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#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it
orcelito
·
1 month
Text
Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation
#negative/
#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.
#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february
#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when
#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.
#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh
#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.
#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.
#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.
#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.
#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.
#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it
#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.
#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it
#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.
#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.
#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found
#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'
#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.
#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.
#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.
#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.
#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.
#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots
#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???
#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.
#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭
#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.
#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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