#and like those are very necessary convos to have and i'm gonna keep having them and doing what i can and everything

[thehallstara]

i just like. wish ppl would realize how bad things are for most diaspora jews atm and like. take that into account wrt how they talk abt stuff

[golbrocklovely]

Hey! Sorry, sam person from last ask lol.

But I am with the age group of 10-13, therapy is not a option and I'm terrified of becoming a teenager. I'm already experiencing body image issues and such, and ALOT of other stuff.

Somthing that my parents do is since everyone in this house has known from a

VERY

Young age, they are very open abt sëx and talk abt it alot, especially abt what they do to each other and it makes me very uncomfortable, I've told them but then they make fun of me for being sensitive, and yeah I am.

I want to have a serious convo with my dad abt putting me in school. But I'm terrified of actually doing it. I feel like I'll be reprimanded and made fun of, cause they've put alot into homeschooled and such. But I feel like it's my best bet. My literal best friend is my sister. Ik your best friend's are family but yk. Its not the same.

omg respectfully you are SO YOUNG. holy crap.

okay, let me give you some big sister advice.

i remember being your age range, and puberty did suck at first and was very jarring to go thru. so i get the whole "being terrified" aspect. also, who wants to grow up? no one.

so the body imagine issues, i 1000% understand and know where you are coming from. i started puberty at 10 and it was a wild ride for me to start almost immediately developing. the good thing to know that while your body is changing, so is your mind. and while you might not like what your body looks like right now, just know that it's gonna keep changing. and that can be a good thing. there might be parts of yourself that you hate rn that you're gonna love when you get older. i think your best bet, and something i wasn't really ever taught, is to be kind to yourself. you are not the first person ever experience what you're going thru. and even tho change can be scary, it's not something to fear itself. change is necessary too. but one day, the change you are experiencing now will feel normal, and you won't even remember what you currently feel like. it might take a while to get to that point, but suddenly you'll feel settled, and you won't even noticed when that shift occurred.

also, as someone who is significantly older than you, i can confidently say that being a teenager was a lot of fun. hindsight is 20/20, so part of that does come into play. but seriously, growing up can be fun, even if it's a bit scary. being a teenager was dramatic and dumb and silly, and honestly there has been no other time in my life like that. i can look back fondly on that time now, and also admit there were moments that sucked. but that is life. don't be afraid of getting older - you can't stop it even if you wanted to. plus, there are so many good things that come with getting older. knowledge being the most important one. hindsight is another.

i would like to also add, just bc you are getting older, doesn't mean you have to let go of "childish" things. at 13 years old, i liked twilight, the jonas brothers, and bratz dolls. and wouldn't you believe it, at 28 years old i also still love all of those things loudly lol you don't have to let go of the things you love just bc you're getting older. things that bring you joy and comfort are few and far between in life, so if you enjoy something now, hold onto it as long as you need to. as long as it's not holding you back from achieving things or living your best life, there's no reason to stop loving what you love.

as for your parents, i do find that quite odd that they would do that in front of you. i'm sorry that that is something that happens. it also seems as if your parents are a bit dismissive about your feelings, and as someone who was also called "sensitive" and "a cry baby" (not directly from my parents… but also directly from my parents)- i get it. i'll tell you, i still deal with stuff like that to this day, so honestly the best thing you can do is try not to let it get under your skin. i know that's such a cliche thing to say, since it's not really an answer, but whatever way you gotta do that - do it. if you can, walk out of the room when they start talking about it. zone out, go to your happy place. find a spot on the wall and stare at it until their voices get drowned out. honestly, when ppl like that exist in your life, aka ppl that find enjoyment out of teasing you bc they know how to piss you off, don't let them enjoy it. don't let them see your reaction. if you stop giving them what they want (most likely a reaction of some type), they'll stop. or eventually, you'll learn not to let it effect you.

as for the conversation to have with your dad, i'm not sure what the best course of action is for you. i definitely think you should have it, especially if that is something you really want. maybe lay out why it would be such a positive for you to go to public school. talk about how socializing is something you need. talk about wanting to make friends that aren't just immediate family. talk about maybe wanting to do extracurriculars which your parents can't really give you at home. obviously, you know your dad better than i do, so work within the confines of what you know is safe and appropriate.

and if he does make fun of you and reprimands you, i'm sorry. but don't get knocked down if he does. there is plenty of time for things to change, so hold onto that.

also, i have to tell you since you are so young, please consider not being online. i know, the world kinda revolves around being online. but genuinely one of the things i regret doing as a young kid was being online bc i saw things i couldn't unsee. i read a lot of inappropriate fan fiction at that age that i shouldn't of bc i thought "oh who cares i'm basically an adult". keep your innocence as long as you can. you will be better for it in the long run.

and also please be careful of who you talk to online! if anyone ever tells you 'you're mature for your age', run for the hills. block, report, delete them. i'm so serious. if an adult WANTS to talk to you and reaches out to you first, they are weird and are most likely not looking to keep the conversations age appropriate. also don't tell ppl too much online. i know rn you're anonymous, but like.... please keep any and all interactions with adults online to a minimum. and don't tell them important things about yourself, like your name or age or where you live.

it's unsafe out there, so stay guarded. and please use that block button generously if you do plan to stay online.

[xiaosweetheart]

‼TW‼ HEAVY talks of weed/weed use, e*ting d*sorders; mentions of a psychotic episode, hallucinations; overall neglectful parental themes ???

‼VENT BELOW THE CUT‼ DONT FEEL LIKE U HAVE TO READ THIS I JUST NEED TO BITCH AB MY MOM

so. for some context. the last time i had taken a t-break was in like. the last two weeks of july, a few days into august. since then i'd been high for literally three months straight, and i smoked Every Single Day in october (which lead to a psychotic episode, but thats a convo for a different day). (also i do not believe she knows i was high fkr 3 months straight and she Definitely doesnt know i smoked Every day in october which like ............ as a parent ............... shouldn't u have some sort of awareness ? or something ab that ????)

and so anyway, my parents r like genuinely neglectful yasss 😍😍 they think offering me weed will just fix ???? all my mental problems 😭 and so anyway, my dad was hinting to him leaving the bong outside and that i should go smoke and i was like "it's no weed november" and my mom goes oh my god GROW UP. bc i'd been "bitchy all of november" [i'd been sober for 18 days :( ] like ............. yeah girl i was high for three months straight ofc ur gonna see my sober personality now .................

but i cave and go out to smoke w my friend, who had just gotten here moments after her telling me to grow up, and so i get baked as fuck blah blah blah and anyway she was outside and i go up to here like "yeah ur right i needed this 🙁" and she lectures me ab how i shouldn't be totally sober and that if i need a tbreak then to only smoke once or twice a week and to jusy keep using weed as a medicine for when things r bad — which is mostly true i do use weed to medicate, but then that brings me to my next point

after that i had a v enlightening talk w my friend ab my only two options being manic and/or psychotic [weed induced] or hollow, empty, and numb. and how i'll start smoking when things get bad (empty) and that leads me to becoming dependent on it which leads to weed induced psychosis but its only bad when i'm alone so i enter a state of mania and become very people dependent and extroverted bc ill genuinely hallucinate when im alone 😭😭😭 i dont think this paragraph was actually necessary to include ? but im sharing it anyway 😍 to surmise, that convo brought many new symptoms to light and i realize that i am More Than Likely bipolar yasss slay 😍😍

after all that we go back inside i forget what happens leading up to this next convo, but we got onto the topic of ??????? them asking me what i want from store cause i was like "yall never buy me anything i like" and so my parents were like name one thing you've asked us to buy u so i go "oo poptarts ! the strawberry ones !!" and ............ oh lord. THIS IS WHERE THE CONVERSATION AB THE ED BEGINS.

my mom was like thats junk food those r literal trash im not buying u trash to eat and i said something is better than nothing (bc it literally is ??????) amd she said she doesnt care and i go "ok well ur not the one w an eating disorder" and then. THEN. she laughed at me amd said "[caligula] is always using threats whenever he doesn't get what he wants. fine whatever, waste yourself away." WHEN SHE KNOWS I HAVE AN ED ????????

AND LITERAL DAYS BEFORE THIS, whenever we went out to eat the other day i went to go piss like twice in 15 minutes bc i'd had two bigass things of spirte or whatever yk and then when we were leaving and getting in the car or whatever and my mom literally asked if i had made myself throw up in the bathroom ?????????

so. uhm. yeah thats it 🥰 anyway posessive hcs coming soon <3

[shmisolo]

Can you now tell us some the headcanos you have for "Let's Get Together" please? I absolutely loved the fic. It was an AU I din't know I wanted but I'm glad I got it.

ok spoilers for let’s get together chapter 5!

ok first things first: ben & rey don’t move in together right away.  ben gets his own place about thirty minutes away and they start with a traditional half-week split with the kids.

the twins don’t understand this and are very annoyed bc their parents are CLEARLY IN LOVE why aren’t they MARRIED AGAIN ALREADY

the reason they choose this is bc they want to ease back into things.  bc even though things feel right, they know there’s a lot of baggage attached that they haven’t had the opportunity to work through and they both care so much about making it right–for the girls and for each other.  they have to learn to be in one anothers’ lives again

they start seeing a couple’s therapist and that’s when Shit Gets Real in a lot of ways

rey has a lot of self-blame.  like a lot (that’s evident in the fic i should hope).  ben’s worked through a lot of his with his therapist beforehand, and he’s all for letting the past die (eyyyy) and starting as fresh as they can, but rey’s having a lot of trouble letting go, especially because she can’t really remember why she left to begin with, bc her brain has locked her out of it, bc her experience at the time was so clouded bc of the 19 different pressures from various badbrains going on.  so a lot of their couple’s therapy is working through rey’s guilt and trying to think more about the future than the past.

for ben it opens up more bitterness than he wants it to.  a lot of his previous therapy had been about him without her in conversation, and so he’d built up what i think (and ben thinks, and his previous therapist thinks) would be reasonable ways of engaging with the memory of his ex-wife and the love of his life; but that’s very different when she’s still having trouble remembering why she left, and he’s in a new place halfway across the country from everything he’s known, and being far away from his mom (which is harder than he thought it would be). (on the bright side: he likes the non-new york legal lifestyle of not killing yourself for the hours every day.  he likes that a lot.)  but there’s a lot that’s not quite as easy as he wants it to be and he has to learn how to work through that with rey and not just with himself.

ben also tries to point out that he was the one that suggested splitting the twins (it had been a tactic to try and make rey stay, and he hadn’t expected her to take him up on it) as a way of showing that they both were part of the situation, that it was in some ways mutual even if she initiated it, and the fallout falls on him too.  rey has trouble hearing that bc she has a lot of abandonment trauma herself, even if it’s factually correct that he did suggest this.

this is a conversation they keep away from the kids as much as possible, because they don’t want the kids to involve themselves too much.  it’s not their responsibility to fix the parents and they’ve done enough to show that they’d try.  so they say that they’re being careful and get cagey whenever either padme or breha presses it.

despite a lot of the work they are doing with their therapist, which is hard and necessary, they’re pretty good on the whole tho.  they have date nights–usually when the girls are staying with rey since the co-parenting trio are always down to babysit, especially as they are getting to know padme–and they continue sleeping together, and fall into a pretty good rhythm of life.  a lot of their therapy is about working through their past, but they’re mostly equipped to handle their present properly.

padme has more difficulty than either of them had really prepared for in moving down to new mexico.  she has gone from an all girl’s private school to a local coed public school and wasn’t expecting the culture shock of that experience alone in middle school, much less a different vibe of being in the southwest more long term.  and while she and breha get on very well, there are definitely spats bc for breha everything’s natural and normal, but padme misses her friends, and misses her bubbe, and misses being able to walk places.

breha starts going to hebrew school (a way to appease leia that padme and ben were moving down south; leia’s not really mad about it, but she’s definitely gonna push for both of her girls to have a jewish education)

after ~a year or so, ben moves in.  since this is headcanon and not #fic, i went ridiculous with the “he had a mild heart attack” thing (bc i can’t fathom ben solo having a healthy heart t b q h) and that makes everyone scared and sad and he’s fine but everyone’s scared and rey makes him stay at her place so that he can have everyone take care of him while he recovers and he just…never leaves.

while scary, this is also an important moment for rey bc they won’t tell her stuff about him at the hospital bc she’s his ex, not his wife.  so when she is let in to see him, she’s basically like “hi we need to get married” which they spend like three or four hours on in therapy bc it’s the first time she’s thinking “forward” and sure she’d done it in panic, but it’s important that she’s thinking about a future that’s not just weighed down by her own guilt.  (no, they don’t get married right away.  but they do start talking about futures more consistently after that, aided by ben’s moving in.)

they end up building an extension to the house bc with the additions of ben and padme, things are getting a bit cramped and also poe, finn, and rose have a bet as to whether or not ben and rey might have more kids.  they’re also considering kids of their own and figure having extra space will be good.

leia eventually moves down to santa fe.  she doesn’t like being far from her family.  she absolutely becomes like…the fucking matriarch of the jewish community in like 4 seconds and no one knows how except that it’s leia.

also: fun fact that i didn’t have time to work into the fic because she wasn’t going to tell either ben or rey while all this was going on--leia feels a lot of responsibility for the fall-apart of the first marriage.  she feels as though she failed her daughter-in-law when her daughter-in-law needed a mother figure and she just wasn’t able to give her the help and support she needed when she was clearly breaking down.  that’s part of what motivated her to help the twins--she saw it as an opportunity to fix something she feels she had a hand in (while also knowing that she isn’t to blame for rey’s mental state at the time).

the girls get bat mitzvahed.  everyone is emotional.

rey and ben decide to get married soon thereafter.  they have a convo w/the rabbi and realize that they’d never gotten a get so their ketubah is still valid which makes them both laugh real hard for a long-ass time, and they decide to skip a big wedding (much to the girls’ annoyance) bc it feels like a waste of time and they feel like they’ve already lost so much time.  but they do have a nice little thing at the farm after they sign their marriage license and luke and chewie come to visit and it’s a big family thing.

moar kidz??? idk that’s as far as i got.  that’s a lie they totally have one more kid and so do rose/poe/finn and those two kids are adorable and the best playmates everrrrrr.

fin.

[survivenovascotia]

Episode 1 - I have no idea what I'm doing. - Eric

Everyone’s pretty active. Certain people know each other and I’m pretty much a newborn deer in the ORG community. Chrissa says “I’ve added pretty much everyone” as a contact but didn’t add me. So then I added a few people and no response or people added me back. Like my god I could go home for being a newbie. No hun.

I have no idea what I'm doing. It's honestly been so long I'm just trying to talk to everybody and get to know them. I don't remember when the time to start alliances are and other things and it's a whole mess but we are working with it!!

Russell deserves all the wins

So I think Austin and I may have started an alliance. He seems pretty nice and I believe that he wants to be loyal especially since it's only be 2 hours since the game started. I'm hoping tomorrow us two can find some other people to make a larger alliance. I get good vibes from Heather and Chips specifically. Chips I knew before I left the community a while back, and I know he has a lot of passion for ORGs which I think is very valuable in an ally. I also really like Heather because we are very similar people. We are both starting college, both just returned to ORGs. It just kind of felt meant to be. Obviously I have to listen to who Austin likes too. I think when I played orgs in the past, my errors were both not making the alliances soon enough, and also trying to control them. If I want to win, I have to play differently.

Im BACK. Imma make this quick. Welcome to Cast First Night Impression Vibes Coco~ Havent Spoken to him too much yet since it was 4AM when things came out for him. Seems sweet. Says he played on tengaged and zwooper. Stephen~ We played in the past. I think 2 games, one where I was completely against him and one where I tried to be on his side then everyone voted him out early. I think both were atomic games. He messaged me right away since he knew I took a long boi break which was nice. Gotta talk to him a bit more. Austin~ Seems pretty chill, we had convo about horror stuff and atm talking about Winners at War (I'm not gonna spoil anything. Don't yall worry) I can definitely see potentially working with him. Livingston~ Talked for a little bit. Shared a little bit of theatre stuff with each other since he does a lot of tech for his school where as I do onstage and offstage things. There is potential. Dylan~ We talked a bit. Im vibing. I hope he is too. talked more music tastes and all. POTENTIAL Eric~ Eric and I are one. We were talking and realized we are the same person and are the voices in each others head. I definitely want to work with him the most out of anyone so far. Splat/Evan~ Pretty chill tried talking to him. I feel a connection but like not like the biggest. I think things could definitely look up in the future tho Chips~ CHIIIIIIIPS. I love Chips. I didn't talk to him as much as I should have my previous game with him like 2 YEARS AGO. We talked a lot today and I think this game I can possibly work with him. Glo~ We played a big brother org together toward the beginning of my break, which was a rough time in my life and why I stick to survivor games. She messaged me and I messaged back, but I have yet to get another message from her yet. We will see in the morning. FOR IDOL SEARCHES: I checked an I am gonna write down the paths I take. I got a deadend this time.

GLO GLO is spilling the tea . I have only done live chat with DYLAN so far but OMG we connected and he reminded me of two players I loved and do to this day one for over 10 year the other for 5 years who are close to me to this day. Me and Dylan connected talked about life game laughed shared stories and somehow FINAL 2 has evolved and I am super happy about this.

Ok this is the most social I’ve ever been at the start of a game I called Gloria since we’re both I Love Money alumni & we hella bonded ??????? She’s so sweet 🥰🥺🥰🥺 we literally talked for two full hours on cast reveal day, wow. I would love to work with her far into this game, maybe even to the end 🤭 if we could do that Stephen is cool, I’d like to work with him. He’s loyal & smart & good at challenges so ✌🏻 Eric & I had a very interesting dynamic in middle earth, but I think we were able to smooth over that together Evan also seems really cool, I just met him but we’ve already switched friend codes so it’s getting pretty serious also glo was like ‘You better not betray me for a man you have a crush on’ and I was like uhhh I’m emotionally unavailable don’t worry glo you’re safe

I feel less stressed atm. Chatted to a couple people. Nothing major, no alliances made (or if add production to it). I hope I can continue manoeuvre my way to find a footing in this alliance otherwise I’ll be the first boot and be annoyed at myself. Just worried about past connections and my no connections.

Heyyy, first confessional of the season!! So the tribe seems pretty chill, no one i hate, a few i know. Dylan and Heather might be an issue if they hold grudges? But i doubt it. What I’m really looking for healre is a solid group of 4, I could see chips and heather being a part of that as they arent goats, but who knows. The idea is to group with people who will play and take the heat off me, instead of goats who might gang up on me at end game

Personally coming into this game as a new player, one of my biggest concerns were past relationships. So I talked with my secret alliance member Choo about who he has played with in the past, and he mentions Austin. After doing that, I ask Austin who he has played with in the past, and he tells me that he has never played with anyone before. Immediately I knew he was bullsh*tting. However, I really need to keep my mouth shut that Austin lied about this to me, but when the time comes, I'll be sure to expose his ass.

My strategy in this game is to create as many options for me to take as possible to get to the end. The way I'm doing that is by playing the "clueless 16 year old" card so that people see me as naive, when in reality, I'm probably just as ready to backstab, lie, cheat, steal just as much as any of these people are, if not more. So far it seems to be working and I sense that a lot of people feel as though they can trust me. But I will take the option that best suits me.

Immediately I was able to create a secret alliance with Coco, due to a mutual friend, being Evanw919. Evan is one of my best friends irl and was actually the person that introduced me to this game. After talking to Coco a lot, I feel as though he is someone I can trust, and I do intend to go as far as I can with him... unless it's in my best interest to take him out if necessary. I may intend on trusting him, but I don't intend to let friendships impact my decision making.

First day went great I feel ! Everyone is super nice so far and I hope we can win a few challenges together.  COCO IS HERE! I love coco and hope we can go far together already . I have trusted him before and it turned out really good for me.  Glo is a sweetheart and gotta love her. Livingston is nice and so is chips tho I feel they may need to go down the road.  Stephen and me have talked a lil in the community so I feel I can maybe trust him . I'm excited and nervous to be playing again but ready to go ! 

I like this cast and like the people on my tribe i hope they are not too annoyed hearing about my internet but they have to know what they might be dealing with obviously it only happens at certain times depending how many people are on the internet with rogers, so if i get voted out cause of it i won't be mad, but also i am hoping for a lockdown end sooner than later so we can switch providers. as John Coffey said it's a very bad time to be having these internet problems.

Okay! The season is officially on! Not much to report about yet but I want to make a confessional right now just in case I forget to do it later. Gotta avoid those strikes! So far all I know about my tribe is that John Coffey and I briefly played together in a previous game, though we weren’t ever on the same tribe, and Chrissa and I played together at some point though I can’t remember anything about when we did. I’m looking forward to the challenge and I hope we can crush it!

I have managed to talk to everyone on my tribe and I definitely feel good vibes from most apart from maybe Livingston who doesn't really seem interested in talking to me. What is interesting that Evan asked me if I had known anyone from previous game(s) and I told him I knew Austin and Livingston BUT Austin told him that he knew NONE. So now Evan doesn't trust him but trusts me. I really like  Evan,Eric, Heather, Austin and also Glo and Dylan. I'd like to work with them but mostly with Evan, Eric, Heather and Austin.

Right now what I'm trying to do is to get these people caught in a lie, but I intend to save the lie to expose them when the time is right. People say one of the worst mistakes you can make in survivor is playing too hard too fast. However, playing hard quickly can be gotten away with if you are sneaky about it and don't get caught. I'm trying to get these people to think I'm incompetent as they aren't even aware they are being manipulated

2ND Confessional OK so far my 2 favorites I have talked to are Dylan and if the truth is being told we are in 2 man alliance. @nd I have messaged with most is CoCo real name David. He said he is knew to orgs and is afraid of alliances happening which probably is true. Dylan and I both like CoCo so we are bring him in as our 3rd hopeful in a possible alliance. CoCo actually said he wanted to work with me so hopefully I have him and Dylan watching my back as I will them if they stay loyal but if they run their mouth goodbye quick if needed. So far I am happy with these two and have no idea what other two I hope to round up. Both Dylan and I agree about getting CoCo with us and hope it don't backfire with a new player to orgs.

I’ve chatted to Kevin and acted like I’m paranoid (I am a wee bit but I’m definitely adding spice) and he’s like “If I hear your name I’ll let you know” which is what I’m looking for. If I can play a ditzy “I’m just happy to be here!” act I think it’ll make the more strategic players come to me and make them act like I’m a pawn in their chess game. (I have good episode title material Yass). Also I’m gay.

I love music video challenges, but everyone seems to not like them so I am a bit nervous. I got closer to Coco and I love him!! I definitely wanna work with him and he said he feels comfortable with me Austin and Eric, which same so I right now feel good but its only been a day. I hope we get a good score, although we already know one person who would prefer to not be in it oof.

The idol hunt, love the idea. Me and Darcy are working together and telling each other where we went. My first way was a flop, not helpful. Darcy’s first route was T2, R, L, R, R and went out and my first route was shorter. I think if we keep going this way we’ll get to the idol soon. I told Darcy to go T2, R, L, R, L, L as I think that will bring us closer.

They voted Call Me Maybe. I want to die but I want to win more so HEY I JUST MET YOU

Have I confessed too much in the past few hours? Nah. So Coco and I are planning to work together and we seem to be on the same wavelength and he seems to trust me. He shared about his idol hunt and I think we are gonna try and map out together different tunnels. I mentioned how I dont think anyone would have the idol yet, but I could be wrong.  We also talked about hoping to get Austin and Eric in to potentially work together, which I am down for as long as we can get the numbers. I do think I have to feel out more before I do anything drastic as we LITERALLY HAVENT DONE A CHALLENGE YET. Any who, I think I am having a decent social game at the moment, but you know thats just my point of view. I hope no one hates me yet (thats for later). I wanna do a tribe call but Im lowkey nervous that chaos will ensue or it will be too quiet for some reason. I mainly want it to form more bonds with people, and possibly play a jackbox game of fibbage to see who the best liar is (it is a science).

Looking at my options for a four-man super-team power-rangers/voltron alliance, my instinct is to team up with Chips, Heather, and Dylan. While one benefit is I have some prior experience with each of these guys, the main reason is that each of these have made a consistent effort to talk to me and we have some form of rapport. Glo has also tried to talk to me but like, I know nothing about her? Its been hard to have a clear conversation. The others are fine, we’ll see how we go.

should i aim for chips-heather-dylan for a 4 alliance? or chips-heather-eric?? i know its early but this kind of alliance should be i think, at the same time though being pushy can lead to being seen as a threat... maybe i should wait to see if we loose immunity

The tea is that today Evan told me he had formed a secret alliance called "Florida" w Heather. I am okay w it because I trust both of them! We made an agreement that Evan would check tunnel 1, I would do 2 and Heather would check 3 for the idol. I hope I managed to put myself in a decent position. That's all for now I guess.

So last night we decided to pick Call Me Maybe as our song for the Lip Sync challenge which is iconic and the pretty people tribe will win!! Today was a little bit more lowkey. I spent a majority of the day finishing off my persuasive speech assignment. Towards the afternoon though, Heather talked to me about how we could work together in the game and I was REALLY glad for that. I was intending on talking to her anyway about starting an alliance with her. Earlier, Austin and I confirmed our strategical bond by making an alliance and talking about who we would want to join us. I said Heather and Austin said Coco. I really like both so I'm glad. Heather told me that she was told about the 4, so it's nice to see that everyone's on the same page. Hopefully we win the challenge, but at the moment I feel good about the group that's beginning to form.

My one fear in this challenge (aside from public humiliation) is that I think our songs a little basic and too over done? We’ll find out how the judges feel I guess

I don’t have much new to report other than Mac saying he wants to work with me in the game. So I’ve got that going. John’s a fantastic guy and I’d love to get something going with him too. That’s a far cry from a majority in this game but it’s a start. I’m hoping we can pull through and win this challenge so we don’t have to worry at all about going to tribal first. I’m not confident enough in my position in the game right now that I’d be able to survive a tribal.

Soooooo a alliance finally started with me eric , evan, heather,and coco which I'm 100% down for with the time being . I really like everyone tho so I hope we win this first challenge . Even tho I really hate music videos . I'm awkward and never know what to do . Hopefully my tribe can carry me by with this one .

Eric tells me about this 5 person alliance plan, with himself, Austin, Heather, Coco, and myself. What I tell him, is that I am completely comfortable going with his plan and that I feel blessed to be a part of the group. However, what Eric doesn't know, is that I was the one who initially created this plan. There's a core secret 3 person alliance here with Coco, Heather and myself, along with two semi-trustworthy guys in Eric and Austin. The best part about this, is that Eric and Austin have no idea that they are on the bottom of the alliance. In fact, they think they were the ones to instigate it.

So tis' 10:53 PM on a april 12th night and the alliance between myself, Heather, coco, austin and evan is official. Coco really wanted evan involved and honestly evan is really cool and kind of a mini-me so I'm fine with him being involved. Austin and Heather also like evan so everything's good. I hope we win the challenge because I like the whole tribe but the others haven't talked with me quite as much. Glo is nice but when she dms she, she explains herself like Im silently disproving of her which is weird because she can do whatever she wants idc she's a queen. Chips is nice and we talked the most out the other 4, but sometimes I don't understand what he's saying. I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily, but I just feel more comfortable around the other 4. Stephen and Dylan are nice as well and I think they are cool, but we just haven't really got to talk that much. I really hope we win the challenge because I don't want to vote anyone out but we will see.

Wow ok Im in an alliance. Me like that. I named us the prettier people because we call our tribe the pretty people tribe. I really like the people in it as it includes Austin, Eric, Evan and Coco. Evan wants to make Coco Evan and I the core 3 in the group, however, I feel closest to Coco and Eric as of right now. Lets hope we need to talk game more LATER since I want to win the challenge rather than vote someone off. Im hoping I can somehow get alliances with the Eric Austin side, making us a core 3, and the Coco Evan side making us a core 3.

Oop Stephen is trying to form a tight 3 person alliance, today is the rise of the game play

So i decided on forming an alliance of three instead, smaller but a bit less intimidating, and I let Heather choose the third for diplomacy, she chose austin who wouldnt be my first choice but still good. Hopefully this is a good first step.

Alliance 1: The Prettier People: Me, Coco, Austin, Eric, Evan Alliance 2: The Chatty Trio: Me, Austin, Stephen (Stephen mentioned sides with Livingston and Chips as well so Id say they are affiliations) Alliance 3: Unnamed as of right now and yet to form a chat: Me, Coco, Evan I guess Austin sees us working well together so Id say that's definitely a plus so woo This happened very quickly. It has been quite an Easter in Canada

Sunshine and myself had a nice long Skype call last night getting to know each other! Darcy was there for much of it as well but it was mainly Sunshine talking. It feels really good to build a bond early on and I’m hoping we can keep that up and work together in this game. Right now Jessie seems to be the least active person on the tribe. She doesn’t really speak much in tribe chat and I’ve only had a brief conversation with her in PMs.

WE WON! Call me maybe more like Call us the winners BABY WOOOOOOOOO

Hey so I just got off an almost hour long call with Glo... and she is terrifying!!! Seriously if it wasn’t for the fact I’m 80% sure I couldn’t do it I’d want her out first. HOWEVER We Won!!!!! party party. While early tribals can be good I feel like I’m doing well enough in the bonding not to need it.

WE WON WOOOO. I was so worried!! We can all live in peace for a day Bless Up

Russell deserves to win

Well we lost the first immunity challenge which is a huge hit to morale. My only goal for the next 24 hours is to just convince people to not write my name down. I don’t feel like I’ve bonded as much as I should have with some people but I think I can keep my name off the block. I’ve already spoken with Mac, Darcy and Kevin and they’ve all agreed to work with me. So that’s 4 of the 5 majority there. I had a long call with Sunshine last night so I think I can get him on my side as well. I should be okay. But things can change so quickly in this game. As for who I’d like to vote out. Jessie has been the least active in tribe chat. But Dan is who I’ve spoken with the least out of everyone. Kevin being on exile island makes this vote both easier and more difficult. There can’t be a rock draw. Someone is getting straight up voted out.

I asked the chat if anyone had animal crossing & Evan was like ‘chip does’ literally WHAT how close are y’all ?? Evan said this was his first ever ORG. Also he straight up asked me who I knew already & who was trustworthy. Like HUH. We played smash bro’s together tho after that so I think we’re chill Anyways, I like everyone on the tribe. Glo wants to form a threesome w us & Coco which I am down for. Heather & Eric both scare me 😟 I always get so paranoid at the start of orgs I’m So glad we won that challenge bc I would be so scared of going home 🥺🥺

in alliance with Dylan who stole that video and challenge we won. My power went out and neighborhood destroyed with storm all I could do was in house by window scene and was worried I wouldn't get anything submitted but I did get something in thank goodness but I sucked. I have talked to Stephen and have talked to Chips and like both of them. I like Coco also but time difference is killing us trying to chat live but we will make it happen. I am proud of Dylan in that video so much. I want to talk live with Austin cause I have a feeling I will like  him but time will tell. Glad did not have to vote anyone out and i was scared it might have been me. We only won by a point so that was close call for sure. I still try to message and reach people but getting some to talk live is hell. Only one I talk game with is Dylan and nothing heavy yet. lol

At the immunity challenge today, I believe I did a very good job staying in the middle in terms of how much work got done. I didn't do all the work, but I did enough so that I wouldn't get targeted for doing nothing

There's no denying that online survivor attempts to be fairly similar to how survivor is on T.V. However, there are still some very key differences between the two. One very important distinction is how much easier it is to get away with lying. This is because for one, they can't read your face, and two, the person lying has time to think about what they want to say before they say it. These two factors can make it much easier to lie compared to real life. Right now I'm lying to almost everyone except for Coco, who I feel would likely be a goat who I can take to the end. Don't get me wrong, I am ready to play this game very hard and do what it takes to win, regardless of if my tribe mates see that or not.

Gloria is lowkey weirding me out a little bit. Why does this old lady want to video chat with a 16 year old boy that she's never had a SINGLE conversation with? Why is she consistent continuing to ask about it? These are questions I do have, but in the game of survivor, sometimes you can't always know the answer. If I did ask, I could potentially find myself in hot water and cause bad vibes from her, so as of now I just need to keep declining her requests to video chat until I send her old ass home.

So coming into this game, I see Kevin and Darcy on my tribe, and I have a relatively okay history with them. However, Kevin is the only one that is really talking to me right now other than Sunshine. Sunshine is sooo TALKATIVE AND ANNOYING!!!!! OMFG HE WONT SHUT UP! However he is good in challenges, so he needs to stick around. honestly I have had no game talk with anyone as of yet, so I dont have much to write about.

Hey sis, not much has happened which is worrying. Me and Darcy haven’t found the idol which is annoying. I talked to a couple people about the vote and some hadn’t made their mind and I said Chrissa or Jessie as the vote. The lack of people talking is scary tbqh.

I hate losing cause judges are blind they are wrong anyway on a personal note if i am still in the game at this point my internet should be running better cause my mom finally gave in and called bell to switch. But i am gonna be real no one has messaged me so idk how safe i feel.

Me being able to get Chrissa out first vote. WOW COME ON NEWBIE! Snakes, they like to stay hidden. Blend in. If a person sees a snake slithering around hissing all the time, people will react negatively to the snake. But if the snake has been blending into it’s surroundings, the person wont realise. I don’t know if I’d call myself a villain or anti-hero. The reason why I want Chrissa out is because she has a bad social game and I want to keep around people who I’ve bonded with. (I swear I’m kind in real life!)

It’s certainly looking like the vote is going to be Chrissa tonight. I’m a little sad at that since she’s a genuinely wonderful person. Something about this game is just making me super depressed. Everyone’s been so nice and friendly. Everyone has put effort into the game. But Chrissa’s name was the first one thrown out and it’s just sticking. I can’t even think of another name to throw out instead. This game is going to be rough to play I think. Usually I’m not so invested in my other tribe mates but I would truly like for all of us to win this game.

[serenagaywaterford]

6) a flip of the dime. The nasty parts were always there, but he concealed/controlled them. Maybe bc said parts wouldn't exactly make him endearing to others? Anyhow, your interpretation makes him quite the interesting antagonist/villain, so I'm rolling with it, lol. /// There was another thing that was bugging me about S2: the baby's name. Obviously, Serena chose Nic(h)ole as a "fuck you" to Fred. But June in the finale? Of course, she stuck to it for Nick's sake, but also bc she recognized

7) Serena’s selfless (well, if you can call it that) act. Thoughts on this? /// As for your older responses, I forgot to describe what an epiphany it was for me to realize the significance of Serena’s use of the word “rape” for the first time. The anger I felt after 2x10 blinded me to the VERY OBVIOUS connection between her realization in 2x10 and her outburst in 2x11. (Silly me!) Imagine how much more intense that fight would have been if they included the marital rape. I remember a writer

8) that June didn’t kill Serena, bc she actually felt sorry for her in that episode. (Ngl, June’s kindness baffles me at times.) I knew that she wasn’t gonna do it of course, but it was 50/50 whether I wanted her to shoot them or not. /// Something I have not addressed so far is how lukewarm I found their explanation for June getting away with all the shit she does. Well, she’s no Janine (who loses an eye) or Emily (who gets mutilated), but still. Like you said, Serena and Fred might get away

9) get away with a lot more bc of their privilege, but June? Hm. // I’ll start quoting later (or maaaybe tomorrow).

———–

I always thought that was a really weird sort of thing for June to do. And it seems to be entirely because of Serena? Like, it was Holly, Holly, Holly. Even when she was talking to Nick. Then she has the exchange with Serena, and suddenly she adopts Serena’s supreme dickmove of a babyname? 

And I LIKED Holly. It meant something. Nichole (I HATE THAT SPELLING SFM LMAO) means nothing to June? Can you imagine the convo: 

“Mommy, why am I called Nichole?”

“Well, baby, you see, your Daddy’s name is Nick, so the lady that stole you decided to name you after him to eternally piss off her husband who she clearly hates and wanted him to be reminded that he’s impotent every time he looks at you.”

Like, on the one hand, Serena is fucking brilliant and it just shows the extent of her hatred for Fred. But then it’s kinda shitty to use a child as a pawn in that.

Then again, maybe there’s another reason Serena chose that name? I know there’s like a whole history about St. Nicholas and his role as a patron saint of childless couples, or something. (I can’t recall exactly rn). And there was something about St. Nicolette and babies. (Which is where the names Nicole and Collette come from.) Something like she raised a dead baby back to life. So, I guess, at a stretch perhaps that was her inspiration? I doubt it, knowing Serena. LOL.

It’s really curious June’s decision though. Despite EVERYTHING Serena’s done, June just wipes it clean and names her fucking baby after Serena’s choice? Maybe she was trying to retain the memory of Nick for Nichole? I dunno. And not only that, but she seemed 100% genuine when she said that farewell blessing and held Serena’s hand (again). 

I dunno, June’s own preoccupation with Serena is something I don’t truly understand but she clearly thinks there’s some odd connection or something. It’s funny cos I was reading a review about S2 and June’s choices in the finale, and her constant support of Serena despite ALL the reasons not to, and lemme see if I can find it… 

 Nah. I can’t. Anyway, it was something about how we all know June’s going back for Hannah, but this writer thought June was also going back for Serena.

I’m not convinced about that tbh, but I can see the argument cos June is strangely protective and compassionate towards Serena considering. I just have a sinking feeling that the show is gonna play that “Oops, Serena is evil again!! SHE WAY MAD JUNE GIVE BABBY AWAY trolololol!!!!” and make her despicable in order to get Nicole back. If that is the case, I’m gonna roll my eyes right outta my head. I have no issue with Serena having regrets, tbh. I think that’s pretty understandable and expected. But having Serena go hogwild with abuse and using Fred’s power to get back at June or something is just going to fucking piss me off cos like, c’mon my dudes, been there, done that. Over and over already. It’s the 3rd season and either you’re gonna put this bitch on a mild redemption arc or you’re gonna make her a full-on villain. Make up your minds. The will-she, won’t-she thing is old by now.

I dunno that was a random OT rant.

Also, TRUTH! Serena’s use of the word “rape” was important. Like, part of me is like DUH how did you JUST figure that out?! And, honestly I feel like the marital rape is sort of necessary for Serena’s epiphany to get recognised. I think, Serena is just wilfully ignorant enough to not truly consider the Ceremony rape. I honestly do not think she totally understood what she was suggesting with the 2x10 rape. (Serena really does lack forethought for like…all of her actions. That’s sorta her whole problem.) I think she thought it would be just like a sort of unsanctioned ceremony. But by the end she did seem to recognise what it truly was. And having her raped by Fred in the previous episode would have really helped with that. (Then again, it’s really hard to understand how a woman who was just raped turns around and basically suggests it. And this person is supposed to be not Satan. A pure evil woman sure. But Serena’s not meant to be that.)

I think Yvonne’s delivery of the line was interesting too. Part of it was like, “HOly shit it was rape” and part of it was like, “ha! you’re a monster!! you did that!” Like she had no culpability in it. I want to know if Serena has realised that ALL ceremonies are RAPE yet. I wonder if she’s got there. I’m not totally convinced she has. But… I dunno.

Oh! I hadn’t read that about June’s reasoning! That’s interesting. I mean, it fits with June overall but it’s a very odd thing. Like, to be holding a gun trained on the couple that literally held you down and raped you not 24 hours earlier… and feel SORRY for the woman (whereas the general population’s consensus is that Serena is even worse than Fred for doing that to another woman)? I went and watched it after reading your message I didn’t really see that on June’s face. (But that’s really neither here nor there since editing, directing, etc. all differs from what the writers/showrunners had in mind and those are the guys doing the interviews!)  I take that back! I watched it again and I can deffo see that if that’s what they were going for. Totally missed it and likely wouldn’t have picked up on it if not for this convo.

That said, I totally see June reasoning it out that way. For some strange reason, whether it’s Stockholm Syndrome or whatever, June seems to have a blindspot/softspot for Serena and she seems to have unlimited Get Out Of Jail Free cards for her. Like, c’mon, she literally held her down to be brutally raped, and at this point it seems like Serena could murder June and June’s ghost would just be like, “Hey youuuuu, wanna be my bestie in overthrowing the patriarchy?” (Okay, I’m not at all complaining cos I love their dynamic and I ship them soooooo… lol. On a personal level, it works very well for me and my crackshippy fantasies. I choose to believe June honestly sees something nobody else does and believes in Serena’s capacity for redemption–WHICH IS INSANE. But hey. I love it.)

So, for June to feel sorry for Serena, even after everything really does fit when you think about it. And also when you think about book!June’s attitude towards true power being in forgiveness.

I remember sitting around watching the ep the first time and thinking “I don’t want June to shoot them and be a killer” but also, “WHY ISN’T SHE SHOOTING THE FUCKING PLACE UP! DOES SHE NOT WANT TO ESCAPE????” And I was sitting there with the wifey and she was like, “She can’t. What if she misses? Then you’ve got 2 incredibly angry people chasing you.” And I was like… “Uh. Reload? Shoot them as they’re coming up the stairs.”

Because I have never fired a gun in my life so to me it seems really easy lmao. But to me, I didn’t even care about her shooting Serena but I did have an inkling she didn’t want to shoot Serena with the amount she paused. That would have been a perfect shot with teh type of ammo to take out –or at least injure– two people at once. I was like, “You gotta kill Fred and Serena is pretty useless then. It’s not like they have mobile phones! You can then choose to leave Serena to die there lol, or hostage her. And steal the car. You could get pretty far since nobody knows that Fred/Serena are even there.” To me, rationally, it didnt’ make sense not to shoot them. But… emotionally, obvs, I knew she wouldn’t cos a)the series would like… end rather abruptly lol, and b) that’s just not June.

AND yeah, June getting away with all her bullshit is insane in comparison. Janine literally lost an eye for backtalking once at the Red Centre! June has, well, done so much more and just kind skates away from ALL serious punishment. (Well, living with Fred and Serena is a pretty awful punishment in general.) And, sure part of it was cos she was preggers but … how Aunt Lydia/Fred/Serena/TPTB trust this crazy Handmaid not to KEEP breaking the rules is insane. I feel like nobody would trust her to just be a docile little thing after running away for 92 days. Not even Pervy Freddo. Despite all his creeptastic fetishes, he’d be like, “OMG she is way too high maintenance. i just don’t have the patience. give me that baby so i can shut my annoying wife up and then get me another more docile babyslave to play Scrabble and shave!” The plot armour is strong in this one!

Anyway! I got a bit carried away there…