#and maybe even go to the bookstore and but messiah

[coughloop]

dune is the most i have enjoyed reading in so long all the word choices, the pauses, the details. scratches an itch my brain i didnt know i had

[yvynyl]

// Letters to YVYNYL //

Kennedy Shaw "Heaven"

/ Sometimes I get letters from right here in my hometown. Kennedy sent this one over and I think it perfectly encapsulates the feeling a lot of my readers are going through. Those of you who are struggling to make their music despite all odds, to make a life of music, to grasp on to the love they get from putting it out there. We are all in this together, our weirdo crew of misfits and hooligans who'd rather make a song that rips out our hearts and lay it out on the table for all to hear than just 'be normal.' We hear you. We hear you. Keep it going, friends.

Hi Mark,

When I think of music, I think of my grandmother singing me a song titled "don't fence me in." There's a home video of us singing it somewhere. Music to me feels no separate from myself. My mom used to listen to Tori Amos when she was pregnant with me and always told me that's why I started playing piano the minute I could.

My name is Kennedy, I'm a 21-year-old songwriter in Philly - or was in Philly - until a global pandemic interrupted my second year of college.

I'm only 21, but as far as coffeehouse music goes, I've probably seen it all. My parents used to take me to perform once or twice every weekend. They critiqued every show and were extremely supportive of how loud and passionate I was. Because of this, I know every jam band and bluegrass cover group that plays in the bookstores of the East Coast. I know which ones have AC and which ones make you pay for a meal after you perform. I have the stories of men telling me I'm "mature for my age" and taking photos of my 14-year-old legs while at the piano bench.

After I went to University, I knew a lot about basement scenes, too. I got too drunk while performing a few times, I kissed audience members during the choruses and band members during the verses. I drove off in the wrong uber twice. When the residence hall elevators shut down, I carried the keyboard, amp, stands, and book bag down 9 flights of stairs, and carried them back up at 2 or 3 AM less tired than before.

During this pandemic, and being back home in NJ, I've been asking myself why I continue pursuing music as a career, even though I never feel entirely validated or see financial gain from it. If anything actually, I see loss.

I switched my major from Music to English just before the pandemic broke in the U.S. I decided it was time to focus on a 'real career'. Then, I listened to some rough mixes of mine and decided to use all of my savings, every penny, to buy recording equipment and finish my EP in my bedroom. Clearly, I don't have any answers on why, or what's logical, or what's smart. I'm literally a crazy 21-year old girl-woman doing vocal takes in my parent's shower when they let me and finding the personal information of music bloggers and emailing demos to small labels like I'm their musical messiah. I've never filmed anything for anyone, and yet I've been dressing in vintage clothes and setting up "sets" (a bedsheet usually, chair, flowers) and recording them on my iPhone.

Even when I want to move on, the feeling of working on my music creatively is something so close to my core I don't think I can ever stop. Not because I think my music is worth listening to, or even good, I just can't stop making it. When I think of music I think of waking up from a dream and jotting down words. My dad saying to 'turn it down,' and then 'close your door'. I think of every love I had in high school giving me mixtapes, my best friend passing out on the train ride home with my amp in their lap. I think of watching strangers cry while I sing to them, basements of sweaty chances moshing, and my bandmates cans of beer. Every car ride with my parents I took for granted then, oblivious to the cost of gas and how many hours it took to get to the record shop where one person listened to half my set. I think of my younger sister listening to music to avoid new driver anxiety, and I think of my grandmother singing me songs, telling me to sing my own.  I think of pausing the youtube tutorial, running from the desktop and to the piano upstairs. I'd make this hike a million times a night but never felt tired, and when I think of these things I don't have to wonder why. 

Music is by far not the smartest choice as far as a career- maybe if I was smart I'd choose doctor, or scientist, or engineer, but feeling "smart" doesn't feel half as good as these memories music has given to me. "Heaven" is the first song I finished when I decided to work on rough mixes I had in my back pocket. It sounds haunting and compares heaven to a first love- the romanticization of first relationships is something that still pulls me in lyrically. I wrote it on bass, alone in my dorm room, probably crying. I hope you like it.

- Kennedy

…

Support YVYNYL, an independent music project here! Got a story to tell? Submit it to Letters to YVYNYL.

[pastorcowboy]

Matthew series: The four trials

Road to the Cross Pt.2

Matthew 26:57-75 and Matthew 27:1-32: The trials

Today at church the pastor said it’s needs to be more about God and less about us when we pray. That is so very true. Good things happen when we focus on the plan and not ourselves. What is the plan then? The plan is revealed when we stop and look. We stop and listen. When our eyes and ears are focused on God and the needs of others. Call it karma if you like. When we lean our hearts towards the well being of God and others, our needs tend to work themselves out. That’s just how Gods world works.

We are about to enter four trials. Are they the trials of Jesus? Maybe these four events are people on trial. Maybe we could see ourselves in these trials. Matthew is a book with instructions on how to be Christian. What is the history. Why Jesus came. What God believes. There are also warnings of the pitfalls. When our humanity clashes with Gods world. These four trials are a glimpse at those clashes. We are Peter. We are pilot. We have mocked God. We have rejected Jesus. At some point in our lives we put our own needs first over the kingdom.

This is not about despair before the cross. It’s not about being lost forever. These trials are learning experiences. How often do we see the truth on the other side? It’s rarely clear as it happens. We all have been warned. In some ways, God gave us his word to help us avoid a few pitfalls. Maybe if we’re lucky, we will see our life a little differently after reading the Bible. I think God is just trying to help us navigate life through the writer Matthew. What have you learned through warnings?

Matthew 26:67 “Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Others slapped him 68 and said, “Prophesy to us, Messiah. Who hit you?”

Matthew 11:19 “Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet.”

Jerimiah 26:5 “and if you do not listen to the words of my servants the prophets, whom I have sent to you again and again (though you have not listened)."

At times we open our mouth. Usually that is a very bad thing. People make mistakes with words and actions. Jesus at times said very little. Strangely enough he was silent often. His accusers asked him questions. They wanted him to explain himself. Jesus remained silent. I feel this is a great lesson. An argument is what it is. Two opposing views. Do we ever change people’s minds in an argument? Usually we agree to disagree. Compromise sets in. Yet, the reason we argue remains. We believe what we believe. I feel Jesus was silent because he knew their hearts. They believed what they believed. Jesus could not change their minds.

People don’t want the truth. The truth does hurt. We just want to be happy. To be comforted. It’s far better to see and feel the right things. Compromise can be a deadly foe. It deceives us from understanding. It ignores the truth. Compromise puts happiness above the truth. People drink, spend, and ignore reality to avoid pain. Jesus never did that. He could have got off of the charges but he remained silent. He could have won over the authorities but he remained silent. What is the hard path in understanding?

Matthew 26:62 “Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, “Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?” 63 But Jesus remained silent.”

Psalm 50:21 “"These things you have done and I kept silence; You thought that I was just like you; I will reprove you and state the case in order before your eyes."

Four trials. Four interesting views of our decisions towards God. I feel that Matthew has crafted and molded us to this exact point. We know who Jesus is. We know why he came. We know a little of Gods plan. As we gain knowledge we become a walking Christian text book. A friend of mine keeps asking me to study other Holy books from other religions. His argument is that we need to understand them better. To see their good side. There is more than God in this world. The problem with that is twofold.

One is that if we learn less about our God, we leave room for other Gods. We just work that way. All through university they challenged me to know the reason I believe. To defend that with confidence. By knowing other religions? No, by knowing my God better. The second reason is not seeing people. If we strive to be the Bible then we begin to not see people. We are no better than them. Judas killed himself because he thought he had cornered the market on what is right and wrong. In the end, he even lost himself. Know your Bible. Learn your Bible. Don’t let the words in the Bible become your idol.

Matthew 27:3 “When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders.”

Matthew 12:44 “when it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order.”

Read Matthew 26:57-75 and Matthew 27:1-32. Write down one thing in each trial you can identify with.

1.       Trial one: The religious

It’s easy to accuse someone. I have often wondered what happens when the accuser becomes the accused. The religious rulers had power. Well, they had power allotted to them by Rome. They had little power. I firmly believe that they had it cushy enough to want things to remain the same. Jesus came in healing, doing miracles, and talking about destroying the temple. Does that sound cushy? The people on trial here are those who knew.

               What do they know? People in religious circles have heard the Bible. They have most likely felt the hand of God on their hearts. Yet, they think they know. They think that they can tame or corner God. I was in a group that told me that when I speak in tongues I will have arrived. Arrived where? This section of scripture screams out that we think we can tame God, but that is just not true.

               Judas believed he could press Jesus to act. Maybe he did not believe. I find it hard to believe that Judas spending three years with Jesus did not believe. I think he believed too much. He tried to make the Christ take over by pressing Jesus to act or die. Why bring all the soldiers to arrest Jesus? Judas believed. The men who sent the soldiers believed. Yet, knowing in your head is different than knowing in your heart. The religious people and those closest to Jesus didn’t get it.

Matthew 26:63 “But Jesus remained silent. The high priest said to him, “I charge you under oath by the living God: Tell us if you are the Messiah, the Son of God.”

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

2.       Trial Two: Peter

We are Peter. Years ago, I passed a Christian bookstore all the time. I used to tell my Ex-wife smugly “who would buy from that place?”  Fast forward 11 years and there I was shyly entering that place to buy a Bible. Oh, how I thought I knew reality. I was extremely smug. Then God got ahold of me. I spent weeks looking for me in the mirror. I had totally changed. Peter thought he knew Jesus. I bet he had an opinion of God. I bet he thought he knew himself. That all changed when Jesus was arrested.

Suddenly Peter was alone for the first time in three years. Let’s say you learn about Jesus and God. Your friends in Jesus are gone. Are you a strong Christian still? A hungry Christian still? How would you grow on your own? Are you smug in numbers but not alone like Peter? Peter wanted to see what would happen with Jesus. Yet, he was weak inside. Peter needed Jesus. Alone by the fire he denies Jesus three times. This is a warning by Matthew. Be strong in the Lord.

Judas realized he failed. Peter realized he failed. Mark says in his book that one disciple ran away naked. Even Pilot tried to free Jesus. He failed too. We are all confronted with Jesus at some point. We think we know. Yet, Jesus makes fools of us and our logic. It’s not that were stupid. No, it’s that we just don’t know the truth. Jesus said the truth shall set you free. I bet Peter got that once the cock crowed.

Matthew 26:75 “Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.”

John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

3.       Pilate on Trial

There are points in the Bible that look, sound, and feel ominous. Jehoshaphat is crying out he does not know what to do. Peter hears the cock crow. Abraham lifts his knife to kill his son. Here in Matthew 27 is one of those places. Jesus is on trial before the governor Pilate. The wife of the governor is pleading with her husband to let Jesus go. she is disturbed. Pilate wants to let Jesus go but Jesus refuses to speak. Pilate offers the crowd a terrible criminal in stead of Jesus. They refuse. They want blood. They want Jesus to be crucified.

Verse 25 of Matthew 27 is ominous. God several times in the Old Testament says the sins of the parents will punish future generations. That seems so wrong. Yet, our actions do affect others. Here in Matthew 27 we have the people so angry that they offer the blood of Jesus on them and their children. Some times we say that it’s Adam and Eve’s sin. How are we grouped in with them for something we did not do? Then there is the mob wanting Jesus blood.

They wanted it so bad that they were willing to let the consequences of their actions to be on the heads of their children. Aren’t the children innocent? Weren’t we innocent as children of Adam and Eve? We are Pilate on trial. Each of us claim to be innocent and wash our hands of the matter. We hear the warning from others. We try and find a way out. There is compromise, twisted logic, and unseen circumstances. How often have we never saw that coming? Sometimes those decisions land on our children.

Matthew 27:25 “All the people answered, “His blood is on us and on our children!”

Exodus 34:6-7 “The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 7 keeping steadfast love for thousands,1 forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

4.       The crowd on trial

Six verses put us all on trial. I mocked Christians before I was 33. I laughed at them. I chided them. Matthew 27:27-32 is me on trial. Why did I hate Christians? What had they ever done to me? These soldiers put on Jesus a robe of red royalty. They weaved a crown of thrones. I have seen pictures of the thorn length? It’s not pretty. They beat him and mocked him.

Many of us have done it. I know a friend who grew up in a Christian home. The father was a minister. They had a sweet mother. Yet, this person had to go their own way. They did not do what was right in the eyes of their parents and the Lord. Today they are a mess. Their children are a mess. I feel that people like them were told the truth but they mocked it. Many people think there is a better way rather than God’s way.

Then there is verse 32. Poor Simon of Cyrene. Was he there for the crucifixion? Was he in the angry crowd? Maybe he was shopping? Either way there he was walking along. The soldiers grabbed him from the crowd and made him carry Jesus cross. Jesus was so weak from the beatings and scourging that he could not carry the cross. In the end we all will carry the cross we bare because of our sins and the sins of others. I bet Simon was never the same again. Neither was I after I met Jesus.

Matthew 27:32 “As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the cross.”

Matthew 16:24 “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

What it means?

           As Christians we have a chance to live clean lives. We can live safer. If God says no or go this way, then do what he asks. Many times, when we don’t, the actions of our sins will go farther than we want. Sometimes chickens come home to roost. What that means is that what will be will be. Chickens always come home. Sin will always go farther than intended.

           Peter said he would die for Jesus. Later on, he did indeed. However, in-between that time he denied Jesus. Judas tried to provoke Jesus into action. He hanged himself. Pilate lasted only a few more years and history says he died. The people wanted Jesus gone. The religious rulers wanted to keep the peace. 40 years later Jerusalem was sacked by the Romans. Killing Jesus caused grief that came back to bite them later in history.

           What it means is that the four trials are us. We are the ones on trial, not Jesus. Several times Jesus was told he was something. Each time he replied “it is as you say.” We can believe anything we want. Yet, things are not as they seem. Fighting to disprove God seems to expose our flaws. All that effort is fruitless. It’s not about giving in to God. I feel that is the crutch of the world. They just can’t stomach giving in. How about accepting the truth? Maybe judas, Pilate, Peter, and many others would have had a better fate.

Matthew 27:22 “What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called the Messiah?” Pilate asked. They all answered, “Crucify him!”

Leviticus 26:3-4 “If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, 4 I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees their fruit.”

Matthew 22:37 “Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”

[reviewape-blog]

Politics in the Church of God Prevents Progress

https://www.reviewape.com/?p=15841 Politics in the Church of God Prevents Progress - Many Sabbath-keeping Church of God members (various groups and organizations associated to one degree or another with Herbert W. Armstrong) are sincerely opposed to offering any Church of God literature or religious material for sale, since Herbert Armstrong taught us to “buy the truth and sell it not.” However, such Church of God members should remember that Mr. Armstrong later permitted his books to be made available for sale in bookstores, informing the brethren and co-workers in a letter dated September 12, 1985: “There is a very large audience which would never request this book [Mystery of the Ages] if offered free – who would never send their name and address to us – but would gladly buy a copy in the bookstore. By putting it in the bookstores we will reach a very great audience that we can reach in no other way. We will not sell the book ourselves, but it cannot be made available to this large audience of book buyers unless the bookstores do put a price on it.” (Autobiography of Herbert W. Armstrong, Volume 2, page 638). Some have been upset that Beyond Babylon: Europe’s Rise and Fall is sold. I remind them of Herbert Armstrong’s words above and Paul’s rhetorical response to some in his day over this principle that we’re commanded to not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain and that a worker is worthy of his hire. Besides, Beyond Babylon is available to for FREE or read online for FREE. God knows I am certainly not in this for the money, but gladly share the plain truth of the Bible and history as I am able, knowing it is truly priceless information. I am also an individual, not a Church organization receiving regular tithes and offerings who therefore have no need to sell anything, as they’re equipped to offer it all, ideally, for free. I don’t believe any Church of God organization should sell Church of God literature. However, those out in the field, not part of the administration or headquarters, have a God-given right to do as necessary. Yeshua didn’t condemn selling sacrificial animals but was righteously indignant that such commercial activities were taking place in the Temple courtyards and at exorbitant prices. Many were making a killing rather than offering a service. A member of the Philadelphia Church of God recently corresponded with me on this and other Church of God issues. Didn’t you try and impose your book on God’s ministers and church? Not at all. Gerald Flurry refused to go forward with Beyond Babylon and fell backwards, treading old ground and is now going in circles, business as usual, as Europe rises and Judah and Israel have yet to be warned. Maybe you should have waited until the time came. Don’t you believe God goes first to His Church and then His Nation? It was time to bring Beyond Babylon before Flurry, whom I consider to be the leader of this Laodicean era of God’s Church. Do you think you are one of the 2 witnesses? God knows, but what I do know is that we ought to at least prepare the way for them with Judah and NONE of the Church of God groups reach the cities of Judah. That would be a honor to be one. I’ve often prayed about them and in my silliness wished I could be one of them. It would be an honor and a grave responsibility and the most hated job in the world since rejection would be by many in the Church, initially, and nearly all in the world, with a bloody ending until the resurrection to physical life just before the return of the King, Yeshua the Messiah. No nice dinners or fancy invitations for the Two Witnesses but plenty of murderous misunderstanding and hateful grief. But I’m just a lay member….. No such thing as “just” a lay member. Everybody has their God-given place in the Church of God and are equally important for whatever God has called them to do. Seems to me you focus too much on the physical Jews. Not at all. Herbert Armstrong always told us to “WATCH JERUSALEM!” Who’s in Jerusalem? JEWS! The gospel began and will return there. God’s true church is not there now although “Elijah” went there. This must change. Mr. Armstrong, near the time of his death, said on one of his sermons or Bible studies that they are not so important as he once thought since they don’t even believe in Jesus Christ. I don’t believe that at all and don’t believe he ever said it. I quote what we know for sure Herbert Armstrong said about the importance of reaching the cities of Judah. It’s documented. Shamefully, it’s something that hasn’t been done yet but the foundation has been laid, even though the Work in Israel is temporarily suspended by government decree as it was in the days of Ezra and Nehemiah. Mr. Flurry never read your book right? I don’t know. Wayne Turgeon [Gerald Flurry’s son-in-law] handed him a print out of it years ago and he returned it to him saying, “He’s always sending us stuff.” Mr. Flurry even responded to me several times on various issues including his confusion of Mount Carmel with Mount Hermon which I brought to his attention (having been blessed to live next to both of them), and my disagreement with him when he said the pope was the only religious leader to sit on a throne and I mentioned the Queen of England is also head of the Anglican Church (although agreeing with the point he was making against the Roman Catholic Cult). I would love to find those letters, however during my many moves overseas to Israel I thought I kept them stored at my sister’s home but she can’t find them. Such letters also include correspondence from Dr. Herman Hoeh years ago about the Jews and their variations in color and why. I met Dr. Hoeh at the Toronto Singles’ Weekend (Church of God singles from all over were in attendance) where he spoke and invited us to write him, which of course I did. Later I sent an autographed copy of a self-published BB (Beyond Babylon) to Flurry’s home for him and his wife who said to me (during the Feast of Tabernacles in Louisville) about my name, “What a strong Judah name!” Dennis Leap said he read parts of it and that it wasn’t necessary for him or Flurry to read it, unlike Mr. Armstrong wanting Sardis (Church of God, Seventh Day) to read his manuscript – The United States and Britain in Prophecy – which they DID. Well, I hear you loud and clear. I do not agree with some of headquarter’s decisions but they are just as human as we are and liable to make mistakes, including Mr. Flurry. Sometimes we just have to suffer the wrong and go on. I readily accept and acknowledge that fact, but if it’s a mistake or a sin we learn from it, acknowledge it and go forward all the wiser. Flurry has done none of those humble things. Regardless, I go on without him as he goes backwards trying to play HWA and God in the Temple, grieved to say. David, I hope and pray for your return to PCG… Mr. Flurry has engaged in personal appearance campaigns and he plans to go to Joseph and Judah this coming year I think. The Key of David will no longer air on TV and we are now focusing on personal warnings. Remember we are baptized into the Body of Jesus Christ – not into any sect or denomination of men. I remain a member of the spiritual Church of God that isn’t bound by membership lists at the mercy of men. Remember Diotrephes? (3 John vs. 9-11). What do you mean they’ve scrapped the TV programs (even though I always constructively criticized them -through Wayne Turgeon who used to write me very frequently – that nobody but a very limited religious audience would watch the programs at the hours they were shown). As Turgeon can testify, I also said they needed a toll free number (which years later they obtained); I said they needed a website with Church literature (which years later they have); they need to publish Beyond Babylon freely (which they still don’t) and to take out major newspaper ads like HWA to reach EVERYBODY and get EVERYBODY talking about our God-given controversial message. We do really need better advertisement. Yes, because I’ve conducted my own tests and surveys on many internet forums to see that the general public doesn’t have a clue who Flurry is, never heard of the PCG and doesn’t know the warning message at all. All that money for what? A private club? Too bad you only see what you think is bad but God has to get his family ready first to marry his Son before He can deal properly with the world. And how does God do that? Have us stare at our Church navel – Church headquarters as the center of our attention? – or by the way of give, outflowing concern for the good and welfare of OTHERS – like the cities of Judah. Otherwise folks will never feel ready to reach out and will have proven themselves deceived by Satan who doesn’t want the Work to GO FORWARD. As we reach out, so help us God, He will work in and through and for us at the same time. I know everything that is good about the PCG and continue to direct folks to its literature and The Philadelphia Trumpet magazine despite their refusal to send it to me. They even know I’ve given them contacts in the Middle East, in Jerusalem, Jewish leaders, and that it was me whom God used to contact the mayor of Jerusalem to get the HWA monument repaired (in the Liberty Bell Park in Jerusalem), and then I forwarded the information to Flurry (who didn’t even say thank you and wasn’t even aware of its woeful neglect that I knew about from being over there so many times). I’ll bet you didn’t know that, did you? I had written an open letter to the mayor of Jerusalem, Uri Lupolianski, that was published in The Jerusalem Post. His office contacted me to inquire about what groups or organizations I was referring to that would be interested in undertaking the financial responsibility for the monument’s restoration and the rest is history. Politics - ReviewApe - https://www.reviewape.com/?p=15841