you could do fatal damage to Batman’s secret identity, but for Damian, the short-tempered, snappish leader of the Teen Titans, you would risk anything.

Damian stared, and you stared. He squinted, wet his lips, then turned back to the game. This was your only acknowledgment that he recognised you. His voice was deeper, smoother, than you remember it. “Queen.”

You shifted in your shoes, almost laughing in shock. “...Wayne.”

The game grew boring and Damian didn’t say anything else, so you said nothing too, sneaking glances at him. The last time you’d spoken to Robin had been in costume, when he’d thanked you for assisting with a mission. He’d really been thanking you for standing up for him. You didn’t team up often with the Titans, but when you did, you found that they were unusually snappy and mean with their leader. Not necessary on purpose, but you could tell that Damian couldn’t take as many bites as he pretended to. Standing up for him had been a simple thing. The good thing to do. Now, with that look in his eyes, it almost felt like he still thought about it.

He must have, because the kiss you shared at the end of that mission had glowed with heat. To be fair, you both may have believed you were going to die (before the team pulled through and saved you), so it could’ve been a heat-of-the-moment thing. But this was Robin - if he didn't want to kiss you, he wouldn't. And yet he did.

You’d kissed. And the energy of that kiss lingered between you now, drawing you closer together, putting tiny smiles on your faces. He was cute. Cuter without that mask on.

You stood in the stupid golf silence, feeling foolish. Flirting with boys was much easier in fishnets. It didn’t help how fine Damian’s profile was. He had soft, feathery lashes that occasionally touched down on beauty marked cheeks. His lips were even fuller from the side, forever drawn in a curious line. And those eyes, when they caught yours and danced away again, were much too nice to hide behind a mask. You couldn’t get that thought out of your mind.

When Bruce finally made his move, you leaned in to whisper something to each other at the same time, accidentally knocking shoulders.

“I - apologies,” Damian flushed.

“Oh, um, my bad,” you rubbed awkwardly at the spot where you’d collided. “...You were going to say something?”

Damian’s eyes flicked to your fathers, then to you, unimpressed. He lowered his voice so only you could hear. “They’re awfully hypocritical, don’t you think? Father snaps at me everytime I use my skills in public, and yet he’s putting with perfect aim like it’s not the very same.”

Chuckling, you rolled your eyes and scooted closer, ducking your voice into the bubble between your bodies. “My dad’s the same way. Don’t aim in the house, he says, unless it’s him trying to beat Bruce Wayne.”

Your company’s shoulders turned sideways, leaning into you. His breath ghosted the hair on your neck, standing it on end, and again that silky voice sent tingles down your spine. Damian must change his voice as Robin, because he never spoke like this then. So huskily, so low.

He shook his head. “Unbelievable.”

You watched him. He watched you. You ran your tongue over your teeth, and Damian subtly adjusted his slacks from his pockets.

At the same time, you asked each other, “Would you like to get a drink?”

_

Your hiding place was a loveseat in the lounge, between more businessmen and their ditzy heirs. The bartender was your family’s, so he smiled and turned down your request for a drink, courtesy of your dad’s strictness. Luckily, he didn’t recognise Damian. You watched him order it at the bar, his rings catching the light, the muscle in his arms peeking out from under his blazer.

“I think he suspected I wasn’t of age, so he only gave me one.” He took the place next to you, propping his ankle on one knee and lounging out like a panther. Damian offered the cocktail to you, once he’d decided the coast was clear. It was a cute gesture. “Is that acceptable?”

You fished a five dollar bill out of your purse. “Only if you take this for paying. Don’t think I didn’t see you try and sneakily get that past me.”

Damian scrutinized the bill, then you, somehow managing to be a smartass without opening his mouth. Instead of thinking about how nice it would feel to kiss the slight crease between his brows, you traded hands with him so the bill was in his and the drink was in yours. The gentle brush of you palm to his knuckles put way too many butterflies in your belly.

You talked about everything and anything. About home, family life, your cities. The best of it was when Damian dipped his head so only you could hear him, keeping your secrets close and your bodies closer. This was the only way he talked about Robin, so you circled back to any vigilante subject you could think of just so Damian would keep purring into your ear like that. Better yet, he was smart. Talking to him was engaging, and within minutes he'd entranced you, so you sat there talking for more than an hour. Around you, the party rotated and went on.

At one point, you took a drink of the cocktail and passed it to him to share. Damian placed his lips right where yours had been, licking up the cocktail salt and gulping it down slow, adam’s apple bobbing, like it wasn’t the taste of the vodka he was savoring.

Eventually, your bliss was broken. Damian was called over to his father, again, to discuss business, and he left you with your remaining cocktail and the memory of that mission. You couldn’t find a reason to move from your seat. When you’d realized that you and Robin had been led into a trap on that mission, it’d been too late, and your efforts to escape became more and more futile. All you could do was pray the Titans got to you on time. Robin had offered you his glove as the walls closed in, and you’d watched up-close as he assumed you were both about to die. The fear in his eyes was strange - like it was familiar to him. At the same time, you cupped his neck and he held your upper back, and you’d kissed fervently, sweetly.

Damian had put his forehead to yours, and promised even as the trap shrunk around you, “You were excellent. More excellent than they ever said.”

In the big picture, it was a strange last remark to make, and afterwards you’d been too happy about surviving to think about it. But in the moment, you understood. You were understood. Somehow, Damian had reached into your soul and gouged out the words you’d been dying to hear, from your parents, from anyone, and uttered them to you with burning conviction. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or maybe he meant it. Damian found you excellent. Someone, somewhere, didn’t think you were a failure.

Odd, how you’d never seen the face of the man you thought you’d die with (until now), and yet he saw you so easily. You watched him follow his father into the party crowd now, wondering. The Titans had saved you before you could ask what he’d meant. More importantly, before you could tell him the same. He was excellent.

_

Once you’d finished off your drink, you left it at the bar and grinned evilly at your family bartender. He rolled his eyes and slyly delivered you another, which, on your superhero schedule, would not have you drunk yet. Another heir to some big company was seated at your right, ignored by his father enough to look for some small talk with you.

He was one of the cute, nerdy types that were usually in awe of you. Girls, available girls, were typically rare at these kinds of parties, so he took you not having a boyfriend as permission to flirt with you. Unfortunately for him, your seat gave a perfect angle on Damian across the party floor. He was impressing the wives of Wayne business partners, who flocked around him like they’d flocked around you, pinching his cheeks. You could almost read their lips enough to guess what they were saying. What a handsome young man you are! Oh, Bruce must be so proud.

“...and then my father flipped over his kayak! Would you believe it? Two thousand dollars, thrown right in our family’s lake.” Your company snickered, howling at his own story.

You circled the rim of your glass, watching how Damian tried to teach some of the women phrases in Arabic. Unknown to them, they were some pretty funny swear words. It threw you into a bout of giggles, and the man next to you kept talking, spurred on by the noise.

The flock of hens around Damian receded, and his shoulders slouched in relief. That was cute, too. It wasn’t often that people understood how draining these parties were, but for people like you and Damian, it was a racetrack of endless, boring circles. Everything was a formality. Few things were genuine. Damian turned, and you caught his eye to let him know you were going to meet him. He nodded toward a side hall, his mouth a curious line again. If you looked at it long enough, it felt like a smile when he mouthed, escape?

Your company was still talking. He stopped when you grabbed his tie and planted a pity-kiss on his cheek, waving to him as you bounced away. “Sorry, kid. Not my type.”

_

You planned to bring Damian to the secluded balcony on the second floor to unwind, but instead, you were taken by the wrist and maneuvered into an empty powder room. It was colder than the steaming party air and smelled like champagne, with couches to sit on and mirrors to powder at. For a bathroom, the lights were warm and low. The noise of the party went quiet the instant the door was shut, like you and Damian had entered your own little world. No more circles. No more back and forth.

“Here,” Damian said, noting the mirrors. He tilted his head as he asked, like he was nervous, “Is this acceptable?”

“It is the ladies powder room, but I’ll give you a pass, since you’re cute.” You joked. Damian didn’t make a move to relax on one of the couches yet, hanging in front of you like there was more he wanted to say. There was more you wanted to say, too, but no good words came to mind.

But the silence wasn’t awkward. Again, Damian stared, and you stared. The glass he brought with him was set down. He put one fist on the counter beside the door, and like honey had been poured on your nerves, you realized how easy it would be for him to push you up against it. Kiss you senseless. Heat drooled off of him this close, and you wondered if he’d still lean in to whisper to you even if you were alone.

The lack of words drew to a point where something had to be said, anything, but his eyes felt so good on your skin and it was interesting to see him nervous. Something strange told you that Damian liked the silence, too.

You wet your lips with your tongue. Damian cleared his throat, and took a sip from his glass. “Was I interrupting something?”

“Between me and that guy?” You smiled gently, like you were reassuring him, and laughed to yourself. “Oh, man, you should’ve seen it, Damian. Poor kid really thought I was flirting with him. He’d totally convinced himself, it was hilarious.”

His profile was tense in the mirror, which you stole glances at to watch how the amber light played on his handsome skin. When Damian swallowed his drink, his throat rolled in the sexiest way, and immediately your mind fed you with visions of suckling, kissing, tonguing his neck.

“Why’d you ask?” Your eyes sparkled. Damian drew a step closer, and you used the opportunity to swipe a drop of alcohol from the corner of his lip with your thumb. “You jealous?”

It was the touch or the suggestion that made Damian pause. He didn’t stutter, but lagged over what to say, eyes vast and wanting as they raked over your face. “I don’t get jealous,” he clarified, “but… I do intend to be the only man to kiss you tonight.”

Damian’s hand took your chin. Your belly exploded with instant arousal, hitting you like a bullet of liquid lust. “You’re the only man who’s kissed me like that,” you whispered, taking his tie in hand. “I hope that’s always true.”

His voice had gone throaty. “May I kiss you again?”

Again, he reminded you.The two of you had kissed before, and it had been spectacular, terrifying, and excellent.

“Please,” you said, and Damian rushed to your aid.

Not a moment more was wasted. Curling his tie into your fist, you drew him in, slow and deep and wonderfully. Damian’s cologne hit you before his lips did, and both made your core throb for friction. Two broad hands slammed your hips into the door. His fingertips smoothed up the fabric of your dress, pressing you back and squeezing you in until you could feel his belt buckle against your belly. Damian was a sweet, magnetic kisser, chasing your lips like he was on a crusade to save them. Each time they met, he swam deeper. The point of his nose bumped against your cheek. You hummed your laugh against his lips, and Damian groaned as he pulled away, readjusting, twisting, testing the limits of the kiss. And you followed him at every step or more, revelling in his taste.

You didn’t want him to think you wanted the kiss to end, so you drew the hands braced under his blazer around his neck. Soon, that didn’t feel close enough, so you cupped each side of his face and pecked Damian until you were breathless. He brought you in until your arms were flat to his chest, the kiss almost vertical in its intensity.

He groaned when you parted, gasping and blinking just inches from your face. Your mouths were still connected by a thick string of drool, which hung until it split and clung to Damian’s chin and fell, marking a wet strip down into his collar. You panted, watching it go.

Damian left your waist to hold your wrists, keeping your hands around his face. He settled warmly into your touch, basking in it, and the pure enjoyment on his face made you smile. You wondered if anyone else had cared for him like this. If Damian had ever felt someone hold his face and treasure it. The thought gave you a strange urge, so you followed it.

You brought Damian’s brow level with your mouth and sweetly kissed his forehead. Then his nose bridge, then his temples. His face was so quickly warm that you giggled. In the most unsubtle way possible, Damian drew back his hips so you couldn’t feel the heat there, and closed his eyes, begging you to continue.

“I want you,” you whispered against his jaw.

Damian shivered. “You have me.”

You shifted one hand to his shoulder, giving yourself more room to nuzzle and kiss his neck. The line of drool was still there, so you cupped his skin and tilted his jaw up, and in one stroke, licked all the way to his earlobe. Damian’s moan poured from his mouth like a growing flood. You even felt his thighs press together between you, and pleasure tingled in your throat when he choked at the glide of your tongue.

He released your wrists, reached beside you, and locked the door with an audible click.

Then, Damian devoured you. Both hands hooked around your back, arching your chest into his, and finally, bringing his bulge between your hips. You clung to him for dear life, helpless as his teeth pressed into your neck like a vampire. Damian fed like one, too, suckling the skin there like he was starved. Your panties were so wet that you were desperate to get out of them, grinding your core against his.

Damian retreated, gasping. He licked the spit off of his lips and glared into your eyes. Bluntly, he said, “I want to eat you out.”

Once more, you kissed him, delirious with excitement. Your lungs burned for air, but your core burned harder for him. “Take off that suit and you can do whatever you want to me.”

His eyes gleamed. “I plan to.”

Quickly, you shoved your hands into his sleeves and pushed them off his shoulders, giving you a crisp glimpse at his carved shoulders. Damian's fingers blurred from button to button, but he saved the last for you on purpose. You worked in tandem and with little thought. If he could, Damian would steal a kiss, and you would bite his lip and chase him into more. When that last button was popped, his white button-down parted for a gorgeous plane of hard-earned muscle. His abs, ribs and pecs were pockmarked with scars, shrapnel marks and in some places, bullet holes. You stopped.

At your staring, Damian pressed his lips together.

“It's.. not appealing, I know,” he monotoned.

“No,” you disagreed, palming his stomach, “it’s impressive. All these do is show how strong you are, how long you've survived. You're so… built...” you didn't hide your thorough examination of him, “...I mean, we have to be to do what we do, but still… It suits you. It's sexy.”

You worried you'd ruined the moment with your babbling, but he glimmered under your praise. Damian brightened in the way only Damian could, smirking devilishly and towering over you like a supervillain.

“Sexy?” He pressed his naked chest into yours, whispering hotly in your ear. You could feel his silk tie pinned between you. “Does that mean I'm your type?”

You rolled your eyes. “Eavesdropper.”

“Temptress,” Damian replied, just as easily.

To claim your title, you found Damian's belt and pulled on it until the clasp gave. It made a satisfying whipping noise as you ripped it off of him, shouldered into his space to grab his waist in one hand, and cupped his throbbing boxers in the other. Damian's sigh came hoarsely and wanton from his mouth.

“Fuck me,” you demanded, grinning with delight.

Instead of wasting time on a response, Damian fell to his knees, a faithful worshipper. He did the gentlemanly thing and helped you kick off your heels. The tile was icy on your bare feet, but it only mattered until Damian ran his hands up your thighs. Sliding his fingers underneath the fabric, he bunched it up your middle, peering up at you smugly through his lashes. You could feel the debauchery of it - Damian, on his knees, tie hanging still from his neck, pinning you to the door. You, your legs spread and wanting.

Damian sucked in a breath. Your panties had an obvious wet patch, put there by him. He thumbed it carefully, watching your brows tense and your eyes close, basking in your initial whine. All of it enchanted him. You were soaking because of him, trembling because of him, marked because of him. There was not one place he would rather be than here.

Damian collected your sweetness and sampled the taste on his thumb, trapping it behind his smug smile. He ran his tongue over his teeth, spreading the flavor around his mouth, savoring it. As Damian rolled your underwear down your legs, his cock twitched in his open fly. You were beautiful. Oh, he was going to enjoy this.

“Put your leg over my shoulder,” Damian ordered, smirking, “I want to taste you.”

Warmth exploded in your cheeks. “G-go ahead.”

Gradually, you situated your leg across his back, pussy tensing at the touch of the cooler air. This didn't matter for long. Damian's warm lips nuzzled and kissed the thigh closest to him, painting messy reflective circles on your skin with his kiss. Even that made your legs tense wildly, so Damian shoving his wet, blazing tongue into the folds of you cunt pumped moan after moan from your mouth.

“Damian!” You yelped.

Oh, he definitely liked that. Damian pinched your ass and used his mouth so passionately that his head shook back and forth. He darted right for your clit, sucking it until his cheeks were hollow and humming smugly between your legs with every squeal. Parting your folds with one hand, Damian kissed your core just as dirtily as he'd kissed you. The dangerous glint in his eye never faded. He plunges his tongue inside you in earnest, slurping obscenely, purposefully. There's no need for Damian to shoot you cute looks or put on a show - his skill was the performance, because that skill was unbeatable. Your pussy was already tender, fucked nerveless by Damian's filthy mouth. He vibrated your cunt with a deep groan before he drew away, face dripping with slick like a pornstar’s.

“You're suitably wet,” he said, matter-of-factly, “would you like me to use my fingers?”

All the strength you had went into a weak, pleading nod.

Damian was polite enough to grant you your bearings first, letting you grip his hair and squeeze the counter before he resumes. You give him the sweetest, most precious whine when Damian licks you open again. He wisely starts with one finger and builds from there, earning you with pumps and curls of his digits. Damian's talents quickly become a currency, one that you exchange with mewls and pants of praise.

“So good,” you whine, “oh, fuck - fuck, just like that…”

Damian smirks between your legs, jamming his fingers faster into your sore pussy. Lust sizzles low in your gut, ramped up again and again by his thrusting. It’s so powerful that you roll and buck off the door, your hips in his face. You want him - want him more than you want anything.

“You're ravaging,” Damian hums between licks. His eyes are closed, but that only gives the way he touches you more meaning.

It’s so surprising from his mouth that your hold on his hair slips, setting Damian free. He pants, catching his breath, and it’s easily the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen in your life. The effort has slouched him from his knees to his calves, further spreading his legs and opening up the fly of his pants. A solid bulge has formed and spilled out there, straining to escape his briefs like an arm in a sling that’s too small, way too small, for someone of his size. Three of Damian’s fingers are still twisting inside of you.

Slowly, Damian tipped back his head and hung down, arranging himself beneath your cunt. “So beautiful.” His free hand splayed where your leg met your hip. “May I touch you?”

“I-I get it’s the gentleman thing to do, to - to keep asking, but fuck, Damian,” you cursed, “you can do whatever you want to me.”

Damian’s intense jade eyes were so dilated that you could barely make out the color. He dragged his cheek against your thigh, fingers still circling inside you, and grinned like a shark. It was probably a bad idea to give the heir to the Demon’s Head that much power over you.

His other hand squeezed your skin, slow to passionate, from your belly to your breasts beneath your dress. It’s clear by the way Damian looks at you that he loves what he sees. The texture of his veiny, calloused hands feels good on your waist and ass, dragging you closer to him. He chuckles when your back arches, when your nails press into his hands, his back muscles, throwing himself into his task. Damian’s nose prods your folds as he licks you clean, tongue dipping and sliding against your sore clit. It’s like he’s done this for you before, in this exact way. Though he utilizes his tongue the most, his lips too are brutal, matched perfectly to fit your pussy lips.

But that tongue - how Damian’s jaw isn’t tired, you don’t know. He parts your folds and latches onto your clit, flicking his tongue at superspeed until drool and cum bubbles from your sensitive core. Your back winds tighter at every vibrating lick, paralyzing the muscles in your legs with glorious pleasure. It’s so exquisite you start to melt to the floor like warm clay, only to be bolstered back up by Damian, both hands viciously squeezing your ass. He keeps going not for you, but himself, sucking down every last drop of your juices.

Shattered, you twist hopelessly into his mouth, chasing the strained feeling like it’s the last you’ll ever glimpse. “Fuck, fuck - D-Damian, ah…”

“Did it feel good when I made you cum?” He teases, “It certainly tastes good. All those filthy little noises you make for me…” Damian shakes his head at himself, like it’s too fantastic to indulge again. He leaves your clit with a satisfied kiss. “Beautiful.”

Once more, the words are surprising to hear from him. You always considered Damian the prude type, but here he is, on his knees for you, mouth and chin glittering with your juices while he teases you in low, sexy tones. At your surprised look, Damian has the gall to blush.

With his ring finger in his mouth, he ponders, “If a man has never said that to you before...” pop, “consider me surprised.”

“Never while finger-fucking me, at least,” you admited, legs still trembelling. “It was sweet. You… you meant that?”

It was hard to imagine Damian Wayne finding anything beautiful. Even you, who was pretty enamored with him, figured he would judge by quality or skill, not beauty. The words tasted new on his tongue.

Slowly, Damian stood and stretched, his shoulders tight after staying in the strange position for so long. Lifting his arms coincidentally let his waistband sit lower on his hips, flashing his green boxers your way while showing off the huge, carved muscles of his arms. Truly, Damian’s subtlety was unmatched. You didn’t mind his miniature bragging fest - not when he had so much to brag about. Eating you out had put an excited shimmer in his skin, so the gold-toned lights of the room reflected sexily off his sweat, already accenting his kissable tan.

“I did,” he told you, moving on to his sucking middle finger. His other hand played on your thigh, stroking it. “I’ve always been… drawn to you. Every mission we’ve had together. I have a profound feeling that we are very similar.”

You laughed. Not at what he said, but the timing of it. “Would you believe me if I said I felt the same way?”

Damian made a face like his heart was doing jumping jacks. “A few hours ago? No. But now…” he barricaded you against the door, first with his hands and then his hips, closed in so tightly that you had to look past your nose to meet his eyes. “Your crush is adorably obvious. I’m annoyed that I didn’t see it before.”

Your rounded your hands against Damian’s shoulders, then his tie. It twisted nicely around your fingers, silky and cold in comparison to your flushed skin. You were tempted to fix your dress, but nothing, not even the world ending, could make you leave this room.

“My crush is obvious? Damian, all you’ve done for the last two hours is sneak me drinks and imply how much easier it is to be around me.” You grinned, “What’d you say earlier? There you are, Queen. Finally, someone intelligent enough to speak to me.”

Damian shrugged. “It’s true. Your knowledge of bioluminescent ocean life is fascinating.”

“I can’t believe you said that after giving me head for ten minutes.”

“It’s actually been closer to twelve,” Damian smirked.

Playfully, you pinched Damian’s cheek, then pulled him by the tie into a starved, energetic kiss. He must’ve been praying for your permission to continue, because the plan he’d been forming is quickly put into action. You’re hugged, arms scooped under your back as you kiss him. Damian surrenders his mouth to a bit of revenge tonguing while undoing your dress. No amount of kissing will pull him from his task, but your hand is a special case - it smooths down the front of his boxers and Damian melts.

“Y/N,” he groans.

Damian petulantly resists the temptation to close his eyes, but your touch is soft and sweet, demanding him to yield. Your lips suckle on his neck and Damian’s knees buckle. If getting his mouth between your legs didn’t turn him on, then this will finish him for sure.

“I missed you. Kissing you.” You purr into his throat. “One could never be enough for me.”

Is this what it’s like to be wanted? Damian asked himself. The only possible answer thrilled him, and he found himself pouring even more passion into the kiss, into you, wanting to share that rush of affection. You respond to his every touch with vigor. Damian’s heart stalls each time your thumb strokes his face, each time the other strokes him through his slacks.

“Me either,” he rasped, and helped you out of your dress. His tone was shy, but his words held too much depth to be meaningless. I want a wealth of them. I always want to kiss you, was what he wanted to say, but Damian was too embarrassed to raise the words. This moment was too special to ruin with his hopeless romanticism. He kissed you again and again, and to his amazement, you kissed him right back.

“Fuck me,” you begged him between breaths. “Right here. I don’t care if we’re caught.”

I don’t care if we’re seen together. I want to be seen with you, I’m not ashamed of you.

Damian cupped your face and almost knocked you both over with the strength of his kiss. Nose-to-nose, eyes closed, he commanded, “Bend over the fucking counter.”

In a blink, Damian turned and there you were, open and waiting for him. The sink was hip-level, so the bend was nothing but perfect - Damian could fuck you from behind and watch your lust-blown reflection without issue. Your perfect pussy drooled leftover cum down your legs, making your sex shine in the light.

In the mirror, you watched Damian’s eyes darken in delight. His pupils followed the line of your ass to your back, appreciating it like an artist would, like he intended to paint you later and needed to memorize the greatest shapes of your figure. The marble was icy against your hard nipples, which Damian had exposed when he’d impatiently shoved down your bra. Now, he cupped one of your breasts as he bent over you, kissing and suckling his way down your back.

“Perfect,” Damian hissed.

Shyly pressing your butt back against him, you buried your face in your arms and bit your lip, waiting for him to open you up. Damian’s shadow came to hover over you, and in the mirror his eyes were vicious, pools of circling sharks. “Are you ready?”

“Mhm,” you nodded. “Take your time.”

Though you weren’t being sarcastic, Damian took it that way and pinched one cheek of your ass. “With you? I will.” Then, with the same smoothness, Damian asked, “Condom?”

“Pill,” you replied, and Damian nodded his approval.

His pants rustled as they fell down his legs. Where you couldn’t see, Damian committed the sight to memory - his cock in hand, your pussy spread open, all for him. You squeaked when his hot tip touched your cooling clit, and squeaked again when it glided down your pussy and tested your opening. He knew he’d found the way when you winced.

In an unsurprising moment of compassion (for those who truly knew him), Damian kissed the top of your head and offered you his hand. “Would you like to hold it while I…?”

You took his hand and squeezed it to your chest, squeezing him closer in the process, too. “Thank you. Go slow, for this part…”

Damian complied. His sweat-sticky chest hovered warmly over your back. Even if Damian was big, you were wetter than you’d ever been in your entire life - any pain would quickly slide into pleasure. He braced himself with a deep inhale, and a hot, sharp sensation told you that he’d entered you. Where you choked in a needy gasp, Damian poured out his version of a whimper. You both held it. Then, breath by breath, you were struck with the realization that you’d been dying to feel this for weeks, for months, and only now was that heat being satisfied. Damian’s tongue and fingers had come close, but this is what would cure that aching emptiness - his big, girthy cock.

The deathgrip you had on Damian’s hand loosened. “You look perfect,” he murmured into your hair, instantly making your core flutter. “Oh,” he chuckled filthily, “you like that? Funny, how badly that idiot at the bar wanted to be in my place right now…but it’s me who gets to pound into—”

“Damian,” you warned.

He smiled smugly against your neck. “Nothing.”

Dutifully, Damian withdrew his hips, taking all of the heat with him. When he rolled back in, a hot, tingling sensation roared over all of your senses, and you let the moan at the top of that tsunami loose. It was clear that he couldn’t fuck you like he wanted to with one hand fished down at your side, so he glued both to the base of your back and started to thrust in earnest.

“So full...” You mewled, and Damian became a human pile-driver.

Your head seemed to roll off your shoulders with every crazed, rhythmic slam, so you grabbed the faucet and held on for dear life. Every slap was so loud, so powerful, that you prayed this one random bathroom in the penthouse was soundproofed. Anyone walking past would know you were getting railed out of your mind. You tried to compensate by moaning and squeaking quietly, but with force came volume. It didn’t matter how silent you were, Damian’s hips, your ass, the squelch of him inside you - each noise filled the bathroom, echoing off the tile.

The only way you could think to describe him was filling. First, there was the hot, cinching tension of his hands fused to your waist. Then there was his cock, which begged to be squeezed more and more with every pass. You responded to each throb with a mighty clench, which bent Damian over you like an animal, gasping for breath. His balls were painted with your slick. The closer you came to orgasm together, the closer Damian came to you. His hands migrated to higher on your sides, then up by your shoulders, then around you, where Damian kissed your back and rubbed your belly while he made love to you. He talked more than he moaned. Your ear was filled with sweet nothings, with vicious promises of what he would do with a whole night alone with you.

Damian’s reflection was wild with lust. He met your eyes as he fucked you, whispering how beautiful you are, how good you take his dick. His deep green eyes were so dark you couldn’t make out the brown in them anymore. The long muscles on his arms drew taut with each thrust, making his biceps bulge and pin your hips to the sink. Soon enough, a bruise would form from the pressure. One of many treasures from tonight - you would be thinking about Damian in his crisp suit for months to come, and the mess he’d become with you now even longer. Your pleasure built and built and built, like a nail struck further into the ground with a hammer. A very, very big hammer.

“M’ cumming,” Damian husked, slowing his plowing to a sloppy glide. Even his endurance was spent, and you were glad he’d spent it all on you. “Where d’ you…?”

You braced your hands on the counter, then on one of Damian’s. Together, you smoothed his digits down your stomach and between your soft, abused folds. “Inside me, please, please please—” you begged him, “fuck, a-as deep as you can go.”

As a test of your flexibility, Damian turned in and kissed you. Just as he parted your lips with his tongue, he parted your folds with his fingertips, overriding your clit as his cock throbbed inside you to the hilt. He took the invitation as a command. Damian pressed in until you could feel his abs mold to your ass, then stuttered his hips in quick, agonized dips to get himself there. With his fingers and his cock putting stars in your eyes, you finished first.

The white marble counter fizzed in your vision, until all you could see was that powerful, endless white, humming in your mind’s eye. Still, Damian wasn’t finished yet. You bumped your temple against his chin and hummed, “Cum for me, baby… fuck, a-ah!”

Your pussy’s throb raced and raced until it spilled over, pulling Damian right under the current. One clench and he was done for, so the velvety, periodic squeeze of your cunt emptied his store. You hung there, spasming in unison, until that overwhelming heat spurted in a ring around Damian’s cock and flooded out of you. Only then did his fingers stop on your clit, and you settled warmly in each other's arms and tried to remember your names and who you were.

Damian pulled out, then snuggled back in. He would’ve been nervous any other time, but he’d just put his dick inside you, so a little instinctive cuddling could be forgiven. On shaky legs, you turned around and sunk into him. You could tell by how he was eyeing the sink that he was desperate to get clean again, so with one kiss (on the cheek), you set Damian loose.

In companionable silence, Damian cleaned up and you collected the clothes abandoned on the floor. Staring at the corner where you’d just had the best sex of your life put an embarassingly pleasant warmth in your chest. Interesting, how one terrifying moment could become something as special as this. Fascinating, how you’d felt like you’d known him all your life.

“You know… I think you’re excellent, too.” You told him, finishing off the knot for his tie.

Damian dipped his head to hide his smile, but something so bright was impossible to hide.

[onemillionvolts]

GM CYNO

what if i told you every single question in the ask game should be answered, that or WHO IS THE SEXUEST PERSIN THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

GOOD MORNING HI HI. BET. im gonna do all of them you bet i wont but i will. youre the best for this btw

IMMEDIATELY? PFFFF HOW LONG DO U HAVE LET ME GET MY LIST

0. height

i yam 5 foot 6 (and a half)

1. virgin?

what the fuck did you just call me? /lhj

anyways in my head yes i am and thats what matters isnt it

2. shoe size

i wear 11s and god i wish that thing people say about shoe size was true 🤙

3 + 4 + 5. do you smoke/drink/do drugs

no and i never plan to <33

6. age you get mistaken for

i.. honestly have no answer to this tbh

7 + 8. do you have (and/or want) any tattoos?

i don't have any, i'd like one/some but i'm not really sure what i'd get

9 + 10. do you have/want any piercings

no to both PFFFF i think like... a clip on lip piercing would probably be my personal limit

11. best friend

...ego stroker much, tumblr user wangshu? /t PFFFFF

12. relationship status

harem with fake 2d men single. yeah uh. single

13. biggest turn ons

tbh... i cant think of any off the top of my head that aren't painfully obvious

14. biggest turn offs

ducklips iykyk

15. favorite movie

i'm not kidding when i say step brothers. but if you want a more respectable answer, nightmare before christmas

16. i'll love you if

you aren't an asshole??? i mean ik it's hypocritical of me to say but cmon

17. someone you miss

i've lost a lot of family over the years so probably someone there tbh

18. most traumatic experience

when my ex lived with me and i wish i was joking it was that fucking bad

19. A fact about your personality

which one /hj

i do think.. i overcompensate a lot by trying to be funny bc i dont feel like i HAVE a personality so there's that about me

20. What i hate most about myself

mm thats a toughie it could be the appearance or the voice or the attachment issues or the codependency issues or the jealousy issues or the mood swings or the weak immune system or the several mental illnesses or holy shit this is turning into a pity party

21. what i love most about myself

im an alright writer i guess? and id like to think i'm a good friend

22. what i want to be when i get older

i just wanna write man idc what

23. my relationship with my sibling(s)

i have 0 of them

24. my relationship with my parents

my moms cool but the less said about my dad the better

25. my idea of the perfect date

literally just staying in and watching a movie with snacks and stuff... honestly never thought about it much

26. My biggest pet peeves

UM UM um people who think the world revolves around them people who don't know the difference between their there and they're um people who Unironically Capitalize Every Word Like This oh i could go on

27. a description of the person i like

big hat dumb bowlcut open kimono /j

28. description of the person i dislike the most

um literally jusr my dad so. narcissistic explosive annoying abusive etc etc

29. A reason i've lied to a friend

only time i'm lyin is when i say tiggy ain't best boy 💯

30. what i hate most about work/school

it kinda semi interferes w my night owl ways but otherwise i'm chill

31. what your last text message says

gonna use actual texts cause using disc is too easy 👹 it was just me asking my mom if she wanted a drink from mcdonalds from last sunday

32. what words upset me the most

does this mean like. just words you hate or a phrase/sentence that upsets u...

uh i'll do it both ways. the word bussin makes me want to fall down an abyss a la childe ajax tartaglia

and uh. i hate being told i don't do enough, specifically by people who don't do jack shit in the first place. AGAIN iykyk

33. what words make me feel best abt myself

oh it was the second thing. honestly don't hve an answer to this but i just hold onto any compliment i get for actual years so there's that about me

34. what i find attractive in women

eyes its eyes

35. what i find attractive in men

sense of humor tbh

36. where i would like to live

somewhere close to a big city so that it isn't massively crowded and loud and overwhelming all the time but i'm close enough to stores and hospitals and all that stuff

37. One of my insecurities

i feel like this has already been asked in like 6 different ways.. prolly my body tho

38. my childhood career choice

honestly i've.. always been kinda laughably indecisive about this type of thing. i never wanted to be like, an astronaut or fireman or any of the cliche stuff that kids talk about i.. don't think i ever thought of it actually

39. my favorite ice cream flavor

cookies n cream 👹 specifically like a cookies n cream cheesecake blizzard from like dq or culvers.. that shit is unmatched

40. Who i wish i could be

a mentally stable person or cyno genshin (real)

41. where i want to be right now

in bed <///3

42. the last thing i ate

leftover pizza <3

43. SEXIEST PERSON THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

TIGHNARI FINAL ANSWRR I DONT PERCEIVE REAL PEOPLE

44. a random fact about anything

all odd numbers contain the letter E

GOLLY THIS WAS SO FUN.

[djemsostylist]

Djem's Legion Thoughts

About three years ago my brother joking suggested I read the Horus Heresy, knowing literally nothing about Warhammer. (Literally nothing. I just thought Space Marines were big dudes in armor and I had never heard of Primarchs and I still know nothing of 40k. Have no idea how the Heresy ends--I'm spoiler free babes.) Anyway, what follows are my feelings on each Legion at the following times:

As of midway through Fulgrim

At the end of First Heretic

At the start of the Master of Mankind

Halfway through the Siege

This is very long. I'm not sorry.

Dark Angels

idk I haven’t met them yet, but their name tells me they are either going to be amazing or fucking awful

Um I still dk

God I fucking love these stupid idiots. Like, they are stupid, for sure, but I dunno, I dig their bizarre sort of pseudosecrecy thing. Plus, aesthetically I’m all about weird monk orders. Also, nothing kills me quite like Farith Redloss having anxiety attacks over trying to figure out Lion.

Corswain showing up like the living embodiment of the dude with the pizza where the apartment is on fire is just so deeply on brand for these chucklefucks like, Lion is all “I’m deeply uncomfortable where Imperial Secundus is concerned so instead I’ll just go ahead and attack home planets because that will demoralize the traitors and then I’m Doing My Part” like fam, pretty much all the traitors sans Perturabo are actual literal demons rn and they all had zero qualms betraying their immediate brothers and also the emperor (and Perturabo already fucked over his own) why in the livid fuck would you think this is in any way helpful, but this is Classic Lion and I love him now on account of that one time when he hugged Roboute because he was proud of him and also because he calls all of his sons “Little Brother” bc he is afraid of being a dad and also because I too am deeply avoidant of issues I don’t want to deal with.

Emperor's Children

mostly wonderful, because they are fabulous and also extremely extra, but they have the most ginourmous fuckwad as a Lord Commander, BUT they have a very good boy as another one, so idk really. Plus the whole betrayal thing and the fucking lodges, but they are purple and fabulous, so, +1?

These are the saddest boys ever in the whole world, and they didn’t deserve what happened to them. I loved them all except for Eidolon and they didn’t deserve anything bad to happen to them ever bc they were precious and I loved them. Also Fabius because he was bugnuts and he hurt my boys.

Jesus, I’m so fucking over them all

Honestly I’m so tired

Iron Warriors

I totally confused them with the Iron Hands. Idk even, boring? But Perturabo (while he has a fucking terrible name) also hates Horus so +15

I still know nothing about them, but I think they are buttholes because of the whole Isstvan V thing. Dick move guys, dick move.

I literally can’t. Like, their entire shtick is besieging and being besieged, and then being pissy bc it is what they are good at???? Like, they are literally traitoring bc their dad got a hair up his ass bc he wasn’t a good independent thinker and didn’t think he was allowed to build castles or whatever? Idk they are exhausting except for the ones that aren’t

I still don’t really get them at all except like 99% of them who aren’t named Barabas Dantioch are asshats and are not independent thinkers who are literally still traitoring for reasons unknown except to stick it to the emperor like?? Get an actual culture??? Just literally stop???

White Scars

I dunno, haven’t met them, but since no one else talks about them, I’m gonna guess, boring?

I dunno but they are worried about them hooking up with the Rout so I guess they are cool?

Oh bless your tiny little souls. They are so sweet, and so, so dumb. But sweet.

They are very, very good boys. They don’t have a ton of range per say but their simplicity is sort of the point I think. They are what space marines are supposed to be, and I love them for that

Space Wolves

ehm, oh, I’m sorry, The Rout. Whateverthefuck, they’re boring, over-the-top fuckheads who are giant fucking hypocrites who suck and probably don’t ever shower. Honestly, they rival the Emperor’s Children in extraness, and not in the loveable way. Fucking awful, 0/10.

Okay, honestly, not as awful as some. I mean, hella extra and I hate what they did at Prospero, but in a world full of awful things, we gotta pick and choose.

They are just so, so...Space Wolfy. Bless them they try, and some of them legit crack me up. I’m just not about their aesthetic, you know?

Much like the other fuckups amongst the Loyalists, they are a blunt instrument used for a specific purpose and do better with like...direct instruction. I’m saying they are not the kind to do well with metaphor and also a lack of like, a dad. They need TE:BBA is what I’m saying.

Imperial Fists

Literally only met them briefly, but they seem a good sort. I like their Primarch? -3 tho cause damn that color scheme.

Still good boys.

Omg I love you all, you precious little bbs. They are just so calm and stoic and honestly even though yellow is a hideous color they are literally like Templars and that is fantastic?????

Listen, the amount of love that I have in my heart for these precious, perfect boys is rivaled only by my love for Rogal Dorn, who might possibly be, and I don’t wanna sound dramatic here, be the love of my life but anyway.

Night Lords

idk but their name sounds sick.

Right, these guys are also dicks. I hate them on principle.

Every time I think of them all I can think of is that one video of the goths dancing under the bridge. They are so. Fucking. Extra. Christ alive, get a hobby that isn’t fucking skinning people.

Yeah idk they still mostly suck and to be perfectly honest I’m still not entirely sure what their point was, even pre-heresy? Like what role did psychopaths play in TE:BBA’s plan for a glorious human empire, someone explain

Blood Angels

I dunno cause I’ve only ever met their First Captain (who was consorting with fuckheads) but Sanguinius is literally Top Tier Fabulous, like Prince Extra, so I hope they don’t let me down

I’m still holding out hope. Don’t let me down boys.

OH. MY. GOD. Honestly, kill me, I love them so, so, so, so, so much, it’s a lot. And I suspect something terrible will happen with them but I don’t care because they are perfect. All of them. Wonderful, perfect, lovely, caring boys who love their dad and I love them. Sweet, loving, precious little bbs who occasionally suffer from tragic vampiric tendencies but I don’t love them any less. They better stay perfect forever. If I could, I would be like Sangy and just take them all everywhere with me so that they could always be safe <3 On a less gushy note, I think one of the most important aspects of the Blood Angels (and of their primarch) is that while they acknowledge their differences from unmodified humans, they also love humanity, deeply. They see them as worth fighting for and protecting, and acknowledge that their abilities allow them to create a universe that is safe for the common man to live in. There is a sort of profound love and tenderness that they have for humanity, and I think it really does make a difference in their legion. (That scene is Master of Mankind with the Blood Angel and the Custodian really highlights what I’m saying here.)

Listen, this may sound dramatic, and I don’t wanna like, go over the top, but I would literally die for them, which would seem counterproductive since that is what they do for humanity but the amount of love of I have for this entire legion and one Angel is too big to contain in my heart okay

Iron Hands

I don’t know them well yet, but they seem like good boys overall. I’m sure one of them is bound to be a crazy fucker tho.

They are good boys. I don’t know them very well, but my favorite moment is when Ferrus had to thank Lorgar for his help so he made him a crozius and then threw it at him because he didn’t want to have to talk awkwardly.

Poor sad bbs

No, but really, poor sad bbs

World Eaters

literally terrible people, but I guess when your Dad is bugnuts….

Definitely should have been put down. As in to death. They should have been killed. Probably.

Still fucking crazy. But I love Kharn, and honestly Lotara (who I know isn’t technically a World Eater but close enough.)

No but they probably should have all been just euthanized? I mean not Kharn bc I love him but also like--they are not viable. Long term? Tbh still not entirely sure what TE:BBA’s plan was here with them and Angron (I’m gonna assume something along the lines of ignore it and hope it goes away, since that is mostly his plan for everything)

Ultramarines

probably enormous squares, but tbh in a galaxy with World Eaters and the Rout, we could do with some squares.

Honestly, I have no issues with them. They do their duty, they are loyal. I hope to love them though. They actually believe in colors.

HOLY FUCK DO I LOVE THEM. ALL 200,000 OF THEM. (Which is probably what Roboute thinks tbh.) Like, I literally haven’t met a single one that I don’t adore and love with my whole soul and entire being. They are precious, soft, beautiful bbs who I adore with my whole heart. And who will make great leaders of the world someday I’m so proud. On a less gushy note, much like the Blood Angels, the Ultramarines really have a sort of profound feeling of protection and duty towards humans. They may not always like dealing with them, but Roboute is of the firm belief that they must understand what they are truly fighting for. Saving humanity is not enough, you have to fight for the humans who live there. (See, the one short story where they find a baby and I died.)

No but what you don’t quite get is that I literally love them. Every single individual solitary one of them, and while some may say “But Djem such a thing is impossible you haven’t met every Ultramarine” I need you to understand that the depth of my love for them and their Primarch is such that I know, in my bones, that I don’t need to meet them all to love them okay bc I already do.

Death Guard

Okay, so honestly I wanted to hate them (because BETRAYAL) but tbh its only the First and Second Captains who suck a lot and idk really the rest are sort of tragically precious??

Seriously, what is Mortarion’s issue?

No, seriously, what the fuck is their problem? Get the fuck over it.

Okay, I do feel bad. For Mortarian. Of all the traitors, him I understand the most. However, that being said, while I can understand his issues, I feel like giving yourself over to demons, turning into actual demons, and also turning on and killing your brothers who refused to become said demons makes you terrible awful people who really need to like, die.

Thousand Sons

okay, I fucking love these lame Warrior Monk Priest Wizards who live in a literal glass city with restaurants and teach random people Tai Chi in the park or whatever. Overall 10/10

I am v. worried that they are going to do something dumb like join the rebellion in order to affect change from the inside and then like, adopt demons or something. Pls don’t be dumb boys.

I don’t even fucking--look, I’m just tired okay?

What the fuck Azhek. No seriously, ⅞ is good enough? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Sons of Horus? Luna Wolves? who the fuck knows

my precious sons. You did not deserve what was done to you. This is why we don’t do frats. I believed in you and you failed me. D:

I love my precious sons. The Sons of Horus however, can go die.

I just--why are you the way you are?

I think the best thing about these absolute morons is that half the legion isn’t even demon fuckers, they just woke up one day and Horus told them to kill their brothers and they went “sure okay” and then just did. They are so fucking pretentious and stupid, fucking speartip, honestly die. I take it back. You all deserved exactly what you got, you dumb fucks.

Word Bearers

look, I haven’t met the rest of these dudes yet, but Erebus is a terrible fucking ambassador. -60/10 for not controlling their boy

HOLY LORD. I cannot--there are not actually words to describe how much I loathe these ignorant dumbasses. Like, seriously. Honestly, the ones who were purged were probably lucky, because the rest of them fucking suck.

God, eat a fucking landmine. Except, that would probably turn them on or something. Fucking assholes.

Just--imagine being such a fuckup that even when you were the first to the “become a demon, save the world” thing you still somehow ended up last. I hope the Ultramarines put down every. Single. One.

Salamanders

idk but this name is dumb. Salamanders are cute and slimy, and while Astartes are fucking adorable, they are not slimy. -1 for the dumb name

They are loyal, which is cool, and they seem like chill bros.

I just, like, they are sweet, but good lord are they simple.

I’m not sure? What they are doing? With their lives? Guys, idk if anyone told you but like, um. There is a war. And I get they’ve had it rough but also the loyalists could use their hope so maybe, idk. Do something? I mean I know there are like, 50 of you left and also you think your dad is dad and I feel you but like-

Raven Guard

idk but I like Ravens and Black, plus their Primarch’s name is Corvus? 11/10 they better not suck.

OMG I love Corvus?? Flies with a giant jetpack and tried to gut Lorgar? Yeah, he’s wonderful. Plus, their Captain seemed cool before he was fucking murdered.

I love them all, bless. They are sweet and simple and kind of stupid, but they make me feel things in my heart, so like, idk, stay precious.

Look, I cried over Branne fucking Nev, I don’t wanna talk about it rn

Alpha Legion

seriously? Lame.

Fuck these guys. What is their deal?

I can’t even really. I really, truly can’t. Nothing has ever satisfied me the way I was satisfied when Alpharius literally lost his head. God, that was beautiful.

Or Omegon? It was actually Omegon? I don’t even know anymore man

[ificanthaveu]

Right in Front of Me || Shawn Mendes

alternate title: The Difference Between Him and Me

Description: Shawn, your long time neighbor and friend, is home on a break. You’re not. Shawn finds out everything you never wanted him to know from the person he wished he never knew. 

A/N: surprise! i feel like i usually talk a ton about about my WIPs but this one just kind of all came at once....and bc i can’t figure out a major plot point for my other one so i had to distract myself :) anyway :) Gabe is highkey based off the fuckboy i’ve been talking to and what better fuck boy name than Gabe??? I think I nailed it ok anyway i hope you love it

Word Count: 4.4k

“Shawn Mendes, you cannot keep calling me right when I get off work,” you said through a laugh as you answered your phone precisely at 5:00. 

“I have nothing else to do, and you always answer, so I am just going to keep calling,” he explained. 

“You’re back home for the first time in forever. Everyone has been waiting for this moment. Go hang out with Brian or Nikki or Gabe or literally anyone. You have to leave your house,” you said. 

“I saw Brian yesterday,” he mumbled. 

“And have you seen anyone else?”

“No.”

“Shawn, you’re home for a few weeks. Go out. Go do something,” you said as you climbed into your car. 

“It would be easier if you were here,” he mumbled. 

You sighed as you set your phone down for a second to rest your forehead on the steering wheel and put him on speakerphone. 

“If I could, you know I would come to see you,” you said quietly. 

You heard him sigh and some shuffling before he said, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve barely been at this company for a year,” you said through a strained voice. “I moved three hours away from everything I’ve ever known for it. If I go back for anything other than my parents, I know I’ll end up not wanting to come back. Especially if I see you or Nikki.”

“She misses you,” Shawn said after a beat of silence. “I talked to her a few weeks ago. She also told me you haven’t talked in a while.”

You sighed and leaned your head back as you finally left the parking lot. 

“It’s hard,” you choked out. 

“I know. I did the same thing,” he reminded you, knowing the pain of having to leave everything and everyone you love. 

“But I am still scheduled to fly out to you in exactly one month. It’ll be here before you know it,” you said, trying to change the subject.

“I can’t wait,” he said. 

“Now, I have to go because I’m meeting up with some coworkers for dinner and drinks. But you need to go do something, Shawn,” you said sternly one last time. 

“Yeah, yeah, I will. Brian mentioned that Gabe was having a fire tonight,” Shawn said.

You swallowed hard and shook your head slightly before you said, “Then go. And have fun.”

“I will,” he said. “I’ll let you go then.”

“Ok, goodbye, I love you, please enjoy your time off,” you finished. 

“Anything for you. Love you, too,” he said before hanging up. 

As Shawn hung up, he leaned back on the chair he was sitting in in his parents’ backyard. His head rested against the back as he closed his eyes for a moment and just felt the sun hit him. 

You’d been begging him for months to take a break, and he finally did it. But now he just wanted to see you and that wasn’t an option. 

He looked down at his phone after a few minutes to see the newest text from Gabe, telling everyone to come over at 8. He reluctantly stood up and made his way inside to have dinner with his family before he went. 

But he found himself picking at his food and just thinking about all you’d done in the past year. When you moved, you cut all ties. When Shawn moved, he called everyone he was friends with whenever he had the chance. Shawn was the only one you still talked to regularly. You were thriving, and he knew that, but there was a part of him that would love to be at a bonfire and look to his side and see you there. 

So he forced himself to finish dinner, stare at the ceiling some more, and then walk over to Gabe’s house. 

In the short walk to Gabe’s house, he walked past your parents’ house to see them sitting on their porch and reading. 

“Shawn! You’re home!” your mom yelled from the front step. 

Shawn smiled at her and walked up to the porch to accept her awaiting hug before he also hugged your dad. 

“Yeah, I figured [Y/N]’s been begging me to take a break, so here I am,” he said through a smile as he leaned against the railing. 

“Pretty hypocritical for her to be telling you to take a break when she can’t do the same,” your dad said as he shook his head. 

“I know,” Shawn whispered as your mom gave a look of agreeance. “Well, I’m already late for Gabe’s, but I’ll see you guys soon.”

Shawn walked away and waved goodbye to your parents as he made his way down the street again. He cut into Gabe’s backyard from the gate on the edge of his house to see Gabe and Nikki sitting there both with drinks already in their hands. 

Nikki was the first to jump up and give Shawn a big hug as he returned it. Gabe was next as he hugged him before handing him a beer. 

“You finally took a damn break,” Nikki said through a laugh as she sat back down and Shawn joined her. 

“Yeah, about time, right?” He said. 

“I don’t get how you do it,” Gabe mumbled as he took a drink and shook his head. 

“Neither do I most times,” Shawn said as he opened the can and took a drink, feeling himself relax as it went down his throat. “I have been going so fast for so long. I think I needed this more than I thought.”

Brian sauntered in a few minutes later along with a few of their other friends as everyone caught up around the fire. Shawn caught himself a few times searching for you, but you were never there. 

“Gabe, when did you stop seeing Mari? I ran into her the other day and almost asked about you until she said some pretty horrible things about you,” Nikki said through a look of disgust. 

Gabe simply waved his hand in front of him. “That was short-lived. Not worth it,” he said simply. 

“You were pining after her for months. What happened?” Shawn asked with a shake of his head. 

Gabe’s eyebrows went up as he carefully took another drink. “I got what I wanted.”

Shawn nearly choked but covered it up by standing up to grab a water. There was a part of him that hoped Gabe had changed from his childish ways, but he was proven wrong every time he talked to him. 

“So you just pine after her until she sleeps with you, and that’s it?” Nikki said, her feelings close to how Shawn was feeling. 

“There’s more to it, Nik,” Gabe defended himself. “I said what I had to say. She said things, too. And here we are.”

“She sure had a lot to say when I saw her,” Nikki taunted as she side-eyed Shawn, and he returned the look. 

“I really don’t care,” Gabe said with a smirk as he grabbed another drink. 

The topic was quickly forgotten as someone else started complaining about their job, but Gabe somehow always brought it back to him in the worst way. 

Shawn slowly drank his water as he listened to everyone talk. It was different, but still so familiar. He was glad he was here. 

“You know who I’ve been talking to?” Gabe said. 

No one said anything as they waited for him to just say it so they could move on. 

“[Y/N],” he said simply. 

This time Shawn did choke as he coughed a few times. He could see Nikki stiffen up from beside him. 

“What?” Shawn said a little too harshly. 

“Yep,” Gabe said, completely not seeing how Shawn reacted. “I texted her a few weeks ago, and we’ve been talking for a while.”

“You’re fucking with us right?” Brian said from across Shawn. 

“Why would I lie about this?” Gabe said as he threw his hands up. “I have a string of texts from her to prove it, but I would never share those extremely private messages with you,” he said with a smirk. 

Shawn felt his head spinning as he rubbed his forehead, completely confused as to what was going on with you. 

“I don’t get it,” Shawn finally said as he looked up at Gabe. 

Gabe returned the look as Shawn shook his head. 

“Don’t get what? It’s [Y/N]. How could I not want to talk to her?”

“That I understand. What I don’t understand is why she’s talking to you,” Shawn said as he tried to calm himself down. 

“We’ve all been friends since we were babies. What’s so bad about me talking to [Y/N] again?” 

“Yes, we’ve all been friends. We get that. But the two of you were never particularly close. She cut off everyone else in this group except Shawn for the sake of starting new, so if she was going to talk to anyone, no one thought it would be you,” Nikki chimed in. 

“You’re just pissed because it’s not you,” Gabe retaliated. 

“[Y/N] needs space right now. And I’m giving it to her. When she wants to come back, we’ll be right back to normal. I can’t say that for the whole group now because of what you’re doing,” Nikki almost yelled. 

“It’s a two-way street, Nikole,” Gabe taunted as Nikki rolled her eyes. 

“I still don’t understand,” Shawn mumbled just for Nikki to hear, but Gabe still heard it. 

“Stop being so hurt about this, Mendes. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” Shawn snapped. “Nothing is ever ‘just nothing’ to her.”

“Well, maybe she’s changed.”

“No, she hasn’t. She’s been through hell and back for six years. She is not going to change overnight to sell her soul to talk to you,” Shawn snapped. 

“I’m seeing her tomorrow, but thanks for being so damn supportive,” Gabe snapped back. 

Nikki gasped audibly as Shawn stood up, Gabe taking a step back as Shawn towered over him. 

“You’re seeing her?” Shawn said quietly as he looked down at him. 

Gabe folded his arms across his chest before he said, “Yeah, I’m driving down to see her tomorrow afternoon. And who knows, I might not come home until the day after.”

Brian’s hand wrapped around Shawn’s shoulder before he would do something he’d regret. Shawn shrugged him off quickly as he sat back down, and Nikki squeezed his wrist. 

Everyone got quiet as Gabe sat back down also, the silence becoming deafening as no one wanted to say anything. 

“Why are you really mad about this?” Gabe tested. 

“I just told you,” Shawn sneered. 

Gabe rolled his eyes and leaned back, resting his ankle on his opposite knee. “There’s more to it. You just don’t want to admit that you’ve been pining after her for years with no reciprocation, and it only took me a few weeks to be doing everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”

Nikki grabbed his wrist again, knowing Shawn would punch him if she didn’t.

“I’m so fucking sick of you,” Shawn said. 

“[Y/N] isn’t,” he taunted again. 

Shawn shot up and grabbed his coat he had abandoned by a cooler and threw his bottle in the garbage. 

“Running away, Mendes?” Gabe tested. 

Shawn turned around to glare at him once more. “You will always be the same piece of shit you were when you ditched Layla Peters at the middle school dance almost ten years ago. You have not changed, and you never will. [Y/N] will realize that.”

Shawn didn’t wait for the response as he stormed out of the backyard, Nikki hot on his heels. 

“Shawn, stop,” she said as she grabbed his wrist and pulled him back once he had reached the front yard. 

“I’m not staying, Nik,” he said quickly. 

“No, no, I don’t blame you,” she said back as she shook her head. “I just want to make sure you’re ok.”

Shawn let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. 

“I’m fine,” he said through a forced smile. “Just shocked.”

“Yeah, me too,” Nikki said. “You don’t really think she’s changed have you?” She asked cautiously. 

“She hasn’t,” Shawn said. “I’ve talked to her every day for the past year. She’s the same girl she’s been since day 1.”

Nikki nodded her head and looked down at her feet. 

“She’ll talk to you again soon,” Shawn said. 

“I know,” she said with a shrug. “We went from talking all the time to just texting each other happy birthday or  quick check-ins.”

“She needed the change,” Shawn reminded her. 

A beat of silence went by as Nikki just looked at him. 

“How do you not get it?” Nikki said with a slight smile. 

“Don’t get what?” Shawn said with a confused look on his face.

“She stopped talking to all of us, even me, her best friend, but she still calls you every day,” she said slowly. “Don’t you see it?”

Shawn sighed, knowing he had thought about that a time too many, but never wanted to think too far in case he was wrong. 

“Then why Gabe?” He asked as he felt his throat tighten. 

She shrugged her shoulders as she crossed her arms. “There’s gotta be something going on.”

“I’m going to find out,” Shawn said with a sure sound in his voice. 

Shawn gave Nikki a quick hug before he finally left, practically running back home. He unlocked his back door and grabbed his car keys, glancing at the clock to see it was 1:00 am. 

And he was going to go see you. 

You were up later than expected, something unusual for you typically. You were too used to going to bed before midnight every night, so the fact that it was after 2:30 am when you got home, was something so different. 

Something you weren’t used to doing. 

But you were doing a lot of that lately. 

You rested your head against your cupboard as you forced yourself to drink some water and eat some food, having not done much of that before drinking more than you planned while out with your coworkers. 

You had multiple unread texts, most of them from Brian, Gabe, or Nikki, but you ignored them like you’ve been doing for the past year. You glanced down at your phone just to remind yourself that Shawn never texted you about the bonfire. You felt a pang, but you chalked it up to the alcohol in your empty stomach. 

You forced yourself to stand up and wash your face off and take out your contacts. You looked at yourself in the mirror for a moment too long as you forced yourself not to cry. 

The harsh knock on your door snapped you out of your delusion. Your eyebrows crinkled in confusion at the knock at an odd hour, but you figured it was just a coworker with something you forgot. 

You threw your sweatshirt on and made your way to your front door. 

Your face fell at the person standing in front of you. 

“Shawn?” You said under your breath. 

Shawn didn’t respond, instead just pushed past you to pace in your front room. 

“Why are you here? What’s going on?” You asked as you rubbed your head. 

“Gabe?” was the only thing that he could get out. 

Your face fell as you looked at the floor, not being able to look him in the eyes. You were hoping he’d never find out. 

“How did you know?” You asked quietly, your eyes fixated on his feet. 

“He bragged about it to everyone all night at the bonfire you basically made me go to,” he said, his voice raising. 

“Because you need to be doing things with your friends,” you snapped back. 

“That’s not the fucking point and even if it was, you haven’t been doing a lot of that either lately,” he said. 

“Why do you care?” You said, finally looking at him. “So what, I’m seeing Gabe, a friend I’ve known forever. Who cares?” You threw your hands up as you moved further into the room. 

“Because it’s Gabe!” He yelled. “You know exactly what he does and who he is. We know that better than anyone. We have listened to his stories about fucking over girls since middle school, and suddenly you’re ‘talking’ to him?” He added air quotes and an eye roll around ‘talking.’

“This has nothing to do with you,” you said, forcing your voice to stay quieter. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you told me everything,” he said, the hurt showing in his face. “But I guess you don’t.”

“Shawn, don’t do that,” you said cautiously. 

“No, I’m doing it,” he said. “I wouldn’t be half as mad as I am right now if you would’ve just told me. I would want to hear something like that from you. Even if I didn’t like what it was. So why didn’t you tell me?” He asked again. 

You stayed quiet, knowing both of you knew the answer to that question as it loomed between you in the air. 

“Because you were embarrassed?” Shawn tested the answer out loud, the smug look on his face making you want to slap him. 

“I’m an adult, Shawn. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I’m not embarrassed that I’m hanging out with a friend tomorrow,” you snapped. 

“What happened to you?” Shawn asked. “The [Y/N] I know would never fall for his bullshit. So who the hell am I talking to right now because it certainly isn’t her.”

That one stung, knocking down your last walls of defense, as you sat down on the chair by the doorway, resting your head in your hands as you rubbed your forehead and begged yourself not to cry, not to let him win. 

Shawn knew he went too far with that one, but he didn’t move. 

“Because I’m so sick of this shit,” you finally said, the tears welling up in your eyes as Shawn’s stomach dropped. 

“I am sick of thinking that love is right around the corner for me when I’ve been waiting for years,” you yelled, the tears flowing as your voice went raspy. “I have been begging whatever God is listening to send me someone that’ll last more than one fucking date, and I still haven’t gotten that. I’ve barely gotten a guy to kiss me. So I’m done with it. I’m done waiting for true love because it’s just not fucking coming.”

“How come just a few months ago you were saying you’d wait forever for the right person?” Shawn tested. 

“I have been searching for a fairytale love since I was a kid, and I haven’t found anything remotely close to it yet. I just realized that maybe it isn’t for me,” you croaked out. 

“You don’t really believe that?” Shawn said as his voice went soft. 

You took a deep breath and tried to rub your eyes dry. 

It took everything in Shawn not to wrap his arms around you. He hadn’t done that in months. 

“In seventh grade, when I was sleeping at Nikki’s house once, I told her I was scared I’d never find love. And she told me that we were only 12 and I had a lifetime. And there were boys that would beg to be with me one day. It’s been 10 years, Shawn, and I’ve gotten none of that. And then Gabe texted me,” you confessed. 

Shawn didn’t say anything as he leaned against the wall across from you. He was out of words and questions to fire at you. 

“Nothing you can say at this point is going to convince me to not see Gabe tomorrow,” you said as you finally met his eyes. “I’m going with anything at this point, so I’m seeing him tomorrow.”

“Please, don’t,” Shawn said just above a whisper as he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Why?”

“You just said nothing will convince you otherwise. So I won’t try,” Shawn said calmly. 

Your heart dropped as you just sat there. 

“But you want me to convince you. Because you don’t want to succumb to this,” Shawn said. 

“I’m running out of options.”

“No, you’re not,” Shawn said sternly. 

It was your turn to run out words as you looked up at him, seeing his eyes fixated on the wall behind you. It was a wall of pictures. And he couldn’t stop staring at the one of you and him in Germany from over a year ago when you came to visit him. He was going to tell you he loved you that day. 

You finally turned around to see the picture he was staring at, and you sighed as you turned back around to look at him as he finally met your eyes. 

“You’re not out of options,” Shawn said again. 

“Then what are my other options?” You asked cautiously. 

Shawn tore his eyes away from you again, this time fixating on a picture of your group of friends in the second grade then his eyes traveled to a picture of you, him, and Nikki at junior prom when he flew home to surprise you. 

“You really don’t get it?” He asked. 

You didn’t say anything. 

“My whole life for the past 21 years has revolved around you. Wherever you wanted me to be or not to be, I’d be there. When you wanted to talk, I was there. When you didn’t want to talk, I was still there. To watch you tell yourself that you’re scared you’ll never find love when I’m standing right fucking here is just the worst feeling I’ve ever felt,” he confessed. 

Your heart dropped as you looked back down at his feet. 

“When I surprised you for prom,” he said as he gestured to the picture. “I thought you’d just get it. I thought I wouldn’t have to say anything.”

“And Germany…” he trailed off. “I was so close to telling you when we were ducking into an alley in the pouring rain, and you couldn’t stop laughing. I was so close to just looking at you and telling you.”

“Telling me what?” You said quietly as you looked at him. 

“That I love you,” he let out. “And not in the way I’ve been telling you for our whole lives. In the way, like I want to wake up to you every morning for the rest of my life.”

Your heart wrenched as you physically felt your chest tighten and the butterflies erupt. 

You took a moment to remember what you always planned on saying to him on late nights where you couldn’t sleep and couldn’t imagine anyone loving you as you loved him. 

“It was our sophomore year of high school. We had just turned 16,” you started. “You were playing the piano in the music room. You thought no one was there, but I was trying to find you and knew exactly where you’d be. And I just stood in the doorway and watched you play and how you put everything into it even when no one was around,” you said just above a whisper. “I’ve always wanted someone like you, but I’ve been telling myself I don’t deserve that my whole life.”

You looked up at him to see him looking down at you already. You took that chance to stand up and take a step closer. 

“I’m not going to see Gabe tomorrow,” you finally said. 

Shawn forced himself not to smile as he slowly took your hand in his. 

“Thought nothing would convince you?” he tested, his face getting closer to yours. 

“Guess you found the one thing,” you whispered. 

You took your other hand and placed it on Shawn’s cheek, slowly tracing your thumb along his cheekbone as you looked into his eyes, closer than you ever had before. 

“I love you,” you said. “And not in the way I’ve been saying for years. In the way, like I want you to stay here, with me, just us, forever.”

Shawn didn’t have to say anything else as he finally pressed his lips against yours, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and pulling you against him. 

It didn’t last long before you were pulling away and he was enveloping you into a hug. His chin rested on top of your head as he stared at the picture on your wall again, fixating on the one of the two of you at your graduation last spring. 

It was that moment he realized he was in every picture on your wall. 

“I love you,” he whispered against the top of your head. 

You pressed a kiss to his chest as you buried your head in it again. 

“I love you, too,” you whispered back. 

“Why don’t we go to bed? We can talk more in the morning,” he said as he ran his hands up and down your back. 

You simply nodded your head as the two of you pulled away, and Shawn pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

You took his hand and dragged him to your room. He immediately pulled you into his arms, kissing you one last time before you rested your head on his chest. 

A comfortable silence filled the room as you tangled in each other’s arms.

“I guess I have to tell Gabe,” you whispered. 

“I can do it,” Shawn offered. “In fact, I would love to do it,” he said with a little too much excitement in his voice. 

You grabbed your phone from the table and clicked on your messages with him. You typed out a message as Shawn watched you. 

“That good?” 

“Perfect.”

You set your phone down again as you cuddled into Shawn and let sleep wash over you. 

Shawn couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he looked down at you as you peacefully slept. He pressed gentle kisses to your forehead before also falling asleep. 

He was home. 

— 

Hey, just realized I’ve been waiting for love my whole life and it’s actually been right in front of me the whole time. So, no, I won’t be seeing you tomorrow. 

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[distractionactivated]

HOW TO FIX AQUAMAN.

Abridged:

Care about the sea, its people and creatures and moods and true colours

Care about Tom’s Pacific Island heritage

Let Atlanna be more than a cariacature of A Mom

Honour her trauma, and Mera’s desperation; worldbuild Atlantis better

Keep all that deep charm and joy that somehow still was there.

LET THE SEA BE IN LOVE

I’m hinging this all off that key line, which I don’t remember the exact wording of, of Arthur saying he’d been taught to hide his feelings and deal with his problems by hitting them.

And that doesn’t make sense in the film as we’re given it – his dad’s clearly an emotionally intelligent, sensitive man, Willem Dafoe is never shown shutting Arthur down that way and in fact is shown nurturing his joy, they don’t show enough of his interactions with the general culture of toxic masculinity to blame that… But it could make sense. Have him be just a bit older when Atlanna leaves, and then make it be her.

So you’ve got this struggling, grieving father being like ‘hey kid, it’s okay to be sad,’ and Arthur staring at his scruffy shoes like, ‘mommy told me I had to be strong,’ and Dad’s gotta figure out how to say ‘mommy was wrong,’ to a lost, grieving kid.

Like overall, really scale it down. Pay the effects people more to do less. Focus on the central drama, and care about the sea.

Atlanna leaving put a void between Arthur and Tom (dad, but the writing was so bad I had to look it up), but they can connect on the shore, through birds and fish and seaweed. Tom is approached by Willem Dafoe saying ‘I want to teach Arthur’ and rebukes him the first time bc he’s afraid Dafoe will hammer more ice into him. He only allows it when he sees Dafoe will nurture his joy. Arthur is a child of both worlds and he needs both, and he comes alive with it.

DON’T open with the parents’ drama, though. Open with the sea. I don’t know what that means and I don’t see the point in wasting creative energy on figuring it out, but the sea is at the heart. OH maybe it means open with ‘Arthur Stops A Bad Thing’ only the bad thing is an operation that is simultaneously polluting the waters and abusing its workers. Manta – doesn’t he have a fucking NAME???! – is mostly in charge there and he and his dad have worked their ASSES off to not be members of the toiling class they rule, they’re scared of falling, they’re insecure. Let there be actual real-world race politics, my god. (Let Tom being a Pacific Islander be explicitly talked about! Arthur is biracial in both human and fantasy terms, let that. fucking. matter.)

(ON THAT NOTE remove the fantasy border patrol, my god, please, fucking hell. I KNOW a big theme is the boundaries of the two worlds, but a superhero film is never going to go far enough criticising the real human atrocity of borders. Just don’t. If you have to, uh, enforce that boundary, put some fucking thought into how that works rather than lazily cloning actual atrocities.)

So anyway. You’ve got tons of time to nail emotional beats, we’re cutting out most of the fights, I don’t remember them, they weren’t necessary. You’ve got time to hold Jesse up against Tom and Atlanna as a parent, to show him working and pushing and caring for his son in a fucked system; to show the fears of the parents reflected in the viciousness of the children, to have the encounter be a goddamn tragedy. When Arthur says whatever the line is, ‘ask the sea for mercy’ – he’s trying to live up to what he thought his mother was, to what her fears told him he needed to be.

Anyway back to how you’re interacting with the sea; don’t just use its creatures as set dressing. Don’t use their slaughters as a villainous gotcha that will never come up again. Have Arthur not be able to tell Orm at first, but in his heart know: not all humans. The seas are being killed by like a few people and corporations and they have addresses. Most people are just poor fuckers being fucked. He can’t say it (remember what Atlanna told him! Be the ice, be the bitter water!) but we can flash back to Tom telling him about his own people and their relationship with the sea.

Keep the sea creatures in their habitats, care about their habitats. Have Arthur’s communing be a lost art that the Atlanteans have buried to do their tech shit or something. Hell, maybe they’re polluting too. Maybe they’re hypocrites. If they’re imperialists, they should be.

Like, commit to the Atlantean stiff upper lip, to the cruelty and unnaturalness of a people cutting themselves off from their place in the world; blame human empires if you want, that’s valid, but like ‘I will conquer them all’ comes from a place of deep brokenness. Actually show what Atlantis is. Let Mera’s desperation matter.

I don’t know how to express how the sea should be conveyed – certainly not in so many technicolour lights, let it be in its own colours and eerie shades – but it should be a character. Fuck the trident, the trident doesn’t matter, it’s a symbol. The trident is forged of seawater. The sea has its moods, its feelings, its own thoughts on who the King is. The sea loves Arthur. The sea wants him in every way it can have him. OT3 Arthur/Mera/The Sea. I’m absolutely fucking serious about this. His communing can be a thing the sea is giving him, and he doesn’t even know it.

Anyway they’re all gonna have to grapple with Atlanna being cold and bitter like the winter sea in the end, but she’s had like twenty years to think and regret, and she never was what he thought she was either; she was a woman who could love and be loved by Tom. So she tries. And she’s awkward and uncertain and she falls back into bad habits, but she’s got that perspective and it helps Arthur realise that he’s twisted HIMSELF up into knots.

Honestly, honour her Atlantean trauma, and Mera’s.

There’s no big gribbly monster. There’s just the sea, and the scorn in the long-dead King’s voice, and the sea’s… mercy, I guess.

[calumcest]

hello i don't have time to answer your messages today bc i have to go watch umbrella academy with my dad now i'm very sorry but i heard soulmate au drabbles & i need them. i miss luke being bitchy so much it's insane (not that i'm not loving all the britpop content but soulmate lashton are my life) okay so i can't decide between 'it's freezing in here' & 'i don't want to talk about it' so please write whatever you want with either of those just please make it soulmate lashton -spoiler twin

omg i hope u enjoyed umbrella academy! also dont worry about it omg no stress get to it when u get to it theres never any pressure from me god knows itd be hypocritical anyway given how terrible i am at responding to messages but i get it no pressure x 

-

Of course, it stands to reason that the first time Clifford goes missing is while Luke’s in London with Ashton. 

He’s not even sure how it happens. One minute Clifford’s in Luke’s line of vision, barking happily as he chases a squirrel and then changes his mind and chases his own tail instead, and then Ashton’s calling Luke, making Luke turn around on instinct, only to see Ashton tapping his watch to indicate they need to get going if they’re going to make it to their next interview with the researchers, and when he turns back, Clifford’s gone. 

It doesn’t immediately register, because Clifford bounds about like a fucking madman anyway, so Luke just searches the area a little lazily, eyes flicking from tree to bush to path to tree, but when he’s covered about three-quarters of the patch of grass in front of them, he’s frowning, stepping forward as he twists left to right, panic rising in his chest as he realises shit, shit, Clifford’s not there. 

“Shit,” he mutters, and looks over to the tree Clifford had been playing near, just in case he’d somehow managed to miss him, but the only dog there is a huge Samoyed ambling lazily around its base. 

“Luke,” Ashton calls again, and Luke feels a sudden stab of anger so strong that it makes his vision blur, mixing with the panic to create a hot mixture of fury that tries to claw its way up his throat and onto his tongue. God, if Ashton hadn’t called his name just to tell him they need to leave, this wouldn’t have happened. He couldn’t’ve just fucking said Luke, we need to go like a normal person, could he? No, the fucking narcissist needed Luke to be looking at him, needed to be the centre of Luke’s attention. Fucking hell. 

Luke grits his teeth as he jogs past the tree the Samoyed’s sniffing around, not even catching its attention as he passes, and looks wildly around the open, empty space on the other side. There’s a couple walking their Labrador to his left, three children playing football on his right, a mother exasperatedly dragging her screaming child away from a puddle he clearly wants to play in, but no tiny, yappy dog bounding around, chasing birds or squirrels or other dogs. 

Shit. 

Shit.

He can’t have lost Clifford. He can’t have. Not in London, especially, thousands and thousands of miles from home and Michael and Calum with only Ashton for company. God, he’d rather be alone, he thinks, as he turns back around and looks back over at the tree a little desperately, like his memory of Clifford trotting around it will make him re-materialise there, somehow. It doesn’t, though, unless Clifford re-materialises as a huge, fluffy white dog, and Luke swears under his breath as his heart hammers in his chest, fists clenching and unclenching at his side as his gaze flits from left to right and back again, hazy around the edges with panic. 

He doesn’t even know how to look for a missing dog. Posters, sure, but where? London’s huge, and Clifford could be fucking anywhere by now, full of endless energy and curiosity and an insatiable desire to explore streets he’s never been down before. He’s far too friendly for his own good, too, always yaps at Ashton’s feet in that way that means I want to be picked up right now and by you specifically, fuck the guy who buys me food and toys and cuddles me at night, and a vision of Clifford sat at someone else’s feet at dinner, blinking up at them beseechingly while they shovel chicken into their mouth hits Luke so hard it almost gives him whiplash, makes him swallow back bile. 

What’s he going to say to Ashton? I lost my dog in the three seconds I looked away from him? Ashton’s had Spot for years, had Ralph and Evie before her, too, and he’s never lost any of his dogs. Luke’s going to look completely incompetent, fucking hell. It doesn’t matter, though, really, he tells himself - at least, not yet, won’t matter until Clifford’s back with him and safe again. 

He takes a deep breath and clenches his fists again, inhales deeply and exhales heavily, trying to let the desire to throttle Ashton leave with the air in his lungs, and then marches stiffly back around the tree, rehearsing what he’s going to say to Ashton. You cunt, Clifford ran away while you were- no, too angry. Clifford’s run awa- no, too matter-of-fact, makes it sound like it’s a common occurrence. I need to find Clifford, maybe? That’s vague enough, isn’t it? Yeah, that’ll do; he can send Ashton off to the interview and let him make their excuses while he combs the park looking for Clifford. After all, it’s Ashton’s fucking fault Clifford’s got lost, isn’t it? The least the fucker can do is come up with an excuse for Luke’s absence.

Luke takes another deep breath, rounds the corner and plays the words over and over again in his head, trying to make sure they’re practiced enough to sound real, eyes searching for Ashton. He spots him waiting by the gate leading out of the park, looking aimlessly around as he stands lazily, shifting from foot to foot, arms at his side, dog between his legs- 

Dog between his legs. 

Clifford’s right there, nestled happily between Ashton’s legs, gazing aimlessly around the park with his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging. He looks serene, that calm happiness that he usually only gets with Luke, and it makes Luke furious for some reason, makes him jog over to Ashton with an expression that makes Ashton frown at him as soon as he sees him coming. 

“What?” Ashton asks, puzzled, brows drawn over hazel eyes. Luke swallows, trying not to think about the way Ashton’s lashes are casting tiny shadows on the smooth skin of his cheekbones. He still wants to throttle him. 

“Nothing,” he says tightly, and yanks Clifford’s lead out of Ashton’s hand without so much as a thank you, relief flooding his veins so fast and hard that he barely even notices the way his fingers tingle as they make contact with Ashton’s skin. 

“What happened?” Ashton sounds genuinely concerned, like maybe Luke had been mugged while he’d been running wildly around the field - Jesus, Luke thinks, with a tiny grimace; he must have looked fucking insane to Ashton. 

“Nothing,” Luke snaps, and winds Clifford’s lead around his hand a few times, making sure he can’t stray further than a foot from Luke’s heels. Clifford glares up at him, like he knows what Luke’s doing and resents him for restricting his freedom, but doesn’t bark about it, which is something. 

“Are you okay?” Ashton asks, and his voice is a little softer now, tinged with the sort of gentle concern that Luke only ever hears from Calum to Michael. It makes Luke’s stomach lurch, somehow, the way he associates that tone with Calum and Michael, and he nods curtly, and looks away from Ashton.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Luke says, letting all the anger and frustration leak into his voice to hide the slight edge of fear, and Ashton bites his lip but nods, and steps away. 

“Alright,” he says, and that’s it. He doesn’t push, he doesn’t nudge, he doesn’t wheedle, he doesn’t force it out of Luke, he just steps back, steps away, and respects Luke’s space. A wave of guilt washes over Luke at that - it hadn’t really been Ashton’s fault, had it? - but he stares steadfastly ahead of him as he reaches for the gate and pulls it open with a little more force than strictly necessary. Ashton lets him go through first, lets him tug on Clifford’s lead and pull him through too, before walking behind him, closing the gate and falling into step a metre or two away from Luke, giving him the space he needs. 

They walk in silence for a while, Ashton ambling alongside Luke as he tries to focus on his ebbing anger, trying to dredge it back to the forefront of his heart so he won’t have to think about the guilt that’s quietly but insistently making a home in it. Loath though he is to admit it to himself, Luke has to concede that it wouldn’t have been Ashton’s fault if Clifford had run away. And it’s not Ashton’s fault that Clifford had run to him instead of Luke, that he’s happy and calm with him in the same way he is with Luke, but it doesn’t stop the tired anger spiking in Luke’s veins a little when he thinks about it, furious at the idea that Clifford could possibly like Ashton. But it’s not Ashton’s fault. 

Luke doesn’t say anything, can’t bring himself to apologise for his bad mood and his unwarranted snappiness, but by the time they arrive at the interview, still not having spoken a word, he realises that the gap between himself and Ashton has narrowed to all of a few centimetres, his hand brushing against Ashton’s every so often as they walk, and he can’t remember whether it had been him or Ashton who had closed the gap.

(It doesn’t really matter, though, he realises with a jolt, because either way, he’d allowed it to happen.)

[unwiltingblossom]

Hey. Just wanna rant some shit out of my system. I just find it hypocritical whenever someone in the mm fandom says 707 is the best out of everyone. Ofc, the people in the fandom don't say that directly, but that's what they're trying to show LOL. When they say "I can't because he's much of a narcissist and his bragging is so annoying, Yoosung is such a crybaby and is so fucking whiny, Jaehee is also irritating, Jumin's a jerk, but I love 707. Would definitely date him in real life." (1)

Like wtf guys? So you're saying it's VERY realistic to date a goddamn secret agent hacker that of course when you get involved with, his and your life will be in such a TERRIBLE DANGER.  Can't understand this fandom jfc. They're SOO biased towards 707. They only want to see things that they like and will deny some fucking facts. They make excuses like "7 is only pushy and aggressive to you bc he doesn't want you to be harmed bc of his job"  I mean, how about Zen's narcissism then? (2)

Zen became a 'narcissist' because he experienced verbal abused in his past. He has so many fucking self doubts and insecurities that's why he always praises himself.  Yoosung is not fucking dumb. He was doing so well in the past but lost motivation bc his cousin just died.   Jaehee is also having a hard time because she didn't know her passion. She doesn't fucking know what she wants and likes to do.  Jumin have been sheltered his entire life. He didn't know how to deal with his emotions (3)

But when it comes to 7 people just... Praises him and all that hypocritical shit. (4) 

Goodness.

I agree, honestly, 707 is probably the person you would least want to date in real life outside of the After Story boys. Zen is probably second least, due to how badly his career interferes with any relationship he has. 707 is immature, and he’s also very dangerous in a non memey way. His dad wants him dead and so do a bunch of other people, and being attached to him would put you in danger, too. And he’s also not at all above emotionally manipulating or gaslighting you because of this. That doesn’t make for a healthy relationship in real life.

You’re right though, yep. I mean frankly I don’t mind Zen’s narcissism regardless because I find it cute, rather than grating, but it remains that he’s actually reflexively praising himself because he himself doesn’t believe it, due to his parents verbally abusing him as a child. He doesn’t think he’s worthy of all the attention he gets, and doesn’t really believe he’s beautiful even if mentally he knows it’s true, so he constantly tries to convince himself of it by repeating it over and over.

Yoosung’s also not stupid. He used to get really good grades, and it’s very common that people’s grades drop off a cliff after significant trauma, like losing a loved one, which has only happened 2 years prior. He also says he struggles to even get up in the morning. Of course his grades are poor. That doesn’t make him dumb, though. And while he may seem naive, it’s mostly just that 7 uses his position of authority and Yoosung’s trust to constantly trick him. However, Jumin is 100% for Yoosung working for C&R despite this, and that says that Yoosung isn’t actually dumb or incompetent at all.

It really does seem like fandom likes to make excuses for everything 7 does. I don’t know if I’d say it’s only 7, because I see people make a lot of excuses for Jaehee, too, but it can be tiring to see people tear apart every character’s flaws and ignore all their good points or why they’re that way and then pretend 7 is the only perfect/good boy, or the only one who fits the MC (even though the MC literally changes COMPLETELY from route to route, so that she’s always the perfect fit for the boy in question)

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2283

i did a bunch of work today. kinda exhausted.

i attended and took notes in class, i cleaned my room and went through my wardrobe to get rid of stuff in the first real clothing purge of the last like five years, and then i did all of the assignments that were due for earth science before 6pm, which was weird for me bc i usually do them after everything else during the day. but i had time, so i did them early. i also listened to two sections of math lecture, so i can do homework for that section tomorrow, and maybe get a head start on the rest of my exhaustive list of homework for each day of the rest of the semester. quite literally, i made a list. numbered it, put in all of my assignments and when i'd do them, so i have it all laid out in front of me so i can keep to the schedule, because if i fall behind any more i will not finish the semester. but i have to, and i have to have something to show to my professor tomorrow to let her know i'm not giving up, but that instead it's my mental inertia that is really preventing me from being productive. mental inertia is what i'm calling my brain's unwillingness to do a single fuckin thing on any given day. because of the definition and practical understanding of inertia, it means though that if i want it to move, i have to move it myself. i have to push it. because that's really what i'm dealing with - an unwilling blob of disaster that has a decent ability to function if it ever gets off its ass. so i need the motivation to push that blob until it starts sliding. lots of principles of physics here: inertia, forces, static and kinetic friction. yknow, the drill.

anyway, i'm proud of myself for today, even though it feels like i missed doing stuff. breaking things down into specific details helps me, so having a day-by-day calendar that goes line by line telling me what i need to do on a given day will help me push my dumbass brain into gear. it's a variation, i suppose, on the block method of task organization andrew tells his clients about. sticky notes worked for a semester. a detailed planner worked really well for a semester. so now, straight-up pads of paper will have to work for the rest of the semester. i need to rotate my methods so i don't get complacent and ignore things, like i can easily do if things are uniform and are exactly the same. which is why a list is easier i guess, because yes it's all supposed to look the same, but it's a different visual thing than a wall of brightly-colored sticky notes that end up blending into the faded yellow wall. which is a problem i have. so. i'd like to go back to the planner thing, but that also worked best when i was on campus and not stuck at home for school stuff.

also i talked to joel a little bit today. sort of a normal interaction: he asked me if i wanted to fight, i begged for death, he said no, i said why, he gave some bullshit answer, then we changed the topic. kinda funny tbh, that's sort of our way of checking in on each other. it allows me to actually tell him how i'm feeling, and while he doesn't give up much information himself, a lot of it is supporting me and my nonsense and buffoonery as i simply exist as a ball of Anxiety™ that stress-cleans and vibrates in place as i contemplate the tasks i must complete. today was an anxiety day, so i told him. [it's nice to tell someone things about my emotional state and for them to take me and what i say at face value instead of trying to break me down into pieces of "drama" and "not drama," because that's what my mom does. if i feel too much, her first response is "what's real and what's drama," or "you're being dramatic," or some other equally bullshit gaslighting of my emotional state that's fuckin fragile in the first place. like, listen linda. "what's real" all of it. "what's drama" none of it, you moldy peach pit. i feel what i feel, and you are not allowed to tell me that what i'm feeling isn't real, so shut your mouth and sit the fuck down, you melted stick of unsalted butter.] but yeah. joel actually listens and i love the shit out of him for it.

and lastly, i watched a christmas movie. by myself. before thanksgiving. but. in my defense, it was about a struggling writer at a writing conference who ends up repeatedly unknowingly bumping into the keynote speaker, a published author of whom she happens to be a fangirl in increasingly embarrassing situations at first. and then they're paired as writing buddies for the conference, and he gives her pointers and they banter and work together and it's just really cute and the Drama occurs when he's trying to tell her he's the author but she keeps rushing to go somewhere and it's the keynote and the author walks in and it's HIM. THE DRAMA. THE BETRAYAL. THE YEARNING. and then he comes to her dad's house and surprises her on christmas day with a letter from a publisher bc her revised copy of her manuscript was really good bc of all the help he gave her and the experiences they shared and all the good stuff and she said it was basically a happy ever after, to which he replied, "i guess it is." and then she says, "so kiss me already," and points to the mistletoe above them and it's SO CUTE AND SWEET AND I ALMOST CRIED.

but anyway, i feel like a hypocrite because christmas!! shouldn't!! happen!! before!! thanksgiving!! that's!! a!! rule!! and i HATE IT when people put up christmas decorations in early november, but at this point i'm accepting that it's something that gives people joy so i really shouldn't step on that. it's just. learning to accept that people enjoy certain things and i should encourage them instead of rag on them for it. i'm not perfect. i'm still learning. and i want to be a kinder person to people, more loving and accepting and supportive, and i'm slowly overcoming my own hatred of things as i grow and distance myself further from the shit that made me this way. i'm learning! if i make a mistake please tell me gently, because i want to be better but i also have RSD and i WILL shut down and tear myself down forever if i am told harshly bc that's just how i am. i'm trying to get over it a little at a time by accepting things as time goes on, but in the meantime i need help. so that's all, i guess.

thanks for reading and for caring, i love you guys and i hope you're enjoying things that being you joy, even if other people give you shit for it. i will do my best to support you!

also if you're in the US and are of voting age and are registered and haven't already voted, GO VOTE TOMORROW. some states have same-day registration, so bring an ID and go register if you need to. this election will determine our futures - i know so many of us are in circumstances that would be harmed if we had another four years of the racist orange peel in office now, so i know many others who may straight-up die because of it. we need protections. we need to have our rights protected. we need to have our lives protected. and we can't do that with the damaged candy corn in office for any longer. he'a already fucked with us enough. we can't afford any more of it. now i'm just angry ranting. please, go vote for joe biden. politics is like public transit: if there's no train going exactly where you need to go, you don't just not get on the train. you take the one that gets you the closest, and work your way from there. that's joe biden. and, if biden does indeed win, our fights aren't over. we have people we need to protect from the conservatives and racists and white supremacists that exist goddamn everywhere. we need to keep reminding people that it's our responsibility to take care of one another in every way we can. there's a laundry list of things that needs to be fixed; unfortunately they won't happen all at once. so we have to keep fighting, no matter who's in office. VOTE.

VOTE.