#and lowkey the last sections of it were so good to write

[aeolianblues]

Writing is so awesome. I had things on my mind. I sat with them and an open document for an hour. Feel like I've puked it all out. Now I can go pack and eat dinner. Free therapy

[buckyalpine]

Okaaay! How can you write perfect imagines like that ! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Now I cant help to send you another idea and I'M NOT SORRY!

Another Bucky one, where you’re kinda their technician and support the Avengers out of the IT section of the compound when they are on the field. But Bucky also thinks you should learn how to self-defense yourself just in case, but you always refuse. One time you finally give in and he starts training private with you, which one time leads you falling and landing on top of him. instead of getting up, he pulls you closer and kisses you and even carries you to his room to make sweet love. Afterwards he’s a huge cuddler and you both confess your feelings ? I LOVE YOU 😊

I LOVE YOU I LOVE THIS I LOVE IT ALL, give me some sweet, soft Bucky loving his shy girl. (also bb, idek if you remember sending me this considering how long I've taken, IM SO SORRY, I hope I did this justice). Ugh, I love this type of smut, lowkey a weakness.

You breathed out a sigh of relief, setting down your headset after navigating the team through the building they had to break into, infiltrating the security system from your place in the Avengers tower. You guided them down the halls, alerting them of any potential hazards that were to be expected, carefully watching four different screens at once so you had eyes on all of them.

"Couldn't do this without ya short cake, see you soon" Tony's voice crackled through the coms, making you giggle before signing out. You loved your job with the Avengers, helping them on the field through the latest Stark technology, safe in your IT lab. You never had to worry about skills or getting injured because you didn't have to go out onto the field, at most, having to worry about the wifi ever slowing down at the wrong time (though there were plenty of back up softwares in place).

The familiar sounds of boots softly thudding down the hall made your heart flutter, peeking up from your place behind the computer to see Bucky walk into the lab, still in his tactical gear. He didn't seem fazed by the cut that was bleeding from his forehead; at the very least that seemed to be his only injury.

"You saved our asses again" Bucky grinned while you shook your head, taking his hand and making him sit at your desk, pulling out a first aid kit to take care of a gash that was cut across his eyebrow.

"And you're still bleeding" You gently dabbed a cotton ball to his eyebrow, carefully blowing away the sting after.

"Just a scratch doll" Bucky shrugged, letting you clean up the cut, the serum already starting to heal it. "How were things here"

"The usual, made some tea, watched your mission online, nothing exciting"

Bucky hummed, bringing up the same thing he always did after getting back from a mission without fail.

"Maybe you should learn some self-defense doll" He peeked an eye open, meeting yours while you put a final band aid on the side of his forehead just above his brow. "Just in case. Can't have anything happening to our favorite little short cake"

"I'm perfectly safe in the lab, Bucky" You replied, his words making your cheeks heat up, brushing them off as his usual playful teasing. This wasn't the first time Buck had suggested you learn self defense and you always shut it down.

"C'mon. I'll teach you, give you a private lesson. I'll be gentle" He prodded further, being dead serious in his offer. Sure you were safe at the tower but should anything happen, he wanted you to be able to take care of yourself if necessary.

"Bucky-

"It'll be good for you! What if someone broke into the compound when we aren't here"

"Bucky-

"Or if aliens attack. It literally happened last month. Remember that big purple ball sack-

"Bucky-

"Or if you're just walking down the street and someone tries to steal your purse"

"James-

"Pleaaseeee" Bucky gave you his final puppy pout, eyes wide, his bottom lip jutting out until you finally huffed, butterflies fluttering around you tummy.

"Just once" You agreed, feeling like you'd been lit on fire at the handsome smile he gave you, deciding to meet up twice a week at the gym for training. You felt nervous, seeing as you'd never had to use self-defense in your life. You weren't exactly coordinated for fighting and even though you were learning you didn't want to look like a complete fool in front of Bucky of all people.

-

You nervously made your way to the gym, surprised to find it empty with just Bucky waiting for you at the mats. You were expecting to find it full with the others training as well.

"Is it just us here?" You asked as he held his hand out, helping you under the ropes.

"Booked the gym just for us doll, we have it for an hour so you don't have to worry about anyone else" He smiled warmly, hoping the blush on his cheeks wasn't obvious, not wanting to seem like a creep. He really did want to train you, but he couldn't help the inkling of excitement he felt getting to help his crush.

You were surprised at what a gentleman he was. Training went surprisingly well; Bucky started off with easy moves, always warming up and helping you stretch first. It didn't help that you were flustered each time, usually slipping or tripping because you were caught up in his blue eyes or pink lips, the scent of his cologne always making you woozy.

He caught you every single time, setting you back on your feet with ease, praising what a good job you were doing whenever you did something well and encouraging you when he showed you something more challenging.

"Alright, today you're going to attack me" Bucky stated while you stared at his wide eyed, shaking your head.

"Bucky, I'm not sure I can-

"Yes you can short cake, c'mon, show me what you've got" He threw you a playful smirk, taking a few steps back and getting into position. You gulped, shaking off your nerves before steadying yourself, remembering everything he'd taught you. It didn't help that he'd decided to leave his shirt behind, his sculped body nearly taunting you from focusing. You launched yourself at him, managing to land a hit near his ribs before he caught you, gently grabbing your arm and holding it in place.

"Good job doll, now you're going to try and get out of this and attack again". Bucky's voice was strained, struggling with all his might to keep from blushing more, the scent of your shampoo and the softness of your skin making him giddy. With each training session, he was falling more and more for you, your shy giggles and smiles making his school boy crush worse.

You tried to focus on getting out of his hold instead of the fact that you were pressed tightly against him with your back to his chest, his warm breath fanning against your cheek, the coolness of his arm making you shiver. You wriggled around, slipping out and lunging forward again. You couldn't recall the exact sequence of steps Bucky had taught you, asking him while still moving.

"Do you think I should-ops-" You squeaked, losing your footing, crashing right into the soldier, sending you both onto the floor, landing right on top of Bucky. Bucky caught you, hands firmly on your waist while your eyes grew wide as your nose nearly brushed against his, chest pressed right onto him. You were frozen in place as the the tension grew thick, his baby blues daring to your lips before looking at you again, your sweet face centimeters from his, all he had to do was just-

Before he could stop himself, he pressed his lips against yours, smirking at the surprised gasp you let out before melted into him, eyes closing when you left his tongue softly trace along your lips. You lost yourself into the kiss, gasping again when he handled you with ease, standing with your legs wrapped around his waist, holding you securely. Your heart hammered against as he made his way towards to the gym doors, his arm supporting your ass while the the other cupped your face to kiss you again.

"Wanted to do that for so long short cake" Bucky shyly smiled, pressing the button of the elevator to take you right to his room, leaning in again for another kiss. You giggled, kissing him right back, tugging on his dogtags, not breaking away from each other until you were in the privacy of his room, gasping for air.

Bucky gently nudged the door shut, laying you down softly on the bed, lying on top of you, brushing your hair away from your face.

"Hi" He gave you a boyish smile, nuzzling his nose against your cheek, coaxing you to look at him when you tried to shy away, still in shock you had kissed Bucky and now you were in his room.

"Hi" You whispered, biting your lip feeling his hand softly stroke your waist, the both of you lost in each other again. You sucked in a breath before pressing a kiss to his cheek, blinking up at him to see if it was okay.

"So soft" He hummed, stroking up your thigh to your waist when your hitched your leg over him desperately wanting him closer. "My pretty short cake" Bucky didn't rush, the both of you innocently kissing on his bed, not leaving an inch of skin untouched with hands exploring each others bodies. Your stomach flipped when you felt his erection press against your tummy, the deep blush on his cheeks making you fall for him so much more.

"Is this okay?" Bucky asked, toying with the hem of your shirt, waiting for your permission before going any further.

"Please Bucky" Your voice was needy, craving to be closer, warmth pooling in your panties at the sight of his bulge straining in his grey joggers. He took his time undressing you, taking your hands in his and pulling you up so he could take your top off, tossing your sports bra aside immediately after. You lifted your hips up, letting him pull your shorts and panties off in one go, feeling exposed, your legs shut tightly together. As much as he wanted to admire your pretty body, Bucky kept his eyes on your face, smiling at you reassuringly while you covered yourself with his sheets.

He threw his clothes off before joining you under the covers, laying on top of you again, this time letting his kisses trail to others places. You let your hands cling onto his muscular shoulders while he kissed down your neck and across your chest, making his way to your peaked nipples, taking one into his mouth. You bit your lip to hold back your moan, hardly realizing you'd spread your legs for him, the slick between your folds making a mess between the sheets.

His cock leaked against your thigh each time you whined, his tongue drawing circles around your softness, pulling off so he could pay attention to the other. His thumb came up to flick your nipples, groaning when he felt your hand come to play with his hair, his hips rutting against the bed.

He continued to kiss down your body, nipping your tummy before settling between your legs, licking your sensitive inner thighs before spreading your folds apart and kissing your clit.

"So sweet doll" He whispered as he began to gently suckle, moaning when you whimpered, his arm slinging over your hips to keep you from squirming.

"Oh-B-Bucky!" You gasped, the band in your belly already starting to tighten as he drew circles, his lips sealed around your sensitive nub, nursing from you with the most soft, gently gurgles, his beard soaked with your juiced. "Bucky-I-I'm gonna-

"Come for me short cake, lemme taste all of you" Bucky went right back in, the sound of your moans growing louder making his cock throb, restraining himself from humping the bed knowing damn well he'd blow his load if he moved the slightest. You came all over Bucky's face, covering your face with your arm when he crawled back up with a grin, your arousal glistening off his lips.

"All shy for me now doll?" He purred, moving your arm away so he could kiss you deeply. You could feel his painfully hard cock pressed against you reaching down to stroke him.

"Fuck" Bucky hissed, his eyes rolling back, involuntarily thrusting forward into your hand, a drop of precum falling onto your skin. The sight alone send another wave of arousal gushing between your legs, feeling more empty than ever, feeling his thick velvety shaft fuck your hand.

"Can-can I?" You were too shy to say it but you wanted to make Bucky feel good too, his perfect pink glistening cockhead begging to be sucked, all leaky and swollen.

"You have no idea how much I'd love that but I just-I really wanna be inside you baby" Bucky panted, letting out a strained chuckle knowing damn well he wouldn't last if he saw your sweet doe eyes looking up at him with your mouth filled with cock, much less actually feeling your tongue. "Is this okay?"

He pumped his cock a few times, swiping it along your folds, his weeping tip catching against your fluttering hole.

"Will-will it fit?" you bit your lip, bringing your legs to wrap around his waist, your arms slinging around his shoulders, wrapping yourself around him.

"Told you I'd be gentle" Bucky smiled softly, kissing your cheek as he started to push in, swallowing your gasp as he began stretched you. "Fuck you feel so good" Bucky moaned softly, continued to give you every inch until he bottomed out, stilling so you could adjust.

"Everything okay?" He looked at you with concern, wrapping your body protectively against his.

"Feels good Bucky" you nodded, your voice melting into a moan as he started to move, pulling his hips back slowly and thrusting forward again, keeping a steady motion, letting you feel every bit of him inside you. He reached places you'd never felt before, shamelessly getting louder, digging your nails into his skin when he moved faster, desperate to give you as much pleasure as he could.

"Wanted this for so long doll, y'know that? How long I wanted to make love to you?" He confessed, grinding his hips, barely pulling out, his full, heavy balls pressed against your ass. "Make you feel so good pretty girl, take care of my sweet little short cake who always looks out for me"

"Please don't stop Bucky!" You begged, squeezing his cock, your pussy pulling him back in each time he pulled out, nearly tearing up at his words. "Don't-oh god-Bucky, don't-stop!"

"I know baby, I know" Bucky cooed, "Shhh, feels good, doesn't it? Is that all babygirl? Does it feel good?" His thrusts grew more powerful until he was pounding you into the matters, pouring every bit of his feelings into his strokes, the feeling of your body wrapped around his driving him closer to his own climax.

"Feels-good-so-good" you hiccupped between a whine, crying out when he brought his knee up to fuck you deeper, hitting a different angle. "RIGHT THERE BUCKY"

"That's it angel, I know baby, that's your spot, doing so good for me, think you can give me one more doll? Cum one more time for me?"

"Y-yeah!" You wailed, your back arching off the bed as he brought his hand between your bodies, rubbing your clit with soft circles, adding more pressure between snapping his hips. "I'm gonna cum Bucky!!"

"My good girl, makes me so hard when you say my name baby, cum for me angel, cum on my cock, don't stop till you cream all over me baby, I got you" He held you tighter, your head tucked into the crook of his arm while he cradled you, his other hand still rubbing you. His pace didn't faster, panting, desperately holding his own orgasm off, your brows knitting together, jaw slack, sweat covering your skin.

"You look so pretty like this babygirl, fuck, gonna make me cum y/n" He practically whined, moaning loudly with you when he started to feel you milk his cock, fluttering and squeezing him as your orgasm washed over you.

"BUCKKYY" You screamed his name as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm, his movements growing sloppy.

"You feel so good doll, so so good, sweetheart-fuck-I'm cumming" Bucky moaned against your neck, stilling as his cock started to throb, his warmth splashing against your cervix. He rocked his hips a few more times till he was milked dry, collapsing into your arms and rolling over so he could pull the covers over you both.

-

You giggled to yourself, tucked snuggly in Bucky's thick arms, your cheek pressed right against his warm chest. Neither if you had spoken a word yet, basking in a post sex haze, cozy and content in each others embrace.

"What's so funny short cake" Bucky whispered, tipping your chin up to meet his twinkling eyes, a dusting of pink still covering his cheeks.

"You're so cuddly for a big scary assassin" You teased, while he chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"S'not my fault" He playfully pouted before squeezing you tighter. "Can you blame me? Look at who I get to cuddle with"

You smiled, resting your head on his chest again, tracing invisible shapes onto his skin while he stroked your back, his heart starting to beat faster as he began to speak again.

"This-what happened between us-

You froze, stopping your ministrations, dread pooling in your chest over Bucky's words.

Had you misread the situation?

Oh god, you did, he didn't actually like you, you-

"It wasn't just a one time thing for me. I've liked you for a long time short cake-" Your spiral stopped immediately, looking at him with wide eyes, only to find him nervously chewing his bottom lip raw. "I don't- I don't know if you feel the same way but I'd love for you to be mine-if you'd have me"

His last words melted into a whisper, still looking at you with precious shyness, your heart ready to burst out of your chest at how soft he was for you. Your surprised him, smashing your lips against his, the adorable squeak slipping past his lips turning into a groan.

"You like me?" You grew bashful, tucking your face into his neck, giving the young soldier his confidence back, a smirk playing on his lips. "Like me like me?"

"Course darlin' you're my best girl" He kissed your forehead before rolling you over and attacking you with kisses again, the both of you grinning at each other with heart eyes,

"My favorite little short cake"

"My Bucky bear"

[tartigglez]

"mess with you?"

zhongli x f!reader (gn!reader until bonus section!)

・❥・slice of life/fluff

・❥・1.5k

・❥・HAPPY FRICKIN BIRTHDAY CELESTE!!!!!! MY FAV ZHONGLI KISSER! i hope this is an adequate gift, and i intended to make this much longer however if i did it would be like 2 weeks more late LMAO. i hope u had the most fabtabulous day ever, now everyone go check out @thesparklingwriter because she can write this man 8000000x better than me lollllll

・❥・SUGGESTIVE. VERY. dragon!li (bc celeste loves dragonli and i will push the agenda bc yes), physical touch, zhongli is the little spoon somehow, kisses, zhongli is a france-boo, you guys eat together, zhong is lowkey just nakedly vibin for a bit of this lol sorry, also if it doesn't make sense: xiao can't see windows cuz he's in bird form (they do that i swear)

waking up is never an easy feat, but being around him makes it a whole lot easier. on this particular morning however, you wake up rather annoyed, frustrated over the quality of the last portion of your slumber. yet opening your eyes would reveal that a small portion of golden-brown hair is rested upon the tip of your nose, lightly tickling it. so, this was the reason for your lack of quality sleep. 

even still, he is a sight to behold. such a graceful creature, large, scale-clad arms, shimmering horns and long, elegant tail meeting your eyes as he slumbered, quiet snores –which were closer to purrs– coming from somewhere in his chest, all whilst he’s curled up in a foetal position, your arm draped over his waist.

you assume he is soundly sleeping, moving slightly closer to him to nuzzle into his neck, this however would prove false, as his chest rises, a low pitched, loud yawn filling the room, practically bouncing off the walls.

“good morning, dear” he grumbles, voice lower than normal. you giggle as he turns to face you, stretching his limbs as he yawns once more. golden horns slowly begin to retract and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him before beginning to press gentle kisses against the skin of your neck. the ticklish sensation makes you laugh again, throwing your head back slightly to allow room for his in the crook of your neck.

“already? we just woke up!” you wheeze, rolling away from him as you turn your back to him. this would prove pointless though, because he immediately scooches to your side of the bed, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head comfortably into the back of your neck.

“what are you implying? i merely wished to kiss you!” he says, but the playful tone in his voice tells you this question is rhetorical, and he knows full well what you were insinuating.

“you’re squishing me silly,” you whine, grabbing on to his hands, which met fair in the middle of your stomach. “you’re like a koala, but even then they wouldn’t have the strength to squash me like this” 

“are you calling me a koala? should i be offended?” he grumbles against the back of your neck, nuzzling even further into it, somehow.

“no, i’m calling you a brute” you chuckle, wriggling a little, trying to loosen his grip.

“i will have you know, “brute” is a compliment in dragon culture” he scoffed, loosening his grip a little.

“maybe i meant it as a compliment then” you mumble, turning back to him to peck his lips, snuggling up to him once again. 

“hm, i’m sure you did” he chuckles, “anyway, what time is it?” 

“i have no clue, let me check my phone” you let out a content sigh, grabbing your phone from the bedside, “ten thirty-ish. what does it matter anyway, we can lay around for a bit, no?” you question, eyes closing as you lean in to him. 

“have you forgotten, dear?” he whispers, hand making its way to your hip, thumb and index finger fiddling with the hem of your pyjama top, “check the date again”

upon staring at the glorious digits on your phone screen, you abruptly pull away from him, raising yourself up on one arm and grinning excitedly. “date day?” you question, voice high and squeaky compared to your normal tone.

its a tradition between you and zhongli that once a month, you would make time for a day with each other, no matter the situation. simply a day to exist in one another's presence. together you came up with the philosophy that it doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you’re with each other. 

“it is indeed “date day”, as you say” he laughs, “so, tell me. what would you like to do today, my lily?”, the question rolls off his lips like music as he too sits up, blanket moving to just cover his hips, barely. 

“anything,” you giggle, “as long as you’re there i don’t mind”. you step out of the bed, slipping on a pair of sweatpants and running to his side of the bed. “c’mon,” you laugh, grabbing his large hand by a couple of fingers, “lets get movin’ zhong!” 

“can you at least hand me some underwear, please?” he asks, laughing when your face morphs from pure joy to looking like you’ve seen a ghost. you oblige quietly though, moving to one of the dresser drawers, pulling out some boxers and giving them to him, albeit a little flustered. 

“what is it, my dear? you don’t remember last night?” he chuckles. its amusing how he is so nonchalant about such affairs with you, however if he were with anyone else, the topic would never even be thought about. 

“n-no, no i do, but how am i wearin-”

“i figured it would be only right of me to put them back on you. you were awake, but apparently so far gone don’t remember,” he laughs, acting calm about it when in reality his ears are turning a little red.

“rex lapis!” you exclaim, “don’t be so lewd!” you push his shoulder a little in a teasing manner, but he quite literally does not move a millimetre.  

“aha, i apologise my dear, your reactions are simply quite amusing, is all” he claims. putting the boxers on under the duvet before standing up in front of you, toned body catching your eye as one his gold-threaded arms makes its way towards yours, long fingers intertwining with yours. “shall we?”

“put a robe on at least! the neighbours might see you!” you giggle, dragging him in the direction of the closet, before throwing a silk robe his way. he looks so very eloquent as he puts it on, fine fabric smoothing over his skin, and his honey eyes look up at you when he’s done, walking towards your bedroom door, ready to go downstairs. 

zhongli is a surprisingly good cook, but that’s not relevant at all right now, because the first thing he does when he gets to the kitchen is boil the kettle and get out two plates, placing a large croissant on each one. 

you rub your eyes a little as you sit down at the table, staring at the all-butter pastries which seemed to make some sort of miraculous apparition in your home.

“where the heck did you get those croissants?” you ask, folding your arms at the table and plopping your chin on to them.

“i teleported to fontaine for them last night”

“last night?”

“yes, last night.”

“zhong…”

“mmm?”

“you were naked all of last night.”

“before that!” he laughs, “more like yesterday evening actually, i apologise for misspeaking” 

“you should be sorry! why did you go all the way to fontaine for croissants anyway? the ones in liyue are fine” you question, voice muffled by the sleeves of your pyjama top. 

“nothing beats authenticity, hm? what is it they say in fontaine, oui oui?”

“i’m not sure any person from fontaine has ever said that,” you cackle, as he sets down one of the plates in front of you, along with a cup of the tea he was just brewing. “thanks for the food anyway, can’t believe you went all the way to fontaine just for a couple of croissants”

“not a problem dear, if it’s for you i would do it every day” he speaks, tearing off a part of his croissant before -rather animatedly- swallowing it whole.

“dragons eat so weirdly” you laugh, chewing away at your own food.

“we don’t always eat like that, you realise?” 

“i know,” you giggle “i’m messing with you”

“you’re lucky, you’re the only person who has ever been allowed to mess with me”

“i’m grateful for that, y’know”

“i know, but now isn’t the time for philosophical conversations, let us just enjoy each others company today.”

“sounds good to me!”

“i’m never letting you go shopping again! seriously, how do we have three new colours of  eyeliner, six new vases and an entire pet bird”

“adeptus xiao does not count as a pet bird”

“are you sure about her, rex lapis? she has no respect for the adepti”

“calm, alatus. this is her form of humour. i would appreciate if you do not criticise her.”

“my apologies, i did not intend to offend you, i will take my leave now”

“XIAO THAT WINDOW ISN'T OPEN”

“ALATUS!”

“told you he was a pet bird”

“please just get me a blanket for this unconscious creature”

“going~”

sfw masterlist || nsfw masterlist || taglist: @lioria @celestetalkstoomuch

© tartigglez, 2023. do not copy, translate or repost, reblogs appreciated

i can't write in the present tense, happy birthday celeste!

[oldiesstationlover11607]

🎶Hello, is it me you’re looking for?🎶

Salutations! It is I! 💛! Your favorite yellow emoji! I am sorry I haven’t requested anything recently. I just went to my show last night actually and so I’ve been busy prepping for that and traveling! It was amazing by the way! God it was like I dream! You’ll love it when you see them! Also, the last one shot was so cute and fluffy and I love it so much! When he gave the reader his shirt 😭!

Anyways, my request. At my show, Tyler made an innuendo on stage which inspired this. I was wondering if you could do a story where Tyler has a game where he tries to subtly flirt with the reader as many times as possible on stage. Maybe it could be talking, maybe it can just be him winking at her or something like that. Maybe after he does it one night, fans notice and they explode on twitter or something. Idk. I know this may be a stupid idea, but I felt like it could cute and fluffy if you want to try it! ☺️

P.S. Would you be willing to write for Spooky Jim (Josh’s blurryface persona)? I have possible ideas for that. To me, he’d just kinda be the same as Blurryface, just with Josh. But, you could see him differently (I’m sorry if you’ve written him before and I just didn’t see).

Flirt - Tyler Joseph x Reader

Relationship: Tyler Joseph × Reader

Warnings: Tyler flirting - innuendos, Tyler kissing the reader and being extra

Word Count: 1844 - I lowkey feel bad for these being short but it kinda fits the request prompt lol

A/N: Welcome back bestie 💛 anon! I hope you like this one - Tyler has been so unhinged lately it's been hilarious. I'm so glad you enjoyed your show, I can't wait for mine :) And YES of course I'm willing to write for Spooky Jim! I love Josh so much lol and I can imagine his blurryface persona being so much more heartbreaking considering Josh is such a sweetheart. I haven't written him yet but I'd can't wait to see your ideas!

It had come around to that part of the album cycle again where Tyler and Josh were on tour and for the first time since Tyler and I had gotten engaged, I was on tour with them. We were about halfway into the shows when we stopped in LA for a two night stay. Tyler had gotten up much earlier than I–as usual–to make sure everything was set up and to do a soundcheck before the show. We normally slept in after the late nights with Tyler getting up around 12:00 and I at 1:00 (although Tyler did make sure to bring me food when I was still in bed). After an afternoon of exploring the city, we made our way into the dressing room, waiting for fans to pile in. He scrolled through social media and did some vocal warm ups before sitting down on the couch with me. Josh was sitting in front of the mirror, mostly ready with the exception of his hair, which he was redying. 

“How’re you feeling?” I asked Tyler. 

“Pretty good. It’s gonna be a good show, I can feel it.” Tyler could always tell how the shows were going to go–even before getting onstage–and everyone else around him could tell exactly how he was feeling. He had a calm look on his face, as if he was reflecting on plans for the show. 

“How much time do we have?” Josh asked, leaning back from the mirror to look at the analogue clock hanging on the wall. 

“About thirty minutes I think,” Tyler said, chugging the Red Bull can he’d picked out from the mini fridge. 

“Where do you want me during the show?” I questioned, each venue having a different ‘best spot’ that Tyler wanted me ‘stationed at’. Last night it was higher up in the venue in a VIP section for friends and family, which was cool because he could see me the whole time. 

“Just off stage works best. Debby’s going to be under the stage to help Josh before routines so if you want to hang with her then that’s cool too,” he explained. 

“Yep, I think she’s preparing everything down there now with Mark,” Josh got up. “I’m going to go wash this out.” He pointed to his hair and walked into the hallway in the direction of the showers, leaving Tyler and I alone. As soon as Tyler was sure Josh couldn’t see he wrapped his arms around me  and dragged me onto his lap. 

“You look good today babe,” he smirked, looking me up and down. I could feel the warmth spreading through my face. He always found the best moments to make me blush with his words. I moved in closer so he was hugging me close, my chin resting on his shoulder. 

“You look better,” I laughed, ruffling his hair. He chuckled, pulling me even tighter against him. he nuzzled the side of my head and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, before continuing

“I don’t know if I agree with you on that one.” He was never one to back down from teasing. He continued to hold onto me, gently massaging your thighs as you sat on his lap. Josh walked back into the room, his hair dry and back to its bright red peekaboo color. 

“We should probably get you where you need to be,” I chucked, looking at the clock and climbing off Tyler’s lap. He pouted, reaching his arms out and making grabby hands in my direction. “Come on.” I grasped his hand and pulled him up next to me–his hand staying intertwined with me even after he got up. We walked out of the dressing room and out into the hallway where the boys would usually split up. They hugged, patting each other on the back and smiling. 

“Have a good show,” I smiled, waving goodbye to Josh and following Tyler to the right side entrance. He held my hand as he followed behind the security guard, the sound of screaming fans pouring in through the walls. Tyler smiled widely, his expression practically screaming excitement and adrenaline. As soon as the guard opened the door the noise in the room multiplied, the room filled with screams and cheers, making it hard to even think. He held my hand tightly as he followed the guard, the room around us slowly shifting from the dim hallways to the bright stage being lit by lights and strobe. He stopped just off stage, taking a few breaths before he turned and faced you, his smile still beaming. 

“I love you,” I smiled. He pressed his lips to mine, cupping my jaw and slipping his tongue just inside my mouth. Something was different about him, like he had some sort of agenda or something to prove to me. He pulled back after a short while, gently biting my bottom lip as the music started playing. 

“I love you too,” he smirked, running onto the stage and turning on his celebrity persona. Tyler bounced through his first few songs, running around the stage and acting like his usual self. He was clearly high on adrenaline, with his brain focused on making sure the show ran smoothly. He made his way to the mic at the center of the stage for the talking break. As he began, he made direct eye contact with me, sending a cheeky smile my way. “Is everyone having a good time?” he shouted into the mic and pointed out to the sea of people who screamed back at him. “I can’t hear you. Scream louder for me!” He waved his arms in the air to the entire audience who screamed louder than before. “There you go,” he looked off stage at me and smirked knowing full well what he was doing. After a few more songs he moved to different parts of the arena for Ride where he was planning on getting people to sing the choruses with him. I had decided to sit under the stage with Debby who was watching, helping Josh to get changed for the next song. “Where’s my right side daddy?” I could hear Tyler shout through the speakers. My jaw dropped. 

“No fucking way.” 

Josh laughed under his breath, looking at me with raised eyebrows. “Yep.” As each chorus went by I nodded my head along to the beat and Tyler’s voice. 

“This is not happening,” I covered my eyes. 

“It so is,” Debby laughed, helping Josh into his jacket. The song continued until Tyler got to the last chorus, in the pit. 

“Oh my pit children, you need a daddy too,” Tyler’s voice moaned slightly making my knees go weak. He needed to stop this or it wasn’t going to end well for either of us. Debby was keeled over in laughter and I was mortified. This wasn’t happening. By the time they’d finished Paladin Strait and come off stage before the encore he’d continued to make suggestive jokes. Little did anyone know that each of his little jokes was perfectly aimed at me and as every one landed I got more and more worked up and embarrassed. Running offstage, Josh went straight to Debby and Tyler to I. My arms were crossed as he stood in front of me with a large and proud smirk slapped onto his face. 

“What?” he shrugged, taking a drink of water and jumping on the spot. 

“You know what,” I scoffed, clenching my fists and biting my lip to hide the smile I could feel coming on. I was terrible at being mad at people and Tyler always managed to unleash the happy side of me in the middle of every argument we’d ever had. 

“Yeah I do,” he kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair. With my brows furrowed I wrapped my arms around him, not wanting to let him go. As he rested his chin on the top of my head everything around us disappeared. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as the smell of sweat and Red Bull poured from his pores. I didn’t care though, he was mine and he’d been driving me insane for the last hour and a half. Fans continued to scream as the end of the Paladin Strait music video played and Josh appeared next to us. I let Tyler go as the intro for Jumpsuit started playing. Josh ran back on stage to his drum kit but Tyler paused on the stairs looking at me. I shot him a wave and he mouthed the words ‘I love you,’ pressing his hands against his heart, ‘I know,’ I mouthed back with a short roll of my eyes before he bounced back on stage. I stood there, heart pounding, watching him take command of the stage once more, his voice raw and powerful as he sang the opening lines. The lights pulsed in sync with the music, and the crowd, already hyped, seemed to reach a new level of frenzy. I could see him glancing my way, just for a moment, every now and then. It was subtle, but after the stunts he'd pulled earlier in the set, I was more than aware. He was still playing his little game, flirting with me in front of thousands of people who had no idea the winks and smirks were meant for me. As the song ended, Tyler paused at the mic again, wiping the sweat from his brow. 

“You guys are incredible tonight!” he shouted, and the crowd roared in response. He turned slightly toward the side of the stage where I stood, his eyes glinting mischievously under the lights. “But there's someone over here who’s got me feeling... extra good tonight,” he teased, his voice dropping a little lower. I groaned, hiding my face in my hands. The audience, completely oblivious, ate it up, screaming and cheering at the implication. Twitter was going to be in shambles after this. He’d never been this bold on stage before, not with me watching from the sidelines. And I knew for a fact the fans would pick up on it. There was no way they wouldn’t. When they finished playing Trees and saying goodbye to everyone, Tyler ran off stage, completely drenched in sweat and buzzing with post-show energy. He didn’t waste a second before wrapping his arms around me, spinning me around in a tight hug. “How’d I do?” he asked, his breath hot against my ear, still catching his breath from the performance. I smacked him lightly on the chest, still smiling despite myself. 

“You’re impossible. You know that?” He grinned, leaning down to kiss me softly. 

“I only did it because I love you.” His smirk returned. “And because I love seeing you squirm like a bug.”

I shoved him playfully. “Yeah, yeah. Just wait till Twitter gets a hold of this.” Tyler chuckled, pulling me close again. 

“Let them talk.” His lips brushed my ear as he whispered, “You’re the only one I care about, anyway.”

//

Requests open!

[bitchsister]

i loveeee ur smut but i lowkey wanna request some like hurt comfort if ur down to write it😅😅 idk just like bucky and gale being soft with curt when he’s upset and loving him

It’s mail day for the boys and Curt has received four letters from home.

This prompt was filled with general MOTA timeline and plot in mind. Not necessarily EYY, but I did give Curt a cat in it (who in EYY lived longer than Curt..) so this is whatever you want it to be!

“Mail day fellas,” Kenny flipped through his stack and clicked his tongue as he divvied out the letters to their rightful owners. “Gee, Curt.” He continued to flick post at him, his brows furrowed. “You forget to write one back to Ruthie, or somethin’?”

Curt sat on his cot, one of the three that had been pushed to the other side of the tent as to make it seem they hadn’t been squished together through the night, himself in the middle while Bucky and Gale slept chest to back, or back to chest with him. “No — who knows what she’s goin’ on about.” he shrugged a shoulder as he got to work on opening them.

“Didn’t she say last time she was takin’ up marmalade making?” Bucky stood lazily in front of Curt, ruffling his hair like he would anyone else’s, speaking through a toothbrush foamy with paste. “Think maybe she’s got some to share in there?”

Kenny moved across their shared tent to hand off a couple letters to Gale from Marge who poured her heart across those pages, cut open and bled out into the ink.

“You’ll be the first to know” he swatted Bucky’s hand away from his head, his nose scrunched with half-awakeness as he focused his eyes eventually on the first of four letters Ruth had sent to him, pulling Bucky down beside him so they could read them together.

Curt had told Ruth about Bucky quite some time ago — He asked me to punch him, Curtis wrote, recalling the incident like it had happened in a dream. And for the first time in my life, I got nothing out of it. I didn’t want to hurt him. It didn’t feel right.

And then: You remember the Major who wanted me to hit him? Well he’s flying now. He’s bunking with me and Gale. I’m not used to sharing space like this.

Turned into: Bucky thinks I’m his good luck charm. And I think he might be mine.

So, Ruth often asked about Bucky, or what their days together might look like. A little section of her letters to Curt were reserved for him, where they'd talk about things like music or the radio, or whatever else.

Bucky never received letters from home.

It felt nice to see his name written in someone else’s handwriting every so often.

“Ah, see. She did start marmaladin’.” Bucky pointed to the bottom of the letter, hearing Curt huff and swipe his hand again.

“Y’read too fast.”

“Maybe you read too slow.” Shot back in a low timber, Bucky pressed his nose against Curt’s cheek once Kenny had gone on about his merry way to deliver more letters.

Eventually as the pages flicked and Bucky was passed the section of their letters reserved for him, now a whole page, they dwindled down, Curt’s mutter hardly audible when he said “Scout is sick.”, his heart flipping in his chest once he tore open the final letter, his eyes scanning the first paragraph.

Sweet Cutty, our darling Scout has finally grown too tired. Oh, how she loved you! She lived such a long life, and happy as could be until the very end. She was a kitten when we brought you home from the hospital! The two of you, thick as theives.

Curt’s chin wobbled, the awful burning sting in his eyes instantly unbearable.

This morning after her breakfast, she passed in the grass beneath the oak tree. The one you carved your name in before you left.

I think maybe that was her way of saying goodbye to you, too.

A sob lurched out of him, big and loud. So loud, it jolted Gale right up out of his spot across the tent, scrambling quickly as if Curt had been shot. “What’s the matter?” He asked, squatting beside him with his brows furrowed narrowly. His gaze shifted from a Curt who seemed to instantly crumble to dust and Bucky who looked to know at least half of it.

“Is it Scout?” John reached for Curt’s face to cradle his cheeks where hot, horrible tears soaked his palms. “Oh, baby. No — don’t cry,” he cooed, but he knew it was unfair to say such a thing.

He knew just as well as anyone else did in the One Hundredth how much Curt missed his very first partner in crime, the fattest orange cat to ever live.

He held the damp letters in his lap like a lifeline as he read over them again and again, hoping to find some way to read between the lines. She wasn’t really gone. She couldn’t be.

Scout was going to live out all of her nine lives with them.

They made a promise.

“The cat?” Gale piped up, some sense of relief in his voice but he tried to hide it. The way Curt had sounded when he wailed was as if Ruth had dropped dead, or his Pops had clutched his chest for one last heart attack.

Curt nodded his head through waves of grief, simply inconsolable.

It felt so different for Bucky and Gale who’d grown so used to a tough Curtis. He’d take everything on the chin, shake it off, get right back on the saddle every time. He’d never once shed a tear, or shown his fear.

He kept his head high, his shoulders back.

But this.

It was the complete opposite.

He curled in on himself, he wailed into his knees. He heaved through hiccuped sobs, he squeaked a little “She can’t be.” In between them.

It was pain unlike any he’d felt before, and while Gale drew the flap of their tent closed, Bucky had taken it upon himself to scoop a Curtis who’d shriveled himself so small and fragile, his poor frame vibrating with every sob, into his lap. “She lived such a long life, Curtie.” Bucky’s voice was bordering a whisper, his own heart breaking within his chest at the sight.

“And she loved you, hm? Loved you so much. I remember those pictures you showed us. The two of you.” Gale knelt again at Bucky’s knees where Curt curled into himself. “Knew nothing but love all her life. No pain or war. None of this stuff here.”

“I ain’t even there.” It came out in choked stutters, his lips puffy and red. “She thinks I just left. And she fuckin’ died.” Another wave swept him up and dragged him out to sea, drowning in his own tears that he didn’t bother holding back. “What if she — “ he didn’t get the chance to finish, demolished yet again by the burning, searing pain in his chest, and the Cat-shaped hole that was left there.

“She loves you so much.” Bucky whispered, pressing kisses into Curt’s hair that had gone slightly damp with sweat. “She’s with you now, hm? Found her boy all those miles away. Watchin’ over you, I’m sure.”

“You know damn well she’d be in that co-pilot seat.” Gale reached up and coxed Curt’s face gently out of Bucky’s chest where his shirt had been drenched with tears. “That’s where she’ll be now, Curtie. She’ll be right here with us.”

Hands roamed Curt’s tensed body.

His chest, his neck, his cheeks that burned like little stoves. They pushed his hair out of his face, they swiped his tears away even if they were immediately replaced with fresh ones — eventually, though, there were no more tears left to cry.

He’d wrung himself dry, nothing but hiccups left and a blank stare across the room, his fingers deftly tracing the lines over Bucky’s knuckles where strong arms slung around his middle to hold Curt’s back against his chest. “Take a breath.” Bucky whispered, their cheeks pressed together. “Just breathe.”

Gale sucked in a few breaths with Curt, their lungs filling and emptying at the same time despite a few being cut short by a dry-sob, the realization dawning upon him over and over.

He’ll never see her again.

She’s gone.

“Tell us your favorite memory you have of her.” Gale shifted to sit on the ground, his neck craned to look at Curt who glanced down at him, oceans of blue drowned in vines of bloodshot red.

As he thought, the slightest touch of a smile came wandering back to his lips. Their archive of memories were so extensive, lasting all of Curt’s life as he knew it, accompanied by a sidekick who’d steal your food the moment you glanced away, but loved to give kisses on the nose afterward as an apology. “She followed me to school once.” He sniffled, smile growing wider as he recalled it. “Laid right on my feet. Didn’t bother nobody.”

The three of them laughed gently together, quiet and careful.

“She hated most everybody. Found no pleasure in meeting new friends.”

Bucky squeezed his arms around Curtis, “S’cuz she had you, baby.”

There’s a few more sniffles, a couple more outbursts, but eventually Curt falls asleep, exhausted by his own hand with his head lulled against Bucky’s shoulder and his pinkie locked with Gales.

[oakdll]

i finished persona 4 golden !!!

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR PERSONA 4 GOLDEN AHEAD

It’s lowkey insane that they made the final villain a gas station employee, but it was super cool. I really love the story, almost as much as P5R, although the gameplay was definitely worse for me.

Obviously there are differences because of the release dates, but there were a lot of quality of life issues and inconsistencies. The last 5 dungeons or so felt comically easy, none of them took me more than 2 hours, especially with Marie and Izanami’s dungeons which took me less than an hour each, even with exploring every floor to the max.

The lack of Safe Rooms really hurts the level design here. You basically have to do every palace in one session (at least I did because I don’t like Goho-M��s). Being able to have save points before different sections in each P5 Palace was a stroke of genius, and returning to P4 where every floor is basically identical is just boring. I like how each floor is randomly generated, but it also really takes away from the individuality of each dungeon. Pretty much every dungeon has the same random layout, the only differences are the visuals and occasional conditions like with Adachi not allowing you to fight shadows in one of his floors. Compared to P5, the lack of puzzles and insight into the characters really hurts. In P5, the design of each palace gave you insight into its rulers psyche. In P4, you really only get the occasional confrontation with the character and some dialogue at the start of each floor.

There were also WAY too many chances to mess up your ending. There isn’t anything really wrong with having a lot of endings, but having so many points where you can accidentally get a bad ending because you picked an option that wasn’t obviously wrong was ridiculous. I had heard there were a lot of chances to get a bad ending if you aren’t careful, so I used a spoiler free guide. Having to pick like 7 of the right answers in a row to get a good ending is insane.

If I wasn’t spoiled on Adachi before playing, I never would have guessed it. That is good for the story, but having to deduce it yourself is a bit too much to ask of the player. I think P5 did good with prompting you to save your game before game changing events happen. A mix of that and confirming with the player when they are going off-course from the true ending makes the game relatively simple to play through with no guide. with P4, you basically have to look up a guide for the true ending. Having to say “no” when prompted to leave Inaba to get the true ending is insane, if I didn’t know beforehand I would have messed up my entire playthrough. It makes no sense unless you know the story beforehand, especially when no other Persona game asks you to do something like that.

The game is also shockingly bigoted, which goes entirely against the themes of the Persona series and the game itself. Ironically, in a game about pursuing the truth, the made Naoto deny his truth of being trans. They wrote such good queer characters and then came to entirely the wrong conclusion and ruined it all. I still think if you can look past the homophobia and transphobia, the game has phenomenal writing, but it gets really uncomfortable at times.

The nostalgic feeling Inaba gives off and the PS2 graphics really help the vibe of this game. It feels so much warmer than P5, and I am ALWAYS a sucker for a murder mystery. The fog is such a good visual element to the game, and I have a strange obsession with electrical poles, so having those be a frequent set piece is awesome.

The characters are so wonderful, I really wish I had more time to max out all of the social links here, but I think I would have had to skip out on helping Nanako with her homework and I would never do that to her. Nanako and Kanji are both some of my all time favorite Persona characters, they are both so sweet and I would do anything for them. Marie is also one of my favorites, I have no idea why anybody could hate her. Yukiko is amazing, Chie is a lot of fun, and Yosuke is hilarious. Teddie is a freak but I love him but I HATE his blue eyes, Rise is super nice, and Naoto is so cool. The Investigation Team is debatably better than the Phantom Thieves as a main cast, but they are so close for me. The main characters are all just great.

As for social links, I think P5 still has it beat here. The social link cast in P4 is still good, but there aren’t any benefits like in P5 and some of the characters here I REALLY don’t like. Sayoko is an outright pedophile. With Kawakami at least if you don’t choose to romance her in-game she isn’t as much of a creep, while Sayoko actively sexually harasses a high schooler. I also did not like Eri, I didn’t get to spend much time with her but she really could have treated her kid better. I know she’s struggling but she would lash out leave her kid at daycare because he was having more fun there than at home. Naoki was cool, I barely got to spend any time with him but from what I did see he was nice and seeing the grieving process of one of Adachi’s victims was super interesting. For the club social links, I chose Kou and Ayane. Kou was great, one of my favorites but I ended up prioritizing party members and couldn’t max him out. Ayane was nice, I like her arc but her voice acting really ruined a lot of the social link for me. Ai was also nice, but I couldn’t spend too much time with her and I didn’t like her romance subplot. I actually liked Shu a surprising amount, he was one of the few I maxed out because I had extra time in the evenings and I really liked how his arc ended. Hisano was one I really missed out on, I only got to rank 3 with her and from what I saw she was one of the most interesting in the game. Dojima is one of the best social links in all of Persona. He is very similar to Sojiro, but he’s a lot darker. There’s a lot more drama with him than with Sojiro, both of them are amazing, and Dojima’s relationship with Nanako is so sweet. Nanako as well might be my favorite Persona character. She is the sweetest thing ever, and I would do anything for her. Marie’s social link was also great, but I really didn’t like Margaret’s. I don’t like any Persona social link that requires you to go on quests. I didn’t like the Strength confidant in P5, and I don’t like Margaret or the Fox in P4. The fox is better by default because he’s a fox, but neither are super interesting to me.

The music is phenomenal because it’s a Persona game, but the P4 OST might be my single favorite Persona soundtrack. Pursuing My True Self, Signs of Love, Heartbeat Heartbreak, Heaven, Alone, Your Affection, Like a Dream Come True, Youthful Lunch, Reach Out to the Truth, Time to Make History, and Omen are some of my favorites. The only Persona game soundtrack to compare with P4 is P5, Whims of Fate, Beneath the Mask, Alleycat, Our Light, When Mother Was There, Price, and Butterfly Kiss are also up there. P4 is more nostalgic for me, so I think it might take the edge for me.

The story of P4 is also much more complex and interesting than P5. If it weren’t for Maruki’s palace being so good, I would say that P4 definitively has the better story. Adachi being the antagonist was such a phenomenal twist, and I loved him so much up to that point that it hurt even more. His social link is a phenomenal addition, I can’t imagine the game without it. Having so many endings is partially a result of flawed game design, but also the depth in the story. It really feels like an investigation team solving a mystery. Pushing further and further towards the truth throughout every suspect, from Kubo to Namatame to Adachi, and even Izanami if that counts, the game really accomplishes its goal. I haven’t done the accomplice ending, but I might do another playthrough to get it after I finish P3R.

P4G is a really great game, I think it’s a bit more flawed than P5R, but it’s still phenomenal and it’s not like P5 has no flaws either. P4 really excels with the story and I think the primary issues with it are just a byproduct of being over 10 years old at this point.

[blackjackkent]

All right. Having talked Florrick down from killing us in the street, Rakha is free to resume what she ACTUALLY was trying to do, which is come to stare wonderingly at the mages doing demonstrations outside of Sorcerous Sundries.

(A/N: Hilariously, while I was getting this screenshot, one of them shot Rakha with a firebolt. Part of the 'show' involves the mages summoning (I sincerely hope illusory) cats and then shooting them with fire, and Rakha's position here is in direct line with one of the cat summon locations. XD She'd lost 7hp by the time I finished writing this opening section and moved her.)

It's a beautiful display, at least from Rakha's perspective. The Weave is going absolutely wild in the whole vicinity of this enormous building, gorgeous prismatic rainbows shifting and changing, and stirred repeatedly by the small spells being cast by these mages. It is, perhaps, the strongest concentration of magical energy she's been able to witness in one place, besides the elder brain itself, and she is utterly captivated by it.

Minthara, presumably, loses patience with this pretty quickly, but Jaheira finds it amusing; perhaps she has recollections of some of her magically-inclined adoptees (or even some of the young mage Harpers) being similarly entranced by Sundries and its environs. And Wyll, of course, would be happy to stand there all day just to watch the small curve of a smile tugging at the corners of Rakha's mouth.

Nothing good can last, though, and this particular thing is interrupted by a familiar, and unwelcome, voice breaking through the hubbub, the sound of a man shouting by the entrance to the shop.

Rakha knows that voice, and the muted smile vanishes from her face as she turns to face its source.

"Let me back in, or bring Lorroakan out here, you tin tube!" the man bellows at the enchanted armor guarding the shop's door. "You tell Lorroakan I went for his godsdamned Nightsong, and now he has to pay up!"

It's Aradin, one of the mercenaries from the Grove, the ones who almost got Halsin killed. The ones, Rakha now remembers, who were searching for the Nightsong - only they thought it was a relic, rather than the aasimar, Aylin, that it turned out to be.

(A/N: Lowkey I really should have had Rakha talk more to Aylin before now, and tbh she kind of slipped my mind amidst the 3541234132 other things Rakha has had going on. So I'm kind of glad to be hitting this quest, since hopefully it will give room for Rakha and Aylin to talk a bit more.)

Aylin and Isobel have remained with their camp ever since the shadowlands, but Rakha has taken deliberate pains to steer clear of them. She rarely enters the side of the camp where they sleep and has not talked to them since they entered the city. It's far too dangerous, under the circumstances - the beast still resents that they live and growls viciously in Rakha's head every time their faces come to mind.

Nevertheless, they are part of the camp, part of Rakha's shaky little tribe, and Aradin, who is clearly still hunting for Aylin without knowing what he seeks, is therefore a threat - besides already being an asshole. Rakha clenches her fists at her side. She knocked him out the first time she met him, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't eager for a reason to do so again.

Aradin, it seems, feels similarly. "What're you looking at?" he snaps, rounding on her as she draws near - and then his eyes widen with recognition, followed by an immediate narrowing with dislike.

"Shit," he mutters coolly. "It's you." His jaw sets and he leans closer, directly into Rakha's personal space. "You went looking for the Nightsong after me," he says. "Please tell me you found it."

Rakha ignores the question for the moment, peering past Aradin at the enchanted armor behind him. Another flicker of annoyance bubbles up in her - this time at the fact that she has to interact with this man again rather than investigate that magic. "Who are you trying to get at inside?"

"Lorroakan," Aradin explains impatiently. "The wizard who set out the contract. He owns the place. And his little pageboy inside knows how to get to him." His lip curls angrily. "Lorroakan said it'd be easy money, a smash and grab. Get in, get the Nightsong, go. Turns out his little relic was in a temple of Shar, beneath an army of goblins."

For just a moment, his expression shifts, showing a muted sheen of regret. "Turns out his little relic was in a temple of Shar, beneath an army of goblins. Would never have taken my people in if I'd known." Then the moment of vulnerability passes, and he scowls. "I can't bring 'em back. But I can make Lorroakan cough up - especially if you found the relic!"

Rakha's face has remained utterly immobile during this little speech. There is enough of Wyll and Jaheira's influence in her now that under some circumstances, she might be tempted to a bit of sympathy for the man, hearing that brief shift in his voice. He has clearly been through the wringer in pursuit of this quest, and it seems Lorroakan, the owner of the shop, is the real force behind the threat to Aylin.

But Aradin also called her a half-breed on more or less her first day awake; he does not have a lot of credit from her for sympathy. So she is not inclined to help him one bit.

"That's none of your business," she says curtly.

His scowl deepens, creasing lines across his forehead. "Answer the question," he says, icy. "Did you find it or not?"

"I found the Nightsong," Rakha shoots back at him irritably. "It wasn't a relic. It was an aasimar." Little point in lying, as usual.

"An aasimar?" Aradin's eyebrows shoot up. "Hells." But he seems neither dissuaded nor intimidated, just more irritated. "If I'd known, I'd have asked for more gold. Kidnapping costs more than theft." His weight shifts rapidly from one leg to the other and back and his eyes lock on hers, glittering eagerly. "Don't forget - I'm the one who gave you that contract. I want my cut."

Rage begins to bubble, immediate and intense, in Rakha's gut. Kidnapping costs more than theft. Her best friend is currently the victim of a kidnapping - one Aradin clearly would have participated in himself if the money was right. She will not sit here and debate the price of turning Aylin over to him. She will, in fact, wring his neck if he stays within grabbing range much longer.

[INTIMIDATION] "Piss. Off," she growls, very low and deep in her throat, taking a step forward so they are nose to nose and her greater height towers over him.

(A/N: 27 on a 15 - Rakha's intimidation bonus gives me great joy. Also deeply amused to learn from the dialogue files that Hector was denied being able to tell Aradin to piss off because he was a monk and got a more pacifist comment instead. :P )

For a moment, she thinks he's going to strike her, and she welcomes it, hungers for it-- but his fear gets the better of his anger and he recoils a few steps. "I ought to knock some sense into you," he says coldly, "but you know what? I'm too godsdamned tired."

His jaw tightens, and he turns and walks away. "If she's out there, I'm gonna find her. You mark my words."

[vampirealpaca]

My thoughts on the pjo show (now that the season is over) (this is going to run long) Overall Rating: 8/10 :

Ok first of all, I actually LOVED the show and the cast is literally awesome; I do have some thoughts and feelings tho.

The GOOD :D

The visuals were eating ngl

THE CAST!!!! they literally were amazing cannot stress this enough

I think a lot of the changes were handled super well, especially Medusa (although I don't love all of the changes...see below in the next section lol)

I LOVED the set design for pretty much all of the scenes!!! Like the set & costuming was literally so good; sometimes it looked a little Volume-y but I think it's ok since they also clearly did a bunch of on-location stuff

Driving scene was literally so funny like no notes on that + the acting was On Point pretty much All of the Time.

I actually think they slayed with the special effects

Pretty accurate! (overall a waaaaaay better adaptation than the movies)

BLUE FOOD!!!!

More Sally content was awesome!! And I cannot stress this enough the ACTORS WERE SO GOOD in their roles!! Like I think they were the perfect choices ngl and I hope to see more of them in season 2 (if we get one, idk if its greenlit yet)

I also liked how they focused on Grover's character more (lowkey my fav now)

Genuinely had a great time watching the scenes from the books I've loved since Forever come to life onscreen!

The character dynamics were GIVING

Loved getting more info about Percy's backstory

The way they showed the Mist was honestly so cool!! This might be filed under Visuals but still...it was so cool

Fight choreo fluctuated, but I liked the Percy vs Luke fight (altho the scorpion erasure ;-;)

Again the chemistry with the actors like adkjhfdkjdfkjhdfjkhk I think the acting may have been my fav part honestly lol

All of the easter eggs for the fans!!

Rick's subtle rewriting of the story was sometimes very cool! (Like with the water grabbing Percy etc) --- you can definitely tell that he's thinking about how he'd change the story if he were to write it today

...HOWEVER i have gripes :(

THE LIGHTING WAS TOO DARK IN NIGHT SCENES!!!! HATE THAT TROPE WHY CANT I SEEEEEEEE (looking at u medusa scene)

I feel like they should've fallen into like…at least one trap without Knowing Everything about it. Like, I get the Medusa change and am pretty on board with it, but I feel like a few of the other changes weren't really necessary & messed with the stakes. A lot of the time it felt like I was watching them explain "Oh you're THIS person so you will do THIS so I will do THIS" instead of like...showing me.

Not enough blood (this is prob a Disney problem, not the show creators fault but like...cmon Disney...they have swords, let the children get More Injured...they are Fighting for their Lives)

Felt kinda...dryer than the books? idk how to explain it...like it felt like there wasn't the same Vibes in some parts if that makes sense, like they switched out a lot of funny moments (esp with how they changed Charon and the Crusty scenes lowkey im bitter)

the tone was definitely sometimes waaay different from the books (like it was way more serious I think, which is good sometimes and less good other times)

Idk if this is 100% true bc my last reread was a few months ago, but I think they separated the main trio more than in the book (?), it felt like they were duo-ed with diff members for a lot rather than building off of their main dynamic -- they had some trio moments but ig i just wanted more (again, I could be wrong on this one tho)

Lotus Casino not really being as Fun (the pumping lotus flowers in the air was a cool detail tho!)

It generally felt like they took a lot of the funny parts in favor of talking more about how messed up the gods are (which I liked sometimes!! but the kids are 12 let them have more funny moments too yaknow) (Rip the Died in the Bathtub line...gone but not forgotten)

I really didn't love the changes that made the story feel more Cliche and Basic (the ones that annoyed me were changing the entire DOA to just Some Standard Death Eater Looking Fellow & Annabeth's interactions with Cerebus being completely changed)

Mixed feelings on Gabe...I wanted him to be more evil at the beginning but I get why they changed it ig. Plus he was literally so funny when he (spoilers?) got murdered by opening someone else's mail. That's what happens when you commit a federal crime ig.

General Character Thoughts:

PERCY: Walker Scobell was such a good casting call... like you can tell he really cares about the books & getting the character right. Acting was on point, sass was on point (but I do wish he got to be sassy a bit More); Really gives off the energy of Percy Jackson and definitely was AMAZING in this role!

ANNABETH: She was spectacular in this role!! Leah got literally all of Annabeth down to a T --- her kindness, her pride, her wisdom, etc etc without resorting to any kind of "stock smart girl" vibe. She was literally SO GOOD! I loved seeing her talk about her dad, and the detail about her not having seen a movie is such a mood and so in-character lowkey. Leah really nailed Annabeth's dry humor and general vibe like dfajkhfdjhkfdhjk

GROVER: He was my favorite! Like, his acting was AMAZING fr!!! They brought a lot of newer things into his character that I think worked really well & it definitely strengthened his characterization --- he was also really funny & so sincere I just loved his portrayal of Grover!

HOWEVER I think some of the arcs are shakier since the characters didn't struggle as much, since they were figuring out a Lot of things

Overall, I took 2 points from the rating because the Spirit and Humor weren't fully there and I felt some of the changes made it feel less like the OG and more cliche (looking at u Charon). However, the great acting, pretty slay writing (except for the tone stuff), Vibes, and all the other stuff I think they did right pulled through to get it ranked a little higher lol. Plus, I liked it, even if I didn't like all of it.

No hate if u loved the show adaptation tho!! Feel free to disagree, these are just my thoughts lol. I really genuinely hope there's going to be a season 2, although I would like if they fix a few of these problems in that potential season (please...let me see what's happening in the dark scenes...please...)

[sunnychuuya]

Sorry for the lack of sally face vomit last night guys I was eepy </3 I'm waking up in less than 8 hrs so let's go

THE FUCK YOU MEAN 60%

HOW DID I MISS SHIT I TRY SO HARD TO NOT

-oof not meds being shitty

-"is anyone really happy?" Mood

-hoooly fuck bro I am notnin a good enough mental state for this rn "I mean, were all just going to die anyway. So what's the point" pookie can we donting

-guysss whay the flip this games writing is rlly good

-"it feels like nothing puts me at ease. It's this constant feeling of discomfort like my soul isn't aligned with my body" okay I know this is prolly some ghosty supernatural shit but I feel this so hard ??

-HELP THE SCRAMIMG JUMPSCARED ME SO BAD mood tho

-hey what.

Whats this.

Larry if this means what I think it means

"ITS TIME FOR ME TO GO WHAY NO

Fuck

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

NO

I KNEW HE DIED BUT HE CANT DIE LIKE THOS

MY HEART IS RACIN

NO

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

"Don't do anything stupid" the amount of times I've had this told to me and had to tell me loved ones bro

Fuck

No

Guys this isn't even fucking funny this isn't like me getting spooked easy it's like I legitimately am crying so fucking hard right now like mt face is red and all nasty

Shit Larry please

I think this is the most I've ever cried over a game.

Shit

Fuck

No..

Please.

I knew he died.

It can't happen like this I'd rather anything else god damnit why.

Im shaking

okay in texting one of my friends and he's kinda helping a Lil 👍

He was supposed to move in with us.

He's in the treehouse.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Shit.

I'm sorry I know this isn't entertaining to read but

Fuck..

Larry why.

Larry face.

No ghat was really well done. And that's what makes it hurt sk much more. Fuck. Why.

[Tw suicide] this Honestly is making me really glad I never went through with it. Seeing those messages from a fucking fictional character is able to break my heart so much I can't imagine how my loved ones would've felt receiving this

sorry this is getting a Lil venty and dark but just like.. jeez. This is well written and that fucks it up so hard

ash what the fuck. You shitty traitor.

Ash I hate you.

Why.

Ash you fucking suck

Wait did Larry die with alcohol

Uck that makes it so much worse too

Im lowkey having to take breaks cuz this is hitting HARD

Larry's note. Oh my god.

phrophecy??

Oh right the cult

Fuck I'm sk glad ghosts exsist but I wish he was really here larry why

"You asshole! How could you do this?! Why did you leave me? Why?!" Fuck. Dude. Shit.

guys I'm stuck this is embarrassing

A times thing r u fr

Nvm easy as shot

oh great! guys that's great why is there black leak that's not good

what's happening with 501 what the florp

"The shapeless man walks in awkward strides"

Is everyone like possed or on the verge of possession or smth ?? Because like it's the red eyed demon right- based on the cutscene with Todd we saw during the bologna incident and the black stops righr before their eyes so..

The guitar sections are so stressful ngl

Oh wow mr Sanderson blew his brains out hub!

"yoy look like shit dude" Larry fucking wild thing to say to someone who shot themslelves

HEY GUYS ROOM 404 IS SLIGHTLY SUSPICIOUS

"These ghosts. So full of life. Strong, healthy blood. Tender meat. Oh how we crave their flesh. Yet, they deny us.. soon." what the fuck.

Wait guys in the vhs tape screen TV reflection it's younger sal he has pigtails

Larrys dead. I can't accept thst wth..

yall. Why us everyone being all deep n shit

"I'm sort of in the middle of something" honestly props to sal for not just giving up. I would be strong enough for that.

Yea these fuckers r possessed how do we unposses them

am I is have stupid

Im dumb

Gwyss who's quitting for the night cuz I couldn't figure out the guitar thing !!

Will do tmmrw

Aorry for this one being kinda depressing </3 I'm waking up in 5 hrs save .e

@mypinterestgotbannedsoimherenow

[savventeen]

OOH IF YOU'RE STILL TAKING ASKS FOR THE TROPE THING can i get vernon and like you two are assigned partners on an art project but he's awful at art LMFAO okay thank love you xx

JJ BELOVED HI HELLO I AM FINALLY GETTING AROUND TO THIS <333333

okay first of all i LOVE this idea skfjllkdfl this would definitely be a fun, comedic, romcom nonsense fic hehehe

i'm picturing this being set in like, a fucking calculus class and this project is the professor's way of trying to "bring more creativity to the sciences" or whatever. and vernon's just like. 'dude. how on earth is making a collage...sculpture...thing... supposed to help me learn calculus???' no one in the class really gets it either, since they can just, you know, do the math without having to create anything. but whatever, a little arts n crafts never hurt anyone [spoiler alert: it maybe hurts someone *cough*vernon*cough* a little at some point]

anyway, vernon ends up being partnered up with reader who, thank god, actually has an idea for what they can do for their project and also talks like someone who knows about art. in fact, they seem really into art and like, super pumped for this project. which is great! except, they're also really cute? and like, they're maybe kinda sorta the person he's been lowkey crushing on from afar since last semester???

and because having a crush sometimes makes you say/do stupid things, he tells reader that he can totally help with the art portion, easy peasy. [narrator voice: it was not, in fact, easy peasy] queue montage of the week leading up to when they're supposed to meet up again: - vernon desperately watching all kinds of youtube videos trying to learn how to Art™️ - him walking into a Michael's and just being so lost and overwhelmed that he just. has a bit of an existential crisis in the fabric section - he somehow manages to accidently cut himself with a pair of scissors while trying to do some kind of papercraft thing and has to go to the nurse's office. - his roommate (let's make it chan for funsies) is convinced that he's having some kind of mental breakdown "hyung, i don't know what to do, he's just staring at a pile of children's playdough like it holds the secrets of the universe. or maybe like it killed his pet goldfish. i don't know, he's just being weird."

all of this leads up to when reader and vernon meet up again to present their 'prototypes' of the art part of the project so they can decide which they like better and then start actually working on it. reader is already at the cafe they agreed to meet at, and vernon (sleep deprived and already overly caffeinated) walks up to where reader is sitting, drops his sad attempt at art on the table, and blurts "i lied about being good at art because you're really cute and it broke my brain a little bit and i'm actually really, really bad at it. i'm so sorry." and then he fucking WALKS AWAY because he's a LOSER and you were extra cute today and his brain is still a bit broken and reader ends up having to chase him down the street, his shitty attempt at art clutched in one hand, to tell him that it's fine, they can handle the art part as long as he does his fair share of the math

"and like. maybe i could, teach you? sometime? if you want to learn, that is. and i'm not the best artist, but i've taught some summer camp classes before, and—" / "wait, you'd really wanna do that? after seeing how bad at it i am?" / "well... it means i'd get to spend some extra time with you outside of school, so... yeah"

vernon of course readily agrees, and they start going on little art dates together (and yes, they're Date dates bc vernon finally gets his shit together and asks them out) and they get a solid B- on the project bc while reader is great at art, turns out neither of them are the best at math rip </3

[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]

[legolasghosty]

oooh whats firstprince 5+1??? i love those two dorks in love

Hello beloved!!! Yesss I'm getting so attached to these two right now too!!! They're such dorks! And also my new favorites for projecting my complicated feelings about my meds onto, so...

Firstprince 5+1 is basically 5 times Alex made sure Henry took his meds + 1 time Henry did the same for Alex. It spans throughout the whole main canon of the book, with the first one being the morning after the Turkey Fiasco and the +1 being shortly after they move into their brownstone together.

I've really been enjoying writing it, you know how much of a sucker I am for some good hurt/comfort and characters taking care of each other. But I'm lowkey terrified to post it, cause it's one of my first times writing them and I have no clue if I'm getting the voices accurate at all or if the characters feel normal. I guess we'll see. I have the first 3 sections written at the moment.

Here's a snippet!

His phone vibrated in his back pocket as their grandmother dismissed them with an annoyed huff. Once they were safely out in the hall, he slipped it out eagerly. Just as he’d hoped, it was Alex.

Alex - Good morning bake off boy.

Did you take your meds?

Henry stared at the message for a beat too long. He had taken his medication of course, Shaun made sure of it before they left Kensington. But he didn’t realize Alex knew about them. He racked his brain, trying to remember if he’d mentioned the antidepressants at some point, but he was coming up empty.

Alex - Oh shit sorry I’m probably overstepping It just came out on autopilot You don’t have to answer that If you don’t want to I’ll shut up

Henry chuckled at the flurry of messages. He should probably put the American idiot out of his misery.

Henry - It’s quite alright, and yes I did. I just wasn’t aware you knew I had them.

Alex responded less than a minute later.

Alex - Oh yeahhhh I saw Shaun passing them to you when I was over there last time

Still I shouldn’t just ask stuff like that. It’s rude!!!

Henry - Do all the people in your country put their foot in their mouth as much as you?

Alex - Nah I’m just special 😏 And maybe not fully awake yet

Henry - Rest assured I won’t have you assassinated for this offense. (I don’t mind you asking, I was just surprised)

Alex - Only the best for you sweetheart

Please feel free to come bug me about this fic, I really I want to finish it! I got a bit more written on my flight the other day, but there's still a ways to go!

[kithtaehyung]

I went and read @luaspersona's forfeit review that you linked in the ask game. W O W! It's so amazing and truly a product of love TT I highly recommend that people read it! It's so good omg! I learned a lot from it especially with the usage of tangerines in 3tan. I kinda related to the realism, pacing, author, smut, and character development sections. (I remembered mc's character development better than Yoongi's though...) lua explained these aspects in better detail and words than I ever thought about them. Ryen, your writing and replies to asks are so perfect omg. Thank you so much! Idk if you've answered this aspect of lua's review elsewhere but I'm curious. Is the title of "forfeit" about "losing" the past in order to think of/have a happy/better future? Lua said:

"therefore, yoongi thinks she won’t consider a relationship with him due to his past mistakes, and the reader thinks she’s not really lovable due to all the poor experiences she’s had.

what i mean to say: 3tan is about forgoing the past in order to be able to accept that you deserve to have a future."

-🧡

OMG ISNT IT SO DANG INCREDIBLE?? like seriously lua went above and beyond and i just sat there in silent awe the first time i read it all. and i was in my car of all places!

the uses of tangerines throughout the fic is something i was proud to see being noticed! and i'm glad you were able to resonate with the other sections. the reason you probably don't recall yoongi's character development much is that he's very, very lowkey compared to reader. that and the fact that we see his pov a lot less! at least, that's what i can think of.

i'm glad you like both the writing and responses to asks! i have yet to craft a response to the full review but i can answer that here: forfeit is honestly a title with layers. there's a lot of references to "giving up" in that chapter:

yoongi giving up after jk's reveal,

reader giving up and almost leaving,

and the kitchen scene and bedroom scene where they both finally give up their guards, lowering them and becoming the most vulnerable they've been yet.

but it's the last one that's the most important. giving up and letting your guard down? that's strength, and they both demonstrated that so well here.

3tan can certainly be interpreted as how lua did, which is the beauty of it. whatever it means to you? that is what it's about.

[cherrypeaking]

cherryy~ seeing txt last night was quite the rollercoaster >o< for starters, me and my friend wanted to get to the venue early but we lost track of time and ended up getting there just as the show was starting 😭😭

as we were going through the metal detectors outside we heard them performing blue hour and my stomach DROPPED i screamed and one of the security guards told me to keep it down because “there were people trying to sleep outside”??? like huh? 😭 anyway it took a while for me and my bestie to find our seats bc the way the arena was laid out was a little weird but also… when we got there, there were other people sitting in our seats 😐😐 i felt kinda bad for making them get up but like.. those were OUR seats so.. 😶

here’s the view we had from our seats, without zoom!

i screamed my face off at every song idek if my voice is still intact i haven’t spoken at all today 😭 but there’s no way in hell i’m posting any of the videos i took i was screaming and barking in every one of them 😭😭😭😭 it was so much fun though there was even a dad and his daughter in our section!

however beautiful txt are in pictures and videos, they’re even more gorgeous in real life i couldn’t even believe they were real 😵‍💫😵‍💫 like even now i’m having a hard time believing it,,

i was thinking about you through the whole concert 🥺🥺 i wish we went together, i don’t think i’d ever stop holding your hand or kissing you 🥺🩵 like being with my girl while i see my boys? that sounds like a dream come true!! 🥹🩵 let’s make it happen one day~

i love you so much my cherry bear 🥺🩵🫶🏾

crystal gem 🥺🥹💎🩷

i’m so glad you had fun at the concert 🥹🩷 omg haha i can’t even imagine you hearing blue hour from outside i’d have freaked tf out 😭 what do you mean people are trying to sleep outside?? were there people camping for day 2??

there were other people sitting in your seats wth 😭😭 fhsjfndnf omg i can imagine how awkward it must’ve been >< at least you two got your seats :3

the view is amazing honestly i’ve said it so many times but any seat is a good seat… AAAAAH DARLING YOU SAW TXT 🥹🥹🥹🩷🩷🩷🩷 IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU 🥺🥺

i’m lowkey curious about the videos tho >\\\< hehehdhshfjd i know i’d scream so loudly too if i were there 😭😭 so i can’t blame you for screaming too!! awwww a dad and his daughter? 🥺🥲🩷 that’s so goals tbh

you’re making me so envious i need to see them irl too aaaah!!! the idea of seeing the boys for real makes me freak out 😳😭🩷 especially cause now i’d be thinking oh hi taehyun yes it’s me yes i write smut for you yes 😵‍💫

if i were there with you i’d hold your hand tight 🥺🥺 and kiss your pretty cheeks and lips for sure mommy i hope we get to live that one day please hehe 🤭🩷 hopefully without any backlash tho 👀

i love you too my crystal clarity 😚🩷💎

[rainbowhairedgirl-blog1]

Grad School Expectation vs Reality: The Second Year and Qualifying Exams

For most PhD programs you have the first of two "Qualifying Exams" or "Quals" at the end of your first year or beginning of your second year. Depending on the subject and how your program is set up, this could be a cumulative test on the info from all your first year classes or it's a proposal (typically an oral presentation/ mini defense of your proposal with a written portion). My program (Biomedical Sciences) did not have information heavy classes so our first qual was a proposal at the beginning of our second year.

Initially, I felt grateful that our qual was not some lofty cumulative test. In fact, the way our qual is set up is supposed to be helpful. You pick two professors to be your qual committee members and get assigned a 'chair' to help lead it. You then propose work that you'll probably do in the lab you just joined and write it in the style of a grant application. It seemed like a great way to dive into the literature on what you think your thesis will be on and the written portion could then be expanded into a grant application to get funding for yourself!

Oh my god, I did not know the hell I was in for.

I chose two female professors that were in my more specific field of study. I was excited to have great female representation in a system (academia) that sorely lacks in it. I then got assigned a chair who was also female. Badass, right? Wrong. More like "bad, she's an asshole."

Our proposal had a few intermediary due dates for sections of the written portion before our oral presentation. Unfortunately, despite the proactive approach I took meeting with each committee member individually and getting overall positive feedback, just a day or two before the first writing deadline the first event in my series of unfortunate events occurred. I received an email from my chair on behalf of the entire committee saying they had met together (without me) and had 'major concerns' about my proposal. In this lengthy, she detailed all the concerns they had and literally threatened to fail me (at the first deadline of the whole ordeal) if I didn't 'sufficiently address their concerns before the upcoming deadline.'

I don't think I have ever received such a destructive email. It was quite frankly cruel, including pointed digs at me, my character, and my ability. Luckily, my PI is amazing and was so pissed on my behalf when he read through the email. We met and I quickly sent a bullet-pointed response to their critiques. They approved the draft and I continued on. The second deadline was for the final written proposal and I was *extremely* proactive and anxious going into that. I was concerned that they would once again pull the rug out from me at the last minute with a bunch of 'issues' even though I had asked for feedback the last time. It would take too long to detail the following interactions but it was a string of back-and-forth emails with me trying to avoid the previous disaster and stress and the chair just twisting my words to dig at me and my PI. It was super bizarre, especially in hindsight, as he is the lead PI of a grant she's a co-investigator for and they have a good working relationship. Anyways, it was honestly extremely anxiety-inducing but I got my written proposal finished and approved.

Last, came the oral presentation; this was a slideshow presentation of the proposal where your committee gets to grill you throughout. They can ask you basically any question, in theory related to the project and considerations/background info you should have. At this point, I've had an objectively poor experience with this committee and I'm a wreck, worried about them just decimating me. The chair had made it clear that they approved my written proposal but lowkey hated the project I was proposing. Important note: I was basically going to work on biological technology development for my thesis but my committee insisted I write my proposal on a singular disease. Doing so, I had to write a proposal involving work I knew I wouldn't do myself (ie I'm an in vitro scientist but half of my proposal was on in vivo mouse work) but they said it was fine because 'I didn't have to actually do the work I was proposing.' So I was going into my oral presentation basically know that my committee was already prejudiced against my proposed project and they would likely grill me on aspects of science I don't actually work in. Couple that with the original threat of not passing me, I honestly was concerned about passing my qual.

As part of the COVID class (incoming 2020), I did get to choose if I would do my oral presentation in-person or virtually. I was grateful to defend my proposal from the comfort of my own apartment, with my partner in the other room, able to put a little cheat sheet on the white board in front of me. I was extra grateful when my committee did in fact continue on to grill me. I walked out of that meeting as a charred crisp. They had asked questions, one member even arguing with me saying 'you'll never be able to do this' when I was trying to tell her that my lab had literally successfully done it many times. My committee went into a breakout room to deliberate and I walked out to my boyfriend and started crying. I told him I wasn't sure they were going to pass me and he just gave me a hug. I didn't know at the time, but he had already told his boss he might have to leave their 1:1 meeting early because it had not sounded like my presentation was going well in the other room.

I returned to my computer and my committee came back. My chair says, "I just want to start off my saying that we think you did a good job and we can really see that you put a lot of work into this... that being said..." and my heart dropped. I knew she was about to fail me. My chair finally spits out "Congratulations." I stare at her dumbfounded, my eyes wide. She laughs and says--WORD FOR WORD--"What? You didn't actually think we were going to fail you, did you?"

I was flabbergasted. The audacity of the lady who had made the past 3 months of my life a living hell to mock my anxieties? To act as if the trauma she had put me through was silly? It made it seem like her actions were intentional and I had never felt so small. I sobbed after the whole thing was over. I was relieved to have passed but I was left facing the aftermath of having my anxiety ratcheted up from my quals.

----------------------------

So, yeah. That was the oh-so-fun start to my second year of grad school. I thought things would have gotten better after my COVID-y first year; I thought I was going to settle into a lab and really figure out my project. Instead I got some trauma to work through and heightened anxiety (and I already had generalized anxiety). I struggled to figure out what I was doing and what my thesis story would end up being exactly. I watched the new 1st years in my program get integrated into our department, saw them have all the things we should have had. My second year was tougher than I thought it would be.

[picnokinesis]

Which Part of your Campervan AU is your favorite and why?

Oh, this is so hard! I think I love them all for different reasons. I think part 4 does have a very special place in my heart though - it was definitely the easiest to write, and I just have a lot of love for the backstory stuff with Jack and the Doctor that gets delved into (also - RUTH!!). But I do love them all. Parts 1 and 2 where the start of it all, and I remember finishing part 1 being the most amazing thing, because I actually managed to write the entire thing, which was a massive achievement for me! It was the longest thing I'd ever written, at that time - and then I went and topped it with part 2, which was even longer haha!

I lowkey hated parts 3 and 5 when I was writing them, but now I'm actually pretty fond of both of them. They're exactly what they needed to be in that part of the series, emotionally and narratively, and whilst they were a massive pain at times, they were good fun and interesting to dig into. Just took a lot of effort! Part 6 was also a bit of a nightmare, but also felt a LOT like my magnum opus, and it was one that I was working towards writing for ages, so it was really awesome to get it onto paper. I think the most difficult part was making everything line up across the povs, but now that's why I'm so proud of it because it really works well (imo anyway haha). By the time I got to the Doctor's section, I pretty much sped through the whole of the last 70k. And, of course, I had the last three chapters to look forward to. I think I particularly love part 6 for the way that it actually starts to reveal some significant information about the Doctor's past, whilst also keeping so much of it in the dark.

Part 7 is currently my sworn nemesis, and is metaphorically staring at me from the corner of the room at all times. I'll get back to it at some point, but life has been kicking me in the ass. It Looms Always, though hahahahha (I will get there eventually)

I find it so fascinating how different people prefer different parts - I always wonder which one is the most popular, and why people prefer particular ones. So if anyone wants to tell me which is their favourite and why, I'd be interested to know! But I think it's cool how different stories within the same arc speak to people, yknow?

Also, I just realised that it's almost Part 6's birthday!! I posted it on 13th July 2023 :D

[star2sworld]

yalllll. I didn’t have time to write in the morning but here is the update on how my day is going so far.

So, I don’t think I got any sleep tonight. I was up basically every hour and surprisingly I didn’t feel tired but still tried to go back to bed. I think I daydreamed the night away I swear. Bc I don’t feel like I slept at all.

Anyways, when I got on the bus I started to search up how to write an essay and stuff. I went straight to the library and waited there. Tell me why N comes up like god I was so annoyed. I lowkey panicked at first but I don’t care he’s so annoying to look at I’m just glad he’s out of my sight fr. I don’t think he even did his work so idk why he was there for so damn long.

But yeah. I think I did ok. I didn’t complete the last two opened end tho. And I kinda just gave up on the last section all together lol. The stories were just so boring to read.

I feel so damn tired. I haven’t spoke all day and it feels so weird. Like a part of myself is locked away omg. I just want to talk to someone cuz i feel like im suffocating. Anyways, after im done with my physics Ed puzzle im taking my ass to bed. The breakfast and lunch was so shit today I’m so hungry rn. Next period I have to review the part 4 quiz so I can take it during English. Then I’m basically done. I have to practice more in guitar tho bc I have a C right now it’s bad lol

I also have a math quiz tomorrow and I am notttr ready for it fr. I’m gonna print it out at home tho instead of asking him. If he allows me, I will just take the test on Friday or something

Anyways good bye too tied to write anything else