#and made it to the final in trivia! take that boomers

[theoldmixer]

Rocking it in New Jersey with @arrow-through-me this weekend!

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 28 - NJD - Birthday Wish

7-1 Win

The Buffalo Sabres are normally on the receiving end of tremendous beatings, at least for the last decade or so. Last night we got a rare taste of what it was like destroying a team by a lacrosse score line. It was something else. Less than seven minutes into the first period it was probably over. I was thinking about the future of several players careers… Devils players! The consensus on Sabres twitter seems to be this game came at just the right time. This club had the roughest of Novembers but had the points in the bank from October to make up the difference. They spent all those savings and as Thanksgiving came and went they began to find their footing again. After a promising home-and-home with the Leafs a convincing win to solidify the gains of a decent stretch of games was needed. A convincing win that was in fact a win in regulation against a team you should handle. New Jersey came knocking asking if we remembered the Home Opener. Whether it was the 50th Anniversary jerseys or 1970s figures present at the game that jogged their memory, the Buffalo Sabres remembered. That game, the second one of this season, was a rout. But this rout makes that rout look like herding cats. When I said this game was over in seven minutes earlier, I mean it was pretty well over in seven minutes. But before we pile on the Devils I thought I’d share with you some thoughts I had about some great players on their roster whom this game made me feel for. Will Butcher: you passed up Buffalo for what you thought would be better. It was for a time but here we are. PK Subban: I love you bud… but this game showed that scary trend is real. Your advanced numbers are garbage, I hope your next destination helps out. Wayne Simmons: Dude, please don’t retire after this. You deserve better than this awfulness. Taylor Hall: well… huh… we both know you’re not going back to Edmonton. When you go win a Cup with Colorado this June please don’t pass the Cup to Nazem Kadri or Nikita Zadorov. For some reason Sabres twitter loves to roast itself during that part of the Final and those two guys minus well be BBQ Chefs. Let’s get down to business.

The Buffalo Sabres came out aggressive. Yeah, I say that a lot here in the second paragraph of postgame; but this time the New Jersey Devils also came out aggressive, AGGRESSIVELY BAD! The Sabres had two goals before the Devils had a shot on goal. That’s right: let me clear my throat played twice before Linus Ullmark was even tested. To be exact the shots were 3-0 Buffalo five minutes in and that was good for a 2-0 lead. Unreal, right? The first goal was right after a Sabres powerplay ended and Jack Eichel was all alone in front of Louis Dominque and just tapped it against the guys pads. It trickled in and everyone was surprised. Hardly two minutes later New Jersey just could not make a clean zone exit and Jeff Skinner had the puck one-on-one with a now annoyed Dominque. Skinner tucked it in far side with a quick little slapper and there are your two goals against zero shots. Up next, not even two minutes later, Jeff Skinner’s third or… whatever non-numbered line we’re calling it, hauling Larsson and Sheary behind like a Christmas tree on a punch buggy mind you, pull off a goal you are more likely to see in the All Star game when all the guys are just trying trick shots they joked about in college then in a real NHL game. Jeff Skinner skates into the zone backwards with speed because the Devils did not know what they were doing in their own zone and crosses the gut of the ice like a figure skater to shoot the puck backwards at the net. That shot didn’t go in because this isn’t a video game, Jeff. However Louis Dominque blocked it with a pad and the resulting rebound was punched in by a Conor Sheary halfway onto his ass. It’s now 3-0 and I think this was the part where Dominque got pulled. No that wasn’t until the first intermission.

After goal three John Hynes and the Devils coaching staff took a time out to try and stop the bleeding. They did for a little bit. It was about ten minutes later when the Devils had finally figured out this shots on net thing but were still giving up D-Zone turnovers juicer than a holiday ham. Conor Sheary just takes a pot shot from a shite angle and Dominque gets his stick glove on it sending it up in the air. Carter Hutton must have watched this play on the bench thinking he’s not alone anymore. The puck goes straight up, and Dominque even watches a little bit of it’s hangtime. Then it just lands in the goal behind him like a letter delivered by a carrier pigeon. What a game already: its 4-0. Sheary skates the bench in celebrating with a “Idk, it just went in” look on his face. All you Monday night folks who paid for the cheapest Sabres tickets of the season so far got your money’s worth and more. But wait, there’s more! We’re in the last minute of the first period. Folks are filing up the stairs to get to the pisser before others and what happens. Casey Mittelstadt just dumps a puck off to Rasmus Asplund in the offensive zone and Asplund just goes “whatever” and one times it like he’s friggin Alex Ovechkin. It went in: 5-0 because this was Buffalo’s night evidently. That was Asplund’s first NHL goal. The kid who just got called up because of injuries and looked like an NHLer gets rewarded faster than maybe any other recent callup. And so the first period ends… *laughs in disbelief* 5-0 Buffalo.

This game was Founders Night. They had family of the Knox Brothers, the founders of the franchise, in attendance for a pregame ceremony. Apparently there was a giant birthday cake and birthday guard. Fun trivia: 50 Years ago on December 2nd the NHL formally granted Buffalo an expansion franchise. The club wouldn’t get named the Sabres for a little over five months but that’s a birthday even if there wasn’t a name. Perhaps the birthday wish was for lots of goals because 5-0 in the first period was not the end by a longshot. Three minutes into the second period PK Subban and Colin Miller have a little spat and the resulting penalties make it 4-on-4. I don’t know how to put this for children: Victor Olofsson sent a puck to heaven. Olofsson unleashed a slapshot that may soon be outlawed by the Geneva Conventions. The broadcast team didn’t know it went in until the horn went off. Ben Mathewson did a 60 frames per second (fps) replay of the goal and there isn’t really more than a couple frames between the slapshot and McKenzie Blackwood realizing the puck had gone in. It was the hardest goal any Sabre has shot this season. 6-0 Sabres and I really want to apologize to the Devils fans in attendance. This had to be embarrassing. I am so sorry. It wouldn’t be a shutout though guys. Zemgus Girgensons got called for tripping and New Jersey made the most of the powerplay when Nico Hischier sauced in a rebound past Linus Ullmark. 6-1 Sabres, the shutout is gone but the Devils are still angry evidently: Casey Mittelstadt is tripped by Kyle Palmieri, the ref blows it against him and before Mittelstadt is up Palmieri launches the puck at him in a temper tantrum. Mind you the Devils are now out-shooting the Sabres 2 to 1 but the Sabres are locking it down. This was the performance we needed. This was our birthday wish for the Sabres. The Sabres made Palmieri and the Devils pay for that trip and Henri Jokiharju fired a laser from the blue line to make it 7-1 for the home team. At this point we just crossed the halfway point of the game. Buffalo has scored a touchdown and Josh Allen didn’t even throw for it. This game was so good 71-year-old Mike Robitaille was telling 51-year-old Rob Ray that advanced stats are just splendid on the broadcast. It was a savagely beautiful disarming of the trap Ray had set. The Sabres were dunking on the Devils and Boomers were dunking on Boomers about advanced stats. This was such a wildly fun game we’re going to look back on it in two weeks and think it was some collective dream we had.

And it seemed meant to be like some kind of fairy tale! The third period had its scary moments, a couple Devils powerplays and a handful of defensive lapses for the home team but the end result never really seemed in question. Buffalo won in regulation 7-1. This game was everything. Jack Eichel’s point streak continues, he now has 38 points in 28 games on pace for a 111-point season. If he doesn’t make the all-star team we can rightfully conclude this league is rigged against Buffalo. Victor Olofsson probably deserves to go as well. Not only is he scoring at 5-on-5 now but he is leading the team in multi-point games; yes even more than Eichel. Friggin Johan Larsson had a career night: he got three points in a game, all on assists, for only the second time in his career. Think about every shocked or mother-of-god meme you got: that was this game. It was memeable! I can’t imagine they dominate like this every night but like, comment and share this blog to join the fun. Sabres After Dark returns Thursday night for a game in Calgary. I want some revenge for the Thanksgiving Eve myself but by that point my end-of-semester crunch week will be winding down, so I’ll probably settle for just some enjoyable sex puns. I got a pair of those oven mitts they gave away for the Thanksgiving Eve game, let’s hope the Sabres stay hot so I need them! Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. I don’t think the Bills catch New England for the division but let’s just savor the fact they’re one game back and that such a scenario is a realistic possibility at all. Just enjoying being a fan, I don’t think they catch em either but I’m going to enjoy this well it lasts!

[artofpeacelove]

When the outside is off limits, you run out of of fun and fresh things to do inside. Like once you’re down readjusting your schedule in between fits of power sobbing, you just get bored by the monotony of your scenery. I remember when I first realized this would be a problem, when my roommate told me, “I feel like we need to download TikTok.” “No, we’re 29, Amber,” I said. “Not even in an apocalypse.”

This was three weeks ago; you’ll understand that it was a different world back then.

1. Tie-dye your old T-shirts

Getting in touch with tie-dye will (literally) add some color to your drab existence.

2. Make friendship bracelets

Keeping on that summer camp train, friendship bracelets can ease you in a state of flow (and make for celebratory “We made it!” gives for when you reunite with your buds).

3. Learn a new card game

Blackjack? Poker? Go Fish?

4. Play a new virtual game with friends online

America is under Animal Crossing’s soothing lure right now, but we’re also very partial to these games you can play remotely with the whole damn gang.

5. Host a cocktail making competition

It could be virtual or it could be in your own home, but let’s see who gets the most creative with the ingredients left on their bar cart!

6. Put together outfits with the clothes you never wear

If there comes a day when you’ve exhausted black sweatpants—and I respect that some of you live there now—test out some of the lesser-used garments from your closet. You might find some hidden gems!

7. Learn how to French braid

Fishtail is fine, too, but this slumber party hairstyle is great for when you need to remember a simpler time.

8. Remove your split ends

Don’t cut your own bangs, we’re not that deep into quarantine for that kind of judgement call, but you can fix split ends safely without going hack-happy.

9. Become a ballerina

Has it always been your secret dream? Break the tights and tutu out, because there are about a gazillion online ballet classes that can make you feel like a regular Swan Queen.

10. Sew face masks

Even if homemade faces masks won’t directly protect from the coronavirus, they’re a kindness with a practical, ultimately prosocial use: they can stop you from touching your face.

11. Take a crash course in positivity

Hell, get an Ivy League joy degree with Yale University or University of Pennsylvania.

12. Get in touch with your birth chart

Learn how to read your natal chart and decrypt the nitty gritty of your star-sanctioned personality.

13. Do some purge-writing about something that’s frustrating you

Chances are you have some grievances right now. Get out a piece of paper and some wacky colored pens and blergh out all of your negative emotions. Look at a few days later and then put it through the shredder!

14. Take a virtual tour of a museum

Even if you’re not going to Paris in the spring like you planned (le sigh) you can still take a stroll through the Louvre or any number of venues to get a culture fix.

15. Redecorate your house with witchcraft

I actually gave my apartment home makeover with witchcraft last year and would highly recommend! I mean, there’s bad juju all around us and you might as well make your space a sanctuary while you’re stuck there.

16. Have a romantic solo date

I was pioneering enjoying being alone way way before it was…mandated by the government, so here’s my night-in take on my solo date idea: pour some wine, make your favorite (cauliflower) pasta, light some candles, and crank up the Frank Sinatra. You can decide if you want to take yourself home (lol) later.

17. Have a kitchen dance party

Do dance parties as much as possible! Do it with your partner! Do it with your long distance friends! Do it with yourself if you need to! Just do it!

18. Upgrade your daily stretch with laughter yoga

Head to YouTube to give yourself some lols, no downward dog required.

19. Watch the adorable penguins at the Bronx Zoo grow up

Wildly specific but there are two baby blue penguin chicks at the Bronx Zoo right now and your girl is following their every MOVE. Incidentally you can also take a virtual tour of the zoo, and heads up, there’s snow leopards!

20. Hula hoop for exercise

As the office’s resident Mrs. Maisel, hula hooping is the best form of exercise in the world, and we all should be doing it.

21. Make a gratitude jar

Write three things you’re grateful for every day and put it in the jar—highly beneficial if you’re quarantining with family and trying to not be at each other’s throats.

22. Interview yourself

Just sent my roommate a bunch of soul-searching questions, really get to know who you are and what you love about yourself.

23. Take your self-pleasure to the next level

We know times are tight, so we have some affordable sex toys, and household items you can use in a pinch.

24. Dye your hair a cotton candy color

If you’ve ever felt self-conscious or like you couldn’t pull it off, you know… f–k it. I’m rocking Manic Panic hot pink as part of my go-to isolation aesthetic.

25. Write letters to pen pals

Make a new senior friend in a nursing home or pen love letters to your long distance (read: housebound a few miles away) sweetie. Just because we can access everyone through technology doesn’t mean people don’t want written words to hold onto (don’t worry, mail is most likely safe).

26. Upcycle your old clothes

If you’re not really into a modern day hippie aesthetic, there are other ways to reinvent and repair your old threads.

27. Make some whipped coffee

I can’t lie, it looks delicious and worthy of all the Instagram love.

28. Declutter your entire home

You’re already disinfecting like crazy, go full Marie Kondo while you’re at it.

29. Dust off your grandparents’ old recipes and give them a whirl

Pull out the index cards and even Zoom them in while you’re cooking them (unless they’re like, gone, which is still a good reason to recreate YiaYia’s avgolemono soup.

30. Ask your parents to tell you a story about their childhood

I don’t know, even after a full year of “Ok Boomer,” we do feel very protective and loving towards our parents during this crisis.

31. Explore some of the most beautiful National Parks in America

Until you can explore them in person, this go for a virtual nature walk.

32. Fill every inch of your house with daffodils

Or whatever flower you find fitting,��bring the outdoors indoors!

33. Read the entire Baby-Sitters Club series

During Zoom happy hour we played a trivia game, and you know who crushed the Baby-Sitters Club series? Your girl. There are 131 books total, so either check back in with Kristy and the gang for the nostalgia factor, or literally read this ridiculous YA series as a bizarro adult project.

34. Do absolutely nothing

Lol, I mean, that’s going to be a first for some of you! Enjoy the moment of sitting there and being idle!

35. Do an online workout with pop icon Cher

I mean, you can definitely do a more dignified online workout, but I’m going to start my morning with Cher’s 1980s hot dance.

36. Try out a new kind of meditation

Maybe a grounding root chakra meditation or a compassion meditation.

37. Take a bath with all the trimmings

Bath bombs, bubbles, salts, if you’ve upgraded from your garbage apartment to somewhere nice, indulge yourself.

38. Watch a movie remotely with your crush

The Netflix Party extension can help you there!

39. Redecorate your desk space

I mean, you might as well jazz up your home office while living that WFH life.

40. If you’re partnered, have an hour long make-out sesh

I’m sure your boinking like crazy, but why not kick it old school and simply enjoy kissing?

41. Spend about a trillion hours on Pinterest

Fill your feed with literally everything you love!

42. Practice a new language

There are plenty of language apps available to train you for when we can travel again.

43. Start teletherapy

It might feel weird at first, but transitioning to virtual therapy could be really worth it in this high stress time.

44. Make a playlist of absolutely flawless jams

Or check out this masterpiece editor Jessie Van Amburg blessed us with.

45. Bake banana bread

Sure, why not, everyone else is doing it.

46. Give tarot card readings, regardless of whether you know how to read tarot

I find it’s kind of funner to wing it, but here’s some simple tarot tips if you really want to learn.

47. Finally get into Podcasts

Hell, even make one if you want to, it’s the end of the world, babe.

48. Do some living room miles

Get your steps in with meditative walking.

49. Make a “Me Altar”

This is basically just a collection of items that worships the awesomeness of you, whether that’s a polaroid from a day you looked amaze to some rose quartz crystals

50. Have a Zoom brunch date with your best friend and be extra petty

Just like back in the good old days when you were overpaying for avo toast.

51. And a coffee date with all your work wives

Because the Zoom Happy Hours don’t really give you quality catch up time.

52. Get yourself a new toy

This $20 vibrator will serve you well in isolation.

53. DIY your usual manicure

If you were a former salon queen, we have some tips on how to do it the right way.

54. Organize your old photos in a photo album

To remember the good old days.

55. Watch all of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

It’s a show that features nothing but how to survive apocalypses, so now is the time to start if you haven’t already.

56. Order and install a bidet seat

Toilet paper is over.

57. Download TikTok

Ew. I mean, if you want.

This all being said, it’s okay if you’re not feeling your most productive right now. And if you’re social distancing alone, this is how to recreate human touch. 

from Good Advice – Well+Good https://ift.tt/2UGV4Uw via IFTTT

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[stormgambit]

  Welcome to another Music Monday!

This magazine is basically the epitome of what I’m discussing today.

There was a time after Elvis went into the army, Buddy Holly died, and before the Beatles invaded America, in that time rock and roll went a bit soft. The whole market was saturated with teen idols. I recently watched a documentary about early American Rock and Roll, and Jerry Lee Lewis called this time “the time of the Bobbys” because it seemed that a lot of these teen stars were called Bobby. There’s three parts to this documentary called Rock and Roll America, it’s by the BBC and very good. I found it on Youtube and in part three around the ten minute mark you can see Bobby Rydell talking about “Wild One” and after that Fabian talking about his whole time as a teen idol. The pre-packaged rock and roll pop of these teen idols are seen as crap records, but there is a fun playfulness you find in them, they also are easy to dance to, and great to sing in the shower!

Franz Liszt.

A Young Frank Sinatra.

My teen idols, the Jonas Brothers.

There have been teen idols for a long time, Frank Sinatra was considered an early one (his fans were called bobby soxers ), and way before Sinatra, Franz Liszt caused Lisztomania in the 1840’s (which is what Beatlemania was named after). There are still teen idols today, some from my childhood being The Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. Today I want to focus on the age of the Bobby’s because I actually really enjoy their music, even though it’s not as deep or musically exciting as some more “sophisticated” music. Teen bubble gum pop from the 50’s and 60’s is really just a fun genre to listen to. A note on teen idols, they don’t necessarily have to be singers, it’s just what I’m focusing on today.

I found this on the Betty and Veronica Instagram page and it perfectly captures the teen idols I want to talk about. My grandpa used to buy me Betty and Veronica comics and I have a soft spot for them. 

A lot of people don’t like teen idols, it’s not “real music” to them and doesn’t have the complexity of like a Queen song or like a later Beatles song. Also a lot of those people happen to be grumpy old men who think music died in the 90’s after Nirvana came out. Just saying there’s a whole lot of music out here that’s really good that has come out recently. I really like The Fontaines and Lance Lipinsky & the Lovers. Because of the reputation of this music being more family friendly, and the stars as wholesome family entertainers, really turns off a lot of people, especially the die hard sex, drugs, and rock and roll people.

Early rock was dominated by people like Little Richard, who is one of my favorite early rock and rollers.

Pat Boone was the wholesome and family friendly alternative to stars like Little Richard.

 I will admit I don’t like Pat Boone, and his version of Tutti Frutti is one of the worst covers my ears have ever heard. He also has one of those faces you just want to punch, but maybe that’s just me. I do enjoy many of the other artists of the Era. I’ve said this before, but my sophomore and junior year were devoted to swing and the Andrews Sisters. By senior year I was incorporating late 50’s and early 60’s teen Idols into my music. My big three from high school ended up being Bobby Rydell, Frankie Avalon, and Dion. I hope to write about them all in their individual posts so that this isn’t like 30 pages of me blathering on about how much I enjoy their music, I have also already written the Bobby Rydell post. For a sampling of their music I suggest “I’ll Never Dance Again” by Bobby Rydell, “Venus” by Frankie Avalon (I listened to this song so much in high school), and finally Dion (who is my favorite of the three) I suggest his signature song “The Wanderer”. My favorite Dion song though is “Donna the Prima Donna”.

Frankie and Annette.

Bobby Rydell.

Dion.

Recently I have gotten into a couple of other teen idols. Mostly Annette Funicello and Ricky Nelson. Annette’s song “Pineapple Princess” basically became my anthem at work  over the summer. Also I think it’s really cute that her albums like incorporated her name, like Hawaiianette and Italiannette.  Ricky Nelson has always kinda been in my consciousness but only because there were like three generations of his family to become famous and it’s a neat trivia fact. I was introduced to Ricky Nelson’s music via The Man Who Fell to Earth, in which there is a very NSFW scene with David Bowie and his love interest who’s name in the movie is Mary Lou with the song “Hello Mary Lou” playing. Here is a link to just a slide show of pictures of Ricky Nelson with the song. With in the past year or so I’ve been really into Rockabilly, which Ricky is considered a Rockabilly artist and got more into his music through that. But my current favorite song is “For You” which is perhaps one of the most pop sounding things he did.

Annette.

Ricky Nelson.

Teen idols of the late 50’s and early 60’s are a very underrated group of artists, and are often dismissed for being family friendly, wholesome fare. Some artists like Dion and Ricky Nelson grew out of their teen idolness, other’s like Bobby Rydell and Frankie Avalon still tour to this day singing the songs that made them stars in their youth. Frankie Avalon, Bobby Rydell, and Fabian all tour together as an oldies review. Annette became an icon, of not only for her part in the beach party movies but also for being one of the originals Mousketeers. After her death the CEO of Disney released this statement.

Annette was and always will be a cherished member of the Disney family, synonymous with the word Mouseketeer, and a true Disney Legend. She will forever hold a place in our hearts as one of Walt Disney’s brightest stars, delighting an entire generation of baby boomers with her jubilant personality and endless talent. Annette was well known for being as beautiful inside as she was on the outside, and she faced her physical challenges with dignity, bravery and grace. All of us at Disney join with family, friends and fans around the world in celebrating her extraordinary life.[21]

The quote is from Wikipedia but there you can see the link to the actual article and if you have a D23 membership you can read it. Pat Boone can be forgotten.

Frankie and Annette in a Beach Party movie. 

I think we should remember and enjoy the music these teen idols gave to us. In my Bobby Rydell post I characterized this music as a sweet musical cupcake, and we all need a little sweetness in our lives. As a culture we dismiss these acts as being the crap that comes between Rock and Roll pioneers (pioneers like Little Richard, Chuck Berry, and Buddy Holly) and the British Invasion. But remember, even the Beatles were teen idols once, and they even based the song “She Loves You” off of a Bobby Rydell song. So, when a grumpy old man (looking at you Jerry Lee Lewis in that documentary I watched) complains about teen idols being fluff, and nonsense music, think about the fact that some of the most popular artists in music history were considered at one time to be teen idols. In order to fully enjoy the music of these teen idols you need to take the for their face value as cheesy, fun, danceable records. These aren’t profound deep songs, they are three minute pop songs meant for teenagers. Once you accept them for being what they are, you can enjoy them without comparing them to what is considered good rock and roll music.  

  I’ll give the last words of this post to Ricky Nelson:

Some people call me a teenage idol Some people say they envy me I guess they got no way of knowing How lonesome I can be

  See you later,

–Alyssa–

Teen Idols Welcome to another Music Monday! There was a time after Elvis went into the army, Buddy Holly died, and before the Beatles invaded America, in that time rock and roll went a bit soft.

[thedungeonra]

My thoughts on THE LAST JEDI

It’s Christmas Eve-eve and I’m working 2nd shift.   It’s finally calmed down a bit so this seems a good time to talk about my difficult relationship with STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI.

I overall dislike the film, both as the 8th episode of the Star Wars Saga/9th film overall in the entire franchise and as a film on its own merit. But there was a lot I liked about the film.  A lot I LOVED about the film.  Which perhaps makes it more frustrating.  Were TLJ as categorically bad as say, HIGHLANDER 2: The one where they’re from the Planet Zeist, I would actually have a much easier time disliking it.

But first, what exactly is my history with Star Wars?

EMPIRE STRIKES BACK was the first film I ever saw in a theater.   My older brother took me.  I was all of 4.   I saw STAR WARS on TV later on and it was not until RETURN OF THE JEDI that I connected the dots that it was the same film.  You gotta remember that for my generation, what you call, “Episode IV: A NEW HOPE,” was just STAR WARS to us.   I loved ESB.  And collected what little merchandise was available in early 80s rural Indiana.

I’ve seen EMPIRE STRIKES BACK more than any other film.   I have a son, college-age right now, who grew up with the prequels.    We had our various lightsaber battles, and played the video games together and bought the toys.  It was great!

I don’t hate the prequels in the en vogue way that GenXers seem to hate them.  Jar Jar doesn’t bother me all that much.  Nor does Jake Lloyd’s Anakin.  I still fire up the DVD from time to time for the Podrace and Darth Maul duels.  And Qui-Gon is one of my favorite SW characters.  

I really enjoyed ATTACK OF THE CLONES because it feels like Ewan really had fun playing Obi-Wan.  And SITH… well… it’s not great.    I think the last two minutes of ROGUE ONE makes up a lot for the last two minutes of SITH.  It’s the Darth Vader we’ve wanted to see for decades.

And I loved FORCE AWAKENS. I really dig all four new leads. I was bummed that Luke had nothing to do and I felt Han got a really bittersweet ending (as did Harrison Ford finally get the exit he wanted from the franchise).  I thought the structural similarities between IV and VII were a feature, not a bug.   And I’ve been all for VIII since.

 Until.  The trailers for VIII began.  Something felt… not quite right.  And yeah, feel free to insert your, “I feel a great disturbance in the Force) joke here.  I couldn’t get excited for anything I was seeing in the trailers.  

Even seeing Luke in the cockpit of the Falcon felt like the grapes of Han’s, “Chewie, we’re home” to prunes in my mouth.   I assumed Luke would die in this film.  And after we lost Carrie Fisher much too soon, it was hard accepting that IX would be without Luke, Han and Leia.  I waited for the crowds to thin a bit and saw TLJ on Tuesday after opening weekend. 70mm IMAX at the Indiana State Museum, if knowing that of trivia is fun for you.

Now, then.  I’m not a film critic and this is not a film review. I’m just a middle aged Star Wars lover and film nerd.  

 But before we get into what I disliked about it, let’s start off on a positive note!  Firstly, I do understand and respect that Rian Johnson had essentially 4 basic audiences for this film, none of whom view Star Wars the same way.  Baby Boomers what saw STAR WARS in college; we GenXers what grew up with the movies; Millennials who grew up with the Preqs; and kids today whose first Star Wars theater experience was THE FORCE AWAKENS.  That’s a heavy burden and if anything, I feel like they failed in trying to appease to these 4 quadrants of the fandom.

I loved the opening battle sequence.  It’s maybe the best star war in Star Wars.  It looks and sounds great.  There is great conflict and drama.  It has this amazing gut punch with the last bomber.  Just superb.

I still really just love the four new leads.  Those are all rich characters.

I’ve seen a lot of people grousing about Rose and specifically, the entire casino sub-plot.  Rose was great!  In a movie where people are all over the place on the emotional spectrum, Rose felt like really the only person whose emotional responses actually made sense in their given contexts.  And she delivers the theme of the film at the end, which I did enjoy.  

And the space casino heist? Are you kidding me?  James Bond in space.  Loved it.  I felt the animal cruelty and slavery beats a bit too on the nose, but that’s just a taste thing.  I think my very first reaction on the twitters was something to the effect of, “a great space casino heist film wrapped in a shitty Star Wars story.” Beneicio Del Toro was certainly memorable.  I thought they were teasing a new Han Solo-ish scoundrel but instead, he’s this great foil to Finn.  I DJ shows back up again either in IX or in Rian Johnson’s spinoff films.    

My only real quibble with the casino scene was that Justin Theroux’s high stakes gambler/slicers should have been Lando, right?  You can’t put Billy Dee Williams at a Sabacc table for 30 seconds?  Also seeing how the owner of the ship DJ stole sells to the Resistance and the 1st Order, having him still Lando’s ship would have been a nice touch.   In the absence of the Rebellion and Han, Lando is not the best version of his self. Anyway, I’m not here to write a different movie.

I also really liked Laura Dern’s Admiral Holdo and I enjoyed how she shut down Poe’s mansplaining.   I don’t understand some of the choices made with Holdo, but  more on that in a bit.   Holdo crashing the Mon Cal cruiser into the 1st Order fleet while at lightspeed was insanely cool.  That’s the stuff we only ever imagined in the old Star Wars RPG; never thought I’d see something like that on screen.

Didn’t mind the Yoda cameo. Don’t understand people who say, “bro, that should have been Obi-Wan, bro.”  I don’t agree, but whatever.  Yoda seemed perfect to me.  

I don’t think it’s the best lightsaber fight in Star Wars, but seeing Kylo Ren and Rey fight together was really cool.  Was great to see the combat training the actors have done get a few minutes to shine.

BB-8.  Big fan.  I don’t understand why BB-8 didn’t get a moment to take out BB-9e while in that 1st Order Chicken Walker.  Would have been a quick scene and very satisfying.  Oh well.

The big ground assault on the rebel base at the end was great. That’s the ground battle I expected from the trailer of ROGUE ONE that didn’t seem to be in the movie.  I wonder if there’s a connection?

All of the performances were superb.  Carrie Fisher especially.  

The film was a series of several, often disconnected moments, that I thought were really good.

Now the bad stuff.  I find it insanely annoying and not a little condescending to allege that people who do not like THE LAST JEDI are obsessive fanboys who cannot let go of the past.   Or that we don’t understand the goals and themes of the film.  I get it.  Conceptually, I’m on board.  I’m VERY ready for the formula of STAR WARS to be reinvented.   I don’t need to see rehashes of Sith vs Jedi, Empire vs Rebellion, Skywalker vs Skywalker.  It’s tired. I know.   Dudes wanna fly off half-cocked into conflict when they should listen to the counsel of wiser women.  I KNOW.

Just… be good at doing those things.

So here’s what I hated:

The film doesn’t actually move the story forward.  The movie ends with the same status quo as the beginning:  

the 1st Order has the New Republic Resistance on the ropes and is assaulting their base.

Rey doesn’t have a teacher.

The 1st Order is exactly as effective with Snoke cut into pieces as it was when he was alive.

The Resistance is exactly as effective when a demoted Commander leads a mutiny against a Vice Admiral as it was with General Leia in charge.  

This film sets on fires many dangling plot points set-up by JJ in VII only to return the story to the same position.

And so on.  You get it.  It’s the illusion of change.  

I hated every scene with Luke Skywalker.    Man, just one huge bummer after another.   And again, conceptually, I can by that he’s at least a Grey Jedi now and believes both the Sith and Jedi are wrong in the possessive perspectives on the Force.  I can buy that he went off to Ach-To to cut himself off from the Force and die.  I can buy that he, in a moment of weakness, could not figure out how to save Ben Solo from the Dark Side and was tempted himself to take the quick and easy path.  He did, after all, cut Darth Vader’s hand off in the Death Star II Throne room.

But all of those things were executed in a clumsy way that seemed to have little regard for the character. It was a gigantic bummer.  Would have also been nice if someone had bothered to tell Luke that his best friend died at the hands of his own son.  Maybe that’s what Chewie told him?  Or Artoo?  But I dunno.  It’s not clear and they gave Mark Hamill nothing to work with in those moments.  

I absolutely hated his hero moment at the end.  Why set up Old Logan Luke who doesn’t want to face down the entire 1st Order with a laser sword in the 1st Act if he does it but not really in the 3rd Act?  There’s a wishy-washy desire to have things both ways in this film that drives me nuts.

Also, Luke on Denouement Planet was the clunkiest “misdirect” of the entire film.  I’ve only seen the film once and at my first viewing, it was obvious to me that this was not actually Luke.  

A) We’ve just seen three different flashbacks of Jedi Master Luke from his New Jedi Academy days after RotJ. And Denouement Luke looks exactly like Jedi Master Luke and not the Wild Man of Borneo from the first two Acts.

B)  the movie makes a big deal of showing us that the slightest disturbance to the surface crust of that salt pan will reveal the red dust underneath (which was a rad visual element).   And when Kylo Ren sets his foot in Sith Action Pose, we see the red underneath.  Whereas Luke is clearly NOT disrupting anything.  

C) How dumb is Kylo Ren that even though he just destroyed Anakin Skywalker’s blue lightsaber 10 minutes before landing, Luke is somehow wielding it?  I think there’s an argument to be made that Luke intentionally chooses a younger visage of himself (of the last time Ben Solo saw him) and is also using his own legacy against him (Anakin’s lightsaber) to put him off balance. But the film does not convey this.

All combined, these three elements rob all the underlying drama tension from that conflict because it’s obvious he isn’t there.

The dialogue was troublesome for me.  I legit sat there, stunned, at the end looking for a Diablo Cody writing credit. Remember how I loved the opening battle? Everything but that bit with Poe and Hux.  It was funny the first time.  The, “Holding for Hux” part after Hux did his nefarious monologue.  But they kept hitting that same beat.  Over and over.  I would have not batted an eye had Poe called Hux, “homeslice” in that moment. Thus, Diablo Cody.  

Also, Snoke’s “spunk.” line. Lolwut?  Though I had a chuckle and thought to myself, “… and wriggling” after Andy Serkis said, “raw.”

Why do they keep wasting Gwendoline Christie as Phasma?  Have they not seen GAME OF THRONES?  Are they unaware of the jewel in their crown?

The editing.  This film needs a good once-over to trim about 20 minutes out.  Do we need to see Luke milking a Watto-Cow or spearfishing?  Did we need to see Luke’s X-Wing parked underwater when it’s just an unnecessary head-fake?  As much as I did enjoy the casino bit, it felt over-stuffed.  

The wishy-washiness. Oh man.  This is the ultimate dealbreaker for me.  Look, I don’t mind Rey is the daughter of a couple Trump voters from Jakku with no connection to the Skywalkers.  The scene where Kylo Ren tells her, “You don’t even belong here. No one cares about you but me.” is fantastic.  I loved it. I love their relationship and I hope to all the cinema gods they stick to their guns and don’t reveal that Ben and Rey are just Jacen and Jaina Solo lite.  

Don’t waste our precious film time in VII making a huge mystery deal out of who Rey is and who her parents are in VII just to reveal in VIII that she’s nobody from nowhere one-hundredth of her name.  And don’t especially get pissy at me because I’m frustrated that you wasted my time on a non-mysterious mystery.  That’s false drama, breh.  And a really hacky way to “deconstruct” a story.

If you’re going to really deconstruct what we know about this story and these characters, then do it.  “Flip you. Flip you, for real.”  Don’t try to have your space cake and eat it too.    

Luke is done with this mess and isn’t going to show up and play the hero.  Until he does.  But not really.  

Kylo Ren has good in him, but not really.

Rey has darkness in her, but not really.

Now, this is not the same thing as a character arc.  I don’t lump this in with Poe being a brash self-centered pilot at the beginning but a real leader by the end.  I’m for that.  

I’m talking about if LAST JEDI were broken into numerical values, for every 1 there is a -1 and the story of the movie feels like a sum of 0.

Now, there are a lot of nitpicky things I’ve shared with the people in my life (most of whom are glad I’ve turned my focus to the internet).  Like, “what’s the deal with Snoke?  Who is he and what does he want?”  That’s just subjective, “season-to-taste” stuff that grates on me but I don’t feel objectively bad.   “Who is Snoke and what does he want?” was not a focal point of the previous film.  

Samey-same with Holdo not sharing her plan.  Finn’s plan actually not accomplishing anything.  If they knew they were being tracked and had two jumps left and a 6 minute window, why not prepare the transports, jump the old rebel base, unload the transport and jump again in 5 minutes?  That kind of thing.  You know, things people call, “plot holes” on the internet that are not actually plot holes.

Leia Force Flying through space after the bridge exploded.  Just looked dumb.  If there was any excuse for Leia to bust out a lightsaber, this was the moment.  That would have been choice.    Tangential to this: the unceremonious death of Admiral Ackbar.

But those are digressions.

I would probably like this story much more if it were the last half of FORCE AWAKENS rather than a movie all unto itself.

That said, I think this petition to remove TLJ from the canon of SW films is idiotic.  This film is going to make a billion dollars by New Years and Disney appears to be giving Rian Johnson his own spinoff franchise. So yeah, this movie isn’t going anywhere.  

I also think its real low class to jump on twitter and be a raging dickmunch to Rian Johnson.  I’ll never understand why people punish creators for being easily accessible.   Or to people who loved the movie.  I’m not here to convince you that you shouldn’t love THE LAST JEDI or tell you you’re a dumb-dumb if you did.  I simply find it difficult to like for Star Wars movie reasons and movie-movie reasons.

I actually look forward to Johnson’s spinoff film because he seems much more comfortable with new characters.  I think he’s a person like Zahn who will add a lot of new hated and loved characters. But unlike Zahn, I don’t think he has a steady hand with legacy characters.

So that’s it.  6 pages on a Word document later (assuming you stuck around).  Feel free to hit me back on the twitterbox to tell me how both right and wrong I am!

May the Force be something or other.  But probably not.