#and like taylor swift thus torment us

[wilder-fangirl]

thinkpad

I don't want my cellphone to have AI I want it to have 3 days of battery time. I don't want my computer to have AI preinstalled I want it to have seven usb ports and high ram at affordable price. I don't want my games to have AI built levels I want them to be so optimized I could run them on a nokia.

[2am-theswifthour]

The 8 Theory-Folklore’s Commentary on Youth

Yesterday, I took note of @taylorswift​ and her careful attention to the number 8.

“Not a lot going on at the moment” had 8 words. The 8th track is “august,” which is also the 8th month in the year. She has 8 deluxe editions of her album. Many attributed this to Folklore being Taylor’s 8th album. I thought it meant either a.) we needed to pay very close attention to track #8 or b.) that 8 references infinity, a.k.a “forever and ever.”

To my surprise, I was actually selling Taylor Swift short.

When listening to the album, there’s a lot of back and forth in emotion and circumstance. I was confused about the order, especially when the strikingly sobering “hoax” followed the self-aware almost-tranquility of “peace.” Then it hit me. There are two schools of thought going on.

There are 16 tracks on Folklore (excluding the bonus track none of us have heard). 16/2=8. This means there are 2 equal emotional song threads on the album. In other words, you can get two drastically different lessons listening to each group of 8.

When you separate the even numbered tracks from the odd numbered tracks you get the following:

Odd

the 1

the last great american dynasty

my tears ricochet

seven

this is me trying

invisible string

epiphany

peace

Even

cardigan

exile

mirrorball

august

illicit affairs

mad woman

betty

hoax

Odd Interpretation:

Starting with “the 1” and “the last great american dynasty,” the lyrics are very upfront in showing that the protagonists are making fully intentioned mistakes. “the 1” says, “in my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone��� (I see you “ME!” reference). In “the last great American dynasty” it says, “she had a marvelous time ruining everything.” These characters’ folly is their youth-induced selfishness. They’re casual in the harm they cause because they distance themselves from it. They’re fine with what they don’t look at closely. When you’re young, you make a mess of things in service of YOUR need. Your need for companionship. Your need for the thrill of danger. Your need to make your mark, to be somebody, to leave something behind. The marvel of the excitement and the chase and the very vitality of teens to 20-somethings’ shenanigans blinds us to the scale of our destruction…

…until you have no choice but to face the consequences of your recklessness.

The next track, “my tears ricochet” is not your average track 5. It functions as a pivoting point. Now our narrator is the hurt party, the one baring the brunt of callous treatment. Fickle mistreatment is no longer so casual. Now it’s a torment, and the tormentor learns the scale of their damage. So much so, that they get burned too. They learned their lesson at a terrible price, but what’s most important is that they learned.

“seven” is a long-overlooked memory revisited. In this picture of naïve innocence, the narrator tells of their childish belief in the impossible. Through magic and play pretend and fantasy they are invincible. They have all the control in the world to control the world they live in. Obviously, this is a flawed perspective that everyone eventually grows out of. Fairy tales don’t solve real problems. The point is that their sense of self-importance is in service of a stronger moral compass than the first two songs. If we accept our responsibility to others, to do what we can to ensure their welfare, are we not better and more satisfied people for it?

“this is me trying” hears that lesson and attempts to walk the walk. Part of being responsible to your fellow human is taking accountability when you fumble. The narrator doesn’t know what to say or how to make it right. What they do know is that they’re here, they’ve put the bottle down, and that they’re willing to try what’s necessary to heal what they’ve hurt.

“invisible string” gives us the reward we’ve been waiting for. The narrator says, “cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart, now I send their babies presents.” This is someone who has gone from lashing out in anger at a partner from a burned relationship to genuinely wishing them well in their next stage in life. It’s a powerful testament when you can recognize that youth drives us all to make hurtful decisions and that no one is immune to change if they truly want to change. When you let the anger and lies go, the strings that tied you to them fade away. All that’s left is the string you want to hold onto. The string tied to the one who matters, because you’ve made the conscious decision to deduce that their worth as a person should equal yours. It’s a painful path to traverse through, but when you do it’s all worthwhile. That’s why the narrator can say with confidence “hell was the journey but it brought me to heaven.”

In any other album, a song like “invisible string” would be the quintessential emotional payoff for this story arc. However, because this album is a masterpiece, we have a different payoff point in “epiphany.” “epiphany” takes us out of the world of a romantic relationship. We hear descriptions of war and nurses dealing with the despair of this international pandemic. This point in this emotional thread is that it powerfully declares it’s not enough to do no harm nor is it enough to just empathize with your romantic partner. You MUST show your responsibility to your fellow man. Stand beside them. Empathize with them. See them as whole human beings. Do good by them. In other words, it is our duty to do right by everyone, for everyone bleeds, loves, and dies.

The 8-song selection ends with “peace.” The song begins by saying that their, “coming-of-age” has come and gone.” I believe this (along with “invisible string”) to be the most overtly “Taylor Swift” track in perspective. This is her speaking as herself. She lets us know that she’s grown through taking her mistakes, and the mistakes she learned through folklore, into account. She is overly aware of her flaws and feels she pales in comparison to her partner. Rather than allow those insecurities to manifest in unchecked rage or resentment, she takes it as a challenge for herself to do better. She knows she can never give him complete peace (due to inside and outside factors), but she can make the choice to give him unselfish promises and embrace the entirety of her partner’s life. This is a person who has learned the value of selflessness in love and life, which makes this whole thread worth everything.

Even Interpretation:

“cardigan” foreshadows the eventual failure of the even path. The odd interpretation I just described culminated in the narrator finding their place with “the one” because they’ve left everything petty and casually cruel behind. In “cardigan” it says “chase two girls, lose the one.” On top of this directly referencing the first track, it also implies the partner’s self-destruction. By toying with two girls, James is losing “the one.” I don’t think losing “the one” means that you keep one of the two of them. I think it means that engaging in that kind of behavior makes you into a person that isn’t ready, or worthy, of “the one” that they are meant to be with forever. Meeting and keeping “the one” has to require each partner to love themselves and their partner wholly, truly, and selflessly. They can’t be a cardigan you pick up and only wear on the weekends. They must be a wholehearted commitment.

“exile” shows the blowout from “cardigan.” The two couldn’t stay together, and Bon Iver’s (character’s) toxicity comes out full force. He thinks her new man is lesser than him. He’s prepared to throw punches despite being at fault over a hundred times. He’s seen the film before, and he didn’t like the ending because it didn’t work out for him. He wants her under his thumb, not having learned from his prior relationships that that just can’t work. They leave out the side doors, neither fully ready to confront the problems head on.

“mirrorball” is daring in its shift of focus. While all of the tracks I’ve mentioned thus far have dealt, in some way, with the problems that result from a young person’s selfishness, this song doesn’t do that. This song illustrates an extreme that young people participate in at the opposite end of the spectrum; radical selflessness. To be selfless means that you should never allow something that harms someone else to happen just because it benefits you. Young people, girls in particular, are often groomed to interpret selflessness differently. Their definition is synonymous with accommodation. Change your looks, change your personality, don’t object, and embody what your partner wants so that they’re happy. That’s why the symbol is the mirrorball in the song. It reflects everything in the room but itself. By explicitly not factoring in their own sense of self-respect in a relationship, they are unknowingly and tragically enabling their partner’s mistreatment. To be clear, that doesn’t mean abuse is their fault if they have low self-esteem. It’s not, even remotely. But not having the capacity to defend your self-worth is what keeps so many drawn into toxic relationships there for so long. This radical selflessness manifests itself in the other woman too. In “august” it explicitly says that she was living on the, “hope of it all” and that she would cancel plans in the name of a potential hookup with someone who was never hers. The idea of radical selflessness culminates in “illicit affairs” when one of the women deals with their addictive compulsion toward someone who treats them like a cheap lay. Their relationship is a secret that leaves her feeling used in parking lots and as though any trace of her is gone. These three songs have taken the desperate hopelessness of “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” to the extreme.

Many have speculated that “mad woman” is a commentary on the Taylor/Scooter conflict and I’m inclined to agree. However, if I were to assign an interpretation that goes with my theory, I would say that “mad woman” details the unforeseen consequences of a tormentor’s abuse. When a toxic partner performs bad behavior, their expectation is that they will always be found in the right. After all, Taylor noted on her previous album that for men, “everyone believes [them].” So in the face of lies about her character that everyone believes, she gets rightfully angry. Her anger is their affirmation. For many, a woman being angry on her own behalf is “crazy” and “irrational.” What kind of a society have we set up? A society that promotes women to lack self-worth and, should they find it, they’ll meet a whole other exile.

“betty” is our complete look into James’ perspective. On its own, it sounds like a big romantic gesture to get behind. However, this path is very clear to put “cardigan” first. “cardigan” says, “I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired and you’d be standin’ in my front porch light.” Lo and behold, in “betty” he shows up to her party when she doesn’t want to see him and asks if she would, “kiss [him] on the porch in front of all [her] stupid friends.” It’s an absolute punch in the gut. Betty knows in “cardigan” that he would come back after he had his fun with another girl, but that she would take him back when he saw momentary value in her again. James in “betty” claims he didn’t know anything, but that’s just an excuse. He knew what he was doing, he knew that he would be able to pick up her broken pieces with ease, he knew he could isolate her from her friends, and he knew that he could capture the imperfect “comfort” of that cardigan again.

This path ends in the final even-numbered song, “hoax.” In the odd numbers, “peace” shows a lesson learned. This even path shows what happens when we don’t learn. The seeds of youth-driven mistakes have led us here. The narrator wants nothing outside the pain of this faithless love. Without learning what it means to be selfless, the traumas of these young relationships create a never-ending cycle. The narrator knows that the “love” is a “hoax” but doesn’t care because that’s all they have. There’s no point to wanting anything else. Without the perspective of age, of truly going beyond that, they’re stuck in a truly dark place.

Final Thoughts:

Taylor Swift is an exceptional artist for a lot of reasons. No one makes albums this good this far into their career. Most artists teeter off after two or three because they retread. Their audience inevitably gets bored of them e same thing time and again. Repeating themselves is something that a lot of artists do because they want to go with the formula of what works. With Folklore, Taylor has done what few artists have dared to do. She’s allowed her discography as a place to uncompromisingly expand her worldview and challenge her listeners. She’s not reiterating previous lessons to make another quick sale. Instead, every album prior has been a steppingstone. As she said at the Time 100 Gala, she has truly turned her lessons into her legacy. From a variety of narrators, she has brought what I decree to be her best album to date. This wouldn’t happen for anyone else 8 albums into their career, but she’s done it by devoutly embracing age’s wisdom.

Learn from the highs and lows presented in these paths. As all good folklore does, it teaches us how to live better. It is our duty to live selflessly and with self-assured dignity. These writings, I have no doubt, will become integral to the legend that is Taylor Alison Swift.

[leydoodle]

Ben 10 OC: Cassie Williams HCs

(Messy 10 minute scribble AHAHAHA)

A compilation of all the info I have written so far about Cassie/Mobius. She’s still being improved so some of these might change in the future but the general structure of her storyline is in here....!!

HCs under the cut!

General

Cassie is the granddaughter of Hugo from her mother's side. During his time-travelling journey with Paradox, he discovered the tragic future of Cassie from the abuse of his niece. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be alive by that time in order to save his granddaughter. Upon this realization, Hugo asked a favor from Paradox that if he sees anything bad happening to Cassie, he would take care of her. Many years later, Paradox would fulfill this promise.

Her telekinesis power comes from her father's side of the family. Her DNA came from a tribe that was said to have interacted with angels back in ancient times. In reality, these angels are actually rogue alien species who have come down to Earth and mated with the said group, giving birth to a special group of half-breeds that later on became strong historical figures such as kings, warlords, and many more. As time passed by, the genes of the alien race became much weaker to the point that only their enhanced mind and the ability to use telekinesis remained. Though there are possibly more people who have the DNA, only 14 have been documented so far, with Cassie being the most recent one.

 She was the cause of the infamous 'Mutant Catastrophe' in Bellwood. An event in Ultimate Alien where an upset Cassie wrecked havocked with her newly-discovered powers after getting fed up with the torment she was subjected to in her school. During the mayhem, Ben who was a newly-acknowledged hero at the time, decided to work with an underground organization who focuses on studying mutants, in hopes of saving his best friend. During the event, Ben was heavily conflicted as to whether he should fight his beloved friend or save the people of Bellwood. In the end, he chose to do his duties as a hero at the cost of his best friend's detainment in the organization's lab. Later on during the series, Gwen mentions that the sight of a chained Cassie being taken away is a sight that Ben is still greatly traumatized from.

Prior to Omniverse, the Plumbers were negotiating with the underground organization for Cassie's freedom. By the time of Omniverse, The process ended in the Plumbers' favor and thus was able to get Cassie back (despite some particular arrangements). Ben was greatly relieved from this news and wanted to reconnect with his friend again. Due to how they previously left things between them, Cassie was rather scared of the hero and avoided interacting with him, much to Ben's despair. After Ben's return from his months of banishment during the Frogs of War, they were able to reconcile in the aftermath, with Cassie saying, "Life's too short to be upset at your best friend." Ever since then, Cassie became the third member of Ben and Rook's team.

After her detainment in the underground organization, Cassie has developed an irrational fear against humans, only with the exception of some Plumbers. Her phobia has caused her to only be comfortable around aliens.

 Harangue has sensationalized Cassie as "Bellwood's Mutant Disaster". Due to her affiliation with Ben Tennyson, Cassie is often the subject for the journalist's smear campaign against the hero. His notable point would be that Ben being friends with such a destructive being meant that he could easily choose her side over saving other people. Due to Cassie's past action of causing destruction in Bellwood, people are actually very scared of her and believes that the journalist has a valid point.

Cassie loves to pair her smoothies with powdered sugar donuts. It's a tradition she does everytime she passes by Mr. Smoothy, even after she became a time traveler. As Mobius, she often buys smoothies and donuts during sunrise, when the people of Bellwood are barely awake.

According to Paradox, Cassie is always fated to be linked to a Tennyson in every existing timelines and universe, though he indicated that they won't always be friends.

Ship ( Ben/Cassie = Benssie)

Ben sees Cassie as a reminder of his much more simple life before he became a world-renowned hero. According to him, every moment spent with her was like being a normal kid all over again. Though he liked the powers and capabilities he got ever since he became an omnitrix-holder, being given the responsibility as the universe's hero at such a young age caused him to lose his 'innocence' in a sense. Because of this, he often goes to his childhood best friend to atleast experience being a goofy and geeky teenager for some time before going back into action. Alongside this, Cassie is someone who is very dear to Ben. Having grown up together, she is basically considered a 'family' to the hero. Because of this, Ben is extremely overprotective of Cassie to the point the latter became somewhat dependent on him.

Ever since they were kids, Cassie always had deep feelings for the young hero. It was only until they became teenagers that she realized that her feelings were romantic. However, since this was a point in time when Ben was in a relationship with Julie, she chose to repress and bury her feelings towards him (an action she continued to do so, even in Omniverse).

 At first, Ben saw Cassie as merely a best friend, someone special but not particularly a romantic interest just yet. It wasn't until Cassie got assigned into Ben and Rook's team that the young hero started to develop deeper feelings towards his childhood friend. Afraid of once again hurting his best friend, he decided to hide his feelings. Despite that, he was still very affectionate to Cassie.

Cassie's tarnished reputation and destructive powers is what makes her scared to be around Ben. She knows that he's a hero and that the public greatly trusts him. If anything, she's worried that her being around him is going to make the people turn against the hero. Though she tried to keep her distance away from her Ben, he still ended up chasing her, reassuring that no matter what the public thinks, she's still his dearest friend.

Hints of her 'death' were foreshadowed by Ben 10K during his visit in Let's Do the Time War Again. Upon meeting Cassie once again, he almost became sentimental until Paradox stopped him. After the whole ordeal against the Time Beast, the older Ben asked for a hug from the blonde, which the latter gladly offered. Upon arriving to his original timeline, he can be seen shedding some tears for his best friend and lost love.

Cassie's demise caused Ben so much pain to the point that even after many years it was something he had a hard time recovering from. His longing for Cassie was one of the reasons why the earlier years of his marriage with Kai was messy. After conceiving Ken, Ben made a promise to Kai that he will finally let go of his best friend for the sake of their future. Due to this promise, all pictures and memories of Cassie was locked away for the sake of the hero's family. Ever since then, Cassie's name has been a taboo to the Tennyson family.

Ben and Cassie are both absolute geeks for Sumo Slammers. Their love for the franchise is one of the many things they share a deep connection with. According to Rook, once they start talking about it, the two can go on and on for hours without stopping.

Their playlist consists of the following songs: all about you - taeyeon /  cornelia street - taylor swift / say you won't let go - james arthur / kids in love - mayday parade / cardigan - taylor swift / way back home - SHAUN / i will always think about you - bojack horseman / eight - IU (ft. BTS Suga) / futarigoto - RADWIMPS

Life As Mobius

Cassie's relationship with Professor Paradox can be described as familial-like. Due to the latter's lack of knowledge of his prior life, he sees the young lady as he describes, as "a sister, a daughter, and a granddaughter". Though he may have given her the role of a time traveler, Paradox aims to bring Cassie back to her proper timeline before the effects of time travel makes her fully immortal.  Overall, his purpose of 'adopting' Cassie was to fulfill his promise to her grandfather and his former assistant, Hugo.

Paradox aims to make sure that Cassie has let go of her grudge and massive hatred to herself before bringing her back to her proper timeline. On the other hand, though she knows the consequences of time travelling for so long, Cassie doesn't mind being immortal as long as it means she won't go back to Bellwood. Knowing that this is what she thinks, Paradox hasn't told her about his plans.

 Similar to her mentor, Cassie later on picked up the habit of mixing up verb tenses whenever she's explaining an event that's either to happen or has happened.

She mostly wears a large variety of dresses during her life as Mobius. Her reason for sporting this kind of style is because she wanted to 'be in touch with her feminine side more'. Growing up, Cassie was often deprived of decent clothing and was forced to wear hand-me-downs from Gwen. Though she was given proper clothing during her stay with the Plumbers, she never really knew the feeling of wearing 'pretty dresses'. Since then, she's been obsessed with collecting dresses from different time periods.  

At some point in her time travelling journey, in a certain campsite, she meets a lost child who she decides to help find his parents.  It's later on revealed that the child was a young Ken Tennyson who got strayed away from his parents. When Ben asked who helped him find his way back, his son merely replied with saying, "the lady in the big white dress" obviously referring to Mobius. According to Ken, ever since that encounter, he's started to believe in the supernatural, believing that Mobius was some sort of forest deity.

 After approximately a hundred years worth of adventure, Paradox ended up taking Ken Tennyson under his tutelage after the kid got grounded from using his own omnitrix. At first, this was an idea that Cassie was heavily against, though she was stating that the kid is 'incompetent' though deep inside she was very uncomfortable with taking care of the child of they guy she had always loved. Cassie ended up taking the kid under her wings after seeing his desire in being a hero (which heavily reminded Cassie of her similar childhood ambitions).

 When he was a small child, Ken was curious about the 'Cassie' that people always mentioned to his father. According to him, there was an incident back then when he brought up the name to his father that later on caused a fight between his parents. Ever since that moment, he's disliked the name, stating that it's a name filled with bad memories.

 Since Ben hid all things related to his childhood with Cassie, Ken has never actually seen the face of Cassie. It doesn't help that everytime he travelled to the past as Spanner, she would often be in another place. Due to this, he doesn't know that Mobius is actually the Cassie he's been long curious about.

 Ken sees Mobius as his 'cranky aunt'. His childish and impulsive nature often irritated the time traveler to the point that she would always scold him for being reckless. Despite that, he holds his mentor in high regards due to her intense dedication on heroism. Cassie, on the other hand, sees Ken as the spitting image of Ben,though she sees that the kid has the capabilities to uphold his father's legacy.

 After her thousand years worth of journey as a time traveler, Cassie does end up resolving her long grudge and self-hatred. However, she wasn't too sure of returning to a normal life in Bellwood, due to the fact that the flow of events have been proven to have a much better outcome without her. She's later on convinced by Ben 10,000 (who was brought in by Ken) to come back to his time, which she ends up doing. The outcome of her return remains unknown.

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Oh god, oh fuck, what did you ask, why did you ask this, this is instantly growing out of hand- I legally have to put it behind a “read more”. Sorry, but this gets really long for no good reason. I’m so sorry, when it’s about music, I just lose it-

- Mike scoffed. “This ask was clearly asked by someone who doesn’t listen to music. Asking for a favorite songs as though there is ANYONE on this fucking world who would go “ah yes, I have ONE song for every event that I ALWAYS want to listen to, no matter my mood.” That is absolutely ridi-“ “FREDBEAR AND FRIENDS THEME SONG!” Jeremy instantly screamed, a big smile on his face. “It’s so cute! So happy! I love it so much!” I’ll be your friend, right to the end! Join the party! Don’t be afraid, we’ll find a way! Join the party! Follow the pack, we’ll have a blast! Join the party! I’m here for you, we’ll make it through! JOIN THE PARTY!

Irritated Mike glared at him. “Is that even a song? Technically speaking? It’s a fucking INTRO.” This disagreement was quickly dismissed by Jeremy. “No, it is a song that I love very much.” There was an annoyed sigh, but not much pushback. “… fine. I have a SHITTON of songs I like, but… I think my currently favorite song is… ULTRAnumb by Blue Stahli. I don’t know. It hits just right.” VIOLATED! SO DEGRADED! The show has just begun! (Three, two, one!) DOMINATED BY ALL YOU HATED! This will make you ULTRANUMB!

Phone Guy seemed a bit embarrassed. “U-uhm… I don’t, uh, listen to much music. I really like the stuff they put in the background of documentaries is actually pretty impressive stuff. I like that, but I can’t really… access that? I mean, I don’t know how to. But I like having something calming in the background.” So… soundtracks, huh? There are pretty good soundtracks, like “Winds over Neo Tokyo” from the movie Akira- “I think though as a SONG, I really like… a bit dumb probably, but “Feel Good Inc.” by Gorillaz? It’s probably pretty standard… but, uh. I like the light distortion. Makes it easy to sing along. And I kinda, uh- relate to the feeling of hopelessness in it…” Windmill, windmill for the land… Turn forever hand in hand! Take it all in on your stride, It is ticking, falling down Love forever, love has free, Let’s turn forever you and me! Windmill, windmill for the land Is everybody in…? “Uh- I know the song is probably about something completely else, but I just-“ Scratching the back of his neck, Phone Guy looked away. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

Materializing out of thin air, Nemo proceeded to T-pose. “YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT MUSIC. YES. MY TIME HAS COME. I have the best taste from everyone here. I have the EDGY music.” Getting out his MP3-player, he began searching through the music library. “Ah, there we go. This one. “Arrested Youth” – The Kid I Used To Know. That the one!” Life is a voyage some people try to avoid it- I seek to try and destroy it, I swear I feel like a toilet bowl, Shitting on everything I’ve ever said or I’ve done You told me this should be fun! Thanks for the talk, are we done?! This is my masterpiece, a tragedy, I wrote it myself, It’s full of irony and blasphemy, it’s practically hell, But the perfect part about it is it’s all that I’ve got! I’m over wasting time in life trying to be something I’m not!

‘Cause fuck that shit! Yeah, I don’t want be that kid. No, I’m not going to hang my head, And be another accident!

So long to the kid that I used to know! So long to the place that I used to go! I’m not an R.I.P. I’m not another sick, sad tragedy! “The song is great, I absolutely relate to it.” The teen laughed. “Especially the tone of the singer. Really fits me. I could imagine writing songs like that myself!” A bit too excited, he began oversharing. “I always wanted to write songs. And I did! A lot, kept them in a little book.” His expression broke a bit. “… then I lost it. At home. Somehow.” He turned a bit bitter. “Yeah. Asked mom. She didn’t see it. Asked dad. Of course, he had NO idea. Anyways.” He threw his bitterness away with a shrug. “Now you know the reason why I’m actually not rich and famous yet. I lost like… 3 years of absolute riches to that setback and I feel stolen from. The world OWES me and castle and I WILL get it. But until then, I guess I listen to other artists like me!”

Dave was jumping up and down excited. “Oh, oh, Anon Sport, you don’t even KNOW how many I have! Like everything Sportsy whistles! And Rasputin- that one- oh, oh, no, in one car I stole there was a CD- and they had a group- Royal Republic? Funky songs, pal, lemme tell ya. Listen to it while rushing down the highway, it made it some of my favorites! The best is “Good to be Bad” though, no contest!” Oh lord come help me die! I can’t believe my eye! I’m not the same that I was when I got here! I´ve made a dirty mess, My lord I do confess, I know I’ve been bad, So bad! I’m not the only one! I’m not the bastard-son! The other kids made me do things that I don’t usually do… Misunderstood, I’m the plague of the neighborhood! And it feels so good! So good! “Seein’ Sporty making a flip in the running car while this was playin’ was somethin’ MAGICAL!”

Marion scoffed. Was he even included in “the gang”? Well, if Jeremy was, so was he. “Seeing as I never had much choice in listening to the music I could like, I don’t really have a taste. Everything that isn’t nursery rhymes made into songs is GREAT. Especially if it has nothing to do with music boxes.” It still calmed him down to hear music like that, but he developed a bit of a grudge against it. Sure, he and Jeremy were working on that, but he really couldn’t call it his favorite kind of music. “… well, Dave oftentimes played the CD he just mentioned while transporting me. I guess I liked a few songs from there? Somewhat? “Everybody Wants to Be an Astronaut” was pretty good.” I can feel my body shiver, the lights are everywhere! They marvel at my heartbeats inside the atmosphere… And I’m looking at the world, in a way you never could! I knew I’d be a traveling man, but I misunderstood… So tell me, why is it we’re never happy?

‘Cause everybody wants to be an astronaut! And take the long tall trail into the stars! Everybody wants to show a brother what they got! Everybody wants to be an astronaut! Marion looked away. What he kept for himself was that he really disliked the last line. Everybody wants to be a superstar! No. None of the kids wanted to be a superstar. … ‘cause everybody’s happy when they’re playing the guitar! Everybody but them. Everybody. But them. So tell me, why is it we’re never happy?

Old Sport smiled, for a moment a bit sadly. “Oh, it used to be “Not too late” by Lemaitre.” Not Too Late my friend! Take it up and try again! I’ll stand right here… While you walk to face the end, As the skys clear up again I’ll disappear- And have a go again… Snapping out of his emotional side, he laughed. “But now I actually have TASTE, thus it’s TAYLOR SWIFT’S “Look what you made me do”, RIGHT MIKEY-“ “YOU HATE THAT SONG TOO, ADMIT TO IT. YOU FUCKING HATE IT. ESPECIALLY THE REFRAIN. IT’S ALL SUCH UTTER SHIT, YOU ONLY PUT IT ON TO FUCKING TORMENT ME. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!” “Like clockwork. It’s a thing of beauty.” He laughed until Mike quieted down from the back, then looked back at the Anon. “But seriously, why did you even include me. You know what it is! THE CLASSICS! “All Star” and “Never Gonna Give You Up”! Well, maybe with a dash on “We are number one” for good measure. You know, the songs people with TASTE listen to.”

Ethan was sitting in the back, looking at the golden guard badge he had received for signing up with the company. Quietly he sung. “Sven Korner was in the newspapers this Monday Big picture from a time he danced the waltz Yes, he took the life of Victoria Come home, explain to Christiania “Come here, officer, here are thousand bucks I’ve saved” And give me Korner, and give me him soon!” He closed his hands around the badge. “It’s a song by Kaizers Orcherstra. I just happened to stumble over it- originally it’s in the Norwegian language- I do not even know how I found the translation. But I like it a lot. It helps me work.” He hadn’t found her. He wasn’t even quite sure in what kind of afterlife he was. But it gave him great satisfaction to know the man who did this to his daughter was in a far, far worse place. “I know what’s in store for you… I know what it is you’re hoping for, I know what’s in store for you.

Oh, you have a tune you think everybody will follow! But I wouldn’t follow that tune, not on my life! We’re playing poker with a revolver, Having no respect for Fredrik Meltzer… Now you shall dance to our tune 'till you bleed! You shall dance Ompa 'till you Die!

Think about it, Sven, how good it will be in Heaven… I hope you fold your hands before you go to bed… Cause it can get hot down here. It can be hot down here. Sven, it can get hot as hell down here!” -

Henry leaned back bemused. “The best thing about this ask is certainly that everyone now knows what a horrible taste you have.” Says the guy who has his head so far up his ass that he basically only listens to classic. “Oh, no. I listen to everything. But at least I acknowledge that everything I hear has some form of merit, even if it is not my taste. You however, do not, thus you can be shamed for your taste.” Screw you.

[amostexcellentblog]

Judy Garland: Reflections on an Icon, Gay or Otherwise

Today, June 22, 2019, marks the 50th anniversary of the day we lost one of the world’s greatest entertainers, Judy Garland. In just a few days time we will observe an even more momentous 50th anniversary, that of the Stonewall Uprising which birthed the modern LGBTQ equality movement. If you’re familiar with your queer folk history, you’ll know there are those who claim this close timing is not a coincidence. But we’ll get to that later.

I first encountered Garland the way most people do--my parents showed me The Wizard of Oz when I was little. I don’t remember much of the experience aside from wanting to be a flying monkey for Halloween, and that “Over the Rainbow” made me cry, which was the first time any piece of media had made such an impact on me. It never really occurred to me that the woman who sang that song could have had a career beyond Oz until 12 years ago when I was just finishing Middle School and becoming interested in the Old Hollywood era. She was the first star I formed an emotional connection to, and as I happily made my way through her filmography and read up on her life I first encountered the phrase “gay icon.”

I knew what gay meant, obviously. I was vaguely aware of the LGBTQ and marriage equality movements, but at the time I mostly knew “gay” as the insult hurled at me seemingly everyday of Middle School for a series of things I never gave a second thought to but were apparently tell-tale signs that I was that way, and thus a figure deserving of torment--how I carried my books, how I sat, how I looked. My basic opinion of being gay at that point was that it’s fine for other people, but dear god don’t let this be my future!

So, when I realized that the star I was idolizing was famous for being idolized by gay men, I did what I’d become very adept at doing, I ignored the implications. Denial allowed me to spend high school working my way through her films, youtube videos, documentaries, and a biography without really examining why this woman resonated so much with me. So now, as we approached these two anniversaries, it seemed like a good time to finally try to sort through what she meant to me. What I ended up with instead is an essay that’s part personal reflection and part mediation on the meaning of the term “Gay Icon” in the era of Marriage Equality and Corporate-Sponsored Pride.

The term “Gay Icon” has been used to mean several similar, but different types of people. To clarify, when I talk about Gay Icons in this post, I’m talking specifically about a subset of gay icons related to the so-called “Diva Worship” culture among gay men. Nobody really seems to know why exactly gay men are so drawn to larger-than-life women, I’ve heard too many reasons to go into them all now, but even if not all of us go for the cliches (Cher, Gaga, etc.) pretty much every gay man has a female figure--real or fictional--they connect with in a way their straight male peers don’t.

Looking back, it’s obvious why Garland resonated with me. She was chronically insecure, especially about her looks--as was I. She spent her life wanting desperately to for someone to love her unconditionally and to be able to love them back, only to be denied this simple happiness time after time--well, of course that would resonate with a gay audience, especially in her lifetime. And she was a survivor, repeatedly cast aside by the press and the industry as washed up, she continually had the last laugh. She had a strength to her that I wanted. It was a different kind of strength than the physical/masculine kind offered by the pro-athletes and superheroes my male peers emulated, but which I found unrelatable and unappealing. Hers was a strength that came dressed in sequins and high heels, and I just thought it was fabulous.

Garland though, is more than just a gay icon, in a lot of ways she seems to be the gay icon. The popular code phrase “friend of Dorothy” is generally assumed to be a reference to her character in Oz. She maintained close friendships with gay men throughout her life, with whom she would frequent illegal gay bars on both coasts. Her father was a closeted homosexual, and biographers have speculated this is why so many of the men she was attracted to, both as friends and romantically, turned out to be gay or bi. She was one of the first celebrities to have their gay following acknowledged in the mainstream press. There’s even footage on youtube of her being asked directly about why she attracts so many “homosexuals,” and she is visibly thrown by it.

To understand why Garland would be so flustered over that question, it’s important to understand how being popular with the gay community was perceived in her lifetime. William Goldman’s The Season, his influential book about the 1967–68 season on and off Broadway, includes an account from an unnamed screenwriter friend describing a mid-1960s cocktail party that offers a fascinating glimpse at just that:

I can’t explain her appeal, but I saw it work once in this crazy way. I was at a party in Malibu... There were a lot of actors there, the word on them was that they were queer, but this was a boy-girl party, everyone was paired off, and these beautiful men and gorgeous broads were talking together and drinking together. Anyway, everything’s going along and it’s sunny, I’m getting a little buzzed... when I realized, Garland was in the room.

The guy she’s with, her husband, supports her as she plops down in this chaise, and says what she wants to drink and he goes off to get it. And she’s sitting all alone and for a minute there was nothing, and then this crazy thing started to happen. Every homosexual in the place, every guy you’d heard whispered about, they left the girls they were with and started to mass move towards Garland. She didn’t ask for it, she was just sitting there, while all these beautiful men circled her. They crowded around her and pretty soon she’s disappeared behind this expansive male fence. It may not sound like all that much, but I’m telling you, she magnetized them. 

I’ll never forget all those famous secret guys moving across this gorgeous patio without a sound, and her just sitting there, blinking. And then they were on her, and she was gone. (x)

Another passage describing one of her concerts in 1967, from Goldman himself, is even more blunt:

Another flutter of fags, half a dozen this time, and watching it all from a corner--two heterosexual married couples. “These fags” the first man says, “it’s like Auschwitz, some of them died along the way but a lot of them got here anyhow!” He turns to the other husband and shrugs, “Tonight, no one goes to the bathroom.” (x)

Both passages, laced with condescension, homophobia, and misogyny, are nevertheless useful windows into a pre-Stonewall way of looking at how far gay culture has come. Today Lady Gaga can sing “Don’t be a drag just be a queen” on a lead single and still reign as a queen of pop music, back then any association with homosexuality was enough to taint you. Garland’s popularity with gay men opens her up to condescending mockery, while gay men’s mere existence at a public event is enough to terrify the heterosexual attendees.

Still, the most revealing part of that last passage might not be the homophobia, but the opening reference to “another flutter of fags, half a dozen.” The fact that a decent amount of gay men evidently felt comfortable enough to express themselves at least somewhat openly at a mainstream public event is notable. In this pre-Stonewall era such openness was generally reserved for bars and other covert safe spaces.

Which brings us back to the first paragraph. If you know any queer folk history, then you’ve probably heard this one--Judy Garland’s funeral sparked the Stonewall Uprising. That fateful night in June the Stonewall Inn was packed with gay men still emotionally raw from losing their idol, so much so that when the police raided the joint they channeled that anger and loss, and fought back, and the modern LGBTQ movement was born! It’s a story that would solidify Garland’s status as the definitive gay icon, a martyr for the cause, (move over Harvey Milk!) Except, it’s not true. It’s been debunked multiple times. Most recently in this video from the NY Times.

I bring it up though, because even if she wasn’t the cause, she was still connected to that historic night, if only indirectly. Even as the NY Times video debunks the myth of her funeral causing it, two of the uprising’s participants interviewed do admit to being at Garland’s funeral, which really was held just hours before the violence started. Other accounts from people who patronized Stonewall have said that “Judy Garland” was a popular fake name to use on a sign-in book at the entrance. In other words, even if she didn’t cause them, she was still an important figure for some of the people who went on to build the modern equality movement.

As a final thought to wrap this all up, I’ve been thinking about Garland and her status as a gay icon. It’s no secret that as the years have passed by she’s been somewhat supplemented by younger icons for younger generations. There’s been some question over whether Garland even has a place in a gay culture that now has people like Lady Gaga and “Born This Way,” openly acknowledging their gay fans in ways Garland never could. 

At the same time, I can’t help but feel the recent debate over Taylor Swift’s gay-themed music video demonstrates why Garland still deserves her Gay Icon status, even if most younger queer people today don’t have the same connection to her that older generations did. Swift’s video, chocked full of every out celebrity who would return her calls and saturated in a rainbow-hue, has faced criticism for being “performative activism.” That after being fairly silent on the issue for so long she’s now trying to cash-in on the movement by branding her single a new gay anthem for Pride Month. The fact that with one exception, which misuses the word “shade,” the lyrics to the song sound more like they’re referring to Swift’s online haters rather than anti-LGBTQ bigots, certainly helps the critics’ case. As does the fact that Swift never seemed to have much interest in building a large gay following before this.

Yet there’s also a sense that this was inevitable. Corporations already roll out rainbow colored logos for Pride, in retrospect it seems obvious that celebrities, and their PR firms, would start deliberately trying to market themselves as a gay icon without first taking the time to build a large following in the LGBTQ community. (Gaga’s established gay fanbase undoubtedly blunted similar criticisms of “Born This Way,” for example.) Garland in this case then serves as a symbol of a time when the Gay Icon title wasn’t anointed by marketing campaigns, but emerged organically from a genuine affection for an individual held by a large number of queer people. A reminder of how important that affection was to members of our community, (and still is to many of us) even if it could only go one-way. And perhaps even a warning, of what we might lose if we let this important part of gay subculture be transformed into just another marketing gimmick.

But I’ll leave all that for another time. For now, I’ll just say, thank you Judy Garland. Thank you for all the joy and comfort you’ve given to generations of gay men. And thank you especially for the companionship you gave me while I was still figuring some things out.