#and maybe work on projects i've had in mind like gatdamn
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#i've been reading webtoons and i've been inspired to draw more#the last few weeks have been long as hell. but i hope i can get a routine down and find time for all teh things i want#and maybe work on projects i've had in mind like gatdamn#the way to success is starting offwith a bunch of failures and its a shame im so afraid of failure that i dont start anything#i need to just go for it....but its a lot of mental power to do more than wake up in the morning#and i still end up rushing to workk phshd#so instead of starting with a webtoon with an actual plot and flow i'll try for makingmore silly comics again#you see how i always went for making bigger storylines and dramatic comics#but i chicken out because man my art sucks bruh#i feel i need more encouragement from somewhere but not from the outside#its gotta be inside me and i was hoping all hte medicine i've been taking would help unlock my confidence#unlock my self esteem and let them tell me i can do it and open the other door of believing it#i have so many ideas i'm too afraid to put to paper nowadays. i miss when i made feh comics i tried to upload like 2 times a week#i made friends and interacted with yall. but now im trying so hard to detach from folks because just how awful people can be#i havent made new friends since feh. i havent grown since then. i want to be something. i had aspirations#but im locked up. physically mentally environmentally aspirationally. for years. since middle school#i made so many comics back then. had many ideas. wrote out story ideas with friends. dreamed of becoming an animator#wanting to make webcomics. selling merch at conventions. becoming a freelance artist. work as a children's book illustrator#dreams that i still holding onto and clutching it towards my chest as i'm crying. im still alive yet i havent done any of that#i think i never strived for my dreams because how every year i wanted to be unalive. and every new dream came out to tell me#hey if you stay alive you could be this. i'm almost 25. i lived over a decade longer than i wanted to because i still i have time#i can accomplish one of these and i know i have the potential to be one of these things. i know inside i can even do them all#but i dont have the support. i dont have the mind or the body to be these things.#i'll stay alive year after year coming up with goals and then not going for them.#ooh i want to make a game. ooh i want to make a tv show. ohh i want to be a baker.#im going to keep forcing myself to stay alive by coming up with goals to strive for but never follow through#and its going to keep accumulating until i truly die with nothing to show for it. a room full of WIPs and lists and sketches and drafts#yeesh didnt expect to go on a rant. went off on a tangent there *wipes away a tear*#anyways. cammy likes to transform into random things just to show off they know how to. cammypus is still a work in progress#but cammy figured out how to break the fourth wall. to becaome a loading screen advicce fairy and speechbubbles
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