#and meanwhile my cat has a check up and i need to file my taxes
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feeling very "wore yellow dress. man landed on the moon" "had pastries at my aunt's. mussolini no longer in power" like. us govt may be collapsing but I've got midterms. sorry
#trying to stay on top of news but ive just got no way to even predict whats happening tomorrow much less long term ramifications#and meanwhile my cat has a check up and i need to file my taxes#did get a homework extension for the inauguration which is great bc i got drunk#but otherwise were charging full speed ahead normal style and im BUSY
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Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!
here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS
no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission
So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well
please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel
the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.
So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"
and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"
"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"
"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"
This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.
Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable
So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon
Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."
Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"
meanwhile with the siblings
Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations
Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"
the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh
Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic
Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."
"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.
"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."
"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."
"I'm adopted." Five waves away.
"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?
"I'm double adopted."
However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.
Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?
Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that
Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful
Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"
Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends
Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes
Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.
I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot
Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?
"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."
Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly
Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"
(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)
"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.
"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.
It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze
Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.
So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?
and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"
"Your DAD?"
Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.
Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone
Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick
Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well
Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much
honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"
#HUH?#survivors au#well adjusted five au#long post#far tua long#five recruits rick to be team dad#rick is DEEPLY confused#but he's the kind of person that rolls with it#dolores probably ends up tagging along as well on at least one occasion#dolores and patch bond#five pretends that dolores is a new sibling and not his dolores#five calls rick 'dad' and it messes with everyone else#patch is on team fuck-the-apocalypse(-and-reginald)#vanya is never alone so fuck leonard#five finds out that vanya causes the apocalypse and is like#vanya: HUH?#luther: maybe we should lock vanya up -#rick: are there are any other possible actions that might be more appropriate in this situation?#vanya: i could try get more meds to take and we could address the powers thing after april 1st#vanya immediately gets validated that reginald sucks#even luther who has had multiple conversations with rick is like 'dad... didn't always make the best choices...'#everyone: :0#hazel doesn't kill patch so he probably joins team anti-apocalypse at some point#hazel: why are you a child#five: oh you know i'm young at heart and all that#OH forgot to mention one of the main differences in this au is that five like properly grew up this time#so while he is inconvenienced by his body he's not so deeply uncomfortable or angry about it#just resigned#'this might as well happen' - five#five probably makes jokes about it as well
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Binge Reading Journal - November 13, 2018 - the tenth day of reading Marvel’s Dark Reign (Part 3)
Secret Invasion- Requiem
Now they reprint Court-Martial by Jim Shooter (boy genius writer), Bob Hall (an underrated penciler), Dan Green on inks and Janice Chiang on Letters. This story was first featured in Avengers #213 in 1981 featuring the smack heard ‘round the world.
Hank Pym, now working under the name of Yellowjacket, is standing in front of Iron Man, Thor and Captain America. All in full uniform in their private mansion where no one can see, or get in or out. BUT this is a serious matter. Full uniform must be worn! Iron Man says that Cap has leveled some serious charges against Yellowjacket. Thor lets him know that if the accusations are true he will face formal court-martial! Thor wants the record to show that he and Iron Man are presiding as judges.....wait wait wait. These are just a bunch of dudes wearing really tight clothes in a swanky clubhouse. There’s no military sanction. Tony Stark is footing the bill (through the Maria Stark Foundation) so they can run around and smash things!
According to the Marvel Database, they’re a non-profit organization like the American Red Cross or Habitat for Humanity, recognized by the National Security Council of the US and the UN as a peacekeeping organization, ain’t nobody being court-martialed....pppsshhhh. Just be all like, “Hank you’re a jerk! Here are your things and go away.”
Well, these boys are going to go through this farce anyway. Cap states that the day before, during a mission where he was fighting a mysterious woman attacking Washington D.C. He managed to convince her to stop when Yellowjacket shot her in the back, which caused her to continue fighting. Iron Man asks for an explanation to which he has none. His own personal thoughts, legible in a bubble to the reader shows him thinking that he was a jerk and acted over eagerly to be the star on his first mission since rejoining the team.
Thor (who’s not really pretending at any of this because he actually is a Norse god) says they will convene for three days until the formal court-martial (hahahah) and suspends Hank until then so hand over your Avengers ID Card, Hank!
Hank pleads a little at this but Iron Man reminds him the rules, which he helped write, are firm on this.
I don’t think The Salvation Army has ever court-martialed anyone and they call themselves an army!
Janet is in the hallway outside the court-martial ichamber. Tigra asks why so down? Tigra, by the way is hanging from one of the rafters in the ceiling because it helps her relax. She wonders why Janet is so hung up on that strange guy anyway. Can we remind 2008 Future Tigra, who’s having Skrull-Hank babies, she thought Hank was strange in 1981?
Hank leaves the room and practically shoves Janet aside, telling her to leave him alone when she asks how he is. He immediately regrets it an apologizes before she walks away. She comes in for an embrace and say sweet consoling things to each other. TIgra doesn’t get it.
As the other founding members go their separate ways, each one remembers their own mistakes from the past.
Cap recalls when, during a heated battle against Nazi soldiers, he reacted to a noise behind him and instinctively threw his shield. It was a little girl, an orphan, collecting the brass shells for money. He barely missed hitting her when she bent down to pick up a shell. Cap realizes that he nearly made the same mistake as Hank.
Iron Man is going over Hank’s files and pictures, As a founding member his history is tied in closely with the Avengers’ history. However, Hank never really seemed to settle in, taking on guises such as Giant-Man and Goliath. Tony feels that Hank always felt outclassed by himself and Iron Man, so he’d leave the team to try to come up with some scientific breakthrough to prove himself. One of those wound up being Ultron, the Avengers’ greatest enemy. Then he had an accident in the lab which triggered a mental breakdown. That’s when he started calling himself Yellowjacket. However, the schizophrenia was cured (can’t be cured.)
Schizophrenia, and other mental disorders are a pulp fiction trope, used to explain away erratic behavior. It is usually used by writers with very little understanding of the actual condition. Actually, a rigorous new definition of schizophrenia was fashioned for the ''Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Third Edition,'' or ''DSM-III,'' which was published by the American Psychiatric Association in 1980.
Nevertheless, Hank and Janet got married. As Iron Man continues reminiscing, he recalls how Ultron returned and forced him to create Jocasta from Janet’s brain waves. Iron Man wonders if Hank will ever stop looking for redemption. Is it fair to turn away from a friend who needs help, should he be punished for a mistake anyone of them could have made?
Janet and Hank head home, Janet stopping to sign autographs for fans waiting outside the mansion, none recognizing Yellowjacket. They head to their residence in Cresskill, New Jersey. (Did he always live there? Should I redo my ant speed calculations from that earlier issue?) Ah wait, their butler and other staff greet Janet like she’s the Queen of England and Hank is something she stepped in. She’s the rich one, inherited her father’s wealth which he made from science, with all his alien teleportation stuff. Not a lot of scientists manage to get rich. Usually the career path of a scientist is to become tenured at a university, write a lot of books and speaking engagements, they manage to make a decent living. Usually they work for companies and universities collecting meager salaries for the opportunity to science.
If a scientist manages to discover something, and patent it and comes up with a practical use for it, then there is an opportunity to become rich from it. A couple of rich, like Craig Ventner. Dr. Ventner, much like Hank Pym, is a biotechnologist, biochemist and geneticist. He was involved in mapping the human genome. Then he founded, Celera Genomics, institute for Genomic Research and the J. Craig Ventner Institute and Human Longevity, Inc.
At Celera, Ventner and his colleagues completed sequencing the human genome (Ventner’s genome specifically) three years ahead of schedule, beating the government funded Human Genome Project (your taxes at work.) Ventner’s discoveries, patents and stock ownership in the companies he’s founded made him very rich. Forbes estimates that his net worth (as of 2017) based on his stakes on two of his startups is about $300 million.
It seems like taking some real world examples, there’s some untapped story ideas to mine; what did Janet Van Dyne’s father discover and patent that made him rich and how has it impacted the world; how can Pym cash in on his own discoveries (not to mention Reed Richards, Hank McCoy, etc.).
Janet tries to get Hank into the bedroom, but he takes the laboratory over the seductive advances of his wife.
Hank admits he hates going to the lab because it reminds him of his failures, except there is one success he’s had in the lab: Robotics (wait, no that never turns out well.
Cut to three days later, Tigra is asleep in her private quarters, Bob Hall draws her in the nude but all the naughty bits are tastefully covered. She wakes up to the sound of Jarvis approaching her door. Jim Shooter makes it a point to say she slipped on a satiny negligee. It’s like the only reason Tigra was created was to get some weird furry fantasy going for the readers. A startled Jarvis, who’s never owned a cat apparently or else he wouldn’t be surprised by her behavior, is presenting Tigra with her first weekly stipend check.
She is surprised to learn that the Avengers get paid a salary. He clarifies that it is a modest stipend to cover living expenses, which most Avengers traditionally refuse, he adds in a snidely way. Hmmmm. Let’s see....Black Panther is the king of his own country so mega-rich; Thor, Prince of Asgard, so rich he doesn’t even need money; Captain America, probably collecting a lot of military back pay. See, Jarvis, most Avengers refuse the stipend because they’re already rich; not because they are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts.
He continues to economically shame her by pointing out that those that do accept the stipend are the ones that live at the mansion and have no outside means of support. Tigra finally gets a chance to read it and notices it is for one thousand dollars. Which in 1983, like $2,534.53 today or $131, 795.56 a year. That is a pretty good haul on top of room and board for Tigra.
Jarvis reminds her that the court-martial is at four o’clock that day. Meanwhile, Tony Stark is making an excuse to leave a board meeting at Stark International Headquarters, because writers think the best way to show a busy CEO is at a board meeting (not true, board meetings occur maybe just once a year unless there is an emergency, trope alert)
Thor finishes up some surgery but leaves the cleaning up for his colleagues, who grouse at Blake leaving (oh, sorry at this time, Thor is still using the Don Blake alter ego) for them to clean up despite being the best surgeon ever.
Captain America, already in the Avengers library and in full uniform, is wondering if he will have the courage to look Hank in the eye even though it is the most difficult thing he’s ever done. More difficult than watching Bucky die on that rocket? More difficult than giving up your Captain America identity to become Nomad? Well, we all chose our own cross to bear.
Speaking of crosses to bear, a few hours earlier, Janet hasn’t seen Hank since they came home three days earlier. She decides to go check on him in the lab. Finding the door locked, she shrinks down and squeezes in to the door crack to discover Hank putting in the final touches of programming of the robot, which will allow it to target each Avenger by their brain waves. Which it does as o soon as it senses Jan in the room. Hank is infuriated, Accusing Jan of spying on him. Hank explains he has built a robot called Salvation 1 and she’s going to help him test it out. It grabs Jan but her sting is useless against it. He explains it is built out of Adamantium. Ok, so according to the Marvel Database:
Creating even a small amount of Adamantium is astronomically expensive, and only a few people know the complete formula. Adamantium is created by mixing certain chemical resins together. The exact composition of these resins is a closely guarded secret of the United States government. When these resins are mixed and kept at a temperature of 1,500 degrees Fahrenheit, the resulting liquid can be cast or worked into a particular shape. After an eight minute 'flux period', the mixture sets and becomes solid regardless of temperature. Its molecular structure is extremely stable, and its shape can only be altered by precise molecular rearrangement.
So I don’t know how Hank had enough Adamantium lying around to build a 15 foot tall battle robot he just conceived three days prior. He designed Sal with a secret weak spot that will shut down the robot with one well-placed stinger shot, thus making him a hero when Sal attacks the Avengers. That’s the plan at least. But Janet won’t let him go through with it.
There it is.
On Jim Shooter’s website, he posted on March 29, 2011:
In that story (issue 213, I think), there is a scene in which Hank is supposed to have accidentally struck Jan while throwing his hands up in despair and frustration—making a sort of “get away from me” gesture while not looking at her. Bob Hall, who had been taught by John Buscema to always go for the most extreme action, turned that into a right cross! There was no time to have it redrawn, which, to this day has caused the tragic story of Hank Pym to be known as the “wife-beater” story.
So, henceforth Hank Pym is known as a wife beater.
Let’s cut to the court-martial proceedings. Captain America states his case: Yellowjacket shot a hostile in the back. Hank has never been know to act cowardly so the act was a case of misjudgment. It is tempting to write off as a mistake since any one of them can make the same error.
However, as an Avenger they cannot. An error by any one of them can result in the loss of lives. They have a tremendous responsibility and thus must judge themselves harshly.
I bet one can look back at previous issues of the Avengers, or Iron Man or Cap, or Thor and find situations and scenarios where they’ve all made costly mistakes like Hank Pym. Alas, this can’t turn into a retrospective of the Avengers.
Iron Man asks Hank how he pleads or if he wishes to defend himself. Hank pleads not guilty. His argument is that although his mistake may have seemed treacherous but he wondered if Cap ever considered treachery from the enemy. His actions may have actually saved lives! Perhaps because the enemy was a beautiful woman, perhaps Cap liked her! Like Liked her! That’s why Cap is upset, because Hank hurt her!
Everyone is feeling second-hand embarrassment at this point. Iron Man asks him to stop. Hank asks Janet to back up her story. She lowers her sunglasses and reveals a shiner. Thor is shocked, wondering if Hank actually hit her. Hank goes for the remote control to summon Salvation 1. Janet pleads to him to not do it.
Sal bursts through the wall (kind of hilariously, no disrespect to Bob Hall, but considering the statement Shooter made on his blog post, about Hall being trained by Buscema to always go for the drama, it kind of comes off as comedic. Iron Man being flipped upside down, Tigra kind of in a Bugs Bunny pose, Yellowjacket exclaiming “Ah!” In faux surprise.
When Thor strikes it with his Mjolnir without any effect, Janet let’s them know it’s made out of (very expensive and rare) Adamantium and Hank built it and designed it to destroy them. Hank realizes Sal is way too brutal and may actually defeat everyone. He goes for the super secret shut off switch but Sal throws him against the wall. Sal grabs Hank in his giant pincer claws, crushing him when Janet runs up and shoots the switch with her stinger, deactivating Salvation 1.
Hank, shamefully leaves.
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Lunch Meat (1987): SUMMARY Cannibals who roam the San Bernardino Mountains in search of victims! PAW & THE BOYS! BENNY, ELWOOD and HARLEY! Psychotic, meat-eating mutilators who get their kicks by ambushing young men and women, hunt them down, and cold-bloodedly. tear their bodies apart!
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There’s HARLEY, who get his kicks by chopping off people’s heads with his AXE! There’s ELWOOD, his younger brother, who likes to DRILL HOLES in his victims with his PICKAXE! PAW’S favorite tool is his stainless steel MACHETE! He gets his thrills by tracking his prey down, taking a couple of swipes with the machete to draw BLOOD, and then likes to see them beg for mercy. He’ll move in with a chuckle and CHOP THEM UP into many pieces of BLOOD-DRENCHED MEAT and BONES to be thrown in TRASH BAGS and taken down to the nearest greasy spoon to be sold as lunchmeat!!!! Then there’s BENNY! Deaf and dumb and MANIACAL with an insatiable thirst for human blood and raw flesh!!!! BENNY does his best work with a shovel!!!!
BEHIND THE SCENES/PRODUCTION The film is the culmination of three years work and a virtually lifelong dream of its 39 year-old writer/director Kirk Alex. With a background that includes film school training, Alex had been making his living driving a cab. Eventually the frustrations of that job, and the passion to make movies, overrode the instinct to make a living and he sold his cab to raise the money to start filming LUNCH MEAT.
Alex is understandably reticent about discussing details that might affect the film’s value on the marketplace but it seems likely that it was shot on 16mm with a budget probably below $60,000. The film was made on a 14 day shooting schedule, most of which was haphazardly scattered over an almost three month period. “We’d shoot a couple of days here, a couple of days there,” recalled Alex. “Sometimes we’d stop because we ran out of film and had no money to buy more. Other stoppages were for schedule conflicts for cast or crew. The worst delays were for hassles from the law.”
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Cast & Crew
Alex’s cast and crew frequently had to change filming locations due to run-ins with Southern California police or Forest Rangers. “The whole system is set up for big budget productions,” complained Alex. “If you’ve got a movie camera in your hand you’ve got to have a permit to breathe, and everybody is out to make a buck off you. I was supposed to have a police officer and a fire marshal on the set at all times, at $40 an hour. A piece! There’s city, state, and county permits you’ve got to have, insurance and lawyers and paramedics. I could have spent my entire budget without ever exposing a foot of film!”
Instead Alex opted for true outlaw filmmaking. He and his group would shoot in one location until the forces of the law showed up. They would feign ignorance of the rules and regulations and then leave, promising to return with the proper paperwork and cash. In reality they would simply move on to the next suitable location and go through the whole process again.
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Surprisingly, few of the film’s problems arose from the cast. “They were all pros,” said Alex. “It was 95° to 100° every day we shot and they spent most of their time running around or falling down in the dirt. Sure, they complained, but they all kept showing up and doing their best.”
Chuck Ellis, who portrays the gargantuan, cannibalistic mute Benny, was the only member of the cast whom Alex knew before shooting. “I always knew Chuck was a fine actor, and his size creates an undeniable screen presence,” said Alex. “I think he did a great job as Benny. He manages to create some sympathy for this pathetic sub-human even while we’re watching him engage in some pretty barbaric acts on screen.”
One staple of low-budget exploitation films that LUNCH MEAT lacks is sex or nudity. “It wasn’t a conscious decision to leave it out,” said Alex. “I just didn’t see any place for it in the script and I wasn’t going to bring the entire film’s pace to a halt just to have some girl take her top off.” The film’s special effects, the backbone of any gore film, also suffered for the lack of time and money. “A lot of good effects sequences were dropped because they were just too time-consuming, or costly,” recalled Alex. “I think Lori Drucker and her effects crew did a real good job on the throat ripping that kicks off the crazies’ attack, and on the miscellaneous body parts. They could have done even more. It’s the classic story: all we needed was time and money.”
Post production of the film was even more protracted than its filming. Over eight months, in increments of a day here, a day there, were spent before the final project was ready to market. Many of the delays were in order to raise additional money to deal with the next phase of the postproduction chores.
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Alex bypassed any thoughts of theatrical exhibition and shopped the film around to various video distributors. He had several offers, some of which appeared more lucrative than those of Tapeworm Video, but he felt he could trust its owners because they were struggling dreamers like himself. To date, LUNCH MEAT has sold over 2500 copies for Tapeworm. That’s a pittance in comparison to the hundreds of thousands of copies a blockbuster title might move, but it’s not bad for an unknown film, with a no-name cast. It is, in fact, Tapeworm’s top seller to date.
And hopes are high that things may get better still. The tape’s incredibly graphic cover, offering a wild-eyed Benny gnawing on a severed human arm, was an undeniable eye catcher but has proven too bold for many video stores. A new, tamer cover was eventually offered.
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CAST/CREW Directed/Written Kirk Alex
Produced by Kirk Alex Mark Flynn Al Goodrum Robert Oland Pamela Phillips Oland Ashlyn Gere (credited as Kim McKamy) as Roxy Chuck Ellis as Benny Joe Ricciardella as Frank Elroy Wiese as Paw Robert Oland as Harley Mitch Rogers as Elwood Rick Lorentz as Cary Bob Joseph as Eddie Marie Ruzicka as Debbie Patricia Christie as Sue Ann McBride as Waitress
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Slaughterhouse (1987): SUMMARY Lester Bacon is an old nut-case farmer living with his simple-minded, obese son Buddy. Both of them lament the fate of the old skilled hog farmer, now giving way to modern factory-type slaughterhouses. The father and son go on a killing spree against people who trespass on their property. In the opening scene, Buddy kills two teenagers, Kevin and Michelle, who are having some time alone in their car on a remote area of Lovers Lane.
The next day, Harold – Lester’s attorney, along with his law partner Tom and the local police chief, Sheriff Borden, visit Lester at his house to offer him $55,000 to buy his property, along with the closed-down slaughterhouse next door. Lester is told that the demolition of the slaughterhouse would create employment opportunities for many people in town, as well as get the county tax assessor off his back. Lester grumbles about Tom’s equipment and bad meat and says that he could do better with his hands, knives and fewer men. The sheriff tells Lester that the assessor’s office is foreclosing his property and he has 30 days to vacate it.
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Meanwhile, Liz – Sheriff Borden’s teenage daughter – is with a group of high school friends planning to shoot a “horror video” and suggests that the area around the Bacon Slaughterhouse would be perfect. Her friends – Skip, Annie, and Buzz – wonder the whereabouts of Kevin and Michelle. Back at Lester Bacon’s property, his son Buddy takes Lester to a room and shows him the dead Michelle and Kevin. Lester is a bit unsettled, thinking that they’re neck-deep in trouble, but he tells Buddy that Tom, Harold, and Sheriff Borden deserve such a fate.
Deputy Dave, after being informed by the worried parents of Michelle and Kevin, checks out the docks and then goes to the slaughterhouse. He walks inside and calls for the two teenagers. As Dave finds a dead hanging cat, Buddy appears and kills him by shoving large metal sliding door on Dave’s gun-toting hand, chopping it off.
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Lester then calls Harold to tell him that he has accepted his sales offer. Harold goes to the slaughterhouse where both Lester and Buddy kill him. Buddy then puts on the dead Dave’s blood-stained police uniform and goes for a drive in the squad car. Dave’s girlfriend, Sally, sees him driving past and waves, but Buddy chases her and runs her car off the road. She tries to escape on foot, but Buddy catches up to her and slices her neck with a butcher knife. When Tom arrives at the slaughterhouse, Lester lures him to the processing room, where Buddy drops him into a saw machine.
That evening at the Pig Out, a town dance, the power goes out due to a rainstorm, and many people leave. Buzz says it’s the best time for filming at the slaughterhouse. Skip then makes a $20 bet that the girls cannot last one hour at the slaughterhouse. Liz and Annie are dropped off at the place while the boys are sneaking around with masks used in Liz’s video. Elsewhere, Sheriff Borden finds Sally’s car with the damaged windshield and Dave’s patrol car with the door open. The sheriff then goes back to his car and calls for backup.
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Back at the slaughterhouse, Liz and Annie realize that the boys are outside trying to scare them. Liz looks for a way to get behind the two guys and scare them instead. The boys split up and Buzz gets inside the building. Skip is at the window, and Annie laughs until Buddy suddenly appears and whacks Skip. Annie screams and runs, but Lester appears and grabs her.
Liz walks to the front door and sees that everyone is gone. At the same time, Buzz walks into a room, hears a noise and gets hit in the face by Buddy. Liz finds a hanging Annie (still alive), as well as the dead bodies of all the other victims. The father-son duo is there and Buddy grabs Liz. Meanwhile, Sheriff Borden learns that Tom and Harold have mysteriously disappeared.
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Buddy and Lester hold Liz down on a table, and Lester says that a meat cutter like himself and Buddy have the skills like a surgeon. Lester slices one of Liz’s fingertips to prove to her that it is one of the most sensitive parts of the human body. When Lester turns and hears Sheriff Borden enter through the front door, Liz kicks Lester and runs away. She finds her father and runs to him. Buddy appears and the sheriff tries to shoot him, but he hits the blade of his meat cleaver. Sheriff Borden and Liz run outside into the rain. As Sheriff Borden pauses at his squad car door, Lester appears and stabs him in the back. Liz picks up her father’s gun and shoots Lester. She then helps the wounded sheriff into his car. She also gets the keys to start up the car, just as Lester rises and knocks at the car windows. She turns around, shifts the car into reverse, and runs over Lester, crushing his head and finally killing him. The sheriff tells Liz to drive away and radio for help. Buddy suddenly sits up from the backseat and swings his knife at Liz. She screams, and the film suddenly ends.
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BEHIND THE SCENES/PRODUCTION Even before the new slasher movie Slaughterhouse played in its first commercial theater, it was in the black. Slowly squealing its way around the country, the film was a testament to the new Hollywood, where independent companies outnumber major studios eight to one, and where home video and foreign sales can more than pay for a film’s cost. Slaughterhouse, for example, was sold to 60% of the foreign markets, including Germany, England, and Japan, before its domestic fate had been determined. Embassy’s Charter Entertainment is distributing the video cassette
It helped that the movie was made on a very tight budget; in fact, only fifteen full-time crew mcmbers were employed. As a result, writer director Rick Roessler was faced with the task of making up credits to increase the film’s prestige. The first two weeks of a four-week shot were done without any days off. and at that point, Roessler joked, they had to pick a few people off the floor and take some time off.
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The film marks a major launch for American Artists, in which Roessler is one of three partners. The San Diego-based production company was set up four years ago primarily to produce films. The partners proceeded to work on other people’s movies until they could raise enough capital, mostly from private investors, for their own venture.
They even wanted to distribute the movie themselves, but felt they were not adequately prepared for such a challenge. Instead, they gave that job to Castle Hill in New York, which splits the grosses 50/50 with American Artists. “They don’t normally do horror films,” Roessler explained. “It worried me in the beginning. because I wanted to go with a company that knows horror films. New World wanted to buy it out for the ridiculous figure of $400,000.” Castle Hill’s involvement marks a continuing trend: prestigious “art house” distributors who are resorting more and more to handling low budget horror films as well. In their case, they put the name of a subsidiary on it. JGM Enterprises.
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“The name of the game is you have to make a living, suggested Roessler. “I know I dug into our bank account heavily to help bankroll this film. I got into the horror genre not only because I like it but because there’s a base audience out there. Being horror fans, the one thing we didn’t want to do was absolute schlock. We didn’t want to do porn. You won’t see any gratuitous sex.”
One thing Roessler did play up was the comedy element. “We enjoy tongue and cheek stuff,” he said. “There must be a measure of comedy to make the film more horrific; otherwise, it would be too dull. Some films have so much blood, like EVIL DEAD, that they become funny.”
Roessler said he used the FRIDAY THE 13th series as an example of what he was trying to avoid. “It started out well, I think. The first one was low budget, and I think a lot of effort went into it. But look what’s happened to the character in the next five. It’s just gone blithering on they haven’t really identified who this guy is. The last one, six, was this huge slugger walking around with huge boots, whacking people for. I guess, no reason.
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For Slaughterhouse Roessler developed his own character, Buddy, who in the ads is described as “360 pounds of Cleavermania” (in real life, Joe Barton, who plays him, is 372).
“With Buddy, what we tried to do was establish a character. He’s human he’s not some abstract. There’s hopefully some sentiment, some pathos in this character. Doesn’t say word one through the whole thing, and he’s the so-called star. He snorts like a pig.”
The film works as a sort of revenge picture, with Buddy killing those who provoke him or try to evict him and his father out of their condemned slaughterhouse. Thus, the title provides an ideal double entendre for the movie. The film has played in Detroit, Nashville. Denver. Washington, D.C., Pittsburgh and Phoenix, with other cities to follow. Roessler is expecting Embassy to be pleased with its release path. “Embassy put money into it because they want it to get out there. The best advertising for home video obviously is theatrical release, and the best theatrical release for home video is the one-week hit ’em and then leave, because not everybody gets to see it. The word gets around, and then they rent the video.”
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Poster for Unproduced Sequel
Roessler said raising the money to make the film, over a period of eight months, was the hardest part of getting his project on the screen. “We put on presentations for several investor parties,” he said. “We went door-to-door. We made phone calls.”
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CAST/CREW Directed/Written Rick Roessler Produced Ron Matona Joe B. Barton as Buddy Bacon Don Barrett as Lester Bacon William Houck as Sheriff Borden Sherry Leigh (credited as Sherry Bendorf) as Liz Borden Jeff Wright as Deputy Dave Bill Brinsfield as Tom Sanford Lee Robinson as Harold Murdock
CREDITS/REFERENCES/SOURCES/BIBLIOGRAPHY Cinefantastique v19n03 Cinefantastique v18n02-03
DOUBLE FEATURE RETROSPECTIVE – Lunch Meat (1987)/Slaughterhouse (1987) Lunch Meat (1987): SUMMARY Cannibals who roam the San Bernardino Mountains in search of victims! PAW & THE BOYS!
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Must-Reads Of The Week From Brianna Labuskes
The Friday Breeze
Newsletter editor Brianna Labuskes, who reads everything on health care to compile our daily Morning Briefing, offers the best and most provocative stories for the weekend.
Happy Friday! Today is the day I’m going to challenge you to stretch those creative muscles and enter our Halloween Health Care Haiku Competition. Yes, it is going to be exactly as awesome as it sounds! The entries are already pouring in, check out the rules here. To kick things off, KHN’s very own talented and brilliant haiku master-in-residence Stephanie Stapleton wrote this one: “Goblins wear white coats, and not much is spookier, than the health system.”
Now on to what you might have missed this week.
Democrats packed themselves onto a crowded stage this week for what already feels like the umpteenth debate but was only the fourth or the sixth (depending if you count the two-nighters separately).
Going by the amount of heat she took, it seems safe to say Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) is considered by her rivals to be one of the race’s front-runners. With that spotlight, though, comes a target on her back.
South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.) – who are both vying to become the alternative for former Vice President Joe Biden’s moderate voters – were particularly sharp in their demands for Warren to reckon with the costs of “Medicare for All.” The question of how she would pay for such a plan has been one she’s been managing to dodge, but her rivals tried to hold her feet to the fire on Tuesday. “At least Bernie’s being honest,” Klobuchar said at one point in reference to Sen. Bernie Sanders’ (I-Vt.) admission that the proposal will raise taxes.
FWIW: Despite being pressed to answer the direct question: “Will you raise taxes on the middle class to pay for it? Yes or no?” Warren still didn’t let herself be pinned down. Something that, the day after the debate, Biden jumped on as well.
The New York Times: Warren Draws Fire From All Sides, Reflecting A Shift In Fortunes In Race
The New York Times: Joe Biden Ramps Up Attacks On Elizabeth Warren’s ‘Credibility’
Health care is possibly the broadest (or at least one of the broader) topics that the candidates could talk about, and yet all it seems they’ve been discussing at the debates is health care coverage. Friends, you are not alone if you’re frustrated by not seeing a more diverse range of questions. Even Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) was fed-up enough to redirect the conversation toward abortion rights and reproductive health. Considering it’s such a viscerally hot-topic at the moment, the omission seems glaring.
Los Angeles Times: Kamala Harris Slams Republicans On Abortion, Says They’re Killing Poor Women Of Color
But it’s not just reproductive health that the moderators could ask about. Axios came up with at least four great questions that I think a lot of people in the field would like to have answered. Like: Many of the things that make people sick are not the fault of bad health care — they’re social factors like poverty, low-quality housing, etc. Should it be part of the health care system’s job to address them? (Hint, hint moderators.)
Axios: Four Health Care Questions For Tonight’s Democratic Debate
Don’t get me wrong, there were a few other health-related moments beyond “Medicare for All” bickering… including one of the more heated exchanges of the night. Beto O’Rourke said Democrats need to be courageous in their policies and not be scared of polls, to which Buttigieg responded: “I don’t need lessons from you on courage.”
The Wall Street Journal: Democratic Debate: The Moments That Mattered
Meanwhile, amid all this focus on “Medicare for All,” a new study counsels that there are many paths toward universal coverage—it doesn’t have to be “Medicare for All” or bust.
The Associated Press: Study: ‘Medicare For All’ Not Only Way To Universal Coverage
The Friday Breeze
Want a roundup of the must-read stories this week chosen by KHN Newsletter Editor Brianna Labuskes? Sign up for The Friday Breeze today.
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A big decision on the constitutionality of the health law is expected to drop sometime in the coming weeks. Although in theory, the Trump administration wants a certain outcome, if the court decides the ACA is unconstitutional, it could be a big ole headache for the White House heading into 2020. A ruling like that could not only foster confusion right around open enrollment, but also allow the Democrats to re-frame the health narrative in a way that could appeal to independent and moderate voters more than the current back and forth about “Medicare for All.”
The New York Times: How Pending Decision On Obamacare Could Upend 2020 Campaign
Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) passed away this week at 68 from complications of longstanding health problems. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) announced that she’ll be renaming her signature drug pricing policy after Cummings as he was a long-time champion of reigning in such costs.
Some might remember that it was Cummings who took Martin Shkreli, of “pharma bro” fame” to task at a hearing.
“It’s not funny, Mr. Shkreli,” Cummings said as Shkreli smirked. “People are dying, and they’re getting sicker and sicker.”
The Baltimore Sun: U.S. Rep. Elijah Cummings, Key Figure In Trump Impeachment Inquiry And Longtime Baltimore Advocate, Dies At 68
Stat: Pelosi: Democrats Will Name Marquee Drug Pricing Bill For Late Rep. Cummings
In a high-stakes, eleventh hour gambit Judge Dan A. Polster is summoning the drug CEOs involved in the massive, nationwide opioid trial to try to agree to a massive $50 billion settlement. Although the talks center around the big players involved — like AmerisourceBergen, Cardinal Health and McKesson — plaintiffs’ lawyers say they hope such a deal would have a domino effect on the remaining defendants.
Although the reports seem hopeful, those familiar with the talks say that the cities and counties are hesitant because they’re worried they’re not going to see their fair share of the money.
(This is as of press time! It’s happening today, so there could be developments depending when your read this—ah, the excitement of live news!)
The New York Times: Judge Summons Drug C.E.O.S For Talks On Sweeping Opioid Settlement
In a sea of heartbreaking stories on the opioid epidemic, this one stands out. The Washington Post took a look at West Virginia’s crisis and how court victories against drug companies aren’t really the panacea they’re sometimes made out to be.
The Washington Post: Inside West Virginia’s Opioid Battle: ‘They Looked At Us Like An Easy Target’
These two court stories feel like they happened ages ago, but really it was just last Friday post-Breeze. If you caught them happening in real time, there’s nothing to update, but I wanted to make sure I included them for anyone who wasn’t glued to their computer on a Friday evening.
The New York Times: Judges Strike Several Blows To Trump Immigration Policies
The Associated Press: US Appeals Court Skeptical Of Trump’s Medicaid Work Rules
This binge-worthy story needs no other introduction than the one ProPublica already wrote for it, so I’m going to quote them: “Welcome to Coffeyville, Kansas, where the judge has no law degree, debt collectors get a cut of the bail, and Americans are watching their lives — and liberty — disappear in the pursuit of medical debt collection.”
ProPublica: When Medical Debt Collectors Decide Who Gets Arrested
And, on a related note, if you’ve missed my colleague Jay Hancock’s coverage of UVA’s lawsuits against their patients, make sure to check out all the developments here.
Meanwhile, in the miscellaneous story file this week:
— Melody Petersen of LAT won the holy cannoli award this week with her investigation into the practice of harvesting body parts—and the coroners that go along with it. My face when reading the entirety of the article was an exact replica of the “shocked and distressed” emoji.
Los Angeles Times: In The Rush To Harvest Body Parts, Death Investigations Have Been Upended
— Deaths, poor quality of care, and other problems have absolutely plagued the Indian Health Service for years, and Native Americans are sick of it. They want to take over running their own health care system, but the task would be daunting.
The New York Times: Fed Up With Deaths, Native Americans Want To Run Their Own Health Care
— You can’t swing a cat these days without hitting some new CBD product. It seems inevitable that that kind of lucrative, thriving marketplace would draw pharma’s attention. Here’s a look at what companies are developing new drugs to tap into those profits. (PSA: but don’t actually swing any cats, please.)
Stat: These Four Companies Are Betting Big On CBD-Based Prescription Drugs
— If you want a fentanyl drug ring story that reads like a thriller, check this article out.
The New York Times: The China Connection: How One D.E.A. Agent Cracked A Global Fentanyl Ring
That’s it from me! Have a great weekend and don’t forget to get your flu shot!
from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/must-reads-of-the-week-from-brianna-labuskes-26/
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