#and like of course austria 23 was just insane

[skitskatdacat63]

I don't know how to feel about the track limits thing :/ On one hand, I'm like yes they should know how to stay within the lines and they should be penalized for blatantly violating them, but on the other, it's really unfortunate to just have your result completely wiped away, and oftentimes, after the fact, so there's literally nothing they can do about it. It just feels very unfair and cruel sometimes :/

[missmudpie]

I’m as much a fan of the Tudors and their nonsense as much as the next person, but after The Tudors, the White Queen/White Princess series, and the Spanish Princess, not to mention all the movies about Queen Elizabeth, I think it’s time to give them a rest, move east, and introduce the world to an even more batsh!t crazy family.

I’m referring, of course, to the Habsburgs.

Quick refresher - the Habsburgs ruled over most of Central/Eastern Europe as the Archdukes of Austria, Kings of Hungary and Croatia, Kings of Bohemia (hereditary lands) and Holy Roman Emperors (basically hereditary but technically they were voted into that position).

Start in 1740.  Maria Theresa is 23, pregnant with her fourth child, one of her kids has already died, and suddenly she’s Archduchess of Austria, etc.  First woman to hold these (regnant) titles, based on her dad making a new law (the Pragmatic Sanction) that allowed a woman to rule.  (Unfortunately, this doesn’t apply to the Holy Roman Emperor, so that passes to someone else for a few years before MT’s husband gets the title back, but she’s basically ruling in his name).  So other countries, namely Prussia, don’t like this idea of a woman ruling and declare war.  So Maria Theresa is 23, pregnant, and inherits a poor, backward empire that’s pushed into war.  And she wins.

She’s pregnant 16 (!) times and marries off her kids.  Marie Antionette - she’s a Habsburg.  Her favorite daughter (yup, she had a favorite), Maria Christina, was the only one allowed to marry for love, to Albert, and the formed the couple-name Albertina (their palace is now a museum in Vienna by the same name).  Oh, but before that, Maria Christina had an affair with Princess Isabella of Parma, who was - you can’t make this stuff up - her sister-in-law!  Isabella dies after prematurely delivering a daughter named Maria Christina.  I mean, that’s a whole half-season of plot right there!

So Maria Theresa is ruling while popping out babies, fighting wars, reforming the empire.  She dies in 1780 and her son, Joseph - the one married to Isabella - comes to the throne and he does even MORE reforms including I’m pretty sure making everyone plant potatoes.  He dies in 1790, his brother Leopold II rules for two years, and then Leopold’s son Francis II comes into power in 1792 just in time for the French Revolution, baby!  Napoleon dismantles the Holy Roman Empire, so Francis loses that, but upgrades to Emperor of Austria.

1835 - Ferdinand I comes to power.  But after generations of inbreeding, he’s sickly and suffers from multiple seizures a day.  His parents were double-first cousins.  He’s best known for saying, “I am the Emperor and I want dumplings.”

1848 - REVOLUTION.  Ferdinand is talked into stepping down in favor of his nephew, Franz Joseph, who is 18 and rules until his death in 1916.

FJ marries his cousin, Elizabeth, Sisi.  Actually, he was supposed to marry her older sister, but when he goes to meet cousin/betrothed, he sees Sisi and falls instantly in love with her.  Sisi is basically the Princess Diana of her day.  Super long hair, insane exercise and diets.  After 1866/67, Austria has to give Hungary more rights and Sisi starts spending more and more time in Budapest, learning the Hungarian language, which really endears her to her people.  She might have had an affair with a Hungarian count, and I don’t care if it’s true, it makes good TV.  Nine months after FJ’s coronation in Hungary, she gives birth to her last daughter, dubbed the Hungarian Child because she was definitely conceived in Hungary and was whispered to be Andrassy’s (the Count’s) child.

Sisi only has one son, Rudolf, who, in 1889, kills himself and his mistress.  Sisi herself is assassinated in 1889 while in Geneva.  The assassin was there to kill someone else, couldn’t find this person, saw Sisi, and was like, “Eh, one royal’s as good as another” and shot her.

With Rudolf dead, the heir presumptive becomes Franz Ferdinand, FJ’s nephew.  FF had the gall to marry for love - Sophie, a minor aristocrat.  FJ opposed the marriage, but FF did it anyways, but under the agreement that his and Sophie’s children would never be in line for the throne.  Turns out, that didn’t matter, because they were famously assassinated in Sarajevo in 1914, kicking off WWI (but not really because it was more complicated than that but it’s easiest to say his assassination started WWI so we’ll go with that for now). 

The War does NOT go well for the Habsburgs, FJ dies in 1916, in 1918 the War ends, and then they lost their Empire.  But the Habsburgs, man - what a ride.

[shortqueershakespeare]

Do all the asks! Hope you had a good Christmas!! <3

In ausOkay here goes, all the asks from the end of 2020

1. How many lockdowns did you go through until now? 

I actually can’t remember if I was in one or two in the UK, because I barely changed my habits, I stayed in my house throughout lockdown and non-lockdown. But either 2 or 3.

2. Ever been quarantined? (contact person, waiting for test result or positive test result) 

Yep, right before the start of UK lockdown one because of possible symptoms in my household and once in Austria now. 

3. Ever taken a Corona test? 

Yup, I took one, a gargle test.

4. Have you lived together with someone during lockdown?

Yep, lockdown in the UK with my dad and sister, in Austria with my flatmate.

5. Something you enjoyed about lockdown? 

Spending more time with my sister and also seeing my puppy grow up.

6. What bothered you most about lockdown? 

Not being able to hug my mum when we lost our rabbit and not being able to hug friends.

7. Which change, e.g. home office, would you like to keep once it´s all over? 

Teaching from home wouldn’t be bad to keep, also normalising wearing masks and distancing when ill.

8. Been to any Corona related demonstration? 

No.

9. On a scale of 1 (not at all) to 10 (completely), how well do you stick to government´s rules? Explain. 

In the UK I would say 10, and I did more than stick to them, I rarely left the house except for walking the dog. In Austria 7 or 8, we don’t really have the concept of bubbles here but through lockdown we had our friend in our bubble. I did also accidentally break curfew at one point.

10. Favorite lockdown activity? 

Sleeping, frankly.

11. How did the lockdown affect your work/education? 

The end of my year at uni was done at home, with take home exams and now my work is going to be distance teaching again. And of course masks and distancing at in person teaching.

12. Any new hobbies you tried out during lockdown? 

I taught myself to sew and cross-stitch!

13. Any new subscriptions you made due to lockdown? 

Disney plus!

14. Anything new you tried to learn during lockdown? 

Sewing, a few new recipes.

15. Any old hobbies you took up again during lockdown? 

I started writing a lot more again and did a lot of crafting.

16. How did you keep in touch during lockdown? 

Zoom calls, skyping, postcards.

17. Favorite mask you own? 

My rainbow one!

18. Favorite online conferencing tool? 

Teams for teaching.

19. Any new technologies and technological tools you tried out due to lockdown? 

Zoom, google meet, MS teams and a few online games.

20. Have you been able to go on any holidays this year? 

No.

21. Are Christmas markets allowed in your country? 

Sadly not:( It was part of what I was looking forward to about my year abroad and I’m genuinely gutted about it.

22. How are you going to spend Christmas in this situation? (or whatever you are celebrating!) 

I spent Christmas with my flatmate, we did polish dinner on the 24th, British Christmas on 25th and then called my family on Christmas day. I managed to make all of Christmas dinner all by myself which I was really chuffed with.

23. Any small business you support? 

Yeah, plenty of local shops.

24. Any small artist you support? 

When I find people on instagram or tumblr i try yeah! 

25. Favorite online shop?

I am in a very bath having mood so bomb cosmetics.

26. Dumbest impulse buy? 

My terrible Christmas hat.

27. First thing you bought when the shops reopened? 

Quite literally no idea, but I would assume something food related.

28. Been to the hair dresser this year? 

Nope, but I’ve been cutting my own hair for 2 or 3 years so that’s not unusual.

29. Got a new tattoo or piercing this year? 

Nope!

30. What did you only start to appreciate because lockdown took it from you? 

How easy it was to meet new people.

31. Favorite book that was released this year? 

Contacts by Mark Watson or Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh.

32. Favorite book you read that year? 

The same as above.

33. Favorite movie that was released this year? 

uhhhhh bold of you to assume that I paid attention.

34. Favorite movie you watched this year? 

101 dalmatians, a classic but gave me a lot of comfort. 

35. Favorite series that was released this year? 

Staged or the Goes Wrong Show.

36. Favorite series that you watched this year? 

Same answer.

37. Favorite podcast that you listened to this year? 

Cryptid Cape or I Can’t Believe It’s Not Buddha.

38. Favorite artist this year? 

Taylor Swift.

39. Total minutes on Spotify this year? 

I don’t have spotify!

40. Favorite album that was released this year?

I can’t separate folklore and evermore.

41. Favorite album that you listened to this year? 

Again, folklore and evermore.

42. Favorite song that was released this year? 

I’m gonna go with dorothea.

43. Favorite song you listened to this year?

dorothea or rainbow by dodie or Sad Girl Summer by Maisie Peters.

44. Favorite Corona related song? 

So Will I - Ben Platt.

45. What do you do to prevent yourself from going insane during lockdown? 

Sat outside and watched the stars at night listening to songs, took my dog for a walk, did some writing.

46. Describe a typical lockdown day of yours. 

I mean I’m in a kinda weird position of living with/being a kind of key worker. When I was in the UK, I would wake up at 9 to look after the pup, take her for a walk, do uni work or plan for my year abroad. Cook or help my sister cook dinner, play as a group with the puppy, then chill in the living room with family, play animal crossing. In Austria It’s been waking up half an hour before my first class, teaching, cooking and chilling.

47. Something you did during lockdown that you´ve been putting off for way too long? 

Had some proper heart to hearts with my sister and organised my year abroad.

48. Trying new baking recipes or new cooking recipes? 

Yeah! I made profiteroles and some new curries.

49. Netflix or Amazon Prime? 

Prime because you can buy stuff too, it would be netflix but my dad keeps forgetting to tell me his password.

50. Did you get Disney+? 

Yeah, I share it with a few friends.

51. Any new social media you started using during lockdown? 

Not sure actually!

52. Any trends you fell for? 

Not that I can think of?

53. Did you achieve more or less than in a normal year? Explain. 

Frankly, since November 2019 life has been utter hell so if it was less I wouldn’t be shocked but I think the tail end of the year has been pretty successful, I moved countries, signed my first rent contract and am supporting myself for the first time. But it’s kind of a mixed bag.

54. Did you start therapy this year? 

Nope.

55. Books or audio books? 

Both but I find reading really relaxing but hard to get into. I’ve read a shit ton of fanfic though.

56. Audio books or podcasts? 

Podcasts mostly.

57. Twitch or Youtube? 

Youtube.

58. Attended any online concert? 

Tessa Violet’s “the something to look forward to” tour

59. Favorite stream/streamer this year? 

I really enjoyed Mark Watson’s Watson-A-Thon and also Broadway Jackbox, the Evan Hansen one.

60. Most used social media this year? 

Either twitter or tumblr.

61. Yoga or long lone walks? 

Long lone walks.

62. Did you get a pet this year? 

Yeah! My puppy!

63. Did it snow where you live this year? 

Yeah It snowed in Vienna for one day.

64. What were you doing when you found out about the announcement of the first lockdown? 

I think I was in quarantine, looking after the dog.

65. Did you panic buy anything? 

No, I don’t think so.

66. Ever ran out of toilet paper? 

Yes. 

67. Favorite lockdown comfort food? 

Something with gravy. 

68. Selfcare tips for lockdown? 

Be gentle with yourself. Try to give yourself structure but don’t feel guilty for not being productive.

69. Did you use delivery services this year? For what kind of food? 

God yes, supermarket a few times. And also meals, kebabs a fair bit.

70. Any weird coping techniques you developed during or after lockdown? 

Not especially I don’t think.

71. Favorite game you played this year? 

Animal Crossing!

72. Favorite drink this year? 

Pornstar martinis.

73. Favorite food this year? 

Christmas Dinner.

74. Favorite App this year? 

Puzzle Page! I’ve enjoyed doing crosswords and stuff a lot.

75. Favorite memory of this year? 

Drunk dog walk with my sister in the pouring rain.

76. Any plans you had for this year that you could realize? 

Wait what does this one mean?? Any plans I COULD do? My year abroad I guess. Any plans I couldn’t - interrailing.

77. Do you even plan anything for next year? 

I still have the rest of my year abroad plan.

78. Did you find new (online) friends this year? 

Yeah - one at my uni who I didn’t know so that was nice!

79. Did you go through a break-up this year? 

No. 

80. Did you get into a new relationship this year? 

No.

81. Did you do something creative this year? Tell us about it. 

Yeah, I cross-stitched a bee, a snake and a butterfly and I also did lots of writing and a few doodles on my writing blog (lovenliterature).

82. Favorite blog you found on tumblr this year? 

A bunch of wolfstar or ballum ones - I really like @aeternumregina and @shanastoryteller too.

83. What did you buy way too much of this year? 

Take out and alcohol.

84. Did you win anything this year? 

Nope.

85. Did you drastically change your diet this year? 

Not especially, I tried to have more fruit though and I started drinking coffee.

86. Did you move to a new home this year? 

Yeah! I now live in a flat in Vienna.

87. Did you do something this year that you never did before? 

Signed rent and work contracts in another country. Also got corona.

88. Celebrity crush of the year? 

Ben Platt or Andrew Scott.

89. Most expensive thing you bought this year?

My phone!

90. Been abroad this year? 

Yep, I moved abroad.

91. Favorite tumblr trend of this year? 

Just fucking waiting for more Destiel news.

92. New Years Resolutions you broke this year?

I didn’t make any this year tbh.

93. NYRs you kept? 

Same answer.

94. NYRs you have for next year? 

Just be nicer to myself and remember to renew prescription/make doctor’s appointments sooner.

95. How are you going to spend New Years Eve? 

Drinking with my flatmate in my flat.

96. Will you get your fortune told in any way around NYE? 

No I don’t think so.

97. Any new shops (online or real) you discovered this year? 

Billa, our supermarket lol.

98. Any food you tried out for the first time this year? 

Polish Christmas food!

99. How did you celebrate your birthday this year? 

It was in Feb so had friends round and had drinks.

100. Was this ask game better or worse than 2020? 

Better

[foreveragayicon]

1-50

u trying to kill me ma man. ill just leave out the ones i already answered k

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

i honestly dont know…i never hold hands

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy with strangers, outgoing w my friends

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my friend rosalynn who i met on here and has turned out to be one of my best friends, who has been dealt a bad deal of cards and also @ice-kookie because she is a saint 

4. Are you easy to get along with?

i hope so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

i dont drink and i dont plan to so…

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

fuck fuck fuck dont make me go into this…

someone who is nice to their friends and doesn’t treat them like shit, considerate and knows how to flirt hella well, gets good grades and actually cares about their future, doesn’t smoke, drink, or do drugs (i joke but that is nasty as fuck sorry if u smoke and ur offended soz man its my opinion and i practically choke whenever i pass by someone smoking oop), messy hair but NOT greasy u know what i mean, morning voices, why are shirts a thing???, 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

i hope so but no

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

this guy in my history class i need to get over him that little shit

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my friend ashleigh

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“goodnight” lmao im so typical

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

changes on the daily but (not in order)

caroline- aminé

dive- salvatore ganacci

oui- jeremih

sweet child o’ mine- guns and roses

money for nothing- dire straits, sting

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

only if theyre attractive r my best friend and they dont mess it up too much

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

hell yeah

15. What good thing happened this summer?

a lot of good things i cant pick :)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

fuck no

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

we cant really be that self-centered to think they is no one but us in the world

19. Do you like bubble baths?

bring on the bubbles i say

20. Do you like your neighbors?

dont really know them…they are interesting i guess

22. Where would you like to travel?

everywhere!!!! i really want to go to the bahamas, bora bora, uganda, austria, argentina, el salvador, japan, canada, spain, etc.

i have been to ireland, england, italy, france, germany, mexico, ecuador, australia (just got back a few days ago!!!), cayman islands, galapagos island :)

23. Do you have trust issues?

is that even a question

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed hA

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my boobs tbh literally theyre so small whenever i wear a bathing suit it just doesnt fit right jiniew

26. What do you do when you wake up?

go back to bed HAHAHHA

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

wish i was a little tanner but im good

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my friend ash and rosalynn

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope

30. Do you ever want to get married?

yes :) i want a big white wedding

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

my hair is soooooo long its insane

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

no

33. Spell your name with your chin.

sikderfrfzzza = sierra

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

horseback riding, skiing, basketball, volleyball, track and field, etc i love sports man. is scuba diving a sport?? bc

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

tv. i could not live without music 

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

HAHAH STORY OF MY FUCKING LIFE

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

i just tap my fingers tbh unless its my friend then i do something embarrassing because why not

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

plays volleyball and runs track, is sweet with words, considerate, loyal, doesnt have to be popular but confident, knows what they want to do with their life, cares about their grades, doesnt do drugs, smoke, drink, whatever, knows how to party, respects my morals…okay lets get into the good stuff hehhee….pleasant to see without a shirt ;), great kisser, knows how to treat me, can afford my expensive sport- horseback riding, horses are expensive as shit-, has hair i can run my fingers through, fuck i love people just give me someone

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

brandy melville, topshop, BP in nordstrom, express, target!!!

40. What do you want to do after high school?

it changes everyday tbhhhh.

i want to a large animal veterinary surgeon, plastic surgeon, dermatologist who specializes in cosmetic surgery, physical therapist, I DONT KNOW THSI SI TOO STRESSFUL

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

it depends on the situation tbh

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

im super nervous and dont know what to say…thats what it means… or i like you… or i hate you

43. Do you smile at strangers?

of course

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

ive been to bottom of the ocean many times so outer space hehe

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

my mom yelling at me :)

46. What are you paranoid about?

the question should be what am i NOT paranoid about

47. Have you ever been high?

no

48. Have you ever been drunk?

no

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

not really im p good

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

pink

ill post the rest tomorrow im so tired

ask away

[ultrasfcb-blog]

Tour of Britain 2018: Geraint Thomas hoping for

Tour of Britain 2018: Geraint Thomas hoping for

Tour of Britain 2018: Geraint Thomas hoping for

Tour de France winner Geraint Thomas is riding the Tour of Britain for the ninth time

Tour de France winner Geraint Thomas says he is looking forward to a “special eight days of racing” in front of home crowds at the Tour of Britain.

Thomas and Team Sky team-mate Chris Froome opted against riding the Vuelta a Espana to race the Tour of Britain, which starts in Wales on Sunday.

More than 8,000 fans lined Cardiff’s streets earlier this month for Thomas’ homecoming parade to mark his Tour win.

“After the support I had, it’ll be nice to race on home roads,” said Thomas.

“The homecoming was insane, I didn’t know what to expect, I was fearing it just being my wife and the dog,” the Welshman, 32, told BBC Radio 5 live’s BeSpoke show.

“But it was just phenomenal – if the support at the Tour of Britain is anything like that, it’s going to be a pretty special eight days of racing.”

He added the first stage has particular significance, starting in Pembrey Country Park, Carmarthenshire, near where Thomas’ dad is from, and ending in Newport, the site of Wales’ National Velodrome, which will be renamed in Thomas’ honour.

However, Thomas said he expects to be riding mainly in a support role after “not the most professional” spell since his Tour victory in July.

“There has been a lot of travelling and a few nights out as well so my form is certainly not what it was in France but I still should have decent enough legs to be in the race and hopefully at the front doing something,” he said.

Alongside Thomas and six-time Grand Tour winner Froome, Team Sky’s line-up is made up of fellow Briton Ian Stannard, Dutchman Wout Poels, Belarus’ Vasil Kiryienka and Poland’s Lukasz Wisniowski.

Both Thomas and Froome have been included in Great Britain’s longlist for the road race and time trial at the UCI Road World Championships in Austria from 23-30 September, though Thomas is still unsure if he will compete.

“I’m leaning towards my season finishing after the Tour of Britain but I’m just keeping my options open at the moment,” he said.

“If I feel like I’ve got good enough form to help at the worlds then I’d go but I don’t want to go just to purely make up the numbers because that would be pointless.”

Teams and riders

The 2018 Tour of Britain features 20 teams of six riders, including 11 outfits from the top level of the sport, the UCI World Tour, while there are also five British UCI continental teams and a Great Britain national squad.

There are no former winners in this year’s edition, but plenty of pedigree alongside Froome and Thomas, such as LottoNL-Jumbo’s Primoz Roglic, who finished fourth at the Tour in July, and Quick-Step Floors’ Julian Alaphilippe, who won two stages and the king of the mountains classification at the Tour.

Many of the climbers will be looking to use the Tour of Britain to build their form for the World Championship road race on 30 September, which takes place on a hilly course.

With at least three and potentially up to five stages set to end in a bunch sprint finish, there are several star sprinters riding, including 11-time Tour de France stage winner Andre Greipel, Colombia’s Fernando Gaviria, who won two Tour stages on debut this year, and Australian Caleb Ewan, while Britons Dan McLay and Ben Swift could also contend.

There are 39 Britons riding in total, with junior world time trial champion Tom Pidcock, 19, leading Team Wiggins, who were added to the line-up on Tuesday after folding Irish outfit Aqua Blue Sport pulled out.

The overall leader wears the green jersey, with jerseys also on offer for the points classification (most consistent finisher), king of the mountains (best climber) and sprints classification (most points won in intermediate sprints).

Stage-by-stage guide

Stage one: Sunday, 2 September – Pembrey Country Park to Newport – 174.8km

Despite climbs throughout the stage, a reduced bunch sprint finish should decide the first leader’s jersey, although a 9% average gradient climb in the final 10km could split the race.

Stage two: Monday, 3 September – Cranbrook to Barnstaple – 174.9km

A tough stage with plenty of climbs and descents. A flatter ending could see the race come back together for a sprint, though the short, sharp climb of Challacombe is close enough to the finish that riders could try to attack and stay away.

Stage three: Tuesday, 4 September – Bristol to Bristol – 128km

A short but difficult loop that includes an ascent of Cheddar Gorge and finishes atop Clifton Down, which could split the general classification contenders.

Stage four: Wednesday, 5 September – Nuneaton to Leamington Spa – 183.5km

After two tough days, this relatively easy route should end in a bunch sprint, though a strong breakaway group could stay clear.

Stage five: Thursday, 6 September – team time trial – Cockermouth to Whinlatter Pass – 14km

An uphill team time trial that is likely to be decisive for the general classification.

Stage six: Friday, 7 September – Barrow-in-Furness to Whinlatter Pass – 168.3km

Another key battle for the overall contenders, featuring two ascents of Whinlatter Pass from its harder eastern side, with the finish at its summit.

Stage seven: Saturday, 8 September – West Bridgford to Mansfield – 215.6km

The longest stage of the race should end in a bunch sprint finish, despite the exertions of the previous days.

Stage eight: Sunday, 9 September – London – 77km

The general classification should be decided by now, with the final stage consisting of 14 laps of a central London circuit, ending in a bunch sprint finish on Regent Street.

BBC Sport – Cycling ultras_FC_Barcelona

ultras FC Barcelona - https://ultrasfcb.com/cycling/11650/

#Barcelona

[borisbubbles]

15. UNITED KINGDOM

SuRie - “Storm” 24th place

Lol this shit is such a  gay reclamation anthem <3 Storms don’t last foreveeeeer, remember~ 

I’ll will start by getting the negative things out of the way first: “Storm” is kind of... not a good song. It is bland, has some really cringy verses and a very cliché message. So when I call it a “Gay reclamation anthem”, it’s mostly because “Storm”’s lyrics are so generic they’re applicable to literally any situation, like those televised fortune teller advice. 

Fortunately, we’re here to rate the performance as a whole, and the rest was pretty good. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, but the UK were given two hard amber lemon rinds and turned it into Fanta. This song could have soooo easily been cringe, messy, awful, etc but instead became a quasi-inspirational and highly quotable funbop. The crowd was SO into it (bless all the UK gaebears for rallying for their queen supreme<3) <3 The staging was great too, adding some physical depth SuRie could play with. Speaking of SuRie, she does her damn’dest to sell the living shit out of her crappy song and succeeds because she’s such a fucking ~Force~. 

Don’t fucking MESS with our basic queen. 

I can already hear the murmuring of “um did you rank SuRie this high out of sympathy” and that would be a brash and somewhat inaccurate statement.

SuRie doesn’t rank this highly because some lunatic invaded her stage.

She ranks this high because she recovered.

It is easy for us to trash this contest for being the shitshow that it is, but nevertheless, it’s a massive event for all those related to it. These debutantes and dilletantes rehearse for months perfecting their act (unless you’re Belgian, then you get to skip this insignificant phase) and for some MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE to storm the stage and ruin the moment you’ve been living towards for the sake of some pallid political message nobody fucking gives a fuckingly flying fuck about is downright mortifying. 

However as the saying goes, “Storms don’t last forever, remember~”

A lesser performer would’ve just thrown in the towel right then and there but not Susanna Marie fucking Corkscrew. As she reached Darkest Dungeon Stress Level 100, she rolled a Virtue, wrestled control of the mic (literally. She had bruises on her arm and fingers) and fucking continued on like the Champ she is with even MORE conviction than before. 

It made all the difference. With a simple stroke of balls and professionalism, SuRie single-handed turned her NiceGenericSong™ into powerful experience about DON’T GIVE UP, NO NO! The fanboy in me is shaken. What an icon in the gayme of LYF. She’s an inspiration to us all, y’all.

The cherry on top was that the incident led to some last-minute betting odds surgence, instantly propelling SuRie into the top three to WIN!!!!! This fucking year, lmfao <3 Just imagine. Of course, it led to her finishing in 24th place instead of last, but small victories.

People may say it was dumb for SuRie to decline a redo at the end, but it’s defo the smartest choice? Redoing that EPIC, irreplicable recovery just for something vaguely pleasant only would have diminished her legacy. NOW MILK THAT UNFINISHED BIZ RETURNEE SLOT, WOMAN!!! MILK IT TO THE LAST NOTE!!!

RANKING SO FAR:

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We Got Love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Josef - “Lie to me”)

FOOTNOTES

1) In case you think the stage invasion had a massive impact on SuRie’s rank, it really did not. She always would’ve ranked within the “acts I liked but don’t have very strong feelings for” tier, except now she rests near the top of that tier, instead of near the bottom. 

2) Concretely this means I bumped her up by two spots. lol

3) End-game betting odds insanity is always great. Of course by this point odds have become completely unreliable, but it always yields hysterical what if scenarios. Ieva being top 3 after the first semifinal <3 Ryan being top 3 before the  finale </3 and being dethroned by fucking SURIE <3. Jessica and Rybak dominating the odds only to die INSTANTLY after the second semi <3 <3 <3 <3 

4) Also remember that it was SuRie’s stage invasion that prompted Filomena to conduct an impromptu interview with the closest “human being” she could find. Sadly (for her), she picked Mélovin and once she had asked approx two questions all of his weirdass quirks came flowing out of him like the insides of a lava cake.  She had to instantly break the interview off because she had no idea how to handle any of it lmfao <3

5) If the BBC are smart, they will internally select SuRie for 2019 and centre the selection around picking a song for her. (I strongly feel like this will happen too, and soon) Now that the outrage is still lukewarm, announcing her before the end of summer would be a really clever solution that might actually propel them out of that accursed bottom 10? Or perhaps not, lol.