#and more experience with other people's caretaking styles too

[whentherewerebicycles]

I am working from the airbnb today while my mom & sister take the baby out on various beach adventures + ice cream/cheese factory tours. i made them send me pictures and WAHHHH. i love that little baby and i love seeing my family love him. i feel like in the first month or so of his life i spent a lot of time feeling sad about the fact that i didn't have a partner who was equally invested in our baby and was there to witness and share all the little memories with me. i am really enjoying being a solo parent and have no regrets about my choice, but i worried it would feel lonely to love him on my own and not have someone to share that love with. but in the months since i have just been so struck by how much our family structure feels more open to the world instead of closed-off in a traditional nuclear family type of way. obviously both types of families have things to recommend them! like, there are lots of good things about a two-parent household and having a larger extended family where you have two sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. but having a one-parent, one-extended family household also has its own beautiful advantages. he gets to spend so much more time with my parents and my sister especially - both because i want it that way and because i have to rely more on my family for help since there's only one of me. i don't have a partner whose schedule or preferences need to be taken into account, so we can join my mom and sister on a spur-of-the-moment vacation. i also don't have a partner who can be responsible for the baby while i'm doing work on vacation, so my mom and sister got to take him out for a whole day of sightseeing and adventures with just them there. idk i'm not sure i'm articulating this well but i think there's a joyful flexibility and openness to this family structure that i wasn't anticipating and that i think/hope will really enrich his experience of the world. he gets to have all these alloparents who love him and know him well and have real responsibility for him. it's beautiful!

[mmmkaybye]

Why Zutara Shippers are Wrong (JK, You can ship who you want lol)

(Although, I don't care if you do actually ship Zutara, that's your prerogative, I'm just waiting for better arguments for the relationship and for people to stop negatively viewing Kataang)

First of all, I'm premising this with the fact that I don't think that ATLA should have ended with Katara and Aang kissing. I think it would have been fine to just end with a slightly more intimate-than-friends hug/cuddle. I would have personally preferred that two children who survived being literal child soldiers get the chance to be kids before they delve into a more mature relationship with one another, but they didn't exactly have adults of the modern culture there to guide them a different way, now did they?

BUT! I am a firm believer that Zuko and Katara would never have worked out romantically and that Katara and Aang's relationship 1. makes more sense and 2. is actually healthier in the scope of trauma and trauma responses.

First of all, I don't understand how the creators of ATLA managed to craft literally the MOST traumatic childhood backstory ever with incredible detail and nuance and everyone just fricking glosses over it like WTF??? Not to mention, the creators did an amazing job diversifying trauma responses to similar trauma experiences.

Let's discuss Katara's childhood trauma, which was not healed magically after a little side quest with Zuko. Katara carries immense survivor's guilt over her mother's murder. Katara understands very well how and why her mother was brutally murdered in their family home. She has been deeply aware of this since the day of her mother's murder - and she fully blames herself. Katara understands that a fire nation soldier killed her mother, but he killed her because of Katara - she said so herself. Then, Katara, who was the last person to interact with her mother, discovers her mother's body, and it is insinuated that Katara might have even witnessed her mother's brutal execution-style murder. This forever alters Katara down to her core personality traits. Katara is 'bossy' because of her trauma. I work with kids from pre-k through graduating american high school. It's pretty normal for girls to do what I call 'mothering' to their peers and to kids younger than them. It often is described as being 'bossy' and some girls are in fact bossy, but for the most part, they are roleplaying a caretaker mentality as they are most familiar with. In Katara's deep guilt of being the reason her mother was murdered, her trauma response was burden herself with the role of mother. This is further antagonized when her father leaves with the rest of the adult men to fight against the Fire Nation. He might've well as died too due to lack of communication for many years. Sokka does not allow Katara to mother him for very long, so she doesn't get to have a chance to work through her personal trauma response to her grief because she has no one to safely and consistently direct these mothering tendencies towards. The other children in the village are not orphans, their mothers are most likely very alive and very involved with them, so they would be temporary fillers at best. Sokka has stepped into the role of village man and definitely would reject Katara's mothering, which often led to tension between the siblings. Toph had the very reaction to Katara's mothering tendencies as I expect a young Sokka had to them. He lost his mother, too, he didn't want a replacement, nor did he want to lose his sister to the role of mother.

Zuko, in the same fashion as Sokka, had a mother who he loved, and lost, and was not looking to replace. Zuko's mother was also a topic that is deeply rooted in a lot of Zuko's personal trauma as well. Zuko did not get to spend much time with Katara for her mothering tendencies to be extended over him, but he definitely would have aggressively rejected them as Katara's trauma response would have negatively triggered his own. Their trauma would have deeply and negatively impacted any romantic relationship they could have developed because of how they would react to each other. Their relationship would have crashed and burned very quickly.

On top of that. Katara would have never left the South Pole indefinitely - that is her home, and she consistently returned to it throughout her life. That is an effect of her cultural upbringing. Zuko couldn't leave the Fire Nation, and as we saw in the graphic novels that followed, Zuko's personal welfare suffered greatly because his whole world was upended and now he was responsible for the one nation that didn't get peace at the end of the war. It's incredibly naive and slightly delusional for people to desperately push romantic wishes upon a sixteen-year-old boy who was burdened with the responsibility of healing an entire nation, one that fought him every step of the way in many aspects. He did not have the emotional energy to expend upon a frivolous relationship. That's why Mai and he broke up, not because they didn't love each other, but because Zuko simply could not have personal relationships until his reign and nation had stabilized - that alone would take upwards of 10 years. Plus, Zuko may have helped others work through parts of their trauma, but he had to address his trauma too, which we saw the beginnings of during the graphic novels. Simply put, by the end of ATLA and all of the graphic novels, Zuko was in no place emotionally, mentally, and even physically and politically to seek out a relationship that was meaningful and healthy. And I know that Zuko would have changed the tradition of political marriage, at the very least he deserves to have married for love at the end of everything he suffered through. Zuko is a great opportunity to normalize waiting until you're in your mid-twenties -thirties before seeking out romantic relationships. Logistically speaking, I don't think there would have been much opportunity for romantic feelings to develop between the two of them. I especially don't think Katara would have easily been able to live in the Fire Nation because the Fire Nation was directly responsible for her trauma, and that is also why I don't think she would have every pursued a relationship with a Fire Nation man, Zuko or not.

Now onto Aang. Everyone always jumps onto this idea that Katara and Aang had a very mother-son relationship - which is wrong. Aang comes from a culture that literally does not have mother and fatherhood. There are NO mothers and fathers in the Air Nomad Nation. Sure, kids had birth parents, but parenthood was not part of their culture, nor did Aang ever seek out that kind of relationship. Aang may have been kid-like, but he was the most adultified kid in the group. He was incredibly independent and confident in his ability to travel internationally by himself at 12. Katara had never thought to leave the South Pole to seek out a waterbending master in the North Pole because she didn't have that confidence or training. The Air Nomads thrived on a mentorship-based village raising of children. So, Aang never thought of Katara as his mother. He literally couldn't, because he had no scope of reference for such a relationship, same with fatherhood. He never had a parental relationship with Monk Gyasto. It was more like a fun uncle mentorship. I think that's why everyone thinks Aang was a bad father, but he was an outlier in the Air Nomad nation because there was no Air Nomad nation when he had children. The village that raised the children in his culture was gone. He was actually a fairly decent father and the two older children probably felt bitter because Tenzin was the only other air bender in existence so it obviously Aang is going to spend a lot of one on one time with Tenzin in the scope of mentoring Tenzin in the way of Air Nomad culture. Aang was not an absentee father like how many people assumed from the very one-sided and brief explanation given by the two older, jaded siblings. Was he perfect? No, he literally had no clue how to be a father. Did he and Tenzin leave to get milk and never come back? Also no. That being said, Aang was the only individual who was comfortable with Katara mothering him, he never felt threatened or overburdened by her trauma response, which allowed for Katara to genuinely work through her grief and mature out of the extreme bossy mothering we first saw in book one. If you pay attention, yes Katara does retain that 'bossy' kind of personality, but that was permanent fixture due to her childhood trauma and a little bit of cultural influence as well. I think, if Katara had never been traumatized, she would have always leaned towards a very soothing and nuturing type of personality, which we began to see in the middle of book three. Her bossiness/mothering trauma response gradually lessened the longer she 'mothered' Aang. Once again, neither of the two saw each other as Mother-son. They were simple too close in age and Aang also had the added sense of duty-boundness due to being the Avatar. Katara was always going to be a caretaker archetype personality, trauma or no, and that simply wasn't the type of person that Zuko would lean towards for a romantic relationship due to his own personal upbringing and culture. Aang is a much more gentle and playfully empathetic personality that works with Katara's firm care and sassy disposition.

In the graphic novels, I personally saw a great deal of healing and maturation in Katara in relation to her trauma. She was less mothering towards Aang, too, and I think that had a lot to do with the fact that Aang matured a lot as well and the change in their once platonic relationship to a more romantic-leaning one. Was their relationship perfect? No, they are kids who survived a horrific war and many many trauma-inducing situations. However, once Katara fully leaned away from the mothering habit, we get to see that Aang allows Katara to relax and be more playful. She genuinely was just happy with Aang. He pushed her to be a little more child-like and to have child-like fun even as they grew up into adulthood. Katara helped Aang mature and face a lot of adult burdens that were placed child.

In the end, Katara and Aang always brought out the best in each other. Katara and Zuko didn't have enough time together in ATLA to develop an individual relationship outside of the group. There simply isn't enough time outside of their little side-quest in which Katara and Zuko interact solo- which was definitely NOT Katara's best, and in fact was Katara lashing out aggressively towards people who loved and cared for her and she them. Zuko was also not his 'best' in that time either as he was also being triggered emotionally. In fact, during ATLA, there's way too much negative tension between the two of them that leads to really intense disagreements and emotional outbursts more often than not until Katara begrudgingly accepts Zuko into the group, they don't even positively interact until Ember Island which is what, two weeks? She's not exactly nice when she pretty much demands him to help her hunt down the man that murdered her mother. Zuko is all gung-ho about vengeance too. Of course, they both have a lesson learning moment, but that episode cemented in my brain that Aang is the better partner for Katara than Zuko. Aang, once again the most mature in the Gaang, fight me on this, has a deep, empathetic understanding of the world, he doesn't do a great job trying to explain to Katara, but I think that's because no one in the Gaang understands how Appa is not just an air bison, and Aang never views Appa as an air bison like how everyone else in ATLA do. To everyone else, Appa's an animal, but to Aang and Aang's culture that is deeply offensive, Appa is an individual with emotions and value outside of what he can offer the group in terms of transportation and that's never really explicitly clarified to the audience either (because despite being a kid's cartoon, the creators knew their audience well and did not treat the audience like we are stupid and can in fact infer and read between the lines). If Katara had killed that pathetic worm of a man, it would have absolutely destroyed her as a person. She would not have been able to heal from her trauma and would probably suffer even more trauma and guilt. This side-quest was a plot point to lead up to the big debate of killing Ozai, and not many, in fact I don't know if anyone has talked about that fact. I have no doubt that Zuko has probably killed people, at the very least, he's deeply desensitized to people dying as I think he probably at some point did experience or witness some form of warfare battle before he began chasing Aang down.

Once again, I don't really care if you do ship Katara and Zuko. In fact, I think that's a-okay. But, with the Netflix live action adaptation's take on the Secret Tunnel scene, I've seen a lot of people speculating and even hoping for it to become canon and there have even been some opinions of Kataang that have resurfaced that really rub me the wrong way because it feels like many individuals are just looking at the surface level of ATLA. There's so much nuance to each individual character in terms of culture, societal norms, age and gender, and most importantly, trauma and trauma responses. The creators did an amazing job world building and story telling that a lot of what I put up in my opinion in preference for Kataang over Zutara is information that I inferred from the show and graphic novels due to my personal experience and education in familial relationships and childhood trauma. My thoughts are not the end all be all to this debate, nor do I think they should be, I've seen some really solid opinions in favor of Zutara that I can understand and somewhat agree with. I think a lot of those details and moments that people look to as indicators of romance between Katara and Zuko were remnants of the creators' previous intention, but I think that the change to Aang and Katara as end game was logistically and realistically more accurate. I never thought that Katara and Zuko were meant to be, and I always struggled to put to words as to why until I had pursued my psych studies in college that focused on child development, childhood trauma, and marriage and family counselling. I think that the creators instinctually were seeing the red flags that would have occurred naturally within Zutara and changed course accordingly. There were just a lot of details and nuances that I noticed personally that I wished more people would discuss.

Anyways, thank you for coming to my TedTalk, I'd love to hear some of your opinions about this.

[acidichcl]

I love your Donnie. Easily one of my fave iterations. Honestly all your designs are so cute! Do you think we could please know more about him, too? 💜

Thank you! They mean alot to me and they make me happy so im happy you like them too!

Anyway, donnie. He's the brains and older brother of the group, often burdened with the responsibility of raising his younger brothers.

Sludge and baby Algae in the sewers before they met April and had their names changed to Donatello and Michelangelo

Donnie enjoys experimenting with technology and gadgets, often leading to mischief and chaos, whether its intentional or not. Despite him being mischievous and seemingly irritating, he's deeply caring and loyal. He's smart, inventive, resourceful, and does a good job at taking care of his younger brothers.

He has the caretaker mindset. Other than being good at tech, he's also good at cooking. But sometimes his brothers can be really picky with the food he makes and he hates wasting food, so he gives the food to casey and splinter, who just have enough to get by. When donnie saw their situation, he decided that whenever he has extra food/treats, he'll give them to casey and splinter.

He'll bicker with others alot (most often with irma) and give off this impression that he thinks he's better than everyone. He doesnt actually think that though.

He'll help others through his brothers (like telling them what to do to help) or act like he's nonchalantly lending a hand.

His help towards others, who are not his brothers, is driven by a sense of duty and responsibility rather than expressing warmth or affection. He thinks being nice is cringe and is totally not his style.

Also, he's scared of nice people. He's very open about his genuine love and care for his brothers cuz he's more used to them, but nice people who are genuinely kind? Terrifying

[icanseethefuture333]

My solar return chart for 2024 ✧˖.｡⋆୨୧˚

Chart ruler:

Capricorn Pluto in the 2nd house 29°

In 2024, my physical appearance could be viewed as more striking, alluring, and magnetic. My taste of style could have more of a gamine essence or I will prefer to wear a lot of sports wear, athleisure, baggy clothes, and sneakers (Mercury & Mars in the 1st house).

With my ascendant in Scorpio and at 26° (Taurus degree), it will most likely turn my focus towards transforming my finances and building a foundation for my career path. There is a need for discretion regarding my mental health and private posessions as well. I could feel the need to protect myself regarding my triggers and not wishing to speak my fears to others.

Capricorn sun in the 2nd house 4° (Cancer degree). I will want to establish a solid foundation regarding my home and finances. It is possible this year I will think a lot about generational wealth. My natal sun is also at 4°, so the nature of my sun's energy won't be any different, but my attention will be towards my career, home, and money this year. I also see this as being able to relax more and enjoy the pleasures of luxury.

Sun opposite Moon.

I could be pulled towards two different directions and will feel torn on which path to decide. This aspect can cause one to reflect on their soul and inner most personal thoughts. I may feel confused who I am beyond a surface level and will want to discover who I am meant to be. This aspect has to do with one's subconscious and should seek counseling, guidance, or therapy to resolve one's past trauma. This plays a part in one's character development. This could mean my perception of myself has been negatively affected due to my parents and caretakers from my childhood, so I will have to reshape my self concept to embody my true self.

Sun sextile Saturn.

Perfectionism is looked down upon with this placement. It is important that I realize that I shouldn't be too hard on myself for I am doing my best. I should be proud of my accomplishments so far. There is a sense of getting the hang of things and being self sufficient when it comes to tasks. My intrapersonal skills will develop and I will overall have better leadership skills. It is going to be easier for me to adapt to different situations.

Sun Trine Jupiter.

My mindset could be more optimistic and I will be generous towards others. There is a desire to share my good fortune and to make others happy. I could see myself wanting to do good deeds without needing anything in return. I could see myself taking a internship with this placement. I could learn a lot while traveling. I will also be bright and humorous! I could have a strike of good luck this year and I will attract a lot of opportunities.

Sun Square Neptune.

My ego and level of confidence could fluctuate depending on my mood. I could often experience highs and lows throughout the year. I may go from happy to sad or thoughts of enlightment to devastation easily. The juxtaposition of these two planets can cause frustration and confusion. People could drain my energy more by dumping their problems onto me, disclosing personal information without asking, and wishing to take advantage of my kindness. It is important that I set boundaries with others to avoid being treated like a doormat.

Gemini moon in the 7th house 26° (Taurus degree). There is a desire for me to experience social intimacy this year. I could socialize with people on a interpersonal level and wish to connect with someone more deeply. I see that my conversations will consist of telling people how much they "mean" to me and why I value and appreciate their presence in my life. I'd be much more affectionate and tender. There is a sincerity present here that is not usual of my character (my natal moon being in Taurus, when I would typically prefer keep my most personal thoughts to myself). I may have a duality when having conversations with others, my emotions may be considered unpredictable. For example, I could spontaneously cry out of nowhere or smile randomly. I see there is a desire to be closer to those I have romantic feelings for. It is likely I'll be more forward and direct with my communication. My speaking voice could be more tender and sweeter as well.

Moon opposite Mercury. Anxious thoughts could make it difficult for me to find comfort at this time. Sleepless nights or insomnia could be a common factor this year. Communicating with the women (especially my mother) in my life could be complicated this year. There is a difficulty of expressing my emotions and finding the words to say how I feel. I could prefer to be silent when faced with conflict or feel that arguing will be a waste of time since I won't be heard. There is a imbalance of being logical and emotional. Moon opposite Mars. There are triggers here with this placement that's being brought to the surface and could make me behave more aggressively as a reaction. My fight or flight senses could be triggered and it would be best to stay away from people who provoke this side of me. Tension or arguments with my mother may become a problem. My Inner child wounds will need healing and I would have to channel my anger in a healthy, productive way, it would be beneficial for my personal growth. This aspect is significant due to it being something that I struggled with the most. Moon trine Saturn. I could understand others on a psychological level, such as being able to interpret their body language, and analyzing a result that will benefit them mentally / emotionally. There is a preservation of stability present with my relationships. I could feel more secure within myself because this aspect. Moon square Neptune. My dreams could be melancholic more than usual and could reflect a part of my subconscious that needs love and healing. I could experience emotions that I can't explain and will feel invalidated by others regarding this. People could tell me to just brush it off and keep going but the feeling will still linger in the back of my mind. I also see this as dealing with depression and past trauma. I may not completely understand everything I feel or will experience. Meditation and mindfulness could be helpful during this time to release this emotions I am harboring deep inside.

Gemini Part of Fortune in the 7th house 4° (Cancer degree). I will find joy and success in forms of media. I could create great contacts with others in the workplace and see myself climbing up the social ladder so to speak. There is increase of a social presence and followers on social media presence. People will consider me friendly and approachable at this time. It is possible most of my romantic suitors will be on the internet or people will find themselves having a crush on me due to how they see my peesona online. I will be seen as feminine, nurturing, & caring. (I could definitely see myself attracting people with mommy issues too).

Scorpio Venus in the 12th house 25° (Aries degree) conjuct Ascendant. With Aries ruling the head, there could be a overall increase of harmony and balance within my facial features. My aura could feel more vampire-like to people who find me attractive as well. The energy is intimidating, but it is also cheeky and friendly (I.E: My Babysitter's A Vampire or Alice Cullen from Twilight). I see this as being popular with those who identify as a man or have masculine energy.

Venus square Saturn. My expectations regarding my relationships could be high and I could be overly critical towards those who wish to be in a romantic relationship with me. If they do not meet my expectations, I could be disappointed and lose interest easily, but I could also not give them a fair chance due to having such strict standards 😅. I could have difficulties with my public image and could feel insecure. Work could be put before my own needs and I will have to learn how to balance my personal life with my career. Despite being cold towards people I am dating, I will remain caring and loyal to friends and family members. With my Venus being in Scorpio, this aspect could make me even more intense towards my romantic suitors, they are likely to feel intimidated by me or feel unworthy to be with me. I see this as attracting people who are very stubborn as well and can't take a hint that I don't want to be with them. They could be determined to prove themselves and will be persistent in trying to win me over. Venus opposite Uranus. I could fear the loss of my independence if I were to be in a relationship. Intimacy with others could make me feel uncomfortable and I will have to learn how to embrace others being affectionate towards me. My attachment style could be disorganized this year. I could want to be left alone, but also wish to receive romantic attention. I will be attracted to people who are unique, nerdy, geeky, and intelligent. I could wish to make friends more than dating. I also see this as desiring a more convential relationship but will end up being in a more non conventional relationship (I.E: long distance relationship, etc). Venus trine Neptune. This could cultivate my ability to form spiritual connections with others. The relationships that I will have in 2024 will be deeper on a sentimental level. I could potentially be in a secret love affair with someone, I will have a secret admirer, or I will hide my feelings for someone I have a crush on. I could be more compassionate and empathetic towards others as well. I am more likely to daydream and visualize my projects into reality more efficiently with this aspect. Venus square Saturn brings feelings of rejection, shyness, and insecurity to the surface. There may be someone who I will have romantic feelings for, but I will be afraid to confess this to them (I am reminded of Violet from The Incredibles. She had a crush on Tony but she was the wallflower of her school, while he was popular. It took for Violet to build courage and go through character development in order for her to go out with Tony, who actually approached her and asked her out to the movies after noticing her new found confidence!). I see this aspect as a challenge to bring me out of my shell in general and to understand that I deserve to be the one on the pedestal. Venus square Pluto. Past lessons of love that I have experienced could be tested this year. I may come across people who are similar to past love interests or people who will reflect parts of my psyche. Mirroring is a common theme for this aspect. I also see this as a transformation of my love life in general. I truly believe that I will date this year or I could come into contact with people who will have romantic feelings for me, due to me being single for the majority of my life. There is a pressure from others to make sacrifices but the issue is that it won't ever be reciprocated, at least not with this aspect. I will have to demand that I be treated fairly otherwise it is best I no longer stay connected to that specific person (whether it is a family member, friend, or lover).

Sagittarius Mercury in the 1st house 25° (Aries degree) and Sagittarius Mars in the 1st house 23° (Aquarius degree). Again, Aries rules the head and my ascendant is in Scorpio (ruler planet being Mars & Pluto), the Mercurian influence could create an inquisitive mind. I will be very communicative and eager to strike up a conversation with others. Sagittarius Mercury is philosophical and insightful. While the Mars energy feels almost childlike and impulsive. Children typically asks questions such as "Why is the sky blue?" And for parents who don't know the answer to everything, it leaves them puzzled everytime. My curiosity could have this similar effect on others. My intelligence, desire to learn, and peppy attitude would be admirable, but there could be a lack of awareness regarding conversational cues or not "reading the room" in certain moments. Which could cause me to be bit of a pest, especially for educators (my apologies in advance to my professors lol💀).

Mercury conjuct Mars. I will be sharp and enthusiastic when it comes to work/school. Mercury Trine Jupiter. the conversations that I will have will be mentally stimulating and enriching, I also interpert this as my education being very abundant this year. Mercury square Neptune. I could be prone to being disillusioned, my perception of things may not be as how it seems, and feeling confused or worried about others true intentions. I may be considered mentally naive to others as well. Mars square Neptune. Another pattern of things not appearing as they seem. I could be worried others are being deceitful and my lack of ability to trust others could cause me to react aggressively. It would be best to avoid creating scenarios in my head because it will make me jealous, paranoid, and vindictive. It could also mean people will gossip about me or spread rumors about me. It will be best during this time that I keep a cool temper and not let others get the best of me.

Aries Chiron in the 5th house 15° (Gemini degree). This is a complex aspect to have. There is a lack of assertiveness when it comes to standing my ground. This a lesson regarding inner child wounds and having to protect myself in competitive or aggressive environments, this reminds me of petty bullying from my childhood. People could see a side of me they never expected if they provoke me too much, it's giving"fuck around and find out".

Chiron trine Mars.

I see this as being more confident when it comes to debates, battles, and arguments. It will be easier for my to stand my ground and stop letting people push me around. This a placement that takes actions when it comes to healing, self defense, and "standing on business" in general.

Taurus Uranus in the 6th house 19° (Libra degree) opposite Ascendant could cause me to be stubborn when it comes to receiving help from others, especially from romantic interests. This also materializes how I spend my day to day routine and it could be considered foreign and eccentric to others, but innovative to myself. My behavior might be also seen as unpredictable and this will cause me to become unrecognizable to others because I am forming a routine that is "unusual" for my behavior. I also see this as wanting to be single and not wanting to think about my love life at the moment. My creative expression will be very important to me and this could display in some aspects of my fashion choices. This placement is interesting considering Taurus prefers to be comfortable and doesn't like to be put of their comfort zone, while Uranus is all about breaking barriers and being rebellious. I might find myself lazy when it comes to going out of my comfort zone and will want to do things my way (or the highway). This aspect could also change how I feel about materialism and feel the need to reduce the promotion of consumerism. I am reminded of the song XS by Rina Sawayama, which is about mocking capitalism and how material items are used as a distraction from things such as global climate or other global catastrophes. It is possible I will become an social media influencer this year and I could talk about these topics in the content I post.

Uranus sextile Neptune.

This is a powerful aspect when it comes to intuition and foresight. I feel like this is something I have been already experiencing. My judgments during this time will be trustworthy, as long as I think wisely. This is all about raising your mind to a higher level of consciousness and reevaluating one's beliefs. "What's real? What's not?". I also see this as being able to see past what the common eye could see, whether that is regarding creative expression or breaking from the everyday simulation. This would be good for doing research on the metaphysical and applying scientific theory. I could be interested in books that combines pseudoscience with more traditional forms of science. I could experience situations that are peculiar and out of the ordinary. As in - "Guess what? I saw a UFO today!" or even "Deja Vu" type of strange. There is a knowing for things that can't be explained or I might never even heard about. I believe my audience would be interested in what I have to say, especially for tarot readings or advice that is more technical. I also see this as coming up with ideas that are unique and abstract. It's a perfect blend of Piscean and Aquarian energy.

Uranus trine Pluto.

I view this aspect as reconstructing my character. There will be opportunities for change and development to actualize more of my authenticity. This is the shedding of a snake's skin. "I am." Is a affirmation that is stated clearly and boldly without confusion, self consciousness, and insecurity. There will be a clear knowing and understanding of who I am to my core. I interpert this as a generational aspect. I could see a common theme amongst my peers and feel more hopeful about my current circumstances. This line is cheesy to me but it's giving the attitude of "Fuck it, we ball". Why sit and cry about how hard life is when you could laugh about it instead? It's healing my perspective on the stressful situations of my life and allowing me to be at peace and move on from it.

Pisces Neptune in the 4th house 25° (Aries degree) trine Ascendant. My beauty could appear ethereal and dreamy. People will be more drawn to me than usual. My family could compare me to my mother or the women in my family, I could resemble certain traits of them. I also see this as having an intuitive connection with my female ancestors and I could receive premonitions from them in my dreams.

Pisces Saturn in the 3rd house 2° (Taurus degree) square Ascendant. The attention I will receive will bring me out of my comfort zone and could cause me to feel anxious. This will be one of the important lessons I will have to face, it is necessary for me to learn how to communicate my truth and accept feedback from others regarding this aspect (praise or constructive criticism). I may feel self conscious and worry that I need to filter myself more than usual. It is necessary that I learn how to articulate myself in a way that is true to myself and also shows my intellectual potential. It is required that I practice mindfulness and take a lot of breaks from studies or work, or else I will experience a lot of mental stress. This stress could affect my physical body negatively, so it is important that my self care is prioritized and that I do not over exert myself mentally and physically.

Taurus Jupiter in the 5th house 5° (Leo degree). This a commonly known degree for beauty, fame, and sexual attraction. I see this placement as the most positive and joyful! The energy is light hearted and abundant. I see this as wishing to live a lifestyle that's more lavish (Glamorous by Fergie vibes). I could focus on having more fun and enjoying the little things in life by flirting with crushes, going to parties, and spending time with friends. Interestingly enough, I also have a Taurus descendant in my Solar Return Chart... it's giving "Now who wanna suck my p🤨ssy? 💥" This placement would give me a keen sense on all things beauty and fashion, such as being able to determine what fabric is of a high quality. There is the gratification of physical touch, to be able to feel something that provides comfort, like a security blanket. "Sheets of Egyptian Cotton" anyone ♡? I could see myself having silk sheets, beautiful decorations, or any materials that are more plush in my house. Upgraded wardrobe is a possibility or details to elevate my look. "Better bitches, better money, my clothes better, my shoes better, I work harder!" I will also experience luck in my finances and will feel accomplished in my endeavors.

Jupiter sextile Saturn.

I could be dependable and reliable to others. My enthusiasm would lift other people's spirits if they're down and I'd be able to read people's emotions more affectively with this placements. I will gain valuable life lessons this year, one's that could even be shared with my children in the future. I could bond easily with children as well and will be able to balance being caring and being an authoritive figure.

Jupiter square Pluto.

There is a intense desire to succeed that it can even be obsessive. I may feel pressured to be more accomplished and have a prestigious status that it will cause nothing but stress and mental fatigue for me. The negative of this is that I will wish to prove myself to others instead of wishing to accomplish my dream goals. I could feel I'm falling behind in comparison to my peers. I could experience setbacks more than usual and it is necessary that I am patient with myself and look on the brighter side of things.

Jupiter trine Lilith.

Empowerment in freedom, knowledge, and being able to engage in different cultures.

Cancer Vertex in the 8th house 10° (Capricorn degree). Enhancement in psychic abilities and sensuality. Epiphanies could be a common theme this year. I could have frequent realizations of what I am to do in this lifetime and could come across different opportunities to discover what path to take. I see this as healing my inner child wounds and fulfilling my dreams. "The divine" could test my faith and see if I am willing to believe in the unknown. 10° is skeptical and a non believer. I believe I will go through spiritual transformations or come encountered with situations that will change my thoughts about faith.

Virgo Lilith in the 9th house 9° (Sagittarius degree).

Highlights my flaws and will be prone to self criticism. Interesting how last year I had a Virgo ascendant and now it's my Lilith sign. I see this as feeling critical towards the shadow aspects of myself. There will be feelings of shame and embarrassment when it comes to topics that are considered provocative. This will potentially hold me back when it comes to starting projects because of the fear of not being good enough or being deemed as likeable. I also see this pertaining to "virginity" and could mean being intimate with a partner for the first time. I could be very responsible by taking care of my hygiene and health when it comes sex (which I mean... duh). I could see myself participating in LGBTQ spaces as in Pride or going to Gay clubs. This feels like "exploring the ropes" and see what I feel most comfortable when it comes to my romantic and sexual preferences. I see this as being skilled in foreign languages, sports, horseback riding, and human services. This would make a great aspect for pursuing a modeling career as well.

Lilith conjuct Midheaven. Being seen as pretty and stereotypically feminine. Could be considered controversial or be in the center of gossip. I see this as being influential and having power in social dynamics. This placement is seen as positive representation for those who are considered outcasts (I.E: people who like alternative music or dress alt).

Virgo Midheaven 10° (Capricorn degree). My appearance could be seen as innocent and delicate during this time. The typical "good girl" image. My superiors could believe I am diligent when it comes to my work and academics. I would work more efficiently at this time and could receive a lot of praise, good grades, and promotions during this time. To my peers, I could be known for being picky, organized, and having good hygiene. My ambition and determination will be admired.

Aries North Node in the 5th house 22° (Capricorn degree). This reminds me of Mariah Carey's "Emancipation of Mimi" era. It's about claiming your own independence and taking control of your life and freedom. I will be exploring my passions this year and could be considered a trailblazer when it comes to my career. This is known as the "kill or be killed" degree. I could be seen as "selfish" and "distant" for priotizing work over other people's needs.

There is a big emphasis on "legs" and my body could look very "leggy". I might go through a growth spurt or I will be visibly taller to other people. I could also show off my thighs more or they could get bigger in size (Sagittarius). I see my body being more toned as well or I will have the desire to exercise more (Aries / Mars). This is odd to say, but my face could be considered otherwordly to others. People could find me illusive and mysterious, which will lead for others to project whatever fantasy or assumptions they have onto me. (Pisces, Taurus, Scorpio, & Mercury). My chart ruler being Pluto 29° (Leo degree) and in the sign of Capricorn calls for me to reflect on my personal values. There will be deep healing for my subconscious mind and could bring taboo things to the surface. There will be a heavy focus on growth and change, internally, and externally. 29° is a karmic degree that also signifies fame. With Pluto sextile to my ascendant, there is an increase of sexual attraction, financial opportunities, and having the power to positively influence others.

Attributes:

Voice, music, fashion, passion, the arts, intuition, dreams, technology, science, social media, communication, generational wealth, home, love, sports, dance, money, values, & transformation

[uniquely-plural]

I am pretty sure I'm a traumagenic system (undiagnised because my parents just think im "moody" amd dont belive i have other people in my head) but I have so many questions.

Is it OK that I still think of me as me and my alters as other people? I see alot of people who say "us" and "we" but I feel like I can't speak for them.

Is it normal for, when another alter fronts, me to still see through my eyes and know what's happening, but not ve able to control or stop it? It's like my consciousness is only in the alter I consider "me" and then there are other non-me people in my head, is that weird?

Would it be weird for me to say that at some points I've had conversations with my alter out loud, and it was like i could feel a vertical split in my physical body as to which alter was where? They were sort of like a caretaker whenever I was at my darker points, so they would talk to me and I'd talk back and it allowed for physical contact like hugs, ect, but I've never seen anyone describe something similar

Also, how on earth do people figure out what alter is what? It's like my consciousness (me) is in the front park of a semi truck abd the rest are all in the back so I can't see them but I am really sure that they're there.

I havr so many questions and no one to ask T T sorry if this is too much

It's always okay to ask questions! We can do our best to answer.

There are a lot of frameworks we use to understand plurality, and I don't believe any one of them is inherently superior to another. So when you're asking yourself, 'is this okay?' - I would try to ask yourself, 'does this feel right to me? Does framing things in this way help me function better and be happier?'

One person, just as an example, could have DID and figure out that understanding their alters as completely separate people from him was holding back his trauma recovery. Understanding his alters as part of himself and developing compassion and acceptance for them could be therapeutic.

For another system, knowing they are completely separate people who just happen to share a body is the understanding they need to be respectful towards each other and work together.

So yes, in your case? It's totally okay, normal, and common to feel like your alters are other people and you cannot speak for them. Some people always feel this way, and then some people feel like that at the beginning, but their understanding changes once they get to know their system more, or if they work on improving disordered dissociate barriers.

We can speak as an unit because we have a monoconscious, median system core. In other systems, each member prefers to speak only for themselves. That's also perfectly fine.

As for still seeing through your eyes while another alter fronts, that does sound possible if you have no amnesia barriers and possibly co-fronting, in the sense someone else is fronting as in 'control of the body' while you are still in front as in 'awareness of the outside world'. You could look into possession and possession style switches.

In polyconscious systems, members have their own individual consciousness.

It's not weird to have conversations out loud, if that's what helps you communicate. And that link to the possession entry mentions how it can also be experienced as an alter taking control of part of the body, so it sounds like you might have been in control of one half and your alter was in control of the other one, which makes sense to me. I'm very glad to hear they took care of you.

Not being aware of a lot of information about your alters or system is very common. Developing a better understanding is often a process of trying things and finding what works for your system, and it can vary a lot depending on things like level of internal communication, what barriers are present, etc. This post on Mapping your system could point you towards some possibilities.

I hope you found that helpful, and thank you for sharing your experiences.

[ohitslen]

OKAY VASHWOOD KIDS ON THE HEAD THIS AFTERNOON HHNNG

While I do think that them having kids of their own is super cute and such a nice thing for them both, I am personally a Vash and Wolfwood adopting children truther. Best part is it was Not Even On Purpose.

The times are less aggressive, their lives are less violent (compared to before) and they are both a lot more free. They aren’t used to living a settled life, in spite of finally having a little home of their own at the outskirts of December.

They still travel around without an aim or clear purpose most often than not. They would visit old friends and the times they decided to stay in a place for a bit longer would either be at Home or the Hopeland Orphanage.

They like it that way. It’s familiar and they don’t have to watch for their heads as much as they did before. They are finally experiencing a much more gentler life of their own.

I imagine them stumbling with some kids, let’s say three, that live on their own in one of their trips. They offer to bring them to the Hopeland Orphanage like they usually do to orphaned kids, so they can live more peacefully. They accept after some more convincing.

During that trip they get to live a bit more closely with the children compared to the way they do with the kids back at the orphanage. They love them oh they do, with all their heart, but the closeness they experience with everyone at the orphanage is more of a caretaker sort of approach and nothing as intimate as taking care of them so personally.

The bumpy trip basically obligated them to be more close to the kids, spending nights and days with them, protecting them from danger, cooking meals for their little group of five, spending a few days in different towns to unwind and buy more resources. It was nice, traveling together like that (even if it did get a little dangerous every now and then when they stumbled upon a fight or two).

The kids start to get very attached to them, and both Vash and Wolfwood admittedly were feeling the same way too. They knew they couldn’t keep the kids, not with their wanderers life style and the danger that was still always present (not as terrible as before, but trouble would always be a part of them as it seemed).

Once they got to December to finally leave the kids at the Orphanage, they decide it’s a good time for them to have one of their long stays at the orphanage until their next trip. All of the kids love them both, and they return the sentiment as well. However, it’s evident how their closeness was bigger with the kids they just traveled around with. They knew a bit more about each other with more precision, they were a bit more affectionate with them, the kids would look for Wolfwood and Vash so they could spend more time together. It wasn’t rare for the kids to go and sleep with either of them at night or taking naps with them, but those three particular children would always sleep with them, all snuggled up and warm in their embrace.

It was nice, it almost felt like a little family of their own. Wolfwood remembers how nice it was to live in the orphanage with the other kids, and Vash loved his time with Rem and Knives when they were little, not to mention the people at Home later on, but neither of them really had a grasp of something in their lives they could call wholly theirs, something stable, something constant.

Their stay at the orphanage lasted from their usual month and a half to two months, and then three, until they thought it was a good time for some time of their own back at their little house (living with so many kids always around the corner didn’t provide much space for privacy, much less now that the three kids would follow them as if they were their shadows).

The kids were disappointed and a little sad that their time to leave had come already, even if they had stayed longer than what they usually did this time. Their three little kids were the ones that looked the most anguished from them all, and neither Nick or Vash missed that detail.

When they arrived to their home, they cleaned first, the dust had settled in their house and they could barely move without gusts of it coming to invade their lungs. After they quickly got rid of the most they could they finally got to rest and get some alone time of their own.

The days passed, and the quiet time between them was appreciated, but it felt a bit too quiet. They had quickly grown used to the noise that came with being around the kids in that short time. Maybe it was thanks to the fact that their lives were much kinder now, but something inside of them itched at the thought of not having the kids by their side, of not being together.

They knew what it was after sparing it a second to think of it a bit more.

“You know, I think it would be nice if we stay in here for a bit longer” Vash said out of the blue one day while they were making breakfast together, a soft and genuine smile hanging on his face.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing” Wolfwood answered back with a smile of his own, focused at chopping a portion of vegetables a bit too big for two people, it was probably enough to feed five mouths perhaps.

[isekyaaa]

I think I mentioned it before but there's this specific trope I like where a group of friends grow up to become experts in their field and create this exclusive famed group just for them? I'm trying to flesh out a story idea based off that.

In this world, it's said that the Goddess, who loves mankind, imparts a shard of her power to every child that's born in the form of a gift. It's a common fairy tale told to children to strive to work hard to discover their gift. There are many interpretations to what this gift is—life, curiosity, love, etc—but most adults don't take it too seriously? In this world, there is also the concept of evil and filth.

The main character, after coming of age, decides to leave home and find a job. She's a kind girl that grew up in the ghettos. While everyone else was unhappy, her family was very close and hopeful. She was well known as many people enjoyed talking to her (this is important).

She eventually finds a job in an orphanage. The owner and main caretaker is an unassuming guy that doesn't stand out much. He's very kind, albeit gets pushed around by the children a lot. She gets hired surprisingly easy, as the owner barely conducted an interview?

Regardless, throughout her stay there, she realizes the orphanage is a strange place. The owner's style of raising the children is weird. He lets them roam free and even sometimes encourages them to get up in all sorts of random stuff. However, in getting into all types of mishaps trying to rein the children in, she realizes that each child is extraordinary in their own way, as if each experience is unlocking something new within them.

The more she stays there also, the more she learns about the owner. While he may seem unassuming, his friends are anything but. He's been visited by a king, the head of the mage's tower, a famed alchemist, the most exclusive fashion designer in the kingdom, etc. The orphanage is also very.... equipped. Protection spells, books lying around on any and every topic, escape passages, etc.

Turns out the legend in the beginning is true. Every child born truly is given a gift. The owner's is the ability to see which one is given to an individual. All the people that came to visit him are the friends he grew up with and nudged into their prospective life paths. He does the same with the orphans that come to his orphanage.

As for the main character's? Eventually it is revealed that her ability is purification. In the world, "evil" can manifest through "filth." Filth is an invisible substance that attaches itself to a person and weighs them down. It dredges up negative emotions, bad memories, terrible dreams, etc. In the same way that a bad mood is contagious, filth can be shared and amplified through interactions with other people.

The main character spent much of her childhood sickly. This is because she grew up subconsciously absorbing the filth brought in by her family everyday. However, this is what made her family so loving. As for why the rest of the people in her town loved her? It's because, through talking to her, they were able to relieve themselves from some of the filth weighing them down, which made them feel better.

The owner decided to hire the main character because orphans naturally carry and generate more filth. He wanted her to have a positive impact on their lives so they can grow up happy.

But that's all I have right now. I need an overarching plot, conflict, enemy, etc. I do have an idea that the owner is actually quite contaminated by the filth but does his best to hide it. But I need to play with that idea more.

[thecommunityoftrustworthysinks]

came across a long meta post about gojo (and nanami, but primarily gojo) regarding approaches to the child soldier problem, and gojo's teaching style, among other things like selfishness and other things, and overall i enjoyed the post although i didn't agree with all of it, but it was well written and not slandering of anyone

one thing i noted was missing though in op's discussion, which is probably just an experience thing, was the experience of actually teaching kids in a corrupt system that you can't immediately change

so the tl;dr of the post im responding to (at least the part im "responding to" here) was that gojo is an 'ends justify the means' person (i agree) and he wants the students as political allies not like a caretaker would (this, yes and no) and he still endangers the students' lives by wanting them to just get stronger for their safety and sending them into dangerous fights, specifically contrasting in a way to how nanami strongly maintains the child/adult boundary, verbally telling yuuji he's a child and nanami is responsible for watching out for him (these things are also true).

so first i wanna say the op did not favor any character over another and im not doing that either because these things actually complement each other perfectly. just wanted to get that out of the way

anyway, what i think that perspective is missing is, like i said, what it's like to be a teacher of students in a system that is completely antagonistic to them, traumatizes them, and is designed to beat them down. i work in education, and i have for a few years now with ages from pre-k to college. specifically recently, i did a lot with sat/act prep kids.

i hate standardized tests. they're ableist, racist, classist, they don't reflect anything the kids actually learn in school in any familiar order, the testing environment is hostile at best, it's yet another number that kids put onto their worth, it's another way for colleges to discriminate, it's another part of our whole fucked up awful school system where kids get 4-8 hours of homework a night while expected to sleep and socialize and go to school for 8 hours not to mention extracurriculars and on and on. i don't think i need to tell tumblr everything wrong with the school system, it's pretty widely discussed here KJHDFGF

but no matter how bad it is, i can't change that. i can't get rid of the sat/act on my own. i can't make it so kids get less homework and more time to live their lives in peace. i can't make it so parents don't abuse their kids for getting a B. i can't fix it all alone.

what i can do, is help the kids through it, and i can teach them what it should be like, or at least what's wrong with it now. i work them through the prep material which does include its own question sets and practice tests that have their own grueling aspects. but i also validate their complaints about too much homework, i openly criticize standardized tests for the reasons listed above. and i can hope that i will give them the courage and knowledge to stand up against the system in the future, either with people like me by their side, or alone.

to use the language from the original post, i want them as my allies. i do. i don't think there's anything wrong with that. it sucks they have to live this way, but they have to live this way right now. it doesn't mean i don't care about them, in fact the exact opposite. i do this precisely because i care about every student, and i care about future students, and we need to inspire future generations to do better for their own future and the futures of their children. we do that by doing as good as we can for them while still enabling them with the tools to make it through this shitty system while it still exists.

of course gojo wants allies from the kids. that's how you enact change. that's exactly what teaching is for. yes, he still does send them into battles and expect them to get stronger and fight. they live in a world where the people in charge can (and DID) send three teenagers with misinformation into a fight that isolated them with a special grade spirit way above all their levels, just to kill ONE kid. they clearly did not care about the collateral damage of megumi and nobara in that situation, just to get yuuji killed. they also did that when gojo was gone, because they knew he would argue. as long as that's the world they live in, i can't fault gojo for a second for operating in that structure to make them stronger because if those are the risks they're facing then that's what they need to survive.

im not saying it's perfect, or that he's perfect. absolutely not. he is often careless and impulsive and blind to risks he's putting other people through. that and caring for his students can exist at the same time. i wanted to specifically disagree with the assessment that the allies he wants from the students are just political, and it's unrelated to any care he may have for them. (not to mention separately he says "no one can take youth from the young" etc on other occasions but i digress)

conversely, since the op mentioned it, nanami is operating against the structure. he has the (correct) ideal that kids should not have to deal with this shit and die for it, so he forces that into reality by asking yuuji to stand back and let him take charge of the fight, because he's the adult. and that's actually completely necessary to have alongside something like what gojo is doing. the kids need to learn how to operate and survive in the system so they can enact change later, and they also need someone who's willing to demonstrate what reality should be like to them right in front of them. honestly those things go hand in hand exactly as they should. they believe the same thing, they’re just going about it in different ways.

tl;dr, when teaching in a broken system, often the most you can do to change it for the better is just work within it while also talking about what should be changed, in hopes that one day that change can actually happen, and that's what gojo is doing when he says he wants his students as "allies"

[anryuuepic]

Test Subject: Venus Bio

Name: Test Subject Venus

Species: Daryan

Race: Redscale

Role: A Test Subject of Winterkill Works, and one of two whose powers didn’t backfire. Though she’s a sensible, caring person at her core, the stress of her current environment is steadily degrading her mental health. Considered a useful tool to Winterkill because of the abilities she gained. 

Affiliation: Winterkill Works

Gender: Female

Age: 31

Height: 5’1

Appearance: Venus is a short woman with rather plain looks. She has dirty-blonde, neck-length hair with a somewhat coarse texture, kept in a straight bob that flares out toward the ends. Her eyes are a light, rosy, warm-hued shade of pink, and her features are sweet in a way that makes her look younger than she is. Nervousness often shows in her posture.

Personality: Venus is sensible, practical, and routine-oriented. Though generally calm, she’s easily frustrated by the antics of people around her (and known to have a bit of a short temper), especially when she knows she’ll have to deal with the mess that’s left behind. She’s gentle and compassionate, and despite claiming to dislike the task, often ends up taking care of those who need it, whether they ask her for help or not. Emotionally sensitive, she’s prone to taking on responsibilities and feelings of guilt that she rationally shouldn’t. Stress gets to her quickly, but she’s also resilient enough to get through that stress with little lasting damage. Modest, open-minded, and cooperative, she’s easy to be around and easy to trust. 

Positive Traits: Venus does her best to be a decent person— though more in terms of personal values than any greater moral code. She’s naturally inclined to sympathy, which extends to treating people well even when they very much don’t deserve it. She’s level-headed and rational, patient with people and circumstances alike, and works for solutions, no matter how small. Caretaking comes easily to her (though she doesn’t always like that fact), and she’s generally as trustworthy, reliable, and easy to be around.

Negative Traits: One of Venus’s most harmful traits is her recurring tendency to take blame for things that she shouldn’t. Even when she knows better, she’s prone to second-guessing herself and finding reasons to worry, and once she’s started down that path, it’s hard to stop. She often takes on too much work or makes commitments that she knows she’ll regret, just because she can’t bring herself to say no. She can also be short-tempered and rather bossy, assuming she has to take control to fix a situation. 

History: Before Winterkill Works, Venus worked in a management position in a fairly rural Daryan town. Though it was initially uneventful, the war’s end brought new chaos, in the form of social unrest, financial difficulties, and more. As part of a deal with the Guard’s science division, in exchange for funds directed to the town, Venus was supposedly transferred to a similar job within it— except, as she quickly found out, the real “job” involved serving as a test subject for Winterkill’s ambitious experiments. 

Relationships: Venus can and does manage decent relationships with most of the people around her. She doesn’t always enjoy their company (she actively dislikes many of them, in fact), but her personality and willingness to help make her likable to most. Since she’s often forced to play nurse for many of the other Test Subjects, she’s gotten to know them all fairly well, though her closest friendship in Winterkill Works by far is with Bacchus.

Interests: Venus likes peaceful days, her region’s style of home cooking, and being able to work alone. She dislikes urban areas, unexpected changes in plans, and arguments. Since ending up at Winterkill Works, she’s ended up spending most of her “free time” checking in on the other test subjects. 

WW Role: As one of the specially selected Test Subjects, Venus was given a particular experimental power. In her case, that power is a functionally “perfect” immune system that renders her immune to sickness and infection of nearly any variety. She’s one of two true successes among the Test Subjects, whose powers didn’t come with some kind of horrible cost. 

Miscellaneous: Though she tries not to think about it, Venus can’t shake the fear that someday, her power will backfire like so many of the rest. Irrational as it is, she worries that the other test subjects resent her for coming out unscathed when they’ve suffered so greatly. Venus initially became friends with Bacchus because of their shared background in small-scale government, but by now, she considers Bacchus a close friend on a far more personal level. Though she claims to be annoyed by “nurse duty”, looking after the other test subjects keeps her mind well-occupied.

Connotative Description: A practical and pleasant person whose care for others is often fueled by an irrational sense of guilt. The “sane man” of the Test Subjects, in a sense, but troubled by her situation in more subtle ways.

[talesofsonicasura]

Dancer of Destiny

Yup! Another Trollhunters AU but with a rather delightful twist when it comes to Jim. There are gonna be two flavors: one human and one full troll! I can forget the dash of Monster Hunter inspiration either. Don't need to know about MH for this as I'm keeping it simple and limited.

Trolldancer

A seven year old Jim begins having very strange yet very real dreams of another world. One where monsters and people unlike anything he ever seen tend to collide. Jim is taken in by a Monster Hunter by the name of Val'tah Choso alongside his monster ward Buena, a Will o' Wisp Magnamalo. (Old drawing)

In the waking world, he lives a normal life with his mother and friend completely unaware about what happens when he sleeps. Jim learns to dance under Val'tah's tutelage upon discovering his caretaker's personal hobby but also former dream. Although the lessons of monster hunting doesn't fail to sink its claws when the young boy turns 13.

Nor the domino effect when Jim soon learns about the world underneath his feet but also his dreams hold more influence than he thought. Sometimes a dance can change destiny just like any blade.

Jim isn't the Trollhunter but he will assist them whether it be Kanijar or someone else. Young Lake bears magic that is tied to not only the dances he was taught but also his experiences in the Monster Hunter world. I will tell you at least two parts of Jim's magic.

Offensive Style which is summoning weapons and armor he acquired to apparitions based on monsters he fought to his aid. When it comes to his apparitions, think of Bending from ATLA mixed with ROTTMNT Raphael's magic in how they operate. If the monster has an element or specific nature such as being venomous, then his apparition shall have that same ability.

Wild Style can cause various effects such as empower allies, debuff enemies, healing or even change the weather. It just depends on what he performs especially if it encompasses a monster.

Example: Scarlet Feast, Malzeno

-Every successful attack drains bits of the victims' strength and heal Jim. Any beneficial boosts can also be stolen. Once a certain amount of damage is done, "Bloodening" mode triggers boosting Jim's power and speed for a short time.

Jim's unique magic definitely put him in the line of fire during one earlier clash between the Kanijar and Bular(not the canon battle.) Something that leads to him being called 'Trolldancer' as his current clothing made him look like a troll from a distance. Trust me when I say both sides are looking for Jim and it drags the dancer's companions into the madness too.

Protector of Dancing Souls

A mysterious crystal gives life to a troll whelp immune to sunlight. He is raised by a mysterious tribe of Felynes and given the name Avalon. (I couldn't resist a Troll Jim being raised by cats, well, cat based monsters).

He learned not only from his tribe but also the people he tends to spy on, especially hunters. Avalon took the role of a protector, at first leading others to safety until an encounter with a dangerous monster gave him reason to fight. This earned him the Monster name 'Petronion, Dancer of Souls' and the Fanged Beast classification amongst the hunting world.

On one fateful day, a teenage Avalon crashes into Arcadia, badly injured from a fight with a dangerous unknown monster. (10 years before the events of the show.) He is found by Barbara and nursed back to health while given the name Jim. Ends up meeting Toby two weeks after his arrival as the child had a scheduled visit the nurse accidentally forgot.

Over the years, both help the misplaced troll become accustom to this new world and he shares his knowledge in return. It isn't much longer before one midnight run goes wrong as Jim encounters a battle between two certain trolls. Remember that our troll boy has no knowledge about what he is nor if there are more like him.

Jim only interferes when Bular's temperament marks him as a major threat and chases him off. He flees before Kanijar could stop the young troll who is facing an existential crisis. Everything Jim knows about himself has been flipped on its head and now he struggles to understand his origins.

It doesn't help when certain Trollmarket denizens seek out the clearly young troll before the Gumm Gumm Prince with his forces find him first. Or for Jim's new family to get dragged into the crossfire.

Now the young troll doesn't have a human disguise and it'll probably take halfway through the first maybe second season before he gets one. Jim uses the Dance of the Ancient Phantom, Chameleos, to wander Arcadia without being seen. Like his human counterpart, his magic functions the same way.

-Makes the wielder invisible for long periods of time unless hit. Jim can create thick mist to shroud his form and even forge poison clouds.

He often uses this to spy on people, wander around, observe Barbara at her job or follow Toby in school. Jim may have tripped his human friend's bullies and mother's harsh coworkers. He is quite protective of people he sees as kin. A lean yet firm body type, similar to Angor Rot albeit with more muscle, makes stealth stupid easy.

Also I can't resist imagining this particular Troll Jim being horrified to learn that trolls like to eat cats. He was essentially raised by cat people so the idea would probably make him hurl. Jim definitely bonded with Toby over the whole feline topic in general.

That's it for now! Until next time folks, I'll see you back in Arcadia!

[defensepunk]

going on a rant now: i need to kiss his scrunchy lil face until he has no choice but to smile

there are so few photos of him without his mask and i cherish every one of them

i have this lil daydream of us where somehow we're running from people and we're about to be caught so i tell him to kiss me as a distraction black widow kissing captain america in the winter soldier style (and this is before we're a thing) and he just looks so confused so i just sigh, pull of his mask, and do it myself and then we get too distracted that we don't notice that the guys we were running from are gone already

he's the kind of guy who's never let himself experience a lot of affection like. ever

so obviously my thing is just bulldozing over those emotional walls until he gets used to it lol

like nope. you're stuck with me now heheh

woe, affection be upon ye

and this man does not know how to handle it

i hold his hand and he's more grateful for his mask than ever because it hides his blush

and like i'm actually (mostly) holding his hand to pull him over to me so i can show him something and before we're a thing he just thinks i'm being nice and of course i would never mean anything other than friendship because how could someone like me want someone like him? but the thing is, i fell first but he fell harder. i knew i was attracted to him from the moment i saw him, and i just slowly fell in love with him as i got to know him. a gentle sort of sauntering into full on love

bi han though? had no clue what he was feeling was love until kuai liang brought it up. and when the realization hit it was all he could think about

but i'm still the one that made the first move lol

because the way my lore works is that i was basically isekai'd into the mortal kombat universe so i'm just this girl who says all this weird stuff and plays loud music all the time and wears oversized jackets with the sleeves falling past my hands and he just can't get over it

and i have no combat skills, but i take on a sort of caretaker role nearly immediately and he has no clue how to handle it because he's the leader of a literal warrior clan, he's not used to waking up to someone in his kitchen with bare feet singing while making breakfast for him and his family

and he absolutely does not know what to do

and once i do make the first move? it's like a dam breaking. once he knows it's okay to touch me? he doesn't stop. ever

i hc that physical touch is his love language but doesn't let himself "indulge" in it often because of the way he is and the way he was raised but just. augh

okay i'm done (for now)

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok and now some thoughts about my early experience of parenting.

it kinda rocks... i really like it. i will definitely have a second kid if finances and biology work out. my life is so much better with this little guy in it. the sacrifices so far are mostly minor and are much more logistical than personal. i have to work more hours than i'd ideally want to because there's only one paycheck. i have to try to cobble together more sleep than i used to because i am pretty tired at the end of the day. i can't go to the gym or run an errand or go write at a coffeeshop for a few hours without hiring a sitter or asking my friends to help out. but the tradeoff is i get to be this little kid's mom. he thinks i'm pretty funny and he's interested in everything i do and he calls to me to get me to come over to his mat and talk to him and he likes to grab my face and hold it still so he can study it real intently and when he's upset he wants me to snuggle him until he feels better. i would pick that over getting to run into a store without the stroller a million times over.

i remember reading this book years ago where someone (paulo freire? someone influenced by freire's pedagogy?) recommended that all teachers, no matter how long they'd been teaching, carve out time every six months to reflect on their teaching practices and consider whether those practices were aligned with their core/guiding values as educators. i obviously love this idea because i was born to engage in sustained reflective journaling about my values lol. but also: i do think there's value in setting aside time at regular intervals to check in with yourself about the way you are living, or about whatever you are practicing, whether it's teaching or your work with others or, in this case, parenting. so idk i might try using his birthday and half birthday as time to journal both about my kid and about my own practice of parenting.

do i have a practice of parenting?? that sounds too fancy for someone who is only six months in lol. but i do enjoy thinking about what i'm doing and i like trying to connect the day-to-day choices i'm making to larger principles. i have written about this before but idk i think i am somebody who derives a strong sense of security and groundedness from having a loose framework of guiding values i can refer to when making decisions. and i guess in this first round of reflective journaling i will try to articulate what some of those emerging values/principles are. here we go:

I am making a conscious effort to not sweat the small stuff. there are one million things you can be worried or stressed about in parenting. and there are one million ways you can fall into the trap of thinking that if you just control every single variable nothing bad will happen to your kid. i am trying, inasmuch as i can, to avoid at least a few ways of falling into that trap. i have worked really hard to choose flexibility instead of rigidity when it comes to, for instance, letting other people care for my kid. it's okay if people do things differently than i would - as long as he's safe, he can only benefit from being exposed to different caretaking styles and adapting to different people's ways of engaging with him. i also made a decision early on to not engage with any parenting content on social media (this means ignoring the dozens of insta reels my mom sends me every week lol) and that has been really healthy/good for me. there is TOO MUCH information out there. it is way too overwhelming. you could spend your whole life worrying and i want to spend my life doing other things, like funny accents and comedy bits for the baby.

i am working hard to not interpret other people's parenting choices as a judgment of my own. i really believe that there are lots of different ways to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids. we can make different choices (small and big choices!) and still arrive at the same outcomes. i just really don't want to be the kind of person who takes it personally when people do something differently than i would've! i want to be secure enough in my choices to be able to accept and appreciate a whole range of other parenting styles. i also want to be humble enough to realize that i don't have it all figured out and might learn something from reflecting on someone else's parenting choices. anyway this has been a challenging one as i sometimes DO feel quite judged or shamed by other people's choices. but i also think it's ok to feel that reaction as long as i can keep making space for myself to take a deep breath and think through why i feel like that. idk! work in progress but i've only had six months of practice lol.

i am also trying not to interpret other people's anxieties as anything other than them working through their own stuff. to give one example: i love my mom so much but she is just, like, vibrating out of her skin with anxiety at all times about literally everything. and she has really found an outlet for that anxiety in grandparenting. i get dozens of texts a week about what exercises i should be doing with him and what experiences i should be making sure he has and where i should be taking him and what i should be saying to him and what i should be asking the doctor about and so on and so forth. this obviously could be pretty stressful, and i know that my brother and SIL find it so stressful that it is kind of negatively impacting their relationship with her. but idk i feel like with my mom i spent a lot of my life taking her anxieties personally, thinking that she thought i was incompetent/incapable/irresponsible/whatever. and then at some point in the last few years i was just like oh... this isn't about me at all, is it? this has absolutely nothing to do with me. this is just her fear and her terror of doing things wrong and her overwhelming need to avoid shame, and all of that emotional stuff just happens to be playing out in this relationship because we are close enough that she can lets her emotional walls down and let me see the churning river of anxiety that runs through the heart of her life. i wish that she didn't feel like that. but it's also not something i can fix or change. the only thing that is within my control is the choice not to take it personally, which in turn helps me put some guardrails around it so that it doesn't impact our relationship. idk i think this will probably be an ongoing thing i have to sort through for myself. but also she is who she is and i love her and it is important to me that she be a big part of owen's life. so we will figure it out.

I refuse to optimize my parenting because i refuse to see my child as a thing that needs to be optimized. this is in some ways hard for me because in many respects i am all-in on the very american philosophy that everything can be improved endlessly, including yourself and your family, if you just work harder and care more and give endlessly of yourself to the work. but nope! nope. not for parenting. not for my kid. i want him to have experiences and be exposed to new things, but not so he can "get ahead" or excel in things. i want him to be curious, engaged, interested, flexible, alive to the world, open to new things. i do not care if he is bilingual by age four or has a STEM curriculum at his daycare or goes to a top college or whatever. and i want the choices i make about what we do together and how we spend our time to reflect that. idk he's still so little that this is not super relevant yet but i can feel some of it creeping in.

lastly: i am trying to approach all aspects of parenting with the fundamental belief that i am and will be a good parent. i feel like our culture wants women in particular to spend all their time feeling guilty and inadequate as mothers. we also don't get a lot of external feedback on whether or not we're doing a good job as parents, which i think can make us frantic for validation and riddled with self-doubt over whether we are doing Enough. but i want to just like, try to cut some of that out and just answer it for myself. i'm doing a great job. i'm a great mom. i love my kid and my kid loves me. as i learn more about my child and myself as a parent i will undoubtedly adjust my approach to parenting many times, but making adjustments doesn't mean i was doing something "wrong" or "bad" before. it just means i want to try something new or shift gears a little bit. idk maybe this sounds dumb but i actually think it is proving kind of powerful so far as a strategy for managing parenting anxiety. i just assume that my parenting instincts are reasonably good and will guide me to make reasonably good choices, and if something turns out not to work, i assume i am a good enough parent to figure it out and adapt accordingly.

ok!! good journaling session and now it's time for bed!!

[insurguitor]

K so ramble time :D Talkin bout my CJRP anon trio btw

Mkay so! Swimmer! P sure yall already know his appearance but just in case here ya go:

Swimmer is an entity of some sort, basically just. Not human and not something that naturally occurs. They do not have bodily needs! They don't need to eat, drink, breathe, sleep, etc., though they can if they want to. Their clothes are part of their body and they're just all water under everything. Except the glitches and the tail. They are also able to just turn into water, which they do to avoid injury and travel through small spaces. Also their teleportation isn't quite teleporting! They're kinda just converting themself into data and using that to travel, it's just so fast it looks like they teleported. Shut down the internet and they won't be able to "teleport" anywhere. They can also theoretically transport themselves into devices via bluetooth or something like that, though they find it really uncomfortable physically, mentally taxing, and that's just a privacy boundary they're not comfy crossing. Their access to the internet in this way allows them to get a lot of information from a lot of places, though they have a little bit of trouble remembering things they get access to this way.

Disc is a robot! It's very humanoid in appearance and is almost completely black. It has white patches across its body, white hair that reaches down to where their shoulderblades would be, and black sclera with glowing white irises. They also lack a mouth. They have a monotone voice and have extreme difficulty expressing emotions, and they're pretty strong too. They have a photographic memory and use that to their advantage when they research! Most of the time they research human things to figure out how to take care of B-Day. They've ended up as the target of the others' antics more often than not, but they don't really mind as they're pretty harmless. Like Swimmer, they do not have bodily needs. But unlike Swimmer, they are not able to experience them if they wanted to! They mostly stick to keeping everyone out of trouble and keeping an eye on B-Day, though they can get aggressive if something or someone hurts or becomes an active threat to the other two.

B-Day is an ordinary human! No powers, no magic, no special abilities, nothing. They're pretty flexible and extremely good at slight of hand stuff though. They're 9 years old and don't remember much about their birth parents, having lived with the others since they were around 3. They're pretty short and have pastel blue hair that barely reaches their shoulders, blue eyes, and pale skin. Their outfit varies from day to day, but it usually includes a pink bow or two somewhere, their pink rollerskates, and a pair of red aviator sunglasses. They also carry a messenger bag with them when they go out, containing various things they consider "useful," including glitter bombs, party poppers, confetti, tubs of icing, birthday candles, a lighter, and a bag of assorted candies. They have a penchant for chaos and enjoy pranking people. They also get into a lot of goofy antics with Swimmer. and they enjoy messing with Disc's hair, usually braiding it, styling it into a bun or a ponytail, or just putting clips in it. They love baking and celebrating, being the one to plan each of the trio's birthday parties and also assigning Swimmer and Disc birthdays when they discovered that they didn't have one.

Now dynamics! All three pretty much live together now that they're in the anon village. Swimmer and Disc have a big sibling/little sibling relationship and like to do mischief together. Disc makes sure they don't get into trouble and is a sort of caretaker to the others, though it can get parental at times, especially with B-Day. It's pretty much the one doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. B-Day likes to bake and usually does so under the watchful eye of Disc, but they're pretty good at it and skilled enough to bake on their own if they tried to. Swimmer cannot cook for their life and always somehow manages to catch something on fire. They were banned from the kitchen after they somehow managed to burn ice cubes. The trio tend to stick together, but Swimmer is the most prone to leaving the group, regularly wandering off. B-Day also goes off on their own on occasion, usually to prank people or, sometimes, to celebrate someone's birthday. Disc rarely ever breaks off from the group, usually only doing so to tend to or look for something. The trio also go clothes shopping from time to time! Mostly it's for B-Day, but Swimmer will snatch things that peak his interest and will pick out outfits for Disc with the assistance of B-Day. Disc only gets the pants from said outfits, B-Day get the shirts for whatever they plan on using them for. It's a weird tradition they have that I haven't exactly decided the origin for yet.

[pararennial-archived]

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS

Hm... I mean... there are so many misconceptions that border on the intersectionality of Roxy being a woman of colour, asexual, and other aspects of her personality and character. To start, women often get typecasted as the caretaker, the love interest, the sexual conquest, or get assigned gross and shitty complexes because people don't like to think that there are more dimensions to women other than being good/bad, pure/corrupted, messy/pristine, etc.

Again, these complexes are what makes me resent writing a female character, not gonna lie! People see that Roxy, fundamentally, is a good person. She has upstanding morals, integrity, and she fights the good fight. And people have it in their heads that she is an "uwu sunshine pure vanilla bean baby" ( and I will say her being ace doesn't help because people tend to assign that pure, virginal presumption to asexuality, which is incredibly ignorant! ) but really, she is kind and sweet but it doesn't mean she doesn't have a spine. The girl can have a bit of a mean streak at times!

On the other hand, when Roxy exhibits her more competent and ruthless side, people are all like "OH YES STEP ON ME KILLER QUEEN, YES YOU COLD AND BLOODBATHED GODDESS." That also bothers me because it also doesn't capture the full dimension of Roxy being a fully realized character who is multifaceted and cannot be pigeonholed. She won't always be strong, decisive, or cold, and she won't always be soft, warm, or affable. To presume how she would act or behave is simply... a grave mistake.

AN IMPORTANT HEADCANON

In terms of the meta, Roxy is not your typical hero. Yes she fights the good fight but does so in very complicated ways that allow her to surf within that grey area. Nothing is ever black and white in her world. And thus, she is more of a culture hero ⏤ somebody who can change / recreate the world. As a categorized Good character, she often wildly swings between Lawful, Neutral, and Chaotic depending on whatever methods or approaches suit the situation. She abides by and breaks rules, she creates and destroys, she cleans and makes messes, etc. All in all, it's to ensure that balance is maintained and restored, and she doesn't even know how vital her role is.

A USELESS HEADCANON

One of the things that will bear no meaning or significance in plots, threads, etc. is that she likes putting gummy bears with her ice cream. I dunno why, it just makes him harder to chew but Roxy likes that??? Weirdo...

POTENTIAL TRIGGERS

I mean in terms of triggers, there might be written literal or metaphorical gore as I am noticing that viscera tends to make its way into my writing. Struggles with mental health is also present in a way in which trauma is dealt personally and how intergenerational trauma is a huge proponent in Roxy's story. Of course in spite of all the supernatural BS she has to deal with, she is still very much a person dealing with things the best she can. Some of these fantastical aspects sometimes could bleed very well into relatability in which some take comfort in or it can be too much. I don't go too heavy with triggers in my writing, but that being said, I could still very well write some trigger-heavy things without knowing because everybody has their own lived experiences and everybody's traumas manifest in different ways.

SOMETHING YOU ENJOY ABOUT (WRITING) THEM

I think it's the growth of Roxy's character, I've rped her since 2013 seeing her actually grow from a teenager to an adult. It's a journey along with that, so was writing and finding my own voice and style as an author.

Furthermore, I actually like writing a character who has multifaceted and very flexible because it keeps her dynamic. At this rate, she's become more than what I had her set out to be and it's a blast to see where she goes!

SOMETHING YOU WANT OTHERS TO KNOW BEFORE WRITING WITH THEM

fuck around and find out

tagged: @velvetineblue tagging: whoever wants to go off on what they love about writing their muse

[kiwikarpart]

My Color Wheel

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I FINALLY GOT THIS DONE

It's far from the prettiest color wheel, but I expected that it wouldn't be from the start, so I used it as an excuse to experiment with my art style a bit(that's why there are inconsistencies in shading, rendering, line weight, etcetera). I'm still glad that I did it despite the lackluster quality because I have a hard time letting myself be loose with my art. If I attempted to make this with my perfectionist mindset, it would've taken 3 times as long to finish without getting me any closer to what I want my art to look like. So if you're an artist that wants to try making a color wheel but are afraid you won't like how it turns out: don't be! Use the challenge to try out a certain brush, shading method, color palette, whatever! You might not love the final result, but you will get something out of the experience.

Before I end this post, I want to talk about the characters in this wheel and why I picked them[WARNING: LONG].

Flare: Tbh, I don't have a strong connection to Flare, she's not even my favorite Panel de Pon character. What I do like about her is her official artwork and character themes, the girl's got confidence, sass, and a banging critical theme. I also really wanted to draw a character from Panel de Pon because there's so much to love about the franchise despite lacking on official content (I'd be upset at IS for that, but I can't blame them too much when any original IP that wasn't Fire Emblem or Advance Wars didn't sell well).

Daisy: You don't need me to tell you who Daisy is. All I really need to say is that I love her for the same reason every other Daisy fan loves her. Saying Daisy rules because of her (relatively) bombastic personality is nothing new, but that really is why I like her so much. That's also why some people hate her, but that makes me appreciate Daisy more. I think it's great to have a character that people either love or hate in a franchise with simple characters.

Mew Pudding: Despite Tokyo Mew Mew aging like milk imo, I wanted to include a character from it because it was the 1st magical girl series I read, and I love magical girl shows SO much! I drew Pudding because she's my favorite girl in the group. As a kid, it was just because she's funny, but as an adult the juxtaposition between her role as a caretaker for a bunch of little siblings and the youngest member of the Mew Mews was pretty interesting. Dare I say, she would've been a better protagonist than Ichigo.

Rina: I couldn't hop off the magical girl train yet, especially since Mermaid Melody was my 2nd introduction to the wonderful world of magical girls. Most Mermaid Melody fans prefer Luchia or Hanon, but as long as I can remember my favorite was Rina. I never got a chance to re-read the series so I can't remember why, but knowing what I know about myself now, the reason might've been...formative.

Frosty Puff: Probably the most obscure character on this wheel, due to the triple whammy of being a minor character in one generation of a series most people don't care about. No disrespect to the Strawberry Shortcake fandom, I like looking at your posts here, but to the general public, Strawberry Shortcake stonks are pretty low right now. That didn't stop me from drawing Frosty Puff though, because of...well she...ok I admit it was just because of her design. As far as I know, Frosty Puff never got any meaningful characterization. But I was really hyper fixated on the 2003 Strawberry Shortcake era when I started this, and I wanted a character in cyan that wasn't showing up everywhere. Her in-show design doesn't have a drop of cyan, but her official doll's hair did so I merged the two.

Undine: If you don't know who this character is, that's fine :] but it also means you haven't read Sleepless Domain, and it's worth it just for her. Won't elaborate because there are a few twists and turns I don't want to spoil, but if you want to see more magical girl stories for a slightly older audience, check it out.

Amethyst: I drew Amethyst from Steven Universe because of the small arc she has involving Jasper. The 1st time I watched it, I really resonated with Amethyst for a reason I couldn't articulate. Something about her struggling with then coming to terms with the genetic differences between her and Jasper was surprisingly real, and I shared her frustration with Jasper being this seemingly unbeatable opponent...then I watched it again and realized some of the stuff Jasper said was REALLY ableist. That might have something to do with it.

Caitlin: And to top it all off, my favorite psychic user in the pokemon franchise. Won't go into it because this post got way too long, but I think her backstory makes her a certified badass.

[elijasz]

Okay I was going to put this in the tags but its honestly too important.

Apart from the financial struggle, which includes having to potentially care financially for your family instead of the other way around, there are a BUNCH of other socio-economic factors that prevent poor people from getting higher education.

One is that people who grew up poor have much higher chances of having less language proficiency, knowledge about the world etc. One of the main reasons for that is communication with the parents. If your parents work a lot, they dont have time to talk to you. If you don't eat dinner together because your parents are exhausted, or you cannot talk about your day and your experiences and ask questions, discuss etc, you will likely end up with a smaller vocabulary, less grammatical fluency, worse conflict management skills, issues critically reflecting behaviour and actions (though this is quickly fixed because the world LOVES giving marginalized people criticism and forcing them to change), and much more. Just from a lack of conversation with parents or caretakers. We also cannot ignore the stress and psychological pressure poor people are under for a bunch of reasons.

But back to the language part, because that's what I know about. Children from less privileged financial backgrounds often acquire a certain way of speaking, that is connected to their class. They don't have the opportunities to develop an academic style and this can already inhibit their application process. Adding slower writing and reading speed and taking longer for listening comprehension means they take longer to process and produce work. This takes from their freetime. Their work also takes from their freetime. This is just one of the instances where "we all have the same 24 hours" is total bullshit. Now if you consider that poor people have a higher chance of medical issues, chronic illness, mental and physical disabilities etc, we get to the point were they already spend more money to live, then spend more money to study, potentially need more time to achieve the same goals, which also costs money, and then still have to deal with so much other stuff going untreated because medical care is fucking expensive, you have a recipe for self sustaining classism.

This isn't just an american thing either. We've been talking about this issue at uni in Germany. Our education costs "only" a few hundred euros per YEAR. But the issue is that your workload, the expected workload you have to follow if you want to finish in the recommended/expected time, is often more than 60h a week. Again, adding the extra time poor people might need, and the time people need to work because living costs money and living in university cities costs even more, you have people working 70-100h work weeks.

I worked a lot since childhood because I grew up poor. When I started Uni I lived in a cheap apartment and because I had a well paying job, I was able to sustain myself with only a little support from my parents (who worked extra so my sibling and I could get a higher education. All of us worked more so my sibling and I could afford getting something that's claimed to be "free" in Germany). But you know what happened? I got fucking burnout a few semesters in. Because I was at uni 8-10 hours a day on week days and worked at least another 2 hours after uni every day, and that was barely enough, because I didn't have fucking latin, or hadn't read Judith Butler, or Mann, or Brecht, or whatever else they expected my parents to have at home. I worked my ass off on week days and on Friday I went straight to work after uni, worked until 4am, went to sleep, worked on some paper or presentation, went to work again and so on. I had NO freetime. If my job hadn't required me to walk 10-20km every night, and carry a shitton of full glasses, I'd have gotten no exercise at all.

Went my therapist said I need to slow down, I asked him how. Because I was never asked to slow down before. It was always more more more. Never less. I had to learn to destress because I had several years of stress build up and didn't even realise because I still wasnt performing to the standard I compared myself too: Rich people whose parents were academics, whose parents paid for everything the owned, ate, smoked and drank, who didn't need to go to an extra course to understand the text that kept referencing historical events I'd never heard about or used Latin phrases that left me confused.

Being poor means trying much harder than everyone to achieve the same shit, breaking yourself to be average, and then getting ridiculed because you fall asleep in class, or get sick a lot, or start smoking to cope with the stress because god forbid your suffering isn't sexy and presentable.

There are so many classist systems and the education system is one of the worst. Its self sustaining and allows all other systems of classist oppression to continue. Because it prevents people from taking narrative agency, from telling their stories in a way academia deems acceptable and "scientific". Because it prevents poor people from gaining access to power and to the knowledge on how to break out of that system. I have broken out of that system. But it's cost me a lot and I wouldn't have been able to do that if I hadn't had a supportive partner and parents, who literally worked themselves to failure to support me. (literally. they went to work sick, came home, changed and went to their other job. I'm not joking when I say they worked themselves to failure. Their bodies are failing and I don't have the option to support them yet because I needed to slow down myself so i dont break)

People don't understand how harmful, how deadly, this system is and how it goes beyond free education. Classism is a societal issue that needs to be resolved more than ever, as more people become poor and more money exists in the hands of those who need it least.

We don't just need free education, we need financial support independent of how long its taking you to finish your studies, instead dependent on how much you need to survive as an individual, not a calculated number. And we need a reformed system that recognises that some people will struggle more than others because of their background. With or without their own "fault".