#and me and my adoptive mom used to teach body spin together ^^

[bbugsy]

can we get to know the artist?? who is bugsy (and will they ever draw more polystars 🥰)

hi 😍 (I will I promise <3)

I’m bbbbbugsy… I love horror… I’m an unofficial bug whisperer and medium……. so I’m batshit crazy basically 🤞

I loveeee uhhh to talk about… the environment… I love the ocean and I love critters… umm… I draw, obvio…

don’t be afraid to DM me and talk to me about random shit ! I’m an extrovert and I love attention so ^^ talk to me about anything, I love listening to other ppl’s interests and theories and all that… I’m very open minded so

idk, I’m a pretty open book, everything on my blog is just… what I like… I also like cats, I have an unhealthy obsession with mcdonald’s mocha frappes, I used to caretake for both children and animals… I bake sometimes even tho I’m not that good at it… I like the song space junk by wang chung…

oh and I love ace visconti from dbd :)

[emergency-plan]

Two idiots combine to form mega idiot

This little story was heavily inspired by @nartothelar‘s fusion au with some changes. I think this is the longest oneshot I’ve ever written and it took me a few days in my free time to complete. Most of this was written well after midnight, and I think it shows.

---

Shouta took another sip of his coffee, looking across the table at Hizashi. They’d decided to spend the rare occurrence of their times off overlapping at the mall, people-watching and discussing random topics.

They’d just been discussing getting another cat they saw up for adoption when Shouta noticed something odd among the crowd bustling through the shopping center. He made his partner aware of the young child trying to dodge passerby’s legs, looking up at shop names with the panic of a kid who lost their parent. Sighing, he finished the last of his coffee and they started heading over.

Hizashi approached him first, since he was more recognizable as a Pro Hero. The little boy obviously perked up at meeting a hero, telling him that he had wandered off and gotten separated from his mom. He named a bakery as the last place he had seen her. After a quick check of a map, they found that the bakery was only a few minutes away and they had enough time to take the kid there.

On the walk, the kid was excitedly asking them about hero work, not paying much attention to where he was going. He was particularly focusing on Hizashi, asking about his job as a DJ, when he tripped on his own feet and started to fall forward. Both heroes reached out in an attempt to steady him. With his flailing arms, he managed to catch onto both of their sleeves, accidentally activating his quirk in his panic.

Both heroes were blinded in a sudden burst of light, moving to cover their eyes before their bodies went entirely numb.

Feeling returned to them slowly, and they realized they were sitting on the ground. They blinked the spots from their vision, trying to see what was in front of them, managing to see the young boy with a shocked and worried look on his face, but half their vision was obscured by what looked like bars.

How’d my goggles get out of my scarf? they thought at the same time as Are my glasses askew? passed through their head. Wait...

They reached their hands to their face, feeling both familiar and unfamiliar fingerless gloves on their hands. They removed the glasses almost hanging off their face and inspected them closely. They were a lot like Hizahi’s, but they had yellow bars vertically striping the lenses, much like Shouta’s goggles.

“I’m sorry!” the little boy exclaimed, cutting through their thoughts. “I didn’t mean to!” He started looking like he was going to cry, kicking both heroes into motion.

“Hey, it’s okay,” they comforted in a voice neither of them recognized. Putting the glasses on straight, they gave the boy a reassuring smile, both larger and smaller than what they were used to. “We’re fine. Let’s get you back to your mom so we can get this all sorted out.”

They stood up, stumbling slightly from the vertigo. Looking down, they realized that they were a few inches taller than before.

Luckily, they were almost at the bakery, and they could hear worried shouts coming through the open door. A clearly distressed woman who looked similar to the little boy was asking the workers if they’d seen her son.

“Excuse me, ma’am?” they addressed. She spun around just in time for the boy to collide with her legs. She gave an exclamation of relief, picking the boy up. “He’s not in any trouble, but your son was involved in an... incident. Could you tell us the details of his quirk?”

“Of course. His quirk is called Fusion; he can fuse two or three things together. We were out celebrating because it just appeared today.” She smiled with pride and went to pinch his cheek before seeing the sad look on his face. “What was the incident?” she asked with a fresh wave of worry. “And who are you?”

“Well, the answer to both of those is the same,” they answered, wrapping their head around what happened. “We’re the Pro Heroes Present Mic and Eraserhead; after we found him, your son tripped and lost control of his quirk, resulting in this,” they said, motioning to themself.

This sent her into another panic, but she calmed down once assured that they weren’t in trouble. They got her contact information and promised to be in touch.

Once they left, their thoughts started to fall out of sync now that the boy was safe.

“Okay,” Hizashi sighed. “So, we’re stuck like this for a while.”

“It appears so,” Shouta answers, finding it weird to respond from the same mouth. “We should contact Nedzu and have him file a report. Do you want to do it tonight or tomorrow before class?”

“Before class? You still want to teach like this? Can’t you take tomorrow off?” the louder of the two complained. He didn’t quite know how to feel about their situation yet.

“We can stand in front of a group of students and teach them for a few hours,” Shouta deadpanned, trying to bury down the thought of, I even came in covered in bandages after the USJ; what would they think if I just didn’t show up.

Hizashi softened up, seemingly hearing the thought despite how he tried to hide it. “Alright, we can teach tomorrow. But we need to sort ourself out tonight; we can’t be talking to ourself in front of the students. Do you see the looks we’re getting?”

“Yes, but I’m choosing to ignore them.”

While on the way back to their apartment on campus, they called Nedzu and informed him of their situation. He let them know that they’d be let on campus without a problem. However, they realized they didn’t have the answer to one of the questions he asked.

“We... don’t know,” they replied.

“Did you not think to look in a mirror after your incident?” he questioned.

“We were a bit more focused on returning the kid to his mother than finding the nearest bathroom.”

They ran their hand through their hair, feeling that it didn’t feel tangled like Shouta’s but it wasn’t as straight as Hizashi’s. Pulling a lock in front of their face, they found that it was more golden than blond and there was a line of black in it. When he let go, he felt it go back into a sort of crest that was lower than Hizashi’s, but definitely slightly vertical.

“We’ll look when we get back,” he sighed.

They managed to get back to their apartment without running into anyone. They agreed to have a meeting with Nedzu before school, but made it clear that they’d be teaching. Since some of the hero course lessons overlapped with other class’s English lessons, they found a substitute for those classes instead.

In their apartment, they managed to get their cats to calm down from the fright of having a “stranger” barge into their home. Once they stopped the literal hissy-fit, they went to get a proper look at themself.

Just as they thought, their hair looked like it was gelled up slightly with more wave to it. Black stripes ran through it every few inches and ended before the rest of the gold. Their outfit looked like a mix between both of their hero costumes. Their jacket and pants were pure black, only the elbow pads were missing. Like Shouta, they still had his scarf and the scar under their eye, and, like Hizashi, they had his red belt, fingerless gloves, and jacket collar.

“Why’d we have to keep your mustache?” Shouta asked, feeling the temptation to reach for the razor on the bathroom counter.

“Well, you don’t see me complaining about the stubble,” Hizashi shot back, mentally swatting at the idea of the razor, earning them a dry chuckle.

They took some more time to examine themself before deciding to go to bed. They found an oversized pair of sweatpants and a shirt to change into and were about to go to sleep when a thought struck them.

“Were our quirks affected?” they muttered, sitting on their bed.

Experimentally, they attempted to activate Erasure, hoping for the uncomfortable sensation of dry eye. When no such feeling came, they let out a sigh. Reminding themself that they had the best soundproofing in the entire building, they let out a scream, at first halfheartedly, then increasing in volume when the room didn’t shake. They were definitely louder than average, but not nearly enough to be quirk-related.

With a tired sigh, they laid down, resolving to deal with it tomorrow.

When they got up the next morning, their quirks still weren’t working. They got ready for work, putting back on their combined costume and tried to slip out of their apartment unnoticed.

“Who are you?” they heard in a familiar voice behind them as they went to lock their door.

“Oh no,” they muttered to themself before spinning around to face their friend. “Hey, Nemuri! So, there was an accident yesterday when we went to the mall.”

“Uh-huh. That didn’t answer my question. And what were you doing in my friends’ apartment?” She started to reach for her sleeve.

“Hey, so!” they rushed out, not wanting to be put to sleep. “A kid we were helping lost control of his quirk yesterday and this happened to us, but we’re still us, so there’s no need to use your quirk.”

Her hand paused. “Hizashi? Shouta?”

“Yep,” they sighed with relief.

“Wait,” she said, “it’s both? At the same time? How does that even work?”

“It... complicated,” they scratched the back of their neck sheepishly. “We have to go have a meeting with Nedzu before class starts.”

“Alright, hurry up. But you’re answering more questions after school,” she demanded. They reluctantly agreed, escaping from the interrogation before she could pester them further.

Their meeting with Nedzu was surprisingly brief and odd.

They knocked on the door, waiting for the responding “Come in!”

“Ah, hello you two. How have you been holding up?” he asked them.

“We’re doing fine,” they responded. They didn’t miss how the principal seemed to startle at their voice. “Was there anything that you wanted to know specifically?”

“Oh, no; that was all. You’re free to go to class now,” he quickly responded, scratching at his head. They were about to ask another question, but Nedzu interrupted them. “Class is going to start soon; you better head off before you’re late.” He started pushing them out by their legs. It wouldn’t have done much, especially since they were slightly taller than before, but they got the message and left without another word.

“That was weird,” Hizashi said. “I thought he would’ve had more questions.”

“And I’ve never seen him startle like that,” Shouta responded. “I wonder what was wrong.”

They stayed out of the more traveled halls, not wanting any repeats of what happened with Nemuri. They arrived in the hallway of the 1-A classroom right as the bell rang and saw Kaminari rush in just before being late.

“Dramatic introduction?” they asked themself. “Dramatic introduction,” they agreed.

They opened the door, making sure to stay out of sight for a second. They heard any remaining chatter die down in the anticipation.

“Hey there, future heroes!” they excitedly exclaimed, startling almost every student in the room. “Now, I know you’re probably wondering, ‘Where’s our teacher? He’s never missed a day before?’“ They received a wave of confused blinks at their joking high pitched voice, but no other response. “Well, despite being involved in a quirk incident yesterday evening, he was still adamant about showing up for class today.”

“Is he alright?” Uraraka asked worriedly. The other students seemed to share her concern.

“Well, of course he is! He’s standing right in front of you!” They motioned to themself, hoping that they wouldn’t have to spell it out again.

“You?” they heard a confused voice ask.

“Yep! Congratulations on being the first to get that without being explicitly told.”

At the disbelieving looks they were getting, they explained the story, not giving all the details, but enough to get the gist of what happened.

“And, though our quirks aren’t working, that doesn’t mean that we can’t teach, so you’re stuck with us until this is figured out.” Right as the words were out of their mouth, they heard a familiar muttering. “Midoriya, care to share with the class?”

“Oh, sorry!” he flustered, turning red. “I just had a thought.” He took a breath. “W-well, the quirk was Fusion, right? And it fused you two together; well, what if it also fused your quirks together?”

“And what do you suppose that means?” they asked.

“Can I test something?” Upon gaining confirmation, he stood up from his desk and tensed up. Familiar green lightning danced across his body as he activated his quirk. “Could you say something?”

“Something,” they responded sarcastically. At the sound of their voice, the lightning sputtered and fizzled out. “Huh.”

After a few more experiments with others’ quirks proved his theory correct, Midoriya was flustered at the praise he got.

“That was a great idea, little listener,” he said, ruffling his already-messy hair, making him even redder. It also explained why Nedzu didn’t want to hear them.

They spent the rest of the day busy, teaching the hero class and going to some of Hizashi’s English classes. They were looking forward to searching for a solution for their problem after school, but knew Nemuri would catch them before they left campus.

Before they could wander off after the final bell, they were stopped by a few of their students.

“An off-campus field trip?” they asked.

“Yeah! We’ve been planning it for a while, and we were going to ask you at the last minute so you would have less time to say no,” Mina explained.

“Is that so?” they grinned. “Well, if it gets me out of an interrogation filled with dirty jokes, I don’t see why I can’t chaperone.”

“What was that last part?” Jirou asked.

“You don’t need to worry about that,” they chuckled. “So, y’all just wanted to go shopping and wander around?”

Around half the class decided to tag along, the rest going back to the dorms. When they reached their destination, a street lined with shops and a large arcade, the group went to the arcade first, challenging each other to different games and even dragging the two into a few matches.

After going through a few shops and a cat cafe that generated quite a few pictures they’d be embarrassed of later, the fusion started trying to herd the students back towards campus.

“Come on, we have to get back before curfew,” they responded to the wave of groans. The sun had started to set and they didn’t want to face Nedzu’s wrath if they returned after curfew. “Plus, I really want to take a nap,” they said instead.

They paused as they heard a sound behind them; it sounded like a mix of buzzing and mechanics, and it was suddenly getting louder.

In one moment, they were standing on the sidewalk, and the next, the students were pulled into the empty street by Aizawa’s capture weapon just as a chainsaw-wielding tentacle flew right through where they stood.

They spun around, finding a villain in the middle of the street. Multiple tentacles covered his skin, most wielding a blade of some kind while others started crashing through windows and pulling out cash registers. They seemed to be using the weapons more as a deterrent from approaching him than as a way to attack; however, there were still civilians getting caught in the crossfire.

“Stay here,” they commanded the students behind them, turning slightly to give them a grin. “I don’t want to cancel your quirk by accident, so keep out of the way.”

They ran into the wriggling mass, dodging blades and appendages that tried to stop their approach. Once out of earshot of their students, they started talking.

“Hey!” they greeted, dodging a steak knife headed their way. The villain turned, clearly enraged, and began aiming more tentacles their way, ignoring how they froze at the sound of their voice. “Wow, bold move from the walking calamari, but understandable.” The weapons clattered to the ground as the tentacles retreated into their host’s body.

“What did you do?!” the villain hissed, attempting to summon more in the moment they took a breath, managing to pick up another chainsaw.

“Oh, you know,” they shrugged, whipping out the cloth to grab onto his wrist. “Just our job, plus a little fun. See, you not only almost hurt the cute cats in that cafe over there,” they nodded their head in the direction of the shop while pulling the villain towards them, knocking the chainsaw away with a well-placed kick, and tripping them; they placed their foot between his shoulder blades, giving a wide grin with no joy behind it, “but you also almost hurt my kids. Now, I’m going to tie you up and keep chatting away until the cops get here, alright?”

When the police finally did show up, the villain was hanging from a streetlight and was begging for the fusion to shut up. Once he was properly restrained, they took a breath. It was a few minutes past curfew, but hopefully retribution wouldn’t be too harsh.

“So, this is what you bailed on me for,” the familiar voice behind them said in a warning tone.

“Oh no,” they muttered, turning around. “Hey, Nemuri! Well, the kids really wanted to go out and needed a chaperone. It was a last minute thing, so I didn’t have time to tell you!”

“Sure,” she responded sarcastically. “Lucky for you, I would prefer to whip you when you’re separate.”

“Huh?”

“I actually came to deliver some news,” she said. “Tests with the kid’s quirk that did this to you prove that you can unfuse on your own. You two just have to be out of sync enough to make your body unstable.”

“Well, how are we supposed to do that?” they asked. A smirk grew on their friend’s face.

“When’s an acceptable time to wake up?” she asked them. They went to respond, but their mouth froze as two answers tried to come out at the same time.

After a few more tries, they were enveloped in another bright light. When the glow faded, the two men fell onto the concrete.

[boogiewrites]

No. 9: The Body

Chapter Three

Characters: Diego Hargreeves & OFC Eve Corpuz

Summary: Diego confronts Eve about the strange events that have surrounded him when he’s with her. Will he find the answers he wants? 

Warnings/Tags: Angst. Talk of injury and past trauma. 

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT! If you’d like added to the tags, just let me know. This is a multi-chapter fic.

Finally, she had a day off, where she could indulge in the tiny bit of irresponsibility her life and career balance allowed. She’d prepped an ice bucket to allow for maximum laziness, shoving her wine bottle into it. She looked at the wine glass she’d sat out and wondered how long she was going to lie to herself and pretend she wasn’t going to be drinking straight from the bottle.  She had sweets, snacks, and a jug of water and she was ready to settle in and binge and stay up as late as she possibly could. She’d probably pass out around dawn then figure it out from there. She had no plans, no drinks with coworkers, no fitness classes, just a hot date with her comfy couch, and a heavy pile of blankets. 

She’d fulfilled a small portion of this goal, an hour or two into her ‘Scrubs’ marathon when there was a tapping on her window. 

“Oh, kitty! You’re back!” She says quickly sitting down her wine and rising from her cocoon on the couch. “You’ve been gone a few days I was getting worried about you with the snow. I kept some fish from my leftovers for you.” She coos as she makes her way to the window, unlatching it before turning on her light to show a large black figure. “You’re not a cat.” She states plainly. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” Diego says with a sarcastic expression as she blinks and in her buzzed state processes this information.

“What are you doing here? You’re not due for another few weeks at least, right?” She asks, hand on the window sill still, not being raised fully. 

“No I uh… wanted to have you look at that wound again.”

“Oh is it-?” Her mind switches naturally to doctor mode, even if she wasn’t sober and wasn’t nearly as quick or graceful. “Come on in then, let me pause this.” She pushes the window up as he slinks in behind her and she fumbles with the remote. “What seems to be the problem?” She asks with her eyes on his covered torso and hands on her hips. He seemed to be moving fine. 

“Is this a bad time?” He asks seeing the food and wine bottle on the table.

“No, well… I’ve been drinking but I’m FINE.” She insists with a wave of her hand. “Sober enough to help you out at least. I was just watching tv.” She excuses herself.

“Well, I was making sure no one was here with you.”

“HA!” She laughs a bit louder than intended, then clears her throat. “Um, no, no one else here. There never is.” She chuckles. 

“What about the cat?”

“Oh! Well, I suppose he would count as having a man over.” She offers a warm, sleepy expression that gave away that she was a bit drunk. “Well I mean there’s you. But I don’t know if you count as having someone over since I’ve never invited you.” She makes herself chuckle. 

“You told me to come in just now didn’t you?” He teases. 

“Yeah but...you came through the window I don’t think that counts.”

“Window? Door? Both lead to the same place, what’s the big difference?” He asks sarcastically, he was a bit relieved she seemed in a good mood but was hoping she wasn’t a mean drunk if she got mad at the topic of discussion he had on the table tonight. 

“Societal expectations? Cultural… rules?” She offers and waves her hands. “Don’t make me think of words right now just- what do you need? What's wrong?” She moves towards him focusing herself up.

“The wound was a gunshot wound right? We pulled the slug out?”

“I pulled it out, but yes, go on.” she waits for him to raise his shirt as he talks. 

“I’ve noticed something weird when I come to you for help Doc.” He lifts it to show a recovered body. “These things keep healing... and fast. I need to know how you’re doing that because I’ve been losing sleep over it.” His tone was harsher and she felt the energy in the room shift. 

She leans forward to make sure she’s seeing clearly. They were healed. Pink scars over the newest and the wounds from over a month ago now we’re barely visible.

A bubble of acid rose in her throat as she stood back up, and it wasn’t from the drinking. 

He sees her body language change drastically. It’s like he’d hit her the way she slunk back to rest on the back of the couch. 

She takes a shaky breath to compose herself as a lifetime of fears and questions flood between her now glassy eyes. “I... don't know…” she forces out a whisper. 

“I think I deserve an explanation here.” He says taking a step towards her as she quickly wipes away a falling tear to hide it from him. 

“I don’t have one.” She begins to cry. The past trauma of being confronted and abused for the weird things that happened to her when she was young come at her as his intimidating body language moves closer. 

“I think you do…” still going with intimidation just in case she was faking. Hand ready to grab a knife if she flinched to attack.

“I don’t.” She shakes her head and covers her face in her hands. “I don’t mean to…” she sniffles and moves to teach for a tissue. “It’s just... a thing that happens sometimes and I don’t… I don’t know what... why…” she cries harder this time and his tension shifts. “I’m sorry I’m… I've just been able to get by hoping no one notices it and asks and now…” she motions towards him. “I don’t want it. I don’t want anyone to know, please.” She reaches out and takes his hand. “I don’t want to have to run again. Please.” She holds his forearm as she cries and boldly meets his eyes. 

“What do you mean run?”

“My mom she… I did weird things as a kid and she…made me so scared of it, of myself...of her.” 

“What’d you do?” He quietly asks. Now moving to put his hand over hers and felt her shaking. 

“Afew times when I’ve had traumatic things happen I’ve… had weird stuff happen. Brought animals back.” She uncomfortably rubs her arms. 

He was piecing it all together in his head. Her career choice made sense, an easy cover for her to just be good at her job and not have to address her abilities since she’d had such fear put into her about it. No father, uncontrolled powers during emotional outbursts. It was all adding up.

“Eve?” His voice was softer this time. “When’s your birthday?”

“My...birthday?” A confused brow appears as she looks up at him. 

“Yeah just...humor me.”

“Uh...okay?” She answers shakily. “October 1st-“

“‘89?” 

She nods. “How did you-?”

He sighs and puts a hand to her back and pats it supportively. “Eve. I think it’s about time we talked.”

Eve watched him curiously, his face seemed to pity her and she hadn’t expected it. He thought he’d either tell her she was full of shit and not believe her. That was her first assumption. The second was he’d kill her because he was an assassin to kill people like her. Some Men In Black type shit. And while she didn’t expect that theory to play out, the arrival of the third option of total acceptance was baffling her. 

“Why did y- how did you know?”

“Because it’s my birthday too.”

“Huh? What are you insinuating?” She wears her confusion unfiltered on her face as she looks up at him and rises from the spot on his chest. 

“Remember when I told you my name? What did you say about the kids in the 90s? The crime-fighting super powered ones…?” He winces. 

He sees the realization wash over her face.

“We all had the same birthday...October 1st, 1989. I was that Diego... I Am that kid….was that kid. right? I mean I’m a man now-pfft obviously-“

“You’re the fucking Kraken?” Was her loud response as she pushed away to look at his face. 

“Yeah…” he draws out the word and gives a nervous forced smile. “Or Number two… as Dad called us.”

“You...you’re…” she begins repeatedly as she fidgets her fingers in thought. She huffs out a nervous laugh suddenly. “Well, that would... make sense wouldn’t it?” She looked around the room as if it might hold some answers to her bewildering flow of thought. “I just... hold on.” She says with a head shake, the emotional rollercoaster sending her spinning and no longer the alcohol as she moved to fix that. “If I’m gonna deal with this level of shit I’m going to drink more. Because... fuck doing it sober.” She says as she leans to take a bottle of bourbon out of her cabinet and sit back on the couch before cracking it open and downing a large drink.

“You seriously didn’t know you had powers?”

“No! I just thought...I don’t know. I thought I was a good doctor? I guess?” he sighs and takes another shot. 

“You are but... I mean you… really didn’t notice?”

“It has rarely happened at work… and normally I don’t have much of a reason to try to heal people outside of work hours. Until you showed up.”

“So any other times you’ve used the powers?”

“Not at work. Or when I was a kid. I thought I must’ve grown out of it.”

“So..” he twitches his nose in thought, lips parted slightly. “Would that fall under “...occurrences at peak emotional environmental stress instances”?” He repeats back from lessons. 

“Yeah…” she groans and slumps against the couch looking away and shamelessly pouting because denial had been nice. “Fuck.” she shouts up at the ceiling. “I have fucking… “powers”? What the fuck is that even-? I’m not... this isn’t...Nah, it can’t-”

“Eve.” he sits down next to her and grabs her shoulder. “It’s fine.”

“How are you so calm?” she asks almost angrily. “Did you know other people had powers? Like what… how many of us are there? Was I supposed to be adopted? Do I get adopted now? I’m way too old to-“

“Woah. Breathe.” He demands as she begins talking a bit too fast. “I can only answer one at a time.” He extends a supportive raise of his brow. 

“So is there like... a book you can give me. “So you have super powers? A How-to In-depth Guide” by chance?”

“Nope. Just gotta fuck up a bunch trying to figure it out.”

“Oh, that’s just wonderful. I needed more stress in my life.”

He smiles and huffs out a quiet laugh. “So no one else knows?”

“No just… my mom…” she trails off and runs a hand through her hair, covering her almond-shaped eyes for a moment. “This...would explain so much and yet somehow I have even more questions.” She sits up and takes a good long look at her hands. “What’s your power again?” She whispers and turns to face him. 

“Trajectory manipulation mainly.”

“Oh right...yeah, duh the knives.” she hits her forehead and it makes him grin at her. “Sorry I’m a little... this is a lot.”

“Which is why I think we need to try something.” He announces as he stands.

“What?”

“Prove you have powers.” He says standing between her kitchen and living room. 

“I don’t… uh..”

“Every time you’ve used them you’ve been emotional right? A sudden trigger?”

“Yeah…”

“Then there’s the only way to find out.” He says as he quickly takes a knife and cuts his hand.

A loud protest from Eve as she jumped to her feet to react before she even had time to think about it. She took his hands into hers and pulled them to her chest and applied pressure. “You idiot! What are you thinking? There are plenty of other ways to find out!” She shouts as she feels the rush of emotions that come with this unstructured and sudden need for her skills. She’d been off the book when she’d been with him. She’d never had a man stumble to her apartment asking for help, this was something new and it’d made her feel a bit more alive. Like some energy tingling around her nerves inside. She felt the cool flush over her face as they stood close.

“No other way that would get you to react.”

“We really need to discuss your impulsiveness.”

“Focus. Focus on healing it.”

“How?’ I don’t-“

“Yes you do, c’mon. I believe in you.”

She met him with unsure eyes but did as he said. He would know best in this instance, wouldn’t he? If he believed in her, she supposed it was best to follow his lead and believe in him back. 

She holds it close and he feels his muscles twitch. The pain had ceased when she’d clasped him to her, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. She needed to know she could do it. And tough love was the only way he knew how to make powers work because that’s all he’d ever known. She focused and he soon felt a warm wave of contentment wash over him for a fleeting moment. 

“Was that you?” He asks her, her eyes still shut and brow concentrated.

“I…think so?” She says before looking down at his hands with a sigh before revealing them. “Okay,” she whispers before removing her hand where he cut himself. “Is it?” She begins softly, hands gently wiping the blood away. “Let’s wash it, come on.” She drags him steadily to the kitchen sink and there the answer was underneath. The cut was gone. “Holy shit.” She heavily exhales and lets his hand go. 

“That’s… good work.” He says moving his hand in and out of a fist. “Good as before.” He nods in approval as she leans against the counter in shock. “You okay? How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” She nods slowly and meets his gaze. “Shocked. And… hungry.”

“You wanna do something about any of those?” He offers, smiling at her and nudging his head towards the fridge.

“Yeah.” She nods and turns to splash her face with water. “Some real food. Uh, get the blue container and I’m gonna…” she looks around and makes a straight line for her water bottle. “Sit down.” She says to herself and takes a good long drink. He follows her orders and sits next to her, two forks stabbed into a plastic container of noodles. “Yeah, that…” she nods and smacks her lips. “Made me surprisingly tired.”

“That’s normal. Carb up here.” He moves the food to her lap and she doesn’t hesitate.

 After a big laborious bite, she shifts the container between them and offers him to join in. “So what now?”

“Whatever you want.” He shrugs.

“There’s not like some registry I have to get on is there?” 

He laughs in response and assures her there isn’t.

“Does using yours make you tired?” 

“Sometimes. If I have to do a lot at once. Like, stop an army’s worth of bullets in mid-air.”

“You’ve… done that?” her eyes stare unblinking. 

“Oh yeah.” He nods as if it was nothing. When in fact it was one of the harder things he’d ever done with his powers. 

“I want to be able to do that.” she looks at him pitifully. A touch adoringly. “Or whatever my equivalent is to that.”

“You can, you’ve just gotta practice.” She nods as she tries to envision a new future that involved this new knowledge of herself she’d gain. “Start with controlling the emotions. Then learn how you wield it without them.”

“So you don’t have to be, like, angry to throw knives you can just do it.”

“Right.” He smirks and throws a knife with little effort that curved and lands in her coffee table.

“Did you have to stab my coffee table?”

“It’s a casualty you’ll learn to deal with it”.

“I do at work already.” She frowns and takes the knife. 

“How’d you even become a doctor anyway? Were you so good at keeping people alive they just gave you a degree?”

She sputters out a laugh. ”I fucking wish.” The first big laugh he’d seen from her unfolds as she shakes her head not knowing whether to be insulted or not. “I was, am...naturally gifted for it it seems.”

“Isn’t it hard? How’d a girl like you manage to get into med school? You’ve made yourself sound like some little badass.”

“I was a badass.” She grins. “So much so that they threw my badass in jail.” She laughs. “You couldn’t tell my punk-ass nothing. I was a statistic waiting to happen. A young runaway, abusive home, repeat offender, all that shit.” She motions with her hands as she speaks. “But...there was a very tough but fair veterinarian that took me on to do some work for community service and all that. And I ended up being surprisingly good with the animals. She gave me more responsibility, I took it all on and got better. She gave me a chance to be somebody. To prove I was more than stat for the system, y’know. She told me I could do anything I wanted and she’d pay for my tuition. So I did. She got me into college and...here I am.”

“Why a Doctor?”

“To help people.” She shrugs. “As cliche as it is. Thought I was good at it, was told I was a good role model for kids that were like me”

“Yeah, you are.”

“No, I’m just some juiced up mutant with powers to heal. My career is a fraud.” She says only half-joking. 

“Power doesn’t make you good at math. Just ask my brother.” He kids with a smile. 

“Oh god, how many of you were there?”

“Seven.” He nods an answer. 

“And now there’s an 8th-“

“Ninth.” He corrects. “Yeah, there was another, uh person with powers we...met.”

“Oh. Are they a member of the...Uh…?” 

“Umbrella Acad-“

“Umbrella academy” she finishes. 

“No, they’re not.”

“So you don’t have to be?”

“No, but...she kinda disappeared so she couldn’t join.”

“Oh sorry.”

“Nah, it’s cool. No thang.” He badly jokes and he sees she’s already seen through him. “They wanted to leave. So it’s… fine.” He tries to dismiss the subject.

“So uhh…” she pauses and fights a yawn. “I’m really tired. Like, need to sleep right now tired. So…”

“Oh! Do you want me to? Yeah-You need some rest.” He awkwardly separates himself. 

“Before you go-“ she says, turning to face him by the window. “I don’t… want to do this alone.” She says with twiddling fingers. And I’d like your help.”

He nods, “I can help.” He assured her.

“So is there a way I can get ahold of you? A large spotlight  I can put on the roof perhaps?”

“Can’t make those jokes anymore since you’re one of us now.” He wags a finger her way.

“Actually I think that means I can make them all I want.” She grins. 

“I have a cell phone. Like a.. normal person.” He grumbles and takes it out. “What’s your number?” He puts her into his phone. Hers dings from the coffee table. “Problem solved.” He nods and slips it away. 

“I’ll... see you... soon?” She asks with a tilted head.

“Guess we’ll find out won’t we?” He gives a precocious smile and slips out the window silently.

“This mysterious bit is not as charming as you think it is.” She sass's back to an empty fire escape. But he heard her. And knew she wasn’t being entirely convincing.

@s-h-e-w-r-i-t-e-s​ @jaegeeeeer​ @diegos-butt​ @anglovesthis​ 

[famousflowermagazine]

THE POST FINALE HENRY DANGER OPINIONS TAG:

i was tagged by @mychenrymadness  this is my first time making a post for this fandom so i’ll give it a go 

1. Who was your overall favourite member of Team Danger and why?

oh this is a difficult question i love all of them, but i would have to go with Charlotte i just love the way she cares about her friends even when i feel as they don’t always listen to her as they should. i love how smart she is at getting henry and ray out of trouble as i see her as the most level headed and comes up with the best solutions.

2.  Who was your favourite non-team danger character and why?

i would have to go with newscaster mary gaperman as i felt that being in a profession where it’s mostly a male dominated i felt that she was overshadowed by her co-host i hated the way that he would interrupt her whenever she tried speaking always rubbed me the wrong way.

3.  who was your favourite villian and why?

i’d have to go with Frankini i just loved his overall impeccable fashion sense, to me he was one of the fun villains who made me laugh a lot.

4.  What were your top five favourite Henry Danger episodes of all time and why?

1. toon in for danger: i was laughing throughout the whole episode especially during the studio's cartoon that was given to captain man and kid danger by accident. it was just filled with ridiculous shenanigans that made it hard to breathe as i was laughing so hard.

2. i dream of danger i mean chenry centric can’t get better than that, i felt for Charlotte throughout the whole episode especially when she kept not being able to speak full sentences when Henry was around with using the word kiss, i loved the running gag of the elevator not coming up on time and Charlotte turning around and seeing the kid danger cardboard cutout either punching or throwing it out of reflex. jasper turning invisible and annoying ray. schwoz injecting himself with tiger medicine dressing up as Elton john as a peacock. 

3. captain man-kini  i loved the whole ray swapping bodies with frankini was hilarious especially when ray had to walk and talk like him and forgetting at one point that he was not in his own body. what i loved most about this episode was that since ray was captured albeit as frankini but it gave henry a chance to save the day himself with the help of frankini and schwoz. it also gave us more independent Henry that we don’t usually get.

4. spelling bee hard   Charlotte centic which is a plus my favourite part was when Charlotte was trying to spell a word dr minyak tried distracting her trying to get her to spell the word word but like the badass she is without even looking i might add she hit him in the face with the mike made me laugh hysterically. the bet between captain man and dr minyak was silly but hysterical having to bike on really small bikes to California and back. i loved that knowing how important the spelling bee was to charlotte ray ended up letting her win which was actually, really sweet of him.

5. grand theft otto    jasper’s marvellous mustache i love how he was so protective of it, this episode gave me chensper vibes with jasper telling henry and charlotte to stop kissing with them say at the same time were not kissing and he replies with in a way your both kissing me since charotte had jasper’s retainer stuck in her mouth. my other favourite moment was when the parrot kept on repeated henry is kid danger.

5 What were your top five least favourite Henry Danger episodes of all time and why?

1. man of the house  i didn’t like rays crush on henry’s mom was more prominent in this episode which rubbed me the wrong way as it always has and felt it had gotten worse in the later episodes especially considering she is a married woman and you really should not flirt with someone who is married.

2.  sick and wired i didn’t like that ray didn’t trust Henry when he was sick as i felt that he was not being very sympathetic and having schwoz put spy camera’s in henry’s house was an invasion of privacy and had jasper go undercover with a wire to try catch Henry in a lie when he didn’t even lie in the first place.

3. henry and the woodpeckers it wasn’t a bad episode i just didn’t find it as interesting as the others.

4. meet cute crush  i didn’t like the basis of this episode with piper having a crush on the new boy in her class i just rubbed me the wrong way, how she basically created a ruse just to get close to him and i all did not like how she got her own brother hurt when he was thrown through a wooden table in the cafe from an adult not even thinking about the consequences and wanting to try again when henry didn’t even want to do it in the first place.

5.  the bucket trap it wasn’t a bad episode i just hated that they had jasper tazer himself it did not look very safe and why would piper even have one it’s not exactly suitable for a child to have.

6.  What was your favourite running gag and why?

whenever scwoz introduced himself with i am schwoz and captain man’s i’m okay. whenver the man cave elevator decends it sends people falling to the floor when you get to the man cave.

7.  What was your favourite one-off throw away gag and why?

not a running gag but henry liking flower camp gave us a look into things he does when not doing hero work it’s nice to have a hobby.

8.  What episode, which character and which duo made you laugh the most?

whenever Charlotte, schwoz and jasper were paired together or Charlotte and jasper in flabber gassed when they worked together to help ray and Henry when they were sprayed with flabber gas and having to control them through the suits. as members of the team without powers they are still part of team that i wish was explored more.

9.  What episode, which character and which duo made you the most emotional?

the finale episode got me the most emotional that Charlotte, Henry and jasper could not live without the other, i was in tears when they had to leave the man cave especially with Charlotte being adamant on not leaving Henry. and jasper having to pick her up and carry her out not knowing if they would see each other again. i liked how the show ended with them leaving and ending up in a different town being a crime fighting trio was all i ever wanted.

10.  How would you rank each season from 1 to 5, one being the best and five being the worst?

to be honest i like every season to a degree while there may have been some episodes that was not my favourite but i liked the seasons overall.

11.  Who was your favourite duo in the show (romantic or non-romantic)?

Charlotte and schowz team science because they understand each other on a level that others may not be able to as they came up with the solutions to solving the problems that the team  face.

12.  What was your favourite Henry and Ray moment/episode?

in the early seasons before ray’s characterisation went downhill i’d say license to fly with ray acting like a nervous parent when teaching henry how to fly shwoz’s helicopter. 

13.  What was your favourite Chenry moment/episode?

i dream of danger a no brainer the most peak chenry content that we had ever gotten the mutual pining in this episode was top notch. their interaction in the lions den.

14.  What was your favourite Hensper moment/episode?

love muffin episode with henry flirting with jasper was hysterical complementing his hair being very clingy.

15.  What was your favourite Chensper moment/episode?

the scene in the man cave in the finale  Charlotte, Henry and jasper could not live without the other, i was in tears when they had to leave the man cave especially with Charlotte being adamant on not leaving Henry. and jasper having to pick her up and carry her out not knowing if they would see each other again.

16.  If you could go back and change one element of the show, what would it be?

have the adults actually be there for their children, have them actually be proud of their children. i hated that when jasper’s nose was broken his parents could not be bothered to see him.  basically anything the parents did i would do differently.

17.   If you could say one thing to each main character in the pilot, what would it be?

look out for each other, keep each other safe and make sure to always include each other .

18.  If you could say one thing to each main character in the finale, what would it be?

keep in touch no matter where you are you will always be in each other’s hearts.

19.  Were you satisfied with the finale? What part was your favourite and what part was your least favourite?

yes it ended in a satisfying way , my favourite part was Charlotte , jasper and Henry being together, seeing how much they cared for each other and how they couldn’t live without each other. Henry's growth and independence living his life on his own terms. Charlotte being able to live her dream. found family with each other. my least favourite part was not seeing Charlotte and jasper finding out that Henry was alive because the last time they saw him they were not sure if he had survived. getting a so happy your alive group hug.

20.  What would your ideal Henry danger spin off look like?

seeing what danger force will have in store when it starts

21.  Where do you personally see the characters 10 years from now? What are they doing, who are they with, where are they in their lives - what do you think happened to them? Most importantly, are they happy?

that charlotte, jasper and henry are happy fighting crime together maybe adopt a pet or two. when henry’s not fighting crime i’d like for him to have his own flower store like a nursery. for jasper he could have a successful podcast. for charlotte i think she has the imagination to write children’s books maybe as a veterinarian as i feel that she would have a connection with animals  and loves helping people i’m not really sure but i think she can do anything that she puts her mind to.

22.  What was your favourite part of the show and why did it initially draw you in?

i have always loved superheros so i guess that’s what drew me into the show just randomly came across it after watching the thundermans.

23.  What was your favourite part of the fandom and why did it initially draw you in?

i saw how welcoming the fandom is seeing all the amazing meta and gifsets @mychenrymadness was actually when of the first blogs i found who’s love of max thunderman and Charlotte made me watch every season of the thundermans  and he became one of my favourite character’s after charlotte and is the reason why i ship them in the first place, chenry will always be my otp but i love thunderbolt too even though i’m not sure if they interacted with each other in the thunderman and henry danger crossover.

24.  Describe your overall emotions/feelings regarding the show being over and the show in general, looking back on it as a whole, with one quote from the show.

i feel sad that it’s over but i have loved the main trio’s journey  especially Henry's growth as a superhero it has made me laugh and cry.

25. If you were able to add one scene in the finale, what would you add?

seeing henry, charlotte and jasper reuniting after thinking their best friend died when they decided to live together away from swellview.

26.  Favorite outfit/hair style?

charlotte’s hands down she had the best hairstyle and the best outfits. and for the clothing i have always loved whatever henry wore since i can relate to that style.

27.  Least favorite character?

 Henry's parents especially in the finale 

i won’t tag anyone because i’m not sure who hasn’t done this as i’m new to the henry danger tumblr fandom so i don’t really know many people.

[violetrose0614]

My oc's part 1

I wanted to give you guys some basic info about an OC I've had for a long time. There will probably be more of him later on. Anyway here we go!

Full name: Ethan Rameriz

Nickname: blue boi, shortie, ocean eyes, puppet, nahtE, master, bastard, blue eyed freak, prince Philip,

Age: 14

Nationality: netradonien (explained at the bottom) Spanish

Eye color: blue eyes

Hair color: short brown hair

Sexuality: He is bi demisexual. Meaning he like both girls and boys (mostly girls) but doesn't feel sexual attracted to them unless a special bond is formed.

Religion: unknown

City of birth: the netradon dimension

The current place for living: he lives a couple blocks from his school on 7354 N gold st. He lives in a dimension called netradon which sits on multiple clouds. Netradon is where all superpowered or non superpowered people are welcome.

Occupation: Ethan is a mentor of earth meaning he teaches what he knows about a specific power or magic to whoever owns the necklaces of magic.

Income: his family gets about 20 a month until Ethan turns 18

Special skills: he has some parkour skills, he can use magic, he knows how to hack slightly.

Family details: parents- his mom was a royal guard and general of the yang resistance. She has blue hair with a mix of green down to her mid back, and blue eyes. His father has brown hair and red eyes. They both trained together and his mom helped his dad join the royal guard. After both of their retirements his mom worked at home and his dad worked as a security guard. Claiming he "didn't want to forget what chara (car-a) tought him."

Grandma- Ethan's grandma lizzy or as he calls her "abuela" is a 68 year old woman who actually doesn't look as old as she is. She works at a gym and a flower shop (on different days) and lives in a apartment. She often will tell Ethan and his siblings stories over her past or give advice. She taught Ethan to bake and was the first to discover his telekinetic power. (Might write a side story on that)

Conner- Conner is Ethan's 10 year old adopted brother. They often are seen drawing, baking, or just having bonding times together. Conner has brown hair and orange eyes. He has the power over fire and is learning to control it better thanks to Ethan and even caries a charm Ethan made for him that has the words "fire sprit" in Latin.

Blaze- blaze is like a brother to Ethan. I won't go into much detail but they are good friend and often help eachother out.

Brooklyn- to the point Brooklyn is Ethan's girlfriend. She is a shapeshifter with green hair and green eyes.

I could go on with this but let's stop here

Mannerisms: when Ethan is impatient he will tap his fingers on a desk or any hard surface or will start tapping his foot.

When he is anxious he will fidget with his hands or mess with anything he is holding. So if he's holding a pencil he will spin it around his fingers or tap it.

When he is excited he will cover his mouth and squeal a bit while bouncing slightly.

When he is angery he will stare at the person or will start angrily tapping. That or close his eyes and lean back or hum to calm himself.

When he is calm he will hum to himself or whistle a song for no reason other than he enjoys it.

Birthday: may 18

Species: he is human in appearance but in DNA he is a human with messed up dna.

Height: 5'6

Personality: he is usually a pretty cheerful guy, he likes to spend time in nature and enjoys helping others who needs or wants his help. He tend to be curious towards things he doesn't know which can lead to not so good results. He doesn't get into fights often but won't back down from one either, but even then he will try not hurt the person much unless they deserve it. In his mind someone who deserves it is someone who serves a big threat to him or his allies or someone that is a danger to him. Ethan has a hard time accepting changes in both people and himself, especially if this person was once a threat. Eventually if you spend time with him he will accept it and be more open.

Accent? He has a slight Spanish accent though it's not all that noticeable.

Spoken language? He can speak netradonien semi fluently and can speak Spanish well.

Pet peeves- homophobic people, way over cooked food,litter bugs, wasted food, things left unfinished.

Role- protector

Relationships status- he had a girlfriend (Brooklyn)

Habits-

he tends to go on tangents when talking about things he's passionate about.

He will sing randomly to lighten a mood

Can't bring himself to leave food so he will try to eat it all, never ends well

Writes or draws on his hand when bored

One sentence description- someone who will fight for what or who he believes in no matter the cost.

Health: he is in good health physically and sometimes he will get flashbacks when something about falling a great height is mentioned or murder.

Pets: he has a female puppy named star that is a brown haired lab with brown eyes, she is very playful towards him.

Body type- he is tall and not exactly slim but not exactly overweight. He is more on the slim side though.

Clothing style: he usually dress casually though on some occasions he will dress semi formal. Like a buttoned shirt and pants.

Accessories: At times he will wear finger less gloves and will also necklace if he chooses to. He also Carries an ipod that Brooklyn gave him.

Alright I'm done for now. Anyone can use this format SO LONG as they credit me. Anyway I hope you liked this! Can't wait to see the reply's If any.

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Charmer-Sweet Pea Imagine

Requested: No

Warnings: some sensuality

A/N: Gif is not mine, all credit goes to the original creator. Reader is also implied to be tall and black so read at your own risk (?)

Y/S/N: Your sister’s name

  For a solid two minutes, Betty Cooper had been trying to convince Toni to teach her the Serpent Dance, but my cousin was holding her ground as she wiped down the bar at Wyrm. At first glance, Betty looked all pure, an innocent, but there was something underneath all that driving her to do things like participate in one of the most outdated Serpent traditions in order to show Jughead her loyalty. I liked Jughead enough, even though I wanted to hit him every time he used unecessary vocabulary words, and knew that there had to be something decent about Betty if he liked her. However, I was finding it hard not to laugh at how earnestly Betty was trying to get Toni to crack. I drank some more beer to keep myself from laughing.

  “You’re asking the wrong person anyway, Betty,” Toni said, glancing in my direction.

  It was those words that made me more alert, and I narrowed my eyes at Toni. We were family, and family was not supposed to rat family out. Unfortunately, Betty caught this exchange and turned to me.

  “You’ve done the Serpent Dance?” she asked.

  “Technically, but I only know how to do it because my older sister did, and she was a huge slut.”

   “She was a sexually liberated woman,” Toni argued.

   “She’s family, Toni, that gives us the right to call her what she is,” I shot back. “Besides, I am a Serpent and my loyalty was proven through initiation.”

  “So, why did you do the Serpent Dance, then?” 

  “It was a dare and it technically doesn’t count since the dance has to be done in front of all current Serpents and the only witnesses were Toni and a couple other girls who we no longer talk to.” 

   “You do have moves to go with all that body, Y/N” Toni teased.

   “All what body? I am a tall, narrow person. And we pinky swore to keep that dare a secret, but I see we’re throwing family under the bus now.” 

   “Y/N, I wouldn’t ask for your help if I really didn’t need it, but I’m doing this for Jughead, to show him I’ll be by his side no matter what. I get why you don’t want to do it for me, but at least do it for Jughead, I know you two are friends,” Betty said.

   “Friends is a close term, I’d say he’s an associate that amuses me sometimes.” I took another long swig of beer and tried to ignore Betty’s stare. She was persistent alright, but the Serpent Dance was so embarrassing. I had no idea why my sister did it besides the fact that she was loved attention and any opportunity to show off her body was welcomed. I preferred using my dancing abilities to show off and let some of my anger out. 

   “C’mon, Y/N, she just wants to be one of us,” Toni said.

  I shook my head. “Honestly, you’re so good I could punch you.”

  “Thanks?” Betty said.

  “She’s serious. Many people have been sent to the hospital because of her anger issues,” Toni said.

  “Wow, are we just telling everyone everything about me?” I exclaimed. 

  Toni smirked and Betty leaned forward. 

  “I’ll teach you but only when the crowd clears out here. If anyone gets word that I taught you how to do this, I will deny everything and someone will lose teeth.”

   “Alright, I won’t tell.”

  Part of me couldn’t believe that I was getting up on the pole dancing stage once the bar was pretty much empty, save for a few drunks that were passed out in the back. Mom always told me to avoid stripping like my sister did until said sister ran off with a big tipper. I was nothing like my sister and took dance lessons for fun and because I was good at it. Now, I was on the exact stage she was when she did the Serpent Dance, the dance she’d taught me as a way to help her remember it. I took a deep breath and turned to Betty.

   “The whole point of the dance is to molt your old, pure skin and adopt the Serpent skin,” I said. 

   “And it also gives creepy men and a chance to ogle you!” Toni called.

   I turned to her. “If you hadn’t ratted me out, we wouldn’t be here.” I turned back to Betty. “Anyway, you’re supposed to be as seductive as a snake charmer and seduction looks different with everyone who does this dance. Some girls know how to do it without taking off any clothes and others have been said to get stark naked.”

   “I’m not afraid to show some skin,” Betty said.

   “You should be since you plan on doing this at FP’s retirement party.” I sighed. “Just show me how you would seduce Jughead.”

  Betty hesitated but slowly relaxed and trailed her hand up my arm, and I jumped back. “Sorry.”

   “You won’t be able to touch Jughead, but you can make him feel like he’s the only one in the room.” I took a step forward and faced the mostly empty bar. “Maintain eye contact with him, make him feel like every movement is for his eyes only,” I drew both hands across my collarbone slowly and moved to stretch my arms out at my side, “and even though you’re dancing in front of a full crowd, there’s so much more that’s waiting for him.” 

   I let my hips softly sway from side to side and ghosted my fingers along the hem of my shirt, pulling it up a few inches but releasing it. “Keep them on the edge of their seats as long as you can until you start taking anything off.”

  Betty nodded and I stepped aside to let her try the dance like I did. Eventually, Toni put on some music to help Betty relax, but she wasn’t too bad. She wasn’t super stiff, if anything the only issue would be the music she danced to. Soon, we moved into the actual stripping, kind of. Toni played Ciara’s “Body Party” and I almost laughed.

   “This is your stripper song?” Betty asked cautiously.

   “Kind of, but don’t tell anyone or----”

   “Or you’ll make me wish I hadn’t, got it.”

   “Alright, now, the music you do this dance to can emphasize the whole thing or mess it up. Now is not the time for the Killers.” 

   “Why would I dance to the Killers?”    I rolled my eyes. “C’mon, everyone knows that white kids love the Killers.” 

   “What?” Betty asked.

   “It’s true, now quit stalling, Y/N!” Toni teased.

   “Unless you plan on tippin’ me, I’m keeping you waiting,” I said as I slipped off my Serpents jacket. I tossed it onto a nearby table and I rolled out my neck. “Music tends to dictate the way we move and snakes are fluid creatures, so something with R&B is best.”

   Betty nodded and I stepped forward on the stage.

   “You want something that’ll make you feel sexy and confident so no one can give you or Jughead crap later.” I let my body roll to the rhythm, moving my head around as well. Then, I did a quick spin, before dipping my body down low and slowly rolling up, causing my black box braids to cascade down my back. I ran my hands through my hair and ghosted them down my body, closing my eyes, and bringing them back to the hem of my shirt. This time, I pulled it all the way up to my bra line, my mind wandering to the time Sweet Pea caught me doing this exact dance when he came to pick me up after a dance lesson. The stunned look in his eyes quickly faded into arousal as I started apologizing to him for running a bit late, but he proved later that night that he hadn’t mind at all. 

    I could feel his hands gripping my hips the way he had that night that made marks appear in the morning and his breath ghosting on my neck as he grunted and muttered compliments. 

   I spun again, dropped to my knees, and elegantly slid into the splits. Then, I brought my legs together, stood, and turned to a shocked Betty.

   “Let yourself move to rhythm and you’ll be fine as long as you don’t lose yourself,” I said.

   “Wow, okay, thanks, this was all really helpful,” Betty said.

   “Great.” 

   I turned to start walking when I saw Sweet Pea and Fangs sitting at the bar. Toni had a Cheshire smile on her lips while Fangs looked impressed and Sweet Pea seemed stunned. Toni paused the song, but that didn’t help the situation as the hairs on the back of my neck stood and I was thankful my skin was dark enough that a blush wouldn’t show up. 

   “When did you two get here?” I nearly squeaked.

   “Somewhere in the middle of the chorus,” Fangs said. “Sweet Pea is a lucky guy.”

  Sweet Pea punched him playfully and Fangs laughed.

   “Why didn’t you tell me they showed up?” I demanded Toni.

   “You were so into it, who was I to let you stop?” 

  It was moments like this that made me want to strangle my cousin. Of course, I’d dance suggestively in front of Sweet Pea before, but I’d never done anything like that with an audience. Even at parties, I stuck to actually dancing to the rhythm instead of grinding, unless it was with Sweet Pea. Plus, Sweet Pea was super possessive, I was surprised he didn’t yank me off the stage as soon as he came in. 

   I slowly stepped off the stage and grabbed my jacket with Betty at my heels.

  “It’s my fault! I asked her to teach me how to dance,” Betty said.

  “It’s fine.” As soon as I was in arm’s reach, Sweet Pea pulled me over to him. “That was a pleasant surprise, though.” 

  Betty smiled sheepishly when I looked at her. “Just don’t make me regret that I taught you, okay?”

  “Okay.”

 Sweet Pea herded me out of the Wyrm and into the cool dark night. My heart was beating faster and I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets. His jaw was clenched the way it was when he was about to fight someone. 

   “How did you know where I was?” I asked.

   “You text me earlier and told me you were keeping Toni company during her shift tonight. I didn’t think that included a free show.” His tone was rough and I couldn’t tell if he was angry. 

   “Calm down, Toni and Betty were the only conscious ones who saw anything.” 

    Those words set Sweet Pea off in the best way possible. He pushed me up against his truck and kissed me like his life depended on it. A mewl escaped me when his hands slid down to squeeze my hips and I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I pressed my body closer against his chest. My fingers had just wrapped around the baby curls at the nape of his neck when he pulled away. 

   “Your house, now,” he said between pants.

   That was one of the few moments that I was thankful my dad was in prison and my mom  was working the graveyard shift at the grocery store. In the back of my mind, I thanked Y/S/N for helping me rile up my boyfriend in a way I didn’t think was possible. 

[bffhreprise]

Best Friend For Hire Reprise, Entry 395

 I could hardly peel my eyes from my new grandchild.  Between his birth and the start of the New Year’s Eve party—a few hours at most—he had not only spoken, but had insisted on attempting to walk several times, seeming really disappointed that he couldn’t quite manage more than a couple steps.

 Even with Alma’s explanation of how she had been teaching little James for months through her magic, I still had trouble wrapping my head around a newborn being this alert and… speaking.    

 “Father, might I try to walk again?” asked my grandson.

 “There’s no need to rush.” replied James.

 “But everyone else can walk.” he complained with the most adorable, little pout.

 “Come dance with me!” exclaimed Dani, bouncing on her heels and reaching for her brother with a broad, excited grin.

 “You had several turns already.” stated Alma as she hugged Dani, looking as happy as I had ever seen her..

 “But Mom…” complained Dani with a pout nearly as adorable as her brother’s.

 “Mother.” he spoke

 Dani looked up at him, grinning as she said, “To me, she’s Mom!  I’ve been talking with them since before you were conceived!”

 “Not my fault.” muttered James defensively.

 “Tell them you want to dance with me!” she insisted.

 “You’ll just spin me around again.” he argued, looking wary.

 “And hug you!” she exclaimed.

 He sighed.

 “Your first sigh, little brother!” exclaimed Dani.

 James didn’t respond, looking at her curiously.  “How old were you when you started walking?”

 Dani shrugged and told him “No idea!  Older than you’ll be.  I bet you’ll have it down in a week.”

 When I first met Dani, I hadn’t known what to think of the pink-skinned, cobalt-haired girl with those large, amethyst eyes.  Having my son legally adopt a girl nearly his own age was odd enough without her being so blatantly…  My thoughts became disarrayed as I watched her spin away from her mother and acrobatically twirl through the air almost like a figure skater on ice, gracefully dancing away and then back again.  Despite the oddness, she was family.  I’d grow accustomed to little James as well.

 “What am I missing?”asked little James, sounding terribly upset that he couldn’t walk on his own, especially after seeing how Dani moved.

 “Patience.” stated James with a smile for his son.  “You’re strong enough to walk, but there’s unstable energy coursing through your body.  In time, your strength will be constant, and we’ll start teaching you magic.”

 “Are you sure he’s just not missing me?  I’m certain you’ve been holding him longer each time.” teased Alma with a loving gaze for her husband.

 “I believe I’m next.” I informed her, wanting to hold my grandson some more before he wouldn’t allow it anymore, which might only be a few days at this rate.

 James kissed his son’s head and passed him off to me.  “Remember: small movements.” he encouraged.

 “And don’t squeeze too tight.” cautioned Alma.

 “He’s not that strong… yet.” I argued, having already felt the babe’s surprising strength on my prior turns.  Then I looked into my grandson’s violet eyes and told the little guy, “Don’t worry.  You’ll probably pass me within the year.”

 “Really!?” he asked excitedly.

 “Probably.” agreed Alma.  “I expect you’ll be able to do this in ten years.”  She did that thing where she could make images appear in my head, showing me little James lifting a car off the ground.

If she expected the son to be that strong so quickly, he probably would be, but I… I never would’ve guessed he’d be so strong.

 “I won’t grow!?” little James asked in obvious disappointment.

 Everyone present laughed.

 “You will.  Sorry.” she assured him when her mirth subsided.  “I don’t want to guess what you’ll look like by then.”

 I found his ignorance reassuring.  Being born with too much knowledge would have made him too… unrelatable.

 “You’ll have a little friend soon.  Then you’ll be able to learn together.  Do try to take advantage of your head start.” teased Mila, looking at little James affectionately.

 “Sister?” I guessed.  “Is the team working on another… like you?”

 Mila shook her head and said, “As you know, Mother created an artificial womb months ago.  My master failed to mention that my sister, being genetically engineered, won’t be quite human either.  You know how competitive Mother can be.”

 “She got competitive creating a baby?” asked Rachel with as much surprise as I felt.

 “How are babies created?” asked little James.

 “Science!” exclaimed Mila, quickly covering Dani’s mouth.  “Assuming your mother hasn’t taught you a vast amount of information regarding chemistry, the explanation would take far too long for tonight.”

 “Science?  Chemistry?” he questioned, pushing himself up slightly to peer down at Alma.

 “You’ll see soon enough.” she promised, projecting a barrage of images into our heads.  The barrage of images was too quick to really follow, but I recognized a rocket and test tubes.

 To Rachel, Mila explained “Though Mother’s DNA went into my sister, she engineered the rest from scratch, basing the design off what she knew from those here.  I doubt anyone read far enough in the employment agreement to notice, but there is a clause related to the use of DNA samples from the yearly medical checkups for the furtherment of mad science.  Yes, the clause really does state ‘mad science’, not medical experimentation.”

 “Couldn’t that cause legal issues?” I asked, finding the idea worrisome.

 “You underestimate Mother’s love of obfuscation.  ‘Mad science’ is further defined in no less than two hundred other sections.  On occasion, I postulate the methods she used to get her law degree at such a young age.  My favorite theory involves her confounding doctorates to such an extent that she was granted the degree just to get rid of her.” explained Mila with a humble smile.  “I’m sure scientists would have tried keeping her around for further explanations into her own theories, but decent lawyers know when to cut their losses.”

 “Mother… all of that was still English?” questioned little James, looking confused.

 Nodding, Alma said, “Yes, James.  You’ll learn.  You should also note that you never want to ask Aaliyah for detailed explanations.  Even her own daughter won’t push that too far.”

 “She’s right.” agreed Mila quite sincerely.

 The little tike kept asking everyone questions, determined to learn everything as fast as he could.  I would have to speak with Rachel, but I was determined to visit much more frequently, not wanting to miss any more of our grandchild’s growth than I had to.  I could only imagine how much the little guy would change within a month if I dared to stay away that long.  Rachel would, of course, complain to me far before then if I attempted such lunacy.  We both had grown so accustomed to sampling Marco’s cooking when we could that we rarely went two weeks without stopping by for at least a meal.  No, we would be here often.

[thefatedmeeting]

i tweeted a lot abt the concert yesterday and i translated it to eng so i coudl send it to meg so im gonna just paste it here for the record. warning: im very excited

okay. the tweets start after i got in the hotel from the show so ill translate them all hsdfgj

everyone i cant stay here for a long time cuz the wifi sucks and im really nuts but im so dead i have no words guys idk i cant believe i saw my sons live sdkfjsdf

the choreos and dances and them speaking portuguese and jin and suga and hoseok crying im emo

i was kinda far away, i couldnt see their faces neatly but i could identify their body shape and im so emo

them saying they were happy to come and they wwanted to come more frequently and they were sad to go and jin (THE GUY FROM AWAKE) saying he feels better bec of the fans im :(((((

when suga and namjoon sang their solos i was almost crying tbh kfdjd

and taehyung was wearing that bandana, this man is truly trying to kill me sdfsdf

im gonna be that guy but tae's choreos were super beautiufl and i am very fuckenigh in love

i wanted to talk abt my day and the queue and abt my sons more, but im super tired soo GOOD NITE

there were sooooooooo many people, so many fuckin people, the biggest queue of my life skdjfsdf and a lot of young ppl too damn. but it was so beautiful, the fans and the boys singing together :((( im emo

i woke up super early, i was like so fuckin sleepy sdkfjsdf we boarded the plane etc, the trip was nice, i was super nervous but we arrived well, already in the plane i spotted a lot of fans sdkfjsdf

when the plane landed it kinda shook a little and a girl SHRIEKED a nervous laugh i had to fuckfign laugh out loud it was so funny dfjkgdfhgfdh

okay so we got to the hotel, tehre were armys there too, wow guys there were so many armys in sao paulo you kick a lamppost and 10 would pop out

our hotel room was super simple but it was good, and comfortable. the bed was a+++++++++

me and my sis went out for lunch then we went to the concert venue, i was super nervous but thanks to the medicine i got better sdkfjskjdf man. when we got there the queue was HUGE. the biggest queue of my life

there WERE SO MANY PEOPLE SERIOUSLY and a lot of young ppl, like even babies. there was a baby who was jiimin's fan i was like sdlffj

there were ppl selling merchandise too it was the biggest amt of bts stuff ive evers een in my life in one place holy shit. i loved it tho i wish i couldve bought a t shirt or something as a token but i only bought myself a bandana rip sdkfjsdkfjskfsd anyway, we stood there for like HOURS we arrived at like 3pm until fuckin 7pm my legs are all dead, i woke up w a cramp last night sfgdfg

while the queue moved i talked to armys, everyone was so fuckin excited they started yelling JHOOOOOOOPE AND SCREAMING OUTTA NOWHERE I WAS LIKE WHATS HAPPENIGNG

THERE WERE PPL IN THE QUEUE FOR THE \NEXT DAY\ DUDE. IT WAS RAINING SLIGHTLY LIKE PLEASE REST FRIENDS DONT DO THIS DSFGDG

i found it funny that the merchandise sellers (?) researched bts so hard, they were using fan lingo ksdjflsdkjfs ive never seen this holy shit. it felt like idk those anime cons i used to go on high school, except times 10000000 and with like more excitable ppl

after we entered the venue, ppl started singing, sometimes there was a drone recording stuff, and at some point their staff came over to take pictures

i was trying to find my friends but i was so fuckening lost and they were out of the venue still sdfsdfsdfsdf

at some point it turned into a single person queue (?) and then my friend found me thanks to me jumping and some fan's mom lending me her umbrella so i could spin it sdkfjsdf

anyway <3 me and gabs started talking abt the show, the boys, the fans, life universe and everything else. shes so sweet. i adopted her as my second sister xoxo

the queue was so big it went around the fuckin block, smh. when we got to the venue we started getting hyped sdlfkjsdlkfjsdf we managed to enter nicely, then we got up super nuts and IT WAS SO NICE INSIDE THERE

we got to a nice place in the front except it wasnt our assigned seats so we had to split up later sdkfjsdf but damn, it filled up super quick, i was shocked. i could see the stage quite nicely, i kinda regret not seeing their faces properly but i SAW them and i died and i emotionally hugged all of them so tiengo nada a perder sdfsdf

OKAY SO i filmed so many things. i was like trying to watch the concert, looking at the stage, looking at the screens, yelling, singing and filming skdfjsdf

when they started showing the mvs i was HYPED everyone was already singing and it was hard to not get into that excited vibe

AND THEN AN OPENING VIDEO STARTED AND I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT ITS STARTING

IT OPENED W NOT TODAY AND IM SDLFHALFHALFHALKHALFKAHD AND EVEYRONES STARTED GETTING UP ON THEIR FEET AND IWAS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK GUYS I WANNA STAY SEATED BUT I HAD NO CHOICE, EVERYONE WAS STANDING ALL THE TIME SO I HAD TO DO IT TO SEE THINGS SDKFJSDF

THEY STARTED TALKING AND I COULDNT HEAR ANYTHING THERE WERE SO MANY PPL SINGING AND YELLING IT WAS HARD. I SORTA GOT THE "BRAZIL" AND "TAO CURTINDO (ARE YOU LIKING IT)" AND TAE SAYING "AMAMOS VOCES/ WE LOVE YOU"

LATER I FOUND OUT JHOPE SIAD BRAZIL WAS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE TOUR THAT SOLD OUT AND I WAS EMMO THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY

AT FIRST they looked tired but later they got excited bec the fans were... like so hyped sdflksdf

THEN CAME AM I WRONG, BAPSAE AND DOPE AND I DIED SDLFKSJDF THE CHOREOS BRO I WAS LIKE HOW CAN THEY DANCE LIKE THAT FOR REAL I CANT BELIEVE IT

it was so nice to hear everyone singing and yelling ogether it felt like we were performing with them too! dude idk i was emo

THEN CAME BEGIN AND JUNGKOOKS CHOREO AND IML IEK WHAT THE FUCK DUDE HOW CAN U DANCE LIKE THIS TEACH ME? BITHC

THEN JIMIN'S DANCE AND I DIED TOO GODDAMN! his dancing style is super smooth and sensual and like, the sense of weight is so light i die

it was so cool to hear ppl yelling their names, holy shit man sdkfjsdf

THJEN I THOUGHT STIGMA WAS COMING UP BUT SUGA CAME UP W FIRST LOVE AND I DEIED WITH THE PIANO HOYL SHIT DUDE THE COMBINATION OF THE VIDEO BEHIND HIM AND HIM RAPPING AND THE TONE OF THE SONG I WAS ALMOST CRYINFG DUDE IDK GABS LATER TOLD ME SUGA HAD CRIED AND I WAS LIKE BITCH ME TOO

THEN CAME UP LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOST REPRESENTING ME BEC I WAS  SO LOST IN SAO PAULO HOYL SHTI SDKFJSDF

THEN SAVE ME CAME UP!!! AND HOLY SHIT I WENT HNUTS BECAUSE SAVE ME INTRODUCED ME TO THEM!!!! AND I DIED BEC TRHE TRANSITION FROM SAVE ME TO I NEED U WAS SOO GOOD IN THE END OF SAVE ME'S CHOREO THEY GO DOWN AND I NEED U STARTS W THEM RISING UP I DIED

THEN REFLECTIONNNNNNNNNN CAME UPPPPPP AND I WAS EMO AGAIN THE VIDEO AND NAMJOON OH YM GOD GUYS AND THEN HE SAND "I WISH I COULD LOVE MYSELF" AND EVERYONE ELSE SANG "WE LOVE YOU" BACK TO HIM AND HE GOT ALL CHOKED UP HOLY SHIT DUDE IM EMO TOO I IWHS I COULD EMOTIONALLY SUPPORT THESE KIDS THAT SUFFER WITH THE RUSH OF THE IDOL LIFE BUT IF THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD IM HAPPY AS FUCK

SO BITCH. STIGMA COMES UP AND I ALREADY AM DEAD AND DYING AND SINGING ALONG AND TAE'S HIGH NOTE CAME UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP IM STILL SCHJOPKEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

AND THEN COMES MAMA!!!!!!!! HOSEOKS KID PHOTOSSSD FSDFSDF AND THE FANS SINGING ALONG HOLY SHIT GUYS AT THE TIME OF THE BREAK HE STARTED MAKING A CRYING FACE AND A CHOKED UP VOICE AND  IALMOST CRIED WITH HIM

AND THEN JIN CAME BUPPPPP IM ALWAYS EMO WITH AWAKE BEC HE THINKS HES TALENTLESS AND HAS NO HABILITY BUT TDUDE EVERYONE SCREAMED HIS NAEM AND THE HIGH NOTESS I WAS KIKEAAAAAAAAAA BITHCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AFTER THAT I THINK THERE WAS CYPHER 4 AND THATS WHEN I TRULY LOST IT FUCK! THERES NO WAY TO SCREAM AND SING ALONG W CYPHER IDK DUDE IT WAS SO FUN TO GO OFF IT WAS ONE OF THE PERFORMANCES I LIKED THE MOST W THE FANS, AFTER SPRING DAY

THEN CAME UP FIRE AND IDIED W THE CHOREO, NOTHING NEW, AS ALWAYS I DIED THANKS. THEN THEY STOPPED AND I HEARD RAPMON ASKING IF WE WERE ENJOYING IT AND I DIED ALREADY LISTNEING TO IT COULDNT EVEN HEAR THEM, I HAD HEARD THEM TALK A BIT MORE TOO BUT I COULDNT MAKE ANYTHING OUT OF IT CUZ THEY WERE LIKE "SDJFSDF ??" AND EVERYONE SCREAMED AT IT

THEN THE MASHUP CAME UPGPPPPPPP I WAS SCREMAING SO MUCH ESP AFTER NO MORE DREAM. I FORGOT TO MENTION BUT BAPSAES DANCE BREAK KILLED ME TOO. AND THE CONFETTI IN RUNNNNNNNNNNNN I WAS EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THEN 21 CENTURY GIRLS CAME UP AND I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT TAE IDK HE SEESM TO DANCE THAT SONG RLLY NICELY AND IM WEAK

THEN THEY TALKED W US AGAIN AND I HEARD ONE OF THEM SAY THAT CONCERT WOULD ENTER THEIR STORY AND IT WAS THERE JIN SAID HE FELT BETTER BEC OF THE FANS, REFERRING TO AWAKE. FBITCH

THEN THEY COME UP W BOY MEETS EVIL AND IM SDLÇFKJSDFLKJSDF AND THEN BLOOD SWEEAT AND TEARS I COULDNT STOP LOOKING AT THE CHOREO HOLY SHIT WHAT A SONG!!! I HAD HEARD NAMJOON SAY BEFORE BOY MEETS EVIL THAT IT WAS THEIR LAST SONG BUT I WAS LIKE NAHHH U LYIN

BUT AFTER A LARGE PAUSE THERE WAS WINGS AND 2!3! I DONT REMEMBE RHTE ORDER BUT HOL FUCKING SHIT I ALMOST CRIED IN WINGS, CLAPPING DYIGNH IDK

THEN THEY CAME UP W SPRING DAYYY AND HOLY SHIT THE FANS SINGING AFTER IT ENEDDED I ALMOST CRIED AGAIN THE BOYS WERE ALL EMO AND IM LIKE BITCH ME TOO HUG ME. JIN WAS ACTUALLY CRYING

THEN THEY TALKED ABT BRAZIL I DONT REMEMBER MUCH BUT THEY SAID THEY WANTED TO COME HERE AGAIN, MORE FREQUENTLY, THEY WERE SAD TO GO AND THEY CALLED THE FANS THEIR WINGS. AND I FORGOT THAT BITCHING VIDEO THEY SHOWED UP BEFORE WINGS

SPEAKOING OF THE "BOY WHO GROWS UP" AND OF THE BOYS UNITED AND THE SEVEN HEARTS INSIDE ONE, AND ONE HEART UNITED WITH SEVEN AND IM LIKE "EGFAYUHFAUFHE LET ME SIT DOWN I CANT RISE UP AFTER THAT ONE" JESUS CHRIST DUDE WHAT ATHE FUCK I CANT RECOVER FROM THAT

AFTER THE CONCERT I FOUND GABS OUTSIDE, SHE HELPED ME FIND MY SIS SDKFJSDF THEN WE FOUND BIA AFTER SOME STRUGGLING SHE WAS SOOO OUT OF IT CUZ SHE SAW THEM FROM UP CLOSE . THEN WE WENT BACK TO THE HOTEL MY SWEET SISTER BOUGHT ME A BURGER KING SO I WOULDNT BE HINGRY AND I WAS LIKE EATING RLLY OUT OF IT

I SLEPT NICELY. LIKE, NOT 100% BUT NICELY. WOKE UP W NO VOICE AT ALL AND A BITCHING CRAMP IN MY LEGS SDSFS WE WENT TO A FAMOUS PARK LATER AND ITTWA S SUPER NICE WE BIKED ALONG IT AND MY LEGS DIED BUT I WAS A HAPPY MAN SDLFJSDF

ANYWAY WE WENT ABC KTO THE AIRPORT AND IT WAS COOL. I DIDNT THINK I WOULD LOVE THEM MORE THAN I CURRENTLY DO BUT AFTER THIS CONCERT I CAME UP AT A NEW LEVEL IM SUPER OUT OF IT DUDE. WOKE UP TODAY AND IT STILL FEELS LIKE IM THERE I LEFT PART OF MY SOUL THERE

[author-ashlynn-james]

The Gift of Hunger Chapter 1

 Let me know if you would like to be tagged in future posts! 

CW: Eating disorders

Getting diagnosed with an eating disorder was supposed to be this incredible event. I had it all planned out. I would faint dramatically in the middle of class and be rushed to the nurse who would call my mom down from whatever music class she was teaching at the time. I would deny anything was wrong but my frail, slender body would tell another story. My mom would cry as the paramedics came and stuck a j-tube into my nose and I’d be carried off to the hospital to begin my new life as a diagnosed anorexic. That’s how it always works in the books. Every trigger book I’ve read in the past few months about a naturally thin white girl developing her demon has a dramatic reveal. It’s always “I blacked out behind the wheel and crashed my car” or “I fainted at a track meet in front of the whole school.”

But that’s not what happened to me. The real story is boring as can be. I just went in to get my wisdom teeth out and the dentist noticed my salivary glands were swollen. This coupled with the five cavities I needed filled and the fact I’d dropped 30 pounds from my intake the previous month was enough for her to suggest to my mother there might be a problem. Mama confronted me. I lied. She can always tell when I’m lying. She took me to the doctor and some abnormal labs confirmed her suspicions. No tears, no j-tube, and worst of all, no anorexia. Just thinking about it makes me glare out the car window like the trees racing by are my arch nemesis. Not so lucky. My arch nemesis sits beside me in the driver’s seat.

“Your face is gonna freeze like that.”

I deepen my glare and turn my body further towards the window, crossing my arms tightly over my chest.

“Yes, please, ignore me more!”

“What do you want me to say, Mom?” I snap, my breath fogging the window. “ ‘thanks so much for sending me to therapy prison! I can’t wait to be force fed like a goose!’”

Mama is silent for a moment, probably considering her words. She does that a lot lately. Never used to. I think she’s afraid to set me off now that she knows how I’m dealing with my problems.

“I get that you’re mad,” she says carefully. “That is your right. But I’m trying to do what’s best for you. I don’t want my daughter to die of bulimia. I don’t think that’s such a terrible thing.”

Bulimia. Ugh. I hate that word. That’s what really pisses me off about this whole thing: I got caught too early. In the last six months, I’d lost enough weight to move my BMI from clinically obese to the healthy range but not enough to put me at underweight. My starting weight was too high and my history of binge eating gave me the loser’s diagnosis. The one you get when you don’t have the self-control to achieve perfection. I would have gotten there eventually! I can go days without eating; haven’t kept anything down in months. The number on the scale keeps dropping. But no. My mother just had to take me to the doctor and now that hideous word is down in my medical records.

We turn into a parking lot and pull into a handicap spot up front. A skyscraper looms over me, fifteen offices on fifteen different floors. Our destination--a place called Nourishing Success--is on the twelfth. I’d be excited for the exercise but there are no stairs. Of course there are no stairs. Mama opens her car door and steps out.

“You ready?” she asks as I slam my door shut.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course you do,” Mama says.

I give her a skeptical look as we walk towards the building.

“You’re choosing to be here, Ameliana, remember? It’s an empowerment program.”

A blast of air conditioning hits us as we step into the lobby and I bite down on my tongue to keep myself from telling Mama exactly how I feel about her empowerment program. My fists shake as we step into the elevator and I don’t look at her until we step out into a purple and blue hallway with “Nourishing Success” scrawled in yellow across the wall. I rub goosebumps off my arms. It’s freezing in here. Why would they make a place for people without insulation on their bodies freezing? We walk down the hall to a reception area and mama stumbles up to the secretary.

“Hello!” the receptionist says brightly. I hate her. She’s too blonde, too cheery. Doesn’t this bitch know where she is? “How can I help you?”

“My daughter is here for her first day.”

Mama gestures to me and I uncross my arms to give a sarcastic wave. Blondie is unfazed.

“Ah yes, what’s the name?” she asks.

“Ameliana Martinez,” says Mama.

“Of course, we’re expecting you,” the receptionist taps some keys on her keyboard. I wonder if her long, manicured nails make it hard to pick her nose. “I’ll just let Jessica know you’re here.”

Mama thanks her and we move to sit in the chairs scattered around the room. Mama groans as she sits down.

“I think it’s gonna rain,” she says, massaging her thighs.

Mama’s residual limbs bother her when the weather changes. She always says she’s a human barometer. Considering where we are, my empathy for her pain is limited.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, mama flipping through a time magazine from 2006, until another cheery blonde comes out of an office adjacent to us and sticks out her hand.

“Ameliana? Nice to see you again.”

Jessica did my intake interview last week. Apparently me insisting for 45 minutes I don’t need to be here had no effect.

“This must be your mother,” she says glancing at mama.

People usually assume Mama is my mom. We do look a lot a like; two tall brown girls with long dark hair look like they belong together. Even my hazel eyes look like they might have come from Mama’s green. But they didn’t. I’m adopted. I’m the product of a white, Italian woman and (we think) an African American man. Mama’s a second generation Puerto Rican Immigrant. The only clue that I’m black and not Latinx like Mama is my hair, which I usually straighten anyway so people can’t usually tell just by looking at me.

Mama stands up and shakes Jessica’s hand.

“Hi. Tia Martinez.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jessica says. She turns to me. “Are you ready, Ameliana?”

“Can’t wait,” I say with no attempt to move.

Mama raises her eyebrows at me. I sigh and get to my feet. The world tips slightly as I move. This at least makes me feel better. Still faint.

Mama leans in and hugs me. I don’t hug her back. My arms hang limply at my sides. This is the only defiance I’m allowed.

“I love you,” she says. I hum in acknowledgement. She pulls away and holds my face in her hands, her gaze piercing. “Please try.”

I say nothing. I’m not here to try. I don’t need to “recover”. I’m just here until I can choose not to be. That’s all I have to do; convince these people I’m doing my best without gaining any of the weight back.

Mama must see the defiance in my eyes because she sighs and drops her hands.

“I’ll pick you up afterwards, okay?”

“Okay.”

“She leaves and i turn to Jessica.

“Shall we step into my office?” she says brightly.

No.

“Sure.”

Jessica walks me back into the office she interviewed me in. I’m distracted for a moment by the view of the city out the window. Then, Jessica instructs me to sit down and I plop into a chair across from her desk. She slides a giant binder across the desk towards me.

“This is your handbook.”

I stare at her and she chuckles.

“We’re not going to go over the whole thing. I’m just here to go over the rules. But this thing has all the worksheets you’ll do in your time here.”

Oh boy. Homework.

“Right,” I say, taking it and flipping through. Jesus, how many rules are there?

Jessica opens to the front page and starts going oer regulations and guidelines. I zone out as she talks, only catching every other sentence. Most of it is common sense: Eat your meals in their entirety, no fitness trackers, no clothes that glorify your eating disorder. I think about raising some objections when she says no caffeine but decide it’s too much effort.

“Alright,” she says after a quarter of an hour of uninterrupted rambling. “Any questions?”

I shake my head.

“Good! So you’ll spend most of today getting to know your team. But for now, it’s about time for dinner and you have to meet the rest of the patients before then.

Dinner. The part I had been dreading the most. I hadn’t eaten in 20 hours. Hunger twists around my stomach like a cobra. I love it. I love being hungry. Hunger is a gift. It means restraint, self-control, perfection. I don’t want this feeling of strength and control to leave me. I want it to last until I faint. I’ve never fainted before but god do I want to. I want that pure expression of restriction. Fasting is elation. Starving is strength.

She stands and I follow, head spinning again as I move. Perfect. I pick up the binder and we head out of the office and down another hallway. Jessica hands me a small key which turns out to go to a locker we pass in the hall. I set the binder and my phone inside and turn to look around the lounge.

The patient lounge is packed with people, bodies bigger and smaller than mine, all organized into a circle on squishy armchairs and cheap couches. Most are my age but I spot some older women and even a guy who looks to be in his 20’s.

“You can take a seat anywhere,” Jessica tells me. I opt to stand off to the side because it burns more calories and I don’t like being the center of attention. A woman in her 30’s smiles and waves at me. I try to smile back but I think my face forms a grimace. She turns and addresses the group.

“Do we have a warm up question?”

She must be a therapist. Probably one of the general therapists who keep order and enforce the rules. The actually therapizing is for the primary therapists.

“What kind of shoe would you be!” someone shouts. A couple people laugh but the general therapist smiles and opens her arm as if to give all of us a warm hug.

“Okay. If you were a shoe, what kind of shoe would you be? Who wants to start?”

They go around the circle introducing themselves, saying their name, where they’re from, and what kind of shoe they’d be. I really can’t be bothered to pay attention. I take the time to closer assess the bodies surrounding me. Most of them are small, smaller than me even. But a couple are bigger. I breathe a sigh of relief. I was terrified I was going to be the fattest person here. I squint around the circle, counting everyone I think is bigger than me when my gaze falls on a pair of wide blue eyes and I freeze.

I know those eyes. I’ve seen them every day since I was ten. They belong to a girl my age with flawless, light skin and perfect red curls. CJ Green. Head cheerleader, beloved by all. No one at school had heard from her since she fainted at a pep rally before prom last year. CJ and I weren’t exactly in the same circles but even I knew that she had apparently vanished, not returned any texts or messages about what happened, shut out all her friends. There were rumors that she moved or even died.

Now I guess I know where she went.

She’s looking at me with panic all over her face. Does that mean she recognizes me? I didn’t think she even knew I existed. Could she really be aware that we go to the same school?

A girl nudges CJ. It’s her turn to speak. We’re so busy staring at each other, neither of us noticed the silence. CJ bites her lip and looks down at her lap.

“My name’s CJ. I’m from here. If I were a shoe, I’d be a flip-flop.”

Is she… is she intimidated by me? That’s ridiculous. As far as I know, she’s never even looked at me before. How is this happening right now?

We continue around the circle and finally it’s my turn. I shrug and say “I’m Ameliana, I’m from LA originally. If I were a shoe, I’d be a combat boot.”

The general therapist from before smiles at me and turns to address the group again.

“Do we have a volunteer to be Ameliana’s kitchen buddy?”

No one says anything for a moment. Then, CJ raises her hand.

“I’ll do it,” she says, softly.

Did I hear that right? CJ Green wants to help me? What universe am I in right now?

“Thank you, CJ,” the therapist says.  “Let’s go over some rules.”

More of the same, no pockets, no negative food talk, remove all jackets before entering the dining room, but I’m not really listening. I’m staring at CJ. She’s looking pointedly away from me but I know she can feel my eyes on her. I can’t believe she’s here. I knew she was thin but I had no idea this was why.

Everyone around me stands up and moves toward the hallway that leads to the dining room. I fall into step at the edge of the crowd, expecting to make my way alone when CJ slides up to me.

“Hi,” she says timidly to her shoes. I’ve never seen her look shy before. Every time I’ve passed her in the halls, she’s oozing with confidence. I almost think this is another girl with the same face and name.

“Hey,” I say back. Everything about this situation is wrong. CJ and I might as well be from different planets. We don’t exist in the same universe, let alone the same eating disorder program. She doesn’t look at me, she doesn’t talk to me, she doesn’t know I exist. And yet here we are, her unable to look me in the eyes. I never realized before how short she is. I tower over her. That seems wrong too.

“So… I’m supposed to show you around the kitchen,” CJ says to the carpet as we walk.

“Okay.”

My cousin, Antonio, once sent me a really graphic sext complete with a photo by mistake. I couldn’t look him in the eye for a month. That was less awkward than this. The silence between us is thicker than spoiled cottage cheese. If I thought being here was going to be painful before, I was seriously underestimating the severity of the situation. Nothing could have prepared me for this.

We complete the death march to the dining room and CJ walks over to a round table in the middle of the room. I follow.

“It says on the board if we need a fruit and today we do,” she says.

I glance at the whiteboard by the entrance. It has the name of the meal written across the top with the broken down components beneath it.

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Startch: Spaghetti

Protein: Meatball

Fat: Sauce

Fruit: Yes!

Apparently it’s up to us to pick our fruit. I look back at the collection of apples, grapes and bananas on the table and pick what I know to be the lowest cal: a mandarin orange.

“You need two of those to count as a serving,” CJ says.

Of course I do. I pick up another one and glance at CJ. Her cheeks are red but she still looks perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever been this close to her before. She’s so small, so thin and beautiful. I would do anything to look like her.

“Your nametag will be set where you’re sitting. Right now it'll just be a piece of paper but I’ll make you a real one soon.”

“You’re making my nametag?”

I can’t help but ask. She’s doing something for me. It’s like if the queen of england shined a garbage man’s shoes.

“I’m your kitchen buddy,” she says as if that explains it.

I glance around the tables people are seating themselves at and find my name on a scrap of paper next to another general therapist. Her name tag says Carley. I take my seat beside her and she smiles at me. Everyone here smiles too much.

I look at the other name tags at the table and spot a purple one painted like the night sky that reads CJ. She’s seated on the therapist’s other side. I steal a glance at her plate. Everyone here has been given the same meal but some plates have glasses of a white, thick liquid beside them. CJ has one of these glasses. That must be the supplement drink they make us have if we don’t finish. The “Boost” I think Jessica called it. CJ probably has extra because she’s underweight. Lucky.

A therapist gets up and leads us in something called “mindfulness moment” where we sit and ground ourselves in the moment  and think about why we’re doing this. CJ closes her eyes to focus but I can’t stop staring at her. I wonder what’s happening in her head? What could have convinced her that she needed to be here. She’s not sick, she’s an inspiration. I’d do anything for her control. I’d do anything for her waistline. I look down at the greasy trash on my plate. Back when I was still fat, I loved spaghetti and meatballs. Even now, the smell is calling to my taste buds. But I am strong. I will not allow a single piece of it to pass my lips. Hunger is a gift, I tell myself.

The meal starts and I watch CJ out of the corner of my eye the whole time. She plays with her food, and hardly eats anything. I can’t let her see me take a bite. I leave my fork beside my plate, untouched, occasionally sipping water and ignoring the therapist’s suggestions of a “table bite”. After 30 minutes the meal is over, whether you’ve cleaned your plate or not. We go around and “process”, stating how we felt about the atmosphere, how much of our meal we completed, disordered thoughts from 1-10, any behaviors we used, and how we are feeling. I get to go last because I’m new. I try not to roll my eyes as the other girls talk about feeling accomplished or defeated depending on how much they ate. I only perk up when it’s CJ’s turn.

“Atmosphere was stressful,” she says, staring at her mostly uneaten noodles. “I completed… maybe ten percent? Thoughts are at a ten. Behaviors were avoiding, playing, and restricting and I’m feeling scared, frustrated, angry and depressed.”

Carley writes down her answers and leans in to her.

“Do you want to check in after?” she asks softly.

CJ nods. I wonder what there is to check in about.

Now it’s my turn.

“Atmosphere was… fine. I completed zero percent. Thoughts are at… like a four. Behaviors were restricting and I’m feeling…,” I want to say annoyed but think better of it, “overwhelmed.”

Carley jots down my answers and grins at me.

“Good job,” she says. “You survived your first meal. Do you wanna Boost or use your grace period?”

Jessica mentioned this in her tirade: if meals are not completed, you must “Boost” your calories with a supplement drink. You’re given a three day grace period when you start where it won’t count against you.

“Pass,” I say.

“Alright,” she writes something else down and beams at us all. “Great job, guys.”

I glance around at my tablemates. Nobody looks like they feel like they did a great job. Only two people cleaned their plates. And they look the least happy of all. One girl holds her head in her hands, probably trying not to cry.

Carley gives the thumbs up to the other tables and fifty chairs screech as everyone gets to their feet. I throw out the garbage on my plate and deposit it in the bin. I pause for a moment, unsure what to do with myself. I decide to do what I always do when I feel out of place and head down the hall to the bathroom. I lock myself in a stall and sit down on the toilet, heart pounding with the effort of carrying me that distance. I’m proud of myself. I faced a food I used to have no control with and came out on top. I am strong. My stomach grumbles with approval.

I hear the bathroom door open but don’t think anything of it until someone raps on my stall door.

“Um… occupied,” I say.

“I know,” That’s CJ’s voice. “I’m just telling you you’re supposed to have a bathroom buddy when you’re on green level. Especially after meals.”

I stare at the figure visible in the crack between the stall door and the wall.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I say.

There’s a silence in which I expect her to leave but she lingers. I think she’s waiting for me so I don’t get in trouble. That’s nice of her, I guess. I see her weight shifting in the crack.

“Can you... “ she says finally, “ can you not tell anyone at school I’m here?”

I’m so shocked I almost forget to breath. I stand up so fast my head spins and threatens to pull me to the ground as I unlatch the door to look at her.

“Who would I tell?” I ask with the most sincerity I’ve had since I got here.

She stares at me, blue eyes pleading. I sigh.

“Yeah, I won’t say anything. I promise.”

The fact that CJ Green views me as a threat to her reputation is the weirdest thing ever. It’s like  an elephant running down the streets of New York; not exactly something you see every day. CJ exhales heavily and nods. Then, she forces a smile.

“Are you PHP?”

Clearly someone’s uncomfortable with silence.

“Am I what?”

“Partial Hospitalization Program. Are you here all day or just at  night?”

“Oh. Just at night. They wanted me in the full day but my mom thought I’d be more receptive to treatment if I could still have a life outside of it.”

“Makes sense,” CJ says with a nod. “I’d kill to go back to school.”

Yeah, that’s weird. Who would prefer high school over anything? A silence falls and I move over to the mirror and fix my braids just for an excuse to stop looking at her. CJ clears her throat.

“I should get to group,” she says.

“Okay.”

She leaves. Wow, she’s awkward for a popular chick. I count to a hundred before leaving the room to ensure I won’t run into CJ again. I’m not sure where I’m supposed to be now so I flop down on a couch in the lounge and pull out my phone. I only have it for today, of course. Once I’m in program proper, I’ll have to turn it in during check in.

“Ameliana?”

I look up. A woman in a pantsuit stands over me with a bright smile on her face. Seriously, why is everyone here so smiley? She holds out her hand.

“I’m Dr. Baker. I’ll be your primary therapist.”

I stand up and slip my phone in my back pocket to shake her hand.

“Let’s head back. My office is right down here.”

She leads me to a small windowless room lined with diplomas. She sits in an armchair and gestures to the lumpy couch across from her. This is familiar in the worst way. I take a seat and cross my legs, looking anywhere but the shrink.

“How are you doing?” The doctor--I’ve already forgotten her name--asks.

“Fine.”

She must know I’m lying because she says “I know this isn’t where you want to be. It’s overwhelming at first.”

I stare at the bookshelf to her left, silent. I wonder if she’s actually read all those books or if she just displays them to look professional. Are there shrink office guidelines?

“You seem hesitant,” Dr. Whatever says.

“I glance at her for a moment before moving my gaze back to her black pumps.

“I don’t like shrinks.”

“Really?” she says with mild interest. “Why’s that?”

I exhale and look at the ceiling.

“Because nothing can be simple with you. You’re always making these huge leaps and everything I say gets twisted around into something else. I can't just be quiet; I have to be depressed. I can’t be mad; it has to be some rare mental illness. You can’t take anything I say for what it is.”

I glance back at the doc. She appraises me curiously, like I’m a diamond ring she’s only mildly interested in buying. I look at the floor.

“Do you have a lot of experience with therapists?” she asks.

“A ton. Which you know because you read my file.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see doc nod.

“I did read your file, yes.”

“Then it should be clear to you how much I don’t want to be here.”

“That has been relayed to me.”

Another silence falls and I count the purple dots on the carpet.

“This is an empowerment program, Ameliana. You can leave at any time. I wonder why you’re here if you truly don’t want to be.”

“My mom’s blackmailing me,” I say to the floor. “I’m still underage so she can force me into inpatient if she wants to. She just knows programs like this have better success rates.”

My hand goes to fiddle with the locket around my neck. I can feel Doc’s eyes on me but I don’t look up.

“Why do you think your mother wants you here so badly?” she asks, finally breaking the silence.

“Because god forbid I have my own thoughts.”

“Can you expand on that?”

I think about this for a moment.

“She doesn’t see me,” I say, still playing with my locket. “She never has. She’s never wanted to let me be myself and I’m sick of it.”

Doc ponders that.

“What I’m hearing,” she says slowly, “is your mother is overprotective. Is that accurate?”

“Extremely.”

“Why do you think that is?”

I look down at my locket, tracing the words scrawled across it in fancy cursive. Lil Sis.

“I think we both know why that is.”

The silence that falls over the office is different than the other ones, heavier. There is an elephant in the room, two ghosts sitting right on the desk next to us on either side of me that neither of us can look at. I stare at my locket, trying hard not to think about the day I got it, what she wants me to remember.

“Do you want to tell me more about that?” She asks finally.

“No.”

In my peripheral vision, I see her cock her head to the side.

“You know, it will be difficult for me to help you if you don’t talk to me, Ameliana.”

I scoff.

“Like I said, I don’t like shrinks and I don’t need help.

I feel her staring at me.

“Well, let’s put a pin in that,” she says. “We’re about out of time. Is there anything else before we wind down?”

I glance up at her.

“Are you gonna tell my mom I’m not talking?”

“Legally, I can’t tell your mother anything unless I have reason to believe you’ll hurt yourself or someone else. However, I must warn you, your insurance pays close attention to patients who don’t seem to be making an effort. If they don’t think we’re helping you, they’ll drop your coverage, which may indicate to your mother that you need a higher level of care.”

Perfect. Another thing to worry about. I take a deep breath and remind myself Mama can only force me to do this for a few more months. Just until my birthday. I just have to last until my birthday. Then I can do what I want.

Doc excuses me to the patient lounge. The rest of the evening is spent avoiding giving my life story to the rest of my team. My psychiatrist, a balding man with a pot belly, says he’ll probably put me on an antidepressant. As if I would take it. Those things cause weight gain. My dietician asks a bunch of questions about my food preferences and allergies. I consider lying about being vegan but I’m sure I won’t get away with it and it’s not worth the consequences if I’m caught. Mercifully, at 9 PM, they let me go back to the patient lounge where everyone else is waiting to check out. I spot CJ on a sofa, staring at her hands.

We go around the circle answering dumb questions about the day and expected evening: Milestone for the day, potential for using behaviors from 1 to 10, three goals we have for the night, and a mantra we can repeat to ourselves if we’re struggling. I scroll through Instagram until it’s my turn.

“Milestone will be leaving,” I say barely looking up from Lady Gaga’s latest update. “Potential is a ten. Goals for tonight are to do homework, text my boyfriend and sleep. My mantra is just a few months.”

“What can you do to limit some of that potential tonight?” the therapist leading checkout asks.

“Nothing I’m willing to try.”

I glance up from my phone. She looks almost like she pities me. Whatever. I know what I’m doing.

My phone buzzes and I look back down at the scree.

New Text from Josh <3

I click the message and read.

How’d it go?

I type a reply.

Totally pointless. Just a bunch of skinny bitches who think they’re sick. Please.

The “...” appears, disappears, and reappears  as Josh considers his reply. I know he doesn't really know what to say. If I’m honest, he almost never knows what to say to me anymore. Things haven’t been great between us lately. I’m not really sure why. I know the whole purging thing makes him uncomfortable but he can’t pretend he doesn’t want me to keep losing weight. We’ve been in the same class since fourth grade and he never even glanced at me before I started shrinking. When we first got together, he knew I wanted to lose more weight and he was so proud of me for it, kept offering me tips and tricks until he caught me purging at my uncle’s fourth of July barbeque. Like, I get it weirds him out but it takes discipline to be thin. He should know that. He’s on the wrestling team. I’m not sorry about how I’m doing it.  I’m just sorry I’m in this stupid program now, with even less time to spend with him.

Checkout ends and we’re dismissed. I head down the hallway and push the call button on the elevator. As I’m waiting, I catch sight of CJ in the corner, talking in hushed tones to a general therapist. I want to eavesdrop but can’t figure out a way to do it subtly so, when it arrives, I get in the elevator and ride down to the lobby.

Mama is waiting for me when I get outside. I get in the car and check my phone to find Josh’s reply.

It wouldn’t kill you to try.

I scoff and slam the door shut.

“Gentle with the car please,” says Mama.

I ignore her to type out a reply to Josh.

I wish it would.

I can see he’s read the message but he’s not typing a reply.

“How’d it go?” Mama asks as we pull out of the parking lot.

“Stupid,” I say.

We pull onto the main road and start speeding toward home.

“Ameliana,” Mama says wearily, “you’re in this program of your own free will--”

“No I’m not. I’m not and you know I’m not so can everyone please stop saying that?”

“You made the choice to give this program a try,” Mama says, voice rising. “And if you’re not going to try, I’ll find an inpatient program for you right now.”

There she is. My manipulative, controlling mother. Overprotective, my ass. She just wants me to do what everything she says.

“Fine,” I say, turning to look out the window. There’s no point in arguing. There’s no reasoning with this woman.

We get home and I walk stiffly through the kitchen. The smell of mama’s dinner, chicken and potatoes I’m guessing, lingers in the air. My stomach groans but I ignore it and head down the hall to my room. Discipline, discipline, discipline. Resist or Regret.

I sit down in my desk chair and hold my hands in front of my face, watching them tremble with pride. I love shaking. I love feeling dizzy when I move too fast. I love the way my heart pounds with the simplest task. I made it the whole day. Still empty, still pure. I’d jump for joy if not for the fact my mother would hear it and bust me for exercising.  Instead, I lower myself to the ground and start a set of sit ups. My stomach screams at me, still sore from yesterday, but I don’t care. The pain means it’s working. The room spinning means it’s working.

There’s nothing in the world more important to me than losing weight. I think of CJ Green and move faster. As if you can get a body like that with simple diet and exercise. It takes work, hard, painful work. And if she can do it, if she can get so close to perfection, so can I. I’ll do anything to be like her.

My stomach growls again and I stop to punch it. Stop whining, body. It’s your fault. If you looked like CJ Green, I wouldn’t have to do any of this. You did this to yourself. I lay back on my floor, breathing heavily and recite my real mantras.

Resist or Regret

You get what you work for, not what you wish for

Coffee, water, and cigarettes, that’s what pretty girls are made of

Hunger is a gift.