#and mcr and green day in top 5 it's like I'm 13 again

[ohgirlieplease]

It's that time of the year again 🤡

[meowtalhead]

How to Make an Orange White Chocolate Mac and Cheese Cake

Ingredients:

For the Cake

-flour

-sugar

-white chocolate chips

-water

-buttermilk

-I'm like 60% sure there's some oil in it

-wait never mind no there isn't

-three eggs

For the White Chocolate Mousse

-heavy whipping cream

-NOT regular half and half cream

-powdered sugar

-more water and white chocolate

For the Mac and Cheese

-my top secret recipe shall not be revealed here

-whatever your own mac and cheese recipe is, make that instead

-I apologize for the inconvenience

General/other stuff

-three oranges but you'll only use one

-orange marmalade

-even more water and white chocolate

Step 1: Sometimes someone will tell you that cheddar cheese and chocolate never mix in any context no matter what and just won't taste good together, ever. Disagree, and hold onto this grudge for roughly half a year until you're home from college and it's the middle of summer. Invite over friends 1, 2, and 3. They deserve the chance to see this absolute disaster in motion.

Step 2: go on a nice little adventure to your local grocery store to buy the ingredients with friends one and two! Friend 3 apparently isn't getting here until late, and will most likely arrive with a large bag of doritos and/or some video games

Step 3: make the mac and cheese, throw some orange zest in it

Step 4: time to make the cake! Flour, sugar, white chocolate chips, wa- SHIT! you're supposed to MELT the white chocolate into the water and THEN mix it in! Brother pauses video games specifically to come into the kitchen and make fun of you for this.

Step 5: Brother watches in amusement as you pick each individual white chocolate chip out of the mixture with your hands. He waits a full five minutes before spontaneously getting mad at you for not using a strainer or something. You're certainly not going to use a strainer now because you've committed to this slow, careful chocolate removal process already!

Step 6: melt the white chocolate in the water. Actually that doesn't look like enough. Melt MORE white chocolate into it. Hmm. Fuck it. Melt as much chocolate into the water as possible and dump the rest of the white chocolate chips into the batter, ignoring your brother's protests! This is a good idea. Friend 1 seems anxious. Friend 2 is amused.

Step 6: add the buttermilk. Hmm. Never used buttermilk in anything before. It sounds nice. It has the words butter and milk in it. It probably tastes like heavy cream but more buttery, or a buttery melted vanilla ice cream. It's in pancakes and waffles and stuff like that. Drink some buttermilk. Just to know what it tastes like. It must be really good.

Step 7: spend roughly 2 minutes making noises like a cat choking on plastic as friend 2 laughs hysterically and brother makes a big deal of "I told you so" and "I'm better at baking cakes than you"

Step 8: shout "FUCK THIS, I'M GONNA PUT THREE EGGS IN IT!" much to the amusement of friend 2. Realize you're out of eggs because your brother ate the last few yesterday.

Step 9: friend 3 shows up right as you and friends 1 and 2 are about to go back to the store and buy some eggs. Friend 3 notices your mom's soda stream and opts to sit out of the grocery store adventure in favor of finding out how many liquids in your house can be carbonated, with help from your brother of course. The two should never be left together unsupervised, but you need eggs, and it will probably be fine.

Step 10: go off to buy the eggs! Friend 1, who can drive and has good music taste, puts on a mix of various punk and metal bands. Mostly MCR, Green Day, and Beartooth.

Step 11: return with the eggs. Fortunately, the soda stream ran out of carbon before friend 3 and brother could carbonate the maple syrup or the tomato sauce. Unfortunately, there is now milk everywhere. The two of them clean up the milk.

Step 12: put the eggs in the batter and mix it together! Taste the batter. Needs more chocolate. Dump half the second package of chocolate chips into it.

Step 13: put so much orange zest in the batter that friend 1 goes from anxious to fearful, warning you that a little zest goes a long way. Then divide it into two pans and put it in the oven.

Step 14: turn around and witness your brother trying to see how many pretzel sticks he can shove into friend 3's mouth. Warn them that what they're doing is a choking hazard. Friend 3 tries to insist he's okay, but his words are unintelligible. Tell him again to remove the pretzels. He bites through them like a snapping turtle biting somebody's finger off and goes "see, I told you I was okay!" This sends a cascade of crumbs and pretzel halves all over the couch. Friend 2 wakes up from a nap on the nearby reclining chair just long enough to laugh at this before immediately falling back asleep.

Step 15: layer the cake and the mac and cheese. Not like that. Oh no. The cake is gonna be a little lumpy now but that's ok because it will still taste good!

Step 16: time to start the mousse! First whip some heavy cream until it has stiff peaks. We don't have heavy cream. First whip the half and half cream until it has stiff peaks!

Step 17: contemplate the effect your poor planning skills may have on other areas of your life.

Step 18: calmly and wordlessly pour the half and half cream from the bowl into a coffee mug, then drink the whole thing like an old sea captain might down a large glass of whiskey to temporarily forget the sinking of his beloved ship.

Step 19: grocery store adventure part 3

Step 20: whip the half and half cream, add the sugar, melt some white chocolate, and- FUCK!!! This isn't a mousse at all! You were supposed to let the chocolate cool first. Now the cream is all curdled and watery! It looks like a bad whipped cream soup! Well, it still tastes good. So it's going on top of the cake anyway.

Step 21: melt some orange marmalade and white chocolate together to create a glaze to go on top. A glaze which will apparently melt the not-mousse, producing a sweet, sticky ring of disgusting looking foamy liquid around the base of the cake. It's completely fine though! Just looks like Halloween when you carve a pumpkin and the slimy pumpkin guts get everywhere.

Step 22: whoa! This cake is actually really good! And now you know what NOT to do next time around! Everyone takes a slice, except for the ever-disapproving brother who refuses to believe it can possibly taste good.

Enjoy!

Note: it is not recommended to leave the cake unattended for any longer than 12 hours. Dads will eat anything and everything they find in the kitchen