#and maybe someone else if that's possible which I doubt in this instance

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

I am extremely sad and miserable and angry today, and I want to do something stupid, but I almost certainly won't, because I think I am mature enough now not to do something stupid, but I can't tell you enough how much I hate it. God I hate it. I hate life. I hate being alive. I wish I had never lived. Where is it all even going? Nothing could possibly be worth this. God damn it.

[district4loading]

The CEO (WLW)

Twice Sana!Dom x Female Reader!Sub

6K Words

Content Warning: smut, some angst cause why not, a bit of an age gap, mentions of cheating, fingering, oral, strap

Minors DNI

A/N: There aren’t many times where I can see Sana being dominant but goddamn when I saw these pictures I doubted myself.

I started writing this last night and just finished today (It's 10 in the morning). I hope you bottoms enjoy!!!

Anon - "i know you said in your intro your mainly going to write bottom sana… but any plans of a top sana fic soon for the girlies >< love ur writing btw!"

-

Maybe this was like you

-

"How the hell did I end up here?"

That's what you ask yourself as you stare at the ceiling in this unfamiliar bedroom. You're on the bed half naked and there's this breeze coming from the vents that's got goosebumps forming on your arms. You contemplate getting up and putting your dress back on. It's frankly too expensive to be on the floor anyways, no matter how clean the porcelain tiles are.

But you stay there, trying—then giving up in the same instance—to hear what's being said on the other side of the door. Everything was going fine, she was kissing you and touching you everywhere you needed her to. Until her phone rang, then she muttered "I have to take this" and left you, in your panties in her enormous bed. Seriously, no single person needs a bed this huge.

Well, that's what materialism does to you.

You start to blame yourself, regretting coming here in the first place. It's the fact that you're a college student, the fact that she's got maybe eight years on you. Oh yeah, and maybe also the fact that you're her intern. Well more specifically an intern at the company she runs.

As an arts and design major, internships mattered. So why not apply for an internship at one of the most popular fashion brands in the country? That was your thought process. In the competitive field, among all the other applicants you were chosen for the position. Two weeks later you met the CEO Minatozaki Sana who you never thought could be so attractive in every way possible. Every time you saw her around--which wasn't much--she'd make your knees go weak with only a glance.

How'd you end up in her bed? You don't exactly know. Well, it was maybe six in the afternoon when you were heading out of the office. Then she stopped you and randomly asked if you'd like to get drinks and of course you agreed. Next thing you knew, you're in her penthouse and she's unzipping your dress.

Now you're starting to get frustrated and you sit up, wondering if she forgot that she had someone waiting for her. That's when you actually get a look at the view outside, through the floor to ceiling windows. "Damn" You mutter, actually getting up from the bed to look at the lights.

Because what else were you gonna do? Leave?

Then after what felt like a millennia, you hear the door open up behind you. "I'm sorry, it was really important..." She trails off, noticing how you've migrated from the bed "Enjoying the view I see" She puts her hands in her pockets and you turn around just in time to see it.

You mean to give her a nasty look because you're upset with her for making you wait so long. However, the moment you open your mouth the words get stuck in your throat almost immediately when you see her. She's got on the same thing she's had on all day, this all black Prada outfit and somehow you're still starstruck about how good it fits her.

She comes closer and gets her hands on your waist like they're meant to be there "Now, where were we?" she asks, dipping her head down to your neck and kissing the skin softly. In the time you were waiting, you nearly forgot how good her lips felt on your body. A soft moan slips from your mouth and you already need more.

This is so not like you, opening your legs for some CEO who'll probably kick you out in the morning. But somehow, you just can't resist her. You pull her body closer to you and you allow her to lead you to the bed. Now you're on you're back again and she's on top of you. "Did.. mm did you turn your phone off?" You ask between heavy breaths and whines, because she's sucking on your neck so hard she'll definitely leave a mark and it feels so good.

"Yeah" She pulls away and nods, looking into your eyes. Your hands gravitate to her face and you begin to feel her soft cheeks, you still can't believe she's real. You pull her down, in an attempt to put her lips on yours but she turns away before any of that could happen "I don't kiss, remember?"

You scoff and roll your eyes, having half a mind to push her over "Yeah but you'll give me hickeys, right? And you'll eat me out but kissing is too intimate i guess"

Sana sighs "If you're going to act like that then you can go" Is what she says, but she doesn't move. She stays there with her body on you, face just inches away from yours.

"Then get the fuck off of me" You try to get up but she holds you there and she gives you this look. Her eyes widen a bit and her eyebrows furrow as if she wasn't expecting you to actually challenge her. Then she scowls as she holds you still.

You swallow and you give her the same testing look but you stop squirming, figuring that you'd let her figure out what the hell she'll do next. Unexpectedly, Sana leans forward and connects your lips. It's almost embarrassing how fast you fall into it, into the butterflies and the hot feeling of it all. You kiss her back, she shoves her tongue into your mouth and you whimper when you feel her hand snaking its way down your body.

Sana chuckles into the kiss as her hand slips beneath the waistband of your panties. She breaks the kiss "Happy now?" She asks as her fingers come into contact with your arousal. The truth is, you're soaked, and you've been soaked ever since she got her phone call. So you buck your hips into her hand.

"Very happy" You respond with a broken gasp, your cheeks burning red as you feel her begin to circle your clit ever so slowly. She kisses your lips again, but it's only a short peck this time before she goes back to your neck.

She takes a deep breath in and sighs hotly into your skin, causing a chill to run down your spine "I hope you know... I don't normally do that, especially for a girl I barely know" She hums, putting more pressure and speed in her movements. Usually you'd say something clever but you can't, there couldn't possibly be anything clever that comes to your mind when all you can think about are how good her fingers would feel inside of you, rubbing against your walls and stretching your cunt as you cum over and over again.

Maybe this was like you

Instead of saying anything at all, you grab her shirt with one hand, then use the other to keep a firm grip on her wrist. It feels too good and you need to make sure she doesn't move or slow. Sana holds back a laugh as she realizes just how fucking needy you are. "Easy on the shirt, do you know how much this costs?" She mutters into your neck but you don't really care about that right now.

Sana starts rubbing up and down your slit in slow, deliberate movements and you nearly cry out in protest. That is, until you feel her long, slender finger prodding your entrance "Fuck.. please Sana" You whine, raising your hips into her hand "Please" You beg again and it actually sounds like you might sob if she's not inside of you in the next second.

"I was going to start off with one... but jesus baby you're so fucking wet for me I think you can take two" She takes your earlobe between her teeth and bites down gently, her tongue only grazing against the skin as she slides two fingers inside.

The stretch is immaculate, perfect even and her fingers fit so snug inside of you that you just might think you were made for her. "Oh my fucking god" Your jaw goes slack and your eyes squeeze shut. You can't even control it when you clench around the digits. You need them deeper. When she curls her fingers you allow a strangled sob to escape your throat cause it's been stuck there for a while and after that you start to let everything out.

She's doing it so well, like she's experienced. She's older so obviously she'd be good at this, you just weren't able to actually conceptualize it until now. You can feel your slick dripping and it's getting everywhere, seeping through the sheets and into the mattress. "Please don't stop... don't fucking - Ah!" You cry out, your hand still firm around her wrist.

Sana lifts her head a bit, her face is right in front of you and even though your eyes are shut, you can feel her gaze on you. She's breathing out of her mouth and before you know it, her lips are on yours again. Heat spreads throughout your body as you try your best to keep up with the kiss. The thing is, it's just too good. She's just too good. You couldn't even dream of making yourself feel this good with your own fingers.

As if she can read your mind, she begins to fuck you faster. Now you can't even kiss her back. You're just moaning into her mouth, your lips parted as she licks and kisses all over them. Soon enough she pulls away and kisses your cheek "You're falling apart baby, I wish you could see how pretty you look right now." She stops for a moment, then all you can hear are the sticky sounds coming from in between your legs "God, just fucking listen to that" You already know she has that fucking smirk on her face when she says it.

For a split second you think about how your panties are still on, and how badly they're ruined right now. Then you stop caring because the praise is driving you crazy. You know she must say this shit to every other girl she fucks, it's so obvious but you can't help but feel special when she says it to you. "I.. can't fucking.. believe.." You choke the words out like you've forgotten how to speak. You're a thousand degrees and Sana's making everything even hotter.

You don't know why, but you decide to open your eyes and the sight above you only makes you want to shut them all over again. She's so hot, almost too hot right now. She stares directly into your eyes "You're going to cum aren't you" You nod frantically as your legs begin to tremble "There you go, be a good girl and cum on my fingers, darling" and her voice is so perfectly raspy when she says it. You bring your hands up, then you wrap your arms around her to pull her as close as possible. Her mouth is near your ear again and all of the feelings are too much.

"I'm so fucking close" You whine long and loud and Sana hums directly into your ear.

"Do it" She grits through her teeth and that's when you cum.

Your body arches into hers but she holds you down, her fingers still moving wildly inside of you. "Fuck!" You moan, your body shaking and shuddering on the older woman's fingers. Then you go silent, your lips still parted as the pleasureful waves continuously wash over you and your mind goes completely blank. "Fucking hell" You sputter, finally allowing your muscles to relax.

When your arms loosen around Sana's body she smiles at you and kisses your lips again "I thought you said you don't kiss?" You smile back at her.

"I don't but-"

"But what?"

"But you made a big fuss about it so I did" Sana shrugs, kissing you one more time before kneeling so she can unbutton her top.

"So do you end up kissing every girl who makes a big fuss about it?"

"I don't" She slides the garment off, then tosses it to the side as if she didn't just talk to you about pulling it too hard. "But I don't know, you're different"

"Oh, please spare me the performative b.s. I know for a fact you say that shit to every other twenty year old you fuck"

Sana flinches at your crude word choice, then unzips her pants "For your information, I don't normally do this with college students" She slides them down her slim legs and crawls between your legs. You lean upwards and allow her to unclip your bra. "They're all usually ditzy party girls who don't know how to think for themselves. That's more of a turn off than anything"

"So what about me turned you on, Sana?"

"I've been watching you since you started working with the company. You're smart, opinionated, driven... and sexy. I like how you you're always on time, how you make yourself presentable no matter what, how you know what you're doing. You know what? I'd bet my net worth that you haven't been to a party in months" She reads you like a book, and the only thing you can think of is how sexy her voice sounds while she does it. "You're different, Y/n"

You know it's probably an act, you know she's just saying it to get you attached. But goddamn it, her voice sounds so genuine, so real, so attractive that you start actually believing it. She begins to kiss your body, down your neck, between your breasts and suddenly she's between your legs. You open them for her and she holds each one, looking into your eyes as she kisses your thighs. She leaves marks, sucking and kissing on your flesh and it's obvious that she wants you to beg.

So you do.

"Sana.. please"

She smirks, then hums as if she doesn't know that you want her face buried in between your legs right now. "Want your mouth"

Sana slowly moves closer to your center and she sticks her tongue out. Then she nudges her head just a bit further and you can feel the muscle sliding up and down your slit. You bite your lip to stop yourself from moaning too loudly as her grip on your thighs tighten. It's a bit painful, the way her fingernails are digging into your skin but it turns you on. Only because her marks are going to stay there and in the morning, you'll be reminded of this moment when you see them.

"I'll admit, the first time I saw you, I couldn't wait till I could get my mouth on you" She mutters, then purses her lips to leave small kisses on your clit. "You taste just like I thought you would"

Your legs tremble a little, it's far too much. Her words and her plump lips are doing wonders for you right now. The hot pleasure almost taking your breath away. With a small whimper you say "please" cause you need more. You need her sucking and licking until you're falling apart all over again on her tongue.

"So impatient" She makes a 'tsk' noise with her mouth before taking your clit between her lips. She sucks, moving her jaw in an up and down motion and your vision goes blurry. You gasp and you reach your hand down to run them through her silky brown hair.

"Fuck - how are you so... fucking.. good" You whine, your hips begin to squirm. The pleasure is so overwhelming, but you're raising your hips and you're pushing her head down. You don't want her to move, she can't, not when she has you like this. So you keep her there the best you can. "please please please please please" You chant it like you're casting some sort of spell.

Then Sana fucking giggles, and you feel it. It's like a vibration that sends a shock through your veins and your reactive body shudders in response.

She keeps it up, using her mouth in ways you never knew were possible. Then your body's heating up again, faster this time as beads of sweat start to form on your forehead. You're completely flushed at this point and it's embarrassing but that doesn't matter because if she keeps this up you might actually..

Sana stops, allowing her tongue to lap up your wetness for a moment before she lowers her head. You're breathing heavily at this point, you were right at the edge and she just stopped. A frustrated sigh escaped your lips and you looked at her, about to ask her why she would stop and then you feel her tongue prodding your entrance.

Without warning she shoves it in and you stop breathing for a moment. "Fuck!" You choke, and Sana just tightens her grip on your thighs. She pulls you closer and gets her tongue that much deeper. It feels like absolute heaven, like you're right where you're meant to be.

She has your body fucking shaking and jerking on her tongue and she's smiling the whole time. Sana's turning you into an absolute mess and she's enjoying every single moment. Every single flick of her tongue had a specific purpose that made you see stars.

"Shit, I'm close" You warn and before you even know it, Sana's sliding herself off of the bed. "Where are you going" You sit up and there's a dazed look on your face as you try to figure it out on your own because of course she won't tell you.

You open your mouth to say something but you forget whatever it was that you were going to say when you see Sana walk out of her walk in closet with a toy in her hand. It's pink, and kind of translucent but it still makes your eyes widen.

A smile grows on your face as you watch her put it on carefully. She's deliberately being slow with it too, a smirk on her face as she tightens the straps well.

When it's finally on, Sana climbs onto the bed and in between your legs which you end up opening for her. She leans in and kisses you on your lips, nice and slow and there's nothing that feels better in this moment. Her soft lips make you feel like you're floating in space, the way it eliminates every other thought in your mind.

Then Sana buries her face in the crook of your neck, grabbing the toy with her hand to line it up. "I'll take care of you Y/n, I promise i'll have you screaming my name and cumming on this toy until you're begging me to stop" She almost growls the words into your skin, and you know she fucking means it.

"Please" Is the only word you utter before you feel the head of the dildo push past your entrance. Your eyes widen and you wrap your arms around Sana's body "Oh my fucking god" You try to moan but it comes out silent, like you've lost your voice.

She slides it in nice and slow, with gentle consideration but you're still wincing because it's fucking huge. You try to focus on your breathing and it works for a little bit, until she eases it in deeper and you forget everything. You're sure it's tearing you apart, but you can't help it when your legs wrap around her waist.

"You okay?" She raises her head and plants her fists into the mattress to hold herself up.

You swallow and nod your head, hoping she'll ignore the tears in your eyes because you've never felt so full. "I- Yeah.. just go slow please" 

The look Sana gives you is understanding and a small smile appears on her lips. She leans down and kisses you again but it's only a short peck for reassurance. Then she draws back and then rolls her hips forwards. It only goes in half way but the sound you make is nothing short of pure, raw lust. You grab onto her arms and close your eyes, digging your nails into her skin in an attempt to cope with the overwhelming stimulation.

Now she's thrusting in and out of you in a rhythm, her pace slow and steady. You appreciate that she's taking her time with you because you hadn't realized just how long it's been until now. "Look at me, princess" Sana says it softly but it's also demanding. So you do. She smiles a little "You have the prettiest eyes"

All you can really do is moan and it's embarrassing because she's telling you all the right things and now the monstrous stretch is starting to feel so good. Sana really did know how to fuck and you're already craving more. "Please.. faster" You beg, giving her the most pathetic set of pleading eyes.

She does as you say on command, fucking you faster and deeper. You feel the smooth silicone toy scrape against your walls with each movement she makes and you can feel yourself getting wetter because she's just hitting all the right spots inside.

Sana takes a moment to look down at where your bodies meet. "Look at that. You're fucking creaming for me" She announces, referring to the white ring of slick thats forming around the base of the toy. You can't see it, but you know it's a lot.

"Only for you" You say it like you've lost your goddamn mind. It's insane, this is the first time she's fucking you and the first time you've been to her place but you're already letting her claim you. It can't be good and you know it, but how are you supposed to think about that when she's eight inches deep inside of you and saying all the right things.

Then she slows down and eventually halts her movements. She repositions herself and leans upwards until she's sitting on her heels. Without pulling the toy out, Sana grabs the backs of your thighs and pushes them like she's trying to bend you in half. You're not even that flexible but she manages to get your knees to your chest. She leans over and holds herself up by your thighs. You can't help it when you squeal because the pressure hurts so fucking good.

You brace yourself as she moves her hips and it feels even better. This new angle allowed the toy to get that much deeper and it's making you feel like you wouldn't mind doing this over and over and over again with her. "You're.. fucking me.. so damn... good" You manage to say the words through your moans because you just have to let her know that she's destroying you.

As if she didn't already know that

Of course she gives you that smile and then she starts actually fucking pounding you. You don't know where all this raw force is coming from, she's a thin woman, slim arms with little muscle mass but somehow she's able to pin you down, fold you and fuck you like this. 

She's got it so fucking deep inside of you that you think you might cry. "Sana- fuck I can't- god you're so... I- please" Your breathing quickens. It's embarrassing how close she has you right now. "Fuck- if you keep.." You can't even finish your sentence, that's how bad she's wrecking you right now.

Sana gets the message, chuckling lowly at your struggles as she continues to fuck the shit out of you. You can hear how sloppy it is, that distinct sticky wet noise that's loud in your ears. It tells you just how wet and fucked up she's got you, it tells you that you'll probably be back at her door soon after this is over. It tells you that you might actually be hers sooner or later.

You gasp, then your hands are frantically looking for something to hold onto as your orgasm approaches hard and fast. "You're going to make me fucking cum" You warn, deciding to grab onto the duvet, because she's too far away for you to reach.

She hums and nods her head "That's right baby, cum for me again" She grunts and that's when your body begins to short circuit. She's using even more force now because your cunt is clenching tight around the girthy toy, making it harder for her to keep the same pace.

"I can't... I-" A loud moan follows your words and you finally fall off the edge. "Cumming" Is the only word you manage to say as it hits you like a truck. Your entire body trembles as she fucks you through it, never stopping her unrelenting pace. You freeze for a moment, eyes slamming shut just before everything crashes down. You begin gasping and gaping and Sana let's go of your thighs.

She spreads your legs open and falls between them, getting her lips on yours as fast as humanly possible. You're finally able to get your hands on her and your hold her close like she's gonna go away forever if you don't. You're eating each other alive, tongues dancing together as your saliva gets everywhere and the distinct flavor of your slick on her lips only adds to your arousal.

Sana breaks this kiss and gives you a smile "Again, i'm very sorry about the phone call. But I think that made up for it"

"Maybe"

Now you've got no clue what to do.

Should you leave? Should you stay? Should you ask her if she wants you to stay? You cringe at the last option.

You try to move from under her but Sana keeps you there "Stay" She asks, in such a cute voice as if she didn't just contort your body in a thousand different ways. So you stay there, and minutes pass and you wonder how long it'll be before she tells you to go. 

It takes a little while but soon she gets up and she leaves you laying there and you feel that cold breeze again. She's taking off the harness, taking her time and then you notice her gaze shift to the bedside table. "Is this yours?" She goes to pick something up.

At first you're a little confused, until you remember that you took your necklace off and put it there when she went to take her call. Now she's got the priceless item in her hand, holding it all wrong as she dangles it in front of her face. "Yeah" You get up and take it from her hands "Be careful, the clasp is broken" You say it harshly, but you don't exactly mean to.

"Sorry" She scratches the back of her head after you take it from her "Why don't you get it fixed?" She asks as she watches you struggle to put it on.

"Because the part is unique, there's only one and... it can't be fixed"

"Oh" She pauses, noticing the change in your relaxed demeanor. Something about you is colder and more tense. She tilts her head "So why don't you just get a new one... I'm sure there are nicer necklaces that-"

"It was a gift from my grandma, this was the last gift she gave me before she.." You can't even bring yourself to say the words as you absentmindedly hold the pendant between your fingers. It brings you comfort. "Sorry for ruining the mood" You sigh, trying to stop yourself from tearing up. Not here, in front of this woman who probably didn't give a fuck about you.

Sana sits next to you on the bed and she touches your thigh "No, don't be sorry. I was curious" You sniffle and nod your head. When you turn to look into her eyes, they look so gentle, so considerate in all the right ways. Maybe it's because you're in a vulnerable position right now or it's cause you just slept with her, but when she asks if you want to stay the night you don't even hesitate to say yes.

What have I gotten myself into now?

-

"Hey, Y/n? You're wanted in Miss Minatozaki's room" Your mentor, Jihyo pulls you aside. You try your best not to wince, keeping secrets was never your thing. Either way, you manage to hum and nod, hoping that she'd walk off but she doesn't "Hey wait, listen you know how she's the CEO of the company and everything right? I feel like she's taken more of an interest to you more than any other intern i've trained. You should definitely build off of her interest in you, show her that you'd be an asset to the company and hey maybe she could get you a comfy position here if you'd like to come back. Or if not, she can put in a good word so your job search goes well after you graduate"

You smile politely. 'Never in a million years' is what you want to say but instead you settle on "I'll be sure to do that"

It's your last week interning for the company and you're happy for that, happy to never have to step foot in this building again and hopefully never see Sana's face again. But you still have to answer to her so you decide to make it quick, taking the elevator to the 60th floor because of course her office is on the top floor.

You take a deep breath before opening the door to step inside. Sana looks up at you from her computer as you close the door behind you. "You know it's really low of you to get my mentor to send me up here to you" You cross your arms and you decide not to sit down, you didn't want to get yourself comfortable with her. Not again.

"Well how else am I supposed to get your attention if you've got me blocked on everything?"

"You're not supposed to. That's why I blocked you, because I don't want your attention" You can't help but lose your temper in front of her. It's crazy how she brings out the absolute worst in you.

Sana just sighs, "Look, you need to stop being so fucking childish and talk to me like an adult" You're at a loss for words, you genuinely cannot believe that you just heard her right. Your eye twitches just a bit and you begin to laugh "Y/n" She calls you, and she's serious about it too, but you can't help the giggles that escape your lips "Y/n" she says your name again sternly.

"I'm sorry" You begin to gain control of yourself "It's just funny to hear the cheater call me childish"

"You really don't have to be so loud"

After the first night you spent with Sana, you started doing things like that casually. Whether it was sneaking around the office or showing up to her place, you always found a way to hook up. Then it became something deeper and more romantic when she started buying you gifts, bringing you flowers and taking you out on dates. Sleeping over became a norm in your relationship and after maybe six weeks she was practically begging for you to get serious.

So despite everything in your living being telling you not to, you decided to try it out. The gifts were nice and so were the dates and not to mention all of the kisses and hugs. You had already fallen for her by then and in the blink of an eye everything shattered when you caught her with her assistant. You didn't stay for an explanation, shit you really didn't need to. The gross ass make out session they were having said enough.

So much for "I don't kiss"

You really beat yourself up over it, shit you were still in the process of beating yourself up over it. The wound was still fresh because it'd only been two weeks since. You should've known she was full of shit.

"Oh really? Which one do you think people would be more concerned about? The fact that you've been fucking the intern or the fact that you've been fucking your assistant?" You say it louder on purpose just to piss her off and Sana only huffs at you "Why did you call me up here?" You get straight to the point, because you didn't like for your time to be wasted.

"I want you to give me another chance"

You stare at each other for a few seconds and you almost laugh out loud again because she can't be serious right?

"No. Give me one good reason why I should?"

"Because I got you this" She opens a drawer in her desk and pulls something out, placing it on top of the wood and sliding it forward.

"Sana, you can't win me over with gifts. It's so disrespectful that you think i'm so easy-"

"Just, open it"

You walk over to her desk, sitting down in a chair as you unwrap the present-like box. "What the hell" You mutter as you go to open the box, there's a necklace in it but something about it is familiar. "Is this.." You gasp then put your hand over your mouth as you look at Sana "You got it fixed? I.. how? The part was one of a kind.." You glance back at the clasp, it looks brand new.

"I had some connections and you seemed really bummed about it, so I took it and I wanted to surprise you but then.." Sana suddenly feels uneasy about finishing the sentence. Your eyes begin to well up with tears as you gently pick up the necklace from the box.

Then she starts her apology "I'm really sorry about everything.. If it makes you feel any better I didn't actually fuck her- well I used to before we made things official but not after that! I swear you just walked in at a really bad time and she kissed me and I didn't push her away immediately but I promise we wouldn't have done anything else.. I was just being dumb"

She stumbles over her words in an attempt to make things better, to at least gain your forgiveness if not your trust. You couldn't even bring yourself to take your eyes off of the necklace, and you barely hear anything she's said but something in your heart softens for her. You wipe your tears and sniffle "Thank you so much" Is all you manage to say before you begin to break down.

Sana finally gets up, she wraps her arms around you and it feels so right. Now what are you supposed to do? Tell her to go fuck herself after she's done this? You can't bring yourself to even push her off of you, on the contrary you actually pull her closer. It takes a while, but she pulls away from the hug and you already miss it. "Sana.. I, I need time to think about everything"

You stand up, and put the box with the necklace in it on the table "Wait, at least take the necklace. It's yours"

Figuring there was no harm in it, you take the necklace and with that you walk out of the door.

To keep things short, it's probably the worst decision you've ever made.

[kazelvr]

₊˚ෆˎˊ˗ everyone adores you, at least i do.

synopsis. cell 13 relationship hcs (separately).

content contains. gender neutral reader! building 5 arc mentioned. multiple hajime mentions (jumpscare) not proofread!

mei’s note. wrote this for all the nanbaka enjoyers, i also need nanbaka mutuals 2bhonest :,).

jyugo (ジューゴ)

jyugo is definitely something when it comes to relationships! he’s been behind bars his whole life, how is he supposed to know how to show his affection?

so, he gets advice! almost everyday he can be found next to uno, seeking relationship advice tips on how to show his love for you. although the advice he receives isn’t the most useful, he still makes an effort. however, there was one instance where he turned to hajime for advice, and lets just say it didn’t turn out so well.

jyugo is your #1 protector, always looking out for you just in case anything happens to you. in the building five arc, he keeps a watchful eye on you, never letting you stray too far from his side. his grip on you is firm, seeking solace in your presence.

cell thirteen freaks the FUCK out when they hear about jyugo having a partner. literally, how could someone like him possibly pull someone as cute as you?

like i said earlier, jyugo struggles to express his love for you. his attempts are often clumsy and timid, leaving him embarrassed even at the mere utterance of “i love you” coming from his lips. but, don’t get the wrong idea about his lack of affection. he adores you deeply, please be patient with him!

he loves to show off his jail breaking skills to you, only to be caught by hajime 10 minutes later. and then you have to witness your poor boyfriend get yelled at for trying to escape. at least you’re there to comfort him and praise his skills, which makes this all worth it in the end.

he never. stops. talking. about. you. never. it’s painfully obvious he’s head over heels for you. even before you two started dating, he was talking about you as if he was your biggest fan. which, he is. but he doesn’t want you to know that.

if you’re a criminal and you belong in a different cell/building, trust me, jyugo would be sneaking out of his cell all the time to visit you. it gets so bad that you have to tell him to stop, or else hajime would literally kill him with his fists.

if you are in the same cell as him, jyugo likes to play with your hair while you’re sleeping. the sensation of his fingertips running through the strands relaxes him, especially when it’s late at night when he’s stuck in his cell. he could escape if he wanted to, but now he doesn’t because he wants to spend time with you. it’s also a way of showing his affection for you without getting embarrassed because he knows you’re sleeping. if you wake up and catch him, he’ll pretend that nothing ever happened.

jyugo’s heart nearly stopped when you first told him that you loved him. he knew it, of course, but hearing the words coming out of your mouth was too much for him to bear. tears sprang instantly to his eyes, and he buries his face in your shoulder, sobbing. his mind swirled with words of love he’d never heard before, words so soft and tender he couldn’t believe anything could make him feel this good. please, let him have his moment.

uno (ウノ)

you bully him for being a brit (jay kay. maybe)

loves to play cards with you! even if you don’t know how to play, he’ll teach you anyway. he even lets you win just to see the smile on your face.

uno is always with you, always holding your hand. he likes the feeling of your touch, and he will never let go—no matter what how much you tell him to.

uno let’s you do his hair, and he does yours as well. he’s all about hair care and skin care, so no doubt he’ll remind you to take care of your skin and your hair. and then, you both end up glowing together.

he likes to flirt, and if you’re someone who gets easily embarrassed, uno will be flirting with you all the time just to see your reaction. he plays with your heart strings, he plays with your head; it’s like a game to him. he’s charming in his own cocky way. it’s a part of who he is and what he does best.

but, if you flirt back with him, he’ll melt and whine. he’s the one who’s supposed to do the flirting!

uno is the epitome of a doting cuddlebug. he is constantly attached to you, whether day or night, no matter who sees. he is so head-over-heels for you, that even hajime has to physically tug or otherwise force him away from your side..

when talking to others, uno frequently brags about you in the most adorable way possible. he flexes by casually pointing at you and asserting you’re his partner, often saying things like, “that’s my partner, [name]! so lucky, right?” to everyone else in earshot. in essence, his pride runs deep, and he’s not afraid to show it.

when rejected or ignored by you, unl tends to become highly sulky and dramatic. like a child throwing a tantrum, he’ll sulk and pout, spreading misery to everyone else near him just because he was in a bad mood. he’ll go so far as to ignore you unless you apologize, although his bad mood rarely lasts for too long. no more than an hour later, you’ll find uno clinging to your side once more, as if none of it ever happened.

uno’s self-proclaimed as a ‘pretty boy’ is a fact. nonetheless, he’ll still be a blushing, embarrassed mess whenever you acknowledge it, especially if you tease him about it. he’ll nervously scratch the back of his neck, his cheeks a bright shade of red, trying to come up with a reply that doesn’t make him sound like a giddy schoolgirl — but failing miserably.

nico (ニコ)

nico is always recommending manga to you, based on what you’ll like— and he’s usually spot on due to his vast experience. if you’re an anime lover as well, he would be more than happy to chat with you about it, and will probably end up introducing you to his favorite series.

nico is utterly relentless when it comes to showering you with affection, always sparing no opportunity to tell you how much he cares. everyone else in cell thirteen has seen it all before— the constant showering with kisses and hugs, the endless compliments and praise, the clear unashamed adulation.

but to nico, it doesn’t matter if others see it or not, because he wants you to know how much he loves you, and he wants to make it known to you, right here, right now, however he can. it’s quite sweet, really.

playing video games with him is special to nico, especially since it’s you he’s playing with. he considers you to be his favorite person ever, and wants to do everything with you, which includes playing video games. however, nico can get a bit competitive at times. but, don’t worry. if you end up losing a round, he’ll feel bad and let you win all the other rounds after that, just to lift your spirits and make you feel better.

if you’re not one for talking, nico would be more than happy to fill the silence by yapping your ear off about anything that comes to his mind. and you would sit there, listening patiently each time, never judging him for wanting to share his thoughts and interests with you. having someone who is always willing to hear him out really, really means a lot to nico!

nico seems to have a sixth sense for whenever you’re feeling down, ashes constantly checking up on you. whether you’re feeling sad, stressed, or just plain tired, nico will do whatever it takes to cheer you up. he would take you to nanba’s arcade, put on a comedy anime for both of you to watch, or even simply cuddle with you the whole day if that’s what you want. despite his childish demeanor, nico is understanding and sympathetic, always willing to listen to you vent about your problems, while gently holding you close and doing his utmost to comfort you and make you feel better.

rock (ロック)

food dates food dates food dates! although, nanba prison is probably not the most ideal setting for a food date — but your boyfriend still manages to make it work somehow. he’ll beg shiro for the most delicious meal he can offer, and in a heartbeat, you’ll be presented with a ten-tier cake.

rock loves having you on his back while he does push-ups, that’s it. no specific reason.

if anyone even so much breathes a word of disrespect in your direction, rock would go ballistic. without a moment’s hesitation and without any words exchanged, rock would proceed to throw hands, until the person who dared disrespect his beloved had a broken nose and a busted jaw.

while rock may appear brash and impulsive on the outside, he’s nothing more than a big sweethart who would do anything and everything for you. hell, he’ll even go so far as to share his meal with you. he’s got a very obvious soft slot for you, but he’s rather not say that out loud.

another cuddlebug! sure, his loud snoring may keep you up at night, but he’s your boyfriend, and it doesn’t really bother you, after all. the security that comes from rock’s big, muscular arms wrapping around you tightly is worth it. his cuddles are like a warm blanket, making you feel safe. sometimes, they can be so tight you can barely move— no complaints there from you, though. the warmth and comfort rock brings us more than worth it.

rock always asks you to watch him fight, regardless of whether he wins or loses. he doesn’t even mind if he does lose, as long as you’re there to cheer him on and offer him words of praise afterwards. that’s one thing that makes it worthwhile, seeing that big, dumb-happy grin show up on his face after getting congratulated by you for giving it his all.

rock often finds himself comparing hand sizes with you most of the time, knowing full well that yours would be smaller than his, but he still does it anyway. maybe it’s the intimacy and close contact of putting your hands against each other, and the feeling of your soft, slender fingers running up and down his rough, calloused palm. for rock, it’s an almost comforting sensation and he often asks you if you’re willing to do it again.

many others including cell thirteen have noticed the way how rock is especially more gentle with you. how his voice mellows to a calming, relaxed state as soon as he starts talking to you, and how his gaze becomes more relaxed and gentle. it’s as if a switch has been flipped once he locks eyes with you.

the guy is just sososo in love w/you :,)

[alphajocklover]

So I just finished my 3rd year exams at university (hopefully I did well enough to make it into a 4th year and go for an Master's of science) and as soon as I get out near the crowd to celebrate a guy bumps into me and I broke my phone. I was ready to give him a piece of my mind until I saw he was pretty built, he must be on some university team for something. He felt awful apparently and he gave me his old phone as an apology. It came with this InstaJock app thing on it. I dunno what it is but I kinda wanna load it up...

Another instance of a jock giving someone a phone with InstaJock already downloaded on it. Another instance of someone doing something with InstaJock that doesn’t make any sense. I know it’s unprofessional to say something like this, but this is driving me crazy. Why would a jock give away their phone? If they wanted to turn you into a jock like them, they’d just send you the app! If they wanted to give you a new phone for real, they’d have wiped it before giving it to you. I guess it's possible they forgot, but InstaJock is super important to the users that get transformed into jocks. Even with how stupid jocks can be, I doubt they’d forget about the app that literally changed their life. So… why?

I’ve mentioned in some of my earlier Instajock posts that someone has been messing with people using this app. Using it in unconventional ways to mess with people, spreading false information about the app, and even making knock offs of the transformative app. My first thought was that it had to be The Master. Not the Doctor Who villain, to those who get that reference, but someone I introduced to you all in a recent post. He’s the creator of Instajock and the mastermind behind my Uncle’s transformation and kidnapping. He’s an incredibly powerful figure in the Transformation Community, even more than I’ve told you. Most people who know about transformations are scared to mention him, even other TF Reporters are, and most powerful people or groups who work with transformation either do business with him or stay out of his way. But… I don’t think he’s the one behind this. He likes to mess with people, play with his victims like whoever is behind this, but if he wanted to do that he could just add features to the actual InstaJock app. He had no reason to do things in such a roundabout way. Which makes me think… it’s someone else.

Whoever is doing this has an intimate knowledge of the app, so It has to be someone involved with InstaJock, someone besides The Master. Maybe someone who works for him? Even he couldn’t have programmed the entire app on his own and added in the magical elements without help. Plus he isn’t one for upkeep, so he’s probably having someone else run the site for him. They also have to be someone with a lot of nerve to mess with The Master, maybe someone who they’ve hurt personally. On top of all of that it’d also have to be someone the jocks would listen to. Maybe someone who worked on InstaJock that The Master fired, a former employee?

I can’t be sure of who's behind this yet, but I do know that whatever they’re trying to do with you isn’t good. When you press that app, you won’t just be turned into a jock like a regular InstaJock user. It has to be something… special. Something that would benefit, or would at least interest the person behind this. Maybe you’ll turn into a copy of the jock who gave you the phone, become their perfect twin? Maybe something else will happen entirely. I can’t be sure.

If it’s not too late, send me the phone immediately. I can put it somewhere safe, and I might be able to protect you from whoever's doing this. If it is too late… Well I hope you enjoy whatever happened. Being transformed against your will sucks, but being a jock can be fun, even if it isn’t your choice.

**3 stories in one day, all InstaJock? I must be on a roll! I hope you guys liked this one! There are still more mysteries and more transformations to discover! Stay tuned!**

[shiftingfawnnn]

Shifting: A Path to Self-Appreciation and Living Fully

Reality shifting is often viewed as a journey into alternate worlds, where we can escape our current reality (CR) and experience something entirely different. While this can be thrilling and exciting, there’s a deeper aspect to shifting that often goes unnoticed: how it can help us appreciate our current lives and develop a stronger sense of self-love. Shifting isn’t just about traveling to different realities; it’s about using those experiences to reflect on ourselves, grow as individuals, and learn to appreciate both the present moment and the person we are.

The Connection Between Shifting and Self-Appreciation

When you shift to a new reality, you’re often encountering different versions of yourself. These versions might be more confident, skilled, or content, reflecting the qualities you wish to embody. As you explore these versions, you may start to recognize the potential within yourself, something that can easily be overlooked in the routine of everyday life. This discovery can inspire you to appreciate who you are, both in your current reality and in the worlds you visit.

By observing the different facets of yourself in your desired reality (DR), you can begin to understand how much you already possess. You might find that you’re already as capable, resilient, or kind as you’ve always hoped. This realization allows you to be kinder to yourself and embrace the strengths and qualities you already have, which can significantly improve your self-appreciation.

Shifting as a Tool for Gratitude

Shifting can also serve as a practice in gratitude. As you visit new realities, you gain fresh perspectives, often helping you realize what you might be taking for granted in your current life. For instance, maybe in your DR, you’re experiencing a fulfilling job or relationship that you wish you had in your current reality. These experiences can highlight the positive aspects of your life that you might have overlooked or taken for granted.

By shifting, you also learn to embrace the small details in your CR that make life meaningful: the comfort of your home, the support of your friends and family, the beauty of nature, or even the simple pleasure of a warm cup of tea. This practice of appreciating the present moment, while using shifting as a lens to see the good around you, can deeply enhance your overall sense of gratitude.

Living Fully in Your Current Reality

While shifting offers the allure of alternate worlds, it also encourages us to engage more fully with our current reality. Shifting reminds us that life is dynamic and always changing, and it’s up to us to make the most of our experiences here and now. By knowing that other realities exist, we can better appreciate the opportunities and potential we have in our CR.

Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of “what if”—what if I could be someone else, live somewhere else, or do something else? Shifting, however, teaches us that it’s possible to create new possibilities and bring those aspirations to life in the present. It encourages us to embrace our life as it is and work toward making it as fulfilling and meaningful as we desire.

Overcoming Self-Doubt and Building Confidence

One of the most powerful aspects of shifting is how it allows us to encounter versions of ourselves that are stronger, braver, and more confident than we may feel in our CR. These experiences can help you combat self-doubt, as you see yourself succeeding and thriving in ways you may not have imagined possible. Whether it’s exploring new talents, facing fears head-on, or navigating relationships with confidence, these versions of yourself can serve as reminders of the strength and resilience you already possess.

As you shift into different versions of yourself, the challenges and successes you encounter can directly influence how you view yourself in your current life. By recognizing the potential and strengths you embody in your DR, you can bring those qualities into your everyday life. The more you shift, the more you realize that you don’t have to wait for a different reality to become who you want to be—you already are that person.

Shifting as a Journey of Healing

For many, shifting can also serve as a form of healing. Whether it’s reconnecting with lost parts of yourself or working through emotional wounds, shifting gives you the opportunity to rewrite your story. Perhaps in one reality, you’re able to heal from past traumas or overcome personal challenges that are still affecting you in your CR. These healing experiences can serve as profound lessons, reminding you that you are capable of growth and change, no matter what your past looks like.

By using shifting as a space to nurture and heal yourself, you can begin to let go of old beliefs or patterns that no longer serve you. The lessons you learn in your DR can be carried over into your CR, allowing you to build a stronger, more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Finding Purpose Through Shifting

Shifting can also help you explore different purposes or versions of yourself, offering new insights into what you truly want to achieve. Sometimes, we become so caught up in our current reality that we forget to explore the potential paths available to us. Through shifting, you can step into new roles, experience different careers, and even discover new passions. These experiences can help you find clarity about your true purpose, inspiring you to bring those aspirations into your present life.

In this way, shifting is not just an escape—it’s a way to live with greater intention and awareness. By actively exploring your possibilities in different realities, you can uncover your deepest desires and work toward bringing them to life.

Practical Exercises: Shifting with Self-Compassion

To cultivate a deeper connection with yourself through shifting, you might consider incorporating self-compassion practices into your shifting process. For example:

• Write self-love affirmations that you can take with you into your DR, reinforcing your worth and value.

• Create a script where you encounter versions of yourself that you admire—versions that practice self-care, are kind to themselves, and embrace their strengths.

• Set intentions for self-compassion before you shift, reminding yourself that you deserve love, growth, and happiness, both in your DR and CR.

Conclusion: Shifting to Appreciate Life and Yourself

Ultimately, reality shifting isn’t just about escaping your current reality—it’s about learning to live more fully in it. By shifting to new realities, you gain fresh perspectives that help you appreciate the present moment and the person you are. You discover new strengths, face new challenges, and embrace different versions of yourself that inspire growth and self-love. Through shifting, you can heal, build confidence, and deepen your gratitude for the life you already have.

So, while shifting opens up exciting possibilities, remember that the most meaningful transformation happens when you bring those lessons and insights back to your current life. Embrace yourself, appreciate the journey, and know that you are always worthy of love, growth, and fulfillment—no matter which reality you find yourself in.

[blondeaxolotl]

ok i can’t stop myself anymore I’ve been watching that one anon interact with you regarding flojami angst and im crawling on the walls im biting my ceiling im all HRHEHFHSJJFJDNSJFJFJDJFHFJSKFJVH YOUR MIND. THEIR MIND. IF YOU REPLY TO THIS PLS TELL FLOJAMI ANGST ANON I LOVE THEY AND OP I LOVE YOU SM TOO!!!!!!

i also. need. to throw in my two cents. i have always believed since the moment i started shipping flojami they will have to break up by the time they graduate it just had to happen. obviously i have constructed elaborate ploys to get them back together post graduation but thats not the point. the point is:

Floyd and Jamil both know that there is so much more at stake for Jamil than for Floyd regarding their relationship. Jamil has never been free and has barely scraped together some semblance of his own life through joining a different club than Kalim and maybe through dating someone else, but — That’s it. That’s all Jamil has. And because Jamil will lose basketball club immediately upon graduation, he’ll assume that’s when he’ll lose Floyd as well.

But — What if Floyd knew? Floyd’s been there for Jamil’s overblot and has gleaned more of Jamil’s personal life than most people Jamil knew. He knew that Jamil was going to go back to Silk City once they graduate, there has never been another option. What if at some point it sunk in for Floyd? What if there was one day when he was just watching Sea Snake as he talked about different ways to cook curry that Floyd realized this wasn’t going to last? What if, even before Jamil consciously considered it, Floyd thought, “Oh.”

Of course. It was going to happen. He knew Jamil’s priorities, what he valued. There was no other way this would go down.

But Floyd wasn’t going to bring it up. Not when Jamil was obviously so pleased when he was with Floyd, not when Jamil obviously didn’t care for anything but being happy when he spent time with him. Not when it looked like Jamil hadn’t realized it yet, what his own mind was going to do to him.

So what if it looked like Floyd knew Jamil better than Jamil himself? Floyd wasn’t going to tell him. Floyd was a selfish being. He was going to take every second he had with Jamil and hoard it. He was going to drag this out for as long as possible, even if he had to drag Jamil back with him.

Sure. It was only a matter of time. Floyd knew that.

But he would be damned if he let it take Jamil away from him before the very last instance.

LMAOO IT'S OKAY ANON feel free to join in on the flojami rambling.. anyone is welcome and feel free to tag yourself with an emoji to make things easier to keep track of hehe

Continuing on OHHHHH FLOYD BEING SELF-AWARE I FEEL IS EVEN MORE INSANE. Like being not aware and suddenly going mad over the fact Jamil is distancing himself from him and either ghosted him or broke up with him without an explanation is already pretty angstful, that has him tweaking and going mad. But something about Floyd being SELF-AWARE that he'll loose Jamil soon before even Jamil himself realised it.. it somewhat hurts even more.

Like you said, Floyd is a selfish being, he's going to keep that thought for himself and hold onto every moment he had with Jamil. But as well, wouldn't that mean he was suffering and mentally exhausting himself more because he IS aware Jamil won't be with him for much long, he is aware that he's losing him and he is literally draining himself with that thought. And what if, the more aware he is, the more and more attached he gets to Jamil, and the more he doesn't want him to leave him alone, at all.

A little personal headcanon of mine that I have for Floyd which will make this situation worse, but I believe Floyd is someone who doesn't like talking about when he's hurting. He will help the ones he loves, but he will suppress his own hurt and refuse to show it to anyone (Like I doubt even Jade knows much about it) because he doesn't want to appear "weak" or "vulnerable" to them, and if he does, it wasn't on purpose, that's for sure.

Now back to Floyd being self-aware of the situation with that headcanon of mine in mind, would that mean Floyd will tell Jamil he knew this was going to happen? No, of course not, that would reveal he was sad about this for who knows how long and that itself will upset Jamil because he wasn't aware of it, because Floyd refused to tell him. Floyd doesn't want to upset Jamil more while already knowing he will be upset because of the fact they will split up after graduation. So of course, he will take his feelings to the grave with him, while wishing his ex boyfriend farewell.

But wait, there's more. Because Floyd is suppressing his emotions while Jamil is breaking up with him before graduation, Jamil would immediately notice Floyd isn't as resistant as he thought he would be. In fact it almost feels like Floyd is letting him go without any issue, just a simple "Aw, that's a shame, I'll miss you Sea Snake" and that's it. And that'd make Jamil start spiraling, because he'd figure Floyd WOULDN'T want him to go, usually when Floyd doesn't want to do something, he'd refuse it and you weren't able to do anything about it. So Jamil is surprised, he was expecting a stubborn Floyd refusing to separate. Which is the thing he WANTED, he WANTED to know Floyd doesn't want to leave him just as much as HE didn't want to leave Floyd... But instead, he got Floyd accepting the break up and wishing Jamil farewell with no issue, no struggle, no refusal.

Which now makes Jamil think: was Floyd only dating him for fun? Or did he just lose interest in him that quickly? Either way it makes Jamil spiral, believing that Floyd didn't genuinely love him or care about him, and was only dating him because the idea was fun. Therefore making Jamil feel like he's the only one who's actually hurting, and is now regretting the idea of ever being in love or having the thought that he could've been. Guess you could say he was right from the start, can't trust anyone from Octavinelle.

Anyways! I think that's enough! I might've had too much fun writing this but I hope you enjoy!

[persnicketypomelo]

Hellooooo I just found your account and have low key been obsessed with Snape lately 👀 I loved your yandere headcanons for him 💕 I was wondering if I could request head canons about a shy-sassy Snape trying to get to know a girl he likes? I imagine after Lily he probably refuses to be interested in anyone for the longest time but when someone piques his interest, he'd be unsure how to go about it and shy and sassy if she approached him at all 🥰

I don't know if I exactly answered your request but here it is

major spoilers, obsession, kidnap/mentions of kidnap

Yandere Snape with a Crush

Maybe you had attended Hogwarts at around the same time

He had seen your face before, but knew little about you otherwise

Snape had never exactly been one for friends during his school years, besides the vile group of to be Death Eaters

Perhaps the reason for your interaction is the kind deeds you perform: a quality he rarely experienced from his peers

Perhaps they James casts a tear in his book bag, or trips him

The result is a mess of textbooks, parchment, and ink pots on the floor

In this instance, when Lily isn’t around to reprimand such tasteless pranks, he finds your unexpected presence besides him

“Honestly, they’re such dimwits. Don’t let it get to you,” you say, handing him a stack of his textbooks

The reason he doesn’t bristle immediately is that he recognises you to be Slytherin as well

And, well, let’s be honest: he isn’t exactly the most agreeable personality, so a ‘thank you’ is a tall order

So he does the kindest thing possible for him

Which is to swipe his possessions and speed away, leaving only the billow of his oversized robe in his path

You aren’t exactly friends just for this once incident

But being amicable acquaintances is already significantly better than most of his other relationships

Snape is no clear cut victim though

He’s taken part in his fair share of despicable behaviour, and no doubt contributes at least partly to his negative relationships with his peers

And yet, your friendly gesture catches his eye, though he may (exceedingly terribly) try to mask his curiosity

He quickly averts his gaze when you catch his stare in classes

If you make a mess of your potion, he peers at the now oddly coloured liquid, listing your mistakes off, "you were supposed to add the powdered asphodel root before the lacewing flies…"

In some ways, it’s his way of 'regular' social interaction, even if all that results is making himself seem like an insufferable prick

(And the butt of your friends jokes from there on out)

Snape’s crush on Lily remains unabated

But he files your face and name away in his mind nonetheless

Just in case…

Which is why, when he sees you again after so long, he recognises that it’s you…it has to be…

He's addled with grief and a gaping emptiness burrowing in his chest when he meets you

This is the catalyst for his obsession, but one that seeps in slowly

The first stage of his obsession is denial

In which, he pretends your image doesn’t replay in his head, keeping him awake at night

The second: distrust

He feels...strange when he thinks of you, his stomach flutters, and his heart palpitates faster than it should...

The answer is obvious: you are poisoning him

He may not have proof yet, but what else could be causing these symptoms?

It's how he's convinced himself that it's necessary to tail you, to note every satisfying detail that he's certain you would never in a lifetime allow him to be privy to

And lastly: acceptance

Maybe it's not so terrible, he decides, to allow the vacancy in his heart to fill with you

(If Lily could see how he was faring now…how disappointed she would be with his actions)

Maybe it's worse for you that you came later

He's experienced lost, so now he will take extra precautions to make sure that doesn't happen again with you

Even when he's neck-deep in his obsession, he has a mean, snarky attitude

Just because he views you favourably, it doesn’t dull the mean edge to his words and actions

If you try to make small talk or exchange pleasantries with him, he still wears the same grim scowl as ever, as though you're encroaching on his time with meaningless conversation

He chastises you when you make mistakes or act foolishly

Perhaps he lashes out to mask how his heart drums high in his throat when you approach him

When he kidnaps you—as he may genuinely believe it’s the only reasonable (preferable) option—he isn’t any kinder

He verbally deconstructs you after catching you in the midst of a failed escaped attempt, cruelly berating you of your incompetencies with a disdainful sneer on his face

“Did you honestly believe that you could deceive me with such a half-witted trick? How disappointing. I expected better from you.”

The nasty concoction of desire, jealousy, and hurt creates, within him, a self-righteous sense of possession over you

Snape does love you (if you can call obsession love by any sense) and will do anything to keep you within his grasp

After Lily's death, he won't let you ever get exposed to the same harm

He is a man paralyzed by guilt and loss, and will project those conflicts, unwittingly, onto you

If you could know what would come of associating with him, perhaps it would be best you steer clear of him

After all, once he accepts his desire to have you, he becomes desperate to fulfill this fantasy

And it is the most desperate men that are most dangerous

[darkfictionjude]

Etymology nonnie here!

Bugs non withstanding, I really enjoyed the update! So much so, that I don't know still what branch I prefer the most. Fortunately my save is right there where we choose where to go.

What I loved most, however, was how Imre's personality finally began to show more. So far, maybe because I'm playing my MC as someone who is overall kind, agreeable and polite, as well as going for the amicable romance options; Imre has only showed a rather kind and approachable persona. Fake, of course, but still incredibly charming.

Yet now, it's possible to see some of his worst aspects showing. His need for control, his prejudices, how he wants to have MC for himself and how is testing his current influence, and even his jealousy. It's fascinating truly, because I wouldn't say the mask has fully fallen off, but some cracks began to show quite clearly.

For instance, I do enjoy that, if so far you have only romanced him, that he clearly considers stopping MC from going with Lorcan (I believe this is also the case if you aren't romancing Imre, but I cannot test it with my current save). Now, it's possible to justify this (from Imre's perspective) as wanting MC to be involved in actually progressing the investigation, and for Imre, Lorcan is not a real helping hand. Yet for me it's clear that there can be another reason. And that's jealousy. In the example I described it's not possible to actually see if it's jealousy or not, but in one of the branches where you go with Imre, MC can ask about how Lorcan may be doing on his own. And Imre goes into a rant of how useless Lorcan is. He obviously gets mad MC brought Lorcan into the conversation. And that's delightful. I'm very much aware MC does not realize this may be jealousy (since, so far, he probably does believe Imre would be interested in him), but I cannot see it as anything else.

No, that's a lie. Now it occurs to me it can be a manipulation tactic too. Imre may want to separate MC from Lorcan, since he does such a low concept of the latter. But even then, it would be a rather bad tactic to use. It makes clear to MC that these are Imre's thoughts about Lorcan. It doesn't make MC agree in spite himself, or begin to doubt Lorcan possible contributions (especially because this is literally the first thing they are doing as team, so judging how well Lorcan performs depends on how he does in the current mission).

At the very least, it may be possible the jealousy is fake. Simply because it's clear Imre is intending to seduce MC, now that it's clear MC does have some interest in him. So, what easier way for MC to feel desired? Especially with the added fake dating, the heavily erotic touching, and the overt charm Imre shows towards MC.

Of course, there is also the fact that Imre and Lorcan hate each other. They hate each other in a way that they would be shipped to oblivion if this was anything but an interactive fiction story where they are romanceable by the player. Simply because it's way too deep, way too explosive and memorable as to not be turned into homoerotic lust. In any case, I pity my MC who always has to get in between the two of them so they don't fight. Which it's such a funny image, the idea of MC who just left the mental hospital, being the rational one of the three.

That said, there is a crack that is not that enjoyable, and is the fact that Imre took credit for the discovery of certain things even if MC was the one who actually got the information (either by blackmailing Candace's mother, or while talking with Amanda). MC also noticed that, and I think it was a slip from Imre. Seeing himself as the only one capable around, the hero who'll solve the mystery. And it's taking others contributions for granted.

There is also the possibility that he is gaslighting MC about a lot of things, but I'm rather conflicted about how purposeful it may be (if it's happening at all). Simply because, while I understand Imre is not an angel, it would be rather perverse to begin to gaslight MC so early. Especially so because it's clear Imre is intrigued by MC, and is harder to access and investigate what makes MC interesting if you are manipulating him to such a huge degree. But maybe it's just me who thinks like this.

On the other hand, Lorcan is a sweetheart. Sure, he may be a foul mouth, but he is sincere. He has a good heart underneath his rudeness. And is clear that, in spite of himself, is possible to grow a friendship with MC. Which gladdens me.

I'm very excited to see how this team continues to interact and grow. Now with Nia as she joins in the following episodes.

I do have some ideas about the mystery itself, but those are for another ask.

Also, I guess I need to have a question. Since often what I give are my observations, and this is called an ask. Therefore, a question is required. So, I wonder, can you say why Imre has chosen to be such a tease with MC? Or is something that varies depending on the kind of romance you are going for (I have not played the antagonistic romance route, so I don't know)?

“Bugs not withstanding” 😔

I was waiting for you to come along with your analysis! Like I said I love in-depth player reactions it’s so fun. I love how you’re so unsure of what imre is doing haha that’s perfect. But also what a dick, taking the credit especially when mc is being so proactive and assertive for the first time ever.

And yes I adored lorcan in this episode. His thing is he hates people throwing their weight around to intimidate others (before someone says it yes orla did this but you know he has a blindspot there) and in that trailer Daryl is bigger and he doesn’t like the injustice of it, it’s like “yeah I can call mc dumb, stupid and tell them to die BUT YOU CAN’T!” Also if I’m not wrong lorcan grabs mc’s hand as they leave regardless of romance, which is nice, I think we have such rare cases of platonic handholding.

I feel like Imre likes to see mc flustered, I think it’s exciting to him to cause such an affect in a person who has never received that type of affection. It’s like teasing a kid you’re going to throw him into a cold pool, you have him in your hands and you dangle them over and when they shriek you pull them back and then do it again. Whatever other motives he has he finds mc’s reaction to him very delicious. In antagonistic romance, it’s much more aggressive I would say, he grabs them roughly and it’s a form of revenge, of getting the upper hand when mc manages to one up him.

[lazyofficer]

HERE IS WHY SHIRLULU IS LEGITIMATE SHIP -PART 4

Warning: I'm not a writer and English is not my native language. So kindly bare it or DM me about it. Criticism is welcomed not hate.

Continuation

LELOUCH BEING BOYFRIEND CODED -

3. Lelouch's trust in Shirley -

Lelouch trusts Suzaku with Nunnally , He trusts CC with his thoughts (especially dark ones), He trusts Kallen to fight by his side and He trusts Shirley with his feelings.

Instances -

R2 Stage 13

a) Lelouch trust her enough to be vulnerable

" I don't want to lose anyone or anything"

At that point, Lelouch had lost Suzaku, Nunnally and Kallen. He never gotten a chance to deal with it.

He vented out his feelings to Shirley and this almost convinced Shirley that he is alone because, she has never seen Lelouch this way.

This was the first and last time, Lelouch had this vulnerable expression.

R2 Stage 12

b) Lelouch trusts her enough to express his softer side.

Lelouch is always surrounded by girls. It doesn't bother him when he looks at half naked girls. He is not affected when Milly teases him, yet he blushed when Shirley teased him.

Shirley brings out his softer side; he is comfortable to show that side.

P S- Shirley is pretty dense too, because the boy got defensive when accused of lying about his feelings. He talked about how it's not okay to kiss without feelings yet he readily closed his eyes for a kiss.

Girl , what more clues do you want ??

R2 Stage 11

c) Lelouch trusts her enough seek advice.

He knew about the Chinese couple, and he knew why the girls were opposing the political marriage, but what he couldn't understand was why it was so important.

He could have directly asked CC . Honestly, she was the ideal choice; she was his partner and knew the situation yet asked Shirley instead, who was completely unrelated and unaware of the situation.

He didn't worry about what Shirley would think of him if he asked "how to spilt a couple" In fact he nearly spilled the truth.

If Shirley hadn't called him , Lelouch would have struggled alone.

Lelouch does speak his mind with others, especially with CC, but he is not comfortable asking for help or advice.

ShirLulu Crumbs :

d) Lelouch trusts her enough not consider her as a potential threat. ( lol)

He is someone who is always on guard and observes everyone and everything around him.

 Lelouch knew Rivalz was snooping for gossip when Shirley and Lelouch were talking about shopping (date) and he could differentiate between the cops ( following him) from the civilians in mall (R2 Epi 3).

The Same Lelouch couldn't sense when Shirley was following him. ( he was a bit disturbed).

Maybe, this is why Villetta made Shirley follow him instead of directly following Lelouch. (he would lower his guard around her).

Lelouch is a logical person who thinks about all possibilities (he came up with 14 identities for Mao in a minute).  He never thought about the possibility of  Shirley shooting someone (R1 epi 14).

R1 stage 21

Shirley was chasing him for a conversation; he was busy and brushed it off. He never got suspicious about why Amnesia Shirley was so persistent to talk to him or about what she wanted to say.

But Lelouch got alert when Rivalz joked about him maintaining a note for house expenses, which turned out to be true (R2 Epi 3).

Lelouch has postive and high opinion about Shirley - she could never harm him or anyone else. This is why never cautious around her.

R2 stage 13

This might be totally my interpretation.

This one time Lelouch actually suspects Shirley ,but his doubt was more like. "What are you doing with Suzaku when you have feelings for me ?" . It didn't make sense for Shirley and Suzaku to hang out alone and his doubts shifts to Suzaku.

Lelouch really trusts her a lot and there is no doubt on Shirley's trust on Lelouch and trust is key element for a relationship.

[littlehollyleaf]

So are we talking about the Bible quote on the Gabriel!fly matchbox?

It's from Job - a nod to Crowley and Aziraphale's adventures with him no doubt

Specifically Job 41:19 "out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out"

So. Idk if this was once a common verse on matchboxes. I know there was a famous brand called LUCIFERS, as a play on the concept of 'light bringer' - cos matches bring light, yeah? Those had bible verses on I believe, but idk if it was this one. Even if not the same though, this Job verse does a similar thing to the Lucifer match brand - referencing sparks of fire cos that's what matches create (we're gonna circle back to this fyi, but there's other stuff first, hold on).

Now, obviously the box was used to contain the essence/identity of GABRIEL.

But it also acts as something of a visual representation of the very CONCEPT of an angel's essence/identity being something that can be removed and stored elsewhere. AND of the idea that the outside appearance of something (or someone) doesn't necessarily give an accurate/truthful indicator of what is inside - there are no matches in this matchbox, for instance.

The quote on the box also doesn't describe Gabriel. But that doesn't matter because, actually, Gabriel is never in the box is he? He takes the fly out before transferring his essence into it.

So. We have an empty box, representing the idea of angel essence/identity as removable from its... casing/packaging.

And this empty box describes something (someone?) from whom sparks of fire leap from.

If you look up the whole of Job 41, it turns out it's god describing what's referred to as a LEVIATHAN to Job.

Apparently there's speculation this refers to a crocodile. But a quick Google tells me various Bible annotations describe the creature as a GIANT SERPENT.

...a giant serpent

from whom fire leaps

and whose 'eyes are like the eyelids of the morning'

Hmm.

But the box is empty - the essence/identity/truth of this creature/being/person the outside is describing is not where the packaging suggests it should be.

...perhaps because, as with Gabriel, the essence/identity/truth of said creature has also been removed and stored somewhere else?

OR is it less literal than that? More of a metaphorical suggestion that the creature/angel/being Crowley is labelled as has never truly been HIM? The box is empty because who Crowley is does not fit in a box - he has, in fact, spent much of his existence trying to ESCAPE being put in a box, being labelled, ESPECIALLY by god/Heaven.

So, this little box has started to represent quite a lot now I think. The idea of angel essence/identity, but also maybe just identity in general? The idea of someone's identity not always matching their physical appearance. The idea of someone's identity being defined/limited by the descriptions/opinions/words of others. The idea of wanting and trying to escape the confines of an inaccurate and forced identity (give me coffee liberty or give me death).

Then, if that wasn't enough, on top of that we have that little added extra of matchboxes with bible verses infamously being known as Lucifers... (said I'd circle back!). Not as important as the rest I feel. BUT - if anyone wanted a little extra fuel for the 'Crowley as Lucifer' theory, this could fit... in a deeply symbolic, close reading, metafictional way?

In any case, what I'm getting at here is this box as reflecting the forced identities that Heaven/God persistently try to trap angels (and anyone really) into. And how it is possible to remove yourself from said box.

...am I taking this too far? Haven't tried any full on media analysis in such a long time...

This is the whole of Job 41 for reference (think there may be more in it relating to Crowley, and perhaps Aziraphale and their relationship too, plus GO!Heaven, that I'm overlooking):

Job.41

[1] Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?

[2] Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn?

[3] Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee?

[4] Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever?

[5] Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens?

[6] Shall the companions make a banquet of him? shall they part him among the merchants?

[7] Canst thou fill his skin with barbed iron? or his head with fish spears?

[8] Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more.

[9] Behold, the hope of him is in vain: shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him?

[10] None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?

[11] Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.

[12] I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion.

[13] Who can discover the face of his garment? or who can come to him with his double bridle?

[14] Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about.

[15] His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal.

[16] One is so near to another, that no air can come between them.

[17] They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.

[18] By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.

[19] Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.

[20] Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.

[21] His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.

[22] In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him.

[23] The flakes of his flesh are joined together: they are firm in themselves; they cannot be moved.

[24] His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.

[25] When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid: by reason of breakings they purify themselves.

[26] The sword of him that layeth at him cannot hold: the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon.

[27] He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood.

[28] The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble.

[29] Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.

[30] Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.

[31] He maketh the deep to boil like a pot: he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment.

[32] He maketh a path to shine after him; one would think the deep to be hoary.

[33] Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear.

[34] He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride.

[bafflingbeing]

I saw a Jess Mariano slander post and simply could not resist the urge to make my own 5 paragraph essay disputing the slander. If you’re a Jess hater, please scroll on

The post in question, is a list of reasons why op doesn't like Jess, which is completely fair, you don't have to like every character. I'm a Jess Truther for life, so again I just couldn’t resist.

Their points are that they dislike Jess for the following reasons: 1) he pursued Rory while she was in a relationship, 2) kept Rory's bracelet, 3) was rude to Lorelai when they first met, 4) used Shane to make Rory jealous, 5) had mid character development, and of course 6) his behavior at the Keg! Max! party

We simply don't have time to unpack all of that, so I will only be focusing on the bracelet point. This is the specific passage I will be discussing:

As you can see it alleges that his intentions in keeping Rory’s bracelet are unpure. Which, along with being a hilarious statement, is simply not true.

The definition of ‘intend’ is to: have a course of action, purpose, objective, or plan.

The way in which Jess comes to posses the bracelet negate the possibility of him having any intentions of any kind. Rory dropped the bracelet on the bridge accidentally, so he couldn’t have had any premeditated intentions because he didn’t know that would happen. Additionally the post insinuates that keeping the bracelet was indirectly sabotaging Rory and Dean’s relationship. Which it wasn’t, because the only way for that to be true was if Jess knew that Dean gave Rory the bracelet. Which I don’t think he did, at least they didn’t show any scenes of Rory telling Jess that, and I don’t know why she would’ve.

The viewer also has very little information about what Jess’ intentions are once he did pick up the bracelet. I don’t think he knew Dean gave it to Rory but he did know it was Rory’s. Did he intend to keep it, thinking she would never notice it was gone? Did he intend to give it back to her once she did realize it was gone? Did he intend to return it to Rory in a sneaky way without telling her? Did he simply like having it because it belonged to Rory and not have a specific reason for keeping it or a plan? Did he keep it with the intent to make her upset? (I think the last one is doubtful)

Rory loses the bracelet in S2 E13 and realizes it’s gone in S2 E 15. In E15 when Jess hears that Rory realized the bracelet was gone, that Dean gave it to her, and that it’s causing a big fuss, he returns it to her room the same day. I think this is further evidence that he didn’t have bad intentions, he immediately returned it when he realized it was causing trouble. In that episode Lorelai also accuses Jess of having bad intentions and taking the bracelet, even though she has no idea if he actually possessed the bracelet at all, or if he did, how he acquired it. And as we discussed, neither the viewer nor Lorelai know why he kept the bracelet or what his intentions were.

In conclusion, is picking up someone else’s possession and keeping it a bad thing? I think it does rely a lot on what the intentions are; if the intention is to eventually give the possession back I don’t think this action is inherently bad. And as stated, in this instance, Jess’ intentions are almost entirely unknown so I think it’s hard to say he was doing something bad.

If you want to talk about intentions, talk about him bidding on Rory’s basket in S2 E13. I think you could definitely make a case that was intentional sabotage but that also opens a can of worms about Rory’s involvement.

Anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk, maybe my next 5 paragraph essay will be the intentions behind the bid-a-basket fiasco.

[theflyindutchwoman]

It's been a while without the rookie so between the fanfics, the wishes for chenford and the ideas of what chenford could be and others shows who focus more on relationships, maybe it got lost that the rookie isn't as angsty that what some peoples think it is right now. Angela/wesley for the past 3 seasons, nolan/bailey in s4 with the ex husband, they got their up and downs but they don't break up. Once they have their endgames the show don't throw breakups for the fun or angst of it. The show priorites isn't relationships dramas, if it was they could have done SO MUCH MORE in s4 with chris,ashley and chenford. This is also why I respectfully don't understand peoples who think a breakup would be fun for angst because the only angst you'll have is them looking at each other for 3 sec if we are lucky like in 5x3 and then they'd be off doing their cops things. Waiting week after weeks for this would be boring and annoying as hell after waiting 5 years. And I know some peoples are worried about it, but a breakup wouldn't be spoiled.

Honestly, I just think people were simply stating what they wished to see. Someone asked them a question and they answered. It was about their preferences… I know that when I received a similar ask in the past, the logistics of the show didn't necessarily factor in my reply.

I can't speak for anyone who would like to see a breakup - or anyone else for that matter - but I think it's pretty fair to assume that what they want is a separation that makes sense, that is properly developed, with decent screentime and a real storyline that involves far more than just 3 seconds of pining here and there. The same way I want to see Lucy and Tim face some ups and downs : it's under the assumption that it is going to be written in a beautiful way and not rushed. And it is technically doable. Take episodes 5.08 to 5.12 for instance : Tim and Lucy had a fair amount of screentime dedicated to their relationship. The writers could easily use that same amount for a more angsty storyline or a breakup. Especially if it's related to UC : it could be linked to a case. A bit like 5.20 and 5.21. Though a shorter season does present a bigger challenge, that's for sure.

And you're right, the show doesn't really do 'breakups/reconciliation' storylines. Actually, it doesn't really do 'breakups'… Rachel, Gino and Isaac are still waiting for one. Jokes aside, the show did have a storyline like this for Wesley/Angela, but that was at the very beginning… I don't know if Bailey/Nolan broke up once it was revealed she was still married, but since it was solved by the next episode, I guess it's a moot point. Same with Nyla/James. And with her sleeping with her ex-husband, there was a reason to go there (though I'm grateful we were spared a 'who's the father' storyline). All these arcs could have been much more dramatic, that's for sure. So far, the show hasn't really leaned into that side. That's why I'm a bit sceptical that they would do a plotline like this. On the other hand, Tim and Lucy's relationship has been far more developed… So it wouldn't be completely beyond the realms of possibility either.

I also doubt that Eric would spoil something like that. More than once. Then again, this is the same guy who made a video last year with his new uniform, spoiling his promotion in the process. So who knows?! I have to say though, the timing of this makes me curious. As far I can tell, he only started talking about breakups after he was directly asked about his opinion on the matter. Not before. I mean, I may be wrong on the timeline here since I don't check his cameos. But that's the way it appeared to me. It could be that he received more information in-between… In which case, talk about perfect timing. That said, I get why some would rather be prepared or are worried. That's not my place to judge them.

(I won't take the risk of tagging anyone here, not in this volatile atmosphere, but feel free to pitch in or correct me).

[gravelilyaufgehoben]

I have yet to see an Isekai story try really to explore what it means to transmigrate — I mean in the form of the soul transfer into a different body. Most get close only by raising it as a problem in the sense of: "Do I really have the right to love this person given that I am not originally of this world", or having it revealed to the other characters as a plot point that the transmigrator is from another world.

This is boring. They hold entirely too much onto the idea of a substantial self — as if a soul is something one can pick up and place elsewhere. Someone who woke up from sleep or concussion with a life's worth of someone else's memories would not be immediately convinced that they had transmigrated from another world. Probably, they would first think that they had just seen a bizarrely detailed dream, and potentially been stricken with amnesia (this perception tends to be reflected in the other characters, perceiving the heroine as having changed, suddenly using strange language, etc., but it is always presented as a kind of joke or piece of dramatic irony)

And what about the perspective of the transmigratee? Would she experience it as an invasion by a foreign personality, or would she immediately consume that consciousness: incorporate it as if she had dreamt up those memories herself? Do you really believe a soul is in there? Would she feel herself erased — or split?

As the story continues, would she not find herself practising habits from whence she knows not? — from either perspective. I have seen hints of this, though, only in the form of the "original owner" coming back up from the unconscious, exerting control over the body, but they have never taken it to the end. Could we not reach a point where the two enter doubt: "Did I really transmigrate, or did I just experience some delusions or divine visions? — do I only think I was reborn in this body, or has my transmigrated personality intertwined with those of this body to such an extent that I can no longer tell?" This would solve so easily the superficial problems of "do I or do I not belong?" — The answer is "you always already do not belong." — with the added benefit of opening up many more possibilities for the narrative. (Imagine all the half-felt impressions which our protagonist would have to piece together in order to navigate the web of intrigue she finds herself thrown into — rather than recalling them from a conveniently half-remembered book she read in her previous life — or just facing them then for the first time, i.e., doing away with the uniqueness of the genre in the first instance).

I believe the cause for this conceptual blindness stems from the Isekai genre being still too much a staged fantasy, the author's and audience's desire, "I want to go to another world." It is a genre, then, which has not yet reached maturity. Not yet achieved the autonomy of art, but persists for the most part as a mere means of wish fulfilment and escapism (maybe that is representative). I am certain, however, that there are those out there which have done something interesting with the problem: though they must be rare. As, again, I have only ever been half intrigued and disappointed.

[fite-club]

Here's my celebrity endorsement of your clownery: you keep saying you said someone who is not transfem was not transfem, and therefore did not accuse a transfem of not being transfem. Has it occurred to you that you perhaps have different definitions of what constitutes being a transfem? I don't know who this is about but possibly it was the bi-gender person who emphasized only the fem/lesbian part of their identity in posts asking for charity, which is perhaps tactically misleading but not an unforgivable sin when you're in a bad situation and people prioritize like that, and critically does not mean one isn't transfeminine just for being something else as well.

But maybe the person you're talking about was someone who was like "oh yeah sorry I've been pretending to be transfem", I don't know. I just keep seeing you saying "but they really WERE pretending to be transfem when they weren't" with no elaboration. You need to supply details or you just sound like you're tautologically justifying doing what you're accused of.

first off, that’s where the main conflict with clem-mp3 is coming from— they aren’t a trans woman, they are some unexplained nonbinary possibly-intersex person who identifies as “transfemmasc”. we, of course, have different definitions of “transfem”, and that’s why i kept saying they weren’t. with that donations post that person very clearly was being purposefully misleading about their identity in an attempt to get more money, primarily by calling themselves black when they clearly are not black, but that also applies to calling themselves a transfem lesbian when they clearly are not. i’m not going to try to explain to you why that’s fucked up, but like, i don’t think we need to give that person the benefit of the doubt when they so obviously are twisting their labels in hopes of financial gain.

easily the most frustrating part about this (besides “people who don’t know me making shit up about me”) is that the 3 other people who were transmasc pretending to be transfem that i keep referencing all blocked me months (or even years) ago and there is no way for me to display those interactions let alone find the usernames of those people. if i had the hindsight, i would’ve screenshotted all of if, but i didn’t. i’ve explained how i knew those people were transmasc (labels and pronouns in bio, certain flags and posts about being transmasc reblogged, selfies, etc) despite them typing out “as a transfem,” or whatever. these things happened, i swear. that's why i've referenced them so many times.

actually, i can name ONE name outside of those 3 instances, and it’s to whom i told that quote that keeps getting thrown around where i basically said “i know you’re not transfem because you’re arguing way too hard that ‘transandrophobia’ exists”— rmilkies. their bio is “no longer a bitch but a grumpy old man”, which i interpreted as a kind of reference to being ftm, and they also sent me anonymous asks where they outright state that they aren’t transfem (i cannot prove these anon asks were by rmilkies, but they were sent mere minutes after us interacting about the same topic, so).

at the end of the day there’s a lot of “you just have to take my word for it”, and seems like many people’s words against me are being taken for it while mine aren’t. if you want to say “i don’t have to believe you that you talked to transmascs pretending to be transfems”, then i should be allowed to say “i don’t believe that this person claiming to be a transfem is actually a transfem”. do you get what i’m saying? do you get how hypocritical it is to say “holy shit this guy is insane and transmisogynistic for wanting ‘proof’ that someone is transfem” and then turn around and say “well actually this guy doesn’t have any proof that the transmascs he was talking to were transmasc so we don’t have to believe him when he said that they were pretending to be transfem”?

[cosmic0de]

@littletissueghostsI tried to answer this normally but I wrote so much Tumblr shat itself 💀 Anyways Overall I agree with your points and I do think that they'd get along-- although I also think there's a strong possibility of one or both hating the other too I've actually brainrotted about Chromatic interactions with Whirlwind (and Synthwave) for awhile, so I have maybe. Too much to say lol-- rambles beneath cut Also ofc I don't know Chromatic as well as you do since you're its creator, so some of my ideas probably don't line up with how it actually acts/what you would write it to do

On one hand they both have those heavy similarities, which they might both find comfort in (as you've discussed)-- but on the other hand, Whirlwind could wind up absolutely hating Chromatic for being similar to him (seeing himself/his history vaguely in Chromatic, specifically with appearance/point 2, point 1, and possibly point 3 or 4 ((I say 4 because I believe Chromatic has only had one strong bond in its life and managed to keep it(?), whereas Whirlwind was betrayed and lost his initial strong bonds))). In that case, in seeing himself in it, since Whirlwind hates himself, he'd likely wind up disliking Chromatic too. He might also be jealous in some way because Chromatic didn't necessarily have things "taken" from it, whereas Whirlwind did (specifically with sensory input); he may not see Chromatic as "broken" as he sees himself, even with their similar histories. I could also see Chromatic potentially seeing Whirlwind as a major threat because of his erratic behavior-- fine one minute and threats the next --plus his general dislike towards rules and such, which can be a liability given the situation in Nox City. On top of it, there's Whirlwind's general recklessness and lack of care for damage caused, which again could be a major liability to the safety of others/the city should he get into a fight. Whirlwind might also be a threat to others like Blossom, given his clickishness(? words); as seen with Firn and Flame, certain words said or expressions made will make him turn from casual to threatening in an instant. I doubt Chromatic would want Whirlwind to meet Blossom for that reason, as things could turn South very quickly with something as simple as a grin.

But, despite this, like you said, I could see them actually getting along pretty well in the end. They both share qualities of seemingly trying to discover themselves/their identity (Whirlwind doesn't really understand who he is anymore, whereas Chromatic is trying to gain understanding of its emotions iirc?), along with a strong combat drive (although Whirlwind I think goes to a. far greater gorey extent in combat compared to Chromatic 💀). That in combination with their similar histories/what you discussed could very well lead to Whirlwind gaining a better understanding of himself/acceptance, and possibly Chromatic gaining a better understanding of its emotions (Whirlwind is bound to cause some form of fear in his reckless aggression in someone, plus I can see Chromatic just making a note of "well. At least I know I'm not a maniac." Since Whirlwind experiences frequent negative emotions, Chromatic may be able to learn about that too perhaps.. also tying into fear, Whirlwind shares that drive to protect his family as Chromatic does, and seeing the extent to which Whirlwind goes to do that (brutally mauling others for instance) could possibly unnerve Chromatic?? Not entirely sure abt all of that). Whirlwind might also learn that he doesn't have to prove himself to Chromatic, or Chromatic to anyone else, which may again help him re-discover himself further and accept himself overall.

As for my mention of Synthwave/Chromatic- these two I initially started brainrotting about because of design similarities (urple cool colored visor wearing glowwy designs <33 /p), but the more I thought, the more I realized they might just appreciate one another's company. Synthwave, like Chromatic, is very calculative and generally comes off as cold to those outside of his family unit. He too can compute mass amounts of data because of his parasitic enhancement, and can integrate into digital spaces/technology (which I assume Chromatic may also be able to do to some degree due to its robotic composition). Unlike Chromatic, he doesn't put on a façade for others, though, and doesn't necessarily struggle with emotions; he's just extremely reserved (although he. struggles with guilt. A lot of guilt and thinking he's not enough/can do better. teehee) While they might not exactly become friends, between their similarities in personality and skillsets, I could see them working as a good team: Synthwave is great at gathering enemy intel, and he can probably transmit that data to Chromatic. He's also really good at monitoring surveillance, so that also would probably be helpful given the situation in the city. Chromatic could be blunt with him without concern of social-relationship-complexity-stuff/hurting his feelings, and Synthwave would appreciate its straight forwardness. Maybe they'd have teatime together or something lmao

[aeternals]

when he first offered it was a toss up whether or not amos would actually swing. the offer was open and genuine, mainly because in all their time together they'd never really talked about feelings. instances, here and there. but even with his declaration of love all desiderius got in return was that amos wanted to stay. a statement which currently had him wondering about obligation.

it's then a few thoughts click together. amos didn't leave angry but he certainly came back as such. angry and possibly triggered. what had he been doing in that time other than hunting down hannah?

and cash.

which brings desi back to the fact that amos seemed to know where cash lived. there was no mention of stopping to get directions. no mention of who pointed him in that direction. a simple mention of logic. hannah wasn't at the hotel so she was with him. and how did amos know where cash lived? he couldn't help but circle back to the thought of they fucked previously. simple enough answer but not one that answers the why of the anger. the logical conclusion was amos was upset at finding hannah with cash. again, why?

amos didn't know hannah well enough to care about her or what she did. hell, she still felt like an alien presence in his life let alone someone who was one step removed. that left the cash half of that equation.

" then go back and fuck him, " is the surprising thing that slips out of his mouth. it's hollow in his own ears. clinical. it's also not an accusation in any way simply the culmination of all the pieces that seemed to fit pretty well together in his head. " you won't talk to me. that seems to pain you right now. you don't want to fight this thing through. i doubt you even want to touch me right now. thank you for helping. it means the world to me. it does but go fuck him and get it out of your system. "

how stupid could he be? his own fucking father hated him. his mother left. why would anyone else want to stay when his own parents hadn't?

a wall lifts from somewhere deep inside, shutting down all the sadness and anger that had just hit him like a wave. desi's movements become methodical yet slow but they take him towards the couch for his hand terminal where he slides it easily into his front. the last thing he wanted was to be sitting alone in his apartment wondering where amos had gone or who amos was doing. better to go to a bar or club or even dive head first into work. maybe holden was free. the possibilities were endless.

" just.... " what did he even say? as he walked towards the door he found that he had no idea. " whatever you need to feel better. "

At some point, his eyes had drifted closed, but outside of that one change, nothing else on him moved, save for the obligatory rise and fall of his chest as breaths came, shallow, but steady enough. He felt the touch of Desi's fingers, of the splash of something cold that didn't burn. Water, he guessed. The pain spiked, and eased, and spiked again, the faintest hiss at the resistance his skin offered against one of the larger splinters of acrylic. It ebbs, easily enough, and the pain becomes one dull throb, one cut indiscernible from the next. Fingers flex, slowly, partially, after he adjusts to the light pressure of the bandage.

Only when Desi speaks, or rather, only when he processes what Desi has said, do his eyes snap open, a glint of white teeth bared briefly, the sudden spike of adrenaline at the words, the challenge a stinging contrast to the dull apathy that had settled over him. There's a shift in his weight, planted on the heels of his boots, an instinct to lock mag boots in place or release them, from decades of confrontations in low g, or no g. His brain struggles to process between that animal drive, the sudden rush of want that surges at the thought and the images that played out in his head, one after the other.

He knew every line, every bend, every scar, every old wound and break of Desi's body. He had seen the way Desi fought, the way he climbed, the way he moved when he played his music, the way he breathed. Every weakness. "No." It's a sharp and ragged sound, that cracked under the weight of agitation, and anger that dragged across his skin, hot and prickling. The monster that lived inside his chest writhed, and he swallowed it down, choked the air it needed to live. He could see it, in his head, the way his hands could fit around Desi's throat, the way they'd tighten, the way his face would darken, and his eyes would go wide, could hear the way the breath rattled in his lungs as Amos' calloused fingers squeezed, and squeezed.

His stomach ached, and he tried, unsuccessfully, to remember the last time that he'd puked. "No." The word comes again, and he feels the stiffness and stillness that had been pinning him in place give way to a raggedness that left him unsteady. "I can't stop it, again, if I start, I won't fucking stop. So no. I'm not gonna fucking hit you."