#and my brain isnfighting me every second I try and just exist
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#i fucking hate myself tonight#i keep trying to not beat myself up about like...having feelings#but what happened sucks#being alone sucks#and my brain isnfighting me every second I try and just exist#i keep thinking im not WORTH being in anyones life#and i know i have people who care about me my brain is just fucking broken and it doesnt want to believe them#i don't want to feel sick to my stomach anymore when instaty having feelings#I'm so scared#i want to give up i really do#i can finally pick up my new meds today so maybe sleep and those working into my system will help#i need them to so fucking bad#i keep trying to fix myself and i keep getting reminded that its not been enough no matter how much i improve#I'd give almost anything to be normal so that maybe someone could love me without the looming BPD shaped sword of damocles hanging overhead#i feel fucking stupid for even being upset about this#but whatever#sleep then breakfast then meds then just take everything minute to minute one day at a time#i can do this#i can fucking do this
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