#and like. guys. i think we need to accept that henry v trusted thomas

[une-sanz-pluis]

The virulence of the disease affected all levels of Henry's army, from the rank-and-file to its top commanders. Clarence himself fell ill and departed Harfleur sometime before 12 October, as he was in Calais on this date where he stayed only briefly to deliver the heavy artillery used during the siege. The speed of the duke's recovery on his return to England is difficult to gauge as the records are quiet about his activities. He appears to have swiftly resumed his seat at the Privy Council, but it is not clear whether he attended the Parliament that met at Westminster in November 1415, which began on 4 November, while Henry was overseas. By the summer of 1416, he was fit again and met Emperor Sigismund of the Holy Roman Empire at Dartmouth in June and was appointed Steward of England around the same time. The retinue that Clarence left behind in France numbered 742 of his original 980 men, six knights, 151 men-at-arms and 585 archers, according to the post-campaign account information we have...

Michael P. Warner, The Agincourt Campaign of 1415: The Retinues of the Dukes of Clarence and Gloucester (The Boydell Press 2021)

[turniptitaness]

Okay, folks, buckle up ‘cause here comes Thea’s Memoir.

First off, I’d like to dedicate this book to my amazing boyfriend, Caleb, who not only loves and supports me, but also accepts and even encourages my obsession with the intelligent doofus we all know and love. Thanks for keeping me on my feet today, dude. I love you.

Second, I’d just like to say that if this is at all incoherent or fangirly, or tearstained... Well, what exactly were you expecting? I met freakin’ Tom Hiddleston today. I could have waited until tomorrow, or next week, or twenty years from now, however long it might take to recover my equilibrium, but I’m too excited about sharing it all with you.

Okay, on with the saga...

I’ll skip right over the bit where we were waiting to get into the staging area, because that was chaos and panic and ohmygodwhatiftheyalreadycalledourcategorybutwejustdidn’thearthem and me wanting to trample people and get up where I could actually see what was going on but then thinking “for shame, Thea, what would Thomas do in this situation?” And then thinking holy shit I think I just started my period help what do I do I’m not prepared oh no thank god false alarm it’s just my stomach being unable to cope with stress and excitement moving on now.

But once we got through the security stuff (with only a minor hiccup leading to me being scanned with one of those epic-looking taser-wand thingamajigs which was pretty cool, not gonna lie) and into the staging area, everything was fine and I could settle down to panicking about saying something dumb. This is where having Caleb along really came in handy. Not only was he holding my stuff because I was in no state to be trusted with anything, having already lost my favorite lipstick somewhere in the madness, but he was also providing moral support by saying, “I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll probably just shriek ‘O for a muse of fire’ and swoon in his arms,” and things of that nature.

This made me giggle, responding that I was more likely to say “I’ve FOUND my muse of fire” before the inevitable swoon. But then of course I realized that I shouldn’t even be joking because what if that got stuck in my head and actually came out of my mouth? Devastation and chaos in the mental sphere.

All of this was swept from my mind when TOM HIDDLESTON POKED HIS HEAD OUT OF HIS CURTAINED-OFF PARTITION AND WAVED AT THE CROWD AND HOLY MOSES HE’S NOT AN IMAGE ON A SCREEN HE’S A REAL PERSON AND HE’S RIGHT THERE AND HE’S LOOKING LIKE HENRY THE FIFTH WITH THAT LONG HAIR AND THAT BEARD AND OH MY GOD HELP I CAN’T BREATHE CALEB YOU’RE A MEDICAL STUDENT DOOOOOO SOOOOOOMETHIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG

So anyways. Then there was more standing in line, while the Hiddles lines are moving at a snail’s pace compared to the other celeb lines and staff people are looking confused and other staff people are shrugging and saying “He’s taking his time with people,” and I’m mentally (and possibly physically I’m not entirely sure) fist-pumping because heck yeah that’s my enthusiastically chatty doofus. But eventually we got to a point where I could ACTUALLY SEE LITTLE BITS OF FLOOF THROUGH CRACKS IN THE CURTAIN and then I was close enough to ACTUALLY SEE HIM THROUGH THE ENTRYWAY and then I was ACTUALLY IN THE ROOM WITH HIM HOLY MOTHER LOOK AT HIM RIGHT THERE.

Okay. Time for a break in the narrative for notes. As many people before me have noticed, he’s much skinnier in real life than he looks onscreen. The first impression is almost one of slightness, in spite of his leggy height. The second thing you notice is that HOLY MOTHER HE IS WAY MORE HANDSOME THAN I WAS PREPARED FOR. Screens can’t do it justice, folks. They just can’t. He. Is. Beautiful. The third thing you notice is that he’s nice. He’s really nice. Like it comes off of him in waves even when you can’t hear what he’s saying to anybody. I’m sure it can be technically explained by how he orients his body language toward people and focuses on them and stuff like that, but it’s easier to just say the vibes are strong with this one. Oh god, I’m making star wars references, I’m such a mess. Then you notice that he’s wearing your favorite shirt, the soft, blue, rumply-looking one that’s rolled up at the sleeves and unbuttoned at the collar so a couple of the twelve chest-buddies can peek coyly out. Then you notice things like how he’s being so patient with people who want a particular pose, like asking them specifically how he needs to stand, what the mood is, all this kind of trained-actor nonsense that somehow doesn’t seem like nonsense when you’re watching him and it just seems like he’s being genuinely sweet and trying to make sure that everybody has the best experience possible because my goodness look at all these people who are here to see little old shatteringly ordinary him.

Then I notice that Nanny Luke is in the room, looking as bland as ever, and am massively gratified for the split second I can spare it a thought because somehow it wouldn’t be the same if he wasn’t there as well.

And then somehow I end up in the little square of tape that means I’m next. And then he shifts his eyes from the last person to mine, and I’m stepping forward and he’s holding out his hand and I’m holding out mine and then he’s taking my hand and I’m somehow able to take note of the fact that his hands are really strong, but his grip is still gentle and holy cow as I type this I can still feel his hand on mine and it’s making even the simplest tasks difficult, because how are you supposed to type, or make tea, or do ANYTHING AT ALL WHEN TOM HIDDLESTON IS STILL HOLDING YOUR HAND FOUR HOURS AFTER YOU LEFT HIM???

And then somehow, even though he’s holding my hand and looking into my eyes with his eyes which are indescribably sweet and very, very blue, I find myself saying “Well, I was expecting Tom Hiddleston, but Henry V is fine, too.” And he’s looking slightly confused during the first clause, but then you see two quick brain-clicks, and then his eyes are crinkling up, and his head goes back and he does that deep “HHHHAhaha” laugh that’s completely delightful and I’m drowning and holy everything he’s STILL HOLDING MY HAND.

And then he’s letting go of my hand so he can slide it around my waist and I’m sliding my hand around his waist and ooooooh the shirt IS super soft, but what’s underneath it sure isn’t good golly miss molly I’m barely touching him and I can feel the muscle definition blessings on Marvel for creating this being. And then I stop thinking about that, because he’s twisting his shoulders around toward me and leaning his face in close LIKE REALLY CLOSE LIKE WITHIN SIX INCHES OH MY LORD and saying “I’m still Tom,” in that ridiculously smooth voice and perfect accent and his face is all still crinkled up with smiles and he’s giving me a warm, conspiratorial glance like “Only you and I are in on this, but we both get what we’re saying, don’t we, and isn’t this fun?” And let me tell you, this moment is pasted so strongly into my memory that I could probably count his eyelashes for you right now if I concentrated hard enough.

And then I’m saying thank you and I’m all snuggled into his side because our arms are around each others’ waists and how else could we possibly be standing??? And apparently I’m looking at the photographer but I can’t even remember what she looked like so I’m not sure how that happened. And then we’re letting each other go, and I’m saying thank you again and nothing is really clear from that point on but somehow I see Caleb grinning like a loon and sort of make my way toward him and then it’s a blur for a bit but we’re following arrows on the floor and then I’m holding the photo in my hands and OH my GOD he’s SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!! And then it’s all “he’s so hot, he’s so nice, he’s so cute, he’s so sweet” on a loop until I find myself at home, and I’m hugging Caleb as he delivers me to my mom and then I’m hugging her and saying “he’s so hot, he’s so nice, he’s so cute, he’s so sweet” on a loop again to her while we’re all squishing onto the couch together and I’m trying to come up with better ways of describing it but I can’t because it’s all true, and Caleb is making dry remarks and helping me to form a timeline for my mom in something like the way I’m trying to do it for you all right now, except that he’s doing most of the work and I’m just saying “he’s so hot, he’s so nice, he’s so cute, he’s so sweet” over and over again, even though I can hear how stupid I sound and I’m trying my best but I just can’t. So Caleb is giving his impressions of the guy, and asking me for confirmation, and I’m thinking... “I knew there was a reason I’m dating you. You see the same things in Tom that I do.” Minus the hot part, because Caleb is about as straight as they come and doesn’t understand all that sort of thing.

And eventually I stop shaking and metaphorically peeing on everything and become more coherent and Caleb has to leave for work and I go to redeem my digital download and here I am.

And here this is.

I don’t like posting images of myself online, for personal reasons, so I hope you understand that. I’m the little black bit on the edge under his pec. Look how cute he is.

And that’s the end of the first edition of this memoir. I’m sure that like any self-respecting memoir, there will be tons of new editions with added material that I forgot to squish into previous ones.

Maybe y’all can help me think of details I haven’t included, @i-wanna-be-toms-body-pillow, @lokiwholockfactory, @vicariousvictoria, and anyone else who might be interested?

[askbatimmodernau-deadblog122218]

Oneshot: The Strange Package

Note: Still taking a break. But here’s this. :v I think you guys might like it quite a bit. 

Dani opened the door and was confused. Where did this big package come from? She didn’t remember ordering anything. And no one else asked for her debit card so…

“Bendy!” Dani called, making the little demon run over to where she was standing by the front door.

“Yeah, Dani?” Bendy asked.

“What did you buy now?” She asked him.

“Nothing. Why- Oooo! A big package! What is it?” Bendy asked, skipping out of the house and inspecting it.

“That’s what I’ll like to know.” Dani sighs. “Go grab Thomas and Sammy. Maybe they can bring it inside.”

“Okay!” Bendy nodded and ran inside, only to scream their names after going a few feet. “SAMMY! THOMAS! COME HERE!”

“Was that really necessary?” Dani asks, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed.

“Sure.” Bendy shrugged.

“Isn’t your mere existence meant to be a secret? So why the screaming?” Thomas asked as he and Sammy came from the kitchen.

“Because I want you to bring in this package now!” Bendy said jumping up and down.

“What package?” Sammy asks. “This one.” Dani points behind her. “No idea where it came from. Well, I have one idea…”

“I told you! I didn’t buy anything… recently!” Bendy replied, as the guys picked up the package.

“Sure you didn’t.” Sammy said, grunting a little. “God this is heavy…”

Dani shut the door behind them as they carried it into the living room, with Bendy bouncing around them.

Meanwhile, Susie went and got some scissors.

“Any guesses on what it could be?” Dani asks, taking the scissors.

“Probably a bean bag chair or 100 boxes of different types of candy…” Wally said.

“…Okay. I hope it’s the candy!” Bendy giggled.

“Did you-”

“No! …Not recently!” Bendy replied.

“Moment of truth.” Dani says, as she begins to cut it open. Then Bendy jumped onto her back. “Gah! Bendy! Why’d you jump on my back!?”

“To get a better view of…whoa…” Bendy said, his black pie eyes gleaming with amazement and shock.

“W-Where’d you two come from!?”  Shawn said, coming up to them.

“Not more…” Sammy groaned.

The two very real and normal-looking toons shrugged, and looked at each other with a smile.

Confused, Dani accepted and took hold of a letter that Boris was holding out for her. Meanwhile, the rest helped them out of the box. “Dear my old friends,

I had gone back to the studio recently now that it was closed down and everyone’s bodies got taken out. As I was exploring the remains of it in eerily silent peace, I soon came across these two, all alone. You were the only ones I knew they’ll be safe at in case the studio gets torn down, which is bound to happen eventually. I know you have little space and money but I’m sure you can make room for them.

Sincerely, H. B.

“So… who is H.B.?” Dani asked, after reading the letter.

“Henry Batim! ((LOL clever, right?)) He’s our true creator!” Bendy grinned, jumping into Boris’ arms as he hugged him and Alice.

Alice gave a nod.

“The letter is the truth. Henry found us and brought us here.” Alice replied, quickly getting a hug from Susie, who was more than happy to return it.

“But how? Henry should be dead by now!” Grant replied.

“It seems that angels are real after all.” Alice smiled.

“Whoa… reminds me a bit of Supernatural… don’t know how I should feel about that…” Dani replied.

“As long as demons aren’t real I’m happy. But it’s cool that Henry is still around!” Wally responded.

“And I guess we’ll have to make room for them.” Dani said, catching the look Sammy gave her. “I’m not about to kick them to the streets. Hm…”

“I could stay on the couch…” Boris suggested.

“And I could stay with Susie maybe?” Alice asked.

“Hm hmm.” Susie nodded, feeling that she could trust that this was the perfect Alice and not a evil version.

“I guess that’ll work for now.” Dani said.

“Come on, I’ll show you guys around!” Bendy said, dragging them upstairs.

“So Henry is still here…somewhere…” Thomas said.

“And as an angel too.” Shawn added.

“Upside is that unlike Supernatural, angels don’t seem to be assholes here. Unless Henry is the only good one.” Dani replied.

“Truthfully, I hope the studio burns now that the case is closed.” Sammy said, getting nods from the others.

“You can say that again.” Dani said.

“But seriously… are they actually staying?” Sammy asks.

“What do you think?” Dani asks, raising a eyebrow. “Shit… now I really need to hide my credit card.”

“That’s what you’re worried about!?” Sammy questions.

“Yes. I am worried about my money. And so what if they are staying? We’re already saving up for a bigger place anyway…” Dani shrugged.

“Come on, Sammy. I think everything will be fine! Henry sent them to us anyway so the least we can do is keep them!” Susie added.

“Fine.” Sammy sighs. “But I really won’t like this.”

“Neither will I. But what else are we suppose to do?” Grant asks.

“So… are Alice and Boris staying?” Bendy asks, coming downstairs with them. Dani looked over and nodded with a smile. “YAY!” Bendy jumped up and down. “Now I won’t be lonely when you’re all gone!”

Note: Thinking of maybe making the angels and demons be like in Supernatural where they have vessels though my designs for Henry and Joey will remain. God knows where Joey is but Henry is around watching over them.

Designs for them can be found here.

And yes, Alice and Boris may be joining the crew now. I don’t think i’ll add them to the header but I will to the ‘Crew’ page.