#and like planning fake trips its fun but also makes me sad LOL

[4baeksoo]

🥰🥰!

[curly-bangtan]

Heatwave Drabble #1: That Night in Mykonos

[Heatwave // Godless] [Drabble Masterlist]

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Summary: That one not-so-forgotten filthy drunken night in Mykonos that you and Taehyung never speak about again. For good reason.

Genre: drabble, smut

Warnings: unprotected sex (don’t do it), beach sex, oral (m/f), taehyung’s tongue technology, dom!Tae, daddy kink, exhibitionism kink, facial (lol oop), cumplay, spanking, degradation if you count slapping your face with his dick, may make you fall in love with this couple even more soz

Word count: 6k (why am i incapable of making even a drabble short and quick?)

A/N: As per highly requested… :) If you’ve randomly stumbled upon this, definitely read Heatwave first to understand the plot.

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The gentle washing of the waves sings a lullaby to your ears. You have always loved the sound of the ocean, so serene, yet holding so much power. Wiggling your toes, you watch the minute grains of sand trickle off your feet like a waterfall. Nonchalant, you take a swig of cider, its fruity acidity burning a bittersweet trail down your throat.

‘Man, I fucking love Mykonos.’ Taehyung slurs beside you, tipsy from his fourth bottle of beer he’s clutching like a trophy.

‘Thank you again for bringing me here, Taehyung.’

The two of you are sat on a towel by the beach, watching the moon paint its own reflection in the water. Sky crystal clear, as it is every single night here in Greece, the constellations hanging over your heads set a tranquil tone to the last evening of your trip.

‘Hey, what did I say? Stop thanking me. Now you have to finish your drink.’ Playfully, he flicks the tip of your nose in reprimand.

Grinning, you roll your eyes but follow his stupid rule. Not that you can’t hold your liquor, but this is your seventh drink, and you’re starting to feel it pulsating up to your head.

‘No, but you were right.’ Words tumble out of his pretty lips that you can’t help but admire. ‘It was a good call not to go out tonight. If we actually went hard at VOID, our flight tomorrow would be hell.’ He is referring to the club you have been religiously visiting almost every night this week. ‘This is much better. Nice and chill.’

With a mighty sigh, he falls onto his back, head hitting the edge of the towel, narrowly missing sand invasion in his hair. Rolling your empty bottle away, you join beside him.

‘This has to be the weirdest but also best holiday of my life.’ You ruminate. The stars are shining particularly bright tonight, you wonder if they know it’s your last night here and want to bid farewell.

The chesty chuckle Taehyung lets out reverberates into you. ‘Definitely the weirdest.’ He turns his head to face you. ‘I can’t believe I’m in Mykonos with this random chick I met in the club, who offered to rent me her place, so I guess she’s now my roommate, when this whole trip was planned to be a surprise for my girlfriend who had been cheating on me for months.’

Taehyung is especially chatty and vivacious when drunk, you’ve noticed from the past few days. Normally he’s laid back, spaced out even. But give him some booze, and all his emotions and thoughts cartwheel out of him. Though you’re only beginning to know him, he’s immensely interesting, you can tell he holds so many layers to him that requires inquisition over time.

‘Wow, random chick from the club? Bitch, you ripped out my hair.’ You laugh and smack at his chest, hand lingering for a little too long.

Wait, chest smack? Why are you using your classic move on him?

You’re a flirt, you can’t help it. The cider’s doing its thing, you guess.

‘Man, I’m so sorry about that, you have no idea how awful I felt.’ He inches closer to you until his head is rested upon your shoulder. Right, he’s also especially touchy when drunk. Anyone who walks past right now could mistaken you as close friends, when in reality, you’ve known each other no more than a month.

To be completely fair, you have spent everyday of this said month together since that club night, helping him move in and unpack, and now travelling together. You guess you’re kind of friends now.

‘These past few weeks have been so crazy. I was just trying to have a good night out when a wild Kim Taehyung appeared and somersaulted into my life. And now we’re lying by the Mediterrenean sea together, tanned and drunk.’ His hair is tickling your neck so you push it away. Your fingers brush against his forehead and he hums at the contact.

‘But hey, on a serious note, hand on heart,’ Taehyung gazes up at you, ‘I’m so glad I got to do this with you. You are one of the coolest people I know, and I wouldn’t have wanted to come here with anyone else. Not like I have anyone else right now… My ex can go fuck herself, or fuck Jimin. I have a bigger dick anyway.’

You sit up, choking on your laughter. Out of the blue, he’ll always hit you with these one-liners that are absolutely pure gold. ‘Okay, Mr. I’ve-Fucked-Nine-Girls-This-Week.’

Pride beaming from his smile, he tugs you back down beside him. ‘Hey, I was in a relationship for three years, I need this. Miss I-Had-A-Threesome-With-Two-Guys-On-Our-First-Night.’

The two of you splutter your drunken giggles. The two guys were Italian, come on, how could you have passed up on the opportunity?

Despite the time of evening, the breezes that gust pass are humid. The temperature is perfect, actually, no sun blazing down to melt you into puddles. You’re probably too drunk to appreciate this moment but one day you’ll look back at this night cherishingly, you hope.

‘You’re right. I’m glad I came with you, Taehyung.’ It’s your turn to look at him. ‘I’ll get such an earful from Lotta when I get back but it’s all worth it. I can’t believe we got away with half of the things that we did!’

‘I know right?’ His arm feels particularly warm against you. It may be the alcohol working its magic but his voice sounds so deep and mellow tonight, like dark chocolate dissolving in your mouth. ‘The way they upgraded our room to a premium when we pretended to be a couple on our honeymoon.’

The memory is fuzzy but fond in your inebriated mind. ‘You’re welcome. I’m a master bullshitter.’

‘We even got that couple’s spa treatment and free wine and dine night.’

To be completely honest, it wasn’t difficult pretending to be loved up newly-weds. A lot of that affection you were displaying towards Taehyung wasn’t fake; he’s this perfect specimen of a man, gorgeous face, toned body, captivating personality, quirky humour - anyone’s dream boyfriend, really. You’ve tried to tone your attraction to him down, you can’t be lusting over your new roommate after all. Things would get too messy. But it was just for fun anyway, there’s no harm in a few pretend embraces and neck kisses to get those couple’s perks.

You’re just friends.

Though a part of you envies the nine girls he’s slept with this holiday, because you’ve seen the outline of his bulge in his swim trunks and Holy Shit… But as much as you like to fuck around, there’s a clear line that separates roommates and guys you bang. Those are two mutually exclusive groups of people in your life, the Venn Diagram does not intersect.

‘Hey, you wanna go for one last swim?’ You’re pulled from your thoughts by Taehyung’s suggestion.

It’s a bad idea, swimming this late at night, having downed a few bottles. But when has your inner conscience ever stopped you from doing what you want?

‘’Course.’ He is already removing his shirt as he stands, and you can all but ogle at the muscle of his moonlit back as you reply.

Following his action, you turn away from him and peel off your shorts that have stuck to your skin from sitting for so long. Are you perhaps trying to tempt him with the view of your bent over ass? Hmm, possibly… He does pay an awful lot of attention to your rear every time you wear these shorts... Carelessly flinging your top onto the rest of your things, you spy him staring at you in your periphery, hands stuffed into his shorts pockets. You adjust the pad of your bikini top, perhaps more dramatic than you needed to.

A smirk plays at your mouth. Why are you trying to get his attention?

Feet sinking into the soft sand, you pad after him towards the calm beckoning water. Your head is feeling hazy from the ciders, and when you spot the lazy smile he’s wearing, you know it’s hitting him too. Gazing up at the moon, you realise you feel blue. Not blue in a sad melancholic sense. But blue as in cool, relaxed, heart-at-peace blue; you’re going for one last night swim in the most beautiful country with your handsome new roommate, blue. A hint of romantic lyricism. Maybe.

‘I’m really gonna mis- Taehyung!’ You screech into the quiet night when he all of a sudden picks you up and carries you bridal-style into the sea.

And tosses you into the water.

Arms flailing midair, you’re catapulted into the waves like a pebble. The cold hits your curled spine first, harsh and shocking. Then it detonates within you, a volcano of ice numbing all your senses and aching your bones.

When you find your bearings and gasp up for air, you see him, ocean up to his knees, head whipped back in laughter, clutching his tensing core, eyes pinched into crescents as the most warming sound leaves his mouth.

‘You piece of shit!’ You lunge for him, but your limbs feel heavy in the water, restricting the power of your attack that he dodges so effortlessly.

But you don’t give up so easily. Tide washing you towards him, you launch yourself again, saltine droplets splattering all over his face. Resigning, Taehyung lets you drag him by the hand away from the shore, waddling clumsily against the stubborn current that’s determined to push you back to the beach.

‘Dick and balls, it’s freezing.’ He heaves.

‘Wuss. You’re not the one who got dunked.’ The chill is licking at your skin, seeping into your hair that splays out in floating silk tendrils. You’ve stopped walking on the sand now, instead spreading onto your front and allowing your swimming arms and paddling legs to move you.

Water up to his chest, you see the goosebumps rise on his blue-bronze unsullied skin, star-freckled sea reflecting wavering diamond silhouettes onto his chiseled front. Following the defined protrusion of his salient collarbones, then the sleek inward curve of his neck, your gaze arrives at his face. His strong brow never fails to strike you; tongue loitering out between his folded lips; brown tufts of salt-kissed, breeze-licked hair a mess but a masterpiece still. Eyes painted with a warm summer glimmer, sapphire and still, he observes you from where he stands.

The fluttering in your heart is now indistinguishable from your shivering due to the wet cold.

‘Come on, let’s swim out a bit further.’ He nods to the open ocean, refusing to spare you from his pinning stare.

Body heavy from the alcohol, the cold and simply your lethargism, you dive below the surface. With your water-blurred vision, you swim after his slow walking legs, bubbles you release tickling your face. You grapple onto his ankle, hear his muffled yelp and stifle a mischievous giggle.

Launching off the sand bed, you lurch up to the surface, inhaling sharply at your first breath of air. You push your hair back to see Taehyung regard you with a mystical expression.

‘It’s too deep here,’ you whine, ‘I can’t touch the floor.’ Not particularly athletic, treading water in order to stay afloat is wearing you down.

‘Hold on to me then, midget.’ He chuckles and holds out his hand which you quickly grab onto. With the stability he provides, you pull yourself up his arm like a buoy line and perch your elbow on his shoulder.

Which draws you unexpectedly close to his face. Nose mere inches from his chin. You smell his familiar honey musk.

Unfazed by your proximity, his arm circles behind you before landing one your waist, the warmth of his touch blooming like flowers on your skin. Why does his hand feel so nice on you? Why can’t you stop staring at him?

‘Better?’ Vibrations of his throat hum into your core.

‘Thanks.’ Your poise on his shoulder is sliding so you snake your arm around his neck, hoisting your body up against his. The contact snaps a cord inside you, sensation of him tingling everywhere you touch.

‘You’re such a little princess.’ He rolls his eyes theatrically in feign mockery, but his smirk betrays his mirth.

‘Shut up, you love it.’ This playful banter weighs heavy in your chest, constricting it, winding it. Because if it were anybody else, it would be flirting... Or maybe you are flirting with him right now. You’re not sure anymore.

A droplet of water is trickling along the edge of his jaw, your focus is transfixed at its smooth descent to his chin. Your bodies are bobbing with the calm waves, up, down, up, down. Then your eyes lock and-

Fuck.

You want him.

You really fucking want him.

Right now.

Right here.

Taehyung’s glare sears a mark in you, and it’s burning like the flames of hell all the way down to your sex. With the side of his finger, he doesn’t need to so much as touch you to tip your head up his way because that’s how willing you are. One tilt, that’s all it takes to kiss him right now. His fingers are sinking into your tender waist, and immediately you wonder how they must feel inside you.

‘I do love it.’ He slides his cheek against yours and traces the bridge of your nose with the tip of his.

And then.

You taste the sea on his lips, salt and cold. It feels like diving into the ocean, plunging into the deep blue and simply allowing your body to be swept away. His kiss is greedy, hungry, willing you to submit to him and follow his lead. And in your intoxicated state, you do so.

Legs wrapping around his torso in the water, his hands caress up your thighs to your ass, digging into your plump flesh with an ardour that releases a damp arousal from your slit. Your own fingers grope down his chest and toy with his hair, scratching and tugging. When he nibbles on your bottom lip and you know that you’re done for. You melt like putty in his control, meeting his tongue with a soft obedience you don’t normally exert.

‘Taehyung.’ You gasp into his mouth.

‘I’m all yours tonight, baby.’ is all he says before diving back into you. Those words sends the possessive animal in your mind wild with satisfaction. Because yes, he better fucking be all yours tonight.

Kissing Taehyung feels different. Perhaps it’s because of the build up of tension you have been harbouring these past few days. Or maybe it’s the thrill of knowing that you shouldn’t be doing this, the thrill of doing the forbidden. Or rather, it’s the way he wields his dominance over you so ferally and fervently, like he’s been waiting for as long as you have to do this.

Kissing Taehyung is teeth and tongue.

Kissing Taehyung is salt and the midnight breeze.

Kissing Taehyung is blue. The kind of blue you see only in the hottest of flames.

When you feel his stiff length poke underneath you, your cunt is set ablaze with desire. Desire to sink down onto him this instant and have him pound into you amidst the ocean until you both feel faint. Desire for him to break you in half with all his might, make your eyes water with from the pleasure he stabs into you.

Slowly he begins to walk you back to the shore, gripping your legs around his waist as you lock your arms around his neck. Lips never leaving each other longer than a second to breathe.

His ravenous mouth travels down to your breasts, and he doesn’t hesitate to devour them from your bathing suit, suckling angry red marks down your cleavage and around your nipples. Though clothed, the prominence of his cock burrows between your wide open entrance, rubbing against your bikini-clad clit and making you thrust your hips further into him.

Feverish from his touch, you don’t realise you’re on land until he gently falls onto his knees and carefully places you on the towels below him. Too drunk to even care if anyone else is on the beach, not that there was before you got in the water, you pull him by the neck onto you.

As he kisses a torching trail down your wet body, your mind is somewhere else, in a heaven that worships Taehyung. Hands kneading your exposed breasts, the wisp of his breath tingles down your navel, tying a knot in your core. With his teeth, he obscenely tugs loose the string that ties your bikini bottom together. The fabric falls loose lifelessly, revealing your soaking cunt, shimmering with want for him.

‘So wet.’ He muses as he kisses your pelvic bone, finger stroking up your slick to gather the liquid of your arousal. Then he prods his finger into your mouth, your tongue compliantly lapping up your own taste, salty from the sea. ‘Who made you this wet?’

‘You.’ You’re practically pleading as he sucks viciously at your inner thigh, so close to your weeping pussy.

‘I want you to call me daddy.’

You stiffen under him. Daddy. He wants you to call him daddy. Oh, but of course Taehyung has a daddy kink. It’s so ridiculously characteristic now that he has revealed it, that if you aren’t drunk, you would be rolling your eyes and laughing.

‘Fine, daddy.’ There’s an undertone of travesty to your reply. Whether he notices, he doesn’t show as he kisses closer and closer to your slit.

At the first contact of his lips to your clit, your hips buckle upwards and fingers fly to entangle his hair. Sucking harshly on your sensitive bud, all you’re capable of is squirming and writhing underneath him like a possessed body. The sensation of his mouth sucking on your succulence sends a shot of ecstasy down your quaking legs. Your head feels dizzy.

‘Fuck!’ You whine.

‘You like that, baby?’ When he looks up at you, wet smirk on his lips breathing hot air into your cunt, a coil winds in your stomach.

‘Yes, daddy.’ Your grip on his hair tightens.

Then he’s gorging you like a feast, tongue fluttering on your swollen bundle of nerves, your kryptonite, teeth scraping along your folds seductively. After several licks of your entrance, he pushes not one, but two digits into your cunt. They ease in, lubricated by your moist walls that welcome the pressure of his intrusion into you like the open sea. He draws wide circles inside you, and it feels like your innards are being stirred to perfection by a metal rod. In the meantime, his assault on your clit does not falter, rhythmically hitting his tongue against you, allowing the vibrations of his humming to penetrate your core.

Looking down, this is simply the most beautiful sight you’ve ever witnessed. Taehyung, eyes glimpsing up at you hungrily, face buried nose-deep in your pussy, hands gripping under your thighs that are rested on his shoulders, all the while the moon shines its ethereal glow onto you and the iridescent ocean in the background plays a symphony harmonious to your moans and his filthy slurps.

Suddenly, an explosion of pleasure arrives at your clit. ‘Oh, fuck yes!’ You screech, throat raw from the pure elation that washes over you. The throbbing in your cunt releases at his continuous friction, pulsating so wildly you think you will burst. His fingers pump out your high as he sucks one last time, long and hard, on your beating clit. ‘Ah… Oh my god… Taehyung…’

Finally he emerges from between your legs to breathe. You watch as your fluid dribble down his chin lewdly, your thumb swipes to catch the wetness.

‘How was that?’ Untangling his arms from your legs, he walks up on his elbows to meet your lips in a tender kiss.

‘Mind-blowing.’ You utter against his mouth, eyes rolling to the back of your head for dramatic effect. ‘Let’s continue back in our room.’ Quickly you do up your bikini, impatient for more.

Without needing another word, Taehyung sweeps you into his arms, gathers all your belongings and hastily carries you back to your hotel located just a minute away from the beach. Although, it takes much longer than a minute for you to arrive seeing as multiple detours are made along the way, fondling behind a tree, kissing in the elevator and missing your floor.

And when you’re finally in the confines of your room, he pins you to the closed door, not even bothering to switch on the lights, lips latched onto your magnetising neck. Your wrists trapped in his grip against the hard wood, you ache to touch him as his teeth find your earlobe. Nipping at your soft round flesh, a pleasant shock is sent down your spine at the twinge of pain.

‘Daddy…’ You sigh.

He pulls away to stare into your beseeching eyes. ‘What do you want daddy to do to you?’ His voice is a low grumble of dominance, digging its talons into your brain.

‘I want… I want you to fuck me until I cry.’ In the dark of the room, your attention flickers to the moonlit terrace outside. ‘Right on that balcony over there.’

Something in his obsidian eyes ignite at your suggestion. Zealous with lust, he brings you through the glass door that opens to the fresh night. ‘You want me to fuck you right here, baby? For everyone to see?’

Danger lurking one kiss away, you sense the precarious position his sanity is at. So you reach down and grab his hard member over his shorts, and tip his mind to a carnal frenzy.

‘Yes please, daddy.’ The name is the last straw for him. His breath hitches as you tug down his pants and allow his enormous cock to spring free.

Spinning you around roughly, he bends you over onto the rail of the balcony and strips off your swimsuit in one deft gesture. From here, you have an unobstructed view of the coast, lined by bustling bars and closing restaurants. The neighbouring terraces are a metre away, if anyone walks out now, they would horrifically witness Taehyung’s gargantuan length about to drill into you from behind.

Your heart is pounding in excitement of the risk as well as the anticipation of his cock. Not being able to see him, he can thrust into you any moment now, he must be revelling in such control he holds.

Then you feel it, his large round tip pressing against your entrance curiously. Your legs shake expectantly while fresh arousal leaks out of you, mixing with his precum he’s pressing into you. ‘Beg one more time for me.’

Taehyung and his motherfucking ego.

‘Please, daddy.’ Allowing the words to drag out on your tongue, you twist your neck to look at him with wide pleading eyes. He looks like a king, towering over you with this much assertion, relishing in the power he holds above you in this very moment.

‘Good girl.’

Hands holding your hips in place, he slams his tremendous member into your gaping cunt in one forceful plunge. You can’t help but cry out at the sheer stretch of your walls he’s spanning. Holy fuck, he’s so big he makes it feels like your first time.

All you feel at first is an incredible cinching of your core, the ache of him impaling his rigid shaft through the resisting pressure of your vagina. God, is he fucking massive. He seems to know it as well because he gives you a second to adjust to his size, palm scaling smoothly up the hill of your back to gather your hair in his hand like a rein. Then he is pummelling into you, hips slapping against your bottom, ringing such vulgar sounds in your ears. His cock, hard as if carved from marble, piercing through the pain and moulding a thing of sweet sweet pleasure inside you. You grip the rail so tight its edge gouges marks into your skin, your head hung low between your tense arms.

‘Fu-u-u-uckk-k-k-’ He fucks those syllables out of you one by one. At this angle, his cock is curving up the wrong way into you, jabbing at pockets that normally aren’t reached.

A part of your soul is no longer with you, propelled elsewhere by his ceaseless merciless attack on your cunt. Then comes the sting of his palm when he spanks a searing hot mark into your ass cheek. The sharp pain is refreshing alongside the dull ache behind the euphoric throb he is penetrating into you.

‘This fucking ass of yours, baby. Been driving me nuts in those shorts all week.’ Another slap echoes in your ears, and you welcome it by curving your back more to tip your tush higher for him.

‘Daddy, you fuck me so good.’ Playing along with this narrative he’s into, you egg him on further, stroking his ego as your walls are stroking his dick. Because, damn, he is fucking you so good. Pounding into you with such vigour and violence that your folds are beginning to sting.

You’ve reached a point now where you’re no longer intoxicated by alcohol, but more the addictive fumes of him.

Moans that fall from his lips tingle at your clit, which you start to play with to add to your stimulation. Another smack on your ass, this time so surprising that you scream out. ‘Yes, be loud for me. Let everyone hear how good I make you feel.’ He coaxes.

Taehyung begins to slow, which you know is a sign that he’s close but doesn’t want to blow his load yet. He bends over you, your hair still tied around his wrist, and nips at the shell of your ear. You’ve never known your ear to be such an erogenous zone, for when his tongue flickers at your inner shell, a shudder convulses through you. Leaving slobbery kisses down the curve of your shoulder, he slowly pulls out of you.

‘Finish on the bed?’ As Taehyung embraces you from behind, his strong arm comes under your cold lonely breasts that perk up at his attention, his dripping wet cock sitting between your red ass cheeks. The hum of his deep rasp on your neck sends your head lolling back onto his sweat-dotted chest.

‘Sure.’ What leaves you is a mere huff, you can’t even conjure your voice.

His lips seal yours as he walks you back into the room, leaving the glass door open for the night breeze to grace you. Amidst the savage sex, you treasure such a soft, delicate moment on your tongue, delighting in the way the tips of his fingers trace up your side. When his hand slithers up to your face, you melt into the warm flesh of his palm, mouth opening up for him to unfurl into.

Then the back of your knees hit the bed, and you know it’s about to begin again. Without breaking the union of your lips, you clamber onto the sheets with his frame hovering over you. Grappling on his neck, you drag Taehyung atop you as your head sinks down onto the plush of the pillow.

He sucks on your plump bottom lip one last time before pulling away. Fluid still profusely oozing out of the slit of his tip, telltale of his concupiscence, he perches between your legs. ‘How do you want it, baby?’ His tone endearing, yet eyes deadly dangerous.

Impatient for him to fill you to the brim again, you lift your both legs up for him to grab and place onto his shoulders. ‘Like this please, daddy.’

That’s all you have to say for him to grunt okay and push deep into you, knees digging into the mattress like lampposts. In this position, his cock reaches your cervix without hindrance, his swollen head slamming into your end every thrust he gives. It’s a different type of ache this time, more acutely targeted at the one sensitive spot inside you. As he continues you thrust into you, bollocks swinging at your ass, a build up of sensitivity gathers at your core.

You feel it approaching, that imminent contortion of your cunt, looming over you, on the brink of toppling your senses.

‘Keep going.’ You whimper, the filthy feeling of his prick hammering so fast into you enough to bring tears to your eyes. You try to keep them open, watch his tongue poke out in concentration as he watches your body quiver under his. But the intensity of his fucking is truly too overwhelming that a single droplet leaks out and flow down your temple.

‘I’m so close.’ Taehyung heaves, pecking the bone of your ankle. Something ruptures within him, his sanity, humanity, and suddenly with an even more arduous determination he drives into your walls like a crazed beast. Sole purpose now to reach the climax awaiting him, he spreads your legs open wide before him and rabidly plunges his twitching prick.

And for the second and third time this night, your orgasm hits you, one immediately followed by the other. ‘Taehyung, I’m-’ You’re a crying thrashing body beneath him, the ecstatic pleasure obliterating your mind into ruins as your cunt erupts. The string of profanities that leave you sound incoherent to your own hearing.

You won’t be able to walk straight tomorrow, you’re sure of it.

Taehyung watches you break on his cock, walls tightening impossibly around him, until only a husk of your being remains.

‘Holy shit, I’m gonna come.’ Frantic with excitement, his hips move sloppily. ‘Where should I come?’

‘All over my face? In my mouth?’ Cupping your breast, you gaze up at him with salacious eyes.

‘Oh my fuck- Yes.’

Yanking himself out, a string of your own release threaded at his tip, he slides himself up the bed until his knees are on either side of your head. Pornographically he slaps his hot length on your cheek several times as you roll out your tongue for him. ‘You like that? You like my dick on your face?’

‘Hmmm.’ You engulf his seeping tip in your ready mouth while he jerks himself off with a teenage boy’s zest, his knuckles hitting at the underside of your chin.

Eager to coax his orgasm, you lick fervently at his sensitive head, right on the patch of skin around his slit that drives every man insane.

‘Oh fuck! Baby-’

Abruptly, he withdraws his cock from your mouth. Not after two strokes, he is shooting hot white spurts of his seed onto your face, your eyes shutting just in time to avoid being fired at. Some of his fluid lands in your mouth, brewing bitterly on your awaiting tongue. Eyes squeezed shut, his cock pulses involuntarily in his hand as he lurches his high to an end.

‘You look so fucking good with my cum all over your face.’ Taehyung stares at his piece of work, splattered across your cheeks, on your forehead, and unfortunately for you, in your hair. Feral demeanour dimming, he leans down and gently smears his ejaculation all over your skin before nudging it into your mouth.

Like his good little baby you are, you swallow it like it’s your milk.

‘Mm…’ Throat hoarse from all the moaning, you suck his taste off his thumb.

Exhaustion dawns over the both of you when the adrenaline drains from your blood. Ache straining between your thighs, you waddle over to the bathroom quickly before him cum dries into a crusty nightmare.

Your sex-ridden, hair-dishevelled, hickey-speckled reflection greets you in the mirror. Realisation of your actions sink into your heart along with the sour taste of guilt.

What the fuck have you done?

You just had the wildest sex with Taehyung, your new roommate.

Taehyung, your new roommate.

Taking a deep breath in and out, you try to form back the logic shattered by his brutal fucking. Why do you have to be the way that you are? Just why are you so incapable of controlling your nymphomania?

‘You okay?’ Taehyung’s bass booms from the bedroom, startling you from your turmoil.

You gave into your temptations. You fucked up.

But this isn’t unsalvageable, you two can recover from it. After all, it’s not like you have been lifelong best friends, you’ve only just met each other, still stepping into deeper stages of your friendship day by day. As long as you don’t let this happen again, stop seeing him in a sexual light, you two should be fine.

Yes, you’ll be fine.

Drying your washed face with a towel, your answer is muffled. ‘Yep, all good.’

When you roam back to the room, you see him sprawled out like a Greek God, still shirtless but now wearing sweatpants that outlines his bulge all too well, bed sheets bunched to the side to aerate his sweat-dampened body. His eyes crawl over your naked form with a thirst that has you willing to drop to your knees and suck him off again. Spoilt in the attention he’s doling you, you climb beside him perhaps too seductively than you should.

Stop. You shouldn’t.

Taehyung doesn’t waste a second to pull you into his chest and smother you with slow, passionate kisses. Such contradiction to his rough handling of you sheer minutes ago. His tongue feels heavier, nicer as it rolls along yours, maybe because you’re now sober, senses no longer dulled by alcohol.

It’s a difficulty to retract from his romantic poet of a mouth whose sole purpose is to entice you into its warm embrace. But you do. ‘Hey… We really shouldn’t have…’ You can’t bring yourself to finish your sentence because you care too much for his feelings to hurt him.

But then the cool nonchalance in his pupils relieve you of your fear. ‘Yeah… Probably not the smartest move.’

His fingers toy fondly with your hair, twirling it like a velvet ribbon. Eyes wide with his boyish innocence, you wonder if this is the same person who was just slapping his dick on your cheek and made you call him daddy. This trip was meant to allow you to understand him better, yet you remain stuck, perhaps more than before, in his enigma.

And you wonder how his girlfriend could ever have sought after anyone else Taehyung is… Well he has just done that…

‘It doesn’t change anything, right? We’re still friends?’ You want to roll out of his clasp yet his arms feel so soft and smooth and perfect to fall asleep in.

‘Of course, Y/N’ From the earnesty in his tone, you know you can trust his word.

To resume your previous playful dynamic, you pinch his nose between your knuckles. ‘Then let go of me, friends don’t cuddle.’

‘Friends do cuddle.’ He frowns, shocked as if you’ve just slapped him across the face with a whole cabbage of kimchi.

‘Uh… No they don’t.’ Repulsed by such affection, you try to wiggle away but he locks his arms around your torso like a vice.

‘I don’t know what kind of friends you’ve had, but you’re stuck with me now and in Taehyung-land: Friends. Cuddle.’ Blowing raspberries on your ticklish neck, he lets you squirm like a fish in attempt to escape his coddling, chest rumbling into your back with laughter. Your squeals of help turn into giggles. Raspberries turn into kisses.

You freeze. ‘Oi, friends don’t kiss friends’ necks.’

‘Come on, we just had sex, let me just kiss you a bit more.’ Watching him pout so babily, your heart squeezes. Fuck. Why is your heart squeezing?

But you kiss his jutted lips, still. Savouring his taste that you know you won’t have the chance to delight in again. ‘Fine, but if you try to kiss me tomorrow, I’ll kick your nuts.’

Taehyung takes that as a green light to use you as a snuggle toy for the rest of the night, mouth gallivanting the ocean that is your skin.

.

07/09/18

© Copyright 2019

.

@shookpreme @taetaeobsessed @tangledsparkles @nonexistentfucks @evilkookie @nbiased95 @shimtatae @taehyungmakesmeoof @itscalledgayhoney @tahaing @deliciouslydisturbed365  @expensive-bangtan-girl @jwlmnbt @herakimkim @dnyad @kaepjjang365 @angelswrld @expensive-bangtan-girl @icyi-sky @gingerpeachtae @taexxxiiaa @spring2787 @monixreal

[kermitbread]

yes I bring in some pain before the new chapter comes. now if you excuse me I shall go and sharpen my pitchfork in case we don't get any hananene tomorrow.

it's also in my AO3 if you guys prefer it there. idk

important note: don't worry about the ending here, the rest of the manga's supposed to be a follow-up. also cuz I'm uncreative lol

Being a better version of the real world, the stars were surely prettier to look at that night.

Hanako had to thank Shijima for the intricate details put into it. It was the perfect setting, perfect moment.

He just didn't count on what would happen later on that time.

He saw from the corner of his eye Nene climbing up to where a lone telescope stood, taking a peek. Seeing her face brighten up at the sight of the stars, it gave him comfort, yet bittersweetness in the end.

He wouldn't see that face ever again once he left this world, after all.

Sneaking up from her field of vision, he heard her softly mutter to herself, still engrossed with watching the constellation. In all his fashion, he continued for her, making her jump with surprise.

"Oh, Amane-kun! You were here all along?"

He didn't look at her, keeping his eyes at the stars. At that time, he didn't have the heart to do so.

If I look at you too much, it'll just get harder for me to leave, you know.

So he just settled to talking about the stars, one thing he had never gotten to do when he was alive. Well, in this fake world, he can, anyway.

He didn't know how everything had lead up to this. He just remembered meeting this clumsy girl, summoning him for a wish. Of course, he couldn't forget he had been aware of her decreasing lifespan since the start, but he didn't think much of it.

The plan was to merely humor her and go along her silly wishes, let her enjoy her remaining time left. Once that day came everything would go back to how it used to be.

Oh, how wrong he was.

He definitely didn't count caring for her more than he should. He didn't expect developing this kind of fondness to her.

He didn't expect to fall in love at all.

That's impossible. I'm already dead. None of those things mean to someone whose life is already over.

Apparently Nene had proved him wrong.

Perhaps this was why he had let himself work with Tsukasa this time. He let them do whatever, in exchange he would be allowed to put her and Kou in the fake world where they could live happily.

Not worrying about death, not worrying about tomorrow.

Not worrying about losing Nene for good.

Even when he himself wasn't there to see that anymore.

"Amane-kun, do you wanna take a look too? Through the telescope." He heard Nene ask. Putting on a wry smile, he shook his head.

"Nah. I'm good."

"But... It's so pretty."

Just like you.

With his smile growing into a wide grin, he chuckled softly, taking a quick glance at her way before turning to watch the sky once more. "Exactly."

I hope you'll understand.

"If I look at it too much, it makes me wanna go there."

But you know I can't. Not anymore.

"And I've made up my mind now. I'm not going anywhere."

I'm sorry, Yashiro.

He tried breaking the growing tension with another laugh. "After all, going to space is impossible!"

"Hanako-kun."

At the mention of his name, his eyes widened. There was some part of his mind that almost let him break off his facade, and the urge to give away his identity as Hanako sat for a while.

Nene reached out a hand, tugging at his sleeve. She looked at him with a look he couldn't understand.

Sadness?

"I mean... Amane-kun. You are Hanako-kun after all... aren't you?"

Her voice sounded pleading, and a little bit scared. She was looking at his eyes, as if searching for any clue of him being Hanako all along.

How he wanted to say yes. How he wanted to just say, "It's me. I'm here."

But Hanako had to be firm. He can't let her know. He had to keep up this fake persona of his former self, just for her.

"...no." He managed to reply, almost stuttering. It was getting really hard to say no to her, really.

"You really like saying that don't you? But I'm Amane-kun!" He waved his hand around nonchalantly, laughing it off. Maybe if he acted more casually, Nene would brush it off as just a strange thought.

She just stared at him, not finding the situation funny.

You've always been the stubborn type, huh?

Hanako's smile faltered, and he sighed, avoiding her look. Why was she so persistent into convincing herself that? It wasn't like he mattered anyway.

"What... kind of person is he?" He found himself asking. He didn't get it. Scratch that, a lot of things about her didn't make sense.

He found it endearing, though.

"Hm?" She looked kind of surprised by his question.

"Hanako-kun, I mean. Are we really that similar?"

Secretly he was hoping that she would say something profound.

"Yeah... you are similar." He turned around as she stood up and walked away a little, her back turned to him.

"He does various annoying things."

What. Hanako almost commented on that, holding back his words with a weird choking noise. Is that how it is, huh?

"He's always acting like a perv... And making dumb jokes. And he doesn't take things seriously most of the time."

Well... The perv insult I can take, but now your just making fun of me.

"T-that guy's similar to me... how?" Hanako raised an eyebrow at her. Is that how you see me, Yashiro?

"But..." To his surprise once again, she walked back towards him, sitting down and leaning backwards, her head almost touching his shoulder. He felt her hand rest upon the top of his, clutching on it gently.

"I don't... hate him."

At that moment, the shooting stars had began to fill the dark of the sky, painting it bright.

He felt himself tremble a little from her soft tone. Unable to look away.

"I really like him."

He held back a gasp, eyes wide with surprise.

Nene liked him. Not as Amane, not as anything else.

She liked him, because he was Hanako. He was himself.

Suddenly it didn't feel so fair for the both of them. It wasn't fair that she had to say those things, and it wasn't fair he had to hear them, only to leave for good.

If circumstances were different, if this make-believe world were real...

It hurt.

"So... Hanako-kun." Nene's hands turned to his face, bringing him to look up at her. She had a determined look, her form almost glowing against the shine of the moon.

She really was like a star. A star he could never reach, no matter how hard he tried.

Even so, it made him happy she was a star that had remained by his side, when no one would.

"Let's escape together. To the real world!"

Can't you understand, Yashiro? If you come back...

Pained memories from his living past flooded back. He had lost his brother, his future, and now, if Nene were to return to the real world...

...I'll lose you too.

He pulled away from her, not really liking that he had to swat away her hand from him, but he had to. He can't give in, no matter how tempting it sounded.

Besides, he couldn't give her the life she wanted if she came back in the real world.

Nene confused him. Why was she insisting on leaving this world? All he wanted was to protect her!

These words came unspoken, however, as all he could do was stare at this strange, frustrating, beautiful girl in front of him.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wanted to give of a humorless laugh.

Perhaps that was one of the reasons he had fallen for her in the first place.

All of a sudden Nene took his hand and pulled him along, with them leaving the rooftop. "Let's go, Hanako-kun!"

"Eh? Wha—where?!" He almost tripped on his feet being dragged by the girl.

Nene smiled brightly at him. "Home, of course! Let's get back to the real world!"

Home.

Muttering the word under his breath, he said nothing else, settling for staring at her as they both made their way out of the school, approaching the gates.

The pain seem to just grow more.

Hanako closed his eyes, letting things take its course.

This was no time to get distracted. It was a matter of time before Shijima completed this fake world, after all. And once it was, Nene's memories of him would vanish.

All for the greater good.

He stood there, watching her open the locked gates, looking back at him. "Alright, it's open! We can get out now!"

All for the sake of her life.

"...I'm not going."

I'm sorry, Yashiro.

[noorengels]

reasons i am sad (friendship edition)

in year 4 my best friend invited everyone to her birthday party and not me and they all actually kept it a secret really well they almost pulled it off except she held her party in la plaza which basically is the hangout spot for families in that area i spent all my fridays there playing until midnight bc literally everyone from school would go. so i was walking home with my entire family inc grandparents and uncles and we went through la plaza and there they were! every single one of my friends at her party! apparently her mum didnt let her invite me bc apparently i hit her which i didn’t i hit another girl so her excuse is invalid and its the first time ive been so publicly excluded i cried on a bench.

in year 7 we hated this girl bc she was so fake i genuinely believe she is a psychopath like she has all the symptoms except shes in set 5 maths lol so my friend was like what if i spread a rumour about her and i was like lol do it and she did and for some reason i was blamed??? and lost all of my friends and she bullied me so hard but i didnt realise bc i was “friends” with her bc our mums were friends so shed like walk with me to lessons and talk to me while belittleing me and idk she was just a fucking bitch she made me feel so horrible like it was emotional bullying but also like telling everyone who i liked and saying lmao you literally have no friends “count how many friends you have? omg you literally cant even reach ten can you???” like in front of everyone but then shed also be really nice to me at the same time like idk it was like she was my friend but she bullied me it was so horrible saffa i hate you and the original friend who spread the rumour went on to become her best friend for like 6 years so uh hate that

managed to make friends with people not in my class in year 8! which sucked bc saffa had alienated people in my class so now they all just didnt like me i was the weird girl with no friends because of her and it was so horrible bc id always be forced to join the ready made groups between friends by the teacher  bc i didnt have a group to work with or id get paired with the weird girl like i was only the weird girl after saffa made everyone hate me this girl was weird bc she just is idk 

in year 10 they made a gc without me! i basically created that group tho like i gathered these friends i hade made in different lessons (obviously not in my main class lol) and they literally just??? decided to exclude me for no reason. and then theyd talk about what they talked about in the gc in front of me like “omg remember last night on the gc” isha ur so fucking boring no normal person talks about their gc with the same people again do u have no other conversational points smh

in year 11 it got so bad to the point where once i sat with them and they all just left! like they took their stuff and moved to the table behind me i wanted to cry so bad i did at home i think its the worst one out of all of these because it happened to my face? idk saffa was horrible too but this was just “were leaving” idk like ive never felt as horrible as i did in that moment i cant even describe how im feeling rn reliving it

its okay bc i made friends with my best friend from sciences + history bc our surnames are next to each other so we always sat together! i honestly clung to this girl after that bc i refused to spend a second longer with that other group after 3 years of enduring not even being liked by ur friends so i made friends with her friends which was easy bc yes! 

so by the first term of year 12 i had three friends! in fact one of them was like ur not having a birthday party??? im taking u out to eat so my first birthday event thing in literally years was all thanks to arun i am honestly so grateful for him he didnt even go bc he was busy and we planned it the day before my birthday but it was literally me and two friends eating pizza at zizzis and im crying so much rn but year 12 was when i found people who genuinely cared about me

we established a group of like 8 lol and were planning a holiday for the end of year 13! very skam of us! we had a gc and everything! we were gonna go to spain bc im spanish so i could speak!

this trip was unspoken of in year 13 and i was like lol kinda weird um okay but nope nothing weird about it they just created a chat without me and were still going to spain!!! one of them even sent me screenshots of their airbnb to translate its like u want me to know lol

i did complain to one of them but thats it i was just hurt on my own and coronavirus happened so it got cancelled anyways so i won really

in yr 13 i also got closer to this boy called adam! i remember my friend was like you two would get on so well idk why ur not friends and i was like idk its adam lol do i really want to and yes i did bc he is in fact the isak to my sana! but anyways i hate him but i love him we have that kinda friendship where were alwAYS trying to beat the other one up and honestly the most heart felt goodbye when schools shut was between us both bc at first we were fighting and then he just stopped and his eyes softened and i was like whats wrong with you why arent u punching me and he went come here and we hugged and its like wow despite being a dick ill miss you

anyways so uhhh quarantine we skyped often it was fun and then restrictions were lifted i went to spain and the second i land they all stop talking in the gc????? like im abroad not dead why are u creating a new one??? this gc was agressively spammed so i know for a fact theres another im not stupid

i come back from spain and theyre like can we meet!!! we meet three weeks later and theyr like i missed u so much im so happy uou came i love you and it felt really genuine like they genuinely missed me

two days later i find out through snapchat theyve all gone on holiday together!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of them and just ofc didnt invite me they went to the beach for two days and kept posting about it and im so bitter about it like bro???????? why so secretive????? like i cried so much when i saw bc they still just idk why does every single friendgroup ive ever been in exclude me like i must be the problem theres no other explanation for it i am not the kind of person people want to have around i am so funny but im a bitch and will come for ur ass because i have the inability to lie i have no filter either which i know makes them dislike me i know it does but thats the price you oay for being my friend i just say things as it is becauxe i hate secrets bc secrets are always about excluding me so i rather be honest and upfront but that clearly puts people off bc im too upfront and im not getting a personality transplant im not tryna be boring but im so sick of always being the one on her own

adam was relevant uh hews my only friend rn he checked up on me the other day so cheers adam for making sure im not completely isolated

the funny thing is that all my friends hate adam bc “hes a dick” hes not he just says things how it is were so similar so if they hate adam they hate me and im over being hated lol bye!

i start uni next week and i clearly have no social skills so im not gonna make friends im so scared of being lonely i hate being left out

this went from sad to full on angry like i was crying at some point and now im fuming like im so hot rn my blood pressure isnt doing okay

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && roman

WHEN: january 24-26th 

DESCRIPTION: just best friends talking and being obsessed with each other. rae confides in him about her ex drama.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: drug mention, probably sex mention.

@romanbeckett​

Roman

Hi love of my life. I miss your face. How’s it going??

raelynn

my baby

god, i miss you too. i'm doing okay, how're you tonight?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s been an off day, not even gonna lie lol super sore and tired. I just wanna be back to normal already

raelynn

oh no

how's your scar healing up? the boys are taking care of you right??

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s okay I guess bleh lol and not tonight. I’m all alone

raelynn

Where's Q? Is Aaron working?

Well I guess I should know that since I'm literally at work. Lmao.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Q is working on music. Aaron has des tonight

raelynn

ugh. i wanna lay with you and kiss ur face.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

are you busyyy? I can burn us some cookies

raelynn

i'm working but I'd love to see you after if you're still up.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of yeah you just said you’re at work lmao fucking weed

yes please come by when you’re done

raelynn

LMAO I KNOW THE FEELING

absolutely, i'm yours.

u know niamh was trying to figure out who rue's date was and she was like "is it you" bc i mentioned that I have a dick appt with him tomorrow night.

and i was like. dude, no, for like, a thousand reasons. like, why would that ever be me???

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚n.

oh god, I’m so out of the loop with gossip lately, it’s sad. I didn’t even know he had a date lol

raelynn

it's apparently some big secret but he's having people help him dress up and asking about flowers and candy and niamh is like "bitch is it you" and i'm like. LMAO.

like is there anything about me that says flowers and candy

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Hahahahahhahahahahaha HAHAHA

that really made me laugh too hard.

raelynn

like, i'm not the flowers girl, i'm the sneak out in the night girl, the middle of the afternoon girl, all those things, but flowers girl???? sdkfdskksd

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m 100p a flowers girl

raelynn

YOU ARE AND YOU'RE WORTH IT MY BABY

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

my parents are coming in to town this week. Gotta tell them I have two boyfriends haaaa. Pray for me

raelynn.

I feel like that should be the least shocking thing about you??? In a good way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yeah, I definitely keep them on their toes

raelynn

tell ur boyfriend that if he wants me to continue wearing body glitter he's going to have to pay me extra

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

omg but I love body glitter fyi

raelynn

I did an onlyfans video with Lilah earlier and I'm like 80% sure that I left glitter on her sheets. Like I'm a fucking unicorn.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

that makes me so happy I can’t even lie

I too wanna leave glitter everywhere

man I need to do only fans

raelynn

i would a thousand percent subscribe

both bc i'm a perv and also bc i'm a very supportive best friend.

we could get naked and do a body glitter photoshoot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

and I love this about you

that sounds like a dream?? Wow

raelynn

would love nothing more than to apply body glitter to ur glorious tiddies.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

my tillies would appreciate it

Hahahaa it hurts to laughhhh

raelynn

SORRY SORRY I'M GOING TO BE VERY SERIOUS NOW

clears throat Um. The National Debt.

it is my understanding that there is. National Debt.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hahahah I love you

raelynn

Blah blah, topics. Blah blah, smart people jargon, blah blah

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

god it’s so boring isn’t it

would so much rather talk about titties

raelynn

God same.

Like how yours are somehow bigger than mine.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I know, I need some sort of support at this point I think

raelynn

we could get you fitted for bras somewhere maybe that'd be fun

it'd look actually so hot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

well I already wear lingerie in the bedroom. Might as well.

raelynn

you will be the absolute death of me, you're simply too gorgeous and too sweet to exist.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stahhpppp you’re making me blushhhh. Right back atcha my babe

raelynn

is there anything you want me to bring you when i'm done here?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

just yourself. I’ve got good ass weed

raelynn

and for the millionth time, i realized, you are my soul mate.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

you’re mine, lovie.

raelynn

i wish i could've had appendix surgery instead of you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

noooo don’t be silly lol I’m okay darling.

raelynn.

no i hate that you were in pain even for like a second i hate it so much!!

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stop it, I love you. You cutie. Oh god okay I’m gonna make us cookies.

raelynn

Dont burn the house down my beautiful twin flame

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I always get cookie dough thinking I’ll do better next time. I still have that unearned confidence

raelynn.

Thats bc im always building you up and rightfully so

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yes you do and I live for it. I also really love fresh cookies right out of the oven, I just want to make that happen

raelynn

I believe in you my little tropical starfish

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

raelynn

literally you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hehehehe ⭐️

raelynn

i don't think anybody's ever gonna love me more than you

and i think. i think maybe that's okay?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not true. You’re gonna find someone who is gonna blow you away

raelynn

yeah but even if i did, would I even be able to love them without being scared of them?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yeah, I think so. I’ve had to overcome a lot of walls and fears myself that I never thought I could. The right person makes it easier.

raelynn

idk there are a lot of people i could've loved if i hadn't been so....this lmao

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I think it’ll just take some time!

raelynn

you have so much faith in me.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of course I do. I think you can do anything.

raelynn

i'm not really sure.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you don’t have to be cause I ammmmm

raelynn

and you're the smartest person in the world

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

in the whole world?? Damn. I’m not near as rich as I should be then.

raelynn

how about I stay over with you tonight and we get some breakfast in the morning? I did really good on tips tonight.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

okay!! I’d love that

raelynn

good 'cause i don't get to spend nearly as much time with you as i wanna

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I knowwww. We haven’t had a sleepover in so long

raelynn

you can cuddle up to me and i'll feed you cookies and kiss your hair

revolutionary. better than therapy.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Yes!!!!

raelynn

loml

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I finished the cookies baby and I didn’t burn them to a crisp

raelynn

you fucking legend

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I’m pretty damn proud of myself not gonna lieeeee

[...]

raelynn

extremely sad that i couldn't stay at breakfast with you all day

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

same

now I’m bored

raelynn

i swear after i left you my day went down the tubes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oh no I’m sorry

who do I need to fight

raelynn

well carson is back.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

oh god, tell me more

raelynn

idk why he's back but wes gave him my number bc i guess when i told him to lose it he took it to heart which like good i wanted him to

but anyway i screamed at him in the chat

everyone called me a hypocrite bc i told ivy to stop being a bitch in the chat awhile back. which tbh i didn't remember even doing, i just be saying shit.

like alex opened his fuckin mouth and i'm like what dog do you have in this fight

oh and DELILAH is moving in with carson bc he's "like her brother!!!" never mind the fact that he cheated on me bc i guess friendship doesn't mean much anymore

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wow that’s...messy. Wtf lilah though seriously

raelynn.

So then Carson texts me bc wes gave him my number and that felt like being??? Pushed back in time against my will

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not cool

raelynn

So yeah a lot of crying today

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*chick with knife emoji*

me rn

raelynn

Cute but lethal

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*img attachment* 

and not at all high...

raelynn.

you're so hot jesus christ.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn.

love u more than life itself

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

*img attachment of a keychain that says PUSSY WAGON* 

this was recommended to me on Instagram and now I want it.

raelynn

LET'S GET THEM MATCHING.

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A CAR

AND THEREFORE NO KEYS FOR SAID CAR

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it would be perfect for my Volkswagen

raelynn.

omg and with me in it...it really WOULD be a pussy wagon......

big brain

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahahah

raelynn

we should road trip soon

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I would love that so much honestly

raelynn

where should we go?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Disney world!!

raelynn

will u propose to me there

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wouldn’t that be romantic as heck

raelynn.

THE most romantic and also we'd maybe get free dessert

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I never turn down anything free.

raelynn

me neither. not the taylor family way

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahaha I love you.

raelynn.

we'll start planning a summer trip, just us.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yay yay yay yay!

raelynn.

i'm gonna wear a tiara the whole time.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.BOT01/25/2021

with Mickey ears?

raelynn.BOT01/25/2021

of course, i'm not a monster.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahaa

[...]

raelynn

I hate dudes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

they’re a mess aren’t they lol

raelynn

Had a temporary lapse in sanity and agreed to meet Carson for coffee lol and he canceled like 15 mins before we were supposed to meet for a probably fake meeting lmao its so typical but I fell for it

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

babe I’m so sorry

raelynn

Like im just so tired

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

how can I make it better

raelynn.

I don't know honestly and I wish I did.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn

I love you.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you’re my baby

raelynn

you're MY baby

[punkpal]

burgundy, pomegranate, cherry, wine, persian red, blood, cardinal, maroon, merlot & crimson ❣️

Burgundy: How often do you make your bed? what do your favourite bedsheets look like? I make my bed for one of two reasons. 1. I have finally decided to wash my bed sheets for the first time in 6 months and i have decided to change my ways and start making my bed daily to improve my mood and make me less tempted to nap during the day (this lasts for two days max). Or 2. I have a apartment inspection that i need to clean my house for so as to not let my landlord know i live like a pig. As for what my bed sheets look like, they are a light pink colour made from fake velvet because i am both a classy bitch (who likes soft materials) and a broke bitch (who can’t afford them.)

Pomegranate: Favourite and least favourite fruits? My favourite fruits are cantaloupe, strawberries, watermelon, mango and passion fruit. And my least favourite is the banana for a multitude of reasons namely the taste, smell, texture, shape 🤢🤮and the stringy bits. Also fun fact bananas aren’t actually a fruit but a herb. But i am still listing them as my least favourite fruit because i hate them and i wanted to take this opportunity as an excuse to call them out for being the devils dick of the food world.

Wine: Tell us about your first experience with alcohol. So i would have been about 14, so circa 2011. And i am hormonal, depressed, lonely but mostly just really fucking bored so i help myself to Dads alcohol fridge because why the fuck not. Drink a full cup of straight vodka (because i am dumb, inexperiences and no one can stop me) and then laugh to myself for a while as that shit hits me like a train. Then it wore off and i go back to my normal routine of crying myself to sleep, taking note that i should probably drink it later next time if i wanted to use it to hopefully skip the late night breakdown. And maybe mix it with some juice or something if i didn’t want it to taste like pure fire next time around.

Persian red: Answer with a picture of your dream holiday destination.

Yes i am not joking either. My dream holiday is to India because my best friend lives over there and to name a few other things i love about India and why i want to go is i love the culture, history and man they know whats up when it comes to food (i even had planned and booked a trip there for late 2018 but had to have it canceled because i had my brain surgery re-scheduled for during the time i was supposed to go. I plan to rebook it some day. Just obviously not anytime soon, coronavirus and all.) 

And my other dream holiday destination is a tour of Russia and Ukraine. Including a visit to the exclusion zone and Pripyat. (The chernobyl disaster is one of my autism special interests, i just find that shit really interesting okay, don’t @ me.) Also the architecture and history of Russia is really appealing to me. I’d also like to go to Mexico, Italy and all of Africa one day too.

Blood: Which of your family members is your favourite? My lil bro and my cat!!

Cardinal: What is the first song that made you cry? The earliest memory i have of crying to a song was probably me at age 13 crying to Safe And Sound by Taylor Swift. And next was probably Of Mice & Mens ‘Second & Sebring’ and/or ‘Purified’ during my early scene kid/baby metal kid phase.

Merlot: do you have any unusual fears? Other then things i fear because of my ocd and its related intrusive thoughts and associated suspicions i don’t think i really have any fears that are are all too unusual. I am scared shitless of clowns but not to the point i can’t watch a good Clown horror flic, in fact the IT movies are some of my favourite so much so i have a IT themed tattoo. I guess my fear of scappy doo counts as a unusual fear, but we don’t talk about that, lol.

Crimson: If you could have only one photo or poster on your wall, what would it be? Not to get sad and sappy but it would probably a photo of my late dog and best friend Barney. Not that i would ever forget him now that he is gone. But if i could only have one photo up i would like it to be of him as a reminder of what he means to me and all the good memories i have of him that i cherish. Heres a photo of him for reference and to enjoy. He is beautiful and the world deserves to know of him and how he will always be the goodest boy ever.

cherry, maroon have already been answered!! 

Thanks for these questions dear anon! I enjoyed answering them and it momentarily cured me of my debilitating boredom.

Give me the opportunity to go off... and send me a shade of red. I am passionate about stuff and bored shitless so it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks :)

[celestialallstars]

Episode #14: “It's certainly been a day here on Celestial” - Stephen

I think right now, Jared sort of saw it coming, Stephen saw it coming, and I saw it coming. I knew three of us were not making it to the end. I think the troubling thing for me is that like now there are 5 people who all kinda came together to purposefully exclude 2 of us. I won't cry about it- all of us are guilty of it in this merge. Instead, what I will do is just use it to justify what I do from here on out. I've already identified the clusters of Michael/Chloe and then Zach/Bryce. Will be thinking about who to target between these and I most definitely see  Loris as a recent addition. For now, I'll continue to act oblivious and dumb

________________________________________________________________

I know what I'm gonna do, but I'll sleep on it. I think I want to make Bryce/Zach have faith in me again. Think I am gonna be with them. Heck, even have some Gay F4 thing with Loris. I've already told people about the duos, so I want Loris to think I'd prefer him over everybody else (talk in the morning). Bryce, I played the "we are winners, i wanna go to the end with you" card. Zach is who I'll have to work on next...Then there is Michael and Chloe. I'll just keep saying I'm in both of their corners, make them all feel comfortable pretty much, but not sloppily. If it can get me to F6, so be it, in which case, I'll get to decide which of these strats I stick to and move on. I want to  keep this idol for as long as possible, but if I have to, I'll play it, but I can't do it now- it is far too soon.

________________________________________________________________

I feel like this is the game in which people make their moves too early. Bryce, Zach, Rhys all attempted this and got callout for it. Now Loris, Michael, and Chloe are doing it. Had the 3 waited like one more tribal, they'd have sat more pretty in F6 bar the idol and all but now they exposed themselves and what do we say to people who are exposed? That they are threats to everyone else! So my best pitch is to tell Bryce/Zach its in our best interest to work together at least for this vote.

________________________________________________________________

Whether this is the round that kills the game of me or not I just wanna show that like, when I am put into corner, I tend to up the strategy and right this moment, I feel like I am doing that- I just hope it will work

________________________________________________________________

So far I actually feel I may have to use my idol if push comes to shove. Mayhe it'll curry favor if I do but lol I know that the Brits may be together, thats fine. But like at least pretend to still be interested so I won't go after you? Michael says he is open but just by taking to him I could really tell he's sorta had his mind made up, Chloe is like "oh we'll see, rounds are changing always!" and Loris, who clearly got on earlier suddenly fell silent and went offline since I tried talking to him. I'll tell ya what, even if Zach and Bryce are lying, they can at least fake it right

________________________________________________________________

I actually now sympathize for Jack and Matt. Although we ALL (them included) could have handled their situation better, I do know what it is like to be in their position and to know I didnt help them as much makes me think my position now is karmic justice

WELL. Yesterday I was slightly blindsided. I knew Jared wasn't long for this world but to take him out with Bryce and Zach both standing there, totally vulnerable, well... I can't help but feel like it's a mistake.

I never had much loyalty to the gay agenda anyway, but it feels like we were used just to take out Rhys? Which is dumb but whatever. If you were going to use us for one vote why make it Rhys?

In any case, I once again need to adapt myself to the new battle lines. I tried to reconcile things with Bryce and I think it went alright? I told him I've been on his ass since F10 and he didn't seem too pissed about it. I know Zach was mad at me though, so I offered him a trip to Final Tribal in exchange for mending the fence. He didn't say yes right away so there's still a chance of him declining, but I feel like I'm making a better offer than Betty White and Loris. I think this will work, tbh, and I do plan on staying loyal to it unless it becomes abundantly clear I'll lose to him.

It really sucks to feel like I came close again to an immunity and lost again. The good thing for last time was that I didn't feel like I was in danger and now I am. All people will claim they will do something, though until it's actually done, you never know. So I guess now I've got to put a lot of faith in Zach and Bryce to keep me or maybe I should just use the idol and be a okay, I'm not sure. I think I have to continue maintaining hope, but I don't see my odds looking good and it sucks

________________________________________________________________

I quickly decided I'm gonna go all in. I either play it now and become easy vote for F6 or I save it and somehow surprisingly live this round and increase odds of living in the next. I think if I go home with the idol this time, I won't feel too bad since the chances of me having gone home without it for F6 would've been high. If I do not make it, then you know, I honestly can't really say I "regret" something. I did good in mastermind, and feel a okay for how I did!

im so sad jared gone i cant win im just sitting here waiting for my time to be up like wow this is so fun i love this for me KJFHKADSJ

hi girls I’m so sorry I’m really busy today I promise. I’ll catch up tomorrow if I’m still here. I’m scared. this could be my last confessional. signing off....

AHHHH SO MUCH GOING ON I FORGOT TO DO THIS HEHE. So I won my first individual immunity in celestial go Michael and now the vote is looking crazy as fuck so I’m so fucking lucky to have immunity at this point sksksksksksk. So it’s looking like shits gonna hit the fan but I really want bryce and zach out of this damn game like are you fucking serious guys like you wanted them out they’re clearly bigger threats get your act together. So I’m questioning my path to the end yet again but do you know what? I’m hopeful everyone loves an underdog and I just need to do the best I can to get to that final 3 (or at least the final 4 so people do a jury roundtable about me hehe)

It's certainly been a day here on Celestial. Pretty soon we're heading to yet another tribal council. The plans as I know them are as follows:

The Gay Agenda (Me/Chris/Michael/Chloe/Loris) will be voting for Bryce! Except no. Because I don't really want Bryce to go anymore. At least not tonight. Me and Chris decided we'd rather take a shot at the 3 people who flipped last time to weaken their position a little bit. No.

Tonight, I'll be voting for Loris, hopefully, with Zach and Bryce. I know from Chris and Jared that he doesn't particularly trust me and has considered voting me out in the past. He's also well positioned to make it to the end at the rate things are going so if I can just end that possibility tonight, it'd be real nice.

ok so like this vote i just wanted to vote out stephen i leaked everything from chris/stephen to everyone else in hopes they'll vote stephen. i know they were targeting bryce prior but UGH. bryce is gonna do loris i think to secure 3 votes on him. i feel like this will backfire.

but like im here to have fun and play my game. i want stephen out, then boom. imma try. if they still vote bryce, then so be it. imagien if it ties 3-3-1 (bryce/loris/stephen HASGLDSKGDSGDS).

idk.

I FEEL SO BAD BUT WHO CARES IM HAVING FUN THIS IS A PARTY

theres not much to say. if i survive, im going hard for f6 just to ensure myself f4.

but my plan is sorta this. vote stephen out now. bryce leaves 6th (or michael) michael/bryce fifth n then unless chris wins f4, i probs make f3 with chloe/loris, which has been my ideal f3 for a few rounds now.

if bryce leaves this round, thats perfectly fine bc then one of stephen or smsth leaves next round. i wanted michael out this round but he immune so who cares.

High risk, high payoff move

________________________________________________________________

So much cracked shit has gone down today. Obviously Chris and Stephen might be feeling a little nervy after the Jared vote which is understandable. However they did not need to go and make an alliance called crystal clear and approach Bryce and Zach about targeting me and Loris considering Michael is immune. Sis I almost flipped my ass right back on Stephen and Chris and almost be voting Stephen tonight despite knowing Bryce is a big ass threat. If they had of just kept their mouth silent then both of them would’ve definitely been in final 6 but nooo they had to go do some crazy shit that made Loris massively fucking paranoid. Stephen I stg if u don’t vote Bryce tonight and if he doesn’t go home then I will fucking haunt ur ass.

________________________________________________________________

ME AND MICHAEL ARE NOT A FUCKING DUO

________________________________________________________________

I adore Michael with my whole whole whole entire heart he’s one of my favourite allies I’ve ever had and I trust him with my fucking life. There’s not many people I trust in orgs to make an F2 with nvm make an F2 with and then honour that. But with Michael I cannot see myself betraying him.

________________________________________________________________

Idk who to vote for this revote. I’m tired.

In an attempt to get my vote to stay, Loris threatened to give a legacy advantage to Bryce if we kept him in. Since Michael knows about this, it's going to be difficult to get any votes put on him at all this round, but I might still be able to turn this situation around.

The truth is, I kinda wanted to get Zach out before Bryce anyway. He's every bit as threatening as Bryce in challenges, and has admitted to trying to get me out at this last tribal council. I did try to re-build the strategic relationship with Zach by voting Loris out, but it looks like I have to take another path. I just hope Michael and Chloe don't side with Zach since they also know about the legacy advantage.

How I approach this vote is really going to come down to immunity. If Bryce or Zach wins, I may have to just bite the bullet and vote Michael this round, since with immunity and the legacy advantage they'll be invincible. However, if one of the other 4 players can pull it off, I think I can avoid this scenario. I think if that happens we'd just split the vote one more time between Zach and Bryce and vote out whoever isn't saved by the advantage.

And hey, if Chris needs to use the idol? Fine by me at this point. Saving it for F5 is a cute idea but it may not be practical at that point. This is the much more worrying vote in my opinion, since, if Bryce does have the legacy advantage, he can't get voted out here anyway, and will continue to be a target at F5 and F4.

________________________________________________________________

Loris is voted out 3-3-1, 3-2. He becomes the sixth member of our jury.

Watch Loris’ exit interview take place below:

[lalka-laski]

1. It’s Thursday at noon, where are you usually? I’ve actually been off work on Thursdays lately, so at that time of day I’m usually home getting ready for the day or doing chores or something. 

2. Who are the last people to send you a text message? Ryan 

3. What brand of shampoo is in your shower right now? Biolage. It’s the kind that my mom’s hairdresser used for her growing up so it has a very comforting, nostalgic smell to me! 

4. What are you listening to right now? Not a thing 

5. Do you watch MTV anymore? I don’t have cable. And I wouldn’t even if I did. Ok, that’s not true. I’d still watch some Jersey Shore... 

6. You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first? Buckle has been my go-to for jeans lately. Although I do also like Aeropostale for jeggings. 

7. How do you feel about your hair? I just answered this in a previous survey. My hair is garbage right now! 

8. What time do you wake up for school? I’m not in school anymore. 

9. What movie is in your DVD player? How old is this survey? DVDs are obsolete now, man. 

10. Last two numbers in your phone number? I’m too lazy to check

11. Who’s in your house? I’m not home currently but Glenn is

12. What side of the bed do you sleep on? The left side, although I usually end up in the middle. Much to Glenn’s dismay.

13. Do you like roller coasters? I loved them as a kid but my tolerance for them has all but diminished with age. I’m too anxious now!

14. What magazine(s) do you look at the most? I used to be a magazine FIEND but I hardly read them anymore. For some reason, my office gets Cosmo delivered monthly and I like to skim through it sometimes before tossing it.  15. What kind of car do you drive? I don’t!

16. What do you think about gay marriage? Well I’m not a complete trash person so I support it fully. 

17. What do your pants look like? They’re slip-on jeggings with tummy control. 

18. Do you own an iPod? I haven’t in ages. I don’t even know what I did with the one I used to own

19. What kind of cologne/perfume do you wear? I’m not much of a perfume-y person but like scented lotions and LIGHT body sprays. My favorite scents are Bath & Body Works Lavender Cedarwood or Honolulu Sun. I’ve also been wearing this pink apple scent from Victoria’s Secret lately that smells pretty good! 

20. What are your plans for Saturday? It is Saturday! I’m at work till about 12 and then I want to get some cleaning and chores done at home. And then Glenn & I are gonna take a trip to Barnes & Noble like old times, although seating areas still aren’t available yet so it’ll be a bit of a sad time.

21. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done with your cellphone? Dropped it in the toilet. I’ve dropped it numerous other places too but the toilet was probably the worst of it. 

22. Does mind over matter work for you? I’m working on CBT techniques! I can certainly see how they’re effective. 

23. Are you paranoid? Extremely. 

24. What was the last thing you were invited to? I have a wedding invitation coming in the mail any day now. Very excited about that!

25. What item should never be shared? A FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH. I just recently learned that some of my friends share toothbrushes with their spouses and I want to vomit just thinking about it. 

26. Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind? I’ve never tried to. Though it’s been making headlines lately for its racial themes so maybe it’s a movie I oughtta watch. 

27. When was the last time you were up all night? Last week 

28. Does drinking alcohol make you act more like your true self? I get more daydreamy and more lost in my head. Which I guess is my truest self so... yeah.

29. Where is your favorite place? My bed

30. Do you ever think about marriage? I sure do! Glenn & I have very serious plans for it. That will likely be happening sooner than I think... 

31. Do you sleep with a fan on? Every night. And lately we’ve been doubling up with an oscillating fan and the ceiling fan 

32. What is the best thing about winter? I love the magic of the first snowfall, I love the holiday season, I love the cozy food. There’s lots to love! 

33. Have you ever been truly in love? I currently am. And what a feeling it is!

34. How many states have you been to where all you saw was the airport? 2-3?

35. Are you currently planning a trip? My godmother just booked our cottage for August and I’m PRAYING my work schedule will allow me to go. 

36. How many plants are in your home? Several fake ones and then one succulent and one aloe plant that is on its last legs. I’ve never had a green thumb!

37. Have you ever googled a name and found somebody? Yeah?

38. What is your favorite possession? My baby blanket, my childhood teddy bear, my Claddagh ring, my promise ring. 

39. What makes you feel like you are young again? Piggybacking off my previous answer, I’ll say my baby blanket and my teddy bear. His name’s Lemonade, btw! 

40. Do you ever type “kik” instead of “lol”? Ya know it doesn’t happen so much anymore 41. Do you know how to play chess? Not even slightly and I have no desire to learn

42. What are you worrying about right now? Ehh, let’s not go there. 

43. Are you picky? With food? Not at all. With people? Yes. 

44. You have one wish, what would it be? A life free from anxiety & insecurity  45. Where were you at 11:45 PM today? It hasn’t happened yet! 

46. Ever talked to someone that was high? Mhm

47. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller? He’s roughly my height. Some days he’s a teeny bit taller though.

48. Sent last message to? My college friends groupchat 

49. Last person you left comment for? I think it was on the business page for my sister’s workplace

50. Do you have a Facebook? Yep yep

52. Last person you were in the car with besides your family? Glenn 

53. Do you own a polo? I used to own several when I worked at Starbucks, but I burned them in a bonfire on my last day. Freedom!

54. Are you currently frustrated with a boy? Nah, I’ve got a good one

55. Are you excited for winter? I like winter but I want to enjoy my summer & fall first!

56. If it was free and it would work perfectly, would you get plastic surgery? I sure would. I got a list of procedures I’d get...

57. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Yep... 

58. Have you ever been called prince or princess? Yes :) Glenn calls me princess frequently. 

59. Do you go to a gym? No but maybe I should start. Not even for the physical benefits but mostly the mental ones.

60. Do you like your body? I’ve dropped a lot of weight in the past few months so I certainly feel more comfortable lately. But I’m still only halfway to my goal. 

61. What do you hear right now? Just the sound of my own typing 

62. Who was the last person to tell you “I love you”? Glenn this morning

63. If you had to change your eye color, would you? What would it be? I actually like my eye color. I might opt for a more vibrant green shade if I could choose but mostly I like them as is. 

64. Last thing you wrote your name on? A sheet of paper a few minutes ago 

65. What do you want for Christmas? That’s too far away to even consider!

66. Does it snow where you live? It’s pretty much what we’re known for here

67. Where did you get the pants you’re wearing right now? Kohl’s 

68. When is the next time you will see your grandma? I honestly don’t know. Her and my grandpa live in assisted living and all those facilities have been locked down due to Covid. And they show no signs of reopening soon

69. Do you wear makeup every day? I’m too lazy for that 

70. What is it tomorrow? Sunday Funday (actually Sunday laundry & grocery shop day. Still....fun?)

[justurneighboorhoodfriendlybg]

I wrote my suicide letter

When I said people their section, I’m just gonna say it was for therapeutic reasons

What I’m not gonna tell them is that I wrote just in case I’d b too strung out if I’d really do it. Cause the best way it sounds like to do it is an OD

But anyways, that’s not what we’re focusing on

I wrote this and I feel like I shouldn’t share it to here. But I will cause

This is my dairy

This is the page where I can say anything I want

Post anything I want

Do anything I want n still have a good expectation of privacy

Cause on this public platform no one cares about me (lol almost like real life)

But just as a preface: I wrote this in one of our trials n tribulations. And if I sound stupid, please someone inbox me and give me the dose of reality I need. Also the letter started out as just as me venting in the notes on dudes computer and turned into a letter.

And without further ado:

how I feel/my last note

i will never be enough for anyone. I was so stupid to think i would get an happily ever after.

the ONLY reason i won’t kill myself is that it will make the most important person in my life too sad.

but once they die i can’t tell you what I’m going to do

I’m tired

of not being good enough

I’m tired of the way i look

I’m tired of the way i act

I’m tired of having waste my breath on people who don’t want even listen

Im tired of trying so hard to be good

trying so hard to be on the straight and narrow

and no matter what I’m always the fuck up

I’ve failed my mother in so many ways i don’t understand how she still loves me

i really thought arthur loved me, i really thought it was over for me in the dating game

i really thought i had found my soulmate

but he doesn’t want me either

all these girls in his phone, he face timed that girl

trynna link with that other one on tinder

all in the name of the “Threesome”

FUCK THAT

he just wants more, i am not enough. If it was really for the threesome you would have mentioned me

BUT YOU NEVER DO, except for twice and those both were a bust.

also the whole second wife shit

like WTF

i am never gonna have anything

Why did the lord make such a useless life.

just for me to never have anything

well i have my mother

and ruby’

i miss my chikitika

its not that i don’t love madam

but when arthurs done with me he can keep her

ill go back to being alone like i always am

i really wish i could end it all right now without causing my family pain

i haven’t forgotten about my “friends”

which the two most important ones arthur says their fake

but i miss them

i miss them so bad

i need to talk to them more

I know buddy has her mental problems but that doesn’t mean she’s faking

she’s going through a tough time and for the first time in a long ass time she didn’t have me to call and stay on the phone for hours

or with jade

we talked everyday

and now look at us

she doesn’t wan t to be my friend anymore

after All we’ve been through

after all we’ve talked about and experienced together

she’s pissed

cause i went MIA in the time she needed me the most

but this summer didn’t count ( to me at least)

its been a difficult summer and so far a difficult fall

this summer around my birthday, i just completely shut down

I’ve been going through shit too

but i don’t tell anyone

and I’m not going to try either

whats the point?

if i tell my mother, it’ll just make her sadder

i wasn’t there for jade, so why do i expect her to be there for me

and Buddy, i honestly can’t think of a good reason not to tell her. i know she’ll hear me and she’ll definitely understand

but what if she doesn’t

skyway was always me and jades plan

buddy and i were planning on doing a road trip of a life time filled with sights seeing and intense partying

and then we’d overdose together

and actually overdose his time

how much molly is too much?

i bet dying from an overdose of molly is a strangely intense feeling

but dying from an overdose of molly when on about at least 50 abs of acid. Maybe a whole sheet

sounds like id fry my brain

so if i miraculously survive i will be too braindead to even live and ill authorize buddy to pull the plug

cause when this happens i won’t have my mother around, She’ll already be in heaven

hopefully she’s forgotten all about me and she can rejoice in heaven with my grandma forever

i am already dead

my life: useless

the person i called my soulmate: i am not enough for him, i stress hiM out, i give him headaches. I don’t look good enough, i don’t do enough around the house, I’m lazy asf

HE WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING WRONG BECAUSE I AM NOT WHAT HE WANTS

he’s still stuck on his ex’s

well they can have him cause I’m not going to keep anyone that doesn’t want to be kept

you know what this looks like? my suicide note

cause ima definitely leave a note. I can’t leave without saying my last words.

and fuck them if they listen to it or not thats on their soul

not mine

incase in the future when/if i do this and I’m too out of it to write letters, I’m going to leave this here. is not like arthur is going to read it. its too long for him too care this much and sit-down and read the whole thing. I’m sure in his mind it’ll be not worth the headache

so i will have some final statements that i think will forever ring true:

To whom it may concern,

im done. Its over. i really did my best to give it the good ole college try, but i can’t anymore. To whomever feels like they should blame yourself; please don’t, Because my mind has been made up, and nothing can change it except the lord himself. Don’t think “well maybe if i texted more/called more/ tried to be more in her life then maybe…. “ its all bullshit. you guys don’t need me in your life. you’ll find better companions, hopefully companions that will be good enough for you.

Jade: i will always love you because you are my best friend. All that time we spent together really helped me become who i was. You’re smart, crafty, beautiful and i know the world is going to want to destroy you in every way possible. be strong, stronger than i was. Cause you deserve the life you want/ With a husband that you’re completely in love with and he loves you back even more. And that he has a six figure job so he can spoil you with everything you desire, and that your kids may grow and prosper. You deserve your jerry, niklous is a dead dream cause you longer want me apart of your life. But thats ok, everyone says friends grow apart but you’ll always be my best friend. So even if I’m not in your life, you’ll always be in mine.

Buddy: my little sensitive sushi. we’ve been best friends forever. You’re one the purest souls. You’re honest, you always keep it real, (lol at least to me) I could never lie to you. And i really haven’t. You just want you to be free, to be happy. Fuck the money, fuc all this other shit. You jus want genuine happiness and love, and i really hope you find it. And i really hope you tell her kids about their tia krystal and that she would have loved them so much, she would have damn been their second mother. buddy i love you and you’re too amazing for this world. Yes, i know you have mental problems but that doesn’t make you any less of a person and it for sure do not mean you’re broken. It doesn’t even make you a bad person. if you haven’t been able to get the pills you need/ or if you don’t want to take them. it’ll all be ok cause those who really love you understand and will see past your brain malfunctioning sometimes. You deserve everything you want in life, and i hope you get it. You have my word and scouts honor that my spirit will try EVERYTHING in its power to come contact you. So don’t be scared if you feel a presence just confirm its me. and if i survive this attempt, bring my aunt the pastor to pray over me. Because i give you the power to tell the doctors to pull the cord, so after my aunts done, please make the right decision.

Payton: I fucking love you, and appreciate you so much. I wish could’ve spoiled you with everything because without you i would no have made it through tay or driving up to providence. You’ve been though so much already, i really don’t want you to be sad over this. Please live your best life to its full extent because the world needs you. You’re the ultimate mom friend, and if you ever have kids (or adopt some) I know you’ll be the biggest blessing in their life and the best soccer mom EVER.

Natalie & Isai: Im sorry to join you into one, but you both have been there for me through childish shit. But in the end both of you remained my real friends. natalie made my elementary school days fun and isai made middle school not horrible. I remember our little big squad. I remember angel, marco, that partially sociopathic girl, brittany, stephanie, lester and all the dumb shit we did. I remember feeling guilty for giving that poor teacher a heart attack. I’m getting off topic, that was always my problem, i could never focus on my tasks at hand. but i do love you both, and hope you both can handle everything life is going to through at you.

A.: I loved you. i loved you so completely that i lost myself in you. I didn’t do anything without you and i didn’t want to. but no matter how much i loved you, you didn’t see it. You didn’t recognize that I was putting my whole heart into what we had. I was trying so hard and its like it didn’t even matter,

I think that we fell in love because we were both hurt and needed someone . No matter how much you said you did, but you didn’t love me like i loved you. You were always more than enough for me, it even felt like i didn’t deserve you. but don’t blame yourself for my decision. It was a long time coming. Arthur, i hope you find someone that will be enough for you. The woman of your dreams, that you can actually see the love she gives you. She’s prolly african, she’ll cook all your favorite shit. Your family will love her and your kids will carry down the strong blood of your family. Thank you for trying to help me even though i’m clearly not your soulmate. But don’t blame yourself for this decision, take the best care of madam. Thats all i ask. Don’t give her away or sell her. And i wish dogs could read or understand because she’ll never get why she’ll never see me again. But thank you for the love you showed and just know that i won’t love anyone else like i loved you.

and everybody please:

Don’t miss me when I’m gone because I’ve simply just moved on. my decaying diseased flesh suit was only holding my spirit back. my soul has moved on to its next step and you should too.

Signed

Krystal Liana Fortuna Febles Guevara Santos (& almost Baygboe)