#and like if im stressed abt smth im sick with it. and when it's over i never feel relief or anything

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst

[bunnihearted]

i dont think my brain is capable of feeling calm or at ease or happy or any positive emotion at all

[sonikkublue]

important, plz read

i wanna address sum things, stuff i should've addressed a long time ago when i started to get popular, which i dont ever pay attention too- so its like a truck hitting me w/ that kind of info or smth like that. And by all means im very grateful for every piece of love n support, big or small, but there has been 2 things thats been buggin me for a long long time

fetishes.

right off the bat, i first want to address Mr. H and only *few* of the ppl that have come across him. fetish ppl. plz, like actually fucking plz stop bein so weird abt his body, askin me things relatin that *are*/or *obviously* weird and fetishy. Mr. H's body and his character entirely is not for ur sick fat fetish. i have stated this multiple times on my twitter but not here until now. its fucking weird. stop. i cannot stress that enough.

my popularity

2nd off, i wanna address how sum of the ppl who are fans of my work, smth ive never expected, is on how they approach me- well more so how they view me actually.

i srsly am thankful for every bit of support, even if im a bit slow realizing how fast it was happenin. u can love my art, gush over it, feel however u want abt it- but i dont want ppl viewing me as someone like an idol. ive never strived for popularity, i just like postin funni things and then go eat and play Sonic games after. no matter how big the numbers get, i do not want to be titled "popular" or like sum grand person- i just like to chill out like everyone else online and post art for the funnis. i will say u can look up to me and stuffs, but dont treat me someone higher than anyone else ig is what im tryna say

ive had a friend who was jealous of me in the past cuz of this, we're not friends anymore for more personal reasons, too many, but they would keep bringin it up and tell me to use my platform cuz of how many followers i have, and its always made me uncomfy. i wanna say that they were somewhat ungrateful if *every* post they made didnt hit off, but its whatever to me. i dont want my friends to be jealous of me, i dont wanna make anyone jealous.

but i dont want smth like this or anything stop someone from interacting w/ me. i love u guys and the funni interactions i get

i think thats all i had, thx for readin, i love yall

[lotus-pear]

GOD I LOVE KNKDZ SM I wanna hold them and treasure them like literally they could be so precious they have so much potential and ik we have to wait a few more months but I'm sooo fuckin excited to see if they have a reunion if they don't I'll probs cry from stress or smth like even if someone doesn't ship it they're partners istg they are soo important and I hope we can see more of them in action cuz kunikida has been crying (canon) from stress and trying to bring shit together, like he was really working on gathering the members together again and like poor bby I feel so bad he needs a warm hug, also I feel like getting your hands cut off and your ideals crumbling in front of you was traumatic like he's ok now physically but I feel so bad and dazai is being fucking shot and falling of an elevator while defeating fyodor and walking it all of like ??? I need a sick fic with knkdz and the ada in general he deserves that and I hope so fucking sooo FUCKING much that they get a fuckin reunion like this is all I can talk and think abt now I keep repeating myself, I hope atsushi, dazai and kunikida get one bc I miss their trio so idk what is happening now that s5 is over and the Manga is catching up in a few months bc we saw that they're fighting again like oh fuck ngl I hope dazai gets hurt more so more sickfics or maybe Canon sickfics like in it actually fucking happens in the series but whatever in the end I want the ada to be safe again and destress a little bc oh my god this was their biggest fucking mission in their life and its been going on practically since the guild but whatever I have so so so so so so high hopes for the future and the rise of knkdz (I also ship skk but knkdz is my no. 1 and need way more of them) I hope knkdz will rise and conquer we have to get our fucking game up us knkdz advocates we have a DUTY anyways love ya ur so hot for that knkdz vs skk rant its fucking unfair pls pls pls pls post more knkdz I'm going feral its my last will to live I will kms if the Manga doesn't have them I will defenestrate asagiri I will find him trust me I fucking will anyways anywho anyfuckingway thank you for being a part of the knkdz cult we can soo win we just have to wait for asagiri and like OMG I just had SUCH a dopamine rush like I practically almost jumped bc IM SO EXCITED to see them YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH PLS PLS PLS ASAGIRI PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME I CAN HEAR THEM I CANNN HEAAAAAR THEM PLS PLS PLS DONT PUNISH ME I WANT MORE KNKDZ I WILL FUCKING COMBUST anyways ur so cool and ur art is fuckin awesome have a great day and new year hopefully full with happiness, success, change, and kunikidazai

REAL OMFG‼️‼️ bitches forget that kunikida has been partnered with dazai for two entire years, only one less year than dazai’s partnership w chuuya (before ur like noooo it was seven!!!!! that doesn’t count. chuuya and dazai met at fifteen and didn’t even get partnered that year. it was only during the events of stormbringer when mori realized the only counter to chuuyas corruption was dazai’s ability and he made them go on missions together like they did during the arahabaki incident and they became known as double black. dazai left the mafia when he was eighteen due to oda’s death)

anyway knkdz have also had to trust each other with their lives time and time again and kunikida values this trust more than anything, always relying on dazai even if dazai pisses him the fuck off. dazai says himself that the ada is home to him when talking abt it to sigma, AND WHAT IS HOME BUT A PLACE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE DEARLY AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

not anything too serious,

my symptoms always get worse with stress, and when i’m about to go somewhere and have even the slightest symptom i get stressed about it happening while i’m out which then makes it worse, cycle repeats. recently this has led me to leave/cancel plans suddenly because i feel terrible and i panic about feeling awful while out and i’m worried my friends are starting to to resent me or that they will in the future

i never know if i should add in to these or if ppl just like talking into void but i thought id give u an affirmation n say i do think is p srs n that its the reality of chronic illness

stress is the #1 factor for all digestive disorders n most other chronic illness n stressing abt having a flare up at the wrong time is a part of chronic illness n it rlly sux bc it is like a self fulfilling prophecy n ppl do see it as a moral failing on the chronically ill persons behalf bc “well why do u have to be anxious abt it itll be fine” like its some sort of switch u can just turn off n on in ur mind

also ppl r a communal species n its nice having a support group n when ur going thru chronic stress n that chronic stress makes u sick n u develop a chronic illness if ur ppl start to leave u that can makes things worse bc now ur left to deal w all that stress on ur own which compounds the problem

but just bc ur worried abt ur support system leaving doesnt mean they will some ppl can be supportive n understanding

it can rlly suck to cancel plans bc it feels like the chronic illness is robbing u of ur life n enjoyment but just bc ur having a bad moment or bad episode doesnt mean thinks will be bad forever

one thing u can do is let ur friends know u appreciate them supporting u n being understanding of what ur going thru another thing u can do it make new plans if i have to cancel smth w friends sometimes we just change what we were gonna do if im feeling too bad to go out n am worried abt needing a bathroom randomly i usually invite them over to my place n we just chill in to make it up to them if they have a movie or show theyve been wanting me to watch ill watch it w them then lol but u might find ur friends r rlly supportive n thatll be less stress for u

it also helps making friends who also deal w similar issues i have a coworker friend who has lactose intolerance n ibs one friend also has gerd n one doesnt have a diagnosed stomach disorder but he has an anxiety disorder n his digestive system definitely is effected but we can all vent to each other n understand if someone needs to cancel or change plans or needs accommodations etc etc

thnx for ur ask btw i rambled a lot hahaha but u brought up important stuff abt chronic illness imho

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

long ranty post ahead abt my own experiences w learning instruments and playinf sports

dude yknow what i miss but also dont. playing sports n playing instruments. bc ive done quite a few different of each just in the past. like i was actually a Big football kid when i was around 5 but hated the club i went 2 bc i was the only girl and basically couldnt play bc even at fucking 5 i wasnt treated as an equal player. but also i didnt rlly mind that it was more so how aggressive it was and i didnt like being pushed around n kicked n shit. and i also played cricket which i liked i just timed it badly bc it was around a year where my immune system just fuckin gave up on me and i was sick like every other week and it out me off cricket bc i always felt so guilty for not being able 2 play it that often. n i also played tag rugby which i loved i just hated my coach she was an asshole she made these like 9 yr old kids do some baddd shit. like one time we played a match against another school and it was a cold wet rainy muddy day and i had played a couple times only and was already in so much pain and i went to her fucking in tears bc i had so many scrapes and i could barely feel my hands from the cold and every time i was passed the ball it literally hurt so fucking much and she ucking LAUGHED at me and told me 2 shut up and deal w it bc i agreed 2 play tag rugby so i was gonna do it under any conditions. like i wanted 2 kill her in that moment and i fucking shouldve i remember that moment so fucking clearly bc it was the absolute worst for me i could barely fucking do school work for ages after that bc my hands hurt so fucking much from not being allowed a goddam break when i was 9 years old. anyways yea sports is fun tho its just unfortunate situations. and i rlly wanna do cricket again or atleast like rounders or smt. man americans r actually right w this one tho baseball sounds so much better than rounders rounders sounds like a baby sports baseball sounds like. cool. anyways also w instruments it was a similar sorta thing. i played piano 4 likeee 3 or 4 years and basically picked up nothing lol other than basic music theory but thats expected bc i was like 7 or 8 on average . i also played the flute for another like 2 or 3 years which i was better at and actually played at concerts n shit but i quit that too bc i hated the stress i got from it bc i hated practicing and i hated the structure of my lessons and i hated my schools wind band i was forced 2 join and fucking guilt tripped not to leave bc i was the best player or w/e even tho i fucking hated that bc it put so much pressure on me at like 10 yrs old bc i did all the loud melody bits so if i made a mistake everyone would notice and i hated it. i also tried the cello and the guitar 4 like a month each which i also hated. now im explaining all this i kinda sound like a rich snob. well my initial point was gonna b how sports and music didnt feel 2 different. like ill use tag rugby and the flute 4 my example bc i did those things at around the same time and they were the ones i cared abt the most. but like. it felt like there was a sorta path drawn out for me in both cases. sometimes w the sheet music and sometimes w the playing field. altho i didnt know how 2 sight read and i am also not very observant so u might think oh ok i followed the path drawn out 4 me. but in both cases it felt like i was winging it int he same way. 4 the flute i always wrote the note names (and had many meltdowns over being forced 2 play w sight reading even tho i didnt wanna learn 2 sight read bc i could always just write the note names) but id write it out and instead of like. reading ahead. i just played what was in front of me. and it felt like each time i played it was like. a match or smth and i was just holding out and holding out and skipping over mistakes until i got to the end. and id never plan out the route id take first it was always just my reaction time i relied on which to be fair was not a good idea bc i have dogshit reaction time. but in tag rugby id do essentially the same. when i was on the offensive team, id usually be in front since i was good at avoiding being touched which i realise now is probably a result of my parents bc i was like constantly ready 2 avoid bein hit n shit. but i was always in front but i could never just see the whole playing field so i focused on like. exactly what was directly around me and just depended on my reaction time to avoid being tagged out. and idk i was just thinking. the exhaustion i felt after playing the flute for so long and never being taught how to breathe properly only that i should and the exhaustion i felt after playing sports for so long and never being told how to improve and only what i did wrong and the exhaustion i always felt after being in my house 4 so long and never being told what i was supposed to do and only how everything i was doing was wrong and. yea. connections between childhood trauma and playing music and playing sports.

[chrisbangs]

WAIT DOES TRIS MEAN YOULL BE ABLE TO TLAK TO HIM

omg no no anon this is much stupider i promise you if i had applied for a vc and i got through i wouldn't even be breathing . this is abt a fucking set of photo cards bc i have holes in my brain 💖💖😀😀 JENWJSJDKD I REALLY HATE IT HERE !!!!

[chocowhomps]

i forgot i said id use this blog for headcannon or more accurately i guess kin talk too that im too shy to talk abt on main so NICE im gonna do that

OK I DECIDED IM READ MOREING THIS BECAUSE ITS OBSCENELY LONG BUT

if you want to read it: its about kevin and eddys future relationship as a couple and also talks abt my fankid for them

im rly excited to draw my fankid for adult kevin n eddy bc im very obsessed w everyone sticking together as a big squad of friends post bps and just being each others support as they mature. and even when everyone grows up into adults theyre all a tight knit gang

and eddy and kevin move into eddy’s parents house bc they buy a house in hawaii or somewhere tropical and eddys been working at his dad’s used car lot since college bc he didnt wanna go back to school, and his dad basically retires and hands him the keys

(theres something to be said about them going through kevins attic to move all of his things out of his parents house too and kevin being all nostalgic and eddys griping about wanting to get it done already bc obligatory has a bad back and complains as if he is 50 years old or some shit but is secretly mostly embarrassed bc kevins been doing shit like pulling out their middle school grad book and saying eddy looked cute in the class picture)

and the two of them live right next door to kevins parents and eddy works full time at the lot and kevin doesnt have a stable job mostly stays at home and does the housework by choice bc he just cant find smth hes passionate for and the house is mostly paid off when they transfer it so they just get rly lucky like that. kevin doesnt mind doing the cleaning or anything either and they thoroughly discuss it, not like eddy doesnt help. but eddys hours are so sporadic since he owns the lot now and sometimes hes gone dawn to dusk. kevin likes the freedom and bakes a lot and honestly kinda has a fondness getting to take care of him bc its like a guilty pleasure (DO NOT AT ME PLEASE AAAH ITS SELF INDULGENT) but kevin DOES coach little league in his free time bc he gets antsy. he also just loves baking and stress bakes often so its not uncommon for eddy to come home early and theres fuking cooling racks on every surface and a hundred things on the go and kevins like “oh say less hey babe : ) you’re here early” and eddys like “jesus christ?”

kevin gets obligatory baby fever (dont at me) bc the moms bring babies to little league games sometimes and he just loves kids, its why he does little league aside from the sports aspect. probably brings the idea of them having a baby up over dinner and eddy chokes on a beer because the concept of kids is something hes also realized he heavily desires but is PETRIFIED of doing. he feels like he’d be a shit dad and desperately wants to be better than (God bless their souls) his parents made him feel.

he really doesnt want his kid to feel like they have something to be better than and constantly be told theyre “better than a dead beat” (ie his own brother) and even then in his like early 30s after his therapy has been consistent he STILL slips into anger and bad habits at the best of times no matter how he controls it. he is so scared he’ll hurt a kid and he doesnt want to allow himself to get attached. he’s done things thath ave hurt their friends or even kevin out of impulse and even conceptually doing that to his child, not even someone on his equal level makes him feel sick

but kevin just gets him so well. like he knows how his brain works down to every tick and he tells him exactly what he needs to hear while rubbing his shoulders. like tells him he’ll be there for him and he needs to just fucking trust himself for once and stop holding onto the little boy he was when he was a kid like that person whos still spiteful and lashes out at every opportunity is still him because he’s grown past it. gives him confidence and its so soft bc he can make him feel so proud of his growth so easy eddy literally just needs the most miniscule of validation and its AH

but they adopt this baby girl named nicole (nicky) and she is. my god shes the embodiment of both of them combined so shes a fucking nightmare. shes barely 8 and kevin finds her into the cookie jar on a sunday and wigs out like “what are you doing!! how did you open this!!” bc he fucking sealed it like his mom would have to do for him. and shes like “i pickeded it :p” and eddy fucking dry heave cackles leaning on the wall bc YEAH THATS MY GIRL 

i might talk more about her but this is so long and im shy lol if i dont stop now ill be too nervous to post this bye

[moonscngsarchive]

bitch do every single one of our ships u feel like doing for that last meme thank u

i bet u thought i forgot hoe .... u rly thought huh !

 ok. .. . . besley first. 

who hogs the duvet: beck oof

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: ummmm i feel like neither? i feel like they would eventually become big on letting the other know that they were safe somewhere when they’re apart for some reason ? the inner machinations of my mind r an enigma.... but i know blake texts him stupid shit like “today is the new moon have u set and manifested your intentions” at 3:45 on a wednesday NO ONE ASKED!!! 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: BLAKE i’m sorry beck

who gets up first in the morning: prob beck.... blake stays up all night looking @ her real tru luv (the moon) 

who suggests new things in bed: i don’t feel like either one of them would be like “👉👈 can we....” i rly feel like they both just wing it 100% of the time

who cries at movies: blake :/ 

who gives unprompted massages: beck ?? i think. unless he had a rly rough show or smth then blake would try to be nice.  

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: this is probably a time both of them would be sweet to the other.... so i say both here. they’re the most comfortable w/ each other when one of them is weaker akdmsfaksmgadsf

who gets jealous easiest: BOTH!! but beck . it’s beck.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: i feel like beck has secret favorites. blake takes herself too seriously fmadsfmam

who collects something unusual: i feel like beckham probably collects beer tabs or broken glass idk he scares me

who takes the longest to get ready: blake. and then she’ll just decide not to go lmao.

who is the most tidy and organised: u m blake no question

who gets most excited about the holidays: neither, they both don’t believe in commercialism/pagan tradition but i know blake puts up a xmas tree

who is the big spoon/little spoon: beck is big spoon :-)

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: BOOOOOTHHHHHHHHH OF THEM. i feel like blake normally wouldn’t be competitive against anyone BUT beckham. 

who starts the most arguments: lmao..... it’s a toss up. a shit show luv xx

who suggests that they buy a pet: blake would just bring one home. it would be a stray with one eyeball and mange and she would be like “this is my grandma from a past life that is astral projecting into this dog and she lives here now”

what couple traditions they have: i imagine in my head on every anniversary (they probably don’t know an exact date, so rotate picking one day out of the year that they choose is their anniversary like the queen does w her bday fkasdmf) they go find an old abandoned road and try drive quick enough to see the other side of the moon or go see a show at the venue they met @ : ) idk i feel like they try. also their tradition is acting like they don’t like each other.

what tv shows they watch together: i thought abt this so hard. i know they watch unsolved mysteries, probably twin peaks. i also feel like blake likes to watch the crown to fact check everything and beck acts like he hates it but then starts asking her questions. 

what other couple they hang out with: is this... even a question. savannah & brooks ! 

how they spend time together as a couple: fighting or being really nice. no in between. also making fun of other ppl.

who made the first move: did we decide that? KMFDKSMGANS i feel like it was mutual. probably beckham though.

who brings flowers home: neither. lol

who is the best cook: blake ! i feel like she would rly try :( and beck probably burns jello 

BAVANNAH !! 

who hogs the duvet: brooks and he denies it

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: i feel like both do. they’re annoying and r probably like “how are u? where are u at today? what do u need from me?” hate them

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: i feel like brooks would rly try but savannah would obliterate him. they probably have competitions every year and he continuously loses. 

who gets up first in the morning: brooks, for sure. he never sleeps. stays up too late and wakes up too early and has a coffee iv somwhere probably.

who suggests new things in bed: brooks most likely lmao they probably don’t have sex until they’re 36 tho

who cries at movies: my angel ms savannah . and brooks puts it on his instagram story

who gives unprompted massages: brooks, probably, just 2 ****

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: savannah !! i know it in my heart. brooks always thinks he’s dying.

who gets jealous easiest: BROOOOOOOOKS

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: savannah :/ i’m sry girly

who collects something unusual: i feel like savannah collected weird stuff as a kid fkasmdfasm idk where that vibe came from but i’m sticking w it

who takes the longest to get ready: savannah again..... mdmfmdfm

who is the most tidy and organised: SAVANNAH .A;D,FSKDF IM SORRY. brooks is privileged and had a maid i know he leaves his shit everywhere.

who gets most excited about the holidays: ok i do feel like this is both of them.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: brooks is a very secretive little spoon and makes savannah sign an NDA that she won’t tell beck

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: brooks !! is!! very!! competitive!!!

who starts the most arguments: um .  brooks again he’s an aries

who suggests that they buy a pet: this is savannah : - ) i love her

what couple traditions they have: idk abt traditions but i feel like they probably have a lot of rituals... like he has to play w her hair for her to fall asleep or smth. now i’m emo.

what tv shows they watch together: i know they watch gilmore girls together i kNOWWW ITTTT and brooks probably made her watch breaking bad.

what other couple they hang out with: if u know u know he heh eheh

how they spend time together as a couple: very touchy feely, a lot of affirmation, naps and watching tv, probably staying up too late playing board games or watching home movies from when they were kids

who made the first move: um literally neither and that’s the worst part

who brings flowers home: brooks ! ! !

who is the best cook: savannah bc brooks is again privileged 

ok last but not least.... brasher :/ i’m scared

who hogs the duvet: they have separate duvets like europeans to avoid conflict 🥰 but brynn probably just gets underneath asher’s anyway

who texts/rings to check how their day is going: both ! i feel like both of their days are really busy, so it probably varies but i know they both do

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts: also feel like this could be both. i feel like they’re both sentimental, but brynn is probably more creative. 

who gets up first in the morning: asher for sure. brynn pulls all nighters all the time.

who suggests new things in bed: also think this is asher akmfmsadf brynn is vanilla

who cries at movies: brynn omg 

who gives unprompted massages: again i think this is brynn ? asher’s always stressed lmao

who fusses over the other when they’re sick: BOTH and they’re both big weenies

who gets jealous easiest: asher when they were younger, brynn as adults.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music: dis brynn. she still loves abba ?? ?

who collects something unusual: brynn collects 100 yr old diaries of strangers from thrift shops bc she thinks they’re romantic and asher thinks they’re all haunted

who takes the longest to get ready: probably brynn bc she procrastinates 

who is the most tidy and organised: this is probably asher. brynn is unknowinging slob, she has to be really intentional abt cleaning up after herself akdsmfaskmd her mind just moves too quick ! 

who gets most excited about the holidays: brynn x29389283. she decorates and goes all out.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: i feel like brynn is just always laying on asher somehow, idk abt cuddling but she’s just always koala’d on him. 

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports: they’re both competitive, they’re fire signs y i k e s 

who starts the most arguments: asher :( sowwy

who suggests that they buy a pet: idk why but i feel like this is asher. brynn probably is too anxious abt giving a pet a good life akmfdkamf

what couple traditions they have: date nights r probably big and they’re probably always leaving handwritten notes to each other 🥺

what tv shows they watch together: they’re probably really into limited series documentaries and get really offended when the other watches an ep without them. i also think they rly like bbc kamdfkasdmf

what other couple they hang out with: they’re hermits prob but mabye one of asher’s clients? ? ? idk.

how they spend time together as a couple: i feel like ever since they lost time while they were apart, they just like to literally be around each other even if it’s doing nothing. that made me emo adkfmadsf. they prob like going on night drives like when they were younger.

who made the first move: back in the day ?? asher for sure.

who brings flowers home: :( i feel like they both bring home things for each other. also this question feels sexist idk why

who is the best cook: i honestly don’t know bc brynn is always moving so fast and asher is rich so ... .. . i’m stumped. neither? 

[pocmuzings]

um... kassie for the ship headcanon meme hehe

this is my wife btw  . . . doing this to me . . ok . . hot . . will do .  u know i’d do anything for u  . . 

1. Who makes the first move and how? i honestly think it was pretty even steven here ? they both bickered a lot at their photo shoot , working together . i feel like cassie was SO frustrated with him and his easy charm / cockiness that she probably kissed him first just to shut him up 

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better? cassie has always had severe insecurities and issues there . i think just being in the same space as kyle always soothes her ? like he’ll make a dumb joke , or say smth dumb n sarcastic or poke fun at her lightly at it’ll kinda help her get out of her head ? she also loves taking baths , or just lying in bed together . 

3. Who is the most romantic? i feel like it’s cassie with the smaller things . she remembers the birthdays and she’ll see a cologne she think would be nice on kyle . but kylie is romantic in a lot of different ways , too . he’ll do things like clean the dishes or cook dinner if cassie seems particularly stressed . he’ll help organise her calendar . he’ll be more practical with how he helps her out at times  ?

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves? both of them dfjkfjn but probably mainly cassie . she sees kyle anywhere and shes like PURR

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first? absolutely cassie and then she probably sprinted away in pure fear bc shes like ‘why did u say that why why why ‘  

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome? tyler ? max ? those would be cassies pick . honestly it wouldn’t surprise me if kyle has Asked the q so they’d probably just get some random hot model they work together with some time

7. What do they get up to on a night out? a LOT of shots and a LOT of dancing and it gets very messy bc they’ll be in vip areas and having bottle service . it’ll end with a quickie in the bathroom , or her lipstick all over kyle’s neck and mouth and them probably getting kicked out for being too rowdy

8. What do they like in bed? they’re both pretty experimental ? cassie likes tying kyle up every now and then and like . . kinda being in control there when she can ? but she’s a definite switch and likes when he ties her up , or they’re in a kitchen with food getting messy . cassie likes when shes doing something and kyle just spins her from behind , or he’ll be the one to grab her and just be insatiable about her . she likes spontaneous sex and she’ll never say no to a quickie . both of them are Experienced players in the sex game so they’ve probably both tried everything once , and probably leave a lot of bruises on each other and hickies . 

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other? honestly at any shoot if like . . cassie’s outfit has fallen apart in front of kyle , or she feels like the shoot isn’t going well and he’s there ? she gets mortified . also the first time she said ‘ i love you ‘ was pretty embarrassing to her bc kyle was probably 1000% taken aback . kyle doesn’t really get embarrassed ?!?!? like he just is like . .yeah i did that . anyways fjnfdjk 

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island? IM SKIPPING THIS Q ITS TOO HARD

11. What do they hide from one another? kyle definitely hides the amount of girls he’s slept with in their industry ? bc its a lot i feel ? and he knows cassie gets jealous and mad insecure . so he probably tries not to bring that up really often but cassie usually KNOWS ANYWAYS . cassie mainly hides like if shes had a bad day or isnt doing too hot , bc she hates inconveniencing kyle but then that starts a fight bc hes like ?? just tell me ? ?

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious? less work trips . less spending time apart . less kissing other people / sleeping with other people ( actually . .NO kissing other ppl and sleeping with other ppl ) . they’re both NOT monogamists at all so its a struggle but thats the sign that they wanna make things serious ? that they’re commiting to each other ? 

13. When do they realise they should get together? HONESTLY I DON’T KNOW ? i think its when cassie was with gale and then . . kyle came back and things got really messy and cassie and gale broke up . kyle and cassie tried the whole friends thing but they both knew they were in love with each other ? like they’d never tried just being FRIENDS first so i think thats what really cemented it and their feelings and surety ?  

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do? kyle probably laughs and calls her adorable and kisses her nose bc shes so whiny when shes sick . but he’ll bring her home 300 medicines and soups . cassie has to literally force him to take time off work and then she’ll take the day off to make sure he properly rests dkjfkjnfjk

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? they probably pick anything random bc honestly they get distracted and never finish it :-)

16. When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together? KYLE TO THE RESCUE ! i think cassie would make a great scavenger and find lil helpful things but kyle would be v stoic and protective and he’d be the Muscle of it all . 

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go? absolutely back to high school them . they were so happy and stupid and soft back then . they were goofy and in love without even knowing it . 

18. When they fight, how do they make up? sex . a lot of sex . yelling and then sex . sex and then yelling . it’s always a bit messy , but one of them will always finally give in and come back with their tail between their legs and apologise . 

19. Where do they go on their first date? honestly they never really did dates but i feel one of their many dates is probably to paris , a fancy restaurant there  where they’re known really well by all staff . 

20. Where do they go on holiday? EVERYWHERE!  they both travel a bunch so they’ll go to their favourite places . cassie wants to see kyle’s home but she knows kyle hates his dad so that may not happen fjkfnfj . milan . . greece ( if they really wanna a getaway ) . hawaii . any island or tropical place ! or france bc fashion ! 

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another? cassie is always nervous about like paparazzi and stuff when they go out in red carpets and stuff bc they say a lot of dumb shit to rile them up ??? also cassie gets nervous before bringing kyle to her mums grave . i definitely know kyle would be nervous and not ok with cassie meeting his parents . .

22. Where does their first kiss happen? i think it happened on shoot ? they had to kiss for a shoot i think and it was Grating and Annoying and kyle was being so smug , and then they . . kissed more backstage sdjknfnkjfkjn

23. Where is their favourite place to be together? probably nice 5 star hotel rooms bc they can live their life and not worry too much abt clean up and stuff fkjnfnkfnf cliche but anywhere theyre together . . theyre happy . .

24. Where do they first have sex? probably in a limo , all rushed and heated , hand prints all over the leather , their bodies , and the windows. 

25. Why do they fight? bc they’re both really stubborn and too similar . they fight bc one is jealous of the other . they fight bc of their body count . or bc of their coworkers or the types of shoots they do ( a la sexy ) . they fight when one is away too much . honestly its mainly cassie i think cassie gets riled up very easily . kyle gets mad when CASSIE is being unreasonable which is 3000% of the time . cassie is just always lowkey scared kyle will leave her again dkjfjk

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat? probably if kyle went home and then came back and was acting v distant or short with cassie ? then she’d be like ok we r talking . honestly . probably talk to each other about their dumb jealousy issues if it got too out of hand . i know kyle monitors cassie taking her meds so if she tried to go off them unsolicited he’d be like baby no . 

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them? bc they bicker and then fuck all the time JKFDJNFJKF

28. Why do they get jealous? bc they’ve both . . slept with everyone ! they’re both hoes ! 

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love? bc they were horribly destined to be together and everytime they see each other they’re ALL the other one sees . they can’t keep their eyes ( or hands ) off each other . they fall more in love everytime they spend a second of time together and learn more of each other in any manner or form . 

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them? it doesn’t work . . it CAN’T work . but somehow it does . from all their jealousies and insecurities . from all the kinda - cheating , and the fighting , and the leaving each other , and the other issues . . from EVERYTHING . . they’re just too epic to not have worked , u know ? they are soul mates in a way . they always always found their way back to each other . they’re inseparable . they will never stop loving each other , no matter what . good , bad , ugly , beautiful . 

[fairycosmos]

I just saw your post about politicians/the public and their disdain for life during this crisis and just. THANK you for saying that you worded it so well. I have just about had it with some of the people I know.... "iTs nOt dAnGeRoUs fOr yOuNg pEoPlE" like okay I'm not worried about myself at all??? I'm worried about my parents and my grandparents and my friends dad with diabetes and her sister with a heart condition and my boyfriends 60 year old ICU nurse mom like WHAT is your P O I N T

OMG im so sorry i was literally meant to answer this when you sent it hgjdlgfk ugh i’m sure i did in my head. because it sent such a wave of indignation through me like bro.....i cant tell you how much i agree and how scary it is to see the cognitive dissonance that 90% of the population seem to be experiencing right now....it’s like i’m in another reality 2 them or smth, i cant conceive of the thought process behind compromising everyone out of selfishness. the virus itself seems to be kind of unpredictable and while it’s definitely having a worse impact on the sick and the elderly, it’s still fucking dangerous......... and i dont get why the most vulnerable of us are just being written off as statistics.....like ppl with illnesses and ppl over 60 are still uhhhhh people with lives and worth HELLO??? when they spout that shit abt it not impacting young ppl they sound like the nazis with the ‘social cleansing’ of the ‘undesirables’. it’s so sick. i can relate as well, like my mum has kidney failure and asthma and im sure as HELL not putting her at risk just because ppl want to go to their dumb ass boring parties, just because they’re so far into their own little bubbles that they cant see a thing beyond their own selves.....ughhh  😔😔 i really hope you and your family are safe. i know it’s an unbelievably stressful time right now, and words definitely don’t compare to the weight of that. especially with the way the governments are reacting. you must be worried sick, and you have every right to be. but i hope you’re making some time for yourself each day to just breathe and focus on what is in your control. if you guys are staying indoors and taking care of yourselves as much as possible, i’m confident that you will pull through together. your mum is doing amazing work and i hope she knows what an absolute star she is, seriously. im sending so so much love your way and if you need to talk, please let me know!! stay safe angel 💖💖💖

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[gloxinian]

ik i talked to him abt wanting to still be friends but, after thinking a lot, i’m really not comfortable still talking to somebody that was that toxic to me fr so long.  and ik posting this might not be the “classiest” thing to do but i feel like i have to get it off my chest bc otherwise a part of me is pushing to say “it wasn’t that bad” or to excuse it bc “well he apologized and said he wouldn’t do it again” even tho he kept doing these things and showed literally no signs of changing.  and i’m so tired of entering these conversations and having it lead to no change or be twisted to be about pitying him.  this isn’t really a callout or anything so i’m leaving his name out and there aren’t receipts or anything.  it might sound trivial bc i’m starting with the small stuff and working forward but idk.  i’m just tired and felt like i needed to write smth out.

im not sure the best way to word this, but i never felt like i could enjoy things or have things just fr myself.  the only way i could talk abt things was if i was criticizing them or it was smth he loved.  these are just a few things and alone each of them would just be annoying, but it all just compounded into making me feel miserable like i wasn’t allowed to love anything.

when i showed him a series that was very important to me, the first the he did was insult the art style, characters, story, etc.

when i started getting excited about pokemon swsh and the new pokemon, he immediately started mocking my favorite ones and sending me posts/articles talking abt how the game was going to be garbage, even after i asked him to stop.

when i got my first noise cancelling headphones and was excited abt how well they worked, he immediately told me that it was a good thing they were noise cancelling so i wouldn’t be able to hear him crying.

constantly glancing over my shoulder and making fun of what he saw me playing or enjoying.  new game he doesn’t play?  looks stupid/cheap/boring.  not doing great?  makes fun of me for doing poor even after i repeatedly tell him to stop.

and whenever he said something particularly upsetting like that headphones thing, he would immediately say “oh it’s an intrusive thought” or “oh it was just a joke” when i got upset and confronted him about it.  and he’d immediately turn around and make the situation about him and how i should be pitying him.

the worst examples of this come from over a year ago when i was still in college.  my depression was hitting me really hard bc i was back living at home instead of dorms, i was struggling really hard with classes, and had teachers that mocked me whenever i tried to ask questions.  i was actively suicidal during this time and had repeatedly expressed worries to friends and family that i wouldn’t be able to support myself in the future, that i was a failure, and i felt like my only option was to drop out so i would have at least some control in my life.  this was the lowest point i’d ever been.  i’m going to list a few things that happened from smallest to worst and it’s important they all happened during this time.  and he was aware this is how i was during this time.

he was friends with somebody that actively hated me.  fine, not that big of a deal bc friends don’t always get along with boyfriends.  but how this was handled was absolutely horrid.  this friend insulted me whenever i spoke, even told me i shouldn’t talk period.  he kept being friends with them and insisting we hang out more.  that friendship only ended after (1) they accused me of being a pedophile bc i felt physically sick hearing ppl talk abt loli/shota stuff.  and i was the only one who called this out for being so.  fucked up.  to call someone that for being distressed by even seeing cp terms.  he only said he’d talk to said friend after i was incredibly/vocally upset abt this. 

one night depression almost got the best of me and i stopped responding to any calls/texts/etc.  said friend got annoyed he was scared i might actually be dead.  this was the event that actually ended that friendship and honestly i’m mostly upset it took that friend literally not caring if i was dead for my boyfriend to actually give a shit how i was being treated.

he fucking.  cheated on me.  and told me how he was planning on moving in with the person he was cheating on me with “in case things didn’t work out with me”.  he knew i was suicidal over being uncertain about my future and did this, even telling me he was cheating on me BECAUSE of me being suicidal and uncertain.

the worst thing for me is that ofc he managed to make this about him.  maybe it doesn’t make sense for it to feel worse, but it does to me for some reason.  last time we even spoke about him cheating on me, he went on and on about how he hurt he was bc he felt used by the person he cheated on me with.  bc that person stopped talking to him after he told them he didn’t want to do sexual stuff anymore. 

things didn’t really get “better” or anything once i graduated.  if anything, they just got more stressful.  i was still stressed at whether i’d be able to support myself, but a bit more stable now that i had a job and a degree.  my ex moved in with the promise that he would be working to get a job so that he could support himself, grow confidence, and keep things equal.  i don’t.  have the energy to detail everything and don’t know if it’s right.  but the short of it is that i constantly had to nag him to even send out applications and he didn’t even want to go to interviews.  things got really stressful between us and it eventually came out (after i told him the relationship was unhealthy and unbalanced, that i had no desire to support him entirely as this was a source of extreme stress and a lot to ask of someone new to the work force, etc) that he expected me to fully support him financially and that was what he wanted.

he wanted me to fully support him financially, to take responsibility for improving his entire emotional maturity and recovery without taking any initiative, and to fully care for him once i got home from a full day of work (as i’ve been doing).  there was never a “what can i do for you?” or any signs/desire for positive change.  it was only “what are you going to do for me?”.  the relationship was incredibly unhealthy, unblanced, and it was clear that i wasn’t a partner but a surrogate caretaker.  and when i broke up with him, he accused me of breaking my promise to support him.

and i just.  i’m tired.  the whole relationship felt manipulative and unhealthy, looking back.  i don’t know.  maybe i’m wrong.  but i just don’t feel comfortable continuing to speak to somebody who repeatedly put me down, treated me like an expendable resource, and targeted the thing they knew i was most vulnerable about (my own independence and being able to support myself) when he knew that had made me suicidal in the past.

i know we have some shared friends and he’s probably going to paint me like some villain to you guys.  he already compared me to his previous abuser multiple times.  i don’t want to start some stupid “war” or drama or whatever and won’t push back or argue or anything because i have a ton on my plate both health and financially right now.  i don’t have the energy for stupid drama.  maybe i included more details than i should have, but i also left out a lot of details because i’m not really sure how much is appropriate here since this isn’t a callout or whatever.  there aren’t “receipts” since many of these things were personal interactions and i’m not looking to prove anything or make a callout.  you don’t have to believe me or read this or idk.

i just wanted to get this all off my chest.

[trickstarbrave]

today in reasons i feel shitty: my friend blew up on me on twitter bc i kept ASKING him if he wanted to play dnd with us bc hes a part of our group. i asked him if he could LAST WEDNESDAY and he has been giving me the run around since then. saying “i dont know yet” and “ill tell you when i do”. i tell him to let us know sunday at least, because the only days off he has are monday and tuesday. he says okay

sunday evening comes and he hasnt said shit so i ask him. hes drunk and i tell him we’ll talk tomorrow. monday i ask him if he can play tomorrow and he says hes “not sure and will need to ask if theyre playing mtg” so i say “okay”. he doesnt reply back all day. TODAY i ask him if he wants to play today or not and he says “i have to pick up a court summons” (not, “actually sorry i am playing mtg today”, not “i dont feel like playing, im sorry”). i sound suspicious but say “okay” and remind him we havent played in over a week AS IS. and he then GOES OFF ON ME for “guilt tripping him” and “making it an ~obligation~ he plays” and how i “stress him out by asking over and over again”. when i tell him he should have told me straight out he didnt want to play instead of just giving vague “maybe i dont know” answers he gets defensive even more and says “I DID” and when i say “no, you didnt, the only thing vaguely like that is you saying “im gonna be tired” on a question about your days off. thats not a yes or no answer and lots of us play while tired so why would i assume it was something else” 

“WELL ITS NOT MY FAULT YOURE A BUNCH OF SADISTS WHO HAD TO TURN A FUN CASUAL GAME INTO A OBLIGATION WHERE YOU ALL ARE FORCED TO PLAY SICK OR TIRED! i cant even SAY i dont want to play because you all guilt trip me and get mad when i do.” 

see, he doesnt say “sorry guys my next days off will be full and im not up to it.” and apologize for keeping us waiting or giving us the go ahead to play without him (WEVE HAD THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE and PURPOSEFULLY made the game so if he doesnt want to play he can leave whenever so long as its not in the middle of a fucking mission. okay. its not like we just sit there doing nothing but complain if he cant play). he waits until the DAY OF OUR GAME to tell is he purposefully made plans on game night, no he cant change them, no he was absolutely always forced to do them right now during game time, and then get pissy when we all complain because we dont even have time to plan around him and have cleared out our evening for nothing and our time is wasted. 

he then keeps going on and on because apparently i was just supposed to know the words “im tired” and his vague answers like hes genuinely unsure about the state of tomorrow were him “actually” telling me he doesnt even want to play and i should have fucking caught on, he wanted to quit this game MONTHS ago. i was just supposed to know him being ‘busy’ was a ‘secret message’ that actually meant ‘just stop even asking me when i want to play a game and hang out with my friends! just stop inviting me in general! i dont like you or the game! its not fun and stresses me out and im LYING to you.” and we just all fucking ignore him and play without him and let him figure out we havent even been giving him the opportunity to join to play

which is so fucking. terrible. who would just assume “thats what you mean”???? like imagine if you WERENT doing this and actually were really busy and your friends just eventually stopped even inviting you to game night, only for you to check the group chat months later and find out they have been playing without you and having fun and didnt even bother inviting you to anything at all. you just find this out. and by the time you figure it out they might have done a lot stuff or played games YOU wanted to play and they arent going to go back and replay the stuff you missed bc they just assumed you were lying to their faces and it wouldnt matter anyways if you were there or not. how hurtful would that be? imagine if some of your friends did that to you, would you be HAPPY they did it??? 

keep in mind HE is the one who picked out the VERY NEXT MISSION WE”RE ABOUT TO DO so fucking sorry if we assumed “HEY HE PROBABLY WANTS TO PLAY IT. YKNOW THE MISSION HE FUCKING PICKED OUT. THE MISSION INVOLVING STUFF SPECIFICALLY FOR HIS CHARACTER” oh my fucking god. 

now i dont know the state of our group bc he yelled at me more and said he quit and deleted all his tweets and our dm is miserable and put the game on hiatus for 2 fucking weeks. i feel miserable too bc my friend has been lying to me and called me a guilt tripper and manipulative for reminding him hes stringing along 5 other people by not being fucking honest with us and said its OUR PROBLEM he cant be honest even though we structured the game so he can take MONTH long breaks if he needs to just give us the heads up. i told him he could quit once we got more than 3 players bc do you know how annoying it is to do a full campaign w only 2 characters playing???? bc one of the three dropped out??? i told him to just fucking play until then and he could quit for real and he went “but i DO wanna play : ( im just stressed!” 

well now ill just fucking believe every time he complains abt smth like “man i have to spend money on this thing” that means we’re just not hanging out like we planned. im not gonna ask him if hes actually going to the ren fest even tho the bed situation was taken care of bc i just assume now that he only brought up the bed to tell me hes not fucking going and to fuck off. im not making a costume for it either if my best friend doesnt go im just gonna stay home. 

i cant read the fucking air and he knows this. hes known me forever. he knows im ignorant and dont ‘get’ stuff like “if someone keeps canceling plans that means they want you to leave them the fuck alone and stop even inviting them or talking to them”. he knows im probably autistic and struggle with ‘unsaid” social cues like that and he just STILL does this and calls ME terrible for not ‘getting it’ and ‘forcing him’ to yell at me. im rtired.

[chronic-gastro-illness-culture]

Ok this is legit the first place i see that is dedicated ro people with conditions like mine ? Makes me feel less alone .

now if venting is ok , i feel i am just getting worse again , my diagnosis has been so weird, rn what sounds to fit is ibs and chronic gastritis , i have been sick ever since i was around 5 , i have periods of time on which im ok then periods of time in which my heakth goes to shit , people shun me for having to just lay down and sleep most od the time on my worse days because the stomach pain is so terrible and unbearable.

people love to make my situation about themselves and yet i am not allpwed to tlak about what originated all my issues , i keep getting promises of how "this time around you'll get cured !!" But even my main doctor has said i will never be fully cured , and when i acknowledge that my family scolds me for being "a negativist" , its tiring , and i am just affected by this all over again bc i can tell i am already showing symptoms again :/ , srry if this is a lot , i have been holding most of this and bottling up for 19 years

its not a lot its the reality of living w a chronic illness

thats rlly rough to not have much of a support system n can definitely make things worse . stress is a major trigger for a lot of digestive disorders n getting stressed abt getting a flare up can compound the issue

unfortunately a lot ppl dont understand the chronic part of chronic illness . its not like a digestive disorder is a stomach bug or food poisoning or smth else that causes a temporary bout of digestive distress . its long lasting as in life long . its not fair for u to be judged as an abled bodied person when u have a chronic illness or chronic illnesses n it sux u gotta deal w that esp from family

i hope one day u will be able to surround ur self w a proper support system of ppl who give u understanding n compassion n dont pass judgment

this blog is always here for u if u need to vent

[woozi]

henlo yza <3 ,

hdjdkd i don't really have much knowledge abt different techniques & kind of dances so when the steps match the lyrics i'm like '!!! wow yes i love it' fhdjdjskks also bc i've grown up watching these kind of dances only so my that's what i tend to notice first hdjdjddk it is also one of the reason why i decided to stan svt dwc, oh my, thanks & our dawn is hotter than day's choreo details really impressed me.

maybe vincenzo is your svt club & ur so valid for that <3 hddjdjekek also pls don't say sorry!! you can talk abt it as much as you want i like knowing what you think. i'll let you know how was it for me when i complete it. & no homecha hasn't ended yet (idk if there are 16 or 14 eps i haven't checked) it does come on weekends, counting this sunday's ep, we're at 12th rn.

i get that fjdjdkkd i used to be the same 😭 always waiting for dramas to end so i can binge watch because not knowing what happens next would kill me. but idk when this happened, my will to watch anything died down bc the eps are just there, available for me to watch anytime. im like 'i'll watch it next time' but next time never comes 💀. this year i've watched no-air ones only hdjssj very surprising for me ( also my wack memory & svt content supports me by forgetting abt it after weekend ends dhdjdkkd) anyway i'm very excited to see how you like homecha!

CHURCH BOY JOSH HDHDJDDKKSLSDJ church boy josh, cringe domestic boy, joshua numbers. we've come up with so many nicknames for him in few asks only 😭😭 dbdjksksk deserve actually. BUT SO TRUE I STILL HAVE NO WORDS FOR HIM. THAT WAS- JUST- WOW OKAY WE SEE YOU 😭😭and dino lip piercing and hoshi eyebrow slit..... so sexy of them. cb concept pictures haven't come out yet & they're already shinning!! love to see that. also now we have gyu and hoshi's wedding reception pictures & cottagecore hannie (with that collarbone picture right in middle >:( wth mister but also hbd ig <3) being added in the equation.

IM CRYINGGGGGG THEY LOOK SO CUTE THEY ARE SO CUTE NOO 😭😭💔 HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THESE COVERS WTH (being the ex-directioner and all dhdjkdsksk). I SMILED SO WIDE WATCHING THEM <///3 it's been so long since i heard one thing wow lol. but! this means they know who zayn is. thank you for this jdjssk this is going to keep me happy for some time hdjdke. SUNDAY MORNING EHJEJEKE 😭 thank you <3 dndjdj

IKR???? IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CB I'M ALSO EXCITED TO EXPERIENCE IT WITH YOU. agreee truly bless svt for helping keeping us from losing it over life (by making us lose it over them) tbh sometimes it worries me too with the way contents keep dropping but just now in these unit interviews being released, perf unit shared how they have ppl who encourage them to be okay with their tiredness. things like that put me at ease. hope they rest well from time to time too. honestly just looking at their tour schedules i used to get tired because these dudes used to have more shows and less day offs and some of them being used to just move from one city to another. i hope in coming years pledis changes that lol.

sameee for the poster release hdjdkeek. also even though there was scheduler, i forgot abt the concept trailer 😭 it was raining & bcoz of that power was out as well & i don't use data dhdjdkdk. i think 5 minutes after 12 kst power came back (you can say joshu's sparkler brought it back hdjdjdks) it literally left me speechless. yk that meme ' everyone remembers what they were doing & where they were when it happened ' that's me & you with this cb hfjdkd honestly that's everyone with this cb me thinks.

seventeenies bringing the grass to you w their posts djdjkd ( btw you can always tell me if silly little jokes get out of hand i wouldn't ever like to make you uncomfy) but seriously i hope uni doesn't give you hard time. don't worry much just keep moving forward, at some point whatever is making you feel stuck will move away eventually.

is it that obvious? 😭😭😭😭 no i don't like rain at all dhjddk (i actually didn't dislike it as much during teens) mostly because road drainage system sucks here & we live in lower area so even moderate rain causes water logging. i'd give you some rain but this one's bad so i won't </3 ( as if i could if it were the good one 💀) stay hydrated!!! drink two sips of water everytime you hear dino laugh, i hope it cools a little soon.

that's what being on tumblr since 2012 does to you 😭 ALSO UR SO FUNNY PLS, SO ARE THE MEMES YOU USE FOR ASKS DJDJDKD. *hands you bunny headband dino* it's dangerous outside take this, you too stay safe out there 😭😭😭😭 love you too <3 and thank YOU for hanging out w me hehe :3, also dw tbh these asks have become one of the highlights for me now & i'm only using my free time excluding resting time, i hope you are too, no pressure at all! dw about being late - 🪂

ps - did i tell you i actually followed your svt blog around the time everyone was guessing your biases hddjkddj i sent mingyu & jeonghan dhdjdj that was my first ask :3 - 🪂

henlo, 🪂!! <3 <3 <3

honestly it doesnt matter to me tbh <3 if people enjoy the dance its all that matters!! and omg i can see that!! i love the svteenies always bring something fresh to the table

omg that means you're near the end 😭😭😭 i keep seeing gifs of it on my dash and it makes me feel a lil lovesick ngl HJFHJFHD why is it so TENDER????????????????

ok but that's so valid too bc that's me rn with in the soop.... i literally have not watched the 6th ep yet 😭 and i'm getting the feeling youre mentioning w swf now because i literally always look forward to tuesdays just for the next ep HJDHJDS also i am dumb what are no-airs HJDHJDHHD and ur not alone tbh <3 i have also been super forgetful lately and that is not like me fdhjdfjhdfhjdfhj we're rotting in this hellsite ig

love bullying him i just wanna know how he'd react if he gets upset <3 i dont think we've ever seen angry josh and i wanna make him angry sm HSDHJSDJ im glossing over dino lip piercing to directly go over hOSHI EYEBROW SLIT BC HELLO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ive never really liked eyebrow slits but he makes them look so- i want him to hurt me HJDSHJDHJDS ALSO THE LATEST SET OF PHOTOS OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD they're giving me what i've been asking for i love being here sm <3 soonyoung's so chummy w everyone have u seen his photos w jihoon last night 😭 he's literally tamed the actual tiger icb this. and no oh my god i do not Know what Collarbone Jeonghan is i have erased him from my memories thank u

HDSHDSJDSHJDS the ex-directioner is so funny to me 😭 i think we have all been there one way or another <3 and ofc omg <3 i'm glad my core svt memories make u happy HSDJHJDFHJHJDSF

they literally said escapism hELP ME 😭😭😭😭😭 i think they're also just workaholics in general. i would be too if i actually enjoyed what i did for a living 😭 and are we even gonna get tours in the near future.... this is so sad i havent even seen them irl </3

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OMG that's terrible, i hope u guys were okay though :/ AND NOT THE JOSH SPARKLER FDDHJFHDFHJFDHFDH now i have to think about him oh my god i think i passed out a little when eyebrow piercing josh came on screen and just full on blacked out when the match scene came on tbh 😭 JKSDJKDSKDS ITS LIKE THE PANDEMIC!!!!!!! WE WILL RMB!!!!!!!!!

ALSOO NOOO OMG i dont feel uncomf at all and u should also tell me if i do make u feel so <3 thank u for even mentioning that!! also love that they're Doing It All for us we dont even have to go out to touch grass anymore HJDSHJSDJ i've actually been v happy w uni omg!! just that i often feel stressed bc they give us sm things to do </3 thank u for ur kind words!!

that's the price of being an adult JDJSJKD now we gotta think of things like.. idk the effects of rain 😭😭😭 i used to even love it when it flooded as a kid HJDSHJSDHJ now i get anxious too!! i love all kinds of rain though so i wont mind JKKSDKJSDKJD just that other people might be affected </3 wish i had my own rain cloud on some kind of leash lmao. ALSO IF I DRINK WATER EVERY TIME I HEAR DINO LAUGH FDHFDHJDFHD gonna be bloated but hydrated af ngl

oh my gOD YOU WERE HERE SINCE 2012???? we're literally sick bestie <3 i genuinely think tumblr has changed something fundamental in me and my way of thinking has not been The Same as idk.. regular people ig JDSHJSDHJSD THE OFFLINE PEOPLE!! smth about tumblr is so <3 sick but also i love this hellsite so 😗 AND NOOO NOT THE MEMES FDHDFHJDF its my broken sense of humor and inability to convey emotions properly HHSDHJDSHJ

BUNNY HEADBAND DINO?????????????????????????????????????? honestly he'd bring me more harm than protection i'll say that much 😭

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 that genuinely made me feel so warm & fuzzy, i always look forward to your messages too <3 <3 <3 i hope u always have good days u deserve it for being such a sweetheart

WAIT HELLO???????????????????????? YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG THEN 😭😭😭😭😭 and im so impressed you didnt get weeded out ngl HFDHJFDHJFD icb you've been witnessing me going more ill everyday <3 ur a soldier

and u are partially correct abt mingyu & jh <3 at least during the time JSDJDSJKSDJK i think i've been desensitized to mingyu now but i still love him sm <3 he's just so cute and cutesy boys kinda infuriate me in an affectionate way so HJSDHJDSHJDSH